


Penumbra

by Selkie077



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrinette | Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Lila Rossi, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, Light Smut, Marichat | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Physical Intimacy, Protectiveness, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Slow Burn, eventual identity reveal, it mostly becomes adrienette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 101
Words: 364,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25518121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selkie077/pseuds/Selkie077
Summary: Adrien much prefers living his life as Chat Noir. Chat Noir has no restraints and exists free of the hurt his civillian side has endured all this time.Marinette loves her life though the responsibility of being both Ladybug and Guardian of the Miraculous is a heavy one. Although she wishes she was as confident in her lovelife as she is facing akuma.When Marinette finds herself getting closer to Chat while also trying to improve her friendship with Adrien, she starts to suspect that not all is well behind Chat or Adrien's sunny smiles.GENERAL TRIGGER WARNING:Sexual abuse is referenced throughout but not explicitly described until later chapters. I don't plan to be writing out any rape scenes in detail, but there will be scenes of non-con. There may be some slight adjustment/addition of tags as more chapters are added.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 1188
Kudos: 1185





	1. Adagio

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Selkie077 here! This is the first fanfiction I've written in a long time so excuse my clumsy writing. I've been a fan of Miraculous Ladybug for a while and after reading through many of the amazing works on here I thought I'd have a go at writing my own. Thank you for having a look and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> There might be adjustment to tags as we go and trigger warnings will be inserted as needed.
> 
>  **GENERAL TRIGGER WARNING:** Sexual abuse is referenced throughout but not explicitly described until later chapters. There will be scenes of non-con. There may be some slight adjustment/addition of tags as more chapters are added.

Adrien woke with a start. His mind reeled from being flung into his now wide awake state, the remnants of his dreams scattering back to the shadows. Lips upon skin, a sultry smile followed by a whispered argument behind closed doors.  
He let out a shuddering sigh. While the memory of it faded, the feeling remained. A heavy weight on his chest that made each breath difficult.  
As he sat up, he brought his knees to his chest and, resting his right hand on his knee, carefully tapped out a gentle rhythm.

“Another one?” Plagg yawned from the pillow behind him.

Adrien only nodded in response.

“That’s the third time this week.” the little black cat hummed as he floated up to rest on Adrien’s shoulder, “Guess you’re not going back to sleep then.”

“No point in even trying.” Adrien said softly with a glance at his alarm clock.

It was 5.47am. His usual alarm was 6.30, with Nathalie appearing shortly after to make sure he was awake and getting ready for the day ahead.

 _No that’s not right_ , he thought absently and paused the soft tapping on his knee. It resumed a moment after, the same rhythmic tapping starting from the beginning.

“Well you have patrol later to look forward to. And today’s the day you’re allowed to have lunch with your friends,” Plagg said followed by a lick of his lips, “Do you think the bakery girl will have some of those pastries again? Those cheese danish ones, you remember? Of course you do, they were the best.”

Adrien’s face finally lit up with a smile, albeit a small one, “You mean the ones you ate so much of you became rounder than a tennis ball. Yeah, I remember. I had to awkwardly explain to Marinette that a monstrous pigeon made off with them when she found the box empty.”

“You could have just said you ate them yourself. You always go on about her family having the best pastries in Paris.”

“Yes but eating a whole box in one go is not a good look.”

Adrien chuckled at the memory. Marinette had looked between him and the empty box with wide eyes. Being the sweet girl that she is, she’d accepted the ridiculous excuse along with some ramblings of “danish piggons”. Plagg must have also been reminiscing, although more about the pastries than the girl, as he purred happily in Adrien’s ear.

“Might as well get up then.” Adrien sighed as he shifted to the edge of his bed, “I might be able to stop in before school and get something to satisfy that gluttony of yours.”

“I want a whole box! Do you think they do ones with camembert?”

“You get one pastry. That’s it.”

He ignored Plagg’s cries of starvation and cruelty as he stepped towards his bathroom. Pulling his shirt over his head, Adrien shook out his blond hair and headed to his large shower.  
A small weight still hung in his chest. But he decided to ignore it as usual, along with the ebbing shadows of his dream.

* * *

Marinette was by no means a morning person. She cursed the very idea of having to wake up in the morning. Even more so since becoming Ladybug. Between schoolwork, trying to keep a normal social life, helping at the bakery, her fashion designing and superhero duties, a good night’s sleep often fell by the wayside. Sometimes she didn’t know how she’d lasted this long. At the age of seventeen, it had now been a number of years since she first became the heroine of Paris. Two since she had become Guardian of the Miraculous. It was like spinning plates. As long as she managed to keep it all balanced she’d pull through somehow.

“Marinette! Are you awake? Alya’s here!”

Her mother’s call roused her from being mostly asleep to being half awake. She’d been up last night in one of her artistic moods, scribbling away in her sketchbook until she fell asleep with the pencil still in her hand.  
With a yawn, she slid from her bed and went straight to her closet. If Alya was here already she was definitely running late. She’d have to skip a morning shower and hope there was time to have one later that evening.

“You’re going to be tired for patrol later.” Tikki said as she settled into the purse she was accustomed to, “I’m sure Chat Noir would understand if you wanted to skip.”

“It’s alright Tikki. As long as Hawkmoth doesn’t pull an all nighter on us it’ll be fine.” Marinette smiled. Besides she enjoyed her joint patrols with Chat, since his cheerful humor rarely failed to brighten her mood. Not that she’d ever admit that out loud.

“Marinette, you’re going to want to get down here girl!” Alya’s sing-song voice carried from the apartment below, “There’s a nice surprise for you!”

Marinette felt both eagerness and dread at her best friend’s tone. Knowing how Alya could be, Marinette knew she’d soon be giggling or petrified over whatever was in store for her.

Petrified.

Petrified was the answer.

And not just “deer in the headlights” petrified. More “dear world swallow me up in a black hole cause I can’t face this right now” petrified.

With a sly snicker, Alya had led her down to the patisserie’s shop. Marinette was about to question her friend’s attitude when she saw him. There, on the other side of the shop counter was Adrien Agreste. Sunshine child. Blond angel. Sweetest of sweethearts. And the subject of Marinette’s hopeless one-sided crush for years.

“Good morning, Marinette.” Adrien said with a smile when he saw her.

“Yes! The morning is here. And you are here! In the morning. Hello Babe-drien! I mean - Adrien!” Marinette sputtered in response. She gave Alya a passing glare as her friend desperately held back from laughing. Thankfully Adrien didn’t seem to catch her awkward babbling.

“What are you doing here?” Alya asked, her voice still full of mirth, “Getting something for breakfast?”

Adrien handed some euros over to Sabine who was managing the till and looked at the brown paper package in his hand, “Oh, this? No it’s for, uh, it’s for later.”

“Your dad’s still letting you stay with us for lunch today, right?”

“Yeah I managed to convince Nathalie I didn’t have to be home for lunch every day. Once in a while couldn’t hurt.”

Alya hummed in agreement, “Well since you’re here we can all walk to school together.”

Marinette’s brain was still struggling to get into gear. She was barely awake enough to deal with the frantic fluttering of her heart as Adrien flashed another gentle smile. It was a short walk to their school but she knew that even that was too much. Walking with Adrien. Walking close to Adrien. She was severely regretting not having the time that morning to have taken a shower.

“C’mon, Marinette.” Alya nudged her with a wink, “Let’s go.”

There were times that Marinette found her childish crush absolutely infuriating. This was one of these. Unable to get a coherent word out, Marinette kept her mouth shut and did her best to hide the pink tint of her cheeks. She was also jealous of how Alya and Adrien fell into an easy conversation of something recently posted to the Ladyblog. But at the same time she was relieved that Alya had fallen into walking in the middle of the trio. Hiding behind her friend made it easier to calm her erratic feelings, at least until her face cooled off.

As they approached the steps of their school, Marinette’s lovesick feelings made a harsh turnaround as a saccharine call alerted the intrusion of one Chloe Bourgeois.

“Adrikiiiins!”

“Oh, Chloe-”

Adrien wasn’t even able to get a proper greeting out before the girl flung her arms over his shoulders and smacked an elaborate kiss on each of his cheeks.

“It’s ridiculous, Adrien. Utterly ridiculous! Pierre says I need to either calm down with my spending or sort out my closet. As if he doesn’t understand my need for retail therapy. Some butler he is!”

Marinette shared a withering glance with Alya as the blonde girl drawled on about her problems. Ever since the events of Miracle Queen, people had been wary of Chloe. In the time since, Chloe had assisted in charities aimed at spreading mental health awareness in the interest of preventing akumatisations. The girl swore up and down that it was against her will, that she was forced into it to make up for her mistakes and that it was a waste of her valuable time. Anyone who really knew her, knew that it was just a front as she actually took a quiet pride in what she did. As Ladybug, Marinette knew Chloe was trying to do better, even if it was only by tiny steps. That still didn’t prevent her from feeling suffocated in her presence as Marinette.

As Marinette tried to sooth her bubbling frustration, she noticed as Adrien calmly took Chloe’s hands from around his shoulders. She became confused instead as he returned the girl’s hands to her side and withdrew his own. Chloe meanwhile continued whatever nonsense point she was making until he took a small step back from her. This was met with a raised eyebrow from the blonde girl and Adrien gave a slight shake of his head in response.

“Well, you’ll have to come over again sometime Adrikins.” Chloe continued the full flow of her one-sided conversation as if nothing happened, “You absolutely must. It’s been too long. Dinner sometime. I’ll let Claude know.”

With that she immediately turned on her heel and walked through the school’s front doors.

“Does that girl have multiple butlers, or just the one she doesn’t know the name of?” Alya said with a smirk.

Adrien only gave a dry chuckle and a slight shrug of his shoulders in response.

Marinette watched him out of the corner of her eye. She felt like in just a few moments, she’d witnessed an entire silent conversation between the two old friends. She was jealous of whatever understanding Adrien and Chloe had that could be conveyed in a few simple actions.  
She felt something twist in her heart that moment as she watched his far away expression, like he was there physically but his mind had gone somewhere that no one could see. Even as Nino ran up to them with hearty hellos, and the bell rang for them to get to class, Adrien continued to only respond with gentle smiles or a slight shrug of his shoulders.

She wanted to ask him what distant place his verdant eyes kept drifting to.

But she couldn’t bring herself to.


	2. Trembling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Marinette and Adrien try to work through their awkward tendencies and fail miserably.

“How do you do it Alya?” Marinette sighed as she flopped over her desk.

“Do what?” her friend replied innocently, though she knew where the conversation was headed.

“You and Nino. You two get along so well and never had any issues talking with each other.”

“I should hope so. We’ve been together a long time now.”

“Yes but from the beginning you two got along well. I’ve never seen you turn into a gibbering mess.”

Alya put a finger to her lips as she thought over it. The two girls were sitting alone in their classroom. The lunch break had just started but not before the teacher called on Adrien and Nino to help carry some boxes of equipment. Sitting near the front made the boys a common volunteer for such tasks. The girls were waiting for them to return so they could all go have lunch together as promised.

“Well we were friends first.” Alya said slowly, “We weren’t interested in that way originally. But then Ladybug locked us in together for half a day during an akuma attack. We got talking and found out we had a lot in common. You know...”

“Don’t you even think about locking us in a room together. I’d die first.” Marinette groaned.

“Chill girl I’m only teasing.”

Marinette frowned as she pondered Alya’s words. _A lot in common_ .  
Despite having known Adrien since they were thirteen, her knowledge of his interests were only surface level. He seemed to enjoy video games as the four of them often played together, and he appeared to like movies although those of a more artistic nature than what was mainstream. Meanwhile Marinette’s central interest was fashion and design. Given his background Adrien knew plenty about fashion, but she wasn't entirely sure if he actually cared about it.

“You could ask Nino. He might be able to give you some starter topics to get a conversation going.”

“That hardly matters if I can’t get the words out.”

Alya let out a giggle, “Give yourself some credit. You’re a lot better than you used to be. You don’t word vomit so much around him now.”

Marinette rested her head in her hands and pouted. While she’d managed to get around the awkward ramblings for the most part, she would still often get flustered and find she could barely say anything at all.

“Are the lovely ladies ready for lunch?” Nino called as he leaned round the doorframe to the classroom.

“Nino, perfect timing!” Alya said excitedly and beckoned him over, “Is Adrien still with you?”

“M. Thomas wanted the stuff put on the top shelf in the storeroom. Adrien is taller so the dude is taking care of it.”

“Marinette needs some pointers.”

“Pointers?” Nino had a confused frown as he walked up to their desk but quickly smiled when he saw Marinette’s tinted cheeks, “Oh I get it.”

“What’s an easy conversation with Adrien? Something Marinette can open with just so that they actually talk to each other.”

At this Nino faltered, “ _Easy_ and _conversation_ don’t exactly line up with Adrien. Dude’s probably worse than Mari sometimes at holding a conversation. He’s more of a listener than a talker.”

Marinette lifted her head as a thought dawned on her, “Is Adrien…is he _shy_?”

“Shy? Maybe. Awkward? Definitely. He can do all the fancy meet and greet stuff his dad probably expects of him. But his normal social skills suck. It took a while before we became the best bros we are today.”

Marinette’s brow furrowed at the words “a while”. Nino caught on to her dejected expression and attempted to backpedal hard.

“But I’m sure you two will click together immediately! You guys already know each other, you just haven’t had the right moment. My dude’s an idiot at times, but I’m sure if you were to take a step and reach out to him he’d gladly answer back.”

“What are you guys talking about?”

Nino’s mouth slammed shut and the three of them turned to see Adrien walking through the door.

“You need answers for something?” Adrien continued with a curious expression.

“I was just telling Nino I hope to interview Ladybug and Chat Noir again sometime.” Alya answered smoothly without missing a beat.

Nino flashed her a subtle thumbs up and a grin, “And I was telling her of course they’d answer her questions. She’s the one and only Ladyblogger afterall. Anyway, let’s go eat already.”

Marinette tensed as she watched Adrien blink a few times, hoping he wouldn’t ask anything further. He seemed to accept the excuse however as he nodded with a soft hum.

  
  


The weather had turned out nicely during their lunch break. With the warm sunshine and gentle breeze they all quickly agreed to eat their lunch in the park near the school. Alya and Nino were the driving force of conversation, not that anyone minded as the pair always talked openly and included Marinette and Adrien in whatever topic came up. Marinette didn’t find herself talking much though, only smiling on occasion to show she was still paying attention. Sort of.  
They quickly found a picnic table and Marinette took her seat fully expecting Alya to sit next to her as was their usual arrangement. Her heart almost stopped when she saw her friend instead slide in across from her to sit next to Nino with a smug smile. With Alya and Nino occupying one side of the table, that meant that…

_Oh no._

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Adrien standing behind her, instead focusing intently on her sandwich like it was suddenly of great interest. She bit her lip as she realised he was hesitating. He must have noticed the sudden change in their seating, but evidently decided to not bring attention to it as she heard him set his bag down and quickly slide in next to her.

_Was she breathing too loud?_

_Could he hear her heart doing gymnastics in her chest?_

She tried to calm herself as she watched him in her peripheral vision. Adrien appeared to be absorbed in whatever Nino was talking about. Usually her quiet observations of her crush focused around how the sunlight shone in his hair, his smooth skin and glittering eyes. But after what Nino had said earlier she found herself watching him differently. His gentle smile appeared more subdued and his eyes would occasionally flicker around in an unfocused manner. When spoken to directly, Adrien would take a few moments to answer as if choosing his words carefully.

Her eyes were slowly drawn to where his right hand rested on his leg. His long fingers moved in slow and methodical taps. She watched as she tried to figure it out. The action didn’t seem random but not consistent either, the taps would sometimes stop but then continue on with purpose. There was definitely a rhythm to it though she couldn’t quite figure it out.

Suddenly his hand stopped.

* * *

  
  


Adrien sighed as he rolled his shoulders. M Thomas had insisted that the boxes of stationary supplies were to go on the top shelves of the storeroom. As he stood a few inches taller than Nino, Adrien offered to deal with putting the boxes in their place. With a little insistence Nino accepted and headed back to meet with the girls in the classroom. It wasn’t hard to put the two boxes on their shelf, but without a ladder it took a bit of stretching and stepping up on the lowest shelf for Adrien to reach.

“If I was Chat Noir I could just jump up there with them.” he muttered after they were in place.

“Please don’t waste my precious energy on something so mundane.” Plagg hissed from the collar of his shirt, “Otherwise I demand a cheese tax.”

Adrien smiled at his companion’s sulky behaviour. He was still mad from that morning. Unfortunately when they’d arrived at the patisserie earlier they didn’t have any of the coveted cheese danishes ready yet for the day. Instead an offering of some cheese coated bread had to suffice. Plagg had made his disappointment obvious but that didn’t stop him from inhaling it.

“There’s camembert at the house. You’ll survive until then.”

“I’m wasting away Adrien. It’s been too long since I felt the soft kiss of my cheesy love.”

Adrien grimaced at the thought. Even though he was already seventeen he didn’t know what a kiss was like. All he knew were the chaste ones given on the cheek as a greeting. But he really doubted an actual kiss was comparable to a pungent cheese.

_Lips on skin. Grazing on a wrist. Pressed to a neck._

Without thinking Adrien’s hand flew to his neck which was met with a cry of alarm from Plagg having nearly been swatted from his position.

“Hey, I’m still here!” Plagg growled.

The little cat was fluffed up in surprise but after a moment he shrank again and a hint of understanding crossed his expression as he observed his chosen.

“Hey, kid. You okay?”

“I uh,” Adrien faltered, “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Plagg only nodded and offered a comforting purr as he pressed his little face into Adrien’s collarbone. Adrien smiled weakly and cautiously brought his hand away from his neck.

“I’d better get back to the others.” he attempted to swallow the lump that formed in his throat, “They’ve been waiting long enough.”

  
  


As Adrien approached the open door of the classroom he could hear Nino talking excitedly about something. He felt a little apprehensive going through the door. Such lively conversations were intimidating at times as he didn’t know how to act in them.

 _They’re your friends,_ he told himself, _Whatever they’re talking about can’t be that scary._

“-he’d gladly answer back.”

Adrien only caught the last few words clearly as he entered the room, “What are you guys talking about?”

The familiar weight hit his chest as he saw the alarmed expressions of Nino and Marinette. Suddenly it felt like he’d walked in on an accidental murder and they were in the process of hiding the body.

“You need answers for something?” Adrien did his best to keep the tension out of his voice and put on one of his model expressions to help cover his discomfort.

Alya answered, “I was just telling Nino I hope to interview Ladybug and Chat Noir again sometime.”

Nino turned quickly to his girlfriend, “And I was telling her of course they’d answer her questions. She’s the one and only Ladyblogger afterall. Anyway, let’s go eat already.”

Adrien blinked as he looked at the three of them. Alya had her usual warm expression and Nino his normal smirk. Marinette on the other hand had a really strange look to her face. Like she’d been holding her breath. He held back a smile as he was sure he made similar faces at times. He nodded with a hum, feeling the familiar weight dissolve a little.

  
  


Adrien didn’t know what to make of it. The usual seating arrangement of the four was him and Nino on one side with Alya and Marinette opposite. This time however, Alya had quickly taken the space next to Nino leaving the only possible place to sit next to Marinette. He couldn’t be surprised since the pair were a couple, of course they’d want to sit next to each other sometimes. But sitting next to Marinette...was Marinette okay with it? Adrien considered her a friend but sometimes he didn’t know what she thought of him. Sometimes they’d be fine in each other’s company like normal friends and other times she would barely say a word to him. That or her words came out like a torrent which, as endearing as it was, made it difficult for him to understand her at times.

“Sit. _Down._ ” Plagg whispered just low enough so that only Adrien could hear, “You’re making _me_ feel awkward. _”_

Broken from his frazzled thoughts, Adrien dropped his bag next to the seat and quickly slid into it. A quick glance to the girl beside him revealed she wasn’t even looking at him and was instead thoughtfully considering the sandwich in her hands.

Adrien let out a quiet sigh. He felt a mix of guilt and relief that he was glad she wasn’t looking his way. Sometimes he’d find her bluebell eyes strangely captivating, like staring out at a wide ocean or clear open sky. There was a kindness and familiarity with them that he’d seen first hand multiple times in how Marinette treated her friends. He’d meant it when he’d called her the “everyday Ladybug” of the class before. She was a warm, vibrant girl with endless compassion and ingenuity. She really was something special. And that scared him.

Adrien tried to stay focused on the story Nino was telling. But his attention slipped as his hand came to rest on his leg. As natural as breathing, his fingertips tapped out the familiar sequence. Slow and gentle. As he worked through it a strange feeling settled on him. His tapping ceased as he glanced to his side and realised Marinette was staring at him. His breath caught in his throat. Her gaze wasn’t directly on him, but his hand. Instinctively he clenched his hand into a tight fist.

Her bluebell eyes widened as it dawned on the girl that she had been staring, “S-sorry! I wasn’t staring! I mean I was but it wasn’t intentional. I was just spacing out. Lack of sleep, you know how it is.”

She broke out into an awkward laugh. If Alya and Nino hadn’t caught on to the strange exchange they definitely had now. Adrien could feel the other two trying to pretend they weren’t watching. He swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling exposed. Alya and Nino wouldn’t have seen his odd habit from where they sat but Marinette clearly had.

 _She’s weirded out,_ was all he could think, _Is it too late to pretend I had an itch? Or is that weirder?_

“I forgot!” Marinette yelled as she bolted upright, “I promised Rose and Juleka I’d help them with something. I’m going. Nice lunch. Have fun. Bye!”

Before anyone could say anything she’d grabbed her bag and purse and sprinted back towards the school. 

Adrien frowned to himself. He’d definitely freaked her out. His heartbeat felt hard and heavy at the thought.

“I’m going to call Nathalie and check my schedule for this afternoon.” Adrien murmured, grabbing his bag as he stood up from the table.

“Oh, sure dude.” Nino responded.

Adrien avoided the confused and concerned looks on his friends faces as he walked away. They probably knew he wasn’t actually going to call Nathalie since he was well practiced in memorising his own schedule at this point. But he was grateful that they didn’t ask him about it. He just wanted to be away from everyone as his mind descended into the familiar fog of being unable to think properly. In the numbness all he could feel was the quiet comforting purr of Plagg nestled under his shirt collar and all he could see was a set of dazzling bluebell eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking out chapter 2 of Penumbra! I'm so glad people are enjoying it.
> 
> I really adore secret softy Plagg if it's not obvious.


	3. Free Spin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A routine evening for Ladybug and Chat Noir as they chase down another akuma.

“On your left!”

Ladybug groaned as the laughing voice called out next to her.

“That joke is so old. It wasn’t even funny the first ten times!”

She was vaulting over the Parisian rooftops, chasing down a new akuma that was terrorising civilians. Following the trail of destruction, Chat Noir had caught up to her and fell in to match her pace.

“C’mon Bugaboo.” he chuckled, “Aren’t we Paris’s own set of Avengers?”

She rolled her eyes, “Those movies came out ages ago and you’re still talking about them? And don’t you know that nothing is like it is in the movies?”

The duo were set to meet up that night for a routine patrol, but the rise of a new akuma meant they were out earlier than expected. Marinette had to feign sudden illness to excuse herself from her parent’s company.

“You can’t put a hopeless romantic and dreamer like me down, My Lady. I’d be the purr-fect hero in any movie.”

“I’d rather you focus on reality for the moment, Kitty. We need to stop that akuma.”

The akuma victim they were facing off against this time had announced themselves as Car Crash. From what Ladybug had gathered from the akuma’s angry monologue, the real person underneath was a mechanic who’d been wronged, ignored and short changed by a bad customer. Now with the power of an akuma, he looked like a moving traffic pile up. It looked almost like…

“I guess I got the wrong movie this time.” Chat said with a smirk, “Seems we’re in a low budget Transformers.”

“Not now Chat!” Ladybug chided as they landed on a rooftop near where the akuma was smashing up the road and throwing parked cars, “We need to find where the akuma is hidden.”

“The classic then, My Lady?”

“We’ll go with that for now. Once we know where the akuma is I can call on my Lucky Charm.”

Chat gave a two fingered salute and leaped away on his staff. Ladybug turned back to the akuma, her eyes flickering over the metal monstrosity. It appeared to be made out of five cars, one for each limb and one for a body, stood up in a vaguely human shape. While they were of different makes and models, she couldn’t see anything discernibly different about any of them.

“I’m going to have to ticket you for the terrible parking job you’re doing.” Chat yelled as the akuma threw another idle car from one side of the road to the other.

With a roar that sounded akin to screeching tires the next car was thrown at the black clad hero. With an effortless flip to the side he avoided it.

“It’ll take more than that to knock this cat down!”

The akuma was slow moving but the sheer weight of it as well as its strength was what made it dangerous. Even in their super suits, getting hit by a car would still hurt. Ladybug determined they could use its slow speed to their advantage. Her yo-yo should be strong enough to restrain it until they could find the akumatised object.

Chat was still throwing out taunts as he ran about the road, avoiding the flying vehicles.

“Don’t let him move forward anymore!” Ladybug called out as she swung down.

As her feet hit the pavement she shot out her yo-yo again, this time towards the akuma. Using her yo-yo was second nature to her after all this time and it wrapped around the body of cars. Car Crash let out another screeching roar as it fell forward to the ground.

“Any idea where it is?” Chat asked as he ran up to her.

Now that she was closer, Ladybug cast her eye over it again. Something glinted. A soft spot of colour among the metal.

“There, behind the front windshield.”

The face, or what she assumed was the face, of the akuma was made of the front half of a car. Behind the glass and hanging from the rear view mirror was the familiar shape of a little air freshener.

Chat purred, “I knew I could smell the sweet scent of victory.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes but tensed up when she heard something else. The sound of a revving engine. Her confusion gave way to fear as she realised. After being snared the akuma had fallen forward, but the cars of its body now sat upright as they normally do. The akuma was now a car pile up with wheels grinding against the road. Engines roared as the akuma prepared to charge. With her yo-yo still wrapped around the mess of cars there was no way for her to unravel it and swing to safety in time.

* * *

Chat Noir movements were instinctive. He grabbed Ladybug by the waist and, extending his baton, launched them upwards. Before they could reach a safe rooftop the akuma slammed into the base of the baton and straight into a wall. The sudden tremor caused Chat to lose his grip on his weapon and the pair were sent flying into the air. With Ladybug’s yo-yo still entangled around the akuma and his weapon now out of his grasp they freefalled towards the ground.

He had to act quickly. With one hand still around Ladybug’s waist, he drew her in close and used his now free hand to hold her head to his chest. He curled around her, enveloping her as best he could before the impact.

_Crack._

Pain blazed through his hip and shoulder as they hit the road. Using the momentum of the fall, he rolled a short distance with Ladybug still in his arms, doing his best to ignore how his bones felt like glass in that moment.

“Chat!” Ladybug cried out.

The roll had finished with her on top of him and she looked down with a worried expression, her eyes searching his.

“‘S’alright My Lady,” he choked out, the air having been sufficiently knocked out his lungs, “Just some bruises.”

It was surely more the bruises. His hip felt like it had been shattered and he was sure his shoulder had at the very least been dislocated.

“You dumb cat. Can you get up?”

He felt her arm gently slide under his back in an attempt to help him sit up. He couldn’t stop himself from flinching as it felt like his fragmented bones ground together in an unnatural way as he tried to lift himself.

There was a sound of engines revving up again for another charge.

Despite his attempts to downplay his inability to move, Ladybug knew more than Chat was letting on as always.

“Hang on, Kitty.” she said tenderly.

Again she slid her arm under his back and the other under his knees. As gently as she could, she lifted him and sprinted for the side of the road just before Car Crash came hurtling by again. He heard the sound of the akuma crashing into the side of a building again

“Stay here.” she told him as she placed him in the small porch of a shop.

“My Lady, you know cats don’t stay where they’re told to.” he raised a brow and offered a smirk in response.

He knew he couldn’t move right now even if he tried. But he couldn’t help the light teasing as he always enjoyed to see the slight twitch of her mouth as if holding back a smile, instead opting to roll her eyes.

He watched her as she stood up and ran away to where her yo-yo had been stripped off in the previous crash.

Chat Noir had every confidence in his lady, that she would manage and pull through. Even if he was left battered and broken by the end of a fight, if she was still standing then everything was fine. That was the resolution he’d come to a long time ago, even if Ladybug argued with him over the stupidity of it. He’d taken various injuries over the years, and he was fairly certain he might have died a few times or at least come close to it. But with the call of her magical little ladybugs it would all be undone. So he made sure to endure.

Still, he didn’t like being left out of the fight. He heard her call out for her Lucky Charm somewhere and frowned that he couldn’t see. Having been left in a small doorway he didn’t have the view to see where the fight was taking place and whenever he tried to turn his head round to see his shoulder and neck cried out in protest.

More screeching tires and the sound of glass shattering.

He used his heightened sense of hearing to try and get a measure of what was going on. A knot of anxiety festered in the pit of his stomach as he listened to the angry growls of a car and Ladybug jumping around with the sharp sound of her yo-yo. He tried to stretch out his fingers despite the hot flashes of pain in his shoulder. His hand shook with the effort but he couldn’t move his fingers properly. The realisation made the anxiety coil tighter.

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

Her voice rang out clear and Chat smiled with relief. He watched the familiar whirl of ladybugs as they rushed the street before reaching him. The sensation was warm and comforting, pain and anxiety melting away as any trace of injury was repaired.

“I love those little bugs.” he chucked to himself as he stood up and stretched his back.

Stepping back out into the street he saw Ladybug a little ways off comforting the akuma victim. He was dressed in overalls stained with oil and as Chat approached he made hasty apologies and thank yous to the hero duo and firm assurances he could make it home without them.

As the victim left Ladybug turned to Chat with downcast eyes. It caught him off guard as he wasn’t used to seeing such an uncertainty and fragile emotion from her.

“I’m sorry.” she said weakly as she handed him his baton, having retrieved it earlier.

He raised his eyebrow, “What are you sorry for? Usually I’m the one apologising.”

He gratefully took back his baton and returned it to the usual place on his belt. He watched her as she bit her bottom lip and her bluebell eyes flickered as she avoided his gaze.

“What is it, My Lady? Talk to me.”

“It’s just...been a really frustrating day. And I let my tension follow me into the fight. I tried to rush it and overlooked something so obvious and you got hurt because of it.”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine. Nothing wrong here.” He rolled his shoulders and flexed dramatically to prove his point, “This kitty’s got nine lives.”

Her eyes immediately locked onto him with a fierce glare, “Don’t even go there Chat Noir. You know how I feel about that. I can’t do this without you, and I’d prefer you took that seriously.”

His confidence shrank at the ferocity of her expression. He could feel his heartbeat racing over her protectiveness of him. It made him both happy and sad. Happy because she cared about him, but sad that it wasn’t at the same intensity he felt for her. For her their relationship was always one of partnership, but for him it had always been a one-sided love.

A loud beeping alerted the timer of Ladybug’s transformation.

“Just…” Ladybug started before shaking her head, “Just get home safe, okay Kitty?”

Shaking off the tension Chat gently took her hand and brushed his lips against her knuckles, “Goodnight, My Lady.”

With a soft smile she stepped back from him and threw out her yo-yo before swinging away to the Parisian rooftops.

Chat watched her go as he always did. Now standing alone on an empty street he considered what to do now. He had ended up not using Cataclysm, so his transformation wasn’t at risk of running out for the time being. For a brief second he entertained the thought of going home. But as soon as the image of his dark, cavernous room entered his mind he pushed it away. He knew he didn’t want to be Adrien Agreste right now.

Extending his baton, he jumped up to the rooftops. He and Ladybug had intended to patrol that night before an akuma caused a change of plans. Since he was still there and nowhere else to go he decided to fly solo for a bit.

He ran on all fours over the rooftops. He loved this feeling of freedom. He liked to push himself to go as fast as he could, jumping, vaulting and flipping as he went. The night air became a soothing breeze in his tousled hair as he ran. He was Chat Noir and nothing could hold him back.

He paused to catch his breath as a familiar sight came into view. Still, he wasn’t adverse to taking the time to stop for certain things. He crept up to the balcony he’d come to a few times before and was pleased to see the fairy lights that wrapped around the handrail were still on. There was a good chance she was there and awake.

The memory of lunchtime rudely appeared in his head before he shook it out again. He designated that event as an Adrien problem. Right now he was Chat Noir. And Chat Noir was going to call in on Marinette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat totally watches superhero movies to get ideas on how to look cool during fights.
> 
> Slightly shorter chapter but the next one will be longer with some light MariChat.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette turns to Chat Noir for advice and finds out there's something beyond the playful hero facade.  
> Adrien finds a way to connect with Marinette, even though she doesn't know its him.
> 
> Also what's up with the tapping?

Marinette sighed as she fell into her desk chair. She’d gotten home a short time ago and was already changed into her sleepwear of a loose shirt and shorts. She hummed as she released her hair from the usual pigtails and brushed it out. With an angry sigh she set down the hairbrush a little harder than she intended, causing a small gasp of surprise from Tikki.

“I messed up.” she muttered.

“It’s okay, Marinette.” Tikki soothed, “Everyone makes mistakes. Besides, Chat Noir said he’s fine.”

“It’s not just that. I ran away from Adrien again.”

Tikki said nothing, understanding her chosen was taking a moment to share her over flowing thoughts.

“I mean, I was staring so obviously at him. How weird can I get? And then when he looked back at me he just looked so - I don’t know - cornered? Nino said he wasn’t good socially so maybe staring freaks him out. Oh god, staring at him is what I’ve been doing all this time. No wonder he keeps his distance!”

“Marinette-” Tikki started but was promptly interrupted by a sound above them.

Something had landed on the balcony above her room.

Marinette’s imagination went into overdrive. Was it a burglar? Kidnapper? A giant bird? An akuma? Was the sky falling?

Tikki’s excited giggle broke her from her thoughts, “It’s Chat Noir!”

Marinette was surprised for a moment at Tikki’s certainty before remembering that Chat’s miraculous was Tikki’s other half. Of course she’d recognise the black cat’s presence.

“Chat Noir? On my balcony?” she furrowed her brow in confusion before her eyes widened in horror, “Tikki! You don’t think he knows who I - who Ladybug is?”

The kwami shook her head, “I don’t think he’s here for Ladybug.”

The skylight that connected her room to the balcony above was still unlocked from her coming in earlier. As quiet as she possibly could, Marinette climbed up to it and tentatively pushed it open. Peaking through the gap she saw him.

Chat Noir was indeed on her balcony. He had his back turned to her and was leaned over the railing as he stared out over the Paris skyline. In the dim glow of her fairy lights she could see the slight movement of his muscles under the suit as he adjusted his weight against the railing. She bit her lip as she thought back to how he took the fall for them earlier. He’d done it before she’d even had a chance to tell him not to.

She had initially thought she would just pretend she’d never noticed his arrival. But now that she could see him standing there she became curious. Why _had_ he come?

Marinette made as much noise as should when she opened the skylight all the way.

“Oh, Chat Noir!” she feigned surprise, “What are you doing here?”

He turned round to her with his classic Chat grin.

“I was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d check up on my one and only Princess.” he approached her with a grand bow and held his hand out to her.

Marinette snorted, “Oh yeah? How many girls have you used that on tonight?”

Despite her response she graciously took his hand and allowed him to help her up onto the balcony.

“I said one and only for a reason. This cat only has one Princess he’ll come calling on.”

“Uh huh. Is that because this cat expects food or something else? I don’t have time for a noisy tomcat.”

“It hurts me to think you’d consider me to be so dishonourable.” He placed his hand over his heart for dramatic effect, “I don’t visit just anyone, and I’ve only come to bask in your regal company.”

Marinette paused as she observed the flirtatious raise of his eyebrow and crooked smirk, “Do you need company?”

He appeared taken aback by her question, his overconfident grin withering.

“I don’t mind.” Marinette spoke instead, sensing that he wasn’t going to give her a straight answer, “I suppose I wouldn’t mind some company for a bit.”

She knew his brilliant green eyes followed her as she walked up to the railing and leaned on it as he had moments before.

“Something on your mind?” he asked softly as he settled next to her.

The change in his demeanour wasn’t lost on her. In fact, it surprised her. She was so used to the stupidly over confident and flirtatious Chat Noir spouting endless jokes that she forgot about his more subtle and sensitive sides, even though she had witnessed those less prominent traits herself many times.

For some reason she found herself pouring out her thoughts to him, “I have a friend. I mean, I think we’re friends but I want to be better friends. I want to get to know him better. But I don’t know where to start. Anytime I try I can’t say what I mean to say or I can’t keep the conversation going. So then it just gets really weird.”

Chat didn’t say anything, but the way his cat ears twitched as she spoke told her he was giving his whole-hearted attention.

“Chat!” she said suddenly and turned to him as she stood upright, “You’re a guy right?”

He seemed alarmed by her sudden change in tone and blinked a few times as her strange question registered with him, “Last I checked I was. If you want me to prove it I could take off-”

“Stop. No. Bad cat.” she scolded as though he really were a misbehaving pet.

Chat chuckled and ran a gloved hand through his messy hair, “So what does my manliness have to do with it?”

Marinette fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She wondered if it was a good idea asking Chat for advice. But then he was here in that moment and was listening to her so attentively.

“How…” her words were quiet but a flick of his cat ear noted he could still hear her, “How does someone like me talk to a guy? I - I mean as a...friend.”

Chat’s green eyes glanced at her before turning back towards the night sky. He hummed thoughtfully.

“Laugh.” he said simply.

Marinette grimaced, “You think I should laugh at him?”

“Laugh at-?” Chat snorted, “No you make _him_ laugh. A good joke always makes a purr-fect ice breaker.”

“And how have you not been crushed from the amount of ice you’ve broken then? Every other word from you is a joke.”

“It’s hard for people to feel awkward around each other if they’re laughing together.”

Marinette looked at the hero feeling his comment carried more weight than it seemed. Did Chat Noir, for all his bluster and theatrics, feel awkward sometimes? She wasn’t sure she believed it but then she stopped herself.

_He’s just as human as everyone else is behind the mask._

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. One that Marinette didn’t feel a need to fill with her uncontrollable ramblings. It was then she heard a small sound. She looked to the person next to her. He’d crossed his arms on top of the railing with his right hand resting on top of his left forearm.

_Tap._

His gloved hand carefully tapped out a peculiar rhythm, each finger making a tiny sound as the material of his glove hit the sleeve of his arm.

“What is that?” the words tumbled out of her mouth before her mind considered the insensitivity of the question.

Chat regarded her curiously before following her gaze to his hand, “Oh, this? It’s uh...just a dumb habit.”

Taking confidence from his casual response she decided to press further, “Does it mean something? Like, is it a beat?”

A purr rose up in his throat and he smiled, not a flirty smirk but a genuinely enthused one, “My Princess is observant.”

“Is it like a drum?”

“No it’s uh...piano. I play piano.”

Marinette hummed curiously as she looked over his fingers. Adiren had been doing a similar thing earlier. Didn’t he also play piano? Was this some unspoken habit amongst pianists?

“Prove it.” she said.

“Hah?” Chat turned to her with an incredulous expression.

“You say you can play piano. So prove it.”

“I don’t know if you’ve never noticed this, but there’s no piano here.”

“I didn’t expect that to be the sort of thing to stop the one and only Chat Noir.”

“Oh I see how it is, Princess.” he sniggered with a cheeky grin, “Challenge accepted.”

He took a moment to look around the balcony before setting his sights on a box with a cushion on it to act as a makeshift seat. He flourished his hands out behind him, as though throwing out the coattails of an imaginary tuxedo as he sat down on the box. As dramatically as possible, he flexed out his hands and fingers, and adjusted the cuffs of his suit before placing them out in front of him over invisible keys. Marinette suppressed a giggle as he wiggled his eyebrows at her before settling into playing a silent song.

Marinette had watched people play a piano before, but it was completely different watching someone do it without the actual piano. It was a little strange at first but she soon found a calm intimacy in it. Without the large instrument in the way she could see the fluid movements of his hands as his fingertips brushed over the notes and how his feet operated at imaginary pedals to further control the sound he could hear. But what fascinated her the most was his face. It didn’t hold the cocky and flirty expression she had grown used to. Even under the mask, she could tell his features had softened. His hair and face were gently illuminated by the glow of her fairy lights and gentle stream of moonlight. His lips were slightly parted and occasionally moved with his steady breathing or muttering reminders to himself of the music sequence he was playing. His eyes had become deep verdant pools of emotion as they followed his hands with substantial focus. Even without the actual instrument, it was clear he could hear the music he was pretending to play within himself.

The silent performance lasted only a few short minutes and Marinette felt a little sad when his hands settled on his knees, indicating it was over. As if being woken from a dream he looked to her and gave a wide smile.

He stood up and offered a deep bow, “How was that, Princess?”

“Very good!” she laughed as he bowed a few more times, “What song did you play for me?”

“Clair de Lune.” he answered sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m not very good at it still. But it was a favourite of...someone important to me.”

“I think I know that one.”

“Everyone does. At least you’d recognise it if you heard it.”

“Well thank you for the private concert, Maestro Noir.”

“Princess, I’ll serenade you with sweet _meow_ sic anytime.”

He had quickly returned back to his usual self.

“I’d rather the piano than a cat yowling at my window, thanks.”

His eyes glittered as he chuckled. Marinette shook her head as she smiled back at him.

“Well then, Princess. Thank you for giving this stray cat your time. For tonight I’ll bid you adieu.”

As expected he gently took her hand and brought it to his lips. She was used to the action as Ladybug, but as his lips gently caressed her fingers she became all too aware that she wasn’t in her super suit. He’d kissed her hand directly. The skin of her fingers tingled from his breath as he pulled away. She suddenly felt very naked standing in front of him in just her pajamas. She laughed shyly as he released her hand back to her. _Why_ was her heart choosing to freak out right now?

“I’ll play for you for real someday, Princess.” he winked as he backed away, “I promise.”

With that he jumped up to the roof and vanished from sight.

Marinette lay in bed that night, hugging her pillow as she stared at the ceiling above her. From her phone beside her drifted the calming music of _Clair de Lune_. As she fell asleep, all her mind could show her were green cat-like eyes that were brimming with some profound emotion that could only be matched by the melancholy yet hopeful melody.

* * *

“I talked to her!” Adrien paced the floor of his room, unable to stop smiling, “Chat Noir could talk to her normally.”

He’d already changed into his sleepwear of pajama bottoms for the night but he didn’t feel able to sleep. The pleasant evening with Marinette on the balcony had left him on a high. Plagg watched him from his assigned pillow on the large bed.

The little cat paused in his attempt to get his entire mouth around the wedge of camembert in his paws, “What’s the big deal? You talk to her everyday.”

“But not like that. When Adrien talks to her it’s like we’re on completely different wavelengths. With Chat Noir though it was so natural. I didn’t find it scary at all.”

“You do hear that you’re talking about yourself in the third person right?”

Adrien ceased his pacing and looked to the little black cat. Plagg would often protest that he didn’t care all that much, but then he would make comments or observations that made it clear that he did. Like now Plagg was once again bringing to attention the somewhat excessive separation Adrien had for his two identities.

“It’s all the same. It’s all you.” Plagg said as though reading his mind.

The conversation finished there for the moment as the kwami proceeded to wolf down the slice of cheese, forcing Adrien to look away in disgust.

Throughout his life Adrien had gotten very good at compartmentalising. His inability to connect with people easily, the loss of his mother, his distant father, the planned to the minute schedules, deeply rooted fears that haunted him and the love he had for his friends and Ladybug. All were forced into the little drawers of his mind, some things shoved down even further, and only brought out at the appropriate time. The two egos of Adrien and Chat Noir were separated by a firm wall so that they didn’t bleed into each other. It had started as a measure to keep his secret identity safe, but he soon found that being Chat Noir was the most freeing experience he’d ever had. He couldn’t afford to let the damages of Adrien taint that.

Still, despite his efforts to keep all the drawers shut unless he wanted them, sometimes something would leak out. Memories and fears would stalk his dreams, and flashes of suppressed things would rise in his mind.

“You could try talking to the girl like Chat Noir, but as Adrien.” Plagg yawned and patted his now full belly.

“If I do that then she might figure out I’m Chat Noir.”

“If she’s anywhere near as oblivious as you I wouldn’t worry.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Plagg didn’t respond and instead curled up into a ball on his pillow.

Adiren sighed and folded his arms across his chest as he looked out the window. With all the lights in Paris it was often hard to properly see the stars, but he could still see the moon’s soft glow. His eyes settled on the baby grand piano that stood in his room.

 _“Here, Adrien. Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you.”_ A faint memory whispered in his ear with the distant sound of piano keys.

The soft, warming apparition vanished as quickly as it had come. He was left alone in silence again. The promise he had made earlier drifted into his head.

“I need to find where I can play a piano for her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Yes!  
> I wanted to get this one up quickly since I really like this chapter.


	5. Snare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter features descriptions of sexual harrassment and assault.
> 
> Adrien has a serious talk with Chloe. A change in plans causes a bad reaction.

Adrien took a deep breath as he looked out over the familiar city. Since it was Sunday there was no school, but as usual he had a full schedule. His morning had been busy with his chinese and piano lessons along with his usual study time for school subjects. He was glad for a moment of peace and respite. Well, as much as you could get whenever Chloe was in her usual full swing of talking about anything and everything to do with herself. They were sitting at her penthouse balcony atop _Le Grand Paris_ having just had lunch together and were now sipping coffee before Adrien would be rushed off to that afternoon’s photoshoot. Chloe had apparently attempted for a dinner date but Nathalie held fast to the set schedule so an afternoon meeting had to do.

“So then the store manager said - get this - they wouldn’t have any in stock until next week! I can’t believe they would say that to me.” Chloe was in full complaint mode as she furiously stirred sugar into her beverage.

Adrien was pretty sure she’d told him this story before, or at least one similar to it. Even so he politely nodded along with her. While most people found Chloe’s method of talking overbearing at times, he found it a relief. There was a certain predictable nature to the girl and she could fill an entire conversation on her own. He’d often taken solace in his childhood friend’s company throughout the years because the subject of her conversations were often of little importance and she rarely expected him to talk back to her.

The sound of a door opening and closing caused him to lift his gaze from his coffee. Chloe must have made a particular expression or gesture to make her butler leave without a word. The pair were now left alone at the little balcony table and the girl had fallen into contemplative silence. Adrien kept quiet and sipped his drink. He knew she would speak again momentarily.

“Adrien,” she addressed him directly without the flourish of her pet name for him, “I want to talk about yesterday.”

“What do you mean?” he avoided her piercing sapphire stare.

“Look at me, Adrien Agreste. It’s just the two of us here so I want you to be honest with me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m just still a restless sleeper.”

Chloe leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, “You didn’t want me touching you.”

Adrien tried to hide behind the drink in his hands to avoid eye contact with her, “It’s fine. Just a low day.”

“ _Days_.” she corrected, “I didn’t want to say anything but you’ve been in another slump for a while now.”

“It’ll pass.” he repeated childishly, “It always does.”

“I’m only saying this because I care about you, but you should really talk to someone. I don’t want to see you in a repeat of what happened after the Kagami girl.”

Adrien winced at the dredged up memory and he clumsily set down his cup before he dropped it entirely.

They sat in a tense silence for a few minutes. Adrien knew Chloe was looking at him but he could only stare into his lap.

“It wasn’t your fault.” she assured, “It never was. And she didn’t blame you either. At least she didn’t seem the sort to do so.”

Adrien’s jaw felt tight, “It was two years ago. I haven’t...had an episode like that since.”

“You haven’t even been with another girl since.”

Memories eclipsed him as the familiar heavy weight fell on his chest.

_Just tell me what’s going on, Adrien!_

_I can’t. I can’t tell you._

_I can’t understand what’s going on with you if you won’t talk to me!_

_Leave me alone._

_Adrien!_

_Get out!_

He only realised he was digging his nails into his palm in a tight first until he felt Chloe take his hand. She uncurled his fingers one by one and swept her thumb across the indents left by his nails. He withdrew his hand so he could rest it against his leg to tap out the comforting rhythm.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up. I just wanted to remind you that there are people who care about you, Adrien. There are people who will listen to you if you want to talk.”

He smiled weakly and blinked away the tears that threatened his eyes, “Since when did you become compassionate and say sorry?”

She gave him a look of disgust, “I don’t say sorry to just anyone. Or give compassion. I’m not a goody two shoes and I’m not interested in pretending to be.”

Adrien felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He checked it quickly to confirm his suspicion that his ride to the photoshoot was waiting downstairs.

“I have to go.” he muttered and stood up.

Chloe stood up with him, “Think about what I said. And think about quitting modeling while you’re at it. You never liked it anyway.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Put what you want first sometime. It’s what I do and it’s great.”

He didn’t answer and just gave her another subdued smile instead. Anything he’d ever really wanted had never been possible.

  
  
  


The location of the photoshoot was a small studio. It was somewhat familiar as Adrien had done some shoots there in the past. The assistant led him to a small dressing room where his wardrobe was waiting.

“We’ll be doing this outfit first.” the assistant told him as she gathered a few items of clothing off the railing, “Makeup will be in shortly so get changed quickly. It’s a couple’s photoshoot and the photographer doesn’t want to waste time.”

Adrien froze, “Sorry, did you say _couple’s_?”

“Yes, it was a last minute change. A model your father represents was available and the client decided they wanted a model couple.”

“But I’m normally contracted for solo shoots.”

“I don’t know what to tell you there. Monsieur Agreste and Mlle Sancoeur approved the change.”

Adrien’s mouth went dry and it felt like his legs were about to give out.

“Do you know who the other model is?” he croaked.

Either the woman didn’t hear the crack in his voice or had decided to ignore it, “Lila Rossi. I believe you’ve done some work with her in the past. Now get changed. The photographer will be ready for you soon.”

The assistant left the room without another word. Adrien sank to his knees and brought a hand to his mouth as though it could hold back the emotion welling in his throat.

“What the hell…” he whispered.

Plagg surfaced from under Adrien’s shirt collar and regarded him with eyes wide with uneasiness.

“Just walk out. They can’t make you do it.” the cat reasoned.

“But my father - he approved it himself. I can’t leave.”

It was hard to breathe. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but Chloe had been right. The tide of his suppressed agony had never gone away and had been rising again of late. He’d been trying to keep his head above the water all this time and pretend to everyone around him he wasn’t drowning on a daily business.

“I’ll just get it over with. If I can make it go quickly then nothing can happen.”

Plagg nuzzled against Adrien’s chest with a comforting purr, “And if she gets too close slap her away and hiss at her.”

Adrien gave a watery laugh and scratched the small cat behind the ears. He knew Plagg wasn’t entirely serious but it didn’t sound like a bad option.

After getting his breathing mostly under control, he was able to get changed into the designated clothing and sit through the makeup artist fussing over him. When the makeup was done the assistant from before appeared again and carefully checked over the clothing to make sure it fit appropriately. At least the outfit that had been chosen consisted of a pair of jeans and a buttoned shirt so it wasn’t uncomfortable for him to wear.

The assistant hummed as she looked him over, muttering something about the photographer’s vision. Adrien winced as she grabbed the shirt collar and undid the top buttons, opening the shirt up to expose his neck and collarbone. It took everything he had to not flinch away when she patted his shoulder and motioned for him to follow her out of the room. He left with an uneasy glance to Plagg who peaked out from under his neatly folded everyday clothing.

Out on the main studio floor Adrien was greeted with the normal harsh lighting that was common to photoshoots and a photographer barking instructions to the people around him.

“Hi Adrien!” the greeting dripped with excessive sweetness.

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and gave a curt response, “Lila.”

The girl sauntered over to him and purposefully blinked her olive eyes at him. She’d just had her makeup done and her lashes were heavy with mascara. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other as she stood before him to make an obvious show of the curves of her hips. Adrien made himself hold a poker face instead of gag.

“I’m so excited to be working with you again. It’s been too long.”

“Mm. What was it this time? Rebuilding villages destroyed by a volcano? Rescuing lost souls in the jungle? Being translator for the King of Sweden?”

“No, _silly_. I was participating in a marathon across Europe to raise awareness for the injustice against hamsters. The cages they live in are much too small.”

Adrien rolled his eyes as she wiped away a fake tear.

“I’m so glad our first photoshoot together after all this time is a matching one.” she giggled, “We look pretty good together.”

He hadn’t even taken notice of what she was wearing, but as she thrusted her chest out to him he was forced to see she also wore a similar outfit to his but with the shirt in a feminine cut to hug her waist. Like his, the top buttons of her shirt were also undone, but these went lower so that some of her cleavage was exposed. He looked away.

She let out another irritating giggle, “Still shy? You need to warm up to me more since we’ll be getting pretty close in front of the camera.”

“Lila! Adrien!” the photographer called, “We’re ready for you.”

Adrien still refused to look at her as he strode past towards the camera.

The poses for the photoshoot started normal enough. Simple things like holding hands with their fingers entwined. Her leaning back into him with his arms around her waist. After changing through the poses a few times the photographer started to push for more.

“Adrien, look at her like she’s your goddess. I want devotion in your eyes. Lila put your hands on his chest and move in closer.”

The posture of the pair was slowly getting tighter and it was getting increasingly difficult for Adrien to breathe. Why did she have to wear so much perfume?

“Kiss her forehead. Lila put your hands lower - to his waist.”

Adrien begged internally for this to be over. He felt like his chest was being crushed under the pressure and an intense anxiety coiled in his stomach.

As the camera clicked away at them Lila moved her hands away from his waist. His breathing hitched as they snaked up under his shirt in a slow and agonising way. Her nails scraped over his stomach and up to his pecs. It _burned_ . Blind panic came over him and he harshly grabbed her wrists to pull her off. Lila looked up at him in surprise and pouted her over-glossed lips. He couldn’t stop his hands from trembling and the girl’s feigned innocence was replaced with a vicious smile. She leaned into him and raised her lips to his neck. He was suffocating now as his heart hammered hard in his chest. Everything screamed at him to run away. But he couldn’t. He could feel the dark waters surging from the corners of his mind as her lips left a scorching trail in the crook of his neck. He could feel her teeth tearing at his skin. The harsh shuttering sound of the camera died away and was replaced by a screaming white noise in his ears.

He couldn’t stop it.

* * *

Marinette hummed to herself as she walked home that evening. She had been at Alya’s for dinner and had stayed for some time after as they played _Ultimate Mecha Strike_ and chatted fondly as they always did. With her numerous responsibilities, Marinette was sad she couldn’t give their friendship more time as she cherished it dearly. The times they could spend together without her having to make a lame excuse and rush off to be Ladybug were important to her.

It had already gotten dark as Marinette rounded the corner of the park and her home came into view. She hadn’t been concerned about walking home alone, as it wasn’t far, the area was quiet and the streets were basked in the gentle glow of the streetlights. As she walked along the tall wrought iron fence that bordered the park an unusual shape caught her eye. At first she thought it was a statue perched on the fence, but as she got closer she recognised the wild blond hair and black cat ears.  
Chat Noir sat atop the fence, absolutely stock still. Apart from the slight movement of his breathing he really did look like a statue. His eyes were turned upwards towards the waning moon as though completely mesmerised. Even though she wasn’t trying to hide her presence, it didn’t appear that he had even heard her approach.

“Good evening, Chat Noir.” she greeted with a smile.

But as he turned to look down at her any cheerfulness faded. His face was dreadfully pale and his eyes didn’t have the usual playful glint to them.

“Oh, Marinette.” he spoke as though he didn’t quite believe she was there.

She felt a sharp pang in her heart that he didn’t address her by the fond nickname he had given her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Your lights weren’t on. I assumed you were out.”

Her brows knitted together at the vague answer. Had he come to see her again? Had he been waiting for her?

“How long have you been sitting here?” she decided that was the better question to ask.

He rubbed the back of his neck as he thought for a moment, “I don’t know. What time is it?”

“It’s after eleven.”

“Oh.”

He went quiet again, but it felt like he had something he wanted to say. Marinette glanced to the store front of the patisserie. Her parents would have gone to bed by now.

“Want to come in for a bit for some hot chocolate?”

His ears perked up at her offer but he made a half hearted attempt to refuse, “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t planning on going to bed just yet anyway. And I’m in the mood for a hot drink myself. You might as well join me if you don’t have to leave.”

“No, I...I don’t have anywhere else to be right now.”

“Good. Come on then.”

He slid off the fence and landed next to her. She really felt like she was leading a stray cat home as he followed behind her as they walked the short distance to the building. She led him around to the side door that went directly to the apartment so that they didn’t have to go through the shop.

“I’ll just meet you on the roof.” he said, backing away as she stepped through the door.

“You can use the front door like a normal person you know.”

“I know.” he paused and looked around nervously, “I just just don’t want to disturb you parents.”

She hadn’t thought of that but found herself nodding. Her parents would normally be in bed at this time, but on the off chance they weren’t and found her leading Chat Noir to her room she’d never hear the end of it.

“I’ll be up in a minute to open the skylight for you.”

He gave her a half smile as he stepped back before jumping up to climb the side of the building.

Marinette ran up the stairs and straight to her bedroom. She knew he would patiently wait for her, but it felt like he would disappear as though she’d been dreaming if she wasn’t fast enough. She set her purse on her desk and waited a moment for Tikki to fly out and find somewhere to hide. Kicking off her shoes, she climbed up to the loft where her bed was and opened the skylight.

“You can come in now.” she called up to him.

She had to wait a moment before he poked his head down. His green eyes flickered around as though to confirm it was safe. Satisfied, he carefully lowered himself into the room, taking extra care to not place his boots on her bed. Marinette had to stifle a laugh as the action really reminded her of a stray cat entering a house for the first time.

“Make yourself at home.” she told him as she made her way to the trap door that led down to the kitchen, “I’ll have the hot chocolate ready in a few minutes.”

He only hummed in response as he was busy looking around himself with a hesitant curiosity.

In the kitchen Marinette set to work heating up the milk for their beverages.

“It’s been a while since you had a boy in your room, Marinette.” Tikki teased with a small giggle.

“Tikki!” Marinette gasped, “What are you doing? He didn’t see you, did he?”

“No, I phased through the floor. He didn’t notice a thing.”

“If you say so. And what do you mean about having a boy in my room? We’re just friends and we’re having friendly hot chocolate.”

Tikki still had a suspicious smile on her face but didn’t say anything more about it. Marinette started scooping out the chocolate powder from its container but paused.

“Tikki, is Chat Noir okay?”

The red kwami held her gaze for a moment before turning away, “You know I can’t tell you anything about him.”

“I know that. But I just want to know if he’s okay. I don’t know much about him beyond the mask and that worries me sometimes. I don’t know what goes on in his head or what his life is like.”

“You two made the decision to hide your identities from each other from the start. You made it in order to protect each other.”

Marinette pouted. She knew Tikki was right. She’d even enforced the rule herself as Ladybug on multiple occasions. Even so she cared for her partner and couldn’t bear to think of him being troubled.

When the hot chocolate was ready she headed back up.Tikki had vanished from view again so as she stepped into her room she found herself alone with Chat. He had his back to her as he looked over the wall that was covered in photos. Marinette couldn’t help let out a quiet sigh of relief that she’d removed the numerous magazine cut outs of Adrien a while ago. That was something she didn’t want to have to explain. A few of the cut outs remained, but a wide collection of normal photographs covered the wall now instead. They were all of her class and friends, recording all the activities and fun they had together. Ones of Kim and Alix racing each other, picnics in the park with everyone, Rose and Juleka waving at the camera, a birthday party and many more occasions.

“This is nice.” Chat whispered as Marinette handed him a mug.

“It’s just hot chocolate.” she shrugged as she gently blew over the top of her own mug.

“No, the photos. They’re nice.”

“Yeah, they’re all ones I like. This one here is one of my favourites.”

She pointed to an image of herself, Alya, Nino and Adrien. They were sitting by the edge of the canal eating ice cream. Marinette couldn’t remember who started it, but what had first been trying each other’s flavour of ice cream became booping each other on the nose with the frozen treat. The four of them each had a blob of ice cream on their nose and giddy expressions. She liked this photo because Adrien’s smile, albeit shy and uncertain, was genuine. A smile completely different from the fixed ones in the magazines.

“You’re really fond of your friends.” Chat’s voice was soft, as though fascinated by what he saw.

“Of course. We don’t always agree on everything but they’re my friends. They’re dear to me and I love them.”

Chat twitched. His face was still pale but for a moment she thought she saw a slight pink on his cheeks. Before she could be certain he turned away to look into his mug.

“Thank you.” he murmured into his drink.

“No need to thank me. It’s just hot chocolate.”

“No, thank you for...nevermind.”

Marinette blinked slowly but thought it was better to not press him. He was just grateful for the drink. At least she couldn’t figure out what else he could possibly be thanking her for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chloe can be nice as long as its Adrien. Poor boy needs it.


	6. Asphyxiate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien tries to deal with the aftermath following his run in with Lila.  
> Marinette is ready to throw down.

Chat Noir watched as the girl sitting in front of him drifted off to sleep. Marinette had insisted she wasn’t tired, but as soon as she’d finished her hot chocolate her eyes had become heavy. They had talked for a time about the collection of photographs on her wall. He had been there for some of the occasions recorded, when his schedule allowed. But it was captivating hearing it all from her side.  
Adrien had always felt like he was on the outside looking in. He was friendly with everyone as best as he could be, and yet there was a certain threshold he hadn’t been able to overcome. A certain distance he had to keep in order to protect the fragile facade he had made. Marinette was completely different. She talked about all her friends with a purity and warmth that he didn’t know was possible. And she had included Adrien in it. Despite his awkward interactions with her, she spoke of him as fondly as she did Alya or Nino. Sometimes she would speak with a soft smile and a slight blush across her face though he couldn’t place why.  
He had sat down on the chaise in her room and she sat opposite him in her desk chair as she told him of the various memories she shared with her friends. He listened with everything he had. He was enamoured with how she remembered it all. But now she had gone quiet as her eyes slowly closed and she sank into the chair. He waited a short time before her gentle breathing told him she had indeed fallen asleep. Standing up, he reached for her mug as it was already slipping from her fingers.

Once both of their mugs had been safely set aside to her desk he looked back to the girl and then to the skylight. Chat Noir bit his bottom lip as he considered what to do. After turning it over in his mind for a bit a decision was made. He stepped up to her and carefully casted his eyes over her face to reconfirm she was sleeping.

 _She has freckles…_ he thought absently to himself.

She was easy to lift. He was pretty sure he would be able to do it as Adrien as well, not that it was likely to happen. With one arm under her knees and the other round her shoulders he raised her up to his chest. It was surprising that she immediately curled into him, pressing her small nose into his sternum. His face flushed in response. He cursed quietly at the quickening of his heartbeat. She smelled like vanilla and it was intoxicating. He was unable to calm the dance steps his heart was doing as he made his way up the stairs to her bed.  
With the way she had curled into his body it was a little difficult placing her on the bed. As gently as possible so as not to wake her, he unwrapped her from his body and lay her down. He covered her with the blanket and brushed a few loose strands of hair from her face.

“Goodnight, Princess.” he whispered.

He lingered a moment longer before silently climbing through the skylight.

  
  


Chat Noir had taken his time on his way back to the Agreste Manor and he still got there too soon for his liking. He leapt through the open window of his bedroom and landed without a sound. The room was dark and cold. He looked to his gloved hands and flexed his claws. The transformation had to be released, even if he really didn’t want to.

“Claws in.”

Chat Noir faded away in a green light and he was left as Adrien. Plagg tumbled out and onto the couch with an exasperated noise. The kwami sat there for a moment to recompose himself after the extended time spent sustaining the magic.

Adrien was still staring into his hands, now ungloved and trembling. The same hands that had violently thrown Lila to the floor earlier. At least that’s what everyone had said. He didn’t remember doing it.

 _“Poor girl.”_ they all said, “ _Adrien what is wrong with you?”_

Lila had then of course started the crocodile tears. In between her sobbing she told everyone around them how she was just following what Adrien had told her to do. To make matters worse, everyone became further annoyed with him as he’d bolted from the set for the bathroom. He had retched over the toilet for the following agonising minutes, expelling all that he’d eaten until he could only spit up bile.  
He didn’t speak to anyone after that and instead had gone straight back to the house. Nathalie had assured him that the disaster of a photoshoot hadn’t gone unnoticed and his father would be speaking with him in due course.

“ _Fuck_.” Adrien hissed as he sank to the floor, feeling the security of his alter ego fading.

He’d changed to Chat Noir earlier as soon as he could after having scrubbed himself raw in the shower. Becoming his other self forced Adrien’s nausea, suffocation and clamouring thoughts out and instead replaced them with an empty numbness. He wasn’t damaged as Chat Noir so he wouldn’t feel any of the overwhelming emotions that reaped his mind and crushed his lungs.  
But now he was Adrien. He felt everything.

He let himself drop forwards as even sitting up was too much. He vainly hoped lying on the cool floor would soothe the scorching marks on his skin. The shower earlier hadn’t done enough to wash away the invisible scars he felt.

“Kid.” Plagg had floated down and was looking at him with concern, “You can’t sleep on the floor. Believe me, it’s not comfortable.”

“I’m not sleeping.” Adrien rasped, “I don’t want to.”

Plagg started to pull on the collar of Adrien’s shirt to try and get him to move. But he didn’t shift. His body was heavy and felt like if he stood up he might vomit again. Plagg tried a few more times before eventually giving up and settling into Adrien's hair to rest.  
The black waters were flooding into his head again. Adrien hummed in a weak attempt to prevent himself from breaking out into sobs. Stretching out his fingers before him on the floor, he tapped out in time with his hums until it slowly became the melody of _Clair de Lune_. He lay like that for a long time, working through the internalised music and occasionally going back to repeat parts he thought he got wrong.

Eventually the floor became uncomfortable as Plagg had warned. His body felt stiff as he managed to force himself into a sitting position, using the couch for support. He had to take steady, deep breaths as his stomach roiled with the movement. He hated himself for all the fear and anxiety that made him weak. Everyone expected him to be the perfect son of Gabriel Agreste. In reality he was far from it. He was damaged.

“As a man you must be strong.” Gabriel had always told him, “Any sign of weakness and people will take advantage of it. I won’t have that of you.”

Adrien laughed darkly at the thought of it. People had been taking advantage of him his entire life no matter how strong or weak he was. But he had to grin and bear it because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on his family name. Fuck that. He wanted to scream and to cry until the world came crashing down around him. He wanted to lash out so everyone could see and feel the poison that was slowly killing him inside. But he couldn’t bring himself to. He wasn’t strong enough.

Adrien barely slept that night. He was exhausted and Plagg even attempted to soothe him with comforting purrs, but anytime he drifted off he would snap awake from his turbulent dreams. He felt like a ghost when his alarm called for him to get up. Even a hot shower wasn’t enough to clear the fog in his head. He tentatively touched his neck, checking again and again in the mirror. When Lila kissed him yesterday it had felt like she’d bitten him, but there was no such mark no matter how many times he checked.

He wasn’t feeling any better as he picked his way through breakfast. He could barely taste anything even though the food wasn't any different from usual.

“Adrien,” Nathalie announced as she stepped into the dining room, “Your father would like a word with you before you go to school.”

Half eaten breakfast forgotten, Adrien stood to greet his father properly as the man entered the room.

“Good morning, father.”

“Adrien.” Gabriel spoke in his usual monotone, “I’m sure you know what this is about.”

Adrien was a similar height to his father, but as he stood before him he could only feel small. Gabriel towered above him through presence alone and demanded respect through it.

“You are fortunate that Mlle Rossi was very forgiving. I however will not tolerate such embarrassment. Your foolish behaviour disrupted the photoshoot and other models had to be called in to cover your mistake.”

“I’m sorry, father.”

“You are almost an adult, Adrien. I have been lenient with your childish behaviour but I won’t take much more of it. You are a man and an Agreste, and should act as such.”

Adrien clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. Gabriel was silent a moment before stepping forward and setting a firm hand on Adrien’s shoulder.

“I am being firm because I love you. I want you to temper these...outbursts. Not everyone will forgive you as Mlle Rossi or I have.”

Adrien’s throat felt tight but he forced out words as best he could, “May I be excused? I’m running late for school.”

Gabriel gave him a hard, measured look before nodding. As soon as his shoulder was released, Adrien left the room.

Once the door was closed he let go of the breath he’d been holding. Against his leg he hastily tapped out the familiar rhythm but the clumsiness of it only made him more frustrated.

“I really want to bite his face off sometimes.” Plagg growled from under his short collar.

Adrien ignored the comment as he waited for the crushing weight in his chest to subside. He refused to leave for school until he could compose himself. He felt something twist in his heart as the thought of Marinette seeing him like this came to him. He didn’t want his raw vulnerability to be seen like that. Not by Marinette or even by Ladybug. The two girls he wanted to connect with would surely be disappointed at his true pathetic self.

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He forced the thoughts and feelings back into their designated drawers. Instead he tried to only focus on the mundane problem that he was now running late for school.

* * *

Marinette sat up in bed to the annoying sound of her alarm. She turned it off and yawned loudly. As the haze of sleep slowly lifted she realised she was still wearing the clothes she’d been in yesterday. The gears in her head started to turn as she processed this. She didn’t remember going to bed, let alone falling asleep. Before that was…

“Chat Noir!” she gasped as she leapt from the bed.

She stumbled down from her loft to look around the main floor of her room but there was no sign of him.

“He left early in the morning after you fell asleep.” Tikki said as she floated to the girl’s shoulder, “But not before putting you to bed. It was so sweet!”

Marinette couldn’t help but blush at the thought. She invited him in only for her to fall asleep. He’d ended up having to put her to bed.

“How embarrassing.” Marinette whined as she held her face in her hands.

She tried to calm the erratic butterflies in her chest. She always ended up being so awkward at the most inopportune times.

As she floundered in her humiliation she caught sight of the two mugs sitting on her desk. Her butterflies stilled as she recalled the quiet, almost forlorn way he had sat with her last night. He hadn’t been his usual smooth talking self with endless quips. Instead he listened to her endless rambling on about her friends and the shenanigans they get up to. She found herself wondering what kind of friends Chat had. Not as the hero of Paris but as his everyday civilian self. A charismatic and humorous person like that had to be surrounded by friends, people who would take his jokes while rolling their eyes but laughing along anyway. She smiled at the thought. Chat was probably really popular with his friends, and despite his stubbornness that his heart was set on Ladybug he probably had a few girls crushing on him. This projection of a well-liked and class clown version of Chat Noir only added to her concern. If he was behaving so far from his usual self then something must have happened. He’d even looked ill when she first found him sitting on the fence. She resolved to ask him should he come visit again. For now she had to get ready for school.

As Marinette approached the school entrance she found Alya and Nino waiting.

She smiled as she walked up to them, “Good morning.”

“Morning. You’re in time for once.” Alya said with a smirk.

“Yeah, you’re even here before Adrien.” Nino added.

Marinette eyebrows raised as she looked around. It was true. There was no sign of Adrien.

“That’s strange. It’s not like him to be late.” she murmured.

Nino checked his phone, “I texted him but he hasn’t answered.”

The first bell rang to call them to class. The trio exchanged a worried look before heading up the steps and into the building.

Most of their friends were already in the classroom when they arrived. It was obvious as they walked in that something was going on. Everyone was in a huddle towards the back of the room chatting excitedly.

“What’s going on?” Alya asked.

Kim gave an eager answer, “Lila’s back from her trip.”

Marinette felt her blood run cold as she noticed the chestnut haired girl in the middle of the group. She was sitting on one of the desks with her long legs crossed, laughing lightly with the people around her. With a sly smile she lined up Marinette in her sights. Marinette was tensing herself, preparing to hold her ground against whatever Lila was planning.

Lila instead addressed Nino as she spoke, “Nino, I was wondering where Adrien was. I wanted to apologise to him again after what happened yesterday.”

Nino was visibly perplexed but answered honestly, “I haven’t seen him.”

With her obvious bait thrown out, Marinette seethed as people latched onto it. Lila was quickly showered with questions about what exactly happened.

The liar not so subtly rubbed at one of her wrists that had been bandaged, “It was just a little accident. We were doing a photoshoot and since I’m still inexperienced I asked him for advice. But I think I misunderstood and took it too far.”

A well practiced tear fell down her cheek and Rose and Alix were quick to comfort her. Marinette clenched her fists to restrain herself from calling out what seemed like obvious bullshit.

After pretending to wipe away tears Lila continued her story, “I didn’t know Adrien had a crush on me. But I trusted his guidance and did what he told me to. He said we needed to kiss for the camera. I didn’t feel comfortable doing it and when I told him he threw me to the floor.”

Shocked whispers rippled through the group. The class seemed torn about why Adrien would act that way, but then there was no way Lila had antagonised him on purpose.

Marinette had never felt so close to actually wanting to kill someone. She already knew Lila lied with every breath, but for her to speak in such a way of Adrien was too much. Adrien who was so gentle, patient and kind didn’t deserve to be sullied with such lies. She couldn’t hold back the rage burning in her chest.

“Adrien would never do something like that!” she yelled.

The whispering stopped but everyone exchanged uneasy looks instead of backing her. Marinette felt sick. Were they really going to take Lila’s side?

“Marinette’s right.” Nino spoke up beside her, “Adrien would never hurt someone like that. There must have been a misunderstanding.”

“He’s not the type to use his experience as a model to get someone to do what he wants either.” Alya added.

Marinette looked to her friends in relief. They always came through when she needed them. The pair had tried to give Lila the benefit of the doubt in the past. However now that Adrien was involved they refused to believe her words as anything but a lie.

Lila wasn’t phased, “I know you like Adrien _so_ much but are you sure you know everything about him? I’m sure he has his secrets too.”

A loud slam made everyone jump. Marinette looked to the source of the noise. Her mouth fell open in suprise. It was Chloe. She stood at her desk with her hands on the table having just brought them down hard on the wood. No one dared move as the blonde girl looked to Lila with absolute loathing.

“And what would _you_ know about his secrets?” she spat.

Marinette never thought she’d be so glad to have Chloe of all people on her side. Lila had gone quiet.

A loud explosion somewhere in the building prevented any more from being said.

“Ladybug and Chat Noir!” a voice screamed, “Come and get me. The match is about to start!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not in for a cat fight just yet, but it's not over between Lila and Marinette.
> 
> I actually like writing Lila since she's such a scheming actress.


	7. Grasping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight with an akuma breaks out, leading to an argument.  
> Lila refuses to let go.

Marinette sprinted out of the classroom. From the upper floor where she stood, she grasped the railing and scanned the courtyard. It was clear to see the source of the noise. The far wall had been blown open but with the cloud of dust it was impossible to see what had caused it.

“It’s an akuma, isn’t it?” Alya rushed up next to her, phone already in hand and recording.

“It looks like it.” Marinette looked around for any sign of the enemy, “Everyone needs to evacuate.”

Another explosion rocked the building, this time from directly below them. Marinette grabbed Alya to help steady her against the railing as the walkway of the upper floor groaned. A second later the floor beneath them jarred and started to collapse to the ground.

“They’ve blown out the supports!” Marinette gasped.

“We need to get out of here!” Nino called behind them.

Everyone was already rushing out of the classroom towards the fire exit at the back of the school.

“Come out and fight, Ladybug and Chat Noir!” the voice roared.

Marinette needed to find somewhere safe to transform. However she was still hugged close to Alya as they made their way to the exit. She couldn’t just vanish on her at a moment’s notice.

As they neared the rear fire exit, Nino unintentionally solved the problem. He took Alya by the arm and led her firmly to the door, separating her from Marinette.

“Hey, I haven’t gotten a view of the akuma yet!” Alya protested.

He didn’t let go of her, “Now’s not the time, babe.”

Marinette lingered back until they had gone through the exit door before slipping into a nearby classroom. After checking it was empty she opened her purse for Tikki to fly out.

“Tikki, spots on!”

The familiar red light washed over her, filling her with the familiar strength and agility of Ladybug. She didn’t waste any more time and went to rush out of the room. But upon opening the door she found that most of the walkway had caved in on itself and was now a broken mess on the ground. She tossed out her yo-yo to latch it to the rafters above her so she could swing down into the courtyard.

As soon as Ladybug had landed, something heavy connected with her back. She was sent sprawling across the floor from the impact. Ignoring the pain of the forming bruise she lifted herself up to see the culprit.

“About time one of you showed up. I was getting bored waiting.” a dark voice snarled.

Before her stood a woman, a similar age to herself. She was of a lean athletic build and wore a sporting outfit of shorts and a cropped top. Her ebony hair was pulled back in a ponytail and tied with a white ribbon.

“I’m Brawler and I want you to give me a serious fight.” the woman chuckled, “Winner take all. That being your Miraculous.”

Ladybug got to her feet and focused on the akuma victim in front of her. “Brawler”, as she’d named herself, was lightly bouncing on the balls of her feet, making her sneakers occasionally squeak against the floor. Her fists were covered in hand wraps and lifted defensively to her chest.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Ladybug warned as she started to spin her yo-yo.

Brawler laughed in response, “If you underestimate you’re the one who will get hurt.”

To prove her point, Brawler slammed a fist into the ground. Ladybug tried to not let her horror show as the ground shattered into a crater as though a small meteor had hit it. So that was what had happened. She’d been demolishing the building with her  _ bare fists _ . And that is what had sent her flying moments before with a force that would have broken a normal person’s ribs. Ladybug silently thanked Tikki for giving her the ability to help withstand some of that force.

Ladybug readied herself, “Even so, I can’t let you win.”

Brawler took the invitation to start and rushed her. Ladybug spun her yo-yo defensively but her opponent jammed their fist into it. The yo-yo lost its shielding and instead wrapped around Brawler’s arm. Before Ladybug could register what had happened, Brawler pulled hard on the yo-yo and Ladybug along with it. With her free fist, Brawler delivered a hard punch to the stomach. Ladybug forced herself to jump away before crumbling to the ground and coughing. Surprisingly, Brawler let the yo-yo slide from her grasp as the heroine retreated.

“Normally I don’t agree with weapons.” Brawler smirked, “They get in the way. But if that’s what you need to take this fight seriously then go ahead.”

Ladybug glared in response. Her foe had a point. The yo-yo was not suitable to melee fights and without it she felt exposed. She was not as good as Chat Noir when it came to hand to hand combat.

_ Where is that damn cat? _ she thought.

Ladybug had barely gathered herself before Brawler rushed her again. Unable to let loose her yo-yo, Ladybug had to bring up her arms in an attempt to block the incoming punches. It felt like each impact struck her to the bone as she used her forearms to try and prevent Brawler from connecting an attack with her skull.

Ladybug was slowly getting backed into a wall and she looked around frantically for a way to get out of Brawler’s flurry. She found herself wishing for the assistance of someone like Carapace. His shielding capabilities would be ideal in this situation. But she had to let go of that thought.   
Since Miracle Queen, the Miraculous holders that Ladybug chose had become exposed. In order to protect them she swore that she wouldn’t bring them back into this conflict. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if something were to happen to her friends just like it had Master Fu. No, she had to rely on her own abilities. As the hero of Paris, Ladybug had to protect everyone herself.

Doing her best to block the incoming punches, Ladybug wasn’t able to defend against the kick to her stomach. She couldn’t stop the sharp pain from making her lower her guard as she reactively bent over. Brawler followed up with another kick, but this time rounded into a hard leg sweep. Ladybug felt the full impact to her ankle, feeling something shatter as she was knocked off balance. As her head hit the ground her vision flashed with stars. Pain blazed in her ankle and now the world was spinning and she couldn’t bring herself to get up. 

“I told you to take me seriously.” Brawler growled as she lowered a foot onto Ladybug’s chest.

It hurt. Brawler was putting all their weight behind the heel as it dug into Ladybug’s ribs. The crushing force was making it hard to breathe. Ladybug tried to grab her by the ankle to remove her, but from her pinned position she wasn’t able to summon enough strength.

“I’ll be taking those earrings then.” Brawler sneered.

A flash of black and Ladybug could suddenly breathe again. Brawler had been sent stumbling backwards, visibility surprised at the force that had knocked her away.

“I’m sorry I’m late, My Lady.”

Still dazed from hitting her head, Ladybug was confused for a moment as a black gloved hand reached out to her. She instinctively grasped it and was lifted to her feet. Her senses returned to her as she came face to face with Chat Noir. He held her up by her arms until she could hold herself steady. She tried to put weight on her ankle. She whimpered with the pain that shot up her whole leg, so she instead had to put all her weight on her other one. Chat watched her with hurt and concern in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” he repeated.

Ladybug shook her head, “You’re here now, so let’s get this over with.”

Chat Noir turned to Brawler, who had taken up their defensive stance again.

“We okay to make this a tag-team match?” he called.

“As long as you fight me seriously, I don’t care what you do.” Brawler snapped back.

Chat looked to Ladybug with a smile, “Guess it’s time for a cat fight.”

“I don’t know where the akuma is.” Ladybug whispered.

“I’ll handle her for now. You just take a breather and look for any hints.”

He raised his hand to her with a smirk. She stared at him a moment before realising the meaning. She would have rolled her eyes if her head didn’t hurt so much, but she humoured him. She raised her hand to his and lightly slapped it in a high five to tag him in.  


Chat grinned and turned to face Brawler, “A new challenger has appeared!”

Chat faired better at this style of combat than her. Brawler had rushed him as she had earlier with Ladybug, but Chat’s response was fast as he countered her punch and was able to knock away the incoming fist. Where Brawler was heavy handed, Chat was agile. He could block and dodge her strikes, sometimes even managing to slip in a few attacks of his own. But it wasn’t enough. Even with his enhanced strength through the Miraculous, his punches and kicks barely affected Brawler. If anything, taking the hits only got her more thrilled and her onslaught became more erratic. Chat continued his defense but he was wearing out and her punches were starting to slip through. He tried to use his superior speed against her and went in for a leg sweep, but Brawler managed to avoid falling to the ground and back flipped away.

Ladybug was stuck. Her head throbbed from hitting it on the ground earlier and her ankle pulsed in torment. She could feel her rising desperation as she still couldn’t figure out where the akuma could be. She could only guess at maybe the shoes or the hand wraps, but there were two each of those and no way to determine which one would be right. She tried to focus on the fight. The akuma had to be found soon as Chat Noir couldn’t last forever.

But then she noticed the inconsistency. Whenever Chat managed to make a strike, Brawler would block or dodge. But when the strike was aimed at her head Brawler would actively knock his attack away. Like she didn’t want his hand near her head.

_ The ribbon in her hair. _

It had to be.

Having figured it out, Ladybug was about to call out to Chat when Brawler turned the fight. Chat had gone in with a fast jab, but at the last second she had hit back to cast his fist aside. The force of it brought one of his arms away from his body and left him exposed. Brawler went in hard for the counter. She struck hard into his shoulder, causing him to stumble back. Building momentum, her next strike went to his stomach followed by bringing her elbow hard into his back as he fell forward.

“Chat!” Ladybug cried as he hit the floor.

Brawler paused a moment, apparently enjoying it as Chat coughed and sputtered at her feet. She reached down to Chat who was trying to get up. Ladybug made to run forward, but as soon as she put weight on her affected ankle she fell to her knees. She could only watch as Brawler grabbed the back of his head. With disgusting force, Brawler slammed his head into the ground.

Ladybug brought her hands to her mouth to suppress her scream. Brawler seemed unmoved by what they had just done. She lifted his head again to inspect the damage dealt. Ladybug could see the blood that was now soaking into his hair.

“Shame, I was expecting more.” Brawler shrugged as they let him fall to the floor again.

Ladybug could feel panic rising within her. She had to fix it. She had to fix  _ him _ .   
She scrambled for her yo-yo and called for her Lucky Charm. Brawler was now turning their focus to her as an item fell into her hands. She didn't care what it was as she needed to quickly call on her Miraculous Ladybug. But Brawler jolting made her stop.

Ladybug blinked away tears as she looked at Brawler. Her eyes travelled down to their leg where it had been grabbed by Chat Noir.

“I haven’t tapped out yet.” he hissed.

Blood was trickling down his face, but from the glare in his eyes Ladybug knew he wasn’t done fighting. Swallowing her fear and panic she looked again at her Lucky Charm, a pair of oven mitts, before casting her eye around for anything to become illuminated to her. The mitts. Her yo-yo. Brawler’s hands. Chat’s Cataclysm.

Brawler let Chat struggle to his feet, apparently finding amusement in his defiance.

“Chat!” Ladybug called to him as she hurled the oven mitts to him.

“Am I too hot to handle?” he chuckled despite the situation.

“ _ Block _ .” She directed, hoping he would catch her meaning.

His cat ears flicked as he considered her instruction, but he seemed to understand.

He turned to Brawler, “Round two?”

Brawler smirked, “Now you’re talking.”

Chat brought up his arms defensively just as Brawler started throwing her punches again. Blood had trailed its way down Chat’s face, making it impossible for him to open his left eye so his reactions were awkward and sluggish. Holding the oven mitts in his hands didn’t make it any easier, but he endured the barrage that Brawler sent forth.   
Ladybug drew the string for her yo-yo and was poised and ready. She trusted Chat to find the moment so she had to be ready to follow up.   
The moment came.

Chat managed to bait Brawler into throwing a punch, which he met by dodging and slipping one of the mitts over her hand. Before Brawler could process what he’d just done, her other hand was caught in the second mitt. Ladybug reacted instantly. She threw out her yo-yo and pulled it back sharply so that it looped around Brawler. With her hands covered, Brawler couldn’t grab the yo-yo as before and quickly became ensnared in its string.

“The ribbon!” Ladybug yelled.

Chat slipped the ribbon from Brawler’s hair and disintegrated it with his Cataclysm. Relief flooded Ladybug as the familiar black butterfly rose from the ribbon’s remains. She released her yo-yo from Brawler to cast it out and purify the akuma.

With the akuma dealt with, Ladybug limped her way over to Chat Noir and a now placid Brawler. She couldn’t bring herself to look at his bloodied face and how a section of his blond hair had become matte red. She picked up her Lucky Charm so she could call on her power.

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

The red wash of ladybugs rushed the area. The damaged building quickly restored and Ladybug could feel the pain in her ankle melt away and the throbbing of her head clear.

“I just wanted them to take me seriously.” a small voice sniffled next to her.

Brawler had returned to being a normal young woman now. She was looking up at the heroic duo with regretful eyes.

“Who?” Chat asked.

Out of the corner of her eye, Ladybug was relieved to see he was no longer bleeding.

“The guys at the Mixed Martial Arts Club. They say girls have no business fighting. That I should cut my hair since it just gets in the way.”

“Well I can tell you, you’re a scary fighter.” Chat laughed lightly as he returned the ribbon to her, “I’m sure you fight better than most of them.”

She gratefully accepted her ribbon and set about tying her hair back up. When she was done she looked at them with determination.

“Yeah!” she shouted, “I’m going to be persistent. I’ll show them not to underestimate me.”

Ladybug and Chat watched as the girl left, assuring them she was going to challenge all those who doubted her to a match to prove them wrong. The fight now over and the akuma dealt with, they were left alone.

“I’m sorry.” Chat said softly, “You got hurt because I wasn’t there to protect you.”

Ladybug turned to him, feeling a knot of frustration in her stomach, “Why are you sorry for me? Be sorry for yourself! You had to cover my weaknesses  _ again _ . I couldn’t do anything to stop when you - when you…”

She trailed off as she looked into his eyes. His verdant gaze was soft and sad. She found herself reaching up to his forehead and brushing away his blond locks as though to check the injury had really gone. Chat seemed unsure about her action, but held himself still as she gently ran her fingers over his skin before running them through his hair.

“I can’t do this without you.” she whispered, “It’s too much for me to protect everyone alone. I need you there to support me. And that doesn’t mean I want you to get hurt for my sake. I hate it when you take the damage on my behalf.”

Chat gave a wry smile, “The world will go on without me, My Lady. I only bring about destruction. You’re the one with the capability to solve whatever Hawkmoth throws our way. Your safety will always be my priority.”

Ladybug felt a hot flash of anger. She withdrew her hand from him and glared.

“Why are you like that?” she snapped, “One minute cracking jokes, then the next have a self sacrifice complex.”

Chat winced, his cat ears falling back flat against his head, “I’m just saying that you’re the more important one here.”

“And I hate it when you do that! You place so much importance in me but none for yourself.”

“Of course you’re more important to me than anything. Even myself. I love-”

“Yes, you  _ love _ me. You say that but then you disregard my feelings. I don’t want to see you get hurt. I never do. But then you always take the hit when I tell you not to.”

Ladybug breathed heavily from the overflow of emotion. Chat was staring back at her wide-eyed. After a moment he looked away, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find words.

A shrill beeping from his ring and her earrings alerted their Miraculous timers. Ladybug pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to let her frustration go for the moment. They’d have to continue this later.

“Patrol. Tonight.” she told him, “I’m not finished being mad at you.”

Chat nodded reluctantly before backing away. He paused a moment, as though he still wanted to say something. The words didn’t come though. He turned and extended his baton, before leaping away and leaving her alone.

* * *

The nausea had returned as Adrien stood in the school courtyard some time after the akuma attack. Morning classes had been completely upturned after the events of that morning, but as Ladybug had caught the akuma and restored everything classes were on as normal after lunch. He looked anxiously to the upper floor where the classroom was. He didn’t feel at all prepared to enter that room. But if he was absent, it would make its way back to his father that he’d skipped classes. That was something his father could easily use against him if he wanted.

_ If you’re going to skip you might as well go back to being homeschooled. _

Adrien bit his lip. He was sure he didn’t want to return to that. It didn’t stop him from being afraid though. It was almost certain that Lila would be there, and he dreaded to think what story she’d fed the class. Marinette, Nino and Alya… Would they believe Lila? He knew Marinette believed her to be a liar, but the truth of that matter was that Adrien had really thrown Lila to the floor. The small truth at the centre of whatever fabrication Lila wanted to make.   
To make matters worse Ladybug was now angry with him - with Chat Noir - as well. He’d tried to explain his actions to her, his intentions and feelings, but she didn’t believe him.

“I keep screwing it all up.” he muttered.

“Nothing’s going to change if you keep standing here, kid.” Plagg responded from his usual hiding spot.

“What do you think I should do about Ladybug?”

“Bring her the finest cheese and beg for forgiveness.”

“And Lila?”

“Claw her eyes out.”

Adrien let out a small, dry laugh. He sometimes wished he could have Plagg’s laid back outlook on everything. He took a deep breath and made his way to the classroom.

Adrien’s heartbeat became more turbulent as he stood in the doorway of the classroom. It was as if his appearance had caused all action to cease as everyone there was now staring at him. In some expressions he could read disappointment. He struggled to control his breathing as he focused on just getting to his seat. Just as he’d reached it he was stopped by someone sitting down on his desk.

“I was getting worried, Adrien.” Lila cooed, “When you didn’t turn up this morning I thought you must still be mad at me.”

Adrien paled. He could feel all eyes on him. He had to proceed carefully, as it was obvious his next actions would be judged. He held fast to his perfected facade. He couldn’t falter here.

“I’m not mad Lila.” he held his voice steady, “I’m the one who should be apologising. I’m sorry for what happened yesterday. It was an accident and I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Lila flashed a wicked smile before returning to her well practiced innocent persona, “Oh, that’s okay! I shouldn’t have teased you like that, knowing that you have a crush on me.”

Adrien winced. She’d told everyone that he had a crush on her. He felt absolutely disgusted. He couldn’t find a way to respond to that.

Lila hummed as she slid off his desk and landed with a little bounce.

“I’ll forgive you.” she giggled, “But first a hug to make up. That’s what friends do after all.”

Adrien had to steady himself against the desk as she stood opposite him. She’d trapped him. He couldn’t refuse her request, otherwise he’d look like a selfish jerk. She wouldn't let him have a choice here.   
He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. Lila grinned and stepped into his space with her arms reaching out. He leaned down to her for a loose embrace but she snaked her hands around his neck and pulled him in tight. He could feel her nails digging in. She was too close and his head was spinning.

“What’s going on?”

Adrien was overcome with relief as Lila pulled back, though her hands remained on his shoulders. Looking behind him, he could see Nino, Alya and Marinette had just entered the room. It was Nino who had spoken and was now looking quizzically at them.

“A hug to make up.” Lila smiled, “We’re friends again.”

Adrien couldn’t say anything or even look properly at his friends. He was putting all of his focus into holding himself steady under Lila’s grasp. He felt like he was going to be sick again. Like the white noise was going to come back.  
Suddenly he felt a hand slip into his. It surprised him as it was so different to Lila’s talons in his shoulders. This hand was small and delicate, gently clasping his. He looked down next to him and was met with bluebell eyes. For a moment he forgot Lila’s iron grip, lost in the gaze that was just like an open sky.   
_ Marinette. _

He could feel her eyes searching his. He vainly hoped that his didn’t betray the fluctuating feelings inside him. Lila’s hands clutched tighter into him. She’d noticed Marinette had taken his hand.

“I’m going to take Adrien to the nurse’s office.” Marinette said softly without taking her gaze off him, “He doesn’t look well.”

He found himself unable to look away from her as well. There was a moment of solace in those perfect blue eyes. Through his numbness he was vaguely aware of her tugging at his hand. Again Lila’s hands tightened, but as he followed Marinette in slow steps the grip on his shoulders was released.

Lila slapped on a fake smile, “Oh, hope you’re feeling okay Adrien.”

Adrien's eyes remained focused on Marinette as she led him out of the room. It felt as though if he were to look away, she’d disappear and he’d fall back into drowning. She continued to tenderly hold his hand as they walked through the school to their destination. Everything within him desperately wanted to hold her hand back. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll get there eventually Adrien. There will be so much hand holding I swear. Eventually.
> 
> There's more fluff soon I promise.


	8. Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien spend a moment alone together. Marinette tests the distance between them.

Marinette’s heart dropped hard when she entered the classroom. It felt like it had pretty much fallen out of her chest completely and was flailing desperately on the floor. Lila and Adrien stood before her in a hug. If it could even be called that. Lila had her arms around his neck and was pulling him into her. One of Adrien’s arms held loose around her waist while his free hand held the corner of the nearby desk in a white knuckled grip. Lila’s venomous eyes looked over his shoulder at Marinette, like a predator challenging her to take her prey.

“What’s going on?” Nino asked as he came in behind her.

He and Alya also looked shocked at the sight that greeted them. Lila slid off from Adrien, but still kept her hands on his shoulders. As she moved back the arm that Adrien had embraced her with returned to his side.

“A hug to make up.” she said with a ridiculously innocent smile, “We’re friends again.”

Now that Lila wasn’t coiled around Adrien, Marinette caught a glimpse of his face. All colour was drained from him and his eyes flickered uneasily. Something was _wrong_.

Without thinking Marinette strode forward. As though it were the most fragile thing, she slipped her fingers around his free hand. She blanked Lila completely, instead looking up to meet his gaze as he turned to her. His eyes ceased their avoidance as he stared down directly at her. She could feel the faint trembling in his hand.

Marinette didn’t look away as she spoke, “I’m going to take Adrien to the nurse’s office. He doesn’t look well.”

She tentatively held his hand a little tighter, bringing it towards her in an indication to follow. Still watching her, he obliged. Marinette could have sworn she heard Lila click her tongue but she ignored it.

Lila plastered on another disgustingly fake smile as she released his shoulders, “Oh, hope you’re feeling okay Adrien.” 

The nurse’s office in the school could hardly be called that. Since it was a small school it was more of a glorified first aid room as there was no designated nurse. Instead one of the staff with first aid training was to be alerted if someone was hurt or unwell.  
The room itself was small and square with one large window. A single bed was pushed against the windowed wall, while a sink and small locked medicine cabinet were on the wall perpendicular.   
Marinette was relieved to find it empty when she opened the door. She was still holding Adrien’s hand and he followed wordlessly as she pulled him into the room.

“Do you want to sit down?” she asked quietly.

Her eyes shifted from her as he slowly registered her words. Had he been looking at her this whole time? Marinette tried to control the blush rising in her cheeks at the thought.  
With a small nod he slipped his hand from hers and sat down on the bed. She couldn’t help how her heart sank as his warmth left her fingers. She clasped her hands together to try and make up for the absence she now felt.

“Do you want some water?” she asked.

He shook his head. Marinette didn’t know what to do. Had it been Nino or Alya sitting in front of her, she would know how to cheer them up. In fact, with most people she believed she could at least attempt to comfort them if they were upset. But this was Adrien. She’d known him for years now and had a crush on him all that time. And yet she was at a loss.

“What…” his voice was hoarse as he spoke, “What did Lila tell everyone?”

Marinette frowned, “What does it matter? I don’t believe her. Nino and Alya don’t believe her either.”

“Just tell me.”

She sat down beside him and tried to read his expression. His eyes darted away from her whenever she tried so she instead looked down. His hand rested on his knee as his fingers tapped in a rhythm.

_I wonder what song he plays,_ Marinette thought as she remembered Chat Noir shared the same habit.

“She said that you had a crush on her.” she whispered, “That you told her to kiss you for the camera. And when she refused you knocked her down.”

Adrien let out a shuddering sigh. His hands balled into fists.

“I don’t believe a word of it.” Marinette continued, “I know you, and you wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

“But I did.” He croaked.

“What?”

“I pushed her over.”

Marinette looked to his pale face but his expression remained unreadable.

She hummed thoughtfully, “I’m sure it was an accident. Or you had a very good reason. You’re allowed to have boundaries Adrien and react when people don’t respect them.”

He laughed dryly, “It doesn’t really work that way when you’re modelling. You’re there to sell an illusion of something. It doesn’t work if the models can’t cooperate. It can get really uncomfortable.”

Marinette’s eyes widened as he spoke. She had caught a glimpse of something. Whether Adrien had intended it or not she wasn’t sure, but he’d opened up something to her. In all the years she’d known him he’d always been polite to a fault, rarely complaining about anything. Yet now the door between them had opened a crack as he’d indicated something hidden behind his perfect persona. Adrien _didn’t like_ modelling.

Marinette chewed her lip as she chose her next words carefully. If she went about this right, then maybe he would let her in. She wanted to know his true thoughts and feelings, and what he needed to be comforted. She wanted to fall in love with him properly and not be stuck on just a crush.

“Do you want to stop modelling?” she asked quietly.

“It’s not as simple as just stopping.” he scoffed, “Especially when my father wants me to be his own poster child.”

“But you’re not okay with that?”

Adrien hesitated before answering, “It’s fine. I’m fine. I can deal with it.”

“How can you be okay to just _deal with it_?”

Her heart stopped as the words tumbled out of her mouth. Perhaps that was pushing too far and she wished she could take them back.  
Adrien turned to look at her for the first time since he let go of her hand. His features were soft and he had a small smile, a real one so unlike the fixed ones in the magazines. She lowered her face to try and hide her blush.  
His answer was carefree, “Because I have something.”

Marinette watched with curiosity as he searched his pocket. She held her breath as he brought out something and lifted it up for her to see. A series of coloured beads on a red string.

She gasped, “Isn't that…”

“The lucky charm you gave me.”

“I can’t believe you still have it. I thought it had gotten broken or lost.”

Adrien sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, “Of course I kept it. It was one of the first gifts I’d received from a friend. It got broken a few times but I managed to fix it.”

Now that she looked closer, Marinette could see that the sting was slightly different from the one she remembered and that one or two of the beads showed signs of having been glued back together. She felt her blush deepen as the butterflies inside her danced elaborately.

“I always have it on me.” he continued, “It’s reassuring to carry a bit of luck”

_He’s held onto it all this time…_

Marinette let out a small giggle, “I guess that makes me feel better that I still carry this around.”

She turned around to open her purse, careful to hide it from view so that he wouldn’t see Tikki there. The kwami was beaming up at her as she withdrew an item, closing the purse again after. As Adrien had done, she held it up for him to see. His eyes widened when he recognised it. Marinette couldn’t help but notice the slight tint appear on his cheeks. It was also a series of coloured beads on a red string.

“That’s the one I made you.” he said, his embarrassment obvious.

“What? You didn’t think I’d keep it?”

“It’s not really high quality. It looks worse than I remember. Like a child made it.”

Marinette held it defensively to her chest, “I don’t care. It’s precious to me because you made it.”

He blinked at her as she realised what she just said. She could feel her face go bright crimson.

“N-No! What I mean is - is that…!” she stammered out, “You’re a friend. An important friend. Of course I keep gifts from friends!”

She was flustering now and couldn’t control her words properly.

_I’m such an idiot,_ she thought to herself.

A sound made her pause. Quiet a first but rising like gentle music. It was Adrien. He was laughing. Marinette stilled. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was laughing into the back of his hand in an attempt to suppress it. But it was there. She could hear it.

“Are you laughing at me?” she asked deadpanned.

He was still chuckling, “No, I just found it a little funny. An incredible future fashion designer carrying around something so crappy looking.”

“It doesn’t look that bad! I happen to like how it looks.”

Marinette couldn’t bring herself to be mad though at him as he sniggered away. She could only smile as Chat’s words echoed back to her.

_Make him laugh._

Marinette kept smiling as he got over his giggle fit. She was finally seeing a little more of him but still wanted to know more about him. She wanted to know what worried him so much and how she could console him. A question came to her that she assumed was innocent enough.

“Why were you late this morning?”

“That’s…” he started normally but quickly trailed off.

Regret hit her hard as his expression shifted. His eyes looked away with a flash of uncertainty.

_No. No no no no. Please don’t!_

When he looked back at her she felt her heart break. He was smiling, but it was a fixed perfect smile. Just like the magazines.

His voice was toneless, “It was nothing.”

The door between them had slammed shut.

* * *

“Are you laughing at me?”

Adrien couldn’t stop himself from laughing as Marinette tried to hold a straight face. There was something undeniably cute about the bubbly girl being so serious. He tried to control himself so he could speak properly.

“No, I just found it a little funny. An incredible future fashion designer carrying around something so crappy looking.”

“It doesn’t look that bad! I happen to like how it looks.”

He was sure she was just saying that to spare his feelings. Still he couldn’t help but laugh the image of Marinette decked out in designer clothes but then with a completely out of place and very homemade looking beaded charm. It had made his heart skip a beat though when she revealed that she not only still had it, but carried it around in her purse all the time. It helped him feel less childish about doing the same with the charm she had given him so long ago.

Adrien normally found being left alone with Marinette awkward as he didn’t know how to talk with her. In that moment he was seeing a little of the person all of their friends got to see on a daily basis. He couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. Why had it been so hard for them to find common ground?

“Why were you late this morning?” Marinette asked casually.

“That’s...”

He could feel himself freeze. That was why he couldn’t connect with her. He was scared of her. Scared of how kind, compassionate and personable she was. His defenses that kept everything walled in didn’t feel steady when her bluebell eyes looked at him with such honesty.  
He remembered that morning. The conversation with his father. How he’d struggled to compose himself so much that his bodyguard had to come bring him to the car. Then either from the building anxiety of facing people at school or becoming motion sick in the car, he had to have them pull over so he could retch at the side of the road. He had still felt nauseated when he eventually did arrive at the school, only to find it half destroyed from an akuma. With a crowd already gathering to spectate and him so unsteady on his feet, it had been hard to find somewhere to transform safely. And then Ladybug. He’d disappointed her. She was mad at him.   
  


So much ran through his mind like a broken film reel. It all centred on one thing. He was, to his very core, weak. Marinette was now looking at him with such obvious concern. He had to tighten his resolve. He didn’t want her to see it. Instead he smiled at her as he always did to cover himself.

He did his best to keep his voice steady, “It was nothing.”

She didn’t seem to believe him, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find words. But he wouldn’t let her. If he did his defensives might crumble entirely.

“I’m feeling better now.” he said as he stood up, “Thank you, Marinette. But we should go back to class.”

He wasn’t entirely lying. The time spent with her had calmed him. He still felt exhausted but he was able to breathe again. The invisible marks Lila had carved into him had faded some, and the thoughts that threatened to drown his mind had receded. He wanted to stay there longer, to stay with Marinette. But she would reach out in her tender hearted way, and he refused to let himself burden her with his scars. She didn’t deserve to be hurt on his account.

“Let’s go.” he directed as he opened the door.

The heavy weight returned to his chest as he looked back to her still sitting on the bed. He couldn’t see any tears from her eyes. However it looked like with her entire being, right through to her soul, she was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have more fluff, and not sad fluff I swear!


	9. Rend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette doesn't know how to deal with the distance between her and Adrien and looks for advice.  
> Ladybug and Chat Noir have a small heart to heart.

Marinette and Adrien had walked back to the classroom in silence. It was completely different to how they’d been a short time before. She’d held his hand and they’d laughed together. But she had pushed him without fully realising and he again closed off to her.  
She watched him as he walked a few steps ahead of her. Her eyes travelled from the nape of his neck and across his broad shoulders. She’d never thought it would hurt so much to see someone from behind, for them to have turned their back on her. Her gaze settled on his hand. She wanted to hold it again. She reached out but stopped short. Her trembling heart told her he would pull away if she tried. So her hand fell to her side.

Adrien opened the door for her as they entered the classroom. She said nothing as he apologised on their behalf to the teacher and went straight for her seat when the excuse was accepted.

Alya looked to her with clear confusion as Marinette sat down.

“Is everything okay?” Alya whispered.

“I don’t know.” Marinette admitted.

She could see in front of her that Nino was also quietly talking to Adrien, but she couldn’t hear what was being said between them. Even though he was sitting right there, it felt like there was a massive fissure between them now.

The afternoon passed slowly. Marinette couldn’t focus on the lessons as now and then her stomach would twist or her heart would pang. Occasionally Alya would gently stroke her hand to comfort her. She was so glad that her best friend was trying to console her, despite not knowing why Marinette was upset. At the end of class her notes were mostly blank apart for the occasional illegible scribble.

“I’ll lend you mine.” Alya told her with a squeeze of her hand.

Marinette mumbled her thanks.  
With class finished, Adrien quickly stood up and grabbed his bag. Making vague excuses about getting to one of his extracurriculars he hastily made for the door. Marinette watched him go. Lila was about to follow him but was quickly blocked by Chloe at the door as the blonde girl firmly placed her arm across the threshold. The warning glare Chloe had chilled Marinette, even though it was clearly directed at Lila. After a moment Chloe turned and left, leaving Lila to look around to see if anyone had noticed. It seemed Marinette had been the only one to really pay attention. Lila gave a dissatisfied sneer before also passing through the door.

“So you want to talk about what happened?” Nino asked as he stood up from his desk.

“Nino!” Alya scolded, “You’re being insensitive.”

“What? Something must have happened. Adrien went from shut down mode earlier to picture perfect Agreste after you guys came back.”

“Nino, shut up. You’re not helping.”

“Oh, sorry.”

Alya took up Marinette’s hands in hers, “Nino does have a point though. We’re here for you girl. Whatever you need.”

Marinette hesitated but felt the need to know, “Does Adrien hate me?”

Alya went wide eyed, “No, of course not! N-Nino help me out here, you would know.”

Nino was also shocked, “No way, Mari! Why would you think that? He finds you tolerable.”

“Nino!”

“Shit - what I meant to say Mari was - Adrien he - he’s awkward around you.”

Alya was spitting fire now, “Nino, _shut up_. That’s not helping.”

“I’m trying to explain it!” Nino snapped back, “If he didn’t like her then all he’d do around her is painfully plain small talk. It’s not fun to be around him like that, it’s like he’s reading from a script.”

Marinette stared at Nino, trying to process what he was telling her.

Nino pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to put words to what he was thinking, “I don’t think he dislikes you, Mari. Dude is a little lacking in the communication department is all. I think the only person I’ve known him to dislike is Lila, and that’s because he avoids her whenever he can.”

Alya hummed thoughtfully, “I can agree with you on that point. What was up with that hug earlier? It made _me_ feel uncomfortable just to look at.”

“I don’t know. There’s something going on between them for sure. Though I doubt it’s Adrien having a crush. He hasn’t shown any real interest in a girl since Kagami.”

They fell silent at the mention of her. Two years ago Kagami and Adrien had a brief relationship that ended so suddenly. No one knew exactly why, though it seemed that they’d had some sort of argument. There had been a certain tension between them since then and they’d refused to talk about it.  
Marinette thought about Kagami for a moment. It had been a while since she’d spoken with her friend. Last year she’d taken off to study abroad for a time. They’d kept in contact through video chats and messengers though they only spoke properly every once in a while.

 _I should message her,_ Marinette thought to herself, _She was always good with level-headed advice._

That evening Marinette sat at her desk in her room. She’d just had dinner with parents and informed them she would be doing homework for the rest of the night. In actual fact she would soon be going out to meet Chat Noir for patrol. She frowned as she thought how to react when she saw him. Her anger at him from earlier had since fizzled out. Her emotions were more focused on what had happened that day with Adrien. She didn’t have the energy to be mad at her partner as well.

“Just talk to him like always.” Tikki advised, “Chat’s not the type to get mad at you over a disagreement.”

“I was a little harsh on him though.” Marinette sighed.

“Then apologise. You two have been through a lot, so you can overcome this too.”

“I’ll just do this first and then we’ll go.”

Marinette scrolled through her phone until she found what she was looking for.  
Kagami’s contact.

She had to think for a minute, writing and rewriting her message a few times until she was satisfied with it.

**Marinette: Hey Kagami long time no see! been a while - let’s call and catch up sometime <3  
**

The message was sent. She knew Kagami probably wouldn’t see it for a while, so Marinette set her phone down.

“Let’s go, Tikki. Spots on!”

The red wash of magic covered her and Ladybug let out a sigh. She climbed out of her skylight window and onto the balcony. She breathed in the night air and relished the coolness of it. For now, her muddled emotions had to be put to the side. She still felt like crying but she told herself it would have to wait. Right now she needed to talk to Chat and apologise.

It was only a few short minutes of building hopping before Ladybug arrived at their usual rooftop meeting point. Chat Noir was already there waiting, sitting at the edge with his legs swinging out in front of him. Ladybug landed next to him and he looked up to her with a shy smile. He’d evidently heard her coming as he wasn’t surprised by her appearance.

“Nice of you to drop by.” He chuckled.

Ladybug rolled her eyes but stopped when she saw he was holding something. Between his clawed fingers he was delicately fidgeting with a red rose. She pretended to not notice the blush under his mask when he saw her looking.

“Oh, this is for you.” he said sheepishly as he held it out to her, “An apology for earlier.”

She sat down next to him and gently took the flower, “It’s beautiful. Thank you. Though I’m the one who should apologise.”

“You don’t need to apologise to me, My Lady.”

“No, I do. I was harsh and disregarded your...feelings for me. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Chat gave her a crooked grin, “My feelings for you are stronger than that. You don’t need to worry about me changing my mind that easily.”

“Even so, just because I don’t love you the same way doesn’t mean I don’t care about you Kitty. Since Hawkmoth was able to find out the identities of the other Miraculous holders I’ve had to get by without them. I have to protect them, as well as the Miracle Box.”

Ladybug paused a moment to measure his reaction. Chat was anxiously waving his tail and she wondered briefly how he did that.

She continued, “All I have is you. But it always was you and me against the world, right Kitty? I wouldn’t want anyone else for a partner. And I want my partner to make it to the end with me, alive and unharmed.”

Chat was staring at her in astonishment. His catlike eyes were trained on her, as though it was taking time for him to process her words.

She giggled, “Don’t tell me cat got your tongue.”

Amazement filled his eyes as he gasped, “You _punned_!”

“Did I?”

“You made a joke!”

She tapped her chin in mock thought, “I don’t think I did.”

“So My Lady has a sense of humour after all.”

She smiled while he snickered to himself. The tension between them from earlier had dissolved.

“Anyway Kitty, this is meant to be a patrol. Let’s go.”

“A game of cat and mouse?”

“If you can even catch me.”

She didn’t give him a chance to respond before casting out her yo-yo and springing away.

Ladybug led him over the Parisian rooftops in a series of vaults and sprints. For a time she could forget her distress as Marinette. It was just her and Chat Noir as they chased each other around the city like excitable children. Thankfully the evening was quiet so nothing could interrupt their leisure. As was traditional with their patrols, they finished upon the Eiffel Tower. They sat high up where it was quiet and no one would see them.

“I think I won.” Chat Noir gasped as he caught his breath.

“Nope.” Ladybug was also breathless after their intense run, “You caught me three times, but I got you four.”

“Pretty sure that’s wrong.”

“I’ll permit you a rematch sometime.”

He smiled as he pushed his hair out of his face. In the low light his eyes glowed and she couldn’t help but be fascinated by them.

“Feeling better?” he asked suddenly.

His question caught her off guard and her face showed it.

He rubbed the back of his neck, “You were looking a little down when you arrived earlier. Was something bothering you?”

Ladybug twirled the rose he’d given her in his fingers. She’d been careful to hold it close so that it wouldn’t get damaged during their game.

“Just a hard day in my civilian life.” she murmured.

Chat slid a little closer to her, bending his head round to see her downcast expression.

His green eyes were warm as he looked at her, “I’ll listen if you want to talk.”

“I can’t really tell you about it. It’s civilian stuff so…”

“Secret identities. I get it. But I’m here if you need it.”

Ladybug chewed her bottom lip. She could talk to him as long as she was vague, right?

“It’s just frustrating.” her voice trembled and she found herself letting it out, “Having someone right there that you want to talk to - that you want to help because they’re hurting. But you say or do the wrong thing. And then they push you away and you don’t even know why.”

Chat listened carefully, his cat ears twitching as she spoke.

She blinked away tears, “Sorry it probably sounds really dumb.”

He leaned back on his hands as he looked out across the city, “Not really. Of course you’d want to help someone who’s hurting. That’s just who you are, LB. But you have to understand that not everyone _wants_ to be helped.”

“That just sounds like they’re being selfish.”

“Some people would say you’re selfish for thinking you can save everyone.”

Ladybug felt irritated by his comment, “You think I’m being selfish?”

He looked at her for a moment before answering, “I don’t think you’re selfish. I just think you care deeply about those in your life. There’s nothing wrong in that. It’s one of the many reasons I love you.”

She frowned. It always frustrated her a little how easily he could say he loved her. Really she was frustrated with a lot of things. How she couldn’t get close to Adrien. Lila being a manipulative liar as always. Chat always been laid back about everything. Her need to do everything right and protect everyone.

Ladybug stood up suddenly. Chat’s eyes followed her in confusion. She clenched her fists and took a deep breath. And screamed. All her frustration, anger and sadness packed into one long scream.  
Chat was staring at her, his eyes rounded in surprise and his mouth open. He didn’t say anything. Just watching her until she was done.

She sank down again to sit, catching her breath.

Chat brought his hand to his mouth in an attempt to hide his awe, “What...what was that?”

She pouted, “I was annoyed and wanted to let it out.”

“That’s not how I imagined I’d get you to scream.”

“Get your head out of the gutter, you filthy cat.”

He let out a small laugh, “So that’s what you do when you’re annoyed?”

“Just when I’m upset enough to let it out. It helps sometimes. Especially when yelling into a pillow doesn’t cut it. No one would notice from all the way up here anyway.”

Chat hummed thoughtfully. She thought he was going to make some more fun of her but he didn’t.

“Okay then.” he said as he got to his feet.

Ladybug raised her eyebrow, unsure of what he was doing. He breathed in. Her heart started hammering in her chest. He was screaming it out just as she had done. His voice was deep and strained, but held so much heavy emotion that Ladybug didn’t know how to take in. She wasn’t sure how she’d sounded to him moments before, but she was certain it was nothing like the cry his voice came out as. There was something primal and exposed in it.  
She couldn’t take her eyes off him as his voice died away. Her face was flushed as he stood panting for breath.

He crouched next to her with a smirk, “How was that?”

Ladybug snapped her head away to try and hide her reddening cheeks, “I didn’t expect you to do that.”

“Did I take My Lady from screaming to breathless?” 

“Ugh, stupid cat.”

He laughed as she punched him lightly in the shoulder. She smiled back at his cheerful self, completely different from the raw cry he’d just made. She didn’t completely understand him all the time, but she was glad to be with him there at that moment. It was a relief to have someone who didn’t know the full extent of her problems and yet was able to be patient with her and offer some small comfort.

Ladybug stood up and stretched, “We should probably head home.”

Chat straightened himself as well, “Is there a way I can convince you to stay a little longer purrhaps?”

“Come on now, Kitty. We need to get sleep when we can. Never know when Hawkmoth will send one of his 3am akumas.”

“Fair point. Until next time then.”

As always, Chat took her hand and softly brushed his lips against her knuckles. Her heart raced as she remembered when he’d kissed her in a similar way when she was Marinette. She hadn’t expected a man’s lips to be as soft and gentle as he was with her. She found herself almost bothered that she was in her suit and couldn’t feel the full effect of his kiss.

He winked as he pulled away, “Goodnight, My Lady.”

With her hand released she brought it to her chest to try and contain her somersaulting heart.

“Goodnight Kitty.”

He left with his usual two-fingered salute, leaping away down the Eiffel Tower and into the night. Ladybug remained a bit longer, savouring the warmth in her chest. She lifted the rose he had given her and softly brushed her fingertips over its petals.

_I wonder when he’ll next visit Marinette…_

Marinette’s heart felt a little lighter as she plopped down onto her desk chair. She was still depressed over what had happened with Adrien, but the time spent with Chat had soothed her some. She placed the rose she’d received into a small vase on her desk. He’d given her a number of roses over the years and while she’d always been subdued in her reaction to getting them, she secretly looked forward to it.  
Her phone vibrated on her desk, signalling a received message. She was confused as it was late. Who was messaging her at this time? She froze as she read the message on the screen.

**Kagami: Hello Marinette. I am free now if you wish to talk.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nino is hopeless in an emotional situation. At least he has Alya to keep him right.
> 
> Yes Kagami will be making an appearance~


	10. Staccato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette asks Kagami about the past.  
> Adrien has another bad night.

“Hello Marinette. It’s good to see you.” Kagami greeted as soon as the call connected.

“Hi Kagami, it's been a while.” Marinette responded as she lay back on her bed.

Her phone was held in front of her so she could see the video call. From the glimpses she could see in the background, Kagami seemed to also be in her own bedroom.

“I apologise for the hour.” Kagami said as she sat down in a chair, “It must be late there.”

“It’s fine. It’s early there isn’t it?”

“I’m an early riser, Marinette.”

There was a slight playfulness in her tone that made Marinette smile back. Kagami still had a very formal way of speaking, but since they grew closer as friends her expressions and gestures had become warmer.

“How’s Hokkaido?” she asked.

Kagami looked thoughtful for a moment, “It’s been going well with my extended family. I’m excelling in my studies as expected. I do miss you and the others though. I’d like to request that we go for ice cream when I return.”

“Of course, we’ll get everyone together and hang out.”

Kagami appeared satisfied with that answer. She seemed to consider something for a moment as she adjusted her position, bringing her knees up to her chin.

“That’s not what you wanted to ask me though, is it?”

“What? I can’t ask you how things are going, Kagami?”

“Please, you know I hate small talk and you’re awful at it.”

Marinette was a little taken aback by her bluntness before reminding herself that her friend was always like this. She was also still incredibly perceptive as she was right.

“There is something I wanted to ask.” Marinette nervously played with one of the ears of her large cat pillow, “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“You are my friend, Marinette. I’ll answer as best i can.”

She took a deep breath, “H-How did you and Adrien...Why did you break up?”

Kagami was silent. It felt like her brown eyes were burning through the screen.

Marinette panicked, “N-Nevermind! It’s okay - forget I asked. I know it’s a sensitive subject and I shouldn’t have-”

“I was wondering when you were going to ask me that.”

Her brain stalled, “What...what?”

“I’ve known that you liked Adrien for a long time. I had wondered if you would pursue him after our relationship ended.”

“P-Pursue? No, I...Kagami you’re my friend. I wouldn’t have done that after you two broke up.”

Kagami hummed thoughtfully as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear. Her face was unreadable. Marinette felt guilty for asking this of her.

“I appreciate your concern. But what happened between Adrien and I is in the past. You have my support to move forward as you want.”

“Thank you but that’s kind of a problem right now. I don’t know how to go forward.”

A hint of surprise crossed Kagami’s face. Her warm brown eyes blinked as she contemplated for a moment before a sad smile appeared.

“He’s still so indecisive.” she murmured.

“I think I upset him.” Marinette confessed, “And I don’t know how to fix it. I thought maybe since you two were close…”

Kagami fixed her with a hard stare before answering, “I’ll tell you this because you’re my friend Marinette, and I understand your feelings. Were this a few years ago or someone else I wouldn’t be saying this.”

Marinette tensed at Kagami becoming so serious. She could only nod in response.

Kagami looked up, as though deep in thought, before she continued, “It ended between Adrien and I because communication broke down. I was never able to figure out what it was he wanted. When I asked, he never gave a direct answer. He played his part of being a boyfriend well, but that’s all it felt like. He was just playing a part.”

Marinette was shocked, “I thought you got along so well together.”

“Initially yes, when we were just friends. When we became more is when he started to drift. After some time he detached altogether. I got impatient and he got frustrated. He became difficult to be around, though I don't know why he was acting out in such a way. We weren’t a good match in the end.”

Marinette sank into her pillows as she processed this. She felt sorry for Kagami, for bringing up what must have been a painful memory for her.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered.

Kagami shook her head, “I got over it a long time ago. We weren’t able to work it out and that was it.”

Marinette envied Kagami’s mature attitude. Meanwhile she was upset at Adrien having pushed her away when they weren’t anything more than friends to begin with. It made her heart hurt to think about the real smile he had shown for a short time before closing her off again.

“You’re different from me though, Marinette.” Kagami said suddenly, “If it’s you, he might be able to be direct. You have that effect on people.”

Marinette blushed slightly at the strange compliment, “I’m still not sure how to be around him though.”

Kagami’s features softened as she smiled warmly, “Be yourself, Marinette. If you come at him honestly, he won’t be able to ignore it.”

“But my words get all messed up and I say the wrong thing.”

“Still?” Kagami laughed, “You’re a kind person Marinette. I don’t think I’m the one to be giving you advice on how to approach people. Anyway, let’s go back to that small talk you’re so bad at.”

Marinette let out a small laugh. She hadn’t always gotten along with Kagami, but she trusted her sense of reason and logic. Maybe Kagami was right and she just needed to keep being consistent with herself around Adrien. If she could show him that she was there for him, just maybe he’d let her in.

They chatted for a while longer over more mundane subjects, before saying goodnight after Marinette had let out an unsightly yawn. She flopped back into her pillows after ending the call, clutching her phone to her chest.

Marinette found herself thinking back to earlier that day in the classroom. How Adrien had looked at her when she first took his hand. There’d been something in the way his eyes were heavy with an emotion she couldn’t understand. She wanted to know what it was.

She made up her mind. She would keep trying for him. If he were to ever open that door again she'd be there and waiting, ready to take his hand.

* * *

Adrien found himself standing atop the stairs in the entrance hall of the manor. An inky blackness shrouded the space, without even any moonlight coming through the windows. The only amount of light came from the atelier where his father often worked. The door was open a small crack and a sickly yellow glow leaked out from it.  
His body felt sore and exhausted. His neck in particular hurt and each breath came out with a faint rasp. He had to use the bannister to steady himself as he descended the staircase one step at a time. The cold stone made him realise he was barefoot and in his sleepwear. Was he meant to be in bed? He shrugged off the thought as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

He didn’t know why, but he knew he had to be quiet in his approach. He took each step slowly and carefully towards the door. The yellow light was harsh to his eyes and made his head throb to look at. He stopped behind the door and waited.

He could hear the quiet talking and frantic whispering.

“You have to _do_ something, Gabriel!”

“I have it already taken care of.”

“But keeping it quiet isn’t going to help.”

“Keeping it quiet is protecting us as a family as well as the business. If word got out the vultures would descend in minutes.”

“You think silence is going to help Adrien? He’s a _child_!”

“He’s your son, Emilie. It’s up to you to keep an eye on him.”

“ _Our_ son, Gabe! How can you not be angry that someone would do that to him?”

“He’ll get over it as he gets older.”

“It’s not something that people just _get over_.”

“He will be fine, Emilie. I assure you.”

Adrien stepped away from the door. He had to get back to his room. But as soon as he moved the floor beneath him started to crack. He stumbled as the stone tiles broke apart. Unable to keep his balance, he found himself slipping down. His hands scrambled for something to hold onto but there was nothing for him to grasp. He plummeted into the darkness and was met with icy water. The sudden cold made him cry out and the black waters rushed his lungs as he tried to stay afloat. He yelled out for someone - for anyone to help. But all he could make was a strangled gasp as he couldn’t keep his head above the surface. Something dragged him under.

Adrien bolted upright, panting as he looked around. He was sitting on the bed in his room. He took gulping breaths as he brought his arms around himself in an attempt to control his trembling. He was covered in a cold sweat and everything hurt.

“Kid?” Plagg mumbled sleepily from his pillow.

Adrien was still hyperventilating as his heartbeat was in overdrive.

“Kid!” Plagg appeared in front of him, now wide awake, “What happened?”

He couldn’t find any words to answer. All he could do was curl into himself, shivering as he tried to suppress the sobs rising in his throat. It ended up coming out as choked coughing.

“Do that thing you do.” Plagg coerced as he set his paws on Adrien’s hand, “You can do it, right?”

Adrien gathered what he could of his scattered focus. Slowly he started to flex his fingers. He could hear the notes he wanted to play. It took some time but he managed to tap out a slow portion of the rhythm. As much as his spiralling mind could remember.

“Shit, Plagg…” he whimpered when his breathing had calmed down some.

“Yeah that seems about right.” the cat muttered, “Had me thinking you were dying.”

“I-I was. I was drowning. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. But before that I heard her. I heard my mother.”

It was a memory carved into him. That night when he had struggled to sleep and snuck downstairs. It had been some months before his mother’s disappearance. She was still there.  
The conversation between her and his father surfaced again in his mind.

Adrien pressed his face into his hands. He hadn’t even been aware he’d been crying until he felt the dampness of his cheeks. He roughly rubbed at his eyes to wipe away his tears.

Plagg was bristling, “Kid, if you don’t tell some then I will.”

“Who could you possibly tell?” Adrien hissed back

“I’ll tell Tikki. And then she’ll tell Ladybug.”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t a problem with Chat Noir.”

“Yes, it is! How many times do I have to tell you - it’s all the same. The Miraculous only gives you the power of the Black Cat, it doesn’t make you a different person!”

“I’ve been managing so far.”

“You call this managing?” Plagg was yelling now, “You’ll be the death of _me_ if you keep this up. I’ve had enough self-destructive holders to know where this is going.”

Adrien shifted uncomfortably. Plagg rarely mentioned his past partners. Adrien had tried asking before but it was always shrugged off or deflected.

Plagg floated up so he was level with Adrien’s face, “Ladybug could do something to help if you’d let her.”

“You heard her earlier, she’s got other things to worry about. She has people in her civilian life that need her.”

Plagg was practically shaking with rage, “You are so _blind_! I hate you humans and your stupid stubborn emotions. How you’ve lasted as a species I really don’t know.”

Adrien was taken aback. He’d never seen his kwami so angry before. The little black cat floated before him with his tail thrashing and eyes narrowed.

“I’m sorry.” Adrien whispered faintly.

Plagg released a drawn out sigh, “If not Ladybug, then what about bakery girl?”

Adrien chewed his bottom lip as he remembered what had happened earlier. He’d really upset her and then ran away like a coward. She probably hated him now.  
A different image flashed in his head. One of a photograph. Him, Marinette, Alya and Nino with the ice cream. He then thought about how happy she was as she showed it to Chat Noir. _Would_ she hate him now?

Adrien collapsed back onto his bed. He felt disgusting as his earlier cold sweat had his clothes clinging to him and his hair stuck around his neck. He needed a shower but he was too tired to even think about moving.  
Instead he thought about Marinette. He’d forced the rift between them and wasn’t sure how to fix it again, or even if it was fixable. And even if their friendship was still intact, how would he even begin to explain himself to her. How could he make her understand without showing his repulsive self? He was tired of disappointing people and didn’t want Marinette to be added to that list, though his actions earlier already had.  
Adrien rolled over and clumsily reached out for his bedside table. After some fumbling he found what he was looking for. He brought it close to him and turned it over in his hands, making out the shape of it in the low light.  
The lucky charm she’d given him.  
He clutched it to his chest, over his heart, as he buried his face into his pillow. He hoped that it would provide enough luck to grant him a couple meager hours of dreamless sleep. He heard Plagg settle in again next to him on the pillow with a subdued comforting purr. Her bluebell eyes were what he thought of. That and the warmth of her hand as it held his. Gentle and undemanding of him.  
Slowly, he drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plagg is so fed up with the keeping identities a secret situation. It's ridiculous how they keep talking about each other without realising.
> 
> Thanks again for all the support guys!


	11. Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette is met with a series of suprises, good and bad.

Marinette was late for school. Again. Her late night talk with Kagami had resulted in her over sleeping her alarm that morning.

“I can’t believe myself, Tikki.” she groaned as she ran through the school doors, “I decided to talk to Adrien this morning and missed my chance.”

Tikki peaked out from her hiding spot in Marinette’s purse, “There’ll be time later, Marinette. You shouldn’t rush yourself with it.”

Marinette nodded as she headed to the lockers. She wasn’t going to give up just yet.

She stood at her open locker, trying to remember what day it was and what textbooks she needed for that morning. As she was about to reach out for what she needed, the locker door was slammed shut. Marinette stepped back in surprise, looking to see what had caused it.  
Lila.  
She hadn’t even seen her come in.

“I know what you’re up to. It stops now.” Lila sneered.

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” Marinette glared back, trying to open her locker again but Lila held it shut.

“That little stunt you pulled yesterday with Adrien. That was pretty pathetic of you to try and be alone with him.”

“The only thing I was trying to do was get him away from you.”

Lila crossed her arms over her chest with a haughty smirk, “I’d like to see you try. Adrien and I have an agreement. All I have to do is ask and he’ll bend over backwards for me.”

Marinette had to clench her fists to resist slapping her immediately, “What agreement?”

“It’s a secret. I know him so _intimately_ after all. Everything about him belongs to me.”

“ _Belongs_ to you? Adrien’s not a possession. He doesn’t belong to anyone!”

“And yet you practically throw yourself at him all the time. It’s so stupidly obvious you just want to get your hands all over him.”

Marinette saw red. Forget the slap. She wanted to punch her in the face. _Hard_ .  
She was certain she was about to when the clicking sound of heels approaching made her hesitant.

“You reek of desperation, you know.” a new voice said, “It’s not a cute look.”

Marinette looked behind Lila as the person rounded the corner of the lockers into view.

Chloe.

Lila rounded on her, “Oh, really? Don’t act like you’re not the desperate one. You cling to him every chance you get. Your crush is almost as pathetic as Marinette’s.”

Chloe looked disgusted, “You really are a dumb bitch. I got over my feelings years ago. Adrien is like a brother to me, and I’ll protect him from poisonous snakes like you.”

“You’re really going to threaten me?”

“Are you threatening _me_? You can’t do anything against me. I’m the mayor’s daughter, your lies can’t touch me. I’ve come back from worse than you.”

“That may be so, but not everyone is untouchable.” Lila turned back to Marinette with a contemptuous smile, “Someone more insignificant. I can ruin your relationships, your future and your _life_. I’ve done it before and can easily do it again.”

Marinette’s anger gave way to fear. Lila had managed to get her expelled from school in the past and turned her friend against her. The threat she was making was very real. She didn’t know why Lila took back her false story back then, and she didn’t know if she’d be lucky enough to overcome another similar situation.

Chloe clicked her tongue in annoyance, “Marinette Dupain-Cheng is under my protection as well. Try anything on her and I’ll hear about it.”

Marinette was almost as surprised as Lila. Chloe looked on, daring Lila to make a move. After a few tense moments of silence, Lila made an exasperated noise of frustration before stomping off. Marinette blinked, unsure of what just happened.

It was just the two of them now. Marinette couldn’t wrap her head around it. The girl who had used to bully and tease her had now defended her.

“Thank you, Chloe.” Marinette sighed, letting out the breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding.

Chloe again clicked her tongue, “Don’t be ridiculous. I was just on my way back from the bathroom and overheard. I still don’t like you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. But I absolutely hate _her_.”

Marinette couldn’t help a small laugh. It didn’t really surprise her, it was still Chloe after all. Chloe turned to her, still with the attitude of someone having been inconvenienced.

“I didn’t do it for you.” she declared, “The last thing I need is Adrien throwing a fit over this.”

Marinette found it hard to imagine someone as quiet and even-tempered as Adrien having a fit.

Chloe suddenly threw her hand out, “Give me your phone.”

Marinette was caught off guard, “Huh? My phone?”

“Give it.”

She found herself unlocking and handing her phone over to Chloe’s beckoning hand. For a moment she thought Chloe was taking it as some form of protection collateral. But then Chloe withdrew her own phone and started working away on the two of them. Marinette was slightly bewildered and amazed she could use a phone in each hand.

“Here.” Chloe said as she dropped the phone back into Marinette’s hands, “My number. Don’t you dare spam me with boring crap about your life. I don’t care. I’m doing this for Adrien. You’re as bad as each other sometimes. It’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.”

Marinette didn’t know what to make of that last comment, but let it slide. She mumbled an awkward thanks, though Chloe had already turned and was heading for the door.

“I’m going on ahead. You’d better wait here a minute. Last thing I need is being seen walking into class with you.”

Marinette nodded but Chloe was already gone.

“What just happened?” Marinette asked aloud when her senses returned.

“Chloe makes for an unlikely ally.” Tikki flew up from her purse with a smile, “But she does have _some_ good in her. You gave her the Bee Miraculous for a reason.”

“I guess so. But you heard Lila before though right? It sounds like she’s blackmailing Adrien over something.”

“Everyone has secrets, Marinette.”

“I think I know that very well. I can’t stand to think that Lila would use something like that against Adrien though.”

She couldn’t help but wonder what it could be. She didn’t really know any secrets that Adrien kept. The only thing she could think of was how he would sometimes sneak away from his house or bodyguard to hang out with friends, but that didn’t seem enough for Lila to make use of.

Marinette’s thoughts stalled when she arrived at the classroom. She looked to her usual seat to see Alya sitting there, and Nino in Alya’s seat. She felt the colour drain from her face. That left the only free seat next to Adrien. She directed telepathic screams at Alya who looked back with a sheepish expression of “ _sorry girl_ ”.

“Marinette, you’re as late as it is.” the teacher Monsieur Thomas warned, “Sit down already.”

Marinette apologised profusely and walked as though she were made of stone to the desk. She couldn’t even look next to her as she sank into the seat, instead busying herself with reaching into her bag and…

 _Shit_.

With all that had happened with Lila she hadn’t even picked up her textbooks. She looked up at the board where M. Thomas was writing out equations with page numbers from the maths textbook noted. She clutched her bag as she wondered what to do. She’d already been late, so she couldn’t just ask to leave again.  
There was a sound of something sliding on the desk.  
Marinette looked to see the open textbook sitting in the middle. Her eyes drifted to the side of her and were met with Adrien’s verdant ones. He gestured with his head to the book. He was sharing it with her. Her heart went into its familiar state of somersaulting gymnastics. She had to tear her gaze away to hide the embarrassed heat of her cheeks. With him sitting so close he was bound to hear how crazy her heartbeat was.

It was a revision class so everyone was working quietly through the equation exercises the teacher had laid out for them. Everyone except Marinette. She knew they had gone over the formulas for these problems recently, but as she looked at the numbers and symbols she couldn’t place which formula went with which equation. Her pen scratched out again and again her writing as she tried to figure it out. She really hated maths.

A pen tapped her on the shoulder making her look up from the abysmal state of her notebook. It was Adrien. He gave a shy smile and directed her with his pen to the notebook, tapping on one of the example equations that showed how to solve it. Marinette stared blankly. He watched her for a moment before glancing up to make sure the teacher wasn’t looking. He then gently pulled her notebook towards him and started writing.  
Marinette watched the intense focus of his eyes as he wrote something down. Now that she was properly looking at him, she couldn’t help but notice the dark circles. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept in days.  
Her notebook slid back to her. He’d written out the question she’d been failing at, spacing out the different sections, having also circled them and surrounded them with little arrows and notes. He’d given her directions on how to solve it.

“The book’s examples aren’t always the clearest.” he whispered, “I hope that helps.”

She nodded enthusiastically. With his hints the equation suddenly made a lot more sense. She started scribbling away, working to solve the question with his guide.

They carried on like that for the rest of the lesson. Marinette would slip her notebook to him with a questioning look and he would neatly write in notes or little diagrams to help her. Occasionally she would steal a glance at him when he wasn't looking. She’d always sat behind him, so it was completely different being able to see Adrien do his work. He would rest his head in his hand, occasionally running his fingers through his hair as he worked out the answers. Her gaze settled on his lips, making her heart once again pound in her chest. They looked soft and she couldn’t help but wonder how they would feel on hers.  
Her face flushed bright red and she wanted to slam her head into the desk for thinking that.

_I need to focus on being his friend first. All that can wait._

She scolded herself over and over for her wandering thoughts.

She was sad when the lesson ended and they switched to literature. It was an open class reading and discussion of the text, meaning that the quiet intimacy of solving questions they had was over. She never thought she’d actually miss maths. The day progressed though and it was soon lunchtime.

“Not staying, dude?” Nino asked as Adrien stood up.

“My father wants me home for lunch.” He said regretfully as he slung his bag over his shoulder, “After the failed photoshoot he’s tightening my schedule for the time being.”

Nino sighed, “Damn, that sucks.”

Adrien shrugged his shoulders and walked around the desk to the door, but hesitated in front of Marinette. She fidgeted uncomfortably as she watched him. He looked like he wanted to say something but was trying to decide on the words.

Marinette spoke first, although her voice came out quiet, “Thank you for letting me use your book.”

He looked away as he shyly rubbed his neck, “That’s fine. Just let me know if you need any more help with the questions.”

The smile he gave her was a little forced, but Marinette was relieved that it wasn’t the same as his pristine model smile. This one was more awkward and unsure.  
He quickly turned and left.

Marinette turned around to look at the pair standing behind her.

“What the hell were you two thinking?” she half yelled.

Nino and Alya blinked with overexaggerated innocence.

“What are you talking about?” Alya asked, trying to keep a straight face.

“I’m talking about you two changing seats! First the picnic bench and now this - you really need to stop doing that. My heart can’t take it!”

“Well we didn’t think you two would come together on your own to resolve whatever happened. And since locking you in a room is off the table...”

“You think this was any better?”

Nino chuckled, “You two seemed to manage though.”

Marinette pouted. She wanted to get close with Adrien but this wasn’t exactly how she’d imagined it.

“It’s going to be hard to spend time with him though if his dad’s being strict again.” Nino mused.

“You mean he wasn’t strict already?” Alya scoffed.

“Just saying he’s probably got Adrien doing stuff in his sleep now. Dude looked beat today.”

Marinette knew Nino was joking, but she still hoped that Adrien wasn’t overexerting himself. Between Gabirel Agreste and Lila, it seemed there was a lot going with him. She looked at her notebook as she was putting it into her bag.

_I want to help him too…_

She thought about asking him if there was anything she could do for him. But the thought was quickly dropped as he would probably brush it off and tell her it was fine. She remembered she had Chloe’s number now. Would Chloe tell her something? Marinette shook her head. She’d probably get yelled at for wasting her precious time.

“You coming Marinette?” Alya called from the door.

Broken from her thoughts, Marinette scrambled to gather her things, “Oh, yes I’ll be right there.”

The lunch break passed uneventfully. Marinette had worried some that Lila might appear again, but there was no sign of her. She was met with a slight disappointment as sports class followed the break, which meant she wouldn’t be sitting next to Adrien for the time being.

After everyone was changed into their sportswear, the teacher informed them they’d be playing basketball that day. No one was really interested in playing it seriously, and it quickly devolved into the people just throwing the ball around while some of the guys were challenging each other to how many hoops they could get.

Marinette was more interested in watching than playing. Watching Adrien specifically. He claimed basketball was something he’d only played a little of, but he was fast and agile. He was able to dodge round Kim and Ivan and perform a slam dunk a few times. Her chest warmed as her eyes followed him. He looked happy as he exchanged friendly taunts with the others over who had the best score.

The pleasant feeling was short lived as a basketball hit her directly in the face.

“Sorry!” Lila called, “I totally missed catching that!”

Her whole face stung. She turned away and brought her hands to her face as she could feel the welling tears from the shock of it. She could hear someone running up to her.

“Marinette! Are you okay?”

Adrien. She refused to look at him. She didn’t want him to see her basketball imprinted face or the threatening tears.  
His hand rested on her shoulder as he leaned down to look at her. She briefly met his concerned gaze as his eyes searched hers for a moment. They widened as he saw the small droplets roll down her cheeks, making her reflexively cover her face with her hands again. She didn’t want him to see her crying over something so stupid.

She felt him straighten up beside her, “She’s fine. Just be more careful where you throw.”

She still refused to look up from her hands as his arm wrapped around her shoulder and led her to the side. His arm disappeared for a moment, but then she felt his hand gently touch the back of her head. She opened her fingers a little so she could see as he pulled her in. She found herself being pressed into his chest.

“Sorry I’m probably a little sweaty.” he muttered, “You can take a minute. I don’t think anyone saw you.”

He’d realised she was trying not to cry in front of people. He was covering her so that no one could see.

His voice was a soft and kind whisper, “Are you okay?”

Her nose still stung but the shock of the impact was subsiding. She nodded wordlessly, letting herself lean into him. She didn’t mind if he was warm and sweaty from the exercise. Being this close she could feel his heartbeat in his chest. Her own was an ecstatic pounding in her chest, and it felt like his was a perfect mirror of it.


	12. Harmonise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir returns to complete a promise he'd made.  
> Marinette is swept off her feet.

Adrien pumped his fist as he managed another slam dunk.

“Hardly fair when you have a hoop in your room.” Kim laughed.

“I’m not _that_ good.” Adrien responded as he retrieved the ball, “It’s different when you play in a group.”

 _It’s more fun in a group_ , he thought.

He tossed the ball to Kim who started bouncing it. Adrien paused to wipe his face with his shirt. He never broke a sweat as Chat Noir, but he still liked being active as Adrien. At least he liked it when it was with other people. Tossing a ball in a hoop gets boring after a while when it’s only the one person doing it on repeat.

“Kim! Pass me!”

He looked over to see Lila waving her open arms with her trademark sweet smile. Adrien frowned and averted his eyes. He knew Kim had a strong arm and wouldn’t hold back, but he didn’t really care if Lila could catch the ball or not.

“You sure Lila?” Kim asked, hesitant.

“Yes I can totally catch it. Basketball is one of my top three sports I’ve been playing all my life.”

Kim shrugged and accepted her answer. He threw the ball hard and fast. Lila went to dive for it but for some reason stopped short. The ball flew past her open hands and straight behind her. There was a loud sound.

“Sorry!” Lila’s voice was thick with fake surprise, “I totally missed catching that!”

Marinette was standing behind her, turned away with her face in her hands. It only took a second for Adrien to realise what happened. He sprinted towards Marinette.

“Marinette! Are you okay?”

She had brought her hands away a little but was still looking down. He hesitantly touched her shoulder as he leaned down to look at her. His eyes widened as he saw the tears. She covered her face again and he felt a pang in his heart. She didn’t want anyone to see her crying.

He stood up straight to the questioning looks of the others, “She’s fine. Just be more careful where you throw.”

He tentatively put his arm around her and led her over to the side, away from everyone else. He wasn’t sure what to do. He’d never had to deal with a crying girl before. He’d been around Chloe when she cried before, but she was more inclined to just throw things than try and hide it. He furrowed his brow as he looked at Marinette. She was still hiding her face.  
Adrien acted on impulse. He didn’t realise what he was doing until he’d already done it. He withdrew his arm and instead gently placed his hand on the back of her head. She didn’t resist as he brought her into him, holding her to his chest.

He suddenly felt embarrassed at how warm he was from the exercise, “Sorry I’m probably a little sweaty. You can take a minute. I don’t think anyone saw you.”

She didn’t say anything, but didn’t try to move away either. He leaned down to her until his cheek brushed her hair.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

He felt her nod against him. He wasn’t sure, but it felt like she was pressing into him more. Adrien felt his heart hammering in his chest. With a hand still on her head, he used his free hand to anxiously rub the back of his neck. He had no idea what he was doing.

_I’m being so weird._

Adrien looked down at her. She was a little taller than his shoulder, but the way she was curled into him made her seem so small and delicate. It was completely different from how Lila or even Chloe were when next to him. He briefly wondered how it would be to embrace her properly before pushing the thought aside. He didn’t want to let himself consider it.

Marinette let out a small sniffle as she pulled away from him, “Sorry. I’m okay now. I just got surprised.”

Adrien let her step back and dropped his arms to his side. Her face was flushed but he assumed that was still from the basketball hitting her. He couldn’t understand why his heart still hadn’t fully calmed down.

He had to look away from her, “No problem. As long as you’re okay.”

“Mari, what happened?” Alya gasped as she ran up to them.

Marinette laughed awkwardly, “Just a rogue basketball. Nothing serious.”

Adrien saw that as his moment to leave. He was probably making Marinette uncomfortable. He’d just caught sight of her crying after all.

He stepped back, “I’ll leave her to you, Alya.”

Alya nodded as she took Marinette’s hands. Adrien turned and walked away. He was still feeling confused and embarrassed for his actions. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that. But then she didn’t seem to disagree with it. He was trying to be careful around her and yet he did something so weird.

Adrien headed back into the centre courtyard where the others had resumed playing around. The basketball was flying around as it got passed from one to another. He stopped next to Lila, who had taken to standing on the sidelines.

“You did that on purpose.” he growled.

“Did what?” Lila gasped.

“You missed the ball on purpose. You wanted it to hit her.”

“It just slipped through my hands is all.”

“Stop lying. You know it doesn’t work on me.”

Lila’s expression shifted from innocent to smug. She twirled some of her chestnut hair in her fingers and looked to him with a leer that made his skin crawl.

“It was an accident. She just happened to get in the way.” she said simply.

“You said you’d leave her alone.”

“I did say something like that. I’ve kept to my side of the agreement. I got her expulsion revoked that time after all. You just keep up with your side and stay close to me.”

“The agreement was I’d model with you. There was nothing about being close to you.”

Her hand reached out between them and her fingers grazed his wrist. He reflexively pulled away.

She let out a short laugh, “But you weren’t able to do it last time. You’ll need to make it up to me.”

Adrien grimaced in response, “That...won’t happen next time.”

Lila clapped her hands together, returning to her sweet facade, “Excellent! Remember - you promised. Okay?”

He gritted his teeth and forced himself to nod. Lila hummed happily before bouncing away to rejoin the rest of the class.

Adrien didn’t bother to watch her go as he released a drawn out sigh. He tapped against the side of his leg in the familiar rhythm. He didn’t even know where to begin all that was going through his mind. He was still tired from not sleeping well. He looked back to where Marinette and Alya were talking together. He’d already decided he would be Chat Noir that night, but there was still something he needed to do.

The rest of the day passed in a haze to him. Marinette had sat beside him again for the afternoon classes, but his head was still clouded and he didn’t remember much of the lessons. It was fencing afterwards, followed by returning home to study and a dinner alone. He was setting up his phone to play already recorded music to make it sound like he was practicing piano for the evening.

“You know we could just stay in and take a long cat nap.” Plagg yawned.

Adrien found the playlist he wanted and turned it on as he answered, “I have something I want to do. Besides I’m not really in the mood to sleep.”

“You say that but you’ve been ready to fall over all day.”

“It’s just for a while. Plagg, claws out!”

He felt like he could breathe again as Chat Noir, sprinting over the rooftops of Paris. He vaulted and soared, checking all over for what he was looking for. He knew there had to be one somewhere.  
He was searching for a while before he landed on a rooftop plaza hidden amongst the buildings that was part of a cafe. Elegant tables and chairs filled the small area with honeysuckle plants bordering it, filling the air with a sweet scent. At this time it was closed and there was no one about. His eyes settled on a large object in the corner. It was covered, but as he walked up to it he could easily recognise the shape of it. He lifted a corner of the cover to inspect it and grinned to himself.

“Purrfect.”

The next stop was a familiar one. As he approached over the rooftops he was relieved to see the fairy lights of the balcony were on. Marinette was there.  
He jumped to the railing before landing softly on the balcony. Cat ears twitching, he listened for any sound of her. There was a muffled sound of someone talking. He waited a few moments, but all he could distinguish was that it seemed to just be Marinette’s voice. Chat Noir took a deep breath and reminded himself why he was there. He slinked towards the skylight and gently tapped on the glass.

* * *

“It’s really turning into a mess, Tikki!” Marinette complained.

Tikki looked up from the macaroon she was eating, “I thought today went well.”

“No! Yes. Kind of? I don’t know. I told myself I’d work to be better friends with Adrien first. But then he does something stupidly sweet or nice and my heart goes crazy and I think about holding hands or - or kissing him! I was thinking about _kissing_ him!”

“Is that bad?”

“I don’t know! I mean I want to but…”

She sank onto the chaise with an exasperated groan. Her feelings for Adrien kept getting muddled and she was becoming confused as to how she was supposed to act with him.

The sound of something tapping on glass made her pause. She looked to her windows but couldn't see anything apart from the faint glow of the street lamps outside. She was about to disregard it when she heard it again.

Tikki giggled, “He’s back again.”

“Chat noir?” Marinette blinked as she looked to the skylight, “What’s he doing here?”

Marinette climbed up to the skylight and popped her head out. Green cat eyes greeted her immediately, making her yelp in alarm.

“Sorry!” Chat was equally alarmed by her sudden appearance, “I wasn’t sure if you’d heard me.”

His cat ears and tail were twitching with eagerness as she pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the skylight.

“What’s up? You look like the cat that got the cream.”

“This roguish knight has come to fulfill his purromise to you, Princess.”

“Promise?”

For a moment he looked disappointed, but it was quickly replaced with even greater excitement.

“That’s fine!” he grinned, “It’ll be a surprise then.”

“What is it?”

“It’s not here, I’ll need to take you to it. Are you free now?”

Chat held out his hand to her with gleeful expectation. She couldn’t say no to him when he looked so delighted. She nodded as she took his hand. He pulled her up before effortlessly sweeping her into a bridal carry.

“Hold on, Princess.” he smirked.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and allowed him to hold her close to his chest. 

Marinette was starting to wonder if this was a good idea when he suddenly leapt from her balcony.

“ _Chat_!” she yelled as they sprang to the nearby building.

He laughed over her shock as he carried her over Paris. It was terrifying at first, jumping over walls and buildings while not being Ladybug. After the first few jumps though, she started to relax in the strength of his arms and the steadiness of his steps. She stole a glance at him as he ran. His green eyes were brightly glowing despite the low light. They flickered a moment and caught her staring, making him smirk. She looked away hastily, telling herself that no, she wasn’t blushing.

It was a few minutes before they landed at the destination. Marinette looked around. It was a small plaza atop a building, hidden amongst the rooftops. Beautiful rows of honeysuckle were growing along the edges and filled her senses with their deliciously sweet scent. Stylish tables with matching chairs told her that this area probably belonged to a cafe.

“You can get down now.” Chat said with a low chuckle.

Marinette let out a panicked gasp before releasing her arms from his shoulders and scrambling out of his hold.

She looked away in embarrassment, “So what did you bring me here for?”

“Over here.”

He took her hand and led her to the far corner where a large object stood. It had a waterproof cover over it so she couldn’t tell what it was exactly. Chat released her hand with a wink before grabbing the edge of the cover. With a flourish, he swept it away to reveal what was hidden underneath.

A piano.

It was an old one, standing upright. The colour of it was somewhat faded and the wood was tarnished with scratches. Chat danced his hand over the keys in a quick scale to prove that the instrument worked.

“I said I’d play for you for real.”

He sat down on the seat and smiled at her. Not one of his usual cocky smirks, but one that was enthusiastic and genuine. Marinette brushed her hand over the worn wood of the piano as he placed his hands over the keys. She watched him as he started to play. His eyes glimmered with excitement as he hit the notes and music started to flow. Marinette paused breathlessly as she listened. He was good. His movements were fluid and the notes blended together. She recognised the song.

“Seriously, Chat?” she laughed.

“What? Not a fan?” his smug grin returned as he looked at her.

He was playing _A Whole New World_ from Disney’s Aladdin. She was still giggling at the unexpected choice.

“I thought you were going to play something classical.”

“That gets a little boring sometimes. I thought you’d enjoy this more. I’ll take requests though.”

He continued to play as she thought for a moment.

“Can you play _Part of Your World_?” she asked.

His ears perked up as he looked at her, “The Little Mermaid? Sure, but you’ll have to sing for me.”

“What - me? Sing? No no no nononono!” she flailed her hands to emphasise her point.

“I can’t do all the work Princess.” he chuckled, “Help me out here.”

She bit her bottom lip. He’d finished off playing the first song and was looking at her expectantly.

She relented, “Fine. But you can’t look.”

He let out a small laugh, “I only need to listen, so okay. I purromise”

Marinette turned side on. Even if he wasn’t looking, she didn’t want to be facing him directly.  
After a moment he started to play her chosen song. She listened nervously to the intro, taking a deep breath as it approached the first verse. And she sang.

In the corner of her eye, Marinette saw Chat’s eyes flash towards her for a moment as she quietly got through the first part of the lyrics. His eyes quickly returned to the keys in front of him, but his cat ears twitched as he listened to her intently. She slowly gained confidence as the song progressed, until she was singing out loud by the end.

When the song ended, Chat was still staring down at the piano keys with his hands frozen over them. Marinette started to feel uneasy. Maybe she should have just kept to her singing to a mumble level.  
She jumped as Chat whipped his head round to her. His green eyes shone with awe and a pink tint to his cheeks was visible under the mask.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that.” he said breathlessly, “Can you sing anything else?”

She felt like her heart jumped into her throat as her face went bright red.

“I...m-maybe?” she stammered, “I know some others a little.”

“Tell me. I’ll play them if I can.”

“Do you know that many songs?”

“Disney? More than I should.”

Chat chuckled to himself. Marinette couldn’t help but smile. There was something about this goofy, childish but sincere side of him that she couldn’t help but feel relaxed around.  
She turned to him face on, “Okay.”

They continued to play and sing together. It didn’t always go perfectly. Marinette would sometimes stumble over her words or forget the lyrics, but Chat remained patient. Sometimes he would loop the music back on itself so she could repeat the verse she’d messed up. Even though she wasn’t as self conscious now, he still didn’t look at her as he’d promised. Though sometimes his eyes would take brief glances of her. She was having fun, but knew it would have to end eventually.

“I should take you home soon, Princess.” Chat said after another song ended, though he didn’t seem like he really wanted to, “What’s your last request?”

Marinette thought for a moment before deciding, “My request is one just for you to play.”

“Just me?”

“Play me _Clair de Lune_.”

He looked at her in surprise, “ _That’s_ what you want me to play?”

She fidgeted with her hands, suddenly feeling shy, “It’s what you said you played for me before. I want to hear you play it for real.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. It was a familiar action that she couldn’t quite place at that moment. She watched as he looked down to the keys somewhat dejected.

“I still haven’t really mastered it. It’s more difficult than those other songs and I mess it up all the time at the main part.”

“Play what you can. I want to hear it. C’mon I _sang_ for you.”

He looked again at her, his cat ears giving an uncertain flick. His green eyes observed her for a moment, as though searching for something. He turned back to the piano.

“Alright.” he murmured.

Marinette watched as he started into the slow melodic intro of _Clair de Lune_. It was calm and gentle. Unlike with the previous songs Chat was intently focused on the notes he was playing. As he had told her, it started out well. However as he progressed into the main body of the music some of the notes started to falter. When it came to the notes needing to be played in a building, quick succession his hand slipped and made a sound that was more like someone having fallen on the keys instead of playing them. He stopped.

“It’s easier with the sheet music.” he whispered.

His ears drooped and Marinette was surprised to see his face under the mask go a faint red. He was embarrassed.

“I thought it was good.” she said softly.

Chat ran a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh, “And here I wanted to show off my impressive skills to you. Not a great _note_ to end on.”

He turned to her with a smug grin, proud of his pun. Marinette rolled her eyes but still let out a subdued laugh.

“You’ll just have to play for me again sometime.”

His eyes shone as he looked at her with a faint trace of surprise in his expression.

He smiled softly, “Of course, Princess.”

Chat stood up and stretched. He held out his hand to her. It was time to go.  
She gently clasped his hand and allowed him to sweep her up again. Her arms returned to as they had been before around his shoulders as he lifted her up. Within moments they were off across the Parisian rooftops. She rested her head against his chest, no longer worried over the speed or height they were at like before. She closed her eyes. There was something familiar and comforting in the strength of his heartbeat.

The trip back was over quickly and he gently set her down on her own balcony. She turned to look up at him as he crouched on the railing. He tenderly took her hand and brought it to his lips as he always did.

“Goodnight, Princess.” he murmured as his lips brushed the back of her hand.

It was such a soft and warm touch on her bare skin that a blush immediately crept up her cheeks.

“Goodnight.” she whispered, unable to take her eyes off his.

His glowing verdant gaze held hers for a moment before he pulled back and let go of her hand. Chat offered his usual two-fingered salute with a grin, before turning and jumping away.

Marinette watched him go as he vanished into the night. She looked to her hand that he had kissed. She had a small smile as she wondered when he’d visit again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have listened to Disney soundtracks while writing this chapter..


	13. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette has a project while Chat Noir seeks shelter from the rain.

It was almost a week before Marinette saw Chat Noir again. At least when she was Marinette. There had been a handful of akumas so she had spent time with him as Ladybug. However their meetings never lasted much beyond the fights and they would quickly go their separate ways once it was resolved.  
Marinette’s progress with Adrien had also stalled. They were still sitting next to each other in school, and while he was still friendly to her it still felt like the distance between them hadn’t faded much. They hadn’t even had much physical contact since the basketball incident. Beyond that, she never saw him outside of school. Nino had said it seemed unlikely that Adrien’s father would loosen the restrictions he’d set anytime soon.

Marinette was relieved that she had other things to keep her occupied meanwhile. She could keep herself distracted from her concerns for her relationship with Adrien, as well as her confusion over the growing one she now had with Chat Noir.

“What are you up to?” Tikki asked as she sat on the desk.

It was pouring rain outside so Marinette had taken to scribbling away in one of her sketchbooks for the evening. She was sitting in her room at her desk, pouring over her book and various loose pages with drawings.

She didn’t look up as she answered, her pencil scrawling across the page, “Remember that person who stopped by the other day? They commissioned me to come up with some costume designs for a music video.”

“Music video?”

“Yeah, it’s like a small movie that accompanies a song. I guess you could say it gives a visual story or feeling to whatever the song is trying to convey.”

“Oh, what’s the song about?”

“It’s a new one from that singer Clara Nightingale.” Marinette paused as she looked at the guidelines and prompts that had been provided so she knew what she was designing for, “Some of these descriptions though. _Cinderella fairytale_ ? That one I get, but then _gothic fantasy aesthetic_ ? _Dreamy romance_ ? _One night love_? Who even wrote this?”

“It sounds complicated.”

“A little, but they only asked me to come up with the designs of the two protagonists. I don’t have to actually make the outfits this time. It might be fun to make them, but it sounds a little time consuming. And at least I don’t have to spend money on fabric this way.”

Marinette had a demo of the song playing in the background as she sketched. The music video was supposed to be a ballroom scene, so she was trying to imagine how her designs would look if the wearers were dancing.

The sound of something tapping on glass made Marinette put her sketchbook down. She knew exactly what the sound was now, but it hadn’t come from her skylight. It had come from the circular window of her room that faced out into the main street. She rushed to the window to open it and was met with a drenched Chat noir.

“ _Why_ are you out in this rain?” she gasped.

His ears were drooped and his blond hair clung around his face and neck.

“I was already out on patrol when it started raining.” he laughed sheepishly, “It came on so suddenly I didn’t know where to go.”

It briefly flashed across Marinette’s mind that they weren’t scheduled to patrol that night but it was quickly replaced with letting him in. She grabbed his bell and pulled him through the window.

“Get in here, you dumb cat.”

Chat Noir complied and climbed through the window into her room. Marinette stared at him in disbelief after she closed the window again.

“You got yourself soaked!” she scolded.

He pushed some of his damp hair out of his face, “It’s fine. The suit is waterproof.”

“You’re making a puddle on my floor.”

Chat Noir looked down, awkwardly shuffling his feet where little droplets were already pooling.

“Wait there.” she told him, “I’ll go get you a towel.”

Marinette rushed to go grab a towel from the bathroom. When she returned Chat Noir hadn’t moved, but the water collecting at his feet had increased.

“Do you need to get out of your wet clothes or…” She trailed off as she realised what she was saying.

Chat smirked, “Are you asking me to get undressed?”

Instead of handing just him the towel she pulled it over his head, “Shut up!”

She pouted as she could hear him laughing from under it. Feeling annoyed, she started to vigorously rub his head with the towel.

“Get dry already, you alleycat! You’re getting my floor wet.”

He gently took her hands and moved them with the towel to uncover his face. She didn’t realise how close he was until she saw his green eyes staring into hers. His eyes were shining as he was enjoying her flustered reaction. She pressed her hand to his face as she pushed him away before stomping back to her desk to continue sketching.

Chat blinked as he watched her, “Sorry, did I come at a bad time? I can leave if you’re busy.”

She sighed, “No, stay and get dry. If the rain is this heavy it shouldn’t last. You can wait until it passes.”

She could see out of the corner of her eye his beaming grin.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, with only the sound of her pencil scratching and the song she had playing on repeat.

“What song is that?” Chat asked.

She didn’t look up from her drawing as she answered, “It’s the new one from Clara Nightingale. I’m designing the costumes for the music video.”

“Seriously? How’d you land something like that?”

“I’ve done some pieces for Jagged Stone in the past. Apparently he recommended me.”

She heard him walk up behind her, but that didn’t stop her from feeling surprised as he leaned in over her shoulder. He was almost cheek to cheek with her.

“These look amazing Princess.” he said as he looked over the open pages of her sketchbook, “You’re going to give them something great, I know it.”

She blushed at his confidence in her, but it quickly faded as she saw a strange look cross his face.

“Do you know who’ll be wearing them?” he continued.

“No, not yet. But it seems the crew already decided on the two leads already.”

Chat hummed. She wasn’t sure but he looked almost annoyed. His eyes shifted to the prompts listed out to help with her designing.

He looked back again to her sketches, “It’s a ballroom scene then? So the actors will be dancing.”

Marinette nodded, “Yeah, I think they mentioned a waltz.”

“You might want to consider something more like this for the woman’s outfit.” He said as he pointed to one of her rough sketches.

It was only a first pass to figure out the silhouette she wanted for the costume. It was a basic dress shape with a fitted bodice but a sweeping skirt.

She knitted her brow as she looked at it, “Why’s that?”

“In a waltz the dancers are meant to look like their gliding as they travel. A dress that has long or light fabric will really enhance the elegance of the woman’s movement.”

She turned to look at him with suspicion. He seemed to know a lot on the subject.

Marinette let out an incredulous gasp, “Chat Noir. Do you know how to _dance_?”

He blinked at her before rubbing the back of his neck, “I can do a box step but that’s about it.”

“Piano _and_ ballroom dancing?” she teased, “I didn’t know you could be so refined. I thought you were just a flirt.”

“Meowch, Princess! I happen to be a purrfect gentleman.”

Marinette stood up from her desk and stepped close to him.

“Show me.” she smiled.

Chat’s cat ears lay flat on his head and he had an exasperated expression, “Why do you keep asking me to do all these things?”

“Because I want to know you better.”

He stared at her with wide eyes before they flickered away to avoid her. She noticed a slight blush underneath his mask. Embarrassment flooded her as she understood the intimacy of her words. Her face went a hot crimson.

She started stammering, “W-What I mean to say is you - I mean I -”

“It’s okay.” he smirked, “I’ll do it but I need a partner.”

“….huh?”

“It’s a two person dance. So you’ll need to do it with me.”

Marinette let out a squeak, “Me? But I trip over my own feet!”

He took her hands and pulled her into the middle of the room, “Just hold onto me and follow my steps. You’ll be okay.”

Chat Noir stood opposite her. He guided her left hand to rest just below his right shoulder then gently placed his hand against her shoulder blade. He gently clasped her free hand in his right and raised it up to complete the dance hold.

He looked at her with complete focus, “Just mirror my steps. Your right foot with my left. Okay?”

She nodded wordlessly, feeling herself tremble in her nervousness. He was still watching her intently as his cat ears flicked, listening to the song that was still playing on loop. Once he’d found the tempo he started to move.

Marinette had to watch her feet to try and stop herself from stumbling. They stepped round in a sequence, similar to a box shape as the movement’s name suggested. She was pretty sure she’d walked on his feet a couple of times as they went.

“Look at me.” he said softly.

“I can’t or I’ll trip!” her voice trembled, “Or I’ll step on your toes even more.”

“That’s fine, I can take it. Just lift your head.”

Slowly, she did as he asked. Moving up from her feet to his chest, to his shoulders, the nape of his neck before finally meeting his gaze. His eyes were half-lidded and warm as he looked at her. The gentleness of his expression made her heartbeat go into overdrive. She couldn’t look away.

“See?” he whispered, “You’re not walking on me.”

Marinette hadn’t even noticed they were moving fluidly now. Her steps were in sync with his.

She was broken out of her daze as she heard something beyond the music playing. A soft but deep sound before her.

“Chat?” she murmured, “Are...are you _purring_?”

Chat looked confused for a moment until he noticed the rumbling sound from his throat. He stopped dead, releasing her from his hold as his hands flew to cover his mouth. A red tinted his cheeks as he looked at her with wide eyes.

“You were purring!” she said in amazement.

“N-No I…” he groaned, “It just happens sometimes. I don’t have control over it.”

“That’s adorable. Do it again!”

“Princess…”

Marinette couldn’t help herself as she reached up and started petting his head like a real cat. He was looking at her with confusion and embarrassment as the purr returned.

 _So cute…_ she thought.

She wanted to keep him purring. Her hands ran through his hair. She’d never really touched it before but it felt soft through her fingertips. She moved on to massage his cat ears. She kept looking back to his face to see his expression. He was looking back at her with shy uncertainty. It dawned on her the intimacy with which she was touching him.

“Sorry, is this okay?” she whispered.

There was a tension to his voice as he answered,“T-There’s fine.”

Her hands released his cat ears and stroked his hair again. One of her hands travelled to the back of his head, running her fingers through the messy blond locks down to his neck.

“M-Mari wait…”

Her fingertips brushed against the nape of his neck.

“Marinette _stop_!”

She’d heard the panic in his voice too late. There was a sharp sound as his hand lashed out to grab her arm. Marinette was only faintly aware of how tight his trembling grip was and how his claws dug into her skin. She couldn’t take her eyes off his pained expression, like he had just been burned. His chest was heaving as his breathing came out in ragged gasps.

Marinette was in shock. It felt like time was stretching out in an agonising way as they stared at each other. Eventually she started to feel the growing pain in her arm.

“Chat...My arm…” her own words sounded distant to her.

Chat blinked as his eyes flickered wildly, as though he’d also snapped out of something. He released her from his grip. His eyes continued to dart around as he stumbled backwards.

“I - I’m sorry.” he choked out.

Marinette couldn’t find any words to say. Chat looked away, his cat ears going flat. He was still breathing heavily. She had to say something.

She forced herself to speak, “Chat...”

He was already moving. He lurched past her towards the window. There was a sound of it being opened. Marinette turned around just as he was going through.

“Chat, wait!” she called, rushing after him.

She reached the open window but there was no sign of him. He’d already vanished.

Marinette looked out into the hazy darkness. There was only the soft sound of falling rain now. Her arm stung. She lifted it up to see the thin rivulets of blood that seeped from the claw marks. The shock receded as tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t understand what had happened. She sank to her knees as she held her hurt arm to her chest. She became overwhelmed with confusion and hurt as she started to sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bring the fluff then bring the _angst_. Oh damn.


	14. Tempest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette makes a plan to reconnect with Chat after what happened but comes to a realisation.
> 
> Lila doesn't know what personal space is.

The torrential downpour from earlier had relented, leaving a light misty rain in its place. Chat Noir didn’t care that he couldn’t see where he was going through the haze or that his feet were sliding on the wet rooftops as he made his way over the buildings. Blind panic was all he knew. It told him to run.

He was sprinting on all fours, jumping to clear a gap between buildings when he slipped. His vault fell short and his clawed hands reached out for his landing, scrambling for purchase as they connected with the edge. His body slammed into the building and his grip was lost. He fell heavily into the alley below.

Chat Noir lay on his back, looking up into the dark as the rain fell around him. With his fearful sprinting having come to an alarming stop his senses were slowly returning. His lungs hurt from his ragged breathing and he was sure he was bruised from the fall. But that didn’t matter right now. He’d hurt Marinette. Not only that, he’d scared her. _Why_ had he done that? He was Chat Noir and yet he’d reacted to a sensitivity that belonged to Adrien.

Chat hauled himself up into a sitting position. Looking at his clawed hands, he became overwhelmed with confusion and panic. As Adrien he’d kept distance with everyone - with Marinette - because he didn’t want something like this to happen. But as Chat Noir he had let himself relax some. His two identities that he’d carefully kept walled off from each other so this wouldn’t happen. This shouldn’t have happened. Not when he was the unburdened and unaffected hero. His weaker self shouldn’t have been able to interfere.

He could feel the rain as it dripped down his face. He missed the warmth and comfort of Marinette’s room. He wanted to go back there as if nothing had happened, to dance with her some more or watch as she sketched. Chat clasped his head in his hands. He’d let his guard down and ended up destroying it all in mere seconds.  
He shouldn’t have tried to be anywhere else but in the shadow. It was better when he’d lived as though watching everyone from the other side of a window. It was better feeling numb than the cascade of emotions that rocked him daily. He hated how unsteady he was. Always reaching but never able to find anyone to hold onto. But he’d found Marinette. And he’d hurt her.

Chat lifted his head to the rain, blinking as his eyes became misted.

 _It’s just the rain_ … he told himself.

Even as his eyes felt hot with the droplets that fell to his cheeks and his body started to shake with sobs.

_It’s just the rain._

* * *

Marinette got up the following morning having barely slept. Her eyes were still red and puffy from having spent most of the night crying. She didn’t understand what she had done wrong or why Chat had fled like that. Tikki hadn’t been able to offer any insight, so that meant that the problem wasn’t with the Miraculous. The reaction had come from whoever Chat Noir was under the mask. It had made her realise that despite feeling like they’d been getting closer, she still really knew nothing about him. She felt stupid for it.

“Good morning, sweetie.” Sabine called out as Marinette entered the kitchen.

“Morning Maman.” she sniffled.

Sabine watched her for a moment before resuming making toast. Marinette was grateful that her mother never pushed for explanations when she was upset, instead patiently waiting until she was ready to talk about it. Though as she made her way to the kitchen table she pulled down her sleeve to make sure the bandages on her forearm were covered. Something like that would not be left alone if it was seen. She didn't know how to explain the scratches Chat Noir had left just yet.

Sabine placed a plate of toast and a mug of tea before her as she sat down. Marinette stared despondently at it. She wasn’t in the mood to eat.

“Maman, what would you do if you hurt someone?” Marinette asked quietly, “Even though you don’t know what you did to hurt them?”

Sabine looked thoughtful for a moment, “I assume this ‘someone’ is important to me?”

Marinette nodded.

“I would try to talk it out with them. Try to find out why they were hurt and make it an experience to learn from. If both sides can understand it was a mistake then it can be worked out.”

“You make it sound like talking it through would be easy.”

Sabine laughed, “It can be hard to talk sometimes. But if it’s important then you’ll find a way to say what it is you want to say.”

Marinette rested her head in her hands. Kagami had told her to be direct and honest with Adrien. And now her mother was guiding her to be the same with Chat. How did she end up becoming friends with two different people but both had personalities she struggled to figure out? Adrien who was sweet and caring, yet always distant. Chat Noir who was goofy and dramatic, but ran away from her without an explanation.

 _Maybe the problem is me…_ she thought.

“Hurry and have your breakfast.” Sabine directed, “Your father needs you to run a delivery on the way to school. It’s just to Mlle Monnier round the corner.”

Marinette nodded and sipped her tea as she pondered. She needed to come up with a strategy for talking with Adrien and Chat without it becoming a trainwreck.

Marinette used her foot to push open the door of the small shop as her hands were occupied with two boxes, one of croissants and one of macaroons. She had to weave her way to the shop desk as it was a cluttered antique shop. Various pieces of furniture and decorations were stacked on shelves and each other. She had been here a few times as Mlle Monnier was a frequent customer of her parents, but it seemed like there was more stuffed into the shop each time she came. There was no sign of the lady who owned the shop as she came to the till, so Marinette set the boxes on the counter. There was a little bell to call for attention, so she rang it a few times.

As she waited for someone to show up, Marinette looked around at the items around her. An old oil lamp, old portrait paintings, a rack of costume jewelry, some strange art deco chairs and various things she couldn’t even figure out what they were. Her eyes settled on a small object that was sitting nearby on a battered side table. It was round and a dull green with painted gold filigree. She lifted it up and turned it over in her hands. At the back was a small key that could be turned. Careful not to break it, she gently twisted the key a few times, feeling something wind up inside. Suddenly the top of the object popped open. A little ceramic black cat appeared, sitting up in a playful posture with a white butterfly resting on one of its ears. It sat on a painted bed of white flowers surrounded in a deep green, while the inside of the objects lid had a painted crescent moon. Marinette’s eyes widened as the little cat started to turn. There was music. It was a music box.

Marinette listened as little notes clinked out in an almost melancholic but soothing melody. She recognised it. It was playing _Clair de Lune_.

“It’s a sweet little thing, isn’t it?” a voice came from beside her.

Marinette turned to see Mlle Monnier. She was an older woman with greying hair, looking at her through small glasses as she smiled.

“Yes, it’s cute.” Marinette replied.

The woman chuckled, “You can have it if you like.”

“I can?”

“Consider it a thanks for your parents always providing me with their excellent baking. That little thing has been sitting there for a long time anyway.”

“T-Thank you.”

The music box has since stopped playing, leaving the little cat to stare up at her with round eyes.

 _Even it’s eyes are green,_ she thought with a smile.

She said farewell to Mlle Monnier as she carefully placed the music box in her bag before rushing off to school.

Alya, Nino and Adrien were standing at the steps as usual before the first bell when she arrived.

“Cutting it close again, are we?” Alya chuckled.

Marinette panted as she caught her breath from running, “I had to make a delivery on the way.”

She shyly looked towards Adrien. He was looking back, but not directly at her. His gaze was settled towards her arm. Marinette tugged on the sleeve of her jacket to make sure her bandage was still hidden.

“Adrien!”

He noticeably flinched at the call of his name. It was Lila.  
She ran up to the group and immediately took hold of his arm, shamelessly pressing her breasts against him as she did. Adrien looked away with visible discomfort.

“I’m so excited to be working with you.” Lila giggled “This next job sounds like so much fun!”

“Yeah.” he said as though he weren’t really paying attention.

“Your dad roped you into another job?” Nino asked.

Lila answered for him, “”We’re going to star in a music video! He’s going to be my Prince Charming.”

Marinette felt her heart hit the floor. Was it the same video she was designing the clothing for?

“Is it the Clara Nightingale one?” Alya piped up, “Marinette’s doing some of the costume designs for it.”

 _Alya why…_ Marinette screamed internally.

A fiendish smirk crossed Lila’s face, “Oh, is that so? That sounds like a lot of work. Are you sure you can manage?”

Marinette held her tongue. She felt disgusted that she was to design something for Lila to wear.

Adrien pulled his arm from Lila’s grasp, “Marinette’s very capable. She’s going to make something great, I know it.”

Her heart pounded as she stared at him. There was something oddly familiar about his words. Adrien gave her a hesitant glance before looking away again.

“Your confidence in Marinette is _so nice_.” Lila said lightheartedly, though Marinette caught a dark look in her eyes as she fixed them on Adrien.

Adrien returned to avoiding meeting Lila’s stare as his own eyes became unfocused and looked around anxiously.

The school bell rang out, signalling that class would soon start.

Lila rose up on her toes to kiss Adrien’s cheek, “I’ll be seeing you later. I’m looking forward to working with you. Take care of me okay?”

Adrien didn’t answer, still refusing to look at her. Lila smiled as she bounced away to the school’s entrance.

There was an awkward silence. Marinette could feel her blood boiling. Lila’s behaviour around Adrien was just too much and made her want to punch something.  
A moment after Lila had left, Adrien harshly rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand to remove any trace of the kiss.

Nino let out a nervous chuckle, “I think Lila likes you dude.”

“Please don’t even joke about that.” Adrien responded dryly.

Something about his unreadable expression made it feel like Marinette’s heart was in a vice. Alya and Nino had noticed it too as they shared an uncomfortable glance.

The walk to class was heavy with tension. Alya and Nino talked idly to try and relieve it, but it was obvious Adrien wasn’t really paying attention. Marinette wasn’t much either. She was more concerned about his intense silence and how his eyes had become glazed over like he wasn’t really there. She looked down to his hand as they walked, remembering she’d held it before after the last Lila encounter. She wanted to hold it again and lace her fingers between his.

The memory of last night hit her like a truck.

A simple touch from her had sent Chat Noir into a panic.

She tried to forget about holding Adrien’s hand and tightly gripped the strap of her bag instead. Why did she have to be so powerless to do anything for those she cared about? If it were as Ladybug she doubted there would even be a problem to begin with.

Marinette sat in her room that evening as she contemplated what to do. The school day had been slow and awkward. Adrien had remained withdrawn to the point that even Nino and Alya were getting concerned. Marinette looked down to her desk. Her sketchbook sat open with various attempts at designs for the music video. Her motivation for it had declined some since she found out that Lila would be wearing one of them. But then Adrien would be wearing the other one. Marinette cast her eye over the men’s sketches she had done. She didn’t want to let him down, especially after he’d shown his confidence in her. Still, she’d hit a wall in her creative flow for the moment.

“That’s enough of that for now.” Marinette sighed as she slapped the sketchbook shut.

“Maybe try doing something else for a while?” Tikki suggested, “There’s no point burning yourself out over it.”

Marinette nodded as she considered what else to do. An idea came to her head and she grabbed her bag. After a moment of rummaging through its contents she pulled out the little music box she had been given earlier. Setting it in front of her, she then reached for one of the boxes that contained some of her craft tools and materials.

Tikki settled down on the desk next to the music box.

“This was a lucky find. What are you going to do with it?” she asked.

Marinette laid out some jewelry tools as well as a container that held an assortment of glass beads and stones she used for making accessories.

“I’m going to give it to Chat Noir as an apology.” Marinette said, “It plays the song he likes after all.”

“But why the tools?”

“Because I need to make a small change.”

Marinette turned the key a little until the lid popped open and the ceramic cat appeared. She inspected it closely and was relieved to see that the butterfly wasn’t part of the cat’s mould, but a separate attachment. As carefully as she could, she slowly worked away with her tools until the butterfly fell off the cat’s ear. Thankfully the ear wasn’t damaged apart from a little chip in the paint. This was fine, as Marinette was going to make a replacement.

She opened the container with the beads and started picking out small ones in the colours of red and black. With some thread and glue, she worked meticulously until the beads started to come together in the shape she wanted. It was slow progress, and she had to do it a few times until she got the desired product.

“What do you think, Tikki?” she smiled as she held it up.

“It’s beautiful.” the kwami giggled.

It was a small ladybug formed out of the glass beads and stones. Using a bit more glue, she attached it to the cat’s ear in place of the butterfly. With that done she took a shiny gold bead from the box and threaded it onto some black embroidery thread. A little bit more glue and the threaded bead was attached to the cat as a collar.

Tikki floated round the music box in awe, “It looks like Chat Noir.”

“Do you think he’ll like it?”

“I’m sure he’d be happy to receive anything from you, Marinette. But how are you going to give it to him when you don’t know when he’ll visit?”

Marinette hesitated before answering, “Because Marinette isn’t going to give it to him. Ladybug is.”

At this Tikki froze and looked up with shock, “I thought this was because you wanted to apologise to him.”

“I do, but with the way things happened he might not come back. If I have to use my other self to make the first step for him to talk to me as Marinette, then that’s what I’ll do.

“You’re going to tell him who you are?”

“No, I’ll just say I’m making a delivery as Ladybug. Then convince him to talk with Marinette.”

Tikki gave her a hard stare, “That seems a little unfair to Chat Noir. You know he’ll listen to Ladybug no matter what. It’s almost like you’re tricking him.”

“Well if it takes my other self to do things right for once then so be it.” Marinette said defensively, “Everything keeps going wrong when it’s the normal me.”

“You need to be yourself, Marinette.”

“Being myself has just made Adrien distant and Chat freak out! I want to fix it but I can’t talk normally with either of them like this. If I have to be Ladybug to get things started then that’s fine.”

Tikki looked at her despairingly, “If you say so.”

Marinette knew Tikki had a point, that it wasn’t right for her to use her alter ego to bridge the gap between her and Chat. But with the way Chat had reacted last night she doubted he would come see her anytime soon, if at all. She didn’t want to lose that gentle and caring side of him she’d come to know and love.

Marinette felt her heart pound as all breath left her body.

Wait.

 _Love_?

No, that wasn't right. Marinette felt her head spinning as she tried to rationalise. Yes, she missed his company. She'd like the evening they'd spent in the cafe plaza together, and the way he held her when they'd dance. She'd like how it had felt when he had carried her in his arms and enjoyed how warm it made her feel when he looked at her...

Marinette sank into her chair.

"Tikki," her voice trembled, "I'm in trouble."


	15. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Adrien have a heart to heart.  
> Ladybug has a gift for Chat Noir.

Adrien was in a sour mood. He’d spent his morning at a dance studio learning the choreography for the music video. It wasn’t complicated, as it was to be a simple romantic dance between the two protagonists of the song’s story.  
There was just one problem.  
Lila was a terrible dancer.  
He’d lost count of how many times they had to go over the same segments as Lila continued to dig her heels into his feet or kick his shins. Her sense of rhythm was woeful and she kept pushing back on him even though he was meant to lead. Even the instructor was losing patience. They’d had multiple lessons now the past few days but it felt like there was no improvement. Adrien didn’t even want to think about how many bruises he’d have on his legs before this was over.

He was sitting at the piano in his room as he chimed out some scales. He was meant to be practicing, but Chloe had stopped by so any serious attempt to go over the pieces his teacher had set was discarded for the time being.

“I don’t get why they chose her.” Chloe scoffed when Adrien had updated her on his abysmal morning.

She was lying on his bed as she idly flicked through one of the fashion magazines he’d done a shoot for a while back.

“She’s my father’s ‘muse’.” Adrien sighed as he played a few notes, “Having my father backing her counts for a lot. And it seems like we’ve been turned into a package deal. I need a partner to work with, it always ends up being Lila.”

“Package deal? That sounds ridiculous. No wonder you look a mess if you’re having to deal with her all the time.”

Adrien rubbed his tired eyes. Chloe wasn’t the first to point out that he wasn’t looking well. He’d mostly been able to brush off people’s concern by telling them he was just busy for the time being and had lost some sleep. It wasn’t a complete lie though, as he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept through the night. Any time he managed to pass out for a bit, he’d later find himself waking up in tears from the dreams that plagued him. Sometimes he’d just sit in the darkness of his room, unable to process all that he was feeling. Since Lila had come back it had felt like he’d been cut loose in a hurricane. The only time he’d felt calm was the time he’d spent with Marinette as Chat Noir.

Marinette.

He couldn’t forget how her bluebell eyes had looked at him that night. She’d seen him for what he really was.

There was only the sound of Chloe turning the pages of the magazine for a few minutes. Adrien had lost all motivation for his piano practice now. He didn’t feel like doing anything right now.

Chloe spoke aloud so suddenly it almost made him jump, “You’ve been so gloomy lately, Adrikins. Just because you pretend it’s all okay doesn’t mean it actually is.”

Adrien looked at her with a forced smile, “Sorry Chloe, but I don’t know what to tell you. I’m fine.”

“Please, your mood swings have been ridiculous. You might think you’re being subtle, but this whole hot then cold attitude you’ve been having isn’t cute. And wipe that look off your face, you’re not fooling me.”

He grimaced at her tone, “I’m just tired is all.”

“Adrien I’m not stupid. I’ve spent the past few years around people who have been akumatised or are worried they’re at risk for it. You’d be surprised how many people will suffer bad circumstances just because they believe it’ll get better somehow.”

“What has that got to do with me? I’ve never been akumatised. Sure, Hawkmoth has had plenty of opportunity to but even _he_ ignores me.”

Chloe threw the magazine on the floor as she quickly stood up. Adrien shrank back as she stomped over to him with an exasperated noise.

“You’re not immune to anything, Adrien! Just because it hasn’t happened, doesn’t mean it won’t. You’re not going to get better unless you _do_ something. You can start by ditching Lila and focusing on the people that make you happy.”

She stared down at him with a furious look in her eye as she crossed her arms over her chest. He really felt like he was being scolded and didn’t know how to respond. He chewed his bottom lip as he avoided her glare.

“I can’t just ditch Lila.” he whispered.

“Why not?”

“Because I promised.”

“You’ve been suffering her advances all this time for some _promise_?”

“It wasn’t for my sake.”

Chloe snorted and shook her head, making her ponytail lash around, “Clearly. For who then?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Who are you doing it for, Adrien?”

“Seriously Chloe-”

“Tell me!”

“For Marinette!”

Chloe stared at him in shock. Her eyes went wide and her posture slackened. It was rare for the girl to be rendered speechless.

Adrien gritted his teeth, feeling exposed now that the reasoning for him tolerating Lila was out, “I’ve been doing it for Marinette. It happened when Lila got her expelled from school before. I told her if she took back what she said about Marinette and left her alone then I’d model with her. From there she found out about my...issue. With touching. I think she does it because she likes getting a reaction from me.”

“You’ve been putting up with all that for Marinette?” Chloe whispered.

Adrien kept his gaze fixed to the floor. His hands trembled as he clenched them into fists. Chloe said nothing, instead sitting back on the bed with a thoughtful sigh.

It could have only been a few minutes of silence between them, but for Adrien it felt like it stretched into hours. He tapped the comforting rhythm on his knee as he tried to keep his breathing in check. He should have just told Chloe to drop it, but instead it just came out without him clearly thinking about it.

“You know,” Chloe said quietly, “that Lila still bullies her right?”

Adrien took a shuddering breath, “I know.”

“Then why do you keep doing this?”

“Because I don’t want her to do anything worse.”

Chloe gave him a measured stare, her sapphire eyes blinking in contemplation. Adrien couldn’t bring himself to return her look. He was angry that for all he could do, it wasn’t enough to stop Lila from doing what she wanted. Marinette was still a target and he hadn’t been able to change it.

Slowly, a smug grin crept onto Chloe’s face, “You like her.”

Adrien felt like his brain ceased to function for a second, “Huh?”

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng. You like her.”

Adrien stared at his friend with wide eyes. For a moment he didn’t understand what she was saying. A heat crept up his neck and bloomed in his cheeks. His mouth worked as he struggled to form words.

Chloe touched her fingertips to her lips to try and hold back her laughter, “You totally like her!”

“I do not!” he retorted childishly.

“Yeah, _real_ convincing. Oh my god Adrien your face.”

Adrien glared at her as he covered his flushed cheeks with his hands, “It’s not like that! Marinette’s just a friend!”

“You say that but you’re going to such lengths to look out for her.”

“Because she’s a friend! Besides, I like someone else…”

Chloe’s laughter died down and she became serious again, “Seriously, you’re still hung up on Ladybug?”

Adrien pressed his lips together into a thin line, “It’s not a hang up. I really like her.”

“You know that a relationship with her is never going to happen, right? Unless you’ve been meeting with her in secret or something. Ladybug isn’t all that great anyway so you’re wasting your time crushing on her.”

“I know you’re not all that fond of her Chloe, but to me Ladybug is amazing. Yeah she’s not perfect, but she is incredibly sweet and kind. Not to mention smart, funny and-”

Chloe held up her hand with an intent look, “I’m going to stop you right there. Adrien, you can’t obsess over a relationship that won’t happen. Getting over my crush for you was one of the better things that’s happened to me, and we became closer friends for it. It wouldn’t hurt to adjust your sights a little. Like to Dupain-Cheng.”

His blush from earlier still hadn’t completely died away so he turned from Chloe so she couldn’t make fun of him again. In the turmoil that was his feelings, he knew Marinette was important to him. How important, he wasn’t quite sure though. He didn’t know what label to put on it. Too important for him to burden her with his problems at least.  
Ladybug he’d loved for a long time. Sure she was stubborn and at times a little insensitive, but he adored her despite her flaws. She allowed Chat to express his feelings for her, even though she wasn’t able to return them. Despite all his proclamations of love she hadn’t budged. It had come to be that he found something comfortable in that. It was safe to love her, because she wouldn’t love him back. He didn’t know how he would cope if she did. That there could be someone who would love him so deeply scared him.

Adrien was broken from his muddled thoughts as Chloe stood up. She took a moment to straighten her clothes and check her hair was still neatly in place.

“I’ll have to get going then.” she said, “I’ll leave you to whatever it is you’re meant to be doing.”

Adrien stood up to walk her to the door, “Oh, sure.”

They were silent for a moment as they left his room and made their way down the grand staircase.

She turned to him as they neared the front door, “You should think about it some more.”

Adrien raised an eyebrow, “Think about what?”

“Getting rid of Lila.”

“Chloe, you know-”

She raised a finger to stop him, “And! I want you to think about how you feel.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as he gave her a perplexed look, “How I feel?”

“About Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I’m not exactly on her side but…”

“But?”

“That was the most honest face I’ve seen you make in a long time.”

Again the redness rushed to his face, making her cackle. He couldn’t help but feel annoyed how funny she found his embarrassment.

“Think about it.” she said, still laughing.

With that she left.

Adrien brought his hands to his cheeks, still feeling the heat on them. He knew that his love for Ladybug was a dead end, but he was fine with that. Marinette though… Did he like her that way? His heartbeat quickened as though to answer the question for him. He took a shaky breath as he thought about her. Her gorgeous dark hair and bluebell eyes. Her endearing clumsiness that was overshadowed by her endless compassion. His hands fell away from his face to clutch at his chest instead. He didn’t know what his feelings for her were. If it was more than a simple affection or just that he’d become dependent on the quiet solace she provided.  
He let out a shaky sigh. It didn’t matter either way. Whatever they had or could have had fell apart when he hurt her. It felt like his heart was being crushed, but he accepted it. All he knew for sure was that he cared for her, and she deserved someone far better than him.

Chat Noir was glad they had patrol that night. He needed some time to clear his head and Ladybug was often good company for that. His feelings were still a rampant mess that he could make little sense of, but as he neared their usual rooftop meeting point he felt a little relieved.  
Ladybug was already there waiting for him. As he neared he could see her pacing back and forth, and his cat ears could pick up her muttering to herself. She hadn’t noticed him even after he landed.

“Good evening, My Lady.” he greeted her with a classic Chat bow.

She snapped round to him and squawked in surprise. Her hands flew immediately behind her back. Not exactly the response he was expecting.

He straightened himself and looked at her with confusion, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“N-no you didn’t frighten me!” Ladybug stammered, “I-I was just thinking and didn’t hear you get here and then suddenly there you were and I w-was just startled is all.”

Chat laughed into his fist to try and cover how much he was enjoying seeing her like this. It wasn’t often he got to see her flustered like that.

“Ready for patrol then?” he asked as he headed to the edge of the rooftop.

It was Chat’s turn to be startled when she grabbed his tail to stop him.

“S-Sorry!” she gasped when she saw his alarmed expression and quickly released him, “Just hold on a moment.”

“Is something wrong?”

“W-Well you see I was on my way over here and I met a girl on her balcony. She called me over to talk to me and, um, she asked me to talk to you and she was-”

Ladybug was talking a mile a minute. Chat’s cat ears twitched excessively as he tried to keep up with what she was saying.

“-and anyway she was very insistent that I do it and, um - here!”

She held out her hands to him. Chat was still trying to make sense of her verbal onslaught as he blinked in confusion. He looked down into her hands to see what she was holding. It was a small rounded object. Green with painted gold filigree.

“For me?” he pointed to himself as he asked.

Ladybug looked away with an almost exasperated expression, “Yes.”

Chat gently picked up the item and turned it over in his clawed hands. He had no idea what it was, though there appeared to be a key in the back of it.

Chat looked back to her, “Sorry, who did you say this was from?”

She laced her hands in front of her as she bit her lip, “Marinette. She said her name was Marinette.”

Chat’s heart throbbed at the mention of her name. It had been a few days since the incident and he hadn’t gone to her. Had she been waiting for him? For her to have caught Ladybug and have her gift it to him on her behalf must have meant it was important.

Again he carefully turned the item over in his hands. He tried not to shake as he turned the key, feeling a mechanism wind up inside. After a few turns the object popped open, making him almost drop it in surprise. He managed to hold onto it however, and as he took in what he saw before him he went breathless.

A little black ceramic cat with a gold bead for a bell sat on a painted bed of white flowers. A glittering ladybug adorned its ear and the inside of the lid had the image of a crescent moon. A lump rose in his throat as he immediately recognised the song it played within the first few notes.

 _Clair de Lune_.

Chat had to turn away from Ladybug. He could feel his eyes misting up and he didn’t want her to see any tears he couldn’t hold back. He looked down at the music box in his hands. It was undoubtedly something just for him. Given to him by Marinette. He shivered as a feeling washed over him.  
Happy.  
She made him so happy.  
He recognised it now. He was so desperately in love with Marinette.

* * *

It was surprising that Marinette hadn’t worn a rut in her bedroom floor for all the pacing she was doing. It had been a few days since she saw Chat Noir, and as expected he hadn’t returned. She’d hoped otherwise but that had proven fruitless. Tonight though she would be meeting him as Ladybug for patrol.

Marinette stopped her pacing a moment to lift a cushion from her chaise to scream in to. She was an emotional mess. She’d come to recognise that _maybe_ her feelings for Chat were more than just friends or partners. But at the same time her love for Adrien hadn’t changed either. How had she ended up in love with two separate people? Two people that had put distance between them and her no less. Adrien was still kind to her, but as he was so busy she only saw him in school. That didn’t really give much opportunity for her to spend time with him properly.

Unable to process her out of control emotions, she busied herself with the design commissions for the music video. She’d got it done faster than expected and had provided a few variants as well as various colour palettes of the outfits. Somehow a Ladybug and Chat Noir colour choice ended up included in the final designs she had handed over.

Tikki watched her holder as she screamed again in the pillow, “Are you sure about this?”

Marinette groaned as she pried her face from the cushion, “I need to know what it is that’s going on with me. And I won’t find out until I can see Chat again.”

“But you still want to do it as Ladybug?”

“He’s not going to come here otherwise.”

Tikki gave a sad sigh but didn’t say anything more. Marinette paced a few times more before looking at the music box sitting on her desk. She would be going on patrol shortly and had decided to give it to him then. Would he even like it? Maybe he’d just throw it on the ground when he finds out it’s from her.  
She gave her cheeks a light slap. Now was not the time to doubt. If there was any chance for her to undo whatever it was that happened between her and Chat, this was it.

She took a deep breath, “Let’s go, Tikki. Spots on!”

Ladybug arrived early at the meeting point. She stared at the music box in her hands as she paced around. So many thoughts were flying through her mind.

“Maybe I should just leave.” she muttered to herself, “I can tell Chat I’m ill or something. But I’m already here. No, I can’t leave. I need to do this.”

“Good evening, My Lady.”

She made some inhuman noise in her surprise as she turned to see Chat Noir standing next to her. She hastily put her hands behind her back to conceal her gift.

His cat ears drooped as he looked at her, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

She felt hopelessly tongue tied as she tried to respond, “N-no you didn’t frighten me! I-I was just thinking and didn’t hear you get here and then suddenly there you were and I w-was just startled is all.”

He tried to hide his quiet laugh behind his fist, making her heart hammer in her chest. Such a small action from him had her reeling.

He started to walk away from her, “Ready for patrol then?”

Without thinking she reached out and grabbed his tail. Chat jumped at the sudden bold movement from her.

She released it immediately as she recalled their last interaction, “S-Sorry! “Just hold on a moment.”

He turned to look at her, his face marked with confusion, “Is something wrong?”

“W-Well you see I was on my way over here and I met a girl on her balcony. She called me over to talk to me and, um, she asked me to talk to you and she was-”

Shit. She was rambling and couldn’t stop. Chat was staring at her with an expression between overwhelmed and bewildered.

“-and anyway she was very insistent that I do it and, um - here!”

She unceremoniously thrusted her hands out to him, holding the music box. The seconds that passed by were full of an agonising tension as he looked at her and then the box.

Puzzled by how she was acting, he pointed to himself, “For me?”

She let out a small groan as she avoided making eye contact with him, “Yes.”

She only looked back at him when she felt her hands become lighter. He’d taken the music box and was turning it over with curiosity.

“Sorry, who did you say this was from?” he asked sheepishly.

Ladybug froze. She hadn’t even said who it was meant to be from. He was hesitantly watching her as he waited for her answer. She laced her hands together in front of her, biting her lip as she tried to hold back the nervousness welling within her.

“Marinette. She said her name was Marinette.”

His eyes widened at the mention of her name. Ladybug was about to say something, but he was already quickly rolling the object in his hands and turning the key. When the black cat suddenly appeared he almost dropped the music box in shock. She had to hold back from letting out a giggle at his reaction. It wasn’t often she saw him be clumsy like that. His cat ears settled back against his head as he looked at it before quickly turning away from her.

Ladybug’s heart sank.

He didn’t like it.

She pressed her lips into a thin line as she stepped over to him and held out her hand.

“I’ll take it back if you don’t want it.” she murmured.

Chat looked over his shoulder at her, “What?”

“I’ll take it-”

She didn’t even finish what she was saying before he’d raised the music box up out of her reach, “Nope. This is mine.”

Ladybug blinked with surprised confusion. He had a large grin as he held the item up like it was a trophy.

“Sorry My Lady,” he laughed, “But this is something I’m not letting anyone else have. Even you.”

Ladybug watched as he lowered his hands again. Holding the music box to his chest, he turned the key once more so that the song would start playing again. Her chest warmed as she saw the complete adoration he had as he watched the little cat turning round to the clinking notes.  
She knew she was still in love with Adrien. Even so she couldn’t help but want Chat to also look at her with such an unashamed and honest expression as he did the music box. Not as Ladybug, but as Marinette. She held her hands to her chest to try and suppress the speed at which her heart was beating.

 _It’s okay if I love him too,_ she thought, _Isn’t it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien "sHe's JuSt A fRiEnD" Agreste. Poor idiot.


	16. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dance rehearsals continue for Adrien and Lila.  
> Marinette likes sitting next to Adrien in class.

“And once again!” the instructor called out.

Adrien took up the starting position next to Lila in the normal waltz hold. There’d been some improvement since they’d started learning the dance, however Lila still kept too close to him and would step on him as she leaned in.  
The music started up again and Adrien stepped into the forward progressive movement. He tried guiding Lila as they travelled around the dance studio but it was still difficult. It was more like hauling a sack of potatoes than actual dancing. He hated it.   
Adrien tried to position her better in the hold but she kept coming in too close to him or her angling was off. They moved into a natural spin turn and she stepped between his legs. She hadn’t placed her foot out straight, so when Adrien stepped back his ankle caught on her leg. With her pressing on him there was no avoiding it as they promptly tumbled over with all the grace of a falling tree.   
_There’s another bruise_ , Adrien thought despondently as he lay on the floor.

The dance instructor let out an aggravated sigh, “That’s enough for today.”

Adrien had to swallow his nausea from the compromised position they’d landed in. Lila sat between his legs with one of her hands on his knee while the other rested on his hip.

She was pouting, “I thought it was going well.”

He said nothing and he moved himself back, slipping away from her hands as he stood up. He didn’t bother to help her up as he headed straight for the side of the room where he bag was.

The instructor had left the room, but Adrien could hear her talking from just around the door. He normally wasn’t one to listen to gossip, but they weren’t exactly being subtle about it. He grabbed the water bottle from his bag as he crouched down against the wall. The irritated talking from outside continued.

“Better tell the director he’s not getting that romantic dance of his for the video.”

“They still haven’t managed?”

“Adrien’s fine I think, but Lila won’t listen to instruction. She’s not improving fast enough for the time constraint we have.”

“Why’d the director even insist on them anyway?”

“Adrien’s just a popularity vote. Teenage heartthrob and all that. He’ll draw more attention to it. Lila on the other hand I’m really wondering.”

“I thought she was one of Gabriel Agreste’s hand picked models.”

“She is. Again, another pretty face to feature in the video. She’s worked with Adrien before so I thought they’d be in better sync than this. She told me when we started that she could dance. Then last week she told me she had a previous leg injury that she hadn’t completely recovered from so it was difficult for her to get the steps right.”

“Do you think we could get a replacement partner?”

“With the time we have? I doubt it. The director should have hired people who can do the job in the first place, not whoever is popular.”

Their talking died away and Adrien heard no more, so he assumed they’d left.  
He took a drink of his water as he thought to himself. He really didn’t like that there were people assuming he and Lila went well together.   
His thoughts stalled as Lila appeared before him. She took the water bottle from his hands and started to drink from it. Adrien looked away so she couldn’t see his scowl.

“Are you free this afternoon?” Lila asked casually, “I want to do something fun. This is all so stressful.”

He continued to avoid making eye contact as he stood up, “We still have school to go to. We’ve already had to miss classes this morning for practice.”

“You’d rather go to school than go have fun?”

“I happen to like school.”

Lila curled her lip and tightened her hand around the bottle, making the plastic crackle. Adrien busied himself with checking his phone just so he didn’t have to look at her.

“I’ll be glad when we get back to normal modeling after this.” she gave an excessive sigh, “This is too much work. And I miss getting in close with you.”

Adrien felt a flash of anger, “You should really take this seriously Lila. You got yourself into this but you don't put in the effort needed. There’s other people who have a job to do here, and you’re not helping by slacking off.”

Lila looked away with disinterest. She’d already made up her mind that she wouldn’t let anyone else take her position and he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. It would have to be up to the director and his crew but so far they’d said nothing.

Adrien turned for the door. He just wanted to get away from her. Just being next to her was suffocating.

She grabbed his wrist before he could leave.

"I don't care about other people." She snapped, "The only one I'm here for is _you_."

Adrien felt sick to his stomach. Her need to have control over him was so much that she was inconveniencing those around him.

Her hand tightened around his wrist as she stared at him with a fierce intensity. The brazen contact was making him feel dizzy.

"You have to stay with me, right?"

Adrien swallowed thickly, finding it hard to get any words out, "Right."

After a moment her penetrating eyes softened into her usual saccharine innocence.

"School this afternoon then. We can hang out some other time."

Lila finally released him. She offered the water bottle back to him but he shook his head. He ignored her ridiculous pout as he headed for the door. He couldn't take another second in her presence.

Adrien looked out the car window as the city scenery rolled passed. He had plenty on his mind other than Lila. More important things. Like how he was going to talk to Marinette.

It had been a few nights ago when Ladybug had delivered the music box to him. He believed it meant that Marinette still wanted him around. At least he hoped that's what it was. He had to go to her as Chat Noir though. This wasn't something for Adrien. They'd still been sitting next to each other in class and that had been driving him crazy the past couple of days. He was still trying to sort out what his feelings were, but he was fairly certain at some point he had fallen in love with the girl. Not that he was ready to admit it just yet, especially after Chloe's reaction.

Adrien tried to ignore the blush creeping into his cheeks.

 _The most honest expression he'd made_ according to Chloe.

He didn't know what to make of that. Being honest with his feelings wasn't something he was used to. His father had always told him that it was best to keep up a front.

_If you show weakness, then they'll take advantage of you._

Adrien frowned. If he was honest with Marinette, would she do that? It didn't seem likely to him. He was more afraid of her finding out about him and that she'd be disappointed. That the hero she'd gotten close to was actually the awkward, distant guy sitting next to her in class. That he wasn't the lively, humorous and easy going person he pretended to be. That all she knew about was the shield he'd made so that no one knew what he was really like.

He saw Nino standing outside as the car pulled up to the school. He'd texted his friend earlier that he'd be missing the morning classes but would make it in for the afternoon.

"I was wondering if you'd be late." Nino chuckled as Adrien exited the car.

"I might be busy, but I don't want to put a halt on my school work." Adrien smiled back.

"You have to be the only dude I know that likes going to school."

"It's better than being at home."

"Well, you've got me there. Can't imagine having Snow Queen as a teacher.'

"Nathalie isn't that bad. She was actually very good."

Nino put his arm around Arien's shoulder. He was quietly thankful that he'd mostly calmed down from Lila's hold on him earlier, so the gesture didn't bother him.

"It's good you're here though." Nino said as they walked up the steps together, "Marinette was looking lonely sitting by herself this morning."

Adrien heartbeat picked up at her name, "Marinette?"

"Yeah, Alya and I were wondering about changing our seats back. You know Alya hates it when Marinette is looking down."

"No, there's no need. I'm here so I can sit next to her."

Nino gave him an odd look before grinning, but didn't say anything. Adrien desperately hoped he wasn't making a similar face as to how he did with Chloe.

He wanted to spend uninterrupted time with Marinette as Chat Noir. Without anyone watching him. He'd been thinking about it a lot, even asking Plagg for advice. Of course the kwami had no helpful insight whatsoever and mostly just laughed at his distress.

Adrien's heart wrenched in his chest. Chat Noir needed to talk with her. And soon.

* * *

"I don't know Alya." Marinette mumbled as she stood next to their desks.

Alya shook her head, "Seriously girl, you can sit in your old seat if you want. Nino doesn't mind."

Marinette hovered as she looked between the first and second row desks. Adrien hadn't been in that morning, and to say she missed his presence would be an understatement. While being in class didn't give much opportunity for them to talk candidly, she liked the ability to just look at him. She'd started to notice the little quirks of his that she hadn't before. Such as how his mouth would occasionally move as though he were talking to himself when dealing with a hard question. Or how he'd run his hand through his hair as he worked through their tasks. Or how he'd rub the back of his neck if he wasn't sure of something.

"Hey girls!" Nino greeted from behind her.

Marinette turned to smile back when she saw him walk in with Adrien. Wordlessly she dropped herself into the front row seat. She glared over her shoulder at Alya who was suppressing a giggle. Nino also grinned at her reaction and gave Adrien a pat on the back before going to sit next to Alya. Adrien looked at the three of them, showing some confusion over how they were acting. Marinette wondered if maybe he actually wanted to change their seating arrangement back to what it had been. Her concern proved unwarranted as he dropped his bag and slid into the seat next to her.

"How was this morning?" She asked shyly.

Adrien paused from taking out his books to look at her before inhaling sharply, "It's not great. I'm not a dancer and neither is Lila so it's been slow. Despite what she says I don't think Lila has done any sort of formal dancing. As for me I could only do a box step before."

Marinette hummed thoughtfully. Wasn't the box step what Chat knew?

 _Must be a common dance move,_ she thought.

A small flash of colour caught her eye as Adrien was setting his bag down after getting what he needed from it.

She gasped, "Adrien, what happened?"

He looked at her in bewilderment before lifting his arm to see what she was referring to. There was a glaring red mark starting to form on the underside of his elbow.

He frowned at the sight of it, "Must be from when we fell earlier. It's fine, it'll just bruise a bit."

"You _fell_?"

"Yeah, it happens sometimes."

Marinette didn't know much about dancing, but she was pretty sure you weren't meant to fall during it.

She was about to ask further but the sound of clicking heels entering the classroom made her stop. It was Lila. Her eyes briefly looked at Marinette with a spiteful glimmer before resting on Adrien. He had turned his focus to his textbook and was pretending to flip through the pages with purpose. Marinette felt herself tense up as Lila approached. She sauntered her way around the desk towards Adrien. She kept walking by towards her own seat, but not before brushing his shoulder with her fingertips. Marinette was the only one to see it as she was sitting close to him, but Adrien visibly flinched at the contact. She wanted to say something, but the way he'd tried to hide his reaction made it obvious he'd rather it not be drawn attention to. It made her heart pang, but she bit her lip and said nothing. She couldn't help but think that if she were Ladybug in that moment, she could do something.

Class started shortly after so any conversation had to stop there. It was literature, so M. Thomas had them independently read the assigned chapters of their given text then do the follow up worksheet. Marinette struggled, finding that she’d read a paragraph to only immediately forget what she’d just read. She just wasn't in the frame of mind for it. She glanced next to her to see what page Adrien was on.

 _Knowing him, he’s probably started the worksheet already,_ she thought.

She subtly read over the page his book was opened at. He was still on the second page. She blinked, wondering if his brain was also failing to function like hers. Moving up she saw why. He’d fallen asleep.  
Marinette frantically looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. Everyone seemed to be engrossed in their own work. She looked back to Adrien, craning her neck to see his sleeping face. The way he held his head up by resting his forehead on his hand made it seem like he was just really focused on the book. But she could see he was definitely asleep.

She found herself holding her breath as she took in what she was seeing. His lips were parted slightly with quiet breathing and his eyes were closed softly. There was something so gentle and sincere in his sleeping expression that she couldn’t help but smile.

_He has nice eyelashes…_

Marinette blushed as the thought came to her automatically. She was happy though. She was seeing something of Adrien no one else could.

It ended all too quickly as his head slipped from his supporting hand.

He hit the table with a loud bang.

There was an awkward silence as Marinette froze in shock. She could see Adrien’s hand that had been holding him up slowly turn into a fist. He made a low, pained groan.

“I hope you’re working hard, Agreste.” M. Thomas said sternly without looking up from his own papers.

Adrien coughed and lifted his head slightly, “Yes, of course.”

Marinette was still staring as Adrien rubbed his nose after it had taken the brunt of the impact. He looked her way and caught her gaze. It was his turn to become stock still, as his eyes widened and a red flushed his cheeks. Her heart started doing somersaults in response. It looked so much like when Chat had been embarrassed at his failed piano performance.  
Right on que, her own blush bloomed in her cheeks. Her hands reflexively flew to cover them, but Adrien had already seen. His verdant eyes blinked with a mix of astonishment and his own self-consciousness. A smile tugged at his lips. He brought his fist to his mouth to try and cover his quiet laughter. She felt her blush deepen further and her heart do a full on elaborate gymnastic routine. But as she considered the tint on his cheeks as well as what must be a bright red of her own, she found herself letting out a small giggle too. The two of them probably looked absurd with how awkward and embarrassed they were. She didn’t care. She was seeing Adrien’s earnest smile again, and that was all she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marinette is so oblivious that Adrien and Chat could be the same person.


	17. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir finally returns to Marinette.

Adrien was freaking out. He’d watched countless movies and read all sorts of manga and books in the romance genre. And yet he found himself at a complete loss as to what to do. In moments like these it always seemed to be resolved with a passionate kiss. But that was if the main characters of the story actually liked each other. He had no idea what Marinette’s feelings were. Not only that, but the thought of kissing her reduced him to a blushing, jittering mess. It was a step too far. He needed to dial it back a bit. It should start with the love confession. But even thinking about that made his thoughts spiral out of control. He’d been telling Ladybug he was in love with her for years, and while he wasn’t necessarily over her, it was a different kind of love than the pure need for Marinette to be close to him. There was something more confusing and desperate in the love he had for Marinette, something that left him breathless and unable to think straight. He wasn’t sure he would be able to approach her with the same Chat Noir charm he had with Ladybug.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He didn’t need a mirror to tell his face was scarlet as he ran laps in his mind of what he was meant to be doing. All he’d decided so far was that Chat Noir would visit Marinette tonight. He’d already embarrassed the hell out of himself as Adrien earlier at school when he fell asleep. Might as well be humiliated as Chat Noir too.

“You look like you’re about to explode.” Plagg sniggered as he clutched a wedge of camembert.

“That’s because I am Plagg!” Adrien half yelled, half whispered.

“Have you tried giving her some cheese?”

“I think that’s only a good gift for you.”

“You’re right. You’re cheesy enough on your own.”

Adrien glared at the kwami who set about devouring his camembert. He had a point though. Marinette had given him a gift, so maybe he should return the gesture. He looked at the music box that was now sitting on his desk. Her gift had been so meaningful to him and he wanted his to be the same. Something like chocolate or sweets were a common go to, but that felt redundant since she lived in a patisserie. There were also flowers, but it was widely known that Chat Noir would give roses to Ladybug, so it felt a little insensitive to both of the girls if he were to give Marinette the same.

Adrien groaned again as he rubbed the back of his neck. He’d already messed things up once and didn’t want a disastrous repeat. He wanted to try and get this right.

Chat Noir still hadn’t come to a decision with what he was going to actually do. He was vaulting over the Paris skyline towards Marinette’s having not calmed down at all from earlier. His heart was racing as though it wanted to burst through his chest. His quick pace came to a grinding halt as her balcony came into view. The fairy lights were on.

He almost did a 180 immediately but managed to stop himself. He had come to talk to her. He _wanted_ to talk to her. Still, it didn’t stop the anxiety that weighed heavily in his chest. Chat Noir wanted to be honest with her even though it terrified him to his core.

_Hey Marinette, I think I’m in love with you! Don’t touch me by the way - I might just die!_

With his heart sinking, he tried to shake away the thought. She deserved an explanation for his behaviour, though he didn’t know what to say. Marinette could already easily weaken his defenses, and it still scared him not having that control over himself. If he allowed his walls to fall would he still make it out the other side? Would she still be there?  
Chat took a shuddering breath as he looked again to the balcony. The soft fairy lights were warm and inviting. He tried to swallow back the rising anxious nausea he was feeling.   
_You can do this_ , he told himself as he prepared to make the leap.

He made sure to land heavily on the balcony so that she would hear him. Chat looked around the space, wondering what he should do. He ended up tightly grasping the railing to steady himself as he looked out to the city lights. There was the sound of the skylight opening behind him. He took a deep breath to try and calm his trembling.

“Chat?” he heard her whisper.

He cleared his throat, “H-Hey, Marinette.”

He still couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look at her. It was as if she would vanish if she did. Soft footsteps told him she was approaching. She appeared beside him, but kept a small gap between them. In the corner of his eye he could tell her hair was loose from the way it moved gently in the night breeze.  
They stood like that for a few minutes. Chat wasn’t sure if she was looking at him, as he couldn’t look at her face directly to be sure. He was still staring ahead over the glowing Parisian skyline. His own cowardice disgusted him.

“You got the present then?” her voice was so small that it made his heart wrench.

Chat felt stupid that he hadn’t been able to decide on a gift for her in return, “Yes. I wanted to thank you for that. I...It made me really happy.”

More silence.

Chat’s eyes slowly drifted along the railing to where Marinette also had her hands resting. Her sleeves were rolled up and he could easily see the red marks that remained from what he did. She must have noticed him looking as she quickly went to pull her sleeves down.

Chat reached out but stopped short of touching her, “No, don’t cover them. I wanted to say...that I’m sorry.”

Her hands paused in their movement, leaving her sleeves where they were.

“Chat,” her voice was a breathy whisper, “Look at me.”

He hesitated. She’d asked him so earnestly though, so he swallowed the lump in his throat and lifted his eyes. He looked over her marked arm, travelling up to her shoulder. He noticed she was wearing an oversized jumper with a wide collar. It hung loose around her neck, exposing her pale shoulders and collarbone. He lingered a moment, noting the light freckles that dusted her shoulders before drifting up further. Her perfect pink lips were pulled into a nervous tight line.  
Chat held his breath as he continued. He was met with her immaculate bluebell eyes. Just like an open sky after a sun shower. They shimmered as she looked back at him. He was immediately struck by how she had looked this way before. After she’d rescued him from Lila only for him to close off again. She’d looked at him, and although there weren’t any tears he could see, it looked like her very soul was crying.

“I’m sorry.” he repeated, his voice cracking.

She frantically shook her head, “I’m the one who should be sorry. I did something that made you uncomfortable. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry, Chat.”

Chat couldn’t understand how far Marinette’s compassion went. Much more than he deserved, he was sure. He was the one that physically hurt her, yet she was more concerned about how she’d affected him.

Marinette continued, her voice shaking, “I want to know you better. Even if it isn’t all good. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’ll be here if you ever do.”

His breathing hitched as her bluebell eyes were shining now as she looked at him. She really was going to cry.

A small hiccup escaped her lips as she repeated, “I want to know you.”

Chat chewed his lip for a moment. He wasn’t just scared now, he was _terrified_ . His eyes flickered around a moment before returning to hers. A few tears had escaped down her cheeks.   
He let out a shuddering sigh and held out his hand to her marked arm. She blinked wordlessly at him, but lifted her own hand to meet his. He didn’t take it fully, instead only gently curling his fingers into hers. With his free hand he softly brushed his fingertips over the uneven skin that remained from his damage.

“I’m-” he paused as he swallowed thickly, trying to figure out his words, “I’m actually a coward.”

Marinette was looking at him with her full attention. Her eyes were still shimmering with more tears that had yet to fall.

He smiled, though it was half-hearted, “I’m scared all the time. I use dumb jokes to cover it up. I say everything is fine even when it’s not. I hide from people.”

He could feel it. The walls he’d held fast to for so long. They were cracking. Brick by brick they were falling apart. He could feel the tremors of its destruction throughout his body. He was still smiling but his lips were quivering.

He could feel his own tears stinging his eyes, “I’m damaged, Marinette.”

Her fingers instantly tightened into his, “How can you say that? You’re not damaged Chat!”

He let out a wry laugh, “I can’t deal with it - when people touch me. My neck and my wrists...”

As if to emphasise it, he gestured to the points of his body with his free hand. He couldn’t look at the despair in her eyes anymore, so his gaze fell down to where their fingers were still clutching each other.

“I don’t think you’re a coward.” she said quietly, “You’re strong Chat, even if you don’t believe it. You’re always putting others before yourself. It’s not wrong to consider your own feelings for once.”

Consider his own feelings. That’s why he was here. He wanted to be close to her. Even if the fiery intensity of her ended up burning him. He knew what it was now for someone to see him - to _really_ see him. Even if she didn’t see all his scars just yet, he wanted her to.

He quickly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Tears were threatening to fall and he felt a prickle of shame for it.

Marinette gently took his other hand, softly curling her fingers into his like they had the other.

She was looking into his eyes as she spoke, her voice a hushed whisper, “You’re okay. If you feel like crying, you’re allowed to cry. If you want to smile then smile. You’re allowed to _feel_ whatever it is you’re feeling.”

A few tears of her own had rolled down her cheeks. Chat’s heart throbbed painfully as he looked at her. To him she was so perfect. Her beautiful dark hair and that flowed round her face in the breeze, her smooth skin tinted with a pink blush, her warm vanilla scent and her bluebell eyes so full of emotion that he couldn’t comprehend.  
It was right to not bring her roses or sweets. That wasn’t enough. He wanted to give her more. He wanted to give her everything that was him. Whatever pieces of him she wanted were all hers.   
He knew what he wanted to do.

“Marinette,” he whispered, “could you close your eyes?”

* * *

Marinette’s heart jumped when she heard Chat Noir land on the roof above her. She waited a few tense moments for him to knock on the skylight but he never did. She shared a nervous look with Tikki, who gestured with her head for Marinette to go. It was a cool night, so she slipped a large jumper on over her pajamas before climbing up.

It was hard to control her trembling breath when she lifted herself through the opening and saw him. He had his back turned to her as he leaned over the railing. It reminded her of the night when he had visited and pretended to play the piano for her. That seemed so long ago now.

Now he looked so small and fragile. Like if she were to reach out and touch him he would shatter. She wasn’t sure if he’d even noticed she was there.

She didn’t want to frighten him so her voice came out in a hushed tone, “Chat?”

He let out a small cough before answering, “H-Hey, Marinette.”

Marinette felt a crushing weight in her chest. He still wasn’t looking at her.

Wordlessly, she made her way over to stand next to him. She was careful to make sure that she kept a space between them as she also leaned on the railing.

There was a deafening silence between them. Marinette couldn’t tell what type of face he was making as he still avoided her.

She decided to start off easy, “You got the present then?”

His cat ears and tail twitch slightly from her words, “Yes. I wanted to thank you for that. I...It made me really happy.”

They went quiet again.  
Marinette nervously chewed her lip as she searched for something to say. Chat was right there. He’d come back and all she could do was stand there as her thoughts floundered.   
She glanced towards him and saw he was looking down at her arm. She’d since taken the bandage off but there were still visible tender marks. Immediately she went to pull down the sleeve of her sweater but his hand reached out. He stopped just short of touching her.

“No, don’t cover them.” his voice trembled, “I wanted to say...that I’m sorry.”

Marinette turned to him. His lips into a tight line as his downcast eyes flickered nervously. He still refused to look at her.

She took a deep breath, “Chat. Look at me.”

Waiting patiently, she watched him as he slowly lifted his head. There was such apprehension in his eyes that made her want to reach out to him. She wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay. But she resisted. She needed to let him do this on his own terms if she didn’t want a repeat of before.

Finally his eyes reached hers. They were glowing in the low light and shimmered with such fear and sorrow she felt like her heart would break.

“I’m sorry.” his voice cracked as he spoke.

She shook her head. She needed to help him understand, “I’m the one who should be sorry. I did something that made you uncomfortable. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry, Chat.”

Marinette couldn’t stand to see how pained he looked. She could see the faint trembling of his shoulders and his eyes becoming misted. She could feel her own tears welling up within her.

“I want to know you better.” her voice wavered as the words came pouring out, “Even if it isn’t all good. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’ll be here if you ever do.”

She really did want to know. Whatever nightmares Chat had been holding back, whatever burden he was carrying - she wanted to share in it. She wanted to be there for him.

A sob caught in her throat, “I want to know you.”

She felt the droplets roll down her cheeks as she observed his reaction. He'd looked like the floor had given out underneath him and he was left in a free fall.

After a moment his cat ears lay flat on his head as he returned to meet her gaze. He let out a shuddered sigh as he held out his hand towards hers, the one he had wounded. She was confused by his action but she returned the gesture and held out her hand to him.

It was so gentle the way he grasped her fingers, his own curling into hers. It was so soft and timid like he was afraid his claws would dig into her skin again. His free hand tentatively caressed over what remained over the injury he had caused.

His words came slow and were thick with anxiety, "I’m - I'm actually a coward."

Her heart twisted harshly in her chest. She couldn't believe that the easy going, friendly, humourous and reckless Chat Noir she knew would consider himself a _coward_.

He was smiling, though it was weak and his eyes betrayed his true feeling of panic, "I’m scared all the time. I use dumb jokes to cover it up. I say everything is fine even when it’s not. I hide from people.”

Her breathing stilled as his eyes glistened. She could tell he wanted to cry but was holding it back. His next words pierced her.

“I’m damaged, Marinette."

Her fingers tightened in his as she rushed to respond, "How can you say that? You’re not damaged Chat!"

His laugh was hollow, “I can’t deal with it - when people touch me. My neck and my wrists...”

Her eyes followed his free hand as he gestured to himself. His neck. That was why he'd panicked when she touched him before. Marinette was distraught she'd done that to him, even if she didn't know what effect it had. All this time he'd been suffering alone and she _didn't kno_ w. What kind of partner was she that she had no idea he was going through this?

"I don’t think you’re a coward. You’re strong Chat, even if you don’t believe it. You’re always putting others before you. But it’s not wrong to consider your own feelings for once.”

Marinette watched him as he harshly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. She tenderly took it with her free hand and brought it away from his face, lovingly clasping her fingers in his in a similar hold to their other hands.

She wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. That she would be there for him. That she would help share his pain so that he wasn't overcome by it. That for whatever flaws he thought he had, he was so very dear to her. 

She looked into his apprehensive stare, her words quivering as she spoke, “You’re okay. If you feel like crying, you’re allowed to cry. If you want to smile then smile. You’re allowed to _feel_ whatever it is you’re feeling.”

She could feel the tears that fell from her eyes, but she refused to look away from him. His own were searching hers for a moment with a frenzied nervousness.

Eventually his gaze softened and the tense posture he'd been holding relaxed some.

“Marinette,” his voice was low and husk, “could you close your eyes?”

She looked at him for a moment but with a nod she complied. There was no movement for a time and she wondered if maybe he just didn't want her to see his tears should he let them fall.

Marinette felt his hands shift in hers. Instead of simply having his fingertips curled into hers, he had now tenderly interlocked them completely so that their palms were pressed together and their fingers intertwined. Without seeing it she could feel completely the way his hands were larger than hers, but had such a gentle hold.

She felt his breath tickle her cheek as he leaned in. She was flooded with a comforting scent that reminded her of the fresh warmth of summer. His scent.

Marinette found herself holding her breath, feeling his own bounce of her skin. Why was he so close?

It was so soft. Almost a timid touch. And so warm. His lips carefully pressed to hers in a tentative kiss.

She kept her eyes closed, feeling that she was suddenly dreaming and didn't want to wake.

It was a shy kiss, but it didn't feel chaste. She felt like he was pouring so much emotion into her as his lips gently brushed hers.

Her heart pounded in her ears and she could feel her cheeks blaze hot. She wondered if he'd noticed the heat from her face with how close he was.

He was pulling back, but she didn't want him too. She squeezed his hands tighter as she followed him. Still with her eyes closed, her lips clumsily found his again. She felt him gasp against her but he let her continue the kiss. There was a faint taste of peppermint on his lips. She wanted to push the kiss further. To lick at his lips and to taste and feel more of him. But she held back. She didn't want to force a pace on him if he wasn't ready.

This shy, uncertain, honest kiss was enough.

Her heart was full of love and she wanted him to feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it only took 17 chapters for these hopeless dorks to finally kiss...


	18. Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Chat Noir spend time together as they explore their feelings.

Marinette opened her eyes when his lips left hers again. She missed the tender warmth but with her heart feeling so full she didn’t mind. Her eyes were met by his. The verdant glow of them was so breathtaking that she didn’t want to look away. There was a hint of a blush under his mask as he looked back at her with an apprehensive surprise. It slowly sunk in. He’d kissed her. Then she'd kissed him.

She felt her blush cover her cheeks in full as she started sputtering, “I’m sorry! I just moved on impulse.”

Chat sheepishly looked away as he let out a low laugh, “No, that’s okay. I should have asked properly first.”

Marinette could feel a slight tremor in his hands that were still tightly interlocked with hers. Chat had always come across with loud bravado and theatrics whenever he’d flirted with Ladybug. The person before her was nothing like that. She’d offhandedly thought about it before how it would be to kiss Chat, but it was nothing like what she’d expected. He was shy and the kiss had been gentle but uncertain.

Marinette let out a quiet gasp as it occurred to her, “Chat? Was that...this first time you’ve kissed someone?”

His eyes darted back to her before immediately looking away again. The tint on his cheeks deepened.

“First real one.” he laughed nervously, “That bad, huh?”

“N-No it was good!” her words tumbled out, “I mean I went for a second one as well. And it’s not like I have anything to compare it to…”

She wasn’t lying. The only guy she’d sort of had a relationship had been a brief one with Luka. He’d asked her out, but when she couldn’t get over her feelings for Adrien she never got anywhere near intimate with the guitarist. Luka, patient and understanding as he was, backed off and accepted that she just wanted to be friends. She still wasn’t over Adrien, and yet here she was with Chat. Someone she hadn’t really expected to fall in love with but had ended up kissing him and  _ liking it _ .

Chat was looking at her with alarm, his cat ears pointing straight up, “Wait that was  _ your _ first? Shit, Mari I really should have asked.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Sorry, you probably thought it would be a bit more than that. I just kinda...did it.”

Marinette shook her head, squeezing his hands in hers, “No really, it’s okay. I’m happy that it was you.”

He had a small smile as he let out a shuddering sigh, “I really can’t win against you. It’s hard to hold myself back around you.”

“Does that mean you’ll give me another kiss?”

The question came out before Marinette realised she’d said it. Her brain ceased to function for a split second as it felt like all the heat in her body rushed to her face. Did she seriously just ask that?   
Chat was looking back at her with equal shock, his cat-like eyes wide and his mouth working to form words that wouldn’t come.

“N-Nevermind!” she was almost yelling, “I said that without thinking! I understand if you’re not comfortable-”

He leaned in and cut her off mid ramble. Gingerly, his lips were pressed to her forehead. Marinette slammed her mouth shut to cease her chattering as he mind went blank again. It was too soon when he pulled away again.

“Sorry,” he murmured, “but this is as much as I can handle right now.”

She nodded wordlessly, still enjoying the lingering feeling of the kiss. It was almost as good as the one to her lips.

She gasped as she understood the full meaning of his words, “Oh, so then this…”

Marinette motioned to her hands that were still intertwined with his. She could see his tail lashing nervously behind him. His eyes shifted as he avoided looking directly at her.

“Sorry, just give me a minute.” he mumbled.

She let his hands slip from hers. She tried to put aside how much she was missing the weight and warmth of his grasp.

“You don’t need to apologise to me.” she reassured, “I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to.”

“That’s not it. I mean, I want to it’s just…”

He trailed off and went silent for a moment before letting out an exasperating groan and sinking to the floor. He leaned back against the railing as he sat down, wrapping his arms around his knees as he brought them up to his chest.

“I’m so stupid.” his muttering was barely audible to her.

Marinette watched him a moment before sitting down next to him, careful to keep a small gap between them.

“You don’t need to worry about it.” she whispered to him, “You can take however long you need to work through this. I’ll be here for you when you’re ready to talk about it.”

His fingers were going through their habitual tapping against this arm as he studied her. She didn’t mind how he would watch her. His glowing cat-like eyes were reserved yet so expressive in the way they flickered.

“I do want to tell you.” his voice was hushed as he spoke, “Just not yet.”

Marinette had expected he wouldn’t come out with everything there and then. She believed that there was a reason for him being the way he was. Something had to have happened to cause his sensitivity, something to the person he was behind the mask. Her heart wrenched at the thought of not knowing what he was suffering from. He’d said he’d tell her eventually though, and she trusted him. She wondered if that included him telling her his real identity. The identities that she herself as Ladybug forced them to keep secret from each other. She really wondered if that had been the right choice now. Maybe she could have helped him sooner if she had known.

“Just one more thing.” he quietly added, “Don’t tell anyone about this. About me. Ladybug included.”

Marinette froze at the mention of her alter ego.

“You...don’t want Ladybug to know?” she asked breathlessly.

“I’m her partner and she needs to know I’ll have her back no matter what. I can’t have her falter for being worried about me.”

Marinette nervously chewed her lip. How would he react if she told him right there that she was Ladybug? That hidden under the floorboards of her room beneath them was the Miracle Box?

She carefully observed Chat out of the corner of her eye. He looked worn out as he stared at the ground in front of him. Talking to her like this was probably taking a toll on him mentally. She decided to withhold the Ladybug bombshell for now. That would probably be too much to handle at this time.

She knew she had to tell him eventually, but for now she just wanted him to be comfortable and okay. Her heart warmed with the idea that she didn’t need to be Ladybug to be there for him. He wanted Marinette right now.   
_ I can be just Marinette a little longer _ , she smiled as she thought.

* * *

Chat Noir stared blankly at the ground before him. He felt guilty to be asking Marinette to keep it all a secret, but he didn’t like the idea of other people getting worried about him. The last thing he wanted was for Ladybug to treat him differently when he was meant to be her stalwart partner.   
“I’ll not say anything.” Marinette promised, “But you can always come to me when you need.”

Chat let out a quiet sigh of relief. How could this girl be so understanding without knowing everything? He knew he’d have to tell her eventually. But his thoughts were a jumbled mess on where to begin. That he was really Adrien Agreste, his isolating home-life, his experiences with Lila...and  _ that _ . How would he explain  _ that _ to her? That there’d been someone who’d irrevocably damaged him so much that he struggled to hold the hands of the girl he loved for more than five minutes - that he couldn’t even kiss her without shaking.

He forced back down the thoughts and feelings surging within him. He didn’t want to think about all that right now. Not with Marinette sitting there next to him. This amazing girl was showing him saintly levels of patience and kindness.

“Chat?” she whispered.

He must have been quiet for too long, as she was looking at him with concern.

“Sorry, was just thinking about how amazing you are.” he chuckled.

Her cheeks went pink at the compliment, “I’m not amazing.”

“No, you are. You’re always helping those who need it.”

She looked away as her eyes suddenly became despondent. Chat wondered if he’d said something wrong.

Marinette fiddled with the hem of her jumper as she spoke, “I do want to help people. But I don’t always know what to do.”

He found that a little hard to believe, as to him she’d always been incredibly empathetic and resourceful when coming to the aid of others.

“There’s someone you don’t know how to help?” he asked.

“A friend of mine is going through something. I have my suspicions but I don’t know if they’re right or not.”

“Have you talked to your friend?”

Marinette’s hair bounced around as she shook her head, “He’s been busy recently so we haven’t had the chance to talk much. Though I think even if I were to ask, he wouldn’t tell me anything. Adrien always brushes off stuff like this.”

Chat’s breathing hitched at the mention of his real name. She hadn’t only been worried about the version of him sitting next to her, but his other self too? He looked away as he wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making. He didn’t want her to suspect anything.   
His thoughts were in turmoil again. Marinette had noticed Adrien. He’d been trying to not show how his normal self was struggling with everything, but she still saw it. Maybe Plagg was right when he’d called him as subtle as a trainwreck.

Marinette sighed, “I just want him to know he’s got his friends there for him. That we could maybe help if he’d let us.”

Chat felt a pang in his heart as he looked at her. She really was worried about him. He was annoyed with himself for letting this happen. He’d not only upset her as Chat Noir, but as Adrien too.

Chat tightened his arms around his knees, his voice feeling stiff as he spoke, “Maybe he already knows you’re there.”

“I don’t know.” she mumbled, “I just want to ask him if he’s okay.”

“And you want him to answer?”

“Well, of course I do.”

“Even if he can’t give you one immediately?”

Marinette turned to him, her bluebell eyes blinking, “If he needs to take his time to give an honest answer then that’s fine. I just want to be there for him.”

Chat gave a wry smile, “You sure you want to put yourself through all that?”

She flashed him a stern glare, “Adrien’s my friend so I’ll stick by him because I care! And I care about you too Chat. I’m not “putting myself through” anything. I’m  _ choosing _ to support my friends and you, even if it might be difficult.”

He could feel his heart quicken at her fierce protective nature for those dear to her. For her it wasn’t one or the other. She wanted to be there for his two selves, even though she didn’t know it was both him. She was important to him too. It still scared him to the point of feeling sick when he thought about telling her everything. All the things he’d carefully kept hidden away. But he'd decided he wanted to place his heart in her hands, weak and broken as it was.

He turned to her so he could look her face on. His heart was racing and he felt the familiar dizzy fog settle in his head as she stared back at him with surprise.

“Marinette,” he swallowed thickly, trying to pull the words out of his throat, “I-I’m...you see - I’m actually…”

She was waiting, her bluebell gaze giving him her undivided attention. He could feel himself trembling.

_ Coward. _

“Marinette…”

_ I’m such a coward. _

“I just wanted to say…”

She was still looking at him. A light blush was rising in her cheeks and he could hear her faint nervous breath from her parted lips.

A wry smile tugged on his lips, “I just wanted to tell you you’re beautiful.”

Her face flushed an adorable scarlet as she shrieked, “What the heck is that? How can you say that so casually?”

“Because it’s true.”

He chuckled as she attempted to cover her embarrassed face with her hands.

It hadn’t been at all what he’d wanted to say. Though he wasn’t lying when he said it. Everything about her was beautiful to him. He’d have to try telling her who he really was another time.

“Stupid cat.” she mumbled behind her hands.

Chat relished the warmth that grew in his chest. He absolutely adored her and wanted to remember her flustered reactions forever.

Chat sighed as he looked up into the night sky, “It’s getting late. You should get some sleep.”

Marinette peeked out from her fingers, “You’re leaving?”

He felt a little of his normal charm return as he smirked at her, “Why? Are you wanting me to spend the night?”

“Shut up! That’s  _ not _ what I’m asking!”

“Then what is it?”

“I just...wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

He smiled at her, a soft but sincere one, “I’m okay.”

“G-good. And, um…”

“And?”

She had removed her hands from her face and was looking at him again. A red still covered her cheeks as she gazed intently at him, her eyes searching his.

Her voice waved, “Can I…?”

He watched her a moment, trying to figure out what she was asking. He noticed how her hands were now clutched to her chest and her lips trembled slightly.

_ Oh _ .

He nervously licked his lips as he thought how to respond.

“N-Nevermind!” she stammered, “I-I was just thinking and it’s dumb but you don’t need to-”

He cut her off by leaning towards her. His heart was in uproar with her being so close, like it was ready to explode. Even if it hurt, he wanted her close. He didn’t want her to doubt his feelings, despite all his fear and anxiety.

Chat gently took one of her hands in his. He hoped his shaking wasn’t obvious as he brought it towards him , placing it over his chest where his heart was. She was hesitant as her fingertips touched him, but eventually pressed her palm against him with his hand resting over hers. With how crazy his heartbeat was, there was no doubt she could feel it.

She gazed at him in silent awe, her face still tinted pink.

His eyes met hers as he spoke in a hushed tone, “If it’s you Princess, you can ask anything of me.”

He wasn’t sure if it was his hand or hers he felt trembling against his chest.

Her voice came out a shy and quiet whisper, “Can you kiss me?”

Chat’s breath hitched at the question. She was watching him nervously. She was waiting for him to say no. He smiled and squeezed her hand.

He could see her blush deepen as he leaned in closer until his nose brushed hers. He hesitated a moment, taking in her sweet vanilla scent. She closed her eyes, leaving it up to him to continue.

It didn’t feel as clumsy as their first one, though he still wasn’t sure what he was doing. His lips brushed against hers gently at first before he applied more pressure. He wanted to etch the feeling of her into his heart. Her hand tensed slightly against his chest, her nails digging into the fabric of his suit. He wanted to know if she tasted sweet too.

He could feel the uncomfortable white noise screaming at him from the depths of his mind but he pushed back on it. He wanted it to just be him and Marinette at that moment. No matter how hard his anxiety clawed at him, he trusted her.

He parted his lips against hers and tentatively licked her bottom lip. She let out a small squeak in response. His heart lurched at how cute she was. Again his tongue softly swiped at her lips. This time she allowed him access. He lifted his free hand to cup her cheek as the kiss deepened. With his eyes closed, he relished in the soft sounds she made as he explored the warmth and taste of her, letting her do the same to him. It felt like his chest was on fire and he needed to breathe, but he didn’t want to break away.

It came over him like an electric shock. Without warning, the white noise surged until it was deafening. His eyes flew open as he pulled back from her, but he regretted it immediately as he instantly felt nauseated from the way the world spun around him.

“Chat?” her voice was distant.

Shit.  _ Shit. _

He’d pushed it too much. He wanted it so much. He wanted  _ her _ . And yet his body was reacting in such a way.

His breathing became shallow gulps as he tried to hold back the overwhelming panic. Why did this have to happen? He loved and trusted her but this was still happening.

Marinette’s panicked voice was barely audible over the white noise, “Did I do something?”

“Not you.” he hissed between his teeth, trying to return his breathing to normal.

He could feel her try to pull her hand away from him, but he clutched it harder. He didn’t want to let go of her. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on the warmth of her hand against his chest.

Her gentle voice reached him again, “Show me how to do it.”

His eyes opened a crack as he looked in her direction, at least what he assumed was her direction. His vision was too distorted to be sure. He didn’t know what she was asking.

One by one, her fingertips firmly pressed against his chest. She did it a few more times, alternating which one was applying pressure until he understood.

His hand was shaking but he managed to move it so that it lay flat on top of hers, his fingers in line with hers. He clumsily pushed down on her fingers with his own, feeling the slow formation of the familiar rhythm as she followed his lead and applied the same sequence with her own hand against his chest.

Chat focused hard on the feeling of her fingertips on him. With his assistance she tapped out what he could recognise as the chain of notes for  _ Clair de Lune _ . Slowly, his breathing started to calm down as he could almost distantly hear the nostalgic music being played.

Chat wasn’t sure how long it took for his breathing and vision to return to normal. The white noise had slowly receded, leaving a tense headache in its place.

“Are you okay?” Marinette whispered.

He still held her hand to his chest and he could feel a slight tremble from her.

“Sorry, I think I pushed it.” he replied with a dry laugh.

She didn’t sound angry, but she was definitely upset as she scolded him, “I told you, you don’t need to force yourself to do anything.”

“I wanted to though.”

He’d really wanted to. He hated that he acted like that in front of her, breaking what should have been a loving moment.

Chat lifted his gaze to hers. She was looking back at him with obvious concern. Her hand clutched again at his chest, tugging on the fabric of his suit.

“Are you okay?” she repeated.

He gently took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips, brushing a soft kiss on her fingers, “I’m okay. Thank you, Princess.”

Her expression was still marked with worry, “I’m serious, Chat. You don’t need to make yourself do anything for me. We can take it slow.”

It bothered him, but he nodded in agreement. It wouldn’t be fair on her if he were to have another reaction if they tried to do something again.

Chat let go of her hand as he stood up. He still felt a little faint, and the throbbing headache persisted. Marinette stood up with him, her eyes never leaving his.

“I should get going.” he said as he pulled himself up to crouch on the railing.

He looked back towards Marinette. Her bluebell eyes were shimmering as she looked at him. She chewed her lip, telling him she wanted to say something. He waited a moment to let her speak.

Her voice came out small and nervous, “Will you come back?”

He was initially surprised by her question before remembering that he had bolted without a word the last time.

“Of course, Princess.” he told her with a grin.

Her worried expression was overcome with relief as she smiled back at him. It soothed his own tension when she looked at him like that. Like he was wanted. That he mattered.

“I’ll come again tomorrow night.” he promised.

Her smile only grew, “Please do.”

He paused a moment to take in the view of her. Once he was satisfied that the look of her dark hair and bluebell eyes in the soft glow of fairy lights was commited to memory, he made to leave. With his usual salut as a farewell, he vaulted over the railing.

His heart soared faster and higher than Chat could run over the Paris rooftops. He still hated his awful reaction that brought an immediate stop to their intimacy. But she’d let him hold onto her and stayed with him. She even wanted him to come back to her again. He couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled in his chest. It had felt like a deadly gamble to make, but he was sure Marinette was the right one to bet himself on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure would be a shame if someone were to throw some angst into that fluff.
> 
> Thanks so much for all the support you guys have given so far! I'm really happy how well Penumbra is being received.


	19. Unravel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING** : This chapter contains descriptions of sexual harrasment and assault.
> 
> Marinette is looking forward to spending more time with Chat Noir.  
> Adrien still hates dancing with Lila.

Marinette sat on the bench in the school courtyard with her phone in her hands. She was looking up videos of pianists playing _Clair de Lune_ . Specifically ones that you could see the musicians hands on the keys.  
It had scared her yesterday when Chat had been overcome with panic. It had gone from like she was in heaven, feeling the intimate heat of his lips on hers, to a sudden nightmare. It had been like watching him suffocate in front of her. He had told her it wasn’t her fault, but still something inside him had broken and he was struggling to reassemble the scattered pieces. She had tried to pull away to give him space but he wouldn’t let her. His hand holding on firm to hers, she felt secretly relieved that he was wanting her to stay there. Even if the state of his heartbeat under her hand terrified her.

Marinette had tried talking to him but she didn’t think her words were reaching him. If he couldn’t hear her then she had to try something else. She’d notice the habit for a while, and he seemed to mostly do it when he was nervous. Using a gentle pressure from her fingertips, she managed to indicate it to him. Thankfully he’d understood and he was able to guide her in playing the silent notes of _Clair de Lune_. It was probably only some minutes, but it had felt like hours as they slowly brought him back from whatever state of chaos he’d been drowning in.

She didn’t want to see him like that again. Even if it meant she couldn’t kiss him like they had. She wouldn’t do that to him. It was too much to bear just to watch, so she couldn’t imagine what it was like for him going through it.

Marinette had decided. Even if it wasn’t much, she could still do _something_.

So there she was, watching piano videos on how to play _Clair de Lune_ on repeat. From what she could recall of what Chat had shown her last night, his tapping habit followed the right hand movements for the first section of the score.

“Learning to play piano?” Alya asked as she leaned over to look at Marinette’s phone.

“Something like that.” Marinette mumbled in reply, trying to follow the pianist’s movements with her own hand on her knee. Chat hadn’t been wrong when he said it wasn’t an easy song to play. But then she’d never played piano before.

Alya hummed, “Wouldn’t you be better off with something easier? Like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?”

“No, it has to be this one.”

Her friend watched her for a moment. Marinette could tell her journalist curiosity was burning, but was grateful that Alya just shrugged and dropped it.

“Adrien’s not going to be in this afternoon either.” Nino sighed as he walked up to them.

“They’re really keeping him busy, huh?” Alya said with a less than subtle glance to Marinette.

“He said he was at a wardrobe fitting this morning then back to choreography practice this afternoon. Oh Marinette, he said the clothing you designed looks great by the way.”

Marinette felt a slight blush at the compliment. She hadn’t seen anything of the clothing since she handed over her designs, but for Adrien to like them then they must have turned out okay. She smiled as she tried to imagine what colour palette they chose in the end and how he looked in it.

Alya turned her attention back to Nino, “They have to actually film it soon though, don’t they?”

“About that.” Nino smirked, “Adrien said they’d be filming in a few days and asked if we wanted to come watch.”

“Seriously? He can get us in?”

“Yeah. They’re using the Le Grand Paris ballroom to film. He said he’d get us guest passes if we wanted.”

“That’s awesome! Isn’t it, Marinette?”

Marientte felt Alya eagerly elbow her in the ribs. She’d never been on a film set before, even a minor one like a music video. Apart from the time when Clara Nightingale almost had her portray Ladybug for another music video she did some years ago. She found it a little funny how this time again it was a Clara Nightingale song.

“You want to go then?” Nino asked.

“Of course we do!” Alya answered for both of them.

Marinette nodded with a small smile. She did want to see it, though she mostly just wanted to see Adrien wearing one of her designs again. Of course Lila would be there too, but she hoped if she just stood off to the side enough that the vicious girl wouldn’t pay her any attention. She only wanted to go for Adrien afterall. Maybe if she was lucky she’d be able to have a proper conversation with him.

The conversation quickly became Alya gushing over her wondering if she could get interviews or take photos at the filming. Marinette looked back to the video on her phone. Chat said he’d visit her again that night. She tried to hold back a giggle to herself as she imagined how his face would look if she could show him that she could play the sequence too. He would surely be happy, and his cat-like eyes would light up in that gleaming way they do to show it. And maybe he’d smile at her. One of his shy but sweetly sincere ones that made her heart go crazy.

“What’s with Mari?” Nino asked.

“Oh that’s just her lovestruck face.” Alya laughed, “She’s probably thinking about Adrien.”

Marinette jolted, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks, “N-No I’m not!”

Her friends looked at her with sarcastic disbelief.

“Then what are you thinking about?” Alya teased.

Marinette fidgeted with her hands as she tried to think of an answer, “T-That’s, um…”

She couldn’t just tell them she was daydreaming about Chat Noir. Alya would never let her live it down if she knew. And they’d want to know why she was thinking of him like that. How would she explain the whirlwind that had been their relationship these past weeks that led them to this point?

“I was just thinking about the new croissant recipe my dad was trying.” Marientte lied, “They’re really good!”

Alya smirked, sensing the lie, “Oh, we’ll have to come try them some time.”

“No! You know how my dad is. He doesn’t like to show new recipes until he thinks they’re ready.”

Marinette settled into an awkward laughter. Her two friends exchanged a humorous look with each other but didn’t ask more.

Once the conversation had returned to more normal levels, Marinette set back to thinking about that evening. She trusted Chat that he would come, so she needed to think ahead a little. Maybe he would like something to eat or she could make hot chocolate again. She smiled to herself. There were more ways than just a kiss to show her feelings for him, she just had to figure out what he would like.

* * *

Adrien had slept somewhat better last night. He still hadn’t been able to sleep through the night and felt restless, but he hadn’t woken up feeling nauseated and in a cold sweat. Time spent in Marientte’s company had been like a soothing balm for him, even with his shameful reaction to their intimate kiss. His heart was feeling a little lighter thanks to her. He’d survived the crashing down of his defenses, but she’d been waiting there on the other side.  
He sat at breakfast that morning, alone at the table as usual with only Nathalie standing nearby as she scrolled through something on her tablet. His appetite was still minimal, but he managed a few more bites than the past number of days.

He was deep in thought though. In his wakeful moments during the night he was trying to come up with some sort of plan. He wanted to talk to Marinette, to tell her everything. She deserved to know he was Adrien as well as Chat Noir. She deserved to know all parts of him, even if it included the pieces he’d held deep down inside himself for so long.  
Adrien was tired. The only moments of peace he’d known recently were the ones spent with her as Chat Noir. He wanted time with her as Adrien too.

“Hey, Nathalie?” he asked quietly.

“Yes Adrien.” she responded coolly without looking up from her tablet.

“Is there any chance I could talk with my father?”

At this she paused. She looked at him over her device with her usual calculating stare.

“You know your father is very busy. I’ll have to see if I can find an appointment for you somewhere.”

Adrien frowned. He hated that word. Appointment.

Nathalie returned her focus to the tablet, probably checking calenders, “Can I ask what it is you want to talk about?”

“I want to take a break.”

Another pause.

“A break?”

“From modeling. From all jobs, actually.”

Nathalie again looked at him with a hard measured stare, “You know your father is extremely proud of your work.”

Adrien tapped the comforting sequence against his leg under the table where she couldn’t see, “I know. It’s just...I want to spend some time being a ‘normal’ teenager. I’m not going to be one for much longer.”

She pursed her lips as she read his expression. Adrien held his breath.

After a moment she nodded in understanding, “I’ll see what i can do. For now you’ll need to continue with your current work though.”

He let out a quiet sigh of relief, “Yes, I will.”

He thought a bit more in the silence that followed. The music video would be filmed soon. He wondered if Marinette had been invited to see it, as she’d probably want to see her designs in use.

“Just one more thing. One small thing.” he said sheepishly.

Nathalie looked at him again, waiting for him to continue.

“Could my friends come to the filming?”

He wasn’t sure, but it looked like her eyes softened a little as she answered, “Ask them and let me know how many guest passes you want. I should be able to procure a few.”

He couldn’t hold back his smile, “Thanks, Nathalie.”

It wasn’t until later that afternoon that he was able to text Nino to ask if they wanted to come. He’d spent the morning going over some final wardrobe fitting before filming. Unfortunately there wasn’t a mirror in the room so he couldn’t see himself in it, but the seamstress who was checking over the fit of fabric seemed pleased. He’d chuckled when he saw the clothing hung up on the railing though. It was primarily black with gold and green accents. Chat Noir colours. He’d never doubted Marinette’s sense of fashion, but he was still really excited to be wearing something she’d designed.

He wondered about asking Marinette to come to the filming directly, but as he looked at their messaging history it was depressingly sparse. It would probably be awkward for her if he were to ask her suddenly out of the blue like that. The three of them would be a school, so Nino could pass on the message at least. It only took a few short minutes before Nino answered his text. He smiled when Nino had responded with a series of thumbs up emojis. He quickly sent a message to let Nathalie know he wanted the three guest passes.

“Adrien, phone away please.” the dance instructor announced as she clapped her hands, “Break is over, so let’s go over this again.”

He tried to hide his disdain as he slipped his phone back into his bag. He caught sight of Plagg curled up and fast asleep in his change of clothes. A cat’s life sounded pretty good right about now. He’d been spending his afternoon going over the dance choreography again since the actual filming was just around the corner. Apparently the director was trying to get everything fast tracked now. Dancing with Lila had reached passable, but not without extra effort on his part. The negative quality of her skill meant he had to make up for it with everything he had, or else they would just keep falling over each other. He’d learned to adjust his movements to compensate for her lack of, but it often left him exhausted and sore after practice.

Lila stood waiting, holding her arms out for him to take. He had to hold himself back from flinching when he took her hand and her nails dug into him. The music started and the instructor told them to begin.

Forward progressive movement. Promenade position. Whisk into chasse back into promenade. Natural spin turn.

He went over the required steps in his mind as they went. He needed to know the following movements before they got to them in case Lila made a mistake and he could make the necessary corrections. For all their practice she still only had the sense of rhythm and elegance of a wilted cabbage. He hated it.

They went through the routine a few times before the instructor called an end to the session.

“Well, the director is just going to have to find that acceptable.” she sighed, “Not exactly romantic but it’s something.”

Adrien stood a moment to catch his breath as the instructor waved them off as she left the room. He felt guilty that as a professional, she was having to deal with amateurs such as him and Lila. He hadn’t looked at Lila since the dance ended. He didn’t say anything either as he returned to his bag to grab the bottle of water he had. He didn’t drink from it, instead leaning his back against the wall and waited. Right on que Lila came up and took the bottle from him, taking a long drink from it. Adrien eyed the second bottle of water that was still in his bag. This had become a habit from her, so he’d taken to bringing two with him to each dance practice.

“It’s about time they started filming this.” Lila moaned, unceremoniously dropping the bottle on his bag, “And who does she think she is? Saying we’re not romantic.”

Adrien said nothing. He didn’t see any point in answering.

Lila continued, “Of course it looks romantic. We look so good together after all.”

She shifted up next to him, looking across the room to where a large mirror covered the wall opposite. It made his skin crawl, not only feeling her pressed against him but also seeing it in their reflection.

“You’re being awfully quiet.” Lila’s voice was low and laced with a sickening sweetness, “I hope you’re not ignoring me.”

“Of course not.” he returned stiffly, though he was kind of trying to pretend she wasn’t there.

Suddenly Lila flipped herself round so that she was no longer beside him, but in front of him. She pressed her whole body into his and her hands touched his chest.

“Good.” she giggled, “Otherwise I’ll need to make it so you _can’t_ ignore me.”

Adrien’s stomach dropped as he felt her hips against his own. She shifted so that she was straddled against one of his legs, her centre so close to his. One of her hands slipped down, tracing over his abdomen before resting at his belt. It was heavy and suffocating the way she used her body to pin him against the wall. And he could see it so clearly in the mirror before him.

He felt her hand move down further. It slipped between his legs, grabbing his centre through the fabric of his jeans. He jolted involuntarily. It had been hard to breathe before, but now it was impossible. On the edges of his blurred vision he could see Lila’s sultry smile as her hand worked against him. He was repulsed at how his body reacted. The white noise was screaming in his ears and his legs gave out. He collapsed to the floor, choking on his own rasping gasps. He simultaneously felt hot and cold as violent tremors wrecked his body. He was going to be sick.

Lila was poker faced as she watched him. She stood, watching the shaking mess he'd become under her forced touch. Wordlessly, she knelt down next to him. Taking his chin in her hand, she forced him to look at her. His vision was blurring as the world spun around him, but he could faintly see the smirk that crept across her face.

Adrien let out a strangled gasp as her lips were forced against his. He kept his jaw clenched shut, even though it made breathing all the more harder. He didn’t want to let her have that. It disgusted him how her tongue ran over his mouth but he still refused. Even though his senses were going out of control he could still feel it when she bit down on his lip. He yelped at the pain but still wouldn’t let her in. It was taking what little strength he had at that moment, but he refused to give her the satisfaction of kissing him how she wanted.

Lila pulled away with an amused laugh, “Maybe not yet then.”

Adrien felt like his heart would give out for all the twisting and spasming it was doing. It was a small relief when Lila stood up and headed to the door.

“As always,” he faintly heard her say, “It’s fun working with you.”

Adrien sat alone on the floor. He was still shivering uncontrollably and his mind had become shrouded in dense fog. He couldn’t think of anything. He weakly grabbed his bag, barely noticing that Plagg had popped his head out and was saying something to him. He couldn’t hear it over the white noise. It didn’t feel like his body wanted to cooperate with him as he struggled to his feet. He hauled his bag onto his shoulder and supported himself against the wall as he stumbled out of the dance studio.  
His eyes wandered over the corridor outside the room, thankful that no one was around, as he slowly made his way along until he reached the bathroom. He wasn’t able to make it to a toilet in time and instead had to let himself vomit into one of the sinks. He retched until his stomach cramped painfully and nothing but bile came up. He felt faint and his lungs heaved from the effort of just keeping himself standing as he held onto the edge of the sink with a white knuckled grip. He spat out a mix of saliva and bile, but noticed that wasn’t all. There was blood. He lifted his head to look in the mirror. His lip was bleeding where Lila had bitten him. The deep colour of the blood was a glaring stain on his pallid face.

Adrien turned on the tap and splashed the cold water onto his face. It didn’t do much for how weak and nauseated he felt, but he needed to remove any trace of her. He tentatively prodded his lip and hissed at the sting of it. He threw more cold water on his face. He didn’t want any of her on him. He wanted her gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Adrien. I feel bad this isn't the end of it. But I promise there's more fluff to come..


	20. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien comes to a decision for himself.  
> Marinette makes up her mind.

_“You have to do something, Gabriel!”_

_“If he’s going to be a man then he has to deal with it himself. I’ve already done all I can.”_

_“He’s still a child! He needs more help than silence.”_

_“Your coddling isn’t going to teach him anything, Emilie.”_

_“Surely you’re not blaming me or Adrien for this?”_

_“If he was less like you then maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”_

Adrien opened his eyes. He’d been dreaming again. He coughed from the irritating tightness of his throat. Rubbing his eyes he could feel the faint remains of dried tears.

The memory-turned-dream still lingered in him. Nothing had changed since then. He was still weak and allowed things to happen around him. His father always pushed for perfection because he wouldn’t accept anything less, and his mother who vanished without a word.

His parents changed after it had happened. Gabriel didn’t want to believe that something had gone _so wrong_ for his own son, that he forced silence over the whole thing. He’d used his reputation and finances to convince the right people so it was all hushed. Then his mother, who had tried so hard to fight in his corner. She’d wanted therapy, but his father refused based on the stigma attached to someone having a diminished mental health. Therapy was for those with drug addictions or too weak to face the reality of the world. Surely, Adrien was none of that.

That’s when Emilie had started teaching him piano. She had played a lot of it during his childhood, and taught him to use it as a means to self soothe. As he got older, he’d wondered if it had been the same for her. Perhaps she had also used music as a form of self healing for whatever demons she’d managed to hide from him. He didn’t like to think that she had struggled too, but then maybe that was why she’d disappeared.

Adrien was sick of it. Yes, he was weak. He’d allowed himself to fall into a vicious cycle of trying to placate others while letting himself get hurt in turn. He didn’t want to do it anymore. He’d thought before about denying these people his existence altogether, that he’d let himself vanish as his mother had. Maybe then they would have noticed that he wasn’t their pet or object to make use of however they wanted.

He’d come close to it a few times. Standing on the edge of that abyss you can’t return from. Staring deep into the long shadows that seemed to extend from his own nightmares. But he never did it. Somewhere along the line he’d become needed. He started school and made friends. He gained the power of the Miraculous and became Ladybug’s loyal partner. He found Marinette. He could always step back from that edge because he knew there was somewhere else for him.

Adrien had decided. He didn’t want to take a break anymore. He wanted to stop the modelling and all the side jobs completely. He’d talk to his father and give him no choice in the matter. He would no longer be the puppet of the Gabriel brand. He wouldn’t deal with Lila’s company again, no matter if she’s his father’s ‘muse’ or what. He was _done_. If Lila decided to go after Marinette again he’d just have to find another way to prevent it. He’d just have to be more vigilant to protect her. Adrien didn’t want Marinette to get hurt over what had been a stupidly naive promise on his part. It should have been obvious that Lila wouldn’t be satisfied.

This nightmare that he’d allowed himself to endure had to end. He’d come to realise what it was he wanted. He wanted to make his own choices. He wanted to be alive. And he wanted to share what he had of his life with Marinette if she’d let him. He wanted to hold her and kiss her without the conditioned fear others had corrupted him with getting in the way. All the scars he had gained he wanted to replace with Marinette.

Adrien sat up on his bed. He had crashed on it after getting home earlier and had been there since, even refusing to get up for dinner. Apart from having no appetite, he didn’t feel like eating alone anyway.  
He turned his gaze to his bedside table where the music box was sitting. It was opened from him having it play its song earlier. It was comforting to listen to when he tried to sleep.

Plagg yawned from his usual napping spot on the pillow next to Adrien, “You can just go back to sleep, you know.”

Adrien’s body felt heavy as he shifted to the edge of the bed, “No, I promised Marinette I’d be there tonight.”

“She’s going to ask when she sees the state you’re in.”

Adrien didn’t want to think about what a sorry sight he must be. The couple hours of sleep he’d managed were restless, and his lip still stung. Even so he still wanted to go to her. She’d be more worried if he didn’t show up. Besides, it didn’t feel like his heart would settle down again unless she was near.

“I’ve already decided to quit once the filming for the video is done.” Adrien sighed, “I’ll tell her everything after that.”

Plagg bolted upright, “ _Everything_? Identity included?”

Adrien nodded, expecting his kwami to scold him for putting himself at risk like that. But he said nothing. The black cat watched him with a curious look for a moment before curling back up on the pillow.

“Hope you’re ready for it, kid.” he mumbled.

It wasn’t the reaction Adrien was ready for, but he was happy for Plagg’s acceptance.

Adrien hauled himself to his feet, swaying slightly as he steadied himself, “Don’t fall asleep. I’m taking a shower and then we’re going to Marinette’s.”

Plagg only yawned in response.

* * *

Marinette was getting nervous. Her leg bounced as she sat at her desk, glancing constantly at the clock. She’d let out a sigh when she saw that it had only been a few brief minutes since she last checked.

“You should do something to distract yourself.” Tikki suggested as she heard her holder sigh for the billionth time.

“He should be here by now.” Marinette mumbled.

Sometimes she would think she heard something and would immediately snap her eyes to the skylight, only for it to have been nothing.

 _He said he’d be here,_ she told herself over and over.

She almost fell out of her chair when she heard the knocking on the skylight. She scrambled eagerly to open it, smiling when she was met by Chat Noir.

She pretended to be mad, putting on a pout, “You’re late.”

“I wasn’t aware we had a set time.” he chuckled, “Sorry though. Long day.”

She slipped back down in her room, giving him the space to follow. Marinette wasn’t sure what frame of mind he would be in, so she thought she would allow some distance between them for the moment. Chat followed her quickly, swinging down from the skylight and taking care to not place his boots on her bed.

Marinette turned to him as they reached the main floor of her bedroom, her eyes widening as she did. In the full light of her room she could see him properly.

“Chat!” she gasped, “What happened?”

There was a bruising cut on his lower lip, a blooming purple stain against his pale skin.

His tail lashed nervously as he tried to avoid making eye contact with her, “Just something that happened today.”

She felt a pang in her heart as she looked at him, “You’re not going to tell me?”

He was trying to figure out what to say. His cat ears flicked anxiously as he looked around her room.

“Not yet.” he said quietly.

“Chat if someone is _hurting_ you I want to know!”

“Just...give me a few days. I’ll have it all dealt with by then. And I’ll tell you everything.”

His eyes hesitantly looked her way. She could tell he was afraid, but was trying to meet her halfway. He just needed time to resolve something before being open with her. She didn’t like it, but she wanted to trust him.

“Fine.” she sighed, “But if you get hurt again I _will_ need an answer.”

His smile was small but relieved, “A few days. I promise.”

She was still a little annoyed with him, but her heart had started racing. A few days and she would know who he was behind the mask. She could tell him too then, that she was Ladybug.

Marinette stepped closer to him, but still kept a gap between them, “Is there anything I can do?”

He seemed surprised by her question, but smiled softly after a moment, “I want to try and resolve it myself first.”

She pressed her lips together in a thin line as she looked into his verdant eyes. He really had to be stubborn about the most stupid of things.

“Even so, tell me if I can help.”

“Of course, Princess.”

Marinette couldn’t bring herself to look away from him. Even in the light of her room there seemed to be a soft glow about his eyes. She looked down to his lip, feeling the need to kiss him and take away whatever damage had been done. She reached out to touch him, but stopped short. Her eyes searched his for permission. Chat looked back at her with uncertainty. She knew he was trying to be subtle, but she heard him take a deep breath as he leaned into her touch. She cupped her hand against his cheek, being careful that she didn’t brush against his neck. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. She watched him carefully for him being uncomfortable as her thumb brushed over his skin. Her heart jumped when he turned his head so that his lips touched her palm. The heat of his breath tickled. She paused as she realised the actual warmth of him. His eyes opened when she moved her hand, but he didn’t withdraw from her touch as she moved up to feel his forehead.

“You’re hot.” she whispered.

Chat smirked, “Thank you.”

“ _No,_ you stupid cat! I mean you have a fever.”

“It’s only mild.”

She had to resist his pout. It was too cute.

“You should sit down.” she told him.

“Princess, really I’m-”

“ _Sit_!”

He blinked at her in alarm before moving to sit down on the chaise. His ears drooped and he looked like a child that had just been scolded. She placed her hand to his forehead again, using her other hand against her own to compare temperatures. He was definitely warmer than her.

She sighed, “Why did you go out if you’re not well?”

He looked at her before turning his gaze to the floor, “I wanted to see you.”

It was impossible for her to argue against that. She returned her hand to his cheek trying to hide how much she enjoyed it as he leaned into her touch.

“Have you eaten anything?”

He watched her a moment before slowly shaking his head. At least he wasn’t going to bother trying to pretend otherwise.

“Stay here.” she told him, “I’ll get you something.”

He shifted nervously, “Mari, you really don’t have to.”

“I was going to feed you anyway. It’ll just have to be something other than macarons.”

Chat was giving her a hesitant look, his cat ears laying flat as he fidgeted with his hands.

She continued, “You won’t let me help you with whatever else is going on, so at least let me do this. I don’t know what’s at home for you, but like this I’ll know at least you’ve had _some_ care.”

He winced slightly at her words. Marinette clenched her jaw as she saw him. She must have hit a nerve with that.

He lifted his eyes to hers with a shy smile, “Okay then, Princess.”

She was glad he agreed, cause she wasn’t going to let him leave as he was.

“Wait here. You can put a movie on if you want.” she gestured to her shelves that stored rows of dvds.

She had to stifle her laugh at how his gaze followed her like a lost kitten as she descended through the trap door.

Marinette quickly set to heating up some leftover soup. She was silently thankful to her mother for having made it earlier that day. She hoped it would be okay for him.

 _I don’t actually know what food he likes_ , she thought.

She added that to her mental list of things she wanted to know about him.  
It didn’t take long for the soup to warm up, so she poured some into two bowls and put them on a tray. She figured he’d feel better about eating something if she ate with him.

Chat had managed to set up a movie to play on her computer, but it was still waiting on the menu screen when she returned.

“You could have played it.” she said as she handed him one of the warm bowls.

He looked back at her with a grin, “I wanted to watch it with you.”

She started the movie before taking her own bowl and sitting down on the floor with her back resting against the chaise. Chat slipped from the seat to sit next to her, looking at her own food.

“You’re eating too?” he asked, a little bewildered.

She nodded, “Yeah, is there a problem?”

He smiled as he looked down, “No, it’s just been a while since I had a meal with someone.”

Marinette’s heart panged in her chest. Through all the little things that Chat had let slip to her, it seemed like his life on the other side of the mask was really lonely. She felt guilty that all this time as Ladybug, she hadn’t noticed any of that. She was meant to be his partner and didn’t know _anything_.

Without thinking she lifted a spoonful of soup to her mouth and immediately regretted it. She forgot that it was still hot and let out a squeak as it touched her tongue. Chat looked at her in surprise but gave a low chuckle as she started fanning her mouth with her hand.

It was then she noticed what the movie he’d picked was as it started through its prologue scenes.

“Seriously Chat?” she snorted, “I didn’t know you were such a Disney dork.”

He’d picked Beauty and the Beast. She’d forgotten she owned that one.

He spoke between tentative tastes of his food, “I just watched them a lot as a kid. My mother was a fan of the fairy tale ones.”

Marinette blinked. She’d definitely heard him say ‘ _was’_. She thought about asking him, but Chat spoke before she could.

“This is really good.” he grinned after taking another spoonful of soup.

“It’s just vegetable.” she responded, a little amazed at how delighted he was with something so simple.

She was relieved that he was eating something though.

After a while the empty bowls were set aside and they continued watching the film. She wasn’t sure if he’d meant to, but Chat had slowly started to lean on her. She glanced at him, though he still seemed to be paying attention to the movie. Her heart quickened at the feeling of his weight against her. She tried to keep herself still, worried that if she moved it would alert him to their closeness and he’d pull away. She understood that physical contact was difficult for Chat, but she still wanted it with him.

She was broken from her thoughts by his head settling on her shoulder. He smelled like soap, as though he’d showered recently. And that warm scent that reminded her of summer. She tried to calm the whole tap dancing performance her heart was doing in her chest. His hair felt soft as it brushed against her neck. Marinette smiled to herself.

“Chat?” she whispered, “Are you asleep?”

His throat made a low groan as he buried his face into her shoulder in a ‘do not disturb me’ gesture.

She giggled, “You should lie down at least. You can’t sleep sitting up.”

He lifted his head a little so she could see his tired half-lidded gaze. He seemed hesitant to move away from her, which only made her heart feel even more full in its excited dance.

“Here.” she patted her lap.

Chat observed her a moment before sinking down until his head rested on her, using her lap as a pillow. Marinette didn’t actually expect him to lay on her. She thought he’d just pull away instead. But now he was on her, quietly drifting off.

The film was forgotten as she was more interested in him. She took in all she could. The softness of his features as he fell asleep, the way one of his cat ears would twitch occasionally and the way his quiet breathing was slightly hoarse, though she assumed that due to him being sick. She watched him carefully as she brushed her fingertips over his cheek, checking for any sign of discomfort as she touched him. He remained still, so she moved her hand up to his forehead, feeling his feverish warmth as she traced his hairline. She started to gently run her fingers through his hair and was surprised by the low rumble that came from his chest. He was purring. She stopped a moment, wondering if he’d noticed. But Chat was fast asleep and didn’t stir. Marinette smiled as she continued to stroke his hair, enjoying his gentle purr. She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. This was a moment she was keeping for herself, another precious memory like the night he played piano for her to be safeguarded in her heart. Her feelings had been a desperate mess recently, but she was so sure of it now. Adrien was still important to her, but it was Chat her heart went out to every time she thought of him. She felt like something precious was missing when he wasn't there. Even though she didn’t know his real name yet, Marinette wanted to give herself to him. She felt hopeful as she continued to listen to him purr - hopeful that maybe by giving him her heart, his still had a chance at being repaired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, 20 chapters and still not over.
> 
> Feel better with some fluff after that previous chapter.


	21. Cacophony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marichat comfort.  
> Marinette goes to visit Adrien.  
> Adrien attempts to talk with his father.

Marinette didn’t realise she’d fallen asleep until she felt him move. She opened her eyes, suddenly aware of the absence of his weight as he lifted himself up. She stifled a yawn as she stretched.

Chat was sitting up with his back turned to her. He seemed to be rubbing at his eyes and his cat ears were laying low. She wondered if his fever from before was leaving him feeling sick.

“Chat, are you okay?” she whispered.

He roughly cleared his throat, “Yeah, just give me a minute.”

No, this wasn’t because of the fever. It had been something else.

“A dream?”

“Something like that.”

Marinette shifted a little closer but still kept a small distance between them, “Can I touch you?”

He noticeably tensed at the question and his cat ears twitched as he considered, but he said nothing. She wanted to try.

“Just a little.” she said with a hushed tone, “You can tell me to stop if you don’t like it.”

Chat was still quiet, moving only as he lowered his head a little. She watched him a moment but when he didn’t speak or move she took it as her request being accepted.

She looked over the shape of his shoulders that tensed as he cleared his throat again, and how the mess of his blond hair settled around the nape of his neck. She remembered that he’d specified before his neck was particularly sensitive for him, so she lowered her eyes to not even considering it an option. He’d said his wrists as well, but her gaze settled on his hand that now rested on the floor as he propped himself up on it.

Marinette moved herself a little to make it easier as she reached out to him to avoid touching his wrist. As lightly as she could, she rested her hand on his. He flinched at the contact but didn’t move away. Chat still has his head turned from her so she couldn’t tell what his expression was.

She waited a moment before continuing, giving him the chance to stop her if he wanted. He remained still, so she started. Trying to remember it as best as possible, Marinette attempted to replicate the rhythmic tapping he’d shown her before. She was sure she was blundering her way through it and getting it all wrong, but slowly his posture started to relax. He turned to her, his eyes glistening as the tension ebbed.

“What is that?” he chuckled.

Marinette huffed, “It’s supposed to be what you showed me. Did I get it wrong?”

“A little.”

She knew he meant a lot.

He was smiling now though as he looked at her. Whatever dream had distrubed him was fading.

“Thank you.” he murmured as he surprised her with a soft, brief kiss to her forehead.

The suddenness of it made her squeak.

He was laughing again, “I didn’t know you made so many cute noises.”

“You make cute noises too.” she retorted.

A blush flooded his face, “What?”

“Earlier while you were sleeping, um...you were purring.”

He made a small choking sound as his blush deepened. Marinette let out a small giggle. She liked how unintentionally genuine his embarrassed expression was.

“Please forget about that.” he muttered.

“Why? You sounded adorable. There’s no way you’re making me forget it.”

Chat glared at her, but it was hard for Marinette to take him seriously with how red his cheeks were.

Without warning Chat went to stand up. Before she could react, his hands were on her waist and lifting her.

“What are you doing?” she shrieked as she found herself over his shoulder, “Put me down!”

Chat sniggered as she flailed hopelessly in his hold, “My Princess is teasing me too much so she’s going to bed.”

She pretended to put up a fight if only for pride’s sake, but she liked it when he held her. Even if it was as unceremonious as this.

Chat carried her up the stairs to where she slept. His hands shifted and she was sliding off his shoulder to the bed underneath her. She found herself blushing hot as she noticed how close to his face she was. He paused a moment, holding her there with one arm around her shoulders while his other hand rested on her waist.  
He was so close. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. A small movement and she could kiss him. She really wanted to. But her eyes settled on the cut on his lip, making her push back on the thought.   
Chat’s eyes studied her with their usual glow, as though he were considering something himself. She relished in it as her heart pounded. His eyes were ones of her favourite things about him.

“Can you stay?” she found herself whispering.

His eyes widened and she felt him tense against her.

“N-Not to do anything _physical_ or something like that.” she added shyly, “Just...be here. With me.”

Chat looked away with a long heavy sigh. He said nothing for a moment as he settled her down on the bed. She worried what she said had made him nervous.

He gave her a wry smile as he sat next to her, “I’d rather you knew who I am first before asking me to spend the night.”

She pouted, “I just don’t want you to go.”

“I’ll come again.”

Marinette wasn’t able to argue as he placed another tender kiss on her forehead. A soft warmth enveloped her at the simple but loving gesture. There was no chance for her heart to settle down with how he was with her. Every touch of his felt so caring and gentle.

The desire to tell him welled up within her. She wanted him to know how much she was falling in love with him. That whatever pain or nightmares he faced she still loved him. She was certain that no matter what it was he was planning to reveal to her, her feelings wouldn’t falter. He was still her Chat Noir, no matter who he turned out to be.

She gazed into his eyes, her heart ready to burst with how warmly they looked back at her. A few more days. He’d promised to tell her everything in a few more days so she resolved to be fully honest with him too. She would tell him that she was Ladybug and that despite her having turned down his affection as her alter-ego, she was now so desperately in love with him.

“Princess?” he whispered.

She had been silent from her deep thought, making him look at her with concern.

Marinette swallowed the lump in her throat, “A few days. You promise me, okay? I care about you too much for you to keep me in the dark.”

His eyes widened at her words, blinking with apprehension. His gaze became downcast as he appeared to be contemplating something. Wordlessly, he took her hand. The warmth of his grasp made her heart race. She let him guide her hand to his chest, placing it above his own heart. She could feel it, the steady but quickening beat under her fingertips.

His eyes returned to hers, the cat-like glow filled with determination, “I promise. I want to tell you. I really do. I just need to get some things sorted first.”

She could feel his shuddering breath and how his pulse matched her own skyrocketing one. Marinette felt warmed by the sensation. Behind all his ridiculous flirting and jokes, Chat actually wasn’t that good at expressing himself with words. So he was instead trying to let her feel his honest intention.

“Okay.” she whispered, “I trust you.”

Chat smiled at her, soft and genuine. She let him continue to hold her hand to his chest as she raised her free one to his face.

“Can I?” she asked.

His eyes flickered a moment, watching her curiously. He gave her a nod and lowered his head a little so she could reach him easier. She gently brushed his wild hair aside before resting her hand against his forehead.

She hummed, “You’re still feeling a little warm. Take care of yourself okay? You don’t need to come visit if you’re sick.”

Chat let out a low laugh, “Nothing is going to stop me from coming back to you, Princess.”

“I’m serious, Chat.”

“So am I.”

She made an exasperation noise, “Just go home and get some sleep.”

He chuckled at her annoyance. She could feel it where he still held her hand to him. He squeezed it gently before bringing it to his lips.

“Goodnight, Princess.” he murmured as he placed a soft kiss on her fingers.

She smiled at the familiar gesture she was sure she would never tire of, “Goodnight.”

Marinette watched as he let go of her, standing up to leave. He reached up to the skylight and with a fluid movement, he effortlessly pulled himself up through the opening. He was gone.  
Her heart started to calm down from its erratic fluttering in her chest. Instead it was replaced with an emptiness that gnawed at her. As much as she trusted him, she was still deeply concerned about what could possibly be happening to him.   
She sighed as she hugged her knees. She was resolved to do it now. When Chat would finally tell her about him, she would also share her honest feelings. She would tell him just how much she loved him.

Marinette found herself standing at the elaborate gates of the Agreste mansion, nervously clutching a box of cookies. Nino had mentioned earlier that day at school that Adrien was absent due to fatigue. The three friends had speculated that he had been ridiculously busy to the point of being overworked and were concerned that this pretty much proved it. Adrien rarely missed school for being ill. The music video was set to be filmed tomorrow, so it wasn’t great timing.

Marinette looked at the neatly wrapped box in her hands, complete with a little note slipped into the ribbon. She wanted to let Adrien know his friends were thinking of him, and a text seemed too impersonal for that. Cookies maybe weren’t the best gift for a sick person, but they’d been freshly made that day and she knew he liked them.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy for them.” Tikki whispered from her purse.

Marinette nodded, still feeling nervous. There was something cold and imposing about the Agreste mansion that always left her feeling incredibly small.  
She took a deep breath and rang the bell. A slot quickly opened to reveal the camera peering down at her.

“Yes?”  
It sounded like the assistant, Nathalie.

“H-Hello!” Marinette greeted stiffly, “I heard Adrien wasn’t well, so I um-”

“Adrien isn’t taking any visitors right now. Good day.”

As fast as it had appeared, the camera was gone. This sort of thing had happened before when she came to see him, but it always left her dumbfounded.

Marinette felt a hot flash of anger. She’d come to show Adrien that his friends were concerned and wishing him well while he was sick. No stupid camera or gate was going to stop her from doing that.

“Marinette?” Tikki looked at her with a questioning gaze as her holder turned on her heel and marched round to the side of the manor.

“It’ll only be for a few minutes.” Marinette said firmly.

“You’re seriously going to go in as _Ladybug_?”

“I’ll just jump in through his window and leave him the note and box. Then I’ll be gone again.”

“But what if he sees you? Won’t he wonder why Ladybug is making the delivery?”

“I’ll just tell him that I - as in Marinette - asked me to do it.”

“I don’t know about this.”

“I’ll be fast, no one will see.”

Once she found a safe place to transform, Ladybug settled herself atop the building that faced the side of the Agreste mansion. From here she could see the large windows of Adrien’s bedroom. One of them was slightly ajar. She’d noticed a while ago that he seemed to be in the habit of keeping at least one of them always open. She watched carefully but could detect no movement in the room. Taking a deep breath, she casted out her yo-yo to launch herself. She stepped lightly on the wall that surrounded the mansion before jumping again and landing at the open window.

  
It was late afternoon and the sun was sinking beyond the horizon. The large windows spilled yellow pools of light across the floor of the room, but apart from that Adrien’s room was dark. Ladybug had only been there a few times, but as she looked around it really sunk in how large yet empty his room felt. A space far too big for just one person. A person that wasn’t there.

She’d expected him to likely be asleep, given that he was apparently ill. But as Ladybug looked over the room again and again there was no sign of him. She hugged her gift to her chest as she stepped down into the room. His desk would probably be the best place to leave it. He would surely see it there.

As quietly as she could manage, she tiptoed over the excessively large set up. The multiple monitors of his computer were off, but there were books and papers scattered over the desk surface. She recognised some of them as school work, while others seemed to be related to his model work. She smiled as she saw the lucky charm she had given him sitting in the middle. It still amazed her that he’d still kept it all this time.

Ladybug carefully shifted some of the papers aside so she could set the box of cookies down. She adjusted the attached note to make sure it was visible. It was a simple one that said “get well soon” and was signed by Alya and Nino. Ladybug paused. She hadn’t signed it. How did she forget to sign it herself? She sighed at her own forgetfulness as she reached for the pencil holder sitting nearby. She grabbed a pen and quickly signed off _Marinette_ on the note. Satisfied, she went to return the pen to its rightful place but instead accidentally knocked the holder over entirely.

 _Why does he have so many pens?_ she thought in exasperation and they scattered across the desk.

Slipping the note back into the box’s ribbon, she hoped no one had heard the noise of clattering pens. Quickly, she scooped most of the stationary back into its holder. One pen had rolled behind the computer monitors so she stuck her hand behind the screens to search for it. It wasn’t a pen her hand found first. Curious, she brought the item out of its hiding spot.

Ladybug froze as all the breath left her body. It was like time had suddenly stopped as she saw what she held.

In her hands was a small round box. Green with painted gold filigree and a key in the back.  
Her fingers shook as she turned the key.   
The box opened. A little black cat on a bed of painted white flowers greeted her. A yellow bead hung around its neck and a ladybug addorned one of its ears.

Ladybug stared in silence. Oblivious to her stillness, the music box started to play _Clair de Lune_.

* * *

Adrien had given up with trying to do his schoolwork. He’d managed to convince Nathalie to let him stay home that day on the basis of him dealing with fatigue. His fever, though mild as far as he was concerned, still hadn’t broken and he was heavily lethargic. If it were any other day, he’d just deal with it and still go to school to be with his friends. But later than afternoon he was scheduled for another choreography session with Lila ahead of filming tomorrow. That was something he was definitely trying to avoid. He didn’t want to risk finding himself alone with Lila again. Still, he couldn’t go to school but skip practice so he had to not go to either. Thankfully, Nathalie had accepted his excuse without pressing him much.

Despite his tiredness he wasn’t in the mood to sleep. At least when he was awake he had some control over what went on his head. He’d tried to distract himself with the schoolwork from the classes he’d missed recently but his motivation had diminished.

He sat at his desk, staring up at the ceiling. He wished it was nighttime already so he could go to Marinette. The sun was starting to set, but his usual visiting hour was still a ways off.

In his quiet state he distantly heard the sound of the large front door of the mansion opening and closing. He considered it a moment. Nathalie should be working in the atelier and the bodyguard would normally be in the lobby. There was only one other person it could be.

Adrien sprang up from his chair, staggering slightly with dizziness from the sudden movement. He rushed to his bedroom door and ran out onto the grand staircase just as someone was walking up the steps.

His father.

Gabriel regarded him with his usual cold stare as Adrien approached him.

He tried to swallow the anxiety rising in his throat as he spoke, “Father, I’d like to speak with you.”

“I’m very busy, Adrien.” Gabriel responded in his usual monotone.

“I know, but it’s important.”

Adrien wanted to tell him. He wanted to quit doing whatever modelling or work his father demanded of him. He didn’t want to be the perfect poster boy anymore. He was prepared to make his argument, but his tenacity quickly died as his father slowly turned towards him. Adrien became paralysed as Gabriel reached out. With a steady hand, he held Adrien’s chin and angled his face to look at him. He was inspecting the bruise on his lip.  
Adrien held his breath as Gabriel was silent for a time, looking intently at the mark.

“Be sure that the make-up artists do a good job covering this up tomorrow.” Gabriel told him.

Adrien’s heart sank. The words hit him like a heavy weight on his chest.

Gabriel continued, “It would be best if you make sure something like this doesn’t happen again, Adrien. I expect better of you.”

Adrien’s gaze fell to the floor, his reason for being there in the first place forgotten. It was still his fault. As far as his father was concerned, Adrien was the one at fault. He was the one that let it happen so he’s the one to blame.

Gabriel turned and walked away, “We’ll talk later.”

Adrien sank down to the ground, his legs no longer able to hold him up. As much as it disgusted him, the event with Lila replayed in his head. What did he do? What _should_ he have done? He felt numb. He really didn’t know the answer to any of it.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there on the cold staircase until he could make himself move. His body felt stiff and heavy, like it wasn’t his own. He returned to his room in silence. It would probably be normal for him to scream or cry, but he couldn’t find the will within him to. He closed his door behind him and leaned his back against it.

Adrien’s thoughts were a discordant mess. They jumped from one thing to another. In this out of control state, memories collided against each other. The then and now. Gabriel was as immovable as before. Lila’s warped sense of love was like _hers_ , leaving him confused and sickened. Was it still his fault? What was he even trying to do now?

He brought a hand to his face as his head throbbed. He’d resolved that he would change, but he still hadn’t.

“Hey kid, there’s something here for you.” Plagg’s voice barely reached him over his headache.

“Not now.” he hissed between his teeth.

Adrien made to walk towards his bathroom. He wanted to try splashing cold water on his face while his head settled. But he stopped short as he felt something crack under his foot. Confused, he moved back to pick up what he’d stepped on.

A pen.

Odd.

“You got something from Marinette.” Plagg coerced.

That was enough to gather Adrien’s attention. He walked over to his desk where the kwami sat. He discarded the rogue pen into its usual holder as he looked at the wrapped box. He instantly recognised the logo of the patisserie owned by Marinette’s parents. There was a small note attached. Carefully, he slipped it from the ribbon.

_“Get Well Soon - Nino, Alya, Marinette”_

He managed to smile at the simple message. His friends were thinking about him. Even Marinette. With all that he was making her deal with as Chat Noir, she still gave consideration to his non-hero self.   
Adrien gave a wry chuckle. It was accidental, but Marinette still somehow managed to offer him some small comfort as he dealt with his inner chaos. He opened the box and was pleased at the sight of the chocolate chip cookies. He liked the croissants and macaroons the best, but these were also pretty good. He lifted one and took a few small bites. His stomach was still more or less empty from his lack of appetite, so it felt a little uncomfortable to eat. Even so, he wasn’t going to let the treats go to waste if he could help it.

He wondered for a moment when Nathalie had delivered the box to his room. The thought was quickly discarded as his mind had become too clouded for him to think properly. He ate in a numb silence, relieved that it seemed to be staying down at least.

For now the onslaught of his screeching thoughts was replaced by the fog. Sometimes the grey haze was better since it just left him feeling in a state of nothingness. The pain would inevitably return, but at least for now he could pretend that it didn’t exist.  
Adrien folded his arms on his desk, resting his head on them as he did. He was only vaguely aware of the feverish ache of his body and the weighted exhaustion that came with it. Slowly, he reached behind one of his computer monitors and withdrew the music box. He usually kept it out of sight as he didn’t want Nathalie or anyone else questioning where it came from.

He thought about Marinette as he turned the key and the music started to play. He closed his eyes, listening to the softness of the notes.

_I want to see her..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh okay. That happened.
> 
> As always thanks so much for the support!


	22. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien tries to not falter.  
> Marinette tries to make sense of her discovery.

_"Adrien…”_

She was there again. A ghost clawing their way out of the shadows of his mind. She was there at the centre of the whirlpool of his emotions that he was submerged in. Anger. Shame. Desperation. Misery. Fear. Uncertainty.

_“Stay like that for me.”_

Stay drowning she’d meant.

Adrien didn’t want to think about her. But the phantom was feeding on his now clamouring thoughts. He thought he could sometimes see her in the edges of his vision, but whenever he turned his head there was no one there.He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing that he couldn’t even seem to remember clearly what she had looked like. Her fleeting image that would briefly appear was distorted, like a painting blending in the rain. What did always come to him with clarity though was her voice with its provocative tone, and the way her hands had felt against his skin.  
He was fighting with himself. His weaker side wanted to meekly accept the way things were, that if he just _tried_ harder to be what people wanted it would get better. But the other side of himself that was manifested from a feral and relentless anger wanted to lash out and break everything and everyone around him. He had the power of Cataclysm. He could just use it.

He rolled over on his bed, resting on his side as he curled into himself. His throat felt dry and raw, making him cough to try and ease the irritation. It felt like his head was swimming.

“I thought you were going out tonight.” Plagg grumbled.

“Since when did you care?” Adrien’s voice was hoarse as he spoke, “You just want to stay in and sleep.”

“No, I tell _you_ to sleep but you never listen.”

Adrien sighed. He didn’t want to sleep. Sleep came with nightmares.

“C’mon kid!” Plagg was tugging at Adrien’s shirt collar now, “What happened to all that determination you had? I thought you were going to make a change because of bakery girl.”

Adrien considered Plagg’s words. He had a point. Just because Gabriel refused to look at him properly didn’t mean he had to resign himself to be invisible. Marinette saw him and noticed. Even when he broke down in front of her, she didn’t turn away. She was why he wanted to change. He wanted to discard everything he’d been until now so he could try and start over his life again with her.

His movements were sluggish, but Adrien managed to lift himself from his bed. His body was like a deadweight, and he was sure he looked a state. He smiled to himself, thinking how Marinette would likely scold him again. But he needed to see her. She grounded him and gave him hope that his life could be something else than what it currently was.

“Let’s go, Plagg.”

Being Chat Noir subdued his symptoms somewhat. The transformation made his body stronger, so he felt less affected by his offset temperature and rough throat. He wasn’t able to go at his usual speed though as he leapt over the rooftops of Paris. His steps felt heavier and he became breathless easier.

He could see the glow of the balcony’s fairy lights as he approached. He paused on the building opposite, his chest heaving as he caught his breath. She was there, waiting for him. It was like breaking out of a nightmare to be faced with an incredible dream. She was a gorgeous sight. The soft lighting illuminated her so perfectly. She was dazzling and he was awed by it. He couldn’t hold himself back as he extended his baton to vault across the gap towards her.

* * *

Marinette couldn’t think of any other viable explanation. Adrien was Chat Noir. Chat Noir was Adrien. Why else would the music box she customised for the hero be in Adrien’s room?  
It had overwhelmed her. That the two people she had fallen in love with were in truth the same person. The overload of information left her unable to think straight. She had returned the music box to his hiding place and left before anyone found her.

She lay on her bed now, cuddling her oversized cat pillow as she tried to make sense of her thoughts. Chat Noir and Adrien were the same. Some time ago she wouldn’t have believed it. Chat was far too cocky and casual to be the same person as the polite and quiet Adrien. But then she got to know him better. Chat actually shared the same shyness and uncertainty as Adrien, he just tried to cover it with his bold and humorous attitude. And Adrien had shown before a protectiveness and good-humoured attitude not unlike the black clad hero. Of course they were the same person. It made perfect sense no matter what way she looked at it.

Anxiety coiled in her stomach. This meant that Adrien and Chat’s issues weren’t separate, but the _same_. Whatever Adrien had tried to wall her off from before was what Chat was hesitant to tell her. So then…

Marinette covered her mouth as a gasping sob rose up in her throat. The bruise on Chat’s - on Adrien’s lip had to have been Lila. She was sure of it. Lila was always hanging off Adrien every chance she got, and with them working together recently he was forced into her company even more. Marinette couldn’t bear to think of it. Chat’s sensitivities were Adrien’s, and Lila had to have known about them. She hadn’t just been making him uncomfortable, Lila had been _torturing_ him.

“Marinette?” Tikki’s small voice called out to her.  
They hadn’t spoken since she detransformed after getting home earlier.

Marinette blinked back tears, “Did you know?”

Tikki’s silence only confirmed it.

Marientte sat up to face her kwami, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You two swore to each other to keep your identities secret to keep each other safe.”

“But Chat hasn’t been safe! Adrien...Adrien’s been suffering alone all this time.”

“Plagg has been keeping an eye on him. I asked him but he told me Adrien has reason to want his privacy. Plagg promised he’d let me know if anything happened.”

“Something _did_ happen! Lila _hurt him_!”

At this, Tikki shrank away from her. Marinette felt angry and frustrated, but she couldn’t place the blame on Tikki. Marinette was the one who didn’t take Chat seriously beyond his flirting and jokes while also holding Adrien as an unobtainable crush.  
But she knew now and needed to figure out what she would do next. Chat was meant to visit her again tonight, so she could just tell him outright she knew he was Adrien. He wouldn’t need to hesitate with her then and she could tell him that she was Ladybug.

Marinette climbed up to her balcony. She wanted to see him as soon as possible. She wanted to be done with the masquerade she had made them keep all these years. It had been Adrien next to her all this time and she wanted him to know how happy she was for it.

It was a few minutes before she saw Chat Noir approaching. He was a shifting shadow over the buildings and she could feel her pulse start to climb higher the closer he got. He had noticed her too as he paused a moment opposite. Marinette wondered what was going through his mind before he extended his baton, using it to propel himself over the space that divided them.

Had landed on the railing, standing above her with a smirk, “Good evening, Princess. May this dashing knight humbly request your company?”

She let out a short laugh, “Where’s this humble knight? All I see is a rogue cat.”

Looking up at him, Marinette tried to match his features with Adrien. Similar build, sunny blond hair and smooth fair skin. Her eyes settled briefly on his marked lip. It was still bruised, but it didn’t seem as dark in colour as yesterday. A vice tightened around her heart as she thought what Lila could have done to cause that to him.

Chat stepped off the railing and landed beside her. She could hear his breathing was a little off. Had he been running that fast to get here?  
“Cats are the purrfect companion I’ll have you know.” he said.

Marinette eyed him carefully. She’d found there was a fine line between Chat’s light humour being only that, or him using it as a shield for something.  
She gazed into his eyes, searching them. They were a warm, brilliant green like Adrien’s and yet they didn’t quite match. The cat-like quality made it difficult to clearly tell they were the same. He returned her gaze with a feeling she couldn’t quite place. There was something in it, like a fragile flame struggling to hold itself alight against the wind.

“Princess?” the soft call of his nickname for her pulled Marinette out of her thoughts.

“Are you okay?” she whispered.

His tail lashed behind him, betraying his nervousness. His eyes flickered around a moment before returning to her.

“I am.” he said slowly, “I am now that I can see you.”

Something must have happened. He was trying to cover it, but something had definitely affected him.  
She could tell him right now. She could tell him she knew who he was so he didn’t have to hide what was happening on the other side of the mask for him. She could tell him she was Ladybug. She could try to help ease his pain and fill him with her love instead.

She took a deep breath, “Chat-”

Marinette was immediately cut off as he stepped towards her. Her heart went into its heightened somersault performance as she found herself in his arms. Chat was holding her so close. One of his arms was wrapped around her waist while his other hand gently held her head to him. She could feel his cheek resting against her head. The suddenness of the embrace had made her freeze for a few seconds. Slowly she wrapped her arms around his waist, gently sliding her hands up until they brushed the backs of his shoulders. He shivered slightly at her touch but didn’t pull away.

“Tomorrow.” his voice cracked slightly and his breath felt hot as he whispered in her ear, “I’ll have it resolved tomorrow. So then I’ll tell you. Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

Marinette was silent. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

“I know I’m being selfish.” he continued, “But because I promised you I’ll be able to get through it. Then I can show you the real me.”

She buried her face in his chest. Really, she was the one being selfish. She knew who he was and almost revealed him before he was ready. He was determined to tell her himself and she almost ruined it.

“I look forward to it.” she murmured.

She could spend one day pretending she didn’t know. She would be seeing him as Adrien tomorrow anyway. Maybe there was something she could do to make sure Lila didn’t try anything else while she was there.

She pushed thoughts of Lila out of her mind. She wanted to focus more on the warmth of Chat’s embrace. It had been an unexpected but welcome action from him. Apart from their intimate kiss his physical affection for her had been careful. She could tell he was afraid he would have another attack like before, so she let him lead on what affection he was comfortable in giving and receiving. She was constantly having to exert control over herself around him, but the effort was worth it if he could feel safe enough for moments like these.

He was starting to feel heavy though. Like he was really leaning into her even though she was smaller than him.

Marinette frowned, “You’re still sick, aren’t you?”

Chat’s voice was sheepish as he pressed his face down into her shoulder, “No…”

 _Liar_ , she thought, _you weren’t in school today._

She leaned back, making him lift his head again. His eyes looked away as she lifted a hand to his forehead.

“I told you to stay at home if you still had a fever.” she scolded and she felt the warmth of him.

“I didn’t want to.”

Marinette never knew Adrien had such a childish stubborn streak in him. She was secretly enjoying comparing his two identities. She couldn’t blame him for not wanting to be at home though as she thought about the large empty house.

“You’d better come inside then.” she sighed as she slipped from his embrace, gently taking his hand instead.

He followed her obediently as she led him over to the skylight.

They had to let go of each other as they climbed down through the opening. As always, Chat was careful to not drop himself straight down onto her bed. Though she thought maybe this time he should do differently.

“You can lie down if you want.” she told him as she gestured to her pile of pillows.

His eyes flickered nervously, “On your _bed_?”

“What? You make it sound awful.”

“No it’s just...isn’t that intrusive for you?”

She rolled her eyes and gently placed her hands against his shoulders. He didn’t resist much as she forced him to sit down on her bed.

“Stay there. I’ll go make you some tea.”

Chat smiled, “Cats aren’t very good at staying where they’re told to.”

“But sick people should do as they’re told.” she shot back.

He chuckled at her frustration, making her blush slightly. She quickly excused herself to go make them a hot beverage before he did something to make her blush more.

Marinette was only gone for a few minutes, but when she returned Chat had fallen silent. She set the two mugs of hot tea on her desk before quietly making her way up to the bed. She carefully peered over at him. He was lying down on the bed, with his chest rising and falling smoothly with his soft sighs. He’d fallen asleep.

 _You could have just said you were tired, stupid cat,_ she thought.

Marinette wasn’t annoyed though. She was glad if he could at least get some rest. Adrien had been busy to the point of fatigue, and then he’d been spending time with her as Chat. She wasn’t sure when or how he slept normally. She had guessed not well.  
The tea she had made was already forgotten as she carefully approached him. She looked over the feverish tint of his cheeks and the small parting of his lips as he breathed. She found herself leaning down to him. Her face was so close to his she could feel the warmth of his breath. She could kiss his lips. A small one.  
She sighed and pulled away. She wouldn’t do that, no matter how much she wanted. It would be unfair and selfish of her. He’d already been marked by someone else’s self-absorbed desires. Instead she gently cupped his cheek, tenderly caressing near his bruise with her thumb. It elicited a small groan from him but he didn’t wake.  
_Sleep well_ , she told him silently as she gingerly kissed his forehead the way he’d taken to doing with her.

Marinette made a quick change into her sleepwear, turning her head every few seconds to make sure Chat was truly asleep. He seemed to be completely out of it though, and didn’t even stir as she carefully crawled in next to him. She smiled to herself how only yesterday he’d turned down staying longer, yet here he was now fast asleep in her bed. Resting her head on his chest, she let out a contented sigh as the familiar sound of his heartbeat lulled her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No full reveal just yet. I'm cruel I guess.  
> Slightly shorter chapter cause the next ones are going to be... _something_


	23. Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette goes to the filming and sees Adrien for the first time since finding out his identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, two chapters in the same day?  
> This was originally attached to the previous chapter but I ended up splitting them. I like this chapter so I'll upload it early haha

When Marinette woke the next morning Chat Noir was nowhere to be seen. She reached out and ran her hand over the spot he’d been, feeling the coolness of it. He’d been gone a while.  
It was her phone ringing that had woken her up. She reached for it to see what it was. Alya was calling her.

Alya spoke as soon as she picked up, “Girl, I’ve been texting you all morning. You better be ready to go, cause we’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Marinette hummed in her half asleep daze.

“The music video!” Alya chuckled lightly, “Did you forget? Adrien got us guest passes to watch them film it.”

Marinette was wide awake now, “Y-Yes! I’ll be ready.”

Marinette took the quickest shower of her life and got dressed. Calling Tikki into her purse, she ran down the stairs to the door of the apartment that let her out onto the street below.

Alya and Nino were already there waiting for her. Alya laughed as she shook her head, she’d already expected Marinette to not be on time.

“Morning sleepyhead.” she teased.

Marinette frowned, “Sorry, I was completely out of it after last night.”

Alya raised an eyebrow, “What happened last night?”

“N-Nothing! You know me, I was just up super late again. Doing more design sketches and all that.”

Marinette laughed nervously but her friends seemed to accept her excuse. The truth of the matter was that she had just been so comfortable when she fell asleep that she didn’t want it to end. She knew it was unlikely, but part of her had hoped Chat would still be there when she woke up.

“Let’s go.” Nino said as he started to walk, “Adrien’s probably wondering where we are.”

The lobby of Le Grand Paris was busy with people coming and going when they arrived. Marinette had been here a few times, but she’d never entered the large ballroom of the elaborate hotel. Nino and Alya were the same as they were also looking around, trying to figure out where to go. They decided that the front desk was the best place to start. They needed to pick up the guest passes before they went anywhere.

“Hello, we’re friends of Adrien Agreste.” Alya said as she walked up to the desk, “He invited us to watch the filming today.”

The woman behind the desk peered over her thinly framed glasses before rolling her eyes.

“I’m sure you are.” she scoffed, “Please leave. We’re very busy today and don’t have time for nosy fans.”

“No, really we know him.” Nino stepped up, “He said there were passes for us. Nino, Alya and Marinette.”

The woman just stared back with clear disinterest. She was about to say something when her expression changed to alarm. There was the sound of clicking heels approaching.

“Stop making yourself look ridiculous.” Chloe sneered as she appeared next to them.

For a moment Marinette thought she was talking to them, but it had been directed at the employee.

“They told you their names, so check it off.” the haughty girl demanded, “Quickly, before I tell daddy how utterly ridiculous you are.”

The woman hastily lifted up a clipboard and scanned through it before meekly saying that their names were indeed there. She lifted up the three guest badges which Chloe promptly snatched.

“Thanks, Chloe.” Marinette murmured as a badge was slapped into her hands.

Chloe rolled her eyes, “Follow me. Hope you enjoy watching a trainwreck of a production.”

Marinette shared an uneasy glance with Alya and Nino who shrugged in response.

Chloe led them through a large set of doors and down a gilded hallway. It always amazed Marinette how enormous and expensive everything in the building seemed to be. It really made her feel out of place. They approached a wide archway framed by deep red curtains that acted as one of the entrances to the ballroom.

There were a lot of people. Some were running back and forth while others stood still talking quietly to each other or watching what was going on. There were people dressed up in a similar style to what Marinette had been asked to design. There was also someone shouting. A lot.

“Adrikins!” Chloe called out as she bounced into the room.

Marinette caught sight of him. He stood with his back to them, dressed in a black outfit and his blond hair styled differently from its usual neat way. Her breath caught in her throat as she thought for a moment she was looking at Chat Noir. The illusion was broken as he turned around at Chloe’s approach, showing it indeed to be Adrien.  
She hadn’t yet seen her finished design brought to life. He was dressed in a double breasted jacket with a high mandarin collar that mimicked a military style. The front of the jacket stopped at his belt, while the back extended to above his knee. Brassy gold buttons adorned the front of it while the cuffs had green detail embroidered into them. There was also a hood but it was settled down on his shoulders, showing the way his hair had been styled in a roughly tousled and feathered manner. His pants were plain black, and he wore black knee high boots that had a small green design etched into the top of them similar to the jacket. A silver scabbard hung at his hip, holding a sabre that had its hilt wrapped in green.

Marinette had been pleased with what she had produced in the end, but seeing him wearing it in real life made her breathless.

“Oh, hey Chloe.” Adrien smiled as his friend approached.

Chloe linked her arm in his for a moment, placing a brief kiss on his cheek in greeting. Adrien allowed her but moved away when he saw his other three friends were there too. He beamed when he noticed them.

“You clean up nice, Agreste.” Alya chuckled.

“Dude, is that real?” Nino asked as he pointed to the sabre.

Adrien laughed sheepishly as he untied it from his belt, “No, it’s just a prop.”

He passed it to Nino who held it in amazement, sliding the blade partly out of its scabbard, “It’s so heavy though.”

“Has to look believable.” Adrien answered with a shrug, “You get used to it.”

Marinette’s heart jumped when he looked towards her. She tried to not blush as she was reminded that just last night she’d fallen asleep next to him.

She took a step forward, looking over him again and how well the clothing complimented the shape of his build.

“You look good.” she said breathlessly.

Adrien blinked at her a moment, a faint pink rising in his cheeks.

Marinette floundered, “I-I mean - the clothes! They look good on you!”

He chuckled, “I told you anything you designed would look great.”

She shyly looked up at him. Now that she was closer to him she realised that his bruise had been carefully covered with make-up. It was well done and would have been unnoticeable unless you had known to look for it.

“So what’s going on?” Chloe asked with a sigh, “I thought you were meant to be busy.”

“Oh, about that…” Adrien sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he looked towards where the yelling was coming from.

A middle aged man was shouting at some of the crew members. He was so loud it was easy for Marinette to catch what he was saying.

“We’re on a strict timeline and _this_ is what I have to work with? My hero looks _dead_ and my maiden dances like a _drunk_! What kind of ‘passable’ dancing is this?”

She assumed it was the director as he then went about barking orders at people and chastising them for how wrong everything was.

“This wouldn’t have happened if he gave us more time or let us do an easier dance.” a new voice made Marinette’s blood run cold.

Lila.

As exhilarating it had been seeing Adrien wearing her design, seeing Lila in the other one had the opposite effect. The main bodice of the dress was a ruby red. It had a sweetheart neckline but black lace spilled out over the top of it and into off the shoulder sleeves. The ruffled skirt of the dress was also ruby in colour, with that same elegant black lace layered on top of it. While the red skirt almost touched the floor, the lace only reached halfway before sweeping around the back and falling into a light train behind. Her chestnut hair was held back from her face with glittering black and red pins before falling over her exposed shoulders in loose curls.

Marinette gritted her teeth and Lila sidled herself up to Adrien. Their outfits complimented each other nicely, but the people wearing them couldn’t have looked further apart in demeanour.

Adrien looked exasperated, “I told you, Lila. The dance steps are that way because we have to hit the markers they set out. It’s so they can get the camera shots they want.”

Lila hummed, “Well, I thought we were doing okay. Let them figure it out.”

“Let’s just - do it one more time. If you let me lead properly I think I can hit the markers fine.”

“Oh, Adrien. It’s so cute how hardworking you are. It’s not needed though. They can fix it when they edit the recording, right? I’m still dealing with that injury to my leg and I can’t step as far as you do anyway.”

Marinette felt her expression was almost as incredulous as Adrien’s. Alya and Nino were also watching their exchange with awkward confusion, while Chloe made a subtle click of her tongue.

“Seems we’ll be here a while though.” Lila sighed, “I’ll go get something to drink.”

She placed a heavy kiss on his cheek before spinning around with a flick of her hair. They watched as she left without a care.

Adrien roughly rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand when she’d gone.

“I had no idea Lila was a diva.” Nino laughed nervously.

“She’s worse than you, Chloe.” Alya added light heartedly.

Chloe turned her head with a scowl and an offended noise.

Marinette watched Adrien as he seemed to be deep in thought. His eyes travelled around the ballroom as he muttered something to himself. He had his arms crossed over his chest while one of his hands tapped out a rhythm. Marinette tried to not be obvious as she watched it, but it was clearly the same as Chat’s habit. She didn’t think Adrien had even noticed he was doing it as he looked around thoughtfully.  
After a minute or so, Marinette froze as his eyes rested on her with a warm and gentle gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he instead turned to Chloe as he spoke, “Chloe, can I borrow you?”

Chloe raised an eyebrow, “What for?”

“I need a partner for a bit. It’s a little different dancing here than in the studio, and I want to make sure I’m reaching the markers properly.”

“No. You know I hate dancing.”

Adrien flinched at her bluntness, “Really? C’mon Chlo…”

Chloe’s intense sapphire eyes glanced at him before quickly settling on Marinette, “Ask Dupain-Cheng. She can put those goody-two-shoes of hers to some real use for once.”

“Me?” Marinette squeaked, feeling a heavy blush coming on.

Adrien was equally alarmed with a pink now painting his cheeks, “No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it Marinette.”

She bit her lip as she looked at him. He was looking around himself again with consideration. Adrien was trying to do his best while Lila wasn’t willing to help at all.

“I’ll do it.” Marinette said quietly.

He turned back to her with wide eyes.

“Go for it, girl!” she heard Alya whisper excitedly behind her, only serving to make her blush deepen further.

She found herself struggling to look at him properly with how hot her face felt, “You just need someone to stand in for a bit, right? I don’t know how to dance, but if I can help…”

“No, that’s okay.” Adrien’s response was equally meek, “It’s just easier to do it properly with a partner.”

Marinette's heart was pounding against her ribs. Chat had danced with her a little before, but this was different.

“Then, if you don’t mind Marinette.” Adrien held his hand out to her.

Marinette felt breathless as she looked at his ungloved hand. Gingerly, she placed her hand in it. It was warm and clasped hers with a careful gentleness. With her heart rate escalating, she brought her gaze up to meet his. She felt breathless. The tenderness that he was looking at her with was absolutely Chat Noir’s. They didn’t have their cat-like quality, but they were definitely the eyes she loved so much.

Adrien led her out to the middle of the ballroom. The space was mostly empty in preparation for the filming so they were free to move as they wanted. He again looked around him. Marinette could see he was checking the marking points that had been taped to the floor. He was going through that quiet habit he had of talking himself through what he was doing.

“Forward to the first….whisk to chasse…” He mumbled.

Marinette smiled, “You’re taking this very seriously.”

He glanced at her a moment before going back to his mental preparation, “Of course. I’m not the only one here. There’s plenty of other people who have spent time on this.”

She was lost in how his verdant eyes gleamed with the lights as they flickered around.

“There’s no music.” he murmured softly, “So just bear with me a moment.”

He was quiet for a few seconds before he started to softly hum in a melody that Marinette recognised as Clara Nightingale’s song. Without the actual music playing, she figured he was internally getting a feel for the tempo.  
She let him guide where to put her hands. One of them he clasped gently in his, her free one resting on his arm just below his shoulder. She felt his other hand brush against her upper back as he pulled her in a little closer. Marinette dropped her gaze, feeling like her face could rival a strawberry for redness. He was so close.

“Look at me.” he whispered softly.

She almost expected to see Chat Noir as she slowly lifted her head again, but it really was Adrien. Any doubt that had still lingered in her was quickly vanishing. The one standing before her really was her Chat Noir out of the mask.

He held her gaze intently, and started to move.

Marinette’s heart was hammering in her chest and her legs felt like jelly. Adrien never faltered though and held her with such security and confidence that she could follow him completely. She found herself falling into the rhythm of his steps quickly. It was so natural. It was like a wordless connection between them that allowed her to understand perfectly. A small shift in his hand that held hers, an adjustment of his shoulders or a tilt of his head and she knew exactly how to follow him. A perfect synchronicity of Ladybug and Chat Noir.  
She’d forgotten about the room full of people that could be watching. Everything about her was focused on him. She was certain she fumbled some of her steps, but his hold framed her so well that she didn’t trip once. Even when she found them spinning around as they travelled across the floor, she felt like she was gliding on feather-light steps as he supported her through it. She wasn’t sure if it was the quick turns or the intensity of their unbroken gaze that was making her dizzy.  
His hand slipped away from her back as they turned together again, letting her spin out from him. The hand that held hers let go a second later as she did a final twirl before stopping. Both her head and heart felt light.

Marinette didn’t realise how fervent the dance had been until she noticed how breathless she’d become. She looked over to Adrien who still watched her, his own chest heaving as he caught his breath. A grin slowly crept onto his face and he let out a soft laugh, making her smile as well.

“You!”

The sound of someone shouting at her broke the dreamlike state she was in. She turned frantically as the loud man from before was marching up to her. The director.

“Your name.” he demanded as he now towered over her.

“M-Marinette.” she answered nervously.

Adrien came up to them with a quick stride, “Sorry Monsieur Leroux, I asked her to practice with me.”

The man continued to fix Marinette with a hard stare. She could feel herself shrinking away under the aggressiveness of it.

“Isabelle!” he suddenly barked at one of the crew members, “Get that dress off Rossi and alert wardrobe and make-up. Marnie here is going to be our new lead.”

Marinette blinked in confusion. After a moment she realised he’d gotten her name wrong and was actually talking about her.

“Wait, what?” she gasped.

She was ignored as Leroux immediately turned to Adrien, “And you! Dance like that again and we can get this done today as planned.”

Adrien stared back wordlessly in alarm, only able to offer a slight nod as a response. The director accepted it and quickly stomped away again, finding someone else to promptly yell at.

Marinette’s mind was going a mile a minute. What the hell just happened? She was internally screaming, trying to figure a way out when she felt someone softly clasp her hand. She looked up to meet Adrien’s concerned expression.

“Sorry, seems I’ve landed you in all this.” he murmured.

Marinette let out a panicked groan, “I’ve never done anything like this.”

His verdant eyes searched hers carefully a moment, “You don’t want to do it?”

He was offering her the chance to escape. He wasn’t going to let anyone force her into it. Marinette squeezed his hand as she looked at him. Her eyes drifted down to the hidden bruise on his lip. She made up her mind.

“No, I’ll do it.” she said, sounding more confident than she actually felt.

She knew he was trying to hide it, but she was better at reading him now. She could clearly see the hint of relief that flickered in his eyes.

“You don’t need to worry.” he chuckled lightly, “I’ll show you what to do with everything. Though the main part is the waltz and it seems we got that down no problem.”

Her heart fluttered in delight as she felt him gently squeeze her hand back.  
The blissful moment came to a grinding halt at the sound of someone rapidly approaching them across the floor as they screamed.

“ _Adrien!_ What the _hell_ did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get out of here Lila


	24. Holding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette takes up the role.  
> Adrien defends Marinette from Lila.

It was proving to be a long morning, with an even longer day ahead. The director had been less than impressed by Adrien and Lila’s compatibility.

“You’re meant to be _lovers_ ! Look in _love_!” Leroux had been shouting at them.

Adrien didn’t have the energy in him to try and diffuse it, only offering meager apologies while Lila looked on.

He didn’t really want to be there. He wished he’d been able to stay on last night with Marinette. It hadn’t been his intention to pass out in the short time she had left him alone. But the comfort of her bed and his senses filled with her vanilla scent was too hard to resist. The few short hours of rest had been precious for his fatigued self. He’d been relieved when he woke up without remembering any dreams. Though finding himself entangled with a sleeping Marinette made his heart pound in his ears. Despite his persistent fever, her warmth was soothing. Separating himself from her was the last thing he had wanted to do. But if he wasn’t there when Nathalie came looking for him in the morning then all hell would break loose. With extreme care to not wake her, he slipped away from Marinette. He had left in the early hours, but not before placing a lingering kiss on her forehead.  
The few hours of decent sleep hadn’t lasted long. Adrien’s morning had gone in a blur to the point he found himself at now. The director had been demanding more romance between them during their waltz, but Adrien was putting so much effort into keeping himself functioning that hauling Lila around was just overkill.  
It had been a huge relief when his friends arrived. It was easier to keep a light heart around them. Even if said heart was excessively somersaulting in his chest when a certain bluebell eyed girl looked his way.

Adrien had been nervous about dancing with Marinette. He was worried that by holding her so close she might start to suspect who he really was. She didn’t seem to have noticed his covered up bruise, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t pick up on something else. He wanted to be close with her but had to be careful he didn’t let slip anything that would reveal him. So as much as he wanted to dance with Marinette, he’d asked Chloe first. He should have known his friend would immediately turn it back on him and suggest Marinette instead just to tease him. And then for Marinette to agree to it made it impossible for him to refuse.  
It was like night and day. Adrien was by no means a professional, but he put in what effort he could. Dancing with Lila was a constant struggle. There was always an uncomfortable push and pull as their steps never cooperated. With Marinette however it was amazingly smooth and steady. She trusted in his lead and balanced well in his hold. Her steps slipped out of place a few times, but after contending with Lila’s blundering ones it didn’t phase him. He’d been able to forget his tense fatigue for a time. It was fun with Marinette, and it made him a little sad when it ended.

She truly was stunning. He watched her as she spun out at the end of their waltz, gently leaving his hold and coming to a standstill a few turns from him. Her bluebell eyes were dazzling and a light pink blushed her face. She looked back as she caught her breath, looking amazed at what they’d just done. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight, even letting out a quiet laugh.

“You!”

He swallowed his mirth immediately as the director, a man named Leroux, stormed up to them.

“Your name.” he demanded from the quickly wilting Marinette.

Adrien didn’t hesitate to close the gap between them, stepping next to her as he spoke, “Sorry Monsieur Leroux, I asked her to practice with me.”

For a few tense seconds Leroux stared down at Marinette.

“Isabelle!” the director shouted suddenly, making Adrien almost jump, “Get that dress off Rossi and alert wardrobe and make-up. Marnie here is going to be our new lead.”

Marinette’s face went blank, “Wait, what?”

Adrien was about to speak but Leroux instantly turned to him, “And you! Dance like that again and we can get this done today as planned.”

Adrien could only manage a startled nod. The director promptly left at that, quickly finding someone else to yell at.

Adrien carefully glanced at Marinette next to him to gauge her reaction. She was a deer in the headlights. He felt guilty. This hadn’t been his intention at all. He tentatively took her hand in his, enjoying the feel of it without the leather glove of his hero transformation acting as a barrier.

“Sorry, seems I’ve landed you in all this.”

“I’ve never done anything like this.” Marinette groaned with a flustered face.

Adrien leaned his head down slightly so his eyes were level with hers as he looked at her, “You don’t want to do it?”

He refused to let anyone force her into anything she didn’t want to do. He could talk to whoever, tell them it wasn’t possible. He’d let her know that it was okay, that she wasn’t expected to actually do this. He felt her squeeze his hand, making his heart hammer in his chest.

She looked back at him, a glimmer of determination in her eyes, “No, I’ll do it.”

That surprised him. He tried to hide the relief that flooded him. He’d really enjoyed dancing with her, and was excited to do it again. It made him feel easier about getting through the day if she was the one he was working with.

He grinned as he let out a subtle laugh, “You don’t need to worry. I’ll show you what to do with everything. Though the main part is the waltz and it seems we got that down no problem.”

Adrien gently squeezed her hand in his. The rising blush of her cheeks only made him smile more.

“ _Adrien!_ What the _hell_ did you do?”

His heart dropped as someone quickly approached them. He hoped Marinette didn’t feel the way he flinched as he turned to the person screaming at them.

“Lila-”

He didn’t even manage to say anything before the girl was stepping into his space, glaring up at him, “I’ve just been told I’m off the shoot. What just happened?”

Adrien’s eyes flickered to Marinette next to him. She was looking between him and Lila in shock. Adrien steeled himself. He couldn’t falter in front of Marinette.

“Lila.” he held his voice level and firm, “I warned you. People notice when you don’t take things seriously. You can’t just lie your way through everything. You have to put in some real work somewhere.”

“ _I’m_ the liar?” Lila gasped excessively with an incredulous look towards Marinette, “I bet _she’s_ the one who said something to make them remove me. Why else would they make her the replacement?”

Adrien guided Marinette to step behind him with her hand he still held. She was hesitant, but allowed him to. At the same time he stepped more to the side so as to block her completely from Lila.

“Marinette didn’t do anything.” he shot back fiercely, “I’m the one who asked her to practice with me. The director is the one who took notice and made the decision.”

“Tell him to change his mind back then!”

“You know I can’t do that. Nothing here is my decision.”

“ _You_ decided to do the routine with someone else.”

Adrien gritted his teeth. He had made that choice and despite the situation he found himself in, he didn’t regret it.

“You’re not going to even say anything?” she hissed, “You’re going to take _her_ side?”

He kept his voice as steady as he could, “Lila, I’d be careful. If you make a scene you’ll end up getting removed by security. That’s not something you want against your reputation.”

There was a deadly fire in Lila’s eyes, “You’ve made your choice then.”

The tension was so thick that Adrien thought he would suffocate. He forced himself to hold Lila’s gaze. He’d already decided he wouldn’t back down even though he could feel himself shaking. The only thing keeping him tethered was Marinette’s reassuring grasp of his hand.

The approach of a meek crew member broke the heavy silence, “Excuse me, Lila? We’re going to need the dress.”

Lila sneered as she turned on her heel and walked away, the flustered crew memebr trailing after her.

It took everything Adrien had to not fall to the floor once Lila was gone. His confrontation with her had taken more energy than he had to spend.

“Are you okay?” Marinette whispered.

Shit, he was still shaking. He quickly released her hand and took a small step back as he turned to face her again.

“Yeah sorry about that.” he laughed sheepishly, “Lot of easily damaged egos in this sort of work. You learn to deal with it.”

He gave her a weak smile, but she still looked at him with obvious concern. She made to say something but another voice spoke out before she could.

“Could you come with me please?” It was the woman the director had referred to earlier as Isabelle, “We’ll get you ready.”

Marinette glanced with uncertainty between him and the woman.

“I’ll be here when you get back.” he reassured.

She still looked uneasy but nodded and allowed herself to be led away by Isabelle.  
Adrien let out the breath he’d been holding. He felt absolutely drained. The bright lights of the ballroom made his head hurt, and he felt weak when standing for any length of time. But there was still so much to get done before the day was over. So he continued on with his perfected model mask to pretend he wasn’t bothered by the people who kept coming to talk to him, or how many times he had to redo the recording of minor scenes that were just him because they wanted to try a few angles or slightly different actions.

He was glad to sit down for a few minutes with Nino and Alya. They'd manage to find a quiet enough spot at the side of the ballroom where they could talk. The pair were chatting excitedly about being there and their surprise that Marinette had been taken away to be dressed up as the new female lead.

“You two did look really good together when you dance.” Alya said with pride as though she were talking about her own children.

“I didn’t know Mari had it in her.” Nino laughed, which resulted in a quick elbow jab to his ribs from Alya.

Adrien just smiled and nodded. It was getting harder for him to find words to say as lying down on the floor and closing his eyes was sounding increasingly ideal.

Nino looked at him with concern, “You okay dude?”

“I’m fine. Just been a lot going on.” Adrien answered casually.

His friend said something further, but a sharp pain cutting through Adrien’s head prevented him from catching it. His blinked as his vision blurred a moment. He wondered if he’d get a chance to sneak off and take some pain medication as his headache had been getting worse along with the feeling of overheating.

Sound returned to normal as Alya spoke, “Yeah, you probably should have taken more than one day off. There’s such a thing as being _too_ hardworking.”

Adrien shook his head, “I’m okay, really. Once this project is done I plan on taking a break anyway.”

“No way dude! Seriously?” Nino gasped, “Your dad’s letting you?”

“He...doesn’t know yet.”

_Not that it matters,_ he thought.

Adrien wasn’t going to allow any negotiation for it. Whether his father agreed or not, he’d had enough of being treated like a doll. He wanted more time for himself. Time that could be spent with his friends and Marinette.  
The anxiety that held him eased some as he thought of her. He was still terrified about his plan to talk to her later that night, but he wanted her to know him. He wanted to be honest with her and tell her how deeply he loved her without hiding behind a mask.

“No. Way.” Alya said with sudden shock.

She quickly sprang up and sped over to one of the entrance archways of the ballroom. Adrien’s eyes followed her as she went, confused by the haste of her. He stared for a moment, not sure what he was seeing. Slowly, he took it in.

_Oh._

It was Marinette. She stood in the dress she designed, looking exceedingly shy and beautiful. Her make-up was more than what she usually wore, with warm smokey eyeshadow and lusciously glossed lips. Her dark hair was held up in a braided bun and adorned with glittering red and black pins. He didn’t know what they had done to the dress to fix it, as Lila was curvier than Marinette’s petite frame, but it flattered the shape of her as if the dress was always meant for her.

“You might want to stop staring and actually go talk to her.” Nino laughed.

Adrien gave his friend a sheepish look. But he was right. Marinette wasn’t used to the world of cameras and having people fuss over you constantly. He also didn’t like how some of the other men in the room were gawking at her from the moment she’d walked in.  
There was still a lot to get done before the filming could be wrapped up, but Adrien wasn’t going to leave her side for a second of it.

* * *

“Girl you look _gorgeous_!” Alya squealed as she ran up.

Marinette was overwhelmed with nervousness. She didn’t normally wear something as excessive or elegant as this, even if she did design it. It didn’t help that since the dress was slightly long for her, and the quickest solution the wardrobe assistant had was higher heels. Marinette was certain she’d have broken ankles by the end of this. There was also the staring. When she’d returned to the ballroom, so many sets of eyes turned on her forcing her to drop her own gaze. She thought she might cry from her own embarrassment.

There was the sound of boots as someone approached.

“What do you think, Agreste?” Alya teased.

Marinette froze. She couldn’t bring herself to look up at his dumb beautiful face when hers was the colour of a tomato. It was quiet between them apart from Alya’s stifled giggling.

“Marinette.” his voice was soft but it still made her jump.

She could see his hand held out for her to take. Her heart was going through a gymnastics routine as she hesitantly reached out to him. As she rested her hand in his, he gave it a reassuring squeeze. Marinette was slowly overcoming her self awareness as she lifted her head to look at him. He was gazing back at her with a tender expression, his eyes observing her with a pleasant warmth.

“You look beautiful.” he smiled.

“Thanks.” she mumbled, “You too.”

She didn’t realise her blunder until she heard Alya’s suppressed sniggering. Marinette didn’t think it was possible for her face to get any redder. Adrien looked at her in surprise before letting out a soft laugh.

“Thank you.” he smirked in a way that had Chat Noir all over it.

_Stupid cat_ , she thought with a pout.

“Let’s go.” he said as he gently led her by the hand.

Marinette was still anxious to be doing this. Adrien never left her side though. Even during the smaller scenes that were just her, he stood nearby where she could see him. His presence reassured her and the filming was progressing smoothly. She still felt a gnawing anxiety however, as Lila hadn’t been seen since her confrontation with Adrien.

They were waiting a moment while the last minute adjustments were made before the did their dance scene again. Marinette found herself looking up at Adrien as he glanced around. His eyes seemed bleary and unfocused. Something wasn’t right. She tuned out all the background noise and people talking and focused completely on Adrien. There was a barely noticeable tremble in his legs and the pace of his breathing was staggered.

She didn’t think about it as she raised her hand to his face. Adrien jolted in alarm as she checked his forehead. He was burning up.

Marinette pulled back again, not wanting to touch him without permission for too long, “Adrien…”

“Yeah, the stage lights they use make the room really hot.” he laughed weakly, though a trace of panic glinted in his eyes.

“But you’re-”

Someone called out before she could finish, “Alright, let’s get started. We’re almost there.”

Adrien smiled at her, “It’s fine. We’re almost done.”

Marinette wasn’t sure if he was telling that to her or himself. He didn’t let her say anything more as he let her out into the ballroom to take up their starting position.  
She didn’t know how he was managing it. His hold of her was as steady as it had been earlier, and he went through with their waltz with a sense of security that made it easy for her to follow. Marinette tried to not let it show with the cameras rolling, but she was concerned. She had known Chat was still ill just last night, but she’d let herself be fooled by Adrien’s show of confidence and easy going mood. She’d been enjoying so much being in his company with him as Adrien that she hadn’t noticed how he must have been like this all day.

They came to the end of the dance.

But as soon as they stopped the director called out, “Let’s do that last part of the sequence one more time. Use cameras three and four.”

Marinette wanted to say something but Adrien only smiled and brought them back to the needed marker before starting into the dance steps. It was the final part of their waltz, a quick forward movement into the sharp turns that would end with her spinning out from him.

She felt his hand slip away from her back, indicating for her to move away as she kept turning. As she stepped she felt his other hand slip from its hold from hers so she could keep moving on from him. Marinette stopped after her final turn, panting to catch her breath. She turned to look at Adrien, her heart stopping as he fell to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh okay.
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments and kudos! I appreciate the support and wish I could reply to them all. <3


	25. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING :** This chapter contains descriptions of sexual harrasment and assault.
> 
> Marinette tries to support Adrien.  
> Adrien meets a confrontation.

Marinette cried out, “Adrien!”

She was the first to reach him, not caring that she stumbled over on her high heels and landed harshly on her knees. Adrien was slowly lifting himself up again, though the shaking of his shoulders showed that it was a struggle for him.

His breathing was laboured as he forced himself to sit up, “Sorry, I just got a bit dizzy from the spinning.”

He was smiling at her. The false one that broke her heart. The mask that he used to hide what was really going on from everyone.  
Nino and Alya had appeared next to them, their expressions marked with concern.

“Dude you okay?” Nino asked as he offered out his hand.

“It’s fine. I’m okay to keep going.” Adrien said but still took Nino’s assistance to stand up.

Marinette stood up as well, ignoring the sting of her bruised knees. She wanted to say something, but all the words that came to mind were ones she’d say to Chat Noir. If she said them to Adrien he’d maybe suspect she knew.

“Maybe you should sit down a bit at least.” Alya told him.

“Really, I’m okay.” Adrien said with his feigned smile, “I don’t want the filming to stop short cause of me.”

“No, I think we’re good here.” the director announced suddenly, “We got what we needed for the shot before you fell. We can wrap it up now.”

Adrien’s face was an uncomfortable mixture of relief and disappointment, “Oh, that’s good to hear. Sorry about that.”

“You and Marnie can go get changed.”

Marinette ignored how the man was still getting her name wrong. She watched Adrien as he walked to the director and offered both thanks and apologies to him and the crew. She hated this ridiculous pride of his, that he kept refusing to let anyone see that there was something going on with him.

“Marinette.” Adrien called out to her, “I think your room is near mine, so we can go up together if you want.”

He still had the wrong smile and Marinette hated it. She wanted to yell at him and call him stupid, but she couldn’t be so blunt with him in front of everyone. She nodded wordlessly, following him as he led the way out of the ballroom.

Since they only had guest passes, Alya and Nino weren’t able to follow them to the hotel suites that were being used as their dressing rooms, so Marinette and Adrien entered the elevator alone in a tense silence. She watched as he leaned back on the wall of the elevator, trying to act like just standing wasn’t straining him.

“How are your feet?” he asked suddenly.

Marinette looked at him in confusion.

“You’ve been in those shoes this whole time.” he chuckled, “It must have been difficult.”

_Stop worrying about me when you’re the one in trouble_ , she thought.

“Just a little bit.” she said aloud instead, “I’m not used to wearing heels like this.”

His smile softened into a more genuine one as he looked at her. It faded quickly as he inhaled sharply, bringing a hand to his head.

“Adrien?” she gasped.

“I’m fine. It’s just a headache.”

“You’ve been running a temperature all day so no wonder.”

He glanced at her with a chagrined look. She was relieved that he wasn’t outright denying it now at least.

“You don’t have to push yourself so hard.” she said softly, “It’s okay to take it easy once in a while.”

“My father would disagree with you.” He laughed dryly.

“Who cares what your dad thinks?”

“A lot of people.” Adrien murmured as he stared down at the floor, “It’s kind of stupid, but I wanted today to go perfectly. I want to talk to him. And if today went well then he couldn’t use it as a failure against me.”

“What’s stupid is you having to reach perfection all the time.”

He continued to hold his head down with a faint sad smile.

  
The elevator dinged as they reached their floor.

“Let me borrow your arm.” Marinette said as she stood in front of him.

Adrien looked at her with surprise, “My arm?”

“You can barely stand as it is, so how are you going to walk to the room? You can lean on me.”

He laughed lightly, “I’m probably a bit heavy for you, Mari.”

She pouted in response, “Just let me help. You can either let me hold you up or I’ll drag you.”

She was edging closer to her usual attitude with Chat and hoped he wouldn’t notice.

Adrien stared at her a moment before letting out a sigh with a small smile. He held up his arm for her, which she promptly wrapped around her shoulders. She helped to bear his weight a moment as he brought himself away from the security of the wall. Once he’d steadied himself she helped him to keep balance as they walked down the hallway to his room.

The hotel suite was similar to the one she’d been brought to earlier when she was getting prepped for filming. It was made of a main room, which had a bed and some couches near a tv, and an ensuite bathroom. There was a round table in the middle of the room which had a large vase filled with an extravagant bouquet of flowers. Adrien’s usual clothing was neatly folded on the table, along with a duffel bag that contained some of his belongings.

“Sorry for troubling you.” Adrien said as he sat down on the edge of one of the couches, “I’ll be alright now.”

Marinette looked around and was relieved to see a water jug with some glasses. She quickly poured out a glass and offered it to him. He mumbled his thanks as he accepted it, taking tentative sips of the drink.

“I’ll go get changed and then I’ll come back.” she told him.

Adrien gave her a hesitant look, “You’re coming back?”

“Of course. There’s no one else here. What if you fall again?”

“You really don’t need to.”

“I’m worried so yes I do!”

That had come out sounding harsher than she meant it to. Adrien looked into his half empty glass as he thought for a moment.

He lifted his head to her with a smile, subtle but real, “Okay. I’ll get changed and wait here for you.”

Marinette was glad that he was finally showing some complacency. She wondered briefly if it was because it was just the two of them there. Her eyes lingered on him a moment. She didn’t want to leave him, but she wasn’t about to get changed in front of him or have him do the same with her. She quickly headed to the door, deciding she’d just have to be as fast as possible.

“I’ll be back soon.” she promised.

* * *

Adrien’s eyes followed Marinette as she closed the door behind her as she left. He felt guilty for worrying her so much, but he took some selfish comfort from her being determined to help him. Though he still felt ashamed of his collapse at the end of filming. He severely hoped that his father wouldn’t find out about it.  
To say he felt like shit would be putting it lightly. His head was submerged in a feverish cloud and it seemed like his muscles had lost all their strength. It took longer than it should have for him to get changed. He ended up having to ask Plagg to help him untie the sabre from his belt and undo the buttons of the jacket as his own fingers weren’t cooperating.

“You could have asked her to do this before she left.” Plagg grumbled.

Adrien ignored the comment as he placed the sabre on the round table of the room. He was glad to have its clunky weight off his hip. His shoulders ached as he rolled them, slipping out of the jacket and hanging it up on the designated railing. It took a bit getting changed back into his everyday attire, though he gave up at tying his shoelaces. He sat again on the edge of the couch, trying to not fall asleep as he waited for Marinette to return. It’d probably take her a while to get out of the dress, but since he’d taken a long time himself she would probably be back shortly. He thought about washing his face, but decided against it as he didn’t want to risk removing the make-up that hid the bruise on his lip. He couldn’t let Marinette see that right now.

He heard the sound of the hotel room door open, making him look up. He smiled as he was expecting Marinette, but quickly faltered as he saw who it actually was.

“Lila?” he croaked.

Lila looked at him with a cool gaze as she closed the door behind her, snapping the lock of it shut. Adrien felt the panic starting to set in. He hadn’t seen her since their altercation earlier and didn’t know what state she would be in.

“I want to talk.” she said smoothly, though her eyes were piercing.

He tried to keep his breathing steady. He didn’t want to be alone with her.

“Let’s go down to the lobby then.” he suggested as he stood up.

“Here’s fine.” she insisted.

Adrien had wanted to talk to Lila, but he’d wanted it to be on his own terms. In this situation Lila very much had the control. She stood between him and the only exit. He had to be careful. He wasn’t sure of her emotional state, and it would be bad if she were to be akumatised in front of him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was in no state to fight right now.

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked, resting a hand on the table to help keep his balance.

Lila slowly walked towards him. She stopped at the table, lifting up the prop sabre and testing the weight of it in her hands. Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat, glancing nervously at the door.

“Do you really think Marinette is right for you?” she asked casually as she slipped the sabre partly out of its scabbard, checking her reflection in the false blade.

He tore his eyes away from the door and back to her, “What’s that supposed to me?”

“I’m asking if you think she’ll actually understand you.”

“And you think you understand me?”

Lila turned to him with a coy smile, “We’re the same, aren’t we?”

He averted his gaze, hating how she was looking at him, “No, I don’t think we are.”

“I know what it is to be lonely, Adrien. I know how hurtful it is to be ignored. But I’m all you will need if you just let me love you.”

At this Adrien felt a flash of anger, “Just because you’re lonely doesn't mean you get to force others into your company. And what you have for me isn’t love, it’s _obsession.”_

Lila reached her hand across the table, brushing her fingers over his wrist, “I _know_ what you are, Adrien. You think anyone else will accept you? You think Marinette will?”

He quickly pulled his arm away from her, “You don’t accept anything about me! You just make things worse.”

Maybe it was because of the throbbing headache, but his anger was quickly building. He didn’t want to be in this situation anymore. He didn’t want to be _near_ her anymore.

“I’m quitting modelling.” he told her, “I’m not working with you again.”

Alarm flashed in her expression before her eyes darkened, “We had a deal.”

“Not anymore. I’m done with it.”

“I don’t need to work with you to give you all the love you need.”

“I’m sorry, Lila. But I don’t want it from you.”

Her eyes widened as she stared at him. He didn’t meet her gaze. He summoned whatever strength he could to keep himself steady as he started to walk towards the door.

Adrien had only made it a few steps before he felt Lila’s hand latch onto his wrist. Before he could react she harshly pulled him. With his sense of balance already shaky, he found himself stumbling back into the table. His weight forced the piece of furniture over and he found himself falling further to the ground. The crashing sound of the vase that had been on the table was deafening. His ears were ringing and the room spun around him. The sudden fast movement of everything had left him disorientated in his fevered state.  
As he gathered in senses he realised that Lila was still holding his wrist. He weakly tried to pull it back, but her painful grip on him tightened. She stepped over him so she had a leg either side of him. Adrien tried to push himself away from her but she was already on him, holding him down with her weight. She straddled his hips, leaning into him until he could feel her breath on his neck.

The blind panic was enveloping him now. He thrashed underneath her, but it wasn’t enough to get her off and only served to make his head throb more. With her pinning one of his wrists to the floor, he only had one free hand to try and grab her other one that was now slipping under his shirt. He managed to stop her a moment, but she only pushed back on him more until his stomach was exposed.

“I’ll show you,” she whispered as she pressed burning kisses into the nape of his neck, “just how good my love can make you feel.”

It didn’t make him feel good at all. He was struggling to breathe as the white noise rang high in his ears. His neck and wrist hurt and he was losing sense of where he was. The past and present merging together as he could no longer recognise who it was on top of him. Her nails grazed over the naked skin of his abdomen before digging sharply into his hip. He tried to cry out but all he managed was a strangled gasp. He thrashed again but it only made the girl on top of him more determined.  
He didn’t have the energy or strength in him to stop anything. His body trembled violently as the suffocation persisted. It’d just be better if he gave into the white noise, right? He could forget where he was until it was over.

_I’m not here…_

Her kisses against his neck were getting more and more painful.

_I’m not here._

The hand at his hip slipped further down and started to tug at his belt.

_I’m not here. I’m not here. I’m not here. I’m not here. I’m not here. I’m not here. I’m not here._

His vision had become entirely distorted. Like an oppressive eclipse, the world around him started to grow dark.

_I’m not…_

_I’m…_

_Here._

_I’m here._

_Someone..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about another cliffhanger. I'll just be dropping this chapter and running.
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments on the previous chapter!


	26. Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING :** This chapter contains descriptions of sexual harrasment and assault.
> 
> Marinette has had enough.

Marinette sighed as she let her hair down. The tightly wound bun had been starting to feel uncomfortable, and it was a relief to run her fingers through her now loose strands of hair. It still felt a little weird from the product that had been put in it, but she managed to wrangle it into her usual pigtails. She would take a shower later when she got home. For now she needed to quickly get back to Adrien. He was waiting for her and she had taken long enough to get out of the dress.

“What are you going to do?” Tikki asked as Marinette slipped her shoes on.

Marinette chewed her lip, “I’m not sure. He needs to get home for now.”

“But he’ll still come to you later as Chat Noir. At least he was planning to.”

“He’d better not. I want to talk with him, but that’s pointless when he can barely stand. Talking can wait.”

Tikki nodded in understanding.

Marinette picked up her purse and opened it for her kawmi to get in, but she didn’t move.

Marinette furrowed her brow with confusion, “Tikki?”

Tikki let out a small gasp as she quickly turned around. Suddenly a small black shape shot through the wall like a shadow. Marinette recognised the cat-like shape immediately.

“ _Plagg?_ ” she almost yelled in surprise.

Tikki floated to her other half, “What are you doing here?”

Plagg didn’t need to say anything. The intensity of his expression was enough for Marinette to understand.

Her breath caught in her throat, “Adrien…!”

Marinette was out the door and running down the corridor in seconds. Transforming didn’t even occur to her as there was an all consuming thought to _run_ . Adrien’s room was a few doors down and she saw the black flash of Plagg flying ahead of her. He disappeared at Adrien’s door and she heard the sound of it unlocking. She didn’t stop to consider why it had been locked in the first place, immediately slamming the door open instead.  
The sight she saw paralysed her. Adrien lay unmoving on the floor. Lila hovered over him as she straddled herself over his hips. The material of his shirt had been pulled up until his chest and abdomen were exposed. One of Lila’s hands had his wrist pinned, but the other was sinking lower on his body. His belt and the top of his jeans were undone and her fingertips were tracing the band of his boxer briefs.

Lila sat up as Marinette entered, greeting her with a cold stare.

“W-What are you doing?” Marinette choked out.

Lila looked at her for a moment before returning her gaze to Adrien underneath her.

“You really have an awful sense of timing,” she scoffed, “I was only helping him relax.”

Adrien still hadn’t moved. From where she stood, Marinette couldn’t see anything of his face.

She balled her hands into tight fists, “Get off him.”

“Oh please. I know you’re interested too.” Lila sneered as she released Adrien’s wrist, bringing her other hand to meet the one that still hovered below his waist, “I’ll let you have a look if you’re that desperate.”

Her fingers hooked over the bands of his jeans and boxers and started to shift them down, uncovering more of his skin.  
Rational thought was cast out immediately as Marinette was swept up in her overwhelming rage. She closed the gap between her and Lila in seconds, who looked up at her in alarm before Marinette’s fist hit the girl square in the face. Lila was sent sprawling on the ground, the broken pieces of the vase crackling under her as she landed. Her hand covered her nose but blood was already streaming down her face.

“You really think I’d be anything like you?” Marinette screamed, “Being a despicable liar was bad enough, but what you’re doing now is disgusting and _cruel_!”

“He only had to do what I asked and it wouldn’t have happened like this.” Lila spat blood as she hissed, “It’s your fault for trying to take him from me!”

Another flash of white hot rage and Marinette was on Lila. She held the lying girl by the collar and proceeded to land more punches and scratches on her face. Marinette didn’t care how much her hand was hurting from the force of the impacts she was applying. She just wanted Lila to stop talking.

Marinette soon became exhausted from her vicious attack and stared down at Lila beneath her. She was horrified by the blood and bruising she’d done to the now wailing girl. Her nose was definitely messed up and the beginnings of a black eye were starting to swell. Her arms were also covered in red marks and scrapes that would develop into bruises after she tried to defend herself against Marinette’s onslaught.

Marinette hated her reaction, though she didn’t fully regret it. She knew it was wrong, but she was just glad that Lila had shut up. She let Lila crumple to the floor in a fit of gross sobbing as she turned back to Adrien.

Adrien had been unresponsive throughout the whole ordeal. Marinette carefully knelt next to him and gently brushed his hair out of his face so she could see his eyes clearly. His gaze was glazed over and dim while his breathing was shallow and uneven. If he was at all aware of her presence he didn’t show it.

She called out to him softly, “Adrien…”

There was a faint flicker in his eyes. She hoped he could hear her.

“I’m going to take your hand, okay?” she said, keeping her tone gentle.

As carefully as she could, she took his hand in both of hers. She could feel him trembling so she squeezed his hand reassuringly, ignoring how one of her own was blazing hot with pain after tearing into Lila.  
Trying her best to remember it, she tenderly tapped the sequence he had shown her into his palm. After she had done it a few times, his unfocused gaze drifted towards her. She kept going, lightly pressing her alternating fingertips to his hand.

“I’m here.” she whispered as she lowered herself until her forehead gently touched his, “I’m here, Adrien.”

_Am I reaching you?_

A heavy blow across the backs of her shoulders made Marinette jump. She kept ahold of Adrien’s hand as she turned to look behind her. Lila was standing again, holding in her hands the prop sabre. It was worthless to use for cutting as the blade had a dull edge, so instead she was using it in its scabbard like a bat as she struck Marinette again.

“Why do you have to keep ruining everything for me?” she wailed through another series of blows, “Why couldn’t you just be as gullible as everyone else and let me have what I want?”

Marinette gritted her teeth as her back and shoulders were hit again and again. She wasn’t going to give Lila the satisfaction of seeing her hurt. Even when one of the strikes hit her in the side of the head she refused to let go of Adrien’s hand. She had to let him know that she was there, that she still had him.

She would be able to endure it and overpower Lila easily if she were Ladybug, but Marinette couldn’t transform here and risk her identity becoming known. There was also still enough rage in her to do even more harm to Lila, however adding in Ladybug’s enhanced strength could quickly make it become something irreversible. Marinette held her ground. Protecting Adrien right now was her priority and she was going to stay at his side until she figured out what to do.

Another blow hit her across the shoulder, dangerously close to her head. Marinette tensed herself for the next one, but it didn’t come. Instead she heard Lila let out a guttural screech. She looked back at her assailant to see the flash of a small black shadow retreating as Lila clutched the side of her head. Blood was trickling from her fingers. Lila brought her hand away a moment with another awful wail before pressing it back into place. Her ear had been torn.

“What did you do?” Lila shrieked.

Marinette glared at her, “I didn’t do anything.”

“It’s _always_ you! I just want to live my life but _you_ keep _ruining it_!”

Marinette could still feel her anger burning hot as she talked to the manic girl before her, “The one who ruined it is you! You’ve lied and treated people horribly. You’re not getting near Adrien or any of my friends again. If you do, it won’t be just your face I break.”

Lila bared her teeth as she made an animalistic screech. Marinette didn’t break eye contact as she continued to stare at her. She felt Adrien’s hand shift in hers, making her hold her breath. She hoped Lila hadn’t noticed the movement. Marinette tried to keep her own expression unchanged despite feeling Adrien’s hand weakly clutch at hers. She tightened her grasp of him slightly in silent confirmation that she’d noticed him.  
Lila didn’t appear to have seen the hidden exchange between them, but still looked like she might break into another frenzy for a moment. She scowled at Marinette as one of her hands still clutched the side of her bleeding head while the other held the sabre in such an aggressive hold that made it shake. The blood dripping from her ear and nose were leaving glaring red droplets on the floor. She was bleeding a lot.

Marinette watched as Lila started to walk towards the door.

“I’d watch yourself.” Lila snarled, “I know people who you wouldn’t want for an enemy.”

Marinette said nothing, only glaring in response. She kept her eyes on Lila until she disappeared through the doorway.

“Plagg, are you okay?” she heard Tikki whisper anxiously when Lila was gone.

“Just great, sugarcube.” Plagg purred, “I’ve been wanting to do something like that for ages.”

Lila’s ear. So that had been Plagg she saw.

It didn’t seem like Lila was coming back, so Marinette turned her full attention back to Adrien. He was looking up at her with bleary-eyed confusion. His breathing had altered from earlier, still shallow but it sounded painful.

“Adrien,” She squeezed his hand in hers, “Can you see me now?”

His eyes searched her a moment before he nodded slowly. He still seemed disoriented as he hesitantly looked around.

Adrien attempted to sit up, making Marinette gasp, “You should stay lying down for a bit.”

Marinette felt her heart twist as she saw how Adrien’s expression changed when he saw himself and the situation of his clothing. She could feel the tremors of his body in his hand that she still held.

“She’s gone.” Marinette whispered, “I got here before she…”

Adrien remained silent as he awkwardly fixed his clothing back to normal. At least as normal as he could manage with one hand. Marinette wondered if she should release the one she held, but his shaking fingers were still wrapped around hers so she didn’t let go. He had to give up at his belt though as he didn’t have the needed dexterity for it in his current state. He still hadn’t said anything as he laid back on the floor.

“Adrien?” she softly called to him.

His expression was pained as he averted her gaze. He lifted his free hand up and used his forearm to cover his eyes.

“Sorry.” his voice was small and rasping.

Marinette felt like her heart might break, “Adrien, you didn’t do anything wrong! Nothing here is your fault!”

“I’m sorry…”

“You have nothing to apologise for.”

She heard his breathing hitch as he hiccuped. Despite covering his eyes, she could see the tears falling.

“I’m sorry…”

“You’re not the one to blame.”

She leaned in closer to him, shushing him gently and kissing his hand in hers. He continued to sob an apology over and over and each time she responded with consoling words. Marinette wanted to see his eyes, but she didn’t make him move his arm away as he continued to cry. She didn’t want him to lose whatever sense of safety or control he was grasping at right now.  
Holding his hand the whole time, she stayed close as she tried to softly console him. His sobs slowly reduced in frequency but they were being followed by his body convulsing uncomfortably. Marinette soon found out why as he withdrew his hand from her, rolling onto his side and away from her. He vomited onto the floor and retched a few more times after, though nothing further came up. She didn’t know what else to do other than to rub his back until the convulsions passed. His shaking eventually fell to a faint shivering.

Adrien was murmuring something, but between the lowness and rasping of his voice she couldn’t make it out. Marinette could feel the uncomfortable heat of his body as she kept trying to comfort him. His fever was still running high and she needed to do something. She couldn’t leave him but he was in no state to move either. She had to call for help, but would have to be mindful of who she reached out to. It needed to be someone who could respond quickly and be understanding of Adrien’s current fragile state. A certain person came to mind.

Marinette quickly took out her phone and started searching through her contacts. It was difficult to do one handed, as the one she’d used to beat the crap out of Lila was too painful to even flex her fingers now. Her whole body ached, her head particularly pulsing with pain. She found what she was looking for, never having thought she would be glad to have this number on her phone. She didn’t hesitate to hit the call button. She spoke as soon as she heard them pick up.

“Chloe, I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get wrekt Lila.  
> I originally had LB beating the crap out of her but later rewrote it as I like it better with Mari doing it lol
> 
> Thanks as always for all your lovely comments and kudos! You guys are going to make me cry ugly happy tears like this.


	27. Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains some reference to physical and sexual abuse of a minor.
> 
> Everything is falling apart but Chloe is taking charge.

He was Chat Noir, sitting on the edge of a building with his legs swinging out before him. He hummed quietly to himself as he waited. Ladybug should be showing up soon and they would go on patrol together as usual. He looked out over the cityscape, a greying vision that blended like chalk in the rain. Had it been raining recently? He couldn’t remember. It felt uncomfortably hot though as if it were the height of summer. But there was no sunlight to be seen as the city seemed to be sinking into bleak nighttime.

Chat looked around him. Surely Ladybug would arrive soon. They were never too far apart in their arrival times and he had been there for...how long had he been waiting? He felt a sharp pain in his head as he tried to think about it. No, he couldn’t have been waiting long. Besides, she said she’d be back soon.

_Wait, when did she say that?_

Chat shook his head. It didn’t matter. He could have been there for minutes or hours, but it didn’t matter. He was waiting for her.

A flash of red in the edge of his vision caught his attention. Ladybug had run by him and was vaulting across the rooftops. Chat’s eyes followed her as he stood up. Where was she going? He decided it had to be their usual game of cat and mouse. His body felt heavy but he set off after her.  
No matter how hard he ran he wasn’t able to catch up to the fleeting image of her.

“Hey, come on!” he laughed, “I have to catch you at least once, My Lady.”

His words went unheeded as she continued to stay ahead of him, dipping in and out of the structures as she ran. He continued to give chase, but the oppressive heat made breathing difficult.  
Eventually he had to stop. His lungs felt like they were simultaneously being crushed while catching fire. He gasped for breath as Ladybug kept going ahead of him, her figure slowly disappearing into the grey haze.

_“Adrien…”_

He lifted his head up. Did he really just hear that? He looked around but couldn’t see anyone. Even looking down into the misting streets below there wasn’t a single soul around. It had sounded like someone was calling out to him. But why that name? He was Chat Noir.

He looked back in the direction Ladybug had gone. He took a step to follow, but hesitation gripped him.

”What am I doing?” he whispered to himself.

He’d been chasing Ladybug, but why? At least, that had to have been her. Wasn’t it? Something didn’t feel right, like he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He looked again for the owner of the voice but he was alone.

The watery greyscale of Paris continued to bleed into itself. Chat looked beneath his feet in panic as the ground beneath him started to leak like ink across a page.He tried to step back but his foot plunged into the forming liquid. He was scared. He didn’t want to go.

“Ladybug!” he yelled.

But she was gone. The shimmering red figure had faded from him.  
It felt like he was sinking into mud. There was nothing for him to hold onto as he slowly found the grey murk rising past his knees. He tried to move but his legs were stuck.  
He frantically looked around for someone. Anyone. But the city was already sinking away into a blackness.

_“I’m going to take your hand, okay?”_

The panic and the heat were suffocating. He turned around in a frenzy to find where the voice was coming from.

“Where are you?” he cried out.

He froze as he felt it. Something small and gentle touching his hand. He looked at his hand. It was empty but he could definitely feel something.

_“I’m here.”_

Chat furrowed his brow in confusion. The hold of his hand was shifting. He could feel something against his palm, tenderly pressing in a rhythm. He heard it. The faint sound of a piano playing.

_“I’m here, Adrien.”_

He knew who it was.  
“Marinette…?”

The ground underneath him, or what was left of it, suddenly disintegrated and he found himself plummeting. He was falling hard and fast and couldn’t see where he was going to land. The sound of the air rushing past him was deafening. It was terrifying, but he could still feel her there. She was still close by.  
The black void rapidly gave way to a blinding light.

  
He felt like he was choking as he felt the weight of his body again. Breathing was painful and he felt simultaneously hot and cold. He was shivering as his eyes adjusted to the brightness around him. He couldn’t hear much. Just distant voices that sounded like he was underwater. His mind was nothing but static as he stared at the ceiling above him. He couldn’t move his head, so his eyes slowly wandered as he tried to make sense of what was around him. He was...in a hotel room?

He noticed his hand felt light. Using what strength he could, he carefully flexed his fingers. Someone was holding his hand. His vision was unfocused as he looked over at the figure next to him. Even with his disorientation he could easily recognise her dark hair.

_Marinette._

He wasn’t sure if she was really there. It took everything he had, but he managed to weakly grasp her hand. He felt her hand softly tighten around his. She was there. She was really there.

* * *

It had all gone in a blur. Chloe taking charge, the arrival of the paramedics, ending up at the hospital and police arriving to ask questions. It had become apparent that even though Chloe had instructed security to not let Lila leave the hotel, the girl had vanished. Lila hadn’t been seen since she’d left Marinette and Adrien in the hotel room. Marinette felt exhausted and scared but all she could think about was Adrien. She desperately hoped he was okay.  
She was sitting alone in an examination room at the hospital. Her parents had arrived and were now talking to the doctor that had been treating her. It was the first moment of peace and quiet she’d found herself in all day, but she felt anything but relaxed. There were tears welling in her eyes and she looked down at her hands. Her damaged one was now wrapped in a brace and would be for the next few weeks at least. In her other she held Adrien’s ring.

“You did the right thing.” Tikki told her, “We can’t risk it getting lost.”

Plagg sat on the arm of Marinette’s chair, having said nothing this whole time. His ears were drooping low as he stared at the ground.

“I wanted to stay with him.” Marinette whispered, the tears becoming increasingly difficult to hold back, “I shouldn’t have left him.”

Marinette didn’t know herself if she was talking about their current separation, or when she had left his room at the hotel earlier. If she’d just stayed maybe this wouldn’t have happened. She should be with him now but she wasn’t.

“It’s okay Marinette.” Tikki said soothingly, “Adrien’s been taken care of, and you needed to be treated too.”

The doctor said that Marinette was lucky that her hand wouldn’t need surgery to recover, and that she only suffered some minor bruising on her ribs from the heavy blows she’d receive. She was going to be sore as hell for a while until she healed.

Her shoulders shook as Marinette tried to suppress her sobs, tightly clutching the ring in her hand as she held it to her chest. She didn’t know where Adrien was right now and if he was okay. She’d kept asking but no one had been able to tell her anything.

Tikki and Plagg hid in her jacket as the door of the room opened. Marinette snapped her head up, feeling a few more tears fall from her eyes as she did. She’d expected the doctor or her parents, but it wasn’t. It was Chloe.  
The blonde looked at Marinette’s crying face and seemed about to immediately turn and leave, but she lingered. After a moment she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.

Marinette went to speak, “Chloe-”

Chloe held up her hand to stop her, “They’re working to bring his fever down. He’s not conscious and likely won’t be for a while.”

Marinette wiped her eyes, “Thank you Chloe.”

The blonde snorted as she crossed her arms, “Well it’s not like I was going to let him go through another ridiculous circus act like last time. I made use of my contacts to make sure he was seen by someone who would _actually_ do their job.”

Marinette looked at her with confusion, trying to make sense of her words. Chloe observed her with a cool gaze before chewing her lip, realising she was talking about something Marinette didn’t understand.  
Chloe paused a moment before taking a few steps towards her. Marinette hesitated as Chloe held out a fisted hand to her. She slipped Adrien’s ring into her pocket before holding out her hand to receive whatever Chloe had. Coloured beads on a red string were dropped into her waiting palm. The lucky charm she’d given Adrien.

“It was in his pocket.” Chloe murmured as she stepped back again, “He’d be upset if it went missing.”

Clutching the charm, Marinette whispered her thanks while silently promising Adrien she’d return it to him when he was awake.

The room fell quiet again. Chloe appeared deep in thought over something as she stood with her arms crossed. Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line as her own thoughts turned around inside her head. She had to know.

“Something like this,” Marinette spoke slowly, “has happened before - hasn’t it?”

Chloe looked away as she gave her curt response, “Yes.”

“Was it Lila?”

“The first instance? No. She only found that wound and sunk her dirty claws in it.”

Marinette didn’t care how the ring dug into the skin of her palm as she returned to clutching it. Adrien had been coping with something so horrible all alone. His aversion to being touched, particularly intimately, all made sense now. Of course he would feel that way. Was this what he wanted to be honest with her about?

“All this time and no one knew?” Marinette whispered.

Chloe glanced at her briefly, before turning away again with a click of her tongue, “Well you’re involved in this whole shitshow now, so you might as well know. I don’t know the whole details of the last time though, we were only twelve then.”

Marinette flinched. He was really that young when it happened?

Chloe crossed her arms, her brow furrowing as she continued, “She was a wardrobe assistant from what I remember, and often helped on Adrien’s photoshoots at the time. I don’t know if there were some small earlier instances that no one noticed, but it all came to a head when…”

She trailed off, her expression becoming more tense. Marinette wondered what was going through the girl’s mind. Everything in her reflected rage, frustration, anxiety and sorrow. The same as what Marinette was feeling herself.

Chloe took a breath, “He ended up in the hospital. The bitch almost strangled him to death while she did...whatever she did. Everything got hushed up to preserve reputations. It wouldn’t look good for the Gabriel brand if it was known this had happened. The physical injuries were taken care of, but so far as helping him cope with what happened nothing was done.”

Marinette felt sick to her stomach, “No one helped him?”

“Auntie Emilie tried. But by then her own health wasn’t great, so there wasn’t much she could do herself. And then almost a year later was when she disappeared. His father on the other hand was the one who paid everyone off to keep it quiet. His ridiculous pride meant too much to him.”

It was all numbing to hear. The sweet, caring, funny, talented and brilliant person she cherished so dearly had been through so much. Far too much.

His words echoed to her, forcing a sob to pass her lips.

_“I’m damaged, Marinette.”_

_Chat...Adrien...You’re still you_ , she thought, _You’re still the person I love._

Chloe ignored Marinette’s stifled crying as she kept talking, “I’m not telling you all this as a friend. I have my own resources this time to actually do something, so I’m getting lawyers involved. If they ask you anything it’s better you have some idea of the state of things. I’ll not have you ruin it.”

That’s right. This hadn’t been a fight with an akuma where everything would be put back to normal with the help of her Miraculous. Lila had assaulted Adrien and Marinette had retaliated. Even if it was to defend him, she’d still dealt bodily harm.

“My lawyers will take care of it.” Chloe said as she turned back to the door, “I doubt you could afford anyone half decent anyway.”

Marinette sniffled as she wiped more tears from her cheeks, “Thank you Chloe. For everything.”

Chloe had her back to her, so she couldn’t see what her expression was.  
The blonde opened the door but hesitated a moment before glancing over her shoulder, “Do you want to see him?”

Marinette felt a hundred times smaller as she walked behind the girl. Chloe moved with such purpose and ferocity that everyone knew to keep out of her way. They were only stopped once. It had been by Adrien’s doctor who informed them that Gabriel had demanded there be no visitations for his son without his approval first. Marinette was only frightened by this for a few moments, as it soon turned out that the doctor was someone Chloe was familiar with. He said he’d look the other way this time, and Gabriel Agreste would be none the wiser.  
Chloe noticed Marinette’s curious expression as they continued walking so she rolled her eyes, “I told you I made sure Adrien was being taken care of someone I could trust. I’ve come across the doctor a few times now through my work. He’s done a lot with victims of abuse so he takes these things seriously.”

Marinette nodded. She actually found herself admiring Chloe. She still had a terrible attitude most of the time, but compared to how she was a few years ago she’d actually become quite responsible.  
Chloe came to a stop at a door, “You don’t have much time. I’ll wait out here.”

She didn’t know why, but Marinette found herself trying to be as quiet as possible as she entered. As soon as the door closed behind her, Plagg flew out from her jacket and straight for the single bed that occupied the room. The only sound was of a heart rate monitor as it tracked his vitals. Marinette tensed herself as she approached the side of the bed.

As Chloe had told her, Adrien was unconscious. He looked so different from how he had been earlier. The make-up from filming had been removed, showing the true pallor of his skin and how dark and heavy his eyelids were. The bruise on his lip was visible again, starting to fade but still there. Marinette felt a small amount of relief though that he at least didn’t seem as pained as he did earlier. Occasionally there would be a slight movement of his features, a twitch of his brow or a flutter of his eyelids. She wondered if he was dreaming. Plagg had curled himself up against Adrien’s collarbone and was purring quietly. Careful not to disturb the IV drip in his arm, she slipped her hand into his.

“Adrien.” she said softly.

She didn’t think he could hear her, but a barely detectable movement of his hand gave her some small hope. She leaned into him until her forehead lightly touched his temple. He felt warm still, but it had reduced from the overbearing temperature he’d been earlier. She closed her eyes in a vain attempt to withhold her tears.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered, clasping his hand further until their fingers were intertwined, “I’ve found out a lot of things before you could tell me. You promised me though, you stupid cat. So I still want you to tell me everything. I want to hear it from you. I have so much I want to tell you too.”

A few of her tears escaped, rolling down her face until they fell on Adrien’s cheek.

“You’re going to get through this, okay? I’m going to be with you for every step of it. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

Marinette couldn’t keep the shakiness from her voice as she was terrified for him. She didn’t know how things would be for Adrien when he woke up or what he would remember. She desperately hoped that Lila hadn’t broken him completely, that Adrien still felt love - real, genuine love - was possible for him. Marinette would give it to him. As much as he wanted. Every piece of her was his to have and she would do everything she could for him to feel safe in it.

“You’re going to get better from this. When you wake up we’ll talk things out. I want to be able to tell you it properly.”

She gave his cheek a trembling kiss.

“I love you, Adrien. I love you so much.”

She buried her face in his hair as she squeezed his hand in hers. The tears wouldn’t stop coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an actual love confession and it's the classic "one person is completely out of it" sitution. Cause I am both mean and have a guilty pleasure for romance cheese.  
> It can only get better from here...?
> 
> Thanks as always you lovely people for the kudos and comments! Making me cry over here...


	28. Offbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien is awake again but its a long road ahead.  
> Marinette gets an unexpected visit.

It was like an irritating metronome. When the weight swung to one side he was half awake, at least enough to have some awareness of his surroundings. But before he could grasp an understanding of what was around him it would swing back and he’d be submerged in an uncomfortable darkness. In each blink a different view greeted him. The flashing lights of an ambulance. A ceiling rolling by above him. People talking. There was a lot of talking.  
At one moment it had been a man talking to a woman in a nurse’s uniform. With a blink it was Nathalie standing in the doorway of a room speaking to someone he couldn’t see. Blink again and it was Chloe strutting about the room as she snapped at someone over the phone.

The metronome was slowing down. The blinks were taking longer until he found himself unable to open his eyes again. He was sinking into a heavy sleep. He didn’t want to as the prospect of what might manifest in his dreams terrified him.

What came over him wasn’t a nightmare however. It was the pleasant smell of vanilla. He was faintly aware of a small, delicate warmth in his hand like it was being held. Something was being said, but he couldn’t quite make it out as he sunk deeper into the darkness. He felt a soft, sweet touch to his cheek. The familiar voice came a little more clearly now.

_“I love you, Adrien. I love you so much.”_

It was a dream. It had to be.

He slipped completely into the abyss.

  
  


“Adrien, did you hear me?”

Adrien was staring out of the window of his hospital room. It was a bleak day and had been pouring rain since he woke up that morning. It had been three days since he was admitted. What he remembered of his arrival only existed in bleary moments, and until yesterday afternoon he’d been in and out of it. It was probably due to the medication he’d been on, but he still didn’t feel entirely awake.

“Adrien.”

He looked back to the person sitting next to him, a woman in a two piece suit watching him over her notepad.

“Sorry Dr. Laurent.” he answered quietly.

He’d found himself talking in low tones recently. Everything, including his own voice, often sounded far too loud for him.

Dr. Laurent smiled at him, “That’s okay. We’re almost done.You’ll be going home this evening. I want you to understand that treatment shouldn’t stop just because you walk out of here.”

Adrien had already received a run down from the other doctor about the prescription he was being given. He’d received a bit of a long winded explanation about what it was and what he could expect. They could call it whatever fancy name they wanted and how it would help but Adrien knew quite clearly it was antidepressants. The person next to him though was a doctor of psychology, so he knew she wasn’t talking about just pills.

“I’ve set an appointment for next week.” she told him, “I would really like for you to come. It will be hard going to start with, but I’m sure you’ll find a lot of benefits to having therapy.”

Adrien nodded, staring up at the ceiling as he rested his head back against the pillow. Drugs and therapy. His father would probably have an aneurysm over how imperfect his son actually was.  
 _Maybe that would finally make him come here_ , Adrien thought bitterly.

Throughout his hospital stay, he hadn’t seen Gabriel once. Nathalie instead had been by multiple times as his acting guardian.

“Until we next speak I want you to try some things.” Dr Laurent continued, “Panic attacks and dissociation aren’t uncommon following what you have gone through, but there are ways to help manage it.”

It made Adrien uncomfortable how easily people talked about it. The fever had been one thing, but his episodes and moments of lost time were a different beast entirely. An invisible ailment that couldn’t just have a bandage slapped over it.

“Do you have any hobbies? Things that you can do with your hands that take focus are good ways to keep yourself grounded if you’re struggling.”

Adrien automatically went to fidget with his ring, but stopped when he remembered it wasn’t there. It was a huge relief that Plagg was still with him, hidden under the bed sheets as his tiny paws kneaded against Adrien’s arm. He could feel the little vibrations of the kwami’s purr which provided some comfort. Still, without the ring he felt incredibly vulnerable. He didn’t have access to the safety of his alter ego. Plagg had assured him the Miraculous was somewhere safe, but Adrien still felt uneasy. Ladybug was probably wondering what had happened to her partner.

“I play piano.” he said after considering what he’d been asked.

Laurent nodded knowingly as she scribbled on her notepad, “Playing an instrument is very good to help with anxiety and focus.”

 _I haven’t played properly for a while though_ , Adrien thought, _I’m probably rusty._

“Those breathing exercises we discussed earlier as well. They can also be very helpful.”

Adrien just nodded again.

“Work on getting your physical health back for now. Next week we can start into everything else.” Laurent spoke as she gathered her things and stood up.

With the effects of fever in a more controllable state, Adrien was being sent home to continue his bedrest. He was glad to be leaving his isolating room in the hospital, but he wasn’t particularly excited to be going back to another lonely room. At least his room held all the menial distractions his father had bought him over the years. Not that they'd ever helped much anyway.

It was a small relief to be wearing normal clothes again. Adrien had been wearing mostly sleepwear the past few days after being stuck in a bed. He was also glad to be rid of the inconvenient IV. Between his dehydration and the various medication they’d had him on, it had only been removed that morning. His arm felt a little weird without it now though, with the bandaid in its place feeling a little itchy.  
It was evening now as he packed up the handful of belongings into his bag. Adrien paused a moment as he looked at the boxes of medication that his doctor had given him. As well as the antidepressants he’d also been given sleeping pills to help with his insomnia. He let out a sharp sigh and shoved the boxes deep in the bag. Slinging the bag on his back and calling Plagg into his hoodie pocket, Adrien left the room.

Chloe was waiting for him just outside, “Ready to go?”

Adrien nodded.

He thought it had just been the hospital, but as Adrien looked out the car window he started to think it was maybe something else. Everything was grey and muted. The rain had stopped for now, but the sky was still heavily clouded over. It didn’t feel like that was the reason though. It felt like Adrien’s vision was shaded as he watched the city scenery roll by. It wasn’t just colour that was completely washed out. Adrien didn’t didn’t feel like his own emotions were functioning properly. Like everything was muffled. He still felt things, but it came with an icy numbness. It made him worried for when the lack of sensation would stop. The last time he’d felt anything with intensity had been before he’d detached from himself. From Lila. The overwhelming mix of his body’s signals that left him feeling disgusted and confused.  
“I’ll be leaving you for a bit when we get you home.” Chloe said from the seat next to him, “I won’t take long.”

“Sure.” Adrien sighed as he rubbed his eyes, trying to shake off the lingering intrusive thought, “I need to take a proper shower anyway.”

She gave him a curious glance but didn’t question it, “I’ll be meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. Trust me, everything will get sorted.”

Adrien gave her a wry smile. He was so glad of her presence during this time. All the things that he didn’t have the mental capacity to even consider, she was already all over it. Even though he was a few months older than her, she really felt like an older sibling to him at times.

Chloe had walked him from the car to his room before taking her leave. She didn’t tell him where she was going, only that she would be quick. Adrien kicked off his shoes after she left, removing his clothing as he headed to his large bathroom. He didn’t care about leaving his clothes in a mess on his bedroom floor right now. Walking across the cool tiled floor, he deliberately avoided looking at his reflection in the excessively large mirror that hung above the sink and counter. He turned the faucet and stepped into the shower. Hanging his head, he tried to focus on the warmth that ran over his skin.

Adrien had been trying to assemble the puzzle pieces of his mind since he’d properly woken up for the first time yesterday. He could remember the filming okay, but between that and being in the hospital it was still scattered. He knew what Lila did, but those pieces had been shoved to the side in an attempt to not even think of it. But everything else around it was a confused mess.  
Marinette was at the centre of it all. Her presence had never left his mind, even though he hadn’t seen her since the event. He’d been scared for her. Plagg had assured him that she was okay and had been good to leave the hospital the same day they’d arrived. Even so she’d sustained injuries for him. And beyond that…

Adrien gritted his teeth as he slammed his fist against the wall. He was sickened by it. She’d been there and seen everything. That she had seen him like that, how weak and despicable he was. He ignored the dull ache in his hand as he brought it up to clutch his head. The pieces in his mind had slowly been shifting into place since yesterday. The small details that he could remember. There was one piece in this messed up puzzle that he was frightened to put into place. The piece that reminded him what had happened when Marinette brought him out of his bizarre and distant dream. She’d held his hand. It had been gentle but he’d felt it. The soft pressure of her fingers that pressed into his palm in an attempt to replicate the music. The same as he’d shown her. There was no avoiding it. That memory fragment had already been slotted into its rightful place and as much as he tried to ignore it, he could recognise it clearly.  
Marinette knew he was Chat Noir.

_Does it really matter?_

He looked at his hands, feeling the distinct lack of his ring. Plagg had promised it would be returned to him soon.  
Adrien had already decided. As soon as he could be Chat Noir again, Adrien would cease to exist.

* * *

Being stuck at home was boring. Marinette was more or less confined to the apartment given the state of her hand and ribs following what had happened. Her whole body felt bent out of shape and while it was nice to not have to worry about waking up for school, she still felt listless. Nino and Alya had visited her after school every day since the Lila altercation to offer some company. Marinette had told them of course. She didn’t go into the gritty detail, but she told them enough so that they knew why she and Adrien had left the other day in an ambulance. While they had been cautious of Lila in the past, they absolutely abhorred her now.  
Sitting at home alone most of the day left her to her own thoughts a lot though. They were mostly focused on Adrien. She missed him with every fibre of her being. So much that she would jump if she thought she heard something tapping on her window, briefly hoping it was Chat Noir. It was always her imagination though. She hadn’t seen him since that short visit Chloe managed to sneak her in for. The only information she’d gotten after that was a very blunt text from Chloe saying that he’d woken up yesterday. Plagg was still with him at least, so Marinette had some small comfort that Adrien hadn’t been alone when he woke up.  
When her thoughts weren’t centred on Adrien, they shifted to another concern. It had been over a week since the last akuma, and it was strange for Hawk Moth to be so quiet. After the whole ordeal with Lila, Marinette found herself somewhat surprised that none of them had been targeted by the villain. Adrien, Lila and even herself. Their emotions must have been through the roof at that time and yet not a single butterfly floated their way. While it was a relief, Marinette still felt odd about it.

Marinette was sitting in the apartment living room, idly fidgeting with the lucky charm she’d given Adrien as endless thoughts swam in her mind. She wanted to see him but didn’t know how. She wanted to see for herself if he was okay. Marinette blushed as she remembered the last words she had said to him were a desperate love confession. He hadn’t been conscious to hear, but she’d still said it to him. She thought about his deep verdant eyes and how they would look at her if she told him again. Her cheeks ignited hotter. How was she supposed to say it again if he was actually looking at her? She felt her heart twist as she paused. She wanted him to look at her. She wanted to see that same warmth and tenderness in his eyes as when she’d danced with him. Marinette tightened her grip on the lucky charm. She had to see him.

Marinette sped to the door of the apartment but stopped dead as soon as she opened it. Chloe stood there in mild shock, poised to knock the door that had just been roughly pulled ajar.

Marinette looked back with equal surprise, “Chloe?”

Chloe cleared her throat, her expression returning to its usual arrogance, “Pack an overnight bag. You’re coming with me.”

“Huh?”

“Be quick, I haven’t got time to wait around. Your parents say it’s fine by the way.”

Marinette continued to stare in utter confusion. Chloe returned it with a face that read _seriously do what I say or I’ll slap you_ .  
Marinette moved as fast as her bruised body and unusable hand would let her. She quickly ran to her room and assembled what she would need for an overnight stay into a bag. Calling Tikki to her purse, she returned to the door where Chloe was impatiently tapping her foot.

“So slow.” Chloe scoffed, “Follow me. Hurry up, he shouldn’t be left alone for long.”

Marinette hastily stumbled after the blonde as they headed down the stairs that led to the building exit. Wait, _he_?

The car ride was an intensely awkward one. Chloe sat with her phone in her hands, scrolling through it with minimal interest. Marinette felt like she was shaking with nervousness.

“Um, Chloe?” Marinette turned to her sheepishly, “Where are you taking me?”

Chloe rolled her eyes, “You’re at home for recovery, right? I doubt you have anything decent to do with your time, so you might as well do something useful.”

Marinette couldn’t understand why Chloe felt the need to offend her with every other sentence. Just then Marinette realised where they were as they pulled up to the excessive mansion.

“Adrien needs someone to keep an eye on him.” Chloe continued nonchalantly.

Marinette’s heart was going a mile a minute as the car pulled into the front courtyard of the Agreste mansion.

Her heart was still hammering hard against her chest as she followed Chloe into the large house. Marinette’s legs felt weak, and she had to clutch the strap on her bag to try and stop trembling so much. Adrien was here. She was going to see him. He was only a few steps away. Chloe marched on with purpose while Marinette followed her like a watery ghost. So many thoughts were flying through her mind. She could finally talk to him. Was she prepared though? There were so many things she wanted to tell him.

Marinette was still shaking with nerves and excitement as she entered Adrien’s room. It was getting later into the evening and the room was becoming shrouded in its shadow. She cautiously looked around the room. The last time she’d been here she’d unintentionally found out Chat Noir was Adrien. She tiptoed a little more into the room. It was incredibly clean, which made the abandoned clothing dropped on the floor stand out more.  
Chloe clicked her tongue as she turned on the lights, momentarily blinding Marinette.

Chloe started picking up the articles of clothing, “Seriously, Adrien! You’re meant to be neater than me.”

Marinette watched as the girl headed for the bathroom and entered it without hesitation. She could faintly hear the sound of the shower running. Marinette made a choking sound in her alarm. Chloe had just entered Adrien’s bathroom while he was in the shower.

 _No no,_ she told herself, _It’s split into two sections if I remember right_.

Through the half open door she could see Chloe rummaging in the part of the bathroom that acted like a walk in closet. There was a hazy steam coming from the section further back.

“Adrien!” Chloe barked, “You’ve had plenty of time in the shower. I’m not letting you spend all night in there.”

Marinette heard something like a grunt as a response.

“Words please.” Chloe scolded.

“Heard you.” was the exasperated reply.

Marinette’s heart flipped at the sound of his voice. He was really there.

“I’ve set out clothes for you.” Chloe called as she left the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Marinette felt like she’d become a piece of furniture the way Chloe carried on ignoring her. The blonde girl reached for a bag that had been left on the floor and opened it. After rummaging for a moment, she took out a couple of small boxes. She inspected them, seeming satisfied she found what she wanted. The bag was left to the side of the room while the boxes were set on the desk.  
By now the noise of the shower had ceased. Instead there was a muffled sound of someone moving around on the other side of the door. Marinette held her breath as the door slid open.

Adrien was there, standing in the doorway. Though he looked different from how Marinette was used to seeing him. He looked closer to Chat as his hair was unstyled and messy. It was still wet and clung around his face and neck, sending out a light spray of droplets when he ran his hands through it. He wasn’t in his usual neat designer clothing either, as he was more casually dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He still looked a little pale, but he was far better than when she’d last seen him. His gaze was downcast at first. What was usually a brilliant verdant still appeared somewhat dull in his eyes as he slowly lifted them. They widened when they met hers. Adrien’s arms fell to his side as he stared at her. All those things Marinette wanted to say were suddenly lost as words failed her. She couldn’t do anything but dumbly stare back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love having more of a sibling dynamic with Chloe and Adrien. She protecc the cinnamon roll.


	29. Fermata

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien and Marinette see each other for the first time since the incident.

It was like she’d forgotten how to breathe as she looked at him. Marinette stood stock still as though she’d come across some small skittish animal that may flee at any moment. Adrien’s face was initially blank when he noticed her, but his expression slowly changed to a bizarre mix of surprise and embarrassment. She could see a red rising in his cheeks as he attempted to form words.  
Suddenly he tensed up.  
And the sliding door of the bathroom slammed shut. He’d fled.  
There was an awkward beat of silence.  
Chloe quickly lurched for the door handle as she screamed, “What the hell, Adrien?”

She was going at the door with such aggression it looked like she was trying to rip it from the frame entirely.

“I should be asking you that!” Adrien yelled from the other side, “ _What the hell, Chloe_?”

Marinette watched in bewilderment as the door was fought over. Adrien was managing to hold it shut, but Chloe was putting up a hell of a fight.

“I can’t be here all the time, so Dupain-Cheng is going to keep an eye on you!” Chloe continued at the top of her lungs.

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

“ _Clearly_ you do with how childish you’re being! You’re being ridiculous!”

Marinette started to feel guilty about being there. Adrien’s reaction had made it apparent enough that he didn’t want to see her.  
“I can just go…” she said nervously.

“Don’t you dare move.” Chloe snapped at her before turning back to the door, “Adrien you know I can’t stay but you can’t be on your own either.”

“It’s fine! Nathalie will be here.” came the stubborn response.

“You think she’ll look in on you more than once tonight?”

It was met with silence.

Marinette felt like her heart sinking. What was she doing? Didn’t she promise Adrien that she wouldn’t leave him on his own? Even if his current behaviour was confusing and disheartening she couldn’t just walk out on him.

Marinette took a deep breath, “I’ll stay.”

Chloe gave her a measured stare before letting go of her hold of the door.

She gave an exasperated sigh, “Hear that Adrien? I’ll be going. Dupain-Cheng will be here.”

There was no answer.

The blonde scowled as she shook her head. Turning on her heel she headed back towards the desk, gesturing for Marinette’s attention. Marinette hurried over next to her.

“This - he _has_ to take. This - he takes it if he needs.” Chloe tapped on each of the boxes in turn, “Make sure he does.”  
Marinette nodded obediently. The boxes contained pills of some sort, but the names on the side meant nothing to her so she wasn’t sure what it was for.

Chloe continued as she crossed her arms with annoyance, “Just keep an eye on him and don’t let him act like a brat. He won’t look after himself otherwise.”

Marinette just nodded again. It felt very much that she was just being told what to do and Chloe didn’t care for an actual verbal response.

“Adrien.” Chloe called back to the still shut bathroom door, “I’ll be going now.”

Silence.

“ _Adrien_!”

His response came as an irritated groan, “Fine! Okay…”

Marinette wondered if she should say something, but Chloe was already quickly walking out. As the bedroom door was shut, she found herself at a loss over what just transpired.

Marinette looked to the bathroom door that was still tightly shut. He’d gone quiet again. She chewed her lip as she looked at the prescription boxes in front of her. She inspected them a little more closely to see what it said under the names of the drugs they contained. The one that Chloe said could be taken as needed appeared to be sleeping pills. The one that she said he had to take for sure were…

_Oh._

She quickly put the box down and looked to the door. It was still shut.  
Marinette shuffled awkwardly, uncertain of what she was meant to do now. She glanced down to where Tikki was peeking out of her purse. The kwami looked back and made an eager gesture with her head, telling her to go to the door. Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line and clenched her usable hand into a fist. Tikki was right, this wasn’t a time for Marinette to be overcome with her own nerves. She needed to be stronger than that for him.

“Adrien?” she called gently as she approached the door.

She heard some movement, but no answer.

Marinette decided to just keep talking, “I was surprised when Chloe turned up at my place. But I was also really glad. I’ve been thinking about you. Alya and Nino have too.”

She paused a moment but there was no further sound from the other side of the barrier. Dropping her bag and purse next to her, she stood close to the door and gently leaned herself against it.

“Nino wanted to throw a party as soon as you were out of the hospital. And Alya wants us all to go to the arcade or cinema sometime. There’s no rush though, it can wait until you want to.”

She slipped her hand into her pocket where she’d been keeping the Ring Miraculous and the lucky charm safe. She turned them around in her hand, feeling the familiar items with her fingertips.

A small voice from the other side made her hold her breath.

“I’m sorry.”

She was shaking her head even though he couldn’t see, “You have no reason to be apologising. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should never have left you…”

His voice was still so quiet she had to press her ear against the door when he spoke.

“You got hurt because of me. And I was...I didn’t…I’m sorry.”

“What happened to me was my own doing. And I don’t regret it. I’m just glad that…” she was about to say _glad that you’re okay_ but she knew he very much wasn’t, “I’m glad that you’re here.”

He was quiet again. Marinette chewed her lip as she thought for a moment. Maybe just a small push would be okay.

“Can I see you?” she asked softly.

She hadn’t expected him to answer. She hadn’t expected anything really.

 _Maybe not_ , she thought.

Marinette jumped as the door in front of her opened. She was still leaning on it, so without its support she found herself falling forward. For a second she thought she would land in spectacular faceplant on the floor, but an arm caught her. Her breathing stilled and her heart started to hammer against her chest. She slowly steadied herself as she carefully lifted her gaze. It was met by his, a dull green looking back at her with apprehension. Adrien was right next to her. Being this close she could easily catch the scent of soap and summer. Her eyes were drinking in the image of him after having not seen him the past few days. His eyes had lost their lustre and his skin was pale. The bruise on his lip had mostly faded now, only a faint mark remaining. His expression was almost apologetic as he looked down at her, causing a pang in her heart. All the fear and pining she’d had for him suddenly became too overwhelming, filling her eyes with tears.

Marinette spoke preemptively before she moved, “I’m sorry for this.”

She stepped into him, her arms wrapping around his waist as she buried her face into his chest. She felt him flinch at the embrace. She was prepared to release him, but he didn’t move away. What she was doing was so selfish, but she sorely needed it. She needed to feel his warmth and to hear the comforting sound of his heartbeat. Her hands were gripping at his hoodie, at least as much as the brace would let her damaged hand allow. It was slow but she felt it. Adrien’s body started to relax some as she held onto him. She could hear the quickening of his heartbeat as he returned her embrace. It wasn't the same as the carefully loose hugs he’d given her before. His arms wrapped tightly around her, pressing her into him as though his life depended on it.

* * *

“I’m sorry for this.”

Adrien didn’t understand what she’d said until Marinette’s arms were around him. The sudden contact made him jolt. He hadn’t been prepared for it and he was stuck somewhere between panic and confusion. It felt like his heart had stopped. He looked down at the girl, feeling her hands clutch at his hoodie. The initial shock subsiding, it actually felt...nice.  
People had been treating him like glass at the hospital, watching what they say and do around him. A part of him appreciated it, because he _did_ feel like a ticking time bomb. One wrong step would result in disaster. But then another part of him just felt further isolated by it. His irrational fear response to physical contact was still there, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be without it entirely. Marinette’s embrace was the first real moment of contact he’d had from another person since he’d woken up. She was holding on as though she were keeping all the disintegrating pieces of him together. He wasn’t sure if it was his fear response or his feelings for her that was making his heart pound against his chest.

 _If she’s this close she’ll hear it for sure_ , he thought as a shy blush crept onto his face.

His tension had faded enough now that he could move. Adrien started out careful as he’d always been, his arms gently wrapping around her shoulders. But as he felt her in his arms it wasn’t enough. Without thinking he tightened his embrace. He heard Marinette let out a small gasp as he pulled her into him, burying his face in her hair.  
Adrien had felt guilty about his first reaction upon seeing her in his room before. He was also certain that Chloe had brought Marinette there since she was aware of how he felt for her, which just left him feeling awkward and embarrassed. Her unexpected appearance had panicked him to the point of him acting on impulse. Slamming the door shut had indeed been ashamedly childish, but he didn’t know what else to do with his lack of preparation. There was an endless list of things that Adrien had been worried about. But now he stood with her in his arms and all he could think of was not letting go of her. He had been hit with how badly he’d missed her and how much he’d wanted her comfort.

They stood like that for a few minutes. As long as Adrien could hold back the conflicting signals of his brain, but the electric shocks passing through him were building. He loathed the senseless anxiety that weighed heavily in his chest, but it was there and threatening its usual suffocation.  
Marinette must have felt his growing discomfort as her arms fell away from him.  
“Sorry.” she mumbled as she stepped back, “I should have asked first.”

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat. He missed her warmth already, but at the same time he’d felt himself treading a thin line. He couldn’t have an episode in front of Marinette right now. He’d already worried her enough.

Marinette was fumbling with one of her jackets pockets as she mumbled, “Here, these belong to you.”

Adrien felt a surge of relief as the lucky charm and his Miraculous were carefully placed in his hand. Two precious items that meant the world to him. It was quickly replaced by that deep, all-consuming anxiety as he remembered. Marinette knew who he was.

Words felt unnatural as he tried to speak, “Marinette, um...I…”

Her bluebell eyes looked at him with such a gentleness that made his heart somersault, “It’s okay. We can talk through all that when you’re ready.”

There it was again. That unfathomable understanding of hers. He really didn’t deserve the endless patience she’d shown him.

“Thank you.” he murmured as he slipped the ring back into its rightful place on his finger.

Marinette looked like she was about to say something more, but a knock from the bedroom door stopped her.

Adrien crossed over to the entrance of his room. He wasn’t surprised when he opened the door to see Nathalie, as it was highly unlikely to be someone else.

Nathalie greeted him with her usual cool gaze, “Mlle Bourgeois informed me you had a guest staying for the time being.”

Adrien glanced at Marinette, who looked back with awkward shyness, “Um, yeah. Marinette’s going to stay for a bit.”

“Very well. I just wanted to inform you that you haven’t had dinner yet and the chef will be leaving soon.”

Adrien didn’t really feel like eating still, and the thought of sitting in the large dining room was never a comfortable one. He thought of something else.

“Actually Nathalie, could we order pizza?”

She looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.

He gave a sheepish smile, “I’m not working, so I’m allowed to go a little off my usual diet. Right?”

Nathalie had a gleam in her eye that Adrien almost thought could be a quiet enjoyment, “I’ll see what I can do.”

With that she quickly left. Marinette approached him with curiosity now that they were alone again.

“Are you sure you want to eat _pizza_?” she asked, “You only just got out of hospital. Shouldn't you eat something more...simple?”

Adrien shrugged, “Isn’t pizza what you get when you have a...have someone over?”

He was about to say _a friend_ , but it felt wrong to call Marinette that when she was so much more than just that to him. Just _someone_ didn’t sound right either, but he wasn’t sure what word to use.

Her eyes still studied him with curiosity, “If you’re sure then.”

It didn’t take long for their food to arrive. Their earlier tension was slowly slipping away as they again found that familiar easiness of each other’s company. Although Adrien did still find it a bit strange to be like this while out of the mask. He was glad that Marinette hadn’t pushed that subject. Like many things, it was something he needed to talk to her properly about. But for now they were comfortable.  
Adrien had insisted on them watching _Spirited Away_ when Marinette revealed she hadn’t ever seen it. In fact, she hadn’t seen any film from Studio Ghibli and he was determined to fix that. They were settling down to their pizza in front of the large TV in his room. He fetched them bottles of water from his mini fridge as she tucked into her first slice of the cheesy food.

“You even have a mini fridge?” she asked in amazement.

Adrien chuckled as there was a string of cheese between her mouth and pizza slice, “It only has water in it.”

Snacks and sugary drinks were something he’d never been permitted to keep in his room.  
Marinette hummed thoughtfully before returning to eating. Adrien ate slow and little. Like everything else, his sense of taste also seemed numb. It was unsettling how everything was descending into this toneless greyscale for him. Still, he made sure to eat some of the pizza since Marinette was there and he didn’t want her questioning his lack of appetite. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy the food herself, so he was pleased by that at least.

For the first time since he’d woken up, Adrien felt the consuming black waters that flooded his mind calm a little. They were still there and ready to drown him with one misstep, but as he sat there on the couch with Marinette a short space away from him he felt the effects of her soothing presence. He liked how excitable she would get over how good the pizza was or the bizarre visuals of the film. He was Adrien and not Chat Noir currently, but her attitude towards him wasn’t all that different to how it would be otherwise. He felt guilty that she was probably trying so hard for his sake. But even with the lingering questions between them, she’d told him that she could wait again. She was there with him and she didn’t expect anything of him than to just be there also.  
 _Maybe just a little longer…_ he thought.

He could keep Adrien’s existence just a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not quite at the full reveal. I'm just awful haha
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments! Stop making my cry, you're all making me too happy.


	30. Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains some minor references to physical and sexual abuse.
> 
> Rampant feelings and late night talks.

It was the first time in a very long while that Adrien had someone over. Even longer since he had anything like a sleepover. The last time he’d had anything of the sort was when he was still small and he’d get to stay over at Chloe’s while his parents went on business trips. The then and now were completely different. At four years old it had all been about shadow puppets on the walls or playing dress up at Chloe’s insistence, which usually resulted in her putting his hair in a multitude of pigtails. Now at seventeen and with a girl that made his heart crash against his ribs with each beat, this was harder to find some control over.  
Any normal teenage boy would be excited over this, but neither he or nor the situation they were in were exactly normal. Even though Marinette was doing her best to hide it, he could tell her injuries were sore and uncomfortable. He knew himself through getting tossed around as Chat Noir that a busted hand and bruised ribs were no joke. He was amazed at her tenacity though in pretending that just moving was not cumbersome for her. Adrien on the other hand had reverted to his usual careful body language. After their embrace earlier, he was worried that any further affection would be enough to cause that destructive electric shock that would send his mind reeling in panic. So he kept to himself, and Marinette kindly respected the few inches of space between them when they’d sat on the couch watching movies.  
It wasn’t that he didn’t want something. Somewhere in his clouded feelings he knew he both loved and desired her. He wanted intimacy with her. A hug. A kiss. All those simple things but so much more. But every time his thoughts wandered too far, to thoughts such as feeling her exposed skin on his, he was met by that devastating lightning bolt from his mind across his body. The repulsive confusion that would overcome him would shut down whatever physical or emotional point he was heading to, replacing it instead with that oppressive anxiety. He wanted to let Marinette replace all the scars he’d sustained, but his conditioned fear wouldn’t let him.

So here he was, standing in his bathroom trying to not think about how Marinette was getting changed just on the other side of the door. It was getting late now and they had agreed it was probably better for them to get some sleep. Since all his clothing was in the walk-in section of the bathroom, he let Marinette remain in the bedroom to get into her sleepwear while he also changed on the other side of the door. It was near impossible to not think about how the girl he’d been pining for would be almost naked in his bedroom. He was already in his pajama bottoms and old tshirt to sleep in, splashing water on his face to try and keep the conflicting thoughts at bay as he waited for her to tell him he could come back in. He shivered as he felt another crossing of signals in his brain. Desire for her but repulsion for himself.

Adrien tried to shake his mind free from it. He still didn’t know what Marinette’s feelings were exactly. Beyond that, a relationship of such intimacy seemed impossible for him.

“You can come back now.” Marinette called softly.

Adrien wiped the water from his face, hoping the heat in his cheeks had cooled down enough. His heart with still pounding in his chest, and it only became more enthralled as he returned to the bedroom. Marinette was standing before him in pink pajama shorts and a white shirt with a sleeping cat on it. _Cat Nap_ was scrawled in pink letters around the cartoon cat. She was not only undeniably cute, but exceedingly attractive.

 _This girl’s going to be the death of me_ , he thought.

Marinette herself seemed to be embarrassed to be wearing it.

“Chloe didn’t tell me where I was going when she told me to pack a bag.” she muttered while her cheeks blushed pink, “This was just the first thing I grabbed.”

If he was in his Chat Noir persona, he would have teased her endlessly over it. As Adrien though, he was stuck with awkwardly trying to not look directly at her while trying to keep his own flushed face under control. He’d seen her in her sleepwear before, but somehow it felt entirely different when it was in his own room and he wasn’t in his hero form.

He tried to push back on the mess of thoughts before any of his unwanted automatic responses returned.

Adrien moved towards the couch as he spoke to her, “You can have the bed.”

Marinette stared at him with indignance, “What? No! It’s your bed, I don’t want to kick you out of it.”

“I’m a guy, it wouldn't be right for me to make you sleep on the couch.”

“But you were literally just in the hospital. Sleep in the bed!”

“I’m fine. You’re the one that’s hurt. It’d be more comfortable for you.”

“No!”

“Please, Mari.”

She had her arms folded as she pouted at him. Adrien really felt against her sleeping on the couch, but something told him she wasn’t going to give in. She was the one with physical injuries though, and he didn’t want her to be uncomfortable or in pain.  
He sighed, “Fine I’ll sleep on the bed. But I’ll only take one side so you can have the other.”

Marinette’s frustrated expression quickly melted into a flustered blush, “Wait, what?”

“We’ve shared your bed before, and that was half the size.”

 _I was Chat Noir then though_ , he thought.

Adrien’s bed was indeed far larger than her’s and would comfortably fit them both. He was trying to be casual about it, but his heart was racing at the compromise he’d offered.

Marinette had suddenly become shy as well, “I guess that works.”

Adrien walked towards the bed, trying to not let his nervousness show as he flopped down on one side of the bed.

“Oh, wait!” Marinette gasped, “Before that…”

He watched her as she went to his desk with curiosity. He felt his stomach drop a little as he realised what she was doing.

Adrien let out a small groan, “Mari, it’s okay.”

She’d opened one of the boxes of medication and was popping some of the pills from their packet.

“You have to take them.” she told him.

“It’s fine, really.”

She’d lifted the bottle of water he’d been drinking from earlier as she walked round to the bed. She set it next to him before holding out her hand. In her palm were the two little white pills.

“Don’t I get a red pill or blue pill?” he chuckled.

“Adrien, seriously.” she chided gently, “It’ll help.”

Adrien grimaced as he looked at her hand. The tablets seemed so small and insignificant, but at the same time a part of him felt like it was admitting defeat - admitting that he _wasn’t well_.

He sighed heavily, “Mari…”

She sat down next to him on the bed, still holding her hand out to him. Her bluebell eyes looked at him with such a tender kindness that made his heart pound.

Her voice was quiet and calm as she spoke to him, “It probably seems like a lot, or maybe it doesn’t seem like anything at all. But it’s the start of you getting better.”

Adrien looked between her patient expression and her waiting hand.  
 _Getting better_.

That was something he could still do, right? If he was better then maybe - just maybe - he could have that life he wanted. The one where Marinette returns his feelings and he can love and be loved without the corruption that wanted to drown him.

“Okay.” he murmured as he took the pills from her hand.

He briefly caught the bitter taste of them before he washed it down with a drink of water.

“Do you want to take the other one?” she asked, her eyes still watching him carefully, “It’ll help you sleep.”

Adrien shook his head. Sleep was still a struggle, but he didn’t much like the idea of taking something that would knock him out cold for a number of hours. That was too much of a loss of control for him to deal with. Not to mention the possibility of him being stuck in dreams he couldn’t get out of.

Marinette seemed unsure, but nodded her acceptance, “Well, just say if you want it.”

“Thanks.” he mumbled.

He probably seemed like such a coward to her. Unstable too. He didn’t know where his emotions were going half the time and it didn’t help that his head was still full of the persistent grey fog. Ever since he’d woken up in the hospital following the incident, everything had remained muted and dull. Adrien looked up at Marinette who was still observing him cautiously. He could feel his heart warm a little, as her bluebell eyes were the only thing that didn’t seem to have lost any vibrancy.

* * *

Marinette was internally freaking out. If someone had told her some weeks ago that she would be in _Adrien’s bed_ with him sleeping just a short distance from her, she would have thought she’d slipped into one of her romantic daydreams again. With her heart trying to break its own record for how fast it could go, it was proving hard for her to calm down enough to sleep. It seemed Adrien had fallen asleep a little while ago. Marinette assumed he was probably glad to be back in his own bed after his hospital stay. She was relieved at least that he seemed to be mostly over the insane fever he’d had. His temperature was more or less normal now and he was to just take it easy for the next while. 

Meanwhile for her, her bruised ribs and broken hand felt uncomfortable. She’d taken her own pain medication earlier, so she didn’t feel particularly sore. Just very stiff. She didn’t want to imagine what she’d be feeling without the aid of the pain killers though. She was lying on her back, as it was the easiest way to lie down with her messed up ribs. Every now and then she would glance over at Adrien’s sleeping form. There was a small gap between them, but Adrien was still close enough that she could faintly hear his breathing. He was on his side with his back to her, his broad shoulders moving in time to his breaths.  
Marinette had been a little surprised how reluctant he’d been earlier to take his own medication. She had to remind herself though, that his wasn’t for any broken bone or bruising he could feel. It was something completely internalised. Her ribs and hands would heal up in a few weeks, but Adrien’s invisible pain may never go away. She knew there was no possible way for her to understand how all of his emotional scars affected him.

She’d been nervous about sleeping next to him, even though they’d already done so. But at that time he was Chat Noir and had passed out due to his illness. Finding herself unable to sleep left her to quietly watch him. Marinette was certain she was the kind of sleeper that was constantly rolling around, but Adrien was very still. From what she could see of him in the low light he appeared to be curled up. She could see the subtle outline of the muscles of his back that would roll with his small movements. His hair was messy against the pillow, making her wonder if he would have a bedhead in the morning. She wished that he was facing her just a bit, as she wanted to see his sleeping expression. She’d seen a little of it from both Adrien and Chat, and found there was something about the softness of his features that calmed her.

Adrien moved in his sleep as he let out a faint groan.

 _Is he dreaming?_ She thought.

She wondered what he dreamed about. A memory returned to her of when Chat had fallen asleep on her lap. He’d woken up at that time because of a bad dream. Marinette chewed her lip a moment as she pondered. Did he have a lot of bad dreams? It wouldn’t be surprising.

She froze as she realised Adrien’s breathing had shifted. It had gone from the soft sighs of sleep to a strange wheezing.  
Marinette was about to sit up, but Adrien was already moving as he was lifting himself off the bed. For some stupid reason her immediate reaction was to close her eyes and pretend to be asleep. She could hear Adrien give a few shuddering breaths and quietly clear his throat. After a moment there was some movement. Marinette could tell he was being as careful as possible so as not to disturb her as he got off the bed. It was followed by the quiet sound of his bare feet padding across the floor. She opened her eyes to catch a glimpse of him entering the bathroom.

Marinette didn’t move for a time. The sound of a tap running had started shortly after he’d entered. She sat up as she wondered what to do. She again remembered when Chat had woken up next to her following a bad dream. He’d needed comfort and she’d been there to give it to him.  
Finding her resolve, she slipped off the bed and quietly stepped towards the bathroom. The door was half open, so as she got near she could see Adrien through the gap. He was standing near the sink, his arm was resting on the countertop while he had his face pressed into the crook of his elbow.

She knocked gently on the door as she peeked round, “Adrien?”

He lifted his head a little so his bleary eyes could see her. She could see his face and a little of his hair was wet from him having splashed water on it.

He coughed as he cleared his throat, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, I was sort of awake already.”

She slipped through the doorway and moved a little closer to him. Adrien stood up straight as she did, though he still held onto the edge of the counter with a white knuckled grip. He looked like he might pass out, be sick or both.

She knew there was no point in asking him if he was okay, cause he would likely brush it off even though he clearly wasn’t.

“Bad dream?” she whispered.

He hung his head as he slowly nodded. She took another step towards him.

“Don’t. Please.” he murmured.

She retreated a little again, letting him have his space. Marinette felt useless as she watched him. He was carefully tapping the familiar rhythm against the edge of the counter as he took steady deliberate breaths. She flinched as he gagged like he was really going to vomit.  
 _Water…_ she thought as she quickly went back into the bedroom.

She opened the mini fridge. Thankfully there were still a few bottles of water in it, so she took one and turned to go back to Adrien. She paused by his desk a moment before making a quick decision to grab the sleeping pills.

“Here.” she said as she opened the bottle, placing it on the counter within his reach.

He gave her a weak smile as thanks, picking up the bottle to take small sips.

“Will you take one of these now?” she asked as she set the box of sleeping pills on the counter.

He made a strange face as he looked at it.

“It will help you sleep.” she continued, “You’re meant to be resting, and you can’t exactly rest if you don’t sleep.”

“I’m not a fan of sleeping.” he answered dryly.

“Because of the dreams?”

He winced at that, making her heart pang in response.

She sighed, “You _have_ to sleep. These will make sure you do properly.”

“Not exactly a fan of sedating myself either. I’d rather be actually able to wake up.”

Adrien was trying to hide it, but she could tell he was afraid. Afraid that he’d fall into a dream he couldn’t get out of, that he had no control over.  
She chewed her lip a moment as she tried to think of something. An idea crossed her mind.  
“I’m here with you.” she reminded him, “I’ll be right next to you, so I can wake you up if you’re having a bad dream.”

She didn’t think it was likely that Adrien even would dream, that the medication would put him in too deep a sleep for that. But right now he didn’t need logic, he needed reassurance. He was still tapping out the sequence on the counter as he looked at her thoughtfully.

His voice was low and uncertain as he spoke, “You’ll wake me up?”

“I promise.” she answered firmly.

His dull eyes searched her a moment before a small smile tugged at his lips. His movements were slow, but he opened the box and popped one of the pills from the packet. Marinette tried to not let her relief be obvious as he took it with another sip of water.

“It’ll take a while to work.” he murmured as he set the bottle of water down again, “So you can go back to bed.”

“Nope.” Marinette answered, popping the ‘p’ with emphasis, “I’m staying up with you until you’re ready to sleep.”

He gave her another small smile, his expression a mix of encouragement and disbelief.

Marinette followed him back into the bedroom. She expected him to maybe return to the bed, but instead he headed over to the excessively large windows. He opened one of them, letting the cool night air spill into the room. He sat down on the floor, resting his back just below the window as he breathed in the fresh air. Marinette walked over and settled herself on the floor next to him. She still kept the usual space between them, but rested her hand near him. Not close enough to touch, but enough to be in reach. She turned thoughts over in her mind as she tried to think of something to say. There were some things, but it all seemed a bit insensitive given their current situation.

“You can ask me.” Adrien said suddenly.

Marinette turned to him in surprise. Was she being that obvious with her curiosity?

It was only slight, but there was a teasing smirk on his face reminiscent of Chat Noir, “If it’s you Princess, you can ask me anything.”

Marinette felt her heart suddenly do back flips. Chat had said something like that before. And hearing him call her by the affectionate nickname after so long made a comforting warmth bloom in her chest. If he was giving her a chance to have him talk openly then she had to take it.

“Do you dream a lot?” she asked quietly.

His gaze drifted to the floor as he considered, “I guess so. I just sort of got used to it. Some are worse than others.”

“Are they all to do with your...um…”

“It’s like a replay of a memory sometimes. Others are just...something else. Then there’s the ones that are a mix of both.”

Marinette felt anxiety coil in her stomach as she considered her next question, “Do you remember it? The first…?”

He held a poker face as he looked at her, though his eyes went a little wide. She wasn’t sure if he’d understood her or if that was a question he’d avoid.

“I...some.” he said slowly, “I remember the dressing room. I was waiting because my ride was running late. She was there as always…”

His brow furrowed as he trailed off, his expression becoming uncomfortable but thoughtful.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Marinette whispered.

Adrien cleared his throat, “I don’t really remember her face all that well. All I can remember clearly is her voice and the way she...touched.”

Marinette could see this was hard for him by the way his breathing had become shaky and the slight trembling in his shoulders. Even so, he was trying.

“She held my wrists down and...did what she wanted. I wouldn’t sit still and kept trying to get away and was yelling. Her hands went around my neck and...it, um...gets kind of hazy after that…”

Marinette couldn’t get over the horror she felt at what he’d gone through. She knew he remembered more than the small detail he’d given her. Tears were stinging her eyes as she looked at him. He was avoiding meeting her gaze.

“It’s strange.” he gave a small laugh, hollow and strained, “How the body can react even though you know you don’t want any of it.”

It hurt. Marinette could feel her tears silently falling as she thought of him at that age, unable to understand his own body. It was possible he still didn’t, with all the effects he’d suffered since. She sniffled, feeling guilty for how she was being. It was his pain but she was the one in tears. She wanted to share in it though. She wanted to ease his burden, even if it was only a little.  
His faded eyes settled on her a moment before he looked away again. After a moment she felt the gentle touch against her hand that was resting on the floor. It was just his fingertips at first, carefully testing the point of contact. She heard him take a deep breath and he pushed the gesture further. He placed his hand over hers, gingerly intertwining their fingers until he was completely clasping her hand.  
Marinette was surprised by him initiating physical contact like this, considering what his mental state had to be currently.

She turned to him with a quiet voice, “Is this okay?”

He still wasn’t looking at her properly, but he nodded in response.

They sat like that in silence for a time. Marinette could feel the faint trembling in his hand that held hers, but she didn’t let go. She would leave that up to him when he wanted to release. Occasionally she would offer a reassuring squeeze to try and soothe him. She glanced at him as she tried to read his expression. His blond hair was gently disturbed now and then by the breeze coming through the window, and his eyes looked vague and distant.

“It must be disappointing.” he murmured after a while.

Marinette quickly turned to him, “What? Adrien I’m not disappointed in you.”

He looked at her with a sad, apologetic smile, “I meant disappointed that Chat Noir is no more then this. I told you I was a coward.”

“I’m not disappointed! And I still refuse to believe you’re a coward. You have to be the strongest person I know.”

He gave a wry chuckle, “I don’t know about that.”

Marinette fixed him with a hard stare, “I’m being serious. Honestly, I was so happy when I found out it was you. Of course it was you! I’ve never known anyone else as sweet, kind, smart, funny and selfless as you are. You are amazing, Adrien and Chat Noir _both_.”

He was looking at her now, his eyes wide in shock from her passionate words. Despite the low light, she thought she could see a faint blush on his cheeks. The surprise faded though as his gaze returned to the floor.

Marinette felt uneasy in the silence that followed. She was waiting for him to ask how she’d known his true identity. But Adrien had gone quiet. She looked at him again and saw why. His head was lowered and his eyes were heavy. The sleeping pill was starting to take effect.

“Adrien.” she said gently, “You should move back to bed.”

He answered with a quiet hum.

She still held onto his hand as she helped him to his feet again. Her messed up ribs felt sore after sitting against the wall for a time but she ignored it. Gently pulling on his hand, she led him over to the bed where he dropped down onto it.

 _He really is like a cat_ , she thought as she watched him curl up.

He still had yet to release her hand, so she sat down next to him.

“Mari…?” he murmured.

“I’m here.” she whispered.

“Can I kiss you?”

Marinette felt her face light up red.

_Where the hell did that come from?_

She looked down at his drowsy face. He was looking back at her, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw a trace of that warmth in his eyes she’d been wanting to see so much.

She smiled, “How are you going to kiss me when you’re falling asleep?”

He slowly slipped his hand from hers. Marinette was only sad about losing the touch for a moment when she realised he was reaching up to her. His hand tenderly cupped her cheek, making her blush hotter. She let him guide her down until her face was next to his. She closed her eyes.  
Just like how it had been before, the first touch was so soft and warm that it made her shiver. His lips gently brushed over hers in a tender caress. She was ready for it when she felt his tongue lick at her lips, parting them and accepting the taste of him in her mouth. Peppermint. Her heart had gone from a gentle fluttering to loudly pounding in her chest. It was a little embarrassing the quiet moans he was getting from her, but she couldn’t hold them back as she felt his kiss fill her. She tentatively explored the heat of his mouth also, feeling pleased with herself as she elicited a soft groan from him.

As expected it didn’t last long, at least not long enough. The pace of the kiss slowed and his hand started to slowly slip from her. Marinette pulled back, licking the lingering taste of peppermint on her lips as she caught her breath again. Adrien’s eyes were closed now and his breathing was descending into soft sighs. The hand that had so delicately cupped her cheek had now fallen down, coming to rest over her waist in a loose embrace. He was asleep.  
Marinette placed one more small chaste kiss against his lips before settling in next to him. Nothing had felt so comforting for her sore body as Adrien’s warmth as she curled into him. She rested her head close to his chest, quietly revelling in the sound of his heartbeat.  
It was only a few short minutes before she followed him into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey it's only been like...12 chapters since they last had an actual kiss. Slow burn tag for a reason lol.  
> This chapter ended up a little longer, but hey - no cliffhanger! Enjoy it while it lasts.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments - I love you all <3


	31. Duet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette attempts to keep a handle on her feelings, while a talk with Plagg and Tikki reminds her of a very real danger.

Marinette had forgotten where she was when she opened her eyes. In her still half asleep state, the room was completely foreign to her. As the gears of her brain started up, she felt something lightly move over her stomach.

She was wide awake now as the previous day flooded back to her. A hot blush was covering her face as she became aware of the position she was now in. After having fallen asleep last night with herself curled up right next to Adrien, he was still very close to her but their positioning had changed. She was lying on her side and she could feel his chest pressed to her back. His arm was slung over her waist, and his hand was resting over her abdomen. In her sleep, her pajama top had shifted up slightly so he was touching the bare skin of her stomach directly. Her heart was pounding in her ears. They’d been asleep and it was of course unintentional, but feeling his fingertips against her exposed skin made her shiver.

_ Calm down _ , she told herself, though it still felt like the heat from her face would fry her brain.

She shifted her position slightly, freezing as her butt immediately bumped into him behind her.

_ Oh god. He’s literally spooning me. Adrien’s spooning me. I’m going to die. _

She could practically feel the steam coming off her face, and her whole body was feeling hot now. He was so intimately close to her. She needed to move before she spontaneously combusted.   
He was still asleep, so Marinette moved with extreme caution as she scooted a bit so she could roll over. His arm stayed resting on her, with his hand now lightly grazing over the small of her back. She tried to pretend that even that simple touch alone wasn’t keeping the heat spreading throughout her body alive.

She could see him now. Adrien had his face partly buried into the pillow and his hair had become a wild mess through sleep. He looked a little like Chat Noir but without the mask. She’d seen a lot of the different sides to him, as Chat Noir and Adrien. Not all of them had been good, but it only made the positive aspects about him shine brighter to her. It was moments like these that she could feel her heart overflowing for him. The night in the cafe plaza with the piano, the first time they’d kissed, when they’d danced together, their kiss last night and now. Moments that made it feel like they were the only two people in the world.

Marinette needed to tell him properly that she loved him. She also needed to tell him that she was Ladybug. Such things she didn’t want to drop on him out of nowhere though. Honestly, it terrified her. Ladybug had always flatly refused Chat Noir’s affection, but when he got closer to her as Marinette she didn’t turn him away. Would he think she’d been playing with his feelings and hate her? She couldn’t bear the thought of it.

Her heart was racing as she looked at him. He was so close that his soft sighs tickled her nose. She carefully reached up to cup the side of his face with her hand, lightly tracing the shape of his lips with her thumb. The same lips that had so fervently kissed her last night. She didn’t know what the intention behind that kiss had been, if he’d been seeking comfort or if there were feelings behind it she’d only ever hoped for.

Marinette stiffened as Adrien moved slightly, adjusting his position on the pillow. She felt his fingers graze over her lower back, reigniting that heat she thought she’d gotten under control. She automatically wondered how it would feel for his hands to caress her in more intimate places. Marinette threw her face into her pillow to muffle the squeak she made at the thought.

_ Stupid stupid stupid!  _ She told herself.

She gingerly peeked out from the pillow to look at him. He was still asleep, undisturbed by her quiet flustering. The last thing she needed was for him to know she had such thoughts about him. That wasn’t what their relationship was, even though she didn’t know  _ what _ exactly their relationship was currently. Even if she wanted there to be  _ something  _ between them, Adrien had a history and boundaries that she needed to respect.

A loud knock at the door made her jump. Adrien groaned as he pressed his face into his pillow. The knock came again, more urgently this time.

“Adrien.” Marinette whispered as she gently shook his shoulder.

He mumbled something inaudible from the pillow. There was a moment where he didn’t move, but then Marinette felt his hand lazily trail its way from the small of her back to her waist. A hasty blush crept up her cheeks from the accidental caress. He paused a moment before lifting his head from the pillow again, looking at her with half-awake confusion. It took a second for him to realise.

Adrien snapped up to a sitting positioning, pulling himself away from Marinette. He moved with such speed and force he ended up overbalancing himself and falling off the other side of the bed entirely. Marinette stared with wide-eyed shock, unsure of what had just happened in the span of a single second.

It was at that moment that Nathalie entered since knocking hadn’t given any response. She looked at the startled pair, Marinette sitting on the bed while Adrien was sprawled on the floor.

Adrien cleared his throat, “Sorry, Nathalie. We were just waking up.”

The assistant raised an eyebrow, “I see.” 

Marinette caught a glimpse of his flustered face as he pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“Do you need something?” he asked.

Nathalie remained poker faced, “There’s two police officers here. They want to confirm your statement.”

“Oh um, okay. I’ll be right down.”

Nathalie nodded before turning on her heel and exiting the room.

They were alone again in a tense silence before Adrien spoke.

“Sorry.” he murmured.

He was sitting on the other side of the bed with his back turned, so Marinette couldn’t see what face he was making.

“Sorry for what?” she asked.

“I, um...with you like that…”

“Adrien it’s okay. We were just asleep, nothing happened.”

“Still...I’m sorry.”

Marinette bit her lip, thinking she really should have moved before he’d woken up. She crawled across the bed until she could sit next to him.

“It’s okay, Adrien.” she told him, feeling a gentle blush bloom in her cheeks “I trust you, and I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Besides, I like being close to you.”

His eyes flickered towards her and she caught a tint of pink in his face. He looked away again, his lips pressing into a thin line.

_ Maybe that last comment was too much _ , she thought sadly.

“Marinette, I like…” he spoke shyly, “I like being around you too. I’m just not very good with it. I’m sorry.”

His admission to liking her presence made her heart do little flips.

“I told you before we can take things slow while we figure it out. I’m not going anywhere.” she said softly.

Adrien looked at her with a small smile. She let out a surprised squeak as he leaned over and lightly kissed her forehead. Her blush only deepened as he chuckled from her reaction.

Marinette was trying to force her blush away through sheer willpower as she watched him stand up. Adrien stumbled slightly as he got to his feet, swaying a little as he found his balance.

She furrowed her brow with concern, “Everything okay?”

“Just still a bit dazed.” he murmured as he rubbed his eyes.

She nodded slowly, imagining how weird it probably felt after waking up having taken a sleeping pill. Her eyes followed him as he headed for the bathroom.

“I’ll go take care of this statement. It shouldn’t take long.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Marinette asked.

He shook his head, “It’s okay. You can stay here.”

He closed the door a minute while he got changed. When he came out again he was in his usual everyday attire of shirt and jeans, though he still had a bit of a bedhead. Marinette couldn’t help but smile at it.

“I won’t be long.” he promised, giving her a soft smile as he left the room.

Marinette decided to get dressed herself since she had the privacy anyway. Getting changed was a slow and awkward process with her bruised ribs and hand brace. Once she was in her usual clothing, she looked around for something to do. Her eyes settled on the black baby grand piano. She walked up to the large instrument and ran her hand over its glossy veneer. It was polished to such a standard that she could see her reflection in it. It was completely different from the old upright piano he’d played for her in the plaza. She gently pressed on some of the keys, hearing the soft notes ring out with a crystal clarity. There was sheet music set out, though being unable to read the notes she had no idea what the song was.  _ Chopin _ was written in the corner of one of the pages, which she at least recognised as a composer.

She jumped as Plagg landed on the keys, causing an outrageous sound from the piano.

“Plagg!” she gasped, “Don’t scare me like that.”

The kwami sniggered at her, “I couldn’t help it with how dreamy you were looking. Still thinking about how cozy you were last night?”

“Don’t be mean!” Tikki scolded as she floated down, “Though you two were very cute.”

Marinette blushed, “I don’t know what you mean. Where did you two get to anyway?”

“Sugarcube and I were having our own catnap.” Plagg purred.

Tikki rolled her eyes in response, making Marinette smile. She was glad the pair were able to spend some time together, as she didn’t think it was something that happened often.

“I’ll give you a pass though.” Plagg said, suddenly looking quite proud.

Marinette raised an eyebrow, “Excuse me?”

“My kid has to be one of the most stubborn holders I’ve had. I’ll let you deal with him now. He never listens to  _ my _ brilliant advice.”

She let out a small laugh at Plagg’s indignant tone. Even though he was acting disinterested, she knew he cared deeply about Adrien.

“Maybe I’ll get an extended vacation.” Plagg yawned as he stretched out over the piano keys, “Since Adrien’s been taking it easy I’ve been enjoying my own time off.”

“Plagg has a point. It is probably best if he doesn’t become Chat Noir for a while.” Tikki added thoughtfully.

Marinette didn’t like the sound of that, “What? You think I should just tell him he can’t do it?”

Plagg was pretending to be asleep so he said nothing, but Marinette could see his ears dropping a little.

Tikki looked sad as she answered “I don’t like to say it, but Adrien isn’t in control of his emotions right now. Chat Noir would be an easy target for Hawk Moth if something went wrong.”

Even though she understood Tikki’s point, Marinette felt a flash of anger, “I haven’t seen a single akuma come near Adrien. Why would Chat Noir be any different?”

“It’s still a risk.”

Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line. She understood what her kwami was saying, but even so she didn’t want to take that away from Adrien. She still needed to tell him that she was in fact Ladybug, and it wouldn’t be fair to reveal that and then demand he couldn’t be Chat Noir for the time being.   
“Adrien or Chat Noir, I’m sticking with him.” she said firmly, “I won’t let any akuma near him, no matter what Hawk Moth might try.”

Plagg cracked an eye open, “I agree with her.”

Tikki looked at her other half in annoyance,“Plagg!”

“What’s the big deal, Sugarcube? If Ladybug says she’s got it, then she’s got it.”

“I promise Tikki.” Marinette looked to the kwami with hardened resolve, “I won’t let him get akumatised.”

Tikki gazed back with hesitation but eventually nodded.

Marinette knew she would do anything to protect Adrien. She knew the risk was very real, but she didn’t want to take away something so important to him as the ability to be Chat Noir. She looked down at the piano keys in front of her. Black and White. Her heart stilled as a horrible memory resurfaced in her mind. A half sunken Paris in the wake of destruction and a fallen hero clad in white.

* * *

Adrien sighed heavily as the two police officers left through the front door. He stood alone in the lobby now and his head was swimming. It was all the same questions he’d been asked when he’d woken up in the hospital. He didn’t feel any better about it now than he did then. He answered their questions as best he could about what had happened with Lila, but they didn’t seem particularly convinced. What they’d asked had felt incredibly intrusive and demeaning. They seemed to think there had to have been a sexual history between him and Lila, despite his insistence that there never had been. One of the officers in particular didn’t appear to believe that Lila had managed to overpower Adrien in the situation. It left him feeling sick. He was already disgusted with himself for having taken the coward’s way out of having just let it happen, but the thought that maybe there was more he could have done to stop Lila twisted in his gut.   
Lila still hadn’t been found either. Unfortunately this was stalling whatever case Chloe and her contacts were trying to make, as it was Adrien’s side against nothing right now. Marinette was with him, but she’d also attacked Lila herself so that was a precarious testament even if it was an act of defense.

Adrien pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to dispel the clamouring thoughts that had been building in his mind. The pressure of the surging black waters was uncomfortable and he wanted it to just go away.   
He shook his head and started to head back up the stairs to his room. It had taken longer than he had thought, and far longer than he’d wanted. Marinette was waiting for him and would probably be worried.

Adrien took a deep breath as he entered his room. Marinette stood up as he walked in, looking at him with concern. She’d been sitting on the couch with the TV, but it looked like she’d been more preoccupied with waiting than actually watching anything.

“Did it go okay?” she asked carefully.

He made to speak, but all the talking with the two officers had taken it out of him so he closed his mouth again. He could feel Marinette’s eyes on him as he walked over to his desk. He hesitated a moment, but decided to take the music box out of his hiding place.

“Give me a bit.” he managed to mumble out as he dropped himself onto the bed.

Marinette didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes as he rested the music box on his chest and turned the key. The sound of the familiar clinking notes filled the air. He let the music drift around him, focusing on it instead of the thoughts that were threatening to spill over in his mind.

Adrien opened his eyes a little as he felt Marinette sit down next to him. She still didn’t speak, only looking at him with a soothing gentleness in her bluebell eyes. He’d initially been worried when Chloe had demanded Marinette stayed for the time being, but he’d become so glad of her presence. She was the last remaining constant in what had become a very grey and disconnected world for him. An anchor to hold him steady when the tide of his mind raged against him.

“Here.” he murmured as he held out his hand to her.

Marinette looked surprised but quickly placed her hand in his. He gently grasped it and brought it down to his chest. He placed her palm over his heart with his hand on top of hers. He listened to the sound of the music box as it continued to play. He followed along with the notes as though he were playing the piano, softly touching her fingers with his own in that familiar sequence.

They continued like that until the music box stopped playing. He didn’t let go of her hand though, enjoying the familiar warmth of it in his.

Marinette’s voice was quiet but cheerful, “You’ll need to show me properly.”

Adrien hummed as he looked up at her. She was gazing down at him with those spectacular bluebell eyes. The colour of a clear open sky in his grey landscape.

“I want to know how to play it properly.” she said sheepishly, “Like how you do it.”

He considered her words a moment before smiling. The feeling of drowning had subsided for now, so he felt capable of what she was asking.

Still holding Marinette’s hand, Adrien got off the bed and led her to the piano. He had her sit on the stool while he stood behind her.

She looked over her shoulder at him with shy confusion, “I thought I’d just watch you.”

Adrien chuckled, “It’s better to learn by doing. Here.”

He reached around either side of her and took both her hands. Unfortunately it was her right hand that was in the brace, so being mindful of her injury he slipped his hand under hers. This way he wouldn’t be pressing her fingers into the hard keys, but with his lined up underneath hers she could still follow the movement. He did the same with her left and leveled his hands over the keys. He was almost cheek to cheek with her as he leaned in, double checking the position of his hands.

“Let me know if your hand starts to hurt.” he whispered to her.

Marinette nodded wordlessly, but he caught the deepening pink on her cheeks. He could feel his heart somersaulting in his chest with how he was wrapped around her, and was certain his own face was feeling hot.   
He swallowed back his nervousness and started to play.   
_ Clair de Lune _ already had a gentle tempo, but he played it even slower with Marinette’s hands resting over his. He wanted to be mindful of her injury while also letting her distinctly feel the separate notes. It was easier as well for his focus as it had been some time since he’d played properly.   
“This was how my mother taught me to play.” he told her as the notes continued to fill the air, “At least at first.”

Marinette's eyes were glued to where her hands were travelling across the keys as she answered, “Your mother taught you?”

“When I was small she would sit me on her lap and do this with me for fun. When I got older, she taught me how to play properly on my own.”

“So then this song…”

“It was one of her favourites.”

Marinette fell silent. Adrien slowed in his pace as they were approaching the part he struggled at without the sheet music in front of him. He tried, but he could hear the slipping notes so he stopped. He held his hands there for a moment. Why could he still not get this right?

“Adrien?” Marinette asked quietly, “Do you mind if I do something?”

He felt her gently clasp his hands in hers, but didn’t do anything further without permission. Adrien closed his eyes as he buried his face into her dark hair. She still had the scent of warm vanilla.

“Whatever you want, Princess.” he whispered.

Marinette hesitated a moment, but then started to move. She guided his hands up until his arms were completely wrapped around her. Her frame felt so small compared to his as he found himself enveloping her. Her hands gently rested on his arms as he embraced her around her shoulders. He was glad that his nerves had already been soothed by her for now, so that they could be like this while his anxiety remained a faint echo. He lowered his head next to her and kissed the corner of her jaw. Marinette made a small surprised gasp, making him smile.

Adrien still didn’t have the courage to tell her outright. He was still afraid that he was existing in a dream and if he said it aloud the illusion would shatter. It still didn’t stop the feeling from bubbling up inside him as his embrace of her tightened like he could hold onto her forever. He was scared to say it, but it was all he could think about.

_ I love you, Marinette. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making music together but not the sinful kind lol. Control those teenage hormones!  
> Also, spoon cuddles are the best.


	32. Critical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug and Chat Noir face another akuma.  
> Emotions run high for Ladybug.

Marinette leaned back into his embrace. It felt like a perfect fit the way his arms came around her shoulders, holding her tightly to his chest. She let out a small gasp as he placed a soft kiss on the corner of her jaw before nuzzling into her neck. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she could feel the heat in her cheeks.   
The conversation she’d had previously with Tikki and Plagg still hung over her. She had seen it. A timeline where she’d failed to protect Chat Noir and therefore Adrien. It had left her with a lingering ghost that she’d tried to forget. The Miraculous holder Bunnyx had never revealed the sequence of events that led to that disastrous end, only the likely catalyst that started it all. It would be different in this timeline though, right? She would do everything within her power to not see a return of that event.

Marinette tightened her grip on Adrien’s arms. She didn’t want to let go of him. She wanted to stay as they were and just  _ be together _ . She was roused from her comfort though as Adrien moved, lifting his head away from her. His arms remained around her, but Marinette paused as she tried to figure out what was going on.

The low sound of the TV reached her. She’d had it on earlier while she was waiting for him to come back, though she hadn’t really been watching it. It hadn’t been turned off, so it was still running as a news cast came up.

“...another akuma attack has led the police to cordon off the area.” the announcer said.

Adrien’s arms slipped from her entirely as he walked over to the TV. Marinette turned around on the piano stool to also see what the screen was showing. The report wasn’t showing much other than people running down a street.

Adrien turned to her suddenly, “I have to go.”

Marinette got to her feet, her heart tensing with nervousness as she looked at him, “Adrien, wait.”

He was already heading to the open window, “Ladybug will need me. Stay here, I’ll be back soon.”

“But Adrien-!”

“Plagg, claws out!”

Plagg was drawn out of his hiding place and into the ring. Rooted to the spot, Marinette could only watch the flourish of the transformation as a green light replaced Adrien with Chat Noir.

Chat Noir turned to her with his usual playful smirk, completely different from how subdued Adrien had just been moments before.

“Ladybug and I will get this sorted in no time.” he grinned as he climbed onto the windowsill, “Stay here where it’s safe, Princess.”

“Adri - Wait, Chat! Hold on!” Marinette was rushing towards him, “I’m -”

He was already gone. Chat had leapt from the window to the external wall of the property before running along it. His black shape vanished as he jumped to a nearby building.

“I’m...here.” Marinette finished feebly, “Ladybug is here…”

She huffed to herself. Why did he have to be so stupid and not listen to her at important times?

“Stupid cat.” she muttered before calling out to her kwami, “Tikki, spots on!”

Chat Noir had already engaged the akuma by the time Ladybug arrived at the scene. She couldn’t see where the enemy was, but she could see Chat running along the rooftops followed by a series of concentrated explosions. They weren’t big enough to bring a building down a building entirely, but enough to do some serious damage if either one of them got hit. Ladybug scanned the area but couldn’t see anyone else in the area.   
She heard a sharp noise as something cut through the air. Suddenly part of the building she was standing on erupted in another one of the explosions. The impact shook the entire building and the floor beneath her started to crack and fall apart. Before Ladybug had a chance to move, something grabbed her and carried her away from the collapsing roof.

“Chat!” she gasped as she found herself in his arms, looking up at him.

“Always a  _ blast _ to see you, My Lady.” he chuckled.

“What’s going on here?”

They’d reached the safety of another rooftop. Chat landed behind a set of chimneys before setting her down.

“I’m not sure.” he admitted as he peeked around the corner, “I haven’t been able to get a clear sight of the akuma.”

Ladybug flexed her hand with some discomfort as she also looked around. In this form her body was more durable, but it didn’t erase the existence of her damaged hand or bruised ribs. She would need to be careful.

“Everything alright?” Chat asked, now looking at her with concern.

“It’s nothing.” she lied.

His brow furrowed like he wasn’t convinced but he didn’t ask further.

“We need to figure out where the akuma is and how they’re attacking.” Ladybug said as she peeked around the corner again.

The sharp noise came again and the chimney structure they were hiding behind shattered apart with another blast. Ladybug yelped as she was thrown backwards, tumbling over the roof from the force. With her body not in its best condition, it was hard for her to recover quickly. Chat had been thrown too, but was faster to react as he was at her side in seconds to shield her from the flying debris.

“We need to move!” he yelled over the sound of flying brick and cement.

Ladybug let him haul her to her feet and they were running over the rooftops again.

The movement was making her ribs burn with pain. But if she stopped for even a second she would get caught in one of those devastating impacts. Ladybug’s eyes were frantically searching the area for  _ anything _ that could tell them where the akuma was hiding.

_ Wait _ … she thought as she noticed something.

“Chat!” she called out to him, “ Over this way!”

He whipped his head round to her and immediately followed her direction. The pair vaulted from one set of buildings to the ones that ran parallel. They ran over a few more rooftops but stopped as the explosions that had been following their steps had ceased. Looking back at the buildings they’d been running along previously, Ladybug could see all the damage dealt seemed to be on the same side of the structures.

“I think the akuma can only attack what they can see.” Ladybug mused as she caught her breath a little.

Chat looked thoughtful as his cat ears twitched around for any hint of sound, “So whatever is in his line of sight? He might be moving then to get vision on us again.”

She had to think fast before the attack resumed. In her current condition, Ladybug knew she couldn’t keep running forever. It was too much strain on her sore ribs, and even her hand was starting to seize up with pain. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she didn’t know what other choice they had right now.

She turned to her partner, “Chat, I need you to run interference. I might be able to find where the attacks are coming from.”

He gave her one of his cocky smirks, “No problem, My Lady. This cat’s got it in the bag.”

Ladybug never liked asking Chat to be the bait, and knowing it was Adrien behind the mask made it so much worse.

“Don’t be reckless, stay safe.” she told him as she lightly touched his hand.

Chat’s eyes went wide in response to the touch, making Ladybug pull back. Of course he’d be confused by such an action, Ladybug rarely initiated any physical contact between them. Especially gestures that were affectionate and tender.

Chat nervously cleared his throat, turning away from her as he extended his baton, “You be careful too.”

Her heart was pounding with anxiety as she watched him go.

_ He’ll be okay _ , she told herself,  _ I’ll only slow him down anyway with the way I am right now. _

Ladybug settled herself to hide amongst the rooftops that hadn’t faced any assault yet. Chat meanwhile had returned to where they had been previously, carefully moving around the damaged buildings until the akuma acted.   
It didn’t take long as Chat was faced with a series of compact explosions again. Ladybug swallowed her fear, he would be okay. He was avoiding them as he vaulted and flipped away from the detonations with his impressive agility.   
She set about studying the points of impact. As she’d expected, they all appeared to be at a similar angle. She crept along the rooftops until the angle of the small explosions changed. It looked like the trajectory originated from where she was standing. No, lower. Somewhere in the building she was standing on.

Using her yo-yo, she carefully lowered herself over the edge of the building. It was a set of apartments, and the top most one had a forward facing balcony. She heard it, the sharp noise as something split the air. Not even a second later there was another detonation across the street. Ladybug spun her head round to see where the damage had occurred. The building opposite had sustained too much damage and was caving in on itself. There was a heavy cloud of dust as debris fell. Chat Noir was nowhere to be seen.

Ladybug wanted to scream, to call out for him to answer her. But her words caught in her throat. She knew the akumatised person was somewhere nearby and she couldn’t give away her position. She forced herself to turn her attention back to the balcony she was lowering herself to. She slipped over the railing and lowered herself into a crouch to try and stay hidden. She’d found them.

The person that stood before her appeared to be a young man that had just stepped out of some video game. He was wearing exaggerated military clothing as though he were fighting some post apocalyptic war. In his hands was a large, black sniper rifle. The man had it lowered at the moment and was scanning the street below, having not noticed Ladybug had snuck in nearby.

“There you are.” the man muttered as he lifted the rifle up, bringing the scope to his eyes, “Bonus points for a headshot.”

Ladybug’s heart stopped. A glance to the street showed her that Chat had reappeared from the rubble. At this distance she couldn’t tell if he’d been injured, but he was knelt in the street warily looking around due to the lack of attacks and not being able to see her either.

The man was lining up his gun for a shot.

Ladybug hurled out her yo-yo at the gun the same time the trigger was pulled, making the bullet go wide. In the corner of her eye, she saw the explosion just about miss Chat. He was knocked back but hadn’t been caught in it. Knowing he was okay for the moment, Ladybug felt no hesitation as she rushed the person in front of her.

Her rounded kick was blocked by the heavy gun. She spun around again for another kick that was also blocked, but the akumatised victim had taken a step back to do so.

“Deadeye here,” the man chuckled, “Going to bring you some awesome new footage of a world first achievement run.”

Ladybug threw out her yo-yo to snare the gun. It latched and she tried to pull it from his grasp, but her damaged hand made her hand strength weaker than usual. Deadeye held fast against her, his grip tightening on the gun.

“Running a challenge mode,” he smirked, “where killing Ladybug and Chat Noir will net us some big points and loot.”

He angled the rifle towards her, lining up his shot as Ladybug made her split second decision. The balcony was confining with little space to dodge, so she vaulted over the railing. Her yo-yo was still attached to the gun, so if she was lucky her own weight would rip the weapon from his hands as she fell.

There was a sharp crack when the gun went off, just as Ladybug hurled herself over the railing. She felt a searing pain in her shoulder as the blast decimated the balcony. She was falling, but she still held fast to her yo-yo string.

“Ladybug!” she heard Chat cry out somewhere below her.

Deadeye had still refused to let go of his weapon, instead letting himself be pulled with it. Both of them were now falling. He wasn’t phased by it though as he was already preparing another shot towards her. She wouldn’t be able to retract her yo-yo fast enough to swing away before he fired. She tensed up as she prepared to take the hit.   
A flash of black crossed her vision.

Chat had extended his baton to launch himself up, landing a swift kick to Deadeye’s head. The shot still went off, but Chat’s interference had sent it wide again. Instead of hitting Ladybug, the explosion landed somewhere on the ground beneath them. Continuing the momentum following his kick, Chat spun round to grab Ladybug. He pulled her into his arms, landing safely on the ground while Deadeye had been sent flying a short distance from them.

Ladybug was looking Chat over as he set her down. She’d been worried after he was caught in the building’s collapse earlier. He seemed okay but she had still been scared.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Chat glared at the question, “I should be asking you that! Your shoulder…”

Ladybug had almost forgotten the sting from the earlier impact. She looked down at her shoulder to see the exposed, seared flesh. The realisation made the pain pulse intensely, causing her to flinch. Chat hands were on her arms, holding her steady.

“Let’s finish this quickly.” he said as his green eyes watched hers intently, “The akuma has to be in the gun, right?”

“I think so.” she answered weakly, “We need to get it off him. I tried but he wouldn't let go of it.”

She looked at her yo-yo that now lay on the ground. It had ended up slipping loose in the fall so she retracted it back to her side. She briefly caught the flick of Chat’s cat ears as they picked up the sound before she did. He grabbed her and leapt away. It wasn’t even a full second later that another explosion occurred just where they’d been.

Chat set her down again, turning his gaze to further down the street where Deadeye was watching them, “Now is pawssibly a good time for your Lucky Charm, My Lady.”

Ladybug nodded and called on her ability, “Lucky Charm!”

She looked despairingly as a compact mirror landed in her hands.

Chat also looked bemused, “You don’t need a mirror. I can tell you that you’re looking purrfect as usual if you want.”

Ladybug sighed and rolled her eyes, thought she felt a faint blush rising as she remembered it was  _ Adrien _ telling her that. Deadeye was already lining up another round so she had to think fast. The mirror. The gun scope. Cataclysm. The sky? No, the sun? The plan formed in her head.

She took a deep breath, “Chat, I need him to aim at me.”

Chat’s eyes were alarmed and his tail lashed furiously behind him, “What? No!”

“I have a plan. We dodge the next one, then you get your Cataclysm ready.”

He still looked annoyed with her, but he nodded his acceptance.

Deadeye fired the gun again and they both dodged from the following blast. Ladybug could feel her whole body crying out in pain from the effort. Her hand, ribs and now her shoulder too were excruciating. She landed herself in the middle of the street while Chat rolled away to cover. After getting clear of the attack, she heard Chat call on his Cataclysm ability as she’d instructed. With only her clearly in sight, Deadeye was preparing his next shot directly on her. She had to be fast. Opening the compact mirror, Ladybug tilted it around to try and catch the sunlight. But she wasn’t getting any. She froze in horror as she realised a cloud had passed over the sun since she formed her plan. How could she be so  _ stupid _ ?

She brought her arms up to her face to try and protect herself as the rifle unleashed another explosive round.

The force of the blast washed over her and almost knocked her back, but she didn’t feel a direct impact. Hesitantly, she lowered her arms again. Her stomach dropped when she saw what was before her.

Chat stood facing her a short distance away, his chest heaving with ragged breaths. She heard him faintly curse under his breath his legs gave out.

“Chat!” she cried out as she ran to him, catching him as he fell.

She held him in her arms as she fell to her knees with him. Looking over his shoulder made her heart beat with agony. His whole back was scorched and bloodied following the blow he’d taken.

“Hurry.” she heard him hiss through his teeth.

He was still holding out his hand that encompassed the devastating Cataclysm ability. She could tell it was taking him everything he had to keep it there from the way his hand was shaking, so as to not let it touch anything by accident.

Ladybug saw the sunlight returning as the cloud passed. She made sure Chat was steady as he knelt in front of her before she stood up. Deadeye had lifted his rifle again for the next round, so she started to frantically work the compact mirror to catch the light. She got it. As soon as Deadeye reacted to being temporarily blinded by the sudden glare forced on him, Ladybug casted out her yo-yo. It ensnared the gun again, though Deadeye still held fast to it. With all the strength she could muster, Ladybug pulled back on her yo-yo. She felt the flashes of searing pain and the blood that seeped from her shoulder as she hauled both gun and Deadeye towards her. He tried to resist at first, but refusing to let go of his weapon meant he was dragged along with it as Ladybug put all her strength into the action.   
With Deadeye flying towards them, she grabbed Chat’s arm and held it out. The sniper rifle was pulled straight into the waiting Cataclysm. The weapon disintegrated immediately from the touch, releasing the cursed butterfly.

Ladybug wasted no time in catching the akuma in her yo-yo to purify it. With the now white butterfly floating away, she called on her restorative powers.

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

The wash of red erupted around her, spilling out over the street and turning everything back to normal.

Ladybug ignored the akuma victim completely as he looked around himself in confusion. What had been the devastating sniper rifle had become a game’s console controller at their feet. She instead knelt in front of Chat who was letting out a heavy sigh as he was healed from the damage he’d sustained.

“That could have gone better.” he smirked at her.

It felt like a stab in her heart knowing that it wasn’t just Chat who’d been protecting her all this time, but Adrien. It had always been the person she loved that suffered so much hurt and injury just to defend her.

Chat hadn’t noticed her inner turmoil as he turned to face the victim, “Hey, you okay?”

The man still looked confused but nodded, “Yeah, I was just streaming my game when...I don’t remember what happened.”

Ladybug felt a seething anger in her gut. Someone had gotten akumatised and almost killed Chat for a  _ video game _ . She couldn’t bring herself to say anything, gritting her teeth as she tried to swallow her rage.   
Chat had noticed now as he glanced at her with concern before turning back to the victim, “Will you be alright?”

“Oh uh, yeah. I’m good.” the man responded sheepishly.

Ladybug let Chat help her to her feet.

“Follow me.” he told her in a low voice.

Their Miraculous had started beeping their timers as the pair landed on the safety of a rooftop. Ladybug flexed her sore and stiff hand. It was going to hurt like hell when she detransformed.

Chat turned to face her with a scolding expression, “We only have a few minutes left, but I need to know. What’s going on?”

Ladybug looked away, “It’s nothing.”

“Seriously LB, something is wrong with you. I know you’re hiding it, but you weren’t your best today.”

She flinched. So he’d noticed that she was slower and stiffer than usual.

Chat looked at his ring as another beep went off, “I know you want to keep things professional between us, but I don’t like the thought of something being wrong.”

She pressed her lips into a thin line, still avoiding looking at him, “It’s just…”

_ I can’t stand not being strong enough for you. I don’t want you to keep taking hits for me. It’s not just Chat Noir I lose if you’re gone. _

Chat crossed his arms with frustration, “Just what?”

“I…”

“Tell me! I can’t stand to see you suffering over something and not knowing what.”

“And I can’t stand to see you getting hurt! I promised I would keep you safe, Adrien!”

Chat’s arms fell to his side, his expression shifting from irritation to confusion and panic. Ladybug’s hands flew to her mouth as she registered her mistake.

Chat’s voice cracked as he spoke, “What?”

“I, um...T-That’s…” she stammered.

“What did you just call me?”

“I didn’t…”

“You know my  _ name _ ?”

Ladybug could feel her heart rapidly beating with fright as she looked at him. She couldn’t tell if he was just alarmed or angry. This wasn’t how she’d wanted it to be, but she had to tell him now. Chat had become paralysed as he watched her, waiting for her to say something.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered, “I wanted to tell you sooner, and to do it properly.”

With the last beeps of her earrings calling out, her transformation evaporated with a red light. Chat had been looking at her with a wary expression, but as the guise of Ladybug was lifted his eyes widened with immediate shock and disbelief.

“... _ Marinette _ ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small delay on getting this chapter uploaded today cause of reasons. But hey, it's here.  
> And we _finally_ have the second half of the reveal.  
> Marinette's been stalling her reveal for ten chapters lol


	33. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a mess but they're finally honest with each other.

He hadn’t even noticed his own transformation had released as he stared at the girl in front of him. Marinette was Ladybug. All this time he’d been spending time and speaking with the two of them, telling them separate things but it had always been the _same person_.

_Oh FUCK._

Adrien felt his vision skew from the overload of information. He was meant to be the infallible partner of Ladybug, but she had seen who - _what_ \- he actually was. And for all these years he’d held onto his one-sided love for Ladybug and found safety in it, but then he let his affections shift to Marinette. How did that even work when it had always been the same person? He must have looked like an utter joke to her.

All these thoughts and more were crashing into each other. Before he could even complete one, another would rupture in his mind as the revelation tore through him. He brought a hand to his mouth as he tried to swallow back on the anxious nausea. He’d thought he’d been careful in what parts of himself he let Ladybug and Marinette see separately, but where was the control in that when they’d never _been separate_?

“Adrien?” Marinette called out softly, nervously approaching him across the rooftop.

Adrien held out a hand to stop her. He couldn’t get a handle on his surging emotions. Was he angry? Sad? Happy? He hadn’t a clue. He was just feeling _everything_.

 _This...What have I been doing all this time?_ _Where was my control?_

Marinette had paused when he had told her to stop, but as his body was now slowly folding in on itself she rushed forward again.

“Adrien!” she cried, “Talk to me!”

She really was crying. The blackness was sinking in around the edge of his vision but he could see her tears.

“Don’t touch me!” he snapped, making her stop just short of him.

Marinette withdrew her arms that had been prepared to steady him as he staggered on his feet.

“All this time…” he murmured, “I’ve been chasing you all this time, but you already knew who I was? How’s that _fair_?”

Marinette anxiously chewed her lip, “I only found out recently.”

He was yelling now, “You think that makes it any better? How did you even find out?”

“Before all the things that happened, I was in your room as Ladybug. I saw the music box I’d given you. I kind of...made the connection from that.”

“But you didn’t say anything to me!”

“I didn’t want to take that from you! You’d already decided you wanted to tell me yourself.”

Adrien stumbled backwards, moving himself away from her. A matter of days. That was all it had been between when he’d planned to tell her and when she’d already found out.

He laughed weakly, “It must have been hilarious. You must have had a real good laugh over it.”

Marinette was following him as he kept backing away, “No! I was never laughing at you!”

Her bluebell eyes were trying to catch his, but he was desperately avoiding her. It felt like he’d break completely if he met her gaze. It was all too much.

He shook his head as he felt tears stinging his eyes, “I don’t get it! Ladybug always turned me away and scolded me, but as Marinette you...you were so different.”

“I found out a lot more about you as Marinette.” she told him, stepping closer still, “I’m sorry I enforced the rule that prevented you from being honest with Ladybug. I didn’t know you were going so much and needed someone.”

He couldn’t stop shaking as his thoughts were drowning him, “No, I...you just…”

She held his arms to stop him from retreating further, “Adrien, _please_ listen to me!”

“Let go of me…”

“I’m sorry, but not until you _listen_!”

She pulled him into an embrace. Adrien grabbed her arms to try and release himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to. The white noise was _so loud_ he thought his head might split. None of his thoughts were coherent anymore as he struggled to find any calm in the storm. Unable to keep himself standing any longer, Adrien sank to his knees. Marinette followed until she knelt with him. She released him from her hold, instead lifting her hands up. She gently cupped either side of his face, her thumbs tenderly stroking his cheeks. He was frozen and could neither run from the contact or fight her on it. He still refused to look at her.

She kept going, her voice wavering with heavy emotion, “I...I already loved you, Adrien. But when I spent time with Chat Noir and saw so much more of the person you were, I fell in love with that side of you too.”

_Love?_

It didn’t sound right to him. How could she love _him_?

“N-No that’s…” he choked, his vision becoming watery with the tears that threatened to fall.

“It was confusing.” she continued quietly, still holding his face as her bluebell eyes searched him in his avoidance, “I’d thought I’d somehow fallen in love with two people at the same time. But I was so happy when I found out it was _always you_ . I’d just fallen in love with you _twice_.”

The thought was consuming his mind, _Liar_.

His tears were spilling over now, “Please, don’t...I’m not...I can’t…”

_I can’t be loved._

_I was never meant to be loved._

Marinette was softly shushing him as she tenderly kissed the tears that fell down his cheeks. She was crying herself, but she let her own tears go as she focused on him. He could barely even speak now as each word would only come up as a ragged hiccup.

“I love you, Adrien.” she murmured as she continued to kiss his tears, “I love you so much.”

“Please…” he sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut as she was too close to avoid now, “Don’t lie!”

Another soft set of kisses were placed on the corners of his eyes.

“I’m not.” she whispered, though her voice cracked with emotion, “Chat Noir. Adrien. I love _you_.”

He could feel it in his chest. The pain. It was as if his heart was on fire. His heart that had been shattered and blighted on a daily basis for so long. He was terrified. Marinette was there, confessing such feelings to him that he’d only dreamed of. Was she really happy with loving someone like him? Was she really saying that she loved him, even after seeing how weak and broken he was?

Marinette still spoke softly, but her words were thick with sadness, “Adrien, please look at me.”

He hesitated, but ultimately couldn’t resist the desperation in her voice. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

Adrien went breathless as he looked at the girl in front of him.

Marinette was almost nose to nose with him as she held his face. Her bluebell eyes were shimmering as they locked onto him with such an intensity that once he found them, it was impossible to look away. Her eyes were red and puffy from her own crying, and her cheeks glistened with tears. Despite this she was still unbelievably beautiful to him. In his world that had sunk into a numb, grey fog she was the last ray of dazzling colour that remained for him. Everything kept falling apart around him no matter how hard he tried to keep ahold of it, but she’d always stayed with him.

She was still smiling at him, even through the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

“Talk to me.” she whispered.

He was shaking and his voice was barely audible even to him, “Then...is it okay if I love you too?”

_Am I allowed to?_

_Is it okay for someone like me to love you?_

Her eyes widened and she let out a small laugh, “What kind of question is that? I’d be really happy if you did. Wait, Adrien do you…?”

His chest still hurt, but a soothing warmth was blooming there as he looked at her.

Adrien’s voice was weak and trembling, but he managed to say the words he’d been so scared of for so long, “I love you, Marinette.”

Marinette's face lit up red and her words came out a stuttered mess, “R-Really? T-That’s good um, th-thank you? No wait, I _-iloveyoutoo_.”

It was her who was struggling to hold eye contact now, her eyes drifting down as her blush deepened. Her hands were still gently holding his face even as she flustered. He could feel the discord of his mind starting to ease again. There was still a lot of fear and confusion, but she was a soothing balm against it. Even as she sat before him overcome with her own sudden spike of embarrassment, he absolutely adored her. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he could feel just a little bit the ache in his heart subsiding.

* * *

Marinette was floundering in her embarrassment. Did she really just say _thank you_ to Adrien saying that he loved her? Could she have given a more stupid response? It felt like her face was on fire from how much she was blushing. Beyond her erratic heartbeat though, she was relieved. Adrien had initially panicked at finding out she was Ladybug, even been angry. She couldn’t blame him for it. It was her own reluctance to be forward with him from the start that had led to this. She hated that she’d resulted to getting in his space and holding him while he was clearly afraid of it, but she didn’t want to risk him running before she got her honest feelings out. She needed him to know. Her feelings had reached him though. And despite whatever internal mess he was going through, he’d reciprocated them. Even though it was what she’d been wanting so much, she suddenly felt at a loss as to what to do now that her feelings had been returned. So she’d ended up freezing.

She was forced to look up again though as she felt Adrien move, slipping away from her hands. He was leaning forward into her now until he came to rest on her shoulder. Marinette paused a moment before lowering her arms to embrace him. She could feel the shakiness of his breath.

“Sorry.” he mumbled into her shoulder.

His voice was still hoarse from his earlier outburst. She’d seen it, how scared he was to accept her words. She didn’t entirely understand why he would think she was lying, but she was glad that he seemed to believe her now.  
“It’s okay.” she said softly.

She felt unbelievably sore after fighting the akuma as Ladybug, but she ignored the discomfort as she tightened her arms around him. She felt his arms wrap around her also, completing their embrace. She felt like a perfect fit in the way he held her, his arms enveloping her as he pressed her into him. Her bruised ribs ruined the moment though, as she winced from a surge of discomfort across her back. Adrien felt it and pulled back immediately.

He looked at her with concern, “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

She shook her head, “No, I’m fine.”

Adrien furrowed his brow as his expression became upset, “Please don’t lie to me.”

Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line as she looked at him, “Fine, but I want you to be honest with me too. Don’t brush it off when I ask if you’re okay.”

His eyes flickered with uncertainty for a moment before he answered, “Okay, I’ll try. Seriously though, are you hurting?”

“Just a bit sore after the akuma.” she shrugged, “It’s nothing.”

“Well, we should get off this roof anyway.”

“If Tikki and Plagg are good to transform again, we can head back.”

Adrien stood up before helping Marinette to her feet also. There was still a faint trembling in his hands, so she gave them a reassuring squeeze in hers. She noticed the two kwami had been calmly waiting for them while they figured things out between them. She’d need to give them a nice treat later as thanks for their patience.

“Actually,” Adrien said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’d like to stay out a bit longer, if that’s fine with you.”

Marinette looked at his restless expression before answering, “Okay then.”

The roof they’d been on had an entrance to a stairwell that took them back down to street level. With Plagg and Tikki hidden away in their jackets, they left the building and started walking along the pavement. It seemed things were slowly returning to normal after the earlier akuma attack in the area. She let Adrien lead the way, as she wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. She considered that with the usual confinement he lived in, maybe there wasn’t anything in particular he wanted than to just be _outside_ .  
Marinette followed him for a few minutes, watching his back as they walked. He still seemed restless and uncomfortable as he was still probably calming down after the emotional overload she’d caused him. Adrien stopped suddenly and turned to her. She blinked with confusion as he looked at her.

“What is it?” she asked nervously.

It surprised her so much when he took her hand in his that she jumped.

He smirked at her reaction, “Walk beside me.”

Marinette could feel the blush rising in her cheeks as she nodded. His hand felt so warm around hers that her heart was fluttering endlessly in her chest.  
She walked next to him now as they continued down the street. Marinette noticed that Adrien had adjusted the pace of his stride to better accommodate her so they stayed beside each other. She smiled to herself over how considerate he was over something so minor.  
It wasn’t long until they reached the banks of the Seine. They kept walking together as they followed along the route of the river. Marinette glanced at Adrien, as he hadn’t spoken in a while and seemed to be deep in thought. She wondered if she should say something, but decided against it as she considered he was probably still processing their earlier conversation. It had been a lot for her too, and she wasn’t entirely sure of all that had happened. They knew for certain each other’s identities now. They’d also confessed their feelings for one another. She still found it hard to believe that she wasn’t in a dream currently. The only way it could have been better was if their admission of love had been followed by a kiss. But she wasn’t about to be upset over a kiss not happening, as she knew such a thing didn’t always come easily to Adrien.

 _If he’d been Chat Noir, would he have kissed me?_ she couldn’t help but think.

Marinette dropped the thought as soon as it occurred. It didn’t matter. She loved _him_ , with or without the mask. She didn’t have preference for one side of him over the other.

“Mari, is everything okay?”

Adrien’s voice brought her out of her thoughts. They’d stopped walking and he was looking at her with concern.

Marinette blinked, “I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“You looked a little upset just now.”

“What? No, that’s just my face.”

Marinette laughed lightly. Alya had told her before she would make weird faces whenever she was in deep thought. Adrien hummed as his eyes searched her for a moment before looking around them. He led her by the hand over to a nearby bench.

“Wait here a minute.” he told her as he had her sit down, “I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” she asked as she took a seat.

“Just stay here.”

Marinette pouted as he let go of her hand and ran off.  
 _What am I, a dog?_

She huffed as she crossed her arms, sitting back on the bench. He’d disappeared from sight now, so she had no idea where he’d gone off to. She sighed as she flexed her injured hand a little. The brace hadn’t stayed when she transformed to Ladybug, so now being back in her civilian form it felt tight and uncomfortable. Sitting down was a minor relief for her bruised ribs though.

The minutes started to pass and Adrien hadn’t returned. Marinette looked up at the sky above her as she waited.

 _Where’d he go?_ she thought.

She was trying to decide if a cloud looked more like a giraffe or a duck as she heard someone approaching.

“Sorry.” Adrien said breathlessly after running, “I didn’t know what you liked, so you can pick which you want.”

Marinette lowered her gaze as he now stood in front of her. In his hands were two crepes, one filled with strawberries and cream and the other with banana and chocolate. She mumbled her thanks in surprise as she took the banana and chocolate one.

“We didn’t have breakfast with all that happened.” Adrien sighed as he sat down next to her, “And it’s almost lunchtime. I’d figured you were maybe hungry.”

Now that she held the warm sweet treat in her hands, Marinette realised that she was ravenous. She took hungry bites of the crepe, enjoying the satisfying taste of it. Adrien was slower about eating his. She’d noticed it last night as well with how he ate the pizza, that he had a very reserved way about eating. It made her feel a little greedy about the borderline aggressive way she was eating, but Adrien smiled at her as she set about devouring the crepe.

Marinette paused a moment as she looked at him. Even though he was far calmer about eating his food than she was, a bit of cream had gotten onto his cheek.

“You’ve got a little something…” she murmured as she tapped her own cheek as an indication.

Adrien watched her a moment before licking at the corner of his mouth. Marinette could feel her blush returning. It was such a small thing, but from him it looked so cute.

“Is it gone?” he asked.

He hadn’t reached it at all. The little bit of cream was still there. A bold thought came over Marinette. If she was quick it’d be okay, right?

Adrien looked at her in confusion as she leaned in. She was going to swiftly remove the cream with a kiss, but it wasn’t his cheek that her lips connected with. Unsure with what Marinette was doing, Adrien had turned his head at the last moment. Her lips pressed directly onto his, making the pair of them jump. Marinette pulled back immediately with a gasping squeak while Adrien just stared with alarm.

“I-I was just going t-to get it f-for you.” she stammered.

A light pink had spread across his cheeks.

He smiled awkwardly, still not over the surprise she’d given him, “Okay, I won’t move.”

Marinette stared wide-eyed for a moment. Her own blush had been covering her face, intensifying again as he looked at her. Seeing her hesitation, he closed his eyes. Marinette felt like her heart was exploding. She’d felt stupid for trying it in the first place, but he was waiting for her to try it again now. Her heart felt like it would hammer through her chest as she leaned in a second time. As promised, Adrien didn’t move so her kiss met his cheek this time. She tasted the sweetness of the cream as she pulled away. He opened his eyes again.

“Is it gone now?” he grinned.

“Yes. Shut up.” Marinette huffed with embarrassment and returned to finishing her crepe.

They were quiet again for a little bit as they ate. Marinette thought over again how they’d confessed their feelings for one another. She was happy that their love was mutual, but she couldn’t help but wondered where that left them now. She glanced at Adrien next to her, trying to speculate what was maybe going through his mind. They’d said they loved each other and had kissed a few times already, but what was their relationship exactly? She needed to know.

“Adrien,” she asked, “are we official?”

Adrien had just eaten the last bite of his crepe and proceeded to almost choke on it. Marinette hastily patted his back as he coughed.

“What?” he wheezed as he turned to her, “Official?”

“Well, we feel the same way about each other. And we’ve kissed. So just...what are we?”

He cleared his throat again, his eyes becoming clouded with a panicked thoughtfulness. His eyes drifted down and he went silent for a moment. Marinette could feel the anxiety scraping inside her as she waited for him to say something.

His expression had become despondent when he did finally answer, “Is that what you want?”

“Well, I love you so I would like to be.” she murmured shyly.

“Would you be happy with me?”

“What?”

Adrien looked at her with a wry smile, “Would you be happy with someone like me?”

“What do you mean?” she frowned “You already make me happy.”

He paused as his gaze once again fell to the ground, “I’m not really good with...loving or being loved by people. There’s so many things that don’t come to me easily.”

“So? I don’t care.”

“Won’t you care when there’s things you want, but I might not be able to give you when you want them?”

“You mean things like kissing? I’m not in love with you just because I like you kissing me. Besides, that’s not the only part of being in a relationship.”

His expression became serious as he spoke quietly, “Mari, you know I’m not just talking about that. I’m talking about things of a more intimate nature as well.”

She paused as the meaning of his words registered to her.

_Oh right. Sex._

Marinette felt childish as her immediate reaction was to blush and fidget awkwardly. Adrien’s eyes had returned to look at her cautiously, as though he were trying to gauge her reaction.

“That’s fine.” she said stubbornly.

Adrien sighed, “Your happiness is more important to me than whatever my feelings are.”

“I told you _it’s fine_! So what? We take things slow and figure it out together. And while I like sharing physical affection with you, I’m not going to stop loving you just because we can’t do it all the time, or if we need to take some time in getting there.”

He was staring at her with faint surprise now. Marinette gave a small annoyed huff. Her feelings for him weren’t so watery that she’d give up just because there were times he wasn’t okay with her touching him.

Adrien gave a small laugh, a little sad but still a trace of light heartedness in it, “If you’re sure then, Princess.”

Her annoyance gave her confidence to tease him some, “That’s it? What happened to that romantic charm you’re always flaunting?”

He paused before a mischievous smirk came across his face, “Then should I say it like this? I love you, Marinette. Please be mine and mine alone.”

The sudden Chat level of flirting made Marinette’s heart go into accelerated tapdance mode. She could feel her whole face turning red as he chuckled at her.

“Fine.” she mumbled, trying her best to hold his gaze instead of giving into her sudden overwhelming shyness, “But only if you’re mine too.”

He gave her another grin, “I was always yours.”

Marinette didn’t even have a chance to respond as Adrien was already leaning towards her. She thought her heart might hammer its way out of her chest as his lips captured hers in a loving kiss. His hand gently caressed her cheek and she found herself tilting her head to allow him better access as her lips parted. She could taste the sweetness of cream and chocolate mix as she kissed him fully. It still amazed her how soft his lips were and hot his mouth felt as she allowed her passion to push the kiss deeper. He returned her enthusiasm in kind, and she could feel him smile against her lips when she moaned softly into him.

“I love you.” she said breathlessly when they finally broke apart.

Adrien was panting as well, but he paused a moment to place a tender kiss on her forehead, “I love you too.”

She leaned into the touch, the simple kiss meaning just as much to her as the amorous one had.  
He stood up and held out his hand for her to take, “Let’s head back.”

She placed her hand in his and allowed him to help her up. Standing next to him now, her fingers became intertwined with his as she enjoyed the perfect fit of it.  
Marinette had known for a while now that being in love with Adrien would likely be difficult and complicated. But as she saw a little more of the returning warmth glimmer in his verdant eyes, she was certain she couldn't possibly want anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly the cleanest love confession, but they got there in the end.  
> Not done yet though, still got some things to get through!
> 
> No cliffhanger this time as I'm feeling _nice_ and apparently the last one had resulted in a few of you dying lol


	34. Obscured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains some minor reference to self harm.
> 
> Adrien is confronted by Gabriel.  
> Marinette updates Alya on where she's been.

It was comforting being able to hold her hand. She was his tether to reality that prevented him from sinking into the dark waters that seeped from the corner of his mind. Adrien was trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. The last thing he wanted to do was worry Marinette even more following the massive development they’d just made together, but he could still feel it there. The two sides of him that could never agree. The part of him that would howl and cry in rage, refusing to believe there could be anything good left in the world for him. It clawed away at him from the inside, telling him that whatever he had with Marinette was only temporary and wasn’t meant to last. His other self, though far more meek in comparison, wanted to believe in the girl next to him. So what if it didn’t last? He could be selfish for now and enjoy what they had while he could. Marinette had promised his internalised fear wouldn’t prevent her from loving him, even if he couldn’t always be what she wanted. The shy, terrified part of himself was holding on with everything it had to the feelings he shared with her. The self-destructive nature inside him would have to relent for now. It had already caused him to be angry with Marinette for hiding that she was Ladybug, even though he didn’t want to be. So he pushed back on that snapping beast until it was submerged in the black waters as he tried to let the other side win this time. The side that actually wanted to be happy.

Adrien looked to the girl next him, feeling a small smile tug on his lips. Marinette looked blissfully happy as she walked alongside him, holding his hand with their fingers laced together.

_If I can be selfish for only one thing, let it be this_ , he thought as he tightened his hand around hers.

“How are we going to get back in?” Marinette asked sheepishly as they returned to the Agreste mansion.

As usual the front gates were locked and could only be opened by ringing someone through the receiver. Since they escaped through the window earlier, technically they weren’t supposed to be out of the house. Adrien didn’t much like the idea of asking Nathalie to open the gate when they were meant to already be in the mansion. This wasn’t the first time Adrien had snuck out though.

“This way.” he told her and started to lead her around the property’s perimeter wall.

Around the back was a smaller gate that the house staff used to come and go. Adrien wasn’t meant to have a key to this door, but a maid who’d retired some years ago had handed her key off to him. He’d just conveniently “forgot” to give it to Nathalie.  
They slipped through the gate and into the garden at the back of the property. Adrien felt Marinette pause as they made their way to the back steps of the mansion. He looked at her then followed her gaze to see what it was. She was looking at the white stone statue of his mother. A pristine figure of her image sat delicately on a stone seat, surrounded by roses and wisteria. He always felt his heart throb whenever he looked at it. A permanent reminder that the real person was no longer there.  
As Mainette gazed at the statue, he became increasingly aware that normal people didn’t just happen to have a stone carving of their family member sitting in their backyard. Not to mention of a person who wasn’t dead, just presumed missing. Even though Adrien had found some comfort in it at times, there was something a little morbid about it. He’d never been sure why his father had the statue made in the first place.

“She’s beautiful.” Marinette whispered.

Adrien hummed, an echo of faint memories crossing his mind.

Marinette looked at him sadly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

He shrugged, “It happened a while ago now. At least what I can remember of her from before are good things for the most part.”

_Better than the parent who’s still here_ , he thought bitterly.

Marinette smiled, “You’ll have to tell me sometime.”

Her request caught him a little off guard, “About my mother?”

“You look happy when you talk about her.”

“Oh uh, sure. I’ll tell you sometime.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what he would tell her though. As far as he could remember, his mother had been a more or less normal parent despite his not so normal upbringing.

They entered the back of the house through a door that led straight into the kitchen. Adrien cautiously looked around as they entered the black and white, modern styled room. None of the house staff were present, so he headed for the fridge to find something to eat for the kwamis. Plagg of course immediately helped himself to the camembert there, while Tikki was more modest and had some raspberries.

“Sorry, we don’t keep a lot of sweets or desserts.” He said sheepishly.

“This is fine, thank you Adrien.” Tikki smiled back at him.

He couldn’t get over how well mannered and nice Tikki was compared to Plagg’s arrogant and careless attitude.

  
Once the two kwami were satisfied, Adrien took Marinette’s hand again and led the way out into the main lobby of the manor. She followed him quietly, looking around at the large and clean area. It was probably still very odd for her to be there, considering her family’s apartment could fit in the mansion ten times over.  
As they rounded the corner to ascend the stairs, Adrien froze. The familiar weight was once again easing down on his chest as he looked up to the top of the stairs.

“Adrien.” Gabriel said with his usual frosty tone.

“Father.” he returned the curt greeting as had become custom for them, “You remember Marinette Dupain-Cheng? She’s won a few of your young designer contests.”

Marinette peeked out from behind him, “H-Hello Monsieur Agreste.”

Gabriel’s eyes shifted from his son to the shy girl, “Yes, Mlle Dupain-Cheng. I remember. A promising talent.”

Adrien didn’t move, as his father was now barring the top of the stairs with his overbearing presence alone. He still clasped Marinette’s hand in his. He knew that Gabriel could clearly see it. Even so, Adrien didn’t release his hold.

Gabriel’s piercing gaze returned to Adrien, “I was of the impression you were meant to be staying home at this time.”

_Shit, he noticed._

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat, “We just went out for a walk. To get some fresh air.”

“I also understand that Mlle Dupain-Cheng is recovering from some injuries. You should be more considerate than to be dragging her places.”

“That’s-!” Marinette started but Adrien quickly cut her off.

“Marinette was kind enough to indulge me. We were just going back to my room now.”

Gabriel was stepping down the stairs now, “Very well. But I would like to talk with you first, Adrien.”

“Of course, Father.”

Adrien didn't move until Gabriel had passed them. He turned to Marinette next to him, who was gazing back with unease.

“Go on ahead.” he whispered to her, “I’ll be with you soon.”

She hesitated, “But…”

“Adrien.” Gabriel’s voice summoned him from the door that led to the atelier.

“It’s okay.” he told Marinette, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go.

With his father watching him, Adrien didn’t look back at her as he crossed the lobby to follow him.

Gabriel was silent at first as they entered the large atelier. Adrien closed the door behind him and waited there as he usually did. He could feel Plagg’s tiny paws kneading against him from where he hid in the collar of his shirt. Gabriel crossed over to the podium that stood before the Gustav Klimt styled portrait of Adrien’s mother.

Gabriel didn’t even look at him as he swiped his hands over the touchscreen of the podium, “You would do well to have more awareness of your actions.”

Adrien pressed his lips together as his gaze dropped to the floor.

“While I do not condone Mlle Bourgeois charade, she assures me it’s for your benefit. I would prefer you to not act foolishly and jeopardise it.”

“I’m sorry, Father.” Adrien forced himself to keep his voice level, “But I don’t understand what you mean.”

Gabriel briefly gave him an icy glance before looking back to the monitor before him, “It’s one thing to have police coming to our door. But for you to be flaunting Mlle Dupain-Cheng after making such accusations against Mlle Rossi will just feed those gossip magazines.”

Adrien felt the anxiety weighing on his chest drop heavily to his stomach. It coiled in his gut, giving rise to that uncomfortable familiar nausea. He tapped against his leg the familiar sequence to try and steady himself.

“Dr Laurent considered you to be...at risk. So Mlle Bourgeois convinced me to let someone stay with you for the time being. I would rather not regret that decision should you land yourself in another scandal. It’s bad enough already that you brought Mlle Dupain-Cheng into your current one. ”

Adrien’s shoulders were shaking as his father’s words cut into him. He was right though. Marinette’s fight with Lila had happened because of Adrien’s own inability to act.

Gabriel continued, “It would be best to mind your conduct for the time being. You can start by breaking that fidgeting habit of yours. You’re too old for such childish manners.”

His hand seized up against his leg, ceasing the rhythmic tap against his leg. Adrien tightened his hand into a fist instead.

“You’re important to me, Adrien. I only want you to be at your best.”

“Yes, Father. I understand.” Adrien answered mechanically.

Gabriel gave him a measure stare for an agonising moment for speaking again, “You can go now. We will speak again soon.”

Adrien nodded and turned to leave the room.

Once the door to the atelier was closed behind him, Adrien released a shaky sigh. How long had he been holding his breath? His chest heaved with the uneven gasps as he made his way to the stairs where he gripped onto the cold bannister for support.

“Just ignore him kid.” Plagg purred quietly, “You’ve been doing great.”

Adrien just shook his head, clenching his jaw as he tried to hold back the nauseating anxiety and frustration. He’d been blind to not consider how his foolish actions were affecting others. It was his own series of stupid decisions that led to the problem with Lila. A problem that Marinette and Chloe got swept up in and were solving _for_ him because he couldn’t do anything himself. It didn’t feel wrong to be with Marinette, but he couldn’t shake the fact that it could cause issues for her.

He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, fighting off the urge to be sick with the dizziness that swept over him. He was tired of all these feelings that seeped through the grey fog. All of this anger, hurt and frustration with no physical form. The persistent anxiety that kept clawing into him and suffocating him along with the white noise that made everything so much worse.

Adrien pressed his knuckles against his teeth. He needed to feel something that wasn’t in his head. He needed to know he could _still feel_ outside of the dull grey that covered his existence. He needed to see it.

“Woah, hey! Kid!” Plagg hissed, “Stop!”

Adrien bit down.

Pain.

Real, physical pain followed by a taste of blood.

* * *

Marinette watched nervously as she watched Adrien follow his father to the atelier. Their exchange on the stairs had been uncomfortable to watch. It had been nothing like a conversation between parent and child should be. She was tempted to go down and press her ear against the door, but she knew it would be really bad if she got caught. She let out a sigh and reluctantly returned to Adrien’s room.  
It still felt a bit strange to be in his room without him being there. She looked around as she tried to decide what to do while she waited. Marinette sat down at his desk and wiggled the mouse to wake up the screens. She smiled as the desktop came into view. It was still the photo of his mother.

“He really looks like her.” Tikki said as she floated to Marinette’s shoulder.

Marinette nodded.

_A lot more than his father by any means_ , she thought.

She clicked to open the browser. The Ladyblog immediately popped up, making her let out a small laugh. Of course he’d have that as his homepage. There were already a few blurry snapshots from this morning’s akuma attack. It seemed Alya hadn’t been able to get too close this time, as the photos were all taken from a distance and only showed black and red blurs on a rooftop.

A ringing noise announced an incoming call on Marinette’s phone. She took the device out and smiled when she saw Alya’s name.

She answered the call, “Hi, Alya.”

“ _Girl_ , what is going on?” Alya yelled down the phone, “I arrive at your house to see you and your mum tells me you’re at _Adrien’s_ ! _What_ did I miss?”

Oh, right. With all that had happened, she hadn’t had the chance to tell Alya and Nino.

“I’m kind of….staying here for a bit?” she responded sheepishly.

Alya was silent for a beat.

“ _WHAT?”_

“I’m still off a bit longer while I recover. And Adrien’s taking some time off too. Chloe kind of threw us in together to keep each other company.”

“And how’s that working out when you two are so bad at talking to each other?” Alya teased.

“That um, we got figured out. So we’re good now.” Marinette smiled as she blushed, “Actually we’re better than good.”

“I _told_ you that locking you two in a room together was a good idea! Seriously, you need to listen to my advice more. Did you kiss him yet?”

Marinette felt her blush intensify at the question, “A-Alya!”

She could hear Alya laughing on the other end, “You’re right. If it took you two this long to finally get together, it’ll be another ten years before we get to that stage.”

Marinette went quiet as shy thoughts of her previous kisses with Adrien and Chat came to mind. Alya noticed her silence.

“Wait, _seriously_? How have I missed so much in 24 hours? I always thought you were a late bloomer Marinette, but now you’re really coming into flower.”

“Alya…” she groaned.

Alya sniggered, “If you’re progressing that fast together, then be sure to use protection. I know I’ve said I want to be the fun aunt to your kids, but it's still too early for that.”

Marinette’s heart jumped into her throat, “W-What? Alya why are you telling me this? We’re not - we haven’t - why...I’m not talking to you about this!”

“I’m just teasing you. Still, safety first.”

“Please shut up.”

Marinette wasn’t sure if she could handle her face going any redder. She hoped Alya would never discover that Marinette had actually spent last night in Adrien’s bed. _Not_ doing anything like Alya was suggesting, but Marinette knew she’d never hear the end of it if her friend found out.

“I’m glad you two are getting time together though. Nino’s been worried since Adrien hasn’t really been answering his messages. He’ll be glad to know you’re looking after his boy.”

“Yeah, we’re doing okay.”

Alya sighed, “I’ll have to love you and leave you for now. I expect a full detailed report soon though!”

Marinette laughed, “You'll only get what I want to tell you.”

“As your best friend, I demand maximum detail.”

The pair giggled a bit before saying their goodbyes.  
Marinette could still feel the embarrassed blush on her face after Alya’s teasing. She was glad Adrien hadn’t been there to hear any of it. She took a deep breath to try and calm her flustered heart rate. If Adrien came back and saw her like this, he’d undoubtedly ask why. Obviously she couldn’t tell him that Alya had blessed their relationship but demanded they practice safe sex. Marinette wanted to forget that aspect of their conversation entirely, as physical intimacy wasn’t even on the cards for them right now anyway.

_Nothing safer than abstinence_ , Marinette thought with an ironic smile.

Marinette looked up as the door opened and Adrien walked in. Her good humour faded as she saw him. He seemed in a daze as he looked around the room before his sombre eyes came to rest on her. She wondered what it was that Gabriel had said to make such a change in Adrien’s mood.

“Is everything okay?” she asked as she stood up from the desk.

Adrien blinked and his brow furrowed as though confused. His eyes flickered without focus as she approached him. She was about to speak again when she caught sight of the red stain on his hand. Like a thick ink, blood was smeared across the back of his hand and down his fingers. Marinette felt like a hard stone had dropped to the bottom of her stomach.

Finally, Adrien spoke as he looked at his bleeding hand.

“I...don’t know what I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hmmm..._ Just going to drop some angst in here.
> 
> Stellar parenting from Gabriel. _~~How did I end up writing him to be so awful?~~_


	35. Stifled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette learns a little more of Adrien's relationship with his father.

Marinette quickly turned on the bathroom sink before guiding Adrien’s hand under the stream of water.

“Hold it there.” she told him, “Do you have a first aid kit?”

Adrien didn’t answer. His eyes were fixated on the watery red stains that now dappled the white sink.

“In here.” Plagg swung open a cupboard and directed Marinette with a swish of his tail.

She took out the box and rummaged through it. It was well stocked with various medical pieces, some of which showed signs of having been used before. Setting the box on the counter, she took out what she needed.

Marinette gently took Adrien’s hand in hers, “Let me see.”

He did as he was told and let her inspect the gashes across his knuckles. She was relieved that despite the bleeding that had occurred, they weren’t deep and could be treated by herself. She soaked a gauze pad in a little saline solution and applied it over the injury to clean it. Adrien hissed through his teeth at the stinging contact.

“Sorry, it’ll just take a moment.” she assured him as she tenderly dabbed the gauze over the wound.

Marinette carefully lifted her eyes to look at him. He still seemed confused and uncertain of what was going on, like he was a spectator to the scene rather than actually being there. She felt a pang in her heart as it reminded her of how he'd been after Lila, like he’d completely removed himself. This was nowhere near as bad, but it still worried her.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked as she swapped the gauze for a towel, softly holding it over his hand to dry it.

Adrien blinked a few times before answering, “I was coming back to my room and...my head hurt. Everything was grey and...I felt...couldn’t feel...I don’t know.”

“He was going to bite his hand off if I didn’t stop him.” Plagg growled.

_Bite?_

The word harshly gripped Marinette’s heart. So Adrien had done it to himself. She really wished she knew what the conversation he’d had with his father had been.

Thankfully the bleeding had slowed enough so she could place some clean gauze over his hand and wrap a bandage around it. It took a bit with one of her own hands being in a brace, but she managed to eventually tie off the bandage. It wasn’t the neatest, but it would do.

“Sorry.” Adrien murmured.

Marinette still held his hand in hers, gently rubbing her thumb over the fresh bandage, “If you’re really sorry you won’t do something like this again.”

“Sorry.” He repeated quietly.

“Promise me that if you’re feeling like that you’ll come to me. No matter what, just come to me and I’ll help you through it.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Why not? You’re always looking out for me as Ladybug. Let me look after you too.”

Adrien still looked apologetic, his lips pressed firmly together as his eyes flickered nervously.

Marinette sighed, “Promise me, okay?”

He nodded slowly. She would have rather had a verbal response, but she accepted what she could get.

She watched him carefully, trying to get his nervous gaze to meet hers, “Did something happen with your dad?”

Adrien tensed up at the question. He looked down to where she was still tenderly holding his hand.

“We just talked.” he whispered.

“That was not _just_ a talk!” Plagg yelled, “That was a scolding and you know it!”

Marinette furrowed her brow, “Scolding? Why would he scold you?”

Adrien’s breathing hitched as he tried to speak, “That’s…”

She remembered what Chloe had told her before, how Gabriel had reacted in the past. Instead of supporting Adrien through the trauma,he forced silence over the whole thing. She knew that Chloe was preventing that happening again this time around, but that still didn’t stop Gabriel from something else.

Marinette gently squeezed Adrien’s hand, searching his verdant eyes to gauge his reaction as she spoke, “Is he _blaming_ you for what happened?”

She felt Adrien’s hand tense up in hers in an attempt to control his trembling. She’d hit the mark. Anger burned within her. A deep, bitter rage at how someone could be so disregarding of what Adrien was going through.

“It’s not your fault.” she told him firmly, trying to hold back on her rising aggression, “ _None_ of this was your fault, Adrien. It never has been.”

“It is though.” he choked, “I’m the one who made stupid choices that let Lila do what she wanted. I let her…”

“She was taking advantage of you!”

“And you ended up getting involved because I was too weak to do anything myself.”

“And I would do it again! That was a choice _I_ made, you didn’t force me to do anything.”

Adrien still looked apologetic, his lips pressed into a thin line as his eyes drifted to the floor. Marinette released his hand as she gathered her anger and walked out of the bathroom.

He looked at her with bewilderment, “Mari?”

“I’m going to give your dad a piece of my mind.” she said as she strode across the bedroom, “He can’t treat you like this!”

Adrien rushed after her, grabbing her arm to stop her from continuing, “Mari, it’s fine. You don’t need to do this.”

She tried to free herself from his grip, “I can and I will!”

“Think of your future as a fashion designer! If you annoy him, he could easily stop that from happening for you.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do!”

“Let go of me!”

“No!”

His hold on her was too strong, but Marinette still tried to fight him off. She was _pissed off_ and needed to do something about it. She stepped back to try and wrench her arm free, but he held fast on her. In a last ditch effort she pushed back on him with all her weight. It caught him off guard and Adrien stumbled backwards. He still held onto her arm, so Marinette found herself falling down with him.  
Thankfully the bed was behind them, so the pair landed in a heap on it instead of the hard floor. Marinette’s anger disintegrated in seconds as she became aware of the position she’d landed in. She was situated between Adrien’s legs, her body on top of his as he fell back on the bed. Her head was against his chest and she could feel his climbing heart rate. He’d let go of her now, his hand slipping away from her arm as she propped herself up. She could feel herself freezing as she stared at Adrien underneath her. He was looking back at her with breathless panic.

* * *

It had only been an accident, but as the pair collided against the bed Adrien could feel his ability to move diminishing. Marinette was on top of him. She wasn’t heavy, but he could feel the weight of her on him. He couldn’t get a control over his uneven, shallow breaths as Marinette raised herself up on her arms. She was looking down at him as her own panic slowly caught up to her.

The words tumbled out of her in one breath, “Oh no - Adrien, I’m so sorry!”

He was haphazardly trying to sift through his thoughts. He needed to do something. Marinette was carefully moving off him. He couldn’t let her go. Not like this. She had just been threatening to go to his father and he couldn’t allow that.

Adrien forced control to return to his body so he could act. Just before Marientte was out of reach, he grabbed her again. It was a little rougher than he had intended, but his movements were clumsy and foreign to him as he fought the faint white noise that was threatening to swell. He wrapped an arm around her waist and placed his other hand behind her head as he pulled her back down. Marinette let out a surprised gasp as she fell onto his chest again. Even though he was shaking, Adrien tightened his arms around her.

“Adrien,” she mumbled softly against him once she got over the initial shock, “You can let me go.”

Her hands contradicted her as they were clinging to the fabric of his shirt over his chest.

Adrien swallowed thickly, trying to force out what words he could, “No. I can’t let you talk to him.”

“I can’t just stand by while he treats you like that.”

Her voice was a lot calmer than before, but Adrien could still hear the smouldering frustration in it. She was angry for his sake. She was feeling for him what he wouldn’t allow himself to. Even so, he couldn’t let Marinette risk herself like that. He knew all too well himself how vindictive his father could be, and there was no possible way he’d let Marinette be subject to it. For as long as he’d known her, she’d aspired to have a career in fashion. He couldn’t let her throw it away.

“Stay.” was all he could hiss out as breathing was getting harder.

His irrational self was being consumed by that corrupted fear, but he still refused to let go of her. Even if all the signals in his brain were screaming _danger_ , he had to keep holding onto her.

Marinette was quiet for some moments before she answered, “Okay. But you should let me go.”

He frantically shook his head. Words were completely lost now as his breaths now came as ragged gasps. His head was spinning between the conditioned terror for being in this position with someone and the fear of letting her go. This was Marinette. He _didn’t want_ to be afraid of her.

Marinette went silent again. She shifted a little in his hold. He felt her weight press down on his hips, making him flinch. She stopped moving when she realised. There was no movement again for a moment until he felt her hand release its grip on his shirt, instead flattening out against his chest. It was slow and awkward, but he could feel her light fingertips tapping against him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” she whispered as she continued the familiar sequence, “You can let me go when you’re ready.”

He loosened his hold a little, but still kept his arms wrapped around her. The opposing reactions in him were making his head hurt. He placed all his focus on the gentle rhythm Marinette was indicating. She still wasn’t getting it right exactly, but she kept going even as the minutes passed.

Adrien was still shaking, but he slowly released the stiff embrace he’d been holding her in. The sickening tension that had overwhelmed him was gradually melting away, leaving him feeling numb and exhausted. Marinette hesitated a moment before gently moving off of him. He continued to lay where he was as he tried to get his breathing under control again. He felt her sit next to him but he couldn’t even move his head to look at her, instead leaving himself to stare up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry.” Marineete whispered, “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“S’fine.” Adrien croaked as he continued to try and calm his breathing.

_In for four. Hold for four. Out for four._

“And you shouldn’t have forced yourself. You should have just let me go.”

His body still felt excessively heavy, but Adrien managed to roll onto his side. He winced a little as he felt the injury on his hand sting as he moved. He could see Marientte now. She was looking back at him with a sad frustration. He didn’t know who it was directed at though. Adrien, his father or herself.

Adrien sighed, “I couldn’t let you go talk to him like that. He won’t change his mind once he’s decided something. And before you know it, he’ll label you a bad influence and I won’t be allowed to see you again.”

He could feel that familiar bitterness on his tongue as he spoke. Gabriel always liked to remind Adrien that he was almost an adult and should act as such, and yet he wasn’t allowed a choice in who he was allowed to see as though he were still a child. Not that he’d let something like his father’s _permission_ or lack of stop him from seeing Marinette. The thought of it still hurt though.

“Doesn’t it make you angry?” Marinette asked quietly.

Adrien lowered his gaze as he nervously scratched at the fabric of the bed sheets. Of course it did. But he’d grown up with someone who seemed to fuel every action and decision with some degree of anger. His mother had helped to balance it some, but when she disappeared it seemed like his father’s own bitter outlook of the world got even worse. Adrien didn’t want to be hateful like that.

“I don’t want to be like him.” he murmured.

“You’re nothing like him. And getting upset sometimes still won’t make you like him. Bottling up your emotions is what’s really hurtful.”

Adrien wasn’t so sure about that. He knew there was a certain rage inside him that he had no idea how to handle. That beastial nature that just wanted to consume and destroy until nothing hurt anymore.

His thoughts paused as he felt a gentle touch on his forehead. Marinette was gingerly brushing his hair away from his face.

“Sorry.” she said when she saw him looking at her, “Is this okay?”

Adrien held her gaze for a moment before nodding. He was too emotionally tired to feel anything beyond the numbing grey fog now. It felt nice though as she continued to stroke his hair. Since he’d been stuck in the hospital and now at home, he hadn’t really taken the time to style his hair how he normally would. It was starting to get a little long again and was prone to being a mess when he didn’t deal with it. An embarrassing thought occurred to him that if he was Chat Noir right now, he’d likely be purring from her touch.

“Feeling better, Kitty?” she asked softly.

Adrien let out a soft laugh. It had been a while since she’d called him that. The pet name ignited a smouldering warmth in his chest.

“I’m okay.” he murmured, closing his eyes as he felt her fingers run through his hair, “How could I not be when I have my princess here with me?”

He could almost feel the purr in his throat as her thumb swept over where his cat ear would be.

Marinette giggled, “Maybe this is a way for me to get you to go to sleep.”

She was right. Adrien felt like he could just drift off in that moment under her soothing touch. He wasn’t about to let that happen though. With sleep came dreams.

He groaned with the effort it took for him to sit up. Marinette withdrew her hand, settling it on her lap instead.

“You could if you want.” she suggested, “You still look like you could sleep for a week straight and it wouldn’t be enough.”

Adrien shook his head, “No, it’s fine.”

He looked down at his hand and the white bandage wrapped around it. It still stung a bit. He wasn’t entirely sure of the vague thoughts that had let up to him acting out like that. Adrien knew that he did do it to himself, but at the same time it didn’t feel like it had been him. If Plagg hadn’t stopped him, just how much more damage would he have done?

Marinette’s hand lightly rested on his. He didn’t withdraw from her touch so she gingerly wrapped her fingers around until she held his hand. Adrien lifted his gaze to her bluebell eyes, so warm and loving.

She smiled at him, “Let’s go do something fun. How about some Ultimate Mecha Strike?”

He gave a wry laugh, “Can you even hold a controller with your hand like that?”

“Yours isn’t that much better. Besides, I only need one hand to win.”

Adrien smiled back at her, weak but real. He didn’t doubt that with her competitive nature she would still somehow beat him at the game.

“I’ll just let you win as usual then.” he teased.

Marinette snorted, “Yeah right.”

She was still holding his hand as she stood up, so he followed her as she headed for the couch. He sat down as she quickly went ahead to set up the game’s console before he could do anything. He watched her with intrigue as she loaded up the game. It still didn’t feel entirely real sometimes that she was actually there with him. He’d spent so much time alone that it still surprised him how she stayed with him and would even be angry or upset on his behalf.

“What?” Marinette asked curiously, catching him looking at her as she handed him a controller.

Adrien grinned, “Just thinking about how much I love you.”

Marinette blushed furiously, making an embarrassed noise as she glared back at him.

“I love you too.” she grumbled as she took a seat next to him, “Now get ready to get your ass kicked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love means nothing when playing competitive video games.
> 
> More head pats for Adrien. He needs all of them.


	36. Endure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains some reference to physical and sexual abuse.
> 
> Marinette is fussing over Adrien and trying to think of ways to help him.

Marinette knew Adrien was going easy on her as they played through the rounds of Ultimate Mecha Strike. She let him though, as they were having fun and she didn’t want it to end. It inevitably did though when Nathalie knocked on the door to inform them that dinner would be served shortly. Their game had to cease there for now as Adrien led her downstairs to the dining room.

She tensed up as they entered what was more like a large hall than a dining room. A fantastically polished table stretched almost the entire length of it, with far too many elegant chairs lining it for the amount of people who actually lived in the mansion. Marinette had been apprehensive about seeing Gabriel Agreste again, but the room was empty. In fact, there were only two places set at the table.

Adrien noticed her confusion as he turned to her, “It will just be the two of us.”

_Oh, right…_

Marinette remembered when she had fed Chat before how surprised he’d been to share a meal with someone. She looked down the long table, thinking about how many meals Adrien had eaten by himself over the years. It was no wonder that he always seemed depressed when he had to go home for lunch between classes.

Adrien pulled out a chair for her, so she took a seat. She stared in amazement at the plate before her. It looked like something out of a high class menu rather than something homemade. She wasn’t entirely sure what it all was, but it appeared to be a tender fillet steak with a side of glazed vegetables, an artistically smeared puree and a deep red sauce drizzled over it. Or was it a jus? She wasn’t quite sure of the difference. Her mouth was already watering from the sight of it.

“Go ahead.” Adrien chuckled as he sat next to her.

She didn’t need any more than that to get started. She tried some of the steak first and relished how it almost melted in her mouth. It wasn’t just that, but everything on the plate turned out to be delicious.  
After she had sampled every part of the dish, she looked to Adrien next to her. He was quietly picking his way through it, seemingly disinterested in the whole thing. She wondered if it had something to do with having existed on a model’s diet or if he just didn’t have any appetite following on from his illness.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

His verdant eyes flickered towards her. She was relieved that they seemed to have brightened some more since yesterday, and were no longer intensely anxious like how they’d been earlier.

“I’m fine.” he smiled.

She decided to push a little, “No appetite?”

He laughed sheepishly as he pushed his fork around the plate, “Not really.”

Marinette frowned, but at least he wasn’t dodging everything she asked him like before. He only avoided particularly uncomfortable or sensitive subjects with her now. So it was a step in the right direction.  
She found herself wondering if there was something she could cook for him. He was still technically recovering from his hospitalisation, and needed to eat properly to get better.

Marinette chewed her lip as she realised it. This was what Chloe had meant when she said Adrien wouldn’t look after himself. If Marinette wasn’t there, would he even be eating? She knew already it was unlikely that he would have taken his medication without her. His lack of self care was probably a large contributor to him getting so physically ill in the first place.

“Marinette?” Adrien was peering at her brooding expression.

“You’re hopeless.” she mumbled as she took another bite of her meal.

He seemed initially alarmed by her comment, but laughed it off. She smiled back at him, but her thoughts were working away on what she could do. She would have to start going back to school soon and would need to return to living in her own home. Things were manageable for now, but only because she was there with him. She suppressed the shiver that tried to go down her spine as she thought about how differently today might have gone if she hadn’t been there after Adrien had hurt himself. She would have to ask Chloe if she had any ideas for a more permanent situation for him. She didn’t much like the idea of him staying alone where he was.

The meal passed uneventfully and as Adrien had said, it had remained just the two of them. Marinette had cleared her own plate while his was half done at best. She wasn’t about to force him to eat though, so she just felt more determined to think of something she could make that he _would_ eat.

When they returned to his bedroom, they found Tikki and Plagg had resumed their idle game of Ultimate Mecha Strike.

“Take that, you stinky sock!” Tikki giggled as she mashed the buttons.

“You can't keep up with these smooth moves, Sugarcube.” Plagg purred.

Marinette shared a humorous look with Adrien as the kwamis continued to taunt each other as their mechas fought on the TV screen. They ended up joining them for a time, taking turns playing against the winner of each match. Despite his tiny paws, Plagg was surprisingly good at the game and proved hard to beat.

Marinette had lost against the little cat for a third time when she decided it was time for her to do something else.

“Do you mind if I use your shower?” she asked, turning to Adrien.

Adrien looked at her blankly for a moment, “Oh uh, yeah sure.”

“He meant to ask if he can join you.” Plagg sniggered, earning him a soft whap on the back of his head from Tikki.

“Ignore him.” Adrien said as he directed an embarrassed glare at his kwami.

_Why does everything need to be so large in this house?_ Marinette thought as Adrien led her to the back section of his bathroom.

He turned on the faucet for the huge rain shower and set out a couple of towels for her to use.

“If you need anything, just let me know. You can use whatever’s there if you want.” he said as he gestured to the built in shelf that contained far too many shower and bath products.

Marinette watched him as he left, closing the door behind him. She wondered for a moment if she should lock the door, but she found herself not doing so. Instead she lifted her bag that she’d brought in with her and took out her pajama to change into after she was done.  
  


The warmth of the water felt amazing as it washed over her sore body. She was able to remove her hand brace for short periods of time, so Marinette was able to enjoy the shower without worrying about getting it wet. She couldn’t help but stare around her in disbelief. This was _Adrien’s_ shower. Feeling a blush rise up in her cheeks, Marinette sent an immediate mental cease and desist to her hormones. She was not about to let herself fantasise while standing in his shower.

She turned her attention to the overstocked shelf. A lot of the items appeared to have never been used, and some of them were even in foreign languages.

 _I wonder what he uses to make himself smell the way he does,_ she thought.

She decided it would probably be very weird if she came out smelling like him, so she settled on just picking out something else rather than search through every bottle for his scent.

Feeling clean and soothed, she stepped out of the shower and started to dry herself off. After getting dressed again, she looked around the bathroom as she strapped her hand brace back on.

 _I’m sure there’s a hairdryer in here somewhere,_ she thought as she squeezed her damp hair with a towel.

All of the storage was in the walk-in section of the bathroom so she decided to look there. Deciding a drawer made sense, she opened the one closest to her. She froze stiff and made a small choking sound once she saw what was in it. It was filled with neat rows of folded boxer briefs. There were socks as well, but her mind barely registered that as it was more focused on the fact that she’d just _opened Adrien’s underwear drawer_.

“Mari, you okay in there?”

Hearing Adrien’s voice on the other side of the door made her slam the drawer shut with such force the whole thing shook.

“Fine!” she squeaked back, feeling so glad that he couldn’t see her ridiculous blush behind the closed door, “Just looking for the underwearrrrdryer - DRYER - hair - dryer - thing for hair!”

Adrien was audibly confused, but didn’t seem to pick up on her blunder, “Oh, top drawer on the far left.”

Marinette spun around to the directed drawer, instantly finding the hairdryer in it. She grabbed the object and headed back to the bedroom to find somewhere to plug it in.  
She desperately tried to hide her dumb blush as she came back into the room, as Adrien immediately turned to look at her from where he sat on the couch. She was trying to get the hairdryer plugged into one of the outlets near his computer as he walked over to her.

“I’ll go take a quick shower too.” he told her as he gently took the plug from her hand and placed it into a socket with no issue, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Be careful of your bandage.” she mumbled to him, “I’ll have to replace it if it gets wet.”

He smiled and nodded at her before turning to leave.

Marinette sat in his desk chair as she brushed out her hair, letting the warm air from the hairdryer blow over her. Her eyes drifted to the little unassuming boxes that sat near her. She would need to make sure he took his medication again, as she wasn’t convinced he would do it without her reminder. The sleeping pill made her wonder though. Chloe had said for it to be taken as needed, but how was she supposed to know if he did need it? He’s assured her last night he didn’t, but then ended up taking it anyway after suffering nightmares. She bit her lip as she considered it. Eventually she decided that she would let it be his choice, and just remind him of what she’d promised. She was there to wake him up if needed.

She’d finished drying her hair when she heard the bathroom door open again. He’d already changed into his sleepwear as well and was rubbing a towel over his wet hair. Marinette watched him a moment before she got up out of the chair.

“Sit.” she told him as she waved the hairdryer at him, “I’ll dry it for you.”

Adrien stared at her with wide eyes, a light pink touching his cheeks, “No, don’t worry about it.”

“Come on, you should dry it properly. I’ll not have you get sick again.”

He sighed as he furrowed his brow, his eyes looking over her for a moment as he considered. She thought he’d refuse again, but he set himself down in the chair in front of her. Marinette couldn’t help but smile that he was letting her do this. She let the towel he’d been using settle around his neck to prevent her from touching it accidentally.

 _His hair’s so soft_ , she thought as she started running her hands through it, passing the hairdryer over the locks that she separated for drying.

She paused a moment when she saw the tops of his ears were looking a little red, wondering if she had the hairdryer running too hot. Her heart started to hammer hard in her chest as she noticed that his cheeks were a similar red. He was blushing from her fussing over him. She pretended she didn’t see it and continued to dry his hair, though her own face started to also feel heated. 

Marinette found herself being quite jealous. Her own hair was often unruly, which was why she usually had it in pigtails. Adrien’s hair, despite how messy it looked as Chat Noir, was actually quite manageable. She found herself playing with it a little. She fluffed up his hair here and there, breaking out into giggles as she managed to form it into little blond peaks to resemble the cat ears of his alter ego.

“What are you doing to me?” Adrien asked deadpanned.

“Nothing.” she sniggered, “You look _adorable_.”

He looked over his shoulder at her with a bemused expression. She couldn’t take him seriously though with his hair sticking up the way it was, so she just ended up laughing more. Adrien ran his hands through his hair, disrupting the styling she had accomplished.

“No, my work of art...” she whined through her giggles.

He gave an annoyed sigh, but he was smirking so she knew he wasn’t actually upset. Her laughter died away as Adrien stood up and turned to her with a mischievous grin.

“Adrien, don’t you dare.” she warned, though still giddy.

She shrieked as his hands went to her waist and he lifted her up over his shoulder.

“Stop teasing me then.” he said matter-of-factly, holding onto her as he walked across the room.

Marinette was laughing again as she wriggled in his hold, “Let me go.”

“Are you sure? It’s pretty high up for someone as short as you to fall.”

“Adrien, put me down! No, wait - I’m falling. I’m falling! _Don’t drop me!_ ”

She let out a small yelp as she felt him bend forward and loosen his grip on her. She slipped off his shoulder and landed softly on the bed. Adrien leaned over her with a smug look on his face.

Marinette grabbed a nearby pillow and lightly hit him with it, “You’re so mean! I thought you were actually going to let me fall on the floor!”

He still hovered over her as he knelt next to her on the bed, “You really think I’d do that?”

“No...but you’re still mean!”

The remains of her laughter died down as Adrien placed his hands either side of her head, holding himself up on them as he leaned down to her. She could feel her face heating up as he drew closer. He paused a moment before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. Marinette stared at him breathlessly as he pulled away again. She could almost see the cat-like glow of his eyes as he held himself above her.

“Am I still mean?” he smirked.

She could feel her heart racing a mile a minute as the blush across her cheeks deepened. Her immediate response was to hit him again with the pillow.

“Now who’s teasing who?” Marinette pouted as he chuckled at her.

Adrien rolled over so that he lay next to her on the bed. She turned her head so that she could look at him. He let out a deep sigh as he closed his eyes.

Marinette rolled onto her side as she asked, “Are you tired?”

He hummed in response, partly opening his eyes again.

Marinette stood up and headed over to the desk. As before she took two of the necessary pills from their packaging and turned back to him. Adrien was sitting up again, looking at her apprehensively. She grabbed a fresh bottle of water from the mini fridge and returned to his side, settling herself on the bed next to him.

“It won’t work unless you keep taking them.” she reminded him.

She didn’t like how his lighthearted mood had become subdued again as he looked at her waiting hand that held the two little pills. His green eyes flickered up to meet her gaze a moment before returning to her hand. He nodded and took them from her. She watched him throw them into his mouth, handing him the water as he winced at the bitter taste of them.

“Do you want the other one?” she spoke softly to him, “I’ll still wake you up if you need.”

Adrien looked at her again for a moment as he considered. He idly tapped the side of the plastic bottle, although it was just a single finger and not his usual rhythmic habit. He released a drawn out sigh and nodded. As with the last two, she went and got it for him. Thankfully he took it from her immediately when she held it out to him.

“Sorry.” he murmured after taking a drink of the water.

She shook her head as she sat next to him again, “You really need to stop apologising. I can’t be mad if you find it hard when you’re only at the beginning of getting better.”

He gave her a wry smile, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Be so understanding all the time. You must get tired of it eventually.”

Marinette contemplated a bit before answering, “I don’t know. It just seems like the right thing to do.”

 _And it’s about time someone tried to give you some anyway,_ she thought as a small pang hit her heart.

“And I’m not tired of it.” she continued, “I promised you I’ll be with you every step of the way and I’m sticking to it.”

Adrien observed her for a moment with a slight glimmer in his eye that she didn’t know how to read. His gaze fell to the floor as he let out another sigh.

“Thank you.” he murmured.

The timid and genuine tone of his voice made her heart throb.

“You’re welcome.” she whispered, “But you don’t need to thank me.”

“Of course I do, Princess. You’ve been doing so much for me.”

“All that I’ve been doing, I do because I want to.”

Adrien didn’t say anymore about it, instead just glancing at her with a small smile.

Marinette sat with him for a little while in companionable silence until he started to get drowsy.

She gently nudged his shoulder, “Let’s get some sleep?”

Adrien nodded wordlessly as he turned to lie down on the bed properly. Crawling up next to him, Marinette paused a moment. She could easily move to the far side of the bed, but she didn’t really want to. He looked at her a moment and caught onto her dilemma.

“Here.” he said softly as he lifted his hand to her.

She tried to not let her surging delight be so obvious as she gently took his hand and laid on her side next to him, keeping a small distance between them.

“Want me to pet you again?” she teased as she lifted her other hand towards his head.

Adrien pretended to swat her hand away with a faint smirk, “Leave it.”

She smiled as she held his hand in both of hers, holding it warmly to her chest. It wasn’t quite the same as cuddling, but she was happy he was allowing this small contact.  
She’d been worried that he would want a staunch distance between them after what had happened earlier. It had scared her, as Marinette could clearly see that just _holding_ her was putting him at odds with himself. She still didn't know why he’d done it, but there was no way she could refuse it when he’d asked her so desperately to stay. She tenderly clutched his hand in hers, enjoying how neatly their fingers laced together.

Marinette was tired herself, but she made herself stay awake a little longer. She listened to the pace of his breathing as it slowly settled into the soft sighs of sleep. Satisfied that Adrien was no longer awake, she lightly kissed his fingertips before letting herself drift off.

* * *

There was a vague awareness that he was dreaming. At least he knew that something felt off. The scenes that played before him were like a broken film reel, stuttering and shifting between memories.  
He was standing at the top of the stairs looking down into the foyer. His father and Nathalie were there, along with a group of police officers. They were talking in hushed tones given the late hour.

“...no sign...twenty four hours...no leads...missing…” he could faintly hear from one of the officers.

That’s right. His mother was missing. The previous night was the last time anyone had seen her, and it was when Adrien had gone to say goodnight to her. He’d already been asked extensively about it, but he had very little to tell them. He’d gone to bed straight after, and his mother had seemed fine.

 _Goodnight, Adrien. I’ll see you in the morning,_ was the last thing she’d said to him.

But by the morning she’d vanished.  
Adrien gripped the bannister to steady himself as he felt the film reel flickering again, the scene in front of him disintegrating with each shimmer. The last he saw of it was Gabriel turning to look at him with steely blue eyes.

“Let me teach you to play by yourself.” Emilie said softly as she had Adrien sit on the piano stool.

Adrien looked over the large, white grand piano before him. It was the one his mother had played, situated in the study. This was before she’d gotten him the baby grand to keep in his room.

“Music is an excellent way to express yourself.” Emilie smiled as she elegantly danced her fingers over the keys in a light melody.

“Can you teach me _Clair de Lune_?” Adrien found himself asking.

His mother’s laugh was gentle and sweet, “We’ll start with something easier. I promise I’ll teach you that one later.”

He followed her instruction as she talked him through the notes on the music sheet, having him play the corresponding keys on the piano.

The vision shuddered again and the sound of the piano faded.

Adrien found himself opening his eyes. The bright lights of the room almost blinded him, making his head throb in pain. It was hard to swallow and even just breathing hurt. Slowly his eyes adjusted as he looked around.  
A hospital room.

He tried to swallow again but his throat felt too dry and raw. Through a window he could see his parents. Gabriel stood still as always while Emilie was very obviously distraught. Adrien could hear faintly enough to know that they were arguing, but he wasn’t able to pick out any discernible words.  
After a few minutes, Emilie was shaking her head as she walked past Gabriel to the door. Upon opening it, Adrien could see her properly now. Her face was grief-stricken and frightened. She was rushing to his bedside, saying something he couldn’t hear. The scene was already fading.  
It came as a slow realisation, but when Adrien noticed it the panic came hard and fast. Things were going backwards. _Why_ was it playing backwards? He knew where he would be next, and he didn’t want to go. Adrien desperately reached out for his mother, to stay there instead with her. But Emilie's figure was already fading like a morning mist, evaporating as soon as he touched her.

_I don’t want to go._

_Please don’t let me go!_

_She_ was on him, using her weight to hold him down while she pinned both of his wrists against the floor. Her obsessive grey eyes were looking down at him as Adrien thrashed under her. He had to escape. He didn’t want to see this all over again.  
“You’ll feel good if you just relax.” she told him as her lips grazed over his neck.

He could feel her teeth marking the tender skin as though she were making a claim. Adrien continued to kick out and try and wrench himself free from her, no matter how much his wrists were hurting or how heavily she was leaning on him.  
For a brief moment she had released his wrists. He made to sit up to try and push her off, but he was forced back down to the floor again. Her hands were around his neck.

“Sweet boy.” she cooed in his ears, “Just let me love you.”

He didn’t want it. If this was what it was to have someone love you, he didn’t want _any_ of it. He desperately clawed at her hands as he continued to flail hopelessly. But it was getting harder. He couldn’t breathe. All he could manage were short, painful gasps. It felt like she was crushing him entirely. He couldn’t tell her that she was choking him.

A dizzying darkness was flooding him as he felt her kiss the corner of his lips.

“Stay like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was originally _so_ much longer. I ended up cutting some into the next chapter.
> 
> Been a while since I wrote out one of his dreams haha...sorry ~~notsorry~~
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! I love you guys ;-;


	37. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains references to sexual and physical abuse.
> 
> Adrien and Marinette try to cope with the aftermath of his nightmare.

Marinette felt puzzled as she opened her eyes. In her still half asleep state, she was absently wondering if she had really just managed to kick herself in her sleep. She blinked as she felt another harsh movement next to her. Her confusion gave way to panic as she turned her head. Adrien was lying with his back to her, but she could clearly see his violent convulsions.

Any sense of sleep was forgotten as she immediately sat up. She grabbed his arm to try and hold him steady as he was dangerously close to throwing himself off the bed.

“Adrien!” she yelled out to him.

He continued to thrash against her. His eyes were still closed and his hands were clawing at his neck like he was choking.

“You need to wake up!” she told him desperately.

She tried to pry his hands away from his neck, but with one of her own in a brace it was proving difficult. His ragged hyperventilating terrified her that he was actually suffocating, so she kept fighting him on it. Eventually she managed to get at least his bandaged hand safely in her own, squeezing it as she felt his aggressive tremors. All the while, she’d been calling out to him again and again to try and get him to wake up.

“Open your eyes! It’s just a dream!”

“I can’t...I don’t want…” he was mumbling between choked breaths.

She hushed him soothingly as she stroked his hair with her free hand, “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Marinette could feel the small movements of his hand in hers, like he was trying to fight through his trembling to hold her hand back. His convulsions were becoming less intense but she kept talking to him as he’d yet to open his eyes.

“It’s just a dream.” she repeated, “You can wake up.”

Adrien jolted against her as his eyes snapped open. His gaze was consumed with panic and his chest heaved as he panted desperately.

“You’re okay.” Marinette whispered, “It was a dream. It’s over now.”

He attempted to sit up, but for all his trembling he couldn’t support his own weight and just ended up falling onto his back again. His eyes were still darting around as though he were looking for something.

“Maybe you should stay lying down for the moment.” she told him softly.

“N-no, I have to get up.” he croaked, “I have to…”

She wasn’t sure where his thoughts were. He didn’t seem entirely awake still, as even though his eyes were in a frantic panic they still looked clouded and uncertain.  
Marinette helped him as he tried to sit up again. This time with her supporting his shoulders he was able to haul himself up, though it still appeared to take a lot of effort from him. He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around them as she still held his other hand. He slowly sank his head down against them so she could no longer see his face. She desperately wished she could do something for him. She wanted to hold him close and to kiss him softly so that he could forget whatever was wreaking havoc in his mind. 

She kept her voice to a hushed tone as she spoke, “Adrien? Can I do something?”

Her heart sank as he shook his head.

“It hurts.” he rasped.

“What hurts?”

“What she did. I can still feel it. It _hurts_ .”  
His last words came out as a harsh sob. The sound of it pierced her heart. She hated that she couldn’t do anything for him. With him not wanting to be touched however, Marinette was at a loss as to what she could do. Looking down to where his bandaged hand was still in hers, she gave it a soft squeeze. It relieved her when he weakly returned the gesture.

It was taking a long time for Adrien to calm down again. He was still shaking and refused to lift his head off his knees. Marinette looked around for any idea of something more she could do. She doubted she could do a good job of playing the piano for him after having only been shown it once. The instrument was too far away anyway and she didn’t want to let go of his hand unless he let go first. But there was something else she could use.

_The music box._

Marinette looked to the bedside table. Thankfully the little object was sitting there. Never letting go of his hand, she carefully shifted herself on the bed so she could lean around Adrien to reach for the music box. He still didn’t move, either completely oblivious or purposefully ignoring her action.  
Once she successfully grabbed the item, she sat back next to Adrien as she had been before. She ended up having to hold it between her knees in order to turn the key properly with her one available hand. With the music box wound up, she set it on the bed in front of Adrien.

He flinched initially at the sudden sound of the notes starting up, but settled again a little when he recognised what it was. Marinette’s heart lifted a little as she felt Adrien timidly squeeze her hand again.  
Slowly, his shaking reduced to a faint shiver as they sat with only the sound of the music box playing. When it stopped, Marinette again wound up the mechanism so it would keep playing some more. She wasn’t sure how long it had been before Adrien finally spoke.

“I thought I was going to die.” he whispered.

Marinette went to say something, but stopped herself. She pressed her lips together, waiting for him to speak again. His voice was low, so she had to listen carefully when he eventually did.

“At one point I wanted to. I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t care that she was getting the physical reaction from me...everything else in me just wanted it to _stop_. I wanted to be dead so I couldn’t feel what she was doing.”

Adrien’s posture tightened. His hand that gripped his knee became harsher in its hold. Marinette had to stop herself from trying to pry his hand off himself, reminding herself that she couldn’t touch him right now. She had to make do with gently caressing her thumb over the hand he was still letting her hold.

“I might have been able to make myself breathe again when she let go. But I didn’t want to. I could still feel her touching me and it _hurt_.”

It was difficult, but Marinette made herself listen to each of his words carefully. He was sharing with her the pain that had been carved into him. What was meant to be a consented to act of intimacy had been selfishly forced on him. It hadn’t come from a place of love, but a disgusting obsession.  
She felt sick. Her heart had twisted so hard in her chest that she thought she might just break. The music box had stopped playing now and she could hear Adrien’s suppressed hiccups.

She clutched his hand in hers as she called to him, “Adrien.”

He hesitated at first, but after a few moments he slowly lifted his head a little. She could see the way his eyes glistened and his cheeks were damp.

“You don't have to go through it all alone. Not anymore.” she whispered, trying to hold back her own tears, “I love you and I’m here for you.”

Adrien anxiously looked at her, his verdant gaze searching hers for a moment. It looked like a million thoughts were going through his mind as his eyes flickered. He released himself a little from the tight ball he’d curled himself into. Marinette stayed still as he leaned towards her, feeling his hand tightened around hers. She closed her eyes as his face drew closer to hers.  
There was a desperation in it when his lips touched hers. He was still gentle as their lips brushed together, but she could feel a _need_ in it. A need to rewrite his malfunctioning emotions so he wasn’t in pain anymore. She opened her mouth as he lightly sucked on her bottom lip and he took it immediately. He pressed more into her as his tongue slipped over her lips and she shivered as she felt it touch her own.  
With his weight bearing against her, Marinette found herself lying back on the bed. She still held his hand, but it was above her head now with their fingers tightly entwined. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she could feel the rising blush in her cheeks as he continued to kiss her deeply. She was becoming breathless on the taste of peppermint as Adrien positioned himself above her. She could feel his other hand sliding down her waist to her hip where it paused, his fingertips pressing against the small amount of her exposed skin as her pajama top had moved up slightly.  
They broke apart eventually, both gasping for breath. She watched as Adrien sat back on his heels and pulled his shirt over his head. With the article of clothing gone, Marinette could see the shape of his lean physique. She’d seen him shirtless before in magazines but this was completely different. She could clearly see the tone of his muscles and the smoothness of his skin. He’d drawn closer to her again so she could easily reach him. She still had one of her hands entwined with his above her head, so she used her other one to shyly touch him. Her fingers trailed over the shape of his ribs and chest, committing the feel of it to memory. She went up further, brushing over his collarbone and…

She saw his neck.

There were still red marks from earlier. He hadn’t managed to damage the skin so the discolouration would fade easily, but they were there. A reminder that his trauma still terrified him enough to act out even unconsciously. His breathes were still coming as shallow pants, and she knew now that wasn’t because of their prolonged kiss.  
She could feel her own sense of desire within herself, and part of her wanted to just let it happen. There was no doubt that she wanted him, but a piece of her heart hesitated. She wanted to help him forget and move past his trauma, but this didn’t seem like the right way to do it. Even though he was trying to hide it, she could tell the fear and confusion were still there.  
As he was leaning down to kiss her again she lightly touched his lips with her fingertips to stop him. He paused and looked at her with apprehension.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” she asked quietly.

His eyes searched hers as he contemplated. She could still feel the slight trembling where she held his hand. With a drawn out sigh, he closed his eyes and moved off of her. He released her hand as he lay down next to her on the bed.

“Sorry.” He muttered, “That was dumb.”

Marinette turned on her side so she could look at him better. His eyes were still closed but his brow was furrowed with agitation.

“It’s not like I don’t want to. I just don’t want you to rush or force yourself.” she mumbled shyly, “Do you think you’re ready?”

Adrien was silent a moment as he shifted uncomfortably. His eyes slowly opened again and his expression was heavily apologetic as he looked at her.

His voice was small and uneasy, “No.”

Marinette smiled, “Then we don’t need to do anything.”

He smiled softly back at her, although it was tinged with sadness. He rolled onto his side also so that he could face her properly.

“I love you.” he said weakly, “I really do. I’m sorry I can’t do it properly.”

She let out a soft laugh, “There’s no set way to love someone. We’re still figuring out what works for us.”

Ever since he’d first told her he’d loved her after their distressing argument on the rooftop, any doubt she had for his feelings had vanished. She could tell that he was trying so hard for her sake even though there was so much he didn’t know how to cope with.

Adrien's gaze was becoming hazy again as he watched her. His breathing was still a little odd, but it had settled down a lot from earlier.

“How are you feeling?” she whispered.

“Sorry my head doesn’t feel right.” he murmured as he turned his face a little more into the pillow.

Right, the sleeping medication would still be in his system. She hoped that his disrupted sleep wouldn’t affect him too much. Marinette retrieved the music box from where it still sat on the bed. After returning it to its place on the bedside table, she lay down next to him again.

Marinette tenderly cupped the side of his face as she settled herself, gently caressing his cheek with her thumb, “Do you think you can sleep?”

His eyes were half-lidded and had started to drift in their focus.

“Sorry.” he repeated.

He wasn’t pulling away from her touch, so Marinette moved a little closer and softly kissed his forehead.

“You’re okay.” she said quietly.

She felt his arm slip over her waist. The movement was slow and heavy as she found herself being pulled into him, closing the gap between them. She’d almost forgotten he’d removed his shirt earlier until she found herself against his bare chest, making her blush profusely.

“Is this okay?” she asked timidly.

She felt it as he took a deep breath and nodded.

His voice was barely audible, “Don’t go.”

Marinette moved a little just so she could look up at him. Adrien’s eyes were almost closed and he appeared to be half asleep again. She placed her head against his chest, enjoying the feel of his warmth. She stayed with him like that, not wanting to move at all in case it ruined this small window of comfort they’d found. She didn’t know if his emotions had run dry for the time being or if the sleep medication was pulling him under again, but he was embracing her as though the memory of his nightmare had faded for now. She wanted him to never let go.

* * *

When Adrien woke up his head was swimming. He didn’t know what time it was, but from the warming light coming through the large windows he knew it was morning. It was too bright and made his head feel worse. He groaned as he tried to move, but it was like his body had yet to wake up along with his mind. He was lying on his front with his face half buried in his pillow, so he couldn’t see too much of his room. His throat felt dry as he tried to swallow, making him cough instead.

He heard a knock on the door.

That was what had woken him up in the first place. It was probably Nathalie coming to do her morning check up on him. He still felt like his own body was too heavy for him to move, and it felt uncomfortable as he tried again to lift himself. There was a light touch on his back, indicating for him to stay as he was. He looked around with bleary eyed confusion, but with his current position he couldn’t see what it had been.

“Adrien.” he heard Nathalie as she entered the room.

There was a pause and he heard her resume talking, but with a lower voice. Someone else was responding to her with an equally hushed tone. Marinette.  
He needed to see her, to make sure that she was still there. There was a part of him that was persistently anxious that she would disappear from him. He felt the soft touch again between his shoulders. A hand was gently rubbing his back in soothing motions. He relaxed as he could easily recognise it as her.

There was a faint sound of a door opening and closing again as Nathalie left. A moment later Marinette came into his field of view, kneeling next to him on the bed.

“Are you awake?” she asked quietly as she cast her eye over him.

He hummed in response. Actual words felt too difficult for the moment as he was still finding his senses.  
He was confused at first as he slowly became aware that Marinette’s hand was on his bare back. His memory of last night was vague at best, and most of what he could remember was washed out by the dissonance of what his emotions had been. Some pieces returned to him. It was just enough so that he remembered what he did - what he had _tried_ to do.

He felt sick. How had he become so messed up in the head that he’d attempted to do that? Marinette had thankfully stopped him, but she shouldn’t have had to. He shouldn’t have even _started_ it in the first place. He was utterly disgusted with himself.

Marinette had picked up on his discomfort and was looking at him with concern, “Are you feeling okay?”

Her question was barely audible to him as more of last night resurfaced for him. Specifically the dream. He tried to push back on it. He didn’t want to think about that. The abhorrent disdain and discord had already settled in him though. He stretched out his fingers but stopped, instead clenching his hand into a tight fist. He tried to place all his focus into controlling his breathing instead.

_In for four. Hold for four. Out for four._

It wasn’t enough. He was going to be sick.

The immediate feeling was enough to finally make his body move. Marinette looked at him with shock as he hauled himself from the bed and staggered across the floor. He held his hand over his mouth as he tried to swallow back on the uncomfortable lurching of his stomach. He crashed to his knees next to the toilet just in time as he vomited. His lack of eating meant very little came up, but it didn’t stop the compulsive retching until the intense nausea passed.

He spat bitterly when the spasms finished. Catching sight of his bandaged hand only made him all the more frustrated. He despised every moment of this. The inability to have any control over how he was feeling anymore was too much to deal with. Had he really made the right choice to let his defenses down? Without the walls he’d constructed for himself, he struggled to contain the gravity of his emotions. He kept swinging between feeling too much or nothing at all and he was _tired_ of it. Even the little drawers that he had tightly packed everything away in were failing more often.

In the corner of his eye he could see Marinette hovering in the doorway of the bathroom. His heart panged as he thought how unfair he was being to her. He didn’t want to subject her to his fuck ups that stemmed from a torment that was his. He didn’t want to deal with it himself, so why should she have to? This was entirely a problem that resided in Adrien.

He clenched his jaw as his thoughts slowed. He didn’t have to be Adrien. Plagg was surely still nearby somewhere.

“Plagg, claws o-”

A hand over his mouth prevented him from completing the command.

“Don’t you dare.” Marinette hissed.

He hadn’t even noticed she’d moved to him. She was sitting behind him now with one arm around his shoulders, gently pulling him back into her. Her hand over his mouth was gentle, but still firm enough to prevent him from speaking properly.

“I’m not having you turning into Chat Noir and jumping out a window right now. Not when you’re like this.” she scolded, agitated but also soft.

It annoyed him, but he knew she was being the reasonable one here. Even though he could think of so many reasons it would be better if he were his other self. With a heavy sigh he let his head fall back against her shoulder.

“I’m going to take my hand away, okay?” Marinette told him, “But it’s going right back if you try to transform.”

He nodded and she removed her hand.She lifted it instead to smooth his hair back from his face.

“Nathalie said she’d have breakfast brought up.” Marinette muttered, “How am I supposed to explain it if you’re suddenly gone? Stupid cat.”

“No one would notice.” he mumbled bitterly.

He felt Marinette’s embrace tighten. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about it at that moment, but he let her continue for now.

She sighed, “We can go out later if you want. But for now I need you to stay as Adrien.”

It sounded like there was a deeper meaning to her request than just being worried about him not being there when their breakfast arrived. He couldn’t find any understanding in it though. Still, he couldn’t refuse her. He gently took her hand that rested on his head and brought it to his lips, softly kissing the back of it.

“Okay, Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get back to the fluff again soon, I promise.
> 
> Woah, almost to 40 chapters. My original outline for this fic ended at around 15 lol. Thanks for sticking with me on this emotional trainwreck haha


	38. Illuminate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With only a few days left living together, Marinette wants to do what she can for Adrien as well as having him make a promise.

“Tag!” Ladybug giggled, tapping Chat Noir’s back as she vaulted over him.

“Hey, wait!” Chat yelled incredulously as she zipped away with her yo-yo.

It was the evening hours and their usual time for patrol. The day itself had been quiet and uneventful as they’d spent some time going through the school work they were missing in their time off. Adrien’s mood had remained mixed. He seemed to get through the worrying state he’d woken up in that morning, but it wasn’t until now that his attitude had turned. Chasing each other in their usual game of cat and mouse, Chat was more like his usual self. It made Ladybug happy to hear him laugh and exchange friendly taunts with her as they ran, but she still couldn’t forget how Adrien had looked that morning. She couldn’t forget how he’d been last night either, even though Adrien had nervously stated he didn’t really remember much himself.

Chat Noir shot past her, having used his baton’s extending function to propel himself towards her. He almost touched her arm, but she managed to leverage her yo-yo so that she swung away just in time.

_That was close_ , she thought with a smile.

Chat landed in a forward roll a few feet from her, but quickly spun around with a smirk. Of course he wouldn’t give up that easily. With a tug, Ladybug sailed up and away on her yo-yo again, soaring out over the buildings.

In the streets below, people would stop and watch the pair as they cascaded over the city skyline. It was one of the reasons Ladybug enjoyed patroling, as she could see the reassurance people had when they saw the heroes regularly. Of course to the public it looked like the duo were seriously scouting around, when in actual fact they had a regular game of tag going. It was a childish game between them, but they’d been doing it so long that it was just a habit for them.

“Almost!” Chat hissed as he came close to touching her again.

Ladybug playfully stuck out her tongue, “Need to work on that pounce of yours, Kitty.”

She smiled as she vaulted and sprinted over another series of buildings. She glanced behind her, but there was no sign of her partner. Ladybug slowled her pace a little, scanning her eyes around for him. She swung herself across to another building when she saw him leap up in front of her. With a yelp, she collided into him. They landed together, tumbling across the rooftop.

“Purrfect catch.” Chat sniggered as he proudly held her in his arms.

She gave him a light push as he released her, “I still win though. I got you three times, you got me two.”

“I was going easy on you.”

“Yeah, _sure_.”

They sat on the edge of the rooftop now, looking out over the city lights. What remained of the daylight had faded by now and the sky was turning to a deep navy. There was a companionable silence for a time between them, sitting side by side as they listened to the familiar sound of the city. Ladybug subtly looked to the person beside her. Chat was staring off into space, but he seemed content for the moment. She wasn’t sure if it was the Miraculous or just the different state of being that caused Chat to be more consistent and level in his emotions. Maybe the sense of freedom the identity had just allowed him to handle things better.  
A soft, lilting sound floated on the breeze. From one of the apartments below them, music was playing. Ladybug didn’t recognise what the song was, but it was a melodic violin playing a slow, tranquil tune. Chat had heard it too. Her eyes followed him as he stood up beside her.

“My Lady?” he grinned as he held out his hand to her.

She hesitated, “What if someone sees us?”

“No one will see us up here.”

She looked to the mesmerising glow of his eyes as he gazed back at her patiently. She took his hand.

Ladybug knew now how to position herself in his hold as she immediately slipped her left hand to his upper arm and let him take hold of her right. She shivered as she felt his hand trail up her back before resting just below her shoulder blade. He didn’t need to tell her to look at him this time, as her gaze was already fixed to his. She could feel the faint blush on her cheeks and her heart was performing its elaborate somersaults in her chest.  
There wasn’t much space for them to move on the roof, so he just led her in a simple box step. Even without the flourish of the choreography they’d done for the filming, it still felt like she’d somehow landed in a dream. Beyond the fear and the hurt, it was moments like these that she really saw the person she was in love with. His trauma had eclipsed a lot of his life, but she knew that Chat - that _Adrien_ \- was still an incredibly strong, kind, funny and sweet person.  
Chat’s cat-like eyes were half lidded as he warmly looked at her and there was a small genuine smile on his lips. She slowed in her steps and he dropped his pace to match hers. Instead of continuing in the set sequence they’d been moving in, she stepped closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Chat stopped then, letting their dance reduce to a gently swaying. He released her hand, so she lifted it to his shoulder to mimic her other one. Meanwhile both of his fell to her waist as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Is this okay?” she whispered, even though they were already in a completed embrace.

She heard Chat laugh softly near her ear, making it tingle.

“This is fine, My Lady.”

From his chest, she could hear the quiet purring as they continued to sway together. She smiled but didn’t say anything. While she found it absolutely endearing, she knew he felt embarrassed by it. She didn’t want him to stop though, so she pretended she didn’t hear it even as she pressed herself closer to him.

By now the violin had stopped playing, but they remained in their embrace. Ladybug’s previous concern about them being spotted together like this was forgotten as she felt comforted by his warmth and the familiar scent that reminded her of summer. She heard him sigh thoughtfully, his purring having stopped as he rested his chin atop her head.

“What is it, Kitty?” she asked.

“You’re going back to school on Monday.” he said quietly.

_Oh…_

He was right. Marinette’s allowed time off would be up in a few days. She would be resuming school and would also be returning to her own home. Adrien’s absence was still undetermined for the time being and he wasn’t set to go back to school anytime soon.

Ladybug’s hands clenched into fists against his chest. Only a few more days before they would be living separately again. She didn’t want that. Not just because the thought of being without him made her heart sink, but because she was _scared_ for him.

“Stay with me.” she whispered.

Chat was perplexed, “Stay with you?”

“Come stay with me.” her words tumbled out, “I’ll ask my parents and you can come live with me. I’m sure it will be fine and we can-”

“Woah, slow down My Lady.” he was leaning back now to look at her properly as concern flashed in his eyes, “You know I can’t just _leave_. My father wouldn’t have it. Besides, I already cause you enough trouble and I don’t want to be a burden for your parents also.”

“You’re not a burden…”

He ignored her comment, “I’ll be fine. And I’ll come visit you at night so we can still see each other regularly.”

Chat had lifted one of his hands to tenderly cup her cheek, his thumb gently caressing the soft skin just below her mask. Ladybug looked back at him as the anxiety gnawed at her. She was a superhero, yet there was so little she could do to change his situation.

“I’ll keep my phone on me.” she told him, “So you can always call me. I _want_ you to call me if something’s wrong. No matter what time or where I am, I _will_ come to you.”

Chat blinked in surprise at her words, but his expression softened as a smile tugged on his lips, “Of course, My Lady.”

“Promise me, Chat.” she paused, “No, Adrien. I want _Adrien_ to _promise_ me.”

His eyes widened as that timid insecurity so characteristic of his other self flickered within the verdant glow. She could easily tell by the way his cat ears flattened against his head and his tail lashed out behind him that she’d made him uncomfortable by using his other name. She wasn’t going to back down on it though. He needed to know how serious she was.

His gaze shifted around a moment before returning to hers as he let out a heavy sigh, “Alright, I promise.”

She smiled with relief. It wasn’t going to solve everything, but she could at least be reassured that he knew she was there for him. They still had time together, so for now she wanted to do whatever she could for him.

“Come on.” she said as she took his hand in hers, “I want to make a quick stop before we head back.”

* * *

Chat Noir leaned on the railing of the fire escape as he waited. He was carefully watching the entrance of a small supermarket across the street. Ladybug had detransformed a short while ago, and had entered the building as Marinette saying that she needed to pick up a few things. She hadn’t said what she was getting exactly, and had only told him to just wait for her. So he waited. He’d been surprised that the shop was still open at this time. But then, he could probably count on his hand the number of times he’d been in a supermarket so he didn’t really know much about how they worked.

Nino had mentioned before about how girls could be incredibly mysterious in their ways. They could be elusive at random, saying they needed “stuff” or “things” and take anywhere from five minutes to five hours in a store. He wasn’t really sure how accurate Nino’s information was though, as he’d only ever been taken shopping with Chloe. And that had been more of a “get dragged around by Chloe all day while she looked at clothes”, so it didn’t really give much perspective.

His cat ears perked up everytime the sliding doors of the store opened, only to droop again when it wasn’t Marinette that came out. She’d been only gone a few minutes and he was getting increasingly aware of her absence. If it was like this for only a short time of separation, he dreaded how things would be on Monday. He was already struggling without his day being packed full of a busy schedule to distract him, but at least for the moment he had Marinette to help occupy his time. Even simple things were fun with her. Really just being in her company was enjoyable.

Chat felt an uncomfortable shiver race down his spine. With his cat ears twitching, he carefully looked around himself. There was a small noise, like someone taking a step. But then silence. It had felt like someone had been watching him. His eyes searched again carefully, his enhanced hearing straining for something to give away that he wasn’t alone. But there was nothing.

He turned as the supermarket doors opened again, but it still wasn’t Marinette. Chat’s tail twitched impatiently. His vanished observer was mostly forgotten as his attention was focused on Marinette again. What could she possibly be getting? Was it really a girl thing? He really didn’t understand and the uncertainty was more than a little frustrating. He wished she’d let him go in with her, but she’d told him to stay put with that damn mischievous smile of hers. It was impossible for him to do anything but what she’d asked him to when she was like that.

Chat felt himself brighten as Marinette finally exited the store, carrying a bag in her hands. He quickly faltered though as there was a man following close behind her. His cat ears heard enough at that distance for him to know the man was talking to her incessantly. Chat gritted his teeth, climbing up on the railing of the fire escape before springing forward across the street.

“Seriously, I know a good place to go have fun.” the man was saying, “You can give me your number. Or better yet, just come with me now.”

Chat landed heavily on the pavement between the stranger and Marinette. The man stumbled in shock, but Chat pointedly ignored him as he turned to her.

“I was waiting for you, Princess.” he purred.

Marinette looked back at him with an exasperated expression.

“Hey.” the man said firmly, grabbing Chat’s shoulder as he found his confidence again, “I was talking to her.”

Chat turned to him with a smirking death glare, “And you’re done talking to her.”

For a moment the man looked like he might get aggressive, but he evidently thought better of trying to pick a fight with one of the heroes of Paris. He shrugged his shoulders to try and act like he wasn’t bothered by the whole thing as he walked away.

Chat purred smugly until he felt an irritated tug on his tail.

Marinette was frowning at him, “I could have handled it.”

He gave a childish pout, “I never thought you couldn’t. I just didn’t like how he was looking at you.”

She sighed, but her expression softened with a smile, “Thank you. Now let’s find somewhere I can transform and we can go back.”

“Not necessary.” he chirped.

“Really, it’s fine I can - wait Chat no - _Chat_!”

He was already lifting her up into a bridal carry, and despite her protest her arms slipped around his shoulders. He grinned as a pink tint came to her cheeks.

“Shut up.” she mumbled.

Holding her close, he ran a few steps before jumping up through an alley to reach the rooftops. The Agreste mansion wasn’t too far away, but he took his time getting there.

He gently set her down again once they’d returned to his room. Marinette was smiling to herself as she double checked the contents of her shopping bag. Chat hesitated a moment, anxiously flexing his claws as he looked around. He needed to release his transformation but he felt reluctant to do so. Marinette was talking to Tikki now with excited whispers, making him smile. 

_I’m fine_ , he told himself.

He took a deep breath.

“Plagg, claws in.”

Adrien released the breath he’d been holding as a drawn out sigh. He always felt uncomfortably vulnerable as the power of the Miraculous faded away from him. Plagg tumbled out with his usual overexaggerated cry of exhaustion and starvation.

Marinette quickly turned to him, “Can I use your kitchen?”

“The...kitchen?” Adrien repeated in confusion.

“I want to cook you something.”

His mind momentarily stopped processing. Had he heard her right?

“You want to cook? For me?” he said slowly.

She nodded excitedly, “Yeah, is that okay?”

“Sure...I guess.”

“Great! Let’s go.”

“Wait, you’re doing it _now_?”

Marinette was already leaving the bedroom, so Adrien hurried after her.

The kitchen in the mansion was larger than it needed to be, considering there were only a handful of people living there. It was stylish with sleek black cabinets and pristine white marble countertops. There was an island in the middle with a few barstools, though these were rarely used as Adrien mostly had his meals in the dining room.

“Anything I can do?” Adrien asked curiously as he trailed at her heels.

“Sit.” she commanded, gesturing to one of the barstools.

He did as he was told. He’d wanted to offer his assistance, but his knowledge of cooking was very minimal so he knew he’d likely just get in the way. Marinette meanwhile had already started setting out the ingredients from her shopping bag and was gathering the utensils she wanted. He watched her across the island counter, trying to figure out what she was doing. She had her back to him as she started to heat up a pan and was mixing things together. There was definitely cheese, as Plagg tried to steal some more than once. Marinette let him take some the first time, but after that she would gently push the little cat away. Tikki was actually being helpful compared to Plagg, as she would hand Marinette utensils or pieces of ingredients as she cooked.

Adrien crossed his arms on the counter, resting his head on them as he continued to watch her. She was focused on the task she’d set herself and busily worked away. He was surprised how easily she worked around the kitchen, as though she knew exactly how to work it even though she’d never used this particular one before. Meanwhile, Adrien was absolutely hopeless for sure when it came to cooking. His skill was more or less limited to making tea or coffee. He wondered if all her years of living in a bakery just made her instinctive to it. Whatever she was making had a nice smell to it, though he wasn’t quite sure what it was. He tried to peer around her to get a look, but she firmly stood in the way. Even as she set something on a tray and placed it into the oven he still couldn’t tell what she was making.

She was starting to clear up as something cooked in the oven, so Adrien sprang up.

“I told you to sit.” she frowned.

“At least let me help with this.” he pouted as he gently moved her aside from the large sink.

Sure he’d been known to burn toast, but even he couldn’t mess up washing dishes. Marinette shook her head, but was smiling as he took over from her. Instead she started drying the items he’d cleaned and returning them to where she’d found them. Between the two of them the kitchen was cleaned up very quickly. By now, whatever she had grilling in the oven smelled amazing.

Marinette gestured for him to sit down again so he slid back into his seat. He was starting to feel nervous about it now. Marinette was doing something so nice for him, but his interest in eating recently had been pretty much nonexistent. It was like everything had no flavor, but when he forced himself to eat it often made his stomach uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to explain to Marinette about the persistent greyness that was casting a haze over so many aspects in his life right now, so he’d just told her it was a simple lack of appetite. She was the last remaining brilliance of colour for him, and he didn’t want to upset her. Adrien swallowed thickly, resolving to himself that he would eat no matter what she put in front of him. 

“Ta-da!” Marinette cheered as she slid the plate across the counter to him, “One croque monsieur!”

Adrien looked at the dish in front of him. He could see between the grilled slices of bread the gooey cheese and the slices of ham. He nervously licked his lips as he took in the sight and smell of the food. How did she make a grilled sandwich look so _good_ ? He hesitantly glanced to where Marinette sat nearby. She was cutting up her own sandwich to give small pieces to Tikki and Plagg. Despite her trying to not be obvious about it, Adrien knew that she was shyly watching him. He looked back to his own plate. This was exactly the kind of food he’d rarely had due to his monitored diet as a model.  
Adrien picked up his cutlery and cut a small slice from the croque monsieur. Bringing it to his mouth, he could smell the rich intensity of it. He took a bite.

There was an immaculate warmth in the flavours. The ham, the melted cheese, the bechamel sauce, a hint of mustard, the crispness of the bread...he could taste it. There was no numb greyness in it, he could really _taste it all_ . It was like a switch had been suddenly flipped. For the first time in ages he actually felt _hungry_.

“Is it good?” Marinette asked nervously as he went for another bite.

Adrien blinked back the faint feeling of tears that came with the relief and happiness that overwhelmed him. He grinned at her.

“It’s delicious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No cliffhanger _and_ there's fluff? I'm so nice this chapter.


	39. Reverie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory of the past, and Adrien shares a little more with Marinette.

“Adrien.”

He looked up from the book in his hands. He was sitting in the bay window of the study, enjoying the quiet boundary he’d found himself in between the cool night outside the window and the spreading glow of the fireplace within the room. He closed the book, not worried about losing his place as he’d read _The Call of the Wild_ multiple times now and knew exactly where he was in the story.

Setting the book down on the seat, he turned to look to the middle of the room where the beautiful white grand piano stood. Until a few moments ago it had been producing a sweet melody as the person who sat there had been playing, but it had now fallen silent. Emilie brought her hands away from the keys, neatly folding them on her lap as she faced him.

She smiled, “Come sit by me for a minute.”

Adrien lifted himself from the bench of the bay window and crossed the room to the piano. Emilie slid over on the piano stool, making space for him to sit next to her. He looked at her as he sat down. She had been more tired lately and her eyes showed it, having dulled from their former brilliant green. She’d been spending more time in the peace and quiet of the study as well. Adrien didn’t mind her quiet mood, as he enjoyed spending time with her there as he would read through the numerous books or practice the piano with her. It worried him though that her health had clearly been getting worse and the dizzy spells more often, but she continued to assure him she was fine.

Emilie lightly played the first few notes of _Clair de Lune_ , her elegant hands dancing over ebony and ivory keys. Adrien followed suit, taking over from her as he continued to play out the music. It was tricky and he faltered a few times, but Emilie only softly nodded along as he played. He slowed as he struggled to remember which notes came next, prompting her to set her hands over the keys again and resume playing. He watched the fluidity and flourish as her fingers scaled the keys as though it were as natural as breathing.

Adrien frowned, “It’s hard.”

Emilie laughed lightly, “You wanted to learn it. Keep practicing and you’ll get there. Or we can learn something else if you want.”

He shook his head, “No it has to be this one. I said I was going to play it for you.”

She gave an amused hum as she played out the final notes of the score.

They were silent for a time, with only the crackling sound of the fireplace. His mother was looking thoughtful again. She always appeared to be deep in thought lately. Adrien swallowed thickly against the discomfort of his throat. It still hurt sometimes, but it was more of a memory of the pain now as the physical damage had since faded.

Emilie spoke suddenly but her voice was hushed, “You know I love you very much, don’t you?”

Adrien was surprised by the turn of conversation, but went along with it, “Sure.”

“Your father loves you too.”

That was a little harder to believe.

“So I’ve been told.”

Emilie glanced at him uneasily, “I know he’s difficult. But he loves our family and just wants to do his best for us.”

Adrien didn’t say anything. He was too aware of the arguments his parents had when they thought he wasn’t there listening. They weren’t even real arguments. It was mostly Emilie trying to convince Gabriel of something, but he would promptly shut it down as his way was the right way. A lot of these one-sided fights had also been more and more about Adrien recently. It made him severely anxious, but he didn't let on to his mother that he knew.

Emilie turned a little more to face him, “I just want you to know that there are people who love you. And as you get older, your world is only going to get larger and the number of people in your life will grow.”

At this Adrien frowned, “How’s that going to happen if my life consists of being at home or being a model?”

She looked hurt by his words. He hadn’t meant to sound spiteful, as he understood him being kept at home was partly due to her protective nature that had existed ever since he was small. It certainly didn’t help that he’d always been a meek child, which had only caused her to always hold him close. And then with her failing health, Adrien couldn’t have any desire to leave the house without feeling guilty about it.

“We’ll work on that.” Emilie said with feigned confidence.

 _We’ll work on that_. It had been her favourite phrase in the past year, ever since Adrien had faced a nightmare come reality. It still lingered with him, but he carefully withheld it. He was getting better at placing those thoughts and feelings into the little compartments he’d set aside in his mind.

His attention returned to his mother as she spoke again, “Everything will work out.”

Adrien wasn’t sure if she was telling that to herself or him.

“Until then…” she smiled at him, “close your eyes.”

He frowned at her as he already knew where this was going, but did as she asked anyway. With his eyes closed, he felt the tickling sensation as she placed a feather-light kiss on his forehead. He opened his eyes again as the tingling warmth faded.

“A little charm to keep you safe.” Emilie laughed.

Adrien regarded her with exasperated embarrassment, “I’m a little old for that now.”

“No one gets too old for a kiss from their mother! Especially when it’s important.”

He gave a soft laugh as he sighed. These _little charm kisses,_ as she liked to call them, were something she’d been doing for as long as he could remember. As a child he’d firmly believed in the magic properties of it, but now as he was entering his teenage years he knew it to only be simply a sign of affection.

“Now, you should have been in bed an hour ago.” Emilie said as though to scold him, but she was smiling as she spoke, “So you’d best go before Nathalie catches you. I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Adrien smirked at her as he stood up, “I’m getting a too old for bedtimes too.”

Emilie merely grinned as he made his way to the door, “Goodnight, Adrien. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He looked at her one last time before shutting the door behind him.

* * *

“This way.” Adrien said as he opened the door.

What greeted Marinette was a completely different scene than what she had come to expect of the mansion. Adrien had called it a “study”, but it was more like a small library. The size of it was the only thing that matched it to the house, as instead of the glaring white walls and floors it was mostly instead a warm dark wood. The walls were lined with floor to ceiling bookshelves, with a few paintings filling in the gaps where the walls could be seen. One of them was a family portrait of Adrien and his parents, similar to the one that she’d seen in the dining room. There was a large fireplace set in one of the walls that showed signs of having been well used, but had now sat cold for a number of years. On the wall opposite the door was a wide bay window with a built in bench seat. Through the paned glass she could see the garden. On the outside, a bough of wisteria hung heavily along the top while rose bushes thrived along the bottom. Within the bushes she could see little pockets of yellow and gold erysimum flowers.  
The feature piece of the study was undoubtedly the massive, white grand piano that stood at the centre of the room. Like the fireplace, it seemed unlikely that it had been used in a long time as the lid was closed and the keys covered by the fallboard. Even so, it was polished to a point that it shimmered like moonlight when Adrien turned on the chandelier light of the room.

“I had no idea there was a room like this.” Marinette said with breathless awe.

“My mother said it was the one room she wouldn’t let my father have any design choice in.” Adrien chuckled, “No one really comes here anymore except the housestaff to keep it clean.”

They had come here after Marinette had surprised him by cooking a meal. She was relieved that he’d seemed to enjoy it, having eaten it with more energy than anything else she’d seen him eat recently. She watched him now as he walked into the middle of the room, his hand trailing over the edges of the grand piano. Marinette followed him with careful steps. She felt like she was entering some secret place that very few people had seen. Looking closer at the bookshelves she could see that all of the books were real, unlike the shelves in Adrien’s room where the books were mostly fake and for decorative purposes. Scanning over the titles, she recognised a lot of classical literature, many fairy tales and some plays. There were even multiple copies of some, being different editions or in different languages. Her eyes fell on a framed picture that sat proudly on one of the centre shelves. It was a child’s drawing of what appeared to be a mother and child surrounded by...she laughed as she couldn’t even tell what the multicoloured squiggles were meant to be. The figures in the drawing were crudely labeled with a child’s hand as “Adrien” and “Maman”. 

Marinette looked behind her to Adrien. He’d now moved over to the bay window and was looking thoughtfully at the little yellow flowers that were brushing up against the window. She wasn’t entirely sure why he’d brought her here, but his pensive mood told her that he was working through his thoughts as he figured out something to say.

Eventually he spoke.

“My mother wasn’t one for the galas and shows that my father attended.” Adrien said slowly, “She always said that they were artists of an opposite nature. She was more for the subtleties of theatre than large fashion events.”

He walked back to the grand piano and rested his hands on the closed fallboard. His hands tensed as though to open it, but he hesitated. Marinette didn’t know what to say, or even if she should say anything.

“You said you wanted me to tell you about her,” Adrien turned to her with a bleak smile, “But I’m not sure what to tell you.”

Marinette thought for a moment as she looked over the room. She felt she understood a little more what kind of person Emilie Agreste had been from it. Her eyes settled back to Adrien who was still resting his hands on the piano.

“She’s the one who first taught you to play, isn’t she?” Marinette asked.

Adrien’s green eyes widened slightly as he looked at her, as though a thought had occurred to him. She watched as he went around the side of the piano and lifted its lid. Once he’d propped it open securely, he returned to the front of the instrument and held his hand out to her. She went to him and placed her hand in his.

Marinette squeaked as he pulled her with him as he sat down on the piano stool. Her heart was hammering hard as she found herself sitting on his lap.

“Are you okay with this? Aren’t I heavy?” she asked shyly.

He chuckled, “It’ll be fine for a bit. And no, you’re not heavy.”

She heard him take a steady breath as he placed his hands on the fallboard again before gently lifting it. Marinette looked over the beautiful instrument before her, taking in just how _enormous_ it was compared to the baby grand in Adrien’s room. She tried to imagine Adrien as a child, sitting where she was in front of something that was somehow beautiful yet daunting.

She felt him take her hands, motioning for her to align them atop of his like they’d done so before. She gently rested her hands over his as he placed them on the keyboard. She could feel the warmth of his breath over her neck, making a heated blush rise in her cheeks. He started to move, guiding her hands over his as he slowly played out a simple melody. Marinette couldn’t make out what the music was at first, as she was too flustered as she felt his chin come to rest on her shoulder as he looked over her at the keys. Not only that, but he was humming along to the song he was playing. The lyrical sound he was making next to her ear only made her heart race faster.

With the music hitting its stride and Adrien humming softly next to her, she recognised the song. It was _Over The Rainbow_.

“This was the first song she taught me.” he said quietly, “She started teaching me to play properly after…”

He trailed off, but Marinette had an idea what he was going to say. It wasn’t hard to see the reliance Adrien had developed on the soothing aspects of music in response to his experiences.

“She sounds like an amazing person.” Marinette whispered.

The song came to an end, so Adrien had taken to just simply holding her hands in his. She carefully noted the bandage on his hand was starting to come loose. She needed to replace it anyway.

She could feel Adrien’s lips against her neck as he murmured, “She would have liked you.”

“You think so?”

“There’s no reason why she wouldn’t. Come on, I’ll play you another song before we go.”

Marinette looked over her shoulder at him with a smile, “ _Claire de Lune_ then please.”

His expression was bemused as he looked back at her, “Why do you always pick that one?”

“Because you like it.”

He raised an eyebrow, but he smiled at her. He let go of her hands as she slid off his lap to instead sit next to him so he could position himself better to play properly. She eagerly watched the shift in his posture and expression, going from the playful attitude he had been a moment before to a careful sincerity.

The notes were all so familiar to her now as Adrien started to play. On the larger grand piano, the sound produced was so much deeper and evocative than that of the baby grand. She felt each chord of the music within her chest, feeling the rise and fall of it as he controlled the strength of the sound with the piano’s pedals. She closed her eyes briefly, listening to the pure sound. But she opened them again shortly after, as part of her enjoyment of the experience was watching him. The was a precise nature in his movements and his eyes held an intensity as they flickered over the keys. He mouthed quiet instruction to himself in his intense focus, sometimes humming the notes back to himself as the music progressed. The notes were flowing faster as it reached the latter half of the score. She watched with heightened interest as he continued. So far, it didn’t seem like he’d made a mistake.  
The music was in the full flow of its crescendo when Adrien stopped suddenly, drawing his hand back with a pained hiss between his teeth.

Marinette gasped, “Are you okay?”

His brow furrowed with frustration as he held his bandaged hand, stiffly flexing his fingers.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah, sorry.”

She gently took his hand in hers, “Does it hurt?”

“Just a little bit.”

She was fairly certain he was likely he was downplaying it as he usually did.

“We should change the bandage anyway.” she told him as she gently caressed the back of his hand with her thumb.

“Sorry.” he murmured as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I wanted to keep playing for you.”

“You almost had it.” she smiled, “And there’s always next time.”

His eyes widened slightly as he looked at her before glancing away sheepishly as a faint blush lit up his cheeks.

“Let’s go.” she said as she stood up, “I’ll take care of your hand.”

Adrien hesitated a moment before nodding. She walked to the door, looking back at him as he carefully closed up the grand piano again. His hand remained a bit longer on the shut fallboard as it had done before. After a moment he turned and followed her to the door. As she headed out into the corridor she saw him linger a little in the doorway, looking back into the room once more before closing the door.

Marinette lifted the first aid box out from the cupboard, setting it on the bathroom counter as she sifted through for the items she needed.

“I can do it myself.” Adrien said anxiously.

She shook her head, “Just let me take care of it. Give me your hand.”

He reluctantly lifted his hand to her, wincing a little as she took it and started to unravel the bandage. The gashes across his knuckles were still a little raw and tender, and had bled some into the dressing since she’d applied it. She tried to not dwell on how painful it looked and set about gently cleaning it again. She was faintly aware that Adrien eyes were more on her rather than what she was doing.

“What?” she asked, softly dabbing a towel on his hand once she’d finished cleaning the wound.

He blinked as though surprised she’d caught him staring. She looked at him curiously as his verdant gaze softened towards her. He lifted both his hands to tenderly cup either side of her face. Marinette felt an obvious blush spill onto her cheeks.

“I’m not done yet.” she said quietly.

"Just a second." His voice was husky as he leaned towards her, “Close your eyes.”

She felt the heat of her cheeks increase as he came closer. She closed her eyes as he'd asked. A second later she felt a soft touch as he gingerly kissed her forehead. He lingered there a moment, making her heart somersault around in her chest as she felt the warmth of his lips on her skin. She opened her eyes again as he pulled away.

“What was that for?” she asked, still a little dazed from the tender touch.

He paused a moment before smirking at her, “No reason.”

She pouted as she took his injured hand in hers again, “Hold still until I get this bandaged.”

He complied as she started applying a new bandage over his hand. She kept her eyes focused downwards, as it was still a little embarrassing how hard her heart was racing from just the simple kiss he’d given her. She smiled to herself though, as she hoped it was something he’d never stop doing.

As before, it took a little bit for Marinette to finish tying the bandage. Adrien still waited patiently until she managed to finish it. She held his hand a moment longer in hers, her heart pounding in her ears as she decided to do something. She lifted his hand to her lips, gently brushing the back of it with a tender kiss much like how he always did for her. Adrien was initially startled by it, making her wonder if she shouldn’t have done that. When she looked up again there was a tint of an embarrassed blush in his cheeks, but he was smiling sincerely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dropping in with some more fluff! And a little insight to Adrien's relationship with Emilie.  
> I'm spoiling you all. So much fluff is going to need to be balanced out soon...
> 
> As always, thanks so much for all the comments and kudos!


	40. Lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains some reference to sexual harassment.
> 
> Marinette and Adrien are separated again.  
> Adrien attends his first therapy session.

“Please, take a seat Adrien.” Dr Laurent gestured to the brown leather couch as they entered the room.

Adrien remained standing near the edge of the room as he looked around. It was a small office space with a large window that looked out into the street below. A wooden bookshelf and built in cabinet lined one of the walls, with a chair that matched the sofa sitting in front of it. There was a large wooden desk towards the back of the room, with various folders and papers neatly piled next to the computer.  
He watched as Dr Laurent picked up one of the folders before sitting down in the chair. She was waiting for him to sit also, as she carefully opened the folder and started to write something in her notepad. Adrien didn’t feel like sitting down though. He felt restless and uncomfortable. Instead he crossed over to the window and looked through to the people in the street below. It was a sunny day so there were plenty of people about, and the room was filled with a pleasant brightness with the rays that gently filtered through the blinds.

Sensing that Adrien wasn’t going to sit, Dr Laurent decided to proceed, “How have you been since we last talked?”

“Fine.” he responded curtly.

It had been a week now since he’d spoken to the woman at the hospital. He’d been home since then, and despite the turbulence of things he’d had Marinette with him to keep him steady.

Dr Laurent crossed her legs as she leaned back in her chair, “And how’s the sleep been? Have you been using the prescription?”

Adrien turned away from the window to instead look at the single painting in the room. It was a print of one of Van Gogh’s sunflowers.

Adrien shrugged, “I’ve been taking it. Though I don’t really like how I feel the morning after. It’s hard to wake up.”

“The sleeping medication is only a temporary action. We’ll review how the insomnia is in another week or so. For now it’s important that you do sleep, so please keep taking it if you’re having trouble.”

Adrien nodded, though he didn’t need to be told that. Marinette had ensured he kept taking his medication. He would let himself forget about it, but she wouldn’t. No matter how stubborn he was, she would convince him to just take the damn pills. And then she would sit with him the following morning on those days when it hit harder, and it proved difficult for his sense to return to normal when he woke up. The nights were still hard at times, and Marinette had been forced to wake him more than once. It had been a relief at least that there hadn’t been a repeat of that night where he’d acted so stupidly due to his emotional vulnerability. He still loathed himself for his behaviour, even though Marinette told him it was okay.

He felt uncomfortable now. Marinette was no longer within arms reach and it made him feel like something absolutely vital was missing from him. Monday had inevitably rolled around so she had left him that morning to return to school as normal. His heart had sunk as she got out of the car, and it hadn’t lifted again due to the thought that she wouldn’t be there when he would later return to the mansion. It was a small blessing that he came immediately to his appointment with Dr. Laurent after separating from Marinette, so there was a delay to him going back to being alone in his room.

“I’d like to remind you that everything we talk about remains within this room.” Dr Laurent said with a calm but serious tone, “So you are free to talk however you wish.”

He nodded again as he shuffled his feet awkwardly. He still didn’t feel like sitting down, so he returned to the window.

Dr Laurent observed him, but decided to let him be as she continued, “I’ve had a look over your history, so today I would like to start with something a bit easier to discuss. For any victim of trauma, the relationships we have can be vital for the healing process. So together we’ll talk through the people who can help you.”

Adrien chewed his lip as he listened. He absently rubbed the back of his bandaged hand as it felt a little sore and uncomfortable. Thanks to Marinette it was healing well, but it would still be a while before it healed completely. He was glad that Dr Laurent hadn’t drawn any attention to it when she saw him, but he knew that she’d noticed it.

“What can you tell me about your parents?” Dr Laurent asked with her pen poised over her notepad.

He glanced over his shoulder, “My mother disappeared shortly after I turned thirteen and my father I rarely see. Not much to say about them.”

“You never speak with your father?”

“Not really, no.”

He could hear the noise of the pen scratching over paper.

“That must be frustrating. What do you talk about when you do speak?”

Adrien shrugged, “Usually he just lectures me. Tells me about upcoming work assignments, tells me places I need to be since I’m the poster boy for the brand. Things like that.”

“He sounds strict.”

“I guess. I can’t do anything without his permission. My mother said it was just his way of looking after our family.”

Dr Laurent hummed thoughtfully, “But you don’t agree.”

Adrien sighed as he looked around the room again. Finally he decided to perch himself on the edge of the leather couch, nervously clasping his hands together.

The words tasted sour on his tongue as he spoke, “He thinks he’s right all the time. And anytime I try to say or do something that contradicts his perfection I get shut down for it.”

Dr Laurent eyed him carefully, “He doesn’t support you.”

“Only if I don't do what he wants.”

The pen stopped against the paper for a moment as she seemed to consider something. Adrien anxiously bounced his leg as he waited for her to speak again.

“You’ve been modeling for a number of years now.” she said as she looked over one of the pages in front of her, “Was that something you wanted to get into?”

“Not really.” Adrien admitted, “But it was the first thing we connected over. It was a reason for us to talk.”

“Let me ask you something, Adrien. What do you think is important when raising a child?”

He furrowed his brow at the question. Being a teenager and very much childless, it was something that had never crossed his mind.

“A home, I guess.” he murmured.

Dr Laurent nodded, “The physical needs are important, yes. Shelter, food, a healthy living environment. But there are also the emotional needs to consider. A child cannot thrive without love and security. An unstable home environment can be very distressing.”

Adrien listened carefully. He could sense there was a point to be made, but for the moment he wasn’t getting it.

She continued, “Was your father involved in your upbringing?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat, “No, it was mostly just me and my mother.”

“Did he do more when she was gone?”

“No…I think I actually saw him less.”

“So you kept up with the modeling in order to keep an open line with him.”

Adrien pressed his lips into a thin line. It was a little weird hearing it laid out so bluntly.

Dr Laurent paused her writing again for a moment as she looked at him, “Do you think what your father did was neglectful?”

“That’s…” Adrien said slowly, “No, I’ve always been taken care of.”

“Your emotional needs too?”

He froze up at that. There was very little _emotional_ anything when it came to his father.

Dr Laurent noticed his tense silence, so she continued to speak, “Love and affection are not a currency, Adrien. Real love for someone is called unconditional for a reason. He might have provided you with the physical necessities - a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear - but it seems to me your father neglected to consider what you needed emotionally. By only paying attention to you when you performed to his expectations, he didn’t provide the sense of security a child needs from their parent.”

Adrien gritted his teeth. He knew all this already, but he still didn’t like to hear it coming from someone else. It was somewhat a relief that someone had put it into words what his relationship with his father was, but at the same time it just made it all the more obvious what their relationship wasn’t.

“Luckily we are able to have other relationships than those made by blood.” Dr Laruent said with a smile, “The friends that we make are essentially a family that we choose. Mlle Bourgeois has told me you have some very good friends.”

Adrien gave a short wry laugh, surprised that such a statement would come from Chloe. Though chances were she was mostly considering herself rather than his other friends.

“I understand one of your friends has been staying with you during this time.” Dr Laurent added.

“You mean Marinette? She’s...more important than a friend.” Adrien replied quietly, feeling a slight heat come to his cheeks.

She definitely wasn’t just a friend, but to outright call her his _girlfriend_ still felt a little premature. Sure they’d shared their feelings for one another and they’d expressed a desire to be exclusive, but they hadn’t actually put a label on their relationship yet.

 _I need to take her on an actual date_ , he thought nervously.

“An important person.” Dr Laurent said with a knowing smile, “You must have been glad to have had her around.”

Adrien felt a little of his tension ease at the opportunity to talk about Marinette, “She calls me stubborn, but she’s worse than me. She gets mad if she doesn’t think I’m looking after myself.”

“So she would be a source of support for you.”

“She gives me more than I deserve, really.”

Dr Laurent glanced at him a moment before writing something on her notepad.

“I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for today.” she said as she looked at her watch, “Before our next session, I’d like you to think some more about other people you can build a support network around. It is important to have people who can help us through the hard times.”

Adrien fidgeted uncomfortably as he listened. He knew she had a point that he couldn’t place all his needs on Marinette.

“Okay.” He sighed.

She nodded, “I’ll see you again next week.”

  
  


Adrien looked around as he entered the foyer of the mansion. As expected there was nobody there to greet him. He glanced to the door of the atelier, wondering if he should let Nathalie know he was back. The thought was quickly dropped as he didn’t want to risk running into his father. He felt that all too familiar weight press on his chest. He’d always known his relationship with his father was strained, but for someone to call it outright as neglect made him uneasy. He sighed heavily as he crossed over to the staircase to go straight to his room.

“That was a lot of talking.” Plagg groaned as he flew out from Adrien’s jacket.

“That’s why they call it talking therapy.” Adrien answered dryly.

He looked around despondently at his bedroom. It was just him and Plagg now. The kwami immediately went for his hidden cheese stash.

“Some camembert will cheer you right up.” the cat snickered as he lifted a smelly cheese wedge.

Adrien grimaced, “No thanks.”

“Your loss then.”

He sat down at his desk, dragging his mouse around to wake up the computer screens. The Ladyblog was already open, so he checked through it for a few minutes. There wasn’t much new from when he had looked earlier, but he liked to keep an eye on it.  
As he leaned back in his chair something sitting on his desk caught his eye. There was an envelope set to the side with a note on it. He recognised Nathalie’s handwriting as he read the message, tipping out the contents of the envelope to reveal a flash drive. The note listed some of his recent photoshoots, so he assumed the drive contained copies for him. Adrien didn’t much care to have photos of himself, much less ones that made him look like he was only a doll. One of the occasions listed caught his eye however. It was the music video filming.

Adrien quickly plugged the drive into his computer. He’d forgotten that there’d been photos taken as part of their promotional material and advertising. Opening the folder, he knew exactly the photos he wanted to see. Scrolling through the pictures of the film set, he smiled when what he was looking for was among the early half of the photos. Him and Marinette dancing. He slowly clicked through them, his chest feeling warm as he momentarily relieved the ecstasy he’d felt from being like that with her. He grinned as he thought about it. Besides him struggling with his feverish illness at the time, he’d really enjoyed it. Marinette had a lot to do with it, but he’d liked the quick pace and constantly shifting way the filming took place. It had been fun becoming someone else for a time, rather than just being told to sit or stand somewhere and pose a few times.

Adrien continued to scroll through the photos, saving all the ones of him and Marinette. He wanted to make sure she got a copy of them. There was a full body shot of him as well in the outfit she’d designed so he saved that as well, though not because it was a photo of just him. 

_She’ll want one of the outfit she designed,_ he told himself.

He continued to go through the pictures. There were some candid ones of the crew that would likely be used for social medias. It was fun seeing snapshots of bits and pieces he hadn’t seen during the filming himself. He kept clicking through the photos, one after the other.

Adrien stopped. It felt like his blood had run cold as the image covered the screen. A photo of him and Lila. He hadn’t expected it. She’d been removed from the filming, so why would they have kept any of the photos of her? The crushing weight had returned to his chest as the picture on the screen burned into him. He was standing rigid as he looked elsewhere, while Lila had pressed herself against him with her arms draped around his neck. She was looking directly at the camera, making it feel like her gaze was fixed on him from the other side of the lens. Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat. Even though it was a photo, it felt like her hands were on him directly. And _seeing himself_ under her touch threw him back into the memory of the dance studio and how he had seen everything in the mirror as she kissed and groped him.

He shakily closed the window on the screen, but Lila was already burned into him. He could feel his skin crawling and searing as though her hands were tracing the lines of his body. He leaned forward in his chair, curling into himself and he covered his face with his hands. With his old experience resurfacing for him again, he had tried to forget the more recent ones Lila had carved out. But it was still so fresh for him. He hadn’t forgotten, he’d only pushed it deep down within himself and seeing her - feeling like her _eyes_ were on him - just released a new tide of deeply rooted anxiety and loathing.  
It was all he could think about now. Seeing himself in the mirror. Feeling it as Lila intimately grabbed him. The pain of her nails digging into his skin as she held him on the hotel floor. He tried to force it all back into the dark depths of himself but it kept rising to the surface. The white noise was setting in.

 _Please,_ he begged internally, _I don’t want to have this right now._

He was faintly aware of Plagg forcing himself onto Adrien’s lap through the tight ball he’d curled himself into.

“Here.” Plagg hissed as he forced something into Adrien’s hands, “ _Call her_.”

For all his shaking numbness, Adrien’s own phone felt completely foreign in his hands. He stared down at the device as he tried to break through his consuming thoughts.

_Call Marinette._

He’d promised her.

Adrien tried to get his gulping breaths under control as he tightened his grip in his phone. He caught sight of his reflection in the darkened screen of the device. The white noise was screaming now as he looked back at himself. His blood felt like ice but his skin felt on fire. The phone slipped from his fingers and clattered on the floor.  
What was he meant to tell her? He was trying to get better, but she leaves him for a short time and he’s already a mess. These were all his problems and it wasn’t fair to burden her with them. She had done far too much for him already.

Gripping harshly onto the desk for support, Adrien weakly hauled himself to stand up.

“Kid. _Hey, Kid._ ” Plagg called to him, but Adrien couldn’t really hear it.

The phantom feeling of Lila clinging to him remained as he staggered into the bathroom. He clumsily turned on the shower, not even bothering to remove his clothes as he hung his head under the stream of water. He slumped to the floor, causing a small splash from the water that was pooling around the drain. His hair clung around his face as the water washed over him. He was scared but didn’t know how to manage it. His first trauma was so deeply embedded in him that it manifested this disgusting fear in him. Was his experience with Lila to be the same? An apparition that would stalk his dreams and intensify his heart’s corruption until there was nothing left? How could he love Marinette, when for him love had always been painful?

He clutched his head in his hands in a vain attempt to quell the aching white noise. Everyone had been telling him that he just needed to heal. It might take a while and be hard sometimes, but with other people’s help he would be okay again. Adrien gritted his teeth as he tried to suppress the anguish roiling inside him. This wasn’t hard. It was impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to drop some feelings and run away as usual. Enjoy! ~~please don't hurt me~~
> 
> Sorry I don't always get to respond to everyone's comments (you're all so kind!), but I do read them all! Thanks for all the comments and kudos you lovely people!


	41. Affirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A concerning phonecall sends Ladybug in search of Adrien.

Marinette had spent all morning anxiously checking her phone under her desk. It had felt all too fast, going from waking up next to Adrien to saying goodbye to him as she was dropped off at her home that morning. She was keenly aware of it, the absence of his warmth and presence. She didn’t like how he’d smiled at her as she got out of the car. It wasn’t real.  
She knew he was having his first appointment with his therapist that morning and she’d wanted to go with him. Even if she were to just sit outside for the whole time, she didn’t care. She just wanted to be there for him. But Adrien had politely declined, telling her it would be fine and she was expected back at school anyway.  
She was sitting at her old desk now next to Alya, with Nino having resumed his former place at the front. Marinette knew they had rotated the seating so that she didn’t feel lonely, but it just made her all the more aware how Adrien _wasn’t_ there in front of her. She checked her phone again and felt her heart sink when there were still no new messages.

 _He’s okay,_ she told herself as she chewed her lip.

Adrien had promised her afterall to tell her if something went wrong. Still, it worried her that he hadn’t said anything at all.  
Marinette tried to listen properly to her classes that morning, but she really couldn’t bring herself too. While her ribs were becoming less sore and just stiff, her hand was still in a brace which made writing difficult. She was mostly using her tablet for the time being to make up for it, but her focus really just wasn’t in it. Her intention was to try and call Adrien as lunchtime rolled around, but at the end of the class Monsieur Thomas asked to speak to her. She politely nodded her way through the teacher asking how she was doing and him checking how she was doing with the schoolwork she had missed. All the while her phone remained clutched in her hand, waiting for any sign of Adrien contacting her.

Marinette rushed out of the classroom as soon as she could. Unlocking her phone again, the anxiety fell heavily to her stomach when she saw there were still no messages or calls.

“I’ll call him myself.” she murmured as she opened her contact list.

She hesitated a moment. It was her first time actually calling him. She made attempts before but they’d always ended up in disaster, particularly that one incident where she left that embarrassing voicemail.

She took a breath as she hit the call button, _He’ll answer this time._

He didn’t. The call rang out until going to voicemail. She lowered the phone from her ear as the anxiety started to seep through her bones. Why wasn’t he answering? A flurry of thoughts went through her mind. All the excuses and possibilities she could come up with.

She tried again, hitting the call button harder as though that would increase the chances of it being successful.  
She waited.  
And waited.

Finally she heard a click as the call went through.

“Adrien?” she gasped.

There was no answer, but there was noise. For a moment she thought it was static, but as she listened it sounded like something else. It was running water.

“Kid, hey!” she could faintly hear Plagg’s frustrated yelling, “Pick up the phone!”

Marinette looked around to make sure no one was in ear shot as she turned to a wall, bringing her hand close to her mouth as she talked in an urgent whisper into her phone.

“Plagg!” she hissed, “What’s going on?”

“Humans are so dumb! He won’t _listen_ to me!” Plagg spat back.

“Hold on, I’m on my way.”

Marinette didn’t know if Plagg had heard her, as the call went dead as she was speaking. She frantically looked around. It would be faster for her to get there as Ladybug. She fired off a text to Alya with some vague reasoning that she needed to check on Adrien. She saw no point in lying to her friend about this right now. Since it was the lunch break, she was able to slip into an empty classroom to transform without being seen.

“Tikki, spots on!”

Adrien’s window was open as usual as Ladybug approached the Agreste mansion. She lightly stepped through the opening, looking around as she landed in his room. The sound of the shower running made her pause.

“Adrien?” she called out, “Plagg?”

There was no answer, so she slowly moved to the bathroom door. It was wide open, and nervously peeking around the corner revealed the walk-in section to be empty. She took a deep breath as she walked through the door.

“Adrien?”

In the second section of the bathroom she could see the water droplets that dappled across the floor from the running shower. She froze momentarily as she saw Adrien’s phone lying on the ground just at the boundary between the two sections of the bathroom. As she got closer, she could see the top corner of the screen had cracked some after likely having been dropped. She stopped again at the threshold, hesitating to look round the corner to where the shower was.

“Adrien?” she called again.

No one answered her. There was no sign of Plagg either. She gulped another breath as she leaned through the opening, nervously looking to where the shower was.  
There was no one there.  
Water cascaded from the shower head, forming puddles on the empty floor.  
Ladybug turned off the shower before turning to pick up Adrien’s phone. He wasn’t here. The realisation was numbing her with panic. Where was he? What happened?

She walked back into the bedroom, looking around for a clue, a hint, _anything_. Turning on his phone screen had yielded nothing, only showing the missed call from her.

Ladybug jumped from a sudden ping going off. It took her only a second to recognise it, as it was one she had heard often enough. It was a new post notification on the Ladyblog. She looked to Adrien’s computer where the noise had come from. She timidly moved the mouse to wake up the screens before bringing up the browser page that had been minimised.  
A new post on the blog’s forum feed had been posted. _Chat’s On The Prowl!_ was the title of the post and contained a haphazard picture of the black clad hero mid-leap over some rooftops. Comments were already popping up on the thread, some asking where he was spotted, some asking where Ladybug was and some concerned if there was an akuma active. In regards to an akuma attack no one seemed able to confirm that there was one, leaving people to speculate it was just one of the usual patrols done by the heroes.  
Marinette flipped open the device of her yo-yo, bringing up the GPS function. A little blinking paw icon told her that Chat Noir was indeed active and moving.  
Ladybug’s heart was caught between relief and worry. Adrien hadn’t completely shut down like his lack of response on the phone call had seemed to suggest, but why was he out as Chat Noir? She made a quick note of his location and direction he seemed to be headed before sprinting towards the window, vaulting out of it and casting out her yo-yo to lift her away.

Ladybug felt like she could breathe again when she found him. Thankfully he’d stopped moving, so after tracking him for a few minutes she’d caught up with him. He was sitting on a rooftop, basking in the early afternoon sun. He looked anything but a contented cat however. Chat was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest with his arms tightly wrapped around them. His head was tilted up so that the warm sunlight touched his face and lit up his still damp hair with a golden sheen. His eyes were initially closed, but as Ladybug landed nearby they flitted open and watched her blankly as she approached.

The anxiety and fear that had been coiling itself in her gut surged up in her as anger before she could stop it.

“You _promised_!” she yelled at him.

Chat’s cat ears lay flat against his head as he looked at her with growing alarm, “My Lady? What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you that! I get silence from you all day, and the first thing I hear is Plagg sounding worried about you!”

He turned away from her as he tensed his shoulders, “You’re meant to be at school.”

“And you’re meant to be at home.” she shot back.

For a moment he was baring his teeth like a real cat would when cornered, as his agitated gaze stared out at nothing in particular. Seeing his own frustration made her's reduce a little.

“You promised.” she said again.

His tail flicked irritably as he still didn’t look at her. Ladybug took another step towards him but faltered as Chat immediately tensed up.

“You shouldn’t have come.” he muttered.

She let out an exasperated sigh, “What are you talking about? Of course I had to!”

“You have your own life to take care of.”

Those words struck deep in her heart. Even with all that had happened, all the time they’d spent together, he was still trying to isolate himself.

“Why do you keep trying to push me away?” she whispered, “I just want to help you.”

His verdant gaze shifted to her, no longer angry but afraid.

“You’re doing too much.” he croaked.

She took another careful step towards him, “Because I don’t want you to face it alone.”

She saw the uncomfortable shiver of his shoulders as he muttered, “Please don’t come closer.”

Ladybug bit her lip as she nodded with understanding. She knelt where she was, keeping a metre or so between them.

“What happened?” she asked quietly.

He was looking away from her again as he spoke, “It doesn’t matter. I’m dealing with it.”

“Turning into Chat and running away is _not_ dealing with it.”

“It does when it’s not a problem for Chat.”

Ladybug’s heart panged, and a lump was forming in her throat as she tried to speak, “But...you’re still _you_.”

“I don’t want to be me.” he spat.

She could see it now, the torrent of his emotions that raged just below the surface. Somehow Chat was able to mostly stand above it, but Adrien was the one drowning. _Something_ had caused him to feel vulnerable, so he was using his Miraculous power now to build defenses against it. She turned thoughts over and over in her mind as she tried to figure out a way to reach him.

Ladybug sighed, “You said that you loved me, and that you were mine. Was that a lie?”

Chat flinched, his green eyes darting to her with shock, “That’s - no! I’ve never lied to you My Lady…”

“So stop trying to force me away and let me help you. I love you too much to watch you go through it alone.”

She watched as he shrank away from her, his gaze once again retreating.

“I don’t want it to hurt. I don’t want to hurt _you_.”

That was it. The raw nerve that prevented him from completely allowing her in. Love had always been hurtful for Adrien. People who were meant to love him had abandoned or ignored him, and people he didn’t want love from had forced it on him. His understanding of something that was meant to be so pure was completely warped to the point that even though they had expressed mutual love for each other, he remained terrified of what that meant. She could feel her heart wrenching in her chest. Adrien had been telling her all this time about wanting to love her _properly,_ and she’d assumed he was just inexperienced about being in a relationship. While that wasn’t necessarily wrong, Adrien’s insecurity ran so much deeper than that. He was afraid that what they had could end in a repeat of what he’d gone through before.  
She couldn’t fault him for wanting to use his alter ego to suppress all the fear and anxiety he was going through. Marinette often felt better herself as Ladybug. Ladybug was strong and reliable, a role model and a hero. Marinette on the other hand was clumsy, awkward and often a pushover. But as she watched him right now, she felt incapable as Ladybug. He wouldn’t even _look_ at her right now. Her breathing stilled as the thought came to her. Chat had _never_ looked to Ladybug in these moments. He had always been determined to appear infallible to her. While the catalyst for it had been accidental, Chat had first given his vulnerabilities to Marinette. Even though they knew who each other were now, they were still getting over years of having known their identities as separate people. Even now, Ladybug found it so strange to see Chat so withdrawn and defensive before her.  
Taking a deep breath, she scanned the area to make sure it was safe.

“Tikki, spots off.”

She’d released her transformation in front of him before, but as she felt Chat’s surprised gaze fall on her she still felt incredibly exposed. He watched her apprehensively as she now stood before him as Marinette.  
“You can stay as you are.” she told him.

Chat didn’t say anything, but she saw where his hands gripped around his knees relax a little.  
“Can I come closer now?” she asked gently.

His eye flickered over her as he considered carefully. Chat was a little easier to read than Adrien, as his cat ears and tail gave away a lot more than normal human body language. She could tell by the way his tail lashed that he was still a little irritable and nervous, and that from the way his ears remained flat and twitched excessively that he was afraid.  
He looked away again as he mumbled, “Just...don’t touch me just yet.”

The crushing anxiety around her heart eased a little at the small step of progress. Marinette moved closer, sitting next to him but keeping a small gap between them. She let the quietness linger between them for a bit as Chat adjusted to her increased presence. He shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t move away. Sometimes his claws stretched out and would tap once or twice, but his hands would quickly stiffen and return to their harsh grip around his legs.  
“It’s hard.” he whispered after a while.

“That’s why you need to let people help you.” she returned softly.

His verdant eyes flickered towards her before hastily retreating again, “I’m scared. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“We take it one day at a time then.”

“I can’t keep relying on you like this. You have your own life to look after.”

“Chat...Adrien, when I fell in love with you - _really_ fell in love with you - you became the most important part of my life. I don’t want anything from you other than to let me help you through this.”

Chat went silent again for a moment as he fell into deep thought. She could hear the trembling of his breath as he worked through whatever was going through his mind. Tentatively his gaze lifted towards hers, timid and uncertain.

His voice was barely audible, “Sorry.”

Marinette shook her head, “You have nothing to apologise for.”

“But I do. I wasn’t completely honest with you. I said I was yours...but I still held out on you.”

She was trying to consider the meaning of his words, but all thought fell away as Chat started to release himself from the tight ball he’d been curled into. He was leaning towards her now, his verdant eyes searching hers. He was still scared but there was a smouldering resolve trying to break through.

“It’s yours.” he said, his voice wavering, “It’s all yours. My heart, my soul, everything. It’s not much, but I’ll give it to you.”

Marinette’s heart had grown still. He was saying that he had little to offer her in himself, but it felt like she’d just been given the whole world. The delicate, broken pieces that made him he was placing in her hands. She blinked back tears as a sweet warmth bloomed in her chest. His love was her greatest treasure.

“Then it's only fair you have all of me in exchange.” she smiled, “I told you already that I’m yours, and it’s still true. You and me against the world, right?”

Her heart lifted as a small smile came to Chat’s lips. She didn’t have time to enjoy the calming relief as he was leaning further into her again. His forehead lightly rested against hers and she could smell his comforting scent that filled her with a feeling of summer.  
His voice was husk and a little desperate as his gaze settled on hers, “I love you.”

Her eyes were slowly closing as she felt the gap between them shrinking further, “I love you too.”

She could feel her heart racing faster at the anticipation of the kiss. Before her eyes closed completely she saw the flash of purple wings.

An akuma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well heck. I'm just going to go into full on hiding until the next chapter. Enjoy your torment ~~i love you all really~~


	42. Dissonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir tries to resist akumatisation, resulting in an unsettling discovery.

Chat heard the beat of its wings before he saw it. He acted on instinct, immediately pushing Marinette away from him. It was all he could do to protect her before the akuma claimed him.   
It felt like a bullet had split through his temple, leaving a searing pain behind his eyes that blinded him. He could feel himself screaming but he couldn’t hear it, just the white noise as he plunged his face into his hands. His claws gripped into his head but he could feel another presence trying to grasp him. Something -  _ someone _ \- was trying to take his control from him, to force a new name and purpose on him. He had to refuse. With everything he had he  _ needed to refuse _ . He was Chat Noir and Chat Noir could  _ fight _ .

It was growing dark. And darker still.

He didn’t know where his body was now. It felt like a fire was burning in him that was threatening to go out of control and consume him entirely. There was a taste of blood in his mouth as he tried to steel himself further. The blight from the akuma was reaching deeper into him, trying to grab ahold of that part of him he didn’t want to face. He could feel himself becoming petrified.

It was  _ there _ .

Chat looked up into the blackness. He could feel water lapping at his body where he knelt, so close to pulling him under. He looked ahead to where it loomed over the surface of the water. The beastial nature that only craved an end to it all, for destruction to level everything so nothing could hurt anymore. Its eyes had an unsettling glow despite there being no light, and they were hungry. The monstrous jaws were pulled back in a grotesque snarl, dripping thickly with saliva. Everything about it was rage and pain. It only spoke in low growls and cutting hisses, but Chat - but  _ Adrien _ knew exactly what was being said. The noise resonated within him as words that he himself had spoken.

_ No more. I hate it. I can’t do it anymore. Leave me alone. I hate it. I can’t be loved. I was never meant to be loved. It’s too much. I hate it. I’m sick of it. I don’t want to be a coward. IhateitIhateitIhateit _ **_IhateitIhateit_ ** _ …! _

It’s claws were on him now, digging into his shoulders as it pinned him into the water. He tried to slash at the apparition with his own claws but it was having no effect. This sick creature in him didn’t want to be stifled any longer. The akuma was drawing it out of him. He could feel himself sinking into the water as the beast’s open jaws were lowered over his head. He continued to struggle against it. He couldn’t let it take him.

It felt like he’d been struck by lightning. The shock and the pain coursed through him, accompanied by the sounds of feathered wings taking flight.

* * *

Marinette hit the ground hard when Chat pushed her. Before she could lift herself up again she heard the bloodcurdling scream.

“Chat!” she shrieked as she scrambled to right herself.

He was still kneeling a short distance from her, but his hands covered his face as he continued screaming and writhing. He let out another agonised cry as he threw his head back with such force that his whole body fell backwards. Marinette could see the purple butterfly outline across his face, but something was wrong. It was jolting and flickering, disappearing and reappearing as Chat continued to thrash and toss himself. It horrified her to watch, and she had become paralysed in the face of it. What could she do? He was trying so hard to fight it but she couldn’t do anything.

His name passed weakly from her lips, “Chat...Adrien…”

Another spasm gripped him as he started to spit up blood. The akumatisation that was unable to fully claim him was just tearing his body apart.

“Stop…” she whimpered.

He convulsed again with another animalistic scream. Marinette was shaking violently, but she needed to do something. Her trembling hands reached out for him.

“ _ Don’t touch him! _ ” Tikki yelled.

Marinette barely had a chance to look at her kwami before something like an electric pulse split the air. She flinched away as she felt the coursing energy pass through her like a striking note blasted from an amped up speaker, vibrating through to her bones.

Looking up again, she saw the trailing green light as the facade of Chat Noir left, leaving Adrien lying still on the ground. His clothes were soaked through, faintly reminding her of the empty shower that had been running earlier. Plagg rolled out of his ring with a pained groan. Marinette tried to break through her persisting paralysis as she acted to move, but stopped when she saw what was next to Adrien.   
The purple butterfly was pathetically squirming on the ground. It looked like one of its wings had been half burned off. The creature twisted around as it struggled to fly again. And next to it was…

_ An amok? _

Marinette stared at the blue feather. It wasn’t like the others she’d seen. It fizzled and crackled like it was electrically charged beyond capacity. Was this what had caused the pulse she’d felt?

“Marinette!” Tikki called to her, “You need to purify them immediately!”

Her eyes were still glued to the feather, but she nodded and once again called for her transformation.

Ladybug purified the akuma first. The way it squirmed on the ground was awful to watch. All damage was repaired as the pristine white butterfly emerged from her yo-yo, wings complete again as it flitted away. She went for the amok after, but as soon as it was caught in her yo-yo a shiver went through her spine. She could feel  _ so much _ pain, fear and a horrible rage from the thing. She had already been shaking, but the ghastly sensation made her tremble even more. Not wanting to dwell on the pulsating negativity from it, she purified the amok and set free the shimmering white feather.   
With the immediate dangers dealt with, Ladybug turned to where Adrien lay. He wasn’t moving and as she moved closer it felt like her heart itself had become cold. She lowered her cheek near his face but she couldn’t feel him breathing. The panic within her was swelling as she pressed her ear against his chest, trying to calm her own escalated heart so she could listen. She couldn’t hear it. The heartbeat that meant everything to hear.  _ She couldn’t hear it. _

Through the spiralling of her emotions she wasn’t sure how she did it, but instinct immediately acted for her. She took a deep breath as she gently angled his head up. Locking her lips over his, ignoring the blood that she tasted there as she breathed into him.

_ Please…  _ her thoughts were begging as she delivered another breath into him.

She placed her hands against the middle of his chest, gripping one over the other as she started the steady compressions.

“Don’t you give up now.” she sobbed, “I won’t let you!”

She could barely see for the tears that were welling in her eyes. Blinking them away as best she could, she kept going. Again she pressed her lips to his, breathing for him as she desperately tried to bring him back. Her hands returned to his chest once more, rhythmically pressing down on him.

“Adrien!” she cried out for him.

Feeling him jolt against her made her come to a stop. A strangled noise rose up from his throat, resulting in him coughing up more blood before taking a ragged gasp. Ladybug could barely hold back her whimper as she felt the movement of his shuddering breaths under her hands. She lowered her head again, pressing her ear to his chest. It was there. It was weak but his heart was beating.

She heard Plagg groan, “He’ll come around. I absorbed the worst of it.”

Ladybug lifted her head as she looked towards the kwami still sprawled on the ground. As delicately as she could, she cupped her hands around the little cat and lifted him up.

“Thank you, Plagg!” she said, her voice thick with emotion as she placed a grateful kiss atop his head.

“Ugh, gross!” Plagg huffed tiredly, “Camembert is a much better offering.”

Ladybug laughed as she sniffled, “You can have as much as you want.”

She placed the kwami on her shoulder as she turned her attention back to Adrien. He was still unconscious, but he was breathing again. He was alive.   
Ladybug carefully lifted him into her arms. The unexpected presence of the amok had left her concerned, but she needed to get him out of here for now.

Ladybug immediately headed for the Agreste mansion as it was not only closer, but she was certain there’d be plenty of cheese for Plagg as well as a change of clothes for Adrien. She went as fast as she could, jumping and swinging over the buildings until she was able to sail through Adrien’s window and into his room. She lay him on his bed, gently cupping the side of his face as she checked his breathing again. It was shallow but still there.   
Plagg was still clinging to her shoulder, so she set him on the desk and found a complete wheel of camembert in the secret stash for him to have. Thinking that Tikki would want a break too after transforming twice, she decided to call off her Ladybug form.

“Tikki, spots off!”

Marinette sighed deeply as her alter ego faded from her. She smiled softly as she saw Tikki immediately go to Plagg once she was free. Marinette returned to Adrien’s side as well, kneeling next to him as she again placed her head against his chest. The faint sound of his heartbeat reassured her that he was still there. She took a deep breath as she lifted her head again.   
It didn’t seem like he’d be waking up anytime soon and she needed to do something about his still damp clothing. She didn’t really like the idea of stripping him, but she couldn’t just leave him as he was. In the state he was in, it wouldn’t be good to just let him get cold while his clothing dried. She tried to swallow her tension as her fingertips touched the hem of his t-shirt. Her eyes darted back to his face but he hadn’t stirred.

_ Sorry sorry sorry sorry, _ she repeated in her head as she slipped the article of clothing up his body.

Marinette tried to look everywhere but at him as she removed his shirt, but that didn’t stop her from feeling his skin under her fingers. He was a little cool to the touch, giving her some more confidence in her decision. Her heart rate had hit the ceiling by the time she got his shirt off and an anxious blush had covered her face.

_ I’m so sorry! Please understand!  _ she kept begging internally.

She let the damp shirt fall to the floor beside her as she tried to calm herself down a bit.

“This would be so much easier if you were awake.” she groaned as she pressed her face against the bed.

She lifted herself again, watching the small movement of his chest as he breathed. Her eyes drifted down towards the lines of his abdomen before stopping at the edges of his belt. She reminded herself that her reason for doing this was anything but vulgar.

_ Just the jeans,  _ she told herself.

She wasn’t about to strip him  _ fully naked _ , so she’d already decided that his boxers would remain. It would probably be distressing enough for him as is, and she wasn’t prepared to go that far either.   
Once she managed to get his belt undone, she again looked everywhere but at him as she removed his jeans. With the article of clothing gone she hastily threw the blanket from the bed over him, firmly telling herself that she did not just see his black boxer briefs. Needing an immediate distraction from how it felt like she might just have a heart attack, she gathered up the wet clothing and took it to the bathroom where she could throw it into the laundry hamper. With that done, she grabbed a small face cloth and wetted it a little under the tap. Her heart was  _ very _ slowly settling down again as she returned to Adrien, sitting next to him on the bed. She tenderly cupped the side of his face, her thumb tracing the edge of his mouth where some blood still remained.

_ Maybe I should have just taken him to a hospital… _ she thought.

Plagg had said though that Adrien hadn’t taken any major damage and would come around. Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line as she remembered how Chat had looked as he tried to resist the akuma. She’d never seen something like that happen before.   
_ And the amok...where did that come from? _

She sighed as she started to gently use the cloth to clean the dried blood from his lips. Her hand still rested against his cheek, and her thumb caressed him softly as she finished removing what traces she could of the blood.

When she was done, Marinette rested her head on his chest again. She absorbed herself in the movements of his breathing and the quiet heartbeat. The thought of losing him, to an akuma or completely, had been absolutely terrifying. And then there was the amok. There hadn’t been any Sentimonster, so what was it doing there? And the intensity of the emotions she felt when she purified it still echoed in her.

Marinette stood up and walked to the desk where the two kwami were still sitting. Plagg had managed to eat the whole wheel of camembert and was quietly curled up next to Tikki as he slept. Tikki sat with him, softly petting the small cat’s head now and then.

Seeing Marinette’s concerned gaze, Tikki spoke first, “Plagg will be okay. He just won’t be able to transform for a while.”

Marinette nodded as she sat at the desk, “Tikki, I need to ask you something.”

Tikki looked up at her with dark blue eyes, “It’s about the amok, isn’t it?”

Marinette nodded, “Something about it was...I don’t know. It was weird.”

Her kwami looked almost sad as she looked towards the bed, “It came from Adrien.”

It felt like all of her breath left her body as Marinette’s eyes widened, “From Adrien? But how? I thought amoks possessed items, not  _ people _ .”

“Whoever placed it in him would have had to use a lot of magical power to do so.”

“ _ Whoever _ ? You mean it wasn’t Mayura?”

“I didn’t feel any of Mayura’s presence on it.”

Marinette looked over to Adrien.  _ Someone _ had placed an amok in him, leaving her with far more questions than answers. When had they done it, and why?

“So he’s been possessed by an amok all this time?” she whispered.

Tikki looked thoughtful, “This was slightly different from a normal amok. The Peacock Miraculous is connected to emotion. I think it was acting more like a lightning rod for Adrien’s emotions.”

Marinette shivered as she recalled the overflowing intensity she’d felt from the amok. All that anger, terror - all that  _ pain _ \- had been Adrien’s. All those feelings that the amok had held must have been like a constant poison within him.

“But...why do something like this?” Marinette asked, “Why have something that keeps such horrible feelings in him without a way for him to move past them?”

Tikki shook her head, “I’m not sure. But when the akuma tried to take Chat Noir, it was the amok that countered it. They ended up just breaking each other when they came in contact.”

_ And almost killed him in the process… _ Marinette thought as she felt her heart twisting tight.

That was another question Marinette didn’t know how to answer. Adrien had been vulnerable and by himself, but it wasn’t until he was Chat Noir that the akuma came for him. There were far too many questions and nowhere near enough answers.

Marientte pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to get her thoughts in order, “So let me get this straight. For _some_ _reason_ , Adrien had an amok in him. This amok had been absorbing his emotions for _who the heck knows_ how long, and was only removed when it came in contact with an akuma that wanted to make use of those emotions.”  
“Something like that, I think.” Tikki answered sadly, “I’m having to guess a bit here to fill in the gaps. It’s been a very long time since I’ve known the Peacock to be used in such a way.”

Marinette groaned as she leaned back in the chair. This was making her head hurt. Adrien had never mentioned anything of the sort, so it was likely he had no idea of it. Anxiety twisted in her stomach as she again remembered how the amok had felt to her before she’d purified it. No wonder Adrien struggled so much if  _ that _ was what he was fighting against.

Marinette sighed as she looked back to Adrien again. He still hadn’t moved but she could see the faint rise and fall of his chest. Her mind was brimming with questions she didn’t know how to answer. What she kept coming back to though, was how could she possibly explain it all to him when he woke up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I safe now? I hope I'm safe now... Otherwise back to hiding in my evil lair.
> 
> Also as a side note ~~and probably one of the worst chapters to be asking this~~ But you do you all feel about smut? Hadn't originally planned to write any in this since it the original outline was meant to be done like 20 chapters ago...Still kind of on the fence about it, but if I do I'd obviously need to update the tags and rating. Otherwise I might upload it as a separate chapter/work so the sinful lot of you can go read it, while other people can continue without it in the main work. Not guaranteeing anything, just throwing it out there to see what people think.


	43. Cadence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien wakes up and learns of what had happened. It's a lot to deal with.

Cold. It was all he could feel as he sank deeper into the jet black waters. He was still aware of the creature’s claws that still clung to him, but as an icy numbness set in the pain slowly ebbed away.  
Any semblance of light above him was a shrinking shimmer as he drifted deeper. Maybe now was the time he’d finally leave that shaded boundary he’d kept himself in. Too afraid to step into the light, but not resolved enough to let the dark take him either. He’d spent so long hating life itself, but had resigned himself to continue living that way because he couldn’t make himself act. And now the choice was slipping through his fingers.  
 _Had I even been alive in the first place?_ _  
_The beastial monstrosity that still clung to him was bleeding away, a murky stain spreading through the water before him. He stared as the creature in front of his eyes melted back, leaving behind a person. Himself. Adrien. Like staring into a dark mirror, the reflection looked back. No, it wasn’t a reflection. More like a shadow of himself, a murky silhouette that was only a shell of someone. But if it was Adrien in front of him, then who was he himself? He had felt the power that was Chat Noir faded from him before, so what was he left with now?  
Nothing. A nobody who was slowly suffocating but couldn’t take that vital breath, afraid of the black waters would rush into his lungs.  
He was sinking lower as the apparition of himself had let go. So that was it. He was to let go. Just give up and let it all end.

There was a weak beat of warmth within his chest.

 _No_.

He reached up and grabbed the arm of the silhouette, trying to pull himself up to meet it.

_I’m not done yet. She’s still there. She’s still waiting for me._

The ghost of himself looked back with faint surprise before fading completely, a shade retreating back into the darkness.  
Alone again, he forced his sense of control to return. He twisted his body as he searched for the last remaining glint of light. His body felt heavy and the pressure of the water was overbearing, but he fought with everything he had to reach up for that small glow before it vanished.

_Marinette…!_

He gasped as he broke the surface.

Adrien’s lungs ached as his chest heaved with his desperate breathing. He flinched from the bright light around him as he opened his eyes. It felt like he’d just come out of a car crash. His whole body was sore and it felt like his insides had been burned up. It felt like all energy had been taken from him as a heavy exhaustion seeped right to his bones.  
The light still felt too harsh as he looked around to try and get his bearings again. He was lying on his bed in his room. His mind fizzled like static as he tried to remember what had happened.

“Adrien?”

He stilled at the sound of a voice. Her voice. It took some effort, but he managed to prop himself up on his elbows. He could see her now. Marinette stood a short distance away, her hands resting on his desk as though she’d just lifted herself from the chair next to her.

Adrien’s throat felt rough and harsh, his call to her only coming as a hoarse whisper, “Marinette…”

It came as a shock when she closed the distance between them in a second, practically tackling him back against the bed as she reached him. Her arms were around him as she pressed herself against his chest. He could feel her tears as she cried.

“I’m so glad!” she sobbed against him, “Plagg said you’d be okay, but I was so worried.”

Adrien felt the anxiety burning up within him at the sudden contact, but he tried to keep control of his breathing to level himself. While he didn’t dislike her being close, he already felt dizzy and uncertain so it was just making him feel overly crowded. As tenderly as he could, he held Marinette's shoulders and lifted her a little off of him.

He swallowed thickly as he tried to find his words, “Wait, just...”

She looked up, her tearful eyes widening as she realised.

“Sorry!” she gasped as she quickly scooted away to sit next to him on the bed, “Sorry, I just...I thought I’d lost you.”

Adrien weakly hauled himself up into a sitting position, feeling the guilt sinking into his chest. She was crying for him but he was too shaken up himself to hug her right now. He still wasn’t sure what had happened or even what was going on at that moment. He took a deep breath as he reached up to her, gently cupping the side of her face and brushing his thumb across her cheek to wipe away the falling tears. Marinette leaned into his touch, holding her hand against his as her trembling lips tenderly touched against his palm.  
It came back to him as a flash then. They’d been on a rooftop and he was about to kiss her when an akuma came. It had tried to possess him, but it was at that point his memory failed.

He couldn’t keep the desperation out of his voice as he whispered to her, “Did I hurt you?”

Marinette’s tears had slowed, but she still gently held his hand as it caressed her cheek, “No. No, you didn’t get akumatised.”

Adrien breathed a deep sigh of relief. With the memory still a discordant mess, he was scared he’d lost his fight against it.

“But...” Marinette continued as her eyes nervously looked away, “But something else happened.”

Adrien withdrew his hand from her as the anxiety dropped to his stomach like a rock. Marinette shuffled nervously in front of him as she tried to figure out what she wanted to say. His mind was racing, making his head hurt from the persisting dizziness.

“Did Hawk Moth find out?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head, “I don’t think so. You were Chat Noir until the akuma left you. But there wasn’t just an akuma. There was an amok as well.”

He furrowed his brow as he tried to process what she’d said, “An amok?”

“Tikki said that it came from you.”

“I don’t understand…”

“There was an amok inside you. I don’t know how or why, but it was there.”

The tension inside him twisted in his gut. An amok inside him? That couldn’t possibly be right. Surely he would have noticed something like that. Thoughts were cascading through him as he tried to remember.

His voice cracked as he spoke, “But Mayura never…”

Marinette nervously chewed her lip as she watched him, “It wasn’t Mayura who did it.”

That certainly didn’t help. If it wasn’t Mayura, then who had done that to him? Adrien wrapped his arms around himself as he tore through his memories again. He knew what it was to be violated, but this was something else. Someone had used such a possessive power on him, and for what purpose? There was something there on the fringe of his thoughts, something he thought that he knew. But no matter how hard he reached for it, he couldn’t shake it free of the fog that shrouded it. Not only had he gone through having his body stolen from him, but his mind too?

“What the fuck.” he choked.

He was quickly hyperventilating as he was trying to find some understanding in all of this. Anytime he thought he was getting close to something, his head would hurt and leave a faint ringing in his ears. The tense anxiety in him was constricting around his chest as he struggled to breathe. He started to tap out his familiar rhythm against his arm, but only got a few notes in before tensing up. What had been a faint trembling in him quickly became uncontrollable tremor. What was he meant to do?

“Hey,” Marinette said softly, “Give me your hand.”

He looked to the girl next to him. Her bluebell eyes were gazing back at him. Her tears had calmed now and her eyes were full of such promise and warmth. He slowly lifted his shaking hand, allowing her to take it in hers. She gently pulled it a little towards her. With soft touches from her fingers, she started to play out the rhythm for him into his palm. He watched her delicate fingers tap through the sequence, focusing on the feeling of it.

It was a few minutes before Adrien could calm down some. Marinette continued to play the imaginary notes into his hand as she told him what she and Tikki had talked about. That the amok residing in him had been absorbing his emotions and how when the akuma tried to possess him it came in contact with the amok instead. If it hadn’t been for Plagg, the localised calamity between the amok and akuma might have killed Adrien. He didn’t know how to process all this. Someone had done this to him but he couldn’t figure out or remember why.  
Thanks to Marinette he was relaxing a little at least now. His breaths came easier and his heart no longer felt like it was being crushed in a vice. He still felt absolutely exhausted, and his body ached from it. The pain in his head was slowly subsiding, leaving him feeling lightheaded. The storm of thoughts and feelings in him had also settled. It was then that Adrien fully realised it. The part of him that had terrified him for so long had gone quiet. The feral nature that cried out for destruction was barely a distant echo in him now. It wasn’t just that. He blinked his eyes as he looked around, having now adjusted to the brightness of his room. The heavy greyness that had clouded him had also faded. He could see colour as it was meant to be again. He could see fully how the warm light that streamed through his windows created shining pools across the floor. He looked back to Marinette, who had taken to quietly rubbing her thumb in soothing circles in the middle of his palm now. She’d remained the last of any colour he’d had, but now she was even more beautiful. It made his heart pound the way her bluebell eyes were half lidded as she tenderly focused on his hand, and the way her glossy dark hair perfectly framed her face. He could fully see the dappling of freckles on her cheeks and the soft pink of her lips.  
Adrien started to lean a little more towards her but froze up as he realised something else. In his seated position, the blanket that had been on him now only covered him from the waist down. He’d been vaguely aware that he’d been shirtless when he woke up, but as he moved he felt the bedsheets against his bare skin elsewhere. It wasn’t just his shirt that was missing.

The sudden surge of embarrassment, confusion and panic manifested as a small choking sound as his breath caught in his throat.

Marinette noticed and looked up at him with concern, “Is everything okay?”

Adrien nervously looked away as an anxious blush crept onto his cheeks, “Um, where are my clothes?”

Her hand that had still been caressing his stopped completely. He glanced at her momentarily, catching the bright red that now covered her face.

“Th-That’s because…!” she stammered, “You were wet! I mean - the _clothes_ were wet! And c-cold!”

Her reasoning baffled him for a second until what had happened earlier came back to him. The photograph with Lila and how he’d collapsed fully clothed in the shower because he couldn’t stop the disgusting feeling that had enveloped him. A similar feeling was crawling up his spine again now but he tried to ignore it.  
It made him uncomfortable sitting barely clothed in front of Marinette, of that there was no doubt. He felt uneasy about it, but as she was now turned away to look in the opposite direction it reassured him a little. He had committed himself to trusting her, so the shiver of nervousness that passed through him didn’t immediately spiral out of control.  
Adrien gently slipped his hand away from hers as he cleared his throat, “I’ll just um, go get some clothes on.”

Marinette was still turned away from him but he could see her nod her head. He shifted to the edge of the bed and attempted to stand up, but as soon as he did his legs gave out and he promptly fell back again. Right, his body felt like lead at the moment.

“You okay?” Marinette asked as she shyly looked over her shoulder.

“I...can’t really move right now.” he answered quietly.

Neither of them spoke or moved for a few seconds.  
Suddenly Marinnete got up from the bed and hastily made her way to the bathroom. Adrien heard the opening and closing of his closets and drawers for a minute. She returned soon after and held out to him a tshirt and sweatpants. There was also a pair of boxer briefs neatly hidden under the folded shirt, as though Marinette were doing everything she could to not be seeing his underwear. It made a small smile tug on his lips as he considered that maybe she was about as nervous as he was with the whole thing.

Marinette stepped back once she’d handed the clothing over to him, “I’ll just go...”

“You can stay.” he found himself saying, making both of their blushes grow more heated, “I-I mean, um - just don’t look.”

Adrien felt ridiculously childish for saying that. He didn’t want her to leave, but at the same time he didn’t want her to look at him any more than she had.  
Marinette chewed her lip a moment before nodding in understanding. She was still blushing hard as she walked around to the other side of the bed. Sitting down on the edge of it with her back to him, she then grabbed a pillow and proceeded to shove her face into it. Adrien was surprised by it, and almost laughed at the absurd action of it. The show she was making of how much she wasn’t looking at him though helped him feel a little more at ease.

It was slow for him to get changed when he couldn’t stand up for more than one second at a time. He looked at Marinette only occasionally, as he felt assured that she would do as he’d asked. He couldn’t help but wonder though how he would feel if she were to see all of him. Adrien had detested his own body for a long time. In the modeling business he’d received endless compliments about his physique, especially as he’d gotten older. Every one of them made his stomach turn and left a bad taste in his mouth. Marinette was different though. The majority of the compliments she’d given him had been for what she’d perceived in him as a person. And when it came to him in a physical sense she’d always done her best to respect his need for space, even though it was obvious how much she enjoyed physical contact with him. He wanted to give her everything that was himself, but his own body hadn’t felt like _him_ for a while.  
Adrien shook his head. Marinette had promised they could go at whatever paced suited him, even though he wasn’t sure what that was yet.

  
Once he was finished getting dressed he kicked the previously worn boxers under the bed and out of sight for him to deal with later. He lay back down on the bed again, letting his legs hang over the edge of it as his feet rested on the ground. He was definitely too sore and tired to move anymore.

“You can look again.” he told her.

He was looking at her upside down from where he lay as he watched her timidly bring the pillow away from her face. It made a comforting warmth bloom in his chest as she carefully looked over her shoulder, her eyes moving slowly to make doubly sure that she was safe to do so. He was still terrified of moving forward with her, but at the same time he felt safe with how she treated him. Even though he struggled to navigate himself, she always remained patient and kind with him. His heart was full with the desire to be with her in every meaning of the word, even though a certain level of intimacy still seemed so far out of reach.  
Even though he could still feel his cacophonous emotions within him, he felt calm. The grey fog had finally lifted and the continuous tailspin he’d be caught in had stopped. He felt like he had some control again.  
“Adrien?” Marinette was looking at him with concern.

He didn’t understand why for a moment, until he felt the droplets fall from his eyes. He was crying. Why was he crying?

 _I still don’t understand myself_ , he thought as a hiccup hit his throat.

He didn’t necessarily feel _sad_ , but his feelings remained an indecipherable mess. He felt at ease, but at the same time he felt like some large piece of him had gone missing. Most of all though, was the overwhelming sense of relief.

* * *

Adrien was looking away, but she saw the rising blush in his cheeks as he spoke, “Um, where are my clothes?”

Marinette froze as soon as she heard the words. She still held his hand, but the gentle sweeps of her thumb over his palm had stopped dead. It felt like her face had caught fire as her own blush blew up in her face.

Her words tumbled out in a mess, “Th-That’s because…! You were wet! I mean - the _clothes_ were wet! And c-cold!”

It was clear how uncomfortable he felt as his shoulders had tensed and he was nervously looking away from her. She turned her head away as well. It wasn’t like she’d been lewdly staring at him the whole time, but it had happened more than once that her gaze had fallen over the tone of his pecs and abs or the lines of his waist that traced towards his hips and then lower. It would only last a second though, as she would snap her eyes back to less provocative views.

He withdrew his hand from her and she heard him give a nervous cough, “I’ll just um, go get some clothes on.”

She felt the movement of the bed as he went to stand up, only to quickly fall back on it again.

Marinette timidly glanced over her shoulder towards him, “You okay?”

She caught sight of his lingering blush as he responded quietly, “I...can’t really move right now.”

Marinette anxiously bit her lip as she looked away again. She’d noticed that his movements had been stiff and sluggish. Plagg had managed to prevent the worst of the damage that had occured from the failed akumatisation, but obviously there were still some effects to be felt from it.  
She quickly slid off the bed and rushed to the bathroom. Once she’d reached the walk-in, she looked through the closets for a new tshirt and sweatpants for him to wear. She paused before shyly opening the drawer that she now knew contained his underwear, grabbing a pair of boxer briefs at random and slipping them under the shirt as though she’d never looked at them in the first place.  
 _I’m being so weird. It’s just clothes!_ she chided herself as she felt like her blush was just permanent now, _Just fabric that he happens to wear...there._

With the clothes in hand, she returned to Adrien and gave them to him.

“I’ll just go...” she mumbled as she stepped away.

“You can stay.” Adrien blurted out before hastily adding, “I-I mean, um - just don’t look.”

It felt like she was never going to calm down with this. Her face had gone tomato levels of red, and her heart had hit the ceiling multiple times now.  
She felt too flustered to speak, so she only nodded wordlessly as she marched to the other side of the bed. Sitting with her back to him, she grabbed the nearest pillow and plunged her face into it. She even squeezed her eyes tight shut, even though the pillow prevented any chance of her seeing anything.  
Marinette could feel the small movements of the bed as Adrien moved and she could hear the sound of fabric rustling as he got dressed. Her heart was still pounding hard, but there was a tender warmth in it. He trusted her. Even though she had practically stripped him, he’d believed in her intentions. He was believing in her now, even though it would be so easy for her to turn and look at him. She squeezed the pillow to her face, not caring that it was already difficult to breathe. They’d already trusted each other deeply, enough to put their own life on the line for each other. But this felt completely different. He was not only trusting her with his strengths now, but his vulnerabilities too.

His voice was meek and tired when he eventually spoke, “You can look again.”

Marinette hesitantly took the pillow away from her face as she opened her eyes. There was still a heated blush on her face as she tentatively looked over her shoulder at him. He was lying on the edge of the bed now, his legs stretched out over the side as his feet rested on the floor. From this position he’d tilted his head to look at her upside down. Her heart hit the ceiling again.

_Cute…!_

His blond hair had fallen away from his face, showing in full his verdant gaze that held a quiet shyness as he watched her. She was overcome with the urge to lean over and kiss his exposed forehead, but held back when she noticed. His eyes had become misted as the droplets gathered in the corners.

She turned to face him fully, unable to keep the worry from her voice, “Adrien?”

He said nothing for a moment, seeming to only realise when he blinked, causing the gathering tears to fall from his lashes. Whatever it was struck him then, as he clenched his jaw to suppress hiccups that now came. His brow furrowed from the tension as his gaze drifted. The gentle tears kept coming.

Marinette crawled over the bed to settle herself next to him. She gently wiped the overflowing tears from the corners of his eyes. They weren’t the same kind of tears she’d seen from him before. They had been hot with a profound panic and anger. But the ones that fell from him now were soft and crystalline.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered.

Adrien looked up at her with a weak and uncertain smile, “I don’t know. I don’t understand it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you're crying! Although I listen to music a lot when I write, and there are some songs I _really_ shouldn't listen to while doing so. Too many feelings. It was actually a couple of songs that inspired the basis of this work for me ~~and why music comes up a lot in it~~
> 
> Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter! Some of you raised some really good thoughts on it. Like I've said, Penumbra is my first fic in a long time and I originally hadn't intended it to go on this long, so it's ended going a lot further in the content/themes/characters. So I'll just...slap that tag on there...When it comes up I'll be sure to make it avoidable for those of you who don't care to read that kind of thing.


	44. Affettuoso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little talks and light touching.

Marinette stayed with him until the tears slowed and the restrained hiccups stopped.

“Feeling better?” she asked softly as she gently brushed her fingers over his forehead before running them through his hair.

He let out a small, dry laugh, “I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m feeling.”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

Adrien didn’t seem convinced as his gaze slowly drifted away from her. With a groan he pulled himself up into a sitting position. He wiped the remaining traces of tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, clearing his throat as he tried to compose himself again. Marinette could tell something was still weighing on him heavily. She moved a little closer, but didn’t touch him just yet.

“What is it?” she whispered.

He looked at her a moment before speaking with a wry smile, “The amok. This is so fucked up. How do I even know what I’m feeling is mine anymore?”

Her heart hurt as she watched him. He leaned forward, staring into his hands with a quiet anguish in his expression.  
He turned to her again with such a miserable smile that shook her to her core, “My body. And now this. How can I feel anything if everything keeps being taken from me?”

Marinette didn’t know how to answer that. She hadn’t felt his experiences, so she didn’t know the full extent of how much Adrien felt like a stranger to himself.

_Maybe I can try and show him,_ she thought as she looked again to his flickering verdant eyes.

Marinette took a steady breath as she held her hand out to him, “Can I?”

He was apprehensive as his gaze fell to her waiting gesture. His uncertainty and tension were clear to her, but she remained patient.

“You can let go at any time.” she told him.

His eyes briefly flashed up to meet hers before he hesitantly placed his hand in hers. She waited a moment, giving a chance for his nervous trembling to calm a little.

“Do you feel that?” she asked as she gently squeezed her hand.

His gaze was moving around nervously but he nodded.

She brushed her lips over his knuckles in a tender kiss, “And this?”

Again he nodded.  
Marinette took another deep breath as she lowered his hand, softly pressing his palm just below her collarbone. It wasn’t low enough for the touch to be sensual, but it was close enough that he would be able to feel the intensity of how her heart pounded in her chest. She felt him freeze up at the touch, but he didn’t pull away.

She didn’t need to ask this time, as he shyly met her gaze and nodded once more.

“You can feel everything because you’re here in this moment.” she said softly, “I know that you’ve been through so much, and that people have done horrible things. But you’re still here, and you’re still _you_.”

Adrien watched her quietly as she spoke. His eyes were still skittish, but he stayed where he was. She could feel the pleasant warmth of his hand through her shirt where she still held it.  
“And I don’t want to take anything from you.” she added quietly, “Only what you want to give.”

His expression changed then. He was still anxious, but a flash of surprise lit up in his eyes. His features softened again as a faint smile came to his lips. It was still far off from the overconfident broad grins of Chat Noir, but it held a trace of his alter ego’s charm.

His voice was low and still a little nervous as he drew closer to her, “I already promised to give you everything.”

Marinette felt her heart rate climb even higher as a heated blush flooded her cheeks. It had been a while since Adrien had kissed her fully and she craved it. She let him lead with it though, letting his hand move from her upper chest to tenderly cup her cheek as his lips met hers. She closed her eyes at the soft and uncertain touch, shivering at the way his lips brushed against her. She wanted more but she held back. He pulled away, leaving her wanting only briefly as he quickly returned. This time he was a little more sure as he captured her lips again. She was ready for it when she felt his tongue tentatively lick at her, opening her mouth to welcome the taste of him. She couldn’t get enough of it. She’d been unsure of what to do with her hands at first, but she quickly found herself entangling her fingers in his hair as their kiss deepened. She was careful to never let her hands slip too low in case they touched his neck. He’d tilted his head now, pressing himself further into her as she felt his teeth softly graze over her lip. She couldn’t help the moan that escaped from her and she felt him smile into the kiss in response.  
Marinette opened her eyes again when they broke apart to breathe. Her hands were still threaded through his hair and his own still cupped her cheek. Her whole body was heated now, pooling in her centre as a concentrated feeling of desire. She felt as long as it was him, she wouldn’t hesitate.

“I’ll let you have control.” she whispered breathlessly, “I’ll give myself to you.”  
She gasped as he kissed her again.

* * *

Her hushed voice was so close to him made him shiver, “I’ll let you have control. I’ll give myself to you.”

Adrien returned to her lips, his heart jumping with the small gasp she made as he kissed her again. He was still breathless but he wanted to taste her more, to feel her more. She was so soft and sweet, and it made his heart pound when he felt her moan into him. Marinette said he had control, but he didn’t know what to do with it. The white noise had remained distant for now, but it was still hard to think with the way her hands were running through his hair as she kissed him back. He didn’t dislike it, but it was igniting sparks in him that made his breathing hitch and his heart go crazy. He decided he could manage for now and wanted her closer.

He broke apart from their kiss again, moving more onto the bed as he gently pulled her towards him. She was almost in his lap, but he held off on bringing her any closer. He went for the nape of her neck this time as he kissed her, eliciting a new kind of moan from her he hadn’t gotten before. Her hands had released his hair and were now resting on his shoulders to keep herself steady.

_She’s so cute,_ he thought as he trailed more kisses up to her jaw.  
He could tell from the way that she pressed into him that she wanted something, but he wasn’t sure what. He’d closed himself off to this kind of thing, so he was at a loss as to how to proceed.

Adrien lifted his gaze to hers, carefully watching her as he asked, “Can I touch you?”

Her bluebell eyes looked back at him, soft and wanting. There was a heated yet delicate blush across her cheeks.  
Marinette kissed him tenderly before answering, “If you want to.”

He nervously licked his lips. He was mostly sure he wanted to, but he didn’t want to do anything that would be uncomfortable for her or worse hurt her. His hands hovered above her thighs briefly before he changed his mind and instead went to her waist. He gently slid his hands a little lower until his fingers brushed the hem of her shirt. She nodded when he looked at her again, so he slowly slipped his fingers under the piece of clothing. He trailed his hands over the softness of her belly and hips. He carefully traced along the top of her jeans, but didn’t sink his touch past that threshold. She felt so warm, and he couldn’t look away from her as he watched for her reactions as he touched her. The small gasps and whimpers she made were because of him. He paused when Marinette's hands slid from his shoulders, coming to rest over his chest instead.  
“Can I touch you too?” she whispered.

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat. He knew that it was only fair to let her do so. He’d also been wanting to know how it would be for Marinette to feel him more than she had before. Letting someone you love touch you was meant to be enjoyable after all. The white noise was still in the back of his mind, but as long as it didn’t surge he was okay.

“Okay, just...not my neck or wrists.” he said quietly.

Her eyes lit up at this, making his heart skip a beat. She was excited to touch him, but had been waiting for him to let her.

Her answer was hushed but eager, “Just say if you want me to stop.”  
Adrien’s body was becoming heated, so when she lifted the bottom of his shirt he shivered from the cool air. He’d stopped his own exploration of her for the moment as he cautiously watched her. Her gaze had drifted down to where her hands were feeling out the definition of his abs. It felt strange, but it didn’t feel wrong either. He momentarily forgot about the exhaustion in his body as he felt the warmth of her touch. Like everything else about her, her hands were small and soft. His breathing hitched as she travelled up, her fingertips caressing over every part of skin she could reach as though she wanted to know everything. He started to feel dizzy, and even though her gaze was gentle he started to become increasingly aware that she could see him.  
He quickly leaned forward to her, taking her lips in another kiss. As she normally did, Marinette closed her eyes as he gently sucked on her bottom lip. With her lips parted he kept the kiss going, letting her tongue slide against his. It was purely selfish on his part, as she kept her eyes closed for the moment as he continued to kiss her.  
Her hands still wandered him, reminding Adrien he’d been doing the same to her. He was shaking a little now as he moved his hands up her sides, pausing when he felt the material of her bra. He pulled back from that, letting his hands settle again on her waist.  
Adrien could feel a need growing, and with it all the confusion and fear that had become forcefully meshed with such a desire. He pulled back from their kiss as he was overcome with the urgency to breathe. As soon as Marinette’s eyes fluttered open, he averted his own gaze and sunk down until his face rested against her shoulder. His trembling hands also left the warmth of her skin as he let them fall limp to his sides. The heat and tension of his lower body was making him feel sick, and the white noise had started to ring obnoxiously in his ears.

Marinette’s hands had come to rest at his hips, but had ceased all movement.

“Adrien?” she whispered.

He didn’t lift his head off her shoulder, his voice cracking as he answered, “Don’t look at me…”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Please…”

* * *

“Can I touch you too?” Marinette asked shyly.

Adrien’s hands came to a stop under her shirt, resting on the shape of her waist. She was exhilarated by his touch, even though he hadn’t taken it very far. She wanted him to feel the same way as how he was making her feel. Loved. Cherished. Protected. She wanted to go through this with him and share with him.  
He was watching her carefully now, and a small part of her thought he’d maybe refuse it.

His gaze nervously flickered away, “Okay, just...not my neck or wrists.”

Marinette’s already erratic heart soared. There was an existing faint blush on his cheeks, but she wanted to see more of it if she could.

“Just say if you want me to stop.” she told him.

There was no hope for calming her heartbeat now. She relished the slight shiver from him as her hands moved up the bottom of his shirt. His skin was so warm and smooth, and she found herself gently feeling the lines of his stomach. She didn’t want to rush any of it, she wanted to take in the feel of him. Adrien had stopped his own movements for now and was instead watching her hesitantly. The feeling of his taut muscles under her fingertips was slowly adding to the amounting heat of her lower body. She wanted to dip her fingers lower but held off for now.

Adrien suddenly leaned into her, taking her lips in a frenzied kiss. Marinette felt like a full fireworks display was going off in her head with the feel of him against her hands as well as the taste of him on her lips. Her eyes were closed now, making her all the more aware that his fingers had resumed grazing over her waist. She gasped into him as she felt him go higher up her sides, stopping at the edge of her bra strap. He lingered there a moment before letting his hands slide down her again.  
Marinette opened her eyes again as their kiss ended, leaving her panting for breath. She froze as she felt the weight of Adrien sinking onto her shoulder. His breathing was shaky and his hands had fallen away from her. She stopped any of her own movement.

She stayed quiet as though she might frighten him, “Adrien?”

“Don’t look at me…” he responded weakly.

“Do you want to stop?”

“Please…”

She gently took her hands off him. He didn’t move now, keeping his face hidden against her shoulder. She wondered if she’d done something wrong, and what could she do now to help.

“Do you want me to move?” she asked, moving away a little to offer him space.

It came as a shock when Adrien suddenly wrapped his arms around her shoulders to keep her where she was.

“N-No.” he voice was desperate and hushed, “Please don’t move right now…”

This was confusing. Normally when he was like this, he needed her to step back from him. He still held onto her as he shifted awkwardly, and his shallow breaths felt hot against the nape of her neck. Marinette carefully tried to adjust her own positioning, as there was still a lingering heat between her thighs. The movement made Adrien flinch and his breathing hitch while Marinette became paralysed. Given that they were already so close, she’d accidentally rubbed against him and felt it. She hadn’t been the only one who’d started to feel aroused. The blush that had started to die away from her returned in full as she realised.

“Um, do you...want me to do something?” she whispered timidly.

He was taking gulping breaths now, and she could feel him trembling as he shook his head against her. It was enough for her to know now that what they had been doing definitely wouldn’t go any further. While she knew it was a perfectly normal reaction to them starting to explore each other, she also understood that there were still distressing feelings for Adrien when it came to it.

“It’s okay.” she said softly in an attempt to soothe him.

“U-um, th-this…” he stuttered, still pressed against her shoulder, “Sorry.”

“You’re okay. We don’t need to do anything right now.”

His voice was barely audible, “Please don’t look at me.”

Marinette rested her head against his as she looked over his shoulder, “I’m not. I promise.”

She was glad for a chance to let herself calm down as well in the minutes that followed. She tried to think over what had happened and what could have been done differently to avoid this outcome. Marinette had already accepted the fact that intimacy was hard for Adrien, but she didn’t want to give up on helping him find the enjoyable aspects of it. There was little point in trying anything now though.

_I’ll try talking to him more next time,_ she decided.

She paused as she felt Adrien move. He released her from his arms as he withdrew himself from her, shifting himself backwards a little so that there was now a firm gap between them. He still avoided meeting her gaze as he hugged his knees to his chest.  
“Sorry.” he murmured with a wry smile, “I guess even without that thing in my head I’m still messed up.”

“It’s okay.” she responded calmly, “I’ve told you, we don’t need to do anything you don’t want to.”

His expression had lost all of the soft shyness he’d previously had, as he now looked increasingly apologetic and ashamed.

“I don’t want it to be a bad experience for you.” he said quietly as his gaze flickered nervously, “I’m not exactly a good choice for a first. Probably not good for any time really.”

Marinette would have been the biggest liar if she’d said she hadn’t thought of Adrien being her first everything for a long time. Of course when it was still just a crush that she hung pictures of on her wall, her daydreams had been more innocent. And as she’d gotten older, those fantasies went further in the ways she thought about him. But that’s all they had been. Fantasies and daydreams. The real Adrien was not perfect or experienced. What he was though, was incredibly protective towards her. He was always giving her the care and respect that he hadn’t been shown.

She smiled shyly at him, “As long as it’s you, I’ll be happy. Who else could possibly be better than the person I love and trust the most?”

His verdant eyes snapped to her with shock. She could almost see Chat Noir ears, twitching away as they normally did when he was uncertain of what he’d heard. He said nothing for a moment, shuffling anxiously where he sat.  
Marinette felt her heart become lighter when he held out his hand to her. She moved closer to him and gently took it into her hands. It was the one that he’d injured. The bandage he’d had on has since disappeared through today’s events, so she could see the healing gashes across his knuckles. It didn’t look as bad as it had before but it would still be awhile before it was smooth skin again, though it may potentially leave some faint scarring.  
She leaned forward and gently kissed the marks on his hand, making him flinch in surprise.

“I love every part of you.” she whispered softly, “I’ll let you decide when you want to go that far. And when we do, I know I’m only going to find more reasons to love you.”

Adrien remained silent and he’d hidden his face against his knees. She knew he was listening to her though, as she felt his trembling hand tighten around hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite there yet, but it's a start. Still a lot to get through before that.
> 
> Again, thanks for all the comments and feedback! I'm so happy you're all enjoying the fic this much!


	45. Resonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien tries to deal with his state of mind.  
> Marinette talks to an annoyed Alya.

Adrien kept his face buried in his knees. He still couldn’t deal with being looked at right now, and the white noise continued to fill his head. He still held onto her hand though. She was his reminder that he was still there in that moment, that he hadn’t lost himself again. He’d been able to forget for a time the aching fatigue, as all of his senses had been filled with Marinette. All of his focus had been on her, but now as he withdrew from that sensation he was feeling the mental and physical exhaustion again.  
He might have fallen asleep for a short time, he wasn’t sure. With the gentle quiet they’d fallen into, it came as a loud shock when a phone started to vibrate loudly somewhere. Adrien jumped at the aggressive noise, peeking out over the arm that hugged his knees to see where it was coming from. It didn’t sound like his, and looking to his desk he noticed it seemed to be coming from Marinette’s purse.  
He saw in the corner of his vision how Marinette glanced at him with uncertainty.

“It’s fine.” he murmured as he withdrew his hand from hers, “Go answer it.”

He cautiously watched her as she lifted herself from the bed and went to retrieve her violently buzzing phone.

“It’s Alya.” she smiled as she lifted the device to her ear.

Adrien couldn’t hear much from the phone, but as soon as Marinette started to greet her friend he was pretty sure there was some shouting from the other end.

“Sorry.” Marinette said sheepishly, “Yes, we’re fine. Everything’s okay.”

He chewed his lip as the guilty feeling returned. Marinette was meant to be back at school earlier, but ended up leaving halfway through because he couldn’t manage to be a stable person for one day. The familiar anxiety twisted in his gut as he looked at his computer screens.

_I still need to do something about those photos._

Marinette was in a conversation now with Alya. He was glad that she had a distraction for now instead of just sitting there while he got over himself. His movements still felt weighted, but he was able to at least stand again properly as he got up from the bed. He paused a moment as he looked out the large windows of his room. He wasn’t sure of it, but for a moment he thought he saw a fleeting shadow over the rooftops. Without his senses enhanced through his Miraculous transformation, he couldn’t be sure of what he saw though. He hesitantly tore his eyes away from the now empty skyline. It was probably just in his head.

He slowly made his way to the bathroom, averting his eyes when he felt Marinette’s gaze return to him. He slid the door shut behind him before moving to the sink. Turning on the faucet, he splashed the cold water on his face a few times. He shivered from the feeling, but he needed to try and calm his head some. He held onto the edge of the counter to steady himself, waiting for the what remained of the white noise to pass. He lifted his gaze, but as soon as he caught the edge of his reflection in the large mirror in front of him he looked away again.  
A reflection.  
No, a shadow.  
There was something clinging to the back of his mind, a feeling or a memory of one. Like ripples over a water’s surface, but he was too far away to see the source of the disturbance. He started to tap his fingers against the counter, stopping after only a few notes when he saw the glaring scabs and marks over his knuckles.

_You can start by breaking that fidgeting habit of yours._

Adrien clenched his hands into fists as he turned around, leaning back against the counter as he slid to the floor. What was he meant to do? It felt like so much was constantly slipping through his grasp, and the things he thought he had under control turned out to be a disaster.  
Until recently he’d even started to wonder if he’d actually woken up at all in the hospital, if he was even still alive. He felt a little more sure about that point now at least. He could see and feel again with a clarity he’d forgotten was possible. And then Marinette had shown him he really was still there. He’d felt her heartbeat himself and how it could almost be in sync with his own. She tried to help him feel out his own body as she touched him, that it was still his. It still didn’t seem right though, so much to the point that the physical reactions she’d encouraged from him had scared him. It was too much to handle and he didn’t even know where to start with it. Adrien of course had gone through health and sex ed classes, so he knew how things were meant to go from a biological viewpoint. But when it came to all the feelings and the _intensity_ of them he was at a complete loss. He felt powerless against the emotions that had rocked him, leaving him frightened of what was supposedly meant to be a good thing. Other seventeen year olds would be all for getting intimate with the person they loved, to experience for the first time with them something pleasurable. Meanwhile Adrien had been sickened by it and disgusted with himself.  
Adrien rested his head back against the counter behind him. There were too many thoughts trying to happen in him all at once. The white noise was slowly dissipating, but it was still there. He concentrated on trying to keep his breathing under control. He hated how weak he was, that he loved her so much but at the same time was terrified of loving her. He could never decide what it was he wanted and had always left it to other people. But now Marinette was leaving it up to him, yet he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. He felt dizzy as he tried to work through his clamouring thoughts.

_I need to do better for her._

* * *

  
  


Marinette smiled when she saw the name on her phone.

“It’s Alya.” she said as she looked at Adrien, but he was still turned away from her.

As soon as Marinette answered the call, a voice came yelling at her from the other side.

“Seriously! Look at your phone once in a while!” Alya shouted incredulously, “I’ve been trying to get you all day!”

“Sorry.” Marinette answered nervously.

“You had me worried! Are you both okay?”

Marinette felt bad. She’d almost forgotten how she’d skipped out on school earlier, only sending a brief message to her friend that Adrien needed her.

“Yes, we’re fine. Everything's okay.”

She watched as Adrien stood up from the bed. His movements were slow and awkward, and he still averted his gaze as he walked by her. Marinette felt her heart sink as he shut himself in the bathroom.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” Alya asked, having calmed down some but still sounding very annoyed.

Marinette bit her lip. She still wasn’t entirely sure of that. At least she didn’t know what had caused Adrien’s earlier episode that had led to her having to chase him down.

She thought it was best to at least give Alya _some_ honesty, “I’m not really sure.”

Alya was silent a beat before speaking again, “How is he?”

Marinette looked to the closed bathroom door as she sat down at his desk.

“Better than earlier, I think.”

“I know that you’ve been by him throughout this Mari, but it wouldn’t hurt for either of you to remember that there’s other people who care. It doesn’t have to be you that goes running every time.”

Marinette gave a despondent hum, “I know. But I think for this time at least it had to be me.”

She dreaded to think what could have happened if she hadn’t gone to him. The thought that he could have gotten akumatised or worse still hung over her.

Alya sighed, “Well, make sure Adrien knows we’re here too. Nino and I have been thinking about him.”

“I’ll remind him. And sorry again, Alya. Things just got...a little hectic.”

“All is forgiven - as long as you and Adrien come hang out with us this weekend. It’s been too long.”

“Oh, sure. I’ll ask him.” Marinette said as she looked again to the closed door.

Alya laughed, “Great! It’s taken a few years, but we _finally_ get to double date.”

Marinette paused, “...double date?”

“Yeah, it was about time you two got your act together. Don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you two.”

“Alya…” Marinette warned through her embarrassment.

“Just tell him to keep some time free this weekend. We can talk out the details later.”

“I’ll let him know.”

The pair said their goodbyes and hung up. Marinette sighed as she stared at her phone. Knowing Alya, she probably was going to come up with some weird plan.

Marinette looked to the still closed door of the bathroom. She fidgeted nervously, wondering if she should check on him. She turned the thought over in her mind for a minute before standing up.

She softly knocked on the door, “Adrien?”

A quiet hum came as a response.

“Can I come in?”

There was a pause before he answered, “Yeah.”

He hadn’t locked the door, so it slid open without resistance.  
Adrien was sitting on the floor before her, leaned back against the sink counter. His whole posture was slack as though any strength he had was gone. At least he wasn’t avoiding her now, as he looked at her with a tentative gaze.

“I got a bit dizzy.” he said with a sheepish smile.

Marinette anxiously chewed her lip. She really had to have the worst sense of timing. Adrien was dealing with so much, yet this was when she’d tried to further their relationship.  
 _Control yourself better, idiot!_ she told herself.  
She held out her hand to him, “You shouldn’t stay on the floor. Can you stand?”

He gave her hand a cautious look. He hesitated a moment before taking her hand and letting her help him to his feet. She went to partially support his weight as he stood, but Adrien stepped back from her.

“It’s okay, I can walk by myself.” he murmured.

There was a sway to his balance that told her he was lying. She knew though that from the way his arms defensively wrapped around himself, the truth was that he just didn’t want to be touched right now. She allowed him his space as he walked back into the bedroom.

Adrien sighed as he heavily sat down on the couch, “Alya sounded mad.”

He was avoiding talking about what happened earlier. Marinette went along with the change in conversation, as she doubted it would do any good right now to force him to talk about something that was still distressing him.

Marinette hummed as she sat next to keep, keeping a small space between them, “Yeah. I kind of ditched school with little explanation.”

Adrien gave a wry smile, “I’ll need to apologise to her too for that.”

“She said we’d be forgiven if we hang out with her and Nino this weekend. Do you think you can?”

He leaned back in his seat, his expression becoming pensive as he looked ahead to the large windows in front of them. His communication with their friends recently had become somewhat detached. Marinette knew that he wasn’t just cutting them off, but was finding it had to approach them again after what had happened. Even though they were there to support him, he was afraid of what they might actually think of him or how they might treat him now.

“I’ll ask Nathalie.” he said quietly after a pause, “It’s not like I have anything else happening right now, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Marinette beamed, “Great, I’ll let her know! Knowing Alya though, she’s already got her own perfect plan laid out for a double date.”

Adrien flinched at this, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. Marinette watched him as he turned his head away with a quiet huff. Was...was he pouting?

“What?” she asked quietly.

“Calling it a _double date_ …” he muttered.

“O-Oh, that’s just Alya teasing as usual!”

Marinette paused as Adrien turned back to look at her. There was a childish annoyance in his expression as a faint blush rose in his cheeks.

“I’d rather our first real one were just the two of us.” he mumbled.

Her brain needed a second to reboot from that. While they had decided to become exclusive to each other, they hadn’t actually had what would be considered a normal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship so far. They had shared special moments together though, so Marinette was a little confused.

“Wasn’t the night in the plaza technically our first?” she said as a shy blush came to her cheeks from the memory, “When you first played piano for real for me.”

Again Adrien let out a sharp sigh as he looked away again, “That was a little different.”

“Because we weren’t really together then?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?”

The tint on his cheeks had deepend as he seemed to get increasingly embarrassed and frustrated.

“I meant...going on one with _me_.” he said quietly.

It took Marinette a moment to understand his meaning. The night of the plaza he'd been Chat Noir. The faint blush on her cheeks flared hot as she realised. It was the first time she’d known him to want to be _Adrien specifically_ for something, and to not be the persona his Miraculous helped create.

Her words came out a tumbled mess, “I want you - it - I want it with you! I mean - yes, I want to go out with you…”

Adrien looked at her in surprise as she shrank away in her embarrassment. She really wished she could just swallow her words sometimes rather than throw them out in a huge mess. She paused when she heard him laughing. It was his soft, shy one that never failed to make her heart flutter.

“I should have said something sooner.” he murmured, “I’ve been all over the place with this.”

N-No that’s okay!” Marinette said hastily before quietly adding, “So...I can really call you my boyfriend now?”

Adrien’s brilliant verdant gaze met her timid one. There was still a pink tint over his cheeks as he looked at her.

A playful smirk came to his lips, “You can call me what you like, Princess.”

She was relieved at how his mood was slowly brightening again. She decided to play along with his teasing.

“I’ll call you _mine_ then.” she grinned.

His eyes widened at her, making her wonder if that was a step too far. But his expression softened as the blush on his face deepened some.

She could almost hear the purr in his voice, “Sounds good to me.”

Her heart felt so light in her chest. There was a sense of completion in her, a feeling of home. He was hers, and she belonged to him just as much.  
Marinette felt it as the weightlessness in her heart exchanged for the heavy pounding within her chest as Adrien moved closer to her. His hands gently held either side of her face as he leaned in, gingerly placing a tender kiss on her forehead. The warm touch made her giddy.

“What’s that for?” she asked with a light giggle.

Adrien hummed softly, his lips still pressed to her skin, “A promise.”

She couldn't stop the stupidly happy smile that covered her face.


	46. Malice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien spends time with Chloe.  
> Having to sneak back into the mansion leads to bitter feelings.

Adrien stifled a yawn as he stretched. He had tried his best to pay attention during the meeting with Chloe and Mlle Mercier, one of the lawyers she’d hired. However a lot of the conversation had gone over his head. He slumped back against the couch as he tried to untangle his thoughts. Things were at a standstill, that much was clear. There had still been no news of Lila and she was now being treated as a missing person. This unfortunately gave Lila her own identity as a victim, and made Adrien’s case all the more harder to present. The lawyer had been upfront with him that sexual assault cases were difficult to fight a lot of the time, especially if the victim was male.  
“I hope you’re at least _trying_ to sleep.” Chloe scoffed as she returned to the room, having just seen Mlle Mercier out.

There were in the lounge section of her penthouse, just the two of them now.

“Sort of.” Adrien mumbled back as he rubbed his eyes.

It had been a few days since the amok had been removed from him. Since Adrien couldn’t leave the mansion as himself, and Plagg was out of commission for the time being, Marinette had been the one coming to him in the evenings. Even though she clearly wanted to, he’d always insisted to her that she needn’t stay the night and he’d be fine. He’d continued with the antidepressants as promised, but he’d stopped taking the sleeping pills. He’d never liked taking them and without Marinette there next to him, he just felt too uneasy for it. Though dreams still occurred, they weren’t as rampant as before. He wasn’t sleeping well exactly, but he was sleeping.

“You look worried.” Chloe stated as she sat on the couch opposite him.

She delicately lifted her cup of tea and sipped from it, her sapphire eyes watching him curiously.

“This is all getting complicated.” he sighed.

Adrien leaned forward again, looking into his own cup. He’d opted for a strong coffee instead to help him through the intense meeting. He drank it slowly as Chloe continued to talk.

“Law and courts are.” she said matter-of-factly, “I told you it wouldn’t be easy. We’re not going to stop though.”

Adrien grimaced at the thought of it all continuing to be drawn out, “Maybe we should.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not giving up, and you shouldn’t either.”

“You heard Mlle Mercier. What I have is unwinnable at the minute. This is taking too much. All the waiting. All the questions. All the _talking_.”

Chloe frowned and tossed her hair as she always did when annoyed, “What talking? We’ve been trying to keep a media blackout on this.”

“Blackouts don’t stop the rumour mill. I’m not stupid, Chlo.” he muttered.

While it hadn’t come up on any big TV networks or news sites, social media and gossip articles were a storm. There were all sorts being thrown around in regards to the incident, and some of it had gotten vicious. Adrien wasn’t ignorant to the fact that some people thought that he was the one to assault Lila and it was being covered up. There were also those who declared it just wasn’t possible for a woman to assault a man, that it had just been a sexual encounter gone wrong that Adrien was trying to get out of.  
Adrien had been avoiding any and all social media because of this, but it didn’t stop from some of it making its way to him.

“If you let the charges drop then you’re just letting her get away with it!” Chloe snapped, “And then that will just be more fodder for those ridiculous liars that have nothing better to do than to make baseless accusations.”

Adrien clenched his jaw. It wasn’t like they had a lot to work with themselves. There was no physical evidence to what Lila had done. The hotel room didn’t have cameras due to privacy reasons, and apart from an already mostly healed bruise on his lip he hadn’t been marked. Sure he’d ended up in hospital afterwards, but that had been as a result of his untreated fever and overall weak condition.  
“You’re brooding.” Chloe frowned at him as she crossed her arms.

“I think I’m allowed to.” he answered dryly.

“Well, at least you still have the energy to be a brat.”

“I learned it from you.”

This earned him a cushion being thrown at his face.

“That’s not why they call those throw cushions, you know.” he smirked as he tossed it beside him.

Chloe tried to look annoyed, but he could tell she was holding back a smile.

She let out an exaggerated sigh, “You have to be in better form then to be making those lame jokes of yours. Obviously having Dupain-Cheng babysit you worked.”

He was about to reject her comment but held his tongue. He knew well enough that he’d be a lot worse off than he was currently if not for Marinette. He still felt the scars that had cut him deep, but he could keep his head above the surface a little easier. He could breathe again because of her.

“ _Something_ must have happened.” Chloe teased with a devilish grin, “You look like one of those lovesick guys from those B-list romance films.”

Adrien could feel his face heat up as he glared, “I don’t look like anything!”

“Go shout beneath her balcony Romeo, not at me.”

“Since when did you make references to Shakespeare?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Adrien. I’m not a bookworm like you, but I’m not dumb either.”

“So you heard about him from one of your boring soap operas then?”  
He laughed as he ducked to avoid another flying cushion.  
Chloe checked her nails to make sure that her attack hadn’t damaged them, “So tell me, are you two together now?”

Adrien smiled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, I guess.”

“You _guess_? What kind of flimsy response is that? I expected better, given how much of a ridiculous romantic you are.”

“We’re just...taking it easy for now while we figure it out.”

She gave him a measured stare before giving a light shrug, “Well, I’m glad then.”

Adrien watched her curiously, “You are? I thought you didn’t like Marinette.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh.”

“But as long as she’s treating you the way you deserve to be then I can’t complain. It’s obvious she makes you happy.”

Adrien paused at this.  
Happiness. That was something he’d almost forgotten existed. He’d seen it in other people, but it had felt like he hadn’t truly known it for a long time.

He smiled from the warmth he was feeling, “She does.”

“You know we can meet at your place next time.” Chloe sighed as she pushed the elevator button to go down.

Adrien just shrugged. While it was nerve-wracking to come back to _Le Grand Paris_ after what had happened there before, he was looking for any excuse to leave the Agreste mansion.

“I wanted to go outside.” he murmured.

Chloe gave him a sidelong glance, “I know you said no before, but if you just say so I’ll see what I can do to get you somewhere else.”

He shook his head, “I’ve told you I can’t.”

“What’s stopping you? It’s been too long. She’s not coming back. And even if she did, it wouldn’t be to that horrible place.”

“I know...”

The conversation stopped there as the elevator dinged, opening its doors to reveal the hotel lobby. The two of them paused as they stepped out, as there were a group of people occupying the entrance area. Adrien recognised the excited chattering that was happening immediately. They were journalists and rumour chasers. Or as his father so fondly called them, vultures.

It was like a chain reaction. As soon as one of them noticed, they all did. The security at the door had been keeping them near the door, but as soon as Adrien and Chloe exited the elevator the feeding frenzy began.

They didn’t have a chance to move before the first of the gossip scavengers lunged.

“Adrien Agreste! Is it true you’re taking personal time off from modeling?”

Adrien took a breath to hold his composure.

 _Any sign of weakness and they’ll take advantage,_ Gabriel’s words echoed to him.

“For the time being.” Adrien flashed one of his photogenic smiles.

“Is it because of health reasons?”

“Is it because of your encounter with Mlle Rossi?”

Adrien’s smile was fixed in place as he tried to answer, “That’s…”

“Were you in a relationship with Lila Rossi?”

“Do you know why she disappeared?”

Chloe was shouting for the security staff to remove the people crowding them, but the questions kept coming.

“Did you have sexual relations with her?”

Adrien tried to hold back his grimace, “Did I...what?”

“Can you tell us about the unnamed girl who was involved?”  
“Was it a love triangle affair?”

He had faced journalists before at various events, but this was nauseating. He did his best to hold his polite and pleasant facade as he’d always done, but inside it felt like his anxiety was tearing through his flesh and bone.  
  
It was a few minutes before the security staff had managed to corral the clamouring people away.  
“Ridiculous.” Chloe hissed, “No one was supposed to know you were coming here.”

Adrien looked beyond the glass fronted entrance of the hotel where he could see the car waiting for him. There was still a small herd of people trying to shout for his attention. He looked away, taking a deep breath as he tried to maintain his control. He started walking, but not towards the main entrance.

“Where are you going?” Chloe asked after him.

“Out the back.” he responded.

“What? But your car is right there!”

“Don’t care.”

He slipped through the staff only door that would lead him towards the hotel’s laundry area. Having grown up with Chloe, he knew all the ins, outs and escape routes of the hotel. Chloe grabbed the door before he could shut it behind him.

“Think about what I said.” she told him firmly, “You need to start thinking about what’s good for _you_ , not what people expect.”

Adrien only smiled at her before turning away from the door and walking down the corridor.

He knew how to navigate the connecting hallways and doors, slipping through the laundry rooms and then out through the deliveries area. Most staff recognised him as a guest of Chloe Bourgeois, so he was left alone as he went. Stepping out into the alley that ran along the back of _Le Grand Paris,_ Adrien looked to either side to figure out which was the best way to go. He needed to put some quick distance between him and those journalists, or else he’d get spotted quickly and he’d get followed. It would be easier if he could be Chat Noir, but Plagg was fast asleep in his bag and still hadn’t recovered from before. He would just have to make do.

Adrien pulled up the hood of his hoodie and started walking down one of the side streets. Partway down was a tall wooden fence that connected to another alley. He wasn’t as agile as Chat Noir, but Adrien wasn’t unfit by any means. With a running start, he vaulted up the side of the fence. He managed to lift himself just high enough to grab onto the top of the fence and hold himself there with his feet firmly planted against the flat surface. The top of the wood dug into his hands, but he didn’t care as he hauled himself up and over. His landing wasn’t going to win any awards though. He fell heavily on his feet, stumbling forwards but just about managing to stop himself from falling over completely. Not perfect, but he did it.

He didn’t want to go anywhere in particular so he just started walking. Adrien just wanted some time out of the mansion. Nathalie would scold him later for not getting in the car, but he didn’t mind so much as he now had an opportunity to think alone for a while. Thinking was what he’d spent most of his time on recently. But stuck within the confines of his room the organisation of his thoughts had stagnated.  
The amok. The akuma. His traumas. Marinette. His thoughts and feelings were in a state of disquiet. He’d calmed some since the amok, but it now felt like a huge part of his mind had been broken apart without any way of figuring out how to put it back together. He didn’t know what purpose the amok had been serving other than feed off of him, to greedily harbor everything he didn’t want to feel.  
Then there was also the issue of who had placed the amok in him in the first place. Tikki had said it wasn’t Mayura, but their enemy had been active alongside Hawk Moth for a few years now. So that had to mean there was another user before her, one who possibly didn’t have a connection to Hawk Moth.  
Adrien winced from the sharp pain that struck his head. It was always like this. Anytime he felt he was figuring something out or remembering something useful, he would end up with a harsh headache. The ripples that shimmered through his thoughts were still there, but he was no closer to finding the source of them. He _knew_ something, he was sure of it. But for some reason a part of him was preventing him from finding it.

Adrien took his time before returning to the mansion. He knew he’d be scolded anyway, but he wanted to put that off for now so he still snuck around the back of the property to use the backdoor he had a key to. There was no one around, so he wasted no time in quietly slipping into the house. As he came to the grand staircase he paused. The door to the atelier was slightly ajar, but he could see no movement through the gap. He silently sped up the stairs towards his room.

Adrien opened the door of his bedroom, but only took a few steps into it before he stopped dead. Standing at the other side of the room, looking out through the tall windows with his hands clasped behind his back, was Gabriel Agreste.

“Adrien.” Gabriel didn’t even turn around when he first addressed him.

Adrien swallowed thickly, carefully setting his bag on his bed so as to not disturb Plagg, “Father.”

“You were meant to return in the car that was sent for you.”

“There were...journalists at the door. So I went another way. I thought I would walk back from there.”

Gabriel turned slowly, his frosted glare making Adrien shrink away, “You and Mlle Bourgeois started this shameful spectacle, so I expect you to deal with the consequences accordingly.”

“Yes, Father.”

“And since you’re energised enough to be running around like this, you must be well enough to return to your normal schedule.”

Adrien still couldn’t meet Gabriel’s heavy gaze, so he was now nervously looking all over the floor without focus, “Dr Laurent said-”

Gabriel cut him off, “You’ve only spoken to her a few times and you think she knows what’s better than I do? I’ve permitted you to waste enough time already, but I expect you to mind your behaviour once again. I’ll let Nathalie know to reopen your usual contracts.”

“But I...I…”

_I don’t want to._

“Stop muttering.” Gabriel snapped, “Come here and talk to me properly.”

Adrien stiffly walked towards the windows, stopping a short distance before his father. Gabriel watched him expectantly. Adrien had to clench his hands into fists to try and hide his trembling.

He still avoided looking directly at his father as he quietly spoke, “I don’t want to model anymore.”

It felt like Gabriel’s gaze was piercing into him in the silence that followed.

“That Dupain-Cheng girl put you up to this, didn’t she?” Gabriel said coolly.

Adrien started to panic, “Marinette? What - no, she -”

“You have a promising career, Adrien. It’s far too much to give up for a girl. There are plenty others that would be more suitable to you and wouldn’t cost you your future.”

“There _is_ no one else! And you said Marinette had great potential for the fashion industry!”

“Potential doesn’t mean she will actually make anything of herself. As of now, she is just a hobbyist with no name or finances behind her.”

“Weren’t you like that once too?” Adrien spat.

His anger was building faster. Marinette hadn’t done anything wrong. She was the one who had been doing anything _good_ for him. To Adrien she was the most amazing person and he wouldn’t stand for anyone saying otherwise, even his own father. The amok was gone, but there were still traces of the bitter venom that Adrien had been holding back for so long.

Gabriel stepped towards him and spoke with a seething tone, “Stop acting so childish. I raised you better than to be so dramatic.”

“You didn’t raise me at all! _Mom_ was the one who looked after me! All you did was throw meaningless rules around while acting like I never existed!”

“Mind your tongue, Adrien! You are my son and I expect you to act with more respect than this.”

“I’ll start acting like _your son_ when you start acting like _my father_!”

“I won’t stand for this behaviour!”

“Mom couldn’t stand you either! It’s why she left isn’t it? To get away from _you_!”

For a second Adrien wasn’t sure what had happened. He was suddenly falling back, the piano behind him letting out a cacophonous screech as he hit against it. He crumpled to the floor, tentatively bringing his hand to the side of his face. It was stinging. Tears were starting to form in his eyes from the burning pain as he looked up Gabriel. His father had struck him.  
Gabriel cleared his throat as he lowered his hand again. Adrien was paralysed with shock, staring blankly at the man in front of him.  
Gabriel was looking away now, his voice much lower than before, “You’ll be returning to your regular responsibilities. For the time being you won’t be permitted out of this house unless it is for business purposes.”

Adrien flinched as his father stepped towards him, holding out his hand.

“Hand it over.” Gabriel demanded quietly, “That key you’re not permitted to have. Hand it over to me.”

Adrien did as he was told. His hand was shaking as he relinquished the key that had allowed him to so easily use the back gate. Gabriel gripped the item tightly before slipping it into his pocket. Adrien’s gaze fell to the floor as his father walked towards the door.  
Gabriel paused briefly in the open doorway, “Whether you like it or not, we’re a family Adrien. And one day it will be back to normal. Until then I’ll do everything I can to protect this family. It would be best if you remember that.”

Adrien didn’t answer. He didn’t move even after the door closed again. He still held the side of his face, his cheek and jaw blazing from the pain. Left alone now, he hissed between his teeth as he tried to keep control of himself. It hurt, but he wouldn’t dare let himself cry. He felt too bitter for it. He hung his head as he grit his teeth. A hateful anger was twisting around inside him.

_I still can’t change a damn thing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got some nice time with Chloe and then...that. I'll just roll back into hiding with that one. ~~sorry~~


	47. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette learns of a few things.  
> Adrien has a decision to make.

Ladybug was coming to the end of her quick patrol as the looming shape of the Agreste mansion came into view. Without Chat Noir at her side, patrols lacked the fun and spirit she had come to enjoy with them. With Adrien not being able to use his Miraculous for the time being she’d been forced to go solo. It also meant that she had to be the one to go to him in the evenings, though it was clear that Adrien would have preferred it to be the other way around. So Ladybug had been spending her evenings doing a quick patrol circuit before finishing at the Agreste mansion, where she would spend her time with Adrien until she eventually had to go home.

She stopped on the rooftops that faced the tall windows of Adrien’s room. The usual window was open so she freely launched her yo-yo, swinging across the gap to gently sail in through the opening.  
  


The room was quiet when she landed there. It was the first night since she’d started these evening visits that Adrien wasn’t in his room when she arrived. Dropping her transformation, she looked around the gloomy space but there was no sign of him. Compared to her room which she always kept well lit, Adrien tended to not use the main lights of his room and would often just have the soft glow of a few lamps. She did however hear a faint clacking of a keyboard. Approaching the desk, she found Plagg bouncing across it, enjoying the ridiculous noise it was making.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I got bored.” he announced as he rolled again over the keys, “I was looking for his recent online purchases so I can judge what cheese he said he’d get me.”

“And where is he exactly?”

“Something about the study and that he’d only be a few minutes.”

The computer was making a lot of error noises and various windows were flying up on the screens as Plagg continued to lounge on the keyboard.

“You’re going to break something!” Tikki scolded as she shooed Plagg off of it.

Marinette smiled at the pair, but paused when she saw the most recent window pop up.

_USB Flash Drive connected - Choose Next Action_

It crossed her mind that maybe Adrien had forgotten he’d left it plugged in as she went to close the windows. Before she could though Plagg bounced off the keyboard, hitting whatever the command key was to open the flash drive’s folder.  
She blinked at the sudden stream of photos that came up. After a second she recognised the decorated ballroom and the costumes of the extras from the filming. Marinette vaguely remembered Alya had said something about a photographer going round on the day to take pictures for social media and advertising. She hesitated, but curiosity got the better of her and she started to click through the photos.  
She quickly found ones of her and Adrien dancing. Relieving the memory of it made her smile. With the dress and all the make up she had felt like a completely different person, but as soon as she found herself in his arms it felt like she’d found where she was meant to be. She was even more pleased when she found a photo that was a full body shot of just Adrien. He’d probably just come from wardrobe in it, as he was neatly dressed up in the clothing she had designed. It was angled well so you could see all the finer details of the outfit and made only better by the fact that Adrien was actually smiling in it. He appeared to be talking to someone out of the camera’s eye, so he had a soft and genuine expression instead of his posed model one. There were a few more like that. Candid photos that showed him talking easily with some of the crew members or extras involved with the filming. From his pleasant features you wouldn’t have guessed he’d been running a fever the whole day. He’d actually looked like he was enjoying himself.  
Marinette continued to admire the photos. Flicking through them and making note of ones she’d like to have. She had just been looking at one that showed a close up of some of the detailing on one of the extra’s dresses when she moved onto the next image. The photo that came up on the screen made her freeze. It was a face that she had hoped to never see again.

Lila Rossi smirked at her from the screen with a loathsome cocky expression as she shamelessly held herself against Adrien. Her chest was pressed flat to his and her arms curled around his neck as though claiming ownership. Not much of Adrien’s face could be seen in the image as he was turned away, but his whole body posture showed obvious discomfort.

Marinette had only started to fathom the atrocious photo before her when she heard a sound behind her. Her heart stalled as she looked over her shoulder.

“Sorry I didn’t know you were here already.” Adrien smiled at her as he approached, but it quickly faltered as his eyes settled on the computer screen.

The folder that he’d been holding in his hand dropped heavily to the ground, the music sheets it had been holding sliding out across the floor on impact. She saw the colour quickly drain from his face as all warmth vanished from his expression. Marinette hastily turned to close the window from the screen.

Marinette words fell out of her, “Sorry I didn’t mean to be nosy! I just saw that there were some photos of us from the filming so I got curious!”

Adrien was already knelt on the floor, shakily trying to gather up the scattered pages.

“N-No, it’s fine.” he said quietly, “I was going to send you some of them anyway. I was, um...”

She felt a pang in her heart. The photo wasn’t new to him. He’d already seen it. It felt like a pit had opened in her stomach. Was this what had caused him to react the other day? The starting point that had led him to become a target for the akuma?

 _Why the hell would someone put that photo in there?_ The angry thought swirled around in her.

Marinette settled on the floor next to him. His eyes were darting around as he tried to pick up the music sheets, but whether for his trembling or his drifting focus he was struggling to grab them. She had to do something before his thoughts took him.

“Adrien.” she said softly as she set her hand on top of his, “You’re okay. You’re not there right now, you're here with me.”

He blinked a few times before cautiously looking up to her. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the swelling discolouration along his jaw and cheekbone. She wanted to ask him, but his gaze quickly became avoidant as he turned away again. Marinette reached out to him but hesitated.  
“Let me see.” she whispered, “Please.”

Adrien let out a shuddering sigh. He turned his head back to her slightly, and didn’t resist as she gently took his chin to encourage him to show the mark better in the light.

“What happened?”

“We got into a fight.” he answered with a wry smile.

“ _This_ was not just a fight. He can’t do this to you.”

“It doesn’t hurt that much.”

The wince he gave as she softly touched her fingertips to the line of his jaw said otherwise.  
“Where is he?” Marinette asked, her tone darkening.

Adrien pulled away from her and resumed picking up the fallen pages, “It’s fine. Just forget it.”

“You can’t just let him get away with this!”

“We’re not having this conversation right now. Here, I found some more music I thought you might like if I played for you.”

It took everything in her to not slap the pages out of his hand again.

“You can’t just _ignore_ this Adrien. These kinds of things don’t happen just the one time!”

“Then what am I meant to do?” he snapped suddenly, “Just magically be someone else? You have no idea how much I’d fucking love that. But I can’t even be Chat Noir right now so I’m stuck as _this_!”

She was angry but his reaction still hurt as she felt tears sting her eyes,“You don’t need to be anyone else! Who you are is enough, you can still make something change for yourself!”

Adrien had given up returning the music sheets to the folder now. He stood up and walked away from her towards the tall dark windows of his room. He stood there, crossing his arms as he looked ahead to the night sky. Marinette stood up as well but stayed where she was. There was a pained silence for a time before either of them spoke.

“Who I am? I don’t even know who I am or what I want.” Adrien croaked, “At least as Chat Noir I had some idea. But like this I...I model because my father told me to. I play piano because my mother told me to. _Go here, Adrien. Do this, Adrien. Stand up straight. Walk like this. We’ll make the decisions for you so sit down and shut up, Adrien!_ ”

The final string of words came out in a venomous snap. It made Marinette become paralysed. She knew Adrien was unhappy, even angry with his situation. She’d even _felt_ the spiteful rage of it when she purified the amok. But this was the first time she’d known him to actually express any of it aloud like this. It wasn’t the same kind of panicked reaction he had upon finding out she was Ladybug. This was something else. It was a _hateful_ _resentment_.  
Marinette chewed her lip as the silence returned. Her situation was different but she could understand it a little, this chronic need for perfection. As Ladybug all eyes were on her and one foot wrong could be disastrous. Everyone had high expectations of her and she was supposed to be a certain way as the lauded heroine of Paris. Ladybug had been precariously placed upon a pedestal that she didn’t want, because the girl under the mask was as far from perfect as you could get.  
She would have been driven crazy with the pressure long ago, if it weren’t for one thing. Chat Noir had been one of the few people to have never lost sight of her as an actual person. His admiration for her had always been glaringly obvious of course, but he didn’t hesitate to call her out when she wasn’t thinking clearly or to question her ideas when they were bad. She was always _human_ to him and adored her despite knowing what flaws she had.

Marinette took a deep breath as she stepped forward, “I know who you are.”

Even though he wasn’t in his other form, the low light reflecting in his eyes gave a cat-like glow as he looked over his shoulder at her.

She continued, “You’re smart, sweet, kind, talented -”

“Mari...” he hissed between his teeth as he turned away again.

“Let me finish - stubborn, moody, impulsive, a _huge_ dork, you never ask for help, you worry too much about little things _and_ you can never beat me at video games.”

By now she’d walked up beside him. He was looking at her again with a surprised awe.  
He sighed as a faint smile tugged at his lips, “I’m not sure about that last one.”

Marinette fidgeted beside him as she tried to keep her words going, “So my point is um, even if you don’t know what person you are...there are other people who will help remind you. Me. Alya and Nino. Other people in our class. You’re not alone in the world. So if you let us - if you let me - we can help you figure it out.”

There was still a tension in his shoulders, but he took a deep, shuddering breath as he looked out the window again.

“My world is a little larger…” he murmured so quietly that Marinette almost didn’t hear it.

“Y-Yeah.” she nodded.

She looked at him cautiously. She wanted to hold him so that he’d be reassured, to kiss him softly so that he knew he was loved. But his still rigid posture and firmly crossed arms made it clear that it was likely he’d not be receptive to being touched right now.

“Still,” Adrien said with hesitation, “I’d rather you not start throwing punches. It’s fine, I’ll manage somehow.”

Marinette still really wanted to throw those punches, “So you’re just going to keep doing what he says? You’ll just overwork yourself into exhaustion again!”

His lips pressing into a thin line told her that he’d already thought about that. Anger was still bubbling within her, but she decided to redirect it into her growing determination.

“Come with me.” she told him.

He looked at her with confusion.

“I know you said no before, but I’m not letting you say no this time. You _can’t_ stay here. It’s not good for you!” She started strong but the end of her words became out a quiet mumble, “So...come home with me.”

* * *

Adrien studied the girl in front of him.There were a million things going through his mind, primarily trying to forget he saw that nauseating photo again as well trying to stop Marinette from going on a rampage. She was still angry, that much was clear. But now she was firmly holding his gaze, even as her words faltered and a slight pink came to her cheeks.

“So...come home with me.”

He could see her slowly shrink away when he didn’t answer for a time.  
 _Leave._

It wasn’t like it had never crossed his mind. Chloe had mentioned a few times over the years that she knew of contacts and resources for people trying to escape, even encouraging him to make use of them. She’d even reminded him earlier that same day that despite what he thought, he didn’t _need_ to stay where he was. And now Marinette. While she was trying to be firm, she wasn’t demanding it of him. He knew that she wouldn’t go so far as to drag him out if he told her no.  
 _Can I really leave?_

He’d often wondered how his mother had done it. Had Emilie been planning it for months? Years? Or was it just a spontaneous window of opportunity? To be able to disappear without a trace. He’d thought about it many times, and wished he knew how it was done.  
Adrien was startled out of his amassing thoughts by a gentle touch to his elbow. Marinette looked up at him with her immaculate bluebell eyes, so gentle and clear as she carefully searched his. Adrien felt a little more of his tension ebb away. He didn’t know how to vanish off the face of the earth like he had previously desired. He didn’t want that anymore. He still wasn’t sure what he wanted for himself, except…  
 _I don’t want to be alone._

He took a shivering breath, “Okay.”

Marinette gave an aggravated sigh, “I told you I’m not letting you - wait did you say okay?”

He doubted his smile was at all convincing, but he gave her a small one anyway, “Let’s do this. You’ll need to talk to your parents though. I don’t - ”

She quickly cut him off, “I’ll talk to them first thing in the morning. And you won’t be intruding because I _want_ you there.”  
He let Marinette gently separate his folded arms, guiding his hands to slip into hers. He felt a little uncertain at the touch, but as she gave his hands a reassuring squeeze he relaxed into it.

Adrien let Marinette help lead on packing a bag. While he’d thought about doing this before, he’d never pushed the thought far enough to actually _plan_ for it. He emptied out the duffel bag he used for fencing and started to put some fresh clothing into it while Marinette gathered a few important pieces. The music box, the medication, his wallet, passport. When she handed him his phone Adrien promptly set it down on the desk.  
“It has tracking.” he told her when he saw her confused expression.

While his phone had many uses, it wasn’t worth holding on to if it allowed his father to not only find out sooner that Adrien had left but also where he had gone to.  
“Tikki, spots on.” Marinette called for her transformation as she approached the window.

She turned to face him again, now standing before him as Ladybug. Adrien’s heart was split between pounding with adrenaline and seizing up with anxiety. Plagg pretended to be disgruntled as he nudged into the pocket of Adrien’s hoodie, but he could feel the eager purr resonating from his kwami. He hoisted the bag onto his shoulder as he walked towards the open window where Ladybug was waiting for him.  
“Are you alright with me carrying you?” she asked softly as she held out her hand to him.

Adrien nodded wordlessly as he gave one last glance around the room. A room. That’s all it was, all it had ever been. Just as the mansion had always been a cold building.  
He turned back to the girl waiting for him. Ladybug. Marinette. She could lead him anywhere and he would follow. He’d forgotten any sense of belonging somewhere, to _someone_ , until she fell into his life. At this point he’d taken countless leaps of faith for her. So what was one more?  
Adrien took a deep breath, and clasped her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, still no Gabriel being used as a punching bag (yet? hmhmm)
> 
> Woops had some technical diffulties today so this chapter is up a bit later than usual.


	48. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette brings home a stray.

It wasn’t long before Ladybug gently touched down on her balcony. Her arm that had been hooked around Adrien’s waist let go of him now, allowing him to take a small step back.

“So that’s what that’s like.” he chuckled half-heartedly, “I think I prefer carrying you myself, My Lady.”

“What?” she huffed, “Am I too fast for you?”

“No, there’s just a difference between measured jumps and getting swung around.”

“It’s like flying.”

“Cats don’t fly.”

She smiled at him, playing along with the light conversation. He held onto his bag with a white knuckled grip and his own smile was strained. He was undoubtedly anxious and for good reason. Adrien had essentially run away from home. While it had been with Marinette’s gentle encouragement, he’d finally resolved to take some action for himself. Watching him now though, she hoped his moment of determination didn’t crumble. He was looking back the way they’d just come with a hesitant nervousness plainly written on his face.

“Come on, Kitty.” she coaxed softly as she moved to the skylight.

Marinette dropped her transformation as soon as she landed in her room. She looked back to the open skylight where Adrien was following more slowly. It was exactly the same how Chat had been entering her room, as he peeked down and scanned her room with suspicion. After confirming the coast was clear he held onto the edge of the skylight and lowered himself down, swinging forward slightly so that he would land with gymnastic precision to avoid falling onto her bed.  
Plagg had poked his head out of the pocket he’d holed up in and was looking around with a similar wariness. He took less time however in adjusting, as he immediately flew out and dropped himself one of the plush cushions of the chaise.

“Acceptable.” Plagg purred as he sunk into the soft material.

“I hope you’re not shedding.” Tikki teased as she settled next to her other half.

“Not at the moment. Besides, it’s a blessing to get my hair on you.”

The familiarity the two kwami had for each other made Marinette smile. She turned back to Adrien who was now standing in the middle of her room, looking very out of place amongst all of her pink decor. In these brighter surroundings she could see better the redness that flecked the skin of his cheek and jaw.

“Can I?” she asked softly, lifting her hand as she stepped towards him.

He paused a moment as his weary eyes searched her before lowering his head a little so she could reach him easier. She carefully brushed her fingers along his jawline before cupping his cheek. His eyes closed as he leaned into her touch, turning slightly so that his lips were almost against the heel of her palm.

“Let’s put some ice on it.” she whispered as her thumb caressed his cheekbone, “And I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

His eyes flitted open again as he hummed.  
She slipped his bag off his shoulder and deposited it as the bottom of the steps that led up to her bed. Beckoning for him to follow, she moved to the trap door that led down into the main floor of the apartment.

Adrien hesitated, “What about your parents?”

“They’ll be in bed at this time.” she answered.

He was following her like a lost kitten as they stepped down into the kitchen. It was just as well that he was as tall as he was, because if he’d been cat sized she’d have definitely stepped on him a few times as she moved about the kitchen.

“Here, take this.” she told him as she handed over an ice pack from the freezer, “And go sit.”

Adrien took the ice pack and pressed it to the side of his face, sinking down onto one of the seats on the other side of the breakfast bar. She could feel his quiet gaze on her as she started preparing the hot chocolate for them.

“Thank you.” he said quietly after a few minutes.

Marinette shrugged, “It’s just hot chocolate.”

He shook his head with a faint smile, “No, I mean…I’d been avoiding it by myself. I couldn’t have done it alone. Even now I’m still wondering if it was the right thing.”

“You don’t need to thank me. As far as I’m concerned though, I don’t think I’ll ever regret getting you away from there.”

Still holding the ice against the red mark, Adrien folded his arms on the table and sunk his head down to rest on them. There were still traces of anxiety in his expression, but his verdant eyes had softened some since they’d arrived.

“Marinette?”

The sound of a new voice made the pair of them jump. Marinette turned her attention away from the warming saucepan of milk to see her mother standing there, peering curiously at her daughter and the boy she’d apparently snuck in.

Marinette stuttered, “M-Maman…! H-Hello…”

“Good evening, Mme Cheng.” Adrien said smoothly with a small wave as though this was perfectly natural, though his eyes were clearly alarmed.

“Oh, Adrien. Nice to see you again.” Sabine responded sweetly as though this was completely expected, “Care to explain, Marinette?”

“E-Explain? Explain what, exactly?” Marinette attempted to casually lean on the counter but accidentally knocked over the still open milk carton, spilling some of its contents onto the floor.

Sabine raised an eyebrow as Marinette started to hastily clean up the mess, “I’ll not ask _how_ you got him here without your father or I noticing. But it’s late, Marinette. I hope you’re-”

“Nope! Don’t even go there. Adrien’s just...can he say for a few days? Please?”

Sabine hummed thoughtfully as she looked to Adrien. He was now sitting up as straight as possible, looking back timidly as he still held the ice to his cheek.

“I expect a full conversation about this in the morning.” Sabine said sternly to her daughter, “I wish you had talked to me and your father first, but I’ll let it slide for now.”

Marinette gave a relieved sigh, “Thank you, Maman.”

Sabine gave a knowing nod, “Goodnight Marinette. Goodnight Adrien.”

The pair shyly returned the sentiment as Sabine left the room.

There was a moment of silence as they were left alone once more.

“That...went better than expected.” Marinette said breathlessly.

“Your mom’s nice.” Adrien murmured as he resumed his previous position of resting his head on his folded arms.

Marinette hummed as she mixed the chocolate powder into the heated milk, “She can get really nosy if you’re not careful.”

Adrien gave a small chuckle in response.

“Now for the important question.” she announced as she started pouring the hot chocolate into two mugs, “Do you want marshmallows?”

“I can’t believe you sat through me blabbering on about all that.” Marinette moaned.

She swiveled around in her desk chair, taking sips from her mug while Adrien sat opposite her on the chaise. The familiarity had reminded her of the time that felt so long ago now that she had been in the same position with Chat Noir. Back then she’d talked endlessly about her friends and the photos on her wall until falling asleep. Knowing now that it had been Adrien sitting in front of her then too made her a little embarrassed how much she talked on and on about him as well as her other friends.

“Yeah you talked a lot.” Adrien responded with a slight teasing nature to his tone, “But I enjoyed it.”

“But I was telling you stuff you already knew. You’re in half of those photos!”

“I didn’t mind. I liked hearing your side of it. And also about all the things I’ve missed.”

Marinette tried to hide her face in her mug to cover the warming blush on her cheeks.

“Oh, that reminds me!” Marinette gasped as she reached for her phone, “I should tell Alya we’re still good to meet with her and Nino tomorrow.”

Adrien paused, “That’s still happening?”

“Well, you never gave a definite no. I think it’ll be good to go. They’ve missed you.”

She waited a bit to see if he would say anything further. She knew he seemed to find seeing their friends again intimidating, considering the last time he’d seen them had been the day of the filming. With all that had come out since then, he was worried how they would act with him. Marinette thought the best way to deal with this was for them all to just meet up again like before, so Adrien could see that he still had his friends.

It was late, so she only sent a quick text to Alya to let her know that they were still good to meet up. Marinette hesitated before putting her phone away.

_I should tell Chloe what’s happened._

It would be better to talk it out over a call, but she didn’t want to risk Chloe’s wrath for phoning her at this hour. So Marinette settled for a text to let her know the situation for now.

Marinette's heart took a sudden leap as Adrien gently took her now empty mug from her. She hadn’t noticed him standing up while looking at her phone, so the brief moment of his fingers brushing against hers came as a shock.

“Still awake? Or am I to carry you up to bed again?” Adrien gave her a sly glance as he set the mugs aside.

Marinette tried to pretend she wasn’t blushing. It didn’t work very well.

“I’m fine.” she pouted, though she stood up to make her way over to her closet.

As she was taking out her chosen sleepwear, she watched Adrien sit down on the chaise again.

“You’re not sleeping there.” she told him, “You’re too tall, it won’t be comfortable for you.”

“It’s fine.” he muttered, “I’m already intruding enough.”

“It’s not intruding when I brought you here. Besides we’ve shared your bed plenty of times. The compromise we made is still in effect.”

Marinette tried to hide her smile when he didn’t argue further. She quickly headed to her small bathroom to get changed, allowing the privacy of a door between them for him to do the same.

* * *

When Marinette closed the door behind her, Adrien quickly got changed also. He didn’t want to keep her out of her own room any longer than necessary. He probably looked a mess. He certainly felt it. There was a vanity mirror in Marinette’s room, but he still avoided any glimpses of his reflection.  
Adrien absent-mindedly rubbed the side of his face. The ice had helped calm down the aching of it, but it still twinged when he moved his jaw. It still didn’t seem entirely real that it had happened. And yet the developing bruise was proof enough. It was almost surreal as well that he was standing now in Marinette’s room. That he’d run away.

_Escaped?_

That sounded too permanent, that everything was behind him now. He knew it wouldn’t be as easy as that though. Come morning, it would be discovered that Adrien was gone. The how or why wouldn’t matter, only the finding. At this point Adrien didn’t think it’d be surprising if his father burned down half of Paris just to make a point of making him return.  
But what if it was already known that he was gone? Adrien had left his phone, but his father was by no means stupid. It wouldn’t take him long to come to Marinette’s and then...

The crushing weight was digging into his chest again. What about Marinette? Her family? Her home? It wasn’t just Adrien on the line with this. He was dragging others down with him.

_Fucking idiot._

This wasn’t going to work. He couldn’t stay here. He would just have to go elsewhere. Somewhere. Anywhere that didn’t put the person he cherished at risk.

“Adrien?” Marinette called to him warily.

He hadn’t noticed he’d been pacing around her room, coming to an abrupt stop. Adrien anxiously opened and closed his fists as he tried to stop his breathing going out of control.

“I can’t…” he choked, “This was a bad idea.”

She was quickly approaching him now, “Don’t you dare think about leaving.”

“N-No, I should...go back before anyone finds out.”

“Denied. You’re staying here.”  
Adrien frantically looked around the room for his bag. When he spotted it he attempted to grab it but Marinette blocked him.

“Mari, please. He’s going to come looking for me eventually.”

She crossed her arms in defiance, “He can look all he wants, I’m not letting you go back there.”

“He’ll find _you_. And...fuck, I don’t know what he’ll do then.”

Adrien gripped his head in his hands. This was _dangerous_. Why couldn’t she see that? He clenched his jaw in frustration but winced as a sharp pain reminded him of the bruising.

“Hey.” Marinette said, her voice becoming softer now, “You’re okay.”

She lightly touched his hands, guiding them out of the clawing hold he’d had of himself and into her own delicate hands.

“It’s not me that I’m worried about.” He croaked, his unfocused gaze slowly drifting to her sweet bluebell colour.

“I know. But your safety is what’s important right now. We’ll get this figured out. One day at a time, okay?”

Adrien let out a shuddering breath as he leaned forward until his forehead lightly rested against hers.

_Trust her. You can trust her._

He nodded slowly. The suffocation still felt heavy in his chest, but for now at least the spiralling had stopped.

“Maybe you should take the sleeping one tonight.” she said calmly, “It’ll help if you can get some proper sleep.”

“No, it’s fine.” he murmured as he pulled away again.

He could tell she didn’t agree, but she nodded in understanding. While sleep sounded good, he was too unnerved to let himself be more or less sedated for a number of hours. Even if Marinette could wake him up if there was a problem, he couldn’t trust himself to be lucid enough to do anything about it.

Marinette went on ahead up the steps to her bed while Adrien took his required pills. It still felt strange to him, but at this point it was becoming a habit. As he followed her up to the loft, he paused when he saw Marinette lying on the bed. If you could even call it that. She was on her side, pressed to the far side of the bed facing the wall. Adrien had shared his own bed enough times with her to know for a fact that Marinette did _not_ sleep straight like a plank of wood. She was often more inclined to become a sprawled starfish, that is unless she was curled up into him. He had some vague awareness that even though they’d normally fallen asleep with space between them, by the following morning they were usually entangled.

Adrien was confused by Marinette’s decision to be flat against the wall until he remembered that her bed, while not tiny, was a fair bit smaller than his own. He turned it over in his mind a few times. Being close to her was something he wanted. He wanted to be soothed by her warmth and fill his senses with her vanilla scent. She’d been so patient about allowing him his space, but he didn’t want it to stay like that forever even though it unnerved him still at times.

He could see Marinette was nervously fidgeting as he settled himself on the bed. He took a deep breath and reached out for her arm. It was surprising how easily she slid over the bed when he gently pulled her. She let out a squeak in response to suddenly being moved, rolling onto her back with the motion. When she was mostly in the middle of the bed Adrien lay himself next to her, nuzzling against her hair in search of that comforting vanilla scent to try and forget how much his heart was pounding at that moment. The hand that had pulled her now slipped over her waist in a loose embrace.

Marinette’s hushed voice was barely audible, “Are you okay with this?”

He wasn’t entirely sure if the white noise and panic would stay away. He severely hoped it did, as now that he could feel her next to him he realised how much he _needed_ this. For him she was safety itself, a calming solace against the struggles that felt neverending.

He placed a light kiss to her hair, “Stay with me.”

He felt it as she let out a quiet giggle, “I’m not going anywhere.”

She moved slightly in little controlled wiggles until she’d turned round to face him. He briefly looked down to her bluebell eyes, the clear sky of them now filled with awed stars as she looked back. He lifted his eyes again as the blush crept up his neck and his heart continued to race into infinity. Marinette didn’t seem to mind his avoidant gaze, as her hands rested against his chest and she pressed herself more into him until he could feel her small nose against his collarbone.

The words passed his lips without thought, “I love you.”

He felt her shyly shuffle against him, “I love you too.”

For once the white noise remained at bay, so Adrien still held onto her as he slowly fell asleep.


	49. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning comes to the Dupain-Cheng household and it's full of talking.

Her room was brighter than his. He’d noticed that as the morning light filtered through the windows in warm streams. Adrien had always been one to wake early. Years of regimented schedules had drilled it into him. Part of that was probably because he tended to be a light sleeper, of course when not using the sleeping pills he’d come to dislike so much.  
Looking over though, it was clear that the girl next to him was most definitely _not_ a light sleeper. Marinette had managed to burrow herself under the blankets and pillows, her arms wrapped firmly around his middle as though she were mimicking a koala. She was curled into his side so he let his arm hold her around her shoulders. His fingers lazily traced over the soft skin there, mapping out the pretty freckles of her skin like they were constellations. That was until she moved.

In her sleep Marinette stretched out, rolling herself over slightly until most of the upper half of her body was using his torso as a pillow. His eyes snapped to the ceiling. It wasn’t that she was heavy, he just found himself becoming increasingly aware of her weight on him. He swallowed thickly. He didn’t want it to be, but it was getting uncomfortable.  
Adrien took a quiet breath as he gently slid Marinette off him. She grumbled at the loss of him, but remained asleep as she promptly curled up in his now vacant spot. He looked over her a moment, bringing the blanket over her shoulder before stepping back.

Adrien stretched as he walked down the stairs to the main floor of the room, easing off the stiffness of sleep. His sleep hadn’t been perfect by a long shot, but he’d managed some. Checking Marinette was indeed still dead to the world, he quickly got dressed before heading to the small ensuite bathroom. Compared to his excessively large one, Marinette’s was closed in and comfortable. Nothing about it felt unnecessary. He only looked in the mirror over the sink for a brief second to judge the colour of his bruise before turning on the faucet to wash his face. There was still a dull ache and the redness had started to darken now. It wasn’t huge, but it was obvious enough to be seen.

“Marinette? Are you awake yet?” Sabine called.

Adrien poked his head out of the bathroom just as the woman appeared through the now open trap door.

“Oh, good morning Adrien.” she smiled when she saw him.

Adrien gave one of his usual model smiles to cover up his awkward shyness, “Good morning Mme Cheng.”

“Please, Sabine is fine. Is my daughter still asleep?”

As if to answer the question an annoyed groan came from the loft above them, “It’s the _weekend_ , Maman.”

“Yes, and the day’s already started.” Sabine responded with a well trained parental tone, “Your father needs help in the bakery for a bit.”

Adrien nervously glanced up to where Marinette still hadn’t risen from the bed before turning to Sabine.

“”If it’s something I can do,” he said meekly, “then I’d be glad to help.”

“It’s great to have another pair of hands around.” Tom chuckled as he gave Adrien a friendly pat on the back for the fifth time.

At least, Adrien thought it was meant to be a pat. Tom Dupain was built like a bear and didn’t seem aware of his own strength, so each jovial pat Adrien received almost winded him each time.

“It’s no problem, Monsieur. I’m happy to help.” Adrien answered with a timid smile.

He’d been helping move and store the new delivery of ingredients for the bakery. Sabine was getting the front of the shop ready for opening while Tom was finishing up another batch of fresh bread. Adrien carried another sack of flour from the storage into the main kitchen of the bakery, setting it down where Tom directed him.

“You can call me Tom. And I know it's not very interesting moving boxes and bags, but it’s a great help.” Tom said, “You interested in baking? I’ll teach you some recipes.”

Adrien gave a nervous laugh, “I’m not really good at baking. Or cooking. Or anything kitchen related.”

“Nonsense, son. You just haven’t learned.”

Adrien shied away at the comment, pretending to be busy with dusting the flour off his clothing. Tom had been calling him son throughout their exchange. Adrien knew it didn’t really mean anything significant, it was just Tom’s way of referring to him. It had been strange at first, but as he was getting used to it the term started to sound nice.

“So how long have you been dating my daughter?”

Adrien choked. That was a curveball he wasn’t ready for.

Tom gave another laugh, “Sabine told me, and she has a keen eye so I’m sure she’s right. There’s a lesson for you there, a woman knows more than she lets on most of the time.”

Adrien tried to come up with some sort of answer, “With Marinette, I - um, that is…”

“If she’s anything like her mother I’m sure she’s a handful - Pass me those trays, would you? - You’ve been friends with Marinette for a few years now, so I know you’re a nice kid. I just have to do my job as her father to warn you to look after her properly.”

Adrien handed over the asked for trays off a nearby rack as he quietly answered, “I want to, but she’s the one looking after me really.”

Tom again clapped him on the back, “That’s how a relationship works, son! Give and take is how you be with someone. Learning when and how to do it is what’s helped me and Sabine last this long. It’s not always the same. Sometimes you might need to give more than you take, other times it will be the opposite. It can be tricky, sure. But that's where communication comes in.”

“Communication.” Adrien echoed thoughtfully as he suddenly found his hands filled with a basket of fresh croissants.

Adrien knew that wasn’t exactly his strong point. He’d spent a lot of time around people where conversation only remained surface level and professional. Having spent a lot of his life homeschooled also hadn’t really clued him in on a lot of social norms, so it was difficult at times to know if he was doing the right thing. He’d become heavily stuck in the habit of not saying what he actually meant, instead saying what he hoped would be the least problematic thing for whoever he was talking to at the time.

“Take those up front there.” Tom instructed with a warm smile, “And yes, talking is important. It can be hard, but during the hard times is just when you have to put in more effort.”

Adrien nodded quietly as he carried the basket through the doors to the shop front. He hadn’t expected to receive a relationship talk from his girlfriend’s father. At least not like that. He was more prepared for the kind with thinly veiled threats should he do anything to break Marinette’s heart. He still remembered the time Tom had been akumatised in the past because he thought Marinette was heartbroken. Adrien had no such intention though. Marinette was precious and he wanted to hold onto her for as long as she allowed him to.

“Thank you for helping out.” Sabine said cheerfully as she took the croissants from him, “You can go get cleaned up now. And tell Marinette I’ll be up shortly.”

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck as he gave a small smile, “I’m just happy to be of help.”

He really was. Even though Marinette had assured him that he wasn’t imposing in any way, he wanted to cause the least amount of trouble possible for the family. And though he’d only been moving things around at Tom’s direction, it was a valuable distraction to the numerous other things going on in Adrien’s mind.

* * *

Marinette groaned as she slowly lifted herself into a sitting position. She thought that she’d only closed her eyes again briefly, but her mom had gone from trying to wake her up to being quiet now. Marinette blinked in confusion. Usually Sabine was more adamant about waking her up. After some thinking Marinette realised that she was alone. The person who was meant to be lying next to her was gone.

“Adrien?” she looked around frantically, feeling more awake now.

_Don’t tell me he left!_

Marinette scrambled off the bed so she could hastily cast her eye over the room below. His bag was still there, so he should be around somewhere. She was about to go looking when her phone started ringing. She searched under the mass of pillows on her bed for the device before retrieving it from its hiding spot. Bringing the screen of it into view she suddenly felt nervous.

Marinette answered the call, “Hey, Chloe…”

“ _What_ did you do?” the blonde girl’s voice came yelling through the phone, “Did you _kidnap_ him?”

“What? No! Did...did you even read my message?”

“You said he was staying with you for now. You left out a lot of details, Dupain-Cheng. Like the _how_ and the _why._ So spill right now.”

Marinette winced at Chloe’s words. She really should have sent a more specific message about what was going on.

“The how doesn’t really matter.” Marinette said, as she didn’t know how to explain jumping him out a window with Ladybug, “As for the why...well I’m hoping you can help. He can’t stay at that place anymore.”

Chloe gave an annoyed click of her tongue, “I’ve been telling him that for years. How you convinced him...well nevermind. I still need more than that though if I’m to do anything. Did he just turn up at your door or…?”

“I _might_ have snuck in to see him last night. And that’s when I found out that...well no way to put it, but I’m pretty sure his dad hit him.”

“...You’re _pretty_ sure?”

“Adrien hasn’t said so in actual words. He just said they got into a fight and...well there’s a mark to prove it.”

Chloe was silent for a moment before giving an aggravated sigh, “I told him to come to me and instead he does this. Ridiculous. I’ll talk to some people I know about what to do next.”

“Do you think we can stop Adrien’s father from making him go back home?”

“At the moment? No, that’s a dispute between Adrien and that asshole. If it turns legal though, Adrien is still under 18 so he can’t just move out of his own accord without grounds for it.”

Marinette huffed, “I think there’s _plenty_ of grounds for it.”

Chloe hummed, “Small drawback on that is Adrien won’t talk about it. People won’t do anything cause his stubborn ass will insist there’s nothing wrong. Though I hope that’s changed now since you got him to leave.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Keep an eye on him. I’ll make some calls and see if I can get something happening.”

Marinette smiled. Chloe really had changed a lot from the selfish bully she used to be. She still wasn’t the _nicest_ person, but she’d grown up.

“Thank you, Chloe.” Marinette said softly.

Chloe scoffed, “Stuff your ridiculous gratitude. I don’t need it. I’m doing this for Adrien, not you. And as _unnecessary_ you are to me in all this, he’s sweet on you so I’ll tolerate it.”

“R-Right…”

“And now because you two have gone awol without letting me know first, I have a lot to do. Utterly ridiculous. Give me some warning next time.”

Marinette was about to respond but the call hung up there.

Since she was alone for the moment, Marinette quickly got dressed. She was relieved that her hand had been healing well, so she could go without the brace for now as long as she went easy on it. Everything was so much easier when she was able to use both hands properly.

The main floor of the apartment was quiet as she came down the stairs. At this time of the morning, both of her parents would normally be downstairs in the bakery. As for Adrien, she had no idea where he’d gone. His bag was still in her room, so she hoped that meant he hadn’t left without her knowing. She was about to go downstairs to look further when the main door opened just as she reached it.

“Oh, sorry.” Adrien said as Marinette jumped back in surprise.

Marinette frowned, ready to tell him off for disappearing on her when she noticed the flour on his clothes and hair.

“Did you lose a fight with a flour sack?” she sniggered.

Adrien raised an eyebrow, “Yeah right. I was moving them around like they were nothing.”

She paused, “You were helping Papa?”

“Well a certain _someone_ was still asleep.” he smirked.

“You could have woken me up!”

“It’s fine. I wanted to help anyway.”

Her pout quickly melted as she looked at him. Apart from being dusted with flour he seemed better today. He didn’t look as pale as he had done the night before and the green of his eyes was brighter as he gazed back at her.

Marinette smiled, “You should go take a shower. You got flour in your hair.”

Adrien laughed sheepishly as he ran a hand through his hair, only adding more white into the blonde, “If you don't mind.”

“No, go ahead and use my shower. I’ll wash your clothes too so just set them aside. I’ll sort out some breakfast in the meantime.”

He nodded and started to head up the stairs to her room. Marinette had to suppress her laughter as she saw the numerous hand-shaped flour prints on his back.

_I guess Papa likes him_.

Marinette was about to head to the kitchen when she saw her mother also return to the apartment.

“Morning, Maman.” she greeted cheerfully.

“Good morning, Marinette.” Sabine answered with a smile, “I believe I’m still owed that explanation.”

_Oh. Right. That._

Sabine calmly sipped from her cup of tea while Marinette started to cook some bacon and eggs. She knew this would be a serious conversation, as Sabine always took her time to think carefully before starting into what needed to be discussed.

“I’ll need you to be honest with me, Marinette.” Sabine said finally, “Your father and I can’t do anything to help if we don’t know what’s going on.”

Marinette nodded solemnly, “I’ll try to be.”

She wanted to tell her parents the truth. However there were certain things, _Ladybug_ related things, that had to remain secret.

Sabine accepted the answer with a nod of her own, “Firstly, are you alright? You’re not in any trouble are you?”

Marinette looked to her with bewilderment, “Me? No, I’m fine.”

“And Adrien?”

“That’s...a little more complicated.”

Sabine gave a sad sigh as she lowered her cup again, “I can only imagine. I was so worried when we got a call that you were at the hospital. Then I was angry to find out that you had gotten into a _fight_ with someone. Now, you know I don’t agree with violence, but when I found out what had happened I was...relieved. You prevented something that no one should go through in the first place.”

Marinette didn’t think preventing was the right word. She’d only put a stop to what Lila was doing, but there had still been plenty that happened that Adrien continued to suffered for.

“I’m glad that you two were able to come together.” Sabine smiled softly at her daughter, “It’s nice that you upgraded from fawning over your wallpaper to the real person.

“M-Maman!” Marinette blushed furiously, quickly glancing at the stairs to make sure Adrien hadn’t returned to hear that comment.

“You stayed with him for a week after all. Something was bound to happen. Which brings me to my next question. Is everything okay at his home?”

Marinette turned back to her mother, pressing her lips into a thin line as she tried to think of the best way to explain it all. How Adrien’s father was a sociopath as far as she was concerned, how the mansion felt too large and too cold, that Adrien spent most of his time alone…

Sabine gave a knowing nod, taking Marinette’s tense silence as an answer, “I thought so. A bruise like that doesn’t happen by accident.”

Marinette sighed heavily as she took the pan off the heat to prevent the food from burning, “Chloe said she’d get something sorted so he doesn't have to go back there. I don’t know how long that will take though.”

Sabine hummed, “Then this question is for you, Adrien.”

Marinette looked up at the mention of his name. He was halfway down the stairs, tentatively looking at them like a deer in the headlights. Apparently he didn’t need to be Chat Noir to move quietly, as she hadn’t heard him come down from her room.

Adrien’s eyes anxiously flickered around as though looking for an escape route, “Question?”

Sabine gave a smile that was so familiar to Marinette. It was the tender, motherly one she would use when comforting or reassuring her daughter.

“Would you like to stay with us for the time being?” Sabine asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will he finally know what a home is? We'll see, we'll see...
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments and the kudos you guys are leaving! I love you all <3


	50. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien and Marinette meet up with Alya and Nino and there's ~~fluff~~ ice cream.

Adrien hadn’t expected to enter in the middle of a conversation, let alone one that seemed to be so serious. From where he quietly stepped down the stairs he could tell there was a certain tension between mother and daughter, though he wasn’t exactly sure why.

“Then,” Sabine said calmly as she looked at him, “this question is for you, Adrien.”

He froze up. He hadn’t realised that Sabine had noticed him. Marinette obviously hadn’t as she was now looking at him with surprise. He nervously looked around as he wondered if it was too late to slink back upstairs again.

“Question?” he reiterated timidly.

Sabine gently smiled at him, “Would you like to stay with us for the time being?”

Adrien’s gaze anxiously flickered between Sabine and Marinette. Sabine said nothing now, only patiently waiting for his answer. Marinette looked back cautiously, a gentle encouragement in her bluebell eyes.

He wanted to stay, to remain close with Marientte. But was it okay for him to? He could think of the many reasons he wanted to be there, but there were also plenty for why he shouldn’t.

“I…” he started but the words wouldn’t come.

He remembered the isolation of his own room, the cold emptiness of the mansion, the endless meals alone, his own stifled and suffocating life. The ache of his jaw throbbed as though to just reinforce in himself further the shell of an existence he’d been living. He wanted to change. He didn’t want to be so weak anymore.

“If it’s not too much much trouble…” he said, his voice wavering as he tried to hold his resolve, “Then...please.”

Sabine clapped her hands together before he could say anymore, “It’s settled then! Don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything. Maybe some of Marinette’s bad habits will improve if you’re around. Like waking up in the morning.”

Marinette gave an unamused groan, “Maman…”

Sabine laughed lightly as she left the kitchen, “I’ll leave you two alone then. Make yourself at home.”

“Th-Thank you.” he murmured.

Adrien was still a little shell shocked how easily his presence had been accepted. He had been expecting more of a conversation out of it, that excuses or reasons would need to be given. It actually made him a little uneasy how quickly it had been resolved.

“I know cats like high places, but you can’t stay up there.” Marinette teased as she moved about the kitchen, “Come on, Kitty. I have food.”

He’d almost forgotten that he was still awkwardly standing on the stairs. Food made by Marinette was impossible for him to refuse. He slowly stepped down into the main floor of the apartment, moving towards the kitchen as she was plating up freshly cooked bacon and eggs. She was happily humming away to herself and smiled at him when she saw he was looking.

“I’m proud of you, just so you know.” Marinette said as she moved the plates to the breakfast bar, “I thought you were maybe going to avoid giving an answer again. But you said it. What you wanted.”

 _Strange thing to be proud of_ , Adrien thought to himself, but he still had a small smile on his face.

“Come and eat.” Marinette beckoned him over, “We’ll be going to meet Alya and Nino soon.”

Adrien hesitated. He was too busy taking in the quiet happiness that radiated from her. Her shining eyes and the soft pink of her lips that held a subtle smile. His heart ached with longing for things to stay like this. For her to always be happy. For him to not be so afraid. For them to just be together.

* * *

They were set to meet with Alya and Nino at a recently opened cafe that specialised in gelato. Alya had been talking about it for a while, as they apparently offered Ladybug and Chat Noir themed sundaes. There was doubt among the friend group that it would be as good as the famous sweetheart’s ice cream vendor, but at least a cafe was a building that didn’t move.

It wasn’t too far from Marinette’s home and with the day being bright and sunny, she and Adrien walked there. They spoke little as they went, but Adrien had taken her hand shortly after they’d left. Conversation wasn’t really necessary for Marinette, as feeling his hand warmly holding hers was all she needed. Her heart did little flips in her chest from the gesture. It filled her with a shared feeling of _this one is mine_ as their hands stayed clasped for the whole walk.

“Hey you two.” Alya greeted them with a smirk when she saw them.

“Dude, I have so much to catch you up on.” Nino said excitedly as he loosely slung an arm around Adrien’s shoulders.

“Yeah.” Adrien answered with a soft smile, “You need to let me know how that mix you were working on is coming.”

It was at this point he let go of Marinette, but not before giving an affectionate squeeze of her hand.

“Oh sweet!” Nino continued, “I have a demo if you want to listen. I could use your musical opinion.”

Alya came up to Marinette with an amused chuckle, “Sorry, guess it’s become a bro-date now.”

Marinette shook her head with a smile, “It’s fine. Let them be.”

She knew Adrien had been apprehensive, but seeing how he was now relaxing at his friend’s casual conversation was a relief. There was still a short distance to the cafe, so Alya fell in step with Marinette since Nino and Adrien had fallen into their own conversation.

“So you two arrived together.” Alya hummed with intrigue, “Did he pick you up?”

Marinette shook her head, “No, we just walked here together.”

“You make it sound like he was at your place already.”

“Well...he was actually.”

Alya nodded automatically for a moment before turning to her friend in shock, “Wait, seriously? You mean...he was there _overnight_?”

Marinette tried to ignore the blush that crept up her cheeks, “Head out of the gutter please. We didn’t do anything.”

“If he wasn’t there for _that_ , then what were you two doing?”

Marinette glanced at the pair walking a few steps ahead of them. Nino appeared to be showing off something on his phone to Adrien, who appeared to be nodding along with interest.

“He’s just staying with me for a bit.” Marinette answered quietly.

Alya gave a pensive sigh, “I’m guessing it has something to do with that bruise he’s got.”

“So you noticed.”

“Of course I did. I’m sure Nino did too. But we’re not going to just go ‘ _hey Adrien, looks like you got punched - how nice!’_ to him. So…his dad?”

“Yup.”

“Asshole.”

The girls followed after them as they approached the cafe front. Polite as usual, Adrien held open the door for the girls while Nino continued to talk excitedly about his recent music, earning an amused eye roll from Alya.  
The inside of the cafe was stylishly decorated in warm cream tones and cool blacks. Along one wall was the extensive gelato selection as well as a barista bar. The place was busy, but not crowded so the group didn’t feel the need to rush.

“You two go first.” Alya instructed with a wink, “We’ll go find a table.”

She quickly linked her arm with Nino’s and hauled him away in search of seating.

Marinette stepped up to the glass-fronted cabinet that contained the wide variety of gelato.

She scanned the collection of flavours. There were far too many to choose from. The apparently popular _Ladybug Special_ seemed to be a raspberry and strawberry mix with a generous helping of dark chocolate chips. She wasn’t sure about having something that was named after her.

“Any thoughts?”

Marinette looked up with a smile as Adrien approached her.

“I’m not really sure.” she admitted with a nervous laugh, “What do you think?”

“Blackberry, black cherry and lime.” he murmured with a wrinkle of his nose, “That sounds odd.”

He was referring to the dedicated _Chat Noir Special_.

“What? Don’t want to see what you taste like?” Marinette teased.

Adrien looked back at her with a confused but humorous expression. It was a second later that Marinette realised her accidental innuendo.

“Sorry.” she mumbled as a deep red flooded her face, “Forget I said that.”

There was a slight pink on his cheeks as he chuckled, “I don’t think black cherry would be my flavour.”

 _Peppermint_ , Marinette thought as she shyly avoided his gaze, _Peppermint is your flavour._

“Pick for me.” Adrien said suddenly.

She quickly looked back at him again, “Pick for you?”

“Yeah. I’ll have whatever you pick for me.”

“You pick for me too then.” Marinette grinned.

“Alright then, Princess.”

They started looking through the assortment again. Marinette was a little disappointed there didn’t appear to be a passion fruit based one, as she knew for a fact Adrien liked that flavour.

She was momentarily brought out of her deliberation as she realised a little girl, somewhere around four years old, had somehow come to stand in between her and Adrien. For a moment she thought the child was looking at the ice cream, but her awed brown eyes were turned up towards Adrien. He’d noticed and was awkwardly staring back before offering one of his quick model smiles. The girl made an little excited jumped, making her curly brown hair bounce.

“Are you a prince?” the child blurted out.

He was taken aback by this as a slight pink came to his cheeks, but he laughed it off, “No, not really.”

“You look like the one in my storybook.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. He kisses the princess to break the spell. Do you kiss princesses?”

Adrien quickly glanced at Marinette before returning to the little girl, “I do, actually. Just the one though.”

A startled blush came to Marinette’s face.

The child looked skeptical, “Are you _sure_ you’re not a prince? Only princes kiss princesses.”

“Nope. I’m just a heroic knight.”

The little girl’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ as she stared up at him with amazement.

“Sophie! Leave them alone.” A woman carrying a baby approached and took the young girl’s hand, “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, it’s no problem.” Adrien responded, giving a small wave to the girl.

The child waved back as her mother slowly led her away again.

Marinette let out a soft laugh, “I didn’t know you were good with kids.”

Adrien looked slightly embarrassed as he smiled back at her, “I don’t know if you can call that _good_. I’m not really sure how to deal with kids.”

Marinette grinned as she returned to picking out a flavour of gelato for Adrien to try.

 _Maybe this one?_ She thought nervously as she set her eyes on a certain one.

“So what did you get me?” Marinette asked with giddiness as they sat down at the table.

Alya and Nino had already gotten up to go get their own sweet treats, so Marinette and Adrien were left alone at the table for the moment.

Adrien sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he slid the rounded sundae glass over to her, “Panna cotta with salted caramel.”

Marinette pushed the sundae glass she’d received towards him in return, “Lemon meringue.”

Marinette looked at her received gelato suddenly feeling anxious. What if Adrien didn’t like what she’d picked? What if he absolutely _hated_ lemon?

Adrien’s delighted hum evaporated her concern, “This is good.”

She quickly went for her own spoon to try a taste of hers. It was delightfully sweet and unbelievably creamy. She quickly went for another bite.

“Is it okay?” Adrien asked a little timidly, since she had yet to make any comment on what he’d picked for her.

Marinette nodded eagerly as she took another spoonful.

He leaned towards her with a curious gleam in his eyes, “Let me try.”

She paused as his expression reminded her of that mischievous glint Chat Noir would get sometimes. She nodded and was prepared for Adrien to either take her spoon or use his own to take a little from her treat. He did neither.

Marinette’s heart jumped to the ceiling as Adrien gently took her lips with his own. Despite having been eating something cold, her face felt hot as a blush ignited in her cheeks.

Adrien pulled away again, licking his lips with a thoughtful hum, “Sweet.”

Lemon. There was a tang of lemon on her lips now.

Marinette’s heart was still racing when Alya and Nino returned.

“Ta da!” Alya cheered as she presented her unsurprising choice of the _Ladybug Special_.

Nino on the other hand appeared to have chosen a hazelnut and chocolate flavour. The group talked casually about a variety of things, but it eventually turned to more serious, albeit lighthearted, topics.

“Hard to believe we’re almost in our last year of school.” Nino sighed.

“Speak for yourself.” Alya huffed, “I can’t wait for it.”

“You already know what you’ll be doing after?” Marinette questioned.

“Of course! I’ll be studying journalism at university.”

Nino gestured grandly with his spoon, “She’s going to take on the world and become the number one reporter.”

Marinette turned to him, “What about you Nino? Still planning to continue with your music?”

“Absolutely. It’s not easy making your own music, but I’m not going to give up just yet.”

Alya took another spoonful of her gelato as she looked at Marinette, “You’re still set on a fashion internship or art school, right?”

“Hopefully.” Marinette answered shyly.

“What are you thinking of doing?” Nino asked Adrien.

Nino gave a sharp grunt as Alya gave him a warning jab to the ribs. Adrien had been quiet during this conversation. He jolted as though surprised that he’d been spoken to directly.

“I…” he spoke quietly as he tried to smile, but it was forced and anxious, “I’m not really sure.”

Marinette felt a pang in her heart. Gabriel Agreste had likely set out Adrien’s expected future for him. Probably something along the lines of continuing to be a model and later inherit the Gabriel brand. Now that Adrien was trying to leave his father’s shadow there was a lot of uncertainty, not just for the present but for the future as well.

The conversation got cut short there as through the windows a sudden clamour of people running down the street could be seen. Marinette stood up from her seat to try and see what was happening.

Nino stood up as well, “Something going on?”

Alya was looking at her phone, “It’s an akuma. There’s postings going up on the Ladyblog.”

“Bathroom!” Marinette almost shouted as she quickly left the table, “I need the bathroom.”

Marinette quickly made her way to the back of the cafe where a hallway led to the bathrooms. Just as she was about to enter the ladies’ restroom someone grabbed her hand. She turned to see Adrien next to her, looking at her with apprehension.

“Adrien!” she hissed quietly, “Go with Alya and Nino. Plagg still can’t transform.”

“Then let me use one of the other Miraculous.” he responded quickly.

Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line. It was clear that he was concerned, that he didn’t want to be left on the sidelines. But she knew he had to be.

She averted her gaze, “I can’t let you. We don’t know if you can take a transformation right now after what happened. And now isn’t the time to test it out.”

“Please.” Adrien pleaded as he squeezed her hand.

She withdrew her hand from his, “Just trust me. I can handle this.”

His troubled eyes searched hers frantically and after a tense moment he let out a heavy sigh.

“Be careful.” he whispered.

She smiled sadly, “Always, Kitty.”

“Just one thing.”

“What?”

He quickly leaned forward. Marinette was rooted to the spot as Adrien first softly kissed her lips then pressed another tender kiss to her forehead.

As he pulled back again there was a tentative determination in his gaze, “I always trust you.”

Marinette watched as he turned and ran back out into the main part of the cafe. Feeling her own confidence building, she quickly hid herself in the restroom to transform.

Ladybug had barely soared out of the building with her yo-yo when the first of the explosions happened. As she swung across the street filled with terrfied and escaping people she caught sight of Alya and Nino in the crowd. But no matter where she looked, Adrien was nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone order some fluff with a side of cliffhanger? Too bad it's what you're all getting.
> 
> On another note... *throws confetti* 50 chapters! Thanks for sticking with me this long, and for all the amazing comments and kudos! I love you all <3


	51. Accelerando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien is forced to remain out of the fight as Ladybug faces a new akuma.

Heartbreak had always been a consistent favourite for Hawk Moth to abuse. Sadly, such a raw and anguished feeling was rarely in short supply.

“It’s _been a blast_?” The akuma was screeching, “What a fucking joke! You didn’t even have the balls to break up with me properly!”

Ladybug was taking in the situation as best she could. A short distance from the cafe she and her friends had just been in, another building was going up in flames. People were rushing the street in their panic in an effort to get away from the spreading destruction.

“Well I’m Chérie Bomb now and I don’t need _anyone_! I’ll make my own fireworks! Feel the heat of my own passion!”

It was obvious that Chérie Bomb was going to be an aggressive fight. She was wore a scandalously fitted catsuit in deep crimson and black colours, her scarlet hair cascading out behind her like it was fire itself. She stood upon a rooftop, producing a small red orb between her fingers before casual chucking it down to the street below. It really did go off like a firework. A large bang followed by a scorching sizzle as part of the paved ground got blown apart. Anything within the blast range that was remotely flammable had now caught fire.

Ladybug gripped her yo-yo. She had to make her entrance now before this got out of hand. She could see Alya being bold as usual, trying to get close enough with her phone out to record everything that was happening. Nino was next to her as he tried to pull her away to no avail. There had still been no sign of Adrien.

 _He’s okay_ , she tried to reassure herself.

She couldn’t let herself be distracted at a time like this. She was alone in this fight with no hope for backup. She was the only one who could act right now.

“Sorry to break up the party but I think you need some time to cool off.” Ladybug called out as she emerged from her hiding spot.

Chérie wasn’t phased, giving a seductive swing of her hips as she placed a hand on them, “Oh please girlie. Think you’re any match for me? I’ve got nothing to hold me back.”

Before Ladybug could respond another one of the red balls was hurled in her direction. She quickly spun out her yo-yo as fast as she could to shield herself. She felt the heat as the bomb connected, exploding against the shield and dispersing its searing flames out into the air. Another one was heading her way, so she jumped back to try and get some distance between her and Chérie. The incoming explosion was again repelled as Ladybug kept her yo-yo spinning.

“That’s a nice little trick there.” Chérie smirked as she tossed a few more of the red bombs up in her hand, “But you’re playing too nice. Too bad I gave up on being a nice girl.”

Ladybug tensed up as Chérie threw out a handful of the small red bombs. This time however, they weren’t flying towards the heroine. Ladybug stared in horror as the explosives were sent cascading to the street below. There were still people down there.

Ladybug rushed to the edge of the rooftop, leaping off it as she cast out her yo-yo ahead of her. Alya and Nino were still there, along with a woman who had just come running out of the cafe. With well practiced movements Ladybug landed on a streetlamp as her yo-yo kept flying, encircling the few people who were dangerously close to the place of impact the bombs were heading for. There was a terrified outcry and Ladybug snared them all and hauled them away with a fluid movement of her yo-yo, just as the first of the red orbs hit the cafe front. Glass and brick alike shattered across the street as numerous crashes and bangs went off, fire quickly snaking its way up the walls as the building was rocked by the multiple explosions.

Ladybug let out the breath she’d been holding as she jumped down to the street level to make sure everyone was okay. The woman was in absolute hysterics as she held a wailing baby in her arms. It was the same woman Ladybug had seen earlier in the cafe. Nino and Alya were looking with absolute horror at the sight the cafe had become. Glass and rubble dominated what had been the entrance as the fire was quickly climbing up the front of the building to the upper floors.

“I think…” Nino said shakily, “I think our friends were still in there.”

Alya had ceased trying to get a good recording on her phone as she was now holding back sobs, “Marinette…!”

Ladybug felt her blood run cold. She knew where _Marinette_ was, but it sounded like Alya and Nino hadn’t seen Adrien leave the building either. The freezing terror building within her was only intensified as the woman next to her was screaming.

“My daughter! My daughter’s in there!”

Ladybug was about to rush to the collapsed entrance but a flash of red prevented her. She immediately turned on her heel, spinning her yo-yo again to block the incoming bomb.

“Aw so close!” Chérie giggled with a snap of her fingers, “Say where’s that feline boy toy of yours? Shouldn’t he be here by now? Not that you’re not fun, but he’s more of my type for a rebound.”

Ladybug didn’t bother to answer, only glaring back at the akumatised woman.

Chérie pretended to wipe a tear away, “Oh poor girl. You got broken up with too! No worries, you can join in on my newly single party. But first I’ll need those earrings.”

“Move!” Ladybug yelled to the people around her as another barrage of the little red bombs fell down.

Both Alya and Nino had to help the distraught woman to her feet as she continued to cry out for her daughter. Ladybug dashed left and right, spinning her yo-yo to deflect as many of the bombs as she could. She was at a disadvantage now that she’d come down to street level while Chérie remained on the rooftops above.

Finally the last remaining citizens had vacated the area. Ladybug backflipped away, allowing the next bombs to detonate on the ground. She ducked as debris was blown across the street. In this brief window she spared a glance towards what had been the cafe. The flames of the building had grown wilder as the entire facade was quickly becoming engulfed.

She was torn. There was an akuma right there, hellbent on destroying anything and everyone nearby with fire and explosions. But then she didn’t know where Adrien was. The thought that he could still be in the building ravaged with flames as part of its structure started to fall made her sick to her stomach with terror. Heart and mind were pulling her in opposite directions. To look for the person she valued most or to stay true to her duty as the protector of Paris.

Her heart wrenched in her chest. Adrien had put his faith in her to carry this out alone, so she would. She just had to believe in him too.

Pushing down on her feelings, Ladybug cast off her yo-yo. With a swift movement she propelled herself up to the rooftops again.

Chérie smirked as she licked her lips, “Ready for some passionate fireworks?”

* * *

Adrien didn’t want her to go in alone, but he knew better than to fight with her when she’d already firmly decided on something. Nothing he could say would make her change her mind. It hurt, but now wasn’t the time to start an argument.

He tried to hide how badly he hated this situation as he whispered to her, “Be careful.”

Marinette’s smile was sad as she looked at him, “Always, Kitty.”

“Just one thing.”

“What?”

He leaned in and quickly took her lips with his, soft but sure. She still tasted sweet from the gelato. He broke apart from her only to place another gentle kiss on her forehead. This was all he could do for her right now. They were meant to be partners but right now he was incapable of doing anything. He steeled himself as he stepped back from her. The last thing she needed was to be worried about him right now.

“I always trust you.” he told her as he steadily met her gaze.

Adrien lingered only briefly, taking in the quiet surprise of her expression as a light blush came to her cheeks. He ignored the pain of his jaw as he gritted his teeth before turning and running back out into the cafe.

Most people who still remained in the cafe were cautiously looking out to the street now. Alya had made her way towards the cafe entrance with her phone in hand and ready to record. Nino was following after her, no doubt trying to convince her to be careful as usual. Adrien’s heart twisted with the anxiety of being kept grounded and out of whatever was happening outside. He internally scolded himself for acting so childish. Ladybug was the important one and he had no doubt that she could manage.

Adrien had only taken a few steps into the main part of the cafe when it happened. He’d been in enough fights to know that it hadn’t been an earthquake. Something nearby had exploded. It was enough to have the remaining people start into a panicked scramble as they all started to flee. He saw Alya and Niino get caught up in the moving crowd, and Adrien was about to follow when a sound took his attention.

He turned to look down the cafe’s booths that lined one of the walls. The woman from earlier was knelt on the floor, gently cradling her baby while hurriedly talking under the table. He glanced to the cafe entrance where people were quickly leaving before approaching the woman.

“It’s okay, baby.” she was cooing softly.

Adrien crouched down next to her and looked under the table. The little girl from before was huddled up underneath it, pressed back against the wall. She was obviously scared.

“Come on, sweetie. We need to go.” her mother tried to coax the child out but she wouldn’t budge.

“Hey, little lady.” Adrien smiled at the young girl, “Your mom’s right. It’s time to go.”

The child sniffled, “You’re the knight.”

Adrien paused but decided to roll with it, “Yes I am. What’s your name?”

“Sophie...”

“Alright Sophie. We’re going to have to go now, but don’t be afraid.” Adrien held out his hand towards her, “I’ll protect you, okay?”

The girl looked at him and then his waiting hand. Slowly she reached out and timidly placed her hand in his. He gently took it and led her out from under the table.

“Thank you.” the mother said gratefully.

“Head to the door.” he told her as he took the child into his arms, “I’ve got her.”

The mother nodded and quickly stood up before going for the door. Adrien got to his feet, lifting Sophie with him as he started to follow.

As they approached the front of the cafe, he could just about see the rooftops across the street through the large windows. Ladybug was already there and had engaged the akuma. Even though he wasn’t Chat Noir, he was already analysing what he could see of the situation. The akuma was throwing something that Ladybug was fending off with her yo-yo. He could also clearly see a flaming crater on the ground that told him what would happen if one of the akuma’s attacks hit.

Adrien felt his blood run cold as he saw the akuma’s gestures change. They were no longer preparing their attack for Ladybug, they were going to send it somewhere else.

“Run!” Adrien yelled.

The mother had already reached the door of the cafe, but the desperation in his voice was enough to send her into a sprint.  
The red orbs were already falling. He had to act. Chat Noir would be fast enough to make a break for it, but Adrien wasn’t. If he tried he would likely get caught in the middle of the blast radius. Instinct took over as he held the child to his chest and vaulted over the barista bar.

There was a deafening noise of glass shattering along with brick and mortar being ripped apart. The shockwave forcefully knocked him to the ground as he rolled over the bar counter, but he held onto the girl to protect her as more debris and glass crashed around them. His ears were ringing, and the settling dust made him cough and sputter until his throat burned.

As sound returned to normal he could hear the girl wailing. There was blood spattered across the ground. Adrien quickly sat up on his knees to check her for injuries. Thankfully apart from a few superficial cuts she seemed to be mostly unharmed.

_Then this blood…_

Adrien looked down to his leg. A large shard of glass was embedded in his thigh with red slowly seeping out around it. Adrenaline seemed to have prevented him from noticing at first, but not that he saw it his head felt dizzy as the pain started to pulse through him. He clenched his jaw. The wound would have to wait for a moment.

“Plagg.” he hissed into the collar of his jacket.

“You’ve already been told, Kid.” Plagg responded in a harsh whisper only audible to him, “We can’t transform right now.”

“Then go see if it’s safe to get out of here.”

The kwami grumbled but Adrien felt the little cat quickly slip away from him to start looking.

It was difficult and hurt like hell, but he managed to turn around a little and adjust his positioning so that his bloodied leg wouldn’t be so noticeable to the girl.

“Hey, it’s okay.” he said softly to the crying child, “Look at me. We’re okay.”

Her loud wails slowly descended to hiccups and sobs as he continued to console her.

He did his best to keep his voice gentle and calm as he spoke, “I know it’s scary, but you only need to be brave for a little bit. Okay? I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

She wiped her arms across her face in a clumsy attempt to clear away her tears as she nodded.

“Sophie, right? Can you do something for me?”

She sniffled as she continued to wipe her face, “W-What is it?”

“Tell me that story you were talking about before. The one with the prince.”

“The s-story?”

“I haven’t heard it, so will you tell me?”

She tearfully looked at him as she fidgeted with the edge of her jumper, sniffling and hiccuping as she tried to think.

”There’s a princess…” she started, “And she’s really pretty.”

Adrien nodded, “Beautiful I bet.”

“But there’s an evil fairy. She's mean and doesn’t like her.”

“Alright. What does the evil fairy do?”

The girl continued to slowly retell the fairytale to him. Satisfied that she was distracted for the moment, Adrien partly turned his attention to the leg. He never fully turned away from the girl so that she hopefully wouldn’t completely notice what he was actually doing.

He took a few short breaths before quickly pulling the glass shard from his leg. He had to let out a low groan in place of the slew of cursing that wanted to come forth as the pain shot through him. He shrugged off his jacket and started to rip the sleeve off of it.

“Keep going.” he smiled at her when she stopped, “I want to know how it ends.”

She seemed uncertain but carried on, “And a prince comes…”

Adrien tightly tied the now torn sleeve around his leg. It wasn’t ideal but it would hopefully slow the bleeding.

“It’s no good.” he heard Plagg whisper in his ear, “The whole ground floor is blocked in. And it’s not only that.”

Adrien could already smell the smoke so his kwami didn’t need to elaborate further. The building was starting to catch fire as a result of the blasts.

_If I had my Cataclysm…_

Adrien shook his head. It wasn’t possible for him to be Chat Noir right now. He’d have to make do with who he was right now. He could hear the structure of the building rumble and creak. They had to get out immediately.

“And they lived happily ever after!” Sophie finished retelling the fairytale.

She had stopped crying now and was looking at him eagerly.

Adrien smiled at her, “Thank you for telling me. We’ll need to go now though. Your mom will be waiting.”

Adrien had to grab onto the bar counter to haul himself to his feet. He swallowed his groan as he tried to steady himself. This wasn’t good. He was losing feeling in his leg and it was looking like they would have to find a way upstairs to try and find a window to escape from. Hopefully he wouldn’t bleed out before then.  
He still believed that Ladybug would come through and defeat the akuma as always. And then she’d use her Miraculous power to fix everything back to how it was meant to be. With a child next to him though, Adrien couldn’t sit around and wait for that to happen. He had to get her out so she didn’t need to be scared anymore.

He couldn’t hold back the automatic jolt that passed through him when the child grabbed onto his hand without warning. For all his own fear and pain, he was really not prepared enough for unsolicited physical contact.

 _Keep yourself together_ , he scolded himself.

He let her continue to hold his hand despite the discomfort of it. Her reassurance was more important than his own wretched anxieties. Plagg thankfully scouted ahead in secret and reported back to Adrien on the way to go so he didn’t have to blindly look around. He couldn’t manage more than a shambling walk with his leg, but the girl was too nervous herself to stray too far from him and stuck to his side.

They found the stairs at the back of the building and started to head up. The first floor was where the fire seemed to have spread the quickest. It was mostly office rooms here, and any that Adrien looked into were too dangerous to enter either for the aggressive flames that were slowly consuming the area or because part of the floor or ceiling had collapsed. The second floor proved to be more of the same.

Another explosion rocked the area as they were climbing the stairs to the third floor, forcing Adrien to pause and listen to the rumble and groan of the building. The building was heating up and it was getting harder to breathe with the amounting smoke. His leg was getting worse and had pretty much lost all feeling now. The slow blood loss was making him lightheaded but he persevered.

They ended up making their way to the top floor, as the fire seemed to have taken most of the front of the building. It hadn’t reached this far yet though the smoke was still heavy. Adrien led the way into a small room, heading straight for the window there. Plagg assisted with unlocking it, so all Adrien had to do was lift it open. He peered out into the street below. The street looked like a war zone with the buildings and walls that were starting to crumble along with the fires that clawed through the debris. He couldn’t see Ladybug at the moment but he was certain she was still nearby. As Chat Noir, he would simply jump out the window or even use his claws to climb the surface of the building. Being Adrien would have to do right now though, so he had to settle for something else. There was a narrow ledge just below the window that would have to do. He could use it to scale along the wall to the adjacent building that had a balcony he could reach. The fire hadn’t spread that far yet and there was less smoke so it would be safer to wait there until someone could reach them.

Adrien knelt down in front of the girl, “You’re going to need to get on my back and hang on really tight.”

She timidly looked back at him before scrambling onto his back, clasping onto his shoulders and wrapping her small legs around his waist to steady herself while he supported her with one arm behind him. She was whimpering and shaking as she held onto him. Adrien inhaled deeply. Right now he couldn’t be afraid or nervous. He wouldn’t let himself. He ignored the blood that had spattered the floor underneath him as he forced himself to stand up again. His leg was buckling under him but he refused to let himself fall down. He wasn’t Chat Noir. But Adrien could still do something.

 _Just a bit more_.

“Hold onto me and don’t look down.” he told her as he moved to the open window.

He slowly slid himself out the window, going first with his usable leg to touch down on the ledge.

“Alright little monkey?” he said over his shoulder with false confidence.

The child’s small hands were digging into his shoulders as he felt her nod against him. He lowered himself completely onto the ledge and looked to the side he wanted to get to. It wasn’t far, but on a narrow ledge with a fucked up leg he could only move at a miniscule shuffle.

He continued to be as reassuring as he could, “It’s alright. We’re almost there.”

He’d managed to make it halfway along the ledge when another nearby explosion rocked the building. Adren tried to flatten himself against the wall, but with the loss of blood and one leg no longer cooperating his balance was severely weakened.

His hand harshly slid over the brick as he tried to find something to hold on to.

His leg gave out and he felt himself slipping from the ledge entirely. The girl started to scream as gravity took hold. They were falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Combat is not a strong point for my writing. But practice makes perfect...I guess? I don't really like glossing over it too much since akuma fights are a main point of the series.
> 
> Thanks as always for reading!


	52. Salvage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug is forced to fight alone against an akuma.

Ladybug vaulted over a set of chimneys as more of the little red bombs landed close behind her. She ducked and rolled as debris flew across the rooftop.

Chérie Bomb cackled somewhere nearby, “I’ve got nothing to tie me down now. I’m going to embrace my new freedom and you  _ can’t stop me _ , Ladybug!”

Ladybug cast out her yo-yo to swing across the street as another set of the bombs came her way. This was difficult. By herself, she had to constantly be on the defense as Chérie wouldn't let up. She was doing her best to be vigilant but she had yet to discover where the corrupted butterfly was hiding.   
Another red ball volleyed up into the air after her. Landing on the roof opposite, Ladybug shot out her yo-yo to knock it back, causing it to detonate above her. She covered her face with her arm as the scorching pieces like a firework rained down. Chérie was coming after her now so Ladybug sprinted down the buildings, sliding over the already damaged rooftops. She kept her yo-yo spinning behind her as more of the little bombs followed. A few hit the structure she was running on, causing the whole building to creak and rumble. The harsh vibrations throughout it made Ladybug stumble only for a second, as she retracted her shield to instead use her yo-yo to quickly pull herself forward and gain more ground.

Chérie gave an annoyed click of her tongue as she followed more slowly, “I’m  _ so sick _ of having to be the one doing all the chasing. No wonder the cat boy left you. You’re no fun.”

Ladybug gritted her teeth. Right now she was Ladybug and had a job to do. She had a mission and absolutely couldn’t fail. No matter how much it felt like her heart was being torn from her in desperation to look for him, she couldn’t let the akuma continue it’s destruction. Using her yo-yo, she grabbed a large piece of rubble and hurled it towards Chérie. The akuma met the attack with one of her bombs and remained immovable as the brick and mortar flying towards her ruptured and scattered around her.

This needed to end soon. She still hadn’t figured out where the butterfly could be hiding, but she couldn’t keep running around like this.

“Lucky Charm!” Ladybug called out.

She grimaced as a pickaxe fell into her hands. Casting her eye around, she saw nothing was lighting up to her as useful for a plan. She attached the item to her back until she could figure out what she needed to do.

Ladybug looked back to Chérie Bomb who now had the purple butterfly outline framing her eyes. Ladybug tensed up as she could only guess at what Hawk Moth was saying, but it was immediately forgotten as a shriek rose up from below. Ladybug rushed to the edge of the roof and looked down. A few buildings along from where she stood the flames were quickly spreading from what had been the cafe. Her heart gave a sickening lurch when she saw them at the top floor of the building.

Adrien was desperately clasping with one hand to a small ledge that ran the length of the building, while his other hand gripped onto a young girl’s arm. He was trying to plant his feet against the flat surface of the building to support the weight of them better, but for some reason he was only managing with one leg and it wasn’t enough to hold balance. His grip was gradually slipping from the narrow ridge he clung to.

Ladybug forgot about the akuma then. Her mind was in a scramble, leaving emotion to take over whatever her logic might decide as she ran forward. She threw out her yo-yo and swung into the street, hurtling herself towards them.

“Adrien!” she yelled.

He heard her and saw her coming. She knew immediately what he was intending as she got closer from the way he managed to lift the girl he was holding onto. As soon as Ladybug was close enough he swung his arm out, placing the wailing girl directly in Ladybug’s path. Ladybug grabbed her from him and angled her grip on her yo-yo so that she would quickly descend to the ground. With his hand free again, Adrien latched himself better onto the ledge he was suspended from.

_ Hang on!  _ Ladybug begged as she landed.

“Can you run?” she asked the girl quickly.

The girl was in tears but she nodded. Further down the wrecked street Ladybug could see the police had set up their cordon now.

“Run that way. The police will look after you.” Ladybug instructed.

The child hesitated a moment before taking off as she was told.

With the child safe, Ladybug turned back and prepared to cast off her yo-yo again. Her movements stopped dead before her yo-yo left her hand. Adrien was gone.   
Fearing the worst she frantically looked around but he was nowhere to be seen around the burning building now. A new movement caught her eye as someone landed some distance away from her in the road.

“I’m getting bored of chasing.” Chérie sneered, “But looks like I managed to get someone who can’t run.”

She raised her hand that now clasped Adrien’s wrist. She lifted him up with her hold, but he was unable to stand properly so instead twisted uncomfortably as he tried to pull away from her. He was trying to pry open the hand that snared his wrist but to no avail. With him facing her properly now Ladybug could see the redness that had soaked through the material of his jeans.

“Let him go!” Ladybug cried.

Chérie appeared bemused, shrugging as she opened her hand. Adrien heavily fell to the ground like a ragdoll.

She clicked her tongue as she nudged him with her foot, “Oops, I think this one’s broken.”

Anger was bubbling up in Ladybug, “ _ Leave him alone! _ ”

Chérie turned back to her and lifted her hand again. Without having to constantly run around, Ladybug saw it more clearly now as Chérie touched the beaded bracelet on her wrist, drawing out more of the small red spheres from it.

_ It has to be in the bracelet! _

Ladybug was frozen though as Chérie held the fresh bombs between her fingers, extending her arm out until she held them above where Adrien lay.

“I’m done being the one doing the chasing.” Chérie hissed, “Just hand me your damn earrings already so I can do something more fun. If you don’t, then you make for a pretty bad hero if you can’t save one innocent person.”

“If he’s innocent then why bring him into this?” Ladybug yelled back.

“As far as I’m concerned, no  _ man _ can be innocent. Heartbreakers. Cheaters. Liars. But you’re the good girl here, so you think differently right?”

Ladybug searched around her. She didn’t have much time left after using her ability so she had to act now. Her eye caught sight of one of the small craters in the road left by one of the previous detonations. A pipe had become exposed and was leaking streams of water from where it had been cracked.

_ The pipe. Her yo-yo. The pickaxe. _

She knew what she needed to do now. But with Chérie watching her she could easily let go of the bombs she held as soon as Ladybug tried anything.

Ladybug was frantically turning thoughts in her mind when she saw Adrien move. He dragged his hand across the ground. Chérie hadn’t noticed until he threw a mix of dust and debris towards her face.

“What the fuck!” she shrieked as she blindly rubbed her eyes, “You fucking asshole!”

Ladybug took the opportunity. With the pickaxe attached to her yo-yo, she sent it flying to the pipe where it caught hold. She pulled harshly, causing the pick to rip through the already weakened pipe. Water ruptured out, creating a wave across the street and soaking the area.

Chérie had recovered herself now. With a frustrated cry she threw the bombs she had been holding to the ground. They landed in the sheet of water that now covered the street with an underwhelming fizzle instead of the devastating explosions from before.

Ladybug didn’t give her a chance to do anything further as she sprinted forwards, casting out her yo-yo to latch onto Chérie’s wrist. The enemy cried out as they were suddenly hauled over the ground towards Ladybug. Once they were close enough Ladybug snatched the bracelet from their wrist, pulling it harshly until the string that held the beads together snapped. The blackened butterfly emerged and Ladybug didn’t hesitate to capture it. With it purified, she retrieved her Lucky Charm to put an end to all this.

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

The flash of red sailed around the area as she ran over to where Adrien still lay on the ground. He was forcing himself to sit up as she approached. Before she could speak he held out a hand to stop her.

His voice was low and strained, “Your earrings.”

Ladybug hadn’t even noticed her Miraculous beeping out its timer. She hesitated. Adrien had been healed as her powers washed over the area, but she didn’t want to leave him.

He flashed a tired smile at her, “Go.”

She clenched her jaw but listened to him. Using her yo-yo, she lifted herself up and away from the street to find a nearby hidden spot to let her transformation drop.

* * *

Adrien watched as Ladybug flew away. It was obvious that she'd wanted to stay, but he couldn’t let her. She was too close to losing her transformation. He stayed sitting on the ground a while longer. While the power of her Miraculous had healed him, he was still reeling from the strain he’d been enduring. The past few minutes at least had been a whirlwind blur for him. Ladybug had taken the girl from him, so at that point he didn’t care if he faded in and out of what was happening. He’d ended up on the ground at some point with the akuma having taken hold of him. He rubbed the wrist that had been caught in their grip. It still felt like his skin was crawling after that.

With people returning to the area he forced himself to stand up. A first responder unit were taking care of the akuma victim now, and he was also approached by someone out of concern that he’d been a bystander caught up in the event. The medic placed a hand on his shoulder in what was meant to be a reassuring gesture, but it only served to make his anxiety twist viciously in him. He shrank away from the contact and bluntly answered the questions he was asked.

Yes he was fine. Yes Ladybug had been here but she was gone now. No he didn’t know the akuma victim personally.

The mother from before also approached him alongside her daughter. She lavished him with gratitude that felt a little overwhelming, but he smiled politely and told her that he was just glad the girl was safe. The girl had grabbed his hand during the exchange and it took everything in him to not harshly withdraw himself from it. He held his fixed model smile even though he desperately wanted to just be left alone right now. He didn’t have the energy to hold his good natured facade for much longer. Honestly, he just wanted to crawl into a hole where no one could reach him until he could recover himself again.

Adrien smiled and waved again as the mother and child finally left him. His outwardly pleasant demeanour faltered then. He looked around the street that now had more people returning to it, no doubt curious about the latest Ladybug encounter. He moved away to the side of the street where he could lean himself at the entrance to a small alley. It was all catching up to him now. All of his own panic and fear he’d been holding back on was flooding him now. He didn’t want to let others see how afraid he was, how exhausted and in pain he’d felt, because he’d needed to be confident and reassuring for the child he’d protected. He couldn’t let Ladybug know that he was shaken up because she needed to escape before her Miraculous timed out.

If he had been Chat Noir, all that had happened would have likely unaffected him. But as Adrien he’d felt it so much more keenly how he could have died. His wrist still didn’t feel right either, like there was a series of needles methodically prodding against his skin over and over. He slid down against the wall next to him until he was crouching, curling into himself as he tried to keep his breathing under control.

“You did good Kid.” Plagg offered a comforting purr from Adrien’s shirt collar.

He could feel the kawmi’s tiny paws kneading against him.

“I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.” Adrien murmured.

“Yeah you were pretty dumb.” Plagg scoffed before softly adding, “But you showed you didn’t need to be Chat Noir to do something.”

Adrien nervously chewed his lip as he considered Plagg’s words. It sure would have helped to have been Chat Noir, but he’d still managed to act even without the help of his Miraculous.

He looked up at the sound of footsteps hurrying towards him.

“Adrien!” Marinette gasped as she approached, “There you are! I was looking for you!”

He smiled at her, though he knew it was strained, “I just needed to be somewhere quiet for a minute.”

Her bluebell eyes searched him with concern, “Are you okay?”

“It’s just, uh...a bit different trying to act the hero when you don’t have powers.”

“It was amazing what you did though.”

Adrien shook his head, “Ladybug’s the amazing one.”

She was about to refute his comment when more steps quickly approached them.

“You two are in  _ big _ trouble!” Alya yelled, “You had me worried  _ sick _ !”

“Trouble?” Marinette answered nervously.

“You run off in the middle of an akuma attack and we have no idea where you went!”

“Alya was about to set up a search and rescue.” Nino added in a far more lighthearted tone.

He helped Adrien to his feet again as Alya continued her scolding. Marinette and Adrien offered meek apologies which seemed to placate her some.

Alya sighed, “I didn’t get much for the Ladyblog this time. But that’s fine since you two are alright.  _ Don’t _ do that again!”

Adrien and Marinette exchanged an awkward glance. They knew it was highly likely they would pull a disappearing act again in the future given their alter egos. Still they apologised again.

“We should probably get out of here.” Nino suggested as he looked to the gathering people and police officers that had taken to the area.

The four of them started to head home now. Alya had taken out her phone and was going over what footage she had managed to get. Adrien wasn’t really paying attention though. He was exhausted and still thinking about finding that hole to crawl into. A gentle nudge against his hand made him tense up. He looked down to where Marinette’s hand quickly snapped back from him.

“Sorry.” she whispered.

He felt guilty for his reaction as he looked away, “No, it's…”

That familiar anxiety was gnawing at him again. He knew that she was seeking to hold his hand, but right now he couldn’t let her. Every touch against his skin right now felt unbearable. He was still in the process of trying to settle himself again, to tell himself that he was fine and that he was only behaving irrationally.

“Uh, guys?” Nino had stopped dead and was sounding very concerned.

Adrien heard Alya curse under her breath as well. He looked to Marinette next to him and saw as her own confusion shifted to alarm. There was a sinking feeling as Adrien carefully followed the gaze of his friends.   
They had reached the end of the street before stopping, bringing into clear view a car that was waiting on the corner. The familiar tense weight dropped hard into his chest, making it feel like his heart would be crushed under the pressure. He knew that car immediately. It was the same sedan that was always taking him from one activity to another. Despite the crushing feeling, his heart pounded painfully in his chest as someone stepped out from the back seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna...slap in another little cliffhanger there.  
> Is the freedom over already? Hmhmm...  
> Slightly shorter chapter but the next ones will be longer.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos you guys are leaving!


	53. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien tries to face a harsh truth.

Adrien didn’t know how to register the roaring dissonance inside him. Different parts of him were vying to take control. Pieces of his heart and self were at odds. He didn’t know what he wanted or expected, but he couldn’t deny the way his heart wrenched as Nathalie emerged from the car. How was he supposed to feel about this? Angry that his father wasn’t the one who’d come for him? Maybe relieved? Under the torrent rushing through him there was a tiny part of him that shouldered that all too familiar disappointment.

Nathalie remained by the car, holding the door open expectantly. Alya and Nino had formed a defensive barrier in front of Adrien and Marinette.

“You guys can make a run for it.” Alya instructed over her shoulder.

Adrien looked to Marinette next to him. She gazed back with that soothing bluebell colour. She didn’t need to say anything for him to understand that she was with him whatever he decided to do now. Adrien took a breath and walked past his friends towards the car.

“Hey, dude. Seriously?” Nino hissed.

“It’s Nathalie. She’ll just talk at least.” Adrien answered.

_I think._

Nathalie had always been stern with him, but never forceful or aggressive. If anyone in that abysmal mansion were to reasonably listen to him, it would be her.

“Adrien.” Nathalie greeted coolly as Adrien came up to her, “Your father wants you to come home.”

Adrien nervously eyed the open car door but didn’t approach it. She watched him with her usual consistent poker face.

“How did he find me?” He asked quietly.

“It wasn’t hard. Your father has his resources.”

Adrien snorted, “Should I check my teeth for tracking chips?”

Nathalie didn’t seem to appreciate the joke as she just steadily stared back, “You need to come home, Adrien.”

“I’m not going.”

“Your father is worried.”

“Then why didn’t he come for Adrien himself?” Marinette interjected.

Adrien hadn’t realised she’d come up beside him. Her brow was knitted together in a scowl that Marinette only had when she was _very_ angry.

“It’s always up to his demands!” she was yelling now, “Adrien doesn’t have to listen to that bastard anymore!”

Nathalie raised an eyebrow at the spitting girl. Adrien quickly gave Marinette’s hand a light touch, ignoring how the contact felt irritable against his skin. He needed her to reel herself back in before she did something further. It worked as Marinette snapped her eyes to him following the gentle gesture.

Adrien turned back to Nathalie, “I already told him I don’t want to model anymore. I don’t want to do anything for him anymore. I...I want to try and decide things for myself.”

Nathalie eyed Marinette carefully before turning to him again, “The street is no place for a private conversation. At least get in the car, Adrien.”

“Don’t.” Marinette whispered to him.

Adrien glanced at her as he nervously chewed his lip. He turned his gaze to look in through the front of the car. The bodyguard was in the driver’s seat as usual.

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat, “He so much as starts the car and I’m getting out.”

Nathalie paused a moment before nodding in acceptance.

“What are you doing?” Marinette asked in a desperate hushed tone.

He knew it was weak and uncertain, but he smiled at her anyway, “We’re just going to talk. I’m just going to make sure she understands I’m not going back.”

Marinette lifted her hand to reach out to him, but she stopped and withdrew herself from it.

“I’ll be right back.” he told her.

Her fearful gaze followed him as Adrien ducked into the car.

Adrien slid over the seats to the other side so that Nathalie could follow him in. She said nothing as she took her seat and closed the door. As promised the car didn’t start, but Adrien still remained nervous and alert.

“So did he tell you he hit me?” Adrien couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice.

“Not in so many words.” Nathalie responded calmly, “He just made it clear you were at a disagreement.”

“That’s a gentle way to put it. Certainly didn’t _feel_ that way.” he shot back with a gesture towards the bruise on his jaw.

Something unfamiliar passed in Nathalie's expression but only briefly, “Is this really what you want, Adrien? To throw away everything you’ve worked for?”

“What I’ve worked for? All I’ve been working for is for him to actually notice my existence and to not treat me as some puppet to parade about on a whim. But I think it’s already perfectly clear what he thinks of me.”

“Your father cares about you. He just wanted to raise you to be a strong and responsible person.”

Adrien scoffed, leaning back in the seat as he crossed his arms, “I’m pleased to tell you that he’s failed to raise me to be anything.”

“But what else are you going to do, Adrien? Why do you even want to stop modeling? Is this because of Mlle Rossi?”

The mention of Lila forced him to remember the feeling of the girl’s nails as they dragged over his skin. He swallowed back the anxiety welling up in his throat.

Nathalie continued, “She acted outside of your father’s expectations. He only intended for her to keep an eye on you for your sake.”

“ _Keep an eye on me_ ? She did a lot more than that!” Adrien shouted, feeling his anger and disgust roil inside him like a vile poison, “You’re seriously telling me he didn’t scout her to model, but to be another _precaution_ for him to use on me?”

“Adrien -”

“And even better he _knew_ what she was doing? How she _acted_ towards me?”

“ _Adrien!”_

It was the first time he’d ever heard Nathalie raise her voice but he wasn’t in a state of mind to even notice. The part of him that had gone quiet was baring its fangs again. That burning anger that just wanted everything to disappear from him.

“Might as well just sell me off to the highest bidder! Since that’s all I’m good for!” He sneered, “Doesn’t matter what I think or feel. Even _he_ only cares what can be done with my body. I’m not doing it anymore! _I’m fucking done!_ ”

“Adrien, calm down!”

He stopped now but only to catch his breath. He glared at Nathalie. She stared back at him with a faint shock painted in her features, but she was still trying to remain composed.

Adrien’s voice cracked as he repeated quietly, “I’m done.”

He reached for the door handle and pulled it to open the car door. The door didn’t budge.

“Why is the door locked?” he growled.

“Adrien, listen.” Nathalie said smoothly, “You just need to come home. Everything will get sorted.”

“He’s had years to try to fix things. Unlock the door. Now.”

She didn’t answer, only watched him cautiously.

Adrien spoke with such an icy calmness so alike to his father that each word left a bitter taste, “I’m not going back there. If you make me, I can think of plenty worse things I can do than running away.”

Nathalie’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, no doubt seeing the similarity as well.

“ _Let. Me. Out._ ” he hissed.

As soon as he heard the click of the door Adrien got out of the car.

He lingered a moment before looking back at Nathalie, “Don’t come for me again.”

He slammed the door shut again.

Marinette, Alya and Nino had been waiting for him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look their way as he stepped away from the car. He felt exposed. The phantom feeling of someone else’s touch was leaving scorch marks along the lines of his body. Anxiety roiled inside him, bringing forth that familiar sense of nausea.

Gabriel didn't care about Lila as a model. He only wanted her to be another chain to keep Adrien under control. And when her actions became bolder his father did nothing to stop her.

 _I didn’t either_ , the thought clawed at him.

He distantly heard Marinette say something, but his head was swimming and his skin was burning. The suffocation was bearing down on him as he couldn’t shake the anxiety that was clouding him.

* * *

Marinette nervously watched the car. It had been a few minutes since Adrien had gotten in. For now his condition had been met as the vehicle hadn’t been turned on.

“You think everything is alright?” Nino asked quietly.

“I can’t believe he actually got in.” Alya murmured with a shake of her head.

Marinette didn’t like it either but Adrien had decided that he was willing to talk with Nathalie. He’d already expressed that he wouldn’t be going back to the mansion, so she hoped that there was nothing being said that would maybe change his mind.

The three of them became alert at the sound of a door opening. Adrien stepped out of the far side of the sedan, pausing a moment before leaning down to say something to Nathalie who remained inside. He then proceeded to harshly slam the door shut. Marinette could see his darkened eyes as he lifted his head but he wasn’t looking towards his friends. He stepped around the back of the car before hesitating again. She didn’t like the emptiness of his expression as his eyes looked somewhere without focus.

“Is everything alright?” she asked him quietly.

He didn’t answer.  
Marinette had become a little more familiar with the smaller points of Adrien’s body language. The hastened flicker of his eyes, the shiver that passed through his shoulders, the way his mouth moved as though trying to form words that wouldn’t come, the way his posture seemed to shrink as he wrapped his arms around himself. As she came a little closer to him she could see the trembling and the way his breathing was becoming increasingly desperate. He was trying to hold back on it but it was already there. Adrien was having an attack.

Marinette closed the gap between them, quickly reaching out to take a hold of him. She initially went for his hand, but thought better of it and instead softly grabbed the material of his sleeve. His eyes remained fixed on the ground, but as she gently tugged on his sleeve he followed her direction. She was vaguely aware of Alya and Nino following, but all her focus was on guiding Adrien away from the moment.

“This way.” she coaxed him as she led him towards a neighbouring street that was out of sight from the sedan.

She managed to get him out of the open and into a sheltered terrace before he refused to move any further. He leaned against the cool brick of the wall, sliding down it until he rested on his knees. By now his chest heaved from his raw gasping breaths as his gaze remained skittish. His hands had moved as well, latching defensively around his neck as he curled into himself.

“What did that ice bitch do?” Nino muttered.

“Forget about that for now.” Alya hissed, “There’s a shop over there. Go get some water.”

Marinette continued to gently hush Adrien as his rasping became interspersed with hiccups. He jolted uncomfortably as though someone had touched him even though nobody had.

“I’m here. Can you hear me?” she whispered to him.

He moved his head slightly in a weak attempt at a nod.

“Okay. That’s good. Just stay with me, alright?”

Alya tentatively stepped closer as she quietly asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

Marinette wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing herself. It was clear he likely couldn’t cope with being touched right now, so she couldn’t go ahead with his self made soothing technique that usually helped. If she tried that right now it would possibly have the opposite effect. She could try to get him to do it himself, but she hadn’t seen him doing it as much recently as he had done before.

“Not at the moment.” she told Alya, “Just some space for now.”

Alya nodded in understanding and backed up again, turning to face out to the street to keep an eye out for Nino returning.

Marinette returned her focus to Adrien. He was still trembling and his hands remained clasped around his neck. She worried about how much pressure he was applying there as he was already struggling to breathe. She decided she had to try.

“Adrien, I need you to show me how to do it again.” she said gently, “Show me how to play the notes.”

“I...I can’t…” his voice was faint and shaking.

“Then will you help me do it?”

“...It...stop…”

He was muttering between his rasping breaths now so she couldn’t really understand what he was saying.

“I’m going to touch you now, okay?” she whispered.

With the way Adrien had protectively huddled into himself it was impossible for her to rest her hand against his chest like she normally would. Instead she tentatively rested her fingertips just over his collarbone. Adrien writhed against the touch as though he couldn’t decide whether to pull away or not.

“It’s just me.” she told him softly.

She paused a moment to give him time to adjust. She could feel the way his pulse was racing and the uncontrollable shaking of his body. His head was hung low so she couldn’t tell what his expression was. He hadn't retreated from her for now though, so she proceeded to gently press against him in a similar rhythm as to how he had shown her before.

Marinette carefully eyed where his hands still gripped his neck as she spoke to him, “Just focus on me.”

She kept methodically tapping against him. She tried to not let her relief be obvious as one of his hands slowly dragged away from his neck and over her hand. He lingered there a minute before properly aligning his hand with hers. She let him lead now as he tentatively pressed her fingers against him, making small corrections to the sequence and tempo she’d been using. She kept whispering consoling words to him, reminding him that he was okay and that what he was feeling right now would pass.

It took a while before Adrien lifted his head again, though his gaze remained fixed to the ground. Another few minutes passed and Marinette had to adjust the positioning of her hand as he’d slowly come to rest himself against her shoulder. His hyperventilating gradually reduced as well, and while his heartbeat still felt erratic it was no longer going the same heightened pace it had been previously.

Adrien let out a laboured sigh as he stopped playing the sequence with her. She left her hand where it was, pressed against his upper chest with his own hand holding it there.

“Still with me?” she murmured gently.

Marinette felt him nod against her as he moved into the crook of her neck. He was still shaking so she let him be for now. She looked up to see Nino had returned at some point, and that he and Alya were watching with concern. It was the first time they’d seen one of Adrien’s reactions and had no doubt found it disconcerting.

Nino awkwardly handed Marinette the bottle of water he’d gotten, “I checked and the car’s gone now.”

Marinette gratefully took it and gently nudged it into Adrien’s hand that had finally come away from his neck.

“We should get him home.” Alya said before quickly correcting herself, “I mean, back to your place.”

Marinette hummed in agreement.

She affectionately touched Adrien’s shoulder as she spoke to him, “Do you think you can stand?”

He hesitated before giving a small nod.

Marinette looked over at Adrien with concern as they returned to her room. Nino and Alya had walked back with them but said their goodbyes at the door. There had been no further sign of the sedan, but there was still a nervous tension remaining. It was still with her now as she tried to think of something to say now that it was just the two of them. Before she could gather the right words to form a half decent sentence Adrien spoke first.

“Would you mind...if I could be left alone for a while?” He asked with a hoarse voice.

He was turned slightly towards her, but his gaze still remained avoidant. Marinette anxiously bit her lip. His initial panic had passed but it was obvious that Adrien was still in a fragile state.

As if reading her mind, Plagg appeared on Adrien’s shoulder, “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

She still didn’t like the idea of leaving him but she couldn’t deny him his need for space.

“Okay.” she said quietly, “I’ll just be downstairs if you need anything.”

She lingered a moment longer before leaving through the trap door.

The bakery was often busy during the weekends, so Marinette found herself helping out as Sabine had gone to run a delivery. She was glad of it as at least she had something to keep her preoccupied for the time being rather than just sit and be consumed with worry. Time passed faster that way too, as it was already early evening by the time she was finishing up. It was her turn to make dinner that night, but as soon as she took off her apron the first thing on her mind was to go check on Adrien. It had been a few hours since she’d left him alone and she hadn’t heard anything from him or Plagg. Tikki had gone up a few times herself and came back to only assure her that Adrien was still there.

Marinette had sprinted up the stairs, but as she came to the trap door of her room she restrained herself. She carefully let herself back into her bedroom, casting her eye around to find him. She felt a spike of panic when there was no sign of him, only furthered by the gentle breeze she felt coming from the open skylight. She quickly made her way up to it, almost falling on the steps to her loft in her haste. The panic ebbed as she lifted herself onto the balcony. He was there.  
Adrien sat on the ground with his back resting against the railing. His eyes were closed so for a moment she thought he was asleep. But as she stepped up onto the balcony his eyes snapped open and looked towards her.

“Hey.” she said softly as she approached him.

“Hey.” he responded quietly.

Marinette sat next to him, making sure to keep the usual gap between them. They sat in silence for a bit. There was a light wind that made her hair dance around her. She looked to Adrien next to her, admiring the way his own blond hair softly moved in time with the breeze.

“Sorry.” he muttered after a while, “I didn’t mean to kick you out of your room.”

“It’s okay.” she responded lightly, “I was needed in the bakery for a bit anyway. Feeling any better?”

He gave a vague shrug, “I just...needed to organise myself.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Adrien gave her a careful sidelong glance. He let out a sigh as he moved closer to her until their shoulders bumped together, making her heart flutter.

“I actually thought that…” he started slowly before shaking his head, “I don’t know what I thought. Maybe this would finally be the point that he’d talk to me like a person. But instead he still refuses to even show up himself and just has someone do it for him.”

Marinette listened quietly. Without realising she found herself resting her head on his shoulder. She was about to correct herself when she felt Adrien rest against her also.

He continued though his words seemed heavy, “I guess I was still hoping that it had all been some misunderstanding or accident. But then...Sorry this is all probably sounding pretty stupid.”

“No, it’s okay.” Marinette answered gently, “You can keep going if you want.”

She felt the warmth of his breath against her as he released a drawn out sigh.

Adrien’s voice was hushed and strained, “He never paid attention. No matter what I did. Even when it was exactly what he wanted there was still a distance I couldn’t do anything about. And with...with Lila...he knew what she was like. Some of the things she tried to do. But he still…”

Marinette felt the heavy pang in her heart. Adrien went silent again but he’d said enough for her to understand what he was struggling with. His father had essentially allowed Lila’s continued harassment by placing her at Adrien’s side as another model, and then ignored her actions as they escalated.

 _That’s just sick_ , Marinette thought angrily.

Hawk Moth remained at the top of her personal hit list, but Gabriel was looking to be a very close runner up. She had to momentarily pause thinking about how to get away with murder as Adrien spoke again.

“Sorry.” he murmured.

“I told you before you don’t need to apologise for any of this.” she muttered stubbornly, “You’re not the one who’s done something wrong. It’s other people that have failed _you_.”

He gave an unconvinced hum. The - mostly joking - murder plan for Gabriel Agreste had to be put aside for now. Currently Marinette's priority was to try and help lift Adrien from his current mood. She considered for a bit before an idea came to her. She carefully extracted herself from him as he was still leaning on her because she wanted to see his face now. She met his apprehensive gaze with a smile.

“It’s my turn to make dinner.” she told him, “And you’re going to help me.”

He looked away with an awkward embarrassment in his expression, “Mari, I really don’t know anything about cooking.”

“That’s why you’re _helping_ me. Don’t worry, I won’t let you burn the place down.”

He turned back to her with a slightly annoyed pout at how her immediate evaluation of his skill was straight up arson. Though he wasn’t disagreeing.

“Come on, Kitty.” she giggled as she stood up, holding her hand out to him.

He looked annoyed, but she knew it was only feigned as there was a slight smile on his face. He took her hand and stood up next to her.

“Alright then, Princess. Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to teach this boy some independence and life skills!
> 
> Thanks as always for the comments and kudos! <3


	54. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien faces some emotional adjustments as he comes to terms with things.

To say it had been a rollercoaster of a day would be to put it lightly. Adrien felt like his mind had been ricocheting constantly between an insane variety of states. He’d lashed out at Nathalie and ended up having a shameful panic attack with Alya and Nino there to see. They’d been understanding about it, even protective of him afterwards, but Adrien still felt embarrassed by his own incapability to keep control of himself.

The hardest part was trying to accept the reality of what his relationship with his father was. The fear of facing potential death during an akuma attack felt almost laughable in comparison to the soul crushing understanding that Adrien would never be what his father wanted for a son, and that Gabriel would never be what Adrien wanted in a parent. Or as the last of his immediate family in general for that matter. Despite all that he tried, the perfection that he strived for, there remained a chasm between Adrien and his father that was forever impassable.

He was alone and hopelessly lost with himself. Or at least he would have been if it weren’t for his friends that had stayed with him. He would have likely resigned himself to something far worse if not for them. If not for Marinette.

Adrien had spent the remainder of the afternoon alone. He hadn’t meant to detach himself from Marinette, but he was grateful that she respected his request. He knew she was worried but he needed to think things through on his own terms. He’d accepted a while ago that his mother would cease to be in his life, and now he needed to accept that he had chosen to go without his father too. He kept swinging back between the anger and the anguish that everything he’d been doing, his entire existence, had always been for his parents. Without their influence it was terrifying to try and think what he would do with himself now. He didn’t have a clue. Nothing about him felt like it truly belonged to him. Everything had been carefully cultivated by someone else.

All that he had left to keep him tethered were Marinette and his friends. They afforded him the chance to figure out what he needed and wanted.

Right now though, his mind was preoccupied with figuring out something far more mundane.

 _Why won’t it boil?_ he thought despairing as he looked at the pot of water.

Marinette had set him the _very easy_ task of getting the water heated for cooking the pasta while she started prepping other ingredients. But there he was, staring into a saucepan of water that very much wasn’t heating.

“Doing okay there?” Marinette asked cheerfully.

“It’s, um...It’s not doing it.” he answered sheepishly.

She looked at him in confusion then at the pot. She blankly met his gaze again as she reached over and turned a dial on the cooker.

“You need to turn it on.” she said with bizarre amazement.

Adrien felt his face flush with embarrassment as she desperately tried to suppress her erupting giggle fit.

He pouted childishly, “I didn’t know it was off…”

“Okay, okay.” Marinette said, still trying to hold back her laughter, “Come here. You can chop some vegetables instead.”

She took his hand and gently pulled him to where she stood at the kitchen counter. She showed him how to peel and dice the onions, and how to cut the tomatoes along with some herbs for seasoning. Adrien was pretty sure she’d chosen something simple to cook for his sake so that it was easy for him to follow along. He was a quick learner though for most things, so after she gave him a quick example of what to do he took it up quickly. After the initial embarrassment of apparently being unable to _boil water_ of all things, the two of them found an easy cooperation together as they cooked. Well, Marinette did most of the actual cooking while Adrien mostly just chopped or diced ingredients as directed.

“See? It’s not so hard.” Marinette smiled at him.

Adrien hummed, “You say that but I haven’t actually touched a pan.”

“But you managed to not cut yourself with the knife. You get a gold star for that.”

Adrien stood behind her now as he peered over her shoulder at the boiling pasta and the tomato sauce she was cooking. He decided he liked this. He liked being with her and doing everyday simple things. He didn’t need anything else if he could have this.

Adrien wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. He was glad that he was calming down from earlier, as he really enjoyed being close to her when his state of mind would allow it. The soft laugh Marinette made as he nuzzled against her was so sweet and gentle it made his heartbeat quicken. The quiet sound slipped before he’d even notice the feeling rise up in his throat.

 _Purr_.

Adrien froze and he felt Marinette do the same. That...was unexpected. He’d never done that before outside of being Chat Noir.

“What was _that_?” Marinette half gasped with a giggle.

“Nothing.” he sputtered.

“You’ve been able to do that all this time? Without being Chat? And you _didn’t tell me_?”

She turned round to face him now with a mischievous grin.

Adrien meekly averted his gaze as he answered quietly, “I didn’t know I could.”

“Do it again!”

Marinette was looking at him with childish excitement. He could feel his face turning red from his awkward self-consciousness. He found the purring embarrassing enough as Chat Noir, but doing it as Adrien just seemed all the more ridiculous.

“Oh, look at that.” he said quickly while turning her back around again, “Better make sure the food doesn’t burn.”

“Aw, come one.” she pouted over her shoulder at him.

He pretended to not see it.

Marinette shrugged, “I don’t know why you get so worked up over it. I find it really cute.”

Adrien frowned at her teasing and decided to retaliate. He lightly brushed his hands up her sides, his fingertips quickly tickling over her ribs. Marinette let out a surprised squawk as she fell back into him, writhing in a fit of giggles as he kept tickling her.

“N-No!” she gasped between her laughter, “Careful! S-Stove! H-Hot stuff!”

He smirked at her, “Yes, I am hot stuff. And you’re what’s really cute.”

He relented the tickling as she slumped in his arms while she tried to catch her breath again. She looked up at him with a mock glare so he bent down with a grin and placed a quick kiss on her forehead.

“And you say I tease you.” she grumbled.

He chuckled, “You do. All the time.”

“I _will_ make you purr again.”

It was then that they heard the door of the apartment open, signalling that her parents had come up from the bakery. Marinette hastily stood herself upright again so that they wouldn’t see her half melted in his arms from the tickling. Adrien lowered his arms from her again, turning to lean against the counter next to her with a satisfied smirk. Marinette rolled her eyes but there was an obvious smile on her face.

It started off as a really strange experience. Adrien was so used to the quiet meals alone that the liveliness and the friendliness of eating with Marinette and her parents was a little overwhelming at first. Even the formal dinners he’d attended on his father’s behalf were nothing like the cozy warmth he found himself in now.

“Have you ever thought about working in a bakery?” Tom was asking excitedly, “It’s hard work but a very rewarding career.”

Adrien smiled politely as Tom was telling him about the joy he took in his work. He held back a laugh as it was a very familiar conversation from when Chat Noir had ended up at the same table following a misunderstanding about his relationship then with Marinette. It made him wonder how things would be now if he’d allowed himself to get closer to Marinette sooner.

“Fresh bread is the cornerstone to starting anyone’s day!” Tom continued.

Adrien nodded along. It was all going over his head a little.

“Dear, you’re getting ahead of yourself again.” Sabine chided gently.

“Oh, right. First I’ll teach you the basics for making a good bread. Or would you prefer something more pastry based?”

“Dad.” Marinette said with a warning tone.

Tom hastily added, “If you want to, of course.”

Adrien didn’t think it was really a career path that suited him. But with how eager Tom was to teach him, he didn’t think it sounded too bad of a thing to maybe learn a bit of the skill.

“I’ll think about it.” Adrien answered meekly, “Thank you.”

The conversation changed at that point. Adrien noticed that there was rarely any silence during the meal. They talked amiably about things that had happened recently and casually involved him in their conversation as though he’d always been a part of their family meals. They didn’t object to him being quiet either. By the end of the meal Adrien had relaxed himself a little more into this new dynamic. He enjoyed seeing how Marinette was with her parents too. She wasn’t afraid to tell her father off when he got too carried away or share jokes with him, and she spoke with such a comforting familiarity with her mother who was soft spoken but very perceptive.

By the end of dinner, Marinette and Tom had somehow ended up challenging each other to Ultimate Mecha Strike. They were exchanging friendly taunts as they sped over to the living room couch and TV to set up the game. Adrien watched the pair of them acting like kids for a moment.

 _They’re really close_ , he thought warmly.

He gathered up some of the remaining plates on the table and brought them over to Sabine who had started with the clean up.

“Oh, thank you.” she smiled at him, “Could you dry some of these please?”

Adrien had already planned to do so, but he felt better about going ahead with it at her request. He stood next to her by the sink, taking the plates and cutlery that she’d washed and drying them off.

“Don’t worry about what Tom said earlier.” Sabine told him, “He won’t be offended if you’re not interested.”

“Oh, no it’s not that.” Adrien answered sheepishly, “I just don’t think I’d do very well making a job of it. But I...wouldn’t mind maybe learning something.”

“Well, you’re still young. There’s plenty of time for you to find what you want to do.”

Adrien hummed thoughtfully. He already felt like he’d wasted a lot of time doing something that hadn’t even been for himself. Everyone else was already ahead of him with what they were planning to do. They had goals and dreams set out already.

Sabine must have noticed his pensive look as she spoke again, “Everyone goes at their own pace. Just as everyone finds different ways to be satisfied in life. My husband takes great pride in his work. As for me I’m happy to support him in that, but all I’ve ever needed is for my husband and daughter to be healthy and happy.”

He shyly looked away as he thought over her words.

She smiled again as she looked at him, “I can finish up here. You can go join those two.”

Adrien nodded and turned for the living room area.

Marinette and Tom were in the middle of a match as Adrien walked up to the back of the sofa. As expected, Marinette was the one winning as she was throwing out combos left and right. Tom wasn’t bad by any means, but with her competitive nature fired up Marientte was a hard opponent. She hadn’t noticed him come up behind her. Adrien grinned as an idea came to him. He quietly leaned down and blew out a puff of air behind her ear. Marinette squeaked in surprise and almost dropped the controller in her hands. The brief window was enough for Tom to catch her mecha in a combo lock and finish out the match as his win.

“That’s not fair!” Marinette turned with a flustered glare directed at Adrien.

Adrien hummed with feigned innocence, “What do you mean?”

“I need a rematch for that!”

Tom chuckled as he handed his controller to Adrien, “I’ll take my win and tag out here.”

“That wasn’t a win! You ganged up on me!”

Tom ignored her complaining and instead addressed Adrien, “I’ll leave that to you. Good luck.”

He quickly said goodnight to the two before leaving with Sabine. Adrien shyly said goodnight to her parents as they left before turning back to the scowling Marinette.

“Sit.” she demanded as she pointed next to her on the couch, “And be prepared to get your ass beat for that.”

True to her threat, Marinette proceeded to throttle Adrien in the game. He didn’t mind, as while her competitiveness could be scary he still found something cute about it. He would get an occasional win, but he was mostly on a losing streak. He’d lost count of what his negative score was when he felt the urge to tease her again. Marinette was too engrossed in the game to notice as he slid a little closer to her. He quickly leaned in and lightly blew on her ear. Marinette yelped as she brought up her shoulder to her head defensively.

“Stop that!” she hissed, “It tickles!”

He managed to take some more of her health bar in the game as she righted herself again. He leaned in again but this time she noticed.

She shrank away from him, “N-No, don’t you dare!”

“What?” he smirked, “I’m not doing anything.”

“I’m warning you!”

Marinette attempted to scoot down the couch to get away but he quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back.

“I didn’t know you were so ticklish.” he hummed as he brought his lips just behind her ear.

She half gasped out her giggles as he nuzzled against her ear. Her controller had fallen out her hands as she wiggled in his grasp, while he’d set his own controller aside in favour of using his free hand to tickle her ribs.

“N-No!” she squeaked, “Stupid cat! Stop!”

He loved the sound of her unrestrained laughter. Her wriggling eventually became too much so he released her. Marinette flopped down, her head coming to rest on his lap. She looked up at him with a glare, her cheeks flushed from laughing.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“You know what.” she grumbled. “That was mean.”

“You think I’m mean?”

“Yes.”

She was stubbornly pouting so he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“Still mean?” he smirked.

She narrowed her eyes with feigned annoyance, “Maybe.”

He leaned down again, this time placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

“How about now?”

Marinette didn't answer at first. She quietly looked up at him with a blush still painted in her cheeks. She held his gaze as she sat up again.

“Still a maybe.” she whispered, “I’ll need a bit more to be sure.”

She was close to him, but still kept a small gap between them on the couch. Adrien searched the soft bluebell colour of her eyes for a moment.

Marinette timidly turned away, “Nevermind. I was just teasing.”

Adrien reached out to her, gently cupping his cheek as he turned her back to him. She watched him with a tentative curiosity as he hesitated a moment. His pause was automatic even though it was unnecessary for him right now. His persistent trepidation felt distant for now, so he could do this much.

He leaned into her, watching as her eyes slowly drifted shut as he drew closer. Her pink lips were already slightly parted as she waited for him. Adrien closed the space between them, tenderly pressing his lips against hers. She responded to him carefully as she let him lead. He loved the small gasp she made when he sucked and licked her bottom lip. Her hands threaded themselves into his hair as he pushed the kiss further, sliding his tongue past her lips and into the heat of her mouth. His heart was pounding hard as he swallowed the little moans she made into him. He wanted to feel and taste more of her.

They had to break apart to breathe. He felt the heat of his blush as he looked back as her own tinted cheeks. Her eyes were searching his with a warming desire. Marinette carefully leaned into him again, pausing as their lips gently brushed near and their panting breaths mingled. She was giving him a chance to stop if he wanted to. Adrien lovingly caressed her cheek before pulling her back in as his lips took hers again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have tried to cook things myself before only to find out I didn't turn something on lol
> 
> Here's some fluff to follow up on those cliffhangers and angst!


	55. Amabile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien and Marinette find themselves at the threshold for a new point in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Smut Warning** for this chapter. I'm just putting it on for the whole chapter since there's a little back and forth between the emotional character moments and the more explicit content.

Adrien let Marinette take his hand as she led him back to her room. They paused briefly as she kicked the trap door shut, her leaning into him as he held her hips and scattered kisses along her jaw. They were heading for something but he was still hesitant. She let him take his time, kissing him back when his lips brushed against hers and delicately wandering her hands over his shoulders and chest.

“We can stop if you want.” she whispered as he placed a soft kiss behind her ear.

He pulled back to properly see her face. Marinette was watching him with apprehension, her bluebell eyes full of an understanding warmth.

“Do you want to?” he asked quietly as he rested his forehead against hers.

She held his gaze as she paused a moment before slowly shaking her head. She wanted this and he was aware of it. He was the one who was trembling with nervousness. Even so, he didn’t want to do anything that would hurt or scare her.

He could feel a desire pooling in him as he continued to hold Marinette close to him, as her body pressed against his. As expected there came the less pleasurable feelings along with it. The fear and the loathing that coursed through him, reminding him that where he was heading could be hurtful and agonising.

 _It’s Marinette,_ he told himself as he gently lifted her chin so he could give her perfect lips another kiss, _I love her. I want her._

Her hands grasped at the material of his shirt now as she pulled him with her. He stepped with her, letting her take his hand again as she led him up to the loft.

Adrien held his breath as they stopped at the edge of her bed. Marinette paused a moment before turning to him, lifting up her shirt as she did. His heart pounded as the piece of clothing fell to her feet, revealing her pastel pink bra over her beautiful curves and soft skin. He wasn’t really sure where he was meant to look now as his gaze flickered around.

“Here.” Marinette coaxed softly as she took his hands again, “It’s okay. You can look at me.”

He tore his eyes away from the wall and back to her. There was a shy blush on her cheeks as she looked back at him.

_Fuck, now I’m making her self conscious._

Adrien swallowed thickly, “I’m not really sure what to do.”

Marinette settled herself on the bed and lightly pulled on his hands to encourage him to follow, “Me neither. But we’ll take it easy.”

He let her guide him onto the mattress. She lay back against the pillows, letting him come to kneel between her legs.

He couldn’t help but stare at her now as his heart skipped at the sight of her. Her dark hair fanned out beneath her and there was a gentle movement of her chest with her quiet breathing. She really was beautiful. 

He tried to ignore the tumultuous mix of emotions within him as an uncomfortable feeling settled below his abdomen. He loved her. That was all he wanted to think about. He slowly leaned down to her, his eyes never leaving hers as his hands came to rest at her waist. He tenderly caressed her sides as he brushed his lips to hers. Her hands threaded into his hair as he flicked his tongue into her mouth and he felt her move with him as he tentatively explored the softness of her belly before slowly dragging his hands up to the underside of her bra. He broke away from their kiss, instead planting smaller ones from her lips and down her neck. The kisses across her skin remained tender as he didn’t want to leave marks. Marinette let out small gasps and moans as he trailed his lips over her collarbone, giving an experimental lick over the smooth skin there. He hoped that from the sounds she was making that he was doing something right.

Her name passed his lips in a breathy whisper, “Mari…”

Her hooded eyes flitted towards him and she whimpered as he stopped what he was doing.

She reached up and gently caressed his cheek, “You can touch me however you want.”

A loving warmth bloomed in his chest. She was trusting him. He felt how much she cared for him in a new way, as she was allowing him full control in this moment. He tenderly kissed the heel of her palm as she stroked his cheek.

Adrien pushed back on the swell of his own emotions. He didn’t want to think about the crackling white noise that lingered in his mind as the cross of his own signals was occurring. He didn’t want to know his own fear and disgust right now. All he wanted was the amazing girl before him and to hopefully show her how much he loved and cared for her.

He ignored the heat of his own arousal that was building as he returned to her chest, softly kissing between the valley of her breasts as he resumed trailing his lips down her body. His fingertips traced over her curves, dragging over the material of her bra and sinking lower to her hips. He paused as he touched the band of her jeans. Adrien looked up to her flushed face to make sure she definitely wanted this, that he was allowed to do this. Marinette watched him with a heavy desire in her eyes, offering him a small nod as well with a slight roll of her hips.

He tried to stop the shaking of his hands as he popped open the button on her jeans. He slipped his fingers against the band and started to slowly slide the piece of clothing down her legs and letting it fall somewhere off the bed. Adrien took a moment to appreciate the new area, gliding his hands up her now exposed legs before lightly gripping into the softness of her thighs. She shyly brought her legs together a little in a moment of embarrassment to try and cover the underwear that matched her bra, along with her most intimate area. He paused a moment, gauging her blushing expression as she carefully watched him also. He again pushed back on his own clawing anxieties. He was here for her right now.

Adrien leaned forward again to her chest and planted soft kisses along her collarbone again. It seemed to help relax her as her legs came to rest more comfortably on either side of him. He slipped his hands up her sides before bringing them under her back. He held her gaze as he lightly tugged on her bra strap. Marinette again nodded her permission so he started to work at the clasp of the garment. She gave a surprised squeak as he accidentally snapped the strap against her back instead.

An embarrassed blush layered over his existing one when he realised what he just did, “S-Sorry!”

She gave a soft giggle, “You’re fine. I’ve managed to do that to myself plenty of times.”

He nervously turned his gaze to her, but it seemed if anything his blunder had lessened her own embarrassment a little.

He continued more gently this time as he blindly worked at the clasp. Marinette remained patient through his awkwardness until he managed to unhook it. He slipped the piece of clothing from her body and looked at her with awe. Her breasts were on the smaller side but to him they only added to her beauty. He admired the soft movement of her exposed chest with the gentle sighs of her breathing. His eyes flickered between her gaze and his hand as he gingerly palmed one of her breasts. She let out a small moan from the touch which encouraged him to continue.

Adrien’s own arousal was growing heated and the restriction of his clothing was uncomfortable. He still discarded his own feelings for the moment as he wanted to consume himself with her. He kneaded his hand against her breast, carefully at first before working up a rhythm that she seemed to enjoy. He brought his mouth over the nipple of her other breast and lightly sucked and licked at the sensitive skin. Marinette gasped and clutched at the bedding underneath her as he continued.

“A-ah-Adrien!” his name passed her lips like a plea.

Her hips bucked up against him, making him groan as she briefly rubbed against his erection. He released her breast from his mouth, resting himself against her shoulder a moment as he tried to keep ahold of his spiking emotions.

Marinette gasped, “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head as he inhaled a shuddering breath. She watched him with concern as he lifted himself again.

 _If it’s her then I’m okay_ , he repeated in his head.

He softly kissed her forehead, “I’m fine.”

Adrien continued to trail kisses down her body again. His hands slid from her breasts and down her sides to her hips. He paused as he reached the soft material of her underwear, giving her a questioning glance.

Marinette watched him cautiously, “Are you sure?”

He hummed as he brushed his lips near her navel, “Shouldn't I be asking you that? But I’m sure. You uh, might need to show me what to do though.”

Her hands gently came over his, encouraging him to take hold of the edges of her underwear. Adrien’s gaze flickered up to meet hers. There was a wanting need in her eyes as she looked back at him. He pulled away the last piece of clothing covering her, sliding the fabric down over her legs. His manhood throbbed at the sight of her now fully exposed, her already wet centre in view. Her legs were trembling a little against him, reminding him that even though she was the confident one here she was still inexperienced. He wanted to do whatever he could to pleasure her right now.

He watched for her reactions as he gently grazed his fingers along her folds, making her give a shivering gasp.

“Is this okay?” he asked nervously as he rubbed his fingertips over her wetness.

Marinette gave a timid moan as he worked her. She hesitantly reached down and guided the positioning of his hand a little higher than he had it.

“Th-There…” she said breathlessly.

He caressed the spot that she’d guided him to, his fingers massaging against her clit. Her moans were a little more desperate now as she threw her head back against the pillow. He couldn’t help but watch the lusty tint of her cheeks as she moved against him, her bluebell eyes overcome with desire as she looked back at him.

“More…” she begged between her soft moans.

Adrien was enamored with her reactions so he was eager to do as she asked. He slid a finger inside her making her bring her hand to her mouth to stifle the sharp gasp she made. The intense heat and slickness he felt from her only stirred him further. He could feel her reactions now as he massaged her, adding another finger as he kept working her. Her hips bucked against him again. It made him feel breathless that he was causing her pleasure like this. Something was building up in her but she still hadn’t reached that point. He lowered himself between her legs. Her scent was thick and sweet as he moved closer. He was overcome with the urge to taste her and flicked out his tongue over her slit as his fingers continued to move in and out of her. Marinette let out a surprised whimper at the new touch. Adrien kept going, this time pressing his lips over that sweet spot she’d shown him as he lapped up the taste of her. Another desperate moan erupted from her, only held back by her hand that still covered her mouth. She gyrated against him as he continued to kiss and lick her folds. He took out his fingers as he had to hold her thighs now as her hips jerked with her rising ecstasy, so he slid his tongue into her sweetness in their place. He sucked lightly on her clit, eliciting a new moan from her throat as her back arched from the touch. From the way she trembled and how she clenched at his touch he could tell she was edging closer.

“A-Adrien..wait…” she said breathlessly between her excited moans.

Adrien stopped. He licked the taste of her from his lips as he sat up again. The anxiety he’d managed to hold back on clawed its way back to the front of his mind as he looked at her. Had he gotten something wrong?

Marinette was still trying to catch her breath as she sat up. Her eyes were still hazy with her arousal as she looked at him.

Sensing his growing nervousness she spoke quickly, “I just want to go through this with you.”

He looked at her with confusion.

She shyly bit her lip as she carefully thought out her words, “What I mean is...I want for you to feel good too. _I_ want to make you feel good.”

 _Oh_.

Adrien’s heart gave a nauseating lurch and he instinctively backed away from her a little. His own arousal was pressing against the confines of his clothes but the heat of it was making him uncomfortably dizzy as he became all the more aware of it. Marinette wanted to see him too. She wanted to touch him. His irrational side sent shocks of anxiety through him.

 _She laid herself bare for you and you can’t do the same? Fucking idiot,_ another part of him snapped back.

“Adrien.” she called for him so gently, her eyes watching him with understanding, “It’s okay. I won’t do anything you don’t want to.”

He swallowed thickly as he avoided her gaze, “You don’t have to do anything for me. I don’t need it.”

The throbbing of his centre said otherwise, but he was doing his best to ignore it.

She didn’t seem satisfied with his answer as she still looked concerned, “Let me try. Please? What we’re doing isn’t just for me. I want you to enjoy it too.”

He pressed his lips together in a nervous line as another shiver passed through him. After a minute he apprehensively lifted his gaze to hers. She was forgetting her own pleasure for the time being because she wanted him to feel the same.

Adrien tried to push aside his shambling thoughts, holding fast to the one feeling he needed in this. He loved her more than anything. He would be safe with her. He carefully searched her patient expression before giving a nervous nod.

* * *

Marinette thought he would maybe make a run for it. She’d probably chosen the _worst_ possible time for her to bring this up. He’d been close to bringing her to her peak but she held off. She wanted to share this with him, not for it to just be her alone. His breathing had altered as he looked at her, coming in nervous and trembling pants. She’d obviously scared him, but he seemed to be contemplating her request seriously. She watched him carefully as she tried to ignore the fiery need that had been built up between her legs.

 _I can wait_ , she stubbornly told herself.

Marinette’s heart thumped in her chest as Adrien slowly nodded in response to her request. He was letting her do this. She carefully drew closer to him, cupping the side of his face as she tenderly kissed him. He was clearly anxious so she needed to help him relax if this was to go anywhere. He’d only known what it was to be taken from, whether he wanted it or not. Marinette wanted to show him what it was to receive, that this was meant to be pleasurable for him too. She’d enjoyed his gentle touch over her skin and hoped she could do the same for him.  
Her kisses travelled from his lips to his cheek. His breathing hitched as she placed an especially gentle kiss near the bruising of his jaw. She desperately wished she could replace all his pain with warmth and love.

“M-My, um,” his voice wavered as he tried to speak, “My neck…”

“I know.” she answered softly as she caressed his cheek with her thumb, “I won’t touch your neck or wrists. I promise.”

His tentative verdant gaze met hers for a moment as he pulled away a little. Marinette brought her hands down to the bottom of his shirt, gently holding the edge of the material in her fingertips as she looked to him for permission. There was still an uncertainty but he nodded.

Marinette found herself holding her breath as she helped him remove his shirt. The article of clothing fell somewhere to the floor. Adrien avoided her gaze, turning his head away as she took in the sight of him. She could see the slight heaving of his chest as his breathing quickened. She gently reached out to him and took his face in her hands. She didn’t force him to turn to look at her, instead leaning in and gingerly placing kisses across his cheek.

“It’s okay.” she whispered between kisses.

His eyes flickered towards her before he let out a shaky breath. She slipped her hands to his shoulders and gently prompted him to lie back against the bed. He was a little reluctant at first, but she still didn’t force him. After a moment he allowed her to help him settle back on the bed as she had been previously. He’d gone back to avoiding looking at her as he’d now nervously turned his head against a pillow. His hands tensely gripped the sheets beneath him, prompting her to lightly place one of her hands over his and lovingly sweep her thumb in small circles over his skin. She could feel him shaking.

Marinette leaned forward to move but froze as Adrien flinched. His gaze flashed towards her before retreating again.

His voice was hushed and strained, “Please don’t get on top of me.”

Marinette nodded in understanding, “Okay.”

She settled herself next to him instead, carefully watching his expression but he remained tense.

“I’ll start now.” she whispered, “Just say if you want me to stop.”

His bare skin felt warm under her hand as she placed her palm over her chest in the gesture that had become familiar between them. She could feel the pounding of his heart beneath her fingers. She lifted her other hand to gently cup his cheek as she started to place soft kisses over him. She started at his forehead, her lips slowly brushing along his hairline as she made her way down. Another kiss to the outer corner of his eye, a few more along his cheekbone. He’d turned back to her a little again so she was able to tenderly take his lips with her own.

_I love you._

The feeling was burning up within her and she wanted him to know it. She continued to press her lips to his, feeling his breathing hitch against her as the hand that had been resting on his chest started to explore. She slowly felt out the shape of his lithe muscles and the smoothness of his skin. She tried to not make it too obvious how thrilled she felt as his tongue flicked against her lips. She opened her mouth to him, letting him take the lead on their kiss now. She sighed into him as her fingertips traced down his sternum before brushing over the shape of his ribs. He felt so warm under her touch and she couldn’t get enough. They broke apart from the kiss to breathe. She looked down at him as they panted to catch their breath. Adrien watched her with half lidded eyes, still nervous but a little more soothed than before.

She moved down on him, and like he’d done for her started to trail kisses over his skin. She skipped over his neck and moved over his collarbone. Her lips brushed down further over his pecs. She heard a small gasp catch in his throat as her lips traced over his nipple. She quickly looked up to gauge his reaction. His head was turned to the side again with shallow panting breaths passing his lips. He moved a little underneath her but he didn’t pull away. She waited a moment before continuing her downwards caress. Her hands rubbed along his waist and lightly squeezed at his hips as her kisses followed the lines of his stomach.

“M-Mari…” he groaned.

Marinette stopped. The sound he’d made didn’t sound particularly ecstatic. She lifted her head to look at him. His chest heaved with deeper breaths now as he watched her. His face was flushed but his eyes were alarmed and afraid.

“What is it?” She asked.

His gaze flickered around as he tried to figure out what to say. The answer came physically instead of with words as she felt his hips twitch under her hands. She heard his sharp intake of breath as she carefully moved her gaze down. She could see the bulge of his arousal underneath his clothing. The pooling heat and tension at her core sent shivering pulses through her at the realisation he was turned on because of her. She quickly brought her attention back to his face and gently reached out to caress his cheek.

“Do you want me to stop?” she whispered.

“Just...just give me a minute.” he croaked as his head fell back on the pillow.

Marinette watched as his hands clenched and unclenched against the bed sheets. She moved up closer to him, tenderly kissing his temple as one of her hands ran through his hair. He tilted his head into her loving touch so she hoped he was at least finding it comforting.

“Let me know what you want.” she offered patiently, her lips still brushing along his hairline.

She felt him shiver as a quiet groan rumbled in his throat.

His eyes were screwed shut as he took a sharp inhale before quietly speaking, “You… You can keep going.”

The warmth of her heart surged, filling her chest with such an intense love and happiness. He was clearly still so anxious but he was doing his best to share this with her. She wanted him to know how grateful she was to have his trust.

“Thank you for letting me do this.” she murmured, kissing him softly and feeling the tremor of him against her lips.

She waited a moment before adjusting her position again. She waited a little more to make sure he had every chance to ask her to stop. He remained quiet apart from his shaking breaths, so she carefully traced her hands down the shape of his body again until they came to rest at his belt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey there's that physical intimacy I was talking about before. Will be continued in next chapter.
> 
> And just a heads up, the next chapter(s) will likely have a slight delay from my usual upload rate. Chapters are on the way, but they might just take a little longer for the moment.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	56. Pitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien and Marinette learn more about each other's love and the give and take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Smut Warning** for this chapter. I'm just putting it on for the whole chapter since there's a little back and forth between the emotional character moments and the more explicit content.

Marinette brought herself back to his hips and rested her hands over his belt. She watched his face for his reaction, but he had taken to hiding himself against his shoulder. She chewed her lip as she proceeded carefully. Her heart had hit the ceiling with how fast it was beating as she released his belt. She heard his stifled gasp as she touched him through his clothing as she undid his jeans next. She looked up to him again as she tentatively hooked her fingers over the band of his jeans.

“Adrien.” she called softly.

His green eyes flitted open slightly as he looked back at her. He quickly looked away again, but he lifted his hips for her so that she could peel away another item of clothing.

She tried to not let her own nervousness be obvious as she took in the sight of Adrien in just his dark blue boxer briefs. She could see the shape of his erection under the fabric and the way the muscles in his upper legs and abdomen would occasionally twitch from what he was feeling.

“I’m going to touch you now.” she told him gently.

Adrien didn’t say anything as he seemed to be spending all his focus on keeping his breathing in check. As gently as she could Marinette placed her hand over him, trying to not tremble herself as she lightly moulded her fingers over the shape of his cock through his boxers. He jolted at the touch with a suppressed gasp and his hands gripped harder into the bed. Marinette paused as she took in how hard he felt under her touch as well as the heat of him. She listened to the low hiss he made as she started to slowly rub him through the fabric. Finding what seemed to be an okay rhythm as she dragged her palm up and down his length, all while making sure to watch Adrien closely. She was looking for any changes in his expression or voice that would let her know if she needed to stop at all, or if what she was doing felt good for him. She admired the reddening tint of his cheeks and the sound of his quiet moans that he swallowed back. He still had his eyes tightly closed as he hid against his shoulder. She wished he would look at her with open eyes and let her see his expression uninhibited by his anxiety. That was probably too much to ask though.

It came as a surprise when Adrien’s hips bucked against her, pressing himself more into the loose grasp of her hand.

His eyes cracked open, his gaze lolling about with uncertainty as he hissed through his teeth, “Sorry.”

“No you’re fine.” she answered reassuringly, “It’s a...good sign, right?”

He seemed embarrassed by the question as he looked away. She suddenly became worried that maybe she was doing this all wrong and he was being too good with her to say otherwise.

“Does it feel good?” she asked shyly, “Or am I doing it wrong?”

His eyes became wide as they snapped back to her.

“I-It’s good…” he stuttered, “I-I just...it…”

Marinette could see in his eyes that he was still afraid. He was still scared of letting himself feel pleasured. She leaned into him and lovingly kissed his lips. She lingered there, letting him place his hand behind her head and draw her in for another one.

“You still have control.” she whispered as she pulled back again.

His warm, half-lidded gaze followed her. She waited for his permission to continue, or to allow him the chance for it to stop. Her heart skipped as she felt his hand graze over hers. His eyes were skittish, only looking at her for brief seconds before moving elsewhere, as he carefully guided the position of her hand. Her fingertips traced over the band of his boxer briefs where he stopped.

“Are you sure?” she asked quietly.

He managed to hold her gaze a bit longer this time as he gave a shy smile, “As long as it’s you I’ll be fine.”

Marinette couldn’t resist leaning down to kiss him then. He was a little unsure at first when their lips met, but she soon felt his tongue lick against her. She didn’t hesitate to open her mouth for him and let her tongue slip next to his and it entered her. She could taste herself on him still and she relished in the soft sighs he was breathing into her. She gasped when they broke apart, but she didn’t completely pull away just yet.

She gently rested her forehead against his as she whispered to him, ”Ready?”

His green eyes were a little hazy now as they flickered over her. He gave a slight nod with a faint hum.

Marinette moved back down him again. She watched his expression for any sign of discomfort as she tentatively hooked her fingers under the band of his boxers. He averted his gaze from her, but as she carefully slipped it past his hips he lifted himself slightly so she could remove the article of clothing.

She tried to not let her awe be obvious as his cock jutted up after being released from his boxers. Marinette glanced to check Adrien’s reaction but he’d draped his forearm over his eyes now to partially hide himself. She let him be, as he was now at his most exposed and most vulnerable so she wanted him to have whatever reassurance he could find. Her eyes drifted back to his twitching erection. Everything about him was gorgeous to her. But she doubted he wanted to hear that right now.

Marinette gently touched her hand to his thigh. He flinched but didn’t pull away, eventually following her light nudging to separate his legs more. She couldn’t straddle him since he'd asked her not to, but she wanted to position herself better. She kept a hand on his thigh so he knew where she was as she brought herself to kneel between his legs. His breathing hitched as she then dragged her hand up his leg to rest at his hip. Her thumb caressed over the skin there in comforting circles. He was still covering part of his face with his arm but she continued to watch him carefully as she moved her other hand towards him.  
Marinette lovingly rubbed her hand over his hip along his side as she spoke to him in a hushed tone, “You can tell me to stop at any time.”

He didn’t answer but she felt the slight shiver of him under her touch. She waited a bit before continuing.

Her heart was hammering hard as she tentatively wrapped her hand around the base of his cock. Adrien made a small suppressed groan from the touch. Marinette felt a curious amazement at how hard and thick he was as well as the heat of him. She didn’t want to do too much too fast, so she kept her hand as a loose fist as she slowly dragged it up his shaft. Adrien choked back a gasp. He didn’t seem to hate it, but he was still holding himself back. She started an easy pace of stroking him gently with her light grip.

She kept working him but his responses had been limited to anxious sighs and stifled moans.

_Maybe I’m doing it wrong,_ she thought with a frown, _Or maybe he prefers something else._

She licked her lips as a thought came to her.

She leaned over him a little to see if she could catch his eye even though he was still blocking his view with his arm, “Adrien?”

He flinched at the sound of his name but he slowly brought his arm away from his eyes. A red flushed his cheeks as he faintly panted for breath, his green eyes half lidded and uncertain.

She shyly looked at him as she tried to figure out the best way to ask him, “Do you...Do you want me to...use my mouth?”

His brow knitted together with confusion for a moment as he tried to understand her meaning. His eyes widened when he realised, panic flashing within the green.

_Oh. That was a mistake._

Adrien propped himself up on his elbows as she felt his hips drawing away from her. His chest heaved as he moved back, his eyes becoming hyper vigilant as he frantically looked around.

“I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do anything you don't want.” Marinette said softly to try and calm him.

His voice wavered anxiously, “Sorry, I just...that’s…”

The trembling of his arms as he tried to hold himself up was obvious. His apologetic expression mixed with fear made her heart wrench in her chest. Marinette felt guilty as she’d never properly considered what sexual acts might be triggering for him beyond just the touching.

“I’m sorry.” she murmured, “Do you want to stop?”

His gaze flickered nervously as he slowly adjusted his position. There was a clear shiver that passed through him as he sat up, his lips pressing into a nervous line as he avoided looking at her. Marinette felt her heart sinking.

_He gives you a chance and you’ve already messed it up._

“We can stop here.” she said quietly.

Adrien brought his hands up to cover his face as he made a noise caught between a groan and a sigh, “N-No, I can...I...I just need a minute.”

Marinette anxiously chewed her lip, moving her gaze away from him so he wouldn’t catch her watching him like this, “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

His answer was barely audible and almost desperate, “...No.”

A silence fell between them. Marinette had turned around where she sat so that her back was to him now. She nervously hugged her knees, listening to the occasional stuttering of his breathing. She was going over in her mind what had happened. The more she thought about it the more she realised she’d been unfair to him. She’d been going along with what she thought could be good but she hadn’t actually understood Adrien’s anxieties. She wanted to pleasure him but maybe he hadn’t even been enjoying it at all. And there were so many ways to ask him what he might want without her going to something specific. She hadn’t known receiving oral was something he couldn’t deal with, but then they’d never really talked about their potential preferences. If she’d _let him lead_ like she promised she would, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

The slight movement she felt on the bed made her freeze. The feel of his arms slipping around her waist as his lips brushed over the back of her neck surprised her, but she quickly relaxed into his hold.

“Sorry.” he murmured into the nape of her neck.

She gave her head a slight shake, “No, I’m the one who messed up.”

He was quiet again for a moment. She wished she could see his face to try and tell what he was thinking, but she didn’t dare turn around.

“It’s up to you what we do now. Whatever you want. We can stop or…” she trailed off, leaving it open to him.

She felt a small tremor pass through him as he tightened his embrace around her.

He let out a shuddering sigh, “We can...go back to what we were doing.”

Marinette's heart thumped in her chest. He was giving her another chance.

_Don’t you dare fuck this up again_ , she told herself.

“If that’s what you want.” she said softly.

“Do you mind...if we change the position?”

She shook her head, “Just show me what you want me to do.”

There was a moment of hesitation before she felt Adrien move against her. Marinette waited patiently for him as he adjusted himself. After a bit he tentatively pulled her back into him, encouraging her to face him now. She met his gaze briefly as she turned around before his green eyes nervously looked away. He still seemed uncertain about what he was doing, thinking it over carefully as his hands settled on her hips. He paused a moment before pulling her closer still. She rested between his legs as she had before, but this time he remained sitting up. He seemed to be considering something else but wasn't saying anything.

“Let me know what you want.” she told him softly, “I’ll let you decide.”

His verdant gaze met hers briefly before drifting again. He tenderly held her hand in his as he lifted it up towards his lips.

There was still a strain of anxiety in his husky voice, “Just say if you don’t want to do it.”

She nodded and watched as he first gently kissed her palm. Her breathing hitched as he then opened his mouth and started to slowly run his tongue over her hand. The smouldering heat of her core was building again from the sensual touch of his tongue dragging over her skin. With her hand now wetted, he guided her back down again until her fingertips brushed the head of his cock. He let out a low hiss from the gentle touch and closed his eyes briefly before opening them again. Marinette let him direct her hand around his shaft, encouraging her to grip a lot firmer than she had been previously. He started off slow, making small adjustments to her pace or hold of him until he figured out how he wanted her to stroke him.

Marinette was relieved, but also upset with herself. She should have let him do this to begin with instead of her taking shots in the dark on what she thought might feel good for him. Her handjob experience was of course lacking so she was glad he was giving her an idea now of what he wanted. Their position seemed to make a difference as well, making her consider that Adrien didn't actually like being on his back. At first he rested his forehead against hers, so even though he’d closed his eyes again she could clearly see the changes in his expression. His quiet gasps started to build up as well. Short, stuttered moans started to escape from his throat as she kept pumping. Adrien moved down to her neck where he pressed heated kisses into her nape. She threaded her free hand into his hair as she relished in the intense kisses against her skin. He released her hand now, letting her take over now as she pleasured him. Marinette let out a surprised gasp as his hands cupped her breasts. With his thumbs grazing over her nipples and him licking and kissing her neck, she could feel her need burning hot again. His reactions were only adding to her building elation. Even though she couldn’t see his face, she could feel his panting breath against her shoulder and how his hips would occasionally buck with the movements of her hand. He pressed another open mouthed kiss against her neck, letting out a low moan as her thumb rubbed over the head of his cock. Marinette found his voice an absolute turn on like this. The sounds that passed his lips were sometimes soft and uncertain, while other times his moans were almost like a deep growl. She was uttering whimpers and sighs as he continued to touch her as well, his fingers teasing over her nipples as he massaged her breasts. She couldn’t stop the roll of her hips in a need to feel friction against her centre.

Adrien’s lips left her neck, instead brushing close to her ear and making her shiver.

His voice came as a low, breathy groan ,“Mari…”

She tried to answer but all she managed was a gentle whimper. His next words almost tipped her over the edge right there.

“ _I want you._ ”

* * *

Adrien was sure it was probably a bit weird that even as Marinette was pleasuring him he still continued to hide from her. Even her tender bluebell eyes felt too intense right now with everything else that was happening. He stifled his moans against the soft skin of her neck as her thumb passed over the head of his cock. He was completely lost in the jumble of thoughts and feelings coursing through him. The white noise and panic kept surging in aggressive spikes, but the intensity building below his abdomen or Marinette’s breathy sighs as he caressed her breasts refocused him. He knew where he was. He knew who he was with. He was enveloped with her and he was safe. She’d proven that multiple times now. Even if she made mistakes, she learned from them and never repeated what was problematic for him. His words held importance for her. He’d felt bad for his earlier reaction. Adrien had barely talked about what had happened to him, so how could she even have known how the mention of it made him seize up? He was relieved though that she’d only asked rather than just doing it, as he didn’t think he would have been able to recover himself otherwise. And then Marinette had stopped everything to give him space to breathe. Marinette was trying for him even though Adrien was sure his issues had to be infuriating for her.

He hadn’t really understood what Marinette had meant earlier. But now the clarity of the feeling was burning up in him.

_I want to go through this with you._

_I want..._

He wanted her. He wanted to explore this new - terrifying - confusing - _amazing_ sensation with her.

Adrien brought his lips away from her neck as he moved closer to her ear.

“Mari…”

She let out a small whimper as a response.

“ _I want you._ ”

Marinette slowed her stroking him as her other hand tightened a little in his hair.

“Are you sure?” she whispered as she pressed a kiss to his temple.

Adrien leaned back so they could properly see each other now. Her face was flushed and her eyes hazy with desire. He cupped her cheek as he kissed her deeply, slipping his tongue into the heat of her mouth as her lips parted. He let a pleasant growl rumble in his throat as she stroked his shaft again.

“I’m sure.” he said with panting breaths as they separated, “I want this with you.”

Her eyes glittered as she held his gaze. His heart was pounding nervously, but he focused himself instead on the heat of her body and he slid his hands down to her hips. He made himself meet her stare as he carefully searched her expression.

She met his lips with a tender kiss, “Then if you’re ready. You have control.”

It felt like his heart was overflowing with a loving warmth with those words. Even though this was her first time also and likely found it nerve wracking, she still allowed him to lead on it.

His gaze nervously dropped down as he thought of something.

“Do you have a, um…” he asked with a vague gesture near himself.

Marinette blinked a moment before understanding. She moved a little so that she could reach the small shelf space at the head of her bed. She rummaged in a small box there for a moment before taking out a condom. He briefly wondered why she already had one there, but he thought better of it than to ask as she seemed embarrassed enough about it herself.

She handed him the packet which he opened with his teeth. Even though he was still feeling self conscious under her gaze, he let her see him as he slid the condom on for her reassurance. 

Marinette still watched him as she waited for him to decide what to do next. Adrien moved closer to her, doing his best to keep holding her gaze even though his own kept shifting around. He kissed her softly as he wrapped one arm around her back while his other hand gently held her hip. Her hands threaded through his hair, the tender kiss continuing as Adrien carefully laid her back against the bed. Her legs slipped over his hips as he settled between them. His cock rested just above her entrance and he couldn’t resist grinding against her.

“Adrien…” she begged as they separated from their kiss.

His hand that had been at her back moved to gently caress her cheek. He was shaking again but he tried to not let it be obvious.

“Are you ready?” he asked quietly.

She answered in a hushed tone, “Yes, as long as you are.”

He was ready. At least he was mostly sure he was. Enough to the point that he wanted to go through this with her.

“We can stop anytime you want.” she reminded him.

He placed another loving kiss to her lips.

“I’m going to start.” he whispered.

Adrien leaned back a little as he lined himself up to her entrance. He tried to maintain eye contact with her for this as he needed to know she was okay. Anxiety coursed through his tightened nerves, making him tremble as he held himself above her. Even though he could feel his arousal throbbing he wanted to go as gently as he could. He pressed against her, making Marinette give a shivering gasp. He waited a moment before pushing more. A small whimper passed from her lips now while he bit back a groan at the feeling of her heat wrapping around the tip of his length.

_Don’t close your eyes_ , he told himself.

He could hurt her if he did this wrong so he needed to focus on her. Her hands were nervously gripping his shoulders. He was certain she could feel his shaking. He pressed again, letting her heat draw him in further. Slowly and carefully he slid into her until their hips were against each other.

Adrien had to force himself to breathe as her heat enveloped him. Marinette was trembling under him, her expression mixed as she adjusted to the feeling of him filling her. He kept supporting his weight on his arms, but his head again sunk down to her shoulder. He closed his eyes as he took in every sensation she was giving him. Her tight warmth around him. Her soft skin against his lips. Her intoxicating vanilla scent. She was His Lady. His Princess. His everything. He’d never felt such a desperate feeling of love for someone until her. And she loved him too. Her desire for him came from that love.

Adrien felt like his heart might burst as the thought surged up in his mind.

She loved him. She desired him. She valued him.

Everything he thought he would never genuinely have she had given him.

He buried his face further into the nape of her neck as he didn’t know what kind of expression he was making.

Marinette’s voice was breathless, “Adrien?”

“You okay?” he mumbled over her skin.

“Y-Yeah.”

“I’ll start moving.”

His pacing was really awkward at first as he gently slid in and out of her. Adrien wanted to go slow for both their sakes, but his body was burning for something more. He started to thrust a little more as Marinette’s soft moans increased in their intensity. Her legs that had been squeezing at his hips now opened more for him as she fell into pleasure. One of his hands moved to her hip to keep her steady as his pace started to build.

It was completely different from what he had experienced before. Their bodies moved together, her hips rising to meet his as he thrusted. Her arms wrapped around his back as she held onto him. His name passed from her lips as loving sighs in between her moans.

Flashes of memories he didn’t want tried to present themselves, but Adrien blocked them out as best he could in favour of all that he was feeling right now for Marinette.

But as he edged closer to his peak that irrational fear flared up in him. He was afraid of this moment. Of giving in completely to his arousal and ecstacy. He stopped moving then as he tensed up. Squeezing his eyes shut he pressed himself more to Marinette’s shoulder.

_Fuck. Fuck!_

He didn’t know if it was his vigorous movement until that point or his spiralling panic that had him shaking.

Marinette’s loving voice came as a breathless whisper, “Adrien?”

Part of the whimper he’d been suppressing slipped out.

She hushed him gently as her hands caressed his back, “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

One of her hands slipped down to his own that rested on her hip. She tenderly took his hand in hers, clasping it as their fingers intertwined.

“I’m a little scared too.” she admitted shyly, “But...I know I’ll be fine because it's you that I’m with.”

_Because it’s you._

Adrien slowly lifted his head. His gaze remained avoidant at first but he slowly tore himself from the unfocused space to her. She was smiling gently at him, her bluebell eyes so warm and clear as she looked back at him. Her face was flushed as her chest rose and fell with her own panting breaths.

_Beautiful_.

Adrien leaned down again but this time pressed his forehead to hers.

“I love you, Adrien.” she whispered, leaning up to meet the affectionate touch.

He closed his eyes once more, but only briefly as he savored the sound of her words.

His response came to him so easily, “I love you, Marinette.”

He watched the slight awe in her expression from his declaration.

Adrien took her lips with his own, kissing her softly at first. She readily kissed him back, giving his hand an excited squeeze with hers as he licked at her lips. When he slipped his tongue into the heat of her mouth he started to move. His gentle thrust made her gasp with surprise into him. He kept kissing her, taking in her moans as he kept moving. They broke apart when he found his pace again, but this time he kept his eyes locked to hers. He was here with her right now.

He could feel her clenching around him so he knew she was close. He was almost there too. His panic was still trembling beneath the surface but he was letting himself go in her loving gaze. He wanted this. He wanted her.

Adrien could feel her trembling beneath him as she gasped, “Ah-Adrien...I’m…”

He thrusted harder in response. He was balancing on that edge but he wanted it to be together with her. Suddenly her back arched as her increasing moans became a desperate cry. Adrien felt her tighten around him as she reached her climax, her body surging against his as euphoria took her. His nerves that had been winding up so tightly inside him snapped. The sensation made him immediately hit his release as he came hard. His mouth quickly found her neck as he stifled his own cry, almost biting her as the waves of his orgasm rocked him. He continued to unevenly grind his hips against hers as he spent himself.

Adrien struggled to not collapse on top of her. His mind clouded over following the intensity of what he’d just experience. He felt lightheaded, yet his body felt so heavy. He could feel Marinette trembling underneath him as she settled again from the echoes of her pleasure. He groaned as he carefully pulled out of her, causing Marinette to whimper in her still highly sensitive state. He looked up to make sure she was okay. Marinette sighed softly as she looked back at him with bleary eyes and a beautiful blush across her cheeks. He pressed a loving kiss to her forehead before letting himself roll on his side and onto the bed beside her. Not wanting to miss the feel of her he gently wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his embrace. She readily curled into him with a happy sigh, nuzzling softly against his collarbone. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head as he closed his eyes. There were so many frantic thoughts colliding in his mind, but he was too exhausted to try and make sense of any of it. His frayed nerves lashed around inside him so much he thought he might pass out from it. Pleasure and panic still worked in tandem within him, but he was too lost in vague feelings that he had never experienced before to care at this moment.

He didn’t want to deal with his internal disarray right now. All he wanted was to hang on to the moment he’d now found himself in. He wanted to stay as he was with Marinette in his arms, a feeling of a shared pleasure still lingering between them. He’d felt a soothing in his heart with Marinette's actions and words. He still doubted that what he was could be fixed, that he could ever be a complete person again. But with her he didn’t need to be. She met his scars with so much love and understanding it made his heart ache with how much he loved her back.

He loved and was loved. He belonged somewhere, to someone. He was exactly where he wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's enough of the explicit content for now. Back to the usual fluff/angst roulette next chapter!


	57. Nocturne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien processes a lot of thoughts and feelings.  
> Plagg reveals some serious information.

The cool, black waters lapped around his ankles as he walked. It didn’t resist his steps, instead letting his feet sink gently in and sending out a scattering of ripples instead of harsh splashes. There wasn’t any sound except the occasional, almost musical note of a droplet hitting the water’s surface. He didn’t know where he had been, but he knew where he was going. On a distant horizon the inky blackness gave way to a brilliant sky. It was the softest blue, like an open sky following a sun shower. It lured him from the dark ocean that surrounded him. A sweet scented breeze beckoned him on as he came closer to that sky.

The two landscapes didn’t fade into one another, instead ending at an abrupt threshold. The movement of the water stopped dead where the alluring blue began. He reached out, his fingertips passing over the boundary. It was warm on the other side, like a gentle sunshine upon his skin even though he didn’t see a sun there. He looked to either side of him, but the threshold stretched farther than he could see.

There came the sound of another droplet hitting the surface, but this time it was accompanied by a real music note. A piano key played softly. Another ripple brushed over the back of his legs. He’d been standing still at this border, so this new movement hadn’t been caused by him. It had come from somewhere behind him.

He looked over his shoulder into the blackness before turning back to the endless blue horizon. It promised sunlight, warmth and comfort to him. He went to move forward but instead found himself retracting his hand from the boundary. He turned once more to the shadow that stretched out back the way he’d come. There was still something there. Another ripple passed over the surface as if reaching out to him. He followed it.

Time didn’t mean anything. He could have been walking for mere minutes or for endless years, but when he glanced over his shoulder again the blue horizon was gone. He had no choice now but to follow the ripples that called him on.

He didn’t know what it was at first, but as he came closer the shape of it became clearer. It was a window. It floated still above the water despite not being set into a wall. On the other side of it there was a flush of green. Drawing closer still, he could make out the little yellow and gold flowers that brushed up against the glass of the window. The glass itself held no reflections, no matter which way he stepped or looked at it. He’d barely noticed how the water had gradually risen above his knees as he stood there, looking at a window to nowhere. There was the faint scent of a garden and yet also that of a smoldering fireplace, close yet somehow distant. He lightly brushed his fingers over the shaded glass. Another ripple passed over the water. There was something here.

Suddenly the glass cracked against his touch. He withdrew himself but the cracks already shot out across the surface like a lightning strike. The entire window, frame and all, shattered into fragments in front of him. The little flowers also scattered themselves as though they had been glass as well. The shards seemed to move in slow motion as they fell apart from one another, shifting and distorting with their motions. He took a step back, but as soon as he did the fragments shimmered and became something else entirely.

Feathers.

He couldn’t count the number of feathers that were delicately falling before him. Tentatively, he reached out to the nearest one. His light touch seemed to knock the feather off whatever balance held it, as it started to wobble in place. A chain reaction started and soon all of them were haphazardly shaking and swaying. He moved backwards, but this time the water swallowed his step. He stumbled back as the feathers moved like a hurricane over him. They weren’t soft or gentle in their storm. He could feel the piercing and lacerating of his skin. He raised his arms in an attempt to defend himself, ducking his head against the onslaught.

He didn’t know if the water pulled him under or if the violent barrage forced him down, but he quickly plunged into the murky depths. He couldn’t see anything but the darkness now as he sank. Through the numbing cold he felt something in his hand like an electric shock striking right into his bones. Looking to his fisted hand, he slowly released his tight grip to see what he was holding.

A blue feather.

  
  


Adrien took a shaky breath as his eyes opened. He hadn’t awoken with the same painful feeling as suffocation as he usually did, but his chest burned with each breath nonetheless. His mind felt fogged over as his eyes adjusted to the low light of the room. Looking to the skylight above him he could see the murky blue of early morning before dawn had broken.

His head ached and even though it had only been a dream, his throat and nose felt irritated out of habit in response to the numerous feathers he’d seen. He lifted his hand up to look at it, slowly opening and closing it in a fist.

_A blue feather…_

_An amok._

Adrien sighed heavily as he closed his eyes. He still hadn’t gotten anywhere with trying to figure it out. There were so many questions but no answers to offer. His dream was fading from him now but somewhere beyond his twisting nerves he still felt certain that there was something he was missing. Somewhere in that fragmented gap inside himself that the amok had left there remained _something_. But no matter how hard he tried to reach for it he could never grab hold of it.

A soft sound brought him out of his thoughts. Marinette murmured in her sleep as she nuzzled against him. She was curled into his side with her head resting on his chest. The feeling of her bare skin gently pressed to his forced his thoughts in another direction as he remembered what had happened before they’d fallen asleep. His breath caught in his throat as his heart pounded. The confusion over his feelings returned. It was as though all of the anxiety and fear he’d forced back in favour of pursuing his intense love for Marinette was now surging up in him all at once. He was flooded with the painfully familiar loathing and disgust he held for himself, that what he had done was wrong and not meant for someone like him.

Even though the warmth of Marinette next to him was gentle, it felt like his own body was overheating. The fraying of his thoughts was making him restless and uncomfortable. As smoothly as he could manage, Adrien separated himself from Marinette. Her brow furrowed and she pressed her face more into the space of the bed he’d been in, but she didn’t wake.

He quietly went for the bathroom, avoiding the mirror as he entered and going straight for the shower. The remaining shadow of his dream was forgotten for now, as it was taking all of his focus to filter through everything else that was crashing through his mind right now. He stepped into the stream of water. The droplets falling over his skin helped to sooth the passing shivers and the tension clawing up his spine. His mind still remained a mess however.

He’d felt with Marinette how intimacy was supposed to be. A feeling of pleasure through an intense emotional connection and loving gestures. But part of him was still fighting against it. His internalised corruption that wouldn’t let go of everything else he’d known. Telling him that what had happened was _wrong_ and couldn’t have been pleasant. Being loved was meant to hurt and to feel any good reactions from it was revolting.

He rested his hands against the wall as he hung his head under the falling water. He wanted those feelings gone from him. How could he even be questioning it at all when it had been with Marinette? His deep love and trust for her was what had led him to explore things further with her, to reach that momentary loss of control that had frightened him so much. It still scared him that it had happened, but it didn’t change the fact that he had _wanted_ it. He had wanted to give everything of himself to her, to share in that moment with her. Even though the anxiety that had coiled tight inside him still hadn’t eased he knew it had been his own decision to fall into that moment of loving and being loved. 

He didn’t regret it.

The feeling settled in him with a tender warmth. He didn’t regret taking things that far with her. Everything inside him was in conflict over how he was supposed to feel and what he should do, but he didn’t want to take it back. There was still a lot of fear and confusion around it, but he still didn’t want to forget all that he’d shared with Marinette. Even though remembering the gentle touches over his bare skin, the unfamiliar sounds that emerged from his throat or the intense heat of his body made him shake with his persisting anxiety and had the white noise hiss from the back of his mind, he didn’t want to forget any of it. Unlike the experiences that struck him deep and left him broken and blighted with forced feelings and memories he couldn’t remove, this time he wanted to hang onto it.

The shivers of disgust that had been creeping up his spine had faded for the time being. His emotions were still in turmoil, but at least his physical reactions had been tempered for now. He turned off the shower and stepped out to dry himself. For a second he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror but he hastily turned away. In the brief moment he’d seen that the mark on his jaw was still dark. He lightly touched his fingers to the side of his face. It still felt tender but it wasn’t as sore as it had been before. His eyes slowly moved back to the bottom of the mirror as he considered. Holding his breath, he inched his gaze up a little more. But as soon as he could make out the discernible features of his upper body in the reflection his eyes quickly snapped away again. It was still too strange. Still too much.

Adrien didn’t feel like going back to bed. There was a tiredness in him, but not one that could be solved with sleep. He went for his bag instead as he decided to just get dressed. Normally when he wasn’t able to settle down properly he would transform into Chat Noir and let himself run loose over the city. He was missing that feeling deeply along with the security his alter ego offered. It was always easier to relax as his other self. He couldn’t transform but he still felt the need to be outside, so he went for what he could manage right now.

Once he’d gotten dressed into a hoodie and some sweatpants, he quietly climbed up again towards the loft. Marinette was still asleep. She’d moved to what had been his spot on the bed with one of her arms outstretched over the edge of the bed as though looking for him. He gently took her hand and returned her arm to a more comfortable position on the bed instead of hanging out. Adrien paused before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her temple, making her sigh softly in her sleep. Taking extra care to not disturb her, he then reached up for the skylight.

The sun was just starting to shimmer over the skyline as Adrien came up onto the balcony. The cool, crisp air gave some refreshment as his internal conflict had still yet to calm down. He leaned on the railing as he looked out over the city, watching as the night lights gave way to the lazy stretching of the sunlight. He felt a small movement against the collar of his hoodie. He smiled as he felt the familiar presence settled by his collarbone with a huff.

“Hey Plagg.” he said as he stroked a finger over the little cat’s head.

Plagg looked up at him with mild annoyance, “What is with you and sleeping? This is far too early for me to be awake.”

“Don’t really feel like it. And you didn’t have to come up with me.”

“I’ve been around you long enough to know your weird human moods.”

Adrien didn’t really understand what Plagg meant by that. He let it go though as he was glad of his kwami’s company for now. Plagg was never one for forcing conversation, especially when it was in serious tones. It was one of the reasons Adrien found his companionship comforting. Plagg didn’t need explanations or excuses. It wasn’t for lack of interest or care as his outward attitude would suggest. Having spent a few years together now, Adrien learned that Plagg understood far more than he let on. He wondered if it was just an innate ability for the kwami, or if it had just been the fact that he’d lived far longer than Adrien could comprehend.

“How are you feeling?” Adrien asked quietly.

Plagg grumbled as he curled up in his spot, “We’re not transforming if that’s what you’re asking.”

Adrien frowned, “I was being serious. You’re my friend so I want to know how you are.”

The little cat eyed him carefully before answering, “I’ll be alright. But tell Pigtails to get some camembert. The cheese selection here is poor.”

“I’ll let her know.”

They fell into a comfortable silence again. Adrien didn’t mind as he was sinking once more into his own thoughts. His fingers tapped out against the railing in smooth motions he hadn’t done himself in what seemed like forever. Plagg appeared to be preoccupied with his own thinking as well.  
Adrien tried to unravel the tangled mess of his mind carefully. The last thing he wanted right now was to push himself into a panic, so he needed to sift through the uproar in his head. Anxiety and terror still clung to him like it had been stitched onto his very bones, and his stomach would still twist with that panicked sickening feeling sometimes, but he was _okay_ . At least more than he had been for a long time. And even though it had been a little impulsive and scary, he was accepting of what occurred between him and Marinette. There was still an uncertainty hanging over it though. While it had shown him that there was potential for those sorts of things to be okay for him, it didn’t _cure_ him of anything. He knew within himself that there was still a sickening fear of intimacy, as well as his lingering anxiety with general physical contact. He’d only just found a moment where he could let what he’d thought to be impossible for him happen, but he doubted he’d be able to go through something like that again anytime soon or that it would be any easier.

He turned to rest his back against the railings as he sunk down to the ground. He hoped Marinette was fine with it all too. She’d given him so much reassurance but he still worried for her. He doubted it had been the most romantic experience for her given his own trepidation.

_I told her I was a bad choice for a first_ , he thought bleakly.

He shook his head. He had to trust that Marinette had been honest with him.

Adrien’s inner turmoil was slowly calming down again. There was still a tense anxiety crawling through him, but for now he’d managed to avoid one of his panic-driven reactions. He resumed tapping his familiar sequence against his knee. An uneasiness was still holding him, but it wasn’t attributed to Marinette or the experience they’d shared. It was something else. He closed his eyes as he thought on it, trying to find the thin thread of where that feeling of disquiet was coming from.

His dream.

He’d dreamed about something and it had woken him up. Any detail of it had become a ghost to him now, a hazy smoke only accented with strange feelings. Whatever it had been he’d woken up to his endless fears and questions over the amok. There was still so much he didn’t know.

“Hey, Plagg.” Adrien said softly.

The kwami grumbled, “What?”

“Did you know about it? That there was an amok in me?”

Plagg went silent for a moment. Adrien could feel his tiny paws nervously kneading against his collarbone.

“Not exactly.” he answered eventually, “When we first met I knew there was a strange energy about you. But it was faint so I didn’t really think much of it. All of my holders have had their...quirks.”

Adrien wrinkled his nose, wondering what Plagg meant by _quirks_.

He continued, “We need to talk about that though.”

Adrien looked down to the kwami’s tense stare, “What? You want to talk? Without a cheese bribe?”

“I’ve got a tab open on you. So far you owe me _a lot_.”

“I’ll see to it. So, what did you want to talk about?”

Again Plagg’s paws again kneaded nervously. It made him concerned, as Adrien had rarely known his kwami to be hesitant or nervous about _anything_.

“There…” Plagg murmured slowly, “might be some problems if you transform again.”

A pit opened in Adrien’s stomach and it felt like his heart fell straight through it, “Problems? But you said you were getting better!”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. But that’s not the issue.”

“Then what is it?”

Plagg’s ears went back against this head as his tail fluffed up with frustration, “I _can’t_ purify is the problem.”

An icy fear was settling over Adrien as he spoke, “What do you mean? What needs purified?”

“You.”

Anxiety was slowly gripping around Adrien’s chest like a vice, crushing the air out of him as he heard this.

“From _what_?” he half yelled, “Ladybug took care of the amok and akuma already!”

“She dealt with them when they were already out of you!” Plagg hissed back, “When they were both inside you, inside Chat Noir, they _broke_ each other. Ladybug didn’t remove them, they forced each other out but fragments of their energy _remained_.”

Adrien felt the familiar panic induced nausea rising up in him. So he still wasn’t clear of it. There were still pieces inside him like a festering infection.The memory of that hopeless greyness as well of that part of him that just wanted nothing more than the end of everything around him as well as himself horrified him. He didn’t want to go back to that. He _couldn’t_. Not when he’d finally found out that it was okay for him to be alive, that there was still something worthwhile for him.

“What...happens if I use my Miraculous?” he choked out.

Plagg’s voice was uncharacteristically heavy as he answered, “The power of the Miraculous will give energy to the remains left by the amok and akuma. What happens then, I’m not sure.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do then? I can’t just _stop_ being Chat Noir! I need...I need to help Ladybug…”

Plagg was quiet, his bright green eyes looking at Adrien with some unreadable expression. As though a switch had been flipped, Plagg’s eyes narrowed as he suddenly turned his head. Adrien could see the kwami’s nose and ears twitching incessantly.

“Go back inside, kid.” Plagg growled.

“What?” Adrien snapped, “We are not stopping this conversation!”

“We can talk inside. So move!”

“Not until you tell me why!”

Plagg’s nose was still twitching as he hissed, “Something doesn’t smell right.”

It was then that Adrien felt something too. A chill creeping up his spine like something was watching him closely. He hesitantly glanced around but he couldn’t see anything in the hazy morning light over the buildings. Even without the enhanced sense of his heroic form, Adrien knew that there was something out there.

“ _Go_.” Plagg insisted with a small jab of his claws to force Adrien to action.

Adrien quickly got to his feet. His heart rate raced hard within his chest as he again looked around him carefully. An unsettling dread rose up in him as he remembered. The night when he’d waited for Marinette outside the supermarket he’d felt an unknown presence near him. And then the other night he’d seen a shadow darting over the rooftops from his bedroom window. And now this.

Whatever it was, it felt like it was drawing nearer to him. Adrien didn’t hesitate then as his instinct made him bolt for the skylight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, I'm still here. And I'm straight back to dropping some angst. Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you to my lovely readers for all the comments and kudos! I appreciate you all <3


	58. Sempre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's mostly fluff and I am _not_ sorry.

She was awoken by his soft kiss against her temple, but Marinette didn’t open her eyes. She remained in her half asleep state, having a vague awareness as Adrien climbed out of the skylight. Sitting up in bed, she blinked sleepily as she looked up to the opening after it had just closed shut again. A moment later she saw a flash of black as Plagg phased through the ceiling to follow his chosen. Marinette wondered about going up after him, but decided against it. This was perhaps one of those times that Adrien needed to be alone. Plagg was with him anyway so at least there was someone to keep an eye on him.

Marinette stretched as she eased off the stiffness of sleep. As the bedsheets shifted over her bare skin memories of last night flashed in her mind, making a frantic blush rise in her cheeks. As though to tease her, her mind particularly focused on the feel of Adrien’s skin on hers, his warmth and scent that surrounded her with a gentle protectiveness as he lovingly kissed and touched her. She lightly slapped her cheeks. It was too early in the day to let herself get so flustered. She couldn’t help but smile though at the tenderness she felt in her heart. It had been unexpected, but she and Adrien had shared something beautiful together.

Her giddiness made the thought of going back to sleep impossible. She also wanted to stay awake now since Adrien was already up also. She quickly checked the skylight to see if he was coming back. There was no sign of him so she left the bed and headed down the from the loft to her closet to get dressed.

As she was picking out her clothes she caught sight of her reflection in the vanity mirror. She paused a moment before drawing closer to it. Watching herself in the mirror, she lightly brushed her fingertips over her neck and shoulders. There wasn’t a single mark. Adrien had paid particular attention to that area with her, having layered kisses over the skin there. She’d even felt his teeth graze against her on occasion and at one point thought he might bite her. But he didn’t. And there were no traces of bruises, scratches or _any_ markings on her. There was a warmth she felt with every heartbeat as she looked herself over again. She didn’t think she would have really cared if Adrien had left physical evidence of his affection, but she understood that by leaving her, as he saw it, _unharmed_ was his way of showing affection. For him there was nothing loving about love marks and he’d restrained himself from doing such a thing to her. Marinette smiled softly to herself as she resumed getting dressed, cherishing the warmth that was now residing in her chest.

She looked up to her loft, wondering if she could quietly check the balcony without being noticed. Before she could make a decision though, the skylight was yanked open followed by Adrien passing through the opening. Compared to his usual careful landings, he more so fell through it. Marinette rushed up to the loft to see what was going on. Adrien was already righting himself on the bed as she got there, but as soon as she came closer he grabbed her arm and pulled her onto the bed. With a yelp she fell down and found herself tangled in the bedsheets as Adrien protectively leaned over her as though he expected the ceiling to cave in at any moment. She managed to adjust herself enough to look up at him properly but Adrien was focused on the skylight above them. Marinette was about to ask what the hell was going on when she saw Plagg peeking out of Adrien’s collar. The kwami’s intense stare told her that right now she needed to be quiet.

She felt it. An oppressive feeling in the air that made an icy chill shoot up and down her spine. It was similar to what she had felt before in some fights against particularly strong akumas, ones that were so powerful that their magic seemed to seep into the air around them. Hawk Moth and Mayura had also held such a presence, but Marinette could tell this wasn’t as strong as theirs. Even so, it was deeply unnerving to be feeling such a thing right now above her room.

As quickly as it had come the presence vanished. Marinette didn’t realise she’d been holding her breath until her lungs forcefully gasped for oxygen. Adrien let out a shuddering sigh as though he’d been doing the same.

“What was _that_?” she asked breathlessly.

“I’m not sure.” he admitted in a low voice.

“Whatever it is, it stinks.” Plagg grumbled.

Her uneasy heart started pounding in her ears as she caught Adrien’s verdant gaze. He was still on top of her following his defensive stance over her and the closeness was making her heart race. His eyes widened as he noticed as well. He nervously cleared his throat as he backed away from her, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Marinette waited a moment to allow for the heat in her face to die down a little before sitting up next to him.

Adrien’s expression had become deeply thoughtful as he stared at the floor.

Marinette glanced back to the skylight, “Was it an akuma?”

Plagg emerged from Adrien’s hoodie as he floated up to meet Tikki who had come to join them.

“Don’t know.” the little cat grumbled, “But it’s not the first time I’ve sensed it.”

“I’ve noticed it before too.” Adrien whispered, his gaze still set on the floor.

Marinette looked to him with concern, “When?”

The two kwami were talking to each other in hushed tones so they didn’t answer her. Adrien just shook his head as a response, closing his eyes as he sunk his head into his hands. Marinette lightly touched his shoulder but he quickly shied away from the contact so she withdrew from it.

“Please.” he muttered, “Just...not right now.”

Marinette tried to not let his avoidance affect her.

_Just because last night happened, doesn't mean you can touch him whenever you want,_ she scolded herself internally.

Still, it made her uneasy. What if Adrien wasn’t actually okay after their shared intimacy? Maybe he was wishing it hadn’t happened.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

His answer was low and hushed as he still held his face in his hands, “I don’t know.”

This didn’t help her prickling nervousness.

Her anxiety made her words tumble out without thinking, “If it’s about last night - I mean - what we did - if you didn’t like it then, um - or if it bothered you we can just forget about it or we-”

Adrien’s head snapped up as his wide eyes met hers, “Last night? No, I - it didn’t bother me! That’s not…”

Marinette felt an uncomfortable twist in her heart as his words trailed off. His shocked expression quickly became uncertain as his sad eyes searched her.

His voice was barely audible, “You want to forget it?”

She tentatively met his gaze. She thought about all the love and care he’d shown her in spite of his fear as she lightly touched her fingers over the nape of her neck. How could she possibly want to forget that? She felt stupid for even bringing it up.

“No, I don’t.” she whispered.

Adrien let out a short sigh as he looked away from her with an almost guilty expression, “I don’t either.”

The tension in her chest gave way to that tender warmth again. He still looked incredibly uneasy though, like there was something he wanted to ask. She waited patiently for him to speak.

It took a bit but he eventually spoke while his gaze remained avoidant, “Did I...did I hurt you?”

Her heart felt so full with the concern he had for her. She knew that it had been his primary concern. Even more than his own anxieties for himself, he’d already expressed before that his main fear was causing an unpleasant experience for her. She moved aside the collar of her shirt so that her neck and the top of her shoulder could be clearly seen.

“Not at all!” she said proudly, “See? Nothing!”

She knew that he’d meant more than just where he’d kissed her, but she hoped that this was enough to give him some reassurance at least. Adrien nervously glanced at her, his gaze shyly going over her exposed shoulder. He seemed to accept her answer with a small smile. It didn’t last though, as his expression became pensive as he looked away again. There was still something on his mind.

She tried to catch his gaze once more but it had returned to being fixed on the floor, “What is it?”

Adrien opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. He then shook his head with a sigh.

“I just...had some weird dreams.” he murmured with a half hearted smile.

Marinette could tell there was probably more than that, but she thought it was better to not push him on it right now. Still, it worried her how melancholic his mood seemed to be. 

Her heart skipped a beat as she felt Adrien gently lean into her so that their shoulders were pressed together and his head softly rested against hers. Marinette thought for a moment before shyly raising her hand and placing it on top of his head. Adrien gave her a curious sidelong glance, making a light blush come to her cheeks.

“Is it alright if I…?” her timid words trailed off.

He watched her for a moment, but seemed to understand her intentions. He hummed as he gave a slight nod. Marinette tried to keep her delight in check as she started to run her fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his face and gently massaging over where Chat Noir’s ears would be. Adrien lowered his head as she continued, his lips brushing over her skin as he nuzzled into her neck.

It wasn’t long before she heard the soft sound. Her heart was doing a little victory dance in her chest as she realised she’d gotten him to purr again. It was different from the times she’d heard him before as Chat Noir. Chat’s purr was often loud and rumbled deep in his chest, whereas when it came from Adrien it was so meek and quiet that she didn’t think it would be heard at all unless you were right next to him. She’d heard Chat do it multiple times already but she wondered why she hadn’t heard it from Adrien until recently. She considered that maybe it had something to do with the fact that Adrien always seemed to have a hard time relaxing as himself.

Her thoughts stalled as her fingertips worked in circular motions behind his ear and a light trill came through in his purr.

_That...That was so cute,_ she thought as an excited blush filled her cheeks.

If Adrien hadn’t noticed the noise he’d been making he definitely did now as she felt him tense up beside her.

He looked up at her with narrowed eyes, “Don’t. Say. _Anything_.”

Marinette tried to stifle her giggle but was failing miserably, “What? Me? Say what? About that adorable noise? I didn’t hear anything. _Nooooo_!”

Adrien sat up straight again with an annoyed pout. There was an embarrassed blush already covering his cheeks as he glared back at her. Marinette was still trying to hold back her giggles, but they quickly died away when they saw his mischievous smirk forming.

“No.” she warned as she attempted to stand up from the bed, “Adrien, no!”

She didn’t get far as he already hooked his arm around her waist, pulling her back into him. She let out an inelegant squawk as he started to tickle her relentlessly, holding her in place with one arm while his other hand scaled up and down her ribs.

“What did you say about adorable noises?” he teased, his fingers brushing up against her underarm making her shriek with laughter, “Oh, there’s one.”

“N-No!” she wheezed, “Help! Tikki help!”

Tikki merely smiled at the wiggling, giggling mess Marinette had become while Plagg just watched them with a bemused look.

Marinette writhed more in her laughing fit as Adrien didn’t let up. She jolted awkwardly causing her head to hit up against his. She heard his sharp inhale as he stopped then.

“S-Sorry. Are you….are you okay?” she asked breathlessly as her mirth died down.

Adrien gave a slight groan, “No, that was my fault. I’m okay.”

He still held his arm around her waist but his other hand had gone up to rub the side of his face. Marinette turned around so she could see him properly. He was wincing slightly as his hand massaged the existing bruise on his jaw.

“Sorry.” she repeated quietly.

He looked down at her with faint surprise before smiling, “It's fine. I shouldn’t have forgotten how hard your head is anyway.”

“ _Excuse me_?”

He chuckled at her exaggerated outrage. Marinette scowled at him, but it didn’t last long. His mood had brightened a lot from earlier so she couldn’t help but be happy for that at least.

“Does it still hurt?” she asked softly.

She reached up to gently touch the side of his face but faltered, unsure if he was okay with her doing so. He watched her a moment before taking her hand in his and holding it against his cheek.

“It’s not so bad.” he murmured as he kissed the heel of her palm.

Marinette tenderly caressed his cheek with her thumb as she sadly looked over the discoloration there. She still couldn’t fathom any reasoning for why Gabriel would have done such a thing. To his own son no less. Her eyes then drifted to his hand that still held hers and the healed over gashes over his knuckles there. There was some light scarring that would probably remain there for a while. She was relieved that he hadn’t done anything like that again since.

“Marinette?” Adrien’s voice softly broke her from her thoughts.

He was looking at her with concern. She hadn’t realised she’d been staring at him.

The quiet words came to her automatically, “I’m just glad you’re here.”

He seemed taken aback by this as his eyes widened with surprise. His eyes flickered nervously for a moment, shifting around before returning to meet her gaze. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead, making her sigh happily from the warm touch. She was about to say something when she heard the trapdoor of her room open.

“Marinette?” Sabine called, “I assume you’re awake since you were making so much noise not too long ago.”

“Y-Yes Maman!” Marinette answered in a startled voice.

She hoped her mother couldn’t see how close she and Adrien were huddled together on her bed. Adrien was looking alarmed as well, having immediately pulled back from this kiss with the appearance of a deer in the headlights.

“Is Adrien awake too?” Sabine asked.

“Yes. I’m here.” he answered quickly.

“Well, you can both come down to the bakery then. There’s a few things that need doing.”

“We’ll be right down, Maman.” Marinette assured.

Neither Marinette or Adrien moved until they heard the trapdoor close again, as though any movement would somehow give away their current intimate closeness to one another. Adrien cleared his throat as he backed away, gently releasing Marinette’s hand from his as he stood up. There was a slight pink in his cheeks whereas Marinette was sure hers had turned a deeper shade.

Adrien headed down the steps to the main floor of her room while Marinette hesitated a moment.

_Maman really needs to knock,_ she thought with a scowl.

As she stood up she heard faint whispering from Adrien and Plagg.

“So, kid. About that conversation…”

“We’ll finish it later. I’m not letting you off on this one.”

Marinette paused as she tried to think what they might have been talking about. She shrugged it off though as it wouldn’t be strange for Adrien to have private talks with his own kwami.

Marinette made sure to make noise as she went down the steps so they knew she was coming, “Let’s get going then.”

Plagg’s expression was unreadable for Marinette as she still wasn’t too familiar with all his mannerism. The little cat quickly slipped into the collar of Adrien’s hoodie and out of sight. Adrien smiled at her, but it had become subdued again compared to a few minutes before.

“You got flour in your hair again.” Marinette laughed.

“It’s in the way.” Adrien frowned, “I can’t help it.”

Marinette was helping Tom out with baking some of the breads and pastries to go out to the shop that morning. Since Adrien was clueless about baking and still shy about being taught how to, he’d taken up helping with cleaning and heavy lifting of boxes or flour sacks when more was needed. She was kneading out some bread dough while he was over by the sink washing up the used pans and trays.

“You don’t want to get it cut?” she asked.

He looked over his shoulder at her and shrugged, “I never really thought about it. It’s always been part of the...Agreste Model look. Models don’t normally just go get a casual haircut.”

“You could now though, couldn’t you? If you wanted I mean.”

Adrien hummed thoughtfully as he returned the now clean trays to their assigned racks.

“Or you could do what I do and tie it up.” she suggested.

He looked at her with a raised brow and a smirk, “I don’t know. I _might_ pull off having pigtails better than you and then you’d be jealous.”

Marinette flicked a bit more flour at him, “Shut up. And don’t tempt me. I might do that when you’re sleeping later.”

Adrien leaned over the counter she was working on and dragged one of his fingers through the flour that covered the surface. Marinette watched him with suspicion until he quickly brushed his flour coated finger down her nose. She responded by throwing more flour onto his chest. She tried to glare at him but his small laugh made it impossible.

He still had a subtle smile as he looked at her, “It’s a thought though. But I don’t have anything to tie it with.”

Marinette held up a finger to him in a _hold that thought_ signal. She quickly dusted her hands off on her apron before releasing one of her pigtails.

“Ta-da!” she proclaimed as she held one of her hair ties aloft.

Adrien watched her curiously as she walked around the counter to him. He stayed where he was, his expression becoming somewhat apprehensive as she reached up to his hair. Marinette paused as she looked at the way the blond locks settled over the back of his neck.

_Oh, that’s why he tensed up_.

She glanced to his uneasy gaze and quickly retracted her outreaching hand, offering the hair tie to him instead.

“It’s not hard. I’m sure someone as fashionable as yourself can put your hair in a ponytail.” she teased.

His eyes softened again as he scoffed, “Oh you’re _hairlarious_.”

She rolled her eyes as she set about fixing her own hair into a ponytail. He watched her a moment before mimicking what she’d just done.

“How’s that, Princess?” he asked as he tilted his head for her to see.

_He still looks so good,_ Marinette thought with a pout, _That’s not fair._

“You look fine.” she answered nonchalantly as she returned to the bread dough she was meant to be kneading.

He smirked, “Hm? Just fine?”

“Be careful or I might throw more flour at you.”

“Both of you working hard?” Tom chuckled as he appeared in the doorway.

“Yes Papa.” Marinette responded, trying to ignore Adrien’s restrained sniggering as he turned away again.

She watched Adrien out of the corner of her eye. He was getting better. At least she really hoped he was. There had been a little more of Chat’s persona coming through in his lighter moods recently, and despite all her eye rolling she enjoyed his teasing and humour.

There was still a part of her that worried though, like there was a misplaced feeling somewhere that she couldn’t quite understand. And then there had been that strange presence earlier. No news had come through of a new akuma terrorising the city, so whatever it was had just come and left for some reason. That didn’t sit well with her either. It didn't help that Adrien had apparently detected it a few times before as well.

She shook her head as she tried to dispel her anxious thoughts. She couldn’t do much about it right now with so little information to go on. Right now she was more focused on how Adrien was slowly starting to relax properly for the first time in what was probably a long time. She smiled as she saw Adrien laughing over something with her father. Her heart felt warm with the loving thought that swelled in her as she saw Adrien’s shy but sincere smile.

_I don’t want you to stop smiling._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally _completely_ different. But after writing and rewriting it 4 or 5 times I still wasn't happy so it got shoved in the shredder lol.  
> So now you all get heapings of fluff instead! Original draft might have killed a few of you anyway...Oh well there's still time for that!


	59. Raindrop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien meets with his doctor and Chloe again.

“How have you been since we last spoke, Adrien?” Dr Laruent asked calmly as she settled herself into the brown leather chair, pen waiting over her notepad.

Adrien glanced at the couch for a moment before heading to stand by the window instead.

“I’m sure Chloe already told you everything.” he answered stiffly as he looked through the blinds.

There’d been a persistent drizzling rain all day. He watched as the lazy droplets rolled down the window. The view of the street outside was a blurry grey with the occasional flash of colour as someone ran by below with a brightly coloured umbrella.

“I want to hear it from you, if you don’t mind.” she coaxed softly.

He looked over his shoulder at her briefly before turning back to the window. He still wasn’t entirely sure about being there. But he knew Chloe would chase him down if she found out he hadn’t gone to the appointment. Marinette had also been encouraging him to go as well.

_Marinette…_

He absently looked down at his watch. She’d still be in school at this hour. He was a little jealous and wished he could be back in his regular classes too. He missed the set structure of the day he’d had with school, but at the moment he wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to return. His father had possibly removed him already and he wouldn’t be able to attend. Adrien had already found out earlier that week that access to his own finances had been frozen at his father’s demand. What money he'd saved was out of his reach of the time being, until either Adrien turned eighteen and could take over the account himself or his father changed his mind. Even though his birthday was still a ways off, he doubted Gabriel wouldn’t reverse anything in that time.

Thankfully Adrien was actually someone who didn’t need much. Marinette and her family had kindly taken him in for the time being, so he had somewhere to sleep and there was food. He was probably eating better than he had in a long time since he was no longer held to his model diet. He couldn’t do enough to repay their kindness, so he did what he could to be useful. He’d always been a clean person so he didn’t mind doing household chores or helping down in the bakery. Sabine and Tom had pretty much taken him on as part time staff at this point, since he had little to do during the day without school. So while Marinette went to classes Adrien would help out her parents. He was rarely in the shop front though as being seen by people still made him nervous. It gave him time though to finally accept being taught some basic baking skills by Tom. He’d made bread for the first time yesterday, and while it was an atrocity to look at it was at least edible. Marinette had also encouraged him with cooking as well. He was nowhere near as good as her or Sabine, but at least so far he’d only cause one _small_ fire. Luckily Marinette had been next to him to quickly cover the pan before it got out of control.

“Adrien?” Dr Laurent called for his attention.

He shook off the warming thoughts of the Dupain Cheng household, “It’s been...mixed. Good and bad things.”

“Well, let’s start with the good.”

“I’ve been able to spend more time with people I want to be around.” he started slowly, “With Marinette. And Alya and Nino too. They’ve visited after school a few times.”

Dr Laurent gave a knowing smile, “Marinette is the ‘important friend’ you’re staying with, if I remember correctly.”

Adrien kept facing the window to hide the gentle warmth rising in his cheeks.

He cleared his throat, “She’s been helping me a lot. Her and her parents. I’ve been learning a lot about things I can actually do myself. I did my own laundry for the first time the other day.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Learning independence, even with small things, are incredibly important for you. It’s good that you’re learning how to manage some things yourself. There’s nothing wrong with having people help you, but self reliance is also key.”

He smiled shyly from the praise she’d given him. It was only small things that he’d been learning, but they were helping him move past the shell of a person he’d been previously. He was very slowly learning to be an actual person and not just some prop.

“How has your sleep been?” Dr Laurent asked as she wrote down something on her paper.

Adrien shrugged, “Comes and goes. Some nights are better than others.”

“Are you still unable to sleep through the night?”

“I normally wake up a few times...”

“And the prescription you were given to help with your sleep?”

“I...didn’t like it. I haven’t taken it for a while.”

Dr Laurent said nothing for a moment as she removed her glasses and purposefully cleaned them. Adrien felt a prickling of anxiety for admitting her was forgoing one of his given medications.

“What about the other one?” she said smoothly as she put her glasses back on, “Are you taking that?”

“Yes.” he answered quickly.

She went back to writing on her notepad, “We can try something else for your sleeping if you prefer.”

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat. His dreams hadn’t been so violent recently, but he still often woke up in a cold sweat or feeling that panicked nausea. But he was still too afraid of taking the medication that would put him under a heavier sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about the possibilities of what could happen if he did. What if it was then he got lost in one of his more horrifying nightmares, or what if there was a problem he needed to be awake for but he could only manage to be half conscious while using the medication? It made him more paranoid than a chance of a full night’s sleep was worth to him.

“I’d rather just...not take anything for it.” he said quietly as fiddled with the edge of the blinds that covered the window.

He could feel her quiet gaze on him as she paused before answering, “Very well. Try to keep track of your sleeping patterns if you can. And if you need to, take what you have already. If things don’t improve we can talk about an alternative for you.”

Adrien didn’t say anything as he watched another droplet snake its way down the window.

“There’s something I would like us to talk about.” Dr Laurent said after a bit, her tone serious but still calm, “I understand it may be difficult, but it is important to discuss these things rather than bury them.”

He already knew where this was going as he looked over his shoulder at her, “My father.”

She met his gaze and gave a careful nod, “Everything you say here is confidential, Adrien. You can tell me as much as or little as you want now, but to help you I need to know what is going on.”

She made a casual gesture to the couch as Adrien’s gaze flickered around the room. He could feel Plagg’s comforting purr from his usual hiding place. He grimaced as he remembered that was another thing he had to talk about. He hadn’t spoken much with his kwami about the remaining amok and akuma fragments since the other morning when he’d found out. Actually he’d been avoiding it since his initial anger had given way to anxiety. He ended up doing his usual tactic of ignoring the problem as though that would make it go away or it would somehow resolve itself.

Adrien looked towards the couch, hesitating a bit longer before seating himself on the edge of it. He’d been trying to forget what had happened between him and his father too. It was easier than trying to resolve how it now felt that his entire relationship with him had been falsified, that he was more of an asset than a son.

Dr Laurent leaned forward a little in her chair as her gaze softened, “I hope you know how proud of you everyone is, Adrien. You managed to separate yourself from an unhealthy environment. That's often the hardest step for anyone who has suffered a prolonged abusive relationship. When you’ve known things to be a certain way, it _is_ scary to suddenly change it.”

Adrien clenched his jaw as he averted his gaze. He was glad that while there was still a slight bruising, his jaw didn’t hurt so much now. He didn’t feel particularly proud of himself for having run away. His hands gripped nervously over his knees before he slowly started to tap out his habitual rhythm.

If Dr Laurent had noticed his fidgeting, she didn't draw attention to it, “Can you tell me what happened?”

“We...had a disagreement.” he said quietly.

Her pen scrawled something down as she waited for him to elaborate.

“I told him that I...wanted to quit modeling. I wanted to quit everything he was making me do. Then I...said some things I shouldn’t have. I’m the one who started it.”

She eyed him carefully a moment before speaking, “So because you ‘started’ it, you think that means your father was allowed to hit you?”

Adrien’s gaze was set to the floor now as he frowned.

_He wouldn’t have done it if I’d only kept my head down and shut up._

_But then he’d said all those things about Marinette...I couldn’t let that go._

“To me I don’t think you ‘started’ anything. I believe you were only trying to assert yourself, which is what we want you to do. Your father was the one at fault for getting angry that you wanted to establish perfectly reasonable boundaries. Unfortunately the actions of other people are often out of our control. What he did was _wrong_ , but you didn’t _make him_ do it.”

Adrien’s throat felt tight as he tried to speak, “But...if I’d just kept quiet…if I’d just let it go...”

She gently shook her head, “That still wouldn’t have stopped it from possibly happening another time. And you have as much right as anyone else to be happy and safe. You are your own person and you deserve to be treated with respect.”

He didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to be saying right now. His thoughts were turning into a clumsy mess.

She continued gently, “It might not feel like it now, but your life is your own and it has a value that no one else can demand of you. I understand that through all that you’ve been through it can be hard to find your own self worth. But we will work on that as best we can to rebuild it.”

Adrien felt his heart twist hard in his chest as a different voice echoed those words back to him.

_We’ll work on that._

Adrien let out a heavy sigh as he descended the stairs to the ground floor of the building. He knew that it would be hard and that it was all for his benefit, but it still didn’t stop these sessions from being exhausting. He was too used to burying everything so having things carefully coaxed out of him was both relieving yet terrifying.

Plagg poked his head out from Adrien’s jacket and looked up at him tentatively, “So I know you’re probably talked out but we still have our own...thing to discuss still.”

Adrien grimaced, “Yeah, just...not right now.”

“Normally I’m all for putting stuff off to later, but I think we should maybe involve the girls in this one.”

“Marinette’s already got plenty enough to worry about.”

“She’s going to worry about you either way. And you’ve already made her mad before for not keeping her in the loop.”

Adrien could feel the anxiety writhing in him. He really was the embodiment of chaos and bad luck and still hated the idea of Marinette getting swept up in all his problems.

“We don’t actually know what will happen with it.” Adrien reasoned, though a nervous tone edged his voice, “Maybe they’ll just...do nothing and we don’t need to worry about it.”

Plagg looked unconvinced as he narrowed his eyes, “Tikki already knows something is up. And you can be sure she won’t keep it from her girl if asked about it.”

Adrien pinched the bridge of his nose as he could feel a headache coming on, “Can we just...talk about this later?”

His kwami quietly grumbled to himself as he slipped back into his hiding spot.

It was still raining as Adrien stepped out into the street. For a moment his heart jumped into his throat as he saw a car waiting in front of the door, but he relaxed a little again as he recognised it as Chloe’s limo.

Chloe poked her head out of the window, “I’m looking for my dork of a friend. Have you seen him? Tall, has a stupid look on his face, lame sense of humour - perhaps you’ve seen him?”

“Nice to see you too Chlo.” Adrien answered with a crooked grin.

“Get in already. It’s raining.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed. Thanks for the weather update.”

She rolled her eyes as she opened the door for him.

“You didn’t need to come pick me up.” he said as he slid into the back seat, “Aren’t you meant to be at school?”

Chloe scoffed, “I only left a bit earlier than usual to come get you. Besides, you shouldn’t be walking around by yourself.”

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

“I heard about your run in with Nathalie. How do you think that would have gone if you were alone?”

Adrien frowned as he leaned back in the seat. He didn’t really want to think about that. Chloe crossed her arms as she gave him a sidelong glance.

“I’ve been in talks about getting you somewhere safe to stay.” she said.

Adrien chewed his lip nervously, “Oh, right.”

Of course him staying with Marinette was never meant to be a permanent thing. And as hospitable as her parents were, he didn’t want to overstay his welcome.

Chloe furrowed her brow with annoyance, “You still have family in England so the initial thinking was for you to go there.”

Panic swelled in his chest. He’d barely seen his Aunt Amelie and Félix since his mother disappeared so they weren’t exactly close. Not to mention that while not the other side of the world, England was still a huge distance from Paris. It was too far away.

_Too far from Marinette._

“What?” he croaked, “I can’t go there!”

“I thought so. Don’t worry I shut that down pretty fast.”

“Then...what now?”

Chloe gave a sly smirk, “How about getting your own place? Just think of it as moving out a year in advance before going on to university or whatever it is you want to do.”

“I...can I even do that?” Adrien grimaced as he thought about it, “No, I can’t even afford something like that.”

“Oh don’t worry about that, Adrikins. I’ll make sure finances are covered.”

“Choe, I can’t ask you to do that. That’s too much. What you’ve done for me already is too much.”

“Listen here.” she growled as he jabbed a finger at him, “Do you remember how things were after I sided with Hawk Moth?”

Adrien stared in alarm at her sudden ferocity. He wasn’t sure how to answer that as there’d been so much happening around that time.

“Everyone avoided me. And those who didn’t acted as though I was lower than dirt.” she hissed, “Everyone except _you_. You were the only person who showed me any decency.”

Adrien felt his heart sink as he remembered how Chloe had been in the aftermath of what went down. She’d been so angry, so _sad_ with what had happened. He knew that she had never been very public about it, but he knew that a part of her regretted the choice that she’d made. So even when everyone treated her like a villain, he couldn’t bring himself to. Despite what she’d done he could still only see the person he’d been friends with for so many years.

“Well, you made a mistake.” he murmured, “But Ladybug was able to fix it. I know a lot went wrong, but you were still my friend. I didn’t see any point in just abandoning you. I just thought that was when you needed a friend the most.”

Chloe stared at him a moment before quickly turning away so he couldn’t see what face she was making.

“Well, this is me making it up to you.” she announced stubbornly, “And to...make up for the time before when I wasn’t able to do anything for you.”

Adrien smiled softly. Despite the harshness of her tone he knew she was being genuine.

“Thanks Chlo.”

She quickly whipped her head back around as she started to dig through her purse, “Oh that reminds me.”

He let the change in conversation slide as he watched her rummage through the bag’s contents before pulling out a phone.

“Here.” she said as she held it out to him, “I’d rather not have to rely on Dupain Cheng to get in contact with you.”

Adrien gratefully took the device from her and turned it over in his hands, “Chlo...seriously, thank you.”

“It’s an old one of mine. It’s a previous model so I don’t use it anymore. I’ve already saved my number and Dupain Cheng’s to it.”

Adrien quickly unlocked the phone and checked the contacts. Unsurprisingly there was a glamorous selfie already attached to Chloe’s details. Chloe’s and Marientte’s were the only numbers saved, but that was all he needed for the moment.

_I’ll get Nino’s and Alya’s later._

“Thank you.” he repeated quietly as he looked down at the phone in his hands, “For everything.”

“If you really want to thank me you’ll just keep focusing on yourself.” she answered casually, “That reminds me. You can probably start going back to school if you want.”

“I can? I thought my father would have…”

“You’re still enrolled and there doesn't seem to have been any attempts to remove you.”

Adrien had mixed feelings on that. He thought for sure school would have been the first thing his father targeted in order to get him to come back to the mansion. Even though Marinette had been sharing notes and schoolwork with him when she got home, he still really missed going there himself. His heart sank as he thought about all the people in their class. How would they treat him if they saw him now?

Chloe rolled her eyes with an exaggerated sigh, “You’re overthinking again, aren’t you? Just come to school and you’ll see there’s nothing to be worried about.”

“I’ll think about it.” he murmured.

Adrien sighed as he leaned back into the seat, turning to look out the window at the rain covered cityscape. There was a lot he needed to think about. It felt like that was _all_ he’d been doing recently.

He knew he needed to talk to Marinette. He couldn’t keep avoiding it. As much as he wanted the problem to just go away, he knew the amok and akuma fragments were buried deep somewhere inside himself. That uncomfortable weight was sinking onto his chest. He was afraid for that persistent greyness to return, for the nightmares to get worse again and for his own emotions to feel so far from him. Marinette would likely blame herself for not having removed the amok and akuma completely the first time. He didn’t want that. None of this had been her fault. He was the one who couldn’t remember how or why the amok was there in the first place. And then he’d let his own weakness get the better of him, leaving him open to the akuma.

Adrien lightly brushed his fingertips over the car window as though to try and touch the rain droplets that were streaking across it.

_A window…_

_A window._

_The scent of a garden. Of a fireplace._

_Feathers and flowers._

The source of the ripples that cascaded through his thoughts. That distant thing he _knew_ but couldn’t reach. Adrien could feel his heartbeat quicken as he tried to grab onto whatever mental thread he’d found to bring him closer to it.

_There’s something there. There’s something…!_

The thread snapped and any ability to think halted as a searing pain surged behind his eyes and the white noise roared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to leave you all with this while I skulk back into hiding.
> 
> As always, thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos you guys! It make sme so happy that you're enjoying the fic! <3


	60. Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains descriptions of sexual assault and implied rape.

_I’m damaged, Marinette_

_Adrien, what is wrong with you?_

_I don't want to be a coward._ _I hate it._

_Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you._

_I_ _was never meant to be loved._

 _Stay close to me._ _You have to do something!_

 _I can’t be loved._ _He’s still a child!_

_Any sign of weakness and people will take advantage of it._

_Stay like that._

_M-Mari wait...Marinette stop!_ _Chat...My arm…_

_You have to stay with me, right?_

_I expected better of you._

_Otherwise I’ll need to make it so you can’t ignore me._

_Sweet boy..._

_If he was less like you then maybe it wouldn’t have happened._

_Just let me love you._

_Adrien._

_Adrien…!_

“Adrien!”

Adrien jolted upright as Chloe shook his shoulder. He turned to her frantically, sharply withdrawing from her hand that rested on his upper arm.

Chloe leaned away from him, raising her hands so he could clearly see where she had them, “Sorry but you were totally checked out there.”

His gaze flickered around as he tried to gather his bearings. He was still in the back of Chloe’s limo and they were parked outside the bakery now. His chest hurt as he tried to restrict his breathing to a somewhat normal rate instead of the hyperventilation his lungs were desperate for. It felt like an intense pressure was slowly stabbing into the side of his head.

“Are you okay?” Chloe asked as she looked him over with concern, “You don’t look good.”

He tried to clear the tension from his throat, “Y-Yeah. I just, um...fell asleep for a minute there. Bit of a migraine I think.”

“A bit? You look ready to pass out.”

“N-No it’s fine. I’ll be okay. I-I’ll go lie down.”

Adrien fumbled for the handle on the car door to get it open. He felt weak and dizzy as he hauled himself to get out of the car.

Chloe leaned over in her seat after him, “Do you want me to walk up with you?”

“Really, it’s fine. I’ll see you later, Chlo.”

He didn’t give her a chance to object as he shut the car door. Heading straight for the side entrance that opened directly into the stairwell leading up to the apartment, he held onto what little composure he could for just a bit longer.

He staggered through the door and sped up the stairs to the apartment, barely hearing Sabine’s confused greeting from the doorway that led to the bakery as he passed it. When he stumbled into the apartment he had to drag his hand along the wall to help support himself as his legs felt like they could give out at any moment from his own weight.

“Plagg…” Adrien whined as he ended up sliding along the wall in his attempt to climb the last set of stairs to Marinette’s room.

“I’m here, kid.” the kwami purred reassuringly, “Can you hear me? Just focus on my voice.”

This was bad. Adiren hadn’t had a reaction of this magnitude for a while and he had no idea _why_. No one had touched him or spoke to him in any way that he would identify as his usual triggers. He hadn’t found himself compromised in any of the ways he knew were problematic for him. All that had happened was that he’d found himself on the fringe of some memory that he couldn’t place.

It felt like no matter how much he gasped for breath he was still suffocating. The white noise was shrouding him, only broken through by the sound of voices echoing with a painful pulse in his head. It was like something had caught him in a snare and was pulling out everything he’d buried within himself in an agonising way.

_Stay like that._ _What the hell did you do?_

 _I know what you are, Adrien._ _I’m not here._

 _I don’t want to go._ _Please...Don’t lie!_

_Is it okay for someone like me to love you?_

_It hurts..._ _You’re important to me, Adrien. I only want you to be at your best._

 _I don’t want to be like him._ _Where was my control?_

_Please don’t let me go!_

_I’m here...Someone!_ _Sweet boy._

Adrien let out a startled cry as he hit the floor. He twisted around as he tried to make sense of what his blurred vision was showing him. Somehow he’d managed to make it to Marinette’s room where he was now writhing on the floor. Adrien forced himself to roll over onto his side, his fingers straining over the floor beneath him as he tried to find that familiar sequence. He couldn’t control his movements properly so his nails scratched over the floorboards instead of doing the light tapping he’d intended.

Plagg was darting back and forth around him, “Talk to me kid!”

Adrien’s throat felt tight and no words would come. He groaned as he pressed the side of his face into the cool floor. It felt like his body was burning up as his mind became overcharged with noise.

He didn’t want to think anymore. He felt like everything inside him was breaking. It felt like something was forcefully tearing apart the compartments of his mind that he’d carefully packed away his thoughts and feelings into. Everything that he didn’t want was one by one broken out of its carefully constructed prison.

Everything started to shut down. His gaze lolled about with uncertainty as he could no longer make sense of anything he was seeing. Plagg was saying something but he couldn’t understand it now. Even the feeling of the floor felt strange as a numbness set in.

It came like an ambush on his own body. A pain struck deep in his chest and he writhed against it. He couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe? As if to answer his accelerating panic he could feel it through the vague numbness. A feeling of something tightening around his neck.

He tried to thrash himself free of whatever held him but his body didn’t respond how he wanted. The harsh and strong movements he attempted only manifested as weak and sluggish as his muscles seemed to fight against him.

_You’ll need to make it up to me._ _I’m not here...I’m not...._

_If he’s going to be a man then he has to deal with it himself._

_Stay like that for me._

_Any sign of weakness and they’ll take advantage._

_Whether you like it or not, we’re a family Adrien._ _I don’t want it to hurt._

_You have to stay with me, right?_

_I’m damaged…_

_I’m such a coward._ _I can’t be loved._

_It would be best if you make sure something like this doesn’t happen again, Adrien._

_I still can’t change a damn thing._

_Adrien! What the hell did you do?_ _Don’t look at me…_

_I’ll show you just how good my love can make you feel._

_Had I even been alive in the first place?_ _I can’t do it anymore._

_Why do you keep trying to push me away?_

_Sweet boy._ _It hurts…_

 _Stay like that._ _I don’t even know who I am or what I want._

**_Just let me die!_ **

  
  


The whitenoise was screaming. Adrien’s breath caught in his throat as he opened his eyes. He was standing in the dance studio, unable to move from where he was held against the wall. The sight of Lila held so firmly against him was so clear in the mirror on the wall opposite. He could see every movement as her hands wandered him. It was painful how her hips pressed harder and harder into his. He wanted to tell her to stop, but his throat felt tight and no words would come. In the edges of his blurring vision he could see Lila’s wicked smirk. Her hand slid lower on him, making him harshly choke back a cry as her touch slipped between his legs and grabbed him. Even through the layer of clothing he could feel the way she was working him, making that hateful shame and disgust burn within him as he felt the beginnings of his body’s betrayal. His legs buckled from the weakness that overcame him as he fell to the ground.

The room spun around him, stars shooting out across his vision as Adrien’s head hit the floor. With his sudden disorientation he almost lost sense of what was going on. But then he felt the grip on his wrists tighten as her weight sunk down on top of him. He tried to blink away the dizziness but it only caused him to see more clearly that it was no longer Lila on top of him. It was _her_. The woman pinned his wrists either side of his head on the floor, a sultry smile on her lips as she leaned in closer.

“I bet someone as sheltered as you hasn’t felt anything as real as this.” she whispered.

Adrien cried out involuntarily as he felt her grind against him where she straddled his hips. She lifted his wrists off the floor only to slam them back down again.

Her saccharine hush contradicted the pain in his arms, “It will be better if you just stay quiet. You’re always such a good boy, and good boys don’t kiss and tell.”

He still couldn’t suppress pained whine as her mouth found his neck. She bit and sucked the tender skin until it hurt. Adrien kicked and thrashed underneath her, but without the use of his arms he was unable to get enough leverage to throw her off.

Her teeth harshly grazed over the fresh markings, “You’ll feel good if you just relax.”

Everything felt wrong. The way his throat had tightened to the point that words were impossible. The heated pain of his neck. The way it felt like his wrists were being crushed and his hands were turning numb. The way her hips rolling against his cause an unfamiliar, twisting feeling in his abdomen. His skin crawled with her every breath and touch. He couldn’t take it.

Her hands released his wrists. His panic forced him to try and bolt upright, either to push her off or to try and back himself away. But his attempt at escaping was immediately met with her hands around his neck. His head hit the floor again. He’d already been struggling to breathe but now it was impossible. His hands weakly clawed at hers and he kept trying to kick out and fight against her. Her grip only tightened.

His jarring movements were slowing and his rasping sounds were ceasing.

“Sweet boy.” she whispered with a sensual lilt in her voice, “Just let me love you.”

His vision was growing darker and his hands became limp.

“Stay like that.” she cooed as she kissed the corner of his lips.

Even as she released him from her hold he still couldn’t breathe or move.

_I don’t want to anymore._

There was still a vague awareness as he felt the movement of his clothing and her hands over his exposed skin. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want _any_ of it. He didn’t want to know the feeling of her nails as they scraped over his hips and abdomen. He didn’t want to know what it was like as her touch travelled down his body. He didn’t want the feeling of his own body acting against his revulsion and shame as her kisses became more intimate until she had him.

It didn’t matter anymore if he could breathe now or not. He didn’t want to. The harsh movements of his body weren’t his own. He waited for the sinking blackness to take him.

_Just let me die…!_

  
  
  


Music. He could hear music.

  
  
  


“Oh honey, there you are.”

Adrien lifted his head off his knees as he looked towards the door of the study. Emilie leaned against the open door, watching him with a sad gaze. He avoided looking at her as he rubbed his eyes. They were no doubt red and puffy but he hoped she hadn’t noticed.

“Sorry.” he quietly rasped, “I was reading and fell asleep.”

He frowned as he tried to hold back the cough burning in his throat. He hated the hoarse wheezing of his voice right now. The doctor had assured him that the damage would heal over time as long as he was careful when speaking. It made Adrien feel a little bitter at the irony of how he wasn’t really allowed to speak much anyway since his father always answered for him.

“It’s late.” Emilie said softly as she entered the room, closing the door behind her, “You didn’t want to go to bed?”

Adrien fidgeted in the bay window seat as he looked out into the garden. He could almost smell the night air and the collection of the flowers that brushed up against the glass. Roses. Wisteria. Erysimum. He always liked the roses the best. Something so beautiful yet held hidden thorns to protect itself from those that would mishandle it. Emilie had always expressed a fondness for the little yellow and golden flowers instead. She’d told him before that they were commonly known as wallflowers, and that she felt their gentle appearance suited her taste more than the bolder flowers planted in the garden.

Emilie hummed as she walked over to the now smoldering fireplace, “I couldn’t sleep either.”

Adrien felt a stab of guilt. He knew she hadn’t said why, but he was fairly certain that it was because of him. What had happened to him had led to numerous arguments between his parents and he knew that his mother worried greatly for him. Even though he was getting better at building up a front, he felt that she could still see through it.

There was a heavy silence for a time. Adrien looked to the book that rested near his feet on the bench. He’d picked one at random and hadn’t even bothered to check the title. He didn’t even open it in the end as he’d only found himself staring out the darkened window into the gloomy night.

Adrien rested his head in his hands as a horrible, blank noise settled in him. Gabriel had told him that Adrien would get over what happened, that it would be forgotten with time. If there was anything that he wanted to absolutely believe in his father about it was that. But he was losing faith in his father’s aggressive assurance. He couldn't sleep. He couldn’t eat. He felt sick all the time. He couldn’t stand to be around other people. He couldn’t even look at himself anymore.

_I just want it to be over._

“Adrien.” his mother called for him softly.

Adrien looked to where she had been next to the glow of the fireplace, but for some reason his vision jumped and shifted. Emilie was standing next to him now, holding his face as she pressed one of her gentle kisses to his forehead. He stared up at her in confusion as he hadn’t seen or heard her walk over the wooden floor.

“You’ll feel better soon.” she whispered.

He watched her as she stepped back from him. He couldn’t explain it but he felt calmer. Like the agonising fire that had been burning him up inside had been reduced to a smolder. A strange disorientation remained in him though as he watched Emilie. Something seemed off, as though he were looking at a projection rather than the real person.

Emilie’s shrouded figure backed away towards the piano, “Here, Adrien. Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you.” 

  
  


_It’s not right._

  
  


Adrien looked at the book by his feet. The relentless noise that permeated his mind made it hard to remember what he’d just been thinking about. He rested his head in his hands. He hoped that his father was right, that all that was _wrong_ with him would pass. It was getting harder to believe that though. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept normally. He’d barely eaten as well. He was constantly afflicted with an anxious nausea. He panicked when he felt other people looking at him. He couldn’t look at himself either. His reflection didn’t feel like it was his anymore.

_I just want it to be over._

  
“Adrien.”

He looked up to where his mother still stood by the fireplace. Her green gaze watched him carefully for a moment as she seemed to consider something. She took a deep breath and started walking towards him with purpose.

“Close your eyes.” She told him gently.

He grimaced as he muttered, “It’s not going to help.”

“It will. Close your eyes.”

Adrien sighed as he relented, letting his eyes close as she stood before him.

“Spread my feathers.”

He couldn’t resist opening them again immediately at the sudden flash of blue light before him. He stared in shock at the person in front of him. It was no longer the person he recognised as his mother. It _looked_ like her, and yet it didn’t. Her neat blonde hair now fell in loose waves of azure. He couldn’t make much of the outfit she wore as he was focused on her face, but he could see the navy and teal peacock feathers that cascaded off her shoulders like a silken shawl. Tender green eyes looked back at him from behind a deep blue domino mask. Her eyes at the very least he was sure he recognised.

“Close your eyes.” she repeated as she withdrew a fan of varying shades of blue, plucking out one of the small white feathers on the end.

Her tone wasn’t demanding, only gently coaxing him. Mesmerised in his confusion, Adrien complied.

Something small and soft touched his forehead. From its delicate feel he guessed it to be the small feather. He wrinkled his nose in anticipation of the sneezing fit he would normally have but it didn’t come. He felt her hold either side of his face as there was another gentle touch to his forehead. A warm and familiar gesture of her little charm kiss. A tingling sensation remained as she moved back again.

“You’ll feel better soon.” she whispered.

Adrien opened his eyes and the stranger was gone, leaving his mother as he had always known her before him. He blinked slowly as his head failed to process what had just happened. What even was that? And what happened to the feather she’d had?

He lightly touched his head as he felt dizzy. His thoughts started to cloud over with a numbness.

“Here, Adrien.” Emilie beckoned him over as she moved to the piano, “Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you.”

Adrien looked at her in bewilderment.

_But...that person...and a feather…?_

His thoughts continued to disperse into the numbing fog. He tried to make sense of what had happened but it was fading from him faster than he could understand it.

_Understand...what?_

Adrien paused as a strange feeling settled within him. He was calm. He’d almost forgotten what it was to not feel like he was drowning. All of the anxiety, the tension, the loathing and disgust - it was all becoming muted. He felt as though he’d just woken up, and so he decided that’s what it must have been. The disconnect as his memory faded from him and the bizarre feeling in his head had probably just come from a dream. It hadn’t been uncommon for him to blank out recently, so that had to have been what happened.

Adrien slid off the bay window seat as he moved to join his mother by the piano. For the first time in a long time, his mind felt inexplicably lighter.

* * *

Plagg watched as his holder finally ceased the disturbing writhing and convulsions on the floor. His fur remained on end as he watched for any further violent movements, but as the music box continued to play Adrien slowly became still. He hadn’t known what else to do, and it had been a little difficult for him to wind the mechanism with his small paws, but Plagg was relieved the gentle music seemed to be doing _something_.  
He nudged the music box closer to Adrien as it played, checking again for any sign of him coming around. The kwami’s ears drooped as Adrien’s eyes remained glazed over, completely distant and detached from the world around him. His breathing was shallow and strained but that was an improvement from before when Plagg was worried he wasn’t breathing at all.

This was bad and Plagg knew it. He wasn’t going to nag and scold Adrien endlessly though, as the guiding parent was more of Tikki’s style with Miraculous holders. Plagg had only wanted to give his chosen every opportunity to do things on his own terms, to talk when he was ready to, as Adrien rarely had the choice to before. He knew he was in for a scolding of his own from his other half after this, but Plagg couldn’t care less. This was _his_ kid, and he was never going to force Adrien to do anything he didn’t want to.  
Plagg suppressed a growl as he felt the fluctuations of akuma and amok energies from the boy. They were weak but they were there. Something had happened to make Adrien catch on to whatever part of him these remnants had possessed, resulting in his rapid decline into a horrifying reaction that was only now subsiding but not yet completely over.

The tiny cat strained again to turn the key of the music box so that it would keep playing. He didn’t want to risk it stopping and possibly seeing the violent thrashing return. Whatever Adrien had been experiencing must have been terrifying, as all the while he looked like he was trying to scream but instead could only let out a series of choking whines and pleading whimpers.  
Plagg carefully floated onto Adrien’s head, curling up in the blond’s hair and offering a soothing purr to accompany the soft sound of the music box. He seriously hoped that Tikki’s faith in her holder was well placed, as Plagg wasn’t ready to lose another of his own so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh heck, takes me some time to update and this is the chapter I give you guys. I'll be hiding as usual to avoid the angry mob. ~~please don't hurt meeee~~
> 
> Also, over 500 kudos? I'm in tears guys. Thank you all for your continued support! <3


	61. Desolate

“I’m so terribly sorry Mademoiselle Ladybug!” the man lowered his head in shame as he apologised again and again.

“It’s okay Monsieur Ramier.” Ladybug gave a tired smile, “It’s only the...actually I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve done this now.”

It was a little irritating that M. Pigeon kept popping up every so often. If Ladybug didn’t know any better she would have thought that this was Hawk Moth’s sense of humour. But someone like that definitely didn’t have any humour, he was just some sad person taking advantage of Ramier’s softhearted affinity for the pigeons in the city.

“I just get so upset with how people treat my darling birds.” Ramier sighed.

“Really, it’s fine.” she consoled him, “It’s over now. I didn’t even have to use my Lucky Charm this time!”

He gave a dejected nod with another sad sigh.

“Ladybug! A few questions please!”

Ladybug took a breath as she turned to face the swarm of reporters that were already gathering. It had only been a minor attack that got dealt with very quickly, but there were always journalists ready to pounce. She adjusted her stance to try and look more casual instead of like an awkward, rigid mannequin.  
Even after all this time she still felt a little caught off guard whenever cameras fell on her after akuma battles. It was even more noticeable without Chat Noir next to her, as he often helped to diffuse any over aggressive reporters or gave answers that were somehow vague yet informative. All done while flashing that crooked smirk of his. It made sense now that Chat was good with the press, as it was something Adrien had already dealt with for a long time before even becoming a hero. And even when she was the one at the centre of all of the questions he still stood by her, offering his steadfast support through presence alone as always.

“Ladybug!” a man from a news station muscled his way to the front, mic in hand, “This seemed rather easy today. Do you think Hawk Moth is finally letting up?”

“I don’t think so.” Ladybug answered honestly, “Hawk Moth has an end goal in mind. While we don’t know what that is, I think we should assume that he will always be a threat until he is defeated.”

“Ladybug!” Alya’s familiar voice piped up as she tried to move closer to the front, “We haven’t seen Chat Noir recently. Where is he?”

Ladybug tried to not let her discomfort at the question be obvious, so she answered with a smile, “He’s just been involved with some personal things in his civilian life. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject.”

“Has he given up being a hero then?” a new voice questioned with an irritatingly smug tone.

Ladybug looked to the speaker as she tried to hold back her anger. The person who’d asked was a girl who didn’t appear to be much older than her or Alya so Ladybug assumed her to be another social media user. The girl tossed her dark hair over her shoulder as she looked at the heroine with a challenging gaze in her olive coloured eyes. Something about her was familiar but she couldn’t place where she’d seen her before.

“Chat Noir will return in time.” Ladybug answered stiffly.

The girl’s face shifted to one of over exaggerated innocence and shock as she gasp, “Is that so? But what about the rumour going around that he got _akumatised_ and is no longer able to meet his super hero responsibilities?”

Ladybug felt a burning pit open in her stomach at the words. How did this girl know anything about that? Chat Noir’s contact with the akuma had been completely out of the public eye, and nothing of it had come up on any news outlet or social media to say otherwise. The only ones who should have had knowledge of it were Ladybug and Chat Noir themselves.

The girl’s obviously deliberate comment had caused blood in the water and the reporters were hungry for it.

“Chat Noir was akumatised?”

“Is that why he’s been missing?”

“Wasn’t he alone in his last confirmed sighting?”

“Does this mean the end of Chat Noir?”

Ladybug’s eyes flitted from person to person as the questions bombarded her. Her gaze briefly rested on Alya, one of the few people who were not taking part in the verbal onslaught. Her friend looked back at her with such confusion and sympathy that for a moment Ladybug thought that she could see who she was under the mask.

“That’s all I have time for today.” Ladybug said hastily as she pulled out her yo-yo, “Bug out.”

She cast out her yo-yo and immediately pulled back on it as it latched onto a nearby building. Soaring up into the air she briefly met the gaze of the girl who’d started the frenzy. The glint in her eye and the cunning smirk she gave made Ladybug’s blood run cold as an unnerving chill ran the length of her spine. Ladybug didn’t realise she was holding her breath until she escaped the girl’s sight.

Marinette quietly snuck into the school’s locker room after having released her transformation in the bathroom. She wasn’t sure how she would explain to her friends or teacher why she’d missed most of the last class of the day tomorrow. At least the school was quiet now with everyone having mostly left already so she didn’t need to worry too much about people seeing her.  
She stopped at her locker to make sure she brought home the right books to do her homework later. There was still an uncomfortable feeling in her gut and she shivered again from the icy feeling that had lingered in her.

“Are you okay Marinette?” Tikki asked quietly.

“What...how did she _know_?” Marinette hissed as she slammed the locker door shut.

“Maybe she was just making it up.”

“I don’t know. The way she said it...it was just disgusting.”

“At least Alya didn’t seem to go along with it.” Tikki said in an attempt to calm her holder.

Marinette shrugged as she walked out into the school’s courtyard, “Alya’s not one to go on the gossip of _one_ person. Normally anyway. Especially when it’s as...big as that.”

She sighed as she took out her phone. There were a few texts from Alya about Marinette going awol as usual and a warning of the akuma attack that had just happened. Her heart plummeted as she realised Alya was likely live streaming at the end of the akuma attack, along with the journalist scramble. She double checked the time on her phone as her walking picked up to an awkward jog. Adrien had a meeting with his doctor earlier but he would definitely be home by now. He could have been watching the stream on the Ladyblog and heard all that was being said about his alter ego. It was exactly the kind of thing that would make him do something stupid and reckless like transforming when he wasn’t ready to, just to avoid people being disappointed about his absence.

“How is Plagg?” Marinette asked breathlessly and she sped back towards the bakery.

“He’s been avoiding giving a straight answer.” Tikki huffed, “But I think he’s okay now.”

“So Adrien would be okay to go back to being Chat Noir?”

Tikki didn’t answer. Instead the kwami became pensive, as though she were debating about something to say. Before she could make up her mind if she wanted to speak or not, Marinette entered through the front door of the bakery.

“Hello Marinette.” Sabine smiled at her daughter, “You’re home a bit later than usual.”

“Hey Maman. Y-Yeah akuma attack and all that.” Marinette responded awkwardly, “Didn’t want to go anywhere unless it was safe for sure.”

Her mother seemed to accept the answer with a nod. As Marinette was passing by the counter to head to the back, Sabine lightly touched her arm to stop her for a moment.

“Let us know if Adrien needs anything.” Sabine said quietly.

Marinette looked at her with slight confusion, “Oh, of course.”

“I hope he’s feeling alright. He went upstairs in such a rush when he got back.”

The twisting unease Marinette had been feeling coiled tighter in her stomach. Adrien always made a point to politely greet her parents, so for him to go straight to the apartment without a word was strange for him.

Marinette hoped she hadn’t offended her mother with how she’d immediately sped for the stairwell without another word. She sprinted up the stairs to the apartment and opened the door harder than she intended, making it bang into the adjacent wall. A brief glance around the room before her showed no sign of him so she rushed for the trapdoor to her room.

“Adrien?” she called out for him as she pushed open the door above her.

There came no answer so she quickly pulled herself through the opening into her room. As she lifted herself up and settled her knees on the floor of her room her eyes settled on him.  
Adrien was lying on the floor of her room, curled up and unmoving.  
Marinette didn’t even bother to stand up as she clumsily crawled over to him. Her mind was caught between running a million thoughts in the span of one second and ceasing to function entirely. She could barely hear the music box playing over the sound of her heart pounding in her ears.  
“No, Adrien…” she whimpered, “What happened?”

She didn’t know if she expected him to answer or not. If he’d heard her, he did nothing to respond. She reached out to touch his shoulder but hesitated. He was shaking violently.

Tikki flew past Marinette’s shoulder and darted around Adrien, her eyes wide with worry.

The kwami sounded like she wanted to be scolding but her words were heavy sympathy, “Oh, Plagg...”

Plagg said nothing as he looked at them through narrowed eyes. He made a small huffing sound as he floated over to the music box and proceeded to wind it up some more.  
Marinette could hardly notice anything other than Adrien’s trembling form. He was on his side, curled tightly into himself as his hands covered his neck with a protective grasp. Occasionally he would let out a low, stifled sob against the floor.

“Adrien…” she called for him again, trying to keep her voice soft though it was thick with emotion.

She moved herself a little closer to try and get a better look at him. His face was pale and his cheeks were damp from tears. Her heart quickly plummeted when she saw his eyes. His gaze was completely hollow, trapped in something she couldn’t see. Even though she was right in front of him, there was nothing that made it clear if he recognised that she was there at all. The last time she’d seen him so detached had been because of what Lila had tried to do.  
Marinette blinked back tears as she tried to figure out what to do. She froze as she heard quiet, pained whine from him. Her eyes snapped to his neck. She needed to get him to release himself.

“I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m here, okay?” she said softly, “I need you to let go, so I’m going to take your hand.”

She watched him carefully as she slowly reached out until she could place her hand on top of his. As soon as her hand touched his Adrien flinched and his grip tightened. His mouth opened as though he wanted to cry out but he quickly clenched his jaw again.

She hushed him gently, “It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s just me. It’s Marinette.”

She waited a moment before trying again. As carefully as she could manage she brushed her fingertips over the back of his hand. He still jolted at the contact but it wasn’t as jarring as the first time. She slowly placed her hand over his and tenderly stroked his hand with her thumb. His previously pained expression gradually shifted to a fearful confusion as she kept going with the gentle caress.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, “Adrien, can you hear me?”

His dim eyes flickered as though he was searching but still couldn’t see. His hand twitched under hers.

Taking that as a response she continued, “I’m here with you now. I need you to let me take your hand.”

She paused again before moving. Trying to make her intentions as obvious as possible, she tried to nudge her fingers between his. She held back her sigh of relief as he eventually let her interlock her fingers with his.

“I’ve got you.” she told him as she gently encouraged him to let her move his hand.

Marinette tried to ignore the glaring red pressure marks left behind on his neck as he eventually let go, allowing her to take his hand in hers. She could clearly feel his trembling now as the harsh grip he’d had on his neck became a weak and loose grasp of her hand. She was glad to see that his other hand had also slackened in its hold of his neck for now.

“Adrien.” she lightly squeezed his hand as she spoke, “Can you feel that?”

For a moment there was nothing. Her heart ached as she desperately wished he would tell her what she needed to do for him right now. His hand shifted in hers. It was small, but she felt the movement through his trembling as he tried to return her hold of his.

She leaned in closer to him as she whispered, “Just focus on me, okay?”

Marinette adjusted her hold slightly so that she now had his hand in both of hers. She placed her fingers against his palm and started to gently press against him in what she hoped was reminiscent of the sequence of notes he was familiar with.

“You’re here with me right now.” she reassured, “You’re in my room. You’re safe.”

She didn’t know how long it took for something to change. Marinette didn’t care how many minutes passed as she continued to gently talk to him and went through tapping out the sequence numerous times. His breathing shifted, changing to a strained and shaky panting from the weak shallowness it had been before. His gaze became a little less clouded as well as it drifted around with uncertainty. Eventually his eyes settled on her where they stayed. Marinette watched him for a moment, hoping that she wasn’t imagining that he was actually looking at her.

“Hey.” she smiled softly, “Can you see me now?”

His breathing was still coming in hitching gulps but he opened and closed his mouth as though he were trying to say something. No words came though and he instead let out a hoarse groan.

Suddenly Adrien wrenched his hand from her as his shaking changed to a harsh convulsion that rocked his body. Marinette stared in shock as she tried to understand what was happening. He attempted to move onto his front so he could lift himself up on his arms but another spasm made him lurch uncomfortably. He squeezed his eyes shut, bringing a hand to his mouth as he gagged.  
Marinette moved as soon as she realised. She scrambled for the waste bin that she kept under her desk, grabbing it before hastily dragging it across the floor to position it in front of him. As soon as it was in reach retched into it, heaving and convulsing through the nausea that had overwhelmed him. Marinette rubbed his back in comforting circles though she didn’t know if that was doing much to soothe him right now as he was still trembling.

“Do you want to move to the bathroom?” she asked quietly when it seemed to have calmed down some.

Adrien avoided meeting her gaze as he nodded slowly.

Marinette felt him tense up as she helped him to his feet. Adrien was unable to stand up on his own and needed to lean on her for support, but this level of physical contact between them seemed to distress him. As soon as they were close enough to her bathroom he separated himself from her and staggered the last couple of steps until he could lean against the sink. Marinette couldn’t help the pang of jealousy she felt as she saw Plagg approach Adrien without issue before resting on his shoulder. She watched for a moment as Adrien fumbled with the faucet before managing to turn it on to splash water on his face.

He still would look at her as she spoke again, “I’ll um, go get you some water to drink.”

Adrien didn’t answer so she wasn’t even sure he’d heard her. As she moved to the trap door she heard Plagg whispering something to his holder but she couldn’t make out what.

When Marinette returned with a glass of water in hand Adrien was still in the bathroom. The door had remained open so she could see him sitting on the tiled floor with his back firm against the wall. His arms were tightly wrapped around himself as he held his knees to his chest. As she came up through the trap door she briefly caught sight of him hastily rubbing at his eyes and face to remove traces of the fresh tears that had fallen while she wasn’t there to see them. From the way his eyes darted around she could tell the disorientation was still there, but it was now accompanied with an anxious vigilance.

“Feel any better?” she asked softly as she held out the glass of water to him.

Adrien’s gaze only turned to her for a brief second before becoming avoidant again. He hesitated before apprehensively taking the glass from her. She tried to not watch how it shook in his hands as he took a sip from it.  
She was so confused and concerned as to what was going on with him. Adrien had been doing a little better recently so she hadn't expected to find him in such a way. And now that he was coming out of that scary detached state of mind, it felt like suddenly they’d gone back to square one. Maybe even further than that. He was scared. The way he would glance in her direction like he was waiting for her to jump him made it feel like her heart was getting crushed. 

She kept her distance but remained where he could see her as she knelt down, “Please, say something.”

Adrien set the glass down as carefully as his trembling hands would allow. He rubbed his wrist as his chest heaved with unsteady breaths. His eyes glistened with more unfallen tears as they flickered around nervously.

His voice was low and rough, “I...was there. I saw it. I _felt_ it. I can _still feel it.”_

Marinette stared in horror as she understood, “You were having flashbacks.”

“I...maybe? I don’t know it all just blurred together. And I couldn’t...with her...no. I can’t…! I’m sorry!”

His breathing was becoming more desperate, made worse with the choked sobs as he covered his face with his hands. Marinette blinked back her own tears. She needed to stay calm for him right now.

She quickly edged forward as close as she dared but didn’t close the gap entirely, “Hey, it’s alright. You’re not there right now. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe.”

She purposefully exaggerated her breathing for him to follow. It would have been easier if she could touch him or at least move next to him but she had to make do. Adrien obviously wasn’t capable of handling being touched right now, especially as he figured out what had just happened to him. Marinette knew his trauma often infiltrated his dreams, but he’d never mentioned anything like this happened to him while he was _awake_ . He’d only ever seemed to space out sometimes but nothing seemed to occur for him during those occasions.  
Her breathing guidance seemed to help as his panicking breaths calmed a little. He brought his hands away from his face now, instead hiding himself against his knees as his hands rested against the sides of his neck. Marinette watched him carefully but he wasn’t using the same harmful grip he had been earlier.  
Adrien had fallen quiet now apart from the stifled hiccup or sob. Marinette watched him as she tried to keep holding back her own tears, feeling completely at a loss on how to help. She wanted to hold his hand, to warmly embrace him, to kiss him softly so that all he could feel was her love for him. But he was so overwhelmed with his own fears she couldn’t even risk getting too close to him right now.

“Marinette?” Tikki whispered as she hesitantly floated up to her, “We _really_ need to talk.”

Marinette chewed her lip. She didn’t want to brush off her kwami, but she was focused on trying to help Adrien through this right now.

“Can it wait?” Marinette asked.

“No.” the kwami sighed sadly as she gave a deliberate glance towards Adrien, “It can’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to scoot in with the angst and promptly leave again. Hope you guys are getting a fluff fix elsewhere cause uh...things are going to be a bit tense for the next chapter or so...
> 
> As always, thanks for all the love and support guys! I appreciate all the kudos and comments you leave!


	62. Friction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** Brief discussion of a character having suicidal thoughts.
> 
> Frustrations build as Marinette finds out what's been going on.

Adrien felt weak but he forced himself to stand as Marinette helped him up. He’d stopped retching for now, but the dizzying nausea remained. If he were to be sick some more he’d prefer to be in the bathroom as it would be slightly less embarrassing than vomiting into a bin again.  
Shame. That was the first thing that had flooded him when he came to his senses, at least what little he was able to hold onto. It was burning him up inside along with the twisting disgust for himself. Even though he was slowly coming out of the disturbing amalgamation of memories he hadn’t even realised he was lost in, everything about his body still felt _wrong_ . He somehow felt hot and cold, and while Marinette was the only other person there with him it still felt like someone else’s eyes - someone else’s _hands -_ were all over him.  
He choked back the whimper building in his throat as Marinette guided his arm around her shoulders so he could lean on her. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t her fault. But Adrien couldn’t suppress the panic that surged in him as she held him up. His innate response begged him to push himself away to try and stop the way each touch felt like it was piercing him entirely. He forced himself to endure though until they were a few steps away from the bathroom. He awkwardly separated himself from Marinette's supporting hold and stumbled forwards until he could grip the edges of the sink. He hung his head low to avoid any glimpses of the mirror above him as he clumsily turned on the faucet.

He heard Marinette’s soft, timid voice as he splashed ice cold water on his face, “I’ll um, go get you some water to drink.”

Adrien couldn’t bring himself to look up. He didn’t want to see her looking at him. If he caught himself in her gentle gaze then he might break down entirely. The exposure he was feeling was far too much.

“You back with us, kid?” Plagg murmured softly as he came to rest on Adrien’s shoulder.

Adrien still couldn’t manage to get any words out as his throat still felt tight with an uncomfortable acidic burn. He wasn’t really sure how to answer Plagg anyway. He was awake, at least he thought he was now. But he still felt like he wasn’t entirely there. Like the world around him still felt so distant.  
He stepped away from the sink until his back was firm against the cool bathroom wall. He slid down, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. The cold water from the sink that ran down his face was quickly replaced by stinging tears.

_Stop. Stop!_ He internally shouted at himself as he harshly rubbed at his eyes.

He couldn’t cry right now. He needed to get himself under control. It still felt like nails were scraping over his neck and wrists, making the disgust and loathing roil inside him with another wave of nausea.

“Plagg!” Tikki’s voice was low but her tone stern, “When I asked if everything was okay you should have told me! What were you thinking?”

Plagg’s fur fluffed up defensively, “This is _my_ kid we’re talking about! I know him better than you do, so I was doing what was best for him.”

“ _This_ is what you consider best?”

“I was giving him time to get his head around it! I didn’t know today it would change like this…”

_It’s not Plagg’s fault_ , Adrien wanted to say, _I’m the one who kept avoiding it._

He tried to but all he could get out was a mangled sob.

When Marinette returned the kwami hadn’t spoken any further. Adrien again hastily tried to wipe any traces of his crying from his face as he couldn’t bear to let her see him like this. He didn’t know where to look as Marinette cautiously approached him. It still felt like he was drifting from himself as various phantom touches trailed over his skin.

“Feel any better?” she asked gently as she held out a glass of water to him.

Adrien didn’t know if it was accidental or not as he realised he was now looking at her. From the tight line of her lips and the way her brow creased it was clear she was upset. Her bluebell eyes looked him over carefully as though tentatively searching for something.  
His gaze dropped as he was unable to answer her. It was taking all of his concentration to reach out for the glass in her hands and to then hold it without dropping it. The water provided some comfort for the burning in his throat and the lingering nausea. He tried to focus on the coldness of it to remind himself that he really was there now.

Guilt sunk deep in him as he couldn’t prevent his skittish gaze from snapping to each small, unassuming movement Marinette made. There wasn’t any threat in it, only manifestations of her own nervousness. But his own rampant fear made it impossible for him to see things through a rational lens. He could still feel the echoes of the apparitions that had broken him.

“Please, say something.” Marinette whispered desperately as she knelt a little ways off from him.

From the way her eyes glistened it was clear she wanted to cry but was holding back. Adrien swallowed thickly as he slowly set the glass on the floor. With all his trembling he was almost surprised he didn’t drop it entirely. He rubbed at his wrist to try and remind himself that despite how it felt, there was nothing holding him.

His voice felt harsh and unnatural as he finally forced some words out, “I...was there. I saw it. I _felt_ it. I can _still feel it.”_

He heard Marinette’s quiet gasp, “You were having flashbacks.”

“I...maybe? I don’t know it all just blurred together. And I couldn’t...with her...no. I can’t…! I’m sorry!”

Adrien’s heart was pounding and the suffocation was returning. It hurt as he tried to fight against the anxiety and fear that constricted him. He pressed his hands to his face as another sob escaped him. He heard the faint sound of Marinette moving but he didn’t dare look.

“Hey, it’s alright.” she said softly, “You’re not there right now. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe.”

He could hear the sound of her breathing becoming deeper and slower with purpose. He tried to follow, but had a couple of false starts between his hiccuping and coughing. After a few tries he was shakily able to match her.

Adrien moved his hands to the sides of his neck as he pressed his face once more to his knees. He kept working through his breathing as he pressed his hands into his neck. It wasn’t much but it helped to alleviate the falsified sensations of someone else holding him.

He didn’t know how long it was until he heard Tikki’s gentle voice.

“Marinette? We _really_ need to talk.”

Marinette’s answer remained a hushed tone, “Can it wait?”

Tikki sounded sad as she responded, “No. It can’t.”

Adrien felt Plagg’s small paws kneading into his shoulder.

“You don’t need to say anything.” the small cat murmured too low for the others to hear, “Just try and hold out for now, kid.”

Adrien tried to swallow the lump that formed in his throat. They were going to tell Marinette that he was still corrupted. She would be disappointed in him all over again.

* * *

Marinette sighed as she turned to her kwami, “What is it then, Tikki?”

The two kwami shared an indecipherable look. After a moment Plagg gave a resigned nod so Tikki turned her gaze back.

Her eyes brimmed with sadness as she spoke, “Things haven’t gone as smoothly as we’d hoped.”

Marinette tried to swallow back her rising anxiety, “What do you mean?”

“Adrien’s...state is because he somehow tapped into a feeling - a memory - that has become influenced.”

“ _Influenced_ ? Influenced by _what_?”

Tikki nervously rubbed her paws together in a way that someone might wring their hands, “The amok and akuma weren’t removed by normal means. So when they connected in Adrien, splinters were broken off before they expelled each other. The amok and akuma you purified weren’t _whole_.”

Marinette felt like her heart had stalled as she remembered. The state of the akuma after it failed to take Adrien had been so disturbing it was impossible to forget. The butterfly had squirmed on the ground, no longer able to fly as it had been broken apart. One of its wings had looked like it had been torn up and burned.

She brought a hand to her mouth as she slowly started to understand Tikki’s meaning, “Part of the akuma was missing...You’re telling me that…”

Her eyes snapped to Adrien. He was quiet now but she could still see him shaking.

_The broken pieces are still there._

“B-But what about the amok?” she stuttered, “It...It didn’t look damaged. It was _different_ but it didn’t seem to have anything missing from it!”

“It’s hard to say.” Tikki sighed sadly, “Since we don’t know how long it had been there to begin with.”

Marinette saw Adrien shift uncomfortably at the mention of the amok. She felt sick. She should have _known_ that something wasn’t right. Everything about that event had been unconventional, so she should have paid extra attention to make sure Adrien was okay afterwards.

Marinette nervously licked her lips as her thoughts went into overdrive, “S-So now what? Maybe if he transforms into Chat Noir I can break the akumatized item like we normally do?”

“You’ll just be feeding the remnants more power if you do that.” Plagg hissed, “And they’re no longer in a physical item. They’ve attached themselves to...to something _bad_. My power of destruction mixed with that kind of chaotic energy is just begging for a disaster.”

Tikki nodded slowly, “It’s rare to admit Plagg is right, but this time he is. Adrien _can’t_ be Chat Noir like this. It’s too dangerous.”

“Are you going to make me give up my Miraculous?”

Adrien’s small voice made everyone pause. Marinette’s heart throbbed as she looked towards him. He’d lifted his head now, but his eyes remained avoidant and fearful.

“No one’s making you give up anything.” Plagg hissed as he gave Tikki and Marinette a challenging glare.

“Plagg…” Tikki said softly.

“No! This is _my_ kid. He’s one of the best Chat Noirs I’ve had and I’m not giving up on him just yet. I’m not losing another one!”

Marinette hadn’t expected such a show of loyalty from the usually indifferent kwami. Adrien appeared astonished as well by the outburst.

She took a breath as her resolve hardened, “I can’t be Ladybug without my Chat Noir. And Adrien’s the only Chat Noir I want as my partner.”

Adrien’s surprise was now directed at her. His verdant eyes went wide as they fixed on her for a moment before becoming conflicted again as he turned away.

Tikki had a slightly bemused expression, “I wasn’t going to disagree. But this is a highly unusual and very risky situation to be in.”

Marinette considered for a moment, “Is there no way to just...remove the remnants?”

“Nooroo and Duusu would maybe be able to do something.” Tikki murmured, “It was their power to begin with. But they're under Hawk Moth’s control.”

“Purifying is your deal, Sugarcube.” Plagg grumbled.

“Oh!” Marinette gasped as an idea came to her, “What if Adrien transforms with the Ladybug Miraculous?”

Tikki didn’t seem convinced, “It might help. But if it goes wrong then we don’t know what kind of damage that could cause. It would be bad if the Miraculous were to become compromised.”

Marinette chewed her lip as she continued to think. There had to be a way to solve this, to help Adrien, and she wasn’t going to give up.

* * *

Adrien gritted his teeth as the others continued to talk. Normally he had absolute admiration for Marinette’s - for His Lady’s - ability to analyse a problem and work for a solution to it. But right now it was aggravating. He was well aware how much of a problem he was, it was something he’d thought over for _years_ at this point. No matter how he tried to deal with it, he still continued to be the same way.  
It hadn’t been stated outright, but Adrien knew what part of himself the amok and akuma fragments had latched on to. What else could it be other than the memories and feelings he’d buried deep within? Obviously his trauma and everything he’d endured from it were too enticing for the fragments to ignore. Now that his head was starting to clear some, he could see the sense in it. The horrible flashbacks were the remnants dredging up those parts of himself.

“Tikki, is there anything you can do as yourself?” Marinette asked.

Tikki hummed in response as she considered their options.

Adrien frowned at the tense frustration building in him. He knew they were talking about the remnants, but since they were a part of something larger now he couldn’t help but feel bitter at how simply they were talking it out. Everything he’d suffered couldn’t just be _solved_ like some puzzle. The ever present fear, revulsion, loathing and agony felt like they’d never go away. The scars ran deep and he couldn’t be separated from them. This was what his existence was now and he was tired. He was already trying to get better with himself, and the thought of having to do _even more_ to get anywhere close to being somewhat normal was only further diminishing his hope.

“Just give up.” he murmured.

His voice had been quiet, but judging from the weighted silence that followed he’d been heard.

“What?” Marinette whispered.

Adrien shifted his hands against his neck as his discomfort continued to grow, “It’s impossible. You...you shouldn’t waste your time.”

Her previously soft and gentle voice suddenly became sharp, “Look me in the eye and say that.”

He flinched at her change in tone. Still, he made himself turn his gaze on her. Her bluebell eyes met his. Her eyes were brimming with tears as her lips pressed into a firm line.

As he forced himself to hold her gaze his voice came out weaker, “It’s impossible.”

“No.”

Her response was so immediate and jarring that Adrien was taken aback, “Wh-What do you mean _no_?”

“ _No,_ I’m not listening to that!”

His disbelief was quickly replaced by his building frustration, “You really think you can fix this? That I can be fixed at all?”

“If you would stop being so selfish then maybe - yes!”

Adrien’s hands whipped away from his neck so he could plant them on the floor as he moved forwards to sit on his knees. Plagg let out a surprised huff from Adrien’s sudden change in position.

“ _I’m_ selfish?” his voice, though still wavering, came out stronger now as he got increasingly annoyed, “You’re trying to solve things you know nothing about! Did anyone even _ask_ me if I wanted help?”

Marinette jumped to her feet, clenching her fists as she yelled, “Maybe if you would actually talk to me I would understand better! And what do you mean ‘ask you’? How could you not want someone to help you with this?”

Not wanting to be below her level, Adrien stood up as well. He held onto the door frame for support as he swayed slightly, but he stayed up as he glared back at her challenging gaze.

“Not everyone wants to be helped!” he shouted back, “Not everyone needs saving! But you can’t let it go and have to try to fix everything! Some people would rather it was all just _over_!”

For a moment it didn’t seem like she was going to answer. She stared at him wide eyed as her lips trembled. He tore his eyes away from her as he panted to catch his breath. He was angry, but now he’d said too much.

“What…” she said weakly, “What do you mean by ‘over’?”

He’d definitely said too much. Marinette had probably caught onto his meaning already. She knew him too well. There was no point in denying it now.

“Everything.” he choked out as he still avoided looking at her, “I get so tired of fighting. Sometimes I don’t want to live through it anymore.”

* * *

Marinette felt her heart drop hard to the floor and her anger faltered with it. She’d had her suspicions since that terrible night when she had to wake up Adrien from an intense nightmare. _I wanted to be dead,_ he’d told her. She’d hoped it had only occurred at that one time when he was trying to cope with what was being done to him. But now Adrien had admitted it. More than once he’d thought about ending his life.

The tears she’d been holding back started to freely roll down her cheeks. The thought that she could have woken up one day to him no longer existing, or having never met him at all, was too much to bear. She took a careful step towards him. His gaze remained downcast but she saw his grip tighten against the door frame. She took another step but this time he didn’t move. She kept going like that, going one step at a time and watching for his reactions. Apart from his quiet shaking he didn’t move from where he stood.

When she came to be directly in front of him, Adrien had squeezed his eyes shut. She cautiously reached out with one hand towards his face. When her fingertips lightly brushed over his cheek he inhaled sharply as he flinched, but he didn’t pull away and his eyes remained shut. With both hands this time, she reached up to him and tentatively cupped either side of his face. He let out a shaky breath as her thumbs caressed over his cheeks.

“It only feels impossible because you’ve been trying to fight on your own this whole time.” she whispered, “I know that’s how you were taught, but it's wrong. There are people who will always come to help you if you ask.”

His eyes opened a little and his watery gaze searched her nervously.

“Some days are going to be hard, but that’s why it’s important to remember the good ones.” she continued, her voice hitching through her tears, “No matter how many times the world beats you down, you need to stand up again. And you’ll never be alone when you do. There are people who will help you do it if you let them. Even if you think you don’t deserve it, there are people who would do anything for you. Nino. Alya. Chloe. I’m sure everyone in our class would lend you a hand if you only asked. Because you are _loved,_ Adrien.”

His voice was weak as he whispered, “But what if I’m not strong enough?”

Marinette smiled as she shook her head, “You may be an idiot, but you’re one of the strongest people I know. Chat Noir’s a dumbass and always causing trouble, but he’s my partner for a reason. _You’re_ my partner. You think the Miraculous magically made you a better person? Everything Chat Noir is, was already in you. All those times of running headfirst into danger to protect someone, standing up to villains and spouting all those terrible jokes - that was always you. You’ve always been strong, Adrien. And just because there are times that you struggle on your own, it doesn’t mean you’re weak.”

Adrien’s expression softened as his shoulders slumped. She felt a small fluttering in her heart as he turned his head a little until his lips brushed against the heel of one of her palms that held him.

“I know it’s probably scary.” she said softly, “The akuma, the amok and...everything else. But you’re not alone anymore. Please let me help. I don’t care what it takes. All I need is for you to be here tomorrow and the next day and every day after that. You will always be worthwhile to me. Yes, you’re an idiot and a jerk sometimes. But I still love you.”

His breath tickled her hand as he let out a weak laugh, “Insulting me while also professing your love?”

“Stop being dumb then.” she pouted.

There was a pause as neither of them spoke. Marinette considered moving away as she wondered if Adrien needed space. She could feel him shaking still and he had remained leaning against the door frame. He answered for her though as he moved so she let go of him. He didn’t pull away though. Instead Adrien stepped closer to her until his forehead rested against hers. She felt his hand that wasn’t currently gripping the wall slip around her waist until he held her in a loose half embrace. Marinette let her hands come to rest against his chest rather than drop them to her sides. She could feel his heart pounding under her fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “for getting angry at you like that. I just…”

She hummed as she gave her head a slight shake, “I get it. I’m scared too. But you need to talk to me so we can work through this together. Don’t shut me out anymore. We’ll figure something out.”

Marinette felt the heaviness in her heart ease as Adrien moved again, this time pressing his lips against her forehead. The warm and caring gesture never failed to make her heart soar. It had been a little while since he’d last given her any kiss, so she savoured in it even as a gentle blush came to her cheeks. After a moment he pulled back with a shaky sigh. Marinette watched him carefully as a flash of confusion briefly lit up in his eyes.

“What is it?” she asked quietly.

“Just that…” he said slowly, furrowing his brow before shaking his head, “I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone getting angry in this chapter, but it's all fine now...sort of. Bit of back and forth in this chapter cause _emotions_
> 
> Thanks as always for reading! <3


	63. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tikki comes up with a plan to help Adrien overcome the Amok and Akuma remnants.

Marinette stepped back as Adrien withdrew his arm from her. She subtly checked his neck as he nervously rubbed at it again. There were still some faint red pressure marks and superficial scratches, but he didn’t appear to have caused any real damage.

“Does it hurt?” she asked.

He appeared surprised by her question as though he hadn’t noticed himself the attention he was giving his neck, “Huh? Oh, um...no it’s...it’s a little hard to explain.”

His expression became guilty as his gaze shifted down. Marinette glanced to where his other hand was still firmly clutching the door frame. She could still see the faint tremors in his shoulders.

“Do you still feel sick? Maybe you should lie down.”

He shook his head, “No, it’s fine. I’ll just go sit. We should...go back to what we were talking about.”

Marinette nodded, backing away some more to allow him space to walk by her. He still placed his hand on the wall for support as he moved towards the chaise, but he at least seemed a little steadier than he had earlier. Plagg hovered close to him, eventually sitting on Adrien’s knee as he sat down.

Marinette remained standing for the time being as she looked to her kwami, “So Tikki, do we have any ideas?”

“There isn’t going to be an easy fix.” Tikki answered, “Letting Adrien use the Ladybug Miraculous could work, but his current state is too imbalanced. It’s too risky to allow such an enormous power so close to something so detrimental.”

Adrien gave a dry chuckle, “So, what? Should I start meditating for inner peace or something?”

Tikki hummed, “Not exactly. But I can try to use some of my healing power to make the process easier.”

“Process?” Adrien wrinkled his nose as he anxiously lowered his head.

“While side effects are physical, the root of the issue is emotional. What the remnants have possessed in you is not something I can make go away. It’s something you need to come to terms with yourself. My power can help prevent the remnants causing further damage for now until you’re in a stronger state of mind, one where you have a better sense of self and control.”

Marinette was still trying to wrap her head around what Tikki was saying but Adrien appeared to have understood. He didn’t seem pleased about it as he stared at the floor while his hand started to tap his comforting habit against his knee.

“I don’t really get it.” Marinette admitted quietly.

Tikki went to speak but hesitated as she looked towards Adrien. He glanced at the kwami before returning his eyes to the floor. Whatever he was thinking, Marinette could tell he was getting increasingly anxious again.

“Our best plan right now is for Adrien to use the Ladybug Miraculous to purify him.” Tikki explained, “But before that we need to make sure Adrien won’t fall to the influence of the remnants once they draw from the magic power of the Miraculous. For that to have a chance of working he needs to be able to know and trust the person he is.”

“In less fancy words,” Plagg grumbled as he looked up at Adrien, “You’ve got to connect with yourself, kid. None of this having separate personalities, identities or whatever. Separating yourself like that just makes you more vulnerable.”

Adrien didn’t say anything as he continued to tap out the sequence against his leg. Marinette knew he’d been listening to what had been said though as his eyes flickered with persistent unease.

Tikki hadn’t been lying when she said this wouldn’t be easy. From what Marinette had observed in Adrien, she knew he felt a disconnection from himself. At times it seemed like his own body felt like a stranger to him. And while she’d never mentioned it, she had noticed his avoidance of mirrors. At first she thought it was because he was tired of the importance placed in his appearance as a model, and while that was maybe part of it, she was more inclined to think now that it was something far more complex than that.

Marinette shyly laced her fingers together as she smiled, “It’s just as well I already promised to help you figure out the person you are. Just tell me when you’re uncertain and I’ll remind you.”

Adrien’s eyes slowly drifted to her. He looked at her as though in awe that she’d remembered her promise.

It was small, but a gentle smile came to his lips, “You’re just going to call me an idiot again.”

“Well, you are a stupid cat. But there’s other things I could call you too.”

“Like what exactly?”

“A dork.” she teased.

“I was expecting something a bit nicer.” he chuckled softly.

“How about funny?”

“Hmm, true but lacks some creativity.”

“Clown cat.”

“Going back to making fun of me again.”

His expression was exasperated but there was still a small smile on his face. His voice was a lot calmer, even lighter, than it had been earlier so she knew he was fine going along with her teasing. The tension in him appeared to have eased some and he was a little less on edge.

She tapped her finger against her chin in mock thought, “How about ‘mine’?”

He gave a shy laugh as a light blush tinted his cheeks, “Pretty sure you already used that one.”

“Well, I’m just reminding you that I...I still want to be with you.” Marinette’s voice became quiet with her last words, a blush heating up her face as she realised her own words.

Adrien propped his elbow on his knee as he rested his chin in his hand. His verdant eyes watched her for a moment, only serving to make the redness of her cheeks deepen from her own self awareness.

“I’m glad.” he finally said with a soft smile, “My feelings for you haven’t changed either, My Lady.”

Her heart thumped hard in her chest at the nickname. Hearing Chat’s voice say it but seeing it come from Adrien made her heartbeat ecstatic. If she could blush anymore she was sure she would.

“ _Enough_ .” Plagg moaned, “I can’t stand human courting. It’s so _weird_.”

Marinette and Adrien looked at the small cat in alarm. Marinette was glad to see that Adrien appeared to also feel a little embarrassed by the comment.

Tikki shushed him, “Leave them alone. I think it’s sweet.”

“You think anything remotely nice is sweet, Sugarcube.”

The red kwami ignored him as she floated towards Adrien, “If you don’t mind though, now would be a good time to start.”

Adrien flushed as his eyes darted between Marinette and Tikki, “Start…?”

Marinette pressed her lips together as she was sure his mind had gone in the same direction as hers. Tikki couldn’t _really_ be encouraging them to ‘court’ one another?

 _Doesn’t courting mean marriage?_ Marinette pressed her hands to her cheeks to try and cover the strawberry red of them.

Tikki’s voice interrupted any train of thought before it got out of hand, “I’ll help keep the remnants under control. They’re weak but their presence will continue to bleed out if left alone, which will cause...problems.”

Adrien grimaced, “So what happened today…”

“It’s very likely they had something to do with it.”

He chewed his lip for a moment as he considered something. Marinette tried to not let her own nervousness be obvious as he looked to her for a moment before turning back to Tikki.

He took a deep breath, “Then...do what you need to do.”

Marinette watched as Tikki moved closer to Adrien. The kwami circled him a few times as if measuring something. Adrien resummed tapping against his leg, his eyes once again fixed to the floor as though he were trying everything to ignore what was going on.

“This might feel a little uncomfortable.” Tikki said as she came to a stop in front of his face, “But please try to bear with it.”

“Do it.” he murmured as he closed his eyes.

She waited a moment before lifting her paws and placing them to his forehead. Marinette stepped a little closer as she saw a faint pink light spill out from where Tikki was touching him. Adrien inhaled sharply as his entire body tensed up. The only movement from him was his hands snapping to the edge of the chaise where they held on with a clawed grip. His breathing shifted as well, becoming more erratic as he tried to cope with whatever he was feeling.

Marinette didn’t think as she moved. She quietly sat next to him on the chaise and placed her hand over his. She gently caressed her thumb over the scarring on his knuckles in an attempt to offer him some comfort. It seemed to help, as while his breathing remained haphazard it didn't escalate into the harsh desperation that was characteristic of his attacks.

Her eyes were drawn to the way the pink light that Tikki was generating spread out like ripples into the air before dispersing. Adrien made a low choking sound as he clenched his jaw.

“Almost there.” Tikki reassured softly, never once taking her eyes off of the light.

Marinette’s breathing stilled as she noticed a dark blue tint starting to leak across the pink light. The gentle ripples were replaced by a crackling electricity that viciously licked at the air around it. It lasted only briefly, as the unsettling colour quickly faded along with the pink light that vanished like chalk in the rain.

Tikki let out a heavy sigh as she floated down to rest next to Plagg on Adrien’s knee. Adrien groaned as he wobbled in place for a moment, his eyes still shut. It was just as well he was already sitting down, as he started to fall backwards. Marinette quickly put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him to her side so he wouldn’t risk hitting his head off of the back of the chaise. He rested against her shoulder as his breathing started to return to normal.

“Is everything okay?” Marinette asked Tikki as she gently brushed his hair back from his face.

Tikki was already half curled up with Plagg as she looked up with tired eyes, “It will do for now. But I’ll need to do it again tomorrow or the day after. We’ll keep an eye on it.”

Marinette nodded as she turned her attention back to Adrien. He took a deep breath as though he were just coming out of a deep sleep. As soon as his eyes partly opened Marinette felt herself freeze.  
His eyes weren't their usual warm green. They were a glacial blue.  
Before she could call for Tikki’s attention, Adrien closed his eyes again. He let out a low groan as his head lolled to one side. Marinette cupped the side of his face with her free hand, tenderly stroking along his cheekbone with her thumb.

“Adrien?” she tentatively whispered, trying to blink back the frightened tears.

He sluggishly reached up to place his hand over hers, returning the loving touch as his thumb brushed over her hand.

“I’m here.” he mumbled.

When he opened his eyes again they were back to their usual verdant colour. She smiled with relief as he looked at her with the gentle, familiar warmth she loved to see in his gaze.

* * *

_Uncomfortable_ was a damn understatement. Adrien felt like electric shocks were constantly being directed into his skull. With each pulse came flashes of things, some indecipherable and others all too clear. The cursed dressing room from that fateful photoshoot. Him hiding at the top of the stairs while his father talked to the police in the foyer. His mother smiling as she told him goodnight for the last time. The photoshoot where he’d pushed Lila to the floor. His parents arguing outside his hospital room. Waking up on the floor of the hotel room with Marinette next to him. His falling back against the piano in his room after his father had struck him.

_I don’t want to see this anymore._

“Almost there.” he faintly heard Tikki’s voice.

It reassured him a little to know the kwami was still there, that he hadn’t been cut adrift in the onslaught of these memories. It allowed some of his awareness to return to him as well as he felt someone carefully holding his hand. The delicate, warming touch was without a doubt Marinette. If she was still there then he would be okay.

It felt like a gunshot had gone off, the bullet striking him in the centre of his head. For a moment he felt weightless and unsure of where he was. He felt an arm go around his shoulders and gently hold him. His eyes were still closed but he immediately recognised the scent of vanilla. His head was pounding but he made himself open his eyes. Light flooded his vision, making the pain worse. He groaned as he squeezed his eyes shut again.

After a moment he felt a light touch against his cheek. The warmth and familiarity of it was comforting.

He heard Marinette’s timid voice, “Adrien?”

His movement felt slow and heavy, but he managed to place his hand over hers and mimic the caressing touch she was giving his cheek.

Even though his voice was low it still sounded loud to him, “I’m here.”

He slowly opened his eyes again and was glad to find the light not as aggravating as before. His head still hurt but it no longer felt like there was a localised earthquake happening in his skull. Marinette was looking back at him with concern. He wondered if the lighting was still messing with him as she looked a little pale.

“Hey.” he murmured.

She let out a relieved sigh, “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“That was...a little more than uncomfortable.”

“You’re okay though?”

“I’ve felt worse.”

She gave him a stern look, but her expression softened a little as he smiled at her. He wasn’t lying though. While he had an awful headache, that wasn’t exactly a new thing to him. He was more focused on the fact that he felt quieter. The nausea from earlier had faded, and along with it the agonising sensations that the flashbacks had left him with. His wrists and neck still felt a little odd, but the invisible pressure on them was gone.

A small smile tugged on his lips as he noticed he was leaning on Marinette without a panicked need telling him to throw himself to the other side of the room to get away from the physical contact. He turned into her shoulder a little more as he breathed in her comforting vanilla scent. His hand was still holding hers as she continued to lightly rush her thumb over his cheek. He’d missed her touch.

A loud noise broke the calm silence they’d fallen into. Marinette tensed up a little and Adrien sat up straight again. They remained frozen as they listened for anything more.

“What…” Marinette whispered.

Adrien looked towards the window as droplets of rain lightly dripped down the glass. As he watched the rain started to come down heavier until the sound seemed to echo within the room. The first noise came again, a low distant rumble.

Adrien’s heart quickened with excitement at the sound, “Thunder.”

He felt a little annoyed now. His inability to recognise it the first time had made him leave the comfortable way he had been leaning against Marinette. He wanted to be close to her while his calm mood lasted, but she had already stood up to go look out one of the windows. Adrien carefully lifted to two kwami that were curled up together on his lap before placing them on one of the chaise cushions.

“It’s really coming down.” Marinette said with awe as she watched the sheets of rain falling outside.

Adrien stood up and followed her to the window. His eyes scanned the heavy clouds as another roll of thunder echoed.

“I used to be scared of thunder when I was little.” he said as the memory surfaced for him.

Marinette turned to him with an amused expression, “Really? I find that hard to imagine.”

“Oh yeah. Back in that huge bedroom the acoustics were great for sound. Nice for playing piano, not so great for thunderstorms.”

“But you’re not scared now?”

Adrien chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck, “No, not anymore. My mother taught me how to make blanket forts and we’d hide in them until the storm passed. Eventually I looked forward to the storms because we’d get to do that.”

She let out a small giggle, no doubt imagining it. A sudden lightning flash lit up the sky outside, followed a few seconds later by the boom of thunder. Marinette squeaked from the bolt of light and stepped closer to Adrien until their shoulders bumped together.

“What?” he chuckled softly, “Are you afraid?”

She narrowed her eyes at him as she pouted, “It just surprised me.”

He couldn’t help but smirk at her adorable reaction. He stepped sideways a little so that he stood directly behind her. She looked up at him with confusion until he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in close. A blush covered her cheeks until her ears were also tinted pink.

“Are you okay with this?” she asked shyly, though her hands were already resting on his arms.

Adrien hummed as he rested his chin on her head, “Purrfect.”

He laughed as she lightly elbowed him in the ribs.

They stood in companionable silence for a time as they watched the rain. The thunder continued and occasionally they would catch a glare in the dark clouds of a lightning strike. Adrien nuzzled against Marinette’s hair as he enjoyed the warmth of her against him. He wanted to hold onto her and the calm he was feeling until his conditioned fear inevitably made things difficult again.

Marinette turned slightly to look up at him so he leaned back a little to meet her gaze. She was staring at him, her bluebell eyes bright with excitement.

He raised an eyebrow, “What?”

She beamed at him as she spoke eagerly, “Let’s make a blanket fort.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey are we finally getting some _hope_ to deal with all this angst?  
> So much talking, and still a lot more talking to come.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	64. Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two dorks build a blanket fort. Things happen.

Marinette giggled with excitement as they gathered blankets and pillows together. She’d even gone downstairs to the storage closet to fetch more so that they would have plenty of material to work with. Adrien had already moved the chaise over towards her desk that wrapped around one of the corners of her room. He was carefully moving her computer monitor to the space under her desk so that they could later use it to watch stuff or play video games when the fort was complete.

He chuckled as she dropped a pile of blankets and cushions next to him, “How big are you planning on making this fort?”

“Not that big.” she pouted, “Just cozy.”

He smiled as he shook his head before going back to moving the monitor. Marinette started to attach some of the blankets to her desk, using books and various heavy objects to make sure they were weighed down. With her computer screen safely under the desk, Adrien started to help with forming the roof of their fort. They had to use a couple of blankets to cover the space, connecting her desk, chaise, the decorative screen she had in her room as well as the steps to her loft with a combination of blankets and sheets. It took a few tries to get it secured, and at one point part of the fort roof fell down. Marinette had been underneath it all and quickly found herself getting more and more tangled in the fabrics instead of being able to find an escape. She could hear Adrien laughing at her no doubt manic display of wrestling with the blankets as she rolled about on the floor.

“I hear a damsel in distress.” he said, still laughing as he started to separate the blankets from her.

“Just shut up and get me out of here.” she huffed.

She squeaked as the blankets moved in a flurry and she suddenly found herself almost nose to nose with him. She hadn’t realised he was that close to her. Her brain stalled as she found herself caught in the soft green of his eyes. Her heart on the other hand went into overdrive.

He smirked as her sudden silence, “What?”

Marinette grabbed one of the nearby pillows and shoved it into his face as a blush flooded her own.

_Don’t suddenly appear so close in front of me with your stupid pretty eyes and stupid sexy grin!_

“Mari?” Adrien’s chuckled was muffled by the pillow, “Can I breathe please?”

She slowly moved the pillow away from him, instead bringing it towards herself so she could hide behind it as she peeked out at him.

He looked at her with confusion, “Is something wrong?”

“You just surprised me.” She mumbled, “I didn’t expect you to be so close.”

“Oh.”

His gaze moved to the side as he ducked his head. He moved himself onto his knees as he started to back away from her.

Marinette quickly dropped the pillow so she could reach out to hold his arm, “I-I didn’t mean it as a bad thing! It w-was just unexpected! If you need space or anything...I don’t want you to force yourself.”

Adrien stopped moving as he stared at her. Her words seemed to have surprised him

“Sorry.” he smiled sadly, “I guess I’ve made you used to having to keep distance from me.”

“I don’t mind!” her words tumbled out, “I’m fine with whatever you’re comfortable with. As long as you’re okay…”

“I’m okay. I think. So right now I...I want to make the most of being close to you like this. I want to make up for the times when I can’t.”

Marinette felt a warmth in her chest with each excited beat of her heart. So that was why Adrien became more affectionate in his lighter moods.

“Sorry, I guess that’s kind of weird.” he murmured as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“No it’s fine! You can close me up - to me close - be mose me!” she babbled before letting loose an embarrassed sigh, “ _Come close to me_ I’m trying to say.”

Adrien raised his fist to his mouth as he gave a shy laugh. Marinette pouted as her flustering had caused her face to go an even brighter red. It wasn’t fair how she always ended up a tomato while his cheeks were only a light pink with his own blush.

Adrien’s smile became a teasing smirk as he moved towards her again. Marinette’s heart was performing acrobatics in her chest as he drew closer into her space. Her hand that had still been resting on his arm automatically moved up to lightly grasp as his shoulder. She watched him, wide eyed and breathless with anticipation as she waited to see what he would do now. He was close enough now so that his breath tickled her cheek and his hands rested either side of her.

“As much as I want to…” he grinned as she heard the rustle of fabric.

Marinette let out a squawk as the blankets she was still partly tangled in were pulled away and out from under her. She tumbled ungraciously back onto the floor as she came free.

“There’s a fort to build.” he finished with a laugh.

She pretended to scowl at him as he stood up, “I didn’t know forts were so important to you.”

“You were the one who suggested it.”

Marinette playfully kicked at him, but when he dodged she resorted to throwing a cushion at him instead.

The sound of rain and thunder became distant to them as they were more focused on their teasing of each other, their shared laughter and the usual banter that was so familiar between them. It took a bit longer than necessary to actually construct their blanket fort, as Marinette would throw pillows or cushions at Adrien when he wasn’t looking, and Adrien would retaliate by tickling her in a surprise attack when she wasn’t paying attention.  
Every now and then, she would steal a glance at him. Apart from the way he would occasionally rub at his neck or wrists, he was a lot steadier and calmer than before. Whatever Tikki had done must have helped. Whenever she could Marinette would sneak a look at his eyes, feeling at ease every time she saw the gentle green. It had only been for a second, but it had deeply unsettled her earlier when she saw that frozen shade of blue in his eyes. That wasn’t Adrien’s colour, but _his_ .  
Eventually they succeeded in their endeavour. The corner of Marinette’s room that her desk was situated in became shrouded in blankets. Marinette had a variety of clips and pegs she kept handy for when she was making clothes, so they came in handy for attaching the edges of the blankets to her decorative screen or the loft steps. The floor had a variety of cushions and pillows, including her long cat pillow that was usually on her bed, formed in a comfortable pile for them to relax on. Marinette had also dug out some spare fairy lights that she normally had up in her room at Christmas to help provide more light under the blanket roof. While it was nothing spectacular, and a little clunky looking, they were both pleased with their effort.

“Nice work, kitty.” Marinette grinned as she offered her fist to him.

Adrien grinned as he lightly bumped his own fist against hers.

He quickly turned to the side with a bow, gesturing to the opening of the fort, “Ladies first.”

“Oh no. You’re going in first in case it falls.” Marinette giggled.

“But it’s your castle, Princess.”

“Just get in!”

He shrugged before lowering himself to the floor to crawl through the gap they’d made for an entrance.

“How is it?” Marinette asked after he disappeared.

“ _Fort_ -tunately I’m a fort building expert.” he chuckled, “It’s not going to fall down anytime soon.”

Marinette rolled her eyes at the pun. Just as she was about to join him under the fort, the trap door of her room opened. She looked to see her mother popping up through the opening with a tray in her hands.

“I brought you two dinner.” Sabine smiled as she handed the tray over to Marinette.

Marinette hadn’t realised how late it was as she stared down at the two plates of food.

“Sorry maman.” she said shyly, “We kind of lost track of time.”

“I can see that.” Sabine laughed lightly as she looked towards their fort.

Adrien poked his head out to see what was happening and smiled sheepishly as he met Sabine’s eye.

“Could we have some cookies and cheese as well?” Marinette asked, “For um, for dessert.”

Sabine eyed her curiously for a moment before nodding. Marinette handed the tray of food off to Adrien so she could take the plate of cookies and cheese when her mother returned.

She thanked her mother and took the plate in hand, waiting until Sabine left them alone again before heading over to the fort.

Tikki and Plagg were lounging on a cushion together, so Marinette left the plate of cookies and cheese with them before moving next to Adrien. He’d propped himself on the pile of cushions and pillows, using the chaise as a back rest, with the tray of food set on the floor.  
Marinette took a moment to look around the interior of the blanket fort. It wasn’t high enough for even her to stand up in, but it was comfortable enough to crawl around without her head touching the roof. The blankets blocked out some of the usual light of her room and with the fairy lights strung around the edges, the space was basked in a warm and gentle glow. She could still faintly hear the rain that continued to pour outside.

“You want to watch something?” Adrien asked as he shuffled through some of the dvds they’d brought inside.

Marinette flopped onto the cushion pile, her shoulder bumping against his as she drew closer to see their options. Adrien shifted against her, briefly making her worry that she’d made him uncomfortable that she’d touched him without warning. His gaze flashed towards her for a second but he didn’t say anything.

“This one.” she said as she tapped one of the boxes.

“Seriously? _Frozen_?”

She smirked at him, “Don’t act like you don’t want to sing along to it.”

Adrien chuckled, “You don’t want to hear me sing. But I’ll gladly listen to you.”

“What? You’re so musically talented but you don’t sing?”

“Well practiced, not talented.”

Marinette pursed her lips together with a hum. Adrien moved away to set up the film on her computer so they could watch it while they ate. Her heart fluttered as he settled back next to her again when the movie started to play.

After the day they’d had, it was turning out to be a fun and pleasant evening. Marinette enjoyed that it was just them and the kwami, hidden away in their spontaneous fort together as they ate and watched the film. A small uneasiness remained in her though. She occasionally would glance at Adrien when she thought he wasn’t looking, taking reassurance whenever she saw the verdant colour of his eyes that was distinctly his.

When they’d finished eating, Adrien set their plates back on the tray and moved it off to the side so that it wasn’t in the way. As he sat back on the cushions and leaned back against the chaise again, Marinette’s heart somersaulted as his arm settled around her shoulders. The positioning encouraged her to rest her head against him but she hesitated.

“Is this okay?” she whispered shyly.

Adrien’s expression at least appeared to be relaxed as he gave a faint hum, “It’s fine. I’ll uh, let you know when it’s not.”

She watched him for a moment. He was still looking towards where the movie was playing, but she wasn’t sure if he was actually paying attention to it. She tried to not let herself get too excited as she shimmied a little closer to him before gently resting her head against his chest. She felt his breathing hitch a little but he didn’t push her away.  
The film was completely forgotten by her now, as Marinette was more absorbed with the warmth and feel of Adrien’s relaxed half embrace. She enjoyed the tingling sensation as his hand that rested at her shoulder moved in soft caressing circles. She sighed as she smiled to herself.

_He still smells like summer._

She adjusted her head a little so she could hear more clearly his heartbeat. She was doing everything she could to commit this all to her heart’s memory. His warmth as he held her, his scent, the familiar way his fingertips traced over her shoulder and the sound and feel of his heartbeat.

His hand lightly squeezed her shoulder, making her pause. Her heart skipped with excitement as she felt a soft kiss on the crown of her head. She was certain she felt his heart quicken a little too.

“I love you.” he murmured with his lips still pressed against her.

Marinette adjusted herself so she could look up at him, not caring that he would be able to see the pink of her cheeks as well. The gentle light within their blanket fort flattered his features well, highlighting his face in just the right way. His blond hair held a warmer sheen and eyes held a glow not unlike his alter ego.

“I love you too.” she answered shyly.

He smiled as though she had told him the most amazing thing. Her eyes dipped to his lips.

Her words fell out before she could properly think about it, “Can I kiss you?”

Adrien’s eyes widened slightly. His green eyes searched her a moment before he gave a slight nod.

His arm that had been around her shoulders fell away as she sat up to face him properly. Instead he tenderly cupped the side of her face as she leaned towards him, resting her own hands against his chest to keep herself balanced. She drew in close enough until their breaths mingled, but waited to let him make the decision to close that final gap. His gaze was half lidded as he looked at her. His eyes held such a warmth and gentleness as though he were looking at something incredibly precious. It was how he made her feel. Like she was absolutely treasured.

There was a little hesitation as his lips softly brushed over hers. The lightness of the touch was almost ticklish, but the caress became more as he found his certainty. His other hand moved up to cup her other cheek and she let him angle her up a little more as he tilted his head against her. The tender, peppered kisses became deeper. She shivered as his teeth lightly grazed over her bottom lip.

 _More_ , was all she could think as she gave a tentatively lick of his lips.

She pulled back, but only slightly so she could clearly see his eyes as she searched for his permission. Adrien met her gaze for a moment before pulling her into him again. She gasped as he kissed her again. With her lips already parted she felt his tongue slip into her as the kiss deepened. She clenched her fingers into his shirt as he pulled quiet sighs from her. She pressed a little more and she leaned on him, dipping her tongue into his mouth to taste more of him.

“Hn - w-wait, Mari…” he groaned as he pulled back from her, his hands falling away from her face.

Marinette froze as she looked at him.

She winced as she saw his uncomfortable expression, “Sorry. Did I…”

“No um, you’re just...I don’t want to say you're heavy but you’re kind of pushing on me a bit hard.”

She looked down at her hands that were still gripping into the fabric of his shirt. With the way she’d been leaning on him, she’d actually been pushing him back against the chaise behind him.

“S-Sorry.” she murmured as she released him and sat herself up straight again.

Adrien adjusted himself as well, sitting up again from the awkward angle she’d pushed him into. His eyes flickered with uncertainty as he watched her. She turned away a little, feeling somewhat annoyed with herself.

“Sorry.” she repeated shyly, “I got a little carried away I guess.”

“It’s okay.” he said softly.

His arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her close to him. Marinette felt a heat rise up from her neck as she found herself sitting between his legs with her back to his chest.

“Is this okay?” she asked, trying her best to make her voice not come out as a squeak.

Adrien sighed as he nuzzled the nape of her neck, “Honestly, I’m not really sure. But I want to stay close to you right now.”

Her heart was pounding hard in her chest. He had to be able to feel it. She shivered as his lips brushed over her neck. She rested her hands over his, her heart leaping as he lightly squeezed her in response.

“Are you okay with this?” he murmured close to her ear.

She leaned back so that she rested against his shoulder, lifting her gaze so that she could see him. There was still a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes, but he was still looking at her with such a warmth that made her breathless.

“I’m always okay with you.” she whispered.

He placed a tender kiss on her lips. Her enjoyment of the gentle touch was short lived as he pulled back again, but she was soon letting out a squeak as he pressed another kiss into the nape of her neck. She moved automatically, tilting her head away and allowing him more access as he littered soft brief kisses up her neck and along her jaw.

He hummed as he left another kiss just behind her ear, “You’re so cute.”

“C-Cute?” she said breathlessly.

She felt his smile against her skin, “Adorable.”

She shifted her legs a little from the feeling that was starting to build up in her core. She wasn’t even sure if he realised the heat that he was igniting in her.She glanced over to the cushion that Tikki and Plagg had been sitting on to find it now empty. All that remained was a few cookies crumbs and the wrapper from the cheese on the plate. She was both embarrassed and relieved that the kwami had apparently decided to allow them some privacy.

Her breathing hitched as she felt him kiss the back of her neck. She wanted him to do more. She needed to feel more.

“A-Adrien…” she moaned.

He stopped and pulled away from her, the loss of his lips over her skin making her more frustrated.

“Mari?” there was a slight concern in his voice.

“Are you...still okay?” she asked breathlessly.

He was quiet for a moment. She turned her head a little to catch him in the corner of her eye. His expression was thoughtful and a little uncertain.

“I’m still okay.” he said finally, leaning into her again and brushing his lips over her outer ear.

“Then…” she whispered so quietly she could barely even hear herself, “Can we take this further?”

Adrien said nothing, making her wonder if he’d even heard her. Or maybe he didn’t want this and she just scared him. One of his hands moved from his embrace, coming up to gently touch the side of her face. He encouraged her to turn her head to look at him. She shyly lifted her gaze over her shoulder to meet him. The feeling in his eyes was mixed as he carefully searched her.

“Is that what you want?” he murmured.

Marinette nodded slowly, “I...yes, but we don’t have to if you don’t want.”

Adrien sighed as he averted his gaze.

“It’s up to you.” she whispered, “All of it. I promise.”

She wouldn’t make the same mistake as last time. This time they would truly go at his pace if their actions continued here.

His eyes flickered back to hers. She felt his hand that was still settled at her waist tap a few times with that familiar sequence. There was still some hesitation as he leaned in again. Marinette waited for him, letting out a small sigh as he softly kissed her lips.

His breath felt hot against her cheek, “Tell me what you want me to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're into some fluff now and um...other things. Maybe. We'll um *cough* see what happens.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	65. Falter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a **smut chapter**. With feelings.  
> The more explicit content is between the **~~** markers for those who would rather skip it.

Adrien’s heart was pounding as Marinette leaned further back into him, her hair tickling his nose as he placed a gentle kiss behind her ear. She gasped as he took her ear lobe between his lips, sucking softly and lightly tugging her earring in his teeth before releasing.  
Maybe this was a mistake and he was chasing something he wasn’t ready for in that moment. His nerves were twisting and fraying as his fingertips brushed up the hem of her tshirt. Even without his mind being clouded over in a numbing fog or the white noise screaming him into submission, Adrien still couldn’t understand his own feelings very well. But he couldn’t consider anything with Marinette as a mistake. A risk maybe, but never a mistake. 

Marinette turned her head over her shoulder, her lips pressing to his cheek as she whispered breathlessly, “I just want to feel you touch me.”

His heart had jumped into his throat from the nervous thrill she gave him. He tried to keep his hands steady as one affectionately squeezed her hip while the other glided up her belly, pulling the front of her shirt up with it. He went gently to test his own feelings as well as Marinette’s wants as his hand moulded over the shape of her now exposed bra, a sweet blue one with white lace. Their last time had been confusing, awkward, _terrifying_ and somewhat rushed. He still didn’t know if the feeling in the pit of his stomach was excitement or panic. He swallowed the lump in his throat, probably his heart still lodged there from before.

He could feel the strength of her heartbeat as his other hand came up to palm her neglected breast through the fabric of her bra. His fingertips brushed where fabric and naked skin met as he massaged her gently. Adrien kissed the top of her shoulder to try and cover his shaky sigh. His anxiety was twisting inside him but he didn’t want to stop. She was so soft and her little moans so sweet, he didn’t want to let go of her.

Marinette quickly helped him remove her shirt when he pulled it up a little more. Adrien leaned away to appreciate this new angle of her. In the almost dusk-like lighting of the blanket den they’d made, her skin was cast in a delicate peach glow. He rubbed his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, taking note of the way her freckles dappled there as well as some that fell across her back. Like constellations and falling stars across her skin. He leaned in again and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. He smiled at the way her breathing hitched from the touch. It still amazed him how much she seemed to enjoy his touch.

“Adrien.” she pleaded softly.

His lips left her skin again so he could see properly as his hands lightly caressed over her back. She shivered from the touch with a quiet sigh. Adrien was secretly thankful that this time he could actually see her bra clasp. He didn’t want an embarrassing repeat of smacking her with her own bra strap. Marinette still shyly held her bra in place as the clasp came free from her.

Adrien took the opportunity to adjust his positioning as he leaned into her again. He shifted himself back a bit so that there was a little more space between her butt and his centre. The heat of his own arousal was starting to pool inside him and he didn’t want Marinette to be feeling _that_ against her backside. The thought of her feeling him like that just made his nervousness lash at him. Even though she’d already seen everything of him and exchanged loving touches with him, he still felt irrationally scared of her knowing that he was aroused. He pushed down the sense of disgust and the sparking white noise as he returned to softly kissing the nape of her neck. He just wanted to focus on her right now.

* * *

**~~**

* * *

Marinette had noticed that Adrien had moved away from her a little, but she didn’t have much time to question it before his lips were once more on her neck. His hands brushed over her shoulders, taking the straps of her bra with them as they continued down her arms. She didn’t know why she was suddenly feeling shy as she felt her bra come away from her. He’d already seen her and evidently didn’t find anything wrong with her. She could feel his own trepidation as his hands lightly gripped her forearms, as though he didn’t know where else to put them right now.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly with a small look over her shoulder.

She caught the faint nervous glimmer in his eyes as he looked back at her.

He hummed as he nuzzled the sweet spot she didn’t even know she had behind her ear, “Sorry I’m still kind of...weird with this.”

She turned a little so she could see him properly. She placed a simple but tender kiss on his lips, relishing the quiet sigh he made as she pulled away again.

“We can stop anytime you want.” she reminded him, “You don’t need to force yourself to do anything for me.”

His lips returned to hers in a kiss a little more frantic than the one she’d given. She was lost in the taste of peppermint and didn’t notice that his hands had left her arms until they were cupping her breasts. It was a shy touch at first, but his hold of her quickly became firmer as he squeezed her gently. She gasped at the shivers and shocks that radiated through her, only accentuated further as Adrien took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her open mouth. He was making her feel weak with the way he fondled her and the way his tongue swirled with hers. As he drew quiet moans from her, it wasn’t just the blush in her cheeks that was feeling hot.

They broke apart from their kiss to breathe. Marinette leaned back against him, her heart thundering in her chest as she could see the way he was touching her. She covered her mouth to hold back her squeak as he lightly teased her hardened nipples between his fingers.

“Is this okay?” he panted near her ear.

She nodded vigorously in response. She thought if she were to try and speak right now, all that would come out would be an embarrassingly loud moan. Her parents could still be awake and in the living room just beneath them and that was something she definitely did _not_ want them to hear.  
Her need was burning hot between her thighs. She was aching for more as she rubbed her legs together in search of some friction to try and temper herself.

“Mari.” he whispered breathlessly as he scattered more kisses down her neck, “Do you want me to…?”

One of his hands released her breast and carefully slid down her side, coming to rest at her hip where his fingers teased at the band of the shorts she was wearing.

She nodded again with a suppressed moan. Her hand latched over the one at her hip and she guided him towards the button of her shorts. His fingers teased her as they dipped underneath the fabric of her clothing and underwear. She could feel Adrien’s shaky breath on her shoulder as he paused. He was still kneading one of her breasts while the other lightly caressed just beneath her underwear. It wasn’t close enough and the frustration was just making her tremble with her desire. Marinette didn’t want his hands to leave her so she fumbled with the buttons of her shorts herself.

Adrien’s lips ghosted over her skin as he spoke, “If it...If it’s uncomfortable for you just tell me.”

“I want this.” she reassured him, “I want to feel you touch me.”

She was about to push down on her shorts as the buttons came free, but Adrien’s hand was already moving. His fingers slipped further down beneath her underwear as she felt his touch graze over her clit. She gasped as she felt him rub her increasingly wet folds and covering his fingers with the traces of her desire. Her hands snapped up to grip at his biceps as she pressed back into him. Biting her lip, she swallowed another moan as his finger circled around her clit.

“Adrien…” she pleaded.

His head craned around to her as he nudged her lightly with his nose. She could feel his own desperate breathing against her cheek as she turned her head to him. His lips clumsily found hers again, kissing her deeply as he continued to palm her breast with one hand while his other stroked her sex.

Marinette's head was turning foggy from all the sensations he was giving her. His finger slipped inside her without warning, making her moan in their kiss. Her hands flew up higher behind her, tangling in his hair as he returned to kissing her ear. He added another digit, sliding his fingers in and out of her. Her hips rocked as the heat of her lower body climbed higher.

Suddenly he stopped. Marinette whimpered at the loss of his touch as he moved, her skin burning as his hands slipped away. She looked over her shoulder with confusion and apprehension. Adrien was sitting on his knees now, his gaze a little hazy and uncertain as his breaths came in shaky pants.

She turned herself, propping herself on her arm as she rested on her hip to look at him properly, “Are you okay?”

His eyes darted away as he licked his lips, “Can you, um...can you lie back?”

She nodded curiously and adjusted herself against the pile of cushions and pillows. Adrien moved around her so that he was no longer behind her but instead in front of her legs. His touch tingled as he rested his hands on her knees. He couldn’t hold her gaze, but she didn’t care about that. With this change of position she could properly see him now. The heated colour of his cheeks, the rise and fall of his chest with each breath and the way his hands slowly moved up her thighs to her hips. She could see the faint tremble in his shoulders as well, betraying his persistent anxiety that he was trying to hide.

She gently placed her hands over his as they came to a stop at the band of her shorts, “We don’t need to do anything you don’t want to.”

He slowly lifted his gaze to her with a small but nervous smile, “I want to. With you.”

Marinette’s already racing heart pounded hard at his words. She thought it might as well just burst from her chest as Adrien gave a gentle tug on her shorts with a questioning look. She nodded, removing her hands from his and lifting her hips so he was free to remove her clothing. He took her shorts and underwear in one go, sliding them off her legs and letting them fall away somewhere.

Marinette still felt a lingering shyness, but she opened her legs as he leaned forward. He cupped her cheek gently as he brushed his lips over hers. Her eyes followed him almost hungrily, begging for more of his attention as he pulled away again. In the brief moment he sat up straight, her gaze dipped down to where he was between her legs. She could see the evidence of his own arousal straining against the confines of his clothing. She chewed her lip as she tried to restrain her sudden need to reach out and touch him, to feel everything of him. She wondered if she should maybe say something, but before she could come to a decision Adrien was already sinking lower. His hands hooked around her thighs so that her legs came to rest against his shoulders.

His green eyes flashed up to her for a second before glancing away again, “Tell me to stop if you don’t like it.”

Marinette watched him breathlessly, giving a slight nod to let him know she’d heard him. She had to make herself breathe again though as she felt his tongue drag up her slit. He kissed and lightly sucked on her clit, forcing her to cover her mouth with her hand again to hold back her pleasured cry as she threw her head back against the cushions. Her back arched as he continued to lick and suck at her, his tongue occasionally darting into her heat. One of his hands continued to hold her in place while the other glided up her side before coming to massage her breast once more.

He was quickly building her up again. He continued to lap up her sweetness and run teasing circles around her clit with the tip of his tongue. She could feel his green eyes flickering up to her, watching her reactions every time he did something. His tongue slipped inside her again as he rubbed a finger over her nipple.

“A-Adrien…!” she whimpered behind her hand as her free one quickly reached down to thread through his hair.

His half-lidded eyes looked up at her again but he didn’t stop. He was pushing her closer. She couldn’t think about anything other than his touch that kept drawing gasps and moans from her. The burning heat in her crested as his tongue teased at her clit again, her hips bucking as she came. Marinette almost bit into the hand covering her mouth as she rode out the waves of her orgasm.

* * *

**~~**

* * *

Adrien moved his hands to lovingly rub at Marinette’s thighs, her hips jerking as she reached the peak of her pleasure. The noise she made, even though stifled by her hand, sent shivers through him and straight into his lower body. He swallowed the tangle of his own feelings that was rising inside him, instead focusing to tenderly kiss Marinette’s inner thigh as she calmed down from her high.

He lifted himself to lean over her again once her breathing had settled some. Her bluebell eyes were dazed as she looked up at him. Her hand had fallen away from her mouth so he could see her perfect pink lips. He tenderly kissed her cheek as her arms lazily wrapped around his back.

He nervously cleared his throat, “Was that…”

“Amazing.” she breathed.

Adrien’s heart hammered against his ribs from the simple word. She’d felt good because of him.

“So…” she murmured as her hands lightly caressed his back, “Can I return the favor?”

It felt his heart had stalled with the way his anxiety coiled around it. Adrien lifted himself away from her as he sat back on his heels. Marinette followed him slowly, sitting up as well as her careful gaze watched him. He swallowed thickly as he suddenly felt unsure of where to look. She was still naked in front of him, so that did nothing to calm his conflicted emotions as he became increasingly aware of them. He felt disgusted with himself. When all of his focus was on Marinette he savoured everything about it. But when she wanted to turn the focus on him that hideous panic swelled in his chest and made him want to run.

“Hey.” she said softly, craning her head to try and catch his skittish gaze, “It’s okay. If you don’t want to, I won’t do anything.”

Adrien chewed his lip, his fingers tapping against the floor as he tried to keep his breathing in check. He tried to push his loathing aside. Last time hadn’t been perfect, but Marinette cooperated with him even though he was so scared. In the end it hadn’t been a devastating experience like his fear told him it would. He was still scared. But it was still Marinette.

His throat felt tight but he somehow managed to force some words out, “Do you remember...n-not to um…”

Her eyes lit up as she gave a firm nod, “Not your neck or wrists. No getting top of you. And no pushing you onto your back.”

Adrien’s brow furrowed as he tentatively lifted his gaze to her. He didn’t remember telling her the last one. Had she figured that out herself? He hadn’t mentioned it to her, but then it hadn't really occurred to him until they were already there in the middle of it.

“And none of... _that thing_.” she continued as she pressed her lips together, as though saying oral or anything similar was now taboo.

“Sorry.” he murmured as he rubbed the back of his neck, “All these...restrictions for you.”

“Really, it’s fine.” she smiled as she reached out to take his hand in hers, “And just tell me if you don’t like something. Or if there’s something you want me to do.”

A conflict still echoed in him, of his fear and anxiety trying to overpower him as usual. His breathing was a little shaky and his heart pounded painfully in his chest. But there was a reassurance that came when Marinette gently cupped either side of his face. She moved closer to him until his frightened breaths mingled with her calm ones. Her eyes looked at him from under her lashes as she paused before coming in any closer, waiting for his permission. Adrien forced back his internal disarray as he closed the gap between them. It was clumsy, almost desperate, the way his lips crashed into hers. He could feel the twisting of his nerves and the tightness of his clothing as she returned the kiss, lightly sucking on his lower lip and sliding her tongue next to his when he opened his mouth.

He was convinced that she would be able to hear his heartbeat as her hands dropped down, slowly tracing over the shape of his chest and down his abdomen until she carefully grabbed the bottom of his shirt between her fingers. He pulled back to try and catch his breath, offering her a small nod so that she knew he was still okay to keep going.

She helped him remove his shirt and let it fall to the floor.

“You can tell me to stop at any time.” she whispered, placing a tender kiss on his cheek and then another on his jawline.

Her hands rested on his shoulders before gently gliding down to his chest. Adrien’s gaze remained avoidant as her fingertips travelled across his skin. There were flashes of another set of hands that had touched him though, making him tremble as a familiar sense of revulsion accompanied the heat of his arousal. He tore his eyes away from the empty space to look at Marinette in front of him, to remind himself where he was and who he was with. Her own eyes had been following her hands as she delicately felt out the shape of his body. There was such a warmth and excitement in the way she looked at him. She glanced up when she realised he was watching her. Everything in her expression showed such patience, such care, such _love_ that Adrien’s heart throbbed.  
But he still couldn’t do this. There was a fear rising in him faster than he could get a hold of. He was still too close to what had happened. After having his past clawed through earlier, after feeling all of that all over again it felt like wounds had opened once more. Even though it was Marinette there with him, it still felt like a ghost had a hold of him. He panicked.

“Adrien?” Marinette asked softly as her eyes carefully searched him.

Even though he tried to keep himself together his breathing quickly lost control and came in short sputtered pants as he tried to stop himself from suffocating.

“N-No I…” he stuttered before clenching his jaw, the words refusing to come.

Her eyes widened in understanding and her hands fell away from him, instead lifting up to cup his face as her thumbs lovingly caressed his cheeks.

She hushed him gently, “It’s okay. We’ll stop. I’ll not do anything.”

Adrien leaned forward until his forehead rested against her shoulder. Marinette wrapped an arm around him while her other hand stroked through his hair. He’d wanted to let her continue, to let her love him. But all of his fear and anxiety had come crashing in and taken him hostage. All that he was feeling was scratching over his skin and scraping down his spine. He couldn’t even tell her what was wrong with him as words had failed him completely now. The only thing he could force out was a manifestation of his discordant emotions in the form of a strangled sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? It can't _all_ be perfect. I'll just hide away in my evil lair for those of you who want to throw stuff at me.


	66. Blight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapter contains reference to sexual assault/abuse and implied rape.
> 
> Tikki tries to reassure Adrien that healing is a slow process.  
> Adrien tries to open up a little with Marinette.

There was only the sound of his nails absently scratching over the cushion in his hands now. Adrien stared up at the blanket ceiling above him, having half buried himself in the pillow pile as he was left alone with himself. Marinette had gone to take a shower to allow him space and time to calm down again. He could breathe again at least, but there was still an internal debate being fought out within him. Adrien closed his eyes, taking in the distant sound of the rain outside as it mingled with the light scratching he was making with the fabric under his nails. It seemed that the thunder had passed now and the once torrential rain had become lighter.

He shivered as he felt another prickle of revulsion work up from the base of his spine. Like a series of needles rolling over his back, making his skin crawl and itch. He stopped scratching at the cushion in his arms and hugged it to his chest. He desperately needed a shower as well to try and temper how messed up and disgusting his body felt to him. But he did the gentlemanly thing and let Marinette go first. It was the least he could do.

_Marinette…_

He couldn’t apologise to her enough. She was willing to do anything and everything for him but he’d fallen apart again. He _knew_ that Marinette wouldn’t harm him, that she only wanted to genuinely share her love with him. They’d even been there before and he’d gone through it okay. Tikki’s assistance had supposedly helped to stop the fragments in him acting out more aggressively, but she couldn’t heal or change what had already occurred. His earlier flashbacks already dragged him kicking and screaming through the memories he wanted to forget, making everything feel painfully real again. He might as well have just been standing in the dance studio again, exhausted and frustrated after another difficult practice with Lila. Or been twelve again, greeting that woman with a polite smile as he usually did when she entered his dressing room. Or been curled up in the window of the study thinking how everything would be better if he just disappeared and…

Adrien paused as he felt a tightness in his throat. Why was that last memory there? Had that one even surfaced earlier when he’d lost himself? There hadn’t been anything outstanding about that memory. He’d hidden away in the study numerous times when he was upset, even more so after his sense of self had been ripped from him. It was the only place in the mansion he felt any comfort when his mother was still around. The small bench in the bay window, in the boundary of the warmth from the fireplace that his mother normally had going and the openness of the garden just beyond the glass. It had a closeness and familiarity that was much more soothing than the cavernous space that was his bedroom.

Wisteria. Roses. Wallflowers. His mother standing by the fireplace. A sickness in him he couldn’t show to anyone, but she still knew.

_“Here, Adrien. Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you.”_

Adrien closed his eyes as he tried to remember more.

_What song did she even play?_

“What, are you hibernating now kid?” Plagg grumbled sarcastically.

Adrien looked over to see that the two kwami had returned from wherever they were hiding. Judging from Plagg’s usual feigned indifference and Tikki’s soft emphatic gaze they already knew what had happened.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Adrien snorted, “Knock me out and throw me into a cave for a few months. Maybe then I’ll finally have my head straight.”

He proceeded to bury himself more into the pile of cushions and pillows. It was stupidly childish, hiding away from the world in a blanket fort and in a makeshift nest of pillows. He could almost hear his father scolding him for his behaviour. He was beyond caring right now though.

“It will take more than one night to change things.” Tikki said soothingly as she floated closer, “The best kind of change is gradual. Just think how different things were a week or even two weeks ago.”

He sighed as he glanced at the red kwami. He had to admit she had a point. He’d been staying with Marinette for about a week now, and in that time alone it felt like so much had happened. Beyond that it felt like multiple lifetimes. He’d gone from _Adrien Agreste_ , perfect son of fashion icon Gabriel Agreste and golden child of his fashion empire - from _Chat Noir_ , the strong and daring hero of Paris - to _this_ . Whatever _this_ was. Adrien Agreste, failed son and disappointment. Chat Noir, a hero discarded because he was no longer stable. He didn’t know who he was meant to be - who he _wanted_ to be.

“The power to change - to _create_ \- is in your hands, Adrien.” Tikki smiled as though she’d read his mind.

“You’re a literal _god_ of creation.” Adrien groaned, “It’s easy for you.”

Plagg sniggered to himself until Tikki shot him a warning glare.

Adrien sighed as he tapped his fingers against the cushion in his arms, “I appreciate what you’re doing Tikki. I _really_ do. I just...might not live up to your expectations.”

Her eyes softened as she gave her head a small shake, “No one is expecting you to suddenly be okay. We only want for things to get better for you.”

He offered her a weak smile but didn’t say anything more as he heard the sound of Marinette’s feet padding over the floor.

* * *

Marinette glanced to the blanket fort as she headed to her closet. She’d heard Adrien and Tikki speaking quietly, but couldn’t make out what had been said. Tikki had always been able to offer patient advice and compassion when Marinette needed it, so she hoped her kwami could do the same for Adrien.

Her lips pressed into a thin line as she replayed what had happened before in her head as she got into her sleepwear. Adrien had clearly been anxious, but he’d been willing at first. She couldn’t blame him though for breaking down like he did. It was a little hurtful how he was more capable of lavishing attention on her, of loving her. But when it came to him accepting the same being given to him he still struggled. At least she’d been able to hold him for a short time as he worked through his panicked state until he separated himself from her. He’d been unable to look at her again, even though his eyes had been all over her just a short time before. She’d taken that chance to excuse herself for a shower so he could have some time away from her.

Marinette paused as she knelt but the entrance to the blanket fort. The others had since fallen quiet as she hadn’t heard them talking anymore for the past few minutes.

“Adrien?” she asked softly, “Can I come in?”

She heard him roughly clear his throat, “Yeah, sure.”

Slipping through the draping blankets that formed the entrance of their den, Marinette crawled back into the soft glow of the sheltered space. Her eyes settled on Adrien, who’d in her absence had put his shirt back on and had half hidden himself under the stack of cushions and pillows. She would have giggled at the sight of him if it weren’t for the already sombre mood that lingered between them.

“Hey.” she almost whispered as she moved herself to settle on the edge of the pillow pile.

Adrien sat up but his eyes stayed downcast, “Hey.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I...kind of ruined the moment.”

Marinette pressed her lips together in a nervous line as she looked at his apologetic expression. She automatically focused on his eyes, carefully searching the colour of them even though he was looking away from her. She felt a little better seeing the deep, familiar green was still there. He shifted uncomfortably, his nails digging into the fabric of the cushion in his arms.

“You didn’t ruin anything.” she murmured as she moved her eyes to the floor, “If anything I’m glad you didn’t force yourself.”

He gave her a faint smile but still looked ashamed, “I just...still don’t know how to deal with all of this. But...thank you. For stopping.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that. I don’t want to ever do anything that could hurt you.”

He went quiet again, his eyes flickering uneasily as he glanced around at nothing in particular. Marinette watched him out of the corner of her eye. She was automatically drawn to the shimmer of green behind his lashes from his downward gaze. She felt like she still needed to say something - to _do something_ \- more to help reassure him. She wanted him to know that she wasn’t upset with him or how he’d reacted, that it was something he couldn’t help and she would never blame him for it.

Before she could piece together the right words to express herself, Adrien quietly spoke first.

“What is it?” he asked without looking at her.

“W-What is what?” she answered nervously.

He glanced up with a half hearted smirk, “You’ve been looking at my face all evening.”

Marinette felt a gentle blush rise in her face. She hadn’t realised he was that perceptive. She wondered if she should tell him that she’d been observing his eyes, that maybe she should tell him about the wrong colour she’d seen in them earlier. But then she would maybe have to explain why it concerned her, and that would involve telling him about something she hoped Adrien would never have to know. Chat Blanc was a distant ghost to her now and she wanted it to stay that way.

“Y-Your face.” she sputtered, “H-Has...handsome on it?”

His face went blank as he stared at her.

 _Crap, he hates those sort of compliments,_ she yelled internally, _Completely wrong time to be saying something like that._

“Sorry.” she winced, “I know you don’t like people saying that.”

His expression softened a little as he gave a shrug, “Strangers or people I don’t know very well, yeah. It sounds very fake or superficial like that. From you though it’s fine, because I know you mean it for what it is.”

She blinked at him, “You don’t mind?”

He snorted, “You’re allowed to find your boyfriend handsome. I happen to think my girlfriend is damn beautiful.”

A scarlet blush ignited her face as Adrien smiled a little more easily.

He gave a faint chuckle, “Especially like that.”

Marinette turned away a little to try and act casual even though her face was turning bright red, “Well...is there anything you don’t like being called?”

“I don’t like?”

“I mean, just so I know if there’s something you don’t want me to call you.”

He looked at her a moment as though to try and tell if she was being serious or not. She had meant what she said though, as she didn’t want to accidentally say something to him that would be uncomfortable for him to hear from her.

After a moment he turned away with a sigh, “It’s kind of dumb.”

_So there is something._

“What is it?” she asked gently.

“I...don’t like it when people call me ‘ _sweet_ ’.” the last word rolled off his tongue like a bitter insult.

Marinette furrowed her brow in confusion. That was a peculiar word to dislike. Adrien must have noticed her reaction as he gave her a quick glance before looking away again.

He leaned forward until his elbows rested on his knees and started to rub the back of his neck, “It’s um...it’s what she liked to call me. The person who…”

The understanding dropped heavily in Marinette’s stomach. She felt unbelievably guilty now, as she was certain she’d called Adrien sweet more than once in his presence.

“Sorry.” she murmured.

He shook his head, “It’s fine. You didn’t know.”

An uneasy quiet fell between them. Adrien looked pensive, almost uncomfortable as he continued to rub at his neck. Marinette watched him as she fidgeted with the hem of her sleep camisole.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she whispered, “About earlier you...those flashbacks…”

He said nothing for a time, but his gaze carefully moved towards her. There was a trepidation in his eyes, an internal conflict she wasn’t sure how to read.

“Do you really want to know about it?” he murmured.

“Only what you feel like sharing. If that’s nothing right now, then that’s fine.”

Adrien released a drawn out sigh as he restlessly moved his hand against his neck again. Marinette wrapped her arms around her knees as she waited patiently for him. She wanted to understand what he was going through better, but she wasn’t about to force him to talk if he didn’t want to.

“It all...kind of got mixed up together.” he said slowly, “In my head I was hearing all sorts of things. I knew where I was supposed to be, but it felt like I was getting torn from myself. And then I...woke up? But I was in the dance studio...with Lila as she…”

Marinette’s hands gripped a little more into her legs. She knew Lila had been giving him a hard time while they were practicing choreography together, but Adrien had never mentioned how bad her actions had been. Anxiety twisted in her stomach, along with an anger towards the girl who had treated Adrien so horribly.

Adrien’s brow furrowed as though he was trying to keep his thoughts in line.

One of his hands remained pressed to his neck as the other started to tap against his knee, “Lila...she um, placed her hands on me. And I felt it all over again as she...touched me.”

Marinette felt nauseated as her anxiety lurched inside her, “She touched you?”

He nervously cleared his throat but his voice remained tight, “I-I think she wasn’t looking to do anything then. She only wanted a reaction. B-But um, it changed and I was...somewhere else. It wasn’t Lila anymore. Even though it was all...strange it still felt like I was there all over again.”

Marinette saw the shiver that passed through him. His careful tapping against his knee had become more aggressive and confused. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, but restrained herself as she didn’t know if her touch would be welcome right now.

“You don’t have to tell me anymore.” she whispered, “You don’t need to force yourself for me.”

Adrien gave a shaky sigh. He lifted his hand away from his neck and lifted it to his mouth as a fist. Marinette felt a surge of panic as his teeth grazed over the back of his hand. She was about to reach out and grab him but he lifted his head and let his hand settle against his other wrist instead.

His voice was low and hoarse as he continued as though she hadn't spoken, “It was happening all over again. I couldn’t get away from her as she held me. And then I...I couldn’t breathe. She was kissing me and telling me how good it’d be...but all I could think about how much it hurt. I don’t really know what happened when I started to black out. I...I could still feel her. I just wanted it to be over. I still couldn’t breathe but I...I didn’t want to anymore.”

He let out a rasping sigh, his shoulders shaking as he tightened his arms around his knees. He was still holding his wrist and his nails slowly started to dig into his skin. Marinette said nothing as she listened to the quiet trembling of his breathing. She wanted to give him the chance to say as much or as little as he wanted right now. She wasn’t sure if anyone had really allowed him to actually talk out what had happened to him. Probably not at the time since his father had forced silence over the whole ordeal.

“I’m not even sure what happened in the end.” he murmured, “I was there and then I just...woke up in the hospital.”

Marinette watched him with a solemn silence. She didn’t think there really was anything she _could_ say right now. Her heart tightened as she took in his tired, almost resigned expression. His gaze was unfocused, distantly staring out at nothing. There was still a tremor in his shoulders, which only seemed to increase as he let out a shuddering sigh.

She reached out to him slowly, making her movement obvious and clear to him even though he still didn’t seem to notice. As lightly as possible, she touched her fingertips to his hand that was still viciously gripping his wrist. He inhaled sharply as he flinched from the contact, his eyes darting in her direction with a flash of alarm. He eased up a little again when he saw that it was just her.

It was as though he was expecting it to burn the way he shakily met her touch, his own fingers brushing her momentarily before drawing back again. He hesitated for a time. His glassy eyes flickered a moment before he tried again, this time cautiously slipping his hand into hers as their fingers interlocked. Marinette glanced briefly at the small red indentations on his skin that his nails had left. She still couldn’t find the words she wanted to say.

* * *

It was only small but it had still startled him. He’d been lost in the murk of his thoughts, of memories that wanted to drown him, when he felt Marinette’s delicate touch on his hand. His wince was automatic and he quickly looked for the source of the contact, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest. He saw her small, gentle hand near his. He glanced up to the deep bluebell of her eyes, filled beyond comprehension with concern and compassion. He swallowed thickly as he fully realised all that he’d said. Really he’d spoken without thinking, as though his thoughts had fallen out of his mouth rather than being forcibly internalised as they normally were.

He tried to steady his shaking as he shifted his hand to where she still held hers out, patiently waiting for him. As soon as he softly touched her fingertips he flinched back. The anxiety that was twisting in his stomach was sending sparks of panic throughout his. He held his breath as he tried again, this time managing to slip his fingers between hers until they were completely interlocked together. Marinette said nothing as she looked down at their joined hands with a forlorn expression. Another shiver of loathing passed through him as he considered that maybe she hadn’t actually wanted to hear him talk, that she was only being polite with him. The breath he’d been holding came as a shaky sigh as he felt her hand softly squeeze his.

Adrien leaned down until his head rested against his knees. He gently pulled her hand towards him until his lips caressed her knuckles. There was a scent of soap on her skin along with that comforting vanilla that was distinctively hers.

“Adrien,” she said softly, “Can I...can I hug you?”

His gaze flickered up to her tender bluebell one. He thought about it for a moment as he tried to imagine her arms around him. His heart throbbed with a longing but at the same time that feeling of disgust and discomfort scraped like nails over his skin.

“Sorry.” he murmured with his lips still brushing over the back of her hand, “I...need to take a shower.”

Her lips pursed together but she nodded in understanding. Adrien lifted his head and withdrew his hand from hers. Marinette brought her hand to her chest as her gaze settled on the floor. His heart pined for her, to take her in his arms right then and kiss the adorable freckles across her cheeks. But he couldn’t. Different parts of himself were screaming at each other, and the one marked with shame and fear was winning.

“I’ll be here.” she said quietly as she moved aside some more so that there was plenty of space for Adrien to get by her.

“Sorry.” he whispered.

“Don’t be.”

Adrien moved onto his knees as he made to exit the blanket fort they’d so light heartedly constructed together earlier that evening. In the corner of his eye he caught her smile. It was meant to be reassuring, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The bluebell pools were clouded over with a heartbreaking sadness as though to match the gentle rain that continued to fall outside.

Adrien stood alone in the bathroom. The feeling of fabric moving over his skin felt irritable as he took off his shirt, as though every fibre of the material was clawing at him. His eyes were transfixed to the tiled floor as he dropped the piece of clothing. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he tore his eyes away, carefully bringing them up to the mirror mounted above the sink. He started in the lower corner before inching his way higher. Each breath shivered in his lungs as he slowly took in more of the form that was reflected back at him. A body he could barely recognise. The skin was smooth and unaffected. But another mirror - another time- seemed to flash in front of him. Himself, but younger. Standing in the bathroom of his hospital room as he saw himself for the first time. But it wasn’t him anymore. The sunny, perfect Agreste son had been replaced by an imposter. His reflection had become someone with a hollow expression and a well trained falsified smile. The corner of his mouth, all over his neck, down his shoulders, down his torso - it felt like everywhere had been afflicted with those disgusting markings. Dark spots on his skin where her lips and teeth had been. Marks that claimed his body was no longer his.

Adrien stared at the mirror now. The reflection that met him was older but still much of the same. The traces that had been left on his skin could no longer be seen, but could still be felt. He offered a smile to the person he was looking at and could almost laugh at the awfulness of it. It only looked like one of his magazine photos, an image that only sold a fantasy. His body hadn’t been his for a long time, and the reflection felt like someone else entirely. Sure it looked like him, but it only made him feel like a fake. Like he was playing the part of a person that had long since ceased to exist.

He snapped his gaze away from the figure staring back at him as he turned towards the shower. He bit his lip as another tremor passed through him, accentuated with the sickening revulsion and loathing. He could spend the rest of the night in the shower, but he knew it would never be enough to scrub the sense of corruption that scaled the length of his spine and gnawed at his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uh, hope you guys are still alive with all this angst. There'll be fluff again soon...? Maybe...? Eventually.  
> *looks at notes for upcoming chapters* _Oh._
> 
> Thanks as always for reading and for all the lovely comments and kudos! You guys are amazing! <3


	67. Hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette faces an outcome she never hopes to see.

Ladybug swung low into the street. She had to stay out of sight. If she tried going over the rooftops she would be spotted immediately. But she had to keep moving. She needed to find a safe place to hide.  
Her toes skimmed over the water that was slowly flooding the street as her yo-yo led her in another swing. Even with the Miraculous enhancing her body, she was exhausted. Fighting alone was taking its toll. But she couldn’t give up. She just needed to find somewhere she could rest for a moment. She heard a sound of crashing in the distance as another building collapsed into the rising waters. The hunt hadn’t ended.

The throbbing of her head was making her feel sick and dizzy with each motion as her yo-yo led her in another swoop around a corner. She angled the turn of her descent, swinging herself through the broken entrance of a building. The water splashed around her knees as she landed near the pile of debris that used to form a large foyer of the building. She looked up through the gaping hole that stretched open all floors of the structure. She could see the sky through the opening, seemingly heavy with a storm even though there wasn’t a single cloud. The sky itself might as well cave in on the world around her at this point. Everything else had.

There was only the sound of light water droplets and ripples as she carefully moved inside a pile of rubble. The slabs of concrete that used to form walls and flooring of the building would have to do as a shelter for now. There was no other sound apart from the languid dripping of water, as though everything else had been swallowed into a vacuum. The soft sound seemed obnoxiously loud in her ears as she carefully observed through the small openings in her hiding place. Her heart was pounding in her chest with panic. She lightly touched her hand to her temple, feeling the warmth of the blood from the gash there. It was impossible for her to keep going like this. She needed to come up with a plan. Something. Anything.  
Her eye flickers to the corner of a rooftop she could see through a small gap in her concrete shelter. Her heart stopped still.

It was him.

A snow white figure standing against the oppressive sky and disintegrating cityscape. She could see his head tilting around as he angled his cat ears. She watched him as he suddenly convulsed while he curled in on himself. His arms wrapped around himself as he bent over with a heart wrenching cry. Then he jolted upright, his hands flying to his head as the cry became a scream. The howl died away as his arms fell limp to his sides again. She held her breath.

_Please._

_Please…!_

Her heart surged into her throat as some of the debris she was leaning on crumbled and small pebbles of it rolled into the water with a mocking splash. Her eyes shot back to the rooftop. The figure was gone.

Silence.

Ladybug covered her mouth with her hands to try and suppress her shaky breaths. A low, soft hissing reached her ears. She frantically looked around for the source of the noise. Panic swelled in her chest as her eyes lifted up. A blackness was spreading across the concrete above her, like an invisible fire turning it all to ash.  
The water crashed around her as she rushed to get clear of the rubble that had sheltered her. Her yo-yo shot out, snaring somewhere on an upper floor of the building and hauled her up to safety as the pile of debris collapsed in on itself. Her hiding spot became a blackened pile, falling into the water over itself as some of it scattered out over the surface like dust. A second later and she would have been crushed.

Her eyes were drawn to the white that glared against the black. Blue eyes lifted towards her as she ascended through the hole to the floor above.

“How long will we keep playing this cat and mouse, _Marinette_?” he called after her.

It was his voice, but not how she remembered it. So distant, so _cold_.

“ _You’re_ the one that won’t stop!” she yelled back once there was distance between them again, “Just let me help you Chat!”

“You can’t help me!” he cried desperately, “Look around you! It’s already over!”

Ladybug’s heart wrenched in her chest. Chat Blanc was looking up at her with such anguish in his expression. His blue eyes flickered intensely with an agony far beyond anything she’d seen in him before.

He let out another wail, doubling over as he clutched his head in his hands. Ladybug almost dropped from her vantage point to rush over to him, but she restrained herself from moving. No matter how much it hurt, she couldn’t allow herself to get close to him right now. His cry faded out with a strangled sob. Chat’s head hung low as his arms dropped to his sides again.

The seconds painfully stretched out as he didn’t move. Then, slowly, he lifted his head. He looked up at her with a blank expression now, his glacial gaze absolutely empty.

“My Lady.” he spoke with familiarity but any affection was gone, “Just hand me your Miraculous.”

“You know I can’t.” she whispered.

The flick of his cat ears told her he’d still heard.

Suddenly he was moving. Chat was lithe and fast as he sprung from one pile of debris to another, never touching the water as he pounced towards a pillar that supported part of the building’s structure. With claws digging into the concrete he started to rapidly climb up to the upper floor Ladybug was one. She threw out her yo-yo to try and make her escape, but as soon as she lifted into the air he leapt.

Chat collided with her heavily, knocking her out of the air and sending the pair of them tumbling over as she got knocked back to the floor she’d just left. They wrestled against each other, twisting and turning as they both fought to be the one on top as they rolled. For every kick and elbow she struck him with, his claws and teeth lashed back.

“Why won’t you let me fix this?” he spat as he tried to gain leverage over her, “I can make the wish! I’ll fix everything! I’ll be the person you _wanted_!”

“The person I wanted wouldn’t do something so wrong as to try and use the Miraculous like this!” she shouted back, “I _know_ you’re still in there Adrien! Please, let me help! Let me try again!”

She could feel his claws drawing more blood from her as they kept flipping each other over. Finally Ladybug managed to grab a hold of him and force him down, pinning his wrists to the ground as she straddled his waist.

Chat stared up at her now, fear surging within his icy gaze. Her breath stilled as she looked down at him underneath her.

“Please…” he croaked, “Let go of me...please…”

Her heart shattered at his voice. He sounded so scared, so pained and so much like _Adrien_ that she couldn’t bear it. She faltered.

As soon as Ladybug hesitated, Chat Blanc’s expression shifted. Any sense of his fear or vulnerability vanished as he returned to that emptiness. He wrenched out of her hold, taking her own wrists this time as he forcefully pulled her down to him. At the same time he kicked himself off the ground, turning himself and her with him. Ladybug cried out as she slammed into the cold concrete underneath. She tried to get free but he was using his weight to hold her down now.

“It’ll be okay.” he said softly, “I’ll change everything. I’ll fix it. You won’t have to worry anymore.”

His hands shifted so that her wrists were brought above her head where he pinned them with one hand. He lifted his free one to where she could see it.

“ _Cataclysm._ ”

  
  


Marinette cried out as she bolted upright. Painting desperately for air, she frantically looked around her. She was in her room lying on her bed. She gulped and whimpered through her shaky breaths while her heart continued to throb with a painful panic. She attempted to lift her hands to her face but paused when she realised one felt weighed down. Her eyes turned down towards the mattress to where her hand rested. In the low light she could see the other hand that was grasping hers so firmly. Her gaze travelled to the person next to her, giving her heart a small amount of comfort.

Adrien was still asleep. It was unlikely that he would wake up easily right now. After all that had happened he’d ended up taking one of his sleeping pills earlier without any prompting. He’d still been on edge earlier, having only calmed down enough to hold her hand as they went to sleep instead of being in each other’s arms as they had been the past few nights. He was still holding onto her now, his fingers warmly interlaced with hers. He was lying on his front with his face half buried in the pillow. Marinette leaned over him as she searched his expression. His brow was furrowed slightly as though he was focused on something. Was he dreaming?

“Marinette?”

Marinette looked up to see Tikki in front of her. The kwami was watching her with a concerned gaze.

“A bad dream.” Marinette muttered, wrapping her free arm around her knees as she hugged them to her chest, “A _really_ bad one.”

Tikki gave a reassuring touch to Marinette’s arm, “It was just a dream. It’s over now.”

Marinett’e shook her head, “I’m not really sure about that. I dreamed...about _him_ again. About Chat Blanc.”

She quickly looked down to Adrien next to her but he hadn’t stirred.

“You were able to stop him before.” Tikki whispered.

“I didn’t know it was Adrien then.” Marinette chewed her lip as she recalled the event she’d tried to forget, “But at that time, he knew who I was. Who Ladybug was.”

There were so still many questions shrouding her encounter with Chat Blanc. She didn’t know what the circumstances had been that led to him becoming akumatised in the first place. Had it been the same in this timeline? But in this time it had failed, leaving Adrien as he was now. Did the her from that other life know Chat Noir was Adrien? Why had she failed to save him? All the questions she’d had, Bunnyx had casually waved off. The time travelling hero had assured her that with the timeline fixed, then there was no reason for her to worry about any of those things.

 _It’s not your future anymore, so don’t worry about it Minibug,_ Bunnyx had said with a smile.

Marinette’s gaze settled once more on Adrien’s sleeping form. She wanted to do something, she _needed_ to do something for him. She didn’t want him to get pushed past that breaking point again and become someone she would have to fight against. Combining the Black Cat and Ladybug Miraculous was out of the question. She wouldn’t even entertain the idea of using the wish to solve this. Something that powerful - that devastating - was beyond them, no matter how important Adrien was to her. She gently squeezed his hand in hers as she thought over and over what she could do to help him. She didn’t want to be a spectator anymore to all that he struggled with. She didn’t know what the future contained, all she knew was the here and now along with all that came before.

A thought came to her.

“Tikki,” Marinette said quietly as she turned back to the kwami, “Can you pass a message on to Fluff? I need to speak with Bunnyx as soon as possible.”

* * *

The room had grown a lot quieter since Adrien had left. There was no longer the sound of him playing video games or playing his piano. Not even the gentler sounds of him going through his homework or reading. It had been the same with the study when his mother was no longer around. The person, the one that breathed life into the space, had gone away.

Nathalie scanned the room again from where she stood in the doorway. Taking a quiet breath she strode into Adrien’s bedroom. Without him here there was no need to be concerned for the teenager’s privacy.

Her critical eye took in everything in the room. The house staff had been told to keep it clean for when he inevitably returned. She swept her hand over the bed to remove a crease in the sheet before turning to the windows. A small frown pulled on her lips as she looked to the window that was the second one along from the left. It was the one Adrien normally kept open at all hours of the day, but now someone had closed it. Nathalie’s heels clicked on the wooden floor as she stepped up to the glass. In a fluid motion she unlocked the window and pushed it open again. She would need to inform the house staff that it was to remain like this. That it remained open for his return.

It was completely unknown _how_ Adrien had made his escape. There was no evidence to suggest he’d gone out the front or back doors. All that had left was his open window as a potential option. Though how he would have made it from his window to outside the mansion’s property couldn’t be figured out either. If Adrien hadn’t been tracked soon after to being out with his friends, it would have been like he’d disappeared entirely. Just like his mother had. Just like the public _believed_ his mother had.

Nathalie turned on her heel and went to inspect the computer system set up on Adrien’s desk. Thankfully she’d been able to get it all repaired so that it looked like nothing had happened at all. She hoped Adrien wouldn’t notice that all the screens had been replaced when he came back. It would be better that he didn’t know that Gabriel had broken all of them, along with a few vases and other fragile pieces throughout the mansion, within the first twenty four hours of Adrien’s disappearance.

Satisfied the room was still up to standard, just as it had been the day before, and the day before that, Nathalie walked out the door and closed it with a soft click.

Her heels echoed throughout the entrance hall as she made her way down the staircase. It was late, but a light spilled out from the atelier door and into the darkened space of the foyer. She approached the door and knocked lightly on its surface. She waited a short time before there was an answer.

“Come in.”

Nathalie quietly pushed open the door as she entered the atelier before turning around to close it again. She kept her usual poker face as she then looked towards the far end of the atelier where Gabriel stood. He was in front of the golden portrait of Emilie, gazing up at it with his back to Nathalie.

“It’s late, Sir.” she stated.

“I’m aware.” he answered with an edge to his voice.

“Perhaps you should try and get some sleep.”

He didn’t respond to that, or even appear to acknowledge the suggestion.

Gabriel had always been a man of few words, but ever since Adrien departure he’d become even more inclined to silence. Even though Adrien was no longer under his protection, Gabriel still refused to believe that his son was lost from him.

“Adrien will understand once you achieve your goal.” Nathalie offered in an attempt to placate him some, “He wants her back almost as much as you do.”

“I would have told him sooner.” Gabriel muttered, moreso to himself than his assistant, “But he’s too reckless and emotional. I need for this to succeed and I couldn’t have him jeopardise it.”

“He’s just like his mother.”

Nathalie had meant it to be a compliment, that Adrien shared in Emilie’s naive and tenderhearted nature. The glare that Gabriel shot over his shoulder had definitely been a warning though.

“Why are you here Nathalie?” he said, a tone of irritation slipping through the monotone, “It’s late.”

She quietly met his steely gaze, “That girl has been starting to act on her own. She was getting tired of waiting for further instruction.” 

Gabriel pressed his lips together as he considered for a moment. He turned back to look at the portrait as he clasped his hands behind his back.

His voice was cool and thoughtful, “Let her.”

Nathalie hesitated as she looked at him curiously, “Sir?”

“The sooner Adrien comes back home the better. And the sooner I get the Miraculous from those foolish children, the sooner this will all be over.”

“I understand. But this girl is - if I may be blunt, Sir - this girl is dangerous.”

“Then she should bring about plenty of opportunities for my akuma. Goodnight, Nathalie.”

“Goodnight, Sir.”

Nathalie paused as she returned to the entrance hall, closing the atelier door once more behind her. She wouldn’t dare voice it, but Gabriel had made a dangerous choice by turning a blind eye. As long as Adrien was returned and Emilie brought back, then he would use any method at his disposal. Giving that person free reign though was a huge gamble as far as Nathalie was concerned. It would either coerce Adrien back under his father’s protection, or force Adrien to make good on his threat.

_I can think of plenty worse things I can do than running away._

Nathalie allowed herself a small sigh as she remembered the shy young child that followed at his mother’s heels when she first started working for Gabriel Agreste. It was regretful all that had happened. Nathalie was sure Adrien would have become a confident and sociable young man if it weren’t for all that he’d been through. He would have been like Emilie, a soul that always brought light to the room. Maybe he’d even be on better terms with his father.

Nathalie shook her head as she made her way to the stairs. There was no point dwelling on what could have been. She had to focus on where they were now. She had long since decided that whatever path Gabriel forged himself, she would faithfully follow behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien isn't the only one who can have bad dreams. Good old nightmares...  
> Speaking of nightmares, hello there Gabriel. Long time no see.
> 
> As always, thanks for ready - and for all the amazing comments and kudos! You're all so lovely!


	68. Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien have a change in pace as they spend some time with their classmates.

Adrien scanned his eyes over the menu boards another time. It was his first time in a fast food restaurant and he really didn’t know what to pick.

“Just order whatever, dude. It's all good.” Nino grinned as he gave his friend a gentle nudge with his elbow.

Adrien grimaced at the overly saturated images of burgers plastered on the boards, “They call it _junk food_ for a reason.”

“Junk food that you’re allowed to have now. No more modelling means no more guinea pig diet.”

Adrien gave an exasperated smile.He was still getting used to not having to keep to his former strict diet for modeling. On the other hand he didn’t want to go to the other extreme and start eating anything and everything.  
He was still trying to process how he’d even gotten there in the first place. It was a day off school, so Nino and Alya turned up at the bakery. Adrien had expected the four of them would play video games and hang out together as they had done the past couple of times. Alya had other plans though apparently, as she almost pushed Adrien out of the apartment with the announcement that today she and Marinette were having a girl’s only day. Nino had obviously known this was going to happen, as he told Adrien they’d go get something to eat then go have fun at the arcade. His friend had neglected to mention though that the other guys in their class would be joining them. Seeing Kim, Max, Ivan and Nathaniel waiting at the restaurant had inflicted a brief moment of panic in Adrien. He hadn’t spoken much with the class recently and he wasn’t sure how he was meant to act. Surprisingly, the boys greeted him as though Adrien had only been gone a few days rather than a month now. They didn’t draw attention to his nervousness or ask any prying questions.

“So you just go up to the counter and order when you’ve decided what you want.” Nino chuckled.

This time Adrien gave Nino a playful jab to his side, “I _know_ how it works. I’m not that uneducated about the real world.”

“Thanks to my excellent teaching.”

“Actually, I would say Alya has been the better teacher.”

“Oh. Well, can’t argue with that dude.”

Adrien smiled to himself as he considered how much he’d learned since he started going to school. Not just in terms of school subjects, but actual real life things. His world had grown a lot larger than that bay window seat in the study or the silence of his bedroom.

Adrien eventually settled on a cheeseburger and fries, a fast food classic. Another thing to add to the growing list of things that would probably give Gabriel Agreste a heart attack, stroke or maybe both if he knew what his son was doing.  
The group was already in an animated conversation when Adrien and Nino finally joined them at the tables.

“I’m telling you, it would be Ladybug for sure.” Kim said through a mouthful of fries.

“Statistically speaking, Chat Noir’s ability had more potential to incapacitate.” Max answered with an adjustment of his glasses, “But Ladybug had more of a strategist style.”

Ivan interjected, “But Chat wouldn’t use his ability against Ladybug, would he?”

“What are you guys talking about?” Nino asked as he sat down with Adrien taking the seat next to him.

Kim dramatically waved his hands around, “Ladybug versus Chat Noir, who would win?”

“Oh that’s easy.” Nino snorted, “Chat for sure.”

“I think it would be Ladybug. Hands down.” Nathaniel supplied shyly.

Adrien focused more on unwrapping the paper from his burger instead of joining in on this conversation. Even though it was hypothetical, it was a topic he’d heard countless times before and one he really didn’t care to think about. He’d never even liked being _mad_ at Ladybug, so the thought of fighting her was purely unthinkable.

“What do you think, Adrien?” Kim asked eagerly, “Are you Team Ladybug or Team Chat Noir?”

Of course he wouldn’t escape it that easily. Adrien suppressed his sigh as he looked up to the interested faces of his friends.

“I don’t think they’d ever fight.” he said simply.

“This is purely speculative.” Max explained, “Say, for example, if one of them got akumatised. Would Ladybug be able to defeat an akumatised Chat Noir?”

Adrien almost choked on the bite he’d taken from his burger. Nino hastily hit his back a few times as he coughed and wheezed.

“Dude, I didn’t know you were this bad at eating junk food.” Nino laughed.

Adrien ignored him, “A-Akumatised?”

“Again, purely speculative.” Max reiterated.

Adrien sank back in his seat as the others continued their debate. They were unaware of how close they’d been to actually seeing this ‘hypothetical situation’ be a reality. Chat Noir _had_ been akumatised. Almost anyway. If it had been successful then Ladybug would have had no choice but to fight him. His heart plummeted at the thought. He didn’t want to think what kind of villain he would have made.

“Ladybug.” Adrien stated as he looked back to his friends. They looked at him with intrigue so he elaborated, “Ladybug would win in every situation. Chat Noir would always be at a disadvantage, because he would never intentionally do anything that could harm her.”

Adrien didn’t know how true his theory was, but he hoped it was. His love for Ladybug, for Marinette, was rooted to his core. He could never do anything that might hurt her. Even if she were to be the one akumatised, he wasn’t sure he would be able to fight her.

“I told you.” Ivan gloated to the others, “Chat Noir is always protecting her. Of course he wouldn’t be able to do the opposite.”

Nathaniel hummed, “He hasn’t been seen recently though.”

Adrien tried to not choke on his food a second time.

“Yeah.” Nino nodded, “Ladybug said something about him taking some personal time.”

Adrien didn’t know when he’d started it, but he was already tapping against his leg. ‘ _Personal time’_ was certainly one wary of putting it. ‘ _My partner is a crisis case’_ was probably a bit more accurate though. He absently ate a few fries so at least it didn’t look to his friends that he was completely blanking out as they continued to talk.

It was a few days ago now that Adrien had his flashback episode, when the true nature of his issue was shown to Marinette, and he’d rejected her attempt to be intimate with him. She’d assured him she wasn’t mad, but she’d certainly been a bit quieter since then. They were getting along okay together, as well as they could be with Adrien still struggling to navigate all that was wrong with him. But there was a lingering tension between them that he didn’t know how to read. Marinette would look at him with concern when she thought he wouldn’t notice, but he had no idea _why_ . He didn’t have the energy to try and figure out her cryptid behaviour. He was scared of the potential dreams he could have, and so was taking the sleeping pills again. Though he still hated how messed up he felt in the mornings from it, it was better than risking nightmares like the ones that had assaulted him in that flashback ambush.  
Tikki had been helping to manage the fragments that infected him. She’d told him that all that could be expected of him right now was for him to at least try to get better with himself. He had no clue how to do that though. He’d once again found himself at a complete loss. He didn’t know how to give Marinette the relationship she wanted, that she _deserved_. He didn’t know how to reconcile all the broken pieces that chaotically made who he was. Adrien Agreste, perfect son and popular model. Chat Noir, easy going and friendly hero. Adrien Agreste, disappointment and mental calamity. Chat Noir, out of commission until further notice. Then there were the parts of himself he couldn’t apply any name to. The part of him that seemed to be controlled by anger and agony alone and the part of him that was just exhausted and wanted it all to be over. It was these last two that scared him the most. They’d been a lot quieter since the amok/akuma combination disaster, but he knew they were still there. How was he supposed to accept that, deep down, there were pieces of him that were pure destruction? There existed a version of him that he’d buried. One that only wanted to either drown the world around him, or to let himself be the one to drown.

Nino’s hand on his shoulder brought Adrien out of his cloud of thoughts, “Ready to hit the arcade?”

Adrien glanced at his half eaten food, his appetite already long gone, “Yeah, let’s go.”

He found himself relieved to be out with his friends. The noises of the arcade and the group of boys taunting and challenging each other to the various games made for a good distraction from intrusive thoughts. Conversation had remained light and carefree for now, the earlier Ladybug and Chat Noir debate since forgotten.

“See, kid? This is what _fun_ looks like.” Plagg teased when Adrien had excused himself from the group to go get a drink.

“Ha ha.” Adrien answered sarcastically as he looked at a vending machine holding various drinks, “But...you’re right. I can finally join in on the stuff my father would always say no to.”

Plagg smirked up at his holder from his hiding spot in Adrien’s jacket. Adrien reached into his pocket to see what loose change he had. His fingers briefly closed around the lucky charm there. He still kept the charm that Marinette had given him years ago on him at all times. He wasn’t sure if anything other than _bad_ luck existed for him, but the item still provided comfort.

He slotted some coins into the machine and punched in the number for a lemonade. It looked the most normal out of all of the bright green and blue sodas with bizarre names that were no doubt nothing but sugar and chemicals. The plastic bottle was spat out into the tray at the bottom so he reached down to grab it.

But as he stood up to head back to his friends something suddenly collided with him. Adrien found himself being knocked to the ground and heard even Plagg let out a quiet hiss in surprise. Adrien propped himself up on his elbows as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. He froze as he saw what had crashed into him. A person. A girl. Dark hair. Olive eyes.

His heart seized up and it suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough air to breathe. It was unbelievably cold all of a sudden too and he shivered involuntarily.

“Ouch.” the girl whimpered as she rubbed her knees.

She looked up at him, her eyes observing him with something he couldn’t read.

She let out a small gasp, “Oh my _gosh_ I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going!”

Adrien’s shoulders slumped a little as the tension left him feeling conflicted. There was something remarkably familiar with her, and not in a good way. But Adrien couldn’t place from where he knew her. Even though it felt like he did know her, part of him was also certain he _didn’t_.

“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t paying attention.” Adrien said, trying to keep his tone light as he stood himself up again.

His polite response was automatic as he held out his hand to help the girl up as well. She started at him and then at his hand like she was absolutely amazed by the action. She reached out quicker than he anticipated. He jolted as she latched her hand around his wrist. His stomach gave a sickening lurch from the contact and breathing became even harder as she pulled down on him while she used him to help herself stand. She still didn’t let go of his wrist when she got up.

Her eyes were burning into his as she spoke, “Aren’t you Adrien Agreste?”

All of him was hyper aware of the needle-like sensation radiating out from his wrist, so all he could utter was a weak “Yes.”

“Never thought I’d meet you in a place like _this_.” she giggled, “Is this where you’ve been hiding while taking a break from modeling?”

“A...break?”

“Yeah. It must be nice getting more free time to spend with your family, right? I’m sure you’re missed by a lot of people though. I bet so many people liked to work with you. Oh well. It’s only temporary, right?”

Adrien opened and closed his mouth as he tried to find what words to say. Who’d said anything about a break? His father? As far as Adrien was aware, there hadn’t been any public statement since the one made about him taking time off after being in the hospital. Was that what this girl was referring to? But as far as Adrien was concerned, he wasn’t going back to modelling at all. And what was this about spending time with _family_?

He felt Plagg’s tiny claws dig into him, breaking Adrien from his frantically spiraling thoughts.

“Sorry but um, can you let go of me?” Adrien said quietly as he pulled back on his wrist a little.

The girl’s expression was blank as she stared at him again. It felt like her gaze was examining him far more closely than necessary. Far more than he wanted from _anyone_. After an awkward beat, she relinquished his wrist back to him. Her nails scratched over his skin and she slipped her fingers away, sparking electric shocks through his nerves. Everything was screaming at him to escape, but he was rooted to the spot. He flinched as the girl moved. She leaned down and picked up the bottle of lemonade he’d dropped before. The plastic crackled in her grip.

The girl grinned at him, “I look forward to when you come back.”

She gave a teasing wave of the bottle in her hands before stepping aside. Her shoulder brushed against his as she walked by him, initiating another slew of anxious shocks through his arm and across his chest.

When he was finally able to move enough to look over his shoulder, the girl was already gone. Adrien clutched at his chest, letting out a sputtering gasp for air. The noise and lights of the arcade were now aggravating to the pulsing ache of his head.

“Something about her wasn’t right.” Plagg growled.

The kwami’s comment reassured Adrien that his reaction wasn't entirely unfounded at least. His original intention of getting a drink was completely forgotten now as he worked to calm his breathing again before returning to the others. The girl had made off with his purchase anyway but he didn’t want to waste energy caring about that. He would rather just forget the whole meeting entirely.

Adrien was greeted by the sight of Kim and Nino going against each other on the DDR machines. Ivan, Max and Nathaniel were giving them a mix of cheers and taunts as the pair moved to the music. Adrien quietly rejoined the group, glad that everyone else’s attention was preoccupied. Out of all of them to notice, it was actually Nathaniel who turned to him.

“I thought you were getting something to drink. You doing okay?” the quiet redhead asked.

Adrien was thankful that Nathaniel had the tact to be subtle about it, so no one else noticed his return for the moment. It allowed Adrien a few more precious seconds to try and calm his nerves some more.

Adrien flashed a well practiced smile, “Yeah, I just changed my mind is all.”

* * *

Marinette busied herself with preparing some tea while the other girls chatted excitedly in the living room. It had come as a surprise that Alya had monopolised on Marinette’s day for some girl time. Shortly after Nino had carted Adrien away, the rest of the girls from the class had showed up. Not that she was complaining. With everything else she’d been balancing, she’d regrettably not had a lot of time to just chill with her friends. Even though Hawk Moth had been somewhat strangely quiet recently, she couldn’t afford to relax too much. Like spinning plates as always. Ladybug. Schoolwork. Being a decent daughter. And now trying to help Adrien.  
That last one was proving difficult, especially since she felt there was little she could do directly. There was something she wanted to try, but she needed to talk to Bunnyx first. Unfortunately the time traveller hadn’t made an appearance. Tikki had told the rabbit kwami that Marinette wanted to speak with the future holder, but Fluff wasn’t the most coherent of the kwami. Marinette considered the possibility that maybe Fluff would just fail to pass the message on successfully, or maybe that Bunnyx didn’t want to waste her time meeting up.

“How are things going though Marinette?” Rose asked excitedly as Marinette moved to the living room with a tray of mugs.

Marinette blinked nervously as she realised she hadn’t really been paying attention to the conversation for the past few minutes.

“Must be so nice finally getting together with Adrien after three years.” Mylene smiled.

“Three years of crazy plans.” Juleka added as she took one of the mugs of tea.

Alix sniggered, “ _Some_ of those plans might have worked if Marinette would have followed through on them.”

Marinette blushed furiously as her friends shared a gentle laugh. She settled next to Alya on the couch who gave her head a sympathetic pat.

“Is it going well though? I bet he’s a perfect gentleman of a boyfriend!” Rose squealed with delight.

“Yeah, three years of crushing is a long time to build up expectations.” Alya nodded sagely, “What was it you were planning? Three kids and a hamster?”

“Please shut up.” Marinette grumbled as she picked up her own mug of tea, “How come Alya didn’t get this when she and Nino got together? Or Mylene and Ivan?”

“Because they got together quickly.” Alix explained with a grin, “We’ve been waiting these three years with you. Placing bets and everything.”

Marinette’s mouth dropped open, “You were placing _bets_?”

Alya gave a casual wave of her hand, “Just whether you two would get together or not before we finished school.”

Marinette gave an overexaggerated gasp as she lightly hit Alya on the shoulder. Might as well join in with her friends’ humour at the situation. She couldn’t fault them for finding Marinette’s prolonged failure a little funny. She had to share a laugh with herself though. Her friends didn’t know that for the three years Marinette had been chasing Adrien, Adrien had been chasing Marinette but as their alter egos. They’d been an awkward mess since day one.

“Seriously, though.” Alya said with a glint in her eye, “Are you two getting along okay? I don’t care if he’s my friend too. I’ll punch Adrien in the face if he doesn’t treat you right.”

“No! No need for punches!” Marinette said hastily, “We’re doing okay. Really! I mean, we’re still figuring out a lot of stuff about each other and things have been all over the place and we’ve been busy so it’s slow going and we’re just...we’re just...working on it.”

Everyone shared a humorous look at Marinette’s sudden rambling. Marinette chewed her lip as she wished she could swallow her words again. She hoped her friends wouldn’t pry into _why_ things weren’t going straightforward for her and Adrien. Thankfully Rose took the conversation in an easier direction.

“I have an idea!” she giggled as she raised her hand, “If you’re learning about each other then you should learn each other’s love language!”

“Love language?” Marinette repeated.

She’d heard the term before, but didn’t really know what it meant. Honestly it just made her think of people writing poems or songs for their significant other. Marinette was often a disaster at trying to get her spoken words right, and her written words weren’t always that much better. The only times she’d managed to write anything decent had been when she didn’t even sign her name to it.

“Different ways of expressing love for someone! I’ve been reading up on this.” Rose explained as she produced a magazine from her bag, “Like some people show love by holding hands, some people use gifts or maybe just spending time together.”

The bubbly girl flicked through the pages before handing the magazine over to Marinette. Marinette raised an eyebrow at the heavily circled article titled _Show Them How You Feel: The Art of Love Languages._

“For example!” Rose continued, “I’m a mix between quality time and physical affection. But Juleka is-”

“They don’t need to know that.” Juleka interjected quietly.

Marinette wrinkled her nose as she skimmed through the list in the article. She wasn’t sure which of them applied to Adrien. Physical touch was obviously out the window for him and not even worth considering. This was certainly something to think about though. There were other options to expressing love to someone.

Alya hummed as she looked over Marinette’s shoulder at the magazine. From her expression, Marinette could tell her friend was thinking along the same lines. Out of everyone else here, Alya was the one with the most knowledge about how Adrien was.

Rose gave a dreamy sigh, “It’s so romantic. Finding the perfect way to communicate with the person you love.”

“Sounds a little overblown to me.” Alix snorted, “People like what they like. You don’t need to put them in boxes all the time.”

“I’m sure things will work out for you two though.” Mylene said to Marinette, “I’ve always thought you two were compatible.”

 _Compatible_.

Marinette frowned to herself as she considered the word. Were they really? It sometimes felt like whenever she and Adrien were reaching a comfortable point another hurdle would appear. Chat Noir always helped to bring out the best in Ladybug. And despite her shy ramblings, Adrien always encouraged Marinette to be a better person too. Had she ever been the same for him?

Alix spoke again, “You guys have been on a date right? Shouldn’t that tell you how well you get along together?”

Marinette went to speak but paused. They’d had ‘dates’, but he’d always been Chat Noir on those occasions. He’d already expressed to her that he didn’t count those as actual dates because of that fact.

“We...haven’t actually been on one.” Marinette whispered sheepishly.

The room was filled with a collection of shocked gasps.

Alya put her arm around Marinette’s shoulders and gently shook her, “Oh, we have _got_ to fix that.”

Marinetter stuttered, “B-But I...W-We…”

“No more waiting.” Alix jabbed her finger towards Marinette, “You’re taking charge now”.

Rose bounced in her seat, “Planning a date - this is so exciting!”

The girls quickly set about discussing potential date ideas that even Marinette could manage. Yes, even the term _‘even Marinette could manage’_ was used multiple times as they spoke. A movie. A picnic. The zoo. Various ideas were getting bounced back and forth between the girls. Marinette listened intently, playing out various scenarios in her head for what would be the best option. But the more she thought about it, the more she remembered the moments that Adrien - that Chat Noir - had made to try and show his feelings for her. Moments just for them. A plan started to form in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still here! Life being busy, and then some writer's block on top of it is always nice! ~~where are my woooords~~  
>  Bit of a slow (?) chapter, but things will be picking up again soon. Just ignore the evil laughter in the background.
> 
> Also 20,000 hits and 600 kudos? Thanks so much to everyone who's been checking this out! I love you all <3


	69. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien returns to the apartment after a day hanging out with friends, but he's still struggling with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 69 and 70 are a double update - yay!

The sun was already dipping away, giving way to the deep blue tones of dusk when Adrien returned to the bakery. His strange encounter with the girl had lingered with him, but he’d been able to push it far enough to the back of his mind so that he could enjoy the time with his friends. He felt a bit stupid about how anxious he’d been about seeing his friends again. They knew of course something of what had happened between Adrien and Lila, but the event or Lila herself hadn’t been mentioned once. Really, they’d just treated him the same as they always had. Adrien couldn’t ask for more than that. He didn’t want people’s pity or to be treated like glass all the time. He just wanted things to be as close to normal as they could be.

“It’s great Max was able to get that phone set up for you.” Nino grinned as the two of them approached the side door of the bakery.

Adrien idly scrolled through the phone that Chloe had given him, “Yeah, everyone’s contact is here now. Even the girls. He got me added back to the group chats as well.”

“Great, so I can start sending you messages again for you to ignore.”

Adrien gave his friend a sheepish smile. Nino patted his back in response with a laugh to show that he’d only meant it as a joke.

Just as Adrien was about to open the door, Rose and Juleka opened it from the other side. He looked up in surprise before stepping back to allow them to pass.

“Oh!” Rose squeaked, “Adrien, it’s so good to see you!”

“Yeah, you too.” He answered awkwardly.

Rose was normally the sort to hug people she hadn’t seen in a long time, so Adrien braced himself. It didn’t happen though. Instead she only beamed at him while Juleka just offered a curt nod in greeting.

Rose bounced on the spot, “When will you be coming back to school? We’ve missed you!”

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck as he considered, “Soon. I think.”

He was feeling a little easier about the prospect of returning since his fear about people treating him like an outcast had clearly been irrational. He’d missed his classes anyway.

“Let us know when you do. We can have a welcome back party!”

“No uh, a party isn’t necessary.”

“Think about it! Hope to see you in class again soon.”

The bubbly girl gave a small wave before skipping a few steps to leave. Juleka went to follow, but stopped a moment next to Adrien.

“If you um, need anything...just ask.” Juleka mumbled as she placed a hand on his shoulder for a brief moment.

He was a little surprised by her show of genuine concern, “Oh...yeah, thanks.”

She gave a shy smile before going after Rose. Adrien and Nino waved them off as the two girls left.

“You serious about coming back to school soon?” Nino asked now that they were alone again.

Adrien gestured for Nino to go ahead through the door as he answered, “I’ve been thinking about it. Chloe says I haven’t been removed from the school, so I guess it’s okay for me to go back.”

“Well, if you need any help with catching up or anything you only need to ask.”

Nino went on ahead to the stairs that led up to the apartment. Adrien closed the door behind him before following up, allowing himself a quiet sigh of relief. He’d always believed his friends to be good people, but it was still a bit strange at times to find people being considerate with him. He was so used to his own voice being silenced and his concerns being glossed over. Maybe - just a little bit - things were finally changing for him.

Adrien followed a little more slowly. When he reached the top of the stairs the apartment door was already open and Nino was talking with Alya and Marinette.

“So did you enjoy yourselves after kicking us out into the cold street?” Nino laughed.

“Oh yes. We had sexy pillow fights, talked about plots to take down the patriarchy - you know, the usual.” Alya said elaborately.

They each had an arm around the other’s waist as they smiled at each other. Adrien subconsciously clasped at his wrist as he felt a stab of jealousy from seeing them. Alya and Nino had always gotten along so well, and affection always appeared so easy for them. They had their arguments, but between Alya’s strong, honest nature and Nino’s considerate, open one, they always managed to work things out between them. Adrien could only wish he could tackle problems head on like his friends did.

Marinette shyly stepped forward, “Did it go alright with the guys?”

It took Adrien a second to realise that the question had been directed at him, “Y-Yeah. It was...good.”

“We’d better get going.” Alya said to Nino, “My parents are expecting you to join us for dinner of course.”

Nino chuckled, “You know I could never say no to that.”

“Give me an update when you can, girl.” Alya directed to Marinette.

Marinette responded with a pout, “I really am just entertainment for you, aren’t I?”

“I just like to know what’s happening with my friends. Because we care. About _both_ of you.”

Adrien blinked as Alya gave him a sly glance. He was really missing something here. What exactly had the girls been talking about?

Alya patted him on the back, “She’s all yours again. And I’ll be taking Nino off your hands.”

“See you guys later.” Nino said with a wave.

Adrien gave an uncertain wave in response as the pair turned to go down the stairs, leaving him and Marinette once more in each other’s company.

Marinette's voice was shy as she spoke, “Are you coming in?”

Adrien looked to her standing in the doorway, still holding it open for him.

“Oh uh, yeah. Sorry.” he murmured and quickly entered the apartment.

As soon as the door was closed, Plagg flew out from his hiding spot in Adrien’s jacket. No doubt the kwami was going to look for Tikki as he headed straight upstairs. Adrien stood awkwardly as Marinette went to tidy up the mugs that were still sitting on the coffee table in the living room. He could still feel a certain tension between them. He wanted to say something, to try and talk it out, but he didn’t know what to say. He could only reason that she was upset with him for what had happened the other night. Unless there was something else he did that he was completely unaware of. He clutched at his chest as he felt the all too familiar anxious weight hang there. Why was it when he really wanted to talk to people that words failed him the most?

“It’s just us tonight.” Marinette said as she moved to the kitchen, “My parents went out.”

Adrien gave a small nod. This could be a good thing, right? If it was just them, then maybe he could finally get himself to talk to her. He could ask her what was bothering her, what had he done or how he could make it up to her.  
She had her back to him now as she was washing up the used mugs. His eyes settled over the back of her neck and the way her pigtails swayed with her gentle movements. He wanted to reach out and touch her. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and feel her soft skin. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her perfect lips. His heart clenched with unease at the image in his head of Marinette in his embrace. He was so uncertain of himself right now. Would he be able to do all of that without invoking another panicked response?

“Is everything okay?” Marinette asked quietly.

Adrien looked up to see her watching him over her shoulder. Her concern was evident in her bluebell gaze as she searched his own.

His fingers started tapping against his leg as he answered, “Yeah just um...today was a little unexpected. I forgot how energetic the guys could be.”

He wondered for a second if he should mention the strange girl he’d met. He swept that thought towards the back of his mind again. The uncomfortable encounter was better off forgotten.

“You can go ahead upstairs.” she told him, “I’ll be up in a minute.”

He lingered a moment before relenting.

Adrien sat down in the desk chair with a sigh. He gave a sidelong glance to the computer screen that was currently showing the Ladyblog page. He thought about having a look through the recent posts but decided against it. Chat Noir was nonexistent at the moment, so there was little point in him browsing the blog right now. There was a video posted from the last akuma attack, but it had only been Monsieur Pigeon so he didn’t doubt Ladybug had taken care of it no problem.

He felt a comforting presence as Plagg settled on his shoulder. The little cat said nothing, but offered reassurance by just being there.

“How are you feeling today, Adrien?” Tikki asked gently as she flew towards him.

Adrien looked back at the red kwami, feeling a tightness in his chest from the anxiety that still clung to him.

The tension moved up to his throat, making him croak as he tried to speak, “What if I don’t get better?”

Tikki’s gaze softened towards him, “You’re trying, and that’s what matters.”

“But my _trying_ takes time. Ladybug can’t be without a...partner forever. Hawk Moth is still out there. And he’s been kind of quiet recently and that’s never a good sign.”

“I’m not looking for another holder.” Plagg growled, “ _You_ were chosen to be Chat Noir by Master Fu.”

“Well maybe he chose wrong!” Adrien snapped.

Plagg glared at him a moment before slowly saying, “I can tell you that there is _no doubt_ you were the right choice for my Miraculous. You were the _best_ choice.”

“I’m sorry, Adrien. But Master Fu did not make a mistake when he chose you.” Tikki added, “There were many reasons why he did.”

Adrien frowned a little at the kwami’s apology. For what reason was she saying sorry? Adrien didn’t ever regret being chosen to be Chat Noir. The one who should be apologising was him for having failed to live up to whatever potential the former Guardian had seen in him.

He didn’t get a chance to ask about it as Tikki came closer to him.

Her dark blue eyes observed him carefully, “Do you mind if I check on the fragments?”

He grimaced but gave a small nod, “Yeah let’s just...get it over with.”

Tikki had been using her powers on him every night since the first time. It had gotten a little easier for Adrien to deal with, but the experience was still a little distressing. He didn’t like the images and sensations that were dredged up in him whenever Tikki worked to keep the amok and akuma shards contained. Marinette normally sat next to him as a supportive presence through it, but right now she was still downstairs.

“Do you want to wait for Marinette?” Tikki asked as though she’d read his mind.

Adrien hesisted before shaking his head, “It’s fine. If she’s busy I don’t want to disturb her.”

Tikki looked concerned for a moment but accepted his answer. He closed his eyes and allowed for the kwami to proceed.

Adrien knew it was for his benefit but he still hated it. The feeling of the electric shocks that ricocheted throughout him brought about different things with each wave. Himself sitting alone in the bay window of the study. His father turning his back as Adrien tried to talk to him. Lila approaching him in the hotel room. Sitting next to his mother as she played the piano. Himself alone in his room in a numb silence shortly after her disappearance. The view of the garden from the bay window. A flash of feathers. Feral claws and teeth reaching out for him.  
His heart was accelerating with panic. Why was that apparition returning to him? He could see it within him now. That monstrous beast slowly turning its twisted head towards him, its permanent snarl glinting despite the complete darkness of the space it resided in. The blackness seemed to leak off it like a thick tar, while its sickly green eyes burned into him. But it didn’t move. The creature only watched him as a low hiss emanated from its jaws. Like a candle being extinguished, the vision vanished.

Adrien’s eyes open to see Marinette in front of him. She was frantically searching his gaze as she held his face in her hands. He blinked slowly, wincing as the lingering headache ebbed away. As his eyes adjusted to the light of her room again, Adrien saw the alarmed expressions of the two kwami. He didn’t have the presence of mind to consider why Plagg and Tikki looked worried.

“Adrien?” Marinette whispered as she gently caressed his cheek.

He was thankful that with the blurring mess of his mind he didn’t have the full awareness to feel his anxiety right now. Though he wasn’t able to string together any words either.

“What…” he started, but then became unsure of what he had been going to say as his words faltered.

Marinette looked relieved that he’d responded to her, “You just...blanked out a bit there.”

“Sorry.” he murmured, his eyes drifting shut as her thumb brushed over his cheek again.

He felt her breath bounce off of him as she leaned in closer. There was a pause before her lips softly kissed his forehead. Through the lingering cloud of his mind there was a flash of something. He flinched from the sudden appearance of it, but he couldn’t fathom what was trying to reach out to him through the darkness. It was like he’d found himself out in a black sea with a distant lighthouse calling out to him in small glimpses. As the light turned, he only got short gleams of something before it would swing back around into darkness.  
A fireplace. A piano. Small golden flowers. He was seeing his mother’s study?

Marinette quickly pulled away as soon as she felt him flinch from her contact.

“Sorry!” she gasped, “I should have asked…”

“N-No it um,” Adrien said weakly as he blinked his eyes open again, “It just surprised me.”

Her hands slipped away from him as well now, but he instinctively grabbed them with his own. Marinette looked at him with alarm but didn’t pull away from him.

“I...I just need to know I’m here right now.” he said barely above a whisper.

Her eyes searched him as she nodded slowly. Her hands held his back, her fingers gently curling around his as she leaned herself back on the desk beside them. He stared down at their clasping hands as he tried to sift through his thoughts. He wanted to try and voice all that was going on in his head to her, but he didn’t know how.

He tried to swallow back his nervousness as he grinded out what words he could, “Ever since I...Ever since I found out about the...the a-amok...there’s been something. L-Like I feel that there’s something...missing. That’s there’s s-something I know but I can’t...I can’t find it.”

He couldn’t bring himself to lift his gaze towards Marinette. Her hands tightened around his in a reassuring gesture that she was listening to him. He took a shuddering breath as he tried to work against the heaviness in his chest.

His voice felt strained but he tried to continue, “I...It keeps coming back to the same thing. But I don’t know why. Why does it keep going back to that room? Why do I keep seeing myself at that window...and her piano...a-and…”

The frustration and confusion were eating away at him. It felt like no matter what he did he couldn’t control what way his mind kept swaying. His body wasn’t his to own. His voice wasn’t his to be heard. His previously tightly restrained emotions now ran in chaos. Even his memories were being kept from him. And that angry, despicable part of him was showing itself again even though he wished it would just disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for all the comments and kudos! <3


	70. Relieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanting to cheer him up, Marinette attempts to plan for a date for her and Adrien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 69 and 70 are a double update - yay!

Marinette smiled as she waved goodbye to Rose and Juleka, closing the apartment door behind them.

“So probably just a note for future advice.” Alya chuckled from the living room couch, “When you and Adrien are planning your wedding, keep it to yourselves. Otherwise _everyone_ is going to pitch in their ideas. So what is the romantic date set to be now? Ice cream as you walk along the Seine towards the zoo - or was it the aquarium - to the go get dinner followed by a movie and then another walk in the moonlight or maybe some stargazing…”

Marinette blushed, rubbing her hands down her face and Alya recounted some of the suggestions as one blundering amalgamation. The mention of _wedding_ only furthered her embarrassment. Even though her younger self fantasised endlessly about getting married to her crush and then having three kids and a hamster, she was convinced she’d grown beyond that now. They were only seventeen, so matrimony was _not_ on the table.

_Does Adrien even want to be married?_ She thought to herself, _Or have kids?_

She quickly shook it off. That was something for _future_ and _older_ Marinette to consider.

Alya offered a sympathetic smile when she saw Marinette’s flustered expression, “Don’t worry about it too much, girl. We got a bit carried away, but it wasn’t meant as a judgement on how you and Adrien are handling your relationship.”

Marinette crossed her arms with a sigh, “I know. It’s just...a little hard that I don’t have much to compare it to. Everyone else that’s in a relationship seems to have had a _normal_ one.”

“Oh please. Me and Nino have had some serious fights when no one is looking. It’s not always perfect. Besides, you and Adrien have a...unique history.”

Marinette snorted at her friend’s choice of words. _Unique_ didn’t even begin to describe the half of it.

Alya frowned to herself as she continued, “And I get that Adrien’s coming from a lot. I don’t think the others really understand it. I’ll admit that I don’t think I did until I actually saw what happened after that run in with Nathalie.”

Marinette nervously chewed her lip as she recalled the time Alya was talking about. Until recently, Adrien had held firm to the facade he had built himself. His friends knew that there was a shy nervousness about him, but that was largely assumed to be just a result of his lack of social skills. Any panic attacks or effects he suffered from his anxieties he’d somehow managed to keep out of sight. Marinette could understand how jarring it must have been for Alya and Nino to see Adrien like that. She’d felt the same the first time she saw Chat have one. And then their friends only knew about the incident with Lila. Out of their class, only Marinette and Chloe knew of the original trauma Adrien had faced when he was younger.

A serious tone had fallen between the two girls, but it was quickly eased as someone knocked on the door. Alya stood up from the couch as Marinette went to answer.

Nino adjusted his cap with a smile as the door opened, “I’m here to collect one girlfriend.”

Alya smirked as she gave him a playful jab, “Marinette’s already taken, Romeo. You’ll have to make do with me.”

“Oh, damn. I thought this was my chance to exchange you.”

Alya gasped with exaggerated mock offense as Nino laughed, lifting his arms to defend himself from her playful swats against him.

Marinette’s gaze was quickly drawn to Adrien as he appeared up the stairs. His eyes searched the three of them in the doorway as though he were carefully gauging the mood of the group.

Nino let out a laugh as he placed an arm around Alya, “So did you enjoy yourselves after kicking us out into the cold street?”

Alya nodded, speaking in a grand tone, “Oh yes. We had sexy pillow fights, talked about plots to take down the patriarchy - you know, the usual.”

Marinette tried to not be obvious as she glanced again at Adrien. He’d remained quiet and his hand was clasping at his wrist. His expression appeared thoughtful, almost forlorn, as he watched Alya and Nino’s interactions. 

“Did it go alright with the guys?” she asked him in an attempt to bring him out of his thoughts.

Adrien’s eyes flickered a moment before settling on her, “Y-Yeah. It was...good.”

Alya turned to Nino with a small nudge, “We’d better get going. My parents are expecting you to join us for dinner of course.”

“You know I could never say no to that.” Nino answered with a grin.

“Give me an update when you can, girl.” Alya gave Marinette a subtle wink.

Marinette pursed her lips as she looked at her friend with an exasperated glare, “I really am just entertainment for you, aren’t I?”

“I just like to know what’s happening with my friends. Because we care. About _both_ of you.”

Marinette fidgeted as she felt a little self conscious from her friend’s show of genuine concern. Adrien appeared surprised as well, as his gaze shyly dropped to the floor as Alya looked towards him.

She approached Adrien and offered a gentle pat on the back, “She’s all yours again. And I’ll be taking Nino off your hands.”

Nino waved as he headed for the stairs, taking Alya in hand as he went, “See you guys later.”

Marinette watched them go, but her gaze was more focused on Adrien as he turned to offer his own small wave as they left. He’d been fairly quiet recently, and she’d hoped hanging out with the rest of the guys from their class might have helped to relax him a little. While he didn’t seem distressed, he still wasn’t talking much.

“Are you coming in?” Marinette asked softly.

Adrien turned to her as though surprised she’d spoken to him, “Oh uh, yeah. Sorry.”

Marinette picked up the remaining mugs on the coffee table as she cleared up. She was aware of Adrien shyly watching her. In the corner of her eye she could see his conflicted expression. It seemed like he wanted to say something, so Marinette searched for something to say herself to encourage him to speak.

“It’s just us tonight. My parents went out.” she said casually.

Something she couldn’t read flashed in his eyes as he gave a small nod. Marinette nervously chewed her lip as she turned to the kitchen to wash the mugs. She wished she knew what was bothering him. Was he still upset about what had happened the other night? She’d told him that it was fine. If he didn’t want to do it then she couldn’t force him. She never would.

She looked over her shoulder at him from where she stood by the sink. Adrien’s gaze was turned towards her but was focused on the floor by her feet.

“Is everything okay?” she asked quietly.

Adrien’s eyes snapped up to her and for a moment he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

He cleared his throat as he started tapping the comforting notes against his leg, “Yeah just um...today was a little unexpected. I forgot how energetic the guys could be.”

Marinette watched him as he gave a faint smile. Something about it was a little forced. She turned endless thoughts over in her. Maybe he just needed a distraction from whatever was going on in his mind. With her parents out, this had given her a good opportunity to put the plan she’d been thinking about earlier into action. Her friends had made some decent suggestions of what she and Adrien could do together, but none of them gave the right feeling she was going for. She had an idea of something she wanted to do, but perhaps it was a little stupid. Maybe Adrien would hate it or find it so unoriginal. Marinette looked towards where his fingers continued to idly tap against his leg. Maybe something that was quiet and just the two of them was the right way to go though. Even better if she could make it a surprise.

Marinette tried to keep her slowly increasing excitement as she smiled at him, “You can go ahead upstairs. I’ll be up in a minute.”

Adrien appeared confused for a moment as his verdant eyes flickered towards her before darting away again. His mouth opened as though to say something, but it quickly closed again as he turned to go upstairs.

Once he was out of sight, Marinette quickly went to the fridge. She searched its contents and was pleased to find a quiche lorraine.

_Perfect!_ She giggled internally as she lifted it out and started to securely wrap it up in a box, silently thanking that her parents always left an ample choice of food available. She was worried she would have to quickly make some sandwiches, but this would save the trouble.

She turned to the kitchen counter where a few other boxes sat, each containing various pastries and sweets leftover from the bakery that day. She quickly peeked through the boxes as she tried to decide which she wanted to take.

_Croissants, macaroons, chocolate au pain and...oh! This for sure!_

She set her chosen box next to the one that contained the quiche before rushing over to the storage closet. After a bit of digging she retrieved a small picnic basket. The two boxes of food were neatly placed inside along with two plates, some cutlery and some bottles of water. It wasn’t going to be fine dining, but she hoped it would at least be acceptable. She grabbed a backpack and carefully inserted the picnic basket to conceal it. She really hoped to make it a surprise, and what was clearly a picnic basket gave away too much. Satisfied that the basket was securely hidden in the other bag, she picked it up and bounced towards the stairs.

Her bedroom was quiet when she entered. Marinette carefully set the bag down on the floor as she looked towards her desk where Adrien was sitting. A gentle pink light spilled out in cascading ripples from where Tikki was touching his forehead. Not wanting to cause any disturbance, she approached carefully until she came to stand next to him. Plagg’s green eyes glinted towards her, but the kwami said nothing and quickly turned away again as he resumed curling up on Adrien’s shoulder.

Marinette always found it a little disconcerting to watch this. She didn’t like the tension with which Adrien held himself or his short, staggered breaths as Tikki worked to reinforce the containment of the fragments. It had to be done though, as they’d already seen what could happen if the corruption from the amok and akuma was left to bleed out. She didn’t want to think how much worse things could be if they’d continued to leave things alone.

As with each time before, a heavy blue corroded into the pink light Tikki was making. Like the fragments were fighting back, the darkening colour tried to devour the offending healing magic. As always, the oppressive blue slunk away and the pink quickly extinguished after it.

Tikki floated down to sit on the desk and Plagg quickly went to retrieve a cookie for her. Adrien remained motionless for a moment, but as the tension that had been holding him steady started to fade his body slumped. Marinette gently held his shoulders to stop him from tilting sideways onto the desk.

Marinette's heart sank every time Adrien opened his eyes at this point. A melancholic blue, void of any light or warmth under his half-lidded gaze. It was like this every time. Every time she would see the eyes of Chat Blanc, empty of everything except sorrow.

“Adrien?” she whispered softly as she moved her hands to tenderly cup either side of his face.

A glint flashed in his eyes but he didn’t answer. Slowly, his gaze shifted. Marinette found herself caught in the glacial colour that stared at her. Her mind mockingly returned her to her recent nightmare that showed Chat Blanc looking at her the same way. The way his eyes had tracked her as he hunted. The image had been lingering with her ever since she’d dreamt it. It would sometimes taunt her when she looked at Adrien, and she would see him replaced by the nightmare she never wanted to see made reality. She couldn’t talk to him about it though. How would she even start?

Adrien’s eyes drifted shut as he let out a shuddering breath. Marinette glanced towards the two kwami next to her, their own concern apparent in their expression. She turned back to Adrien as his eyes flitted open once more. Green. Marinette felt her nervousness ease a little as soon as she saw the familiar colour. He blinked slowly, his brow furrowed with confusion as he looked back at her.

She lightly brushed her thumbs over his cheeks as she tried for his attention, “Adrien?”

“What…” he started weakly but quickly trailed off, a flicker of uncertainty rising in his gaze.

“You just...blanked out a bit there.” she answered.

She still hadn’t told him about the concerning side effect of his eyes briefly changing colour. She wanted to avoid having to tell Adrien about Chat Blanc if she could help it.

“Sorry.” he mumbled, his eyes closing again as he leaned into her hold of him.

Marinette’s heart dared to flutter in her chest at this moment. Chances at physical contact with him had been few and far between since the other night. He was being careful around her, and she wasn’t going to push him to anything. She knew it was a little selfish of her to make an opportunity of times like this when Adrien didn’t have the complete presence of mind to be driven by his anxieties. She hoped that at times like this she provided some comfort at least.

Marinette leaned forward and placed a light kiss over his forehead. Adrien immediately flinched from the contact so she snapped herself back.

“Sorry! I should have asked…”

Adrien was staring at her, his eyes wide for a moment before he shyly looked away, “N-No it um, it just surprised me.”

Sensing his discomfort, Marinette pulled away from him. But as soon as she did, his hands hastily reached out to grab hers. She was taken aback by it, but she didn’t resist as she felt his timid grasp take hold of her.

Adrien’s eyes flickered nervously as he spoke with a barely audible voice, “I...I just need to know I’m here right now.”

She didn’t question it, offering a gentle nod to show him she understood. She returned his hold then, wrapping her fingers around his trembling hands as she leaned herself next to him on the desk. Adrien’s gaze was completely focused on their hands, his mouth opening and closing slightly as he searched for words. Marinette didn’t say anything now, giving him time and space to speak when he was ready. Instead she offered his hands a reassuring squeeze.

His voice sounded strained and unnatural as he spoke, so she listened carefully to each word, “Ever since I...Ever since I found out about the...the a-amok...there’s been something. L-Like I feel that there’s something...missing. That’s there’s s-something I know but I can’t...I can’t find it.”

Marinette watched him carefully but he didn’t lift his head. He was trying to explain something of himself to her, something that existed in his discordant thoughts. She’d often wished that she could just see into his mind herself, so she could clearly see and understand what it was he wanted to tell her. But that just wasn’t possible. All she could do was give him her full attention as he tried to find the words to help her understand a little more of what he was dealing with.

“I...It keeps coming back to the same thing. But I don’t know why. Why does it keep going back to that room? Why do I keep seeing myself at that window...and her piano...a-and…”

Adrien gritted his teeth as he trailed off. Marinette slowly processed his words as he fell silent. ‘ _Her_ ’ piano. Was he talking about his mother’s? Then the room he was talking about, was that the study? He was struggling to make sense of it, and Marinette wasn’t sure what insight she could offer either. The amok had evidently existed in him for a long time. Had it done something to tamper with his memories? He didn’t remember having the amok placed in him to begin with. Was that specific room somehow connected to it?

Marinette could feel his hands trembling in hers. He was still looking down so she couldn’t meet his gaze to try and get a clear read of him. His distress was obvious though. Now probably wasn’t the time to discuss potential theories or explanations. She didn’t want to risk making things worse for him right now. His quiet, persistent anxiety needed to be soothed first.

“Adrien?” she asked quietly as she gently caressed her thumbs over the backs of his hands, “Is it alright if I hug you?”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat for a moment, but he slowly lifted his head towards her. His glassy eyes searched her nervously as he considered. Marinette waited as he didn’t say anything. She felt his hands tighten around her’s a little as he got up. Her eyes followed him, lifting up towards his as he stood in front of her. She let him gently pull her away from the desk towards him, his hands then carefully releasing hers as they came to slip around her waist instead. Marinette responded as she felt herself being pressed into him, her arms wrapping around his middle as her hands came to rest on his upper back. He still hadn't said anything, but she didn’t need him to. His careful embrace of her became tighter as though he was afraid of letting go. She rested her head against his chest, letting herself become lost in his warmth and the sound of his heartbeat as he enveloped her.

“I know you’re going through a lot.” she murmured, “But you _are_ getting through it. And I’m still here. Every step of the way, I’ll still be here.”

She felt his breath tickle her ear as he let out a short dry laugh, “You and me against the world.”

“I’ll always take on the world for you.”

His laugh was a little more genuine this time, “Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.”

Marinette glanced to the side where she could see the bag she left earlier, still sitting and waiting. She already knew where she’d wanted to go, and maybe right now it would actually be beneficial for Adrien too.

She shyly tilted her head up towards him, “I um, have an idea for something to do tonight.”

Adrien leaned back a little to look at her, though his gaze still flitted around now and then, “Tonight?”

“Yeah, since it’s just the two of us. I just had some silly idea. It would mean going out though, so if you don’t want to then that’s fine we can do something else.”

His eyes widened and she was sure she caught a slight pink appear in his cheeks.

A small smirk tugged on his lips, “Mari, are you asking me on a date?”

She blushed furiously at how quickly he’d picked up on it.

_He doesn’t notice me crushing on him for years. But as soon as I ask him to do something without even mentioning the word ‘date’, he already gets it._

“Sort of.” she answered stubbornly.

There was still a little trepidation in his eyes, but his expression had softened towards her. She felt his embrace of her tighten a little.

He hummed quietly with a soft smile, “What did you have in mind then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapters 69 and 70 were originally just the one chapter but it got a bit long...so I split it. Since it's double POV and they're both done anyway I thought I might as well upload both haha.  
> But finally, a date? Is...is that fluff on the horizon?


	71. Serenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien share an evening together.  
> Meanwhile Gabriel...

Gabriel rapped his fingers over the piano’s polished surface. The faint drumming against the veneer was a manifestation of his growing frustration. He casted his eye around the looming shadows of Adrien’s bedroom. The space had remained dark and quiet since his son had left. Since his son betrayed his good intentions.

“Master?” Nooroo inquired timidly, floating some distance away.

The butterfly kwami flinched as Gabriel turned with a steeled glare.

“Why is there still no sign of Chat Noir?” his voice was monotone, but an intensity rippled beneath it.

“I-I don’t know, Master.”

Gabriel turned his back on the kwami as he looked back to the black piano before him. Of course Nooroo wouldn’t be able to answer. The attempt to akumatise the hero had _failed_ , and since then they’d _lost_ the cocky child. There’d been no sign of the Black Cat holder since, and for a time Gabriel wondered if he had in fact died. Even with the weak connection he’d established with the akuma, he’d felt such an intensity of emotion, such a pain and loss. For all his humour and bluster, Chat Noir did indeed have demons. Ones that Hawk Moth would have liked to make use of. But ultimately, his akuma was somehow repelled and purified shortly after. It wasn’t normal.

Ladybug had made solo appearances since, apparently throwing out some vague excuse for her partner taking time off. Chat Noir had to be alive. Gabriel doubted Ladybug would have continued to function if her partner wasn’t. There hadn’t been a new wielder making an appearance either, so it was likely that the ring hadn’t changed hands. Either Ladybug had the Miraculous, or Chat Noir still had it himself. If one of the duo was weakened, it was a perfect time to force a fight. But something had made him hesitate.

The level of emotion radiating from Chat Noir was not one that could vanish without a trace. One does not get over such dark despair so easily. And yet, since the failed akumatisation Gabriel hadn’t been able to find it again. At least, not from someone he could identify as the masked hero. When Chat Noir’s emotional state vanished, a new one started to appear. A series of complex negatives fighting against each other, all within the same person.

Adrien.

His son had previously been a muted presence, his emotions barely registering to the ability of the Butterfly Miraculous. But now there was a black hole there. Hatred. Rage. Isolation. Confusion. Terror. Sorrow. It was an ugly mixture, but a powerful one. Gabriel didn’t want to consider it and had already disregarded it before, but Adrien was too similar to the emotional markings of Chat Noir. When Chat Noir’s turmoil ended, Adrien’s suddenly began. It was too much to just be coincidence, wasn’t it?

“It could be my most powerful one yet.” Gabriel said thoughtfully.

“M-Master?” Nooroo squeaked somewhere behind him.

“If Adrien _is_ Chat Noir, then that combined with my akuma...could be quite interesting.”

“You want to akumatise your _son_?”

Gabriel sneered at the meek kwami, “Why not? He could be the final piece for ending this once and for all. And when it’s all over, his mother will have returned. Adrien will be grateful.”

He clasped his hands behind his back as Nooroo once more fell into solemn silence.

His powers weren’t as strong outside of his transformation, but Gabriel recognised his son’s presence well enough to make it easy to sense. He frowned to himself as he reached out to Adrien’s emotional state. The venomous feelings were still there, but they were currently clouded. There was a happiness glimmering there and...love?

_That Dupain Cheng girl._

For a moment Gabriel’s anger sparked. This won’t do. He wanted that raw emotion he had felt before, not some echo of it. But as he considered more on it a satisfied smirk curled his lip. If he played it right, it would be easy to cultivate the emotions he wanted for his akuma. And if for whatever reason Adrien failed, then the girl could be a suitable back up.

If Adrien was Chat Noir he would be forced to transform, and if not Gabriel could use his akuma’s influence to force the truth out of him. Either way, Ladybug would have to step in.

Gabriel strode across the floor towards the door, ignoring Nooroo’s look of sad desperation as he passed. Nathalie had been just waiting outside the room and quickly looked up from her tablet as Gabriel appeared.

He looked to his assistant with a cool gaze, “Inform that girl that I’ve found a use for her.”

Nathalie raised an eyebrow, “Sir?”

“And I want a car ready first thing in the morning. _This time_ my son will be returning home.”

* * *

Adrien looked out over the cityscape, suppressing a shiver as he felt something ghost over the back of his mind. He shook it off though, deciding it was just the cool night air as he stood on Marinette’s balcony. Plagg seemed to agree about the temperature as he was nestled in the collar of Adrien’s hoodie. Marinette was now Ladybug, shrugging a backpack onto her shoulders.

“Are you alright for me to carry you?” she asked as she turned to him.

He hummed with a small playful smirk, “Where exactly are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise…” she answered shyly.

He observed her curiously for a moment. ‘Surprises’ weren’t exactly something he was used to, at least not ones that had good intentions. His initial response was to be wary, but as he took in the soft blush underneath her mask and the beautiful shine in her eyes he allowed himself to relax a little. He nodded and stepped towards her. Ladybug wrapped an arm around his waist, gently at first before tightening a little to secure her hold of him. Adrien couldn’t tell if his heart was jumping around in his chest from anxiety or excitement as he placed his arms over her shoulders.

“Would you mind...closing your eyes?” Ladybug asked quietly, “I just don’t want you to know until we’re there.”

His brow furrowed with confusion at the request. He was really wondering what she was planning. Still, he closed his eyes for her.

“Eyes are closed, My Lady.” he reassured.

He heard her light giggle, “Okay. No peeking.”

Adrien instinctively grabbed onto her tighter as they suddenly moved. With his eyes screwed shut, he felt it more acutely as gravity pulled them with each swing of her yo-yo and the rush of air as they moved over the buildings. It was exhilarating to feel, but without the endurance and agility of his heroic transformation it was still a nerve-wracking experience. He wasn’t concerned though that she would drop him and her hold of him never slipped.  
They landed somewhere a few minutes later and Ladybug set him on solid ground. He wobbled a little as his legs felt like jelly following their intense method of travel. He still kept his eyes shut and he felt Ladybug gently hold his shoulders to steady him.

“Can I open my eyes now?” he asked as she released him.

“Just one minute.” she said breathlessly.

He heard some movement, but nothing distinct enough for him to identify what it was. There was a familiar sweet scent in the air. It was something floral but he couldn’t quite place what it was. He felt Plagg nudge against him slightly in a comforting gesture.

“Tikki, spots off.” he heard Marinette say a short distance away, “Okay you can look now.”

Adrien hesitated a moment before slowly opening his eyes. It took him a few seconds to take in where he was. It was the plaza. The same one he’d taken Marinette to before as Chat Noir. The border of the plaza was still heavy with honeysuckle that filled the air with its tantalising scent. His eyes snapped to the far corner where the piano stood, it’s cover already removed to show the waiting instrument. His fingers twitched subconsciously at the sight of it, but he tore his wide-eyed gaze away to where Marinette stood before him. She’d set up one of the cafe’s tables with two places and a picnic basket. It was dark since the cafe wasn’t running at this time, but the surrounding city lights provided enough to bask the area in a soft glow.

“I know you said you didn’t really count the last time.” Marinette said hastily, her hands moving with fidgeting gestures, “But it was something I really enjoyed and - um, there’s a piano here and I think you’ve been missing it a-and I brought food! I mean it’s nothing fancy but it’s food to eat - oh god this is so dumb - I’m sorry I’ve kind of just repeated stuff you’ve done but it was always so nice so I -”

Adrien moved towards her, his long strides closing the space between them in a few steps. Her rambling died away as he approached, ending out with a squeak as he gently cupped her face with his hands. He didn’t need to think about it as he took her lips with his own in a loving kiss.

* * *

  
  


Marinette had listened earlier to all of her friends’ ideas, and some of them had been nice suggestions. But she wanted it to not just be some basic date they went on because they were a couple. She wanted it to be a moment she could make a gesture to him, to show him her love for him was more than just words. That’s what Adrien had done for her before. Chat Noir may have used endless flirtations and passionate proclamations towards Ladybug, but his real feelings always came across the strongest in the moments he carefully crafted for her. For both Ladybug and Marinette. The rooftop he’d covered in candles and rose petals for Ladybug and the night he’d played the piano for Marinette. Ladybug would always quickly leave after a fight, but Chat would continuously offer to hang around a bit longer. And then Chat Noir spent numerous evenings on Marinette’s balcony, listening to her and offering her company. Putting it all together Marinette realised it.

Time.

That’s what Adrien valued most of all in loving her. He’d always been seeking those moments for just the two of them, the ones that she had ended up cherishing herself. Physical touch failed completely as a language for him to understand as it had been completely tarnished. And words alone weren’t enough as Adrien sometimes struggled to believe if people were being genuine or not. He’d thought she’d been lying at first when she confessed to him after all. No, Adrien understood love in time given and gestures. That’s what he had used to try and speak his feelings to her before, even if she hadn’t understood it clearly to begin with.

So Marinette had decided to use his past actions as an example. Even though she was kind of copying from him, she hoped he would understand her intentions. A little pocket of time that was just the two of them, in a place where they could just be together in each other’s company and not worry about anyone else. The cafe plaza also had the bonus of the piano. She was sure Adrien had been missing the opportunity to play recently, since it had been such a large part of his daily life until he left the mansion.

Evidently her thought process had proven correct. At least, it seemed that her feelings had been heard as she quickly found Adrien gently caressing her cheek as he tenderly kissed her. She melted into his touch, her previously fidgeting fingers moving to lightly grasp the material of his hoodie at his chest. His lips brushing over hers again made her shiver. The kiss wasn’t deep or heated, but gentle and sweet. It was more than enough to make her heart pound wildly against her ribs. Her mind had gone blank with a buzzing happiness while a blush had painted her cheeks a deep pink.

“Are you surprised?” she asked, still in a daze when he pulled away again.

Adrien barked with laughter, “Surprised? I’ll admit, I don’t know what I was expecting. But it wasn’t coming back here. So yes, I’m surprised.”

“I brought some food. It’s not much but I hope it’s okay. Or you can go play some piano first if you prefer.”

It didn’t go unnoticed by her as his green eyes quickly darted towards the piano. He obviously wanted to go to it, but he shook his head.

“No, that can wait.” he said as he gently swept his thumb over her cheek, “There’s no way I could put a dinner date with My Lady on hold.”

“Not really ‘dinner date’.” she shrugged, “More like a hasty picnic.”

They sat down at the table she’d set up for them. The kwami joined them as Marinette set out a plate of cheese and cookies for them to enjoy. Adrien watched eagerly as she took the quiche out of the first box.

“What’s in the other one?” he asked as he reached out for the second box.

She playfully swatted his hand away, “Dessert. You can’t have it yet.”

He still managed to swipe the box and opened it. His curious expression lit up with glee as he examined the batch of chouquettes inside.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to have me fall in love with you in exchange for food.” he chuckled.

She quickly snatched the box back before he could take one of the pastries, “I thought you were already in love with me.”

“I am. But a supply of chouquettes helps.”

She rolled her eyes at his teasing grin. She was glad to see his mood on an upward trend now. His quiet, pensive mood had been a little worrying, so to see a gleam of Chat Noir’s persona showing through was a relief.

It had been a while since such an easy, lighthearted atmosphere existed between them. With all that had been happening, a persistent tension had lingered. But now it was two of them, eating and talking together as though they’d found themselves in an existence apart from the world. Adrien had a real smile to show as he teased her, and Marinette easily returned his banter just as Ladybug and Chat Noir always did. They talked a little about the awkwardness and difficulties of having lived their dual identities, of their close calls and ridiculous moments from their heroic selves. At one point they came to the realisation that they’d developed a crush for each other on the same day, Chat Noir falling for Ladybug when he fought alongside her against Stoneheart, and Marinette falling for Adrien when he gave her his umbrella. The absurdity of it made Adrien break out into a fit of laughter while she just blushed furiously from embarrassment.

“I can’t believe how stupid that is. Alya was right. I’m an idiot.” Marinette muttered as she ate her remaining bite of quiche.

Adrien was already reaching for the chouquettes as he chuckled, “I’m an idiot with you then.”

“Dumb and dumber.”

“A match made in heaven.”

Marinette sniggered while Adrien grinned at her as he popped one of the sweet pastries into his mouth.

After a quiet moment he appeared to be considering something. Marinette watched him carefully, wondering what it was that was on his mind. He had calmed down from earlier, but a slight nervousness had returned to his eyes as he stared at the table between them.

His voice was quiet as he finally spoke, “Can I ask you something?”

Her heart made a nervous skip at the ominous question, “Of course. Anything.”

“You’ve um, been kinda quiet recently. Are you still upset about...the other night?”

It took a second for Marinette to understand. She had been a little thoughtful the past few days. But that had been because of the nightmare that had surfaced, forcing the return of Chat Blanc into her mind. There were ideas and thoughts going around in her head, but they were ones she’d wanted to voice to Bunnyx. Since it wasn’t something she’d been willing to discuss with Adrien, she’d kept quiet. Unfortunately this had happened around the same time Adrien had refused intimacy with her, so he must have thought that was the reason for her silent behaviour.

“I’m not upset with you. I never was.” she said softly, “I told you before, that my wanting to be with you doesn’t depend on those sorts of things. And if there are times you don’t want to do them, then that’s fine. I understand.”

Adrien pressed his lips together in a thin line as his gaze shifted to the side, “I just...don’t want you to feel that you’re stuck with me if you’re not happy.”

Marinette snorted, “We’ve already established in embarrassing detail that I’ve been following you for years at this point. I’m not giving up that easily.”

His green eyes flashed towards her with surprise before timidly looking away again. There was silence between them for a beat before Adrien spoke again.

“If all my good luck was spent on having you in my life,” he smiled softly at her, “then I’m happy with that.”

Marinette blushed at the sentiment. He nervously cleared his throat as he stood up from his seat, signalling an end to the serious topic.

“Any song requests?” he said as he turned towards the piano.

She let the change in conversation happen as she hummed, “I don’t mind. Whatever you want.”

“I have a few ideas. I’d like my beautiful vocalist though.”

Marinette didn’t get a chance to respond before he was next to her, his hands on her waist as he lifted her from her seat. He raised her straight up until her feet left the floor, and she latched onto his arms as he spinned around with her a few times.

“Don’t you dare drop me!” she squeaked.

Adrien laughed as he stopped spinning. His hold on her relaxed a little so that she slid down until her toes felt solid ground again.

“Just sing something for me then.” he said, his voice almost a purr.

Marinette blushed at his demand and shyly looked away.

“Play something I can sing then.” she mumbled.

His eyes lit up with excitement as he gently pulled her with him towards the piano. It reminded her of the first time they'd been here, when Chat had been so eager to share something with her.

Adrien’s fingers danced over the piano keys in a quick scale to check the tuning as he sat down. Marinette hesitated before he slid over in the seat, gesturing for her to sit next to him. The piano stool didn’t allow for much space between them as she placed herself beside him.

“Are you okay with this?” she asked quietly as she found herself pressed against his side.

His eyes flickered around a moment as he considered, “I’m okay. I’ll let you know if I...need some space.”

She nodded as she watched his fingers strike out another scale over the keys. It was something so simple, but she loved the fluidity in which he played it.

Adrien gave a thoughtful hum before grinning at her, “Okay, you have to know this one.”

Marinette watched and listened carefully as he started to play. She so clearly recognised the song, but initially she failed to recall what it was. Adrien played out the intro of it and looked at her with a gentle expectation. But when she couldn’t remember what the song was, she didn’t know what lyrics she was supposed to be singing. She shyly bit her lip, slightly embarrassed that her brain wasn’t picking up on a song she was _sure_ she knew.

Adrien looked around a moment before clearing his throat. Again his hands moved over the keys as he played the song’s intro music once more. Marinette focused on the obviously familiar tune, but her heart shortly stopped as Adrien took a breath.

His voice was low and a little husky as he quietly sang out the words. His singing was nowhere near as confident as his piano playing, but there was a genuine softness to it that made Marinette’s heart somersault to the moon and back. As he got through a few lines of the lyrics, she quickly recognised the iconic song. _La Vie en Rose_. How had her brain completely flopped at remembering it? She listened to the melodic notes of the piano and Adrien’s low voice as she soon found herself joining in, adding her own voice to the harmony. Adrien stayed focused on his piano keys, but she caught the small satisfied smile on his face as she started to sing.

When the song came to an end there was a moment of quiet between them. Until Adrien burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry!” Marinette turned to him with a frantic blush rising in her cheeks, “My mind completely blanked!”

“You had me worried you didn’t actually know it.” he answered, still sniggering, “Only embarrassed me a little there.”

“ _You_ were embarrassed?”

“Ah, I told you I don’t sing.”

“I don’t sing either! And you weren’t that bad…”

“‘ _Weren’t that bad_ ’! Such a heartfelt compliment to warm my soul.”

Marinette glared at his teasing as he grinned back at her. She playfully shoved his shoulder in response.

“Alright, okay.” he said with still a hint of laughter, “You can pick something then.”

“ _Clair de Lune_.” she responded instantly.

“...What?”

“I don’t have to sing along to that one.”

His expression became a little more subdued now as he looked at her with uncertainty. She wondered if he was going to tell her no and that she should ask for something else. His verdant eyes flickered a moment before he leaned into her. He placed a gentle kiss against her temple, making her heart flutter.

“Alright, Princess.” he murmured.

She watched him keenly as he moved back again, placing his full attention on the piano keys before him. His gaze shifted around a little before settling over his hands. He started to play.

The old, upright piano didn’t have the same resonance as the grand piano, but Marinette still felt the gentle flow of music in the air as Adrien played. Her gaze looked back and forth between his hands over the keys and the focused expression of his face. She liked seeing him like this, seeing his unshakeable focus as he was completely taken with one thing. It was a side of him she hadn’t really seen elsewhere. A gentle but determined piece of him as he played a song that he’d fully internalised at this point.

She felt herself becoming breathless as he kept going. The notes were seamlessly blending together now as it built towards its crescendo, but he had yet to falter. She kept herself as still as possible, not wanting even the slightest movement from her to become a distraction for him.

He stopped dead all of a sudden, his hands hovering over the keys mid flow. Marinette watched him carefully for a moment. She wondered if he’d made a mistake. If he had, she hadn’t heard it. But then she wasn’t as adept as he was for this sort of thing. She nervously pressed her lips together as her eyes searched him. He was still staring down at his hands, a heavy trepidation flickering in his gaze.

“You know,” she whispered, “It’s okay if you make a mistake. If that happens, just keep going. You can still finish it. Even if there’s a few slip ups now and then.”

He blinked slowly as if being roused from some clouded thought. Verdant eyes carefully lifted towards her, the nervousness within them fading a little as he looked at her with quiet awe. He silently held her gaze for a time before a soft smile came to his lips.

Adrien took a deep breath as he turned back to the piano. She waited patiently to see what he would do now. He hesitated for a bit before settling his hands back onto the keys. He repeated a short section of what he’d just played before continuing with fervour, breaking past the point he had stopped at. The notes were fast and fluid, mixing together in the melody that Marinette found so familiar herself now. She caught the flashes of Adrien’s frustrated grimaces whenever a note slipped or his tempo faltered, but he kept going. Even with the mistakes, it was still so clearly the song he had wanted to play. Marinette could feel her heartbeat rising alongside the flow of music. And then the elaborate sequences of the music fell away again to the gentle, almost lullaby quality of the calmer portions of the song. The fast pacing slowed into the softer blend of notes in the same way the song started.

Marinette released the breath she’d been holding as Adrien’s hands slipped away from the keys at the end of the final note. There’d been a few hiccups and errors, but he’d played it to completion. She turned to him with a smile, ready to lovingly praise him for what he’d accomplished. But as she saw him she faltered. His eyes were wide with alarm and confusion.

She gently touched his shoulder, “Adrien?”

He brought a shaky hand to his mouth as his breathing shuddered and his eyes became misted with tears.

His voice was thick with conflicted emotion as he quietly spoke the words, “I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just ignore Gabriel's five star parenting and look at that fluff over there. Yup, nothing wrong. Just look at that fluff. No angst here.
> 
> Thanks for all your kind comments and kudos! I love you all!


	72. Articulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Adrien's memory uncovered, there's a lot to deal with.

_“Here, Adrien. Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you.”_

It was like a dam had broken. What had before been indiscernible ripples across his mind became a deluge that crashed over him. The memories played out for him, overlapping each other as the past ghosts repeated the same steps over and over. It hadn’t happened once, but _multiple times_ . In his ever darkening turmoil, a younger Adrien would hide himself away in the study. The closed in comfort of the bay window was a safe retreat. His mother always found him there whenever he felt at his worst. She would try talking to him but he wouldn’t have it in him to respond. So she would give him one of her little charm kisses. Then she would coax him to the piano as the blurry confusion took him. It was in these moments that she started to teach him how to play _Clair de Lune_. How had he forgotten that? But that wasn’t the only thing lost in those hazy memories.

Again the images of the past stuttered and rewound, flickering back and forth as he saw what had been shrouded to him. His mother’s affectionate charm hadn’t just been a show of love from her. It was to help distract him. To help bridge the gap that warped in his memory. The gap caused by seeing his mother use the power of the Peacock Miraculous to place an amok in him. Followed by playing the piano to turn his attention away from how his mind had become clouded. To help him let go of the bizarre occurrence as it descended into the fog.

The flurry of shuttering visions was only a few seconds, but to Adrien it felt like he’d spent a lifetime seeing - _feeling_ \- the numerous feathers Emilie had used to try and curb the emotions that he could no longer handle. But despite her efforts the poison within him remained, so the amoks could only last so long. When his spiralling state resumed, she would remove the failing amok only to replace it with another, keeping him in an emotional limbo. Until she had disappeared, leaving that one amok intact without his knowledge or any way to remove it. The one that still had a shard embedded within him now.

It was all he could see now. A woman standing before him, his mother yet somehow a stranger. Dressed in gorgeous shades of azure, emerald and teal, she’d looked like an elegant ballet dancer. A close fitting outfit with peacock feathers falling over her shoulders like a delicate waterfall. Like something out of a dream, to be quickly discarded to the shadows of his mind at the time. It seemed so obvious now. His mother had been a Miraculous user.

“Adrien?”

Marinette's gentle touch to his shoulder brought him back to reality, though the violent whirlpool of memories and feelings remained. He brought his hand to his mouth in a vain attempt to hold back the swell of emotions inside him. He couldn’t process all that was going through him.

“I remember.” He whispered, as though it would only be real if he confirmed it aloud.

Marinette’s confused voice still sounded a little distant as she asked, “Remember? Remember what?”

He was becoming increasingly restless as his mind went into overdrive. He hastily got up from his seat, taking a few steps away before sharply turning as he paced. There was a vague awareness that Marinette was watching him, but he found himself being too disconnected to care. What was he feeling? What was he _supposed_ to feel? He ran his hands through his hair, scraped his nails over his neck and harshly gripped at his wrists as he tried to find some way to relieve the tension building in him.

He stopped pacing as it wasn’t doing enough to ease off the bristling shockwaves coursing through his nerves. The overload of information and emotion was just _too much_ and he couldn’t understand any of it. So he did what he’d always done, what he’d conditioned himself to do when he wanted to scream and cry until the world came crashing down. He smiled and laughed. He covered his face with his hands as his laugh rang out hollow in his voice. He laughed until he couldn't breathe.

“Adrien, talk to me!” Marinette pleaded.

He hadn’t noticed her come up beside him until she was tentatively holding his arm, carefully drawing his hands away from his face. Adrien looked towards her now as the remains of his forced laughter died in his throat between harsh breaths. Her bluebell eyes were looking at him, rounded with fear and confusion. He could feel himself shaking as his clamouring emotions were cutting through him to the bone. Anger. Shock. Despair. Betrayal. And yet a glimmer of something else there. A pathetic hope that his mother hadn’t intended for this outcome. That she hadn’t meant to abandon him with a corruption that still held him now.

“The amok…” he croaked as he found himself sinking into Marinette’s gaze, “It was her...My mother was the one who did it…”

Marinette’s eyes widened as she stared at him, “But that’s….Are you _sure_?”

“A Miraculous...she had a Miraculous.”

He felt the tears fall from his lashes as he blinked. When had he started crying?

He trembled as the unlocked memories swam around in his head, taunting him with so much he didn’t understand.

“Spread my feathers…” he murmured as he recalled the words that had been spoken.

“That’s Duusu’s command!” Tikki gasped, “She’s the peacock kwami!”

Adrien could see Plagg and Tikki floating in his peripheral vision, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at anyone anymore. Instead his gaze sank down to his feet.

“But Mayura has that Miraculous now.” Marinette said, trying to make sense of it all herself, “And she’s not your mother, right?”

He could only shake his head. The one they’d fought before was definitely not Emilie Agreste. Mayura looked nothing like the person his mother had transformed into.  
His head was hurting as the dreadful white noise started to build in him. What was he supposed to do with this revelation? It hadn’t been some unknown stranger that had tried to manipulate Adrien’s emotions. It had been his own mother. And then she’d left him.

“Adrien.” Marinette’s voice softly called to him, “Stay with me, okay? I know this is...big. But I need you to stay with me right now.”

She’d noticed that he’d started to drift from himself. He could feel her gently squeezing his shoulders now. He focused everything he could on the comforting feel of her holding onto him. He wasn’t alone. Marinette was there with him and she wasn’t going to let him descend into the torrential nightmare of unanswered questions welling up in his head.  
His voice cracked with a sob as he tried to speak, “Why...Why would she do something like that? And then just _leave_?”

He knew that Marinette had no possible way of understanding his mother’s intentions. But he needed her to say something - _anything_ \- that he could cling to. Something other than the intense fear rising in him that Emilie hadn’t been any different from his father. That she too had tried to fix Adrien to be the perfect son, and when he didn’t meet expectations he was to simply be discarded.

Marinettte’s hand left his shoulder and he inhaled sharply as she gently touched his cheek. It had caught him off guard, but he found himself taking her hand in his and pressing it back to his cheek when she withdrew.

She paused a moment before sweeping her thumb over the traces of his tears, “I think she was just trying to help. I know myself that I would do anything to take away your pain if I could. Maybe she didn’t know that things would turn out this way. Maybe she left because she had no choice.”

It was a small relief that Marinette was letting what was normally Ladybug’s attribute of being reasonable shine through. He needed it as he couldn’t make sense of anything right now.

* * *

There was a silence between them for a time. Marinette watched him quietly as Adrien tried to stifle his sobs, clenching his jaw and squeezing his eyes shut as tears fell. It was heartbreaking to know now. Someone that had meant so much to him had turned out to be the one to cause an even worse decline in himself. Marinette desperately hoped that she was right. That Emilie Agreste hadn’t intended to inhibit Adrien’s ability to understand what he was feeling, that she hadn’t wanted to leave him with an amok that would wreak havoc on his mind.

As she looked at him now, Marinette couldn’t help but wonder if she would have done the same thing. If she had the power to, would she take all of those broken feelings from him? She chewed her lip as she thought about it, but let the thought go for now. That was something she wanted to talk to Bunnyx about should she ever turn up. There was something else that really needed to be discussed right now.

“Do you think we can talk about this right now?” Marinette whispered as she stroked another tear from his cheek, “Or do you need some time?”

His eyes were still fixated on the ground, but the uneasy flicker in their colour told her that he’d heard her. She gave him time to consider his answer. She took his hand in hers and led him back to sit down again on the piano stool. He leaned into her as she sat next to him again and she could feel the slight tremors on his hand as she kept holding onto him.

“We…” he started then harshly cleared his throat, “We should talk.”

Marinette nodded slowly, “Okay. Can you tell me what it is you remember?”

“She...was using amoks on me. When I was really low. I...My memory was already all over the place then so I didn’t think anything of it when I had those blackouts. And then one day she was just...gone.”

Marinette hummed softly as she tried to put the puzzle pieces into place, “Sometime between then and Hawk Moth’s appearance, the Peacock Miraculous changed hands. It is possible Hawk Moth already owned it by the time he first became public.”

Adrien let out a shuddering sigh as he slowly worked to regain composure, “I don’t think...I wouldn’t want to think my mother would have given someone like that her Miraculous.”

“You think Hawk Moth took it by force?”

“I don’t know...But what if Hawk Moth is connected to her disappearance?”

Marinette felt Adrien’s hand tighten around hers as he voiced the thought. It was a scary connection to consider. Hawk Moth wanted Miraculous to control. He wanted anything that would make it easier for him to get the powers of the Ladybug and Black Cat. If he’d somehow discovered Emilie Agreste owned one, then what was there to stop him from taking it? She could have been an unknown casualty in this war against their enemy before it had even fully started for them.

“I’ll make him answer for it.” Adrien’s voice was low and shaking, but there was an intensity layered beneath it, “I’ll make him regret everything he’s done.”

Marinette could see something dangerous burning in his downcast gaze. 

“I want to see an end to all that Hawk Moth is doing too.” she said quietly, “But before that you need to take care of yourself. You’re still my partner and you’re my priority.”

Adrien’s gaze lifted up then. He looked towards her, a little nervous and uncertain.

He gave a wry smile, “Hawk Moth is the priority. And making sure you’re the one to come out on top in the end is why I’m your partner. Though I’m kind of failing at that right now.”

“You are not _failing_ at anything!” Marinette snapped back, “You trying to work through everything is not failing. Besides, if you’re just going to go back to jumping in the line of fire for my sake then you can stay in time out.”

“Mari, really I-”

“No, we’ve talked about this. You are _not_ expendable! You never have been to me. Adrien and Chat Noir both - you’re too important for me to lose.”

Adrien gave her a hard stare for a moment as he appeared to be choosing his words carefully, “I’m sorry, but if it came down to it I wouldn’t hesitate to give everything I have to protect you.”

“And I would do the same for you.” she responded as she squeezed his hand, “But it’s not going to come to that.”

He continued to hold her gaze. Marinette was lost in the gravity of his verdant eyes. There was so much in them that she couldn’t even begin to read. But they were still that shade of green she adored, instead of reflecting the ghost that haunted her. As always though, his gaze nervously dropped again to an unfocused space.

Marinette felt Adrien’s hand slip from hers as he wrapped his arms around himself. She missed the warmth and weight of his hold of her, but she didn’t go seeking it again right now. It was hard for her to process what his uncovered memory had revealed. For Adrien though it had to be so much worse. It was evident that he was struggling, as all in the space of a few minutes she’d seen him go through a spectrum of reactions. Laughing to crying. Panicking to anger. 

“Do you want me to give you some space?” she whispered.

He’d fidgeted restlessly, moving his hands from his arms to run them through his hair before settling on a light grip over his neck. His eyes flickered without focus as he nodded slowly.

Marinette wordlessly slid off of the seat. She took the opportunity to go tidy up after their earlier meal. She quietly packed away the plates and cutlery back into the picnic basket and then the backpack. She turned to look at Adrien now and then, but he’d remained still.

It wasn’t how she’d envisioned the night to go, but she wasn’t bitter about it. Marinette had wanted to spend time with Adrien and that’s what they’d done. They’d had another carefree moment that she could cherish. It wasn’t like they could schedule all that went on with him. She would just have to be adaptable for him while he worked through these low points. Hopefully these things would get better and less frequent or devastating for him.

Marinette gripped the bag tight in her hands as she turned her own thoughts over in her mind. She wanted to help Adrien, but she felt like there was far too little she could do for him. There was something she’d been considering, but since Bunnyx hadn’t turned up it had left her at a deadend. She might just have to forget it entirely.

 _Or maybe I should just do it myself,_ she thought, _I could probably figure it out…_

She was roused from her internal debate by the sound of footsteps. Marinette looked up just as Adrien approached her from behind, his arms wrapping gently around her waist. It was apprehensive at first, but he carefully started to pull her more into him until she felt enveloped in his embrace.

“How are you feeling?” she asked softly, tilting her head slightly so she could see him a little over her shoulder.

“I don’t know.” he murmured as he rested his head against hers, “I’m sorry.”

“Not knowing is okay.”

She felt his shuddering sigh followed by his lips brushing behind her ear. She set the bag on the table so that she could rest her hands over his as she leaned into him.

“I promise you we’ll find out what happened.” she told him, “I’ll beat it out of Hawk Moth if I have to.”

Her heart gave a relieved skip at the sound of his short chuckle, “I’d like a front row seat to that.”

“No, you’ll be in on it Kitty. I’ll even let you have the first punch.”

He gave a faint hum in response.

Marinette turned a little in his hold so that she could see his face properly, “If you’re okay for it, we can head back home.”

His eyes did indeed look tired as he looked back at her. His face fell as his eyes drifted to the now packed bag on the table.

“I’m sorry I-”

Marinette stopped him, “Nope I’m not letting you say sorry. I just wanted to be with you and I got that. We can do this again another time.”

He gave a small, soft smile, “I’d like that.”

Adrien allowed her to carry him again as Ladybug as they quickly headed back home. They probably needed to try and talk things out some more, but Marinette didn’t want to force him any more when he was already struggling to come to terms with it all. His mother had had the Peacock Miraculous. She had used its power to syphon away the chaos of Adrien’s emotional state when he was in the early stages of his trauma. It was a terrible revelation, but it was potentially a new lead on Hawk Moth. Maybe there was something more that they were missing. Something that would tell them more about the man that had plagued Paris for years.  
Ladybug carefully released Adrien from her hold as they touched down on her balcony again. He paused a moment before turning to face her. Her heart somersaulted in her chest as she saw the slight blush in his cheeks.

“I um, didn’t thank you properly.” he murmured, “I know it probably didn’t end how you planned but...thank you.”

His shy sincerity made her own cheeks light up pink, “N-No need to thank me! It wasn’t that big of a deal anyway…”

“Well, it was a big deal to me. No one’s really done something like that for me before.”

Her heart leapt with delight as he took her hand in his and caressed the back of her fingers with a kiss. Even though she was still in her hero suit, the touch left her tingling with a giddiness. She was happy that she’d done something that had made _him_ happy. But at the same time her heart panged at his admittance that someone taking the time to just be with him had been rare. She quietly promised to herself that she would fix that. She could fill his heart with memories of moments shared, of affectionate gestures. Maybe she could still help him rebuild his warped perception of what loving someone was supposed to be.

Adrien released her hand again as he stepped away with a soft smile. He went ahead to the skylight, looking over his shoulder at her as he opened. She gestured for him to go ahead, so he lowered himself back into her room.

Ladybug smiled to herself, holding the hand that he’d kissed to her chest as her heart danced with happiness. It helped her to be hopeful when Adrien showed a little of things that had originally been a part of Chat Noir. Hopeful that Adrien would be able to reconcile with himself.

She moved to follow Adrien through the skylight, but a strange sound made her hesitate. Her blossoming hope was quickly knocked aside by panic and confusion as someone grabbed her from behind. The gentle nighttime glow of her balcony was replaced by a harsh white light as she found herself falling backwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I'm still here. Wanted to get this chapter out sooner but stuff happens.  
>  ~~May or may not have been listening to sad songs to prepare for upcoming chapters.~~
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, you lovely people!


	73. Broken Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a new arrival making an appearance, Marinette learns some harsh truths.

Hands firmly held to her back prevented Ladybug from falling over completely as she stumbled backwards.

“Whoops! Sorry Minibug.” a voice said lightly.

“ _Bunnyx!_ ”

Ladybug quickly straightened herself, turning around as she did to properly see the Rabbit hero. Bunnyx stood with her arms crossed, watching Ladybug with a strange expression. Almost like she was wary.

“You scared the crap out of me!” Ladybug gasped, “What the hell is with this kidnapping?”

“You wanted to talk to me.” Bunnyx answered simply, “So I’ve borrowed you from Adrien for a bit.”

“Adrien!”

Ladybug looked around for him, but he was of course nowhere to be seen. It was then that she fully realised where she was. She was in Bunnyx’s Burrow. She caught glimpses of an endless sea of circular screens surrounding them, each showing a different scene.

“Hey. _Hey!_ ” Bunnyx snapped her fingers to draw back her attention, “Am I going to have to blindfold you again? First rule is _no peeking_!”

Ladybug locked her eyes back to the hero in front of her, “But Adrien...he’s going to wonder what happened to me! We have to go back!”

“Calm down Minibug. We’re inbetween time now, so to speak. I’ll pop you back just as you left when we’re done. He won’t notice a thing.”

Their conversation was stopped short by the sound of a low whistle. Ladybug stared in surprise as Plagg floated past her, looking around the Burrow with interest.

“Been a long time since I saw all this.” the little cat hummed, “Looking good Cottontail.”

“Bunnyx.” she corrected as she grabbed the cat, “And for _you_ the rule is _don’t touch_.”

He stuck out his tongue in response.

“Plagg? What are you doing here?” Ladybug asked.

“I _was_ hitching a ride on you.” he retorted, “Did you forget? Everyone always forgets about poor, neglected Plagg. Left to starve.”

“You just ate!”

“Yeah, that was like an hour ago. I’m wasting away.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes as he snickered to himself. Bunnyx released him after making the cat promise he wouldn’t set his paws on anything.

“So,” Bunnyx returned to crossing her arms as she fixed Ladybug with a concerned look, “You wanted to talk to me Minibug.”

“I wanted to talk to you _days_ ago!” Ladybug threw her hands up with annoyance, “What took you so long?”

“My Miraculous guided me to pick you up here. This was the optimum time for you to speak to me about...whatever is on your mind.”

Bunnyx’s pause wasn’t missed by Ladybug. She eyed the Rabbit holder curiously but she didn’t say any more.

Ladybug nervously fidgeted with her fingers as she tried to decide how she wanted to go about this. Bunnyx had always come across as a level headed and reasonable hero, so maybe she would listen if Ladybug went about this the right way.

“I want to help Adrien.” she decided to start.

Bunnyx nodded, “I know. In all the time I’ve known you, all the different ‘ _yous’_ I’ve met, that’s never changed.”

“I...I want to repair the damage that was done.”

Bunnyx's brow twitched and her jaw tightened. Her unreadable gaze felt heavy.

Ladybug swallowed the lump in her throat as she elaborated, “I say repair but I mean...I want to prevent it. All of it.”

“Prevent what exactly?” Bunnyx questioned with a cool tone.

“I want to stop him from hurting anymore. I want to go back and stop it...I want to stop what that person _did to him_! If I go back I can prevent all the hurt and pain he’s had to suffer!”

Bunnyx didn’t say anything, but her steady gaze didn’t break. Ladybug brought her hands to her chest, feeling as though her heart was tightening again and again. Her plea had to be enough. Adrien couldn’t be so scarred if the wounds didn’t happen in the first place. She could make it so it never happened.

“No.” Bunnyx said.

Ladybug’s heart plummeted, “ _No?_ ”

“I can’t just let you change the past. This isn’t how this works, Minibug. This isn’t how my Miraculous is supposed to be used.”

“It’s supposed to help people! You used it to prevent Chat Blanc from happening, why can’t you use it now to help Adrien?”

“Chat Blanc triggered the _end of the world_. I’m sorry, but one person does not outweigh the entire world. Time is fragile and it’s not worth the risk.”

“Adrien is _my_ world and he _is_ worth the risk to me!”

Ladybug panted for breath in the silence that followed her desperate outburst. Bunnyx looked at her with sympathy, but still didn’t budge.

“Listen, Minibug.” Bunnyx said softly, “I wish I could change things for him. Adrien’s my friend too. There’s _so many_ things I wish I could change for people. But to do so would be to abuse the Miraculous you trusted me with. And time doesn’t always flow the way you want. You stop or change that one event, but what about everything that follows after? Especially when it is something that has shaped a large part of someone’s life.”

“He could be happy.” Ladybug whispered, trying to blink back her tears.

“Are you sure of that? Are you _one hundred percent_ certain that he would be happier? That he would be better off? If you change something so big, there _will_ be consequences. He might never become Chat Noir. You and Adrien might never even meet.”

At this Ladybug faltered, staring at the person before her with wide eyes. She hadn’t considered this.

Ladybug stuttered, “N-No, Adrien was chosen to be Chat Noir. Master Fu chose _him_. Why would that change?”

Bunnyx sighed as she looked towards Plagg, who had remained silent throughout the emotional exchange.

“I believe this is where you explain things.” she told him.

Plagg’s expression was unreadable as his green eyes blinked back and forth between them.

“Ladybug’s the Guardian now.” Bunnyx continued, “She needs to know these things.”

His tailed lashed with irritation as he hissed, “ _Fine_.”

Ladybug wiped away the stray tears that had rolled down her cheeks. She looked to Plagg with confusion, waiting for him to speak.

“My power is Destruction.” he spat bitterly, “It’s not something to be given to whoever. _I’m_ the one that’s hardest to find a holder to match. All of my holders have to share a certain...trait.”

“Trait?” Ladybug whispered.

“They have to understand the power of Destruction themselves completely. So that they know not to misuse it, so that they can use Cataclysm effectively. All of my holders have been broken in some way. They all knew what it was to be destroyed themselves. It caused them to not have the will to inflict that damage on others.”

Ladybug felt her heart become still as she listened, “So Adrien’s trauma…”

Plagg looked away with a scowl, “Master Fu could tell Adrien already had the potential to use a Miraculous well. But it was because of his past that he got _mine_. Didn’t you ever wonder why you were given the Ladybug and him the Black Cat, and not the other way around?”

Ladybug had assumed it was perhaps some stupid gender restriction, but then that had already been disproved when they’d previously swapped their powers.

“It’s always the same.” Plagg muttered, “I never get to keep them long. They always say they’ll be fine but then they just...leave. They don’t even say goodbye.”

She understood more now Plagg’s insistence on appearing aloof and unattached. All of his holders had suffered in one way or another. They’d already carried destruction in them before even meeting Plagg, and from the kwami’s words it seemed that very few of his holders recovered from it.

“Do you get it now?” Bunnyx said gently, “There might not even _be_ a Chat Noir to fight alongside you if you change this. And Adrien might not even know Marinette.”

Ladybug suppressed the sob that threatened to escape her. She felt horribly selfish but that was far too much for her to let go of. Marinette needed Adrien in her life. And Ladybug couldn’t be Ladybug without Chat Noir.

Ladybug harshly wiped the fresh tears from her eyes as she attempted to hold some of her composure. Bunnyx said nothing, only waiting patiently as Ladybug gathered herself again.

She hiccuped as she tried for something else, “T-Then, what about what happened with Lila? I-I can change that, right? Let me take away some of his pain. Please…”

Bunnyx’s response was quick and surprisingly alarmed, “ _No_.”

“Why are you still saying no?” Ladybug shouted, “He already knows Marinette then. And he’s already Chat Noir. _Why is it still no?_ ”

“Time doesn’t exist in separate events! It’s all connected. Change one thing and it affects so much more than that isolated instance.”

“But it'd be for the better won’t it? I’ll protect him from her! I’ll stop her from breaking him!”

“I said no!”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _Because he died!_ ”

Ladybug felt everything drain out of her at Bunnyx’s yell. She sank to her knees, feeling her heart fall even further into an ice cold pit.

She stared wide eyed at the hero in front of her, doing her best to grind out what words she could, “How...do you know that?”

Bunnyx sighed, her expression finally betraying some sadness of what she’d been withholding, “Because you already tried that.”

Ladybug felt numb, her gaze falling down to her lap, “I...I did? But I...You…”

Bunnyx crouched before her so that she was at her eye level, “This is my second time talking with you about all this Marinette. I told you then what I’ve told you now - that you can’t just change the past however you want. But you still went and used the Rabbit Miraculous yourself when I wouldn’t do it for you.”

“He...But I wouldn’t let...I wouldn’t let something like that happen to him…”

“Consequences, Marinette. You change something and there are consequences. You stopped Lila but that changed so much else. You intervening. Chloe getting involved. Adrien getting medical help from people who weren’t paid by his father. You and Adrien finding out about each other’s identities. Adrien opening up to you. Finding out about the amok. Adrien breaking away from his father. _None_ of that happened when you prevented that pinnacle event with Lila.”

“But...But I still knew didn’t I? I still knew he was Chat Noir. I still knew that the amok was there. I could have still helped him!”

“You didn’t get the chance.”

Ladybug slowly lifted her watery gaze to Bunnyx’s sympathetic one. She could tell that the time traveller wasn’t lying. Ladybug...Marinette had broken the chain of events she’d shared with Adrien.

“What...what _did_ happen then?” she whispered.

Bunnyx pressed her lips into a thin line as her eyes shifted to the side, “He was still hospitalised for his physical condition at the time. Without Chloe taking the lead, his father oversaw the treatment Adrien received. No one was allowed to see him, even when he returned home. You tried to reach out to him as Ladybug but his...isolation got worse. Since there was nothing done about the amok he just kept declining. Being Chat Noir was no longer enough to help him manage and he...he died.”

Ladybug tightened her hands into fists. There was still something Bunnyx wasn’t telling her.

“How?” she asked weakly, “I would have been watching him...I would have stopped it from happening…”

Bunnyx shook her head, “I’m not going to tell you how he did it.”

That was all Ladybug needed to know. It hadn’t been an accident. In the timeline that she’d changed, Adrien had taken his own life. She’d tried to fix things and ended up _killing him_.

She couldn’t hold back the sobs that rocked her body. She curled into herself as she cried. Screaming out the desperate sorrow and anger at what another her had done. If it weren’t for Bunnyx jumping back a second time to stop her, she would have _ruined_ Adrien, not helped him.

“I know you only want to make things better.” Bunnyx said gently as she reached out to squeeze Ladybug’s shoulder, “But you have to accept that the life you are living is the one you’ve got. Time jumping isn’t just some easy fix. You have no idea the amount of preparation I had to do when I brought you to fight Chat Blanc.”

Ladybug felt numb as her harsh sobs fell to whimpers. It came as a surprise when Plagg settled onto her lap. The kwami didn’t look at her, but she could feel the tiny vibrations of his comforting purr.

Ladybug wiped away what she could of her tears. Bunnyx was right. It was stupid of her to think that she could just solve things for Adrien with a quick jump into the past, that everything would be better just because she intended it to be. She had spent the past few days thinking it over and over, how things would be better if she could just erase Adrien’s trauma for him. She sniffled, absently stroke her finger over Plagg’s head. He didn’t resist, appearing to ignore the action as he kept looking away. A few days...why had Bunnyx been directed to this time and not when Marinette had first thought of all this? That way she wouldn’t have spent all that time planning for something she wouldn’t dare do now. What was different?

The realisation snapped her from her numbness. It was because she knew something she didn’t before. Emilie Agreste. It had to be. Why else would Bunnyx turn up when she’d literally just found out how Adrien’s mother had owned one of the missing Miraculous?

“What…” Ladybug started, nervously looking towards Bunnyx in front of her, “What if I went back - not to change anything - but to talk to someone?”

Bunnyx looked perplexed for a moment before frowning, “If you’re planning to warn Adrien-”

“No, not Adrien. I want to talk to someone else. I want to speak with Emilie, his mother.”

Bunnyx pursed her lips together as she hummed thoughtfully. After a moment she stood up, stroking her chin as she looked around the numerous flickering images that surrounded the Burrow.

“Emilie Agreste, huh? Interesting.” Bunnyx murmured.

Her vague reaction didn’t tell Ladybug enough to know if the other hero knew that Emilie had previously owned a Miraculous. She watched as Bunnyx approached one of the circles, waving her hand over it. Ladybug couldn’t quite make out what the picture was showing, but she could see it jumping back and forth like a video rewinding or fast forwarding. She held her breath as Bunnyx paused, crossing her arms again as she tapped her foot.

“This...maybe.” Bunnyx said quietly before turning back to face Ladybug, “I’ll have to set ground rules though. You even _think_ of breaking any of them and I’ll be throwing your ass back to your own time so hard, past and future you will feel it too.”

Ladybug stood up, hastily wiping away what remained of her tears as she steeled her resolve, “R-Right!”

“First, you go in as Ladybug and stay as Ladybug. No one must see you as Marinette. Second, you go to Emilie Agreste and speak _only_ to her. No one else.”

“Understood.”

“Last thing. Adrien _cannot_ see you. You don’t show yourself to him. You don’t speak to him. You will _not_ engage with him in any way. Not a single spot of yours is to cross his path, you hear me?”

Ladybug clenched her shaking fists as she tried to push back the apprehension building in her, “I...I understand.”

She felt Plagg settle onto her shoulder as she moved towards where Bunnyx was waiting. The Rabbit hero still seemed a little unsure of this, but she sighed and turned back to the image next to her.

“Be as quick as you can. The less time you spend there, the better.” she said.

Ladybug tried to calm the erratic beating of her heart as she looked at the shimmering image ahead of her. It was a nighttime scene, so she couldn’t make out too much beyond some soft city lights.

“I’ll keep an eye on things here. Good luck, Minibug.” Bunnyx smiled, “I hope she tells you what you’re looking for.”

Ladybug didn’t get a chance to respond before she felt the other hero’s hand forcing her forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, not going to undo everything with time travel. Not going to be that easy. The angst remains! ~~sob~~
> 
> Thanks for all the amazing comments and kudos! You're all so nice 😭


	74. Shade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug finds herself in the past. With a goal in mind, she goes in search of Emilie Agreste.

Ladybug found herself stepping out onto a rooftop. Looking around, she recognised the familiar Paris city skyline illuminated in its night time glow. It didn’t look all that different. Had Bunnyx really sent her back?

“So what’s your plan?” Plagg mumbled from where he perched on her shoulder.

She glanced at the little cat, finding some relief that she wasn’t alone.

She took a breath, “We look for Emilie Agreste. Best place is to start at the mansion.”

Taking a quick look around, she gathered her bearings before setting off in her chosen direction.

Habit made her approach the imposing building from the side. Her heart twisted in her chest as she landed on the rooftop facing the large windows that framed Adrien’s bedroom. It was a little strange to see all of the windows closed. She was so used to seeing one of them open. Through the darkened windows she could see the small glow of a light. Someone was there.

Her movements were automatic as she threw out her yo-yo, leading herself to swing across the gap towards the side of the mansion. She sailed over quietly, coming to rest herself over the cold surface of the building next to the windows. With her hands tightly secured in her yo-yo string and her feet planted against the wall, she peeked through the glass next to her.

It was dark inside. The room was shrouded in long shadows, all except for the sole light of the lamp set on the computer desk. The room looked a little different. The obvious thing she noticed was that the baby grand piano was nowhere to be seen. Some of the posters and wall decorations were a little different too. As her eyes travelled the space, she caught sight of the coffee table that was set before the couch. Placed upon the table was a tray with a completely untouched meal. Given that it appeared to be the dead of night, chances are the food had been sitting there a while.

Movement caught her eye. She shrank back into the shadows of the building’s exterior as her eyes snapped to the bed in the room. Her breathing stilled as she saw him. Adrien sat up on the bed and rubbed at his eyes. In the gloomy light she couldn’t make out much of his face, but she could see he was still wearing his everyday clothing. His hands fell away from his face again, dropping limp to his sides as he became still once more. He was just sitting on the bed, seeming to stare out ahead of himself. After a minute or so, his head turned towards the windows. For a moment Ladybug thought he’d seen her, but he slowly turned away again as he got up from the bed. Her heart throbbed in her chest as she watched him listlessly walk across his room until he came to the coffee table.

She could see him a little more clearly now. It was definitely Adrien, but not as she knew him now. He was shorter and his frame not so defined. He was younger, looking similar to when she had first met him. She watched him as he restlessly fidgeted where he stood, rubbing at his wrists and his neck as though they were painful and irritated. Her heart sank as she recognised the motions. It had already happened. The Adrien she was seeing now was still raw with his trauma.

She flinched at the sudden noise of the tray of food being swept to the floor. The crashing of the plate and cutlery was soon followed by the sound of the coffee table being dragged across the floor. He was pulling it towards the window. Ladybug moved back along the wall a little, pressing herself more into the shadows as one of the large windows was pulled open. In the edges of her vision she could see it as Adrien used the table to climb up onto the windowsill. His hands braced harshly against the window frame, holding himself there as he balanced on the edge. Ladybug almost moved to grab him, to push him back into the room, but the feeling of Plagg’s small claws digging into her shoulder made her pause.

Bunnyx’s condition echoed back to her, _You will not engage with him in any way._

So she restrained herself, gripping her yo-yo string even tighter in her hands. There was nothing between Adrien and the sharp drop into the darkened shadows of the garden far below. Bunnyx’s rules be damned. If he let himself fall forward, Ladybug would stop him. She would _have_ to catch him. She wouldn’t be able to just sit back and watch otherwise.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she waited. She could see his face properly now, lit up in the meager moonlight. He looked so tired, like he hadn’t slept for weeks. His heavy eyes were turned up towards the waning moon and his pale lips were parted with trembling breaths. But he didn’t move. She could see the slight shaking of his hands, but he still held onto the window frame. The minutes were agonising with how slow they passed as he balanced on that edge.

Finally Adrien let out a sigh that shuddered into a broken whimper as he hung his head. Ladybug felt like she could at last breath again herself as he stepped back, withdrawing from his hold of the window frame as he once more set himself on the floor of his room. She desperately wanted to follow him. To reach out to the fragile, tormented boy and tell him that he would be okay. That someday he would have friends that cared. Someday he would have her and she would do anything for him. That he was loved and that there was a life for him to live. But she couldn’t. Bunnyx had forbidden her and she couldn’t leave until she found Emilie. Ladybug pressed her forehead to the cold wall of the building as she tried to suppress the feelings welling up inside her. Whether it was her Adrien that she knew now or a him that existed in the past, she couldn’t bear to see him like this.

A new sound forced Ladybug to look once more into the room. Someone was knocking on the door. Adrien didn’t do anything to answer it, instead moving to sit down on the couch.

“Honey?” a soft voice spoke as the door slowly opened.

There was a moment of silence before Ladybug saw a new figure walk across the room. It wasn’t until they were standing next to the couch that she could properly see them in the shadowed room. Emilie Agreste.

She was a tall, slim woman who stood and moved with the poise of a ballerina. She was dressed in a silken blouse and fitted skirt, her blonde hair falling in a gentle twist over her shoulder. Despite her elegant appearance, Ladybug couldn’t help but notice the way the woman was anxiously wringing her hands as she looked at her son. He hadn’t gotten up from the couch or even lifted his gaze to her.

Emilie’s head nervously whipped around to search for something. She eventually settle on the overturned tray and broken plate on the floor.

“You didn’t eat.” she sighed.

“I wasn’t hungry.” Adrien responded.

Ladybug heart throbbed at the low sound of his voice. It was rough and rasping from damage.

Emilie again fidgeted with her hands for a moment before speaking again, “If you’re not hungry then that’s fine. But please don’t throw it on the floor.”

Adrien’s gaze shifted to the mess of the broken plate and ignored food, “My hand slipped. I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up.”

“And why’s the window open? It’s freezing outside.”

“I wanted some air.”

Ladybug couldn’t tell if Emilie bought the lie or not, but she appeared to go along with it as she slowly nodded.

“Why don’t you come down to the study with me?” Emilie’s tone was forcefully light, “I know it’s late, but I won’t tell Nathalie if you don’t. Some music might help you sleep?”

“I...Maybe. I’ll clean this up first.”

“Just come down when you’re ready. I’ll play a song for you.”

Ladybug ducked away again as Emilie turned to approach the window. If the pair talked any further, Ladybug didn’t hear it as Emilie closed the window. She waited a moment longer before seeing the woman’s figure retreating towards the door, leaving Adrien alone again.

Ladybug found herself hesitating again, but she knew she couldn’t stay. As much as she wanted to reach out to the despondent boy, she was there to talk to Emilie and Emilie alone. With a heavy heart, she shifted her grip on her yo-yo string. With practiced ease the string lengthened, allowing her to quietly descend into the garden below.

Ladybug’s heart pounded as she slipped through the shadows of the garden towards the steps that led to the back door. She quietly wished she had the high level of stealth that Chat Noir had, but thankfully the time of night and the deep darkness of the enclosed area seemed to hide her presence well enough. The mansion appeared quiet enough, but she didn’t want to risk someone looking out a window and seeing her.

Plagg flitted ahead of her up the steps, disappearing through the backdoor of the mansion. As Ladybug reached it, she heard the sound of the door's lock opening followed by the cat reappearing.

“Kitchen’s clear.” he reported, “Looks pretty quiet inside.”

She nodded and carefully turned the handle of the door, still being as cautious as possible as she slipped inside.

The interior of the mansion was also steeped in darkness. It seemed that not even the small amount of moonlight was reaching through the large windows of the building. To get to the study, she had to go from the kitchen to the dining room, and then out into the foyer. Ladybug paused as she peeked through the dining room doors into the entrance hall. Her eyes were immediately drawn to a pallid yellow glow cutting through the partially open door of the atelier. She waited a moment, eyes glued to the slip of light. There didn’t seem to be any movement from the room though, so she quickly moved out from the dining room and made her way towards the study.

Ladybug found herself frozen at the door of the study. There was music playing within. A delicately slow piece, softly playing from a piano. It was a classical piece that she was sure she had heard numerous times, but she had no idea the name of.

“Adrien’s still upstairs.” Plagg murmured, floating down towards her again after briefly scouting out the mansion, “She’s alone in there.”

Ladybug swallowed the lump in her throat as she gave a small nod. On the other side of the door was the person she’d come for. The _real_ person and not the remaining ghost of the memories Adrien had shared with her.  
The gentle, melancholy music had now stopped. Ladybug took a breath as she hardened her resolve. She lifted her hand to the door and gave it a timid knock.

“Come in.” a voice responded lightly.

Ladybug’s heart was in overdrive from the excitement and anxiety that coursed through her as she opened the door. She carefully poked her head in first, cautiously surveying the room on the other side of the door.

The chandelier was lit up, casting a shimmering light around the room. There was also a fire burning, tinting the air with a light smokey scent and causing faint shadows to dance across the bookshelves. The room looked much the same as how she’d seen it before. The wall to wall bookshelves in warm woods, the comfortable looking bay window, and the gleaming white grand piano as the feature point of the room. But this time there was someone sitting at it.

Emilie was turned away slightly, so she hadn’t seen Ladybug as she tiptoed into the room and closed the door behind her with a soft click.

“I told you before, Adrien honey.” Emilie smiled as she turned a page of the music sheets set up on the piano, “You don’t need to knock when coming in here.”

Ladybug pressed her lips together in a nervous line, unsure if she should respond or not. When no one answered her, Emilie looked up from the piano towards the door. Her previously soft expression evaporated immediately.

Ladybug could see her more clearly in the warmer lights of the study. The golden blonde of her hair was a perfect match to Adrien’s, and their eye colour was incredibly similar. Ladybug knew Adrien’s eyes so well though that she could see a slight difference in their shades of green. Where Adrien’s colour was like a warm summer sunlight streaming through the leaves of a tree canopy, Emilie’s was more like that of smooth, cool gemstones. It was undoubtedly true though that Adrien mostly took after his mother in appearance, seeming to only inherit his father’s height and build.

The woman eyed the spotted hero up and down with a look of distaste, “I know my husband is a fashion designer, but that doesn’t mean you need to dress up in some ridiculous getup when you break in.”

Ladybug opened and closed her mouth in panic, unsure of how to respond to that.

Emilie turned round on the seat so that she was now face on, crossing one long leg over the other as she spoke, “So what is it you’re after? Money? Expensive items? Are you here to threaten me?”

“N-No!” Ladybug sputtered, “I’m not a burglar or anything like that!”

Emilie looked skeptical as she raised an eyebrow, “Some sort of journalist then? Though the costume is a bit much for that. Or are you one of those _fans_? If you are here to harass my son, I will be taking that pretty little head of yours of your shoulders.”

Ladybug found a shiver of fear passing through her. She never really thought of what to expect when she came here, but she didn’t expect to find herself wandering into the den of a lioness. The Emilie before her was nothing like the caring and gentle person Adrien had described to her. There was a certain fierceness in her, a challenging gaze burning in her eyes as she stared Ladybug down. But there was a tiredness as well. A weariness of someone who’d faced endless arguments and fights but had nothing to show for it.

“No! I’m just here to talk to you…” Ladybug weakly tried to explain.

Emilie gave her an incredulous look, “To me? Darling, I don’t do interviews. Now, if you would kindly leave - or shall I call for someone to throw you out?”

“I know you have a Miraculous!” Ladybug blurted out.

Emilie watched her with a cool, calculating gaze, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know you’re a Miraculous user. I’m one too!”

Again Emilie’s discerning eye travelled over Ladybug’s appearance. Ladybug felt like the woman was trying to decide whether to tear her to pieces or simply have her kicked outside to the curb. Emilie remained silent for the moment, pursing her lips together with an almost disapproving look.

“No point hiding it.” Plagg sniggered as he appeared from wherever he’d been hiding, “This kid’s already got you all figured out lady. We _know_ you’ve got a Miraculous.”

Emilie’s eyes widened as she saw the kwami float out into the open, her jaw dropping a little at his appearance. Plagg preened at the reaction he’d caused, giving Ladybug a smug grin over his shoulder. While she didn’t agree with his sudden interference, Ladybug had to give it to him. Emilie had been looking pretty doubtful and standoffish before, but now as she stared at the little flaunting cat her expression became one of amazement.

The tense silence that had followed Plagg’s appearance was broken by a new voice. It was small and had a lilting, almost song-like quality to its tone.

“ _Plagg_? Is that really you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh heck finally seeing some Emilie that isn't just a dream/memory from Adrien.
> 
> Thank you for all the amazing comments you guys have been leaving! I'm sorry I can't always respond to them, but I do read every single one of them!


	75. Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having found Emilie, Ladybug tries to have her questions answered.

Ladybug’s eyes were drawn to the small shape that peeked over Emilie’s shoulder. Reddish pink irises set in dark blue sclerae stared back at her. Emilie’s own gaze was once more locked onto Ladybug, again with that frosty challenging expression.

Plagg floated forwards a little, his ears and tail held high with curiosity, “ _Duusu_?”

There was a squeal of delight as a blue blur whipped out from hiding behind Emilie, bolting forwards and into Plagg. Blue and black spun together, childish giggling overlapping Plagg’s feigned grumbling.

“It’s Plagg! You’re _Plagg_!” the singing voice laughed.

When the delighted dancing stopped, Ladybug could finally see the creature that had revealed themselves. It was undoubtedly a kwami, a similar size to Plagg and coloured a deep blue. Five feathers resembling a peacock’s grew from its lower back, occasionally fluttering with excitement as the kwami zipped around.

“And _you_ !” the Peacock kwami gasped as they flew up to Ladybug’s face, hovering mere centimeters from her nose, “Your _Tikki’s_ …! Oh my goodness! This is _amazing_! Plagg! Tikki! I can’t believe-! I have to tell-! I’m so happy I could just-!”

Again the energetic kwami flew around, spinning and twirling with chirps of delight.

“Duusu darling, you're getting yourself worked up again.” Emilie chided gently, but her hardened gaze on Ladybug remained.

“Yes! Sorry, Mistress.” Duusu responded airily as she flitted back to her holder.

Emilie lightly brushed her fingertips over Duusu’s head, giving the kwami a soft smile before once more turning to Ladybug with a glare, “So you know about Duusu and you want to talk to me, but you haven’t told me who _you_ are yet.”

Ladybug chewed her lip as she considered her answer, “I’m…I’m Ladybug.”

The blonde woman gave a crooked smirk, placing her head in her hand as she rested her elbow on the piano, “An alias? That’s very suspicious Little Bug. You break into my house and won’t even tell me who you are.”

“She’s the Guardian.” Plagg responded with a haughty expression.

“The Guardian!” Duusu gasped, “Are...you here to reclaim me?”

“Reclaim?” Emilie reiterated with a raised eyebrow.

“She protects the Miraculous. They’re meant to be in her possession to protect us.”

Ladybug looked between the apprehensive gazes of Emilie and Duusu. This wasn’t what she had come here to do, but could she really exert her position as Guardian to take the Peacock Miraculous? _Should_ she?

“I refuse.” Emilie said flatly, cutting Ladybug’s thoughts before she could make any decision.

“You...refuse?” Ladybug repeated with bewilderment.

“I don’t care what kind of authority you think you have, but you are not taking Duusu. I would never hand her off to some _stranger_. I need her more than you ever could.”

Ladybug’s heart trembled as she knew the meaning of Emilie’s words.

“You’re already using the amoks on him…” she whispered before she could stop her words.

Emilie’s steely glare faltered briefly, “W-What are you...How do you…?”

Ladybug bit her lip, cursing her inability to keep words in. But maybe this was the direction they needed to go. So far Emilie had been very defensive, giving no quarter for Ladybug to press for information. Maybe if she offered some truth, Emilie would be more open to talk.

Ladybug took a deep breath, “I’m...not from here. I mean, I’m not from this time. I came from the...future.”

Emilie stared at her like she was a raving lunatic before bursting out laughing, “The _future_? Oh Little Bug, you’re going to need to try better than that. You’re actually some sort of spy aren’t you? Have you been stalking me? My family?”

Ladybug opened and closed her mouth, frantically searching for words as Emilie continued to laugh. But her mocking outburst quickly died away, the laughter replaced by abrupt coughing. Emilie lowered her head as she brought a hand to her mouth to try and restrain it. Duusu flew round her holder in quick circles, giving quick worried gasps and whispers. Ladybug took an automatic step forward, looking for some way to offer assistance. As soon as she moved though, Emilie’s eyes snapped towards her with a warning glare.

Her coughing slowly died away and Emilie placed a hand on her chest as her breathing settled once more. Her kwami’s excited movements had ceased, instead now floating solemnly before her holder.

“Mistress,” Duusu said quietly, “She’s telling the truth. I can sense the distorted energies around her. She’s not from this time.”

“That doesn’t tell me anything.” Emilie snapped, her voice still slightly hoarse, “How would she know about _that_?”

Ladybug clenched her fists as she tried to withhold her nervousness, “Because Adrien told me.”

Emilie slowly turned to look at her once more, her face painted with an aggravated disbelief.

“I-I know Adrien. In the future.” Ladybug added, “H-He told me about you. A-About the amok.”

Emilie steadily rose to her feet, a protective aggression burning in her emerald eyes, “You’re not a bug, you’re a _snake_ . Another manipulative little _witch_ that just wants to get her hands on _my son_ . He’s not some plaything for you all to do what you want with. All you ‘ _fans’_ that just want to tear him apart piece by piece. You don’t know my Adrien. You know nothing about him. How _dare_ you think he would tell someone like you _anything_!”

Ladybug was convinced that if Emilie had anything within reach, she would have thrown it straight at her head. But Ladybug wasn’t deterred. In fact, her own agitation was rising to match Emilie’s. To be accused of not knowing Adrien in the slightest struck a nerve. True, while she had been stuck on simply having a crush on him, what she knew of Adrien - the _real_ Adrien - was sparse. But now she loved him dearly and had seen him go through so much, had seen so many sides to him. She _knew_ Adrien. His smile. His laugh. His tears. His frustrations. His fears.

“You know _nothing_.” Emilie hissed.

“ _Clair de Lune._ ” Ladybug shot back defiantly, making Emilie falter.

“W-What?”

“You’re teaching him to play piano. And he wants to learn how to play _Clair de Lune_ because it’s your favourite.”

Ladybug slowly stepped forward as she spoke. Emilie watched her, her eyes wild with confusion and shock.

Ladybug continued, “When he was little you would sit him on your lap as you played piano. He doesn’t actually like modeling, but does it for his father. You built pillow forts with him when he was younger and afraid of thunderstorms. He talks to himself when he’s really focused on something. He knows a stupid amount of Disney songs. And he likes roses.”

Ladybug came to stand a short distance from Emilie now, who had slowly sunk back down onto the piano stool. Emilie stared at her for a moment before turning down to face the black and white keys before her. She was silent for a moment, her brow furrowed as she appeared deep in thought.

After a time Emilie lifted her gaze again, showing her eyes had become misted, “You know Adrien...in the future? You’re his friend? My son has a friend?”

“Friends.” Ladybug corrected quietly.

She didn’t think it was a good idea to let it slip that she was actually romantically involved with him. _Marinette_ was Adrien’s girlfriend, not Ladybug. And right now she was strictly Ladybug.

Emilie suddenly stood up, taking Ladybug’s hands in her own as she spoke with fervor, “Tell me everything! Is he still studying? Or has he a career? I bet he’s still working hard...Does he still like music? Does he have other hobbies? Does he get along with everyone? _Does he have someone he likes?_ ”

The quickfire questions were a lot for Ladybug to take in, but the last one in particular made her seize up. She hesitated to say anything though. Was she even allowed to tell Emilie all that she wanted to know about her son? She bit her lip, deciding that the best course of action was to try and divulge as little information about the future.

“I’m sorry.” Ladybug whispered, “I don’t think I can tell you all of that.”

Emilie’s smile faltered and her gaze dropped, “I suppose that makes sense. There’s only one question that really matters to me anyway.”

Ladybug gave Emilie a quizzical look as she tried to figure out what that question was.

Emilie looked up once more, her smile now pained but hopeful, “ _Is he okay?_ ”

Ladybug didn’t know how to answer that, but her heart panged at the desperation of the mother before her.

“He’s trying.” she answered quietly.

Emilie closed her eyes with a relieved nod, accepting the words as truth. She released Ladybug’s hands and returned to the piano stool. What had been a fierce protectiveness in her eyes had now become a forlorn sadness.

A soft smile came to Emilie’s lips, “Can he meet you? I’m sure you have so much you can tell him. So much that he...he would be happy to hear.”

Ladybug slowly shook her head, “I came here to speak to you. Just you.”

Emilie hummed, her gaze fixed on the piano keys before her.

A tense silence fell over them for a time. Ladybug nervously shuffled on her feet, wondering if she could now attempt a conversation with the woman in front of her without her becoming defensive again. But then the silence was broken. Ladybug stared wide-eyed, a calm awe filling her as Emilie started to play the piano. Her fingers elegantly struck out the notes that were so quickly recognisable as _Clair de Lune_. The difference between Adrien and Emilie’s playing was clear. Adrien wasn’t bad by any means, he had practiced hard and it showed. But for Emilie it seemed as natural as breathing. The fluidity and flourish with which she played was mesmerising. It was completely second nature to her. She didn’t just play the song’s melody, but added in accenting notes to make the music fuller in its harmony.

“So what is it you wanted to talk about Little Bug?” Emilie asked smoothly, never taking her eyes off of the keys.

Ladybug was a little taken aback that the woman was able to speak so clearly while focusing on the piano at the same time, “O-Oh, um… I wanted to ask you something. About those Amoks you are using…”

“I’m not going to stop doing it, if that’s what you’re going to ask.”

Ladybug’s heart wrenched at the blunt statement. It hadn’t been what she was going for, but the certainty of Emilie’s intention to continue something that would become so damaging was painful to hear.

“Are you sure that’s for the best?” she found herself asking quietly.

By now the song had reached its end so Emilie delicately placed her hands on her lap. Her eyes remained on the piano keys for a moment before she turned towards the bay window.

“For all that I want to do, this is the only thing within my power I can give him.” she said softly, “When you love someone, you do whatever you can to help them. Maybe you’ll understand someday.”

“I think I can imagine...but isn’t there anything else you can do?”

Emilie snorted as she turned back to Ladybug, “You apparently know my son, but you obviously don’t know my husband. It’s his way, or no way. His word is law around here.”

“Doesn’t he care at _all_? For you or Adrien?”

“I think he cared once. At least, I think he loved at first.”

Emilie let out a tired sigh as she lightly traced her fingers over the polished veneer of the piano. Ladybug couldn’t help but notice that the sadness of her expression was tinged now with a bitterness.

“As much as I wish it wasn’t the case,” Emilie continued, “Adrien wasn’t born into a happy family. Gabriel always was a cynic, and I suppose it’s gotten worse over the years. But I ignored his temper for the times he decided he would be romantic. I married him because I was convinced it was _true love_. I was a stupid girl.”

“Couldn’t you have left?” Ladybug whispered.

“I’d thought about it. But then Adrien was born and I didn’t have it in me to be a single mother. I wanted to stay at home with him and Gabriel allowed for that. My husband never showed any interest in being a parent, and I wasn’t going to leave my baby in the care of some stranger. Gabriel certainly wouldn’t have done anything more than hire a nanny. I wanted to give Adrien the best life possible, so I stayed.”

Ladybug couldn’t help but feel some sympathy for Emilie. She’d made an unfortunate mistake in who she married. But her love for Adrien and want to make sure he was provided for outweighed her want to escape a loveless relationship.

Emilie was silent again for a time before letting out a sigh with a sad smile, “But you’re not here for all of that. You wanted to know about the amoks?”

Ladybug took a breath to try and keep her voice steady, “I want to know how to remove them. From a person.”

Emilie raised an eyebrow, “Well, with my dear Duusu’s help it's very straightforward. With her transformation I’m able to call back the amok used.”

“Yes, but...what if Duusu wasn’t able to help? Like...if she wasn’t there?”

A look of concern flickered over Emilie and her kwami’s faces as they exchanged a glance. Emilie absently lifted her hand towards her collarbone, gently brushing aside her long blonde hair that fell over her shoulder there. Ladybug caught a brief glance of it as Emilie delicately brushed her fingers over the small object. A blue pin that resembled a fan of peacock feathers. But Emilie quickly took her hand away, letting her hair cover it once more.

“I’m not sure then.” she said simply, “Duusu, would you know? Perhaps another one of these…’Miraculous’?”

Duusu flew in little circles with an excited humming as she thought, “It’s my power so amoks will only respond completely to me. Depending on the situation though, the Ladybug or Black Cat Miraculous might be able to do something.”

Ladybug looked at the blue kwami with intrigue. She knew that Tikki’s power could help to manage the effects, but the potential of the Black Cat had never been brought up. She glanced to Plagg, but he turned away as his ears lay flat against his head.

“What could the Black Cat do?” she asked.

Duusu gave a little twirl, “Why, destroying the vessel of course! That will always release the amok!”

Ladybug stared in horror. Destroy the _vessel_ ? The fragments that remained with Adrien weren’t in any tangible item. Adrien _himself_ was the vessel.

“No!” she cried, “I can’t do that! If...If it’s a _person_ I can’t do that!”

Duusu’s fluttering stopped dead. She shrank into herself with a look between shock and despair.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can offer any help on that.” Emilie lamented as she gently took the peacock kwami into her hands, “But why are you asking me this? Could you not find Duusu where you’re from?”

“Something like that.” Ladybug whispered, her gaze dropping to the floor.

“If...someone has been helping another like I do for Adrien then they should be careful. The amoks have a capacity and should be rotated regularly.”

“You don’t leave them alone?”

“No, never. I use them to help...to help Adrien with all that is too much for him. He’s still young, you see? And he’s...been through a lot. I never leave them for too long. I want them to help him, not hurt him further.” 

Ladybug pressed her lips together, feeling conflicted. She was aggravated that Emilie was so adamant in using something so dangerous - and later detrimental - in order to ‘help’ Adrien. But then her earnest words had answered something Ladybug didn’t know how to ask. Emilie had never had the intention of abandoning Adrien, of leaving him with an intact amok that would later do more harm than good. When Emilie had disappeared, it must have been unwillingly.

Ladybug decided to go ahead with her next line of questioning, “Do you know of a man who goes by the name Hawk Moth?”

Emilie snorted as she gave a mocking grin, “ _Hawk Moth_? Never heard of him. And I’m sure I would remember a name as absurd as that. Why do you ask?”

“Because...he’s just a dangerous man.”

“Oh Little Bug, I’ve been dealing with self serving and overbearing men my whole life. I think I could handle this _Mothman_ should we ever meet.”

“Just be...wary of him if you do meet him.”

Ladybug didn’t want to say outright that she was suspicious that her enemy had kidnapped Emilie, or even done something worse, because he was pursuing the Miraculous in her possession.

Emilie appeared to be about to say something, but before she could there came a sharp knock on the door. Everyone in the room froze with a tense alarm at the sound of a voice on the other side of the door.

“Emilie. Are you there?”

It was Gabriel Agreste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here he comes~ Gabriel to ruin everything~ It's what he does~ 🎵
> 
> As always, thank you lovely readers for the comments and kudos! I appreciate every single one!❤️


	76. Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug witnesses a conversation between Emilie and Gabriel.  
> After inquiring for more information, she learns something she didn't expect.

“Emilie. Are you there?”

Ladybug turned to Emilie in horror as soon as she heard the voice of Gabriel Agreste.

“He can’t see me!” she whispered desperately, “He can’t know I was ever here!”

Emilie didn’t hesitate to take her hand. In a sweeping movement, Emilie stood up from the piano and guided Ladybug to the bay window. As soon as Ladybug huddled into the seat there, Emilie pulled shut the curtains that framed the little alcove. Ladybug protectively curled her hands around Plagg and Duusu as they settled onto her lap. Through a gap in the curtains she could see Emilie approaching the door.

“What do you want, Gabe?” Emilie asked coldly as she yanked the door open.

The calm demeanour that she had fallen into had immediately given way to the defensive lioness once more, hackles raised and teeth bared.

“You’re awake.” he stated bluntly, “And Nathalie has informed me that Adrien appears to be awake also.”

“And here you are too. I guess no one sleeps in this damn house.”

“You can have your dramatics at all hours of the night if you want to. But I’ll not have Adrien exhibit the same behaviours. If this continues I’ll have to speak to him-”

“No!” Emilie cut in sharply, “No...I’ll...I’ll speak to Adrien. I’ll make sure he gets some sleep.”

“I have put all of his activities on hold for the time being. But he cannot stay in this... _episode_ forever. He _will_ get over it, Emilie.”

Gabriel reached out, offering what was supposed to be a reassuring touch as he rubbed his hand up and down her upper arm. It made Ladybug feel uncomfortable to watch though, as it just reminded her of how the man would also place his hand on Adrien’s shoulder in a forced and possessive manner.

“But he _won’t_ Gabe.” Emilie whispered, “Not if you keep confining him like this. Let me just...find someone for him to talk to. Someone who can help him deal with it.”

Gabriel removed his hand, clasping it behind his back instead, “Talking will only lead to more people finding out. If more people find out then there will be questions. They will want to know why he had been left alone in the first place.”

There was a tense silence for a moment. Since Ladybug could only see Emilie’s back, she couldn’t tell what kind of expression the woman held. Gabriel on the other hand held his usual cold, detached as he expectantly watched his wife.

“Because I wasn’t there.” she answered weakly, almost mechanically as though this topic had been talked over numerous times now, “I...wasn’t well and couldn’t go with him that day.”

“An unfortunate situation.” Gabriel nodded solemnly, “But one that journalists and rumour vultures will chase down if they find out. That would be far worse than what we have now. I’m doing what I can to _protect_ both you and Adrien in this.”

“But he needs...If I could just…”

“That reminds me. I’ve procured a piano for him. A grand piano that can go in his room, just like you asked.”

Emilie’s voice was a hopeful whimper, “Really? One just for him?”

Gabriel took a step forward, passing through the open door and into the room.

He firmly placed his hands on Emilie’s shoulders as he looked at her, “He’ll be able to play it all that he wants. And you can teach him yourself. He will be fine, Emilie. And once he can return to his responsibilities with the brand-”

Emilie’s head snapped up, her shoulders tensing as she hissed, “You want him to go _back_ to that?”

“Be reasonable, Emilie. He can’t keep hiding away forever. He’s a very popular face for-”

“Get out.”

“Emilie-”

_“Get. Out!”_

She screamed at him and for a brief moment a hint of alarm flashed in his normally steeled blue eyes. She harshly shoved her hands against his chest, pushing him back through the door. She didn’t give him any chance to speak or react as she immediately slammed the door in his face once he was out in the hallway.

Ladybug was frozen on the spot as she watched Emilie pant for breath between stifled sobs and coughs, leaning against the door as she slid down to her knees. With no sign of Gabriel returning, Duusu flew out from the hiding spot and straight to her holder. Compared to the kwami’s earlier excitable movements, Duusu was now very static as she quietly floated next to Emilie with a worried look. The coughing continued as Emilie knelt there.

Ladybug quietly slipped out of the bay window. She wondered if there was anything she could do, anything she _should_ do. But then, this was a time that she wasn’t supposed to be in. She wasn’t meant to be there, to see what she was seeing. She wanted to try and convince Emilie that she had to leave. If not for her sake then for Adrien’s.

But Bunnyx’s words hung heavy in her mind.

_You change something and there are consequences._

Ladybug clenched her jaw in an effort to stop her lips from trembling. She couldn’t let herself do anything that could change things. There was so much at risk. She hated feeling so incapable, but at least in the time she hoped to return to Adrien would still be there.

Emilie placed her hand against the closed door as she unsteadily got to her feet again once the coughing had passed. She was still facing away from Ladybug as she quickly wiped her eyes. When she turned back around, she’d hardened her expression once more with an iron defensiveness.

“I…” she started but then needed to clear her throat before continuing, “I need to go check on Adrien.”

Ladybug chewed her lip, only able to offer a feeble nod in response.

Emilie gave a weak smile, “Are you sure you won’t come see him? I’m sure he’d be happy to hear from you. You must have so much to say.”

“I-I can’t.” Ladybug answered with a trembling voice, “He can’t know I was here. Nobody can. You can’t tell anyone that we spoke, or that you saw me.”

Emilie’s expression became neutral as she gave a slow nod. She looked to the door handle next to her as she rested her hand over it.

“Very well.” she said quietly before adding with a bleak smile, “I’m good at keeping secrets. I won’t tell anyone. But you have to do something for me as well.”

Ladybug tensed up as the words sent a wave on nervousness through her, “Y-Yes? I-I mean depending what I-I can try?”

Emilie watched her a moment before giving a gentle smile. Ladybug blinked in surprise, as it was an expression that resembled Adrien’s own soft smile so much.

Emilie’s voice was hushed as she spoke, “I don’t know what my son is like where you’re from. He can be a handful. He’s probably causing some trouble for you and his other...friends. But please - take care of him.”

The plea felt a little ominous to Ladybug, but her whispered response was automatic, “He’s worth the trouble.”

A flicker of surprise crossed Emilie’s features before she gave a sly smirk.

“I’ll be going then, Little Bug.” she sighed as she turned the door handle, “Duusu darling, please help her if she has anymore she wishes to talk about. It’s been a pleasure. Though I suppose I should consider this as no more than a dream.”

Ladybug opened her mouth to respond, but Emilie just gave a gentle chuckle as she turned and slipped through the door.

The study fell into an empty silence as the door clicked shut once more. A sense of unease had settled within Ladybug from the way Emilie had spoken.

“It’s like she’s not expecting to be here for much longer.” she whispered.

Duusu looked to her, a deep sadness glistening in her eyes, “Mistress Emilie hasn’t been well for a while now. She tries to hide it, but I think Adrien knows.”

Ladybug felt her heart twist in her chest. Adrien had spoken very little of the unknown illness that had afflicted his mother before her disappearance.

“It’s all my fault!” Duusu wailed, bursting into tears, “It’s all because I’m broken!”

Plagg quickly moved to Duusu’s side with a look of concern, “Broken? What do you mean?”

“My Miraculous - it’s cracked.”

“ _Cracked?_ How did that happen?”

“Is that bad?” Ladybug asked.

Duusu was sobbing into her paws so it was Plagg who answered, “The Miraculous are vessels to contain our power so that it can be safely used by you humans. If they get damaged then that power can leak out uncontrollably.”

“So Emilie’s illness is because of her using a damaged Miraculous?”

“Mostly likely. And abusing Duusu’s ability beyond what it's meant to be used for certainly isn’t helping.”

“I don’t mind!” Duusu cried pathetically, “Mistress Emilie has good intentions!”

“It doesn’t matter what her intentions are!” Plagg spat, “ _You’re_ in the same class as _me_. Your power is not meant to be used on other humans! It’s meant to create Avatars from objects!”

Duusu shrank away with a whimper in response to his outburst, slipping being Ladybug to hide.

“If it’s just cracked, then maybe it could be fixed?” Ladybug suggested.

“Yes!” Duusu beamed, her attitude completely flipping, “You’re a Guardian! You can fix it!”

Ladybug faltered at the kwami’s delighted outcry. Her shoulders slumped as she tried to figure out how to explain the truth of the situation. True, she had been named the Guardian after Master Fu renounced the position. But she’d only had the minimal information given in terms of any training. What to do if a Miraculous object became damaged was certainly never brought up.

“She’s only a kitten.” Plagg answered for her, “She won’t know how too. Especially without the Grimoire.”

“Oh!” Duusu squeaked, “You mean that old book? It was there when Mistress Emilie found us!”

Ladybug frowned at the memory of discovering that the Grimoire had been in Gabriel Agreste’s possession. Through an unfortunate series of events, the man had become akumatised after believing Adrien had stolen then lost the book. She had been glad to be able to smooth things over again by returning the book. Gabriel’s reasoning for his attachment to the book had been that it served an important source of inspiration for him, which as a fashion designer herself she could understand.

Ladybug froze as she considered Duusu’s words again.

_Wait. Us?_

“Duusu, did you say _us_?” she asked in alarm.

The kwami nodded eagerly, “Yes! Mistress Emilie and the Master found us in Tibet some years ago. Nooroo and me!”

Ladybug felt all of her breath leave her body, “ _Nooroo?_ Nooroo’s _here_?”

Again Duusu’s attitude shifted, becoming melancholic once more, “He’s been dormant for a long time now. I don’t know where he is.”

“Can’t you find him?”

“No.” Plagg shook his head as he floated up to her, “If he’s dormant then his Miraculous will be camouflaged. As a protective measure it's hard even for us kwami to recognise a Miraculous when it's in that state.”

Ladybug chewed her lips as she tried to link all of the pieces she’d discovered together. Emilie had indeed been in possession of the Peacock Miraculous, but the Butterfly had also been here at some point. What if it was _still_ here? If Hawk Moth had done something to Emilie, was the Butterfly the reason why he had come here in the first place and she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Ladybug gritted her teeth as she turned the thoughts over and over in her head. She’d learned so much but it _still_ felt like she was missing something.

Ladybug jumped as a white light materialised behind her. Looking over her shoulder she recognised the glowing entrance of Bunnyx’s burrow. Evidently she had decided that Ladybug’s time in the past was up.

She looked back to Duusu, who sadly returned her gaze.

“I’ll find you again.” Ladybug promised, “Just remember that. No matter what happens, I will find you _and_ Nooroo again.”

Duusu’s worry melted then, as she gave a smile and fluttered her peacock tail excitedly.

“We should go.” Plagg muttered as his ears twitched, “She’s coming back and she’s got Adrien with her.”

Ladybug stepped towards the Burrow entrance, pausing a brief moment to spare a glance at the door of the study. Faintly she could hear footsteps and the sound of Emilie talking gently.

Plagg settled onto her shoulder as she took a deep breath and entered the waiting portal.

Ladybug wrapped her arms around herself to suppress the nervous shiver that ran through her as she found herself in Bunnyx’s Burrow once more.

“Sorry to cut things short,” Bunnyx sighed as she approached her, “but we were really starting to push some limitations a bit. Did you find out what you were looking for?”

“I...I’m not sure. I think so. Maybe.” Ladybug whispered.

She knew for sure now that Adrien’s resurfaced memory hadn’t been wrong. Emilie had indeed been the one to place an amok in him, but it hadn’t been out of malice. She’d simply been a desperate mother who felt like she’d been denied every other option to help her son. Even though it was causing her own health to fail, and had no idea how detrimental her actions would become for him, she’d loved Adrien too much to let him just continue to suffer.

Unfortunately the hope of finding another way to cleanse the remnants from Adrien had proved fruitless. Without Nooroo or Duusu to remove the fragments themselves, it seemed they would just have to continue on with their current plan of Tikki’s management and Adrien strengthening his mentality.

But then there’d been something she hadn’t expected to find. Nooroo had also been in the Agreste house at some point. Whether he had still been there at the time she’d visited was unknown though. Emilie made no mention of the Butterfly Miraculous, and she had no idea about Hawk Moth either.

Bunnyx watched her quietly, her expression thoughtful as Ladybug struggled to thread together all of the information she’d discovered.

Bunnyx sighed, “We should get you back. I’ve kept an eye on things, and I don’t think your little chat has changed anything in the timeline.”

Ladybug blinked slowly as she tried to shake off her clouded thoughts. Go back. That’s right. She had to get back to Adrien. To the one that was hers and that she also belonged to completely.

“I’ll put you back right when I picked you up.” Bunnyx stated as she turned to a circular screen, waving her hand over it, “No one will notice you were gone.”

Ladybug watched Bunnyx for a moment as the time traveller motioned for the screen before her to show the desired time. Suddenly, she found all of the questions that Emilie had asked her surge up in her mind. All of the things that she had wanted to know about Adrien. Ladybug - _Marinette_ \- wanted to know them too. She knew Bunnyx was highly unlikely to answer anything though.

_There’s only one question that really matters to me anyway._

The words fell out of Ladybug’s mouth in a desperate rush, “Is he okay?”

Bunnyx looked over her shoulder with a surprised curiosity.

“In the future you’re from.” Ladybug elaborated, “Is Adrien okay?”

Bunnyx’s expression was neutral as she tapped her chin for a moment.

She broke out into a grin, but it was an apologetic one, “There’s so many things I could tell you Minibug. Good and bad.”

Ladybug swallowed thickly as her voice trembled, “But you’re not going to.”

“If I did then you’d try harder to make sure the good things happen, while trying to make sure that bad things don’t. It’s better to just let time run its course. What happens, happens.”

Ladybug let out a shuddering sigh as she nodded. She knew Bunnyx was right, but she couldn’t help but feel some disappointment. At least she felt like it had been the right thing to not answer Emilie’s questions either.

Bunnyx beckoned her forwards towards the screen she’d picked out. As she approached, Ladybug could recognise the little fairy lights of her balcony.

“I’ll tell you one thing.” Bunnyx said gently, placing a hand on Ladybug’s back in preparation to guide her through the portal, “He’s trying.”

Ladybug blinked as the bright lighting of the Burrow vanished. Looking around, she found herself in the soft glow of her balcony with the night sky stretching out above her. She looked towards her skylight that was open and waiting for her.

“Tikki, spots off.”

As the pink light flowed over her, Tikki appeared with a tired sigh. Marinette held out her hands for the exhausted kwami to settle into. Plagg floated down towards her, offering his other half a gentle nuzzle.

“Sorry, that was a long time for you.” Marinette whispered.

“It’s okay.” Tikki smiled, “We found out some important things after all.”

Marinette nodded as she slowly shifted her gaze to the skylight. Anxiety coiled tightly inside her as she approached the opening. Bunnyx had said things had managed to remain unaffected, so why was she so afraid?

Plagg and Tikki went on ahead, no doubt to find something for Tikki to eat, as Marinette approached the skylight more hesitantly.

It was her own room, but she found herself trying to be as careful and as quiet as possible as she lowered herself inside. She crawled over her bed so she could peek over the edge of the loft and into the main floor below. There was a figure standing there, idly turning his head left and right as he looked over the room. He rubbed the back of his neck as he turned around, lifting his gaze towards her to check where she was. He gave her a soft smile when he saw her timidly looking back at him.

Adrien was there. He was there and he was _alive_.

The surge of relief was desperate as Marinette practically threw herself from the bed, rapidly stumbling down the stairs to the main floor. Her feet slipped in her haste, causing her to end up falling forwards. Adrien reacted immediately, jumping forward to catch her in his arms before she could end up on the floor.

“Where’d that energy come from?” he chuckled softly.

Marinette found herself overwhelmed as it felt like her heart might burst from her chest. The sound of his voice. The feel of his arms wrapped around her. His scent that reminded her of summer sunshine. His warmth that never failed to comfort her. She couldn’t stop the tears that started to fall down her cheeks. She couldn’t hold back the whimpers or the sobs either as she buried her face into his chest, her hands gripping at the material of his hoodie. She felt Adrien tense up as she clung to him and his hold of her slackened for a moment.

There was a nervous shiver in his voice as he whispered to her, “Marinette? What is it?”

“I-I’m sorry I-” she hiccuped.

She knew she shouldn’t be grabbing onto him like this without warning, but she so desperately needed to be certain that she hadn’t lost him. She would have if Bunnyx hadn’t corrected her mistake.

Marinette tried to compose herself enough to pull away from him, but she felt his arms tighten around her again. She whimpered against him as she tried to suppress the sobs rising in her throat.

“What’s wrong, Mari?” he asked gently.

She sniffled as she tried to get her voice under control, “I-I’m just...I’m so glad you’re here.”

She heard it within his chest as he sighed. He seemed uncertain of the answer, but she wasn’t sure what else to tell him right now.

He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, “I’m here.”

Marinette released her grip on his hoodie, instead moving to wrap her arounds around his waist instead. She screwed her eyes shut as more tears fell from her lashes. Adrien’s lips were still gently pressed against her hair and he lightly squeezed her in his embrace.

“I’m still here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marinette's got some detective work to do. But first there must be cuddles!  
>  ~~Gabe is still a terrible person haha...~~
> 
> Thanks for all of the comments and kudos! You're all so lovely!


	77. Linked

Adrien kissed the crown of her head as Marinette continued to press herself into him. He could feel the shaking of her shoulders in his embrace as she tried to suppress her quiet sobs and whimpers. He didn’t really understand why she was crying as the answer she’d given him was a little vague. He didn’t press her for the reason though and instead focused on trying to comfort her in whatever way he could.  
He felt a little guilty for it, but he was glad that Marinette needed his attention right now. She was giving him something to focus on other than his own disjointed thoughts. He didn’t really want to think about the past, the intention behind his mother’s actions or Hawk Moth’s potential involvement in her disappearance. So even though anxiety was clawing in the pit of his stomach and tightening around his chest from Marinette suddenly clinging to him, he placed all of his attention on her.

He tried to keep his own nervous shakes to a minimum as he held her. He’d figured out a while ago that physical affection meant a lot to her and was a large part in how she tried to comfort others. She hugged her parents all the time, and was always there to offer a hug or hold someone’s hand if one of their friends was having a bad time. It was clear that she wanted to do the same for him, but unfortunately it just didn’t work for him a lot of the time. It seemed to be helping her though as he held her in his arms and pressed his lips to her head. She was starting to calm down again but he refused to let himself be the one to let go first. He could feel his conditioned panic looming over him but he pushed it back.

 _It’s Marinette and right now she needs me_ , he told himself.

She let out a soft whine into his chest as he squeezed her in his arms. She returned to gesture, tightening her hold around his waist as her hands gripped the back of his hoodie.

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled.

“It’s okay.” he whispered softly into her ear.

She must have heard the slight quiver in his voice, as she leaned back so she could look up at him. Her nose and cheeks were red and damp, and her eyes were still wet and puffy. He lifted a hand to tenderly cup her cheek, using his thumb to sweep away the remaining traces of tears.

“You can let go of me if you want.” she sniffled.

Despite her words she still leaned into his touch as he gently caressed her cheek.

“Do _you_ want me to?” he asked.

She bit her lip as her glassy gaze searched him for a moment. It was clear she didn’t want to, but her arms slipped away from him as she took a small step back. He appreciated her consideration for him, but at the same time he hated that he wanted to reassure her but she was still putting him first.

He let his hold of her waist go and moved his hand from her cheek to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.

He decided to try again, “What’s wrong?”

Marinette’s lips trembled as her gaze fell. His hand lingered at the side of her head as his fingers brushed through her dark hair. This smaller contact was easier for him to maintain than the desperate embrace, so he continued with the gentle touch. Marinette tilted her head so that she was resting against his hand, seeming to find some reassurance from it.

“I was just thinking about some things...and I guess I started to overthink and overwhelmed myself.” she said with a weak laugh.

“Can I do anything? We can talk about it if you want.”

She timidly met his gaze again. Seeing her upset like this made his heart throb. Fuck his stupid anxiety issues. If she needed something from him for her to feel better, then he would do it.

Marinette lifted her hand to gently take his own that had been caressing her. She clasped his hand as she held it between them. His breathing hitched as she then used her other hand to trace her fingertips over the self inflicted scarring on his knuckles and the back of his hand.

“What you were feeling when you…” she said quietly, “What you were feeling when this happened, have you felt like that since?”

He swallowed thickly as her eyes were now on the mostly healed over marks on his skin. His free hand started to subconsciously tap against his leg as he considered her question. He wasn’t sure what he expected for her to say, but it wasn’t for her to bring that up. She deserved for him to give her an answer though, he knew that much. Even though his own feelings were a mess, half of which he wouldn’t even acknowledge in himself, she had been angry on his behalf after he’d harmed himself. And now it appeared she was sad for him too. Had he done something to upset her and not even noticed himself? His gaze flickered to the side as he forced himself back to think over her question.

How he’d felt then was something he wasn’t entirely sure of himself, but he had felt something similar since. When his father had struck him and following his confrontation with Nathalie were the main moments that stuck out to him, but there were also little flashes of it here and there that had been easier to discard at the time. It was a desperate struggle sometimes that all the pain and anguish he felt was all _inside his head_. With no physical injury to attribute it to, it was harder to control how he felt about all that hurt. The invisibility of it meant he couldn’t just clean it up and bandage it like Marinette had done for his hand. And the trauma that was so deeply rooted in him now wasn’t something that would just heal on its own and might possibly never heal completely either.

Marinette gently squeezing his hand in hers prompted him to hesitantly turn his gaze back to her. She was searching him cautiously, waiting to see if he’d answer her. He sighed as he felt that uncomfortable tightness in his chest. He’d promised before that he would be honest with her.

He cleared his throat but his voice still cracked as he spoke, “Sometimes. It’s...been like that a few times. But not as bad. I think.”

The way her eyes dropped and her lips pressed into a nervous line told him that she already knew his answer to be true. His breath caught in his throat as she leaned forward, bringing his hand to her lips and she softly kissed the marks over his knuckles.

“I’m happy that you’re...here, you know?” she whispered with her lips still over his hand, “You promised you’d talk to me if you ever felt like that again, so please do. I’m here for you and I want to help you through it.”

Adrien’s heart pounded in his chest. He’d been wanting to console her from whatever had upset her, yet here she was reassuring him again. The feeling that welled up inside him was so overwhelming that it even forced aside the panic that still lingered from him being touched. He loved her. He loved so much it hurt. It hurt that she deserved so much better than him. He wanted to be better for her, to be someone that she was truly happy to be with.

“I love you.” he blurted out, making her look up in surprise, “I know that I’m a mess and you could do so much better than me. But I’m glad that you’re still here with me too even though I’m nowhere near enough what you deserve. But I’ll try to be better. I’ll try to give you what you want. Anything. I’ll shower you with roses everyday. I’ll play music for you whenever you ask. I’ll-”

His rambling was cut off as Marinette leaned in, lifting herself on her toes as she placed a delicate kiss on his cheek. His heart skipped at the touch and any words he had left evaporated.

Marinette looked up at him with a gentle smile when she pulled away again, “You don’t need to do any elaborate schemes to convince me to love you. I already do and have plenty of reasons to.”

His anxiety was trying to claw its way back in but Adrien did his best to place all of his focus on the warmth of her hand that held his and the softness of her bluebell eyes. She’d stop crying now and her gaze was shining with so much emotion that it left him breathless.

“You don’t need to be scared you’re not enough either.” she whispered, “You’re so much better than you think you are. I don’t need anything from you other than the person you are. And I want you to be okay, but it’s fine if you’re not okay all of the time. I’m going to be here for as long as you want me.”

“Always.” he croaked as he leaned into her, ignoring the faint white noise that was getting dragged out by his anxiety, “I’ll always want you, Mari. I always have. I just want to make you happy.”

It felt like he was completely lost in the sweetness of her blue eyes as she tilted her head up to him, a small smile upon her lips, “You _do_ make me happy.”

Adrien exhaled a short laugh as he felt his heart soar at her words. He’d always felt like no matter what he did he could never please anyone, that he always had to hide himself because no one wanted to see the weak and lonely person he actually was.  
But then Marinette had broken through the walls he’d hidden himself behind. She’d seen him and felt for him when others refused to. She had gotten angry and cried on his behalf when he wouldn’t let himself. She treated him with so much care he didn’t even know was possible. He absolutely adored and admired her, and it still left him astounded that she had chosen to love him.

His breathing hitched as Marinette let go of his hand, reaching out to gently hold either side of his face instead.

“Sorry if I’m kind of crowding you right now,” she said softly, “but do you mind if I kiss you?”

The crackle of the white noise had remained calm for the moment. It was there but it was bearable. He stepped towards her, carefully wrapping his arms around her waist as he drew her in. Her hands slipped away from his face, threading through his hair as he leaned into her. He paused just before touching his lips to hers, their breaths mingling as he took in her tender gaze. She tilted her head up for him but didn’t move beyond that, leaving it up to him to continue.

He shivered as he gingerly brushed his lips over hers. She returned the touch, kissing him back gently and following his tentative movements. His senses were filled with the softness of her, her sweet vanilla scent and how perfectly she fit in his arms. Nothing else mattered to him right now. She was his everything and he hoped that his conditioned fears would hold off long enough for him to let her know it.

* * *

Marinette relished the taste of peppermint on her lips as Adrien kissed her. It had started gentle and a little unsure at first, but the kiss was slowly becoming less chaste. She felt him shiver as her fingers brushed through his hair. She could tell he was still nervous, so she didn’t push to further anything herself. She followed his lead, eagerly opening her mouth for him as he sucked on her lower lip. A soft moan escaped from her as his tongue slipped past her lips and she angled her head a little so that he could kiss her more deeply. She was keenly enjoying the feeling of his heat mixing with hers, but he pulled away to breathe. She’d almost not realised how her own lungs were desperate for oxygen until she was gasping as his lips left hers.

Her heart felt ready to burst with how much she loved him. She had felt so useless when she had seen his younger self and hadn’t been able to do anything for him. It had been absolutely crushing to know that she had tried to fix things and only ended up destroying the person she wanted to save. It hurt even now, knowing that his moments of dissociation and intrusive thoughts reamined. But he was still here and trying so hard to love her in all the ways he thought she deserved. But she didn’t need all of that. He was enough for her as he was.

She was pulled into the gravity of his verdant eyes and felt herself melt under his gaze.

“Stay with me.” she whispered.

He gave her an unsure, crooked smile, “I’m already here.”

She shook her head, “I want you to always be with me. Today. Tomorrow. And every day after. Don’t leave me on my own.”

She wasn’t sure if he understood the meaning behind her words, but she wanted him to hear them. Even if he didn’t always hold much importance in it himself, his life meant far more to her than anything else.

His eyes nervously searched her for a moment before he gave a wry smirk, “That almost sounds like a marriage proposal there, Princess.”

“Then marry me.”

There was a beat of silence between them.

Marinette flushed scarlet, desperately wishing she could shove those words back down her throat where they belonged. Of all the things to fall out of her mouth while her brain decided to lag behind…! Adrien was staring back at her with wide-eyed shock, a similarly deep blush rising in his cheeks.

 _Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!_ She was screaming internally now as she scrambled for something to say.

Could she play it off as a joke? No, that would probably be insensitive and borderline offensive to do. Pretend she got her words muddled again and had meant to say something else? That could maybe work.

Her frantic thoughts dissipated at the soft sound of Adrien’s gentle laugh. It was meek and nervous, but genuine. She looked up at him as her heart tap danced against her ribs. His eyes shyly glanced to the side as he lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck.

“Th-Thats um, a-a little bit ahead of us, don’t you think?” he stuttered, “I wasn’t even s-sure if that was something you wanted.”

“I do.” she answered breathlessly, making his eyes lock back onto her with alarm.

 _Shut up!_ She yelled at herself, _Stop using words, you’re just making it worse! He’s going to fucking run for it now, you crazy person!_

Adrien sighed as his gaze slowly shifted back to her. She felt his arm that was still wrapped around her waist shift uncomfortably, no doubt from the sudden rise of anxiety she’d inflicted.

He nervously cleared his throat, his eyes flickering around as though he wasn’t sure where to look, “If you don’t mind waiting then...when I-I’m ready.”

A warmth bloomed from her heart as she whispered, “When you’re ready?”

There was still an apprehension in his gaze as he forced it back onto her, but there was a softness in his expression that made her heart pound, “I’ll ask you when I’m ready. If that’s okay.”

She couldn’t stop the smile that beamed from her as a tingling giddiness spread throughout her.

Adrien grimaced slightly at her obviously eager expression, “Don’t get carried away, please. That’s not...something I’m prepared to think about right now. But in the future I will.”

“I’ll wait.” Marinette answered immediately, “As long as you need. Besides, I wasn’t expecting anything right now this minute anyway. I uh...just kind of said it without thinking.”

He gave a short exasperated sigh as he gave her a small smile, “I figured as much.”

She knew it would be impossible to calm the excitement bubbling inside her anytime soon. Still, she didn’t want to place too much pressure on him. She attempted to step away to allow Adrien to have his space again, but he held her in place. His hand that had been worrying at his neck returned to her waist as he held her close to him. Her blush from earlier hadn’t left her completely, but it was heating up to full again as he lowered his head to her shoulder.

“It sounds nice though.” he murmured as he nuzzled against her neck, “Having you be mine and loving you for the rest of my life.”

“Do you really want to?” she whispered.

She felt him hum softly over her skin before placing a soft kiss on the nape of her neck, “I’d thought about it before. But I’d always thought it was something I’d never have. A little house or apartment that’s just big enough for the two of us. Maybe a garden. And a room just for you that you can keep your designs and work in. And I’d be able to wake up next to you every morning, and just be with you everyday.”

“You still don’t think we can have that?”

“That was before you...knew who I was. Before I knew who you were.”

“Well, it’s something we can look forward to now.”

She let out a small giggle as he placed a ticklish kiss under the corner of her jaw. She moved her arms to wrap around his middle as she pressed herself closer to his warmth. Taking care to not touch his neck, she rested her head against his shoulder.

“Do you need me to move away?” she asked softly despite her movements, “Or is this okay?”

Adrien sighed next to her ear, making her shiver, “This is purrfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, fluff still exists in this fic. Got to have some comfort somewhere.
> 
> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos! It's always so lovely to see and it never fails to make my day!


	78. Chasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gets a little NSFW this chapter but nothing too explicit.

Marinette’s heart fluttered as Adrien slowly peppered more kisses at her neck. The feel of his lips on her skin was so gentle and left a delightful warmth with each touch. There was no urgency or desperation in the affection he was giving her, as though he wanted to make sure that every inch of skin from her shoulder, her nape and behind her ear had been kissed.  
She was still buzzing with a giddiness. She wished she could tell her younger self that all those daydreams of Adrien might actually become a reality just to see the look on her face.

There were so many things lingering in her mind, but right now her heart was overflowing with happiness. She’d felt his nervousness earlier, but now she was in his arms and he was lavishing loving kisses on her. But it wasn't only the affection that was making her heart soar. For the first time Adrien had shown some interest in the future to her, and he included her in it. She found herself dreaming of that little home for just the two of them too. Somewhere just for them starting out a life together. Even if it took five years, ten years, or even more she wanted that with him whenever he was ready for it.

A soft sound reached through her glittering thoughts of what was to come. She paused and focused on the sound next to her. Her head was still resting against Adrien’s shoulder as he nuzzled her, so she gently turned a little so that she could press her ear against him. A smile lit up her face as she recognised the sound. Adrien was purring. It was such a quiet and gentle rumble within his chest that she had to listen carefully to hear it. She loved it.

She hummed with delight, “How do you do that?”

Adrien’s gentle kisses stopped. He didn’t say anything for a moment as he pulled away. His deadpan expression and the pink across his face said he knew exactly what she was talking about. The faint noise in his chest faded away.

“It just happens.” he muttered as he glanced to the side, “I can’t control it.”

“I like how it sounds.” she grinned, gently rubbing her hands up and down his back in an effort to get him to purr again.

“I prefer how this sounds.”

Marinette looked at Adrien in confusion as his hands came away from her waist. Immediately after she let out an inelegant squawk as he startled to tickle her sides, his fingers scaling up and down her ribs. She tried to wriggle herself away, but he held her close.

“A-Adrien!” she screamed with laughter, “N-No I-! Mercy! _Mercy!_ ”

He relented then, watching her with a satisfied smirk as she caught her breath again. She pouted at him but that seemed to widen his grin.

She lightly slapped his chest as she scoffed, “You can’t keep tickling me every time I want to hear you purr.”

Adrien gave her a crooked smirk, “No, I think I very much can.”

Marinette pursed her lips as she scowled at him. She wanted to tease him more and to coax him to purr again. She watched him carefully as she lifted her hands up, looking to see any hint of discomfort or apprehension in him. He appeared a little wary for a moment but as her fingertips carded through his hair he didn’t seem to mind. Adrien closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers as she stroked his hair. Her fingers traced over where his cat ears would be and started massaging there. She smiled to herself as the sound resumed, a gentle purr vibrating from his chest. His eyes flitted open again as he gave an embarrassed frown. Marinette couldn’t help but find his shy expression so cute as the slight pink still flushed his cheeks.

“Do you want me to stop?” she asked softly.

Adrien glanced to the side as he pouted, “It’s fine.”

“I’ll stop if it bothers you.”

“If it’s you then it doesn’t bother me.”

Marinette’s heart pounded as Adrien’s gaze slowly returned to her. His blush had deepened as he spoke, but she was sure she’d turned a few shades brighter than him now. Her cheeks burned and her heart somersaulted high. It was something small, but he was sharing it with her and her alone even if he found it somewhat awkward or embarrassing.

She found herself moving forward on the balls of her feet, lifting herself up to him. Her lips drew closer to his but she hesitated. Her hands stilled in his hair as she held herself there, waiting for his permission or refusal. Adrien’s gaze became half lidded as he searched hers carefully.

It was a little uncertain how he leaned down to her, but her patience was met with a small chaste kiss. After a moment it was followed by another one, and then another.

“I love you, Adrien.” she whispered as his lips ghosted near hers again.

His green eyes appeared to almost glow in the same way they would as his other self, glimmering as he tentatively met her gaze. She felt his arms hold her a little tighter.

“I love you too.” he responded huskily, a slight waver in his voice from the lingering purr, “I love everything about you, Marinette.”

Her heartbeat quickened at his candid words and only continued to race harder as he kissed her again. It wasn’t so tame this time as she quickly felt his tongue tentatively lick at her lips. Her hands tightened in his hair as she welcomed the taste of him into her mouth. She matched his movements, twirling her tongue with his tilting her head for him as he lifted a hand to cup her cheek. The soft and gentle kiss became deeper and hungrier. The feeling of his body pressed to hers as she melted from their kiss sent pleasant waves of warmth through her.

Suddenly everything stopped. Marinette almost stumbled as he jerked away, his kiss and embrace leaving her. She watched him in shock as he quickly stepped backwards, bringing his hand to his mouth as he averted his gaze.

“Are you okay?” her words rushed out, “Did I do something?”

He shuffled awkwardly on his feet as he still refused to meet her gaze.

“It’s..It’s not you…” he answered weakly behind his hand.

He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath, moving both of his hands to lightly grip over the back of his neck. She took a step forward, but as soon as she did his eyes snapped open and he stepped back.

“N-No I…!” his voice cracked as he started but then quickly trailed off, ducking his head as he took a few more shaky deep breaths.

She stopped trying to approach him, tilting her head a little to try and catch his trembling gaze, “Adrien? What is it?”

“J-Just...don’t look at me right now...please…”

Marinette her brow with confusion for a moment before understanding.

“Adrien, are you…?” her eyes involuntarily dipped down his body.

He noticed her glance and flinched away as though she was going to strike him for it, “S-Sorry…”

Marinette pressed her lips together as her cheeks tingled with her lingering blush. She did as he’d asked and turned around so that she was no longer facing him.

“I’m not looking.” she assured him gently.

She clutched her hands over her chest as her heart pounded hard. They had been making out and Adrien had gotten _aroused_ from it. She was actually quite flattered and excited that he had, but obviously his reaction was vastly different. She could hear him cursing softly under his breath behind her over and over again. She didn’t want him to start panicking over a natural response he didn’t have much control over.

“Adrien,” she said softly, “It’s okay. You don’t need to hide that from me.”

“We were just…” she heard him croak, “I messed it up.”

“You didn’t mess anything up. You know I...like you that way too, right? You don’t need to be ashamed about it.”

“B-But I...W-With me it’s…!”

His words shrank to a desperate muttering she couldn’t quite make out, so she could only assume that he was hiding his face in his hands. She wasn’t too sure what she could do to reassure him.

She chewed her lip as she gently asked, “Are you still…?”

His silence pretty much confirmed he was.

She cleared her throat as she tried to think how to go about this carefully, “Maybe a distraction will help? I can put on a movie or something. Or um, do you want to...do something about it?”

“ _Do_ something?” he repeated with fearful confusion.

“I could do something for you.”

Silence.

She resisted the urge to turn round and look at him. She wanted to know what expression he was making, if he was looking at her or if he was still avoiding her.

His quiet voice made her heart leap, “What would you do?”

“Something like the last time? When we, um…” she flushed at the memory of when they’d first been intimate, “Or just whatever you’d want me to do.”

He went quiet again.

“Can I turn around now?” she tried hopefully.

There was some hesitation before he answered, “Okay.”

She turned slowly, her eyes travelling across the floor at first before settling on him. Adrien was sitting on the chaise now, hunched over with his arms wrapped around himself as he worried at his bottom lip. His head was turned to the side as though the window there was the only thing in the room to look at.

Marinette held off on moving just yet until she had his permission, “Can I come closer?”

His head bobbed with uncertainty for a moment before he gave a singular, more affirmative nod.

She approached with caution, keeping her gaze fixed on his face for any hint that she was pushing him too much. He shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t say anything. She held back her quiet sigh as she sat herself next to keep, making sure there was still some space between them.

“What do you want to do now?” she whispered.

She could see him tapping rhythmically on his arm as he briefly glanced at her, “I don’t know.”

Marinette leaned a little closer to him as she tried to meet his flickering gaze, “Let me take care of you?”

He tensed up at the suggestion, “That’s...But you...I don’t want to do anything you wouldn’t like.”

“I like being with you. And I’d like to be able to help you feel good. But I’m not going to do anything _you_ don’t want. It’s your body after all.”

Adrien seemed to freeze up at her words. Finally, he gradually turned to look at her properly. His gaze still shivered with trepidation, but he was carefully studying her now as though searching for any indication that what she’d said was a lie.

He blinked as his eyes darted around, going from looking at her to empty space as he tried to speak, “Is it alright if I..touch you as well?”

Marinette felt breathless with the sudden anticipation in her, “As much as you want.”

“Then…” he nervously licked his lips before leaning towards her, “Okay. You can...You can, um...touch me.”

There was a moment of hesitation between them, but her heart started to pound heavily in her chest as Adrien leaned into her. He shyly met her lips. A soft and gentle kiss to test his anxiety, but she welcomed it lovingly. She met the way his lips carefully brushed over hers with a similar restraint, letting him decide what their pace would be. He pushed a little further, his tongue gently licking at her until she opened her mouth to him. A soft moan escaped her as the kiss deepened and she felt his hand reach up to tenderly cup her cheek.

* * *

It felt like his heart was on fire. The war on his emotions was raging and the dreadful white noise ready and willing to take advantage of it, but Adrien pushed all of those conflicting feelings back into the little compartments of his mind where he hoped they would stay.

Even if it was just for a moment, he wanted to forget all of his panic and loathing for himself. He hated the way he couldn’t control the way his body decided to react physically to their fervent kisses, but Marinette wanted to be closer to him for it. She wasn’t seeking to take advantage of him like his irrational self feared, only be there with him for whatever way he decided to deal with it. It was hard to figure out his thoughts and actions when everything in him felt so misaligned. He hated his body and its physical reactions that he didn’t want. Marinette had every right to be disgusted with him, but she wasn’t. She wanted to be with him, in whatever way he wanted her to be. There was a heat burning in him that felt uncomfortable and wrong, but he still craved her. Maybe ignoring the tightening need he felt at his centre would have been the better way to go. But for her he wanted to try. She wanted to show her love for him and he wanted to let her.

She moaned into him as his tongue passed between her parted lips. He cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch, tilting her head so that their kiss could deepen. He desperately wanted the anxiety that was twisting in his stomach to become overshadowed by her tantalizing vanilla scent, the little sounds she made as he kissed her and the feel of her warmth.

“Can I touch you?” she whispered breathlessly as they pulled apart.

He momentarily met her hazy gaze before looking away again.

He let out a shuddering sigh, “You know not to, um…”

“Not your necks or wrists. I promise.” she confirmed with a gentle kiss on his cheek.

He knew that she was already aware of the strict boundaries he needed when it came to this. It was a little unnecessary to remind her every time. But to hear her verbally agree to what he needed her to not do offered some reassurance against his conditioned panic.

Closing his eyes, a shiver passed through him as Marinette’s fingertips traced over the bottom of his shirt. His touch starved body burned with anticipation as she finally brushed her fingers over his skin, giving rise to that awful confusion at how he could feel himself wanting for her to do more but at the same time he was terrified of what she would do.

“We can stop whenever you want.” she reminded him gently.

Adrien didn’t answer as he was too focused on making sure he kept a somewhat normal level of breathing. His hips twitched as she splayed her hand out over his toned stomach before carefully moving her touch higher. She was going slowly, allowing him time to adjust as he hand glided over his skin. His heart was pounding as she reached his chest.

Another shiver passed through him as her other hand repeated similar movements up his body, this time lifting his shirt with it as she went.

“Is this okay?” she murmured.

He trembled with the new level of exposure, but he couldn’t tell if it was out of anticipation or fear.

“It’s fine.” he grinded out, eyes still squeezed shut.

His breathing hitched as Marinette’s hands slid down him again before moving away to take his hands in hers. Adrien cracked his eyes open as she led him to take hold of her hips.

She kissed his cheek again as her words ghosted over his skin, “You can touch me too.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he tentatively looked at her. Honestly, he _really_ wanted to touch her but was still uncertain if he was allowed to. He followed her gentle encouragement though and slipped his hands under her shirt. She let out a satisfied hum as he caressed her sides and squeezed her hips. His eyes flickered to hers, checking he still had permission as he moved up further, lifting her shirt at the same time like she’d done for him. Marinette watched his hands as he roamed up her body, suppressing a soft moan as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth.

His desire was burning hot at the feel of her and the sight of her shy but excited expression. His heart raced harder as even with his clouded and confused feelings he knew he wanted her. Marinette squeaked as he leaned into her and took her lips in a clumsy, fervent kiss. Her little sound of surprise quickly gave way to a soft sigh as he traced the edges of her bra.

She pulled back slightly from their kiss, but remained close still so that their breaths mingled.

“You can keep going if you want.” she murmured.

His panting breaths bounced off her face as he took in her almost intoxicated expression. It felt like all of his nerves were tying themselves in knots with that ever present trepidation in him. But with the way she was so gentle and patient with him made him want to try harder for her. He wanted to love her and be loved by her.

Even though he was clinging onto that hopeful thread, he couldn’t keep the nervous tremble out of his voice, “You can too.”

Marinette’s bluebell eyes met his with confusion as she searched him.

“Keep going.” he rushed out breathlessly before capturing her lips with his again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, look at that. I'm alive and I bring fluff turning into light smut.  
> Sorry it took so long to get the next chapter out. I originally had a _completely different_ chapter written and ready to go, but I didn't like it so it got scrapped. Between writing this chapter over a few times and general life...yeah, a delay was going to happen. Next update hopefully shouldn't take as long.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, you lovely readers! ❤️
> 
> Also 25,000 hits and just under 700 kudos? Holy heck I wasn't prepared for this! ❤️😭❤️


	79. Cherished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This is a smut chapter containing explicit content.

Marinette sighed into their kiss as his hands explored her. Adrien’s touch felt so gentle and warm over her skin. Her hips, the small of her back, over her ribs, the curve of her breast that was visible above her bra. It was like he was wanting to learn the shape of her body all over again. She pulled back a little to help him remove her shirt completely. She shyly watched him a moment as his eyes wandered her.

“Can I?” she whispered as she carefully took his own shirt between her fingers.

His stomach was already exposed to her from her previous caress, but she needed to know he was still okay to show more of himself. Even though he told her she could keep going, she needed him to know that the control was still his as she continued.

Adrien nervously chewed his lip as his gaze slowly lifted towards her, hazy and unsure. He offered a small nod as his eyes shifted away again. Marinette leaned in and softly kissed his lips as she guided his shirt higher. He allowed her to help him remove the piece of clothing, letting out a shivering sigh as it was discarded somewhere to the floor. Pausing a moment, she carefully paid attention to his anxious breathing and avoidant eyes. He was definitely tense but hadn’t reached that all consuming level of panic for now.

“Adrien,” she cooed softly as she cupped his cheek, “Just let me know if you want to stop. No matter where we’re at, we’ll stop.”

He opened his mouth to say something but ended up only giving another weak nod instead.

Marinette felt his lips tremble against hers as she tenderly kissed him. She didn’t push to deepen it, instead going for multiple slow, sweet kisses. Their first time together had been completely new for the both of them, proving to be both nerve wracking and exciting. She was a little more confident in what she was doing now though, and wanted to take her time in lavishing affection upon him. She wanted to help encourage him to feel good and to know that this wasn’t all just for her own satisfaction. His enjoyment mattered just as much as hers.

“Tell me if you don’t like something or if you need a break.” she whispered over his lips.

Marinette reached out slowly to him. She lightly touched her fingertips over his collarbone first, tracing the shape of it before travelling down his sternum. She splayed out her hand over his chest, feeling his heartbeat racing under her palm. Leaving her hand there, she reached out with her other one to massage over his shoulder before sliding down over his bicep as she felt out his lean muscles. She cared so deeply for him and she wanted him to know that with every touch she gave him

“I’m going to touch you a little more.” she murmured as she lowered her head.

She observed him for a moment, but his still shy expression didn’t outright reject her. He didn't move away from her but he turned his head, a soft gasp passing his lips as she started to kiss the curve of his shoulder. She felt him shiver as she scattered more delicate kisses over his skin, from his shoulder and across his chest. She took care to keep the kisses she gave him gentle, avoiding leaving any sort of mark on his skin.

Marinette took her time to explore him with her lips and hands. She carefully mapped out the contours of his torso, the smooth lines of his biceps and pecs, the slight curve of his waist and the taut muscles of his abs. After years of pouring over his magazine photos, she was devoted to learning what his real body was like and she loved it. He wasn’t airbrushed perfection and it only made her want him more.

She didn’t let herself fall completely into her own indulgence though. She was aware of every shiver, of every hitching breath from Adrien. She would look up at him each time to search his expression for any sign of discomfort or panic but so far he seemed to be managing. He had squeezed his eyes shut though and his own touch had ceased caressing her, instead his hands having fallen to lightly grasp at her hips.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly as she rested her palm over his chest, feeling his accelerated heartbeat again.

“Y-Yeah” he stuttered between shaky breaths.

“Do you want to stop?”

Adrien lowered his head a little as he slowly shook it. She watched him a moment before leaning into him again. Nuzzling his cheek softly with her nose, she encouraged him to lift his head again. He hesitantly opened his eyes a little but he still avoided looking at her directly.

She felt the tense trembling pass through him again as she lightly pressed her lips to his. It was another slow, tender one and he eventually eased into it with her.

* * *

Adrien suppressed a groan at the feeling of her lips brushing against his. His anxiousness was tying knots in his stomach, but the gentleness with which Marinette had been touching him was reassuring. Though he was still scared and the empty white noise still lingered, he kept telling himself he was safe with her. The heated tightness at his core felt almost sickening, but there was a faint excitement that came with knowing she wanted him. She didn’t care that he was defiled and broken, she treated him as though she revered him.

He took a breath as he tried to take control of himself again.

His movements felt clumsier than before as he slid his hands up her sides again. She let out a small gasp over his lips from the touch. He couldn’t help but shiver with each small soft sound she made into their slow kiss. He pulled back to search her hooded gaze as his touch travelled higher, grazing over the clasp of her bra. As soon as she gave him an eager nod his lips were on hers again, his fingers working the clasp free. It was selfish, but kissing her - feeling the softness of her lips with his own - helped remind him of where he was and who he was with. It helped to distract him from the writhing anxiety that clawed its way up his spine, trying to dredge up his self loathing and disgust with each twist of his nerves.

Marinette whimpered softly as he palmed her breasts once her bra was gone. He massaged one of them softly while he gently took the erect nipple of her other between his fingers. She pulled away from their kiss, gasping as he teased the sensitive flesh. Her reaction encouraged him so he lowered himself to take her perked nipple into his mouth.

“A-Adrien…” she pleaded as he sucked and licked circles around the nub.

Hearing her say his name in such a way was intoxicating. He never thought he’d like the sound of his name in an intimate situation, as before it only ever seemed possessive. But hearing Marinette call him between her erotic gasps and whimpers like it was an absolute gift for her to do so made his love for her overflow from his heart. He wanted to try harder for her, to hear more of the little loving sounds she would make because of him.

Adrien released her from his mouth as he lifted himself to her eye level again. It was still difficult but he forced himself to maintain as much eye contact with her as he could.

“Mari,” he murmured as he rested his forehead against hers, “can I...keep going?”

Marinette watched him breathlessly before giving him a soft, tender kiss, “I’m all yours.”

Anxiety and excitement alike rushed through him. His gaze dropped again from hers as he tried to swallow back the negative feelings that wanted to take hold of him. He was okay. She still let him have his control. Nothing felt more important to him than her.

He took a shaky breath as he lowered his hands to the button of her jeans. She offered him an affirming nod when he hesitated, so he clumsily worked the button free. He then hooked his fingers over the band of both her jeans and underwear, glancing up once more to check for her permission. She gave him a shy smile as she placed her hands on his shoulders. Using him to help keep balance, she lifted herself from the chaise so that he could undress her further. He carefully pulled her clothing away from her, caressing her as he slid them down her legs.

He didn’t immediately go for her sensitive core, instead taking some time to lightly rub and squeeze his hands over her thighs as she settled next to him again. He could feel Marinette watching him with panting breaths. He was completely focused on her now, her soft sounds, her tantalising scent and the feel of her warmth. Her little whimpers were getting more impatient as he kissed over her shoulder and neck. Her hands still held his shoulders with a shaky grip as she was probably trying to not dig her nails into him. His nerves tightened again as he listened to her and felt the roll of her hips as his hands glided over her.

He pressed himself more into her neck as he felt that familiar anxious nausea wash over him. His own arousal was begging for attention, feeling almost painful within the constraints of his clothing. But he wasn’t going to touch himself. He wanted to touch _her_. Giving her pleasure was all he cared about.

“Mari…” he groaned softly as his hand traced up her inner thigh.

“Please,” she quietly pleaded next to his ear, “Touch me more.”

The sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears had drowned out some of the white noise as he lightly pressed the heel of his palm to her naval before sliding it lower.

* * *

Marinette bit her lip to try and hold back the loud moan that wanted to come forth as she felt his fingers graze over her folds. Her chest heaved with each breath as he kissed up her neck and behind her ear as he stroked her. She could feel her wetness spreading with each pass of his fingers. She needed more. Her body acted on impulse as it seeked for the stimulation her desire craved. A needy whine passed her lips as she grinded herself against his hand. The movement from her seemed to surprise him as he stopped for a moment. When she did it again however, he pressed the heel of his hand against her clit and sunk his index finger into her heat. She couldn’t hold back her moan this time as he stroked her from inside. She rocked herself with his hand and let out a mewling moan as he added another digit inside her.

She briefly caught a flash of his hooded green eyes as he moved. Sparks ricocheted through her body as his lips found hers. She moaned into the kiss and quickly found his tongue sliding next to hers. He was pushing her faster to her peak now, his fingers stroking and thrusting into her as he licked and sucked at her lips. She let out another groan as his other hand started to massage and squeeze her breast.

“A-Adrien…” she whined between panting breaths and kisses, “I-I’m-!”

Her words died out in her throat as a pleasurable cry overtook her instead. With all of the attention he was giving her, she hit her climax hard and her body shook with each wave of euphoria. She whimpered and mewled against his lips as he kissed her, his ministrations slowing as he worked her through her orgasm.

Marinette panted to catch her breath as Adrien scattered more soothing kisses over her cheek and down her neck. She couldn’t help but hum with satisfaction as his arms wrapped around her waist and he nuzzled into her neck.

“This was supposed to be about you.” she laughed softly.

She felt Adrien tense up at her words.

“I don’t need it.” he mumbled into the nape of her neck.

“It’s fine if you really don’t want to. But if you’re okay for me to try, then let me? Please?”

She lightly stroked his hair as she waited patiently, allowing him time to give her an answer.

She had to listen carefully to hear his low, trembling voice, “But i-if it’s like last time...and I can’t…”

“Then we stop.” she said simply, “I want to share these things with you, but it doesn’t mean anything if you’re not enjoying it. I only want to help you feel good, like you do for me.”

Adrien shifted uncomfortably next to her but she felt his arms tighten around her a little more.

Her heart thrummed with excitement as he very slowly lifted himself away from hiding against her neck. She kept her hold of him gentle and her expression calm though, as she didn’t want her eagerness for him to only add to his anxiety. She reached up to cup his cheek, caressing him with her thumb as she felt his quiet shaking.

There was a shy blush across his face and his gaze remained fixated to the side as he spoke, “I..don’t know how far I can go.”

She smiled softly, “It doesn’t have to end in sex. We can just have fun. Whatever feels right for the moment.”

His eyes flickered slightly as he shifted again, as though he were finding it very uncomfortable to be sitting, “And...what feels right at this moment?”

“That’s something you’ll need to tell me. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to.”

* * *

Adrien bit his lip as he tried to think of what to say. The physical, touch-starved part of him was desperately seeking for her attention. His arousal throbbed with desperate need and had been driving him crazy while he’d been pleasuring her. He didn’t want those awful feelings to get the better of him though. He thought about how Marinette had been touching him earlier. She had been so careful and gentle as though she wanted to worship every detail of him. He didn’t know how to feel about that. He didn’t feel worthy of such attention, and yet it eased his twisting nerves some that she was loving him in such a way. To let her love him more like that would be okay, wouldn’t it?

He swallowed thickly to try and ease the tightness in his throat, “Y-You can...touch me more.”

He still couldn’t meet her gaze, but in his peripheral vision he could see the shine of her eyes as she beamed at him. He shivered as she tenderly kissed his cheek.

Her breath bounced off his face as she whispered, “I’ll go slow. Let me know if you need me to stop.”

He could only nod as his voice felt lost to him again.

Anxiety and panic were clawing through every one of his nerves but he did his best to stifle the needle-like feeling in favour of Marinette as she started to touch him again. He expected her to go straight for his belt, but instead she was rubbing her hands over his chest and arms again. The tremors he’d been feeling in his body were still there, but as she gently massaged his shoulders and planted kisses along his collarbone, the trepidation in him was remaining manageable.

He wasn’t sure how long, but it was a few minutes at least before she carefully moved her hands lower, lightly squeezing his hips then tracing her fingers along the edge of his jeans. He clenched his jaw as he tried to restrain the way his hips wanted to buck with her touch being so close to his centre. He was shaking more now as she delicately took hold of his belt.

“Can I?” she whispered between the soft kisses she was placing on the curve of his shoulder.

He wasn’t able to answer immediately, but she patiently waited for him. Even though she’d already seen him completely exposed before, it still terrified him. He breathed heavily, trying to keep himself on the fine line between panicked hyperventilation and not breathing at all.

 _It’s Marinette_ , he told himself over and over like a desperate mantra, _I’m okay as long as it's her._

Another weak nod was all he could give her, as he didn’t trust his voice to not come out as a strangled groan right now. He screwed his eyes shut as she gave his cheek another tender kiss as she started to work at his belt. Once it slid free from its buckle she turned her attention to the button of his jeans. Her hands being so close to his erection was sending a desperate mess of signals throughout him, a panicking need to get away mixed with a burning desire to feel her more. He hated this repulsive lust that would drag out his shaking anxiety with each heated wave through his body. His heart throbbed with each pulse and he was starting to feel light headed.

“Adrien.” her voice called softly to him.

He opened his eyes a little to see her calming bluebell eyes gazing back at him. Her hands had returned to slowly rubbing up and down his arms as she watched him carefully.

There was a hint of concern in her expression as she whispered, “Do you want me to stop?”

He took a few shaky breaths as he found himself sinking into the alluring gravity of her gaze. The perfect shade of blue that he loved so much. She was there for him, and doing everything she possibly could to make this easier for him. She would even stop everything if he wanted. But did he want her to at this moment? He loved it himself when he could make her feel good, so he could try to let her have the same for him. He tried to stifle the white noise echoing in him as he focused on her gentle touch and loving gaze.

His voice sounded awkward and strained as he tried to speak, “Keep going.”

Marinette waited a moment longer, searching him intently before giving a small nod.

Adrien couldn’t prevent himself from trembling still as she finished undoing his jeans. He lifted himself a little off of the chaise so that she could pull the piece of clothing down his legs. Being released from the tight restraints of his jeans helped ease the discomfort he’d been feeling, but now it was so clear how hard he was. Her gaze briefly settled over his boxer briefs and the very obvious shape of his erection before quickly looking to his face again. He would have smiled at how cute she was at trying to avoid staring at him too much if he wasn’t so nervous himself.

“Can I take this too?” she asked gently as her fingertips teased the band of his underwear.

He found himself hesitantly meeting her gaze again for a second before quickly turning away once more to an unfocused space.

 _It’s Marinette_ . _I’m okay as long as it's her._

He took a shivering breath and he gave her a stiff nod. She waited a little bit before moving once more.

Her fingers carefully hooked around the edges of his boxers and started to pull them away from his hips. Adrien closed his eyes, biting his lip as he lifted himself again so she could remove them completely.

For a moment there was nothing. Adrien kept his eyes shut, trembling in his own darkness as he tried to keep himself breathing. And then came a light touch to his lips. He flinched at the initial contact, but he recognised the softness of her kiss quickly. It was another slow, tender one. He let out a shaky sigh as he tried to let himself relax into the undemanding affection she was giving him. He felt her hand lightly press to his chest again and he was certain she would be able to feel the way his heart pounded.

Her lips ghosted near his again, “Do you want to sit back?”

He hesitantly opened his eyes again and was once more met with her gorgeous blue colour. He nervously watched her for a moment as he tried to understand what she meant.

“Here.” she whispered as she carefully took hold of his shoulders.

Her gaze was completely locked on his, never straying down his body like he would have expected. She guided him to sit back against the back of the chaise as she moved to kneel between his legs. His hard length twitched with anticipation at their slight change in position. It was similar to how they’d been during their previous time.

She rested her hand over his stomach as she leaned into him again, placing a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Can I keep going?”

He knew that Marinette was never going to rush or force him, but that panicked part of him still found it so confusing how slow and gentle she was being with him. Their last time had been clumsy and uncertain for both of them. This time however she was being even more considerate of him and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Her eyes were still locked on his and it made his heart twist with his terrible anxiety. The small, rational piece of him knew she was doing it because she didn’t want to make him feel even more self conscious by staring at his bare body now that he was exposed to her.

His eyes flickered over her hooded gaze and the softness of her features. The anxiety remained like a heavy weight bearing down on his chest, but at the same time he could feel his unending love for her trying to soothe his fraying nerves. Tentatively he reached up to her.

* * *

Marinette leaned into his touch as he cupped her cheek. She could feel him shaking. Her eyes flitted down to his lips, but that was as low as she would let herself look right now. She knew Adrien was uncomfortable with being looked at like this so she tried not to until he was ready. Even though he needed encouragement, she wanted him to lead as much as possible in this. So she followed him as he gently guided her closer until his lips brushed against hers.

This kiss started off soft and uncertain as Adrien slowly found his confidence. The feel of his lips and the faint taste of peppermint was still enough to make her tingle with excitement. Even though he’d already brought her to climax before, she had still shivered with pleasure while her hands felt out the shape of his body and was doing so now that her hand was so close to touching his cock. She really wanted to, she really wanted _him_ , but restrained herself from doing anything more until he allowed her to.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears as their kiss deepened. Adrien’s tongue slowly swiped over her lips and she readily welcomed him. She tilted herself more into his hand that held her, allowing him better access as his tongue entered her. She let him pull soft sighs and moans from her, and she quivered with excitement as a low groan escaped him.

Their lips came apart so that they could catch their breath, but he still remained close to her as their ragged breaths mingled. His eyes were closed as he rested his forehead against hers. She watched him and she tried to search out his feelings to make sure he was still okay. Her heart jumped into her throat as she felt his hand slide over hers at his stomach, guiding her to move lower.

“Are you sure?” she murmured with a hushed voice.

Still with his eyes closed, Adrien nervously bit his lip as he nodded. She kissed him softly again to encourage him to release his bottom lip from between his teeth. Her hand was moved lower and she felt him. Adrien let out a low hiss while she quietly gasped at the contact.

For a moment neither of them moved. Watching carefully for his reactions, Marinette started to slowly wrap her hand around the base of his length. His eyes were still tightly shut so she quickly chanced a look down to where she held him. Seeing his hand holding hers around his cock made her insides burn with need. She could feel him twitching and a small amount of precum was already leaking from the tip.

Marinette looked back to Adrien. His eyes were still closed.

“Adrien,” she whispered, “Is it alright if I start?”

His adam’s apple bobbed as he weakly tried to get out the singular word “Y-Yeah.”

“We can still stop. Any time you want.”

His eyes cracked open as he studied her for a moment. His breaths were shallow and uneven, and she could still feel him trembling.

She felt herself go almost breathless as well as his answer came with his hand tightening around hers. With his guidance she started to stroke his length. His hazy green eyes lolled about as though he had no idea where he wanted to look right now. As she started to pump him more he settled himself back to his usual spot of kissing and licking her neck.

Since his face was now hidden from her, her gaze drifted down between them as she continued to pleasure him. She rubbed her thumb over the head of his cock, spreading the amount of precum there for some lubrication as she rubbed up and down his hard length. The action earned her a low groan from him. As she kept going, his hips started to move a little with her as he occasionally gave small thrusts into her hand. She watched the tensing and un-tensing of the muscles of his abdomen and thighs as she pumped him. She could feel him leaning more heavily on her shoulder and his hot huffing breaths over her skin. He was getting closer.

She let out a satisfied moan of her own as one of his hands reached up to palm her breast, kneading softly as his other slid up her thigh before moving round to grab her ass. He could touch her however he wanted right now as far as she was concerned, as every movement of his hands over her skin felt exhilarating for her too. The feeling of liquid desire pooling in her while she pleasured him pulsed with each restrained grunt and groan from him as he continued to hide himself against her neck.

“You don’t need to hold back.” she said breathlessly, “You can let go.”

“M-Mari…” he hissed between his teeth, lifting his head a little before clumsily pressing his forehead to her cheek.

She turned a little to kiss his temple before murmuring to him, “ _I love you._ ”

Marinette gasped as Adrien’s mouth was suddenly on hers, stealing her breath with a rushed and fervent kiss. She took his panting breaths into her, sliding his tongue with hers and letting go some of her own moans. The hand that had been fondling her breast moved down to hold her hand as she kept working him. Taking her firmly in his grasp, he quickened the pace of her movements. She felt his entire body shudder as his cock swelled with anticipation.

He broke away from their haphazard kiss with a low, hoarse moan that easily became one of the best sounds she’d heard in her life. She quickly looked down as his release hit, watching the intense bursts of his orgasm as his seed streamed across his stomach.

As the feeling of pleasure that rocked his body faded, Adrien sunk down onto her shoulder again with heavy, ragged breaths. Marinette placed a tender kiss in his hair, listening to him as his breathing eventually calmed down.

“Mari?” he mumbled after a while.

She hummed with a soft smile, “Yes?”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up a lot longer than expected and I've ended up having to split it into two, so the next chapter should be up soon.  
> So there'll be one more chapter of fluff before I'm throwing you all back into the main plot ~~not even sure If _I'm_ prepared for that myself...~~  
> *cough* Just uh...enjoy the fluff a bit longer.
> 
> Thanks to all of you lovely readers! Still amazed this fic is still getting comments and kudos - it always makes my day!


	80. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien attempts to process his feelings after what happened with Marinette.  
> Marinette receives affection in an unexpected way.

Adrien let out a shaky sigh as he felt the water stream over his back. He hung his head under the shower as he braced his hands against the tiled wall, waiting for the languid, needle-like sensation over his skin to pass. His heart still had yet to calm down completely as well. It felt like it was jumping around in his chest, battering his ribs and knocking the air out of his lungs.

He took another deep, trembling breath as the tension scraping through his nerves slowly relented. He was okay. He’d managed to control himself long enough so that he and Marinette could share themselves with each other again.

He felt guilty though. When he came back down from his pleasure induced high, he had become all the more aware of the sweaty, sticky, repulsive feeling of his body. So when Marinette offered to let him shower first he didn’t have it in him to argue. They probably could have gone together. That’s what some couples do after all. But Adrien needed some time to collect his shambling thoughts and feelings. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to hide.

There was still a lot of confusion. He’d felt _good_ with all of the attention she had given him, but he still couldn’t shake that ever present anxiety that clung to him. There still existed a part of him that was scared to death of and disgusted by allowing himself to experience such intimacy. The same part that he was now trying to prevent from letting him scrub himself raw in the shower. Marinette hadn’t done anything wrong. Really, she’d done everything right for him. She’d stuck to his needed boundaries with very little prompting. So why did this still have to feel so difficult? Why was it still hard to accept the love she wanted to give him like she did for him?

He was slowly calming down again. The roiling revulsion had passed enough that he was quickly able to clean himself up without fixating on it. He didn’t want to take any longer than necessary, as Marinette probably wanted to take her own shower.

_I’m okay. I’m okay._ He repeated to himself as he turned off the water and stepped out.

He knew that there wasn’t anything wrong with what he and Marinette had done. He couldn’t consider _anything_ involving her to be wrong. But his irrational self was still trying to put up a fight.

Adrien wrapped his towel around his waist before returning to the bedroom. He warily looked around the space to see where Marinette was. His eyes fell over her beautiful form by the chaise. She’d put her underwear back on for the moment and appeared to have just gathered up what remained of their discarded clothing.

She looked up at him as she saw him enter the room and smiled, “Feeling better?”

Adrien could feel the blush on his cheeks as he looked away from her again, “Y-Yeah. I’m okay.”

He headed straight to where his bag sat and lifted it onto the desk before digging through it for something to put on.

Marinette hummed somewhere behind him, “I’m sure I could make some space in my closet if I organise it better. You’ve been living out of that bag for too long.”

“I-It’s fine.” he sputtered.

He could practically feel her unamused glare as he stared intently into his bag.

“You live here too.” she said simply, “You don’t need to make yourself take up as little space as possible. I want you to be comfortable here too.”

Adrien didn’t answer. He already _was_ comfortable. Even with his panic attacks and the struggle to manage his issues, he’d never felt better about being somewhere. The Dupain Cheng household felt like a _home_ and he was unfathomably grateful that he’d been accepted into it.

“I’ll go shower. I’ll be back in a bit.”

He heard the sound of the bathroom door closing as Marinette left him alone again. She probably took his silence as him still feeling overly anxious. Which he was. What kind of teenage boy sees a beautiful girl standing in her underwear and just turns away? The same girl that had her body pressed to his just a short time ago?

“Idiot.” he muttered to himself as he roughly pulled out some clothing from the bag.

He quickly put on some pajama bottoms but paused before grabbing the t-shirt he’d taken out. His brow furrowed with vague confusion as his gaze settled down his chest and stomach.

_There’s nothing._

He craned his neck to look over his shoulders and upper arms.

_Nothing._

He chewed his lip a moment, staring intently at the floor before slowly looking towards the vanity mirror in the corner of Marinette’s room. His fingers tapped against his leg for a bit as he turned a thought over and over in his mind. He didn’t want to see, but at the same time his curiosity was unnerving him.

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat as he hastily approached the mirror. His eyes fixated on his hands as he grasped the vanity with a white knuckled grip. Taking slow, deep breaths, he carefully ripped his gaze away towards the mirror.

His view tentatively travelled up the shaking reflection before him. He started at the forearm, following it up towards the shoulder. From there he scanned over the neck, the collarbone and the other shoulder.

_Nothing._

Even as he looked over the reflection’s chest and stomach there was still _nothing_. No matter what way he twisted and turned all he could see was smooth, fair skin.

Marinette hadn’t left a single mark. Even with all of the slow, careful attention she’d given him, the endless kisses across his skin, there wasn’t a single blemish to be found. No bites, no scratches. She had every opportunity to, and he didn’t think he would have fought her on it if she had, but she _hadn’t_ . Gentle as it was, he’d pretty much expected there to still be something as physical evidence of her affection. He thought that it was just part of what happened in those situations. But there was _nothing_.

His throat felt tight and his eyes started to sting with tears. He knew Marinette cared for him and tried to understand his insecurities, but all of a sudden it was hitting him with such a gravity that he didn’t know how to process it. There were so many things she could have done to him, but instead she chose to follow him. Instead he’d been listened to.

He choked back a relieved laugh as smiled to himself, rubbing the heels of his palms over his eyes to try and prevent his tears from going out of control. He hadn’t quite figured out how he felt about allowing himself to be intimate with her again. There was still a lot of fear and anxiety and he hated it. But just as with their first time together, he found he didn’t regret this time either. Maybe there was still a chance he could get better with these things. With Marinette just _maybe_ it was possible.

He brought his hands away from his eyes, blinking a few times as he came face to face with the reflection. Bleary green eyes stared back at him. Uncertain. Afraid. It’s movements matched him perfectly as Adrien let his arms fall to his sides again. He still knew that he was looking at himself, that the reflection was his. But it still felt too distant and unrecognisable.

He let out a heavy sigh.

_Maybe that doesn’t matter right now._

Adrien couldn’t find any love or care for his own body beyond just existing. But Marinette had shown him, had always been showing him, such loving treatment he didn’t think he deserved. Maybe, just a little bit, he could learn to see the person that she saw in him.

Adrien broke his gaze away from the mirror, quickly heading back to his bag to retrieve his t-shirt. He felt exhausted now that the tense anxiety was finally giving him some leeway. He pulled the shirt over his head as he tried to set his weighted emotions aside once more. There were still a lot of uncertain and confusing feelings in him, but they were better off left alone for now. He didn’t want to think about how he couldn’t stand himself, or the shattering realisation he had earlier of what his mother had done to him. It wasn’t like he could fix those things right now, or even find some understanding in them.

He pressed his hand to his chest as he felt the unsettled pace of his heart. His anxieties and conditioned fears still clung onto him, but at least he wasn’t drowning in them for now. A small smile came to his lips as he felt the small warmth in his heart trying to hold out against the tide of his emotions. A warmth that Marinette had instilled in him. One that little by little, was helping him feel alive again.

Maybe, just a little bit, he could finally be _okay_.

* * *

Marinette hummed to herself as she squeezed her damp hair with a towel. She was still feeling warm and giddy following her loving moment shared with Adrien. They’d explored each other and loved each other and she’d enjoyed every second of it. She hoped he had felt some pleasure in it as well. At the very least he hadn’t fallen into a panic attack or shut himself off from her, so even though he had still been nervous and afraid, she was cautiously taking it as a good thing. He’d seemed a bit calmer after taking a shower, though he had still been quiet. She chewed her lip as a worried thought came to her.

_I hope he’s fine with what happened._

She made sure to make noise when opening the bathroom door again to alert Adrien that she was returning to the room. He was standing by her desk and looked over his shoulder at her, but quickly turned away again when he saw she was only wrapped in a towel.

“I’ll just be a second.” she told him as she immediately went for her closet.

She heard him clear his throat, “Take your time.”

She took a camisole and shorts for her to sleep in and started to get dressed so that he wasn’t stuck staring at the wall for too long. There was a slight movement in him though. She watched him curiously for a moment until she saw him set down a familiar box on the desk. As he tilted his head back a little she became aware that he was taking the medication.

_At least I don’t have to remind him every time now,_ she thought with a small smile.

She wasn’t sure if antidepressants would do much for the amok and akuma shards that remained in him, but she hoped that they were at least doing something for him. She eyed him curiously though as she noticed he only took the one dose. He wasn’t taking the sleeping pill again. She’d already made her stance clear to him on it, that he should just take the damn thing and hopefully start sleeping properly. She wasn’t going to start arguing with him over it though. It was his choice in the end, and if he didn’t want to she wasn’t going to force him.

Once she was dressed, she grabbed her hairbrush and hairdryer. She felt Adrien’s eyes cautiously looking at her now as she came up beside him to sit at her desk. It was one of the few places that had an easily reachable socket for her to plug the dryer into. She brushed out her damp hair a few times before fiddling to plug in the dryer.

“Can I do it?” Adrien asked meekly once the hairdryer was plugged in.

Marinette felt a slight blush spill across her cheeks as she turned to look at him, “Do what?”

“Your hair.”

She stared at his shy expression for a few seconds while her mind blanked out. Adrien wanted to help dry her hair. Adrien wanted to touch her hair. Adrien wanted to do something so _nice_ and _personal_ for her.

“Y-Yes.” she whispered as she felt her face become more heated, “O-Of course you can.”

She stiffly sat in the desk chair and swiveled round so that her back was to him. He’d let her do this for him before and she’d really enjoyed doing it. Now that she was on the receiving end she felt awkwardly embarrassed.

_Oh god, was it this bad for him?_ She squealed internally as she clenched her fists on her lap.

She could hear the soft clicks as he figured out the settings of the hairdryer. Her heart was somersaulting all over the place as she heard the machine turn on and felt a gentle pass of warm air over her shoulders.

She heard him somewhere close behind her, “Is it too hot?”

“It’s fine.” she squeaked.

This was ridiculous. Adrien was easing out of his anxiety again and was slowly being able to speak to her normally, yet now she was too flustered to talk like a regular human. She hadn’t expected him to ask to do something like this though. She tensed up with another squeak as she felt him pass the hairbrush through her hair again along with the dryer, slowly and carefully sectioning out her hair as he dried it.

Eventually she started to relax into it. It actually felt really nice. She smiled at how meticulous he was being about it, putting down the hairbrush after a while and using his fingers instead. She liked how his fingertips would occasionally brush over her ears or against her neck. She was pretty sure he did it on purpose more than once.

“Are you okay doing this?” she asked gently after a while.

“Something like this is fine...I think. Besides, I want to.” he answered carefully before pausing, “Is that weird?”

“Nope. You’re welcome to do my hair anytime.”

She wished she could look over her shoulder to see what kind of face he was making. He still sounded a little quiet and unsure, but he seemed a lot calmer than before.

The hairdryer switched off, signalling that it was done.

She hummed with satisfaction, “Thank you, Kitty.”

Marinette went to stand up again but she quickly felt his hand lightly press on her shoulder.

She heard his soft laugh, “I’m not finished.”

Seeing an opportunity for some teasing, she grinned over her shoulder at him, “ _Oh no_ , what are plotting?”

Adrien’s green eyes searched her a moment before he gave her a crooked smirk, “Nothing too bad. I promise.”

She narrowed her eyes at him in a pretend glare as she settled back into the seat. He lightly touched her head to gently prompt her to face forwards again. His fingers started to carefully thread through her hair again.

Since Adrien seemed a bit more open to talking again she tried to return to her previous point from earlier.

“I’ll go through my closet tomorrow and make some space for you. I’ll not let you keep having all your clothes stuffed into a bag.”

“Mari, really it’s okay.” he sighed, “I don’t mind. I’m...you know I can’t stay here forever, right?”

She pouted at his reminder, “You could if you wanted to. My parents like you. And I want you here. You’re always welcome.”

“It’s not really fair though. I’m not your parent’s responsibility.”

Marinette frowned. Why did he have to be so reasonable and mature when he was trying to not rely on other people’s help?

“Besides,” he continued, “I meant to tell you before. Chloe’s been looking for somewhere for me to go.”

“She’s not suggesting you go live with her, is she?”

“She tried that before, but no. Actually, she suggested getting my own place.”

Oh. Maybe that was an idea that could work. Really, any idea that meant that Adrien didn’t have to go back to his father was a good one.

“Is that what you want?” Marinette mumbled.

Adrien hummed as he gently took more of her hair between his fingers, “It would be a start, I guess.”

“A start?”

“Somewhere for the two of us.”

Marinette quickly turned her head to look at him with a wide-eyed gaze, “You’d want me to move in with you?”

Adrien stared at her in alarm as a nervous blush came to his cheeks, “I-If you wanted to. Like after we’ve graduated from school next year. Maybe by then I’ll have somewhere and you can...be there too.”

Her heart thumped in her chest at the thought. A place just for the two of them. Another step towards building a life and a future together.

She grinned, “It’ll need to fit in a piano of course.”

Adrien’s uncertain expression softened as he let out a bemused sigh, “Somewhere that has a sewing room for you comes first.”

“Nope! Your hobbies are just as important as mine.”

“So...a piano and a sewing room. What else?”

“A garden.”

Adrien chuckled as he turned his attention back to her hair, “Do you actually want one?”

“It would be nice I think.”

“I’ll add that to the list.”

“Somewhere that’s cozy, not too big.”

“Aren’t you just listing off what I said earlier?”

“What? I liked your idea of a dream home.”

Marinette’s heart fluttered at the sound of his soft laugh, “You’re listing the requirements, but you didn’t actually agree to it.”

She pursed her lips as she took in the way his eyes shyly looked over her before focusing on her hair again, “I thought that was kind of obvious. Of course I want to live with you. In the future with a place of our own I mean.”

He didn’t look back at her, but there was a warm glimmer in his eyes as he spoke, “I’m glad.”

Marinette smiled to herself as she considered in her head all of the thoughts of the future. She wanted to always be with him, just as they had been since he started staying with her. She never wanted him to experience that desolate loneliness again like that of the mansion. She wanted to always be able to share in his good days and help him through the bad ones.

Her thoughts came to a pause as she felt Adrien’s fingers pass through her hair again. The movement felt familiar. In fact, she was certain it was something Alya had done before.

“Adrien, are you…?” she tried to hold back a giggle, “Are you _braiding my hair?_ ”

His hands stopped for a moment as he cleared his throat, “...Maybe.”

“You’re telling me that you were so unsure about putting your own hair in a ponytail but you can put mine in a _friggin’ braid_?”

“It’s easier when it’s someone else…”

“Oh my god, I have to see this. Are you finished?”

“Uh, yeah I guess. I didn’t have anything to tie it with though, so it’ll probably fall out.”

“Let me see!”

Marinette grinned to herself as Adrien let her get up from the chair now. She headed straight for the vanity mirror and tossed her head left and right to inspect what he’d done.

It was just a simple braid, clumsy and childish in its execution. Her hair was just a bit too short to get a good length out of it, but he’d actually managed to make something of it.

“When did you even learn to do this?” she laughed.

Adrien snorted as he leaned against her desk, “You’re forgetting Chloe was my only friend growing up. She went through an intense hair phase when we were little, so I had to learn everything she did. I would do her hair, she would do mine. Though that was put an end to when she tried to cut it.”

“She tried to _cut your hair_?”

“She only got a small piece before Nathalie walked in on us. My mother found it hilarious but my father wasn’t impressed.”

Marinette looked towards him again. Adrien’s brow was furrowed as his eyes focused on the floor. She could already tell that his lighter mood was once again being tugged away at the thought of his parents. She chewed her lip, carefully looking him over as she approached him again.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

His eyes flickered as he let out a sigh, “I...I’ve always known what my father was like. But my mother….I don’t get it. Why would she….”

He didn’t finish but Marinette knew he was talking about the amok. She swallowed the lump that rose in her throat as she thought about the Emilie she had met. There hadn’t been any malice behind her actions, only a woman who was desperate to help her son.

“I...I think she did it because she loved you.” Marinette whispered.

Adrien didn’t answer but shuffled uncomfortably before her.

“And,” she nervously licked her lips as she continued, “I think she just really wanted to help you but didn’t know what else to do. I don’t think she ever wanted to leave you like that.”

A heavy silence stretched out between them where neither of them spoke or moved.

Finally, Adrien slowly lifted his head. His gaze tentatively met hers as he gave her such a sad smile that her heart ached.

“I hope you’re right.” he murmured.

Marinette searched his gaze for a moment before carefully reaching out to him, “Can I?”

He watched her a moment before his expression softened as he nodded. She gently cupped the side of his face, brushing her thumb over his cheek in a gentle caress. Adrien leaned into her touch with a quiet sigh. His green eyes held her with a cautious but warm gaze as she neared. He didn’t back away from her, instead actually moving forward to meet her as their lips came together with a soft kiss.

She rested her forehead against his as they came apart again, enjoying the warmth of being so close to him. As long as he was able to cope with being close to her like this, she wanted to try to make the most of it.

“I’m glad you’re here.” he murmured.

“I’m glad you’re here too.” she smiled gently as she stroked his cheek again, “Though if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you to do something.”

Adrien leaned away from her as a wary nervousness flashed in his gaze.

“Tell me more about when you were little?” she asked shyly, “I want to hear more about it.”

He relaxed again, a slight smile coming to his lips, “I’m not sure how much I remember. But I can tell you some things. You’ll have to tell me about when you were a child too. Even the embarrassing stories.”

Marinette pretended to roll her eyes, but let out an excited giggle, “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _So much...fluff..._  
>  A new day and a new morning to come in the next chapter. *cracks knuckles* You all know what that means...  
> I'll go get my evil lair ready. Have I feeling I'll be needing to hide in it again soon.
> 
> Thanks as always for ready, and for all the lovely comments and kudos!


	81. Fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien's quiet morning takes a turn with the arrival of an unexpected visitor.

As always, Adrien was the first to wake up. He still wouldn’t sleep through the night and would wake seemingly at random, or following one of his dreams. But the dreams weren’t as bad as they had been. They had become less rampant and aggressive, and while he would still wake up shaking sometimes it was easier for him to calm down with Marinette sleeping next to him. He still didn’t want to take the sleeping medication though, even if taking them meant he would actually sleep properly. The thought of struggling to wake up on his own was still far too unsettling for him. And even after waking up, it would feel like he was caught in a weird limbo until his body and mind caught up with each other.

Adrien sighed as he looked to the girl beside him. It was pretty much routine now that he would wake up to find Marinette in his arms. Some mornings his fearful reactions would kick in and he would find it desperately uncomfortable having her so close like that. Today though he was glad that it wasn’t one of those mornings. When he wasn’t stricken with anxiety, he liked the feel of her head on his chest and her legs partly entangled with his. Her warmth, her vanilla scent and her soft mumblings were the best thing he could wake up to.

They’d spent last night talking about random little things until they fell asleep together. Stories and bits and pieces of what they could remember from childhood. Marinette had recounted the time she first tried baking without parental supervision. She’d ended up with more cake frosting around the kitchen than on the actual cake. Adrien talked about how when he was little he was very prone to drawing all over the walls, much to the dismay of the housestaff. Many small, light hearted things like that were shared and Adrien enjoyed every second of it. Even the looming thoughts of his parents couldn’t overshadow how much he loved hearing more about Marinette and her life. He wanted to know everything about her.

He lifted his hand to idly stroke her hair as he watched the morning light slowly spill into her bedroom. He smiled to himself when he felt the remains of the braid he’d done with her hair. It had mostly fallen out now, with only a small part of it still twisted together while the rest of her hair fell in loose waves from having been in the style. He was happy that she’d let him do her hair. Touch meant far more to her than it did to him, so he was glad to have found something that maybe wouldn’t affect him as much as cuddling, kissing or even sometimes holding her hand would.

A soft beeping alerted Adrien of the time. He reached up behind him to the shelf above the bed and felt around for Marinette’s phone, turning off the alarm once he found it.

“Marinette,” he said softly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders a little tighter, “It’s time to wake up.”

“No…” she mumbled into his chest.

“You have school.”

“Don’t care. I want to stay with you.”

He gently shook her shoulder, “Come on, wake up. You can’t stay attached to me all day.”

She paused a moment as she nuzzled his chest, “Are you okay like this?”

“I’m fine.”

“Then let me sleep some more.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. It was no wonder she was always running late to class. He wasn’t about to let her though. He held her to his chest before quickly sitting up, forcing her with him. Marinette let out a squeak from the sudden movement, clinging onto him as though she might fall off the bed.

Adrien kissed the crown of her head with a smile, “There. You’re up.”

She grumbled as she peeled herself away from him, looking up with a sleepy glare.

“ _Fine._ ” she muttered as she separated herself from him to slide off the bed.

He watched her with a smile as she staggered her way downstairs. She lazily grabbed some things from her closet before heading towards the bathroom.

He took this as an opportunity to get up and dressed himself. He wasn’t going back to school just yet, but he could at least see if Tom and Sabine needed any help. He was feeling a little more confident about returning to school though. His friends had shown that he was still a welcomed member of their social circle, that they weren’t going to ostracise him for all that had happened. He wanted to be absolutely sure of things before he went back though. Mainly to check in with Chloe that he _definitely_ hadn’t been removed for the school’s register, as it was still a bit unsettling that his father hadn’t done that already. He also needed to think of some way to explain his prolonged absence, since he couldn’t rely on his father or Nathalie to provide any reasoning as his parent and guardian.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Plagg sniggered, floating up next to Adrien as he walked down the steps to the main floor of the bedroom.

Adrien furrowed his brow as he reached for his bag of clothes, “You think so?”

“Kid, I’ve known you long enough now to know what you’re like. I consider you actually getting up _with_ the alarm instead of just lying in bed staring at the ceiling for ages _before_ the alarm even goes to be you in a good mood.”

Adrien hummed quietly as he picked out his clothing for the day. Plagg did have a point though. It felt so long ago now, almost a different life entirely, when his nights would have been mostly spent lying in the dark staring at nothing in the large, empty space of his bedroom. At least now in his less restful moments during the night, he could distract himself by the feel of Marinette next to him or by watching the gently shifting tones of light through the skylight above the bed.

“What about you and Tikki?” Adrien asked as he started to get dressed, “Where did you two go last night?”

A peculiar expression flashed in the cat’s features before vanishing almost as fast to his usual aloofness, “Oh we were just giving you and Marinette some _alone time_.”

Adrien blushed furiously as he turned to his kwami with a glare, “Th-That’s-! We were…!”

“Relax, Kid. You really think you’re the first of my holders to get _real close_ with their Ladybug?”

Adrien pressed his lips together in a nervous line, turning to look at the floor in a weak attempt to hide his reddening face.

 _Other Chat Noirs and Ladybugs have had that sort of relationship?_ He thought to himself.

“Besides, as Tikki says,” Plagg added, switching to a squeaky falsetto, “ _It’s such a beautiful thing when humans come together like that!_ ”

Adrien allowed a small smile as he saw Plagg pretend to gag after speaking the sentimental words.

“I don’t sound like that!” Tikki chirped indignantly as she zipped in next to Plagg, “and the union between two humans _is_ a beautiful thing!”

While Adrien wasn’t sure what he would call it himself, he wasn’t sure if _beautiful_ was the right word.

_Although…_

Marinette herself was beautiful. Every time he saw her, every smile she gave him, every glimmer of her bluebell eyes, every touch of her bare skin. She was absolutely breathtaking. He couldn’t help but wonder, how did he appear to her? He pulled aside his shirt collar a little to inspect his shoulder and the uppermost part of his chest. His heart skipped as he could still not see a single mark.

* * *

Marinette was very slowly waking up. She was, and had never been, a morning person. She had to admit though, it was a lot easier to get up in the mornings with Adrien next to her. Nothing in the world could compare to finding herself curled around him, her senses filled with his warmth and his scent. She restrained a quiet giggle to herself at the thought that it could be something to look forward to for the rest of her life.

She quickly washed her face and got dressed before returning to the bedroom. She smiled as she saw Adrien leaning on her desk with a slightly confused expression as the two kwami appeared to be arguing about something.

“You stinky sock!” Tikki yelled, “How can you not think it’s the most precious thing in the world when two people share everything with one another!”

Plagg shrugged, “I’m just saying Sugarcube, the most _precious thing_ is a big slice of gooey camembert.”

Marinette watched the exchange with a bewildered expression as she approached Adrien.

“What are they fighting over now?” she asked quietly.

There was a slight blush on Adrien’s cheeks as he looked at her, “Oh um...just some things. That happen between people. It’s nothing.”

She observed his shy expression as his gaze flitted around. Carefully, she reached out until her fingertips lightly touched his. His eyes snapped to her with momentary alarm, before softening as she slowly intertwined her fingers with hers.

“You okay?” she asked quietly, ignoring the two kwami squabbling.

His warming gaze looked over her for a moment before he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Everyone froze when there came a knock on the trapdoor. The kwami hastily slipped away into hiding as there came a voice from the other side.

“Marinette?” Sabine called, “Are you and Adrien awake?”

“Y-Yeah, we’re awake Maman.” she answered.

The trapdoor opened as soon as she spoke. Sabine appeared through the opening and quickly looked towards the pair. Judging by her concerned expression, Marinette knew her mother hadn’t come to make sure her daughter would be up in time for school. Something had her mother deeply worried.

Marinette furrowed her brow with confusion, “What is it?”

“There’s someone here looking for Adrien.” Sabine responded carefully, “A Mademoiselle Sancoeur? I believe she’s...Monsieur Agreste’s assistant.”

Marinette felt Adrien’s hold of her hand slacken immediately, like all the strength in his grip had vanished. She looked next to her to see his pale, frightened expression. He stared out blankly as his mouth opened and closed but no words manifested.

“What does she want?” Marientte asked for him.

Sabine gave a worried look between them, “She said she wanted to speak to Adrien. Your father has been keeping her in the bakery for the moment.”

He was starting to shake. Marinette’s fingers were still wrapped around his, and she could feel the tremors in him as they started to ramp up.

She quickly turned to face him, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. You don’t have to see her.”

Adrien didn’t answer, his gaze still fixed on empty space as his chest heaved his increasingly staggered breaths.

“Hey.” she said more softly this time.

Still holding onto his hand, she reached up with her other to cup his face. Stroking his cheek with her thumb as she gently encouraged him to turn in her direction. He stiffly followed her guidance, turning his head as his flickering eyes slowly came to look at her.

“You’re okay.” she repeated as she continued to caress his cheek, “You don’t have to have anything to do with her.”

She felt his fingers twitch in hers a bit before he tentatively tightened his hand around hers again.

Marinette turned back to Sabine, “Maman, can you and Papa keep her in the bakery a bit longer? She won’t be able to see us if Adrien and I sneak out the side door.”

Sabine gave a hesitant nod, “Of course.”

Sabine went on ahead to quickly check the situation downstairs. Marinette turned all of her attention back to Adrien now. He was panicking and she needed to help pull him back before it became a full on attack. She gently squeezed his hand in hers so try and help soothe the trembling she felt from him. His eyes had returned to intently staring at nothing, his green colour becoming clouded and unfocused.

“Why is she here?” he croaked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“That doesn’t matter right now.” Marinette said softly, “She has no right to speak to you if you don’t want her to.”

“I...I can’t…”

“Adrien, it’s going to be okay. We’ll sneak out the side door and go somewhere else for a while. She can’t stay here all day, and when she leaves we’ll come back.”

Hesitantly his gaze returned to hers. Her heart ached as she could clearly see the overwhelming fear and confusion in him. Their last encounter with Nathalie had ended badly for him and he so desperately wanted to avoid a repeat of that.

It would be easier if she could transform into Ladybug and escape via the roof, but Sabine would be waiting downstairs for them as she made sure the coast was clear. Her parents were undoubtedly worried about what was going on, and if Marinette and Adrien were to just vanish it would likely only make things worse. She didn’t know if Adrien could handle being carried by Ladybug and swinging over roofs right now anyway.

By now the kwamis had reappeared and were watching with apprehension. Still holding Adrien’s hand, she gently coaxed him to walk with her as she went to grab her purse. She opened it and Tikki quickly flew into it as usual. Marinette offered the purse to Plagg as well, but the little black cat said nothing. He regarded her with a reserved gaze before flitting away into the collar of Adrien’s shirt.

Marinette looked back to Adrien. He was still watching her, his eyes locked onto hers as though he was afraid she’d vanish if he looked away now.

She gave his hand another squeeze, “Let’s go.”

Adrien stuck close to her, blindly following as they hurried down through the apartment. For his sake, she was doing her best to keep herself calm. She needed to be steady for him even though her mind was in overdrive. Why was Nathalie here? Marinette still didn’t entirely know what Adrien’s conversation with the woman had been in their last encounter, but he’d apparently made it _very_ clear that he didn’t want to see anyone from the mansion again. If he’d laid it out so obviously as he seemed to think, then why would Nathalie come looking for him now? Or why not sooner? It wouldn’t be hard to believe that Adrien’s father would have discovered very quickly where his son had been staying. Something about this felt _off_ , and Marinette didn’t like it one bit.

When they reached the ground floor of the building, Sabine was hovering in the doorway that led to the bakery.

“She’s still there.” Sabine said quietly, even though it was unlikely anyone from the shop front would hear them, “Your father’s been talking a little with her, but made it clear she’s not getting any further than the shop.”

“Thanks Maman.” Marinette quickly kissed her cheek, “We’ll just get away from here for a bit until she leaves.”

“Keep your phone on you then. I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

Marinette looked over her shoulder at Adrien. He watched her silently, green eyes shivering under her gaze as he waited for her to lead on. She gave his hand another squeeze as she reached for the door.

Marinette only took one step out the door before she saw it. Adrien evidently had as well, as he became completely frozen apart from his hand harshly tightening around hers so much it was almost painful. A sedan was parked outside, waiting.

Marinette rushed to think of what to do now, trying to decide if they should just make a run for it or retreat back to the apartment. Before she could make a decision however, the backdoor of the car opened. It felt like all breath left her body out of fear as the tall figure exited the vehicle, standing up to their full height so that they towered over her.

Gabriel Agreste.

Apart from the clenched, trembling grip on her hand, it was like Adrien’s presence vanished completely. His stuttered breaths ceased as though he’d stopped breathing entirely, and he seemed to shrink away under his father’s looming figure. Gabriel’s steel blue eyes ignored Marinette, instead fixing on Adrien beside her.

“Adrien,” Gabriel’s voice was low and cutting, “It’s time you came home.”

* * *

Adrien barely heard his father speak to him. This white noise was ringing in his ears, pulsing with each painful heartbeat. He couldn’t understand what was going on. After having been left alone all this time, suddenly they’d come for him. Nathalie turning up at the bakery was one thing, but his father lying in wait as though he expected them to try and slip away? The last time he’d seen Gabriel was when the man had struck him across the face. Seeing him now, it felt like the ground had vanished underneath his feet. The numbness was setting in. He didn’t know if Marinette was still holding his hand anymore and he couldn’t shift his gaze off of the ground to check. This couldn’t be happening. None of this could be real right now.

A dream. That’s what it had to be. Adrien was dreaming again. That’s why nothing felt right, why it was increasingly getting difficult to breathe, why his _father_ of all people would actually appear before him in person. It wasn’t really happening.

_I have to wake up._

His brain sluggishly tried to start a thought process despite the dreadful white noise echoing in him. He would wake up soon. He _needed_ to wake up. Marinette would be there when he did and she would easily oversleep if he didn’t encourage her to get up. They would get ready for the day ahead and then have a lovely, relaxed breakfast together.

_I just need to wake up!_

“Adrien.”

His father’s sharp voice shattered the illusion Adrien was desperately trying to construct. His automatic response kicked in as he slowly lifted his head, his eyes travelling upwards as he came face to face with his father.

Gabriel looked back with an immovable icy glare, “You are coming home. Now.”

“He’s not going anywhere with you!” Marinette snapped.

Adrien’s gaze carefully shifted to the girl beside him. It seemed she had initially been shocked as well, but was quickly getting over it.

“I am talking to _my son_.” Gabriel shot back coldly, “This doesn’t concern you.”

“He’s here with me, so yes it _does_!” She spat.

The man blanked her again as he turned once more to Adrien, “And what do you have to say for yourself? Are you letting her explain your actions for you?”

Adrien’s mouth went dry as he tried to formulate words. He opened and closed his mouth, only able to utter some weak, meaningless stuttering.

“Since you need someone to speak for you, then allow me.” Gabriel cut in before Adrien could manage to say anything, or before Marinette could jump to his defense again, “I allowed you time off from your responsibilities as your doctors - _that I never approved of_ \- insisted upon it. I allowed you free reign to better yourself after that ridiculous scandal. I allowed you to continue with school. I allowed you to stay with this _friend_ of yours. All because I thought you would finally learn to be _responsible_ for yourself.”

Each word was cutting deeper and deeper. His father _allowed_ ? The sickening realisation that Gabriel could have turned up at any time to take Adrien back felt like hot coals burning in the pit of his stomach. He thought he had been finally breaking away from his father’s shadow. But he hadn’t. His father had only permitted him a _longer leash_. And now he was hauling it back in.

“Now hold on a minute!” Marinette yelled.

Gabriel continued over her, “Instead I find you _wasting your time_ . I trust you to act on your own and this is what you do? _Nothing_ ? You didn't go to school. You refused to return to your work. You’ve dropped all of your extracurriculars. _What_ have you been doing, Adrien?”

Adrien’s gaze fell to the ground again. Nothing. He’d been doing nothing. He’d been too scared, too weak to try to do anything. He’d just continued to let things happen around him again, to let _everyone else_ deal with his problems.

Marinette jolted beside him as though she were trying to restrain herself from lashing out, “He’s been trying to get away from _you_!”

“I can see where this rebellious behaviour has come from.” Gabriel scoffed, “I’m very disappointed, Adrien. Your mother would be too. She had better expectations of you than to idly waste away your days.”

_Stop it._

The arguing, the tension, the confusion, fear, anxiety...It was all too much. He couldn’t take it.

Marinette took an aggressive step forward, “Don’t you speak like you actually know what she wanted for Adrien!”

_Stop it!_

“Enough of this.” Gabriel hissed, “Adrien, you are coming home with me. Now.”

Marinette quickly turned to Adrien as she spoke lowly and quickly, “Don’t listen to him. All that he’s been saying is _lies_. You don’t need to go with him.”

Adrien couldn’t look at either of them. He didn’t know what to do. It was like the world around him was rapidly shrinking. How could he have ever thought that he would escape his father? It was impossible. Gabriel’s reach was too far, his presence too powerful. There was no way out.

“Adrien.” Gabriel’s tone had returned once more to it’s cool, calculating tone making Adrien flinch.

Despite the numbness he felt, Adrien was minimally aware of how much he was shaking as he hesitantly lifted his gaze towards his father.

Satisfied that his son was looking at him now, Gabriel spoke again, “You need to consider your actions _very_ carefully. I will not stand for you to continue to act like a delinquent.”

Gabriel’s heavy words were punctuated by the man’s gaze momentarily sliding towards Marinette. It was subtle, but Adrien could read his father’s severe undertones after having to do so his entire life.

Any sense of feeling left Adrien entirely and the white noise cried out within him. He couldn’t breath and his heart might have stopped as well for all he knew. The realisation was consuming him in crushing grip as he immediately understood his father’s intentions. If Adrien didn’t obey, Marinette was at risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Say it with me now~! Gabriel's a manipulative b*stard~!_  
>  Ugh, why do I write him so horribly. The absolute worst.
> 
> I uh....I mentioned there'd be an angst drop, right?
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and for all the amazing comments and kudos!


	82. Sunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse as Marinette tries to stop Adrien from leaving.

Marinette noticed something change in Adrien then. He had become completely still. His persistent trembling had vanished and his gaze had become absolutely hollow, staring but not seeing. She was still holding onto his hand, but even as she squeezed it he gave no response. It was like he’d become a doll.

“What on earth is going on?” Sabine demanded as she appeared through the doorway behind them.

Marinette noticed Tom there as well, his brow furrowed with tension. A second later, Nathalie rounded the corner towards them having just come from the bakery’s entrance at the front.

“M. Dupain. Mme Cheng.” Gabriel greeted them cordially, “Thank you for taking care of my son. I believe it would be in everyone’s best interest though for him to return home now.”

Sabine turned to Adrien though he didn’t look back at her, “Adrien, is that what you want?”

Gabriel spoke again, “It would be-”

“Now hold on.” Sabine interrupted as she held up her hand to stop the man from speaking further.

Surprisingly Gabriel closed his mouth, watching the small woman with a cool gaze. Marinette had never felt so glad to have her parents at her back before.

“What are you wanting to do, Adrien?” Sabine asked again, more softly this time.

He still didn’t answer.

Gabriel cleared his throat, moreso to regain attention than anything else, “I’m sure you’re aware that my son is of a... _delicate_ condition of late.”

White hot anger flashed in Marinette, “You can't just call him a _delinquent_ one second then say things are _delicate_ the next! And since when did you even care?”

Something vicious glinted in his frosted glare as Gabriel turned to Marinette, “ Adrien is _my son_ . He is the only family I have left in this world and I care about him deeply. You are very lucky I didn’t immediately call the police when he went missing. I was left to believe something unforgivable had happened to him _just like his mother_.”

Marinette didn’t think anyone else noticed, but she definitely did. Adrien inhaled sharply, almost painfully.

“I…” he croaked.

All eyes turned on him but Adrien was fixated on the ground. Marinette’s heart twisted hard in her chest as she slowly felt his fingers slip away from hers.

“I’ll go back with you...father.”

It was like everything else rapidly faded into a blurry background. Marinette couldn’t see or hear anything beyond Adrien next to her. She stared, horrified at the mask that was his expression. Perfectly crafted. Perfectly posed. Perfectly _empty_.

Marinette tried to speak but her throat quickly tightened so all she could manage was a strained gasp.

Gabriel nodded to Nathalie who quickly opened the car door.

“You have my gratitude.” Gabriel said to Sabine and Tom before looking to Adrien, “But it is time I took my son home.”

“Can I get my things first?” Adrien asked mechanically, “Please, father?”

Gabriel gave Adrien a hardened stare before giving a curt nod, “Be quick.”

Adrien ducked his head before turning on his heel, heading back through the doorway. He didn’t spare a glance at Tom or Sabine, instead blank eyes staring at the ground in front of him as he walked.

Marinette stood frozen, watching his retreating form for a moment before forcing herself to move. She scrambled up the stairs after him, almost falling multiple times in her panicked haste.

“Adrien!”

He didn’t answer.

“ _Adrien!_ ”

He kept going.

Marinette chased him all the way upstairs to her bedroom. He went straight to his duffel bag that was still resting on her desk and started to shove what little belongings he had into it.

“Adrien!” she cried for what felt like the hundredth time, “ _Look_ at me!”

She grabbed his arm, pulling hard so that he would turn towards her. She instantly felt the cracks in her heart. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he was biting down on his lip to restrain any sound he might make in that moment. She let go of his arm, moving to gently take his hand instead.

“ _Please,_ ” she begged, “Don’t do this. Don’t listen to him. You’ve been doing _so_ well.”

“No.” Adrien smiled weakly, the expression completely fake, “No I haven’t been doing well. He’s right. I haven’t been able to do anything.”

“He’s twisting things around to suit what he wants! He doesn’t know _anything_ of all that you’ve been dealing with. _Please, Adrien!_ Don’t give up now.”

“I’m not giving up. I’m just...accepting the way things are.”

“ _The way things are?_ ”

His glassy eyes flickered around in desperation as he took a few stuttered breaths.

“I’m not like you, Mari.” he croaked, “I can’t just look at a problem and solve it. I _hide_ . I _run_ . I’m nothing more than a _coward_ and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

Marinette started to sob, “There's nothing wrong with being scared! If you’re afraid then you can rely on others for help!”

“And put them in harm’s way? You don’t know what my father is like! He would do _anything_ within his power to ruin your parents’ business - to ruin _your future_ as a designer!”

Marinette held on tighter to his hand, feeling the hot tears fall from her eyes as she stared at him. Adrien didn’t hold her hand back, his watery gaze flickering over her as he tried to control his ragged breaths.

Marinette stepped a little closer to him, searching his green eyes as though trying to call out to him, “Let’s escape. I’ll transform and get you out of here. We’ll go hide somewhere and get all of this sorted.”

“He’s not going to let me go.” he whispered, his voice shaking with each word, “My mother got away - or vanished - or who _the fuck knows_ \- but he’s still _obssesed_ with her. But I can’t disappear. No matter where I go or what I do, he will come after me. Because he _can't let things go._ ”

“You are not his to own! You’ve been getting better, and you can keep getting better as long as you keep trying!”

“I’m done trying…”

Marinette felt the steady cracks ripping through her heart as she looked at his tired, desperate eyes. Like slowly sinking into ice water she was fully realising the effect Adrien’s father had on him. Adrien believed it to be an absolute truth that his father controlled everything about him. He’d been raised that way after all. All the scheduling, the lessons, the photoshoots. It was all done according to Gabriel’s command, and if Adrien didn’t follow through then there were consequences. Consequences that he was desperately afraid of, not because they affected him, but because they could be used against his friends or people he wanted to be close to. The complexities of Adrien’s relationship with his father were so ingrained that Marinette felt absolutely useless for not having noticed before, for that believing Adrien would find a way past it. It wasn’t that Adrien didn't want to go against his father’s wishes. It was that he believed he _couldn’t._

Marinette wasn’t sure how long they stood there in that heavy silence as they stared at one another. She felt like her heart was bleeding out while his was retreating back behind that guarded, shell of a facade. Adrien’s gaze slowly drifted to the floor as he carefully removed his hand from hers.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, “I’m not the person you want me to be.”

She frantically shook her head, “No...No! You are amazing Adrien. You truly are an amazing and incredible person.”

He turned away from her as he shifted his bag onto his shoulder, “I have to go.”

Marinette spun so quickly after him her head swam with the fierce movement.

“If you love me then you’ll stay!” she cried out.

Adrien stopped immediately, looking back at her with wide eyes. It could have only been a few seconds, but each second stretched out endlessly as they breathlessly stared at one another. Until Adrien broke his gaze away, his eyes becoming downcast as he appeared to consider something deeply. Marinette felt the crumbling pieces of her heart tremble as he looked up at her again, but this time with a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m doing this because I _do_ love you.” he told her.

She didn’t know how to answer that. All she could do was stare at him wordlessly as her tears kept falling.

He was still smiling at her as he spoke softly, “Just forget about me. Go and be a great fashion designer. Go and take on the world because I know you can. You can live out whatever dream you want to.”

Marinette did her best to restrain her sobs that wanted to break forth as she answered him, “But my dream is a life with you. I don’t need to be a world famous fashion icon or anything like that. All I wanted is that place just for the two of us. A place where I can wake up next to you every day and just be with you.”

Adrien’s face fell and his tight grip on his bag strap loosened. For a brief, intensely hopeful moment, she thought she’d gotten through to him. She thought she’d been able to reach past all of the fears that gripped him. But he didn’t respond. His hollow green eyes observed her with such longing, but he was slowly turning away from her again as he headed for the trapdoor.

Marinette’s hand flew out immediately, reaching for him with whatever strength she could manage. Her hand connected with the strap of his bag and latched on. Her action took Adrien by surprise, yanking the bag off of his shoulder. As he instinctively tried to keep his own hold of it steady, the bag jolted. Adrien had neglected to close the bag fully, so the harsh movement caused something to fly out and fall to the ground with a dreadful sound.

They both stared at the item, neither of them moving.

The music box.

* * *

Even with the suffocating numbness that had settled within him, Adrien felt it like the chords of his own heart cried out as the music box hit the ground. The mechanism inside let out a sorrowful wail of small musical notes striking together on impact. He stared at it, not fully understanding what had just happened. The sight of the little music box lying broken on the floor was slowly - _painfully_ \- burned into his mind. The lid had completely snapped off from its hinge, the painted moon cut off from the little scene it had endlessly watched over. The ceramic cat had also taken some of the impact. Part of its face had been broken off now. One of its ears and eyes had come off in a large shard, revealing the snow white ceramic underneath. What had formerly been a cute, playful kitten was now a ghastly spectre.

Adrien opened his mouth to speak, but his mind was blank and his throat closed up so no words came. He closed his mouth again, pressing his lips into a thin line. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Marinette. Adjusting his bag onto his shoulder again, he turned and headed for the trapdoor. This time she didn’t follow him.

Adrien could feel Plagg’s insistent claws digging into him as the kwami hissed for his attention. It barely registered to him though as he made his way back downstairs. He couldn’t deal with whatever scolding his kwami wanted to give him right now. He didn’t have the time to anyway as his father was expecting him back swiftly.

It didn’t appear that Marinette’s parents and Gabriel had spoken any further since he’d gone upstairs. The adults were watching each other as though to issue some sort of unspoken challenge. Adrien took a steady breath as he approached Tom and Sabine.

He gave them a well practiced smile, “Thank you. For everything.”

Sabine gave him a hug, “Are you sure about this? You’re perfectly welcome to stay here.”

“You’ll always be welcomed here.” Tom added as he gave Adrien a solemn pat on the back.

Adrien didn’t say anything further, only smiled again as he stepped away towards the sedan.

Nathalie opened the door to the backseat as he approached. He could feel his father’s icy gaze watching him closely. Adrien looked back once more to the doorway where Tom and Sabine stood. They looked back at him with such concern that he felt ashamed and guilty for all the trouble he’d caused them. But at least this way they wouldn’t have to deal with him or his father’s vindictive nature anymore.

His wilting heart cried out through the stoic numbness that gripped him, desperately seeking for the girl he’d given it to. But she still hadn’t followed him. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it wasn’t budging. It’s not like he would be able to say anything to her anyway. He stepped into the sedan, sliding over the seats so that his father could get in after him. Shortly after Nathalie got into the driver’s seat and started the car. No one spoke as the car started to pull away.

“ _Adrien!_ ”

Adrien jolted up, head twisting around to look out the back window of the car just as Marinette came sprinting out of the building. He watched her, unable to do or say anything as Tom had to grab her by the arm before she sped out into the street after the car. The last he saw of her was her trying to break free of her father’s hold before the car turned a corner. And just like that, she was gone.

He stared out the rear window a bit longer before sliding back into his seat, his eyes drifting down to his lap.

“You did the right thing.” Gabriel said cooly.

Some time ago, Adrien would have glowed at every praise he received from his father. Now though he felt too hollow to even acknowledge it.

“If that girl is serious about pursuing a career in fashion,” Gabriel continued, “She will have whatever scholarship or recommendation she requires. As long as you keep up with your responsibilities with the brand.”

That was a relief at least. With that, Marinette could get into whatever university or work whatever internship she could possibly want. She would be one step closer to living out the life she’d always wanted. The one she’d dreamed of long before even knowing Adrien.

It was better this way. Marinette had so much potential, so much ahead of her. Without him holding her back, Adrien was sure she would go on to do great things. For as long as he’d known her, he knew she was destined to shine brighter than the sun. He couldn’t let that brilliant light of hers be consumed by the darkness he was confined to. She would find someone else, someone better than him. Marinette had so much love to give, but Adrien was a black hole for it. Broken as he was, he couldn’t give her all that she deserved. He didn’t want to become a parasite for her, to force her to remain with him until her beautiful love became disillusioned when she realised the person he really was. He’d seen it in his mother what being trapped in a damaged relationship could do. He couldn’t do that to Marinette.

Everything would be okay. Marinette would go on to live her own life. And Adrien would just go back to the way things had always been. He’d managed before so he could do it again, right?

Adrien’s gaze settled on the silver ring on his finger.

_I should have given it back to her._

He could still feel Plagg’s presence pressed to him, hidden underneath his shirt collar. He was glad that he still had his friend but he knew he couldn’t keep the Miraculous. He couldn’t be Chat Noir anymore, so it was no longer his to keep. He doubted Plagg would just happily go back to Marinette of his own accord though. He would need to think of a way to return the ring to its rightful place.

But then there was the other matter of the amok and akuma remnants still contaminating him. Adrien didn’t know what would become of them without Tikki’s assistance in keeping them contained. He couldn’t really bring himself to care anymore. As far as he was concerned now, whatever happened would happen and he would just accept it.

The rest of the car journey was quiet. To Adrien it felt like the travel took much longer than he remembered before they arrived through those familiar iron gates. When the car pulled up to the mansion’s entrance, Adrien held onto his bag with a white-knuckled grip as he got out. He’d walked up and down the stairs to the front door countless times, but now it felt like his body got heavier and heavier with each step he climbed. He heard a few words behind him as Gabriel said something to Nathalie, though he wasn’t sure what was said.

“Adrien.” Gabriel commanded as they entered the excessively large foyer.

Adrien stopped dead, standing and waiting with his eyes fixed on the floor.

Gabriel continued, “Nathalie will take your things to your room. For now there is something I need to address with you.”

Adrien hesitantly turned to look at his father as the man moved in long, precise strides towards the atelier. The numbing fog still clung to him, so he barely noticed it as Nathalie took the bag from his shoulder. Out of the corner of his eyes though, he saw the woman give him a strange glance. He wasn’t used to the usually poker-faced woman giving away anything, so it stuck out excessively to Adrien when she almost appeared sympathetic before turning away to go upstairs.

Adrien swallowed thickly, “What do you want to talk about, father?”

Gabriel remained completely unreadable as his gaze settled over his son, “Since you apparently are so certain about acting like an adult and taking matters into your own hands now, I have decided to grant you some opportunities to do so.”

Adrien furrowed his brow as the words slowly registered in his sluggish thoughts.

_Opportunities?_

“As your parent I have had to make decisions for you in the past.” Gabriel elaborated, “But since you are now so insistent on managing yourself, I see no reason to prevent you from doing so. You will be an adult soon enough, so it is time you learnt how to deal with these things.”

A sense of dread fell to the pit of Adrien’s stomach like a ball of lead. He couldn’t really understand what his father was talking about, but something about this felt strange.

Gabriel held out his arm to beckon Adrien closer as he opened the door to the atelier. Adrien approached hesitantly, feeling like his legs would give out at any moment as a swelling panic started to split through the fog. As soon as Adrien was close enough, Gabriel placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. It felt more like Adrien was being steered into the room rather than walking of his own accord as he found himself passing through the doorway and into the atelier.

The sickening weight was gripping his chest again, making his heart hurt with each panicked throb. It was becoming harder to breathe too as Adrien’s confusion and trepidation was pulling him deeper into his chaotic anxiety. Something was going on but he didn’t know what.

“Oh! Monsieur Agreste!” a lilting voice came as Adrien and Gabriel entered.

Adrien’s eyes were immediately drawn to the large couches that occupied the middle of the room. There was a woman there. She had been sitting on one of the seats, but had quickly stood up to greet his father properly.

“This was very sudden.” the woman gave an airy laugh, “I was surprised to have received a call from your assistant this morning. It’s been a very long time after all.”

Adrien furrowed his brow as he looked over the woman again and again. She was tall and slim, with fair auburn hair that fell in gentle waves over her shoulders. It was like his mind was refusing to function as he looked at her. Almost like he was staring at a ghost that wasn’t actually there.

The woman blinked a few times as her gaze shifted away from Gabriel towards Adrien. Her grey eyes studied him intently, as though trying to pierce through his very being.

“ _Adrien?_ ” she gasped, “Is that really you? My goodness, you’ve grown!”

At the sound of his name passing her lips, he could feel every sense of alarm his body could muster. There was an overwhelming need to escape and it was slowly choking him. Her mouth curved into a disgustingly sultry smile as she looked at him, _really_ looked at him like she was seeing far more than what was there.

“Hello, _sweet boy_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slams chapter down before spinning away*  
> You guys said you liked angst, right? So you can take some more of it, _right_?  
> I'll be hiding in my secret lair for the next while I think..
> 
> Thanks for reading! (if you're still alive) ~~I'm sorry~~


	83. Havoc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faced with something he hoped to never happen, Adrien lets go.
> 
>  **WARNING:** This chapter gets very heavy in terms of anxiety, depression, PTSD and suicidal thoughts. There is also reference to abuse and sexual assault against a minor.

Marinette barely noticed the shadow of movement as Adrien left. Her eyes were transfixed on the music box now lying on the floor. Broken. It was all broken. The ceramic cat’s remaining green eye stared up at her as though pleading miserably.

“Marinette!” Tikki’s voice sounded far away as she cried out.

Marinette turned her head to the sound, but her eyes remained stuck on the object a moment longer.

“ _Marinette!_ ” Tikki tried again, more urgent.

Marinette finally broke her gaze away, but immediately looked past the worried form of her kwami towards the trapdoor. The open and very empty trapdoor. He’d gone.

Instinct hauled out every ounce of adrenaline her body could muster. Marinette sprang forward, not even bothering the stand up properly as she stumbled onto the stairs that led down to the apartment. She barely noticed the pain of her hands and knees as she tripped on the last few steps and landed harshly on the floor. Endless images were flooding her mind as all she could think about was him. Visions of the sarcastic, teasing Adrien that would smirk at her - The shy, uncertain Adrien that would smile softly at her - the embarrassed, ashamed Adrien that would hide his gaze as his face became flushed - The intensly focused Adrien that would mumble to himself - The frightened but loving Adrien that trusted her so deeply as he shared his physical self with her - All of these side to him that she had gotten to know.

The pedestal she’d formally placed her childish crush on had been torn down and the walls that he’d hidden himself behind for so long had crumbled. She finally saw Adrien for who he really was, and despite how much he saw himself to be irredeemable and broken, she loved him so much it _hurt_. And now he was slipping through her fingers. All that she had done, all that she had tried to do, hadn’t been enough to help Adrien through the fears that controlled him.

Distantinly, she heard a car starting. Heart pounding, hands and knees throbbing, Marinette hauled herself to her feet again before flying out the door and down the stairs towards the street.

“ _Adrien!_ ” she screamed, barreling past her parents.

Her eyes were solely focused on the sedan driving away, not caring to look elsewhere as she sped out towards the road. She was brought to an abrupt halt as her father grabbed her arm, hauling her back from the side of the road. She watched as the sedan drive further away, her vision becoming blurred with tears, before the car turned a corner and vanished. Gone, and all of her strength with it.

Marinette’s legs buckled beneath her as harsh sobs wracked her body. The only thing that stopped her from falling to the ground was Tom holding her up as he hugged his daughter. He said something to her, but Marinette couldn’t hear anything beyond her gross sobbing or feel much more than the way her heart finally caved in. Sabine stroked her hair for a moment as she spoke urgently with Tom. Again Marinette didn’t hear much of what was said, only just about registering her mother saying something about calling the police.

 _The police?_ She wanted to cry out.

What good would that do? Gabriel would figure out a way to brush off any law enforcement coming to his house, and Adrien would likely stay quiet and let him. And even if the police could do something, they would never be able to act fast enough. Something had to happen _now_.

Ladybug could act now.

Marinette broke away from her parents, ignoring their confused and worried calls for her as she raced back upstairs. She needed to transform. All she had to do was head straight over to the mansion and speak to Adrien again. She needed to make him see that whatever cage he felt trapped in, there was still a way out for him. She’d convinced him to leave before so she had to be able to do it again.

As soon as she made it to her room she slammed the trapdoor shut behind her before preparing to call on her kwami to transform. But as her eyes fell to the floor her words never came. Her resolve crumbled away, allowing a chilling numbness to take its place as her gaze became fixed on the broken music box once more. Her legs folded underneath her as she clumsily knelt down, reaching out to gather the ruined item into her hands. She traced her fingers over the cat’s damaged face, her eyes drifting to where the broken shard lay on the floor. She delicately lifted the piece, turning it around as the singular cat eye shimmered at her. The ear of the broken piece was the one with the ladybug adornment she’d custom made. She clutched the music box to her chest as she looked at the fragment in her hand. Chat Noir’s face flashed in her mind, him grinning at her with such adoration and awe when she’d given him the music box. How happy he’d been - how happy _Adrien_ \- had been to receive it.

Marinette’s gaze slowly lifted as Tikki floated towards her. The kwami’s dark blue eyes watched her sadly.

Her tears hadn’t ceased, but they were increasing in volume again as she croaked, “I still couldn’t reach him, Tikki. After everything...he still couldn’t hear me.”

Tikki said nothing in response. What could she even begin to say anyway? Instead she gently nuzzled against Marinette’s cheek in an attempt to offer comfort.

She couldn’t get it out of her head. All of the soft smiles he’d given her, all of the times he’d told her he loved her, how he assured her he was still there, that he promised to do better with himself, that he promised to _trust_ her.

Her body shook as another gasping sob escaped her, “ _Liar._ ”

* * *

Adrien stared at the untouched cup placed before him on the table. Normally tea would provide some meagre comfort for his chaotic moods, but right now it felt like if he tried to swallow anything he would immediately spit it back up. Both his mind and body seemed to have given up working in whatever way he wanted them to now. The white noise was constant, screaming over his mind’s feeble attempts to try and write off all that was happening to be some aggressive nightmare. His body felt distant, like he wasn’t actually the one inhabiting it, like he was only there as a spectator to the horror Adrien found himself in.

He didn’t know when he’d sat down on the couch, though he was fairly sure it had been his father’s quietly insistent hand that had forced him to. His father that was now standing over by the podium, looking over the large screen there with minimal interest.

Adrien couldn’t lift his eyes away from the now cooled cup of tea before him. He didn’t want to look at her. He didn’t want _anything_ to do with her. But she was right there, sitting across from him as she drawled on about something that he hadn’t listened to at all.

 _Cass_.

A name he wanted completely ripped from his memory. It wasn’t even her normal name. Cassidy. Cassandra. He had no fucking clue cause all that she’d told him when he was young and _so stupid_ was “Just call me Cass, sweet boy” and give him one of her playful, abhorrent winks.

She was still speaking. He hated the sound of her voice. Even just the vague sound of her tone that still reached him left him feeling sick. This wasn’t just a nightmare. It was hell.

He still couldn’t fathom what was going on. What was his father thinking? What was she even doing here? And why were they having _fucking tea_ like they were old friends catching up? Adrien would have laughed at how absurdly mundane this whole situation looked, with the nice china tea set and plate of sweets set on the table between them, if it were not for the fact that it felt like he was getting torn to shreds inside. It hurt to breathe. Like her hands were holding him down all over again. He could practically feel once more the uncomfortable, jarring movements of his body against the floor as she'd used him however she wanted.

Adrien jolted as a hand reached across the table towards him. Hands that had felt him, grabbed him, touched parts of him that he didn’t want touched. He didn’t reciprocate the gesture, only clawing his own hands further into his seat. But against his will his eyes lifted. She must have been staring at him the whole time as her eyes immediately found his. She smiled at him. That same, flawless smile she’d shown his younger self when she’d spoken fondly with him. He was frozen now, held hostage by her obsessive grey gaze. The same grey eyes that had taken delight in viewing every inch of him.

“It’s good to see you again.” she spoke smoothly as though the boy in front of her wasn’t a trembling mess, “I’m sorry things were left the way they were.”

Was...was that an _apology_ ? Was she seriously trying to _apologise_ to him?

Adrien shivered as an irritating feeling fell across his neck, like something was breathing hot, languid breaths over his skin.

When he didn’t give a response, Cass withdrew her hand.

She began to toy with the ends of her hair as she gave a slight pout, “Things changed a lot after, you know? I did very well in keeping my promise to Monsieur Agreste and haven’t worked in fashion since. It was hard though, cause I just jumped from job to job after that. I was sad cause it was always my dream to work in fashion. But I guess it’s worth it now that you’re willing to speak to me.”

She flashed him another smile that just made his throat seize up. Underneath the aching white noise he could hear it again. That deep, low growl that seemed to echo within him.

_I hate it._

Adrien gritted his teeth. She wasn’t apologising for what she did. Not to him anyway. The only thing she was sorry for was that she got _inconvenienced_ . She had job trouble after what she did to him? He had to try and rebuild his whole fucking life! A life that was _still_ falling apart at the seams because he _still_ couldn’t hold himself together.

_I hate it._

He could practically feel it behind him now. The sick, twisted creature that inhabited him. It’s growls and hisses growing more insistent. His shoulders hurt as he could almost imagine its massive claws digging into his flesh as it held him in his seat.

_I hate it._

There might as well have been acid flowing through his veins with the way it felt like his body was burning up from the inside, slowly corroding everything the longer he sat there. Invisible claws gripping him tighter, Adrien finally forced himself to speak.

“Why is she here?” Adrien said blankly, ignoring the faint surprise from the woman as he turned towards his father.

Gabriel arched an eyebrow as his eyes shifted towards his son, “You were so keen to resolve your encounter with Mlle Rossi yourself, I assumed you would have wanted the same opportunity with Mlle Lorens.”

So that was it. His father wasn’t really permitting Adrien a chance to prove himself responsible, he was just throwing him to the sharks because he disagreed with how things were handled in the aftermath of what happened with Lila. Adrien wasn’t capable of resolving anything himself, and Gabriel was forcing a hard example of it by placing the source of Adrien’s demons right in front of him. A reminder. That’s all this was. A reminder that Adrien would suffer without his father’s protection and control.

“You can of course go with the same shameful display you’ve been giving in regards to Mlle Rossi.” Gabriel continued with a cold gaze, “One that has yet to give any results, may I remind you. So again you can put yourself through police reports, lawyers and gossip magazines chasing you among other things if you so wish.”

Cass gave a nervous chuckle, “Oh, we don’t need to do all that do we? It was so long ago afterall. Already dealt with and forgotten.”

Gabriel ignored the woman’s growing discomfort as he continued to address Adrien, “If you want to take matters into your own hands and act the part of a responsible adult, then I hope you will make the _correct_ decision.”

Adrien knew what his father’s words meant. There was only one correct decision. To admit that Adrien had been wrong to try and change things for himself, to admit that everything Gabriel had done had always been right. To realise that it was easier to exist as someone else’s puppet than to try and see himself for what he truly was. Weak. Alone. Helpless. Trapped.

Adrien’s gaze fell to the floor. He could hear the growling ripping through the white noise that still rung in his ears as he sensed that monstrous nature inside him drawing closer. He remained motionless as the beast opened its jaws wide around his head.

_It’s already over for them._

The jaws were closing shut around him, blade-like teeth slowly sinking into his neck.

_I’m the only one who didn’t move on._

A blackness was blurring his vision.

_They just want me to do the mature thing and let it go._

It felt like his ring was burning around his finger as he clenched his fist, like a Cataclysm was so desperately trying to rush forth despite him not being transformed.

But that catastrophic destruction didn’t manifest in his hand. Instead it felt like something else was struck by that all consuming power, disintegrating before he could have any hope to salvage it. That little compartment he’d kept heavily shut in his mind, the one he’d always dreaded and tried desperately to keep closed, shattered apart. That part of him that scared him was no longer contained. And he was rapidly drowning in it.

“But I wasn’t an adult…” Adrien whispered, far too calm for the torrent that was tearing his mind apart.

Gabriel’s mouth turned into a slight frown as he stepped away from the podium before moving towards Adrien with a purposeful stride, “Don’t mumble and speak to me properly, Adrien.”

He was gone. The monstrous presence that had been gripping him with its claws and biting into his neck with its teeth rapidly retreated as though it was now manifesting itself in the words that rushed from Adrien in an aggressive barrage.

“But I wasn’t an adult when all of this happened! I wasn’t an adult when _she_ held me down! I wasn’t an adult when _she_ touched me however she wanted! I wasn’t an adult when _she_ tried to _fuck me!_ I was a child who barely understood what sex was and she _almost killed me_ for her own sick satisfaction!”

Adrien tore his hands away from his harsh grip on the couch and he sprang up, standing up to his full height as he glared at his father. For the first time, Adrien saw something akin to surprise flashed in Gabriel’s usually steeled gaze.

He heard Cass try to stutter out some words, her previously flirty and smooth demeanour quickly vanishing, “Th-That’s a bit _much_ to say! It was only an accident! Besides sweet boy, you didn’t tell me-”

“ _Shut! Up!_ ” Adrien howled, kicking the table between them with such force that it momentarily tilted over, causing the china tea set and plate of sweets to cascade to the floor in a disastrous crash.

Cass looked back at him in terror, evidently realising she was no longer dealing with a young boy that she could easily sweet talk and take advantage of.

“You don’t get to come here and talk to me like nothing happened!” he hissed, “You don’t get to bitch about how problematic things were for _you_ when I haven’t felt _human_ a single day since! So you can fuck off back to whatever hole you crawled out of otherwise I’ll be the one to break _your_ neck!”

The room fell into a stunned silence, absolutely quiet apart from his ragged breaths.

Adrien curled in on himself as he held his head with a trembling grip. It hurt. _Everything hurt._ Voices were screaming at him inside his head as the cacophony of emotions ripped through him. He gritted his teeth as his whole body shook. Something was rapidly rising from the black waters of his mind, wanting to drag him under. A wrathful need to destroy.

“Adrien.” Gabriel said forcefully, taking his son’s shoulder in a firm hold.

“Don’t touch me!” Adrien snapped, harshly striking away Gabriel’s hand.

There was another rare glint of surprise in Gabriel’s expression, but also something unreadable, something darker. Adrien paid no attention to it. The poison that had been consuming him for so long was out of control and he couldn’t stop it.

Adrien bared his teeth, blinking back the tears that stung his eyes from the emotions that were quickly overwhelming him, “You already washed your hands of everything that happened! Of everything that was done to me! I was working on getting over it _like you wanted_! So why are you making me go through all of this now? Why not listen to Mom years ago and try tp do something back then?”

“I was doing what was best for you.” Gabriel answered coldly.

“For _me_ ? You mean for _you!_ Mom tried to cover for you but I _knew_ all you cared about was how you appeared to other people. It’s always been like that! How _dare I_ be so fucked up! How _dare_ I try to be happy without you! And you know what? I hope Mom’s dead cause that’s the only way we’d ever be free of your shitty, perfect image!”

Adrien saw it coming this time. Cass let out a shrill noise as the punch was thrown, more out of excited surprised than horrified shock. Gabriel’s dark expression faltered when his fist aimed towards Adrien’s head was immediately blocked. Adrien had reflexively grabbed the fist before the blow could connect. A throaty growl settled in Adrien’s throat as he slowly tightened his grip on Gabriel, clenching his other hand in preparation for an attack of his own.

And he was _ready_ to. Ready to lash out at his father, to throw everything he had at the man in front of him, to beat him senseless until he wouldn’t get up again. To let out all of the resentment and rage he’d been holding back for _so long_. He was going to. Until an almost forgotten conversation filtered through the chaotic noise of his mind. Words that had been softly spoken in a raw moment of openness.

_“Doesn’t it make you angry?”_

_“I don’t want to be like him._

_“You’re nothing like him.”_

His heart throbbed painfully in his chest as the whirling chaos in him stilled.

_Marinette._

What would she think if she saw him like this? If she saw this absolute worst part of himself that he’d been trying to hold back? This horrific piece of him that only wanted to do harm?

Adrien clenched his jaw, letting his gaze drop to the floor. It didn’t matter now anyway. He made his stupid choice to separate himself from her and she probably hated him for it.

Adrien roughly threw Gabriel’s arm aside before quickly turning around. Nathalie had opened the door at some point during Adrien’s screaming to see what the commotion was. She stood there, observing the room with obvious alarm as he headed for the door.

Gabriel cleared his throat, recovering from his initial shock at having his reaction to his son’s offensive words denied.

“Adrien.”

Adrien paused in the doorway, sparing a cold glance towards Nathalie before looking over his shoulder. Cass has shrunk back into her seat on the couch as she stared in shock at what had just happened. Gabriel on the other hand had collected himself again and was meticulously readjusting the cuffs on his sleeves.

“We’re not finished talking.” Gabriel said firmly, “You still haven’t told me how you want to manage your past issues. Though if this behaviour of yours is anything to go by, you’re much too unstable to have any sort of responsibility for yourself.”

“If that’s what you think, then I’m done talking.” Adrien sneered.

“We’re done when _I say_ we are.”

“I’m busy now. If you finally feel like having a real conversation with me then make a _fucking appointment._ ”

Adrien didn’t stay to see anyone’s reaction to his words. He didn't want to spend another second longer in the presence of the two people who had majorly contributed to the twisted, despicable, absolute wreck of a person he'd become. He pushed past Nathalie, hearing only the white noise roaring within him as he steadily made his way to his room.

  
  


Plagg flew out immediately as Adrien closed the door behind him.

The small cat whooped with delight as he flew around, “Finally you talked back to him, Kid! I told you, you just had to fight back for yourself!”

The kwami’s excited gloating fell on deaf ears though. Adrien leaned back against the closed door, eyes fixed on the ground as his heart hammered painfully in his chest. That monstrous part of him he’d restrained for so long was now loose and coming for him with a vengeance. It was tearing at the walls and corners of his mind, destroying any sense of peace or control Adrien had left. The ring on his hand still burned with the need to raze everything to the ground around him, no matter who or what happened to go down with it.

He’d tried. He’d tried _so hard_ to not let this anger get the better of him. This despicable anger that had been the only thing to ever make him feel like his father’s son. But it was here now and he was being devoured by a hateful rage and it sickened him.

He’d tried to be more than the broken parts that made him, even if he'd only just been pretending the whole time. He’d tried to be the hero rather than this abhorrent mess of a person than spurned the people who only ever wanted to help him. All because he didn’t want them to see. If he didn’t let them see then they couldn’t look at these disgusting, horrible pieces of himself that even _he_ didn’t want to look at.

A rough whimper escaped Adrien’s throat, cutting Plagg’s praise short. The kwami turned to him, eyes wide with concern. Adrien wrapped his arms around himself, coughing and sobbing as the immense hatred for everything including himself was slowly crushing him.

“Kid, h-hey it’s okay.” Plagg’s voice was uncharacteristically sympathetic as he floated towards his holder, “Just take a minute and then we can get out of here.”

 _And go where?_ Adrien wanted to cry out.

Everything was falling apart and he couldn’t _fix it_ . He abandoned Marinette because he didn’t want her to suffer, and suffering is all he’d give her if he went back right now. The small hope that he could manage to coexist with his father again had been utterly squashed since the man apparently had no issue throwing Adrien's trauma in his face. And now that his initial fighting instincts were fading he was _terrified_ . For the first time he’d fought back against his father, something that would _never_ be forgiven.

Adrien fell to his knees, clutching at his chest as it felt like his heart was going into spasms. The beast inside him was howling as his panic escalated faster and faster. He couldn’t breathe. _He couldn’t breathe._

Plagg was saying something again but all he could hear was garbled nonsense through the white noise that was so loud that it felt like his head was splitting open. The only thing he could hear above it was the savagery in which that other part of him was trying to lash out with, seeking for absolute destruction.

Summoning what strength he could, Adrien hauled himself to his feet and staggered towards the bathroom. He felt sick and each swaying step made his stomach lurch violently. He had to calm down. He _needed_ to calm down. Hawk Moth had somehow ignored him before, but right now with everything that was slowly drowning him, he might as well have just had a huge target on him just waiting for a butterfly to land on. And if one of Hawk Moth’s akumas didn’t come for him, then the fragments that were embedded in him would surely do something instead.

Adrien grabbed the faucet as soon as he reached the sink, turning it so fiercely that the water rushed out in a splashing torrent. He threw the cold water on his face until it and some of his hair was soaking. The room around him was spinning so he clung onto the edge of the counter. His deep, ragged breaths were growing more panicked as it felt like his lungs were refusing to cooperate.

_I need to calm down._

_I need to…_

_I need…_

Adrien’s gaze rolled around with the oppressive dizziness as he tried to keep himself steady. He was exhausted. He felt sick. Everything was hurting. His heart might as well have been clawed from his chest as he felt like everything was bleeding out of him, all except the blackened, horrible emotions that had been festering in him.

He froze, muscles seizing up and desperate breaths stalling as he caught sight of his reflection. A pale face breaking out with a cold sweat stared back at him. But it was wrong. Even more than usual. The image felt all the more a stranger as glacial blue eyes glinted back at him.

_No...This isn’t right. This isn't right!_

His mind worked in different directions as he frantically looked around him. He quickly caught sight of his desk chair. He rushed towards it, almost falling over multiple times as he grabbed the chair before sliding it back with him towards the bathroom. He stopped again before the mirror, obsessively searching it once more but all he could see were those _cold blue eyes_.

Adrien screamed out as he threw the chair towards the mirror. The sudden and jarring movement caused him to fall backwards to the floor as the chair connected. The mirrored wall shattered and endless pieces cascaded across the counter top and scattered over the bathroom floor. Adrien curled into himself, hiding his face from the shards flying around him.

_It’s not enough._

He still didn’t feel right. He still didn’t feel okay. There was something _wrong_ with him and he couldn’t stop it. He needed to switch everything off, to suffocate everything he was feeling right now just like how he was choking physically. He needed to end this before he went too far.

Like an electric current passing through him, a thought entered his mind. Everything seemed to grow quieter in him, as though even his dreaded emotions and the violent nature within him was also paying close attention to this thought. His gaze slowly slid towards his duffel bag that had been left sitting on his bathroom counter. He didn’t stand up , instead rocking forward to clumsily pull the bag to the floor.

_If I can just stop feeling…_

A heavy numbness was soaking through his body as he hesitantly opened his bag.

_...Then nothing can go wrong anymore._

He found what he was looking for quickly. As though it were pieces of the glass around him, he carefully withdrew from the bag two unassuming boxes.

His mind was blank now as he mechanically worked to open them, before ripping into the smaller packages that they each contained. Small, white pills scattered around him, but he didn’t care as he slowly opened more and more of the packets. When he’d emptied them all, he gathered up what he could of the pills, not caring if the numerous shards of glass scraped at his fingers.

Once he’d gotten a fistful of them, he clutched them tight and angled his head back.

_I can’t destroy anything if I can’t wake up._

He brought his closed fist to his mouth.

Adrien cried out at a sudden spike of pain blazing out against the back of his hand. The shock of it caused his hand to open, letting the contents fall to the floor once more. Adrien turned his hand around with fearful confusion as he looked to see the cause.

_Plagg._

The cat had latched onto the back of Adrien’s hand, small claws and teeth digging into the tender skin as the kwami’s green eyes glared up at him. Adrien stared back at the kwami with muted surprise. He knew that it was his hand that Plagg was gnawing on, but he felt too detached from his own body so the sensation now just felt absurd to him.

His eyes slowly shifted to the side of the kwami where he could see his knuckles. He numbly stared at the scarring there as his brain sluggishly worked to function.

_You promised you’d talk to me if you ever felt like that again, so please do. I’m here for you and I want to help you through it._

Adrien lowered his hand to his lap, though Plagg still refused to let go. Somehow, despite the thrumming negative emotions that refused to leave him, Adrien felt _so empty_.

Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks as he choked, “I’m here…”

_I’m still here…_

* * *

Marinette flinched at the sudden noise invading the silence she’d subjected herself to. She had curled up on the floor awhile ago, crying herself to exhaustion as she clutched the broken music box in her hands. Tikki had tried to talk to her, but since Marinette had been inconsolable the kwami had eventually left her alone. Her tears had inevitably run dry, leaving her head pounding and her eyes swollen and itchy.

She lifted her head off her knees to look for the offending noise. It was coming from her purse, left discarded to the side of her. She sniffled and coughed as she reached out to open it before rummaging inside. Given the purse’s small size, she found the noisy item quickly. Her phone.

She turned it over in her hands, rubbing at her tired eyes. Someone was calling her but she didn’t want to talk right now. Her thumb hovered over the _ignore call_ option but she paused as she tried to make sense of the caller ID with her blurred vision.

_Adrien Agreste._

She blinked and stared at her phone screen, waiting for the letter to rearrange into something else. But they remained static. Adrien was calling her. _Adrien was calling her._

She clumsily smacked the _answer_ button, missing it the first time before slapping at it again to connect the call. Her breath hitched as the screen changed with the call being successfully answered. Trembling, she slowly brought the phone to her ear.

Silence.

She licked her lips, straining to hear something from the other end but nothing came.

She had to force herself to take a breath, “A-Adrien?”

The answer was so quiet, so weak that for a second she thought she imagined it.

“ _...Mari…_ ”

The sound of his voice made her heart jump into her throat.

“Y-Yeah…” she answered, biting her lip to hold back a fresh sob that threatened to escape her.

“ _...Help me._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof this was a _really_ intense chapter to write. Ended up being a long chapter but I couldn't think of a good point to split it.  
> I'm so sorry for all this angst, buuuuut I did warn you guys? Sort of? eheheh..  
> There were so many reponses to the last chapter, really you guys overwhelmed me a bit. Sorry for all the stress and screaming I've caused. I swear I love my readers...
> 
> Thank you all so much for leaving all the comments and kudos!
> 
> Important point I want to make though for anyone reading: It's never too late to ask for help or to try and get better. You are loved and you are valid. Stay safe, and take care of yourselves dear readers. <3


	84. Tremolo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug rushed to Adrien's aid as Adrien is unable to face the beast that haunts him.

At the speed with which she was going, the imposing structure of the Agreste mansion quickly came into view. With how fast Ladybug had transformed and thrown herself through her skylight and off the balcony, she’d probably broken all sorts of records for herself. But such a thing wasn’t even distantly occurring to her as her entire being was consumed with a hysterical fear. Something was wrong with Adrien.

_Help me._

That’s all he’d said before the call had fallen into an oppressive silence. Ladybug glanced at her phone in her hand as she vaulted over another roof before propelling herself to the next one with her yo-yo. She’d set her phone aside so that it wasn’t lost in the magic of her transformation, then taking it with her as she fled to her destination. The call was still active, but there still hadn’t been any sound from the other end.

Ladybug lifted the phone to her ear once more, having to shout over the rush of air as she flew over the buildings, “I’m almost there! Just hang on, okay?”

She didn’t know if it was doing anything, but she desperately hoped that whatever was happening, the sound of her voice was providing something for him to hold on to. Because he _had_ heard her. She _had_ reached him. Despite all of the fears that gripped him, the nightmares that haunted him, he’d finally made a step of his own choice to reach back to her.

“Just a little more! I’m not going to leave you!”

She didn’t care what she was saying or if she was repeating herself now, just as long as she was saying something. He had to know that she was still there.

As Ladybug approached the mansion, she slowed momentarily as some movement caught her eye. Two people were walking down the front steps towards the large gates. She only hesitated long enough to see that one of the people was Nathalie, and she appeared to be escorting another woman to the gates. A woman that Ladybug didn’t recognise. Since neither of them were Adrien however, she quickly brushed them off and swung round to the side of the building towards the large windows of his bedroom. Her heart that had been pumping with panicked adrenaline gave a relieved shudder as she saw that the usual window was still opened.

“I’m here.” she breathed into the phone, still firmly held to her ear despite hearing nothing from the other end.

She didn't waste time on being graceful or secretive as she practically threw herself through the opening, almost stumbling over herself as her feet slipped on the hardwood floor of Adrien’s bedroom.  
Her eyes moved frantically, searching every corner of the massive room for any sign of him. The speed with which she’d travelled through Paris hadn’t strained her superhero self too much, but she still felt the need to catch her breath as an uneasy chill settled in her. Thankfully no one else was here to have witnessed Ladybug practically crash into the room, but neither was Adrien. The sound of rushing water made her eyes snap towards the bathroom. She rushed forwards again, feet thumping over the floor as she made a beeline for the open door.

Ladybug grabbed onto the door frame as she sharply turned into the bathroom’s walk-in, only to stumble to a halt when she saw the state of the room. There was glass everywhere. Endless shards spilled out over the counter top and across the floor like a hazardous, reflective sea. One quick look at the remains of the walled mirror and the chair discarded on the floor was enough to tell Ladybug what had happened. One of the bathroom’s sinks was on, running at full blast so that water was splashing over the sink and countertop. Her eyes fell on the far end of the space just before the opening that led to the back part of the bathroom. Wedged into the corner where the counter met the wall she saw him.

It was like Adrien was trying to make himself as small as possible. His back was pressed into the wall behind him and his knees were drawn up tight to his chest. He was hunched over, his arms flushed to his sides as his hands held his neck in a clawed grip. He wasn’t moving.

With her supersuit the glass wouldn’t have caused her any harm, but she still moved carefully towards him. The shards crackled under her steps, but Adrien gave no response to the noise. She turned off the sink as she passed it, removing the violent noise of the water and sending the room into a heavy silence.

Her throat had turned dry, making her words sound forced and strained, “Adrien? It’s me. It’s Marinette.”

At the sound of her voice he finally moved, but only slightly. His head barely lifted off of his knees, as though he heard her but wasn't entirely convinced that he hadn’t imagined it. With his head still low and his messy blond hair falling forwards she couldn’t make out anything of his face.

“No…” his voice was weak as though he were struggling to breath, “I...can’t...I can’t…”

Ladybug took her last few steps towards him a lot quicker now. She knelt down next to him and reached out her hand to try and take one of his. Before her fingertips could touch him however, she stopped. Now that she was closer she couldn’t see more clearly the quiet trembling of his body. She chewed her lip as she tried to figure out what Adrien needed from her right now. She would gladly take him into her arms but that might just have the opposite intended effect. Suppressing a sigh, her gaze fell down to the floor where she saw Adrien’s phone resting by his feet. Maybe he had been listening to her frantic words after all. Her own phone was still clutched in her hand so tight she might break it, so she quietly set the device on the ground next to his.

She was about to return her full attention to Adrien when something else on the floor caught her eye. It was small and white, almost blending into the similarly white tiled flooring. She squinted her eyes at it as she tried to make out what the little thing was. Now that she’d spotted one she noticed that there were many more scatter over the floor amongst the glass. Pills. Her heart pounded in her chest and she started to feel sick as she then caught sight of the ripped boxes and packages she hadn’t seen earlier as they were hidden behind Adrien’s shaking form.

_Oh no. No. No no no no nononononono…!_

“Adrien!” she hastily put a hand on his shoulder, wincing with him as she felt his whole body jolt at the contact, “ _Please_! I need you to answer me! Did you take any?”

Her mind was rushing through the whirlwind of thoughts that assaulted her. What was she meant to do? Did she need to call for an ambulance? What happened to drive him to this point?

“Calm down Pigtails.” Plagg huffed as he wiggled out from his hiding spot in Adrien’s tightly balled up form, “I stopped him before he could do anything stupid.”

As if to prove his point, Plagg rubbed his head against the angry red mark on the back of one of Adrien’s hands. Ladybug let out a shivering breath as she gave the kwami a grateful smile.

Her attention snapped back to Adrien as a hoarse, pained whine escaped him, a noise similar to that of a dying animal. She gently squeezed his shoulder, hoping it would reassure him and remind him that she was still there with him. He didn’t flinch away from the gesture, but she could feel his shaking getting worse so she reluctantly pulled her hand away.

“What happened?” she whispered.

Adrien still said nothing, so Plagg answered instead, “His dad pulled some psycho stunt out of nowhere. I was a whisker’s width away from Cataclysming everyone in that room myself - not enough camembert could have convinced me otherwise! But then Kid here beat me to it. Wish I could have seen the look on that smug bastard’s face when Adrien shouted him off his high horse.”

There was a slight boastful tone to Plagg’s words as he gave a smirk. Ladybug but couldn’t help feel a small glimmer of relief as well. She was so proud for Adrien having finally stood his ground, though it seemed he was feeling the dreadful effects of whatever the fight had been in their full force now.

Ladybug turned her eyes back to Adrien as the warm feeling within her was short lived. The last time Adrien and Gabriel had an argument, it ended with Adrien getting physically hurt as well. She carefully looked him over. There were a few cuts on his fingers that were still harshly gripping his neck, but she assumed those to be from the glass that was everywhere. Apart from that she couldn’t see any other bruising or scratches. She still hadn’t been able to see his face though.

She leaned towards him a little more and made her voice as soft as possible, “Adrien, can I see you? Just let me see if you’re hurt.”

His head turned away slightly, as though he was trying to hide himself further from her.

“It’s not right...It’s not right…” he muttered over and over, his low, shivering voice so full of fear, “I have...have to…”

“It’s okay.” she coaxed softly.

Whatever point of no return Adrien was dangerously close to, she needed to bring him back from it. She tentatively rested her hand on top of his, feeling a pang in her heart as Adrien whimpered at the contact. Going as carefully as she could, she slipped her fingers between his and gingerly prompted him to let her take his hand away. A shiver passed through him but he stiffly allowed her to guide his hand out of the clawed grip. Ladybug felt her heart twist in her chest as she saw the numerous scratches and the reddening skin on his neck.

“I’ve got you.” she murmured as she brought his hand towards her and placed a tender kiss on his knuckles.

The soft touch and calm words seemed to reassure him some as the tension in his shoulders slumped a little. He was still refusing to look up though as he kept his forehead pressed to his knees. She stroked the palm of his hand in soothing circles for a moment, encouraging him to open his hand properly for her.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.” she repeated as she changed the stroking movements for the sequenced tapping.

Slowly, his other hand that still clutched his neck relaxed a little. He tilted his head slightly as though he were trying to search for her voice again.

“It’s okay, Adrien. I’m here with you now.” she whispered as she tentatively moved herself a tiny bit closer, “Please. Can I see you?”

She waited patiently for him. She didn’t care that the longer they stayed there, the higher the chance of someone else walking in and seeing Ladybug there with Adrien. Part of her actually hoped that someone would walk in, namely Gabriel so that she could see how _he_ liked getting punched in the jaw. But her priority right now was Adrien. His behaviour was concerning as it was similar to his more dissociative states. He’d harmed himself before, and just now had almost tried something worse.

She considered just picking him up and leaving. As Ladybug she was strong enough to do so. But how would he react if she tried that? Such close, dramatic contact when he wasn't prepared for it could send him spiralling into a new reaction. Ladybug nervously pressed her lips together as she once more took in his shaking form. As long as he wasn’t in any immediate danger, she decided to hold off on forcing him to move for now.

“Adrien.” she called softly for him again, keeping up with the repetitive tapping into his palm to remind him she was still there.

His head shifted again. Then so slowly, as though his body was heavier than lead, he looked up. A gentle smile started to form on her lips when she saw no signs of any bruising or injury, but she quickly faltered as his gaze lifted towards her.

_Blue._

Ladybug swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to smooth out the panic that slipped into her expression. She had to keep him grounded first, and letting herself freak out wasn’t going to help anything. She was Ladybug and Ladybug could stay _calm_ . Even if the empty blue colour that was watching her now was neither Adrien’s or Chat Noir’s, but a gaze belonging to a different self entirely. Distant. Lonely. _Frightened._

Adrien searched her with apprehension, as though he didn’t believe she was actually there in front of him. Even though she was still holding his hand, he still didn’t seem convinced as his brow furrowed and his gaze drifted down once again. Before he could lower his head once more as well, Ladybug reacted and reached out to him with her other hand. He flinched as her fingertips brushed the side of his face, his already hoarse breath catching in his throat. He became frozen from the contact, but his eyes flickered excessively as she lightly caressed his cheek. She could feel the remaining dampness from his tears, and as fresh ones started to fall she carefully swept them away. She felt his jaw clench as though he were trying to suppress the chronic shaking that his body still held.

Finally he spoke to her.

“Marinette…?”

His voice was weak, rasping and so unsure. She was so relieved that he recognised her presence now that Ladybug didn’t care about the name slip.

She bit back a sob as she tried to smile at him, “I’m here, Adrien. I’m here.”

* * *

“I’m on my way! Just wait for me okay?”

Marinette’s voice sounded so far away that he wasn’t even sure he was hearing it at all. The white noise was so loud and the pulsating ache of his head was leaving him shivering and nauseated. But through the empty, screaming noise there was another voice speaking to him. One that no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it just wouldn’t leave him.

**_I hate it._ **

_Please, leave me alone! I’m not…!_

**_You’re weak._ **

_I’m...I just…_

**_You are so WEAK._ **

Adrien refused to look up, curling into himself as he wrapped his arms around his body. Even though he was refusing to look at the creature he was so sure was there, steadily prowling towards him, he thought he could still see a black shadow shifting in the endless mirror shards that now covered the bathroom floor. A sick, twisted monster that was formed out of hate, rage and pain.

_I just...I’m trying to…_

**_And now you sit here, crying in a corner because you don’t have what it takes to make up your mind._ **

_I have to calm down...I have to…_

**_Or what? You’ll become a plaything for Hawk Moth as well? A puppet again to a new master?_ **

_I can’t...Please I can’t…_

**_So END IT. You can’t be a pawn in someone else’s game if you take yourself off the board._ **

_No…_

**_Let me do it for you. A piece of glass to your throat and that’s it._ **

_Shut up. Shut up!_

“I’m almost...Just...on...kay?”

Faintly Marinette’s voice was still there, still trying to reach him. He still didn’t know if it was really her trying to talk to him, or if it was just another voice within himself to contend with.

**_They wanted your body? So let them have your corpse._ **

The beast was so much closer now he could almost feel its searing hot breaths over his neck. Adrien’s hands immediately snapped to his neck, fingers clawing into an intense grip as his nails bit into his skin.

_No…! I’m here...I have to stay...She needs me to stay…_

**_She needs you? What could she possibly need from someone like you? Someone so selfish, who just wanted to play the pretend hero. You seriously want to bring her back into this? To be your crutch so that when you go, you drag her down with you?_ **

_That’s not…_

“...little more!...not going...leave you!”

Adrien curled tighter into himself, trying his hardest to block out everything apart from the sound of her voice. He didn’t care if it was real or not anymore. Hers was the only voice he wanted to hear.

_I wasn’t pretending…_

He could almost hear the deep, throaty laugh of the creature in his ear.

**_You were pretending from the start! You never cared about helping people, all you wanted was the recognition. All you cared about was being wanted, being needed by others. It made you feel better that there were people worse than you, people who would give into their emotions and become villains. People that you could tear apart again with one Cataclysm._ **

_That’s a lie! I never…!_

Adrien froze and all breath left this body as a new sound pierced through all of the noise. A sound of crackling glass. Someone was walking towards him. The beast had paused its onslaught now too, growing quiet at the sound of someone’s approach. Maybe it was Nathalie, coming to coldly inform him how disappointed his father was of him, to tell him to come back downstairs immediately as things weren’t finished yet. Or maybe it was Gabriel himself, deciding that he needed an outlet for his anger - anger that _Adrien had caused._

“Adrien? It’s me. It’s Marinette.”

Marinette? Was she really here? Adrien lifted his head off of his knees a little before hesitating. What if this was some cruel trick created by the monster that wouldn’t leave him alone? And if it _really_ _was_ her, then how could Adrien let her see him like this? How could he let her see how badly everything was wrong with him?

“No…” he wheezed as his lungs refused to cooperate with his need to breathe, “I...can’t...I can’t…”

There was silence. For a moment Adrien almost convinced himself that it really had just been an apparition that had spoken to him but then vanished when he refused to acknowledge it.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, firm but not rough as it held him. The unexpected contact made his whole body convulse and sent his heart into new spasms.

“Adrien! _Please_! I need you to answer me! Did you take any?”

_Take what?_ He wanted to ask, but his body was shaking so much that he couldn’t manage to form any words. Something more was said but Adrien heard none of it. His hands defensively clawed tighter against his neck as he tried to protect himself. The new flash of pain as his nails scratched over his skin caused a pathetic whine to escape from him. The hand on his shoulder released him then, but it already felt like every single one of his nerves was wracked with tremors.

There was another careful moment of silence before he heard her gentle voice again.

“Adrien, can I see you? Just let me see if you’re hurt.”

See him? But then she’d know. She’d see for sure just how much his body wasn’t his, how wrong everything was with him. And if he were to see her, he would be looking at her with eyes that weren’t his. Surely she would find such blue, cold, lifeless eyes as repulsive as he did.

It felt like the words caught in his throat as he tried to grind them out, “It’s not right...It’s not right…I have...have to…”

Her response was so soft and caring, “It’s okay.”

Her voice went quiet again and all he could hear was his shuddering breaths as he tried to keep his lungs working. But then came a touch to one of his hands, so warm and gentle. He bit his lip, feeling the whimper slip from his throat as he feared what might happen next. But the touch remained undemanding, only moving slowly as he felt fingers caress his hand before lacing between his. Something about the gesture was familiar, but his mind was too caught up in its own deluge of panic and fear for him to remember it properly. He tried to withhold the shiver that went through his spine as he tentatively decided to trust whatever was happening. The creature hadn’t spoken, but he could still feel its oppressive presence nearby exuding a suffocating gravity like an endless black hole. By comparison, the way his hand was gently being removed from his neck was so light and kind.

_Marinette…?_

It had to be, hadn’t it? He vaguely remembered calling out to her for help when he felt himself sinking lower and lower, but he didn’t know if she had actually heard him. Or even if she wanted to hear him after his cowardly behaviour.

“I’ve got you.”

Her beautiful voice was accompanied by a tender kiss on his knuckles. Adrien kept his head low as he was still terrified to look up, but he felt more certain that it was her. Even if it was just a projection of his own fantasy as he fell into madness, it was Marinette.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Here. Was she really here in this pit of agony with him? Adrien’s whole body shook with the effort to restrain the sob that threatened to escape him. After all he tried to do to protect her, he’d ended up dragging her with him.

She’d fallen silent again but he could now feel the rhythmic tapping in his hand. A series of notes so familiar that he could almost hear the music through the lingering white noise. While the familiar melody gave some reassurance, what he really wanted right now was to hear her voice. He moved a little in his tightly curled ball, turning his head some as he strained to listen for her again.

As though sensing what he was looking for, her voice came once more.

“It’s okay, Adrien. I’m here with you now. Please. Can I see you?”

She was here with him. Real person or some figment of his imagination, something of her was there. Marinette had his hand and was so lovingly doing his soothing technique for him, helping to hold him back from the long shadows that wanted to devour him, to hold him back from that sheer abyss he'd almost let himself fall into.

“Adrien.”

He couldn’t keep resisting her. How could he when she kept saying his name with such devotion? Devotion that he didn’t deserve, but that he so desperately wished to be real.

His body felt like it had locked in place with the way he had been stubbornly hunched over himself for what felt like for endless hours now. It was both uncomfortable and a relief as he finally forced himself to move, carefully raising his head off of his knees. He was initially confused at first when he saw red and black in front of him, but as his gaze travelled higher he saw her face. He knew she was Ladybug right now, but everything in him gave a cry of relief that sounded more like _Marinette_. Her expression went through a confusing change of emotions now that she could see him. Adrien couldn’t recognise any of it because he was too exhausted and his mind too clouded to even make sense of anything in front of him  
But that little twist of doubt wouldn’t leave him alone. Maybe he _had_ finally gone crazy. Maybe he was only seeing Ladybug in front of him because she - Ladybug and Marinette - was the person he so hopelessly wanted to see right now. His gaze started to lower again. He would rather stay a little more in his pathetic fantasy than face the reality of her not being there.  
But then her other hand came towards him. Adrien flinched as her fingers lightly brushed the side of his face. Apart from the persistent trembling, his body seized up as he found himself looking at her again. Her hand carefully moved to cup his cheek, the gesture feeling so caring and gentle as her thumb brushed over his cheekbone. She was looking at him with such warmth and longing that it seemed almost impossible for his imagination to have created such an image.

“Marinette…?” he whispered reverently, almost expecting her to vanish as soon as he spoke her name.

Her lips trembled as she offered him a weak smile, “I’m here, Adrien. I’m here.”

He stared at her as he numbly lifted his hand away from his neck, placing it over hers against his cheek. His weak, rasping breaths quickened, becoming deeper and more desperate as he struggled to restrain the onslaught of emotion within him. He wasn’t aware he was crying until her thumb brushed some of the tears away. As the droplets kept falling from his lashes she then leaned in and softly kissed his cheeks, taking as many of his tears away with her lips as she could. All of the tension that had been holding him started to disappear and Adrien found himself collapsing as his muscles gave up. She quickly took hold of him though, bringing him into her embrace as she pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around him while her other hand smoothed his hair back from his face. He shivered with each kiss he received as she lightly brushed her lips over his cheeks.

“I’ve got you. I’m here.” she whispered as she pressed a longer kiss to his temple.

She held him tighter as a sob wracked his body.

He wasn’t alone. Marinette - Ladybug - _She was there_. He still felt like his mind was stuck there in some hellish space, but she was there with him. Whatever storm he felt like he was drowning in, she had heard him and was there to take his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I haven't gotten you guys drowning in enough emotions at the minute so...here you go!  
> Everything's going to be okay! ....Eventually! That _"Eventual Happy Ending"_ tag is behind bullet proof glass and I'm not going to touch it! I promise!
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and comments! Seriously, making me cry my own tears over here with so nice you all are! (Also I really enjoy reading the theories/predictions some of you guys have made!)


	85. Ricochet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug attempts to comfort Adrien in his breakdown while trying to find out about the events leading up to it.
> 
>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains mentions of sexual assault.

Ladybug tightened her embrace around Adrien as though to try and keep him from physically breaking apart. His whole body was shaking as he struggled to hold back his sobs. Now that he’d finally recognised her being there she didn’t know what to say to him, so she settled into a cycle of just repeating “I’m here. I’ve got you.” to him. She needed to talk to Adrien, but she needed him to calm down some first as she doubted he would answer her right now.  
He wasn’t looking at her but she could at least see his face now. She gently stroked his cheek as she made sure that there was no evidence of any bruising or injury. If Gabriel had struck him again then Ladybug doubted she would be able to restrain herself this time. Adrien let her check him over, shivering under her touch but not pulling away from it. She gently took his hand in hers again as she observed the few minor cuts on his fingers, confirming once more that they were likely from the glass on the floor. They were recent but had since stopped bleeding, so she hoped they would be fine with just a clean up and some bandaging.

He was slowly calming down and his shaking became less pronounced, so Ladybug was trying to think of a careful way to get him to talk to her. Surprisingly, he spoke first.

“I’m sorry…” his voice was weak, barely there and rasping with overwhelmed emotion.

He didn’t even seem to have the strength to lift his head anymore as it was hung low. If he wasn’t resting against her he would likely be lying on the floor. Ladybug eyed the glass around them warily as she adjusted her embrace of him to make sure he was safe from the hazardous pieces.

“It’s okay.” she answered gently, “I’m just glad you asked me to come here.”

She felt his shoulders tense up as he whispered, “How...You really heard me?”

His response perplexed her as she looked towards their phones that still rested on the floor nearby.

“Well, you called me didn’t you?”

“...I did?”

“You don’t remember?”

He was still mostly hiding his face from her, but she could tell by the slight incline of his head that he was also looking at the two phones. He was quiet for a moment apart from his shuddering breaths that sounded almost forced.

“I remember calling out to you,” he croaked, “But I don’t remember having my phone.”

She was still relieved that Adrien had reached out to her, but it was worrying to know he hadn’t been completely aware of what he was doing at the time. She dreaded to think what would have happened if he hadn’t tried to contact her. As she eyed the pills strewn about the floor she knew she needed to ask him what exactly happened, even push him if necessary.

Ladybug nervously licked her lips as she tried to choose her words carefully, “I know things are kind of a mess right now, but that’s exactly why I need you to tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s…” he started but his voice quickly died and he shook his head.

She sighed as she nuzzled into his hair, fastening her resolve to press him further, “I know I promised I never wanted to do anything that would make you uncomfortable, but this time I’m going to have to break that. I _need_ you to tell me what happened. I _need_ to know why you...why you would try to do something like that. I’m scared, Adrien. I’m so scared for you, but I can’t do anything unless you tell me what’s going on.”

Adrien went quiet apart from his shuddering breaths and occasional hiccup.

She was about to speak again when Adrien shifted against her. Reluctantly she let him remove himself from her embrace as he weakly moved to sit up again on his own, turning his back to her as he did so. She watched the tremors of his shoulders, how he looked so small as he hunched over and how it seemed to take the effort of his whole body to just breathe.

“I...I don’t know what you want me to say.” he said hoarsely.

“I’m not looking for you to give me some answer like what you say is right or wrong.” she insisted gently, “I just need you to be honest.”

She waited again, but when he didn’t respond she carefully reached out to him. He went rigid at first when she rested her palm between his shoulder blades. As she started to rub soothing circles on his back he slowly started to let go of some of his tension. She carefully shuffled closer to him again. He didn't look over his shoulder at her, but by the way his head tilted she knew he was listening to her movements. She hesitated, as seeing him from behind made it a little harder to judge the way his anxiety manifested in his body language.

“Is it alright if I stay close to you?” she whispered as she kept going with the soothing strokes on his back.

Her heart gave a hopeful throb when she saw his slight nod.

“Then…” she swallowed nervously, moving closer to him still until she rested her head against his back, “Is this okay?”

She could hear now his erratic heartbeat. Without thinking she pressed her cheek more to his back as though she were trying to force warm waves of comfort between them to try and help him calm down.

It was partly selfish as well. She was trying so hard to keep her own feelings in check, to keep being the stronger person here. But her mind was cruelly reminding her of the moment when Chat Noir’s akumatisation had failed, reminding her of when she thought she’d lost that heartbeat that meant everything to her. She couldn’t go through that again. She couldn’t lose him more than she already had. It became a small relief now that Adrien wasn’t facing her as she felt a few stray tears roll down her cheeks. Before she realised what she was doing, her whole body was pressed to his back as her arms wrapped around his middle until her hands were clutching at his chest. All of focus was pulled towards his warmth, his scent and the sound of his heartbeat. Anything to reassure her that he was still there. Anything to let her know that, despite what few threads he seemed to be clinging onto, he was _still alive_.

He didn’t push her back or pull away from her. She bit her lip to hold back a whimper when she felt his shaking hand tentatively grasp one of her own.

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” his voice was low and strained, “There’s something wrong with me.”

Ladybug had to restrain herself from gushing how he was in fact an incredible person and that everything was fine. Because the harsh truth was that Adrien _wasn’t_ well. Perhaps she’d been denying it some herself, as she wanted to be the one he opened up to and relied upon. But then they’d failed to address the inevitable issue of Gabriel coming to take Adrien back, due to her lack of foresight and Adrien always trying to bury the things that scared or hurt him.

She took a deep, shivering breath, “You need help, Adrien. You can’t shoulder everything by yourself.”

“I...I don’t want to drag you down with me…”

“You are not dragging me down. And it's not just me you need to look to for help. There’s Alya, Nino and Chloe too. And what about the therapist you’ve been seeing? I know it's only been a few times, but you should really keep going with that.”

Adrien just gave a small noncommittal shrug.

“Will you please tell me what happened now?” she whispered as she squeezed his hand.

She felt the trembling movement as he sighed so she wrapped her arms around him a little tighter.

“I...I didn’t want to see her.” he rasped, “I didn’t want her to see _me_.”

He started to squeeze her hand so hard it might have hurt if she weren’t Ladybug then. It was as if she was all he had to hold onto in that moment as he tried to grind out his words.

“But she...she kept looking at me and he...my father just stood aside like nothing was happening. An accident...she called what she did an _accident!_ ”

His last words rushed out in a ragged cry. Ladybug held onto him, trying to understand what had occurred as he told her. His breathing shifted as his emotions ran higher again, going from weak and shaking to aggressive hyperventilation.

“You don’t just _accidentally_ feel someone up while forcing them down.” he sneered as his voice trembled, “You don’t just _accidentally_ strangle someone because they don’t want it. You don’t just _accidentally fuck someone_ even when they tell you to stop!”

A disgusting mix of horror and anger settled within Ladybug. That woman. That _bitch_ who caused irreparable harm to Adrien had been here and he’d been forced to confront her when he wasn’t at all prepared for it. And Gabriel not only instigated the meeting, but just stood by and watched?

 _What kind of sick person would do that to someone?_ She grimaced at the thought, _And to their own child! What kind of purpose did he have for doing something so awful?_

Ladybug almost tore herself away to go look for that sociopath of a man and turn him into a punching bag, but she couldn’t bring herself to separate her hand from Adrien’s as he still clung to her hand at his chest. Right now he needed her there as his emotional state was spiking again and he was spiralling hard.

“ _I hate it!_ ” he cried out, curling into himself as though his whole body was aching, “I was trying to do better but they keep pushing me back! I hate _them_ ! I could be screaming and they still won’t listen to me! I hate this house! I hate the brand! I hate _myself_! I hate this body that I can’t even call my own because they keep taking it from me!”

Ladybug knew that Adrien did feel some anger towards all that had happened in his life, but tried his best to not let it show. He’d always held back on the feeling as he feared being seen as a cold, heartless person like his father. Witnessing such an intense, bitter rage from Adrien now was a little frightening as it was so starkly different from how he normally was. She refused to shy away from his outburst though. She asked for his honesty and she was getting it.

His voice faded away to a croaky gasping as he struggled to breathe, “I...I can’t stand it anymore...I just want it all to disappear…”

“I don’t want _you_ to disappear.” Ladybug murmured gently as she nuzzled against his back, trying her best to prevent herself from breaking out into her own sobbing.

“I’m scared...There’s so much going on inside my head and I can’t… I can’t control it. It feels like someone else entirely and I don’t want to listen to them...even if what they’re telling me is true.”

“What are they telling you?”

Adrien didn’t answer, instead only giving a small shake of his head. He was still shaking violently and his choking breaths sounded painful.

Ladybug wondered briefly if it would be better if she detransformed. Maybe as Marinette he would be willing to open up further, or maybe he was just simply at the point now where it was just too much for him. She decided to remain as Ladybug for the time being. That way if someone came looking for Adrien, she could take him and make a quick escape out the window again.

“I can’t keep going like this.” his voice was so quiet that she had to strain to hear it, ceasing her thoughts immediately, “I can’t keep pulling you down with me.”

Ladybug frowned to herself for a minute before leaning away from him. He still didn’t completely look over his shoulder at her, but his head turned slightly as she was no longer pressed to his back. Her arms remained around him and she gently tried to encourage him to turn around towards her.

“Please,” she said softly, “I need you to look at me when I tell you this.”

His reluctance was obvious, but she remained patient. Her hand was still intertwined with his against his chest, so she gave a reassuring squeeze when he still hesitated.

Slowly he started to turn towards her. Her heart panged as she saw his pale face and tear-stained cheeks. He still refused to look at her at first. His eyes were like an arctic ocean, so deep and impossibly blue as they stared out into some unfocused space. Ladybug reached up with both hands to gently cup either side of his face. She lightly brushed her thumbs over his cheeks as she waited for him. The loving touch seemed to be just enough encouragement for his gaze to flicker towards her.

She smiled as she warmly met his gaze, “I’m not here because you’re pulling me down. I’m here because I want to help pull you up again. I told you I was prepared to go through this with you, to be by your side every step of the way. It doesn’t matter if you hit obstacles or fall a few times, I’m still going to be here with you.”

His glassy eyes widened slightly as he listened to her. Her heart hummed with a shy warmth as his gaze softened with something she could only identify as overwhelming relief.

“You’re not mad at me?” he whispered.

Ladybug considered her answer carefully before deciding to give him some honesty as well, “I’m upset that you left and that...this all happened. And yes, I’m angry. But not at you. You’re not the one at fault here.”

“I’m sorry…”

“You can apologise to me when I tell you off later. But that can all wait, okay? Right now I just want you to be safe and let me help you. So please, don’t run away from me like that again.”

She could still feel him trembling and his eyes remained uneasy as he carefully searched her.

“Help…” he echoed quietly as though it were an entirely new word to him.

Ladybug nodded as she leaned into him until her forehead rested against his. He shivered at the touch, making her realise she was probably pushing it with the physical contact right now. Before she moved back though she felt Adrien ease into her until it felt like she was the only thing keeping him steady right now. He was still shaking, but his staggered breaths were slowly calming down again. His gaze became half lidded as he finally appeared to be relaxing some.

“Will you help me?” he asked, his voice barely above a hushed whisper.

Her answer required no thought, “Always.”

He was so close and she so desperately wanted to kiss him, but she restrained herself. To do such a thing unprompted felt like it would just be taking advantage of his emotional vulnerability right now. She didn’t expect him to move however. It surprised her at first when his lips softly brushed against hers, but she quickly melted into the sweet, loving kiss. It was gentle, but she could feel all of the emotion he poured into it as it washed over her in waves. She hoped he could feel it too, how much he meant to her and how much she needed him to stay with her. She shivered as a warmth unlike any other she’d felt before passed between them. It was like feeling the sun on her face for the first time after having been lost in an endless night. She wondered if he’d felt it too as he sighed softly against her. They broke apart while the kiss was still chaste, but the feeling of tender affection and devotion remained between them.

She was lost in the warmth of his gaze, feeling her heart slowly recovering from the earlier shock as she noticed it. Adrien’s eyes were still on her, so she tried to not be obvious as she watched the weak glimmer in them. It was faint at first, making her wonder if she’d seen it at all. But then progressively it started to change. Like a harsh winter frost melting against a new morning, the blue shade in his eyes gradually faded away until all that remained was a soft, summer green.

She was still holding him, so she felt it as he started to sink forward. Like earlier, his body went limp in her arms as she carefully pulled him into her embrace once more. She looked him over with concern. He was still pale and he appeared to be completely exhausted, staring at nothing in particular as though he were in a daze. His breathing had calmed down some though, and his shaking had reduced to quiet tremor. His eyes as well had once more returned to the beautiful green that was distinctly his.

“What did you do?”

Ladybug had almost forgotten about Plagg’s presence until she heard his suspicious voice next to her.

“W-What?” she stuttered as she looked up at the floating cat.

He eyed her with a narrowed gaze, “I just felt some of Tikki’s power just now. What did you _do_?”

“I-I don’t know…?”

She watched as the kwami moved closer to Adrien, circling him curiously as though inspecting something.

“The fragments were going haywire.” Plagg hummed thoughtfully, “But now they’ve gone quiet again.”

Ladybug stared in shock down at Adrien. His eyes had drifted shut now, but she could tell he was still at least half conscious as his hand weakly grasped at hers as she held him.

“You mean I calmed them down?” she asked as she lifted her gaze once more to the black cat.

“More like put to sleep for a bit.” Plagg snorted, “The fragments’ influences are too strong now. When they become active again they’re going to hit hard.”

She defensively held Adrien closer to her as though the looming threat was right next to them.

“Then we’ll just have to do something before then.” she shot back with determination.

Plagg eyed her curiously before giving an aloof grin, “Sugar cube was right. You’re a good one.”

Ladybug was warmed by the uncharacteristic compliment from the usually laidback kwami.

Her attention was quickly turned back to Adrien as he moved, lifting his hand to his head with a pained hissed.

“Adrien?” she called softly as his eyes flickered open.

He gave an uncomfortable wince as he sluggishly looked around. The shade of green under his lashes soothed her nerves a little more when she saw it was still there.

He sighed as his gaze met hers, “Mari…”

“I’m here. How are you feeling?”

“I…” he stared weakly but then shook his head, “I can’t think straight…”

He was a little more subdued now, but he was still pale and she could still feel him faintly trembling. His gaze slipped away from hers, turning towards the floor littered with glass and pills. He said nothing but she could see the tightness of his jaw as his lips became a firm line. She almost wanted to ask him if he still felt like making an attempt against himself but quickly thought better of it. She didn’t want to start on that morbid path right now. Adrien wasn’t okay, but for now he was safe and was trusting her to help him out of whatever dark place he’d found himself in.

“Do you want to leave?” she asked gently.

He gave a short, wry laugh, “I shouldn’t have come back in the first place. I don’t know what I was expecting…”

“Any reasonable person wouldn’t have expected something...something like that.”

Adrien said nothing, his gaze still fixed on the floor.

Ladybug tightened her embrace a little to try and gain his attention again, “Let’s go? If you’re okay to let me carry you that is. You don’t have to stay in this place anymore.”

He slowly turned towards her again, but his gaze remained carefully avoidant, “I...can’t really feel anything right now. I’m just...tired…”

“That’s okay. I’ve got you.”

He still wasn’t looking directly at her, but she caught his eyes widening a little before closing again as he let out a shuddering sigh. He gave her a small nod.

Ladybug reached over and grabbed their phones off of the floor. Since she had nowhere to hold them in her supersuit, Adrien let her slip them into his pockets. She then helped him to his feet as she stood up. He leaned into her and she kept him steady as she placed his arm around her shoulders while wrapping one of hers around his waist. Plagg quickly returned to his usual spot in the collar of Adrien’s shirt as they started to carefully move over the glass covered floor.

“Sorry.” Adrien grimaced as he stumbled with her.

Ladybug shook her head, keeping her hold of him firm but gentle, “I’m here to help you, so just let me.”

His green eyes briefly flashed towards her before he turned away again with a faint hum.

Ladybug chewed her lip as they approached the large open window. Given his state, she wasn’t sure Adrien would be able to hold onto her very well while she parkoured them over the city.

“Is it okay if I lift you?” she asked.

He gave her a weary glance before offering a small shrug, “Just do whatever. I’m not really…”

He didn’t need to finish his quiet words for her to understand. He was absolutely exhausted mentally, and his self awareness and sense of self were shot to pieces so he wasn’t really in any presence of mind to feel much.

“I’ll probably pass out before I freak out.” he muttered under his breath,

She wasn’t sure if she was meant to hear that or not so she didn’t respond to it.

She gingerly adjusted her hold of him until she lifted him up into her arms, letting his arms fall over her shoulders. If she were Marinette she highly doubted she would be able to carry him like this, even if he still carried a model’s weight he was still larger than her. As Ladybug though it was completely effortless as she protectively held him close to her.  
Neither of them spared the room behind them a final glance as she hopped up onto the window, adjusting her hold a little so that she could take hold of her yo-yo. They didn’t say anything either as she threw out her yo-yo, tightening her grip on it as she felt it catch onto the rooftop opposite from the Agreste mansion.

Ladybug had to think quickly about what to do now that they were flying over the rooftops. Adrien was silent, but she could just about feel the warm of his breath as he pressed himself into her neck. It would be risky to return to the bakery right now, so they had to find somewhere else for Adrien to hide for the time being. Somewhere that was safe for him that could ideally provide some protection from Gabriel, perhaps even Adrien himself if needs be. Even though Adrien had admitted to needing and asking for her help, as well as the fragments being restrained for now, she wasn’t sure if those intrusive thoughts that haunted him had left him entirely.

A building in the distance caught her eye, giving her a flash of hope.

_Le Grand Paris._

If there was anyone else in line for giving Gabriel more than a few punches it would be Chloe for sure. And Chloe knew of Adrien’s history and loved him too much to let him be in any danger. Even though it wasn’t exactly a low profile location to go, Ladybug couldn’t think of anywhere better right now.

She angled the grip of her yo-yo string, pulling hard so that the direction of their swing was changed towards the large hotel. She wasn’t sure how she would explain that _Ladybug_ was the one with Adrien right now, but she decided to deal with that when it came up. Chloe’s attitude towards Ladybug was still sour from previous experiences, but she hoped that Adrien would override whatever grievances the girl still held.

The large building was getting closer. A few more minutes and they would reach the penthouse of _Le Grand Paris_. A bit longer and they could start working towards breaking Adrien free from Gabriel once and for all so that he could finally work past everything that had slowly been crushing him all this time.

Her slowly growing hope was suddenly cast aside as she felt something latch onto her ankle. The violence of the action jarred her whole body. Panic took over as she felt Adrien slip in her hold. Instinctively she gave up her firm grip of her yo-yo in favour of keeping him held against her. Her heart pounded in her ears as the string of her yo-yo slipped through her fingers and the pair of them were left cascading towards the buildings below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I think I have an addiction to angst. And cliffhangers. Oh well!
> 
> Oof sorry about the wait on this chapter. Once again wrote a completely different chapter that was ready to be uploaded but I decided I didn't like it enough. I could totally write another fic from all these chapters I've been discarding. ~~Oh now that's an idea maybe~~
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support! It's always exciting for me to see someone leaving another comment or kudos on this fic!


	86. Pitfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien continues to struggle but Ladybug remains at his side.  
> After leaving the Agreste mansion, a new threat prevents their escape.

“Will you help me?”

“Always.”

It was only a single word, but the confidence and certainty with which she said it sent a new wave of emotion through Adrien. It crashed over the turbulent anxieties and fears that were tearing him up inside, even making that beastial nature that still lurked in the shadowy waters take a reluctant step back. Adrien thought he was maybe too far gone, that he’d sunk too deep into those pitch black feelings that refused to let him go. But she still believed that he could be helped. She still _wanted_ to help him.

Everything inside him was chaotically fluctuating. The pieces of himself that already struggled to remain together were slipping apart, but the feeling of her gently holding his face as she caressed his cheek were helping to prevent him from crashing completely. He loved her so much. He felt guilty and undeserving of it, but he was so glad that she was there with him. And it was horribly selfish, but he couldn’t hold himself back from moving towards her more even when they were already so close together. He half expected her to push him back as he shakily brushed his lips to hers. He would have deserved her rejection for all of his stupid, cowardly actions. But she met his nervous touch with a calm sweetness as she returned the slow kiss. He’d been struggling to speak to her, but he hoped that she felt how much he _needed_ her presence with him as he shivered at the softness of her lips.

A new warmth bloomed in his chest, seemingly emanating from Ladybug herself as she softly kissed him. Like a storm breaking, he felt the turbulence within him slipping away. It was like he could see the clear sky again after having only known blackened clouds that had drowned him in a constant deluge of rain and thunder. He felt weightless, as though he’d disconnected from his body entirely. There was a vague awareness that Ladybug was embracing him, but that was more that he could just about make her out near him in his blurred vision. His unsteady, shifting vision was causing him to become excessively dizzy so he allowed his eyes to close. He clumsily moved his hand, at least he assumed he was moving it, in search of hers. The fog of his mind was growing thicker, but he faintly felt a soft warmth near his fingertips so he held onto it as best he could.

He could hear the low growling rippling through the darkness. Adrien turned towards the sound, staring blankly at the creature as it watched him with its predatory gaze. Its jaws were bared in a snarl, but it didn’t approach. Instead it took a step back until it became shrouded once more, only its sickly glowing eyes piercing through the shade. Its presence had been accelerating like an out of control fire, but now it had been reduced to smouldering embers and hot ashes. Still dangerous with the potential to ignite again, but no longer devouring everything as it wanted.

After what felt like an eternity, the white noise had finally receded some. In its place however came a flash of white hot pain. Adrien hissed through his teeth, his hand coming up to grip the side of his head as the ache pulsed through him. He didn’t know if the pain was a reaction to the heavy exhaustion that now struck him, or if it had just been there the whole time and he hadn’t noticed since his physical awareness had been in disarray.

“Adrien?”

He cracked his eyes open at the sound of her saying his name. The light that flooded his vision seemed almost too much, making him wince as his gaze languidly shifted around. He subconsciously let out a soft sigh as he found her bluebell eyes looking at him warmly.

“Mari…”

“I’m here. How are you feeling?”

The pain had reduced to a dull headache now. His thoughts were no longer a roaring mess, but they were still crashing into each other, mixing and blending until he didn’t know when one thought ended and a new, different one began.

“I…” he started, but the original thought was quickly lost in the rapid whirlpool that he had no hope in navigating, “I can’t think straight…”

His gaze slipped away from her until he found himself staring at the floor. He already knew what state the bathroom was in, but it felt like he was only truly seeing it now as he saw the glass shards and pills scattered about the floor.  
An abhorrent shame burned in him as he thought about how much of a self destructive coward he really was. He’d almost given in and let himself put an end to everything. He doubted he would have been able to stop himself if Plagg hadn’t stepped in. It was a scary realisation, how much he’d actually _wanted_ to do it. Even before that animalistic nature in him goaded and berated him, telling Adrien that he either had to destroy himself or everything else around him, Adrien had been prepared to do it. Now though, his feelings on it were vague at best. Somehow that was even more terrifying, not knowing what he wanted either way.

“Do you want to leave?” Ladybug’s tone soothed him gently through his discordant thoughts.

Adrien let a wry laugh slip, but it was completely hollow, ““I shouldn’t have come back in the first place. I don’t know what I was expecting…”

“Any reasonable person wouldn’t have expected something...something like that.”

 _Nothing about this is reasonable,_ he thought bitterly, _Anything to do with me never is._

Ladybug’s arm around his shoulders squeezed him gently, “Let’s go? If you’re okay to let me carry you that is. You don’t have to stay in this place anymore.”

He considered a moment, but really he was far too disconnected to have much awareness of what was going on around him. He was already slipping into that chilling, familiar grey fog that only left exhaustion to be the only thing he felt above everything else.

“I...can’t really feel anything right now. I’m just...tired…”

“That’s okay. I’ve got you.”

_I’ve got you._

The words slowly sunk into him. She’d been saying it to him all this time, but he was only getting a full sense of it now. How long had he been waiting for someone to say something like that to him? For someone to honestly and wholeheartedly assure him he wouldn’t be left to drown alone anymore? He let out a shaky sigh as he closed his eyes, giving her a small nod to let her know he was ready.

Ladybug had to help him stand up as Adrien couldn’t find any strength of his own to move much. The fatigue was weighing on him heavily, but remaining in the mansion was keeping him on edge too much to allow his consciousness to slip too much. He allowed a small sigh of relief as he felt Plagg’s familiar presence curl up against him, hidden in the usual spot under his shirt collar.

“Sorry…” Adrien mumbled as he almost tripped over himself.

Ladybug adjusted her hold of him, wrapping her arm around his waist a little tighter as she smiled at him, “I’m here to help you, so just let me.”

Adrien gave her a sidelong glance before looking away again. How she didn’t want to just let him drop to the floor and leave him there after all the chaos he put her through, he had no idea.

“Is it okay if I lift you?” she asked as they approached the open window.

Even just giving a small shrug seemed to take way too much effort as he answered her, “Just do whatever. I’m not really…”

He trailed off as he didn’t know how to finish that. He had no clue how to even begin to explain how drained, weak and disjointed he felt right then. His mind and body felt completely out of sync and incapable of any cooperation with him. He half wondered if he’d even feel it right now if she were to touch his neck or wrists, his usual trigger points that would normally cause an immediate and aggressive tailspin of panic and terror in him.

“I’ll probably pass out before I freak out.” he muttered to himself.

Ladybug carefully lifted him into her arms as Adrien let his own fall over her shoulders to balance himself better. If he were in a better state, he’d probably crack a joke or two about him being the princess now. As things were however, he couldn’t even think of many words beyond _Princess_.

His consciousness started to drift as soon as they left the mansion. He didn’t know where Ladybug was planning on going, but he didn’t care. He was slipping in and out of it until his head lolled against her shoulder. He hoped she didn’t mind it as he moved himself into her neck to breath in her comforting vanilla scent. Being close to her was all he cared about in the moment as he tentatively allowed the exhaustion to take him.  
Until he felt a sudden drop in temperature. It became freezing cold and the air became heavy like some unseen pressure was bearing down on him. His eyes flew open from the sudden harsh movement like something had tried to pull Ladybug in the opposite direction from which they were swinging. Confusion and panic flooded him as Ladybug held him tighter. The sudden pull of gravity as they plummeted was nauseating, making his head spin more than it already was. Instincts screamed at him to _protect her_ but his body refused to respond to his attempts to make himself move. Instead Ladybug protectively placed her hand behind his head, holding him closer into her. It was only seconds later that he felt the heavy impact of them landing. Adrien gasped from the devastating shockwave that echoed through their bodies while Ladybug grunted, still holding onto him as they rolled over whatever surface they'd landed on.

For a moment they just lay there, clutching at each other and panting heavily from the shock.

“Are you okay?” Ladybug said between shaky breaths.

Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat as he gave an awkward nod, “You?”

“I’m okay.”

He knew that wasn’t entirely true from the way she winced as she sat herself up again. He still felt numb, but he managed to force himself to roll over onto his hands and knees before awkwardly made himself sit up also. He brought his hand to his head, still feeling dizzy from the fall as he cautiously looked around. They’d landed on a small, flat rooftop. He looked upwards to see the late morning sun shrinking away as smokey clouds were stretching over the sky, as though the fog of his mind had materialised in the real world. The changing weather didn’t account for the harsh cold that permeated the air though.

Ladybug’s confused gasp caught his attention, making Adrien turn towards her. Her gaze was fixated on the other side of the rooftop, a mix of outrage and uncertainty blatant in her expression.

“You…!” she almost growled.

Adrien furrowed his brow as he followed her gaze towards a figure he hadn’t noticed until now. He blinked a few times as he took in the features of the person, and for a moment he was convinced he was hallucinating. It wouldn’t have been surprising to him at this point to be seeing things that weren’t there, given how messed up he felt right now. But then Ladybug had seen her too. The girl he’d met at the arcade.

The girl tossed her dark hair over her shoulder as she looked towards them. She lifted a hand, crinkling her fingers in a half wave and she gave a saccharine smile. Suddenly he felt overwhelmingly sick.

“Y-You’re…” he stuttered as he felt his heart rate climb multiple gears, “F-From the arcade…”

Ladybug’s head snapped towards him, “You’ve met her too?”

He nodded numbly, now unable to take his gaze away from the girl. Her olive eyes burned with a dangerous intensity as though she were preparing to devour him.

“I have to say I’m surprised.” the girl chuckled, lightly touching her overly glossed lips with her fingertips, “When he said Ladybug might be coming I thought he was joking.”

Adrien could feel himself freezing up again. The only thing about him that seemed to have any movement at all was his heart as it went into a panicked overdrive. Seeing this girl again was highly unexpected and confusing, but his reaction seemed overly exaggerated even for this situation.

  
The girl took a step forward. Ladybug responded immediately by moving herself closer to Adrien, defensively holding her arm out in front of him.

The girl seemed amused by the reaction as she let out an overblown laugh, “You know, I always thought you were just unbelievably frigid. In reality you’re just another rich playboy right? Tell me, does _Marinette_ know how awfully cozy you are with Ladybug? Now that I think about it, you’ve probably banged Chloe a few times too.”

“Shut up!” Ladybug screamed, “How can you say something so disgusting? You know nothing about him!”

“I think I know _plenty_.”

It felt like his reactions were delayed as he slowly took in the girl’s words. He was a playboy? He’d been doing things with Marinette, Ladybug _and_ Chloe? Two of those people were in fact the same, but the insinuation was still enough to make needles of anxiety course over his skin as it became increasingly difficult to breathe.

The girl had a devilish smirk as she looked at him again, “Or maybe you prefer _older_ women, right?”

A voice started howling inside him, so distraught and panicked that he couldn’t tell if it was his own or not.

_I don’t want it! I never did! I wanted it to stop! Just make it stop!_

“N-No…” he said weakly, his throat constricting against his will until he couldn’t speak.

The girl placed her hands on her hips with an exaggerated sigh, “Your game of hard to get is getting really boring. I think we can safely say I would have already won that by now if _Marinette_ didn’t ruin it.”

She pronounced Marinette as though the name itself tasted bitter on her tongue.

“What are you talking about?” Ladybug hissed.

Even in his renewed spiralling, Adrien could see her shaking with a blinding rage. He knew he should be angry was well, but it was as though everything in him except his accelerated fear had stalled.

The girl gave a look of feigned surprise before giving another dark grin. It was uncomfortably surreal to watch as the girl gave an airy twirl. The image of her shifted, as though she were shaking off clouds of coloured smoke. Everyday clothing vanished, leaving behind a suit of white and orange. Her dark hair was tossed about until it became a smooth gradient of chestnut, ending in white tips. Tall, animalistic ears and a domino mask were added to her features, both in a similarly bright orange tone. Adrien was overcome with an allconsuming need to _run_ , but his body refused to listen. He sat there, staring in blank horror as the white noise started to creep into the corners of his mind.

_Volpina._

* * *

  
  


The freezing pressure that permeated the atmosphere was stifling. It was the same as what she’d felt before during the time when she and Adrien had hidden away in her room from an unseen force, a feeling that she’d otherwise only experienced when faced with a particularly powerful akuma.

“Ta-da!” Volpina called out in a sing-song voice, posing elaborately with one hand on her hip while the other was carelessly thrown skyward.

The sickening anger that had been building in Ladybug suddenly increased tenfold.

“ _Volpina._ ” she spat.

Volpina gave an exaggerated pout and batted her eyelashes, “What? Not happy to see me?”

“I’ll be happy to give you a beating before taking away your akuma _again_.”

“I thought you’d be excited to see another superhero. It must have been _so lonely_ since that alley cat partner of yours called it quits. Or did he die? Hawkmoth wasn’t very clear about that.”

“Don’t you _dare_ talk about Chat Noir! He’s too good to be sullied by your despicable lies!”

“If he’s not dead or given up, then where is he?”

Ladybug didn’t grace that question with any answer, only giving Volpina a spiteful glare.

Volpina hummed with a satisfied smile, “I’ve been watching, you know. Mostly keeping an eye on Adrien. I was hoping for a moment to take him away, but _Marinette_ stayed glued to him like some awful parasite. But then I spotted her a few times with that tomcat of yours as well. Can you imagine that? Not only was she keeping Adrien for herself, but was also throwing herself at _your_ cat. Can’t say I blame you for taking Adrien now if you’re trying to get back at her.”

Volpina gave another irritating smirk. Ladybug almost rushed her then and there, but then she remembered who she was trying to protect. Her gaze slipped to Adrien beside her. His chest heaved with increasingly unregulated breathing, his wide eyes flickering excessively as he stared at the enemy in front of them as though transfixed. Ladybug realised with a sinking dread that he was descending into a panic attack.

She whipped her head back toward Volpina as she took another step forward.

“ _Don’t!_ ” Ladybug hissed her warning.

Volpina chuckled as she defensively lifted her hands, “No need to bite. I’m here to help.”

“I don’t want your help!”

“Not you.” she tutted before gesturing to Adrien with her chin, “Him.”

“You don’t want to _help_ him! You’ve only ever wanted to control him!”

“I was only trying to get him to stand up for himself. Adrien’s so sweet. Too nice for the real world, you know? But I’m sure you know about that since you seem to know him _very_ well.”

Ladybug knew she was doing it on purpose. Volpina was talking a whole load of crap to try and get her riled up, and unfortunately it was working. The unnecessarily cruel and repulsive way in which she was talking about him and the suggestions she was making about their relationship was hitting every nerve.

Her hand instinctively moved to her waist in search of her yo-yo, only to make her pause when she didn’t feel it there.

_Shit._

She’d lost it during their fall earlier. She quickly glanced around until she saw the familiar spotted object lying across the roof from them. It was a relief to know it hadn’t landed somewhere where she wouldn’t be able to find it, but now Volpina stood between her and the yo-yo.

Ladybug’s heart leapt into her throat when she heard a choking noise behind her. She quickly turned around to Adrien to see him bent over himself as his hands gripped into his neck. This wasn’t good. She needed to get him away from here, away from Volpina and fast.

“How selfish can you be?” Volpina scoffed, “Hawkmoth promised everything would be so much better for Adrien if he just joins our side.”

“ _Your_ side?” Ladybug yelled, “You want to let Adrien get akumatised? How is that going to solve anything? You’re blind if you can’t see Hawkmoth just wants to use him - just like how he’s using you too!”

Volpina raised an eyebrow, “He might be using me, but I’m using Hawkmoth too. You wouldn’t know how _freeing_ it is to shed your former self and become something better. And all it takes is one little butterfly.”

“If you cared about Adrien at all you wouldn’t be doing this!”

“But I do care. I just want him on _my_ side is all. You can’t keep him all to yourself.”

Ladybug had had enough. Volpina’s smug grin, her aggravatingly, overly sweet voice and how she kept talking about how Adrien was some _prize_ to be won. If Ladybug tried to make an escape with Adrien, Volpina would no doubt give chase. Her shoulder was still aching from their fall earlier, probably heavily bruised but thankfully nothing broken. Even so, she would rather not get pulled out of the sky like that again. No, Ladybug had to do something now to have a better chance at getting Adrien somewhere safe.

 _Just hold on a little longer,_ she mentally told Adrien as she looked at him once more.

He was shaking and gasping for breath, curling into himself as though trying to be as small as possible. There was no way he was moving right now unless someone forced him. Her need to protect him right now was all she cared about as she steeled herself.

_I’ll make this quick._

Ladybug bolted forward, catching Volpina off guard in her rapid approach. Volpina hopped backwards to avoid Ladybug’s low leg sweep before quickly spinning to aim her own kick towards the heroine’s head. Ladybug responded instantly, blocking the blow with her forearm as she propelled herself forward to land a punch towards Volpina’s stomach. The blow didn’t connect. Volpina grappled Ladybug, turning with the momentum from her attack as she quickly threw her aside.

“You’re a lot slower than I remember.” the fox girl taunted with a grin.

Ladybug lunged at her again, but once more Volpina grabbed her fist before she could land the blow. Volpina tried her own sucker punch, but Ladybug responded in kind by grabbing her enemy’s wrist. The wrestled against each other, trying to push and pull themselves free from the other while attempting to slip in whatever attacks they could.

Now that they were closer, Ladybug could see that one of Volpina’s human ears had a vicious looking scar on the outer edge of it with a small piece of it missing. It was a small reminder courtesy of Plagg from their last encounter with Lila. Her nose also wasn’t as straight as it had once been, now having a small bend in the bridge of it.

 _I’ll just break it again,_ Ladybug thought as she tried to force her opponent back.

The sudden show of strength took Volpina by surprise, so she quickly wrenched herself free and jumped away to put some distance between them once more.

Ladybug prepared to give chase, but as Volpina gave a new callous smirk she hesitated. She cautiously followed the fox girl’s gaze, but made sure to not let Volpina leave her sight entirely. Fear fell like a heavy rock to the pit of her stomach when Ladybug saw it. Volpina had been just a distraction. Ladybug _knew_ this and still she stupidly played into the trap. Hawkmoth had been waiting for Ladybug to leave Adrien’s side. And now a purple butterfly was calmly approaching Adrien completely unhindered.

Ladybug’s eyes snapped to her yo-yo which was still lying a few feet away from her. A heavy regret seared through her. If she had gone for the yo-yo immediately instead of Volpina, then she would be able to instantly capture the akuma and purify it before it could reach Adrien. Now it was too late. Even if she were to make a dive for the yo-yo now she wouldn’t make it in time. She turned back to Adrien, staring in horror at his unmoving form as the butterfly got closer and closer.

_Not again. Please, not again!_

She screamed with her entire body, the action taking all the breath out of her and leaving her shaking.

“ _Adrien!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, the little Lila detail was definitely not forgotten.  
> Lila coming in to try and take Gabriel's title for _absolute worst_ in this fic. I think Gabe is still a clear winner though... God they're both awful with how I write them.
> 
> Angst and cliffhangers. You guys know to just expect this of me now, right? ~~I'm sorry~~
> 
> Thanks as always for the amazing commets and kudos! You're all so lovely!


	87. Pursuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Volpina and Hawkmoth are scheming.  
> Adrien is once more faced with his trauma-induced reactions as a threat comes closer.

It was early morning. The sun hadn't even fully risen yet, casting the room in deep grey tones from the low light. Volpina lay back on the couch, idly kicking her legs over the armrest as she scrolled through her phone. She'd been checking the Ladyblog again only to find there was _still_ nothing about that rumour she'd started about Chat Noir. Of course Alya would be hesitant to go public with something so controversial. It was still being talked about in gossip chains but Volpina didn't care about the small fry, she wanted to sow doubt across all of Paris in regards to their favourite superheroes.

She let her phone rest on her chest, scowling to herself at how _slow_ everything was going. Hawkmoth had reached out to her no problem after a little bug named Marinette wrecked her original plans to get closer with a certain object of her affection. In the aftermath she’d learned that the man known as Hawkmoth had to be someone rich, powerful or both. Her injuries had been taken care of in a private clinic, her identity kept completely anonymous. It was the same for her mysterious benefactor as well, as the nurses didn't know what to tell her when she asked who exactly was paying for her medical treatment. And when she was discharged, she was taken to a neat little studio apartment. Despite its size it was modern and stylish with a sleek kitchenette and comfortable queen sized bed, a large tv and plush lounge furniture. It was then that Hawkmoth reached out to her again, this time allowing an akuma to remain with her permanently.

Volpina preferred it that way. As Lila, her face had become relatively well known due to Chloe's dogs searching high and low for her so that they could charge her with whatever stupid accusations they had. Volpina scoffed at the thought. They had no proof, absolutely nothing to pin on her other than the words of Marinette and Adrien - Marinette who'd turned psycho in the moment and Adrien who was too soft hearted and socially inept to say anything. No, being Volpina was _much_ better. It had drastically changed her lifestyle these past few weeks. She'd learned that with the power of an akuma sustaining her, she didn't really need to eat or drink, or even sleep all that much. While she did do these things still out of habit on occasion, it was a delightful experience not having to cater to such basic needs. So instead she spent her time practicing her akuma abilities. Her powers of illusion were much the same as before, but her skill with them had drastically improved. There was less of a time restriction on the illusions she cast, and if she really concentrated they could be more durable and not disappear immediately if someone touched them. That took considerably more effort though, so she hadn't done it often. She'd also gotten very good at disguising herself. Even with her baiting, Ladybug had been too dumb to see Volpina for who she really was. Her meeting with Adrien had felt a little more risky though, as his timid reactions were so similar to how he'd been with her before. Honestly it was adorable to see him trying to figure her out, but in the end he couldn't. No one could.

Volpina paused, a smirk curling her lips as she saw the familiar butterfly outline flicker into her vision.

"Hawkmoth," she cooed, "It's been a while. I was getting worried you'd forgotten about me. It's been so dreadfully dull."

"Volpina." The voice was deep, almost velvety as it rumbled in the back of her mind, "I'm sure you'll find what I need you to do now perfectly entertaining."

She didn't answer immediately, instead giving a relaxed hum as she pretended to consider. It was always like this between them, a certain cloak and dagger element to their coy conversations. To the untrained eye, one might say they were almost friendly with one another. They were anything but. They were simply two people that happened to have closely aligned goals. Volpina didn't know what Hawkmoth was desperate for, but he was perfectly accepting of her want to destroy Ladybug. He was less onboard for her desire to make a claim on one Adrien Agreste, but even that seemed less of a problem to him recently. Evidently whatever Hawkmoth was after, he was willing to let Volpina have her terms met if it meant the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous fell into his hands. He could have them for all she cared. Adoration and popularity was all she'd ever wanted as Lila, and that remained true for Volpina. Removing Ladybug from the scene and turning gorgeous model and inheritor to a fashion empire Adrien Agreste into a little accessory for her made it so much easier to achieve her desires. It helped that Ladybug was unbelievably easy to provoke, and also that Adrien was so naively sweet that he would do anything she wanted. It hadn't taken much for her to get him around her little finger before, so she could certainly do it again.

"Alright Hawkmoth." She purred, deciding she'd kept him waiting long enough, "I'll bite. What have you got for me?"

There was a pause before he answered, and for a moment she wondered if perhaps he was reconsidering whatever it was he was about to tell her.

But then his voice returned to her once more, "Adrien Agreste."

Oh, now _that_ was something.

Volpina sat up straight, immediately intrigued. She swivelled round in her seat so that her feet rested on the floor, leaning forward eagerly as she rested her chin in her hand.

"Well then, I'm all ears."

"With the right _persuasion_ I'm certain he could be convinced to join our cause. I also have reason to believe that with the benefit of one of my akumas he would make a very powerful asset."

"And this…. _persuasion_ wouldn't happen to have something to do with me now, would it?"

"I'm sure you can manage."

Volpina grinned to herself. She'd be enjoying the benefits of being akumatised herself. She didn't doubt it would be hard to convince Adrien to see things as she did.

But as she considered one certain detail she frowned, "There's just one little problem. There's a girl hovering around him that will try to get in the way."

"That won't be an issue. He will be returning home this morning without the girl. I want you to observe the mansion for his arrival. When he is there, just watch and wait for further instruction."

She didn't know how Hawkmoth planned to get Adrien away from that horrible Marinette, let alone to get him to go back home. Still, he sounded very certain that it would happen.

"Waiting sounds so boring though." Volpina sighed, "Can't I just pay him a visit as soon as he gets there?"

Her lips pulled into a smirk as she thought about letting herself into Adrien’s room, lying in wait for him and then surprising him. The look on his face would be priceless. He'd probably be too shocked to move. In the seclusion of his bedroom she could definitely think of a few things she could do. With Adrien it was just too easy, even if he did seem completely inept when it came to receiving a girl's attention.

"Just watch and wait." Hawkmoth insisted, a more threatening edge coming into his usually levelled voice, "If my suspicions are correct, then Ladybug will turn up also."

"Ladybug? Well now that makes things more interesting. And Chat Noir?"

"Still...indisposed at this time."

Volpina could have almost laughed at how obviously sore Hawkmoth was about the subject of Chat Noir. He'd attempted to akumatise that moron of a hero, but had somehow completely botched it. Since then Chat Noir had gone missing and Hawkmoth couldn't find him.  
Chat Noir didn’t really mean much to Volpina. He was a variable she’d always considered easy to deal with. But a chance to not only go up against Ladybug, but to also take Adrien out from underneath her? Now that sounded entertaining.

“Alright Hawkmoth. I’m in.”

Volpina disguised herself before leaving her apartment hideout. Her flashy costume was a little too noticeable when parkouring over rooftops, but her civilian illusion had so far not drawn any attention. Really, it was stupid how easy she’d found it to hide in plain sight.

It didn't take long to reach the Agreste mansion, and she’d only been waiting a short while when she saw the sedan pull up through the front gates. She watched with interest as Adrien appeared from the car, walking up the steps flanked by Gabriel and his assistant. It was like looking at some morbid death row march. She didn’t expect there to be some welcome home party of course, but seeing the solemn figures as they walked through the front door was depressing for even her to watch. As soon as the door closed, there was no longer any movement to be seen.

She went like a shadow over the rooftops until she could see the large windows of Adrien's bedroom. She watched carefully for a moment but there was no movement from within. Volpina knew he was usually confined to his room when he was at home. Since he wasn't there now however, she reasoned that Gabriel was likely talking to him.

 _I wonder how that conversation is going,_ she thought with a small sarcastic laugh to herself.

She didn't particularly like Gabriel Agreste, but he was someone she'd spent a long time trying to get on the good side of. It had been pretty simple to figure out that to get easier access to Adrien, Gabriel himself had to be accepting of her presence.

She was waiting for a while. The morning sky was slowly changing from its soft pale blue to a cool grey. Had the forecast said it was going to rain today? It had been a long time since Volpina paid any attention to such mundane things. She was sorely tempted to just go against Hawkmoth's wishes and sneak into Adrien's room. One of the windows was open after all. However Hawkmoth had seemed fairly certain that Ladybug would make an appearance, and Volpina's curiousity towards that was enough to make her stay put.

Her patience was rewarded as she caught sight of Adrien entering the room. She watched him with interest as he stood by the door for a few moments before rushing over to the other side of the room. If her recollection was correct, he'd just entered the ensuite bathroom that adjoined his room. Again she waited as there was nothing for a time. But then Adrien stumbled back into the room before hauling his desk chair away as he disappeared once more. Through her own enhanced hearing she faintly heard the sound of something crashing. A smirk curled her lip. So even nice, mild mannered Adrien could have violent outbursts every now and then. But then it went deadly quiet after that. Far too quiet. She strained to the limitations of her hearing and vision, but there was nothing. Odd. Was this really Hawkmoth's great plan? Observe Adrien break a few things then say ' _Hey! You can break even more shit when you get akumatised! Sounds cool right?'._

Volpina scowled as her patience was growing thin. She had every confidence in herself that she could just go over there and make Adrien see things her way. Or at least make enough use of his usual passiveness to convince him there was no other option. Failing that, there was always his very exploitable affection for _Marinette._ Volpina wrinkled her nose in disgust at the thought of the girl. _Marinette_ , who pretended to be superbly perfect when in actual fact she was a complete ditz and absolutely obsessive. She so easily proclaimed Lila a liar, but she doubted she got Adrien so attached to her by being _honest_ with him herself. It made Volpina almost gag to think about the way Marinette would follow Adrien all the time like some deranged stalker. She would have almost felt sorry for the insane girl if she weren’t such a bitch.

 _Poor, sweet, sheltered Adrien,_ She lamented to herself, _He really has no clue how to deal with scheming girls._

Volpina had almost decided to just go ahead and do whatever she wanted when she heard the telltale _thwip_ of a string extending over the buildings. She crouched down in her hiding spot among the rooftops shortly before seeing the spotted heroine swinging by at a rapid pace. Whatever reason Hawkmoth had to suspect Ladybug would come looking for Adrien, it appeared he'd been correct. In fact, from the way that Ladybug swept in through Adrien's window without hesitation, it seemed that she was already _very_ familiar with the model. Volpina almost wished she had her phone. Taking photos while Ladybug paid Adrien a secret visit was such an enticing opportunity. But the outline of a butterfly creeping into a vision made her cast that thought aside.

"You were right." Volpina chuckled, "Ladybug turned up after all. No sign of Chat Noir still though."

There was a beat of silence before Hawkmoth answered, "If my suspicions are correct, he will show up in due time."

"So what now? I sincerely hope you're not expecting me to sit here all day."

"Ladybug will no doubt move soon, and take Adrien with her. I will have my akuma ready."

Volpina frowned to herself, "Small flaw in your plan there. With Ladybug right next to him, how do you expect to actually get to Adrien?"

"I'm sure you can keep her preoccupied for a moment."

Volpina considered this before biting her lip to hold back a laugh. Ladybug’s temper was easy to take advantage of. It was a delightful image - Ladybug chasing Volpina, only to look on in horror and realise how much of a useless hero she actually was as Adrien becomes akumatised right under her nose.

"I can do that without even trying." Volpina grinned.

"Do not disappoint me."

With that, the butterfly image flickered away from her and the disembodied voice vanished.

Volpina was carefully considering her next course of action when she saw movement from the windows once more. Ladybug had reappeared, this time carrying what looked to be an unconscious Adrien in her arms. Obviously something had happened, but that was of little concern to Volpina. Her eyes remained fixed on the pair as Ladybug used her yo-yo to pull them away, slinging them over the buildings. Given that she was carrying Adrien, Ladybug kept to a gentle pace so Volpina had no trouble following them. The heroine also seemed incredibly preoccupied with something, not even noticing that someone was following them. Though even if she were to look around, she would only see Volpina's civilian disguise. And even then it would be easy for Volpina to pull a disappearing act with her powers of illusion. But no, Ladybug was only focused on whatever was in front of her.

Volpina quickened her steps, moving in closer and closer. As Ladybug soared up midswing, Volpina vaulted up to follow. She reached out, Ladybug's leg within her grasp.

_Too easy!_

* * *

Adrien could barely hear anything over the piercing white noise and his heart pounding in his ears. All the air might as well have left his body as he could feel himself slowly suffocating, his lungs steadily becoming crushed in his chest and his throat becoming far too tight. First Cass. Now Lila. The brief moment of sunshine he'd felt with Ladybug was rapidly becoming eclipsed once more as panic ripped through each and every one of his nerves. The feeling of needles stabbing across his skin quickly became unbearable, growing more and more vicious around his neck. His hands moved automatically, latching on with a clawed grasped to the sides of his neck to try and alleviate the invisible pressure he could feel around his throat.

_I don’t want it I don’t want it I don’t want it I don’t want it…_

He tried to tear his eyes away from Volpina in search of an escape route but he was frozen. All of his muscles had locked in place, his body betraying him once more as he so desperately tried to force himself to move only to remain completely still.

His thoughts twisted and roared within him, making the anxiety that had lodged itself in his stomach coil tighter. What if Volpina had a point? What if Adrien, with his woeful ability to communicate and understand social situations normally, had actually led people to believe he was looking for physical relationships when he wanted nothing of the sort? Had he actually been leading people on all this time without even realising it? Lila was convinced that some part of him wanted her, and Cass had been the same way. Even his own father seemed to think that Adrien had his own part to play with the assaults.

_My fault…_

He curled in on himself, his grip on his neck tightening. Everything was his fault. It always had been. He must have said something, done something, to let other people think he was willing to let his body be groped, marked and completely ruined.

His gaze was fixed on the ground beneath him, but in his peripheral he could see a slight movement. A familiar spotted pattern of black and red. Ladybug was still there. Ladybug...Marinette was still by his side. She hadn’t left him on his own.

_Marinette…_

He couldn’t call out to her, but in the dark torrential waters of his mind he was begging her to not listen to Volpina. He didn’t want her to see him the way Volpina was describing him, how Lila had always seen him. Marinette wouldn’t believe that he was like that, would she?

A new series of thoughts rose to the surface. Compared to the anxiety driven mess, these ones were calmer, smoothing over a small portion of the tide that was drowning him.

Adrien trusted Marinette. Even before he’d let her in, before he’d shown her the damaged person he really was, he had admired her gentle honesty and harboured a small belief in her for it. As for Ladybug he’d trusted her with his life on multiple occasions, always knowing she would bring him back whenever he let himself take the fall against more dangerous akumas. Ladybug or Marinette, neither side of her had ever indicated that they saw his interactions as inappropriate or misleading. Ladybug had thought Chat Noir’s flirtations were a little pushy at times, but that was something he’d worked to correct when she expressed her concern. Wouldn’t she have said if his behaviour was completely wrong, that he was constantly presenting the wrong idea about himself? His friends too. Nino and Alya surely wouldn’t have let him interact with other people in such a misleading way. Early on when he’d first started school, those two had been instrumental in helping Adrien gain a better understanding of what normal social interactions were supposed to be.

His thoughts were becoming a confused disaster. Was he to blame for all that had happened, for what was happening now? Part of him was still screaming out that yes, it was his fault from the beginning. None of this would have happened if Adrien wasn’t there to begin with. But that small piece of him was still trying to put up a fight. Marinette, Nino, Alya and Chloe had never blamed him. He trusted them, so shouldn’t he believe them when they tried to tell Adrien he wasn’t the one in the wrong?

_I don’t know...I don’t know what to do!_

That abhorrent feeling like feral teeth and claws was raking its way up his spine again. Slipping in under the white noise he could sense the guttural hissing and growling as the creature was scraping its way out of the darkness again.

Adrien was so tired of trying to fix things, of trying to understand all that kept going wrong. His mind kept descending into chaos and his body kept being taken from him, either claimed by someone else or held hostage by his terror. Maybe this time he should just give up entirely and let the beast consume him whole. If the one known as _Adrien_ was no longer here then this nightmare could finally end. Without that broken self, maybe he could just be Chat Noir again.

“ _Adrien!_ ”

Her scream ripped through his suffocating thoughts. Everything in him became still at the sound of her desperately calling out to him. Finally some movement returned to his body, though it didn’t feel like he was the one doing it. His head slowly lifted some, the phantom sensations over his neck becoming aggravated from it. His vision was blurring and a blackness was creeping in around the edges, but he could just about make out the figures of Ladybug and Volpina across the rooftop from him.  
It was like time had reduced to an excessive crawl, an uneasy confusion rising up in him as he couldn’t understand what was going on. But then he saw it. In the corner of his eye he spotted the deceivingly gentle flutter of butterfly wings. Wings painted a heavy, blackened purple. It was coming towards him, flitting closer and closer. This was it. It was all going to be over.

He could only heart the sound of his thudding heartbeat as the akuma calmly approached.

Suddenly there came a roar, like a tsunami crashing over him and howling loud in his ears. The faint sensation of his nails digging into his neck was replaced by the vicious feeling of jaws clamping around his throat.

**_Don’t you fucking dare, coward!_ **

This new, violent shock against his body shattered the invisible chains that had been holding him there. Pure instinct and adrenaline took over, his body twisting harshly and he threw himself to the side. His legs kicked out from underneath him and suddenly he was sprinting. Years of being Chat Noir made his movements completely natural. He wasn’t transformed, but that didn’t stop his body’s well practiced motions as he launched himself from the edge of the rooftop, landing heavily on the next one. Every bone in his body jarred from the impact, but it still didn’t stop him as he vaulted forward again. Run. He had to _run_.

He could think of nothing as he sprinted and leapt over the rooftops. He was barely aware of the dull, stinging sensation of his hands, the cuts on his fingers bleeding fresh again as he grappled with brick and concrete to keep himself moving forwards. To keep on escaping.  
It was starting to rain now, causing occasional little water droplets to blot his already skewed vision further. He didn’t know if it was because of that, the pain of his hands, his lack of breathing or his panic causing him to fail to judge a jump entirely, but he abruptly found himself slipping on the tilted angle of a rooftop. He fell hard, rolling down the slant of the roof. He couldn't stop himself in time before falling off the edge. By some miracle the building next door was slightly smaller with a flatter roof, so Adrien landed in a gasping heap on it instead of on a street or alley far below.

He lay there, each gulping breath causing his ribs and lungs to tremble in agony. He felt like he would either vomit or pass out as he curled into a ball, bloodied fingers clutching to his chest as he pitifully tried to force the shock to pass. With the adrenaline fading, the weakness and fear was returning.

“...id...ki….Kid…. _Kid!_ ”

Adrien jolted at the sound of Plagg’s voice in his ear. His vision refused to focus properly as he looked up at the kwami, feeling the rain against his face now that he was no longer pressed against the concrete beneath him.

“Can you hear me _now_?” Plagg demanded.

Adrien gave a feeble nod, too preoccupied with trying to breath again to actually speak. Plagg hastily looked around, his alert ears twitching as he listened out for something.

“Come on,” he huffed as he tugged on Adrien’s shirt collar, “You need to hide.”

“Ladybug…” Adrien wheezed as he shakily forced himself to his knees.

It was slowly registering to him now what had happened. His shameful display of cowardice of freezing up before running off with his tail between his legs. He was meant to be Ladybug’s partner and he’d _left_ her.

“I don’t like being left out either.” Plagg hissed, “But she’ll have an easier time dealing with the situation if _you_ stay safe.”

Adrien gritted his teeth, feeling absolutely disgusted with himself. How could he have let himself become such a mess just because Volpina had turned up? Had he still not changed at all?

At Plagg’s insistence, Adrien crawled to the edge of the rooftop. The adjoining building had some small alcoves that extended a little beneath the roof he was on, creating a gap just big enough for him to slide into. They’d probably been windows before, but had some point been bricked up. Adrien inserted himself into the small space, shivering at the feeling of the cold, wet brick as he tried to conceal himself. The drizzling rain was slowly increasing, but the hiding spot provided some shelter.

His entire body was aching from the force he applied to himself in his escape. He looked down at his bloodied fingers, hissing between his teeth from the stinging sensation as he tentatively flexed them. His hands were probably even more scratched up now, but he couldn’t really tell. The creature was still skulking along the edges of his mind, as though waiting for another chance to strike him again. Adrien let out a trembling sigh as Plagg rubbed his small head against Adrien’s cheek in an attempt to offer comfort.

They both tensed up at the sound of footfall splashing through a puddle somewhere above them. Plagg bristled as he turned to peek out of their hiding spot while Adrien pressed himself down further. His heart and breathing had only just started to approach some kind of normality, but were now quickly becoming erratic again. Adrien pressed a hand over his mouth to try and silence his stuttered breaths. He desperately hoped that the steps he’d heard was Ladybug coming to look for him, but he was too scared to do anything other than cower in the little alcove.

His heart leapt into his throat, making him almost choke as he heard a voice.

“Adrien,” the sound of his name coming from Volpina’s overly sweet, sing-song tone was sickening, “I only want to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had way too much fun writing Lila/Volpina's POV. She's so unashamedly terrible and enjoys it as well. But yeah Gabriel is still the worst person.
> 
> As always, thank you all for the comments and kudos! You're all so kind!
> 
> (Also if anyone is interested, I have started using my tumblr again [here](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/). It's mostly Miraculous Ladybug/writing related things, as well as me occasionally talking to myself.)


	88. Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug and Adrien face off against Volpina.  
> Ladybug makes a disturbing connection..
> 
>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains some description of sexual assault.

" _Adrien!_ "

It was probably futile, but she screamed out for him nonetheless. What else could she do anyway? Ladybug had made her stupid, awful mistake and was going to lose Adrien because of it. Her yo-yo was out of reach, and she wasn't close enough to Adrien to do anything about the akuma that was quietly approaching him.

But then Adrien moved. His head lifted, a flicker coming to his glazed eyes. He immediately looked towards her. For a breathless moment she thought that this was it. It looked like he had completely resigned himself to it. The akuma would take him and Adrien would be gone. Time had seemed to slow down to an excruciating pace for those few seconds before rapidly throwing itself forward again. Adrien threw himself to the side, rolling away from the akuma as he moved onto his knees. He didn't stop, instead driving himself forward into a sprint. Ladybug's heart leapt into her throat and she wanted to cry out as Adrien headed straight for the edge. He was going to jump.

Her limbs felt like dead weight but Ladybug forced herself to her feet, ready to do _something_ to stop him from throwing himself off of the building. But he didn't let himself fall, instead gripping the small wall that lined the edge of the roof before vaulting onwards to the next one. For a brief moment, his silhouette was like Chat Noir's as he leapt from one building to another. But then the image was broken as he landed heavily on the other side, stumbling and staggering without grace that was more appropriate to a normal human rather than a superhero.

The akuma meanwhile had landed lazily on the spot where Adrien had been just moments before. It sat there, wings languidly fluttering as though the thing was carefully considering its next course of action as its target was now on the move.

Movement to the side of her broke Ladybug from her stupor. Volpina had also apparently been surprised at Adrien's sudden show of athleticism, as her own reaction was delayed as well. She was quickly stepping forward to give chase. Before Volpina got out of reach, Ladybug tackled her to the ground. She had to allow Adrien whatever precious seconds she could so that he stood a better chance at escaping. She wanted to be with him, but she had to do what she could about Volpina and the akuma first. Plagg was still with him, and she hoped that the kwami would be able to get through to him and look after him until she could catch up.

Volpina grunted as they hit the ground, but she didn't let it deter her. Ladybug tried to keep her enemy's arms pinned to her sides, but Volpina roughly got to her knees as she threw her head back into Ladybug's face. Ladybug winced and the sudden flood of disorientation was enough for Volpina to wrench herself free. Ladybug didn't wait for Volpina to try to land another blow on her, instead back flipping away towards her yo-yo. It had never felt so good to snatch the object back into her grasp.

She stood up straight, ready to face Volpina again or to try and prevent her enemy from following Adrien. Volpina had likewise taken a battle ready stance, narrowing her eyes as she was no doubt calculating her next move. 

“Why are you doing this?” Ladybug yelled, “You say you care about Adrien, but all you do is _hurt_ him!”

Volpina pursed her lips as she twirled the flute in her hand, “Why should I have to explain anything to _you_? I thought you didn’t believe anything I said anyway.”

Ladybug grimaced to herself. It was true. No matter what words fell out of Volpina’s irritatingly smug face, Ladybug would always doubt the validity of them.

Again, Volpina moved to follow after Adrien. Ladybug refused to let her have that chance. She rushed forwards with her yo-yo spinning. Volpina side stepped from the round kick she attempted while striking the yo-yo back with her flute. Her olive eyes glinted with amusement as she met Ladybug blow for blow. Both of them were blocking and parrying while trying to gain the upper hand. Slowly, Ladybug was starting to drive her enemy back. The increased range of the yo-yo was proving to be an advantage, and Volpina was having to take extra care that her flute didn’t snag in the string otherwise she might lose her weapon. But Volpina always had been a schemer and was prepared to fight dirty.

Volpina attempted a leg sweep to make Ladybug take a step back to avoid it, allowing the fox girl to back flip away to put more distance between them. She gave a fiendish smirk as her eyes slid away to a new target. Ladybug hesitantly followed Volpina’s gaze to where the akuma had taken off again, flying skywards in search of its objective.

_Shit._

Their actions were simultaneous. Ladybug slipping her finger over the yo-yo to activate her item's purifying ability while Volpina lifted her flute to play a series of chilling notes. Ladybug threw her yo-yo out towards the akuma as it flitted upwards, but suddenly one butterfly became many. She lost sight of the original one in the flurry. Ladybug gritted her teeth as the butterfly her yo-yo did hit vanished in a purple cloud of smoke.

_An illusion!_

All of the duplicates were illusions!

Volpina cackled to herself, "You might want to try and find the right one quickly. Hawkmoth is very eager for Adrien to join our side."

Before Ladybug could make any retort, the fox villain hopped away in the direction Adrien had gone. Growling, Ladybug made a step to pursue her but stopped as she saw the stream of butterflies in the air. If the original butterfly was still close by, she couldn't leave without purifying it first.

_Damn it damn it damn it DAMN IT!_

Again and again her yo-yo struck through the butterflies, only for them to evaporate from the contact. One after the other, the butterflies were slowly disappearing but she had yet to find the real one. It was highly likely that it had already gone and was once more making its way towards Adrien. But then she couldn't risk leaving in case the real one was still hidden amongst the illusions.

By the time her yo-yo swiped through the last butterfly, Ladybug was severely frustrated. The real one wasn't here. She clenched her fists as she let out a cry of pure anger. Adrien was in danger and she kept wasting valuable time with her stupid mistakes. Not wanting to wait another second, she launched herself forward with her yo-yo in the direction Adrien and Volpina had gone. A gentle rain had started to fall, but the droplets of water falling on her did little to cool her emotions.

This whole situation was complete and utter _bullshit._ In the span of one morning, she'd gone from happily waking up in Adrien's arms, to them being torn apart by the absolutely heartless Gabriel Agreste, to trying to preventing Adrien from breaking completely following his forced encounter with his past abuser, to now having to deal with Volpina while Hawkmoth seemed absolutely set on taking Adrien. Something about it all was dreadfully - _almost perfectly_ \- wrong. All of these events merging into each other like some twisted yet perfectly fitted jigsaw puzzle. It was all pushing Adrien dangerously closer to a point that she feared he would never come back from. This couldn't possibly all just be a coincidence could it? There were far too many things too specific to Adrien - to the trauma that formed the major root of his fears and anxieties. It was almost as if the events were piling one on top of the other, crushing Adrien further so that he would have no choice _but_ to accept whatever Hawkmoth could offer him.

 _It's almost as if Hawkmoth knew exactly what was going to happen today…_ Ladybug thought as she continued to race over the buildings.

As soon as the thought occurred to her, terror struck deep in her chest and blood ran cold. Maybe Hawkmoth _did_ know what was going to happen to Adrien today. Volpina had found them pretty quickly, but what if she had actually been waiting for them all along? She had already confessed to having been watching them. Had Hawkmoth been observing them also? It was already a miracle that Volpina hadn't pieced together Adrien and Marinette's alter egos, but it was scary to think if Hawkmoth had also been tracking them. But then, could Hawkmoth have been watching Adrien specifically? What if, after the failed akumatisation of Chat Noir, Hawkmoth had figured out his _real identity_?

Ladybug's speed automatically reduced as her brain went into overdrive instead, slotting and linking pieces together as it worked to a horrifying realisation. Hawkmoth knew who Chat Noir was. That's why he had recruited Volpina to assist with trying to take Adrien. That's why it was _Volpina_ he sent instead of Mayura or anyone else under his control. Because Hawkmoth knew of Adrien and Lila's history. _Somehow_ Hawkmoth had planned all of this just so that he could push Adrien to the brink, making it impossible for him to avoid akumatisation. But how did their enemy know that Gabriel would be forcing Adrien back to the mansion today?

Ladybug wracked her brain as she turned thoughts over and over in her mind. She wasn't seeing something. _Something_ was missing from this huge puzzle.

_The missing Miraculous!_

Both the Peacock _and_ the Butterfly had passed through the Agreste household in the past - but what if they'd _never left_? Duusu had assured Ladybug that Nooroo had been there at some point as well, but gave no indication that the Butterfly had gone elsewhere for sure. And when the Butterfly had surfaced under Hawkmoth's control, the Peacock hadn't been too far behind in revealing itself too.

_And the Grimoire…_

Gabriel had been obsessively protective over the coded book that really he should know nothing about. He'd even gotten akumatised when he had believed it to have been stolen - but what if that had been a cover up to try and distance himself from their nemesis? What if Gabriel had actually been working with Hawkmoth all along? Gabriel was a man with reputation and resources, no doubt a valuable ally for the villain.

Ladybug shook her head to herself as she urged herself to quicken her pace once more. Neither Gabriel nor Hawkmoth seemed the sort to take orders from anyone, or even be in an equal partnership with someone.  
A cold and callous man who did everything to exert control over his household, convincing his wife and son until they believed that they had no choice to remain there.  
An obsessive, violent enemy that sought to take advantage of the emotional weakness of others for his own gain.  
Both manipulators. Both exploiters. Both _cruel_ .  
_Both the same person…_

The ice cold shock that struck deep within her bones, making her misjudge a jump. She crash landed onto a rooftop, her body taking the full impact as she rolled forwards into a sprawled mess. She shakily forced herself to get to her feet again. She had to keep moving. She couldn't stop. Not now. The danger Adrien was facing was even more grave than she'd originally thought.

Ladybug desperately hoped she was wrong, but the connections were too easy to make now that she could see them. Hawkmoth - _Gabriel!_ \- had planned all of this. She couldn’t help but recall the immense negative emotions from the amok she had purified from Adrien before. Those pitch black feelings were what Hawkmoth was after. All of this to push Adrien's emotional state further and further so that he would not just become akumatised, but become a _powerful_ victim for Hawkmoth to exploit. One that she would struggle to fight because it was her _partner_.

The haunting image of Chat Blanc rose in her mind. His far too blue eyes that were completely devoid of feeling. A solitary spectre that remained in the sunken wasteland that had once been Paris. An embodiment of destruction so devastating that he almost ended the world, the universe, time - everything! The Hawkmoth of that timeline hadn't even anticipated such an uncontrollable force, and it was highly unlikely that the Hawkmoth now would be able to either.

Ladybug urged herself on, forcing herself to go as fast as possible. Her eyes frantically scanned over the city skyline for any sign of Volpina or Adrien. A desperate panic was eating away at her.

_I have to stop this!_

* * *

Adrien pressed himself further down into the small alcove. His heart was pounding painfully in his chest as his hands remained clamped over his mouth to suppress his panicked breaths. If Volpina was here, then what happened to Ladybug? Where was the akuma?

“ _A - dri -en!_ ” Volpina sang out each syllable of his name as though they were playing some light hearted game.

But that was all it was to her, all that it had ever been. A game. Lila had never cared who got hurt as long as she was the one having fun and emerging the victor in the end.

Her tone darkened as she spoke out again, “I know you’re here somewhere.”

Plagg was latched onto Adrien’s shoulders, hackles raised as though ready to pounce should Volpina get too close to their hiding place. Adrien didn’t know what he was meant to be doing himself. His body was stiff and aching from his spontaneous rush of parkouring to get away from the akuma, and the throbbing pain of the headache quickly forming behind his eyes was nauseating. Even if he were in a better condition, he would stand no chance in trying to outrun Volpina. Adrien couldn’t do anything, but maybe Chat Noir _could_.

Adrien pushed the thought away quickly as he hunched over his knees.

 _I can’t_ …

Transforming now could only add a whole new set of problems to the situation. As much as he wanted the safety and security of his alter ego, right now it just wasn’t possible.  
He could feel the creature prowling the darkened corners of his mind drawing closer at the rejection of his heroic persona. It was as though Adrien’s desperation was only provoking its appetite further.

Volpina had gone quiet now. Adrien couldn’t hear much other than the gentle sound of rainfall against brick and concrete, as well as the low protective growl from Plagg. It was unlikely that Volpina had moved on, but not knowing for sure was making the uneasiness unbearable. Restricting his movement as much as possible, Adrien carefully lifted his head as he strained himself upwards to peek out of the sheltered gap.

Volpina was indeed still there. She stood in the middle of the rooftop with her back to him. One of her hands was placed on her cocked hip while the other was restlessly twirling her flute. Her fox ears were twitching and turning in movements that Adrien recognised as her straining her sense of hearing. After having been Chat Noir for years now, Adrien knew that even with enhanced senses the rain would dampen any sound or scent. While she might be able to figure out that he was nearby, it would be incredibly difficult for her to pinpoint his exact location in this weather.

Adrien carefully started to sink back down into hiding to avoid being seen. But then a flash of colour caught his eye as something descended from the sky. A blur of red and black barreled towards Volpina, catching her off guard. Adrien watched breathlessly as Ladybug threw everything into her surprise assault. She lashed out with her yo-yo, quickly ensnaring Volpina’s flute and snatching it away. Ladybug didn’t stop there as she kept running forward, taking hold of the instrument as her yo-yo returned it to her. Volpina drew up her arms to defend herself, but wasn’t quick enough as Ladybug used the flute to land a heavy blow against Volpina’s temple. Adrien watched, dizzied from trying to follow the abrupt combat, as Volpina then quickly fell to the ground and lay unmoving.

Ladybug stood panting for breath as she looked down on her unconscious opponent. But then she seemed to snap out of something as her head started to whip around, stray rain droplets shaking from her pigtails.

“Adrien!” she cried out, “Are you here?”

He still felt dazed from what he had witnessed. Volpina had gone down surprisingly easy, but he wasn’t sure of all that had happened since he felt like he couldn’t trust himself to make sense of all that was going on around him. But if Ladybug was here then it would all be okay. He trusted her to know what to do now since it felt like his own brain had short circuited multiple times now.

He reached up and stiffly pulled himself out of the alcove and onto the levelled roof. The rain had slowly been increasing and he could now feel seeping into his clothes and sticking his hair to his face. Plagg, ever one to absolutely hate wet weather, quickly slipped back into Adrien’s shirt collar with a low grumble. Ladybug was facing away from him so he tried to call out to her. His throat and chest still felt like they were heavily constricted, so his attempt to speak only manifested as a strained cough. It was enough to catch her attention though, as Ladybug rapidly turned round towards him. Her blue eyes were immediately set on him, watching as though mesmerised while he weakly hauled himself to his feet.

Her first few steps were tentative, as though she were unsure she was actually seeing him. But when he didn’t disappear her movement quickly evolved into a run. Adrien steadied himself as best as he could as Ladybug almost tackled him clean off the ground, throwing her arms around his neck as she pressed herself against him in a full bodied embrace. He flinched as her arms closed around his neck, but somehow managed to keep himself standing despite how much his legs were shaking.

“I found you.” Ladybug’s relieved words felt hot over his skin as she nuzzled into the nape of his neck.

The action made Adrien inhale sharply, which only caused him to choke with his already restricted breathing. He could feel the vicious panic tearing through every single one of his nerves as Ladybug clung to him. This was wrong. Something about this was _wrong_. In between his rapid, shallow breaths he noticed it. Her scent was different. It wasn’t the warm, comforting vanilla that he was used to. It was a sickly cloying perfume that was so unlike Marinette but was reminiscent of someone else.

_Lila…!_

How could he have ignored the fact that Volpina had the power of illusion? Now his stupidity had led him straight into her trap. Adrien tried to pull himself free, but the person in front of him refused to let go. He saw the image of the Volpina some distance away as well as that of the Ladybug in front of him fade away like a mist. Now he stood in the grasp of a smirking Volpina. Again Adrien tried to wrench himself from her hold. Volpina used his desperate movements against him, letting him briefly fall away so she could freely grab one of his wrists. Adrien cried out in pain as one of his arms was quickly twisted around his back. Volpina continued to pin his arm there as she stepped up close behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder as her free hand snatched his other wrist to make sure he was secure in her hold.

“ _I found you._ ” Volpina said again, this time with her own disgustingly sweet voice.

Adrien couldn’t move. Anytime he tried a violent shock of pain ripped through his pinned arm and shoulder. Volpina twisted harder, making him sure she wouldn’t hesitate to break his arm if he were to keep resisting.

In the edges of his vision he saw a flash of Plagg’s green eyes. Clenching his jaw against the nauseating, anxiety driven reaction of his body, Adrien gave a slight shake of his head. The small movement went unnoticed by Volpina, but as Plagg narrowed his eyes with a sneer Adrien knew the kwami understood. He was begging Plagg to not do anything right now. To do so would only reveal Adrien as the holder of the Black Cat Miraculous not only to Volpina, but to Hawkmoth who would be able to see it all through her eyes. As much as being in this situation was agonising for him, Adrien couldn’t risk his ring getting taken by the enemy.

But now he was stuck. Against his will he could feel his body shutting down from the overwhelming terror flooding him. He blinked frantically to try and keep his vision steady. He couldn’t let himself become detached from his body right now. Even though it would be easier to just give up and let Volpina do whatever she wanted to him, Adrien braced himself to stand against the living nightmare for as long as possible. Ladybug wasn’t here, but he hadn’t given up on her. There had to be some reason why she wasn’t, but he believed in her astounding creativity and intelligence to overcome whatever obstacle just as she always did. He trusted her and her promise that she wouldn’t leave him to fight on his own. He just had to hang on and buy her more time.

 _But how?!_ Adrien thought desperately.

If he was Chat Noir then he could keep Volpina engaged in combat. As Adrien though that just wasn’t possible. It already felt like he was seconds away from losing his arm if Volpina wanted. But there was something else Chat Noir was good at, something that perhaps even Adrien could do if he just forcibly channeled the persona of his other self. Distractions. And not just regular ones, but distractions that involved _talking_.

Adrien swallowed thickly as he tried to even out his breathing. Such a small thing was proving to be a near impossible challenge as Volpina had taken to pressing her cheek to his neck. He gritted his teeth, trying to suppress his shaking as she inhaled deeply for his scent or let her lips ghost against his skin.

“It’s not all that bad.” she cooed in his ear, “You get to be your own kind of hero when you let an akuma in.”

“Kind of gives a different meaning to butterflies in your stomach.” Adrien responded, wincing as he heard the rasping of his voice.

“It _is_ exciting. All the power but none of the responsibility. You can be your true self without anything to stop you.”

“It’s borrowed though. Hawkmoth could easily take your akuma back if he wanted.”

Adrien bit back a gasp as Volpina pressed his pinned arm a little further.

“Hawkmoth and I have a _mutual_ agreement. He gives me what I want and in return all he wants is Chat Noir’s ring and Ladybug’s earrings.”

“And what do you want exactly?”

“I thought that was pretty obvious.”

Adrien’s skin crawled as Volpina squished herself against him. Her hand that was gripping his wrist at his side moved to take his hand instead. Her fingers laced between his and, despite the gloves of her costume, he could feel her nails digging into his hand.

Volpina hummed against the nape of his neck as she added, “Among other things, I would really like you at my side. Hawkmoth’s going to win eventually, so you might as well join us on the winning side. I assure you, I’ll take _much_ better care of you than Ladybug or Marinette or any other girl ever could.”

Adrien squeezed his eyes shut against the dizziness that rushed over him. His blood felt freezing cold while a painful sensation like needles stabbing across his skin hit him again and again.

“What makes you think I have what it takes to join ‘ _your side_ ’?” he asked, trying and failing to keep his voice from croaking.

Volpina giggled, “I told you before. Because we’re the same you and I.”

“I...I don’t really see how we are.”

“I know what it’s like to be alone, Adrien. I know what it’s like to feel like no one else will listen. But I overcame that. And I can help you too, if you’ll let me.”

Adrien bit his lip as he tried to push back against her honeyed words. If this had been years ago, if he didn’t know the sort of person Lila was, he might have grabbed on to the lifeline she was offering. But now he already had what he needed. At this point he’d fallen lower than rock bottom, but Marinette had always been reaching out with her hand for him to take. She’d always been showing him what it was to love someone - to let _himself_ be loved. She reminded him constantly that he _wasn’t_ alone, that she would always be there along with all of their friends.

He opened his eyes, searching desperately through the misty rain for any sign of Ladybug.

 _A little longer,_ he promised himself, _Keep Volpina distracted a little longer and she’ll be here._

**_She won’t come. You’re on your own. Just as you’ve always been._ **

The seething voice rippled through his mind. He could practically feel the unsettling glow of the creature’s eyes on him. Trying to keep himself focused, he did his best to ignore its shadow skulking closer to him.

“Y-You…” Adrien started before clearing his throat in an attempt to strengthen his voice, “You want to...help me.”

He let out a pained hiss as the arm twisted to his back was suddenly released. His arm fell limp to his side, having gone excruciatingly numb from having been held in such an aggressive position. With the tension gone, he found himself stumbling forward. Volpina still held his other hand however and harshly pulled him back, forcing him to turn and face her. Her chestnut hair clung in wet strands around her face, but her eyes burned with a fire that threatened to engulf him. Her hand on him tightened as she hauled him closer until they were standing chest to chest. Adrien’s gaze quickly darted away as the intensity with which she was staring at him was far too much. As his view slipped away from her face, he saw the glinting piece of jewelry resting just above her breast. The necklace. Volpina’s akumatised object. Adrien forced what strength he could to his arm, struggling to flex his fingers despite how his muscles trembled with pain. Maybe he could grab it while she wasn’t looking. But how could he do it without her noticing?

Volpina drew even closer to him, pressing her frame against his until her breath bounced off his face.

“I’ll help you.” she batted her eyelashes as she whispered, “And I’ll show you what _real_ love is.”

Adrien’s mind was torn between trying to stop himself from giving into the darkness that wanted to sweep him away, to let him fall into dissociation so as not to endure her stifling presence another second longer, and feebly trying to think of some way he could get her necklace off of her. Trying to withstand so much pressure, he didn’t really understand the words she was saying to him.

“Show me…?” he echoed with confusion.

Volpina grinned, “Glad you asked.”

Adrien choked as her hand cupped the back of his neck, using her enhanced strength to pull him down towards her. Her lips crashed into his, hungry and greedy. He tried to keep his mouth shut, to not let her in and take more from him than she already had. But then her hand that had been interlocked with his glided upwards towards his jaw. With her akumatisation making her physically stronger and her vicious grip on his neck paralysing him, it didn’t take much for her to roughly take hold of his jaw and force his mouth open for her. He gagged as she shoved her tongue past his lips, making him taste the disgustingly bitter flavour of her. There was nothing gentle or loving about it as she kissed him. There wasn’t even any sense of her caring. There was only a selfish need as her teeth scraped against his lips in search for more.

He couldn’t breathe like this. He was slowly suffocating and could feel himself edging closer to passing out. The only thing that was keeping him physically standing was her nails digging into the back of his neck, making his entire body seize up. He endured it. He felt dirty and repulsive that he couldn’t stop her from doing it, but like this she was entirely focused on making her vile claim on him. Adrien flexed his fingers again, carefully lifting his hand up towards her necklace. He yelped as Volpina bit his lip during her loathsome kiss, but it only caused him to falter briefly before refocusing on the necklace. He could feel himself slipping, his mind desperately seeking refuge in the darkness away from the reality he was making himself suffer. But still he clung on. If he could get the necklace away from her and break it, then Volpina would be powerless.

He could taste blood in his mouth as her tongue reached into him again. If the stinging at the corner of his mouth told him anything, it was that she had once again bitten him until he bled. Still he refused to give her anything, remaining motionless in the violent kiss no matter how hard her nails dug into his neck or jaw.

_A little more…_

His fingertips brushed against the chain of the necklace. A little more and it would be within his grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug finally found her detective braincells! But Adrien still doesn't know. Yeah, I'm mean like that.  
> Also Lila? Still a terrible person.
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! <3
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	89. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien tries to fight against Volpina until Ladybug arrives on the scene.

A flash of the glowing outline of a butterfly crossed Adrien's already skewing vision. For a second he felt absolutely sick with fear that the image was his, dredging up flashbacks as to how his previous experience with an akuma had gone. The burning pain mixed with the ice cold numbness and the terrifying feeling of someone that was completely _not_ himself brushing against the walls of his mind was still fresh to him and he dreaded reliving it all. But then the shimmering butterfly moved away from him and he suddenly realised he could breathe. The butterfly motif was instead across Volpina’s face, which held a dark expression as she looked down to where Adrien almost had her necklace within his grasp.

The need to fill his lungs now that Volpina was no longer obstructing him with her violent affections didn’t matter as Adrien tried to close his fist around the pendant. As soon as he felt the smooth metal press into his palm, a flash of pain ignited up his arm as Volpina snatched his wrist. She twisted his arm abruptly, forcing him to release the necklace as he flinched from the agonised spasm his muscles felt from the unnatural position. Adrien’s body automatically buckled with the force she was applying in an attempt to ease the tension she was placing on his arm. He probably would have fallen over completely if it were not for her still holding the back of his neck like a scruffed cat.

He could feel himself freezing again as he drowned in a fresh wave of panic. It felt like his lungs were full of mud as he tried to breathe, and the overly sweet scent of her perfume was an assault on his senses with each desperate attempt to inhale oxygen. He tried to pull away from her but Volpina’s grip was like iron. He wasn’t ready to give up though. He still had to _try_.

Volpina still held him by one of his wrists, but his other hand was still free. With as much force as he could manage through how conflicted and messed up his body felt, he striked towards her. The heel of his palm hit the underside of her jaw, making an awful clack sound as her teeth came together. She screeched through her closed jaw and released his wrist. Adrien followed through his attack by throwing his full body weight against her, driving his shoulder directly into her chest to knock her back. She stumbled backwards, bringing a hand to her mouth as she continued to scream.

Adrien reached out again to make another grab for her pendant, but this time Volpina reacted. She grappled his arm as he came towards her, pinning it between her own and her side. Her other hand came away from her mouth now, revealing rivulets of blood passing her lips. Adrien’s previous attack had caused her to bite down on her tongue. He didn’t have time to process this though as she lashed out towards him, her hand firmly grabbing at his throat.

“ _You!_ ” she hissed with a slight slur, spattering more blood over her lips, “I was going to be nice about this but then you had to act like some dumbass hero! I’ll make you take that akuma, even if I have to _shove it down your throat!_ ”

She was choking him. With her enhanced strength, one hand was enough for her to slowly crush his windpipe. He tried to grab her arm and pull her off but it was useless. His strength was rapidly fading as he suffocated, so he tried again to make a grab for her pendant. But his movements were sluggish while Volpina was sharp. She immediately knew what he was trying for. Her hand left his throat, only to grab the collar of his shirt. Adrien didn’t even have time to take a breath before he was lifted off of his feet. He suddenly found himself turning head over heel as Volpina violently threw him in an arc over her, throwing him clear across the rooftop. Adrien’s body slammed into the wall of the adjacent building, forcing out any air remaining in his lungs. He slid with his back against the wall until he slumped on the ground. There was no strength left in him now. His vision was rapidly growing darker as the blurry outline of Volpina approached him. All he could hear now was the rain falling around him, but for a moment he thought he could hear the sound of a taut string whipping over the buildings. Imagination or not, he couldn’t hold out anymore as his body gave out on him.

Everything went dark.

* * *

Ladybug heard Volpina’s almost inhuman screech as she swung high over the buildings. She’d been moving as fast as she could since dealing with the butterfly illusions, but the rainfall had slowed her pace. It was too easy to put a foot wrong and slip in this sort of weather, and she couldn’t let herself end up falling into a heap in the streets below. Still, Adrien needed her and she was forcing herself to move and quickly and as nimbly as possible. The sound of Volpina’s wailing urged her on as she whipped over another set of buildings before landing on a chimney stack to search her surroundings.

The rain reduced the visibility of the area a lot, but she saw them almost immediately. She saw the bright flash of orange as Volpina sped across a flat rooftop towards Adrien. Ladybug felt everything inside her twist in agony as she saw his slackened form sprawled on the ground, partly leaning against the wall of the neighboring building. Anguish was quickly replaced by rage as she saw Volpina approaching him. Without even thinking, her yo-yo had already left her hand as she was swinging heavily towards the rooftop.

“Shit, I _know_ he’s useless like this.” Volpina was hissing as Ladybug sailed in closer, “It’s your own damn fault for taking so long. And then _he_ got cocky and pissed me off.”

Volpina’s head whipped around as Ladybug landed a few feet behind her. Ladybug saw the butterfly motif glowing around Volpina’s eyes, showing that she’d been talking with Hawkmoth, as well as the bloody mess of her mouth but it all barely registered to her as she rushed forwards. Volpina stared in confusion at Ladybug’s sudden arrival, her eyes widening in realisation just before Ladybug’s fist connected with her face. The satisfaction of sending the girl flying with a punch was minor compared to what Ladybug really wanted to do to her.

The butterfly image flickered away from Volpina as she scrambled to her feet again. She spat a small amount of blood to the side before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Are you sure you should be here?” she snarled, “I thought you still had an akuma to catch.”

Ladybug didn’t give her the satisfaction of offering any answer. Instead she lunged for the fox girl again, spinning round with a kick that Volpina barely managed to block in time. She tried to make an attack of her own, but Ladybug would let up in her own assault. She leapt back from Volpina’s punch, sending her yo-yo out at the same time. Volpina grunted as her arm was quickly snared by the yo-yo and tried to pull herself free. Not sparing a single second, Ladybug strengthened her grip on her yo-yo string, wrapping it around her wrist for extra support, before harshly tugging to haul Volpina forwards. The string retracted as Ladybug pulled and Volpina suddenly found herself being thrown upwards by her arm. With expert control, the yo-yo string slackened at just the right moment to release Volpina from it. Volpina shrieked as she was thrown across the rooftop and over the edge.

Ladybug watched where the girl had disappeared off the side of the building. She knew from experience that an akumatised victim wouldn’t die from falling off a building of this height, but it would likely hurt and probably stun them for a moment when they landed. She felt almost guilty at hoping Volpina was lying in an alley somewhere below, dazed and unable to move easily for a short time, but she was too preoccupied to spare any sympathy for the girl.

She turned to where Adrien was still slumped over, having not moved at all since her arrival. She reattached her yo-yo to her waist as she raced over to him.

“Adrien? Adrien, can you hear me?” her words fell out in a rush and she fell down to kneel beside him.  
Plagg appeared over Adrien’s shoulder, curled close to his holder as though trying to offer some warmth and comfort despite his own tiny body being also soaked through from the rain.

“He’s breathing but he’s not waking up.” Plagg murmured, shaking little water droplets from his fur.

Ladybug gently reached out to Adrien, carefully smoothing back his wet hair from his face as she lifted his head a little. His eyes were closed and as she leaned in closer she could hear how shallow and strained his breathing was. It sounded painful the way it would hitch and rasp in his throat as though he were struggling to do it. Her heart trembled as her eyes settled over his bleeding lip and the redness that was starting to show around his neck.

“He tried to take her necklace.” Plagg offered before Ladybug could even ask.

Ladybug tried to blink back tears as she tried to figure out what to do now. She’d taken too long wasting time on Volpina’s illusions while Adrien had been trying to fight a battle that _she_ should have been doing. Even though he couldn’t change into Chat Noir, he’d still tried to fulfill the role of her partner.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered as she gingerly cupped his cheek, brushing her thumb over the droplets of rain that fell on his skin.

She had to get him out of here and away from Volpina. It seemed possible that Adrien couldn’t be akumatised while unconscious, at least that was what Volpina’s words to Hawkmoth earlier had suggested. But until Volpina was defeated and the rogue akuma captured as well, Adrien was still in danger. Right now though, she wasn’t sure what injuries he might have sustained from Volpina’s unrestrained attack and if it was even safe to move him right now.

 _No, I have to take him somewhere safe,_ she told herself as she glanced around for any sign of Volpina or the akuma returning.

It was risky, but any injuries Adrien had sustained would be healed through the Miraculous cure once she’d defeated Volpina.

“It’s okay.” she whispered, “I’m going to fix everything.”

As gently and as carefully as she could, Ladybug lifted Adrien into her arms. She hated how limp and fragile his body felt as she held him. She brought him close to her, letting his head rest against her shoulder.

“I’ve got you.” she murmured as her lips brushed against his forehead.

Plagg slipped back under Adrien’s shirt collar as she started to move. She still wasn’t sure where she would go just yet, but her immediate thought was just to get him away from there. If she could get him somewhere safe rather than out in the open then she would be able to protect him better.

She’d only moved a few steps before she heard an animalistic screech from behind her. She looked over just in time to see Volpina charging towards her. Protectively holding Adrien close to her, Ladybug spun out of the way as Volpina came barreling forwards to attack.

“Where are you going, Ladybug?” she snarled, “Being a hero too much for you now? You’re going to just run away like a coward?”

Volpina’s movements were somewhat sluggish and jarred as she bolted after them, showing that she hadn’t completely shrugged off having been thrown off the building by Ladybug. But her movements were still violent and erratic, so Ladybug was doing her best to just keep dodging as she clutched Adrien in her arms. She attempted to make a beeline to jump to the next building but Volpina wasn’t going to let them escape.

A series of hollow notes filled the air and Ladybug whipped around in dread as she saw another three Volpinas appear and give chase. She didn’t know if they were making a grab for her or Adrien, but she wouldn’t let them. Ladybug couldn’t tell which was the real Volpina, so she had to dodge and block against all of them.  
She was carefully making her way to the edge of the rooftop to make her jump to the next one, jumping and spinning to avoid the Volpinas that were leaping in to attack her. But as one Volpina feinted an attack from the front, Ladybug felt something crash into her from behind. She cried out as she was tackled to the ground, rolling across the surface as her assailant grappled with her. Adrien was lost from her grip as Volpina wrestled with her, leaving him lying on the ground as Ladybug fought to try and get her opponent off of her. But Volpina had the advantage, shoving Ladybug down onto her front as she drove her knee into Ladybug’s back. Ladybug squirmed as she tried to throw Volpina off, but the full body weight of her opponent was holding her down.

“I’ll make sure you get a front row seat.” Volpina hissed as she grabbed the back of Ladybug’s head, forcing it against the cold, wet concrete, “I’ll make you watch when _perfect boy Adrien_ becomes akumatised.”

Fear was creeping into Ladybug like a cold fog as her eyes darted towards Adrien. He was still lying there, unmoving and unresponsive. His arm was resting at his side and she could see the dull glint of his ring as a rain droplet ran over the smooth metal.

She had to think of something. She promised that she would be there for him, that she would _protect_ him. She’d already failed Chat and Adrien so many times. She couldn’t bear to do it again.

 _Think. Think!_ Ladybug screamed to herself as Volpina pressed her head back down against the concrete.

It was small at first. A singular, deep cracking sound. At first Ladybug thought it was a distant sound of thunder, but the way Volpina’s hold of her hesitantly loosened told her that it was something else. Another snapping sound joined the first one, rippling somewhere near where Ladybug lay. With Volpina no longer forcing her head down, Ladybug carefully lifted her head up again as her gaze slowly scanned around her. Deep cracks were splitting the concrete around her, snaking out like a warped spider’s web. She felt the ground shift beneath her as the rooftop started to fragment further. Volpina let out a startled noise as she leapt away, leaving Ladybug still on the ground. But Ladybug barely noticed that Volpina was no longer pinning her. Her eyes had become transfixed on Adrien still lying a few feet away from her. He still hadn’t moved at all. All except for his hand. It was pressed flat to the ground beneath him and she could see the bubbling dark energy greedily eating away at the concrete.

_A cataclysm._

* * *

It was dark. He knew that before he’d even opened his eyes. Blinking slowly, Adrien turned his head around as he tried to make out anything from the darkness that surrounded him. He could feel the cold water lapping at his ankles where he stood. Even though he was safely above the surface where he was, it felt like if he took a single step in any direction he would quickly find himself plummeting into the freezing depths. He sighed to himself as he looked down, not sure whether to feel relieved or not that there wasn’t even a reflection to be seen in the inky waters. He could feel _something_ watching him though.

“I know you’re there.” he whispered, knowing it would hear him no matter how quietly he spoke.

He looked up again, this time to see the sickly glow of a pair of green eyes staring back at him. They glared unblinkingly like a predator stalking its prey. A faint ripple travelled over the water’s surface, telling him that it was slowly stepping forward. Even through the blackness he could still faintly make out his form. He knew it now more than he cared too anyway. Its glistening jaws pulled back in a permanent snarl, its jet black fur that stood out like spines from its gaunt body and its blade-like claws. It’s monstrous paws didn’t fall into the water with each step, instead only sinking slightly against the water’s surface as though it were walking on something with a soft resistance instead of a liquid.

**_You’re giving up._ **

The beast’s cutting growl sounded more like a statement then a question.

Adrien shrugged as he wrapped his arms around himself, “I don’t...I don’t know what to do.”

**_Weak. Pathetic. Just a useless coward._ **

“Look, I tried okay? But I...I can’t do it. I can’t do anything.”

**_So you leave her - Your ‘Lady’, Your ‘Princess’ - you leave her alone to fight a conflict you caused._ **

His fault. It was always his fault. And even when Adrien tried to fix it, tried to make things right, he only made it worse.

**_Because you were bound for destruction. You can’t ‘fix’ anything. No matter what you do it will always end in ruin. It’s hopeless._ **

“Hopeless…” Adrien murmured, “What would you even know about that? All you do is hide in my shadow and talk shit like you know everything.”

The creature’s eyes glinted with something that Adrien almost thought was amusement.

The beast was stepping forward again. Adrien watched as the shadows around it shifted. Even though there was no light there, he could see how the blackened form threaded away until a familiar figure was standing directly in front of him. It was himself. A mirrored copy of Adrien that stared back at him with a haughty smirk.

“I know _plenty_ .” the reflection growled, its voice now just like Adrien’s as well, “I know how much it _hurts_ everyday. I know how it felt like you were _screaming_ but no one would look your way. I know how it was to keep parts of yourself hidden because you didn’t want to be _hated_ by everyone. Forever taking the coward's way out because it's easier.”

Adrien found himself frozen as he stared at the reflection’s shimmering eyes. It looked like the pallid green in them was shifting, but he wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not.

“What else am I supposed to do?” Adrien croaked.

The reflection’s eyes glinted as though some unseen light in them had shifted, “Destruction follows you in every step. It won’t hurt anymore if you just let it overtake you, or let it bring down everything else around you.”

Adrien shivered under the apparition’s cold stare. Destroy himself or destroy everything around him? Were those really his only two options?

Adrien averted his eyes from the overwhelming stare in front of him, “I can’t do that. I promised Marinette I would be here and...and I can’t hurt someone else.”

“‘ _Can’t hurt someone else_ ’?” the reflection snarled, “The world beats you down first and you’re happy enough to just lie in the mud?”

“No I...I’ve been trying but it’s just so hard I…”

“You don’t _try_ , you _fight!_ When the world knocks you down you claw your way back up and hit back _harder_ ! If they try to hold you back then you go against them with fang and claw until _they’re_ the ones lying broken and bleeding! If they refuse to acknowledge you, then you will _make them hear_ ! And if they insist on pushing you back down to hell then you _drag them down with you!_ ”

Adrien stared at the aggressive form in front of him. Even though it now looked like him, the feral nature was still just below the surface. He was caught in the intensity of the cold eyes as the colour within them shifted. The pallid green warped as though it was being drowned out. In its place a glacial blue seeped in.

Adrien swallowed thickly as a sudden onset of fear flooded him, “I...but I can’t fight.”

The reflection chuckled darkly, “You were able to. Once.”

Adrien watched as a green swathe of light rushed over the figure in front of him until he was no longer staring as a mirror image of himself, but the image of Chat Noir. It was a perfect copy, all except for the freezing blue eyes that glinted behind the black mask.

The Chat Noir gave a crooked smirk, “You were stronger like this.”

Adrien subconsciously twisted his ring around his finger as though to remind himself that the Miraculous was still on his own hand and not on the copy’s, “But I...I can’t be like that now. I can’t transform.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I’m...I’m not ready too. I’m still broken. And if Hawkmoth tries to akumatise me again then…”

Adrien didn’t even want to finish that thought. Chat Noir studied him carefully, a brief flicker of disdain illuminating in his gaze before vanishing as quickly as it appeared.

“Then I’ll offer you an alternative.” Chat Noir smirked, “You’ll be able to transform and not have to worry about a thing.”

Adrien searched the cheshire cat grin of the figure in front of him as he tried to look for any hint that he was being deceived. All that he’d wanted all this time was to have his stronger self back, to be able to shrug off his fears and anxieties and be the partner that Ladybug deserved to have at her side. But he’d been made aware of the regretfully fragile state he was in. The pieces of the amok and akuma were still very much there, and to activate his Miraculous could cause devastating consequences.

“Why are you doing this?” Adrien asked carefully.

Chat Noir’s expression softened slightly, “Because I want to stay by her side too.”

Adrien’s heart throbbed at the thought of her. He didn’t want to think about Ladybug fighting alone because he’d been too weak to fight alongside her.

“So stop being a coward. Stop being weak.” Chat Noir growled as he held out a fisted hand towards Adrien, “Stop being the one hurting and make _them_ hurt instead.”

Adrien watched as Chat Noir opened his fist, palm facing upwards. Settled on his hand was a broken butterfly wing and a feather. They looked to be almost made of glass, like crystalline echoes of what they had once been. The amok and akuma fragments.

Adrien’s heart lurched painfully in his chest when he saw them, “But those-! They’re not going to help! They’ve only made things _worse_!”

“These?” Chat Noir chuckled as he gave his hand a slight shake, making the fragments clink together, “But with these you’ll not only be able to fight again, you’ll also be stronger. Not even Hawkmoth will be able to have any control over you. No one will.”

No one would be able to control him? Adrien could finally be free of everything that tried to bind him. He wouldn’t have to be scared anymore. He would be able to do things as he wanted. He could finally have the freedom he craved. He could finally be that strong, dependable person he wanted to be for _her_.

Adrien slowly reached out until his hand hovered over Chat’s extended one. He looked at Chat’s glowing blue eyes and crooked smirk before returning to the innocent looking pieces within his grasp. Adrien took a deep breath and clamped his hand down over Chat’s, taking the fragments against his palm.

Chat’s smirk faded and his expression darkened, “It always was me against the world. But I’m not the one who’s going to suffer any longer.”

Adrien glanced up at the person in front of him with confusion, but his eyes quickly snapped back to his hand as he suddenly felt Chat’s claws digging into him with a now vicious grip. Pain ripped through him, making Adrien cry out as he felt the fragments shatter and splinter against his hand. The fragments were piercing into his flesh and he could feel his palm become wet with the blood as the shards tried to embed themselves further into him.

Chat pulled hard on Adrien’s hand, drawing him closer so that he could purr in his ear, “Thank you, _Adrien_. But your existence won’t be needed anymore.”

Chat released his bloodied hand and Adrien found himself falling backwards. As soon as he hit the water’s surface he was dragged under. No matter how much he twisted and struggled to pull himself up again, he only kept being forced deeper into the depths. 

He saw the figure of Chat Noir standing above him, but its appearance was shifting again. Like cold ashes cast into the wind, the iconic black colour of his alter ego’s appearance was rapidly vanishing. As the last blackened piece faded away, all that remained was a pure, snowy white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to slide this chapter in and back away slowly...
> 
> Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. Between some writer's block (I swear I did this chapter like 5 times at least before I was satisfied) and some real life things, I had to hold off uploading this chapter before I was happy with it.
> 
> As always, thanks for all of the support you guys have been giving Penumbra! I'm alwyas so happy to see a kudos or comment pop up in my inbox!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	90. Dirge

Her world was suddenly turning sideways. Ladybug barely heard Volpina's high pitched shriek as the girl leapt away to make her own escape, abandoning any attempts to continue fighting or even making a grab for Adrien right now. The building beneath them gave a loud, rumbling groan as its structure started to fail, the rooftop tilting at an angle as slabs of concrete started cascading towards the street below. Her own body was already slipping as her world spun, but it wasn't until she saw Adrien sliding over the falling roof that she broke out of her stupor.

The angle with which the roof was now shifting at made it difficult for her to stand, so she rushed towards him in a shambling crawl.

"That's enough, Kid!" she heard Plagg yowling as he clung to Adrien's shoulder, "You need to wake up!"

The fact that the kwami was still present meant Adrien hadn't transformed, and yet it was definitely some kind of warped Cataclysm that was spilling out from his ring. Ladybug reached out and grabbed his hand, letting out a choked cry when it felt like it _burned_. It was almost as though a high voltage shock ripped through muscle and nerve alike in her arm. Her body begged for her to let go of what was causing this intense pain but she refused, only gripping his hand tighter as she pulled him towards her. Adrien still appeared to be unconscious and his limp body slipped into her arms without resistance. The building had lost all of its integrity and they were hurtling towards the ground with all of the debris. Holding Adrien tight to her and ignoring the electric pulses that continued to ricochet between them, she threw out her yo-yo to try and get them to safety. She gritted her teeth as she focused hard on swinging them left and right to avoid the falling rubble that would surely crush them if she wasn't careful.

They hit the ground faster than she was prepared for, making her stumble until they fell forwards and rolled over the cobbled street. Rainwater splashed up around them from their harsh landing, but Ladybug couldn't care less about how soaked she was now. She was still clinging to Adrien, so she adjusted her hold of him until her arm was around his shoulders to help sit him up as he leaned on her. Now that he was next to her she could hear how bad his choked, rasping breaths had gotten. It sounded like he genuinely couldn't breathe. The way his chest heaved as he tried to gulp down whatever oxygen he could made it seem like he was drowning.

The sound of splashing water forced Ladybug to lift her head. Further down the street she saw Volpina glaring in their direction, her hand tightly gripping her flute. Given the bad weather there were very few people around, and any that were there were quickly scattering following the destruction of an entire building and now the appearance of an akuma.

_The building…_

Dread filled Ladybug, hitting her straight in the gut as she looked towards the shell that remained of the building they had just been standing on. It had completely disintegrated into an unrecognisable mess of brick and concrete, just a ruined shell now. What if there'd been people inside? The thought made her sick with fear, but she wasn't allowed to dwell on it as she could hear the heavy steps of Volpina coming towards them. She whipped her head back toward her opponent, protectively holding Adrien closer to her as she prepared to defend against whatever attack Volpina was planning.

"I'll distract her." Plagg growled as he floated up in front of her, "You have to get Adrien to wake up _now_. Do whatever it was you did earlier."

"Wha-?! Plagg!" Ladybug squeaked just as the kwami flew off towards Volpina.

Volpina stopped with alarm as some… _thing_ flew towards her like a bullet. Having never owned a real Miraculous herself before, Volpina had no idea what a kwami was. So Ladybug watched dumbfounded as Volpina gave a confused shriek as she tried to swat away her tiny assailant. Despite his normally lazy attitude Plagg was fast and agile as he whipped around Volpina, darting in and out as he clawed at and bit her while occasionally slapping her with his tail for good measure. Ladybug would have found it absolutely hilarious to watch were it not the reality of the situation.

She looked down to Adrien in her arms. He was so pale and she could feel him shaking as he still wasn't breathing normally. Plagg said to do what she'd done earlier, but she had no clue _what_ it was she had done exactly. She'd kissed Adrien and like some overly romantic fairytale things then became calmer. Would she even be able to recreate whatever it was she had done?

Her thoughts stalled as Adrien convulsed in her arms. A particularly strained whine rose from his throat as he thrashed against her. Her eyes snapped to his ring that was still burning with a blackened energy. A blue electrical crackle was rippling through the bubbling black. Her heart seized up when she saw that it was _spreading_. The black and blue mass that was leaking from the ring was seeping over his hand, his wrist and slowly inching its way up his arm.

" _No!_ " She cried desperately.

She started to rub her hand down his arm in a vain attempt to wipe away the dark magic that was progressively devouring him. But as soon as her hand tried to sweep aside some of the shadowy energy, she immediately recoiled from the agonising pain that seared into her hand. Her suit appeared undamaged by it, but it had felt like acid had tried to inject itself into her veins. She didn't want to know what state her hand would be in if not for her suit.

"Adrien!" She shook him slightly to try and get him to open his eyes but his head only lolled to the side, a pained expression etched on his face.

What was going on? Was he being akumatised? The black mass with shimmers of deep blue had reached his upper arm by now. It looked similar to the awful transformation brought on by an akuma, and yet something about it was completely different. Ladybug hadn't seen the butterfly she'd lost earlier return either.

"Whatever this is, you need to fight it Adrien!" She begged.

She rocked him gently in her arms and this time his eyes flitted open. They remained half lidded, as though he still wasn't entirely there and caught in a dazed state. But they were open enough for Ladybug to see the arctic blue colour underneath his lashes. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as his gaze slowly lifted towards her, staring blankly at her. Ladybug was the one shaking uncontrollably now while his tremors seemed to have ceased. She lifted a trembling hand to cup his cheek but he made no visible response to the touch.

" _Enough!_ " Volpina screeched.

Ladybug quickly lifted her head up to see Volpina had snatched Plagg and was now squeezing him in her grip. The little cat was gnawing viciously on her fingers but it was doing little to deter her.

"How pathetic are you?" Volpina hissed, water kicking up around her feet as she stomped towards Ladybug, "You seriously send a little rat to fight in your place? Some hero you are!"

Ladybug protectively held Adrien closer in response to her aggressive approach. Volpina's sense of timing was proving to be the worst and Ladybug was getting sick of it. She still hadn't gotten Adrien anywhere safe, and his condition was only getting worse. But as things were Ladybug would have to fight Volpina and hope Adrien could hold on until the hostile girl was defeated.

Never taking her eyes off of Volpina for more than a second as she stalked closer, Ladybug gently pressed her lips to Adrien's ear.

"Just hold on. I'll make this quick." She whispered before carefully laying him down.

She hated to leave him lying on the ground like this, but she hoped whatever was going on with him could be helped with the Miraculous cure once she'd defeated Volpina. Her eyes flashed over the warped black and blue shadow that was creeping its way to his shoulder now. She needed to act quickly.

"I could be nice and simply ask you to step aside and call it a day." Volpina sighed elaborately, "But there's no way I'm passing up the opportunity to take down the _amazing_ Ladybug."

Ladybug stood up quickly and took her yo-yo in hand, swinging it rapidly in a tight circle.

"I would also politely ask you to back down." Ladybug growled, "But since it's you I'd like to get a few punches in first."

Ladybug moved at the same time Volpina sprang towards her. She angled the spin of her yo-yo to form a shield against Volpina's flute that came swinging heavily towards her. Volpina wasn't thrown off by her attack being deflected, instead using the momentum of her weapon getting knocked back to quickly turn herself to round a kick at Ladybug's legs. Ladybug was momentarily swept off her feet but she was ready for it. Using one hand planted firm to the ground as she fell, she supported the arc of her body into a backflip. Her leg kicked out and struck Volpina's forearm hard, causing the hand that still held Plagg to throw him into the air. The kwami let out an annoyed hiss as he quickly flitted away before Volpina could make any attempts to grab him again. With him now freed, Ladybug didn’t feel the need to be careful with her attacks now as she rushed at Volpina again. They dodged and parried around each other, swiping and slashing to try and gain the upper hand. Ladybug didn’t care how many bruises she was getting, as Volpina was getting at least just as many. With that as well as her numerous scratches courtesy of Plagg, Volpina was wearing down a little faster.

The fox girl let out a frustrated snarl as she leapt away from Ladybug’s yo-yo. Ladybug was forced to retract her yo-yo again to keep control of it, but Volpina used that as an opportunity to bring her flute to her lips. Again a series of harsh chimes split the air, summoning forth a multitude of Volpina copies. Ladybug gritted her teeth at this development, scanning the small crowd of smug Volpinas in a vain effort to identify the real one.

This was not a situation she wanted to be in. She struggled before while trying to fend off Volpina with two illusions, but now there were at least ten of them before her. It didn’t help that her illusions were a lot stronger than before, as they needed a lot more force than a simple touch to dispel them now. But there were still limitations to it. The two illusions from before had vanished at some point when the building came down and Ladybug hadn’t seen them reappear since. That meant they either got caught in the demolition or the Cataclysm itself.

When things had been different, this would normally be the time that she would ask Chat Noir to run interference so she could use her Lucky Charm and figure out a plan. But she was fighting on her own now against multiple Volpina's without knowing which was the real one she needed to be careful of. Plagg could potentially provide some support, but there were too many for him to distract on his own. She was briefly tempted to ask Plagg to use a Cataclysm himself, but quickly discarded the idea. Tikki had warned her before that while the cat kwami could use the power, whether for bad luck or it just being too great a magic for his tiny form, Plagg was unable to effectively control it.

They just kept coming. No matter how many Volpina Ladybug fought back, there was always already another ready to take their place. She had taken a few hits now from the real one in the frenzy and her body was starting to tire. She couldn’t keep going like this. After beating back a few more of the Volpinas, Ladybug tried her chances to turn the fight in her favour. Hoping that there was enough distance between her and her enemies, Ladybug threw her yo-yo skyward.

"Lucky-!"

She didn't get to finish her command before a scream came from behind her. Forgetting about getting her ability out or the Volpinas in front of her, Ladybug whipped round to the source of the scream. Another Volpina - the real one? - was bent over in pain as she clutched one of her hands to her chest. Next to her Adrien lay curled up on the ground where Ladybug had left him. The shadowed energy had spread further, covering his back now and seeping into the ground beneath him like a glowing magma. Ladybug could only reason that Volpina had tried to touch him, only to get a similar agonising shock that Ladybug had felt from him earlier.

She sprinted forwards to try and put herself between Adrien and Volpina again, but she only managed a few steps before Volpina looked at her with a sneer before lashing out to try and grab hold of him once more. Ladybug cried out desperately as she threw her yo-yo forwards, completely ignoring any of the Volpina copies that were chasing after her. The string of her yo-yo ensnared Volpina's ankle just as the girl latched onto Adrien's wrist. The last thing she heard was a panicked yell from Plagg.

She didn't know what had happened. Suddenly she was knocked off of her feet and flying backwards, her yo-yo string slipping through her fingers from the jarring force that had hit her. The air was knocked out of her body as she tumbled roughly over the now shattering ground. Each impact against the cobbled road beneath her made her gasp aloud as she rolled. It didn't hurt too much with her suit protecting her, but the speed and violence of which she was thrown still left her bones feeling rattled as she finally came to a stop. She lay on the cold, wet ground as her head kept reeling. Her ears were ringing and she felt battered and nauseated.

The sound of the rain was the first thing to return to her. She groaned as she stiffly wiggled her fingers and toes, double checking her ability to move. It felt like her whole body had been shocked into becoming catatonic, but she persevered to make herself move. She wasn't sure how long it took - a few seconds? A couple of minutes? Hours? - but she was able to finally lift her head off of the ground. She could faintly feel the damp and dirty grime on her cheek from the road, but it meant little to her as she took in the sight surrounding her.

It was like a devastating earthquake had hit the street. The road and pavements had split and shattered into separate slabs, tilting at haphazard angles instead of lying flat. All of the windows of the buildings had been completely smashed as well as the brick facades being visibly cracked all over. Sound was returning to her a little more now, revealing to her the screams and crying of civilians in the area was well as the distance sirens of emergency response units. There was another siren blaring out somewhere nearby, one that was designated for particularly violent akuma attacks that warned people to evacuate the area. Chaos. It was complete and utter chaos.

"Adrien!" she gasped to herself.

Her legs still felt like jelly following whatever that shockwave had been, but she managed to haul herself to her feet.

She found the string of her yo-yo as she stumbled over the now craggy street. A flash of fear and annoyance lit up in her as she retracted the yo-yo only to find that it was no longer attached to Volpina. At the very least, it seemed all of her illusions had been broken in the wreckage. Ladybug returned her yo-yo to her hip as she shakily approached the small crater at the epicentre of the localised disaster. As soon as she climbed over an upturned slab of pavement she saw him.

The silhouette was so familiar, yet completely wrong. The form fitted suit, the belt forming a tail and the cat ears atop his head were all the same, but completely white. He was on his knees, hunched over as his claws raked into the dirt. Apart from the rain falling around him, rolling over his frame as he sat there, he was completely still.

Ladybug's throat felt like she'd just tried to swallow sand. She clenched her fists to her chest to try and contain the overbearing way her heart was hammering against her ribs as she carefully descended into the crater. As she quietly approached him she could faintly hear him muttering repetitively under his breath.

" _Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me._ "

She couldn't see his eyes from the way his hair fell over his pale face, but he didn't seem to have noticed her presence. She reached out to him as she carefully approached, but hesitated before letting her hands clutch together at her chest again.

"Adrien?" She whispered.

His mutterings stopped. His cat ears twitched once, causing the droplets of rain that had been sitting on them to fall away. It was a few, long seconds before he moved again. Slowly, he lifted his head towards her. Ladybug could feel her heart wrench hard in on itself as she saw the glacial blue beneath his lashes even before he fully lifted his gaze to her.

Bluebell met frost as they stared at each other. Ladybug clenched her jaw, trying to hold back the small whimper in her throat as she felt the tears build up in her eyes. His expression was completely blank and his eyes were so empty. It was almost like he was staring through her, the narrowed slits of his pupils looking almost feral. She wanted to say something but it felt like her tongue was glued to the roof of her mouth. How had this happened? How had the ghost that had haunted her, the nightmare that lingered - how had it become reality once more? She hadn't heard him call out for his transformation and yet Plagg was nowhere to be seen. She hadn't seen the butterfly return and yet Chat Noir's akumatised form was there before her. It was a relief that he was awake and appeared to be breathing somewhat normally now, but she was also terrified of what this all meant. It wasn't Adrien or Chat Noir sitting in front of her.

“ _Chat Blanc…_ ” the name passed from her lips involuntarily in her agonised shock.

He was still staring in her direction. He gave one languid blink, making it look at though he'd just woken up. The small slits of his pupils grew wide, showing them to be a darker shade of azure than his icy irises and scelera. His gaze on her suddenly felt like she was looking into an abyssal ocean. Deep, dark and unfathomable.

The white of his figure shimmered in the greying rain as he suddenly bolted towards her. She saw the flash of his claws, igniting memories in her of when she fought Chat Blanc before. Her response was automatic. He was too close to run away from, so she defensively lifted up her arms to cover her face and squeezed her eyes shut out of fear as she braced for the attack.

But nothing came.

She apprehensively opened her eyes, carefully lowering her arms so that she could see clearly again. Chat Blanc stood before her, his lithe frame looming over hers. His eyes were unreadable as they were fixated on her and his clawed hands were just inches away from holding her face. His eyes flickered as though he were searching her, completely mesmerised by her presence. Ladybug tried to say something, but her voice still refused to cooperate with her. Only a small gasp passed her trembling lips as she failed to say anything at all. His cat ears twitched at her soft sound. Broken from whatever had caused him to pause he moved again, more slowly this time.

Ladybug shivered as he cupped either side of her face. She could feel his claws lightly digging into her skin. Not enough to scratch her but enough for her to be uneasily aware of their sharpness. He leaned into her, lowering his head as his eyes became half lidded.

"My Lady." He purred and he softly nuzzled her temple, "Don't be afraid. I'm here now.”

His touch wasn't warm. His lips brushing over her forehead was gentle, but his skin felt cool next to hers. His purr wasn't the same either. The gentle vibrations from his chest that she had come to love had always been loud and energetic from Chat Noir, while from Adrien it had been soft and meek. What she was hearing from him now was hollow, sounding almost metallic as the purr rumbled from him. Something that used to make her so happy and giddy to hear was now just making her feel like crying.

"My Lady." Chat cooed again, resting his forehead against hers.

Her eyes drifted down to his mouth where there was still a remnant of the damage Volpina had done to his bottom lip. The reddening stain stood out stark against the pale white of his features.

Ladybug reached up to him, hesitating at first before gently cupping his cheek. She softly brushed her thumb over the mark and he parted her lips for her with a smile, showing a little of his elongated canines. What would have normally been a warm smile from Adrien only looked empty from Chat Blanc as it didn't reach his eyes.

“Adrien…” Ladybug whimpered as she searched his eyes again, begging for some hint that he hadn’t truly lost himself.

Chat’s purring stopped and he lifted his head away from her, removing himself from her hand. His lip curled as though he was about to snarl at her, but the brief show of aggression vanished as quickly as it had come. He returned to the same blank poker face as he lifted his gaze thoughtfully.

“I hadn’t thought of a name.” he murmured, “But I like the one you said. Chat Blanc.”

“No!” Ladybug gasped, placing her hands on his chest as she leaned closer to him again, “That’s-! I didn’t mean-! But that isn’t you! You’re Chat Noir! You’re _Adrien_!”

Again something dark flashed in his eyes for a brief second before he looked down at her with a smirk.

“No, I’m someone better now. I’m so much stronger. I can finally be the partner you truly deserve.”

“But you’re...you’re still _you._ I know you’re there. Please, Adrien…”

Chat tilted his head, still grinning but there was a faint glint of something painful in his eyes, “Aren’t you happy? I can finally be what you wanted me to be. I’m finally okay.”

Ladybug shook her head as she blinked back tears, “But you’re not okay! _This_ isn’t okay!”

“It is - see?”

Her breath caught in her throat as his hands grabbed hers. She didn’t even have time to fully process what was happening until she felt her hands forcefully being pressed against him. She stared in disbelief, confusion and anxiety coursing through her as she saw where he was tightly holding her hands to.  
His neck.  
Her hands were wrapped around either side of his neck, trapped there by his own hands.

“I’m okay.” he said again, his voice overly energetic now.

Ladybug opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again as she could think of no words to say. Still keeping one of her hands held to his neck, he guided her other to move over his body. Over his pecs, his shoulders, down his arms, his waist and even at his wrist. This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? To be able to feel him and love him without fear that her affections may forcefully drag his traumas out of him. Her eyes looked over him again, following her hand’s movement as her fingertips felt out the embossed lines of his suit.

The feeling of his claws digging more into her hand that was still pressed to his neck made her pause. She stopped all of her movement in confusion as she looked up at his face. The empty grin was still plastered across his expression, but there was a desperate flicker in his eyes. Barely noticeable, but still there. She forgot about her own wish about how things could be easier between them, forcing herself back into reality. His hands were tightly gripping hers in an effort to hold her steady and prevent her from feeling it, but now as she sought out the subtleties she saw that it was all still there. The hitched breaths. The quiet trembling. Even though he was trying so hard to convince her that the fear and anxiety were no longer there, she was too familiar with him now that there was no way for her to _not_ see his reactions. He was still scared.

“Adrien…” she whispered as she tried to find words for all that she wanted to say to him, “I-”

“Oh my _god._ So this is what Hawkmoth was hiding!” a shrill voice laughed with arrogance, “Sweet, innocent Adrien Agreste - perfection incarnate! - Is actually the alley cat hero!”

Ladybug quickly turned her head to where Volpina was crouched atop a broken lamppost. She was staring at them with a smug grin despite being covered in dust and debris from the destruction.

“While I like the new look, I think you’re taking this whole _white knight_ thing a little too seriously.” Volpina taunted.

Ladybug felt Chat tense up next to her. Her hands were still in his and she could feel how his grip suddenly became vice-like to the point she thought his claws would pierce her suit. His pupils had narrowed into slits once more as he stared at the offending girl, baring his fangs as a low growl rumbled in his throat. It was an expression she had never seen on him before. It looked almost feral and it was terrifying to see.

“I should have ripped your tongue out myself instead of just letting you bite it.” Chat snarled.

“Oh, someone’s got their tail in a twist.” Volpina giggled, “I didn’t believe it at first, but Hawkmoth was right. You really do have potential.”

“ _Potential_?” Ladybug retorted, “Potential for what?”

Volpina raised an eyebrow, as she pursed her lips, “You never really thought about it? Coming from a fucked up family, one parent doesn’t care while the other is gone. Can’t connect with anyone with any meaning. An _amazing_ power just at his fingertips. Adrien could easily be a supervillain in his own right, don’t you think?”

Ladybug was absolutely disgusted that Volpina could say such a thing. Her casual summary was _nothing_ compared to the person that Adrien actually was and the life he had lived so far. She opened her mouth to say something colourful back, but Chat spoke ahead of her with a smooth, icy tone.

“And yet you want me to join Hawkmoth. I’m not an akuma and I don’t plan to ever become one either. His bargaining chip of promised power means nothing to me.”

At this Volpina smirked, “But he says he _does_ have something you want. He seems to think you have...certain goals in mind.”

Chat Blanc went quiet at this. Ladybug carefully glanced to her side to gauge his expression, but it had become blank once more. While it would be easy to write off Volpina’s words as a lie, Ladybug still felt an unsettling chill shiver through her. She was mostly certain that Hawkmoth’s true identity was Gabriel Agreste, and as Adrien’s father it wasn’t completely far fetched that the man might have some idea of something Adrien wanted. But he was unaware of the connection she had made, so their nemesis was likely still an enigma to him. They knew nothing about him as Hawkmoth. All except one thing. Somehow, Hawkmoth was connected to the disappearance of Emilie.

The thought caused anxiety to fall to the pit of Ladybug’s stomach, burning through her like hot coals. Would Gabriel really use the prospect of Emilie as an offer to Adrien?

“Then he must know I want information.” Chat Blanc said coolly, revealing that his thoughts had taken a similar direction despite not knowing Hawkmoth’s identity, “But I’d rather talk to him in person so that I can force what I want out of him before tearing his throat out. So tell me where he is.”

Volpina batted her eyelashes with feigned innocence, “And you think _I_ know where he is?”

“If you don’t then I’m done wasting my time with you.”

Ladybug felt like she had been completely shoved to the side in this conversation, despite how Chat still had her caged against him in his possessive hold. His expression still betrayed nothing as to what was going on in his head, but his eyes were dark as he stared at Volpina.

Volpina steadily met his gaze before grinning, “I _might_ know something. But I want something for myself in return.”

A faint growl rose in Chat’s throat before fading away again as he spoke, “And that would be?”

“A kiss.”

To say Chat looked utterly disgusted would be putting it lightly. His lip curled with a snarl, his nose wrinkling with disdain as his eyes became clouded with a frightening storm. But then like before, as quickly as it had appeared his expression shifted again once more into elusive neutrality. Ladybug watched him with concern as she tried to decipher anything from him, but Chat Blanc was giving nothing away. He remained completely unreadable even as his gaze moved towards her.

“Stay here.” he whispered to her.

Ladybug watched with confusion as Chat released her hands and stepped away from her. He wasn’t _actually_ going to listen to Volpina, was he?

“Chat, wait!” Ladybug gasped as he started to walk towards Volpina.

He paused in his steps before looking over his shoulder. The crooked smirk he gave Ladybug sent suffocating chills right through her, as this time it _did_ reach his eyes. It wasn’t the same playfulness that he would normally show her. Instead it was dark and vindictive. Seeing such an unsettling grin from him shocked her into silence. For some reason she felt like she was seeing the cat just before he’d caught the canary. She watched him, rooted to the spot as he turned back towards Volpina.

Volpina nimbly jumped down from her perch, landing a short distance in front of Chat. She sashayed towards him, casting a self-satisfied smile in Ladybug’s direction as she did. Ladybug could feel the cracks in her heart reforming, splitting further and deeper as she watched the other girl sling her arms around his neck. He wasn’t really going to kiss her, right? He couldn’t. There was no way. He absolutely hated Lila and everything she’d done to him, so why would he go through with this? He didn’t even give much resistance to it. She closed her eyes, not wanting to witness any part of the scene unfolding in front of her.

Silence.

And then an ear splitting scream.

Ladybug’s eyes flew open, immediately locking onto the pair standing a short distance away from her. The scream had been Volpina’s and she was now wildly throwing her head around as she stumbled away. Tears were streaming down her face as she shakily brought up her hands towards her mouth. For a moment Ladybug wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Volpina’s chin was covered in blood, flowing from her bottom lip and dripping down her neck. She stared in horror as she realised that Volpina’s bottom lip hadn’t just received a small bite, but had actually been _torn open_.

“ _You fucking psycho!_ ” Volpina screamed between her sobbing and wailing, looking like she wanted to plunge her face into her hands but the pain was too much to allow her to.

Ladybug felt like she couldn’t feel her body at all now. She’d become a statue, locked in the same position and staring endlessly in front of her as the nightmarish scene.  
Slowly Chat Blanc turned around to face Ladybug again. His expression was devoid of any emotion, his glacial eyes completely unmoved by the tormented screeching of Volpina. His own mouth was covered in blood. He casually lifted a hand to his face, wiping his mouth on the heel of his palm. The dark crimson bloomed more across the white, smearing across his palm, wrist and up his cheek. The motion pulled slightly at his lips, showing his bloodied canines.

Ladybug’s legs were shaking but she was still frozen stiff, captured in Chat Blanc’s gaze. She had been clinging to a shred of hope that Adrien was still there, that she could bring him back once more. But as she stared at the person in front of her it was becoming more and more obvious. He was too far gone now. He hadn’t been able to hold out anymore against all that he’d suffered. It was no longer Adrien or Chat Noir standing in front of her. Adrien or Chat Noir had never intentionally or so violently drawn blood from someone. The figure before her was barely human now. He was no more than a beast of destruction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This angst train is off the rails now and there's no signs of stopping... ~~I'msorry~~
> 
> This chapter took a fair bit longer to write that I would have liked, but busy time of year and all that. Speaking of which, my writing schedule (did i even ever have one? who knows! not me!) is a mess right now with the holiday season. Hopefully I'll get another chapter out before the new year but it's not guaranteed.  
> Happy holidays to all of my dear readers! Take care of yourself and stay safe!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	91. Hinge

He was dying. At least that was all that remained of his sense of reasoning could come up with. But all of the elaborate poetry and expressive fiction he had ever read had lied. There was no going forwards into a gentle night, no warm light at the end of a tunnel or some chorus of angels to welcome him. It was cold, silent and lonely. The agony rolled over him in waves, burying him further and further as an unshakeable gravity pulled him deeper.  
He closed his eyes against another pulse of spiteful fire roaring through his veins. All of the anger, the hate and the pain was still there. It seemed to be the only thing keeping his heart beating as every other part of him had been pulled out thread by thread. Every second that passed by had another piece of him unravelling.

He opened his eyes again, not that it made much of a difference. The black waters were all around him now and he didn’t have anything left in him to try to swim against the tide. He’d wanted this for a long time after all. …Hadn’t he? He never wanted that life of his that had been crafted through lies, of endlessly pretending that he was someone better than he was. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? What a joke. It had left him completely and irrevocably broken. There had been no coming back from it. He had been stupid to try and think otherwise. He’d only ever wanted to try because of his friends. They had brought a fresh spectrum of colour into his life that he hadn’t known was possible. And all he’d ever been able to do in return was let them down. He couldn’t even remember their names or faces as it felt like everything in him was fading into that neverending grey fog that had always clung to him.

_Thank you, Adrien. But you won’t be needed anymore._

No, no one had ever needed him.

No one.

_No one…_

_…_

_“I’ve got you.”_ a gentle voice echoed through the darkness.

He felt a warmth in his chest at the soft voice. He recognised it. He recognised _her_. He tried to remember her through the grey shroud that was flooding his mind. Everything else he was okay to let go of, but for some reason this presence he wanted to hold onto with everything he had. But he was unable to pull anything of substance from his failing memory. A soft touch to his cheek. A gentle smile. That was all he could gather but it wasn’t enough. The presence was fading from him again, leaving him once more to the haunting loneliness. He wanted to reach out even though he had no idea where to but his body remained suspended and unmoving in the depths.

“Don’t go…” he begged, “Don’t leave me alone.”

_“I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”_

Closer. She was closer. He could almost make out her silhouette before him. The warmth in his chest was spreading as he noticed the scent of vanilla.

But the moment was fleeting. Another wave of anguish crashed over him and the fire within him became more intense. He was burning from the inside with it, a painful hatred that seared through his flesh and bone. Mind and soul were turning to ash in its horrific wake.

He was alone again, screaming and howling into the void with only an endless silence answering him.

* * *

  
  


They were only a short distance apart, but Ladybug felt like a massive chasm had ruptured between them. She had been _so_ close to him. She had been able to hold him and whisper quiet words to him in comfort as he fell apart. But now he had been torn away from her. Too far out of reach, too distant to really hear her voice. He was watching her with a frosted gaze, his cat-like eyes almost glowing through the misted rain. The blood on his face glared out against the white, making it harder for her to pretend that she wasn’t seeing all of this. She couldn’t possibly be seeing the kindest, most gentle person she knew become so abhorrently violent.

He turned away from her once more, returning his attention to Volpina. She was slowly backing away from him, still letting out garbled screeches from her bloodied mouth.

 _It’s a nightmare…_ Ladybug told herself as she watched Chat Blanc calmly approach Volpina again.

_This can’t be real. It’s just a nightmare!_

Volpina swatted Chat’s hand away as he reached out to her. She hissed and spat at him, grabbing his wrist when he tried again. Chat paused a moment, staring at the hand attempting to shackle him. His narrowed eyes slowly slid back to Volpina. His gaze remained horribly blank while an amused smirk curled his lips.

Suddenly his other hand moved towards Volpina. His claws found her throat, latching on tightly as he threw his whole body weight against her. She stumbled backwards until she fell to the ground, Chat going down with her. She was kicking and twisting, kicking up water around them as he pinned her under his weight, wrenching his hand free of her grip so it could join his other at her neck. Ladybug stared at the horrific scene in front of her. Volpina was thrashing as much as she could beneath him, legs desperately trying to move Chat off of her while her hands clawed at his face. 

“N-No…” Ladybug croaked, “Chat that’s enough…”

Chat remained immovable. He was staring intently at Volpina as he pressed his grip harder to her neck, as though watching and waiting for that final breath as he strangled her.

Ladybug forced her voice out louder, “Chat…!”

He didn’t respond to her. He was too focused on what he was doing. Volpina’s necklace was well within his grasp. A matter of seconds is all it would take and he could easily break the object and finish this once and for all. But that didn’t seem to matter to him. He was completely taken with another goal in mind. He was going to kill her.

“ _Chat that’s enough!_ ” Ladybug screamed, throwing out her yo-yo as hard as she could.

The yo-yo wrapped around Chat’s forearm, but it wasn’t until Ladybug started to pull with all of her strength that he seemed to notice it. She pulled until Chat’s hands came away from Volpina’s throat, with the sudden snap of her yo-yo returning to her dragging Chat along with it. Volpina rolled onto her side, coughing and spluttering now that she could breathe again.

Ladybug couldn’t believe she had just saved _Lila_. She absolutely despised the girl and had wished multiple misfortunes on her in the past. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to sit there and watch her die. Especially by her partner’s own hand.

  
Chat got onto his knees after having been sufficiently hauled through puddles and dirt when the yo-yo pulled him off of Volpina. His cold eyes flickered towards Ladybug for a moment with an empty stare. Ladybug couldn’t bring herself to meet such a freezing look, so Chat set about meticulously unwrapping the yo-yo from his arm.

“Why did you do that?” he asked nonchalantly, completely disregarding Volpina gasping and crying in the background.

“You were going to kill her…” Ladybug whispered.

“So?”

“ _So?_ We’re heroes! Killing is _not_ how we do things! You could have just broken the object and freed the akuma!”

"And let her walk so she can just get akumatised _again_?" Chat sneered as he chucked the yo-yo back into Ladybug's hands, "She's hurt you before and she will again. If I get rid of her then you won't have to worry about her anymore. It won't hurt anymore."

"I-I know...She's done horrible things that I can't forgive. But I'm not about to let you _murder_ someone!"

Chat observed her for a moment before standing up again. He looked over her at his full height and suddenly Ladybug felt so small in his presence.

"It will all be okay." He said softly, almost affectionately but his eyes still showed no warmth, "I'll fix everything. No more pain. No more being apart. Just the two of us. Together."

Ladybug shivered as he tucked some stray hair behind her ear. His hand lingered there for a moment before cupping her cheek, compelling her to keep her head held up so she would meet his gaze. Looking into his eyes was like drowning is a desolate ocean. Cold, isolating and terrifying.

In the edges of her vision she could see the movement as Volpina staggered to her feet again. Either Chat hadn’t noticed, or was ignoring her in favour giving all of his attention to Ladybug in that moment as he gave no response to the other girl’s movement. Even as Volpina stumbled and jumped away to escape, his eyes didn’t leave Ladybug.

"My Lady." He purred as he kissed her forehead, "My Princess."

She whimpered at the adoring pet names, but still refused to let her guard down. She needed to make him see reason.

"Adrien…"

" _Chat Blanc._ " He corrected tersely.

"...Chat. Adrien. They're both you. I'm not giving up one one side of you in favour of another. And I _know_ you. Hurting others isn't what you want."

Chat leaned away from her as a peculiar look crossed his face. His eyes searched hers for a moment before sliding away to an unfocused space. In that moment, his confused, fearful expression was so reminiscent of Adrien that her heart throbbed painfully to see it.

"What I...want." he repeated quietly as the flickering of his azure eyes increased, "I don't...I don't know what to do. I...I have to fix it."

Ladybug tentatively reached out to him but Chat was already backing away from her. His clawed hands gripped either side of his head, eyes staring at nothing as he bared his teeth.

"I hate it. It hurts. _It hurts!_ I have to make it stop! I'll show you I can make it stop! I'm not going to be the one hurting anymore!"

Ladybug took a step forward for Chat to only retreat from her again. His eyes were opened wide but his pupils had been reduced to thin slits as his breathing quickly became ragged.

  
  


She didn’t know what to do. She was frightened, tired and hurting all over from fighting Volpina. That familiar shadow of inadequacy was descending over her again. She kept making mistakes. She kept failing those important to her. And now Chat Blanc was the result of her inability to help Adrien. Her confidence shrank away from her as she watched him crouch down, wrapping his arms and tail around himself as he muttered and hissed under his breath, too low for her to hear his words clearly. He looked like a cornered animal that would go into a vicious, panicked frenzy should anyone try to approach. She couldn’t talk to him. She couldn’t reach out to him. She could do _nothing_.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, feeling a sob rise in her throat as tears started to fall.

She didn’t know if Chat had really heard her, but his head snapped towards her. His cat ears lay flat against his head as his eyes seemed to stare through her. He was suddenly hyper fixated on something, his gaze growing more feral again as he bared his fangs with a guttural snarl. He leant forward until he was on all fours and started to stalk towards her.

“Ch-Chat?” she stammered, her feet automatically stepping backwards as he prowled closer.

Suddenly he pounced. Ladybug gasped as she tried to turn and make a run for it, but his speed caught her off guard. He was on her, forcing her to the ground as his weight crashed into her. She let out a cry as she hit the broken paving beneath her, clumsily lifting her arms to try and protect her head and neck from Chat as he pinned her down. Her eyes squeezed shut, the sound of the rain hitting the ground around her being almost deafening as she waited for his hands to go for her throat just as they had done with Volpina.

A couple of seconds passed but she didn’t feel his claws digging into her. In fact, she couldn’t feel anything apart from his weight resting on her middle to hold her in place. His low growl emanated from somewhere above her so she hesitantly opened her eyes. Carefully lowering her arms, she was met with Chat’s chest as he was bent over her. His left hand was next to her head, claws digging into the broken earth. He was leaning forwards as if reaching for something with his right hand, but she didn’t dare move to see what. She remained still, watching the heaving movements of his chest as he took rasping breaths.

Slowly he sat back onto his haunches. The blue glow of his eyes had become a cold storm as he stared at his fisted right hand. Ladybug slowly adjusted her gaze as well. His hand was clenched so tightly it was shaking, giving what he held no chance of escaping. Her eyes widened as she saw the pathetic spasms of dark purple butterfly wings through his fingers as the akuma tried to free itself. The akuma she’d lost track of earlier. Had...had it just tried to akumatise her? Had Chat Blanc just _saved_ her?

Chat’s low snarl cut through her bubbling confusion. She watched as his hand seemed to clench impossibly tighter. A blue crackle of electricity ruptured around his fist before a jet black energy started to slowly seep out from his hand. He hissed through his teeth as the black magic tried to take the form of a Cataclysm in his palm, but it quickly spilled forth until the black was rapidly engulfing the white of his glove. It surged up his arm and looked like it was about to go even further until Chat opened his hand. The trembling butterfly disintegrated through his fingers and the unsightly cataclysm went with it.

Ladybug didn’t realise she’d been holding her breath until she heard Chat’s ragged gasp. He was staring at his now shaking hand, stiffly flexed his clawed fingers as though they hurt. She looked to his eyes once more, but they had returned to that empty, distant gaze.

Ladybug felt breathless as she looked up at him. The blood on his face had been mostly washed away now from the rain. His wet hair almost shimmered like moonlight, the thick locks plastered to his face and neck. His blue eyes showed nothing and yet seemed deeper than any ocean. Her fear was slowly fading away from her. She’d never really thought about it before, though through fearing for her life and fighting in desperation she never really had the chance to, but something about Chat Blanc was intrinsically beautiful. Just as she always had with Adrien, she still felt herself drawn towards him. He was still there. Something of the person she loved was _still there_.

Ladybug took a breath as she held onto her still meagre confidence. It seemed like a risk but she still had to try. Even if it ended up with him turning on her with his fangs and claws, she still had to try. She looked to his hand that still trembled following the malformed Cataclysm. Slowly and in full view of him, she carefully lifted her hands towards him. His eyes flickered when he realised she was moving and he watched her apprehensively. She paused a moment as her heart pounded frantically within her chest.

 _He’s not going to hurt me,_ she tried to reassure herself, _He just saved me after all._

As gently as she could manage she grasped his hand in both of hers. Chat stared blankly at the gesture, his neutral expression giving nothing away if he was feeling anything at all. After a moment and no obvious sign of aggression from him she tenderly squeezed his hand. This time he responded to her gesture by shifting his gaze towards hers.

“I’ve got you.” she whispered, trying and failing to keep her voice even.

Chat’s cat ears lay flat against his head while his gaze searched her with uncertainty. He quickly pulled away from her, shifting back and off of her until he was crouching next to her like a cat. Now that he wasn’t holding her down, Ladybug carefully sat up again. She never took her eyes off him, taking in the almost fearful confusion in his expression. His blue eyes became glassy as he nervously held her gaze. His own started to drift away until he was staring blankly at nothing. He gave a slow blink, causing a tear to fall from his lashes.

“Don’t go…” he murmured so quietly she barely heard him over the rain, “Don’t leave me alone.”

Ladybug quickly leaned forwards. She lovingly cupped the side of his face, brushing her thumb over his cheek as another tear fell.

“I’m here.” she urged gently, “I’m not leaving you.”

He still wasn’t looking at her, but she was certain she saw something shift in his glacial stare. Both as himself and as Chat Noir, Adrien had always been kind and encouraging to her. Without him she highly doubted she would even _be_ Ladybug. She had wanted to quit and give up so many times now, but he never gave up on her.

_It’s my turn to not give up on you._

If there was still enough of Adrien in Chat Blanc now to continue protecting her, to _save_ her from potentially being akumatised by Hawk Moth in her moment of self doubt, then she was determined to do everything within her power to bring him back.

Chat’s eyes became half lidded as he leant a little more into her touch. He still wouldn’t look at her, but she felt her heart lift a little more from the pit it had fallen into. The rough, hollow purr returned as he slowly nuzzled into her palm.

She leaned into him a little more as she spoke softly, “Adrien? Can you hear me?”

Chat stopped his affectionate gesture, the purring ceasing also. Ladybug held her breath, watching his eyes for any sign of that warmth she was desperately searching for.

For a long time there had only been the persistent sound of rainfall around them. Ladybug had already become hypersensitive as she observed Chat Blanc, watching and listening for any change from his once again stoic demeanour. So as a new sound started to slip in between the endless raindrops she noticed it quickly. Footsteps. The click of heels as someone walked towards them with a calm confidence.

Chat had clearly noticed it too as it was like a switch had been flipped. He harshly turned away from Ladybug, crouching on all fours with his tail irritably swishing behind him. His cat ears flattened against his head as he bristled with a feral growl. Ladybug slowly followed his line of sight to the person that was steadily emerging from their washed out surroundings. She immediately recognised the figure, dressed in a dark blue coat with peacock detailing as it fell slightly longer at the back.

_Mayura._

The woman said nothing as she quietly watched at them, holding her feathered fan up so that it partially covered her face.

“You…” Chat hissed.

Ladybug quickly looked to him, staring in horror as she saw the blackened energy rippling from his hand. The blue electricity seemed more frantic this time as it encircled the black, coursing through it as the Cataclysm once more started to uncontrollably spread up his arm. It was more violent this time with the way it pulsated and lapped over his body like flames while also leaking into the ground where his claws raked through the earth. This wasn’t the same, precise Cataclysm she had seen Chat Noir use countless times or the absolutely obliterating power she had seen from the Chat Blanc she fought before. This Cataclysm was just uninhibited and completely out of control.

Mayura merely smirked at Chat’s feral appearance and that only seemed to antagonise him further, making the Cataclysm creep further over his shoulder. Ladybug watched the devastating power as it slowly consumed more of him. Would it end up taking him entirely like this? She didn’t want to find out.

“Chat!” she cried out to him.

She wrapped her arms around his waist to try and pull him back towards her but he didn’t budge. She moved closer to him to try and get him to look at her but his gaze was locked onto Mayura. The sound of the woman giving an amused hum caused Ladybug to turn around to face their enemy.

“So this is what’s become of you.” Mayura said as she calmly looked back at Chat’s fixated eyes and bared fangs.

Chat let out a howl of rage as he surged forwards. Ladybug tried to stop him in his tracks, only to get swiftly knocked aside as he charged past her. He sprinted on all fours towards Mayura. Each time his Cataclysm-filled hand hit the ground, what remained of the cobbled road underneath cracked and quaked with the impact.

Mayura nimbly dodged as Chat throttled towards her, his Cataclysm going out like a violent tidal wave when his claws tore through the ground she had just been standing on. He spun around to follow her with another angered cry. He wasn’t even using his baton to try and attack her. He was going all in with his claws, swiping and slashing as Mayura kept hopping away from him. The area around them was starting to look like a warzone as Chat’s Cataclysm continued to wreck more and more of the street. Ladybug tried to follow, but the pair of them were moving too fast. Mayura stayed light on her feet, jumping from one place to the next while Chat tore after her. His pursuit of her was obsessive and relentless, but Mayura remained unaffected. It was completely different to how he had acted with Volpina. The only reason Ladybug could guess at was the fact the Mayura now possessed the Peacock Miraculous that had not only belonged to his mother in the past, but had also been a major contributor through its amok to all he had gone through.

Mayura jumped upwards towards a rooftop but Chat remained completely fixated on catching her. He didn’t even bother wasting time to equip his baton to vault upwards like he normally would. Instead he leapt from the ground to the front wall of the building, clawing through the brick as he rapidly scaled it, leaving behind deep indentations from where his Cataclysm had touched. From the way his claws flashed and his teeth glinted through his snarls, Ladybug dreaded that what he would do to Mayura would be so much worse than what he had done to Volpina. She had wanted to save her power when she found Volpina again in order to try and deakumatise her, but now the fox girl seemed to be the least of her problems. Mayura was clearly aggravating Chat Blanc on purpose and Ladybug needed to try to fix things now or at least stall them so that she could get Adrien back before he did something she couldn’t undo.

She took a deep breath, feeling the power of her Miraculous tingle from her earrings right down to her fingertips.

“ _Lucky Charm!_ ” she called out as she thrusted her hand skywards.

 _Please please please_ , she begged as the item fluttered down towards her.

She desperately hoped that the magic would provide her with some clue as to how she could end this nightmare once and for all. She closed her eyes as she felt the item land in her hand. Whatever it was it felt light and thin as she lowered her hand down to her chest, clutching the object tightly. Again she held her breath as she slowly opened her eyes to see what the power of creation had granted her, _hoping_ that the answer was within her grasp.

She stared at the item as her hands started to tremble. This couldn’t be it, right? There had to be some mistake. There was no way she was going to save the day with _this_!

Ladybug sunk down to her knees as her eyes scanned over what she held in defeat.

It was just a photo.

It was the same one she had on her wall, though now just in a spotted Ladybug frame. It was the photo of her with Adrien, Alya and Nino the day they went for ice cream and relaxed by the edge of the river. A singular snapshot of a rare day that the four of them got to spend together and have fun. Her eyes were drawn to Adrien, perched on the edge of the photo. Alya had been the one to take it, so naturally she and Nino were at the forefront. Marinette looked embarrassed as usual to be having her photo taken. Meanwhile Adrien...looked calm. He had his faint, genuine smile on his face as he shyly looked at his friends next to him. He looked happy.

Ladybug kept staring at the image, her heartbeat quickening as the idea dawned on her. She looked up towards the rooftops where Chat Blanc was continuing to tear the city apart in pursuit of Mayura, then back to the photo in her hands.

_I’ve already screwed up so many promises today, so it’s as good a time as any to break another one._

She stood up, clutching the photo in one hand while her other took hold of her yo-yo. This was unbelievably dumb and risky, but the plan was already forming in her head. She had to act fast.

Taking a deep breath to steel her resolve, Ladybug threw out her yo-yo to sling herself skywards and over the rooftops. She could still hear the sounds of destruction and vengeful howling as Chat Blanc continued to fight against Mayura. Leaving Chat right now wasn’t ideal but she had no choice. Her Lucky Charm had provided her with a direction and it had never steered her wrong before.

_I’m not giving up on you, Adrien. We’re going to save you no matter what._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pushes Volpina aside* *pulls Mayura in* oh hey, what's up? something's going on? guess we'll have to wait and see...  
> So yeah, remember that photo from _waaaaaay_ back in the earlier chapters (Ch. 5 if anyone is curious)? Turns out its relevant! Totally haven't been waiting an endless amount of chapters to reach this point...
> 
> So...how are you all coping with the angst? Still alive I hope. I swear I love my readers. I just have an angst problem?
> 
> Thank you as always for the amazing comments and kudos! I'm so happy people are still enjoying this!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	92. Regret

Nathalie lifted her gaze from her tablet. She'd been watching a muted newscast about the recent akuma attack, but between the weather and the immense destruction to the area the news reporter hadn't been able to get in close. Instead they were having to show a shaky, blurry camera from a drone flying over the zone cordoned off by police. It was a general consensus that the akumatised person was Volpina, but the identity of the other person and the source of the large scale damage was proving debatable to the public. Some were adamant that it was still Chat Noir, just having undergone some bizarre power up or even akumatised himself like recent rumours suggested. Others were just as firm believing that it _couldn't_ be Chat Noir and it was a different person entirely that had somehow gotten hold of his Miraculous. Nathalie was still undecided how she viewed this. Gabriel's suspicion had proven correct it seemed. But Adrien hadn't become Chat Noir as was expected, he’d become something else. 

She quietly looked towards Hawk Moth as he stood before the large circular window. He had fallen quiet since Adrien transformed and in Nathalie's experience, that either meant he was pleasantly satisfied or boiling over with violent frustration. She saw his hand slowly tighten around his cane as the silence persisted. Frustration it was then.

"My akuma…" Hawk Moth growled.

"Sir?" Nathalie responded calmly.

"Ladybug practically offers herself up to me but _he_ destroyed my akuma!”

Any normal person would have flinched as Hawk Moth stomped the ground beneath him with the end of his cane, but Nathalie remained steeled.

“Ladybug? What about Adrien?” Nathalie asked carefully.

“My akuma refused to respond to his emotions. Such an intense, _perfect_ state but my akuma completely ignored it! Ladybug had her own potential but now my akuma is destroyed!”

The frustration and anger were radiating from Hawk Moth in waves. It had only been a handful of times that an akumatisation had been refused, but never had an akuma itself _ignored_ its intended target.

_Could it have something to do with the failed attempt to akumatise Chat Noir previously?_

Nathalie considered the possibility but thought better than to voice it to Hawk Moth. When the man was so seethingly angry as he was now he only wanted actions, not excuses.

"What about Marinette Dupain-Cheng? Surely she would make an acceptable akuma at this time."

Hawk Moth glared at her over his shoulder. She hoped he didn't notice the way her hands tightened around her tablet despite keeping her expression neutral.

"That girl's presence has become weaker. She’s not worth my time or what remains of my power to seek her out." Hawk Moth sneered.

Nathalie held back on letting her uncertainty become apparent. Hawk Moth might have been willing to discard the girl's weakening emotional state, he sensed so many different people on a daily basis going through all sorts of mentalities. But Nathalie had herself seen how Marinette was with Adrien. The two were practically magnets when the girl was staying at the mansion and it was her Adrien went to when he ran away - though that little bit of information Nathalie had withheld for a day or so in hopes of Adrien coming to his senses and returning home of his own accord. When that didn't happen, Nathalie had sought him out herself but found Marinette there at his side and looking ready to fight. Nathalie never really cared for or believed in teenage infatuations, but even she could see their connection ran much deeper than that. That Marinette would so quickly get over Adrien leaving her seemed very unlikely.

Nathalie eyed Hawk Moth carefully who had once more returned to a focused silence. For having the power to take advantage of other people's emotions, he could sometimes be a bad judge of the resilience of the certain feelings people shared - a thought that Nathalie wouldn't dare say aloud. He probably considered that the relationship Adrien had with Marinette to be no more than an immature fling, one that would quickly disintegrate when they were thrown back into reality. But then Gabriel had spent so little time with his son that it wasn't surprising that he would underestimate whatever feelings Adrien and Marinette happened to share.

“I need Mayura.” Hawk Moth said suddenly.

Nathalie arched an eyebrow as she looked at him, but he still kept his back turned to her as he stared out the large window. To ask for Nathalie to use the Peacock Miraculous meant that Hawk Moth was done playing a child’s game and wanted to remind Ladybug and Chat Noir the real threat they were up against. Nathalie restrained the small feeling of pride that glowed within her at being his closely trusted ally in this fight. He was protective of her and only asked for her assistance when absolutely necessary. Even though they’d managed to fix the Peacock Miraculous after stealing the translated text of the Grimoire, Nathalie’s health hadn’t been fixed with it. While she hadn’t declined anymore since then, using the Miraculous and creating sentimonsters exhausted her greatly once the transformation was released.

As eager as she was to meet whatever expectations Hawk Moth placed on her, Nathalie still felt a stab of something she had long since tried to not ever feel. She was hesitant.  
Before today - before Gabriel had suspicions about who his son was - Ladybug and Chat Noir had just been some upstart teenagers hellbent on getting in the way of Hawk Moth’s goal. And while Ladybug’s identity remained uncertain, they knew the face behind the Black Cat Miraculous now. It was the same person Nathalie had watched grow up, going from shy boy shadowing Emilie’s every step to being a gentle young man who was so much stronger than she ever gave him credit for. Fighting Chat Noir was one thing, but to fight _Adrien_?

“Nathalie.” Hawk Moth turned towards her.

With long, steady strides he approached her. Nathalie stood stock still, waiting to hear what it was he needed her to do. His steel grey eyes considered her for a moment before he lifted a hand to cup the side of her face. It was a rare show of affection from the man and Nathalie had to remind herself to remain calm and professional, despite the flutterings of her heart.

“We are so close.” his voice rumbled low, “Just a little more and we can finish this once and for all.”

Nathalie met his stare, “What do you need me to do, Sir?”

Hawk Moth’s gaze drifted up from her to look over her shoulder. Nathalie could see the warm glow that lit up the back of the space reflected in his eyes. He stared for a few moments at the small garden there as though enthralled.

“It’s time Adrien saw once and for all how foolish his actions have been.” Hawk Moth said without taking his eyes away from the tranquil garden, “I need you to lure him here.”

“Lure him _here_?”

“Once he sees her, he will join me at my side in an instant.”

Doubt tried to scrape its way into Nathalie’s mind but she quickly squashed the unpleasant feeling.

“Understood, Sir.”

Having received her loyal confirmation, Hawk Moth removed his hand from her and stepped away. He walked by her, leaving the darkened space as he headed towards the garden. He stopped a few steps from the gleaming glass coffin at the centre of the crafted paradise, surrounded by lush green shrubs and untainted white butterflies. Nathalie watched him in silence for a moment before turning on her heel as she left.

“Mistress Nathalie!” Duusu squealed with delight, appearing as soon as Nathalie pinned the brooch onto her jacket.

“We have a job to do, Duusu.” Nathalie told the excitable kwami as she closed the hidden safe in Gabriel’s atelier after having retrieved the Peacock Miraculous from within.

“The trials of true love never end!” Duusu sighed before letting out a dramatic wail, “It’s so romantic!”

“Adrien will finally see that this has all been for Emilie. I’m sure he will see reason now.”

“Adrien? Oh no...Oh no oh no.”

Nathalie watched the kwami’s elated expression become deeply concerned. Duusu looked around wildly before flitting off to the nearest window. Her tiny body shivered as a whole while she darted about, looking through the glass with worried little squeaks.

“Duusu, I don’t have time for one of your moments.” Nathalie warned, “I thought you were getting better with these since we fixed the Miraculous.”

“No! It’s not-! _Oh no!_ I can feel-! _Oh dear!_ ” Duusu rambled, “Mistress Nathalie we have to stop it! Please, listen to me. We can-”

“We are stopping it. All of it. We will get the Black Cat and the Ladybug and all of this can finally be over. Duusu, spread my feathers!”

“ _Waaaaait!_ ” Duusu cried as she was pulled into the brooch, “We have to-!”

Nathalie let out a soothed sigh as she felt the magical power flow through her veins, warming her body throughout. She enjoyed the feel of her becoming physically stronger, the persistent tiredness that had plagued her these past few years melting away to be forgotten for now.

Mayura moved quickly and silently over the rooftops towards the last known location of the two superheroes. Hopefully they hadn’t gone far, if at all, as the constant rainfall that was flooding the streets and flat rooftops with endless puddles was proving to be an annoying hindrance. As she approached the site though, the change in the air was palpable. It became unbelievably colder and darker. It was like a black hole had opened somewhere and was draining out any sense of warmth or stability. As she leapt up onto another building, Mayura realised the source of the strange feeling.

He was crouched in the middle of the mangled street with Ladybug knelt next to him. What had Hawk Moth scoffed about his name being now? Chat Blanc? It certainly suited him as the white that now covered him was almost spectral against heavy grey that the weather had drenched the city in. Mayura withdrew her fan as she watched the pair for a moment. While the dynamic between the two was certainly different from before, there was still something there between them. Luring Chat Blanc probably wouldn’t be much of a problem, but Ladybug might prove to be an annoyance. Mayura gave a small shake of her head as she leapt down to the street below. Hawk Moth had asked her to complete this task for him and she refused to fail.

Ladybug and Chat Blanc didn’t seem to notice her at first as she approached. Mayura allowed her footsteps to make sound as she walked over the shattered road. As expected it was Chat who reacted first. He pulled away from Ladybug, spinning around into a defensive crouch on all fours with a deep growl. Ladybug looked up then, her eyes widening in shock as she saw Mayura there.

Chat bristled as his tail lashed about wildly, “You…”

Mayura forced herself to keep her reaction in check as she saw something reminiscent of a Cataclysm start to bleed from his right hand. It crackled with a blue charge as the ghastly looking magic started to creep up his arm.  
Mayura allowed herself a small smirk as she felt the intense power weighing heavily in the air as the corrupted Cataclysm started to bubble more violently. Perhaps this was the level of power Hawk Moth had been seeking.

“Chat!” Ladybug cried out pathetically, vainly trying to hold him back as he readied himself to sprint forward.

Mayura calmly observed the almost savage appearance of what had once been one of Paris’s heroes. He was snarling like a wild animal and the vicious, empty glare in his eyes was inhuman. The Cataclysm wrapped around his arm like an abhorrent parasite, pulsating and bubbling as it threatened to spread further. Her trepidation from earlier was proving to be unnecessary now. This wasn’t Adrien she was looking at. This wasn’t the quiet, soft hearted boy she had known for many years now. What she was looking at was no more than an untethered beast.

Mayura gave an unamused hum, “So this is what’s become of you.”

Chat yowled as he bolted forwards, rushing over the broken ground on all fours. Mayura was ready for his obvious full frontal assault and easily leapt away. He gave another enraged howl as he twisted round to give chase. His claws raked and slashed at the ground, always a second too late to be able to hit her as she led him around to test out how fast he could move. It became clear very quickly that as long as she kept moving and stayed one step ahead, she could easily lure him back to the mansion where Hawk Moth’s lair was hidden. If she got caught however then it would be over for sure. Wherever or whatever Chat’s Cataclysmed hand touched, a hissing, bubbling corrosion ate away at the area of contact as though it were a vicious acid. Meanwhile Ladybug was trying to keep up with them, trying and failing to get Chat’s attention and calm him down. But he remained completely driven by some obsessive force. Even as Mayura started to move in the direction of the Agreste mansion he roared after her, scratching and clawing his way up the side of a building.

“ _Lucky Charm!_ ” she heard Ladybug call out some distance away from them now.

Mayura wanted to see what ridiculous item the girl had received this time, but she had to keep all of her focus Chat as he kept tearing towards her. When she felt safe enough to chance a look, Ladybug was nowhere to be seen. Mayura didn’t have time to search for the heroine however, as a blackened surge of energy cut through the ground before her. She narrowly avoided getting cleaved in two by it as she rapidly flipped away from the rampant Cataclysm that was now slicing through the building she had just been on.

Mayura’s gaze flashed towards Chat Blanc who vaulted clear of the crumbling building. He landed in a crouch on a roof across the street from her, turning quickly so as to not let her out of his sight. Even with the distance between them, she could see how his chest heaved with laboured breaths. This new manifestation of his Cataclysm was more unpredictable and frenzied than its previous form, but was taking a toll on him.  
This time she had felt the charring force a lot closer than before. The proximity of it had caused something else to lash out towards her within the corrupted power, making her pause as she now needed to reevaluate the situation. She’d definitely felt the presence of an amok. It was incredibly faint, overshadowed by the sheer destructive force that encapsulated it but she was certain it was there. _How_ and _why_ did Adrien have an amok?

_Emilie...Just what did you do?_

Mayura saw Chat’s body tense again as he prepared to jump towards her. She quickly moved as he flew towards her with another violent howl. She was immediately back to dodging and weaving as he became relentless once more. Her style of fighting was to disarm and incapacitate her opponent, but with Chat’s Cataclysm spiking out of control it was impossible for her to get anywhere near him. She was still intent on her task of leading him to Hawk Moth, but could she really take him back to the mansion while he was going through a rampage? He would probably burn the whole building down before even finding Hawk Moth there. And Emilie too…

Mayura clenched her jaw as she twisted away from another aggressive assault from Chat Blanc. She needed to start thinking of doing something more than just taking him back to the mansion. She needed some control over the situation otherwise whatever Hawk Moth was planning would be pointless. With the way Chat Blanc was hounding her like a wild animal, she wondered if he would even recognise seeing his mother like this. He was somehow in possession of an amok though. Amoks were bound to the power of the Peacock Miraculous, so perhaps she could use it to her advantage.

“Adrien!” she shouted sternly, bringing out the stoic mentor voice she had often used with him when he was younger, “That’s enough! You know better than to behave this way.”

Chat Blanc skidded to halt on the edge of a roof, wrenching a few tiles loose and sending them cascading to the ground below as his claws scrambled for something to hold him steady. Evidently the tone of voice she had used to scold him as a child and then to guide him to follow his father’s expectations when he was older was still familiar. Chat had stopped his barrage of attacks now, blue eyes coldly burning with fearful confusion as he stared at her.

“This has gone on long enough.” Mayura said as she took a few careful steps closer to him, “If you calm down then we can be reasonable. Everything will be fixed if you just stop this now.”

For the first time since her arrival, Chat Blanc finally spoke some coherent words.

“It can’t be fixed!” he shouted at her, “Nothing can be fixed! And I’ll make sure of it! I’ll make sure everyone will feel what I feel!”

The Cataclysm around his arm flared darker as it swelled past his shoulder, black and blue tendrils snaking towards his neck and upper chest. The emotional surge and the power that accompanied it revealed the vague trace of the amok again. Narrowing all of her focus onto that presence, Mayura threw out her hand towards him. She could almost feel the feather at her fingertips.

“Amok! As the holder of the Peacock Miraculous, I bind you to my will! Obey me!”

Chat suddenly reared up, his head thrashing as he let out a blood curdling scream. The Cataclysm that had been slowly devouring his body erupted like a plume of lava, black and blue coursing over him and spilling out over the rooftop he was on. The building started to rot away as the heavy blight spread out over the area. Mayura watched in shocked terror as the amok’s presence vanished from her. It had refused her entirely.

“I am not yours to claim!” Chat howled as he clawed at his throat, “No one! _No one!_ I hate it! No more! I hate it I hate it IhateitIhate _ithateithate_ **_ithateithateithateithateithateit!_ **”

Mayura found herself taking a step back from the monstrous sight before her. She didn’t need the power of the Butterfly Miraculous to feel the absolute loathing, resentment and fury that radiated from him like a decimating tidal wave and she could practically feel the air withering around her.

The unrestrained Cataclysm had infected half of his body now, seeping like a poisonous tar over his chest and up the side of his neck and head. Where the Cataclysm had taken hold had made his appearance far less human. The claws of his right hand had been extended into longer, sharper points. The shadows that spread across his back bristled as though it were fur stuck out like spines. His blue eyes glowed in stark contrast to the black void and pale white of his form, distant yet somehow deep with bloodlust. Chat Blanc had gone from an animal to a monstrous harbinger of destruction.

As the building beneath him gave up the last of its structural integrity in the wake of his capacity of devastation, Chat Blanc leapt forwards and straight for Mayura. Any ideas or plans that she had been considering were gone in an instant, leaving her only with an instinctual need to run.

* * *

"This is dangerous, Marinette!" Tikki insisted between taking bites of her cookie.

"I know." Marinette grunted as she pushed her chaise over, "But I'm not seeing a lot of other options right now."

"I know you have a plan, but I still want you to be careful. What's happening to Adrien is...something else entirely. It's not going to be straightforward."

Marinette sighed as her fingertips curled around the edges of a loose floorboard.

"He's not akumatised...is he?" She whispered.

"Not...exactly. He's not under Hawk Moth's influence anyway."

"Can that change?"

"I'm not sure."

"Then this is all because of the fragments?"

"Most likely. The abilities of the Peacock and Butterfly Miraculous when combined with the Black Cat's power of destruction is a volatile combination. Chat right now is a manifestation of destruction driven only by emotion. He's not going to see reason easily."

Marinette smiled sadly as she lifted a large, round object from its hiding place, "That's nothing new then. Adrien was already so stubborn."

She let out another heavy sigh, chewing her bottom lip as her eyes scanned over the Miracle Box resting in her lap. She brushed her hand over it's smoothly rounded surface, feeling the hum of power within.

It had been so long since she had held the box. Ever since it had been passed down to her from Master Fu, she had hidden it away in fear of it ever being found. The identities of her allies had been compromised following their fight with Miracle Queen, making it too dangerous for her to bring them back into the conflict. While the rest of Paris didn't know much about the central conflict during the event and the identities of the other heroes, Hawk Moth still knew. She had to manage without her friends at her side all this time, but then Chat Noir had been there for her. He had been her constant support, her best friend, her confidant and protector. She regretted it now that she'd never told him everything he’d been to her all this time. When she had to be the beacon of hope for Paris, the hero that was always there to save the day, Chat Noir had been hers. _Adrien_ had been her own hero this whole time and she'd never expressed how much that had meant to her.

Taking a shaky breath, she lightly pressed her fingers over the various ladybug spots on the Miraculous Box in a pattern that came to her without even needing to think about it.

"It looks like Hawk Moth is going all in on whatever this plan of his is." She said with a growing sense of determination, "So I will too."

She knew which Miraculous she wanted to grab, immediately taking two as soon as the box opened. She reached up to close the lid again but something made her pause. Chewing her lip, she looked at a third Miraculous. The bright colour of its smooth metal glinted in the soft lighting of her bedroom, as though to call out to her.

Tikki floated up beside her, casting a wary glance between Marinette and the Miraculous she was hesitating on.

"It's up to you, Marinette." Tikki gently touched her holder's cheek with a smile, "You're an amazing Ladybug and I know you'll make the right choice. And maybe this is as right a time as any for amends to be made."

Marinette looked to her kwami, studying Tikki's gentle expression for a moment. She could tell Tikki was worried and afraid too, and that she was concerned for Plagg even though she hadn't said anything.

 _I can do this._ **_We_ ** _can do this._

Marinette gave a firm nod before reaching out to take a third Miraculous from the box. It had been a long time. She just hoped that these three people were willing to help once more.

With Tikki fully recharged and the three additional Miraculous stored in her yo-yo, Ladybug wasted no further time before transforming and racing out from her skylight window. She heard a loud quake echoing over the city as she stood up on her balcony railing. In the distance she could see smoke billowing out, adding to the heavy grey that Paris had sunk into with the constant rain. She could feel an uncomfortable hum in the air and her earrings seemed to grow hot along with it. There was a sound of sirens as well, both emergency response units and evacuation ones. Judging by the smoke and the deep rumblings that came again and again, Chat Blanc was only just getting started on his warpath.

Wasting no more time, she threw out her yo-yo to carry her forwards over the rooftops. She had three Miraculous to give out and three people to find. She knew exactly where the third person would be, but she was still hesitating on that one. The first two would be easier to approach. At least she desperately hoped they would be. And while she didn't know their exact location, she could certainly make a pretty good guess. Angling her pull on the yo-yo, she careened through the streets and over buildings as she started to head back towards the zone of destruction that Chat Blanc was causing.

The police had already set up a blockade to try and prevent people from entering what they had dubbed the "akuma zone". Ladybug shook her head. She hoped that the citizens of Paris didn't find out that it was one of their heroes that was actually causing streets to shatter apart and buildings to crumble to rubble. People called out to her as she swung by, cameras following her movement as news reporters tried to get some footage of her. Her eyes scanned quickly for the familiar face she was looking for. As her eyes found the one she was looking for, Ladybug allowed herself a small sigh of relief.

As expected, Alya was in the thick of it. At least as much as she could be with Paris's police force remaining steadfast with their barriers. She was squashed to the front of the small crowd of people, phone held up as she followed Ladybug's movement above. Unsurprisingly, Nino was with her. He stood behind his girlfriend, protectively holding his arms out to prevent other people from shoving into her as she recorded for the Ladyblog. Having the two of them together made things a little easier.

Ladybug swung by a second time, focusing her gaze on Alya until her friend realised she was being looked at. Alya lowered her phone as she raised a curious eyebrow. Ladybug didn't want to do something so obvious as to fly in and grab Alya and Nino in front of so many other people. Ladybug instead gave a subtle gesture with her head, hoping that Alya would pick up on it. Alya watched her for a moment before her eyebrows shot upwards and Ladybug could practically hear her friend's excitable gasp. She saw Alya grab Nino's shirt before hauling him through the crowd of people.

She led them a few streets over before stopping in hopes that no one would follow them. Satisfied that their secret meeting hadn't been noticed, Ladybug dropped down into a small enclosed alley.

“Ladybug!” Alya called breathlessly as she rounded into the alley, panting after having sprinted there with Nino in tow, “Oh my god, _Ladybug!_ What is it? What’s going on? Is it really Chat Noir that’s doing all of this?”

Ladybug flinched at the questions being thrown at her. She had no idea to explain all that had happened. Picking up on her discomfort, Nino placed a steady hand on Alya’s shoulder to try and get his girlfriend to reel in some of her excitement.

“Do you need something from us?” Nino asked, a lot more calm than the girl next to him that was almost vibrating with energy.

Ladybug took a deep breath, “I need your help.”

Nino and Alya fell quiet as Ladybug withdrew two of the Miraculous stored within her yo-yo.

“I need you to once more take on the powers of Illusion and Protection, to become Rena Rogue and Carapace once more for the greater good.”

Both Alya’s and Nino’s mouths fell open as the familiar round boxes were presented to them. Alya was the first to break out of her shock, a grin breaking across her face as she started bouncing on the balls of her feet. She reached out to take the Fox Miraculous but was stopped by Nino taking her hand.

“Nino, seriously?” Alya gasped with annoyance.

“Hold on a minute, babe.” he said firmly, “We all agreed that it was too dangerous for us to be on the front lines again. We gave up being superheroes when our identities became known to protect everyone, remember?”

Alya glared at him with a pout but he didn’t budge.

“I know I know.” Ladybug sighed, “I was the one who made you promise to never join in the fight like this again. But this time I...I can’t do it alone.”

Alya’s face quickly became concerned, “It really is Chat Noir, isn’t it? I didn’t want to believe it but…”

“He’s...He’s not himself right now. I thought I had it under control but Hawk Moth won’t let up and it just keeps getting worse!”

All of the pressure, the panic and the fear was creeping in again as Ladybug let out a gasping sob. Alya glared a warning at Nino before stepping closer to wrap a comforting arm around the heroine.

“Can’t you pick someone else?” Nino quietly suggested.

“I-It has to be you!” Ladybug sniffled as she rubbed her damp eyes.

“I know we’re veterans and all, but surely there’s others who can help?”

“It’s not just that...it’s because you’re his friends.”

Alya bit her lip as she exchanged a worried glance with Nino, “Look we like Chat Noir and all, but outside of the occasional interview I haven’t spoken to him for a long time now. We were friends, but we were never really that close. Why do you think we could help?”

“It’s Adrien, okay?” Ladybug bursted out with another set of sobs, “Adrien is Chat Noir! Things are spiralling out of control and I just...he really needs his friends right now while I still have a chance at fixing it!”

The two stared at her, once more shocked into silence.

After a few seconds Alya finally whispered, “Holy shit…”

“Fuck, dude.” Nino added just as quietly as he adjusted his cap.

Another few beats of silence followed until once more broken by Alya.

“Chat Noir’s Adrien….Oh my _god_ Chat Noir’s Adrien! Why didn’t I see it before? And Marinette! Does Marinette know? _Shit_ , I haven’t heard from her at all today! She didn't show up at school this morning before they cancelled classes! Oh god oh god - Is she okay? Holy fuck what is going on right now!”

“A-Alya it’s okay.” Ladybug sniffled, gently touching her friend’s arm before she could go into a full on panicked rant, “I’m okay, I’m right here.”

Alya looked at her, her brow creased with an angry confusion as her mouth popped open once more.

“You…? No…. _Noooooooo!_ Ma...Marinette? Seriously? All this time? _You were Ladybug this whole freaking time?_ ”

Ladybug shrank away from Alya’s shrieking. She’d expected that her best friend would be angry after having been lied to this whole time, but it still hurt to face it. Nino meanwhile had remained silent, his pensive gaze fixed on the ground by his feet.

“I’m sorry I never told you.” Ladybug whispered and she clutched the two Miraculous boxes.

Yet another heavy silence settled between them, filled only by Ladybug’s growing sense of doubt. Maybe she’d gotten this wrong. Or maybe her Lucky Charm had failed her. She couldn’t blame Alya and Nino for being angry with her and refusing to help now. She’d lied to them all this time and made them promise to give up being heroes after Miracle Queen exposed them. They had every right to hate her.

Ladybug froze as one of her hands became lighter. She looked up to see Nino popping open the box and slipping the Turtle bracelet over his wrist.

“I wish he’d come to me sooner,” Nino grumbled, “But if my bro needs help then I’m not going to leave him on his own.”

“Greetings, Nino!” Wayzz yelled in excitement as he appeared from a glowing green light.

“Wayzz, my dude!” Nino responded and proceeded to share fistbump with the kwami.

Ladybug blinked and looked to Alya as she felt the other Miraculous box leave her grasp.

“God you two dorks.” Alya sighed as she took out the Fox necklace, “What is with you and Adrien always getting into trouble? You’re taking years off of my life! I’ll be giving you two a good talking to when this is over.”

A small, relieved laugh escaped Ladybug, “I know. We deserve a good Alya-branded scolding.”

“You bet!” Alya huffed before looking at the orange flash of light that came from the necklace, “Ready Trixx?”

“Wayzz, shell on!”

“Trixx, let’s pounce!”

Ladybug had to close her eyes against the brilliant gleams of orange and green before her. When she was able to open them again without getting blinded, she was greeted by the sight of two of the heroes she thought she’d never see again. Carapace and Rena Rouge stood before her, ready and eager to follow her into this fight once more.

“So what’s the plan, _Ladybug_?” Rena smirked, placing a hand on her cocked hip as she spoke Ladybug’s name with a teasing tone.

“Whatever you need, we’re on it Mari - uh...Ladybug.” Carapace added awkwardly, earning a playful elbow in the ribs from Rena.

Ladybug smiled at the pair, feeling a new rejuvenation to her confidence now that she had her friends at her side once more. She considered carefully what their next action should be when she remembered the third Miraculous that was still waiting in her yo-yo.

“For now I need you to go to where Chat Noir...where Chat Blanc is and assess the damage.” she instructed, “Volpina has gone MIA, but he’s fighting with Mayura right now. If there’s any civilians still caught in the area we need to get them evacuated as well.”

Rena and Carapace exchange another worried look at the name change of Chat Blanc, but didn’t interrupt.

“I still have one more person to contact, so I need you two to try and mitigate what you can for now. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Carapace gave a firm nod, “Got it!”

“Just remember girl, you owe me for this.” Rena grinned, “I expect first dibs on all interviews and Ladybug announcements from now on.”

“You already had that.” Ladybug responded with a tired smile.

“Yeah, but I want you to tell me _everything_. Some things off record of course. But I want to know all of it.”

“Of course. When this is all over I’ll tell you everything.”

Satisfied with her answer, Rena gave another sly smirk before jumping up towards the rooftops.

“Let’s go turtle boy!” she laughed above them.

“We’ll try to keep things from going too crazy until you come back.” Carapace assured Ladybug before following after Rena.

Ladybug watched the pair of them go, hearing Rena’s excitable whooping as they made their way towards the growing quakes and roars that rumbled through the city. Taking another deep breath for herself, Ladybug shot out her yo-yo to pull her once more to the sky.

_Now for the hard one…_

She knew exactly where to find the next person, so it didn’t take her long to speed her way over there. Dread was gnawing at the pit of her stomach, but she held on to her resolve. Adrien was the one standing on the brink and she needed all the help she could get to bring him back from it. So as she swung up onto the penthouse balcony of _Le Grande Paris_ , she tried her best to keep her nerves together. The balcony doors were wide open despite the rainfall showing no signs of letting up, so Ladybug quietly stepped through the large opening and into the extravagant hotel suite.  
There was a news report playing from the large TV that occupied the majority of one of the walls in the lounge, though she couldn’t make out many of the words beyond Chloe’s annoyed scoffing and huffing. From the images though she could see something that looked as though a cross between a violent earthquake and series of bombings had all happened in the same area of the city. The blonde had her back turned to the balcony and was too engrossed in the newscast to be aware of Ladybug’s arrival.

“Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.” Chloe grumbled as she waved about the remote in her hand.

Ladybug swallowed thickly, trying to ease the tightening of her throat before calling out to the other girl, “Chloe?”

Chloe let out a squawk, fumbling with the remote to turn off the TV as she spun around to face her unexpected guest. Her sapphire eyes were wide with surprise, but as she saw Ladybug standing in her room dripping rainwater on the plush carpet, her gaze quickly narrowed in disgust.

“ _You._ ” she sneered, “What are _you_ doing here?”

Ladybug held her breath as she opened her yo-yo to take out the little Miraculous box from within. Chloe’s eyes looked ready to pop out of her head when she saw it and, just like Alya and Nino, her jaw dropped open. Unlike Alya and Nino though, Chloe refused to be silent.

“Oooooh no.” Chloe hissed before Ladybug could even say anything, “I am _not_ helping _you._ You had your chance to make me an ally. I wanted to help you before. I would have done anything you asked! But what did I get? I got _ignored_. You fucking ghosted me and refused to let me have any part in your little hero sideshow!”

“Chloe...” Ladybug tried to start but was quickly cut off again.

“And even after I joined Hawk Moth you _still_ ignored me! You were just like everyone else! Treating me like utter scum when you were no better yourself! So don’t you dare come back here and expect me to be grovelling at your feet! Unlike you, I moved on. I don’t need you! Or my...or that Miraculous! So you can shove it!”

Ladybug chewed her lip, doing her best to withstand the verbal fury Chloe was laying on her. Even when the girl seemed to have finished yelling, Ladybug said nothing as she opened the little box containing the Bee Miraculous. Chloe’s anger faltered briefly at the sight of the haircomb, and for a moment she looked almost lost and unsure. But she shook her head and the rage quickly returned.

Chloe stomped her foot a few times, “I am _not_ some lackey at your beck and call!”

“I’m sorry, Chloe.” Ladybug said quietly, “I really am. I...I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I still make mistakes. I never meant to hurt you. Or anyone else for that matter.”

Chloe pursed her lips as she crossed her arms, her glare strong enough to send almost anyone running.

Ladybug sighed before continuing, “But right now I’m not asking you to help me.”

“If you’re going to give me some bullshit speech about _the greater good_ and _helping all of Paris_ then forget it. I’ve been doing that on my own, without any Miraculous.”

“No this is...I’m asking for you to help out of selfishness. This isn’t about all of Paris, or even the world. Well, it could end up being about the world, but right now it's just the one person I need to save.”

The aggression in Chloe’s face eased a little as she gave Ladybug a small frown, “So that is Chat Noir that’s been tearing up the block just a short distance from here?”

Ladybug’s voice trembled as she forced herself to speak, “It’s Adrien…”

Chloe’s arms fell limp to her sides, her eyes growing wide once more. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. She chewed on her thumbnail for a moment, completely disregarding her perfect manicure as she considered.

“No.” she said eventually, “You’re lying to me. Adrien’s somewhere safe. He’s with Dupain-Cheng in that ridiculously tiny bakery, probably with a dumb smile on his face while she tells him some stupid shit like the history of peasant bread or something.”

  
  


Ladybug’s gaze fell down to the box in her hands where the Bee Miraculous remained waiting. If Master Fu could see her now he’d probably have a heart attack. Some Guardian she turned out to be. Not only was she trying to drag people back into the fight against Hawk Moth that she’d promised to keep out of, but she’d also outed her and Adrien’s identities to other people now as well as each other. She trusted Alya and Nino to not spread the information, but Chloe? She looked up again toward the blonde who was now pacing back and forth over the carpet, nervously biting her thumbnail again as she grumbled to herself. Some time ago, Ladybug would have never believed Chloe to be trustworthy in the slightest. Maybe she hadn’t been back when they were younger, but now she had matured and grown. She had kept secrets for Adrien before and fought so hard on his behalf when he was unable to. While she was still an unapologetic bitch most of the time, she had always remained fiercely protective of Adrien like they were family.

Ladybug took a steady breath, “Chloe… Adrien is...Chat Noir _is_ Adrien.”

Chloe stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes snapped back to Ladybug as her anger gave way a little to a rising look of fear.

“You’re lying.” she responded hastily, “I told you! He’s with Dupain-Cheng! I’ll call him right now and then you’ll see how _utterly_ ridiculous you’re being-”

“Chloe.” Ladybug said more firmly this time, “It’s me.”

Chloe looked up from where she had fished her phone from her pocket, her eyes skimming over Ladybug a few times with suspicion.

“No.” she scoffed.

“Tikki, spots off.”

She watched Chloe’s expression go through a dizzying rollercoaster of emotions as the transformation melted away from her, leaving plain boring Marinette in the place of Ladybug. Finally Chloe had been stunned into silence, her neat eyebrows shooting upwards as her mouth formed a little ‘o’.

“I’ll tell you again.” Marinette said as she summoned up what remained of her courage, “I’m not asking you to help _me_ , either as Marinette or Ladybug. I’m asking you to help Adrien. I...I’m scared that if we don’t do something now then we’ll lose him. I can’t let that happen. And I don’t think you can either.”

Chloe slowly closed her mouth, her gaze drifted to the floor as she furrowed her brow. Marinette watched and waited for an answer, but Chloe still said nothing. Marinette sighed as she looked towards the coffee table that sat in the middle of the lounge area. Chloe didn’t look at her as she moved to place the Bee Miraculous on the table. Tikki gave her a worried glance, but Marinette ignored it. Swallowing her nerves as best she could, Marinette left the Miraculous there as she headed back towards the balcony. Chloe remained stubborn, turning away from both Marinette and the Miraculous with a quiet huff. Marinette watched her a moment before stepping back out into the rain.

“Are you sure you can trust her?” Tikki asked, her indigo eyes rounded with concern.

Marinette smiled sadly as she gave a small shrug, “Adrien does.”

Another distant rumble and groaning of infrastructure falling apart had the pair of them rushing to the balcony railing. The Miraculous in her ears seemed to burn hotter as Marinette stared at the blackened ruins of what had once been buildings with smoke billowing up into the sky until the grey clouds were painted almost black.

“We’re running out of time. Tikki, spots on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Phew! Starting off the New Year with an extra long chapter! Was thinking about splitting it into two parts, but they didn't seem strong enough on their own so I'm giving it to you guys as one big one! My own way of apologising for all of the angst and cliffhangers?
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the comments and kudos you guys leave! I'm so happy people keep coming back to this fic as well as new readers discovering it!
> 
> I'm having thoughts about how I want Penumbra to go, so upcoming chapters might have some delay while I think it over. I've been considering a follow up work/sequel fic since there's some potential for it but I am undecided on it for the moment. While there's plenty I could still explore and do with Penumbra (and looking back I probably should have broken it up into a series to begin with instead of this still growing, excessively large fic), I don't want to put out a Penumbra Part 2 (name WIP?) unless it's going to be a good standard. I'll need to think of it some more.
> 
> Happy belated New year! 
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	93. Chimera

Ladybug threw herself as fast as she could over the Parisian rooftops. Her feet were barely touching the buildings, but more than once she slipped over the rain-soaked tiled roofs. She didn't allow herself to stop and would pull hard on her yo-yo to keep herself swinging high even though her arms were exhausted.

As she got closer to the centre of disaster though she had to stop for a moment. Halting at the precipice of the singed scar that was splitting through the city, she landed on a chimney stack as she paused to take in her surroundings. The landscape of the area had changed. It looked like a large scale fire had broken out, leaving nothing but collapsed and charred remains of buildings. The streets below were riddled with fissures, the roads and pavements completely shattered apart in some places to reveal the metro infrastructure underneath. The persistent rain was drowning everything in a never-ending grey, the only other colour being the black that was bleeding over the sky from the ashen smoke.

A flash of movement caught her eye. In the ruined street below she caught sight of Carapace ushering a small group of people through the rubble towards the nearest police barricade. Ladybug's heart squeezed in her chest at the sight. She didn't want to think about the people who hadn't been able to escape the destruction or the possible limitations of her Miraculous Cure if they didn't solve this soon.

The sound of someone jumping over what buildings remained alerted Ladybug that she wasn't alone. She tightened her grip on her yo-yo when she saw the gleam of orange, but allowed herself to relax again as she saw that it was Rena Rouge approaching her.

"We've been evacuating whoever we could find." Rena stated as she landed next to Ladybug, "I've never seen an akuma do so much concentrated damage before."

"He's not an akuma." Ladybug retorted.

Rena gave her a look as though to question if the words were meant to convince her or Ladybug herself.

"Well whatever has happened to him, this is something else. I always knew that the Miraculous were powerful, but I don't think I ever realised just what Chat's was capable of."

Ladybug knew full well how far the power of destruction could go. She'd seen it with her own eyes how the world had drowned and the moon had shattered across the sky. While things certainly hadn't gone as far this time, she didn't know how long it would last. The city was already looking ready to be submerged as the rain continued to pour down around them.

Ladybug sighed as she tried to shake off the images of her nightmares, "Because he only used it when needed. He never wanted to hurt anyone. What's happening now...it isn't him."

Rena gave her a measured gaze for a moment before offering a gentle smile, "Then we better bring back the dumb goofball we all know and love."

Ladybug smiled in return. It was a huge relief to know her friends still had her back. She owed them big time for taking it all in stride. Certainly no amount of macaroons or croissants was ever going to cover it.

"So…" Rena pursed her lips with a curious look, "what happened to your third contact?"

Ladybug sighed with a shake of her head, "I don't know. We'll just have to go on without them."

She could feel Rena's questioning gaze on her but she didn't know what to say. Chloe had made her feelings clear, and despite how much Ladybug hoped she would still come and help, it was looking less and less likely. Thankfully Carapace's return provided a distraction so that she didn't need to explain why her third contact had shunned the opportunity to help.

"That’s all the people I could find moved to safety." Carapace frowned as he looked out over the city, "I caught sight of Mayura and...and Chat a few minutes ago but it's not looking good."

"Not looking good how?" Rena asked.

"His Cataclysm is going crazy. At least I think it's his Cataclysm - I've never seen it used like that before. Mayura's really pissed him off. I don't want to know what would happen if he manages to catch her."

Carapace was about to say something more but another rumbling rocked the building under their feet as a distant sound like thunder echoed in the air. Ladybug looked towards the source of the noise, but beyond the smoke and the rain she wasn't able to see anything.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on their movement.” Rena said once they’d steadied themselves again, “I wasn’t too sure at first, but the damage Chat has left behind made it more obvious. They’ve been moving constantly and more or less in the same direction.”

“Mayura is trying to find somewhere to escape to?” Carapace suggested.

Ladybug considered a moment before opening up her yo-yo, “Or she’s trying to get Chat to go somewhere."

The trio looked at the GPS map Ladybug brought up on the screen of her yo-yo.

“They’ve been moving in a line,” Rena stated as she pointed to the map, “Like this.”

Carapace and Rena both looked on with a shrug, unsure of what to make of the pattern. Ladybug’s eyes traced over the line Rena had pointed out and continued with the trajectory until a familiar location crossed its path. For a moment she thought it was just a bizarre coincidence. But if her heavy suspicions about Hawk Moth’s identity were true…

_Why would he want Chat to go back there?_

Carapace raised an eyebrow when he saw her apprehensive look, “Ladybug? What is it?”

“I...think I know who Hawk Moth is. And I think I know where Mayura wants to lead Chat.”

“You figured out who Hawk Moth is?” Rena gasped.

Carapace crossed his arms with a glare, “Can’t we just go beat the crap out of him? Wouldn’t that stop whatever is going on with Adrien?”

Ladybug slowly shook her head, “I think just stopping Hawk Moth is enough to stop what’s happening. Besides, Hawk Moth - he’s...I don’t think Adrien would want to know who he is.”

Rena and Carapace shared a concerned look for a moment before the Fox heroine voiced it, “Why would you think that? You two have been after this guy for _years_. Why wouldn’t he want to know?”

Ladybug pressed her lips into a nervous line as she looked at the map again on her yo-yo, “I’m still not one hundred percent certain, but if my suspicion is correct then this is only more evidence. Look.”

The other two followed where she was pointing at, her finger tracing the line Rena had just shown until stopping at a specific point.

Carapace quickly recognised the address, “That Adrien’s place! Why would they be going there?”

“I...I think Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste.”

For the second time that day, Ladybug had sent her friends into a stunned silence. Their mouths fell open as they stared at her. Ladybug met their stares as she chewed her lip, recognising their expressions of pure outrage and shock on their faces.

Carapace was the first one to break the silence, furrowing his brow as he muttered, “I guess my list of people I need to punch just got a lot easier to do.”

“I can’t believe it.” Rena scowled at the ground, “Well, I guess I can. I knew Adrien’s dad was an asshole, and only Hawk Moth could compete with that level of being a dick.”

Another quake rumbling through the area as another building crashed down not too far away meant that any further thought on this new information had to be put on hold.

Gathering what she could of her nerves, Ladybug took a deep breath.

"Let's go."

It wasn't hard finding them. As Rena had described, the trail of destruction ran like a grizzly scar through the area. If they didn't know any better it would have been easy so assume there had been some out of control fire that had consumed everything in its path. They had to take care when running over the crumbling buildings, as more than once the remaining concrete would disintegrate to ash as soon as they stepped on it.

From their vantage point, it was easy to spot Chat Blanc and Mayura in the street below. Ladybug’s heart pounded at the sight. They were still engaged in combat, but it was looking more and more like Mayura was simply trying to avoid getting torn to shreds at all costs as Chat Blanc hunted her relentlessly. He had changed even more in the time that Ladybug had been gone. His suit was still a gleaming white, but the warped Cataclysm had spread. It wasn't just his right arm now, but the right side of his torso as well. The Cataclysm coursed up his neck and down his hip before flowing off his body like a live fire, scattering dark ashes and blue cinders behind him as he chased Mayura.

Carapace was also grimacing at the sight, "So how are we going to do this, Ladybug?"

Ladybug turned to her companions to see they were expectantly looking back at her. Just as always, they were looking for her to take the lead and come up with a plan. They trusted her as though nothing had changed. Like they'd never left their superhero roles.

Ladybug took a deep breath to settle herself into her strategist mode. The pressure was intense and she wanted so much to just allow herself to cave in from it. The weight of the world was once more on her shoulders, but she wasn’t alone. Chat Noir had always been the one to hold her steady, but now she had Rena Rouge and Carapace at her side in his absence. Surely the three of them were enough to bring this disaster to an end.

“Okay.” Ladybug said with a firm nod, “We need to separate Mayura and Chat. I don’t think Chat will be able to calm down enough if she’s still near him. If I can get him to focus on me instead I might be able to talk to him.”

“You want to _talk_ to him?” Rena raised an eyebrow just as another deafening howl of rage echoed from Chat, “Do you think he even _can_ talk right now?”

“I have to try. If I can get all of his attention on me I might be able to get him to stop.”

Ladybug knew it was a long shot, but she also knew Adrien. Using a more aggressive option might just force him to act out even more. If she could do this calmly and peacefully then they could solve this a lot more smoothly. At least, she really hoped that’s how it would go.

“You two take care of Mayura.” Ladybug instructed, “Try to hold off using your powers if you can. We might need Mirage or Shelter if things go wrong, and it won’t be easy for you two to recharge.”

“Are you sure you want to go against him alone?” Carapace frowned, “Wouldn’t it be better if you had my shield if he tries to attack you?”

Ladybug shook her head with a small smile, “He won’t.”

_I think…_

Understanding what they were to do now, the trio split off to ready themselves to act quickly. Ladybug gripped her yo-yo in her hand as she watched for Carapace and Rena to give her the go ahead from their hiding spot diagonally across the street from her. It was simple in theory. Ladybug would grab Chat Blanc and physically remove him from the area while Rena and Carapace would keep Mayura busy there. Hopefully without Mayura’s presence antagonising him, Ladybug would be able to get him to listen to her.

Carapace’s waving hand caught her attention. They were ready.

She had to move quickly. Her yo-yo left her hand immediately and she was swinging down from the building. Thankfully Mayura and Chat had been too engrossed in their fight to even notice the three heroes had been observing them. With the full force of gravity adding to the speed of her movement, Ladybug caught Chat off guard as she flew towards him. Doing her best to not touch the black void that was flowing over him, she grabbed a hold of his left arm that had yet to be consumed by the Cataclysm. Chat released an outraged yowl at the sudden surprise assault. He twisted and clawed in her grip as Ladybug pulled on her yo-yo to carry them skywards.  
She wasn’t able to take him far though as the claws of his right hand dug sharply into her own hand as she held him and she felt the burning sensation of the Cataclysm from him as it tried to corrode through her suit. A horrible noise echoed through her as though a voice that was not her own was screaming from _inside_ her head. She was forced to release him, crying out in pain as it felt like her hand was being scalded. He didn’t let go of her though and dragged her down with him as he fell, jarring her grip on her yo-yo and making it slip. They landed heavily on a rooftop that was already partially broken from Chat having passed by already. The impact of their bodies hitting the concrete was enough to make him release her as they both tumbled over the surface.

For a moment neither of them moved. Ladybug remained curled up as she took gulping breaths to try and wait for the pain in her hand to ease away. She never took her eyes off Chat Blanc however. He lay on his side a short distance away with his back to her. Apart from the pulsating corruption that still clung to him and made the ground under him fizzle, he didn’t move at all. He didn’t even appear to be breathing.

“Chat!” she gasped as she forced herself to her feet, swallowing back the throbbing pain of her hand as she stumbled towards him.

She fell on her knees next to him, reaching out to touch him but hesitated. The Cataclysm hadn’t died down at all as it continued to shroud his white form like a dark cloak. Now that she was close to him she could see the ashen spots over his body. Across his suit and the side of his face were patches like ugly bruises, seeming to grow darker where the Cataclysm clung to him more tightly. Ladybug lifted her shaking hand to finally take a look at the damage she’d taken. Her suit didn’t appear to have been torn, but there was a similar mark blooming over the back of her hand and wrist where Chat had clawed at her. She’d only felt the Cataclysm for a few seconds and the pain had been agonising. And the gut wrenching noise she’d heard had been something else entirely. She dreaded to think how bad Chat had to be hurting since the devastating power was attached to him and showed no signs of letting go.

Ladybug stifled the whimper welling up in her throat as she looked to his face. One of the bruises was stretching over his jaw and cheek, making the pale white of his features stand out even more. She reached out to him again, more carefully this time to avoid the shivering flames of black energy that only threatened harm.

“Chat?” she whispered as she gently brushed some of his snowy hair back from his eyes.

Ice blue eyes that snapped open at the touch.

Ladybug cried out as she was suddenly thrown onto her back, water splashing up around her as she hit the concrete. One clawed hand fiercely gripped into her shoulder to pin her down while another hovered over her face as it seethed with destructive power. Ladybug stared at the Cataclysm just inches from her face. It felt as though the air itself around her was dying, any feeling or warmth of life being sucked into the black void that devoured it all relentlessly. If it weren’t for the rain pouring around them she was sure the loud pounding of her heart would be audible. She stared at the bubbling corruption above her, but it didn’t move any closer. Still not daring to even breathe, Ladybug adjusted her sight towards Chat’s face as he knelt over her.

His expression wasn’t blank as it had been earlier. There was raw emotion there, drowning in the ocean of his eyes as he stared back at her. Confusion. Anger. Pain. _Fear._ He looked like just how he had earlier when he’d confessed to her all of the rage and hurt he had been shouldering all this time, when he’d told her he would rather everything just vanished than him having to go on for another day living like that.  
Her lungs were clenching desperately for oxygen, but Ladybug only allowed herself a quiet stuttering breath as she lifted her hand towards him. As tenderly as her shaking fingertips would allow, she cupped the side of his face that hadn’t been exposed to the Cataclysm yet. He stiffened at the touch as though he hadn’t even seen her move, his cat ears giving an uneasy twitch as he listened to her suppressed breathing. His eyes flickered over hers for a moment as though he was slowly considering something. 

“Adrien.” she said softly as she brushed her thumb over his cheek, “It’s okay. It’s just us here. You’re safe.”

Chat remained still for a moment before harshly pulling himself away from her. He backed away a few paces before crouching on the spot with his tail curling around his legs. He wrapped his arms around himself as well, not seeming to care about holding himself with his Cataclysm infested hand as he watched her carefully. His freezing blue stare had become empty once more, any trace of the flash of emotions she had seen had vanished. Ladybug sat up to face him as she rubbed her shoulder now that it was released from his claws.

His hollow gaze considered her for a moment before he spoke, “Stop calling me that.”

“What?” she responded with confusion.

“You’re calling me by the wrong name. It’s Chat Blanc now.”

“You’re _Adrien_. And Adrien’s Chat Noir.”

“No.”

Ladybug was taken aback by the bluntness of his speech. She couldn’t understand why he was so coldly denying himself. Akuma victims in the past had been very quick to disregard their former selves for their new versions that had gained power, but Ladybug still refused to believe that Chat wasn’t akumatised. He’d even said so himself that he wasn’t under the control of an akuma.

“ _Adrien_ isn’t needed anymore.” Chat said with a shrug, his cat ears giving a shake to remove the rain droplets that had gathered on them, “Not that he ever was. I can prove it to you if you want, My Lady.”

“Prove it to me…?”

“I’ll make things better. Everything. All of it. This unfair world that is filled with nothing but disgusting little creatures. I’ll tear it down to nothing. I’ll make it so that it’s only the two of us.”

Ladybug was unable to think of any possible response to what she was hearing. What kind of answer was she supposed to give? She obviously couldn’t agree with him, and yet she couldn’t find any words to try and tell him otherwise.  
Chat held her gaze for a moment before lifting his head up towards the dark sky, letting the rain fall over his face before speaking again.

“There won’t be anyone or anything to keep us apart anymore. No one to hurt us anymore.”

“But...But destroying _everything_?” Ladybug stuttered, “The world? How could you possibly want to do something like that?”

Chat once again met her with a levelled gaze, “Because I love you. And you still love me, don’t you?”

“I love the person you _were_!” she cried out, “Not whatever it is you’re trying to become now!”

“I’m trying to become better for you!” Chat snarled with a flash of his fangs.

Her heart was hammering in her chest. Even though his perception of his emotions was so horribly warped now, he was still trying so hard out of his love for her.

_It was our love that did this to the world, My Lady._

Wasn’t that what the Chat Blanc of the other timeline had said? She never knew exactly what sequence of events had caused that outcome, only that Adrien’s love for her had played a part in it.

Ladybug stood up with a heavy sigh. Her heart still thudded painfully, but she refused to let her resolve crumble now. She was going to fix this. She couldn’t let Adrien fall further than he already had. She couldn’t let that nightmare become their future.

“Chat.” she addressed him softly, hoping the more neutral name would placate him some, “You don’t need to take things so far. I don’t _want_ you to do such things.”

Chat eyed her carefully, slowly standing up to meet her as she cautiously approached him.

“I love you,” she added, “but don’t you think it’d be lonely if it’s only us?”

“I don’t need anyone else.” he gave a smile that lacked any affection or warmth.

“What you need is _help_ . And I’m going to help you. I will _always_ be there to help you. But it’s not just me. Nino and Alya want to help you too. Even now, they’re doing what they can so you can be yourself again.”

A faint confusion flickered in his gaze. The Cataclysm that had been twisting over him had become a little less erratic in its movement as she came closer, going down from a violent torrent to a smouldering blaze. Her hand still ached from where he had touched her before and her earrings seemed to almost vibrate with heat with each pulse of pain she felt. She moved slowly so Chat could see what she was doing as she reached around to her back. She had managed to hold onto her Lucky Charm photo from earlier, having kept it fastened to her lower back for safekeeping. Chat’s expression remained neutral, giving nothing away as his eyes flickered over her before looking down at the photo she held out to him.

“I know you’re hurting.” Ladybug said softly, “But you don’t need to suffer through it alone anymore.”

Chat didn’t answer. His cold eyes glimmered under his lashes as he scanned over the four people in the photo. Him. Marinette. Nino. Alya.

Ladybug watched him as the passing seconds seemed to draw out forever. The humming of her earrings seemed to grow even more insistent as Chat reached out. She realised a second too late that it was his corrupted hand that came towards her, staring in disbelief as the photograph in her hands disintegrated to nothing but ash between her fingers as soon as he touched it.

“They don’t know me.” Chat Blanc muttered, “I don’t want them to.”

Again Ladybug heard that distant screaming resounding within the walls of her mind as the ashes fell through her grasp, a voice full of raw and overflowing emotion that cried out desperately for someone to answer it. Her heart dropped like a weighted anchor, plummeting hard when she recognised that she’d heard this sound before. It was the same as when Chat’s Cataclysm had touched her hand. And it was the same as when she’d purified the piece of the amok that had been expelled from Adrien. So much pain, fear and rage encompassed in a lost voice.

She was shaking now as she stared at Adrien - _no_ \- at _Chat Blanc_ in front of her. He watched the ashes fall to the ground before lifting his cold, steady gaze towards her.

Ladybug brought her hands to her mouth to cover the sobbing gasp that escaped her throat, “You’re not Adrien...”

Chat’s eyes remained a cold void as he silently studied her. He gave her a crooked smirk as she trembled before him, daring her to voice the conclusion she’d accidentally discovered.

“The amok...you’re a _Sentimonster_!”

“Don’t you think it’s a little unfair to use such a crude term?” Chat Blanc chuckled, “You gave me a name after all.”

“Adrien...where is Adrien?!” she demanded, “What did you do with him?”

Chat’s eyes widened slightly as he gave an amused hum. He paused before giving her any answer, seemingly just to watch her grow increasingly more desperate the longer he made her wait.

“He’s here.” Chat said eventually as he tapped at his temple, “He’s just having a little rest. Though I think it will be a permanent one.”

“Bring him back. _Now!_ ”

Ladybug stepped closer to him, ignoring how close she was to the exposed Cataclysm as she glared at him through her tears.

Chat gave an annoyed click of his tongue as he sneered, “He made his choice. I gave him the option and he took it. Whether he regrets it now or not doesn’t matter to me. I’m here now and I’m going to do what he couldn’t.”

“And what’s that exactly?” Ladybug spat.

“You didn't hear me! Why won’t anyone _listen_ to me?!”

Ladybug was forced to take a step back as the Cataclysm clinging to his body flared up again, spitting black and blue cinders as the bubbling tendrils of it lashed at the air around him.

_The Cataclysm reacts to his emotions…_

This wasn’t a normal Sentimonster that was bound to a physical object through someone’s emotions. The amok had existed in Adrien for years now, absorbing all of the intense and dark emotions he’d struggled with until it was filled beyond capacity. Such a thing surely would have driven any normal person mad.

“But Adrien had a Miraculous…” Ladybug whispered before adding more loudly, “You were leeching off of his Miraculous this whole time!”

Chat gave a satisfied smirk as he raised an eyebrow, “Destruction and emotion go so well together. We had a nice thing going. I was systematically removing any sense of feeling from him. Until Hawk Moth’s akuma threw everything off balance.”

“You were _destroying_ him!”

“I did it because he wouldn’t do anything himself!”

Ladybug flinched away as once again the Cataclysm blazed like a ravenous fire. Chat glared at her with bared fangs before closing his eyes and taking an even breath. When he opened his eyes again he’d once more returned to that cold, empty expression.

“I got bored of him being so pathetic. Always hoping for change but nothing ever did. _He_ never did. I hated watching him act so passive all the time. So I gave him a way out. He could let go, and I would resolve everything for him.”

“But this isn’t fair! You can’t just take Adrien’s life from him!”

“He was going to throw it away anyway. I can be a better person than he _ever_ could. No one will care that it’s _Chat Blanc_ now and not Adrien.”

“ _But I do!_ ”

His cat ears flattened against his head as she screamed at him. Ladybug clenched her jaw to try and hold back her sobs, but she couldn’t hold back the tears. They fell freely from her lashes as she looked at him, rolling down her cheeks and blending with the rain.

“I love _him_ ! How could you think I wouldn't notice you’re not _him_?”

Chat’s eyes flickered over her as something unreadable burned within the depths of his gaze. He said nothing as Ladybug tried to wipe away her tears but they just kept coming. She refused to believe that Adrien had been lost to her, only to be replaced by the shade that had haunted his shadow for years now, the voice that had been whispering destruction in his ear all this time.

Ladybug hiccuped as she tried to gain control of her voice again, “...do you love me?”

Chat Blanc looked almost offended by the question, “Of course. His emotions are _mine_. What I feel for you is genuine, My Lady!”

She wasn’t really sure if it could be called _genuine_ when it hadn’t been his to begin with. But Chat Blanc seemed convinced that what he felt was real, so maybe that was enough.

“So...will you please listen to me?” she asked weakly as she looked up at him.

He appeared a little uncertain as he gazed back at her, his cat ears giving a nervous flick as he considered her words.

“Okay then, My Lady.” he answered softly, “I’ll listen.”

Ladybug took a shuddering breath as she blinked more tears from her eyes, “Let go of him. Return Adrien to me. _Please._ ”

Chat’s glacial gaze flickered over her as he silently pondered her request.

Finally his eyes softened as he murmured, “I love you.”

Ladybug met his melting gaze, “I know you do.”

“I would destroy the world for you.”

“I believe you.”

“I would kill you for.”

“I know.”

“I would be the perfect partner. You wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again.”

Ladybug pressed her lips into a thin line as she looked at him. Chat lifted his left hand, still free from the surging corruption infecting him, and tenderly cupped the side of her face. He was being more careful than before, taking care to not scratch his claws over her skin as he caressed her cheek.

“I don’t need perfect.” Ladybug whispered, “I never did. I only ever needed _my_ Chat Noir. Even if he’s flawed. Even if he can only think of himself as broken. Adrien is the only one I want.”

Chat Blanc said nothing as his intensely blue eyes searched hers. She could only hear now the pounding of the rain falling endlessly around them and the solemn thumping of her heart in between her gasping sobs.

Without a word, Chat leaned forward. Ladybug stayed still for him as he gently brushed her hair away from her face before placing a soft, cold kiss on her forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*gasp* *wheeze*_ I did it! I finally got this chapter done!  
> I'm so sorry for the delay on this one. Between life things, writer's block things and other things - this chapter was just an all round difficult one to get written. ~~And I may or may not have spent time on _another_ ML fic that I really have no business writing right now buuuut...~~  
> Yup, "Beast" was a Sentimonster this whole time. I have totally not made things in this fic more complicated than they ever needed to be. Nope. Not at all.
> 
> Shout out to [leemotionalwreck](https://leemotionalwreck.tumblr.com/) for listening to my recent craziness while I work through these upcoming chapters!
> 
> As always, many thanks to my dear readers for still sticking with this fic. Thank you so much for all the support, comments and kudos!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	94. Atonal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minor warning: This chapter contains some physical violence. Not sure if warning is necessary, but putting it here just in case.

He couldn’t scream anymore. His lungs constricted painfully in his chest and his throat had run raw. Screaming. So much screaming and no one to hear him. No one to answer him. All for nothing. Why had he even tried? It didn’t make a difference. He could still feel the singed edges of his memory taking even more, casting it all away as blackened cinders until he would be reduced to nothing.  
A viscous liquid kept seeping from his hand, clouding the dark waters around him further. He couldn’t even see the shards now. But he could feel them. Multiple glass hooks and blades that were embedded in his flesh, igniting a pain in his arm that made him want to rip it off entirely. He wanted to bite through the flesh and bone until he couldn’t feel the pain anymore. And he’d tried. But as soon as he tasted the bitterness that infected his veins he had been left choking and gagging, aggravating even further the way it felt his throat had been torn from his pointless screaming.

He was resigned to the silence once again. Endless. Empty. Dark. _Alone._  
He couldn’t even hear the sound of his own heart or his breathing. Was he breathing at all now? He didn’t want to for fear of the freezing black waters that would rush his lungs and choke him further. This was how it was meant to be. Left alone to sink into suffocating shadows. Nothing but an abyss ahead of him and where he’d been slowly slipping away from him.

...

_But this isn’t fair! You can’t just take Adrien’s life from him!_

A voice.

_He was going to throw it away anyway. I can be a better person than he ever could. No one will care that it’s Chat Blanc now and not Adrien._

Another.

_But I do!_

Both so familiar yet completely foreign. What were they talking about?

_I love him ! How could you think I wouldn't notice you’re not him?_

Love...Hadn’t he known that once? Hadn’t he known _her_?

_I only ever needed my Chat Noir. Even if he’s flawed. Even if he can only think of himself as broken. Adrien is the only one I want._

To be wanted. That was it. What he’d always craved. To be wanted as he was. Not to be used or forced endlessly, to have his heart cut out and put on display for anyone to have a piece of. He just wanted to belong somewhere, to someone. To them alone. To only her. And she was looking for him.

 _I’m here…_ he wanted to cry out to her, _I’m still here!_

But he was scared. Scared of how the water might rush his lungs and drown him in that same disgusting bitterness that flowed from his veins. Scared of how angry and twisted he felt he’d become that there was no possible way he could return to whoever he’d once been.

_I can’t take it anymore…_

* * *

  
  


Ladybug shivered at the soft touch of Chat Blanc’s lips against her forehead. It was gentle but lacked any warmth. It only made her miss even more the caring touches and gestures Adrien had always given her. It was strange to think in such a way, as physically it was Adrien there before her. And yet, it was someone else entirely. Not Adrien. Not Chat Noir. It was Chat Blanc manifested through a corrupted Amok. A copy of Adrien, but still not _him_.

“ _Please._ ” she begged again with a breathy whisper.

Blanc hummed quietly as he nuzzled against her hair. She had a feeling he had probably already made his decision, and was just keeping her waiting for his own amusement.

“You want him back that much?” Blanc murmured, “You want to bring him back to an existence he didn’t want? When you could have me and I’d make sure to never disappoint you like he did?”

Ladybug shook her head, “I know that things are painful right now. And they might continue to be for a long time. But I want him to see that it doesn’t have to always be that way. I want him to see that he can live his life being loved and cared for. I want him to know that there are better days waiting for him.”

Blanc sighed as he leaned away from her again, his half lidded gaze still uncharacteristically soft for the freezing cold blue of his eyes.

“My Lady…” He started before going quiet again.

It was instantaneous. The gentleness in his demeanour vanished as his eyes frosted over again, becoming blank and empty once more. His lip curled with a snarl as he turned away from her, water droplets shaking from his cat ears while they twitched excessively. Ladybug cautiously watched how he flexed his claws as he withdrew his hands from her. She wondered if she should say something, but then she started to hear it too. A quiet, crystalline sound like a glass windchime gently singing its notes just under the pouring rain.

Blanc stayed close to her, protectively holding his arm out to defend her from whatever was coming their way. Ladybug carefully scanned the area around them, but through the rainy haze and lingering smoke she couldn’t see anything that stood out to her. That still didn’t stop the bracing chill that went down her spine.  
But then she started to see it. Over the rooftop they stood on came a creeping wave of what looked like crystals. Another sound echoed through the rain, a series of low hollow music notes. Blanc hissed at the noise while the crystals started to circle around them. Ladybug twisted around to see that it had completely surrounded them and was starting to rapidly build up a wall, the crystals melding together like a smooth sheet of ice. Ladybug’s eyes went wide when she quickly found herself staring at her reflection. Mirrors. They’d been surrounded by large, mirrored walls on all sides.

Ladybug lifted her head up, blinking away the rain that fell into her eyes as she tried to judge the height of the walls around them. She needed to quickly think of a way to escape this strange predicament. Given that they were already on a rooftop, it would be difficult for her to use her yo-yo to lift them out of there and the smooth surfaces provided no grip for them to climb on. She didn’t know what the source of the barrier was, but it was looking like their best option was to try and break through it.

“Chat, can you-” Ladybug started as she turned back towards him, but froze as she saw.

Blanc had his back turned to her, but in the mirror ahead of them she could clearly see his reflection. He was staring at it, his cat-like eyes blown wide as he remained transfixed on the image of himself.

“It’s not right…” he murmured, his voice so quiet she could barely hear it over the rain.

He stepped backwards, roughly pushing into Ladybug as though he’d completely forgotten that she was standing behind him.

“Chat.” Ladybug called to him calmly but he was frantically looking all around him now.

His cat ears were on high alert as he twisted and turned to look around him, but no matter where he faced there was a mirror waiting for him. No matter where he looked there was another equally alarmed reflection staring wildly back at him.

“It’s not right! It’s not mine! I’m not-! This isn’t-!” he cried desperately as his panicking continued to escalate.

His reaction was frightening to watch as he became more and more lost in whatever hysteria was gripping him. Ladybug quickly looked around to see if she was missing something, but there was nothing. Just the mirrored walls and their reflections. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest when she made the connection. They never explicitly talked about it, but Marinette had noticed it in his behaviour. Adrien had a strong aversion to mirrors. In the whole time that they had shared the same living space, she’d never once seen him purposefully use a mirror and even appeared to make a point of never facing one directly. She’d thought it had something to do with his dislike for there being so much emphasis on his appearance for modeling, but if the state she’d found his bathroom in earlier said anything it was that it wasn’t as simple as that. The Sentimoster that was inhabiting Adrien now was born out of the emotions he’d haboured, his fears included. Even if Blanc tried to appear otherwise, he still carried Adrien’s traumas.

“I don’t want your disgusting fears.” Blanc hissed through his teeth as he curled into himself, his clawed hands harshly gripping the sides of his head, “ _I’m not weak like you!_ ”

A low, languid laugh echoed through the rain. Ladybug looked around them for the source of it, but the voice seemed to come from all sides.

"You made a mistake in trying to humiliate me. I _know_ you. I know how to _break_ you. And I'm going to make sure Ladybug watches as you fall apart all over again."

Ladybug's gaze snapped to a new movement within the mirrors. A figure appeared in the glass, a reflection somehow existing even though there was no visible source for it.

_Volpina._

Her face was still bloodied from the wound Blanc had inflicted earlier. It still didn't stop her from giving a haughty smirk however, making her expression excessively morbid as she grinned through the blood. She placed a hand on her cocked hip and she twirled her flute in her other hand.

_The flute!_

The music Ladybug had heard moments before had come from the flute! The mirrors were Volpina's doing, which meant they had to all be illusions.

"Chat. Chat!" Ladybug voice was hushed and she spoke quickly as she stepped closer to him again, "The mirrors are using illusions. We can break them if we just-"

" _Don't touch me!_ "

She hadn't even been intending to touch him, but the threat of her entering his space had been enough for him to suddenly scream at her. The reaction was instant and for a moment she didn't even feel anything, making her wonder if she'd just imagined the flash of claws coming towards her. But then she felt a warm liquid trickling down her cheek. Eyes wide and staring at Blanc's shaking form as he once more retreated into a hunched ball, Ladybug numbly lifted a hand to her face. It stung as her fingertips tentatively dabbed the tender skin just below her cheekbone and when she brought them away she could see the deep red blood running down her fingers. He'd attacked her. He'd caused her to bleed. If his claws had struck just a little higher he could have gouged her eye out.

The image of Volpina started cackling, holding her sides as she doubled over in laughter.

"So much for the white knight! What happened to the scary, tough guy act? That's all it was, wasn't it? Just an act!"

Blanc didn't even appear to be listening to Volpina's taunting as he was now crouched down, bending over his knees as his hands firmly held the sides of his neck. The Cataclysm was building up again, spreading past his shoulder and over his torso once more like a hungering lava.

Ladybug attempted to move closer to him again but found her body wouldn't respond. Her legs were shaking as they refused to allow her to step towards him. Her heart was pounding, making the fresh gash on her cheek throb in time with her pulse. She was scared. What if he were to lash out at her again? What if this time it wasn't just the side of his face he left bleeding?  
He was paying no attention to her, like her existence had completely vanished from him in that moment. He was staring at the ground but his cat ears were working excessively as though listening for the smallest noise. Could he even hear much through the rain?

"Maybe I should just wait for him to go completely crazy." Volpina sneered, "It'll be so much easier to take both of your Miraculous if he tears you to pieces first."

Ladybug didn't want to hear another word from the jeering image, so she shot out her yo-yo as hard as she could. It struck the middle of the mirror, right where Volpina's head was. Cracks ruptured over the wall's surface before it disintegrated in a pale cloud as the illusion was broken. But she didn't stop there. She swung her yo-yo around so that it sliced through all of the mirrors around them, splitting them apart until the illusions broke down. But as soon as one mirror was removed, a series of toneless music notes summoned another one in its place. Ladybug frantically looked around them once more as her sense of direction felt completely off balance. Volpina's teasing laugh seemed to echo from all directions, so Ladybug had no idea where to launch a full assault in hopes of breaking through and catching their enemy.

Ladybug looked down at Chat Blanc who remained crouched on the ground. He hadn't spoken, but she could see the way his chest heaved with shaking breaths and his cat ears continued to angle around as though searching. The Cataclysm was pulsating over him, bubbling and spiking like a warning for anyone who tried to get close.

Ladybug attempted to swallow the lump in her throat as she carefully stepped around him, keeping a large radius until she came to stand in front of him.

"Chat, listen to me." She said slowly, hoping that he could actually hear her, "The mirrors are illusions. Volpina can't be too far from here. If we can get to her, then the mirrors will go away. She won't keep up the illusions if we can get by them."

Blanc's quiet trembling suddenly stopped. She heard him take a long, steady breath before he slowly lifted his head towards her. The depths of his gaze had become empty and listless once more, as though he was staring through her completely.

"Go away…" he murmured, "I have to make it all go away. It won't hurt if it all goes away."

He started to uncurl from his defensive position, stretching out like a cat as his gaze flitted around. His cat ears continued to work before becoming rigid, tilting forwards to a specific point while a low growl rumbled in his throat. Ladybug's earrings started to feel like they were humming with a heated energy as Blanc's claws pierced into the ground beneath him. From his right hand the Cataclysm spilled out like an oil slick, tainting the structure they were standing on until it had all become a decrepit black. Even the mirror illusions were soaking up the horrible energy until they all shattered at once. The ground beneath them went with it, the already failing structure caving in on itself as what remained of the building became infected with the Cataclysm.

Ladybug was forced to jump away as there was no longer anywhere secure enough for her to stand on. With the mirrors now gone, she was able to use her yo-yo more accurately to control her descent into the ruined street below. She caught a flash of orange somewhere above her as Volpina leapt clear of the building that was now crashing down, having been thoroughly flushed out of hiding as the Cataclysm seemed to engulf the shambling remains of the building. Blanc was after her immediately, sticking to Volpina like a monochrome shadow as he tried to tackle her out of the sky.

“You’re so annoying!” Volpina scoffed as she ducked away from Blanc’s claws before kicking him in the chest, “I liked you better when you did as I said!”

Blanc took the kick, but he immediately grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her down with him as he fell down to the street below. Volpina screeched as they hit the ground, twisting in his grip before harshly kicking at his face. Blanc was forced to let go of her when her blow struck him, causing blood to dribble from his nose and over his chin. He didn’t seem affected by the damage though, as he pounced towards her again. Volpina sprang to her feet again, dodging the wave of Cataclysm that lunged towards her from Blanc’s swiping claws before spinning to block the kick he followed up with. Volpina was doing her best to avoid the voracious Cataclysm that was consuming Blanc while he didn’t appear to care at all what hits he took from her attacks.

Ladybug sprinted after them as the pair went at each other again and again. This could be their chance to take Volpina out of this once and for all. Wrapping her yo-yo string tight around her wrist, Ladybug targeted Volpina before propelling the object as fast as she could towards her enemy. The yo-yo quickly tangled in Volpina's legs as she tried to backstep away from Blanc, causing the girl to topple over.

“Chat!” Ladybug called out, “The akuma will be in her necklace! Grab it and-”

But Blanc was already on Volpina. As soon as the girl had hit the ground he was on top of her, pinning her in place with his weight as his claws dug into her shoulders. Volpina shrieked at him and tried to scratch at his face with her own nails, but it was swiftly met with Blanc biting down into one of her wrists.

_Shit. Shit shit shit shit!_

Blanc had already tried to kill Volpina once, so of course he would try again. Why did she think he would be any more reasonable now that he had been earlier? Just because he had shown her a moment of gentleness didn’t mean that the violent wrath in him had disappeared. He was ruled by his uninhibited emotions.

_Then I’ll just have to appeal to that more than his sense of reasoning!_

Ladybug took a deep breath before screaming at the top of her lungs, “If you want me to love you then you will listen to me _right now_!”

Blanc froze, his hands mere inches from closing around Volpina’s neck once again. Volpina was still writhing underneath him, whimpering and whining as she tried to swipe away the Cataclysm that was spreading from his body to hers.

Ladybug waited, her eyes fixed on Blanc as he remained motionless. For a time, the only movement from him was the rainfall dripping off of him as he remained hunched over Volpina. Then slowly he lifted his head, turning his blank glacial gaze towards Ladybug. His cold blue eyes made her heart shiver, but Ladybug didn’t back down from the challenging stare.

“If we deakumatise her then she won’t be a threat anymore.” Ladybug insisted, “So just break her necklace and let me purify the akuma. Please.”

Blanc’s gaze didn’t leave her, but the twitch of his cat ears told her that he’d heard her.

“If I let her go, then she will just get akumatised again.” Blanc responded flatly, “If I just kill her then we won’t have to deal with her ever again.”

“I can't stand by and watch you kill someone!”

Blanc hummed as he looked down at Volpina once more, “Then I’ll make it quick for your sake, My Lady. Just a moment and it’ll be done.”

“ _Wait!_ ” Volpina screeched as Blanc’s claws started to press into her throat, “I know who Hawk Moth is!”

Blanc only paused briefly before allowing his claws to pierce the tender skin of her neck and drawing blood, “You’re a liar. There’s no point in you telling me anything.”

“But you would believe Ladybug right?” Volpina hacked and coughed through the pressure Blanc was now applying, “I heard her say it! She knows!”

All of the air left Ladybug’s body as Blanc paused once again. Volpina had been listening in on her conversation earlier with Carapace and Rena Rouge. She’d heard Ladybug’s theory on the true identity of their nemesis.

Ladybug trembled as she felt Blanc’s cold gaze one her once again. His expression was blank, but there was a certain venomous glow in his eyes as he dared her to say something.

“I don’t think I believe her.” Blanc said coldly, “But I would like to hear your side, My Lady.”

“I…” Ladybug started but then faltered.

“Gabriel Agreste!” Volpina shouted as she kept trying to wipe away the seething Cataclysm that was dripping towards her from Blanc’s form, “She said it was Gabriel Agreste! It’s-”

Without even returning his gaze to Volpina, Blanc tightened his grip on her throat until the only sound that came from her was a wheezing squeal.

Ladybug felt as though she were about to drown in his emotionless, icy gaze as he continued to stare at her, “My Lady? I won’t ask again.”

“I...I’m not sure.” Ladybug responded weakly, “I-I think it...it _might_ be. I could be wrong but...there were too many coincidences I can’t ignore.”

Blanc went silent but his heavy gaze remained on her. He appeared to be thinking deeply on something, and she was afraid to consider what it could possibly be.  
After some moments, Blanc let out a sigh as he titled his head back to the sky. A smirk came to his face as he gave a low, languid chuckle.

“Of course he is.” Blanc hissed through his throaty laugh, “Bad luck and destruction is my existence. _Of course_ Father is Hawk Moth.”

He released his grip from Volpina as he stood up. Volpina twisted herself out from under him as she tried to crawl away, but she’d barely moved before Blanc brought his foot down in a heavy stomp right on her ankle. Volpina let out a blood curdling screech at the impact, the bones of her ankle no doubt shattering from the force of the blow.

“Stay like that.” Blanc purred, “Just stay there like that. I don’t want you going anywhere.”

With Volpina reduced to a sobbing mess on the ground, bones broken and covered in blood as well as blackening spots from the Cataclysm, Blanc hopped away from her before stepping lightly towards Ladybug.

“A new plan.” Blanc grinned as he approached her, “Give me your Miraculous.”

“W-What?” Ladybug stammered, finding herself taking an automatic step back as Blanc came closer.

Blanc’s smile vanished as his expression darkened, the blue of his eyes becoming a violent storm, “I’ll make the wish. I’ll make it all disappear. I’ll make it so we can forget all of these people that we don’t need, these people that only do harm. I’ll wish for a world that’s made for the two of us.”

Ladybug felt sick with fear as she stared at him. He was serious.

“The wish...the wish doesn’t work like that!” Ladybug yelled, “It doesn’t just give you what you want - not without a heavy price! And I don’t want everyone else to disappear! I don’t want to forget!”

“But won’t you be happier? You can forget about having to be Ladybug, about having to be everyone’s hero. You can forget about Adrien and how he could never meet your expectations. It’ll just be you and me. Finally free of all the fear. Of all the _pain_.”

“N-No...I won’t give you my Miraculous. I won’t let you make such a wish!”

Blanc held her gaze for a moment, the tempest in his eyes growing more dangerous with each second. He was a frightening spectre before her. The Cataclysm over his body shifted, deepening in colour until it was almost like a liquid black hole over his body with crackles of blue embers pulsing through it. The bruised, ash-like spots over his body had increased in number as well as opacity, and his face was still bloodied from the blows Volpina had dealt.

“I would ask for your forgiveness then.” he said without feeling, “But it won’t matter since I’ll make you forget.”

Ladybug gasped as his Cataclysm soaked claws lashed towards her. She fell backwards as she clumsily tried to dodge. Her body was becoming paralysed with fear so she quickly found herself hitting the ground as she stumbled over. Blanc loomed over her, empty eyes staring down at her as he flexed his claws. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to fight him. She wasn’t even sure if she _could_ fight him. Not when Adrien’s existence was being held hostage. But how was she meant to save Adrien like this? She couldn’t even figure out how to deal with the entity that was standing in her way of bringing him back. A creature of pain and torment that seemed perfectly fine with killing her now that Blanc had determined the means to his end goal.  
She desperately tried to think of some plan to get out of this, but nothing seemed possible. She couldn’t run from him as he would hunt her relentlessly. She couldn’t fight him as his cloaking Cataclysm would only harm her if she tried to attack him. She’d tried talking to him but he refused to be reasoned with. Over. It was all over.

“Don’t be scared, My Lady.” Blanc purred as he reached down to her, “Just let me do this and everything will finally be okay.”

Somewhere through the rain came a sound. The unmistakable whipping of a string. Ladybug nearly choked on the air suddenly being forced out of her body as she was abruptly pulled off of the ground. With dizzying power and speed she was flying through the air through no will of her own, but she hadn’t been thrown at random. She was being _pulled_. A strong string was wrapped around her waist, securely holding her as she was hauled up off the street and up towards a nearby rooftop. Ladybug grunted and gasped as she hit the slanted roof, the string around her waist preventing her from slipping off the edge.

“I come here to make my dramatic entrance and _this_ is what I find? I always knew you were a _lame_ hero, but you’re not doing yourself any favours by sitting on the ground like an idiot.” a haughty voice scolded her, “Ridiculous! Utterly _ridiculous!_ ”

Ladybug’s eyes grew wide as she lifted her gaze to the person next to her, meeting the irritable sapphire glare in their eyes.

_Queen Bee._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _New challenger approaching! Queen Bee joins the battle!_  
>  Of course she's joining in. I couldn't _not_ have her be part of the Protect Adrien Squad.  
> 94 chapters? How the heck did we get here?
> 
> Thanks so much as always! I'm always so pleased to receive comments and kudos on my work. I'm almost always in tears with how kind you all are!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	95. Doloroso

Ladybug was speechless as she stared at Queen Bee, only having just enough presence of mind to keep herself balanced on the edge of the rooftop as Queen Bee roughly released her from the string of her spinning top.

“I can’t believe this.” Queen Bee muttered under her breath as she snapped the spinning top back to her hand, “I thought you had to be delirious to be asking for _my_ help, but clearly you’re all just _useless_ without me.”

“You’re here…” Ladybug whispered dumbly, still in shock at the other heroine’s arrival.

“Of course I'm here! There’s no way I could leave helping Adrien just up to you alone!” Queen Bee snapped before turning to yell down to the street below, “And _you!_ I swear to god Adrien! I told you your mood swings were never cute, but this is just ridiculous!”

Whether Queen Bee’s scolding had any effect on Blanc was unclear as he just stared back at her with a neutral expression. He hadn’t moved at all and only continued to watch them with a measured gaze as though weighing his options. The Cataclysm however remained rampant over his body, having spread across his shoulders and chest now. Volpina still lay a short distance behind him, now unmoving and likely having passed out from the pain and shock Blanc had inflicted from breaking her leg.

Queen Bee clicked her tongue as she cracked her knuckles, “Okay, where’s his cursed object? It’s not very often I get to punch some sense into him, but I’d rather get this done quickly since _you’ve_ wasted enough time already.”

Ladybug kept her eye on Blanc as she spoke, finding herself unable to trust his sudden passiveness, “He doesn’t have one. He...He’s not akumatised.”

“...You’re joking, right? Have you _looked_ at him? That is not my Adrikins. Or even Chat Noir.”

“I don’t have time to explain it all, but just trust me on this. Things are...complicated.”

“As if it’s ever been any different with him. Let’s get this over with. I’ll give you _your_ beating after for having let things go this far and not asking for help sooner.”

“Chloe, wait-!”

Queen Bee ignored her and promptly dropped down to the street below.  
Ladybug hesitated before following. She still wasn’t sure if she’d made the right call in returning the Bee Miraculous to Chloe. But still, she didn’t want to think about what situation she’d be in now if Queen Bee hadn’t saved her before Blanc could take her Miraculous.

Chat Blanc still hadn’t moved even as Ladybug joined Queen Bee in the street below. His frosted eyes flickered between the two girls in a predatory way, as though he were trying to pick out the weaker target. Ladybug tried to swallow back the fear welling inside her as she moved to Queen Bee’s side.

“We can’t fight him.” she whispered, “Right now he’s dangerous and ruthless…”

“You mean _you can’t_ fight him, or _you don’t want_ to fight him?” Queen Bee retorted.

“I…”

Queen Bee’s sapphire eyes fiercely burned into her. Ladybug shrank away under the intense glare, as she knew Bee was right. It had been hard enough fighting Chat Blanc in the past, but she didn’t know back then all that she did now. And even though it wasn’t Adrien now that was standing there, even though it wasn’t Adrien that had caused the lacerations on her cheek, she was still scared. She still couldn’t help but see the person she loved so dearly caught in a living nightmare and she didn’t want to hurt him further.  
Queen Bee’s expression slowly softened with Ladybug’s silence. She still looked angry, but the feeling had become quieter as she crossed her arms.

“I get it.” Queen Bee murmured as she watched Blanc’s still unmoving form carefully, “I don’t want to hurt him either. But if it's the choice of either throwing a few punches or leaving him as _that_ , I’d rather apologise to him later for beating his ass.”

Ladybug stared in amazement. She’d almost forgotten the almost brutish quality of Chloe’s determination of act first then _maybe_ consider consequences later. And perhaps that’s what they needed to do right now. Blanc was immovable in his goal, so why shouldn’t she be?

“Sorry to intrude on your little girl talk,” Chat Blanc announced with an air of nonchalance, “but you interrupted my conversation with My Lady first. So if you don’t mind I’ll be taking her back now.”

Queen Bee scoffed, “Hardly looked like a conversation from where I was standing. You just wanted her Miraculous.”

“So? I have a good reason. You agree with me, don’t you My Lady?”

Ladybug’s heart shivered as she looked at Blanc. That brief moment of softness she’d seen in him, that glimpse of tenderness he’d shown her, it had all vanished completely. Drowned in the bitter cold ocean of his gaze. This wasn’t the person she wanted. She wanted the one who had filled her with more love than she knew possible. She wanted the one who she had fully given her heart to and had entrusted her with his own wounded one in return, despite how much it scared him.

Ladybug closed her eyes and took a deep breath to try and unwind the tight knots her nerves had bundled themselves into. When her eyes opened again she fixed Blanc with a determined gaze.

“I’m sorry, Chat. But you can’t have my Miraculous. But I _will_ be getting Adrien back.”

She held herself firm as she met his desolate eyes. There was a glimmer of amusement there as though he didn’t take her issue of challenge completely seriously. But there was something dark and dangerous in them too. The gash on her cheek pulsed with pain and her earrings hummed with power as his gaze bore into her. But she refused to look away. She wouldn’t let herself get scared again. She wouldn’t be the one to back down.

“I see.” Blanc answered flatly, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

An uneasy silence settled between the three of them and their locked eyes remained unbroken. The rain kept pouring down around them, continuously drenching the mangled street as though the city had already been condemned to drown.

Blanc moved first. He propelled himself forwards onto all fours as he rapidly closed the gap between them. His speed caught Queen Bee off guard but Ladybug reacted swiftly. Grabbing Queen Bee by the arm, She shot out her yo-yo to pull them away just as Blanc’s claws pierced the ground where they had just stood. The road shattered violently as his Cataclysm erupted through the instant cracks that snaked out from where his claws had struck.

“Don’t let his Cataclysm touch you.” Ladybug warned as they landed again, having placed distance between them and Blanc once more.

“I think that’s fairly obvious.” Queen Bee snorted.

“We’ll need to try and fight him at range. I’ll try and make an opening for you to go in and use your Venom on him. I think that’s the only way we can win against him.”

“I’ll let you lead the way then. This time.”

Ladybug could have almost smiled as Queen Bee was still attempting to appear aloof, even though she could tell Bee was accepting of their partnership, but Blanc was already moving again. He sprinted towards them as his Cataclysmic cloak seemed to now burn more intensely.  
Ladybug and Queen Bee jumped in different directions but Blanc didn’t even seem to consider it as he immediately turned after Ladybug. She tried to cast out her yo-yo to lift her away but he closed the gap between them too quickly. She ducked and rolled to avoid his Catclysmed claws as they raked towards her. He didn’t stop there as he pounced after her, his claws scratching into the ground as she kept rolling away from him until she could right herself and spring herself into a backflip.

“I just want to fix it!” He roared, “Why won’t you let me fix it?!”

He was coming towards her again but was suddenly pulled to the ground. Ladybug caught a glimpse of the string of Queen Bee’s spinning top wrapped around one of his legs as she quickly moved back to a safe distance once again.  
Blanc hissed as he twisted around, slashing out towards the offending wire. Queen Bee clicked her tongue as she pulled back in her spinning top to release him, narrowly avoiding her only weapon getting Catcaclysmed.

“ _You’re in my way!_ ” he howled as he hurled his baton towards Bee.

She sidestepped to avoid the weapon flying towards her but Blanc came barreling after it. She dodged and weaved from his kicks and punches as he attacked her. Blanc spun sharply at an angle, his leg swinging up in a high kick as he lowered his upper body to balance himself. Bee didn’t see him pick up his baton from the ground in the spin, so as he followed through with the turn the sudden extending of his weapon surprised her. It hit her square in the chest and sent her flying through the nearest store front, forcing her through shattering brick and glass.

Blanc was about to pursue her but Ladybug’s yo-yo was already flying. She snared his forearm that was still free from the destructive corruption and abruptly pulled him backwards. Blanc let out a yowl as his arm was snatched out behind him and he was hauled down to the ground. He went still.

Ladybug took a cautionary step forward, taking a moment to briefly glance at the hole in the building left behind by Queen Bee when she went through it. She had yet to reemerge, but Ladybug knew that the Miraculous transformation would prevent such damage being lethal. Trusting that Bee would reappear momentarily, Ladybug turned her sights back on Blanc. He still lay on the ground but was moving now. He slowly rolled over onto his front, carefully keeping the arm still wrapped in her yo-yo string held out. Ladybug took another step forward, tightening her grip on the string.

“... _Marinette…_ ”

She stopped dead. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared at his shaking form. He’d curled into a ball and his head was tucked into his chest.

“ _...It hurts…_ ” he croaked, “ _...Marinette I don’t...I don’t know what’s happening…I don’t know what to do…”_

It felt like all the breath had left her body as she heard his weak, rasping voice.

“...Adrien?”

He slowly lifted his head. Ladybug’s heart twisted in her chest as she saw the tears falling from his glassy eyes. His trembling lips were parted, taking staggered aching breathes as he looked at her in terror.

“ _...Mari…_ ” he whimpered, “... _Something’s wrong...It hurts...It hurts so much…_ ”

Ladybug rushed towards him, releasing her yo-yo from his arm and snapping it back to her hip in haste.

“It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.” she said softly as she fell to her knees next to him, “I’ve got you. I’m going to help you.”

He remained on his hands and knees before her, his eyes flickering over her as though searching. She slowly reached out to him, hesitating a moment before gently cupping the side of his face that was still untainted from the rampant Cataclysm. She could feel the tremors of his body as he tentatively leaned into her touch.

“I’ve got you.” she repeated as she tenderly caressed his cheek.

His trembling suddenly stopped.

“...No. _I’ve_ got _you_.”

Ladybug cried out in pain as claws instantly grappled her wrist, taking the hand that had been affectionately holding him. The fear in his expression vanished instantly and the tears ceased, leaving the ones that remained to become blurred in the rain.

“Don’t worry, My Lady.” Blanc purred as he dragged her towards him, “I’m not going to let you go. _Ever._ ”

It felt like she was suffocating as the energies of his Cataclysm stifled the air around her. Her hand that had touched the blighted power earlier started to once more burn with pain as though the proximity was searing the injury into her once again. Her wrist was throbbing as well as his claws continued to sink in. He hadn’t broken through her suit, but she could feel their sharpness and as his grip tightened she expected that he would soon be drawing more blood from her.

Movement behind Blanc caught her eye. Queen Bee was carefully approaching them while Blanc had his back turned, her spinning top poised and ready to strike. Blanc’s cat ears gave a subtle twitch.

_He heard her!_

“Wait! Don’t!” Ladybug panicked.

“Veno - _ah!_ ”

Blanc rounded on her before she could fully call on her Miraculous ability. Still not letting go of Ladybug, he swiped towards Queen Bee with his corrupted hand. His claws cut through the air, causing a wave of Cataclysm to crash towards Bee in a blackened blaze. Queen Bee yelped as she toppled backwards, flattening herself to the ground to narrowly miss the necrotic power that scattered into glowing embers above her before disintegrating in the rain.

Ladybug took the opportunity while Blanc was partially looking away from her to kick her leg against his arm that still held her. The jarring movement forced him to release her and her yo-yo was already out and pulling her away before Blanc could grab hold of her again.  
Blanc snarled as she moved out of her reach. He turned around to face Queen Bee but she was also quickly escaping from him as her spinning top hauled her off the ground and onto a lamppost.

Ladybug got into a battle ready stance as Blanc moved to face her again, his teeth bared and his cold eyes turning frighteningly feral. He took his baton into his hand, clenching it tightly in his fist as he started to come towards her with an aggressive stride. The Catcalysmic power over his body was darkening once again and spreading further as it practically dripped from his form. The bruising against the white was becoming more intense, the markings stretching along with the surging infection. Ladybug extended the cord of her yo-yo between her hands, readying herself to either keep some distance between them or face him head on once more.

But then his steps suddenly became weaker until he stopped entirely. Ladybug watched with confusion but didn’t dare let her guard down. Even as Blanc fell onto his hands and knees, his baton clattering on the ground as it fell from his grip, she didn’t relax her defensive stance. She could faintly hear Blanc’s choked breaths as his chest heaved for air. His head dropped low as he continued to let out ragged gasps. Ladybug’s heart felt weighted in her chest from seeing him like this. She wanted to do something and yet she couldn’t let go of her suspicion that it could be another trick. Her heart wanted her to go running, but her mind forced her to stay rooted where she was. Queen Bee also seemed to be torn on what to do, remaining perched on the safety of the lamppost but also looking deeply concerned at this turn of events.  
His arms were shaking as though struggling to hold himself up. Blanc brought his leg up as though to try and make himself stand, but he only stumbled forwards a little and remained hunched over. The trembling of his body turned into a violent convulsion as Blanc vomited a mixture of blackened blood and bile on the ground. He heaved a few more times but nothing came up, so he sank back onto his haunches as he panted for breath. Ladybug stared in horror at the sight. Chat Blanc had seemed completely unaffected by all the attacks and damage he’d taken, so what had caused this reaction? Her posture weakened as she looked over the still voracious Cataclysm that was slowly working to devour him.

“It’s hurting you…” she whispered.

Chat Blanc may have been a Sentimonster, but he was possessing Adrien’s _human_ body. Even with the power of the Miraculous providing some mitigation, the prolonged exposure was slowly eating away at him.

“You have to stop!” Ladybug shouted, taking a few steps forward until reminding herself it was too dangerous to approach him.

Blanc lifted his head, his blue eyes once more a vicious, freezing storm as he glared at her. He bared his teeth with a snarl, using the back of his hand to wipe away the tainted mixture from his mouth.

“ _You’re_ telling _me_ to stop?” he spat, “If you would just let me have your Miraculous then all of this would over!”

“You know I can’t do that! _Please_ , Chat! Let me find some other way to help you!”

“I don’t need help! I just need for everything to disappear! _I_ am in control now!”

Ladybug flinched at his hostile outburst. Blanc’s gaze remained fixed on her as he panted for breath, the frozen depths of his eyes piercing into her.

The passing seconds stretched out painfully as no one spoke or moved. The stillness was broken by Blanc as he wrapped an arm around his waist before forcing himself to stand up.

“I get it.” he growled, “You can’t give it to me because there’s still unfinished business.”

Ladybug gasped, “What? No, that’s not-”

“Hawk Moth. I’ll kill him and bring you his head. With him gone you won’t need to be Ladybug anymore. You won’t need your earrings anymore.”

“You cannot be serious.” Queen Bee scoffed.

Blanc didn’t take his eyes off Ladybug as he chuckled darkly, “Watch me, My Lady. I’ll make sure to finish this once and for all so we can be happy.”

Using his foot, Blanc kicked up his discarded baton and caught it with his hand. He extended his weapon quickly, throwing himself into the air. He was coming towards her so Ladybug reacted by rapidly spinning her yo-yo, readying to defend herself as necessary. But he didn’t stop. Instead he vaulted clear over her, landing a fair distance somewhere behind her. Ladybug spun on her heel, still turning her yo-yo protectively in case he was trying to attack her from behind. But she faltered when she saw where he had landed. He was next to Volpina’s still unmoving body.

“What are you doing with her?” Ladybug shouted at him as Blanc lifted Volpina over his shoulder.

He turned to her with a crooked smirk, “Collateral. If it turns out that Father isn’t Hawk Moth, I’ll need to bring you back _someone’s_ head.”

His brutality rendered Ladybug speechless. She watched in in silent horror as Blanc extended his baton once more, launching himself up to the broken rooftops before slipping out of sight.

“What are you doing?” Queen Bee hissed as she landed next to Ladybug, “We need to go after him!”

“It’s not enough…” Ladybug murmured.

Bee gave her an incredulous look, but the gears in Ladybug’s mind were already turning. Blanc was deeply rooted in Adrien, but he hadn’t always been the one in control. Perhaps there was a way to convince him to relinquish it once more. He was a Sentimonster nurtured in torment, so all he knew was agony. Maybe if she could offer him an alternative, one that was less painful than what he was suffering now, he might place his trust in her and let _her_ take control. Chat Blanc was overflowing with Adrien’s pain, so maybe if she could separate them she could save Adrien without causing any more agony for the unfortunate Sentimonster attached to him.

“Do you have a plan or what?” Queen Bee demanded.

Ladybug clenched her hands into fists as she readied her yo-yo to carry her skywards.

“We need to go back to Carapace and Rena. We’ll be needing their help.”

Queen Bee arched an eyebrow as she crossed her arms, “I saw them on my way over here. They’re still fighting Mayura.”

Ladybug turned to her with a smirk, “Exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing fighting scenes isn't my strong point, but I'm trying to get better at it.  
> Yeah uhm...soaking yourself in Cataclysm probably isn't a healthy thing to do. Even if its sort of an uncontrollable defense mechanism. Yup. Totally ~~not~~ fine.
> 
> As always, thanks so much for all the comments and kudos! You're all so lovely
> 
> Also pssst - anyone remember me mentioning something about writing another ML fic? Turns out I do indeed have no self control. [You can read it here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28845291/chapters/70755582) if you're at all interested. It's not going to be so heavy/dark with its content as Penumbra, but there will still be angst since I'm still an addict.
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	96. Strain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** This chapters mentions suicide/attempted suicide

Carapace and Rena Rouge appeared to have managed to keep Mayura occupied in Ladybug's absence. Considering that they were still fighting, it seemed that they had listened to Ladybug's concern and done their best to avoid using their Miraculous powers for the time being. Mayura on the other hand had summoned a Sentimonster to try and keep the two heroes at bay. Evidently her time keeping up with Chat Blanc had already tired her some, as she was mostly hiding behind the monstrous snake Sentimonster formed out of brick and rubble rather than fight the heroes directly. Carapace currently had his shield wedged in the snake's mouth as he wrestled to prevent it from closing its stone jaws around him. Rena was sprinting and jumping across the street as she attempted to get closer to Mayura, but the shake's thrashing tail prevented her from reaching their enemy. Each time the snake's tail swiped over the ground and whipped at the air, it caused a surge of water from the rainfall that had pooled in the street.

Ladybug and Queen Bee peered over the top of the rooftop they'd landed on. Thanks to Blanc's destruction of the area, there was plenty of debris to provide cover and hide their approach.

"So about this plan of yours?" Queen Bee said almost condescendingly.

Ladybug resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "We need to stop Mayura. I have an idea, but for it to work we're going to need her."

"So I should just go in and use my Venom right? That way she can't go anywhere and you can do whatever you want with her."

"We might need your Venom later though. Chat and Hawk Moth are the bigger problems, so I need you to stay in the fight until we go against them."

Queen Bee tossed her hair over her shoulder with a smug huff, "You really think I'd be so unprepared? The reason it took me so long to get here is because I had to wait for John-Phillipe to take _forever_ to deliver some honey cakes to my room. And then figuring out how to carry them without the sticky mess getting everywhere? Ugh!"

Ladybug stared at Bee's haughty smirk. She'd really underestimated Chloe. Without even being told, the blonde had the foresight to consider the long game and be prepared to feed her kwami if needed.

"Well then?" Queen Bee demanded, "What are we doing? Coming up with the plan is _your_ job."

Ladybug chewed her lip as she turned her attention to the street down below. Carapace and Rena had the snake Sentimonster occupied and Mayura's attention was all on them as she was likely watching for a safe opening to make an escape. If Ladybug and Queen Bee were careful, then they might be able to sneak behind her and catch her by surprise.

"Okay." Ladybug said with determination, "Here's what we're going to do."

Ladybug quickly explained her plan to Queen Bee before the pair broke away from each other. Mayura was still possibly unaware of Bee's involvement now, and Ladybug wanted to make the most of whatever advantage they could grab. Their previous run-ins with Mayura had shown her to be a formidable fighter, but she preferred to avoid head on confrontations if she could help it.  
A crash from the street below caught Ladybug’s attention. Carapace had managed to wrench himself away from the snake’s jaws, but the Sentimonster had thrashed around in pursuit of Rena now as she attempted to vault over its tail. Carapace was rushing to protect his partner, but he could do little to draw the creature’s attention away again. Ladybug’s eyes snapped onto Mayura as the woman took a few cautionary steps back. She was going to take the opportunity to slip away while Carapace and Rena were distracted, but Ladybug wouldn’t allow her.

Just as Mayura was about to retreat to the safety of the rooftops and make an escape, Ladybug dropped down in front of her.

“You’re not leaving until we have a talk.” Ladybug said as she started to quickly spin her yo-yo.

Mayura didn’t answer, but readied herself into a defensive stance. Ladybug took the invitation and launched herself towards her opponent. She rapidly shot out her yo-yo but it was quickly deflected by Mayura’s fan. Mayura fluidly stepped away from Ladybug’s punch that followed before grabbing her arm. Ladybug found herself quickly being grappled until her arm was twisted behind her back, pinning it in place and preventing her from moving.

“You are no more than an impulsive child.” Mayura hissed in her ear, “You have no idea what you’re up against.”

Ladybug didn’t even try to fight against her hold as she smirked, “I think you’re the one who has no idea.”

Mayura’s eyes narrowed before growing wide at the sound of someone rapidly approaching them from behind.

“ _Venom!_ ”

Mayura released Ladybug immediately before spinning on her heel to face her new assailant but it was too late. The tip of Queen Bee’s spinning top struck her in the chest, rendering her paralysed instantly. Bee gave a smug hum as she patted down Mayura's coat before taking out a cobbled stone, no doubt a piece of rubble broken off from one of the many ruined buildings surrounding them.

“I assume this is it.” Queen Bee gave an overly bored sigh as she chucked the stone to Ladybug.

Ladybug caught the piece in her hands before tightening her grasp around it, applying her enhanced strength until the stone cracked and crumbled. A dark purple feather floated out before swiftly getting captured in her yo-yo to be purified.

Ladybug looked over her shoulder to see the giant snake start to fall apart before vanishing into dust.

“Ladybug!” Rena Rouge called out in surprise, running towards them before faltering as she saw Ladybug wasn’t alone, “And...Queen Bee…?”

Bee gave a haughty huff at Rena’s dubious expression, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she looked away. Carapace also looked uncertain as he approached, but he quickly turned his attention back to Ladybug.

“Is Chat Noir…?” he started, but quickly trailed off when he saw Chat was nowhere in sight.

“Ladybug let him get away.” Queen Bee scoffed with a shrug.

Rena and Carapace exchanged a wary glance. It was clear they had concerns about Chloe’s arrival, but weren’t sure how to voice it to Ladybug right now.

“Chat is...a little bit outside our capabilities to handle right now.”Ladybug shuffled anxiously on her feet before turning back to Mayura, “Which is why you’re going to help us.”

Queen Bee gave an outrageous gasp, “ _She’s_ going to _help_ us?”

Whether for being paralysed from Bee’s Venom or by choice, Mayura offered no words. She only narrowed her eyes at the teenage heroes as she stood like a statue, still frozen in place.

“If she cares about Adrien at all she will.” Ladybug elaborated with determination.

The other three heroes seemed confused by how certain she was about this, until Rena Rouge gave a surprised gasp.

“If Hawk Moth is Gabriel, then there’s only one person he’d trust to have as an ally and use the Peacock Miraculous.” Rena said fluidly, her investigative curiosity shining in her eyes, “You’re Nathalie, aren’t you?”

A tense silence settled over them all.

Until it was promptly broken by Queen Bee shrieking, “Hawk Moth is _who_ now?”

“It’s to be confirmed, but at this point I’m fairly certain it’s Gabriel Agreste.” Ladybug explained, still keeping her measured gaze on Mayura.

Queen Bee’s mouth fell open with an outraged gasp before quickly muttering to herself about how ridiculous it was that she didn’t notice sooner.

Evidently the _Venom_ hadn't rendered her speechless as Mayura gave a low, languid laugh, “If you’re so certain, then what are you doing here? You can’t possibly think that I would help you defeat Hawk Moth.”

Ladybug’s hands shook as she clenched them into fists, “What I need you to do isn’t about defeating Hawk Moth, it’s about saving Adrien.”

“Oh? And what if I were to tell you I was already aiming to help him? That our goal is for his benefit as much as it is Hawk Moth’s.”

For a moment Ladybug stared in disbelief at what she was hearing. All these years that Hawk Moth had been a plague on the city and it was for _Adrien’s benefit_ ? Adrien who had been struggling in silence because he believed nobody would listen. And they didn’t. His father had forced silence on the subject and even further _enabled_ the torture that Adrien continued to endure. And for what? Some end goal that would somehow make all those years that Adrien had to hide behind a masked smile be okay?

“What could possibly be worth that?” Ladybug muttered.

Mayura studied her carefully, choosing to remain silent once again. The other three heroes had fallen silent too, unsure of what to say now. Ladybug was confused for a moment as the rain rolling down her face felt different. As she tasted the saltiness on her lips she realised she was crying. It all came to her in a flood of anger and sorrow.

“What could possibly be worth everything he’s suffered?” Ladybug cried out, “You kept pushing him and pushing him, and for what? Tell me! What could _ever_ be worth him dying for?”

At this Mayura’s usually calm expression became one of shock, “I never said anything about him dying for it.”

Ladybug tried to hold back her sobs but her tears kept falling, “Because you didn’t know. No one in that damn house would have never known until it was too late. He almost tried...he was alone and if he didn’t reach out to me...he could have taken his own life. And would you have noticed? Would anyone have even thought to look for him? Or would you have all just left him alone like you always did?”

Mayura slowly lowered her gaze as the words sunk in.

“I...I had no idea…” Carapace said quietly, “I knew he had troubles but...I…”

Rena placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “I didn’t either. I guess he just hid it really well.”

“He hid everything.” Queen Bee interjected, facing away from everyone so no one could see what kind of expression she was making, “When you feel like you’re the problem, hiding what’s problematic seems to be the only thing you can do to get by.”

Ladybug still kept her gaze fixed on Mayura, doing her best to swallow her hiccups as she glared at the woman.

“Adrien wouldn’t have…” Mayura murmured, her eyes still staring blankly, “He would have been fine...Gabriel will make the wish and everything will be fine.”

“What wish could possibly be so important?” Ladybug demanded through gritted teeth.

Mayura slowly looked towards Ladybug again, her eyes still unsettled but now increasingly unsure, “Emilie. His wish is to bring back Emilie.”

The aggression in Ladybug’s posture slackened some. She knew his mother’s return was something Adrien had desperately hoped for himself. But even so…

“Do you think she would want to come back like this?” Ladybug asked quietly, “Do you think she would want to come back and see what’s become of Adrien now? Or to have his life used at the expense of her’s? Would she even want to return to Gabriel at all?”

Mayura didn’t answer, but Ladybug knew that she was already reflecting deeply on the choices she had made throughout their entire conflict over the years.

“The wish doesn’t just give you what you want for free.” Ladybug added softly, “It comes with a price. For Emilie’s return, it could take you, Gabriel or Adrien as payment. It could even take a hundred people for the safe return of one. But do you think Emilie would want that?”

Ladybug knew she didn’t really know Emilie all that well, as she only knew the woman from what Adrien had shared as well as her own brief conversation with her. Even so, she highly doubted that Emilie would ever want such a grievous sacrifice for her sake, especially if Adrien was the one at risk.

Ladybug took a deep breath, closing her eyes a moment as she tried to compose herself once more. Her eyes still stung with tears. How she hadn’t run out of them by now, she had no idea. She exhaled a heavy sigh as she opened her eyes again, once more looking towards Mayura whose once seemingly unbreakable neutral expression was now failing. She looked lost. Like all those things she’d buried within a closet to pretend they didn’t exist had come spilling out in an abrupt avalanche.

“I want to defeat Hawk Moth.” Ladybug said, her voice growing stronger again, “But right now all I care about is saving Adrien while there’s still a chance.”

The shock faded from Mayura’s eyes as she cautioned her features once more into her usual poker face.

“I don’t particularly care to be allied with you.” she answered sternly, “But Emilie entrusted Adrien’s wellbeing to me. I don’t think I could face her if things stay like this. I’ll have no part in your fight with Hawk Moth. But I’ll do what I can for Adrien.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Ladybug looked towards the other three heroes. Carapace and Rena seemed hesitant about this development, but appeared to continue to place their trust in her. Queen Bee meanwhile looked on with minimal interest, lightly touching the Miraculous in her hair as it signalled the end of her transformation quickly approaching. Mayura made for an unlikely addition and their alliance was hanging by a thread, but Ladybug held onto her confidence that this could work. For what she had in mind, the Peacock Miraculous was absolutely necessary.  
She turned to look in the direction of the Agreste mansion where Chat Blanc had gone.

_Just a little longer. Please...Just wait for me a little longer._

* * *

He had to stop again, stumbling to his knees as he coughed up another mouthful of the black, bloodied mixture. He let Volpina’s unconscious body fall to the ground next to him, not giving a damn about being at all gentle with her. Heaving for breath, he trembled on his hands and knees as he waited for the dark spots flooding his vision to subside.

_Not yet…_

He wasn’t done yet. He still had so much to do before he could let it all be over, before he made everything burn to the ground around him. He’d made a promise to his Lady and intended to keep it. His claws dug into the rooftop he had collapsed on, black and blue crackles of energy splitting through the concrete as his Cataclysm continued to bleed from him. Roughly wiping the remains of the bitter substance from his mouth, he forced himself to stand again. Swaying slightly, he managed to get onto his feet once more as his hollow gaze settled on his destination. The Agreste mansion was in sight now and only a short distance from where he stood. He lifted his hand out in front of him, splaying out his clawed fingers over the view of the large, imposing building. The Cataclysm that flowed over his hand like a liquid fire bubbled and lashed like it was also craving to bring that building down to dust. The power of destruction was all within his grasp now, and he fully intended to not let it go to waste. Though now that rampant power was festering away inside him like the poisonous memories and emotions that had made him. He could feel his body dying around him but he couldn’t bring himself to care for it. Everything would be resolved soon. His father or not, he would kill Hawk Moth and acquire Ladybug’s earrings. She would follow him into the world he set out for them. His wish would be for the two of them and them only. He would finally know happiness.  
He let his hand drop to his side again as he slowly moved to pick up Volpina once more. Half of him was tempted to just throw her off the building then and there, but until he knew his father’s role in all of this he wanted something he could tear apart should he need it. The frustration and anger continued to boil away under his skin, looking for some way to be sated.

_A bit longer…_

He just needed to wait a bit longer.

He didn't bother to use the front door. He leapt straight from the perimeter wall to the tall windows of the atelier. He crashed into the room in a shower of glass, landing in a defensive crouch on the marbled floor. His cat ears swivelled round and his eyes scanned the large room for any indication that he was not alone. But the room was empty. There was no one else here apart from him, as well as Volpina who he promptly dumped on the floor. The glass from the broken window crunched under his boots as he walked further into the room. Each step he took left a singed imprint from his Cataclysm that had now swept over the majority of his body.

He slowly approached the large portrait that hung as the feature piece on the far wall of the room. The golden image of Emilie that his father seemed to believe captured her perfection entirely. His catlike eyes flickered over the stylised painting. To him it looked nothing like her, no more than a laughable caricature done by someone who didn't know her at all. He hated it.

He reached out with his claws extended, quickly sinking them into the canvas. His Cataclysm took to it immediately, rapidly spreading over the surface like a flame over paper. His claws sunk in further until they met a little more resistance. He pondered it for a moment before remembering the hidden safe behind the portrait. A safe that contained momentos from his mother and a book. A book that, now that he thought about it, his father had no business in owning. He wanted to laugh at how impossible the coincidence seemed now, but instead it came out as a throaty growl as his claws raked in deeper, gouging through the portrait and the steel behind it.

A sound of electrics whirring and clunking as they failed and malfunctioned reached his ears. For a moment he thought it was just the safe, but then he heard a further shuddering of mechanisms from somewhere behind him. No, from _beneath_ him. He quickly side stepped just as a panel in the floor opened, revealing a hidden elevator shaft. He stared at the dark hole in the floor. More secrets. A passage that he had no knowledge about. How long had this been here, and why?  
His icy glare slipped towards Volpina who still lay in a heap on the floor. It would be better to deal with her now before going forward, just to make sure she wouldn't become a problem again. He stalked towards her, flexing his claws as he thought about how to do it. He could either crush her windpipe, break her spine, or maybe just tear her throat out completely. He crouched down next to her before reaching out with his claws poised to dig into her flesh. His hands started to close around her neck once again.

_Chat that’s enough!_

He stopped at the sound of her voice in his head.

_Killing is not how we do things! You could have just broken the object and freed the akuma!_

He narrowed his gaze as a snarl curled his lip. Baring his fangs in annoyance he released his grip.

_Very well, My Lady. Just this once._

He grabbed Volpina's pendant and harshly snapped it from around her neck. The necklace crumbled within his hand as his Cataclysm greedily devoured it. The butterfly that emerged from the object didn't even have a chance to even try to fly away, as it was quickly turned to ash as soon as it appeared. He watched the butterfly give an agonising shiver as it's purple-black form became cinders. A wash of magic swept over Volpina, leaving her as Lila once more.

He left her there, not caring to check if the girl was even still breathing or not. He turned and headed straight back to the open passage in the floor. He strained his hearing, but he couldn't detect anything from within. Without a second thought he stepped forward and dropped down into the darkness.

He didn't know how far he fell, but it was an easy landing with his catlike agility. He silently landed on all fours, eyes and ears on high alert and he carefully took in his new surroundings. There was a heavy damp smell and the air around him felt cold. Distantly he could hear the torrential rain still pouring outside. He took a slow breath, causing another scent to flood him. This one was brighter, fresher and coming from somewhere further in.  
He turned around to see what was there towards the back of the cavernous space. There was a softly lit catwalk extending further into the hidden repository, ending at a small garden at the end of the walkway. Why was there a garden here of all places? Remaining on all fours, he prowled towards the garden basking in a shimmering light. He squinted his eyes from the brightness of it as he got closer. As he approached the boundary between light and shadow, a flurry of white butterflies scattered up into the air to escape his presence. He watched them with minimal interest, quickly recognising them as untainted akumas.  
His gaze fell once more to the garden. Lush green shrubs and grass filled the middle of its space and at its centre was a glass case resembling a coffin. He squinted at the light reflecting over the glass, moving himself a little more along the edges of the shadows until the glow was no longer glaring at him. Everything within him stopped when he saw the figure lying within.

It was her.

His eyes flickered over her features again and again, recognising Emelie Agreste immediately but failing to believe that it was actually her. She looked the same as when he’d last saw her. The same as the day when she created the amok that would form the core of his own existence. Her soft, forlorn smile was gone now and her immaculate green eyes closed. She just looked like she was sleeping.

“...Mother?” he called out to her but his voice was so unnaturally timid and quiet, as though he was afraid to even try to disturb her.

He tentatively moved forward to try and get closer to her, but as soon as he tried to leave the shadows and approach the garden the butterflies went into a panicked frenzy. He hissed at their reaction before realising what was happening to the beautiful vegetation surrounding the coffin. The plants and flora that was closest to him were starting to wilt. He stared in confusion at the disgusting decay that was occurring before looking down at himself. The consistency of his Cataclysm had changed, becoming deeper and darker as it possessively clung to him. _He_ was the problem. He was the one that didn’t belong, the one that could only threaten damage no matter where he went.  
He looked up again to see the blight was steadily creeping towards the centre of the garden, towards _her_ . Falling over himself in his panicked haste, he almost threw himself backwards as he scrambled to get away. His chest heaved with terrified breaths as he watched the decay slow before coming to a stop just before the base of the coffin.  
He couldn’t get close to her. She was _right there_ and he still couldn’t get anywhere near her. She was still out of his reach. She couldn’t hear him or see him.

“Why…?” he whispered with a broken voice, “Why did you leave me? I did everything...everything you wanted me too. Why didn’t you come back for me? Why…?”

_Why didn’t you release me from this tormented existence?!_

He wanted to scream but he couldn’t bring himself to. He was numb again. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t keep control of the thoughts and feelings that kept bleeding out from him and rendering him no more than a husk. Destruction was all he’d ever had. It was all he’d ever been good for.

He slowly moved onto his knees, swallowing another convulsion within his chest that seared hot with pain. His blurring gaze fell away from the warm light that cascaded over the garden in front of him, sinking towards his hands that limply rested on his lap. It was like his ring was molten hot, trying to cauterise itself through his suit and to his skin as the Cataclysm continued to spill out. He remained motionless as his glazed eyes watched the rhythmic pulsating of destructive force coating his hands. Through the darkness behind him came the echoing of footsteps steadily approaching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mayura has joined the party!_  
>  She has a heart afterall? She's finally realised that _maaaaaaybe_ Adrien wasn't hanging in there as well as she thought he was.  
> Also I'm sorry for that ending and I'll be going back into hiding so don't hurt me byeee
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for the support you guys keep giving this fic! Seeing the comments and kudos is always so exciting for me and you're all just so amazing for leaving them!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	97. Elegy

“You know I trust you and everything, but are you sure about this?”

Ladybug turned to face Rena Rouge who was looking at her with concern.

“I know it's not ideal.” Ladybug responded nervously, “But we need the Peacock Miraculous if there’s any chance of Adrien coming back.”

“Can’t we just take it off her though?” Carapace suggested, “Maybe one of us can try to use it?”

Ladybug chewed her lip before shaking her head, “Mayura is already experienced with the Miraculous. We’re going to need to go about this carefully if we’re to succeed. We can’t afford any mistakes.”

“Well, I don’t care _what_ you think.” Chloe sneered, cradling Pollen in her hands as the kwami quickly nibbled through a slice of honey cake, “I just hope whatever _ridiculous_ plan you have in mind works.”

Mayura stood aside from the teenage heroes, having said nothing since agreeing to their temporary alliance. The effects of _Venom_ had worn off now but she hadn’t made any attempts to run away. Instead she remained where she was, looking thoughtful as she gazed in the direction of the Agreste mansion even though it couldn’t be seen from where they stood.

“If she tries anything though, I’ll slap her with my _Venom_ again. With or without your say-so.” Chloe added with a toss of her hair, “Pollen, buzz on!”

Ladybug watched the golden wash of magic transform Chloe into Queen Bee once more. She wished she could afford a real break for everyone. She was exhausted herself, her cheek throbbing still from the gash Blanc had left and her body ached from exertion. But they were desperately short of time. Blanc was prepared to go up against Hawk Moth alone, but despite how formidable he appeared to be it was increasingly obvious Blanc’s state was declining fast. The power from his Miraculous was out of control and she was still unsure how she was going to calm it.  
Taking a deep breath, Ladybug tried her best to calm the sense of dread that had continuously been eating away at her.

“Let’s go.”

The group moved quickly over the crumbling buildings. The trail of blight left behind by Chat Blanc showed that he had indeed headed straight for the Agreste mansion. As they maneuvered through the wake of destruction, Mayura nimbly fell in step with Ladybug.

“You know, don’t know?” Mayura asked calmly, “That there’s an Amok.”

Ladybug looked at Mayura, pressing her lips into a thin line as she tried to keep her nervousness at being near their former enemy in check.

“So you sensed it.”

Mayura offered a side-long glance as they leapt over another set of rooftops, “I didn’t know what it was at first. But when I got closer to him it was obvious. This isn’t like the ones I use though. There’s something very wrong with it.”

“I managed to purify it...well, part of it. It’s an incomplete fragment that’s merged with an Akuma remnant. It’s grown only stronger with the power of his Miraculous.”

“An Akuma remnant?”

For a moment Mayura appeared almost surprised, but her expression quickly smoothed out again into her usual neutral appearance. She was silent again for a time as they ran, until she spoke once more.

“He will try to abuse it.” She stated matter-of-factly, “If Hawk Moth realises there’s still a piece he can try to control, then he will try to control it.”

“Then we won’t let him.” Ladybug retorted, “I won’t let Adrien or Chat be abused by him any more.”

“I’m not sure the problem will be what you think it is.”

Their conversation paused momentarily as Ladybug used her yo-yo to swing around a street corner while Mayura gracefully vaulted over the street to the next row of buildings. When they once more fell in step with each other, Ladybug gave the woman a questioning look.

“I already tried myself.” Mayura admitted, “When I noticed the Amok, I tried to bind it to me. But I was refused.”

“Can Amoks do that?” Ladybug asked.

“All Amoks are bound to the Peacock Miraculous. But if this one is as... _contaminated_ as you say it is, then I’m not sure.”

Ladybug watched as Mayura moved from her again while they ran, indicating that their conversation was to be left at that for now as the Agreste mansion was coming into view.

The group all came to a stop then, pausing on a building looking across from the mansion as they searched for any signs of what may be happening within. The mansion was quiet however and there was no movement that could be detected. All that Ladybug could see to be amiss was that one of the tall windows on the front of the mansion had been completely smashed through.  
Ladybug lightly touched her fingertips to one of her earrings. The thrum of energy from the jewels had become persistent now and she still didn’t know what to make of it. It was similar to the rapid warmth of power she felt while transforming or when calling on her Lucky Charm. She desperately wished she had the chance to destransform so she could ask Tikki about it, but with every second counting right now she decided that she just had to go forward and hope that she would figure it out. Wordlessly, she nodded to the people around her that it was time to proceed.

The atelier was in complete disarray when they landed in through the destroyed window. Glass shards scattered across the marbled floor and there were blackened tracks leading to the back of the room. Ladybug vaguely remembered that there had been a portrait on the far wall, but it was now a scorched, tattered mess with the wall behind it being completely charred with claw marks raking through it.

“Holy shit,” Carapace muttered, “Is she alive?”

In her focused search for Blanc, Ladybug almost hadn’t noticed Lila’s body lying in a heap amongst the glass. Rena Rouge carefully approached the girl before kneeling next to her, gently pressing her fingers to her neck to check her pulse.

“She’s alive.” Rena murmured, “But she’s looking pretty messed up.”

Lila’s face was still bloodied from what Blanc had done to her, but she was also now covered in the dark bruises from having been exposed to his Cataclysm. As Ladybug stared at the girl on the floor, it slowly clicked in her mind. She was Lila now, not Volpina.

“Where’s her necklace?” she blurted out.

Rena and Carapace looked at her in surprise before glancing around themselves.

Carapace grimaced when they couldn’t see such a thing, “Necklace? I don’t see anything.”

“I thought he wanted to kill her.” Queen Bee sneered as she crossed her arms.

Ladybug tried to work through her shock, because that was what she’d assumed too. Blanc had made it obvious that he did not care of Lila at all and was absolutely content with causing her death. He’d almost succeeded even, until Ladybug had managed to stop him. But now she was deakumatised and both her pendant and the akuma that it would have contained were nowhere in sight.  
She could have wept. Blanc had the power and the opportunity to kill Lila without interruption this time, but he didn’t. She didn’t know the reason for it, but something had given him enough hesitation to not want to harm Lila further. Even with all of the pain and anger he was being consumed by, there was still enough of Adrien present to know _mercy_.

“Uh, hey guys?” Rena’s voice forced Ladybug out of her whirlwind of emotions, “There’s a hidden passage here.”

Ladybug quickly moved across the room to see what Rena had found. Just behind the podium and in front of what remained of the portrait, there was what appeared to be a small elevator shaft in the floor.

Ladybug immediately turned her gaze to Mayura who remained hovering on the other side of the room, “Where does this go?”

Mayura lifted her cool gaze, “To his secret haven.”

Ladybug didn’t know what to make of that. All the evidence seemed to point to Blanc having gone down there however, which meant that they needed to follow.

She let out a shaky sigh, “Guess this is where we go now.”

Carapace quickly stood up where he was, having remained next to Lila, “Is it okay to leave her like this though?”

Ladybug was honestly past every possible point of ever caring for the girl right now. She’d prevent Blanc from breaking her neck twice now, and as far as she was concerned that was all the help she was willing to give. Blanc was still awol and she didn’t want to waste even more time on Lila.

“I’ll stay with her and call for an ambulance.” Mayura stated suddenly.

“W-What?” Ladybug gasped in alarm, “But you said you’d help! We _need_ your help!”

Mayura met her with a steady, unreadable gaze. Carefully and with her usual elegant poise, she approached Ladybug.

“It’s not my help you need.” Mayura said, “What you need is the Peacock Miraculous.”

Ladybug swallowed thickly as Mayura now stood before her, looking down on her with that ever present poker face. After a moment the woman let out a languid sigh as she reached for the brooch on her chest shaped like a peacock’s feathers.

“Forgive me, Duusu. But I think it’s time we gave this up.”

Ladybug stared with wide eyes as a blue swathe of magic washed over Mayura, her transformation quickly vanishing now that she’d removed the Miraculous from her person. They had already figured out who she was, but now as Nathalie stood before her without the mask Ladybug still couldn’t help but be shocked.  
Duusu slowly sank down into Nathalie’s waiting hand, her eyes rounded with sadness as she looked up at her holder.

“It’s okay, Mistress Nathalie.” Duusu said softly, “I know your heart was in the right place.”

The smile Nathalie gave the kwami was small, but it was real and tinged with sadness. It only lasted a brief moment though, vanishing quickly as she looked to Ladybug once more.

“You wanted it.” Nathalie said bluntly, holding out the Peacock Miraculous, “So take it.”

Ladybug stared at the brooch in Nathalie’s palm. The missing Miraculous had been one of her goals for so long. But now that one of them was literally within her reach, she suddenly found herself hesitating.

“B-But I’m...I’m not…” her voice wavered as she tried to process what was happening.

Nathalie arched her eyebrow, “You’re not what? Not prepared? Then don’t take it. I’m not handing Duusu over because I think you deserve it. I’m offering her Miraculous because _you_ were the one who believed they knew how to help Adrien.”

“But...you said you wanted to help him too.”

“I still do. But I think I lost the right to be the one to help him when he felt he could no longer trust me with his problems.”

Ladybug lifted her gaze to Nathalie’s muted eyes. Her expression betrayed very little of what she was thinking, but Ladybug felt she could tell that the woman did care a great deal for Adrien. While she wasn’t his mother, or even tried to be such a figure to him, she had been involved in his care since he was a child. She was emotionally invested in his well being and his future, whatever that may be. The knowledge that Adrien had come so close to making an attempt on his life hat same day had obviously shaken her.

“My time with this Miraculous has been...turbulent.” Nathalie added with a thinning voice, “It is fixed now, but even if I were to continue I wouldn’t be able to hold the transformation for much longer.”

It was obvious that Nathalie was telling the truth. She looked tired and weak even though she was doing her best to keep up a strong front. Ladybug lowered her gaze back to the Peacock Miraculous. She couldn't stop her hands from shaking as she slowly reached out, gently taking the brooch into her hands.

Duusu floated up with an excited chirp, “It’s a pleasure to be working with you, Mistress Ladybug.”

“W-What?” Ladybug stammered, “M-Me?”

She looked around her, her eyes flitting from Carapace, to Queen Bee then to Rena Rouge. Her friends all looked back at her with a similar expression of confidence and satisfaction.

“I think it has to be you, girl.” Rena arched her brow with a knowing smile.

Ladybug nervously chewed her lip, clutching the brooch in her hands as she tried to work through the nervous clamouring of her thoughts.

“The best match is you, Mistress Ladybug.” Duusu beamed as she flew closer, gently touching one of her earrings that still pulsed with power, “Returning balance where there is chaos. The feeling of love shared between people is what connects them even when the path is unclear.”

“But...I’m not sure if what I’ll do will work.” Ladybug whispered, “And what about you? Don’t you need time to recharge?”

“You’re hanging in there, so I will too!” Duusu announced with a determined chirrup, her tail feathers waving behind her excitedly.

Ladybug stared into the little kwami’s glittering eyes.

_The feeling of love shared…_

She had endured and endeavoured through everything because of her profound love for him. The same love that had made Adrien her stalwart partner all these years, that had always made him put everything on the line to protect her. She wanted to protect him too. She wanted to reassure and cherish him just as he’d always done for her.

_Adrien…_

She closed her eyes as she clutched the Peacock Miraculous to her chest, trying to hold back the fresh wave of tears she could feel rising.

_I reached you before. And this time...this time for sure I’ll reach you again. So please...wait for me…_

Taking a shivering breath, Ladybug affixed the brooch to her chest.

“Tikki. Duusu. _Unify!_ ”

She had used a variety of Miraculous before, and each of their transformations felt different. With Tikki the magical change over her felt like the vibrancy of spring when everything is bursting with colour, warmth and light. When she had transformed with Plagg it had felt like stepping onto a moonlit beach, with powers stretching further and deeper than she could imagine and yet still glowing with the light and colours of the milky way above her. When she became Multimouse with the help of Mullo the transformation had felt energised and colourful, bursting with the same kind of excitement and activity one feels when faced with something they’d been waiting a long time for. The transformation with Duusu was yet again a whole new experience. She could still feel the fresh glow of life and creation of being Ladybug, but there was a new surge of power flowing over her. It was a warmth completely different from the others. This one wasn’t the same kind of warmth of spring sunshine or giddy excitement, but the comforting warmth of home, of being surrounded by friends and family. It was full of both the happiness and the sadness of the connections forged between loved ones, of thrilling new beginnings and regretful farewells.  
Her outfit changed along with the glow of magic that flowed from her fingertips down to her toes. Her skin-tight suit was transformed into a deep blue, short cheongsam styled dress decorated with ladybug spots, as well as dark blue-black leggings and sleek pumps on her feet. Where the edges of the dress fell around her hips and her thighs, the shape and pattern resembled that of peacock feathers in a delicate blue gradient with a series of spots over each feather piece. Her hair fell out of her usual pigtails, flowing instead into a braided bun. Her rounded mask transformed from its simplistic red and black domino, to a more feathered outline and the same blue as her dress but still keeping the black spots.

She left out a shaky breath when she felt the transformation finish. Out of habit she touched her hand to her hip to check her yo-yo, finding the blue-black fan there now also. She turned to find her friends staring at her in amazement. They’d never properly witness a Miraculous fusion before, so it was understandable that they were surprised by it.

“I didn’t know you could do that!” Queen Bee yelled before turning on Rena, “Did you know we could do that?”

“Well, sort of?” Rena gave a noncommittal shrug, “There’s some shaky images and stuff, but no one’s really had a real chance to see a superpower combo.”

Carapace looked starstruck as he stared, “This is way cool! So what, you can Lucky Charm it up while throwing amoks at people now?”

“That’s not how amoks work.” Rena rolled her eyes.

“So you’re not _Ladybug_ anymore.” Queen Bee interjected before Carapace could respond, “At least, the name doesn’t match now.”

Bee had a point, she needed a new name. She pondered for a moment as she thought of how to combine the potential names for this new persona.

“Alright then.” she answered, her determination growing stronger once again, “You can call me _Bluebug_.”

Carapace and Rena nodded in acknowledgement while Bee just gave a casual toss of her hair.  
“We’ll be going then.” Bluebug said as she turned to Nathalie.

Nathalie’s eyes carefully searched her before she answered, “Very well. I’ll stay here and call for an ambulance for Lila. I’ll leave everything else to you.”

Bluebug nodded before returning to the exposed elevator shaft in the floor. She hoped Blanc was still down there, and that he was still alive.

“Everyone ready? Let’s move.”

Bluebug took Carapace and Queen Bee took Rena as they carefully used their stringed weapons to lower themselves down the passage. It was dark so they couldn't see too far down but as they lowered themselves into the hidden basement level of the mansion, a dull light reached their eyes. As they came down from the ceiling, they could see the metal catwalk connecting the floor beneath them to an area towards the back of the large room. There was a garden there, basked in a brighter light than the rest of the room. At least if it could even be called a garden. The half that was further to the back was still fresh and green, its plants and flora still brimming with life. But the half that was towards the front looked diseased and burnt, with the grass and vegetation having wilted and decayed. At the centre of it appeared to be some sort of glass container, though they were too far away to see what it contained.

Bluebug’s eyes were quickly drawn to the middle of the walkway, her heart stopping when she saw them. Chat Blanc knelt on the ground, unmoving as he faced the partially decrepit garden. Behind him loomed the tall, foreboding figure that she so clearly knew to be Hawk Moth. She dropped to the floor a lot more quickly now, making Carapace jolt in alarm from the sudden change of motion. He understood though and allowed her to drop him so that he landed steadily on the ground beneath him. Bluebug didn’t hesitate then as she practically threw herself through the air.

“ _Get away from him!_ ” she screamed as she came crashing down towards Hawk Moth.

The man didn’t seem at all surprised by the intrusion. He easily dodged Bluebug’s yo-yo swatting towards him as well as her sharp kicks as she landed. Even when the other three heroes came lunging in after her, Hawk Moth quickly maneuvered his way around them and their attacks. He quickly jumped clear of them, backing off so that the hero team now stood between him and Blanc.

“I see Nathalie failed in her task.” Hawk Moth mused as he cast a critical eye over Bluebug, “No matter. I have no need of her now anyway.”

“It ends here, _Gabriel_.” Rena hissed.

The use of his real name didn’t seem to phase him at all, instead he actually seemed amused by it.

“You interrupted an important conversation I was having with _my son_.” he said coolly as he clasped his hands over his cane, “You understand now, don’t you Adrien? You understand why I did what I had to do.”

Bluebug whirled around to Blanc but he offered no response. The Cataclysm remained thick over his body, bubbling and dripping as it curled around him. He didn’t even appear to have noticed the others' arrival. His hollow, faraway gaze was fixed in front of him towards the garden. She followed his line of sight to see what he was staring at, her eyes slowly drifting to the glass case there. A case that looked like a coffin.

_That’s…!_

Her eyes stared in horror as she recognised the person within as Emilie Agreste. She faintly heard the gasps and sounds of disbelief from her friends behind her, indicating that they too had seen it.

“All this time…” Bluebug murmured, “She’s been here?”

“You’re sick!” Queen Bee spat at Hawk Moth, “A complete and utter psychopath!”

While she agreed with Bee’s outburst, Bluebug couldn’t bring herself to voice it. Her attention slowly returned to Blanc next to her, still on his knees and staring listlessly ahead of him.

“Chat…?” she whispered as she knelt next to him, “Can you hear me?”

He gave one languid blink before gradually turning his head towards her. The frozen emptiness of his eyes seemed to stretch deeper than ever before as he gazed at her.

“You...My Lady…”

“Yes, it’s me.” she said softly, “I’m here.”

She reached out to touch his face, but as her fingertips neared she flinched at how much it _stung_. The Cataclysm had taken him over completely now and there was no way for her to touch him without its corrupted energy harming her. Blanc’s eyes studied her before returning to stare once more at the coffin.

“Perhaps you understand now also, Ladybug.” Hawk Moth smirked, “All that I have done has been to make my family whole again. All I want is to have my wish granted for the return of someone I love dearly.”

Bluebug stood up as a bitter rage swelled in her chest, “I don’t care what you think your reasons are. I was never planning on giving you my Miraculous, but I’m definitely not letting you have it now. There’s no way I would let her come back to only be confined to your twisted ideals! And I’m going to make sure that Adrien stays far away from the likes of you as well!”

Hawk Moth’s expression darkened with a vicious glare, “I had hoped that since you are such an _emotional_ child, you would have been able to understand my goals. No matter. I can still have your earrings taken by force.”

“We have you four against one!” Bluebug shouted, “I think our odds are better.”

Hawk Moth shook his head as he gave a deep, low chuckle, “I think you miscounted.”

Bluebug flinched as she heard the painful, choking cough next to her. She spun around to Blanc to see him hunched forward with his arms wrapped around himself as he heaved up another mouthful of the tainted blood mixture.

“It seems my previous attempt wasn’t completely wasted after all.” Hawk Moth said with an intrigued hum, “It’s only a piece, but I can sense part of one of my akumas lingers still.”

Bluebug fell to her knees once more, trying and failing yet again to reach out to Blanc as the Cataclysm twisted and roared over him. Carapace, Rena and Bee watched in horror, unsure of what they were meant to do now.

“Chat Blanc!” Hawk Moth called out, “Listen and obey! I will let you be the beast of destruction you crave to be! All you have to do is get me Ladybug’s earrings.”

Blanc curled in on himself, trembling as he coughed and whimpered.

“Chat, don’t listen to him!” Bluebug urged, “You don’t need him. You are not his to own!”

He shakily lifted his head again, taking harsh, ragged breaths as his blurring eyes searched for her. The butterfly outline flickered over his eyes as Hawk Moth tried to take control of the Akuma remnant Blanc still harboured. Blanc bared his teeth with a snarl as another convulsion took him, his cloaking Cataclysm growing in intensity and stifling the air around him. He spat out more of the vile substance from his mouth as the butterfly shape over his face suddenly twisted. The motif struggled to hold its form, but it was violently shattered apart as the Cataclysmic energies surged.  
Bluebug fell backwards away from the influx of power she felt from him. This was more than what she’d felt before. It was heavier, suffocating and so much darker. It felt like _death_. She watched in horror as the Cataclysm that shrouded him seemed to thicken, changing from the consistency of flames to something more like tar and blood.

“What are you doing?” Hawk Moth shouted, “ _I own you!_ ”

Blanc staggered to his feet, his glowing blue eyes completely animalistic and feral as they fixed on Hawk Moth.

His voice came out in a throaty, broken growl.

“ _You want a beast? I’ll show you a beast._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops think Hawk Moth pushed his luck a bit too much. Time for everything to go up in flames!  
> Sometimes i wish I was better as drawing. I had a lot of fun coming up with ideas for a Ladybug/Peacock fusion. Though I suck at coming up with names. I saw awhile ago that a fanname for Marinette with the Peacock Miraculous was 'Bluebird', which I absolutely adored. So I just kinda combined Bluebird and Ladybug for a name.
> 
> Thanks so much for all the amazing and lovely comments you've all been leaving! I really appreciate each and every one as well as all the kudos! You're all so great!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	98. Requiem

It was like watching a nightmare come to life. The Cataclysm swirled around Chat Blanc as he crouched down on all fours. The destructive shroud was growing and changing, becoming like a thick tar as it completely swallowed him. Bluebug found herself automatically backing away, almost falling over herself as her legs turned weak. It felt like the surrounding air was becoming necrotic and everything in her was screaming at her to run. He didn't look human anymore. The Cataclysm had curled around him, given him an animalistic form. The gaunt figure before her was pitch black, blue and white cinders radiating along its back like it was burning. It's long tail lashed behind it like a whip as it cut through the nearby railings of the walkway. It's beastial face was twisted with a snarl, baring it's jagged fangs as a reverberating hiss emanated from its throat. Piercing blue eyes glowed within its dark features, pupilless and freezing cold.  
Bluebug's eyes widened with realisation as she saw the creature's legs tense.

" _Get down!_ " She screamed.

Her friends heeded her warning just in time. The heroes fell flat against the walkway just as the creature lunged. Carapace lifted his shield over him and Rena as the destructive shade crashed over them. Queen Bee let out a startled yelp, the lashing tail forcing her to roll away to the side.

The beast didn't care or even seem to notice that there were people in its path. It only cared about Hawk Moth as it rushed forwards.

If Hawk Moth felt anything from watching Chat Blanc become this monster, he didn't let it show. He calmly took a readied stance as he withdrew the hidden sword from his cane. A clash of fangs and steel and they were locked together, the beast grinding it's jaws on his weapon as it bore down on its target. Hawk Moth held his sword with both hands to hold back the growling creature. Brute strength against brute strength had the pair of them shaking with the tension as they tried to force the other back. But then the beast's claws dug into the floor beneath, rooting him there and sending out shocks of corruption that cracked through the surface. Hawk Moth's eyes only briefly flashed to the separating ground to gauge the situation before returning focus to his opponent. With a sudden burst of force, Hawk Moth drove his blade further into the beast's jaws. The beast flinched back from the bite of the steel, giving Hawk Moth enough leverage to free his sword and quickly slash at its face. With a howl the creature backed away. A burning, dark blue gash had opened in its temple where the blade had struck.

Hawk Moth took the opportunity to leap away, brandishing his weapon again should the beast try to follow. The beast quickly recovered from the inflicted pain as it started to slowly stalk in a circle around its chosen prey. Its tail cut through the air with a sharp lash to prevent Hawk Moth from attempting to side step away from the beast. Hawk Moth could only slowly back away instead from the snarling creature, keeping his sword at the ready should it try to lunge for him again.

Bluebug stumbled along the walkway, trying to force her legs to function again. She froze as the beast let out another deep growl, one that seemed to echo right through to her bones.

"Did you hear that?" She half whispered.

"Hear what?" Carapace asked, allowing Rena to help him to his feet again after their haphazard dodging.

"A voice…"

Her companions all gave her a skeptical look, showing that they had no idea what she was talking about. But Bluebug was certain. Underneath the cutting growl rumbling from the beast, she could hear a voice.

_'It hurts...It hurts! I hate it…! I hate it I hate it Ihateithateithateithateit! Make it stop! No more! I have to make it all stop!'_

She could feel it surging over her in waves. All of the pain, the anguish, the fear and despair. Her earrings hummed with each surge and she could feel the brooch also emanating a pulse against her chest. Was it because of the Peacock Miraculous that she could hear a voice? That she could feel the blurred and turbulent emotions shared between Adrien and the Sentimonster that had consumed him? Following through on instinct, she tried to focus on the dark beacon before her, crackling and swirling like an electrical storm of emotions that tore through each other and blended in a suffocating shroud.

Bluebug flinched as the dull pain of her hand ignited again. She looked down at the bruising that his Cataclysm had caused her. How he was hanging on with that amount of corruption taking over him she had no idea, but she knew that he wouldn’t last. She had to do something _now_.

Running forwards, she gestured for her allies to follow.

“Queen Bee with me!”

Carapace and Rena took up a defensive position while Bee sprinted after Bluebug.

 _Forgive me for this,_ she pleaded as she flanked the beast, _But it’s for your own good!_

Bluebug cast out her yo-yo just as the beast took notice of her approach. Pulling hard on the cord, the yo-yo snapped back, rapidly looping around the beast’s neck until it was thoroughly leashed. The beast let out an ear splitting screech at the snare tightening around its throat, abruptly pulling away in a vain effort to release itself.

“It’s okay! It’s okay!” Bluebug’s voice shook as she tried to console the creature, “Easy, Kitty!”

Unable to free itself, the beast then rounded on her. Its claws flashed as it swiped towards her, having now seemingly forgotten Hawk Moth as its primary target completely. There came the sound of another string whipping through the air as the beast pounced for Bluebug. Its attack fell short, coming to an abrupt halt as another cord wound its way around the beast’s neck and pulling him in the opposite direction. On the far side, Queen Bee had to dig her heels in to prevent herself being dragged with the creature’s brute strength as her spinning top now joined Bluebug’s yo-yo in restraining the beast between them. The beast thrashed as it tried to fight against the strength of the two heroes, its head snapping awkwardly as it screeched and howled.

 _‘No more! I can’t take it anymore! I won’t be the one hurting! I’ll be the one to break_ **_all of you_ ** _!’_

Bluebug could feel it now that she was closer to the raging storm. There was something there at its centre, something at the core of all the bitterness, rage and torment. The amok shards were there, bound through corruption to the akuma fragments. She could sense it like a flickering candle in a distant darkness. Small and burning, but there.  
It was taking all of her and Queen Bee’s strength to hold the beast steady, pulling their cords in opposite directions to lock it in place. Bluebug didn’t know how long their Miraculous weapons would be able to withstand the Cataclysm radiating from the beast, but she desperately hoped it would be just enough.

 _Please,_ she begged as she tried to call out to the amok, _Let me help you. Let me release you._

The sickly glow of the beast’s blue eyes fell on her. Its head lowered with a sharp hiss rumbling from its throat.

‘ _Stop trying to take from me...Everyone...Always taking from me...Body...Voice...Happiness...Hope...Always taking...No one could hear...no one could see...no one…!_ ’

In the muddied mixture of emotions she could feel, one of them erupted like a crash of lightning. _Fear_ . He was scared. The Sentimonster wasn’t enraged at the idea of her trying to take control of the amok, but _frightened_.

‘ _I only did what I was told...always what I was told...Alone...Always left alone…_ ’

Bluebug’s heart pounded in her chest at the sound of footsteps approaching her.

“An unfortunate waste of potential.” Hawk Moth sneered, watching the beast with an air of disgust as he slowly walked towards Bluebug, “But all will be forgiven once I have the Miraculous.”

“ _Forgiven_?” Bluebug cried, “You’re one of the people that caused all of this! So many people have suffered because of you, including Adrien!”

Hawk Moth’s cold eyes fell on her, “With the Miraculous I will have my wish granted. My family will return to the way it was, to the way it was meant to be. You’re prolonging the _suffering_ by refusing to hand over your Miraculous.”

Hawk Moth was drawing closer to her but she was rooted to the spot. The string of her yo-yo remained locked in place around the Sentimonster’s neck and there was no way Queen Bee would be able to restrain it on her own if Bluebug let go. She was still determined to not give up however.

“You really think I’d let you take my Miraculous so you could bring Emilie back?” Bluebug spat, “I think she’d rather not come back at all if it meant she didn’t have to be with you ever again!”

A flicker of anger lit up in Hawk Moth’s cold eyes, “Very well. I’ll just cut them from your ears myself.”

She could hear Rena and Carapace rushing towards her but Hawk Moth was already too close. Her reflection flashed in the sword’s blade as Hawk Moth readied the weapon to strike.

Suddenly the tension of the string in Bluebug’s hands went lax. There was a cry of alarm from Queen Bee just before a burning blackness crashed into her. The world around her seemed to turn sideways as she was throttled to the ground. For a brief moment there was nothing. And then a searing pain erupted through her left arm. She tried to scream out from the agonising feeling of something piercing into her flesh with an almost vicelike hold, but her voice failed her. She could only let out a strained, shivering gasp as she turned her head to try and make sense of what was going on.  
She was pinned to the floor now. The beast loomed over her having broken free from the wires holding it, its jaws now firmly clamped on her arm as its teeth sunk in through her suit. She felt more than actually saw that she was bleeding. Her vision was blurring around her from the shock, but she could just about make out the figure of Hawk Moth. It appeared he’d been knocked away from the beast’s sudden attack, leaving him fallen on the floor and quickly trying to get himself up again.  
There was a low, rumbling growl as the beast moved. Bluebug was forced to stand as her arm remained trapped in its jaws. It felt like if she didn’t then she would lose her arm entirely. She couldn’t stop herself from trembling though. Being so close to the corrupted energy that gave the Sentimonster its warped form felt debilitating. It was as though any energy or vitality she had was slowly being drained away the longer she stayed there. But then there came another warm pulse from her earrings and the consuming, plague-like feeling seemed to ebb away some. The desperate storm of emotions next to her seemed to grow a little quieter too. The growling faded as well and after a moment the aggressive grip on her arm released. It was as though the tension in the creature next to her had softened some, its aggression dwindling as it lightly nuzzled her arm as though to apologise.

She still felt too shocked to move, but her mind was already working rapidly to slot whatever information she had into place. Because of the Sentimonster sapping its power, the Black Cat Miraculous was out of control. Her own Miraculous had been responding to it this entire time because the Ladybug was its counterpart. They were two sides of the same coin, one side to balance the other. Creation and Destruction working with each other in an endless cycle. If one force fell out of tandem, then the other needed to help match it to hold the balance. It wasn’t the Peacock side of her that she needed to reach out with first, it was the Ladybug. The side of her that was literally made for meeting his destruction head on.

She carefully lifted her gaze to the frosted blue glow of his. The beast was watching her as though waiting to see what she would do. There was still a sense of fear in the tide of his emotions but it wasn’t as violent as before.

It was all over too quickly. Bluebug found herself being abruptly pulled away as something caught around her waist. The corrupted tempest within the beast surged again as it let out a roar before chasing after her.

“ _Shelter!_ ”

The beast collided heavily with the green shield that now barred it from advancing. It let out another deafening screech as it tried to dig his claws into the barrier, but the shield just about managed to hold.

“Are you okay?” Rena Rogue asked, her brow furrowed with concern as she caught Bluebug in her arms.

Queen Bee released the string of her spinning top from around Bluebug’s waist, saying nothing but also looking worried. Carapace knelt just in front of them all, his shield held up as he did his best to keep his Miraculous ability active as the Sentimonster continued to try to tear into it with its claws and fangs.

“Why did you pull me back?!” Bluebug cried.

She’d been so close to _something_ but now it had slipped through her fingers. Obviously her reaction wasn’t what her friends expected, as they looked at her with a mix of shock and anger.

“Have you _seen_ yourself?” Queen Bee snapped, “Don’t be so ridiculous!”

“He hurt you.” Rena added more quietly, “He was _still_ hurting you.”

It was then that Bluebug actually looked at herself. Her left arm was bleeding badly from the fresh lacerations there and her whole body was now covered in the same bruising splotches as her hand. As she slowly realised the damage she’d sustained from being in the Cataclysm’s proximity, she noticed how much her body ached and burned as the initial adrenaline wore off.

“He didn’t mean to…” she whispered as she shakily wrapped her arms around herself.

“I know things are a little fucked right now,” Carapace groaned, “But we’re going to need to do something soon because my shield isn’t going to last.”

It was true. There were already cracks starting to form in the green shell covering them all as the Sentimonster continued its relentless assault.  
Buebug gritted her teeth through the pain coursing through her now as she tried to stand on her own two feet again. Rena let go of her, but still held her arms out in case she needed to catch her again. She then looked to Queen Bee who held out her yo-yo to her. It too had a dark marking singed into its surface, but thankfully it still seemed to be functional. It appeared that the cord itself had been burned through earlier when the beast had freed itself, likely having forced its Cataclysm to destroy the bindings. She was thankful that her yo-yo had endless amounts of string, otherwise she would possibly now be without her main weapon.  
Suddenly the Sentimonster stopped its attack on the shield. Its sharp ears twitched before it snapped its head towards the ceiling. Bluebug lifted her gaze as well to see Hawk Moth going up in a small elevator that was heading towards a passage near the one they’d entered from. The man’s steeled glare lingered on the group of heroes for a moment before he turned away, evidently deciding it was better for them to deal with his son-turned-Sentimonster than do anything about it himself. But apparently the beast wasn’t satisfied with Hawk Moth trying to subtly make an escape. It whirled round immediately, causing its tail to crash against Carapace’s Shelter and making the existing cracks spread further. Without hesitating it sprinted forwards before leaping upward, its claws raking into the walls as it clung there. The concrete of the walls started to crumble from the Cataclysmic seeping into it, but the beast started to rapidly scale the surface as it climbed higher. It moved like a shadow towards the vaulted ceiling of the repository before clawing its way into the passage Hawk Moth’s elevator had disappeared into.

Carapace fell to his knees then, letting out a shaky breath as his Shelter crumbled.

“Maybe we should just let him tear Hawk Moth to pieces.” Queen Bee huffed as she crossed her arms.

The idea was tempting for Bluebug, but her priority was still to save Adrien before anything else. She looked at her yo-yo as she clutched it in her hand. She had an idea of what she needed to do to help him now, now all she needed was a little luck. She spun her yo-yo into the air.

“ _Lucky Charm!_ ”

Bluebug sighed as an item fell into her hands. She turned it over a few times, looking around her for any possible hints as to what she was meant to do.

Rena arched her eyebrow as she looked at the charm, “A book? What, do we read him to sleep?”

Bluebug chewed her lip as she looked at the book in her hands again. Like all her _Lucky Charms_ , it was red and covered in ladybug spots. She opened the book and flicked through its pages to check its contents. She furrowed her brow in confusion as she looked at the various pictures within. It looked like the kind of educational picture books aimed at children when they’re starting to learn a skill.

_Wait a minute…_

As she turned over the pages again she noticed that the pictures were all hand movements over what appeared to be a scale. Flicking back to where the instructions began, she looked at the first picture as she brought her right hand over the open book. Slowly and to the best of her memory, she moved her fingers in the same sequence as Adrien had shown her before.

“It matches…” she whispered as she compared her own movement to that of the pictures.

“What are you thinking?” Carapace asked as he got to his feet again.

She looked over the images before her again as a plan started to form. With renewed determination, she lifted her gaze to meet her awaiting allies.

“I have an idea.”

Bluebug took Carapace once more while Bee took Rena as they used their stringed weapons to lift themselves up through the elevator shaft Hawk Moth and the beast had gone through. As they ascended high through the passage, Bluebug shivered as she could once more hear the anguished voice.

‘ _No one...alone...always alone…! I have to keep going...I can’t keep going…! Weak...I don’t want to be weak anymore…! I’ll end it...End it all! Let it all burn!_ ’

The room they lifted themselves into was smaller than the repository and filled with white butterflies all flying around in a frenzy. On the far wall of the room was a large circular window with curved panes to resemble the outline of a butterfly. There was a screeching hiss and the sound of something striking against steel as a fight raged before them. Hawk Moth and the beast were locked in combat once more, half illuminated by the boundary between light and shadow in the room as they struck at each other. It seemed that the beast was winning now, as his almost rabid ferocity meant he didn’t care if the blade cut through him or not. As Hawk Moth slashed forwards with his sword once more, the beast lunged for him. Hawk Moth was unable to draw back in time before the jaws snapped shut, taking his hand and the sword’s hilt between its fangs. The beast’s jaws clenched harder as the Cataclysm surrounding it flared and rippled. The sword started to rust and corrode from the exposure while the tainted bruising started to make its way up Hawk Moth’s arm. Hawk Moth let out his own animalistic cry as the fangs released him, allowing him to drop heavily to the ground. He wasn’t allowed to make any escape though as the beast’s claws quickly slammed into him, pinning him where he lay. The beast’s jaws opened again with a snarling hiss, looking ready to tear into the man’s throat at any moment.

Bluebug quickly proceeded with the plan that was forming in her head. She was almost fine with the idea of letting the Sentimonster kill Hawk Moth, but she knew she couldn’t allow that to happen. She wouldn’t let the death of such a despicable man be another burden for Adrien to bear. His father’s actions had already resulted in too much pain and she wouldn’t let him cause any more.

“Queen Bee, be ready to take Hawk Moth. He’s injured and I don’t think he’ll put up much of a fight, but use your _Venom_ to make sure he doesn’t get away if you need to.”

“You got it.” Queen Bee smirked as she cracked her knuckles.

“Rena, I need you to use _Mirage_ to make a copy of me. When I go outside, use the copy to distract the Sentimonster. I need you to keep him busy for just a minute while I prepare.”

“Sure.” Rena responded with a twirl of her flute, “But outside? You mean you’re going to break through that window?”

“Of course. It’s the quickest way.”

“I know I’ve already used my ability,” Carapace interjected, “But is there anything I can do?”

“Stay with Queen Bee and try to make sure she doesn’t beat Hawk Moth within an inch of his life _too_ much.” Bluebug smirked.

The wounds on her cheek and arm were still throbbing, and her body still burned with the dull ache from the Cataclysm exposure. Even so, she tried to appear as strong and as confident as possible as she stepped forwards.

“Hey!” she shouted.

The beast’s jaws were close to Hawk Moth’s head, poised almost to rip it from his shoulders. But at the sound of her voice the creature paused. Ice blue eyes turned in her direction, staring at her with a haunting glow.

Steeling her resolve further, she continued, “You wanted my earrings right? Then come and get them.”

The provocation was enough as the creature quickly lunged towards her. She shot out her yo-yo to lift her up, sending her swinging over the Sentimonster as it haphazardly slid to stop. Bracing for impact, she crashed through the large window and found herself sailing around the outside of the Agreste mansion. She distantly heard the musical notes of Rena’s _Mirage_ as a mirror image of her appeared, splitting off from the real her and flying in the opposite direction around the building. Bluebug slipped into one of the windowsills and flattened herself in the nook there just as the beast rampaged through the window, breaking it even further as he came to a harsh stop on the edge. Its claws gouged into the stone facade of the building as its eyes quickly locked onto the _Mirage_. As soon as its prey was in its sight the Sentimonster gave chase, jumping and clawing its way over the mansion’s outside wall as it climbed towards the roof after the illusion.

Fairly confident that she had evaded for now, Bluebug quickly lowered herself down into the garden at the back of the mansion. It was easy to find what she was looking for, as there was only one window on the ground floor bordered by a wisteria tree. Apologising quietly, she broke that window too as she forced her way into the room on the other side.  
The study didn’t look any different from when Adrien had first shown it to her. She immediately headed for the large grand piano in the middle, copying what she remembered seeing him do as she propped open the lid and lifted the fallboard. Taking out her _Lucky Charm_ from earlier, she set it on the piano’s shelf made for holding music sheets.

 _Okay_ , she told herself as she let out a shaky sigh, _You can totally do this._

She lifted her yo-yo as turned on its communicator to contact Rena.

“You sure about this?” Rena’s concerned voice came through, “Things are looking a little crazy.”

“I know.” Bluebug answered, “But I’m not giving up on him. I promised after all.”

“Did I ever tell you that your stubbornness comes through at the strangest times?” Rena chuckled, “Alright, where do I need to lead him?”

“To the garden. In the back corner near the house.”

“Got it.”

Bluebug stared at the piano keys before her. Distantly she could still hear the sound of emergency sirens over the city, and even closer the sound of destruction as it crashed its way towards her. She lined up her hands over the keys. Between her memory of sitting on Adrien’s lap as he played and with the book as a guide, she really hoped she had taken the correct starting point. There was a loud explosion somewhere above her that seemed to shake the whole building. The freezing feeling of dread was trying to settle into her heart again. If she failed here, then perhaps the Sentimonster really would kill her this time.  
She saw a flash of movement through the broken window. She watched as she just caught sight of her _Mirage_ copy landing in the garden just a split second before the beast landed on top of the illusion, its vicious claws scraping into the earth where the copy had just been. A threatening growl echoed from the beast as it realised the trick. She could see its ears twitching for any hint of sound as it searched once again for its prey.  
Taking a deep breath to try and stop her hands from shaking, Bluebug pressed her fingertips into the keys.

The first note rang out loudly in her ears, the deep and rich sound almost frightening her as it clearly signalled her being there. In the corner of her eyes she saw the black shape of the creature shifting as it turned towards her, but she kept her focus fixed on the keys. Glancing at the music book in front of her and imaging Adrien’s hands next to hers, she tried to play _Clair de Lune_ . It was awfully clumsy and clunky as she tried to slowly play the opening sequence. There was no hope of her playing the middle part that even Adrien had struggled with, so she hoped the initial part of the song would be enough. She could see the dark figure prowling closer, its piercing blue eyes fixated on her. The shadow seemed to fill the whole window as the beast’s claws gripped into the bench seat there. But she was running out of notes she could awkwardly mash her way through. Trying to ignore how much her heart was hammering in her chest, she chanced a look towards the window.  
The beast was there, its haunches resting on the window seat that was blackening under its touch while its front claws dug into the front side of the bench. Its eyes were still on her. Watching and waiting. Slowly, she lifted her hands off the piano keys as she turned towards the creature. It was silent now, but through the Peacock Miraculous she could still sense the bitter poison of emotions roiling inside the beast.

“Can you hear me?” she whispered.

‘ _...Hear...I hear...Me...No one hears me…_ ’

As slowly and as gently as she could manage, she moved away from the piano towards the creature, “I can hear you.”

A growl rumbled from it but it was quieter than before, almost fearful. It lifted its head, baring its fangs at her as she approached.

‘ _...You’re not afraid...of me? Disgusted...by me?_ ’

“No.” she answered softly.

She was close enough to reach out to it now. Making her movement obvious and careful, she lifted her hands towards the beast. It didn’t move as it watched her. As her hand drew closer she could feel the venomous stinging of the Cataclysm radiating from the beast. But she refused to hesitate now. She tenderly brushed her fingertips over the beast’s temple before it lowered its head, allowing her to move her hand over it with comforting strokes.

‘ _Doesn’t it hurt...to be near me?_ ’

“It does.” she admitted, feeling her hand tremble as it felt like the nerves in her arm were being set on fire, “But I can handle it. It’s what you’ve been dealing with all this time, isn’t it? I want to help share the burden. If you’ll let me.”

‘ _...No more...Just let me die…_ ’

“You know I can’t do that.”

She moved closer, slipping her fingers through the shrouding Cataclysm that had thickened itself to an almost fur-like consistency. Her bleeding arm screamed with pain, but she ignored it as she maneuvered herself until she was embracing the creature around its shoulders.

‘ _...But we don’t want to be here anymore...He wouldn’t act...So I did…_ ’

“I know.” she murmured, “You were always trying to help, weren’t you? You just got a little bit lost is all.”

‘ _She was meant to come back...she never came back for us…_ ’

“I can help now, if you’ll let me. I can release you.”

‘ _Release…_ ’

“The amok that made you. I can take it back. You just have to let me have Adrien back too.”

The beast was quiet then but didn’t remove itself from her embrace. It felt like its presence was devouring her, slowly burning her up inside the longer she stayed there. But she endured. If this was the poison that had been eating away at Adrien this whole time, then she could withstand it too for his sake.

The Cataclysm surrounding the beast started to change. It was as though it was melting, slowly slipping through her fingers as it blended into softer flames once more. She still didn’t let go though, tightening her arms instead as the form next to her changed. The Cataclysm dwindled further until it was a familiar figure in her arms, resting his head on her shoulder as she held him close.

“We just wanted it to be over…” he murmured with a broken voice.

She gently stroked Chat Blanc’s hair, her earrings humming with warmth as he leaned on her more.

“Then let me help.” she offered.

“With all of this...he won’t survive on his own…”

“He won’t be on his own.”

They stayed like that for a moment, both of them trembling with exhaustion and pain. Until Chat Blanc slowly lifted his head again. She carefully looked into the ocean of his eyes, seeing the swell of anguish and fear there.

“I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” She whispered as she cupped his cheek, “You or Adrien. You just need to let me help. Please, let me in.”

His gaze flickered over her as he considered. Tentatively she took his right hand on her free one, grasping it tenderly as she still felt the lingering Cataclysm seeping out from his ring. Her earrings hummed once more as she found herself leaning into him until her forehead touched his. The frost in his gaze seemed to soften a little more as his eyes met hers. His free hand lightly caressed her face, taking care to not touch the gash on her cheek.

His voice was quiet and shivering, “ _Help me..._ ”

She took in his shaky breaths as her lips drew close to his. His eyes closed then, allowing her the freedom to proceed if she wanted. As gently as possible she brushed her lips to his, searching for that indescribable warmth she’d experienced before when she’d soothed him. It lit up in her like a sunbeam breaking through a raincloud, letting her take the cold of his lips and replace it with her warmth as she kissed him. She poured everything into it - her heart, her soul - all that she had and all that she was she wanted to give to Adrien. She just hoped it was enough to bring him back from whatever dark place he’d fallen to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to kiss everything better! ~~Though of course not everything can be fixed like that~~
> 
> As always, I really appreciate all of the comments and kudos people leave! Thank you all so much!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	99. Reprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains descriptions of sexual harrasment and implied sexual abuse/rape. If you do not wish to read these parts, skip the text between the ~●~. There are two skips in this chapter.

The stride of his father's long legs was difficult to keep up with. Being a small child, Adrien had to move in a half running shuffle even though his father was only going at a steady walk. Gabriel's hand dwarfed Adrien's as he pulled him along with a firm grip. It wasn't often that his father held his hand. He wasn't allowed to grab a hold of the man like he was his mother. So right then Adrien didn't mind that it was a struggle for his short legs to keep up, as he kept beaming happily from being able to spend time with the parent who was normally so distant. Even if Gabriel was only holding his hand out of necessity and for show rather than affection, Adrien didn't mind.

They came to a stop as Gabriel started speaking with someone. Adrien recognised the other man from earlier. He'd been the one telling Adrien to look at the camera or to run around with a smile as though he was playing. The man and his father talked for some minutes about things that Adrien didn't really understand. He waited patiently until his father was done talking, looking down at his shoes and watching his laces bounce around when he kicked his feet. He lifted his head again when he heard his name.

"Adrien was a pleasure to have on set Monsieur Agreste." The other man said, "I don't think I've ever had such a well behaved child in front of the camera before!"

Adrien's hand was released then, so he quickly took to clutching at his sweater for lack of anything else to hold onto. His eyes widened when he felt his father's hand come to rest atop his head instead.

"Yes, he's very good." Gabriel said as he smoothed over a section of Adrien's blond hair, "Nothing short of perfection."

Adrien looked up to the towering figure next to him, his father who seemed taller than the world itself. He smiled shyly, childish excitement bubbling within him at receiving such praise from his usually stoic parent. He'd done something good. He'd done something _right_ and his father was pleased with him for it.

"Can I do it again?" Adrien asked quickly, not wanting to miss the chance to earn more approval.

Gabriel smiled down at him, "Yes, you can do plenty more from now on."

There was a rapid shutter as the camera clicked through a series of shots. Adrien adjusted his pose slightly, tilting his head more so that the studio lights highlighted more the shape of his jawline. He turned a little to show the curve of his shoulder and bicep as he lifted his hand behind his head.

"Excellent, Adrien!" The photographer gave a thumbs up from the other side of the camera, "Just a few more and that'll do."

That camera shuttered again and Adrien changed through his poses, making sure to show off every angle, seam and colour of the clothing he was advertising for that shoot.

When the photographer gave him the go ahead to leave, Adrien smiled his thanks to everyone as he headed back to his dressing room.

"Here, let me get that." A woman approached him as he shrugged off the jacket he was wearing.

Her hands slipped over his shoulders and down his arms, helping remove the piece of clothing before quickly placing it on a hanger.

"Thanks, uhm.." Adrien answered quietly as he looked at her.

"Cass." She grinned back, "I'm a new wardrobe assistant."

"Oh, right. I'll remember that."

"You're very good for someone your age." She added as she turned to the rail holding the clothing he'd been modeling that day, "Very mature as well."

Adrien was used to receiving an assortment of compliments by now, but he still felt a little shy every time he received one. He gave her a nervous smile as she turned to place the jacket on a clothes rail.

She grinned back at him over her shoulder, "I look forward to working with you."

He was in the dressing room again, stretching out his stiff muscles after another long photoshoot. He looked over his shoulder as Cass sashayed in with a grin, closing the door behind her.

"Here." she said in an exaggerated whisper as she placed a donut on the dressing table, "I snuck this from the buffet."

Adrien gave her a sheepish smile as he looked back at her, "You know I'm not meant to have snacks."

"I won't tell if you don't." She giggled with a wink, "It'll be our little secret. Okay, sweet boy?"

Adrien looked out the car window as he watched the scenery rolled by. His gaze quickly shifted next to him when he felt a light touch to his hand.

"Are you sure you're okay doing this?" Emilie asked, trying to look encouraging but her concern was evident, "You don't have to keep modeling if you don't want to."

He smiled at his mother. He knew she would do everything to fight in his corner if he needed it. But this was something he wasn't ready to give up in just yet.

"It's fine." He told her softly, "I don't think I could be a designer like Father. But at least this way we have something to talk about."

Emilie pressed her lips together but nodded nonetheless. Still, there was a sadness in her emerald eyes as she looked away.

“Can I see her?” Adrien asked as he tried to look past his father towards the bedroom door.

“Your mother isn’t feeling her best today, Adrien.” Gabriel responded flatly, “She needs her rest.”

“R-Right…”

It wasn’t unheard of for his mother to have the occasional dizzy spell. She had what his father liked to call a ‘delicate constitution’ for as long as he could remember. Even though this was something that happened once in a while, it still worried Adrien. It was clear there was something his parents weren’t telling him, but he was hesitant to push for any answers.

“You still have a photoshoot to go to.” Gabriel continued, ignoring how Adrien’s gaze kept shifting to the closed door, “Your mother won’t be able to go with you. Neither will Nathalie as she has other business to attend to.”

Adrien’s wide-eyed gaze snapped to his father then, “I’ll be alone?”

“I trust you can manage. A driver will still take you there and collect you once the shoot is done.”

A nervous excitement overcame Adrien. His father was trusting him to be responsible. He may have been twelve years old, but it felt like Gabriel was opening up to the idea of treating him more like an adult.

“I can do it.” he ascertained.

Gabriel appraised him for a steady moment before answering in a tone Adrien hoped was pride.

“Very good.”

“You’re alone today?” Cass arched an eyebrow when he told her.

“Yeah I was surprised too.” Adrien grinned at her before slipping off his shirt.

He was used to getting changed around wardrobe assistants all the time and Cass was no different. She watched him for a moment before busying herself with folding up some of the clothes he had been wearing earlier for the photoshoot.

“I guess I’m kind of used to my mother babying me.” Adrien laughed softly as he looked in the mirror in front of him, taking a minute to sort his messy hair, “It’s nice if my father can see I’m growing up at least.”

“You certainly are.” Cass chipped in, “I think you’ve gotten taller again.”

“You think so?”

Adrien turned to face her as she walked up behind him, but she prompted him to turn forwards again by placing one hand on his shoulder while the other held his chin. Adrien’s eyes flickered over the reflection before him as she held him there.

Her breath ghosted over the back of his neck, “You’ll be taller than me soon.”

She held him there for a moment, only releasing him when his phone buzzed on the dressing table. Adrien picked up the device as she slipped away from him. Running his hand through his hair, he quickly read through the received messages.

“My driver’s going to be late.” he murmured.

“Oh?”

“Seems there was some accident on the usual route and it's been blocked off. With the rain as well the roads are packed.”

“You’ll be here a bit longer then.”

“I guess so.”

He saw her moving around behind him through the mirror’s reflection. She calmly walked to the door of the dressing room where she paused for a moment with her back turned to him. He furrowed his brow with confusion when he swore he heard the sound of the lock turning.

“Maybe...I should go wait in the lobby.” Adrien said quietly as he reached for his normal tshirt.

He froze when her arms wrapped around him, her hands moving over his chest until her nails came to scrape over his abdomen.

“Stay with me a bit longer, sweet boy.”

* * *

~●~SKIP~●~

* * *

He didn’t understand what was happening. He tried to get away, but when he slammed into the locked door she was already on him. She pried his hands away from the handle as she used her whole body to press him harder and harder into the door.

“Hold still.” she whispered breathlessly against the shell of his ear.

He tried to push himself off of the door, to push her away. But she pulled him with her. In his panicked confusion he stumbled and found himself on the floor. He scrambled to get up again but she wouldn’t let him. She was on top of him, pinning him down with her weight as she grappled with his hands. She got a hold of his wrists and forced them flat against the floor.

“I bet someone as sheltered as you hasn’t felt anything as real as this.” she cooed in his ear.

Adrien let out a cry as she shifted her hips until she was pressing down on his. It felt wrong. If felt horribly, irrevocably and disgustingly _wrong_. His wrists were lifted up only to be slammed against the floor in response to his outcry.

“It will be better if you just stay quiet. You’re always such a good boy, and good boys don’t kiss and tell.”

Her mouth was all over him, biting and sucking as his skin from the corner off his mouth and across his neck. He thrashed beneath her, feeling her tongue swipe over his skin as well.

_Disgusting. Wrong. Sickening. Make it stop. Make it stop!_

She kept touching him and kissing him until it felt like his skin was raw. When he tried to get up again her hands reached for his neck, forcing him back down and causing his head to hit against the floor. The dizziness became unbearable through the resounding headache and the way her hands tightened around his throat. It was then he realised he wasn’t breathing. He _couldn’t_ breathe. He squirmed under her but she didn’t seem to understand that he was suffocating.  
His struggling became weaker and his choked attempts to breathe became less and less.

“Sweet boy.” her saccharine voice whispered in his ear, “Just let me love you.”

His hands that had been clawing at hers stopped, slowly slipping to the floor once more. A darkness was sinking into his vision as he stared up at the ceiling.

He vaguely felt her kiss the corner of his lips, “Stay like that.”

He remained in that limbo, begging for the darkness to take him completely. Even as she released him he didn’t try to move or breathe. He didn’t want to anymore. He just wanted it to be over. He just wanted to be gone.  
He could still feel the conflicting reactions of his body as her nails dug into his now exposed hips, her mouth leaving painful scorch marks on his skin as she worked her way lower. The revulsion and the shame were unbearable. He didn’t want to live through the nightmare a minute longer.

_Just let me die…_

* * *

~●~END SKIP~●~

* * *

“You are not to speak of this to anyone, do you understand me?”

Adrien couldn’t even lift his head to meet his father’s gaze. He stared numbly at the hospital bed sheets covering him. He’d managed to sit up in the bed, but even that had made his head swim. His father stood at the end of the bed, waiting with obvious expectation. Adrien was supposed to answer him. He opened his mouth to speak, but the agonising tightness and rawness of his throat reminded him that his voice was broken. He could barely speak. Closing his mouth again, Adrien gave a mechanical nod instead.

“Everything will be sorted.” Gabriel assured in his usual definitive manner, “No one will know and things will carry on as normal. If anyone finds out it will not only affect the brand, but our family as well. You’ve worried your mother enough as is.”

Adrien’s hands clawed into the sheets with a weak and trembling grip. It felt like he could barely hang onto anything now.

“You will get over this.” his father added as he headed for the door, “You’ll see.”

Adrien slowly opened his eyes to find his mother gently stroking his hair.

Emilie gave him a sad smile, “Hey honey.”

He slowly looked around him, carefully taking in his surroundings. He was curled up in the bay window of the study with his mother sitting next to him. He must have fallen asleep there again, as he didn’t remember her being there before.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Adrien swallowed thickly as he attempted to give her an answer. It felt like his head was filled with a confusing static, leaving him feeling numb.

“I’m okay.” he croaked.

Emilie tenderly took his hands in hers as she encouraged him to get up. With slow steps, she gently guided him towards the white grand piano.

“Come sit with me. I’ll play a song for you.”

* * *

~●~SKIP~●~

* * *

“You’re sensitive, aren’t you?” Lila gave him a smug, sidelong glance.

Adrien didn’t dignify her with a response, instead choosing to focus as best as he could on the camera working away in front of them. He hated how Lila was pressed up against him right now but he did his best to endure it. They would be done soon enough.

His breathing hitched as she felt her fingers tease beneath the edge of his shirt, her nails scraping at the small of his back. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, but she was pretending to be looking at the camera herself now. There was a sultry smirk on her face as her fingertips moved in languid circles on his lower back, her ministrations completely out of view from the camera behind their posing. He could feel himself freezing up as his tremors increased. Her hand slid further down the base of his spine until her touch slipped under the band of his jeans.

“I don’t need to work with you to give you all the love you need.”

“I’m sorry, Lila. But I don’t want it from you.”

He felt her hand grab his wrist, shortly followed by the crash of a vase breaking as Adrien fell to the ground. Lila’s nails dug into his skin as she gripped tighter, her weight pinning him to the floor as she straddled his hips. He tried to stop her as she started to push his shirt up but he was powerless. Her kisses burned new marks into his skin as she lavished venomous affection on his neck. Her hand started to slide lower.

Again. It was happening all over again. As he slipped in darkness it was all that he could hope for that maybe this time, he wouldn’t wake up.

* * *

~●~END SKIP~●~

* * *

He stood there, tired and sunken eyes looking at the reflection before him. The person staring back at him was riddled with scars and markings, all invisible but still very much there. The reflection was a stranger to him, yet he knew it should be familiar. Him, but not him. Alive, but not living. Calling out, but only in silence. And alone. Always alone.

It would be better if he was gone. He was nothing more than a destructive force, collapsing from the inside out and threatening to ruin anyone else that was too close to his calamity. He was a black hole. Greedily devouring any hope or happiness and spitting it back out as a numbing grey void. To feel anything beyond that isolating numbness was impossible. It was all impossible.  
He watched the reflection mimic him perfectly as he slowly lifted his hands. No, it was still possible to feel something. He could see it there in the reflection’s darkened eyes. Complete and utter hatred. The reflection glared at him in disgust, copying him still as he brought his hands to his neck. The anger and the agony burned within him, spurring him on as he steadily tightened his hands around his throat.

* * *

Marinette fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around herself as her body was wracked with sobs. The images bombarded her like a broken film reel, flashing and stuttering, rewinding and fast forwarding in flashes. The pitch black water underneath her rippled as she shook violently, her loud cries of anguish echoing out into the surrounding dark void. She saw it all. All of these broken pieces of Adrien that he’d kept buried. This part of him that he was terrified of being seen. But now she saw it. The ugly, agonising scars that ran deep within him.

“Do you understand now?” came a voice as the images filling her head finally died away.

She shakily lifted her head to see Chat Blanc standing before her. His glacial gaze gave no hint of emotion as he watched her carefully.

“W-Where...Where am I?” she asked, her voice still thick with sobbing.

“A connection. Between yours,” Chat Blanc lifted his hand to show off his ring, “And ours.”

“Adrien...is...where is he?”

Blanc’s eyes glowed in the suffocating darkness as he repeated again, “Do you understand now?”

Marinette swallowed back a whimper as she tried to answer, “Understand what?”

“What you’ll be forcing him to return to if you take him back.”

Her gaze drifted down as the words sunk in. Adrien had been shouldering so much that he couldn’t bear it any longer. And now she was there to take him straight back to it.

“But that’s not all there is...is there?” she whispered.

Blanc didn’t answer her. She didn’t know if he understood what she meant or if he was just choosing to not respond.

His silence forced her to continue, despite how her voice wavered through her tears, “There has to be good times too. There has to be things that he found worthwhile. Adrien is so much more than all that he’s suffered through! There has to be something he wanted to hope for!”

Blanc’s eyes widened slightly as he stared at her. His gaze softened again as his lips parted with a crooked smirk.

“I’m not the one you need to convince.” he chuckled, “So I’ll step aside. If you fail though, will you give me your earrings?”

Marinette fiercely rubbed her eyes before fixing a determined glare upon him, “Deal.”

Blanc let out a bark of laughter, “You’re either certain that you can have him come back, or you’ve already given up.”

“I haven’t given up. For him, I never will.”

Marinette balled her hands into fists as she kept watching Blanc. He steadily met her gaze, blue eyes flickering in contemplation. He closed his eyes as he smiled, giving a casual shrug as he turned his back on her.

“I’ll accept your offer of release.” he said as he walked away into the darkness, “If you can convince him to let go first.”

His white figure slowly faded as the shadows shrouded him, leaving Marinette alone in the darkness.

It was quiet here. And freezing cold. She still knelt in the shallow waters, unsure of what to do or where to go now. Looking around her, she couldn’t see anything but an inky blackness. Even looking at the water underneath her, all she could see was a constant void. But she froze as something caught her attention beneath the surface. Something glinting silver despite the lack of light, as though it was calling out to her. Her own earrings seemed to become warm in response to the shimmer in the water’s depths. Marinette tentatively placed her hand flat over the surface. As if by a sudden pull of gravity, she was dragged under.

She twisted and struggled as the biting cold water surrounded her. She couldn’t breathe like this and it felt like the water itself was heavy, pushing her down further and further. Fighting back the urge to scream, she forced open her eyes. She looked again once more for that silver gleam as she floated in the darkness.

Her heart pounded in her chest when she saw it again. But it wasn't just the little hint of light she saw this time. She saw him with it, suspended in the depths below her as his ring caught some unseen glow.

_Adrien…!_

She wanted to call out to him but as soon as she opened her mouth she immediately tasted the bitter, icy water around her. She gagged against the taste, clenching her mouth shut again. Adrien didn’t seem to have noticed she was there and he appeared to be sinking further away from her. She had to reach him.  
Straining against the restrictive pressure bearing down on her, she attempted the swim towards him. The deeper she got, the harder it became to go further. It felt like her body was slowly being crushed. Whatever air that remained in her lungs being forced out as she could feel herself suffocating. But she endured. Her hand reached out for his, straining as much as she could to take hold of him. Her heart throbbed painfully in her chest as her fingertips finally met his. A little more. She needed to push herself a little more!

Fighting against the way it felt like the water was trying to force her back, Marinette gritted her teeth as her already exhausted muscles cried out as she stretched to her absolute limit. Her hand found his and she immediately grabbed on. Clasping his hand in hers, she used whatever strength she could summon to pull him up towards her. As soon as he was closer she wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him into her, gently cupping the side of his face with her hand. His eyes were closed and he didn’t respond to her touch. It was like he’d already drowned.  
Panic took over as Marinette frantically tried to head back to the surface. The water seemed to roar around them as she moved higher and higher once again, holding Adrien firm in her embrace and curling around him as though to protect him from the surging tide.

Suddenly she found herself able to breathe. She was back to lying in a shallow puddle in the darkness, the only sound she could hear being her own panting breaths. She squeezed her hand and still felt his within her hold.

“Adrien!” she gasped as she bolted upright.

He was lying next to her on his side, still unmoving and unresponsive. Still keeping hold of his hand, she reached out with her other hand to gently brush his hair back from his face. Finally, he let out a shuddering breath at the touch.

She leaned towards him, protectively sheltering his now shivering body with her own, “Adrien, can you hear me?”

His eyes slowly opened, half-lidded and dull green as he dazedly looked around himself. His gaze eventually found hers where it stayed.

“You…” he rasped, “It’s you. I know you.”

Marinette blinked back the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes again, “Yes, it’s me. It’s Marinette.”

“Marinette…”

“Yes, Adrien. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

But the longer he looked at her, the more distressed he seemed to get. His eyes grew wide as a panicked fear set in and his already uneven breaths became shallower and tighter.

“You can’t be here.” he croaked, “I didn’t want to bring you here!”

Marinette hushed him softly as she caressed his cheek, “I came here of my own choice. I’m here to get you out again.”

“N-No...I can’t! There’s no way out!”

“It’s okay. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to help you, alright?”

His green eyes searched hers wildly as though it were taking everything for him to process her words. She looked down to his right hand that she hadn’t been able to take hold of, as it was tightly fisted and trembling from the tension. She could see a dark red liquid seeping through his clenched fingers.

“Can I see?” she asked softly.

Adrien let out a pained whine as his gaze quickly became avoidant, “I can’t…”

“Yes, you can. I want to help you, so please let me.”

“I...I can’t be helped…”

“You _can_. You just have to let me in.”

It was difficult to keep a hold of his hand from how badly he was shaking, but Marinette didn’t dare let go. His eyes glazed over as he stared at something far away.

“I don’t want it to hurt anymore…” he murmured.

“I know.” Marinette soothed as she stroked his hair again, “I don’t want you to be feeling like this anymore either.”

“Why…?”

“Because I still love you.”

His eyes slowly moved back towards her. He watched her for a moment, his green gaze flickering with a cascade of emotions. Marinette squeezed his hand in hers as she held his frightened gaze, trying her best to share as much of her feelings as she could with the simple gesture.

Adrien weakly attempted to sit himself up, but Marinette had to help him as he didn’t have enough strength to support himself properly. She never let go of his hand, giving it another reassuring squeeze now that he was sitting in front of her.

His eyes became downcast as he whispered, “How can you say you still love me when you’ve seen how weak and pathetic I am?”

Marinette sighed as her eyes fell to her lap. She chewed her lip as she thought for a moment before reaching out with her other hand. Adrien flinched as she gently settled her hand on top of his clenched fist and started to caress her thumb over the scarring on his knuckles there. She could feel the blood seeping through his fingers and staining her hand but she didn't care.

“Do you know why I fell in love with you in the first place?” she asked.

Adrien furrowed his brow for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a few staggered breaths as though it were taking all of his focus to consider her question.

“I-I...I gave you my umbrella.” he stammered.

Marinette smiled at the memory but shook her head, “That was the when, but not really the why.”

Adrien flinched at the words as though already expecting the worst. Marinette brushed her thumb over his knuckles again, taking in the familiarity of the markings she had watched heal.

“It was because you admitted to me that you were scared then. Going to school and being around so many new people was a lot for you to handle, but you were still willing to try. Even though things started wrong, you still wanted to keep going. I saw in you an honesty I never expected from someone.”

Adrien was quiet but she knew he was listening to her.

So she continued, “Do you know why I fell in love with Chat Noir?”

He shook his head.

“Because even when things got tough you still smiled for everyone else’s sake. Even when I was struggling to keep it together you always had my back. Without you, I wouldn’t be Ladybug.”

Marinette watched as his trembling became quieter. She could tell by the tightness of his jaw he was trying to hold back all that he was feeling in that moment. She leaned forward until her forehead touched his.

“Do you know why I fell in love with you all over again when I found out you were one in the same?”

His eyes flickered up to hers, the verdant green glassy with unfallen tears. He still said nothing, only giving the occasional quiet hiccup as he waited to hear what she had to say.

“Because despite everything you’ve been through, despite all that you suffered, despite all the things that could easily turn a good person into something else, you still chose to be kind. Even with the unimaginable power you were chosen for, a power you could have used for your own gain, you still chose to be a hero. You chose saving others over doing anything for yourself.”

Adrien was silent for a moment longer, until he let out a soft, barely there laugh that made her heart flutter.

He gave a shaky sigh, “That’s the same reason I fell in love with you. ...Am I still allowed to?”

Marinette could barely contain herself as she pressed a loving kiss to his temple. He leaned into the touch, nuzzling against her until his lips brushed against her cheek.

“As long as I’m allowed to cry for you, be angry for you, smile for you, laugh for you and to always stay by your side.” she murmured as she continued to softly kiss him, “I love you too much to lose you. Let me take on some of your pain.”

“But I don’t know what to do…” he whimpered, pressing himself more into her affectionate touch.

“All you need to do now is let me help.”

Marinette turned her gaze once more to his fisted hand. Adrien followed her, grimacing when he realised what she was looking for.

“I don’t know if I can do it.” he rasped, "You've seen what can happen. You've seen the Destruction cause by me."

She rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand, her thumb sweeping over his scars once more, “Destruction doesn’t always have to be completely ruining something. Sometimes you have to break something so it can be repaired stronger. And sometimes you have to break down the thoughts and ideas that are holding you back.”

“But I...I’ve already lost so much of myself. I don’t want to lose anything more.”

"I won't let you. I'm going to take care of you, okay? I'm right here with you."

His eyes flitted towards her as he worked through his shallow, shaking breaths. She met his gaze, pouring every ounce of love and determination she could into her own. She needed him to know that even though he was terrified, she was there to keep him steady. She was going to stay by his side through it all and whatever may come after.

Adrien bit his lip and she had to fight the urge to gently take it from his teeth with a gentle touch of her thumb. His eyes didn't stray from hers though, flickering nervously as he tried to work through the fears that had gripped him for so long.

Hesitantly, he nodded his head and relented.

Marinette looked down to his right hand as Adrien stiffly flexed his fingers open. In the bloodied mess of his palm she could see glints of the crystal-like fragments embedded there. She lightly placed her hand over his, taking care to not aggravate the shards or wounds. She pressed her forehead to his again, slipping her other hand up to cup his cheek as his tremors started to increase again.

"You don't need them anymore." She whispered when she still sensed his trepidation, "I'll support you in their place. I'll carry you when you feel like you can't stay standing."

With a shuddering sigh Adrien closed his eyes. She could feel the magic now spilling from his ring once more as the power of destruction swelled to sever the bonds the fragments had forced. Her earrings hummed in response, the warmth of her own power rising to meet his so that it wouldn't burn out of control. Through the Peacock Miraculous she could sense it as the fragments shifted, the chains that bound them weakening as destruction and creation fed into each other.

She could feel his trembling increasing again as a strained whine slipped from his throat. She moved her other hand down until her palm rested against his chest. Her fingers started to purposefully tap against him, recreating the familiar song as though she were trying to rewrite the terrified rhythm of his heartbeat.

"It’s okay." She whispered as her lips ghosted near his, “I’ve still got you.”

His frantic breaths bounced off of her face. She tried to not let out a pained gasp as she felt the shards retaliate against their attempt to remove them. Searing pain ricocheted through every nerve in her arm and throughout her body, but she remained steadfast. She nuzzled against his cheek as she looked for permission, brushing near his lips once more but not taking them just yet.  
Adrien hesitated again before tentatively caressing her lips with a featherlight kiss. His left hand slowly came to the side of her face, gently sweeping his thumb over her cheekbone. The love and comfort from their shared affection was addictive for both of them as he kissed her again, slow and soft but overflowing with feeling. She could sense it, the surging whirlpool of emotion from him as he sought to keep himself grounded in her presence. The Peacock Miraculous noted for her his uncontrollable panic and fear, but also the warmth of trust and care. But most of all there was love. She couldn’t help but smile into their kiss as the intense and precious feeling reverberated between them. It was a fluid cycle of give and take, matching the rise and fall of their Miraculous powers as they sought to balance the chaos the fragments had caused. Adrien pressed a little more into their kiss, leaving the intense, bitter cold around them to be slowly replaced by a soothing warmth. The stillness of the void they were in started to shift also as it was almost like a gentle breeze flowed around them.

It was as though the last resisting thread that the fragments had used to weave themselves into Adrien’s heart finally snapped. As they were meticulously extracted from him, the shards lashed violently. Marinette let out a sharp whimper as the pain she felt intensified, almost as if a concentrated Cataclysm was now flowing through her veins. Adrien was immediately aware of the agony he was giving to her and tried to pull away. Her hand latched onto his before her could remove it, while her other hand at his chest clutched the fabric of his shirt.

“Don’t go.” she pleaded, “Stay with me.”

She could hear the crack in his voice as he weakly answered her, “But I...I don’t want to hurt you…”

She smiled at him as her determination remained strong, “I’m staying with you, through the good and the bad. Please, don’t hide from me. We’re partners, aren’t we?”

His green eyes almost glowed in the same way his alter ego’s did as he looked at her. His hand shifted against hers, but this time to return her hold instead of trying to pull back.

His smile was nervous but genuine, “Always, My Lady.”

Marinette tensed against the searing pain as the fragments were passed from him to her. The amok and akuma were frantic in the loss of corruption they had accumulated, the chaos that they’d monopolised on now having been balanced between the powers of Destruction and Creation. They came away from Adrien without tearing anything more from him, relinquished into Marinette’s custody and finally unburdening him completely of the amok that had haunted him all this time. Now cut off from the heaviness of Adrien’s emotions and the tempting power of his Miraculous, Marinette could feel the shards shivering in her grasp. The fragments seemed almost lost and confused. The once overwhelming storm of torment suffered by the new manifestation of Chat Blanc had reduced to quiet waves. But amongst the hum of emotions emanating from the fragments, there was a new feeling she hadn’t sensed from the pitiful creature until then. Gratitude.

Like a stagnant eclipse finally yielding to the sun, the surrounding darkness was swept away in a wash of warmth and light. Marinette looked around her to see a brilliant blue sky with the promise of distant horizons. Her eyes moved to Adrien to see that he too had his gaze lifted to the azure expanse as though it were the first time he’d seen such a clear sky. It reflected back in his brilliant green eyes, no longer dark and dull but vibrant and gleaming like summer sunshine filtering through a tree canopy. His wide eyed gaze slowly drifted down to hers again and she could see the tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. Lacing his fingers between hers he gave a soft smile. It wasn’t a completely happy one, but it wasn’t entirely sad either. A smile of her own came to her lips as she leaned into him, nuzzling into the warmth of his chest. His other arm came around her shoulders, holding her tight to him like she might slip away at any moment. But her leaving him just wasn’t possible. There was nowhere else she wanted to be as she listened to the comforting sound of his steady heartbeat.

She could still hear the faint sound of his heartbeat as she opened her eyes. She slowly took in the view in front of her of the broken window. On the other side she could see the wisteria, roses and erysimum. It had at last stopped raining, but the petals of the flowers were all covered in raindrops like thousands of tiny crystals. She knew she needed to move, but she was exhausted. She didn’t want to leave the shared warmth of the person she was resting on either, the quiet sound of his heart almost harmonising with her own.

“Mistress Ladybug?”

She saw Duusu floating into her field of view, looking over her with concern.

“I held on for as long as I could.” Duusu continued, “But I passed on the last of my energy for Tikki to hold on a bit more. It’s not much, but I thought it might help.”

She smiled at the kwami’s consideration, “Thank you, Duusu.”

As she felt out her body a little more, she realised she was clutching something in her hand. Her mind had yet to fully recognise all that had happened, so when she lifted her hand to see what was in it she was momentarily confused. She took in the delicate shapes of a broken feather and butterfly wing, seemingly made of crystals and shimmering in blues and purples when they caught the light.

Everything all fell into place then as she remembered what she had been doing and who was meant to be next to her. She knew she was resting on top of him with her head on his chest, but she still hadn’t really _seen_ him. She was scared, but she needed to know. She gently set the fragile fragments down on the bench seat they were curled up on so that she could lift herself onto her elbows.  
As she adjusted her position her eyes carefully traced over him, taking in every detail possible. She saw the clothes he’d been wearing that morning, still half soaked from the rain. The dark black bruises had remained as well, blooming over what she could see of his deathly pale skin. Trying to swallow the lump in her throat, she nervously moved her gaze to his face. His blond hair was a mess, falling everywhere around his face and softly closed eyes. He looked weak and broken, but it was him. It was Adrien. She rested her hand over his chest as she searched for that faint heartbeat again, letting out a gasping sob of relief when she felt it under her palm. He was there and he was _alive_. From her hand still clutching at his chest she felt his hitch of breath. Her heart was ready to bloom and burst with overflowing warmth and love as his eyes slowly opened.

Green.

A soft yet gleaming shade of colour that for her belonged to Adrien alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally - This chapter has been a long time coming! I think I need to go lie down now after writing this...  
> It ended up being a lot longer than I originally planned for. I almost ended up splitting it into two chapters instead of being just one. But I couldn't figure out a way to cut it or have a suitable break point that I was happy enough with - so I kept it as one long chapter. Sorry if it's a lot to read in one go, but personally I'm happier with it this way.
> 
> Thank you so much for the amazing response I've been getting for Penumbra recently! I'm actually so happy whenever I see another comment or kudos pop up <3
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	100. Heartstrings

Adrien felt light, as though the heavy weight that had been anchored in his chest had finally been pulled free. His ribs didn’t feel so brittle and his lungs were not so crushed as he took a shaking breath. The violent tide had finally receded now too, its waves still echoing but no longer drowning him with each roll of the current. The darkness had eased away too, the long and stifling shadows finally drifting away as a sky of warmth and colour returned. His gaze lifted to the towering sky above him, taking in its almost ethereal blue gradient before falling down to a shimmering horizon, its distance seeming to promise that he could go as far as he wanted and do what he wanted. All of that colour and promise was reflected back in her eyes.

He turned back to her now, her dazzling eyes looking at him alone as she watched him with a gentle smile. Threading his fingers between hers and clutching tightly, he smiled back at her. It was weak and tired, but it was real. Burdened with so many emotions behind it, but no longer breaking under the pressure as someone else was there to carry it with him.  
The rush of emotions continued as she leaned into him, pressing her cheek against his chest and filling him again with that blissful warmth. He squeezed her hand in his again as his other arm wrapped around her and pulled her in close. He curled his body around her smaller frame as though he felt he needed to do everything possible to keep her there with him. But he knew it wasn’t really necessary. She was there with him and was going to stay even though she had seen the worst of him. The ugly, disgusting, pathetic broken parts of him that he had so desperately tried to hide. But she didn’t shy away from it all, instead welcoming his pain as though it were her own and tenderly soothing the aching scars etched in his heart. The scars might never go away, but she calmed the phantom pains that lingered.

Adrien closed his eyes as he pressed his lips to the crown of her head. He was terrified to go back and leave this moment of tranquility he had been craving for so long. But he knew she would be there. She wouldn’t be able to solve or cure all that was wrong with him, but at this moment she was enough. Right now, Marinette was all the reason he needed to keep trying once more.

He had some vague awareness of what had happened during his dissociation from himself, of all that other part of him had done. It was like a nightmare floating freely and restlessly about his mind, so he knew when he returned that it wouldn’t be easy. The sensation of his physical body came over him like he’d suddenly found himself in a violent car crash. It was as though his bones had been replaced with broken glass, his blood burning through his veins like an acid and his skin was now paper thin and ready to tear at the slightest touch. His lungs felt like they were filled with a thick, searing tar that seemed to almost turn toxic each rattling breath he could manage. When he finally forced his eyes open it was far too bright and his vision whirled around him, swaying and distorting as he tried to regain some focus with his senses.  
Adrien became aware of the delicate touch on his chest then, a gentle movement of fingertips just over his heart. His heart ached with each beat, sending pulses of pain throughout his body it reminded him that, while barely, he was still alive. The fingertips slowly and gingerly tapped in that familiar sequence onto his bruised body, the softness of the gesture providing some comfort. It wasn’t enough though. He was alive but he felt like he was still cut adrift and only clinging on by a thread. He couldn’t feel much of his right hand and it wouldn’t respond to his attempts to move it, so he had to reach out with his left instead. He didn’t know what he was clumsily searching for as his shaking hand waved in the air, but he needed _something_ to strengthen his tether to that moment. The hand over his chest faltered slightly, giving him a brief moment of panic that it would stop. But it soon found its tempo again as it continued, quickly followed by another hand taking hold of his. His blurred vision was starting to settle some as he could finally make out the figure next to him. He felt a new warmth as his hand was gently pressed to something, and a heartbeat that wasn’t his own. It was strong and familiar, beating almost in time with his as though it were trying to make up for his own weak one. It was exactly what he needed though, as instinctively he knew that the rhythm of life he could feel under his palm was hers. That combined with the silent music playing against his chest was enough to ground him through the fear and pain shivering through his body. He was still alive in that moment and she was there, living and breathing with him.

He could finally see her now as his warped vision slowly settled. Marinette. Ladybug. She was there, the dark spots of her suit blurring across the red as he tried to focus on her. She’d noticed that he was looking at her now and smiled gently at him.

“Hey.” she whispered.

He tried to answer her but the bitter tar still remained in his throat. Any words he tried to force out almost choked him completely, leaving him coughing and rasping as he struggled to breathe through it. It was like his own ribs were clawing into his lungs. It caused a swell of panic to rise in his chest, as it felt similar to when he’d woken up in the hospital before to find his voice broken and gone as well as just breathing itself causing him pain.  
Ladybug noticed though, her hand at his chest immediately moving to cup the side of his face and caress his cheek.

She hushed him soothingly, “It’s alright, you’re safe. I’m going to fix everything now. You’ll be okay.”

Adrien leaned into the warmth of her touch as he steadied himself through the panic. Her other hand still held his to her chest, just over her collarbone so that he could still feel the pulse of her comforting heartbeat. His eyes settled over her forearm, seeing the deep puncture wounds that still had blood seeping through her suit. From there his gaze drifted to the gash on her cheek, having stopped bleeding now but still red and ugly. Injuries that he had caused. And there was so much more that he had done too. Swallowing back the bitter, metallic taste in his mouth, he gave a weak nod for her to go ahead.

Ladybug lingered a moment longer before carefully returning his hand to his side. She withdrew from him, but only slightly so that she could pick up the small pieces that looked like broken glass. He knew what it was without really seeing the shards properly, making his heart twist uncomfortably at the sight. She stayed next to him, allowing him to see to the best of his swaying vision as she took out her yo-yo and activated its purification function. As delicately as she could, she tipped the broken fragments from her palm and into the awaiting yo-yo.

“You’re finally free.” she whispered, whether to him or the fragments he wasn’t too sure. Perhaps it was both.

As there was barely anything tangible left of the Amok and Akuma pieces, it wasn’t a feather and butterfly that emerged from the pure white light of her yo-yo. Instead, something that looked more like stardust drifted upwards before disappearing in a shimmer. Seeing the remains vanish so gently and peacefully made Adrien feel like the heavy fog that had clouded his mind for so long was now gradually lifting.

His eyes returned to Ladybug as she moved.

“Just hang on, okay?” she said softly, “I’m just getting my Lucky Charm so I can heal you.”

His reaction was immediate and automatic. Despite how agonising it was to move so abruptly, Adrien’s left hand latched onto her wrist before she could leave him. Ladybug ceased her movement, looking at him with worry before easing herself back down next to him. His shaking fingertips moved up her arm until tentatively touching near the aggressive wound there. Tears started to sting his eyes as he felt the warmth of her blood.

“...so...sorry…” he rasped, wincing at how harsh and unnatural his voice sounded as he forced the words.

Ladybug hushed him soothingly again, letting him hold onto her arm while she reached out with her other hand to lovingly stroke his hair and caress his cheek.

“It’s not your fault.” she assured, “You weren’t the one in control.”

The words scratched in his throat but he still tried to speak, “But it...it came from me...all of it…”

Ladybug’s blue eyes softened with a deep sadness, showing that she understood him. That monstrous side of him had been full of such anger, anguish, desperation and fear that it only knew how to act with those feelings. But all of those emotions had been Adrien’s first. It had been buried deep down and only dragged out by the Amok, but there was no denying that there was a part of Adrien that was so scared and so angry that it seemed like only inflicting chaos would satisfy it. Even if the actions were beyond his control, he was the source of it all.

She remained next to him, allowing him to take her hand and press clumsy kisses to the pads of her fingers and over her knuckles. It wasn’t much, but he wanted to do something - _anything_ \- that might help take back the pain he’d caused her. He couldn’t do any actual healing for her though, that was her power. He knew he needed to let her do it but the thought of her leaving his sight even only for a moment panicked him.  
As always, Ladybug was able to recognise his trepidation. She stayed close to him and welcomed his nervous kisses and affectionately squeezed back when his hand tightened around hers.

“Duusu,” Ladybug spoke quietly as she lifted her gaze for a moment, “Could you get that book for me? The one on the piano?”

Adrien only caught a slight glint of blue zipping away as another voice answered, “Of course, Mistress! Right away!”

He hated that he was so incapable of doing anything right now other than just lying there. He wanted to throw his arms around her, to pull her in close and kiss her lips softly. But with how weak and aching his body was, just keeping a hold of her hand was taking everything he had. He still couldn’t feel much of his right hand and he was too scared to look and see the damage his arm had sustained there. It was terrifying feeling so fragile and exposed, but as Ladybug started to lovingly caress his cheek again he tried to let go of that fear. He’d struggled so hard to try and keep a handle on his sense of control, but for now he was okay to let go of it. He was okay of letting her take over, of letting her care for him in ways he couldn’t do for himself. It was strange to let go, even if only temporarily. But he felt safe in doing so as he knew now that she was there to support him when he couldn’t cope with himself, and to make sure he stayed breathing even when it terrified him to do so.

He allowed her to gently withdraw her hand from him so that she could take hold of a ladybug spotted book.

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

She tossed the book above them, calling forth the surge of magic. The window next to them was mended and the blackened claw marks on the bench they were on were erased. Adrien let out a shuddering sigh as the hundreds of little ladybugs whirled over him, easing some of the toxic mud from his airways and soothing the aching brittleness of his body. He felt drastically better following the Miraculous Cure, but he immediately knew that it wouldn’t be able to heal him completely. Some of the damage he’d sustained had been from Volpina, whose Akuma _he_ had destroyed and therefore making it impossible for Ladybug to purify it. Without that crucial step, the cure wasn’t able to affect the damage that Volpina’s Akumatisation had caused. He could tell by the mournful look in Ladybug’s eyes that she had realised it too. Still, some strength had returned to him now and he felt far more alive and conscious than he had a few moments before.

Each breath burned and scratched in his throat and his muscles trembled with effort, but he managed to slowly force himself up until he was propped on his elbows. Ladybug quickly reached out to him to help him further until he could sit up properly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and encouraging him to lean on her to steady himself.

He flinched when he heard her inhale sharply, “Oh no...Adrien, I…”

Adrien hesitantly looked towards her, his heart sinking when he saw the pained look in her eyes. He slowly followed her gaze, coming to a stop when he fully realised what she was looking at. He’d been avoiding it, and it appeared that she had too, but now they were both stuck staring at the sight. His right hand.

There were fresh scars stretching out over his skin, purple and red with intense bruising. The scars seemed to originate from his ring, twisted over his palm and the back of his hand as they raked through the already existing marks he’d caused himself before. The scarring coiled down over his wrist and all the way over his forearm, fading out to paler, blotchy bruising at his elbow. It was unsettling and bizarre how his arm felt. It was as though with each pulse from his heart, his arm alternated between a tingling numbness and a feeling similar to claws tearing through his skin. It was a small relief though that he was able to flex his fingers, albeit the action seemed very stiff and slow.

“M-Maybe I can make another Lucky Charm and try again.” Ladybug suggested, though her quivering voice betrayed how unsure she was.

“Yeah, that’s not going to do much.” came an exhausted, grouchy voice, “This is as good as it's going to get for now. It’s what happens when you abuse a Miraculous power.”

Adrien looked down to his lap to see Plagg climbing his way onto Adrien’s leg. The kwami looked absolutely drained, as his ears were drooped and his eyes dulled.

“Plagg…” Adrien murmured, overcome with relief with his friend was there, but also overwhelmed with the guilt that _he_ had been the one to put the kwami in this condition.

“I haven’t been misused like that in centuries at least.” Plagg grumbled as he settled himself to sit on Adrien’s knee.

The kwami had avoided looking at Adrien this whole time, making him increasingly aware of how angry Plagg must have been with him. He had never wanted to abuse or harm Plagg, as the kwami was an important companion and friend. That still didn’t change the fact though that Adrien _had_ misused his Miraculous, whether intentional or not.

“Plagg, I’m...I’m so sorry…” Adrien croaked.

He knew he could never apologise enough for all that he had done, that nothing could make up for it. Just saying sorry wasn’t going to cut it, but it was all he could do.  
Finally Plagg lifted his narrowed eyes towards Adrien, giving him a hard stare as he crossed his little arms.

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to make it up to me.” Plagg groused, “You put me through a lot when you jumped over the edge like that.”

Adrien gave a weak nod, pressing his lips together in a nervous line. He knew he had to accept whatever punishment or conditions Plagg imposed, as it was only fair. Even if Plagg demanded Adrien renounced his Miraculous right this second, Adrien would accept it. He didn’t feel like he deserved it anymore anyway.

Plagg stared at him a moment longer before speaking again.

“Lifetime supply.” the cat said flatly.

Adrien blinked as he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. He glanced at Ladybug who shrugged at him in response.

He turned his attention back to the kwami, “A...lifetime supply?”

“Of camembert of course!” Plagg snorted, “And I’m talking about the high quality stuff.”

“You...you don’t want me to give up the Miraculous?”

“What? So you can pass your cheese debt to someone else? No way. You’re stuck with me.”

Adrien stared at the little indignant cat in shock. Plagg was clearly trying to look angry and indifferent, but Adrien knew him well enough to recognise the soft affection behind the aloof behaviour.

“And when I say _lifetime_ ,” Plagg added with a huff, “I mean _mine_. So you’re not allowed to...to leave or anything until I say you can. So don’t...don’t go doing something like that to yourself again.”

Plagg’s angry glare eased some as his gaze drifted down. Adrien’s heart overflowed with emotion at the kwami’s weak attempt to cover up how much Plagg wanted to stay with Adrien, despite how things had gone. He smiled softly and gently scratch behind Plagg’s ears.

“Thanks Plagg.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Plagg grumbled, though made no effort to move away.

Adrien paused when a flash of blue appeared before him as another kwami flitted towards Plagg. From its appearance, he figured it must have been the Peacock kwami Duusu.

“Oh, Plagg!” Duusu cooed, “You always have a soft spot for your kittens.”

“No I don’t!” Plagg hissed.

“You say that, but I _know_ you like this one.”

“It’s the _cheese_ that I like!”

Adrien exhaled lightly at the two kwamis talking. His soft noise could have been a laugh, but still didn’t feel able for something like that.

A flash of pink light next to him caught his attention. Adrien turned his head to see that guise of Ladybug vanishing, leaving Marinette as herself once more. She quickly caught Tikki who fell into her waiting hands, no doubt as exhausted as the other kwamis.

“Thank you, Tikki.” Marinette whispered.

Tikki nodded in acknowledgement before sluggishly drifting herself towards the other kwamis. Adrien’s gaze remained fixed on Marinette, carefully looking over her to make sure she was okay. Thankfully it appeared the wounds on her arm and cheek had been healed with the Miraculous Cure, so apart from looking exhausted she seemed to be okay. When his gaze returned to her eyes, his heart twisted in his chest as he noticed she was looking at the glaring scars on his arm. Part of him still wanted to run and hide so she wouldn’t have to see it, but he knew all of that was pointless now. She’d already seen everything of him and was still there with him despite that.

Marinette opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when a thundering crash echoed from the upper floors of the mansion. Adrien abruptly lifted his head, making his vision spin again from the sudden movement.

“Hawk Moth…” he heard Marinette murmur beside him

Of course. Hawk Moth - his _father_ \- was still at large. The fight wasn’t over yet.

“Tikki,” Marinette said as she switched back to her serious Ladybug mode, “Do you think we can transform again if you get something to eat from the kitchen?”

“Yes, I’ll be as quick as I can!” Tikki responded, her determination glowing despite how tired she must have been.

Adrien looked to Plagg as well, a question burning on his tongue but finding himself unable to ask it. Plagg’s green eyes flitted up towards him. The kwami studied his holder for a minute before giving a shrug.

“Sure, why not?” Plagg huffed, “You're not allowed to use Cataclysm for now though. If you even try it, I’ll be hairballing in your sock drawer.”

Adrien glanced at his right hand, tentatively clenching it into a fist. He could feel through the trembling numbness just how weak his grip was with the uncontrollable shaking.

“Understood.” Adrien answered, his voice still hoarse but feeling stronger than before.

“What?” Marinette gasped, “No, you can’t fight! Not in your condition!”

Adrien knew she had a point. He was doing better than before she’d used her Miraculous Ladybug ability, but he was still suffering injuries from when Volpina had thrashed him as well as the lingering overall weakness his chaotic Cataclysm had left him with. But this was something he wasn’t going to budge on.

He looked at her now, his gaze completely focused on her as he spoke, “I’m not letting you go alone. I know I...I haven’t been a good partner. But _please_ , let me be there for you again! Please let me stay at your side!”

The bluebell colour of her eyes shimmered while she searched his gaze, listening instantly to his words as she considered deeply.

“Besides,” Adrien continued, swallowing against how it felt like his throat was tightening again, “He...He’s my father so I...I have to…”

He had to give up trying to speak as breathing became more difficult again. Marinette never took her eyes off of him though. He knew whatever help he could give in his current state was meagre as best, but he so desperately wanted her to accept it.

Her gaze softened as she let out a sigh. She reached to take his hands, but hesitated before touching him. She looked to him for permission, so Adrien answered by taking her hands in his. At least as much as his weakly functioning right hand would allow.

“You never stopped being my partner.” she said gently as she caressed her thumbs over his knuckles, “But if you go out there with me, I need you to promise that you won’t push yourself. If it gets too much then you get out. Okay?”

Adrien took in her shy, nervous expression as he leaned into her. The mutual feeling of love and care she had for him resounded in his heart, both warming him and making him shiver.

“I promise.” he murmured as he kissed her forehead.

The kwamis flew on ahead to the kitchen to quickly find something to eat so they could recharge. Marinette helped Adrien to his feet, taking his left arm around her shoulders while her right slipped around his waist to help support him. They went as fast as their exhausted bodies would allow, leaning into each other to keep one another steady as they left the study. When they stumbled into the kitchen, Plagg and Tikki were finishing up the pieces of food they’d managed to find.

“Mistress Ladybug,” Duusu said as she shyly floated towards them, “I don’t think I’ll be able to go through another transformation so soon.”

Marinette smiled fondly at her, “You’ve already done more than enough Duusu. You can take it easy now.”

It was as if the kwami’s whole body brightened from Marinette’s kind words, as Duusu fluttered her tail feathers with a giggle.

Marinette turned her attention to the other two, “Tikki, Plagg. Are you two ready?”

Tikki quickly flew up towards her, eyes bright with her usual calm determination. Plagg followed a little more slowly, but he looked at Adrien expectantly for the given words. Adrien glanced at Marinette next to him and she warmly met his gaze. They were ready.

“Tikki, spots on!”

“Plagg, claws out!”

It had been so long since he’d properly felt his transformation. The rush of magic and strength was comforting to his frail body, greatly enhancing his endurance and giving him a little more energy to keep going. The warmth spreaded out from his chest like a deep, steady breath, filling him with that familiar power that he understood far better now after having seen it run rampant. His right arm still felt wrong, still shifting between an uncomfortable numbness and a scorching pain, but his added strength helped to ease the constant shaking.

It felt a little strange to be Chat Noir again, but it also felt right. He still found himself stumbling though when the transformation finished, as though his body itself was just beyond confused from all of the various states it had rapidly gone through. But he didn’t fall as someone quickly took hold of his arm, pulling him up and keeping him steady until he found his feet again. He already knew it was her, but he still turned so he could see Ladybug’s reassuring smile.

“Ready, Kitty?”

“After you, My Lady.”

They ran out into the garden just in time to see Queen Bee flying over them in a shower of glass after having been forced through the window of Hawk Moth’s lair. Ladybug immediately shot out her yo-yo to anchor the girl, pulling her back so Ladybug could catch her.

“Ugh! It’s about time!” Bee snapped as soon as she landed in Ladybug’s arms, “I am so pissed at you two. Especially you Adrien!”

Chat flinched as the blonde girl jabbed a finger at him. Bee quickly removed herself from Ladybug’s arms before throwing her arms around Chat. The embrace was brief for his sake, but he could feel the intense emotion rolling off of his friend even as she pulled away.

“What happened?” Ladybug asked.

Queen Bee lightly touched her temple where a bruise was starting to form.

“Rena and Carapace have detransformed already.” she explained, “I tried to keep him under control when your power healed everything, but he gave me the slip. I even tried to use my Venom but he sent me through that ridiculous window before I could touch him.”

Chat looked upwards from where Bee had fallen to see the flash of a dark figure as they leapt up the side of the mansion.

_Hawk Moth._

“I’m going after him.” Chat said, never taking his eyes off the escaping person as he took out his baton.

He didn’t wait for either of them to respond as he took off, extending his baton to throw himself to the upper stories of the mansion. With Bee already having used Venom with unfortunately no results, her transformation wouldn’t last much longer. He knew Ladybug would quickly follow after him though, so he went on ahead to catch up before their target could disappear.

He quickly scaled the side of the mansion, heading straight for where he’d seen Hawk Moth disappear too. Climbing was difficult when his body still ached and it felt like he still couldn’t use his right hand properly, but he still pushed himself onwards. He hauled himself up onto the rooftop of the mansion, quickly getting to his feet as soon as he realised he wasn’t alone.  
Hawk Moth stood there, waiting for him on the higher part of the roof with his sword already in hand. Chat readied his baton in his left hand to defend himself should Hawk Moth attack. He would normally use his right hand for fencing, but he didn’t trust his grip strength right now so had to settle for his left instead.

“I see you’ve finally calmed down.” Hawk Moth announced coldly.

Chat only responded with a glare. He could feel that familiar swell of panic in his chest, but he steeled himself against it. He wouldn’t let himself give into fear. Not now and not in front of _him_.

“Surely you can understand now!” Hawk Moth continued, his voice growing louder with anger, “I did it all for her! Everything I’ve done was for _your mother!_ ”

“Shut up!” Chat howled, “You never did anything for her! Or for me!”

“Ungrateful child! I have always protected you! The world isn’t some fairytale fantasy, _Adrien_! It is dark and it is cruel. People only want to take for themselves, so you have to rise above them! You have to be the stronger person, no matter the cost!”

Chat took staggered, shaking breaths as he blinked the hateful tears from his eyes. He swallowed back the bitterness rising in his throat as he heard the sound of Ladybug’s yo-yo coming towards the rooftop.

Even though he tried to keep his voice steady, it still cracked with emotion as he spoke, “Maybe that’s how it always been for you. But I...for me the world doesn't have to be who’s stronger or who’s weaker…”

“Because you are _naive_ !” Hawk Moth spat, “You expect to be able to do everything yourself? You’ve already shown me that you clearly can’t! You are _nothing_ without me or your mother!”

Chat’s words faltered in his throat then and his gaze drifted down. Even after all of this, trying to speak out against his father still remained seemingly impossible.

There was a soft touch to his hand, unsure at first before fingers carefully slipped between his damaged ones. He lifted his head to see Ladybug there, her eyes clear with concern as she stood by him. Her presence was a testament to what he knew now. He wasn’t alone and he didn’t have to take on everything by himself. His resolve strengthening once more, he clutched at Ladybug’s gentle hand as he turned back to Hawk Moth.

“Maybe I’m not as strong as you, _father_ .” he spat the word like an insult, “Maybe I won’t ever be. But I don’t need to. I have people around me now that mean more to me than your _protection_ ever did!”

“The one who is nothing is you, Hawk Moth!” Ladybug added, her loud voice both comforting and exhilarating for Chat to hear in that moment, “Adrien is not for you to control, or Emilie too for that matter! Nathalie’s already given you up too! Your way of doing things has left you with _no one_!”

“This is my family and I will restore it to what it was meant to be!” Hawk Moth roared, “I will take your Miraculous and make sure that you are no longer such a disappointing excuse for a son, and that Ladybug will cease to exist!”

Chat Noir reacted immediately as Hawk Moth sprinted towards them. He pushed Ladybug aside, lifting his baton with both hands just as Hawk Moth’s sword came sweeping towards him. The sound of metal striking metal split the air, sparks flying between the weapons as they ground against one another. The force of Hawk Moth crashing into Chat caused him to slide backwards, but he just about managed to hold his defensive stance. Upon hearing the sound of Ladybug’s yo-yo, Chat quickly ducked and spun away, freeing himself from the deadlock he’d been in. Hawk Moth went to strike at Chat’s back as he slipped away, but Ladybug’s yo-yo ensnared his hand that held the sword up ready to deliver the blow. Hawk Moth growled as he harshly pulled on the yo-yo string, dragging Ladybug towards him as she held onto the other end. She let out a gasp as he punched her in the stomach, forcing her to double over from the blow. The sword came swinging towards her head but was stopped by Chat grappling with his arm. In his weakened condition though, Chat was quickly overpowered as Hawk Moth used the grapple against him. Chat quickly found himself being the one grabbed shortly before Hawk Moth swung him round until he collided with Ladybug. The two heroes tumbled over the rooftop, rolling down its sloped gradient.  
Ladybug was able to correct her fall, rolling onto her feet so that she slid to a stop halfway down the slanted roof. Chat’s body refused to respond to him though, his muscles seizing up and crying out in agony as he cascaded down the roof. He dug his claws into the tiles beneath him, causing long raking gouges as he barely managed to stop himself before he went off the edge.

His enhanced hearing quickly picked up the sound of someone rapidly approaching.

“Ladybug!” he yelled.

She reacted immediately to his warning, spinning around with her yo-yo string draw taught between her hands just in time to stop the sword that came cutting towards her.

Chat struggled to his feet, his body begging for him to give up and collapse. But he refused. He forced himself on as he sprinted up the side of the roof again towards where Ladybug and Hawk Moth were locked in combat once more. She sensed Chat’s approach and instinctively pivoted away, catching Hawk Moth’s sword in her yo-yo string. As Ladybug turned out, Chat spun in with his baton coming in for an attack. Hawk Moth’s sword was pulled from his grasp, leaving him defenseless as Chat’s baton struck him hard in the stomach. Hawk Moth stumbled from the attack, but instead of backing away he threw himself forwards.

“I will not lose to mere children!” he roared.

The air was knocked out of Chat’s lungs as Hawk Moth crashed into him. The slope of the rooftop made it already difficult to keep his footing and combined with his legs already threatening to give out, Chat quickly found him and Hawk Moth crashing backwards. Chat wrestled against the man but they were already rolling to the precipice as they wrestled against one another. Chat tried to free himself from Hawk Moth’s hold so he could use his claws like before to stop the fall, but Hawk Moth remained belligerent. Chat felt the roof disappear underneath him as they both went over the edge. Hawk Moth’s extra weight threw him forwards more over the brink, finally forcing the two to separate as they fell.  
Chat heard Ladybug’s yo-yo coming for him and he knew instinctively that all he had to do was reach out and she would catch him. But she would only catch him alone. She wouldn’t be able to grab Hawk Moth as well. So Chat made a split second decision.

“ _Adrien!_ ” he heard Ladybug scream as he ignored her yo-yo coming towards him as a life line.

Gripping his baton as firmly as he could with his right hand, Chat reached out and grabbed Hawk Moth’s arm. As soon as he had hold of the man, he quickly activated the extending function of the baton as they plummeted towards the ground.

It was close. His baton struck the ground, momentarily halting their rapid descent. But the jarring motion was too much for his trembling hand to endure, leaving Chat to quickly slide down the pole in a haphazard descent with Hawk Moth still in his grip. It had been enough to break their fall some, so instead of shattering against the ground they instead landed roughly in the front courtyard of the mansion. Chat’s baton fell with a loud clatter next to him as his hand could no longer form a proper hold.  
Chat lay there on the ground, his muscles spasming painfully from the fall. He winced with each cough that rattled in his chest as he tried to figure out how to breathe again after having the air forced from his lungs.

“...Why?”

Chat turned his head to see Hawk Moth lying a short distance from him, also on his back and appearing unable to move. Thanks to Chat’s intervention, the fall shouldn’t have given any serious injuries but would have likely left Hawk Moth stunned and immobile for the time being.  
Chat wasn’t sure how to answer though. Why had he saved the man who had caused so much pain for him and others for so long? At the same time though, his heart panged that he’d even been asked such a question. Even though their relationship had dissolved to almost nothing now, Gabriel had been his father.

“Because Adrien is a far better person than you ever were.” Ladybug explained flatly as she came into land next to them.

Chat turned his gaze towards her. He could tell by her slight frown she was upset as his reckless choice of action but wasn’t going to scold him about it right now. She calmly approached him instead, kneeling down next to Chat so she could help him up again as his body had given up completely now.

“So much like your mother.” Hawk Moth chuckled wryly, his voice hoarse from also having the wind knocked from him, “The way she is now happened because of you.”

“I know.” Chat answered solemnly before Ladybug could start yelling in his defense.

She looked outraged at him accepting the blame, but Chat already knew his role in his mother’s fate.

“She didn’t use it much before you were born.” Hawk Moth continued coldly, “She kept you entertained by bringing your toys to life. I warned her, but she didn’t stop until it started making her sick.”

Chat’s heart felt leaden at hearing this, but he still listened. Ladybug went quiet too. She made her supportive presence known though by gently slipping her fingers between his as she clasped his hand.

“It was all going to be fine.” Hawk Moth continued, not seeming to care if they were actually giving him their attention or not, “But then you had that run in with that woman. I did what I could, but it still wasn’t enough for you. So she stepped in even though I forbade it. I was going to fix what you caused. We can still fix it.”

Chat took a shuddering breath. His heart felt torn by it all. He’d caused so much damage but he couldn’t bring himself to do the one thing that could solve it. He could easily use the Miraculous to grant a wish, but he knew that would be wrong.

“It wasn’t your fault. Emilie made her own choice.” Ladybug whispered to him, “She knew the risk, but she did it anyway. There was no way for you to know or control what she did.”

Chat slowly lifted his gaze to meet Ladybug’s gentle one. She squeezed his hand in hers as she looked back at him. He leaned into her, taking a moment of comfort as she pressed a soft kiss to his temple. He knew she had a point. His mother had chosen what action she would take, but now it was his turn.

Chat pulled away from Ladybug so he could face Hawk Moth again.

“I can’t do that.” Chat croaked despite trying to keep his emotions in check, “I can’t bring her back just to end up with you again. I want her back, but I don’t want to bring her back to how unhappy she was. And I don’t want to do something as selfish as using some wish to make her believe she ever was happy with you.”

He didn’t know if Hawk Moth had given up or if he still just couldn’t move, but the man made no effort to move as Chat reached towards him.

“So you give up without even trying.” Hawk Moth sneered.

“I am trying.” Chat answered weakly as he gently grabbed the Butterfly Miraculous pinned to Hawk Moth’s chest, “All this time I’ve been trying to move on and accept I might never see her again. Just like you told me to. But you were the one who couldn’t let go.”

Chat watched as the transformation faded from the person in front of him. It felt like an ice cold dagger wedged straight into his heart as he now saw his father there. With the guise of Hawk Moth gone, only Gabriel Agreste remained.

“So I’m not going to make the wish.” Chat continued as he gripped the Butterfly pin in his hand, “Even if that means having to let her go all over again. But I won’t let you have anything to do with her again. And I won’t have anything to do with you either.”

Gabriel’s cold eyes slowly moved towards him. Chat felt as though the steel-eyed glare was seeing straight beyond the mask to the boy who was still so frightened and hurt. Chat squeezed Ladybug’s hand again, taking strength when she returned the gesture.

“This is the last time you’ll see me.” Chat continued, “If you ever see me again, it will be from the other side of a courtroom as they sentence you for all of the torment you’ve caused everyone in this city. I’ve already had to face losing Mother. In comparison, losing you is nothing.”

Exhausted of words, Chat leaned back into Ladybug. He couldn’t keep himself upright anymore with the way it felt like his head kept spinning. His body was completely drained, aching and burning with the pulses of pain that kept going through him like shockwaves. She welcomed him into her support, pressing a gentle kiss to his hair.

Sound seemed distorted to him now as a group of people came running towards them from across the courtyard. His vision was blurring again, but Chat was at least able to recognise Nino and Alya leading the group of police officers approaching. There were some words thrown around, but he was so tired. Far too tired to try and make sense of what was being spoken now. The only voice he really listened to was Ladybug’s as he rested against her. She still held his hand, squeezing it on occasion to soothe him when he shivered or choked through his breathing.

“Yes, Gabriel Agreste is Hawk Moth.” he heard her say, probably to one of the officers in charge, “You can let the people of Paris know it's over.”

 _Over_ …

He knew that it didn’t really apply to them. There was still a lot for Ladybug and Chat Noir to deal with before it was truly over. And as for Adrien...well, ‘over’ just didn’t seem possible.

“I’m sorry, but we have to go.” Ladybug added to whoever she was talking to, “We’ll make an official statement later.”

Chat made no effort to move as Ladybug gathered him into her arms. The fatigue and the pain was too much now. So he let her take over for him, holding him protectively as she lifted them away with her yo-yo to move out of sight from the gathering crowd.

He could smell the roses when they landed. As he was lowered to the ground, he recognised the sheltered corner of the back garden she had taken them too. She eased down with him until they were both lying on the damp grass under the shelter of the rose bushes. She held him in her arms, clutching at him tightly as he pressed into her warmth and scent.  
Both of their transformations released then, the exhaustion now too much for either of them to bear. Adrien coughed as the heroic form left him, as it now felt like his lungs were being crushed under the weight of his own body. His choking breaths were eased some as Marinette gently rubbed careful circles on his back.

“I’m so proud of you.” she whispered.

Adrien shifted his position as much as his leaden body would allow him until he could see her face. Her tired eyes gazed back at him, filled with love and warmth as a smile came to her lips. He had so many things he wanted to say to her. Endless proclamations of devotion and pleas for forgiveness. But he could barely focus anymore.

“I’m so tired…” were the only words he managed to say.

“Me too.” she murmured with her lips brushing over his cheek.

He was too worn out and past much coherent thought, so it was a small relief that he was too numb to feel any panicked reaction as Marinette continued to cling to him. Even though he couldn’t speak anymore, there was still one thing he’d been wanting to do since she brought him back. He softly nuzzled against her cheek until she tilted her head for him. His lips clumsily found hers then, giving her a soft and slow kiss overflowing with love and care. She returned it equally, her perfect lips tenderly brushing against his as he shivered from the warmth of her breath and the comfort of her scent.

When the kiss ended they remained close together, curled up in their embrace and grasping at each other as though they might drift apart if they didn’t. His vision was growing darker as his mind slipped into unconsciousness. For once he didn’t fear this loss of control. Marinette was right there with him. Even as he heard Chloe’s voice calling out somewhere nearby, he allowed himself to slip away into a dreamless sleep. The shivering pains tearing through him faded away, leaving him with just Marinette’s familiar scent of vanilla and the taste of her on his lips. Maybe he wasn’t fully okay, but at least with her next to him he finally felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 100 _and_ just in time for Valentine's? I'll throw myself a little extra confetti for that (even if it's totally coincidental)  
> This was a hard chapter to get through and it ended up being pretty long, but I think it's deserving of it. Before anyone freaks out, no one's dead I promise! We still have one more chapter to go plus an epilogue chapter!
> 
> I've been sick lately and may have been half asleep for writing some of this...hope it still turned out okay?
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and sticking with this fic for 100 chapters! It really means a lot to me that people have enjoyed it.
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


	101. Coda

He was suddenly hyper aware of the motions of his breathing. He could feel each shallow breath in his dry throat and shivering in his aching chest. It felt wrong the way his ribs seemed almost too tight against his lungs and how each intake of air scratched through his already raw throat. It was as though his body was trying to reject the vital action entirely. It was taking so much for him to just stay alive and each moment was another second of stinging effort.  
He kept himself breathing though. He was lingering somewhere between unconsciousness and wakefulness and he wanted it to stop. He didn’t want to be trapped in the shade of his closed eyes anymore. It wasn’t the same leaden darkness that had consumed him before, that had left him writhing desperately in the cold depths of his nightmares. But the shadows of sleep still scared him. It was as though he was walking a thin tightrope, just one misstep away from plummeting again. So he kept going as he slowly tried to feel out his body that he only ever felt barely present in to begin with.

It felt like an eternity before he could really hear the sound of his own breathing, the rhythmic beeping of a machine, the distance echoing sound of people walking up and down corridors and closing doors. He tried to move his fingers, but his right hand could only respond with weak, numb twitches. With his left though he was able to feel the linen of bedsheets against his skin. There came a light touch to his hand, warm and gentle but the shock of it still made him flinch. It left him then for a moment, before returning. The touch was even lighter this time, gently caressing over the back of his hand as someone said something to him. He tried to hear the words, but they kept getting jumbled in the static white noise that was slipping through his mind.  
When he was finally able to open his eyes, the glaring light that greeted him was too much at first. A rasping groan left his throat as he squinted through the temporary blindness, trying to make some sense of the blurry shapes before him. His vision remained warped, but he was starting to piece together what he could make out along with what his other senses were giving him. He was lying on a bed in a white room. A clean, clinical smell filled the air and he slowly recognised the beeping sound of a machine to be a heart rate monitor. He was in a hospital room.

The realisation struck him in the chest, providing a vicious anchor for his panic and anxiety to take root. Why was he in hospital? His memory provided him nothing beyond a scramble of vague visions and words. The agonisingly loud noise of the monitor beeping incessantly matched his escalating heartbeat as his panic took him. He tried to speak, to call out for someone but his voice didn’t come. It only caused him to panic more. It was as though he was suddenly finding himself waking up again as his thirteen year old self following the moment that had shattered everything. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to have to see himself like that all over again.

His tired muscles trembled with effort as he forced himself to sit up. There were wires and cords around him, tugging on his skin as he tried to move. He let out a pathetic whine as something touched his shoulder in an attempt to pull him back onto the bed. The touch was gentle, but in his panicked state all he could recognise was that someone was trying to force him back. His mind was reeling as he frantically searched for some way out of the nightmare, but all he could see across his vision was blurring shapes and all he could hear was distorted voices. But then there came something else.  
An embrace.

He weakly struggled against it at first but there was no strength left in him. He found his head resting against someone as they wrapped an arm around his shoulder and tenderly pressed a hand to his chest. As though trying to rewrite the frightened speed of his heart, fingertips gently played over his chest in a soothing rhythm. He remained still then apart from the persistent trembling of his body, trying instead to place all of his focus instead on the familiar sequence. He could hear voices again, but this time he could make out some of what they were saying.

“Just two minutes...I’m here...he’s calming down…”

“He might hurt himself...for his safety...have him sleep…”

He didn’t want to go back to sleep. He wanted to be awake and know where he was. He had somehow avoided the nightmares when he was unconscious, but he was terrified of their return. His right hand still failed to respond beyond awkward, sluggish movements, so he lifted his left instead to weakly grasp at the person next to him. He still couldn’t speak, but he hoped they would understand.

There was a pause before the person next to him spoke again, her voice becoming a little clearer now, “Just two minutes. Please. He’s coming around now. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

He wasn’t sure if the other person said anything more, as he was too focused on the one next to him. He leaned into their warmth, taking in the familiar vanilla scent as fingertips kept playing the comforting melody against his chest.

_Marinette…_

Her name lit up in him like a soft sunrise, warm and beautiful. She was the one there next to him, humming softly as she touched and held him so carefully. He turned his head more into her, finding himself pressed to the nape of her neck. The panic induced confusion and paranoia slowly started to recede as he allowed her to comfort him. He was safe.

They stayed like that for a bit as Marinette kept lightly pressing her fingers against his chest, mimicking the soothing technique while his fear and anxiety slowly ebbed away.

“Adrien,” she whispered, the sound of his name in her gentle voice pulling a soft sigh from him, “Can you hear me?”

He opened his mouth to answer but his voice still wouldn’t come. Closing his mouth again, he gave a small nod of his head.

“Okay.” she said softly, “Can you see me?”

Adrien hesitated a moment as he searched the blurred shapes around him. He shifted himself slightly, tilting his head back as he tried to focus on her. Slowly he was able to make out her dark hair in its usual pigtails, the soft pink of her lips and the spectacular blue of her eyes. She must have noticed that his eyes were no longer shifting around with his disorientation as she gave him a small smile.

Her voice was now so clear to him when she spoke, “Hi.”

“...Hi…” he managed to croak.

“How are you feeling?”

“I...What…”

He was finding his voice again but the words still weren’t there. Marinette took her hand from his chest and tenderly caressed his cheek. When he wasn’t able to answer her question, she moved on instead of pressing him for an answer.

“Can you remember anything?” she asked instead.

With his mind clearing some, Adrien searched again for what he could recall before his black out. Vaguely he could remember the scent of roses as he lay on the damp grass next to Marinette. From there it all fell over him like a house of cards toppling over. One after the other, horrendous scenes like a nightmare layered over each other in his mind. Hawk Moth. His _father_ . Then his _mother_ . And all the damage that Adrien himself had caused, the monster he had become in the face of it all. He’d even hurt Marinette.  
That last thought started to obsessively circle in his mind. He knew that her Miraculous Cure had healed her, but he still found himself reaching up to her cheek and lightly brushing his thumb over where the wound he had caused had been. Finding it to be soft, smooth skin as it normally was, he turned his attention to her forearm and gave it the same careful treatment as he searched for any remains of the injuries he had caused. Marinette patiently allowed him to touch and check her again and again, leaning into his hand when he finally settled to just cupping her cheek. He met her tender gaze, searching the deep blue of her eyes as he tried to find words for all of the things he wanted to say to her. All of the apologies and gratitude he wanted to shower her with, all of the love he wanted to give her if he was still allowed to.

“Marinette…” he started weakly before trailing off, shamefully looking down to his lap as he really didn’t know how to say all that was going through his mind.

“I’m okay.” she reassured him, “You need to focus on yourself right now. Speaking of, you should really be lying down. You need to rest.”

Adrien swallowed thickly, the action aggravating his already dry throat, “N-No, I...I don’t want to sleep…Please don’t let them make me sleep...”

She studied him carefully for a moment before nodding, “It’s okay, they won’t do that as long as you’re not doing anything that’s going to make your injuries worse. You just need to try and stay calm, alright? And if you feel yourself panicking then just let me know. Can you do that for me?”

He wasn’t sure how easily he could keep himself from having another reaction for now. What he was sure of however, was that with Marinette next to him he was safe. It was easier to ground himself when she was helping him with her gentle touches, calm words and helping to mimic his own self soothing habit when it was taking all he had to just try and breathe. But maybe that was what he needed right now. Someone to stay by his side when he lost the sound of his own heartbeat, when he felt like breathing was no longer possible. Someone that would help to remind he was still alive and help him through the fear and anxiety that still lingered. Marinette had already seen so much of the hidden, broken pieces of himself that it was completely redundant to continue hiding from her. She was there for him, and he was slowly learning to accept that it was okay to let her be there for him.

He let out a shaky sigh as he allowed himself to sink further into her embrace, allowing himself to feel the safety and comfort she provided. He caught sight of his right arm resting next to him for the first time as he leaned into her. Bandages were covering it from his fingers all the way to his elbow, protecting the still raw and freshly scarring skin after the damage he had caused. He didn’t want to think about that right now though, so he ignored the strange prickling stiffness he felt in his arm. All he wanted to focus on right then was Marinette. He felt horribly selfish for it, but the trembling words slipped out before he could stop them.

“ _Don’t leave me alone._ ”

Marinette’s arm around his shoulders tightened a little more, making him shiver as he felt her warmth press against him further. With her other hand she brushed aside his hair before placing a careful, loving kiss on his forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere.” she whispered, “I promise.”

* * *

When Marinette had first awoken in the hospital, all she could think about was Adrien. She had collapsed from exhaustion following all that had happened, only waking up two days later in the hospital. Her doctor had cleared her for discharge, saying that Marinette just needed to take it easy for now. But Marinette didn’t go home when she’d been allowed to leave. She’d gone straight to the secure ward that Adrien was being kept in. The police officer standing outside his room seemed apprehensive about letting her in, but evidently Chloe had already made her wrath known to everyone in the vicinity. Technically Adrien was under a no visitors rule, but Chloe had threatened anyone and everyone that his close friends had to be allowed visitor rights. It seemed that Chloe’s relentless reputation worked well, as Marinette had been allowed into the room with little question or resistance.

She stayed with him for the following three days, only leaving his side for a few brief minutes at a time when she had to. Her parents tried to assure her that everything would be fine if she would come home and sleep in her own bed for one night rather than awkwardly only half sleeping in the chair at his bedside, but Marinette assured them she was fine. Alya and Nino had also offered to take her place if she was so insistent on someone being with him all the time, but Marinette deeply wanted to be there whenever he woke up. She knew she was being selfish and stubborn. Adrien wasn't in any danger, not anymore. Still, she wanted to remain by his side for her own peace of mind if anything.

She held his hand for most of it, alternating between lacing her fingers with his, rubbing her thumb in soothing circles on the back of his hand and gently tapping into his palm the comforting sequence. She could forget her own tiredness a little when she could watch him in his deep sleep, his features a lot calmer than the lines of tension she was used to seeing in him as he slept. Sometimes he would shift as though a dream were trying to surface, a slight hitch in his breath or his brows knitting together with unease. When this happened she would whisper to him softly, gently cupping the side of his face as she let her thumb caress his cheek. She wasn't really sure if it did anything, but it at least appeared to soothe him.

Marinette noticed it quickly when he finally started to wake up. She’d been half asleep in her chair pulled up to his bedside, her thumb lazily stroking over his as she continued to hold his hand. His hand shifted under hers, his fingers curling into the sheets as though he was looking for something to grab onto. She gently squeezed his hand in an attempt to reassure him, but his breathing hitched sharply as he flinched away from the gesture.

“It’s okay.” she whispered as she gingerly rested her fingertips over the back of his hand again, “It’s just me. It’s Marinette.”

She could feel him shivering from the contact, but he didn’t pull away so she continued to rub her thumb over his knuckles as he slowly woke up.  
Marinette let out a soft sigh of relief when his eyes opened slightly, feeling an immediate soothing over her anxious heart when she saw the unfocused green of his eyes under his lashes. She continued her loving caress of his hand as she watched his disorientated gaze move around as he tried to make sense of his surroundings.

Suddenly his eyes opened fully as Adrien bolted upright. He almost threw himself off the bed but the tubes and wires that connected him to his IV drip and the equipment monitoring his vitals pulled at him, making him flinch and turn awkwardly as he tried to make sense of what was attached to him. The heart rate monitor sounded his accelerated panic, the rhythmic beeping becoming quicker as he became progressively frantic.  
“Adrien, it’s okay!” Marinette tried to tell him as she stood up and reached for him.

He didn’t seem to hear or understand her though, as he let out a broken whine as she touched his shoulder. She knew she had to stop him from struggling though, otherwise he might aggravate his existing injuries or harm himself further. She quickly knelt on the bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into her chest.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” she murmured when he whimpered and trembled from the contact, “It’s okay, Adrien. You’re safe.”

He writhed against her at first before giving up, letting his body go limp as she embraced him. Now that he’d stopped twisting and turning against her, Marinette was able to lightly lay her other hand over his chest. She could see the nervous flicker in his eyes as he blindly searched around himself, so she started to softly press her fingers in his soothing sequence.

A nurse quickly came into the room then, having most likely been alerted by the commotion.

“What's going on?” she asked as she looked at Marinette sitting on the bed with Adrien shaking in her arms.

“He just woke up and panicked a bit I think.” Marinette answered quietly.

She wasn’t sure if Adrien could hear her, but she didn’t want to talk too loudly for his sake. She felt uneasy though as the nurse cast a critical eye over them again, frowning at the IV drip and cords connecting him to the monitoring equipment.

“It’s dangerous for him to be moving around. Let me get a doctor. It might be safer if we sedate him for now.”

“Just two minutes.” Marinette pleaded, “I’m here with him. I’ll make sure he doesn’t move around. He’s calming down now anyway.”

“He might hurt himself. It would be best for his safety to just have him sleep a little longer.”

Marinette knew the nurse had Adrien’s best interests in mind, but she also knew he _hated_ the idea of being made unconscious against his will. Even if it was meant to help him, he always felt uneasy about the sleeping medication he was meant to take and despised how it would sometimes make him feel after. As if to confirm her thoughts, she felt a light tugging as Adrien loosely grasped the hem of her shirt. She searched the shivering green of his half lidded eyes a moment before turning back to the nurse.

“Just two minutes. Please. He’s coming around now. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

The nurse didn’t look entirely convinced but eventually gave a curt nod.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes. You know where the call button is if you need help.”

Marinette watched as the nurse left, closing the door behind her. She remained still for a moment after, trying to calm her own erratic heart as she felt Adrien nuzzle the crook of her neck. She kept going with the gentle tapping on his chest, feeling a little more at ease as his persistent trembling started to calm down a little.

“Adrien,” she whispered, “Can you hear me?”

He was silent for a moment but she could feel the warmth of his shaky breaths ghosting over her skin. She allowed herself a small relieved smile when he nodded.

“Okay. Can you see me?”

Again he didn’t respond immediately. After a pause he leaned away slightly, allowing her arm around his shoulders to support him as he looked at her. His green eyes wandered aimlessly for a moment, dim and unfocused as he searched for her. Finally his gaze met hers where it stayed. The green of his eyes seemed to brighten a little then as he stared at her.

She smiled at him, “Hi.”

His voice sounded hoarse and was barely above a breathy whisper as he managed a feeble response, “...Hi…”

“How are you feeling?”

“I...What…”

She observed him as his gaze drifted, his focus slipping a little again as he struggled to answer her. Marinette knew it wasn’t worth trying to force an answer to that from him, so she moved on instead.

“Can you remember anything?”

His gaze returned to her, his confusion clear as he searched her.

Suddenly a flurry of emotions flooded his eyes. He was looking at her more frantically now as he tentatively caressed her cheek and then lightly ran his hand over her arm. She patiently let him check her over again and again, giving him time to reassure himself that her own injuries were really gone. While she wished he would have more concern for himself after everything he’d gone through, a loving warmth still bloomed in her chest at the affectionate and careful touches he was giving her. When he finally settled on leaving his hand cupping her cheek, she leaned into the nervous touch. She’d missed these small loving gestures from him so much, the feel of his fingertips brushing her skin as though she was the most precious thing.  
He was looking at her again with so many emotions and thoughts flickering through his eyes.

“Marinette…”

His lip trembled as he was unable to say anything more than her name, but for her that was enough. His eyes became downcast as he struggled with all that had to be going through his mind. She knew she couldn’t even begin to understand all that he was going through and all that he would continue to face from here on, but she was going to stay with him nonetheless.

“I’m okay.” she said softly, “You need to focus on yourself right now. Speaking of, you should really be lying down. You need to rest.”

She felt the tremor that went through him as he answered, “N-No, I...I don’t want to sleep…Please don’t let them make me sleep...”

Marinette observed him for a moment. He was still frightened, his anxiety still eating away at him as he tried to find some reprieve in her embrace. But he was a lot more subdued than the panic he had awoken in.

“It’s okay, they won’t do that as long as you’re not doing anything that’s going to make your injuries worse.” she told him gently, “You just need to try and stay calm, alright? And if you feel yourself panicking then just let me know. Can you do that for me?”

Marinette remained steady as Adrien started to lean on her more heavily. He pressed himself into her as though she were the shelter he needed against some invisible storm. He gave a faint nod, letting her know that he’d understood what she’d asked of him.

His words passed as a quiet whimper from his lips, “ _Don’t leave me alone._ ”

Marinette tenderly brushed his blond hair back from his face, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead as she wrapped both of her arms around him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” she assured, “I promise.”

They stayed like that for a while. The nurse inevitably returned, but when she saw Adrien had calmed down from his frantic state she quietly left again. So Marinette didn’t let go of him, slowly rocking back and forth now and then or rubbing soft circles on his back. Adrien didn’t move, allowing whatever comforting, gentle ministrations she gave him as he rested against her. She couldn’t express how happy she was that he was accepting her touch, that he was there in her arms and that he was alive and breathing. She buried her face into his blond hair, trying to stifle the soft sob that her overwhelming emotions were trying to manifest. She could feel the tears welling her eyes, but she didn’t want him to see them right now. She didn’t want this moment of having him in her arms to end.

It eventually had to though. She could feel him growing restless as his trembling started to strengthen again. It was obvious he was trying to fight off his still deeply rooted fear response, as he pressed his forehead to her shoulder while his left hand weakly clutched at her. Marinette knew that his touch aversion wouldn’t vanish like how the purified Amok had. The Amok was gone but the trauma wasn’t, so she accepted that she would just need to continue adapting to his shifting mental states.

“You should lie down.” she said quietly, “You need to take it easy.”

“But…” he started to object but trailed off.

“I’m not going anywhere, alright?”

She could tell he was still conflicted by it, but his conditioned anxiety must have won as he reluctantly relented.

* * *

Adrien didn’t want to let go of her, but the stinging white noise was starting to inch its way back in. He hated that his irrational responses and conflicting body signals still remained. He wanted to stay in her embrace, to hold her hand, to kiss her softly and feel the warmth of her skin. But his subconscious self had decided enough was enough, as the shakes were returning along with the rising coil of anxiety.  
He winced as Marinette slowly eased him back against the bed. It felt like his bones were grinding against each other and all his muscles were torn. His right arm felt the worst, as it continued to alternate between a pulsing ache and prickling numbness.

“Is it bad?” he asked quietly as Marinette gently moved his damaged arm to rest at his side for him.

Marinette chewed her lip a moment before answering, “Your doctor said there was some nerve damage to your hand. You also had some minor internal bleeding. I think they’ll be doing some more tests and scans, but they seemed confident you’ll be able to recover without surgery.”

Adrien let his head flop back against the pillow. He supposed it could be far worse. Really, he thought he deserved far worse considering the amount of chaos and damage he’d caused. He’d hurt so many people. His friends, Marinette, Plagg...

“Plagg!” he yelled, almost bolting upright again.

Marinette immediately put her hands to his shoulders, gently encouraging Adrien to lie back down again.

“Plagg’s okay.” she assured him quickly, “He and Tikki are just resting in their Miraculous for now after all that happened.”

Adrien watched Marinette as she settled herself on the edge of his bed again before reaching into her pocket. It was yet another comforting layer of relief washing over him when he saw her pull out the familiar ring and hold it in her palm.

“Are they okay?” he asked nervously.

Marinette smiled as she held the ring between her thumb and forefinger, “They will be. They’re just taking a well deserved rest. Plagg said you better have a bunch of camembert ready when he wakes up since you’re already in debt.”

Adrien allowed himself a weak smile, as he could easily imagine the disgruntled features of his kwami.

  
Marinette held out the ring for him, but pressed her lips together as she considered the state of his right hand. Adrien had always worn his Miraculous on his right ring finger, which wasn’t really possible right now. He thought that she would just continue to hang onto the ring for now, so it surprised him when she instead reached out for his left hand. She met his eye for a moment, silently asking for permission before touching him. He was starting to settle again, so he gave her a slight nod to let her know it was okay. She gently took his hand and Adrien watched with some confusion for a moment, before his heart started to pound in his chest as Marinette slipped the Miraculous onto his left ring finger. He could feel the redness of his cheeks as they started to heat up.

Marinette looked bewildered for a moment as he gave a shy laugh, “Isn’t one of us supposed to propose first before you put a ring on my finger?”

She stared at him with a blank owl-eyed expression for a moment before quickly looking between him and his hand that she still held. She let out an incoherent squeak as she almost dropped his hand entirely, fumbling awkwardly instead to put it down gently.

“Th-that’s-! I mean you-! It’s not what I meant!”

Adrien smiled at her flustered reaction. He’d missed seeing it.

“That’s not what I meant.” Marinette repeated with a pout.

He’d only been teasing her, but it had now left a question in his mind. He wanted to know, but he was almost afraid to ask. So much had happened between them and it worried him to think about. Marinette must have noticed his pensive expression, as her embarrassment quickly faded into concern.

“What is it?” she asked as he eyes searched him carefully.

Adrien felt unable to meet her gaze, turning it to some empty space instead as he was afraid of her answer, “Do you still want it?”

Marinette’s brown furrowed with confusion as she leaned towards him, tilting her head as she tried to catch his eye.

He took a shaky breath as he forced himself to look at her again, “Is it still okay for someone like me to love you?”

Marinette’s eyes widened and she immediately went to almost take his hand again before stopping herself. She obviously wanted to touch him but was restraining herself for him. Adrien shyly met her startled gaze, becoming alarmed himself when tears started to fall from her eyes.

“Please don’t stop.” she whispered, “I love you so much. So please don’t stop loving me.”

He stared at her in shock as the tears fell from her lashes. Marinette roughly wiped them away from her cheeks but they were quickly replaced with fresh droplets.

“I was already so close to losing you.” she said, her voice hitching as sobs and hiccups started to slip from her, “Please don’t make me face something like that again.”

If Adrien had any strength left in his body he would have sat up again immediately and wrapped his arms tight around her. It was all he could do instead to reach out with his hand and take hers. Marinette allowed him at first, but when he started to gently tug her down towards him she resisted.

“N-No…” she stammered weakly, “I-I don’t want you to...I-If you’re feeling...Don’t force yourself to b-be uncomfortable for me…”

“I don’t care.” he shot back, making her eyes widen with surprise, “I’ll deal with it. You’re more important than that.”

Marinette stared at him. She was still hesitant, but she didn’t move away this time when Adrien pulled her towards him again. He ignored the white noise that was scratching at the corners of his mind and the way his nerves shivered as he led Marinette to rest herself next to him. He managed to awkwardly maneuver his right arm over her back in a loose embrace, allowing him to use his left hand to gently hold the back of her head. Marinette gave in then, her hands grasping at his chest as she cried. Adrien felt annoyed with himself for not having noticed how much Marinette must have been holding back on her own emotions for his sake.

“I’m sorry.” he murmured, “I’ve put you through so much.”

Marinettte tried to answer, but all she managed was a shivering sob. She shook her head furiously instead, burying her face into his chest until he could feel the dampness from her tears.

“Look at me.” he said quietly as he stroked her hair.

Marinette didn’t move for a moment, but then started to slowly lift her head. Adrien smiled softly at her, his heart panging when he saw her glassy eyes and tear stained cheeks. His hand left her hair, moving to cup her cheek instead as his thumb swept away her tears.

“I love you, Marinette. I love everything about you. That’s not going to change. Everything I am belongs to you, for as long as you’ll want me.”

“I’ll always want you.” she answered immediately, “All of you. Even during the bad times I want you. No matter how bad you think your flaws are, no matter what you think you’ve done, I still love you.”

Adrien pulled her closer to him until their trembling breaths were mixed together, his anxiety mixing with her sadness. Her eyes flitted down to his lips but she didn’t move without his permission. He still wasn’t able to lift himself to meet her, but he was able to encourage her as he gently took her chin and brought her forward.

Their lips came together in a soft and slow kiss, their noses bumping together from the awkward angle from Marinette partially lying on top of him. Adrien forced back the white noise that was trying to pierce through him now as it attempted to claw out his anxieties of feeling her against his hyper sensitive skin. He tried to focus instead on her soothing vanilla scent and the way her lips lovingly caressed his. He wanted to forget all of the hurt and the fear that lingered in him just so he could share this moment with her. The kiss never went too deep, remaining careful but still overflowing with shared love. He shivered at the warmth and taste of her on his lips, knowing for certain that it was something he would be seeking all of the time if it weren’t for his conditioned fear.

“Your shaking.” Marinette murmured against his lips.

She pulled away from him so that they could properly look at each other. Her tears had slowed now, her eyes shining beautifully as they gazed back at him. Her cheeks were now a delicate pink and her lips were tinted a deeper shade from their kiss.

“I still want it.” she whispered, “To be with you. To someday marry you when we’re ready for it.”

Adrien’s heart thumped heavily in his chest at the thought of the amazing girl in front of him being his and his alone.

“When I’m ready for it,” he smiled softly at her, “You’ll be the first to know.”

Marinette smiled back at him before carefully extracting herself from his embrace. He didn’t want to let her go, but the painful throbbing of his heart and the uncomfortable white noise rippling through his mind reminded him of his fragile limitations.

It was shortly after that a doctor arrived to check on how Adrien was doing now that he was awake. Marinette had moved back into the chair at his bedside to avoid anyone catching her practically lying next to him on the bed, where she was most certainly not meant to be. The doctor went through a list of routine questions and checks with Adrien before turning to focus to his right arm. Adrien grimaced as the doctor asked him to flex his fingers as best he could before gently poking and prodding at his hand as he asked what Adrien could feel and if any of it hurt. Adrien answered as best as he could and the doctor seemed satisfied with the given responses.

“We’ll need to do some further scans, but everything is looking promising.” the doctor confirmed when he was done, “You had some internal bleeding as well, so we just want you to take it easy for now. I don’t think surgery will be needed, as you’ve been healing pretty well as is. So for now the best thing is to just rest. When you’ve recovered we’ll look into some physical therapy for your arm. Your hand strength likely won’t be the same as it was, but it can be usable again. You were in quite a state when you arrived, so you must be very lucky to be doing so well.”

Adrien could have laughed at the idea of himself being considered _lucky_. But as he looked to Marinette sitting next to him, her hand resting on the bed well within his reach should he want it, he started to think that maybe he actually was. He couldn’t figure out how else he managed to have such an incredible person in his life.

“If you’re feeling up to it,” the doctor added, “you have a visitor by the way. When she heard you’d woken up she insisted on coming to see you immediately.”

Adrien looked at the man with confusion before turning to Marinette. She looked almost alarmed as she stared back at him, only adding to his bewilderment.

“Um, sure.” Adrien said slowly.

The doctor nodded before leaving the room.

“Adrien,” Marinette said softly as her fingertips lightly touched his hand, “I didn’t know how to tell you. So, just try and stay calm okay? I’m still here with you.”

Adrien met her nervous gaze for a moment before hearing the door open again. He didn’t really understand Marinette’s words, as he’d assumed to see Chloe or maybe Alya and Nino to walk through the door. It felt like his heart stalled when he saw who was there. Nathalie quietly closed the door behind her before turning back to the wheelchair she had just pushed in, and seated on it was the alive and very much _awake_ Emilie Agreste.  
Adrien stared in disbelief. The person he had thought long gone was right there, staring back at him with equal uncertainty. He could feel his panic creeping in again as he started to fear that what he was seeing wasn’t real. It was more aggressive than he intended the way he immediately latched onto Marinette’s hand at his side. He turned towards her as he stared into her blue eyes, begging her to not leave him in a waking dream he didn’t know how to face. Marinette gently took his hand in both of hers, encouraging him to open it so that she could softly tap the comforting music notes into his palm.

“When I…” Marinette paused before correcting herself, “When _Ladybug_ purified the Amok, some of the Miraculous Cure reached her too.”

Adrien was shaking again as he slowly turned back to face her, to face his _mother_. She was watching him carefully as well, as though she also wasn’t entirely believing what she was seeing. She looked a little different from what Adrien remembered. She looked small and frail, seated in the wheelchair like a fragile doll with her hands neatly folded on her lap. Nathalie sood behind her, looking as calm and collected as always as she wheeled Emilie further into the room.

“You’ve um,” Emilie started, giving a weak smile as she paused to find her words, “You’ve grown up a lot since I last saw you, Adrien.”

Adrien’s heart twisted in his chest. She was right. His mother had been absent from his life for so long now that in the literal blink of an eye for her he’d gone from a child to almost being an adult. She was a ghost to him, but he was practically a stranger to her.

“Y-Yeah.” Adrien answered, feeling a bit stupid for his feeble response.

“Nathalie told me that you’re seventeen now.” Emilie said, clearly straining for something to say, “I wasn’t sure what to expect but...well, I knew it was you when I saw you.”

Adrien kept his flickering gaze held on his mother, but he clutched Marinette’s hand again in his as he asked,“You...can recognise me?”

“Of course.” Emilie said with an air of confidence, “How could I not know my own son when I see him? A few years doesn’t change that.”

“A few years changes a lot.” Adrien responded bleakly, “I’m not...the same as you knew me.”

“Then I look forward to getting to know the you there is now.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line as he didn’t know how to answer that. He could tell she was trying, just as she’d always had for him. But he didn’t want her to know what atrocious person he’d become in her absence. Even though Adrien had decided to detach himself from Gabriel once and for all, years of the man’s disappointment and expectations still weighed heavily on him. He didn’t want it to be the same with his mother.

In the tense silence that was slowly descending, suddenly Marinette spoke, “I can tell you the kind of person Adrien is.”

Both Adrien and Emilie looked to the girl in surprise. A nervous blush painted Marinette’s cheeks from the sudden focus on her, but she cleared her throat and did her best to speak anyway.

“He’s stubborn, reckless, impulsive, moody and an absolute dork.” Marinette announced as she counted the traits off on her fingers, “But he’s also really smart. He’s top of our class, has won numerous fencing trophies and can play the piano really well. But that’s all because he works hard all the time and always tries his best. He’s also one of the most gentle and kindest people I know.”

Adrien stared at her, feeling almost horrified at Marinette’s candid choice of words. But slowly a smile crept onto his lips and suddenly he was laughing instead, ignoring how the action hurt his already aching chest. Marinette’s cheeks darkened and she pouted at him as he continued to laugh, but he knew it was for show as a smile broke through her feigned annoyance. He turned back to Emilie to see a familiar teasing glint in her eye as she watched the pair of them.

“I think you need to introduce me to your friend.” Emilie smiled, “She’s given me an excellent introduction for you.”

“Mom,” he said as he came down from his fit of laughter, “This is Marinette Dupain Cheng. The girl I love and am going to spend the rest of my life with. I think you and her will get along great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We still have an epilogue chapter to go, so don't panic just yet!  
> Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. Between being sick, writer's block and real life things, this chapter was just not happening easily. It got scrapped and rewritten a bunch of times before I was happy with it ~~I hope it still turned out okay~~  
>  I had intended for Emilie to survived and be revived from the start, but I almost changed my mind at the last minute and left her in limbo. I think I prefer this outcome though. It's time I let Adrien have some good news for a change.
> 
> To all of you who have made it this far in reading Penumbra, thank you so much! I really appreciate all of the support this fic has received since I started it. Sad to say, with one chapter to go it's almost over. Hopefully it won't take as long as this one did, so I'll see you all soon!
> 
> [Selkie on Tumblr](https://heartfulselkie.tumblr.com/)


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